DATING A MAN WITH KIDS 🤔 | CONSIDER THIS FIRST!!

This video is my perspective on dating a man with a kid(s). As a single woman, the world is my oyster and I can do what I want. So can you. Dating a man with kids is a big deal. Here are some things to consider if you’re thinking about dating a guy with kids.
Comment below 👇🏾 : How do you feel about dating a man with kids?
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Sub count: 155

[@Ohkay5613]

Reasons not to date them: 1. Their kids come first (which is how its supposed to be honestly) 2. Their baby mom is a permanent part of his life. And she could bring drama 3. Their kids might hate you for no good reason 4. Their financial commitment to their kids can impact your finances 5. If baby mama wanted him back, there's always a chance she could get him back 6. You will be expected to handle parenting responsibilities (like feeding kids, cleaning up after kids, buying kids thing) but you won't get the respect/authority that a parent gets. 7. He will turn you into a nanny bangmaid. 8. The man already failed at creating and leading a family. Dont expect him to create a healthy family with you when he already created a broken home. 9. If you're child free DO NOT date a man with kids. Even if he's just a weekend visitation dad. If something happens to baby mama, he will change from fun time dad to full time dad, and you will be expected to fill a parental role. 10. If he's not healed from their break up he could get jealous and bitter if baby mama is dating or gets re married.

[@kathrynz9940]

very helpful

[@Intuitivefisherwoman]

👍

[@rockchick128]

Kids coming first only works if you wanna stay single

[@smith6777]

So don't do it. Send them back

[@sugarandspice2136]

People always say "majority of men in your age group (30s) will already have kids. Might as well start dating them." Me: I know my worth and it's worth the wait.

[@d.ashanti22]

And that’s on period 💕 😊

[@CoCo-yv3hl]

🥰 I’m early 30’s & have been on plenty of dates and almost all of them have not had kids and the 1 that did she was grown

[@MelaniaRose]

God bless

[@jamaicakindergartenchannel2895]

I'll wait too

[@gingerandspice1209]

Yes if they are blk!

[@saharb592]

I dated a single dad with two kids for three years. He works two jobs because his kids go to private school, so he always has less money and less time for me. I cooked for his children, but they didn’t like it; when I talked to them, they didn’t respond. Sometimes, in front of their dad, they would say good morning, but I never felt at peace. I love him, but I couldn’t win this battle, and today, I broke up with him. I wish we had met before his previous marriage. I felt neglected in this relationship.

[@aprilmonique7639]

As a childfree woman, I prefer to date a man without kids. No drama 💖✨️

[@d.ashanti22]

Keep it simple. We deserve to NOT endure struggle love.

[@Sunniekey]

@@d.ashanti22👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@ZendelAtkinson]

There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all unique. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. But I've learned that there's always a way to solve problems. Five years back, my wife and I were almost divorcing because we had problems in our marriage, but we managed to work things out. It was a hard time, but we got past it.

[@SERIKAmrabat]

I honestly want to find happiness too. I've got a partner, and even though we're not together right now, I can't imagine life without her; my love for her is strong. I really miss her, and I'm fully committed to bringing her back. We've explored different paths, like therapy, to fix things.

[@ZendelAtkinson]

Moving away from someone you hold close is invariably tough, but in my particular situation, I was supported by a spiritual counselor who prevented the unraveling of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.

[@SERIKAmrabat]

I'll immediately search for her online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring about positive changes for me; I miss her deeply.

[@ZendelAtkinson]

Welcome... You should.

[@crystalcormier9376]

Dating a man with kids pretty much keep your dating options open. Cause there's alot that comes with dating a man with kids. Especially when you don't have kids. When she said in the first half of the video your not gonna be there top priority that did it for me.

[@kikikiki3216]

Absolutely am learning that the hard way now. I don't mind him having children but sometimes I feel like he's not intentional about us spending time together. He has 4 children. Two each with different women. One woman has moved on but not the other one. It makes me think that they might get back together at some point. He went back to the first baby mother from this second baby mother after the the broke up had another child with her.... My friend's keep telling me girl do your thing, it's too much baggage. You will never be first in his life or if you have children with him it won't be special. It also feels like If I marry him, we will have just enough...He seems too laid back with the Job he's doing and not trying to aim higher. Am in my early 30. Studying and have my own business... I don't know what to do about this guy. It's been just three months. In month one l found a msg on his phone between him and another woman

[@aylanae4797]

@@kikikiki3216 you know what to do. Zip your bags and lace your shoes. RUN SIS RUN. been there done that. It's not worth ALL the sacrifices that come with dating someone who has kids when you don't.

[@kikikiki3216]

@@aylanae4797 Thank you so much dear. It's means a lot. I will do just dad...was hard to build the courage but eventually had to.

[@aylanae4797]

@@kikikiki3216 its hard definitely but I also feel like its because you often hear, how "selfish " you're being and you feel like you should "naturally " just love this kid and its just not happening. Wishing you luck and peace on your journey

[@kikikiki3216]

@@aylanae4797 you nail it right there. You are absolutely right.. the craziest part of it it's I rarely feel like he is present even around me.. each time I distance myself from him, he brings a new trick like start treating me nice to make me stay around

[@prescyvblog3726]

Ive been with my husband for 10 1/2 years. He had a 4 year old son when i met him and i didnt see anything wrong with it until i got deep in the relationship and ended up having his kids to. One thing i will always preach, never be with a man who has kids if you dont. Save yourself the headache and go find someone who doesnt have kids. Trust me, its the best thing you can do for yourself. Speaking from my own experience.

[@jessicavelasco3062]

Tell us why,sista

[@velvetstorm4563]

Tell us why.

[@prescyvblog3726]

Because you don't realize what your getting Into until your in it. You and your kids will be put on the back burner. You don't realize it until you see favoritism and all family around will constantly remind you who came first. It's a very shitty feeling and it's mental abuse. Whenever my in laws get a little liquor, they always through little jabs at me. Im always uncomfortable and its not a good feeling. I dont have other baby daddies so he has no experience in what ive gone through. Its not fair. It's forever and if you don't have kids find someone who doesn't. It will be a better peace of mind. You deserve better!

[@vivika1460]

@@prescyvblog3726 Damn smh

[@msve3730]

@@prescyvblog3726 I feel you

[@WithLoveBrianna13]

I will say this. I don’t have kids. I’ve dated men with and without kids! Men without kids are not all they are hyped up to be all the time and not all men with kids are bad. In my experience it all depends on YOUR MAN/PARTNER! I’ve dated the man who did not play games. BM tried the drama and he nipped it in the bud early. I’ve dated the guy who bended to BM every whim and let her control things out of fear and to not cause conflict. I’ve dated the guy still sneaking and doubling back. In every situation it boils down to the caliber of man! Not all men with children comes with lots and lots of drama. There are men with kids who will put you first. Not all guys let there kids run their lives. The same way not all childless men are “ideal”….. they come with drama too! It’s just not coming from a kid or BM. I say get to know the man and his character.

[@d.ashanti22]

Well said. I definitely agree with you. Of course every man and every situation is different. Some are the exception. It was important for me to share my experience and speak from this perspective because it happens all too often.

[@WithLoveBrianna13]

@@d.ashanti22 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@NeneBreh]

I love and agree with this! It just depends on the man…

[@rogers5622]

Well said about the character of a particular man because child free is not always drama free. My brother in law nipped his BM and her dramatics in the bud early on and she has no choice but to accept that he married my sister .

[@WithLoveBrianna13]

@@rogers5622 As he should!!!!!!!

[@julianacheriza1575]

I feel like men have more baby mama drama than women have baby daddy drama

[@d.ashanti22]

I would agree that there is more babymama drama than baby daddy drama. Just my opinion. You never really hear about the baby daddy still holding on, causing problems to the new boyfriend, popping up at family functions or doing Lil petty stuff like that. I hear about more baby mamas doing that because as women, sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us. To the point that we do stupid things over a man. Don’t get me wrong the men do stupids things too. Like allowing the baby mama to believe she’s priority or her behavior is ok and cute or that they’re “still a family” all so he can continue sleeping with her.

[@redshaman650]

I'm gonna have to disagree with this one I know often times it's comparing apples to oranges with men and woman, but in this here predictriment it's often the same as long as we're talking about hetero sexual couples I don't know much about homosexual relationships and single parents. The only reason in my opinion that your some of you are saying it's worst for single father's than mothers is because 90% of single parents are woman in terms of full custody so it's easier for you to just slap that by because single parents are 1/10 men vs 9/10 woman chances are most of the woman on here are single mothers themselves. Cognative dissadence much? It is very common for the biological father to think the man is a child abuser or pedophile for no reason other then he doesn't want to take 0 chances with kids he's in also probably you know just jealous. I wonder if 50/50 parents could take some of the baggage off that single custodial parents always have?

[@stacyjohnson1623]

So I been here long enough to know the reason is 1) He isn't really in the picture and if he is he's occupied by sleeping with other women. If most single parents are women then there will be less baby daddy drama. He isn't there to create any. Immature baby daddy drama can look different. It's more trying not to help or not being CONSISTANT so she is a struggling mom vs a happy one. They like knowing they left you in a situation where it will be harder for someone to spend time with you or for you to elevate yourself. Demon if you ask me. People have evil motives.

[@fromkimwithlove]

@@stacyjohnson1623 💯💯💯

[@YoungSpunk]

Shiiiid …. The baby daddies be stalking they baby moms and lurkin in the shadows and eventually will cause they baby mom stress all because she is trying to move on with another man and find happiness. The baby dad get emotional and verbally abuse the mother of they child cause he cant control her how he want and know he fu**ed up the relationship with her

[@TheMissMonie]

No drama. I've dated one guy with a child never again. I'm child free and I'd like a partnership with someone who is aswell

[@d.ashanti22]

Yea it’s hard when you’ve had a bad or difficult experience. I get it. But also just remain open to all possibilities. You never know what can happen or who you’ll meet. Thanks for supporting the video 😊

[@prettymagdou2512]

I had this same experience, too much drama 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@Joy_M507]

Praying for boldness to end my relationship with a man with kids ASAP! I’ve suffered silently for too long. Too many issues and the mother… 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@d.ashanti22]

Praying God gives you the strength and faith to let it go so better can come in your life.

[@jorgeanner8577]

Been there done that, I thought that my love for him was strong but instead I was beaten down. Life is too short ladies! Get what you deserve! You will NEVER be their top priority, I learned this the hard way after 5 years.

[@BelleZee1]

JorgeAnne im on the same boat 😑. Ps I saw your pic n thought we look like siblings lol.

[@jorgeanner8577]

@@BelleZee1 girl that’s a compliment cause you are GORGEOUS!!! Hope everything works out for you girl, but let me tell you I rather be lonely than miserable being with someone that will never put me as a priority. You can always do better. I took a leap of faith and after a few years I’m now with a man who loves me properly and puts me first. All I wish for is for all you ladies out there to realize that this could be your reality one day if you just learn to let go! All the best :)

[@mt158-zz9ro]

May I ask how old you were when you started falling in love with the man? I’m 32 now and I’m scared I’ll ruin my next years…

[@karencorcoran2198]

I’m dating a guy with two kids let me tel, you it’s confusing it’s like his daughter is a shield trying to push me away frum my bf

[@xuemma-pb7ys]

my ex had 2 kids with his ex,we been together for 4.5 years ,i never married ,never had kids .so let me tell you ,why you should not date a man with kids ! especially if u are child-free woman 1’ the kids will be his first priority ,you will not . 2’financial impact is true . he was thinking about buying gifts ,clothes and all for kids all the time ,because he did not lose the battle with mom side(whatever mom offered to kids ,he wanted to do more to win ,or make kids to love to come) 3’i have pregnant 2 times ,my ex lied about that he wanted to have kids with me .he worried the new baby would hurt his bonding with his own kids ,and also give him extra financial stresses. 4’his kids wont respect u ,btw u and his kids ,he would protect his kids always ! you would feel so lonely ! 5’he would using his holidays from work to take the kids to travel somewhere …but not for you . 6’the kids would need -new iphone ,new i watch ,ipods , mac, bike ,car …. run !

[@IamBarati]

This is so true especially point no2. They compete with their exes for the love of the child which means spending on useless items. Ladies run from single dads. I wish I knew better

[@FaithfullyReedeemed]

I talked to one that dropped everything for his baby mama… but said they were only great friends cause they knew each other a while.. two kids.. they would go out on dinners and I couldn’t take it no more. All while I was put on the back burner.. he basically told me this is how it is and if I wanna be around great, if not then it’s no big deal. I didn’t even respond and I moved on.. cause I’m 24 and he is 29. That’s just way too much for me at my young age

[@theexoticalaspielady]

Makes you wonder why they were just not together. Those relationships are all over the place and usually eventually burn out.

[@d.ashanti22]

So glad you walked away from that fool. He didn't deserve you. Good for you for knowing your worth.

[@brianasimmons4854]

@@theexoticalaspielady exactly, but they claim it’s just platonic

[@Aniexo_]

Lol dude marry your damn baby mama and leave us tf alone 😂

[@AmericaAyala-un3tt]

Wow going exactly thru this he is 31 and i'm 23 just started living with him and we get his son on the weekends so far starting to peep how he is constantly in contact w the babymother also leaving me in the back burner ... Really considering walking away feels like a living hell 😢

[@TheSunshinefee]

Don't date a man with kids unless you want your life be like hell

[@d.ashanti22]

LOL whoaaaa

[@Mysteriouslyhidden7]

🤣🤣🤣

[@queenmorman2903]

Amen

[@Leisa-id4bg]

THIS

[@cyn5962]

I watched the video to the end. Dating a man with kids is a major adjustment for a childfree woman. Single dads don't seem to understand this. They get defensive if you say anything at all that's not complimentary to his kids even if what you're telling him is true.

[@Leisa-id4bg]

Single dads r selfish pigs . .... Ur just supposed to put up with their Kidz n shut up

[@eclipsed7719]

People with kids should primarily date each other.

[@kelliecraft9176]

Amen!

[@d.ashanti22]

I see why you say that and how it makes sense in theory.

[@fresh4families]

And that in itself is messy or can be. Too many dynamics at play, now you have several children taking on some that arent yours and vice versa. I have two kids but i hate kids except my own lol. The father of the kids can further complicate things whether involved or not. Man its too complicated imo. I think if you have kids that pretty much seals the deal, thats your life partner cos you gonna have to work together one way or another indefinitely

[@sagittariuslady2846]

@@fresh4families so do you date women without kids ? If so , you shouldn’t , and that’s just my opinion . You shouldn’t put your kids off on a woman who doesn’t have kids , you should date a woman with kids so y’all can be equal

[@fresh4families]

@@sagittariuslady2846 i dont date women with kids beyond anything casual and vice versa i dont want any women around my kids.

[@shaylanewlife]

I've dated Men who have kids and it was bunch of drama. A Man with kids is only good for Dates not nothing seriously.

[@d.ashanti22]

Depends on how triffling they are LOL

[@shaylanewlife]

@@d.ashanti22 lol that is true .

[@sweetea7035]

Run run run.....don't do it. ESPECIALLY if that kid is a girl. She'll be your #1 competition...he'll choose her over you every time. You're signing up for misery , trust me!!!!

[@sweetea7035]

@@zinagrillo1 oh no! It's a horrible place to be. There really is no way to make it work. Love unfortunately doesn't fix everything. 😢

[@d.ashanti22]

Definitely been in this space and felt like this. It was bad. Not sure how it is once they get a little older and have more understanding.

[@sweetea7035]

@@d.ashanti22 oh no it gets worse as they get older! It doesn't change. Please don't waste your life.

[@saludesriqueza7]

I made the mistake, just got married and already regret it. All the drama, l just can't.. thinking about divorce only 2 months into marriage sucks

[@torrie5110]

I’m dating a guy with kids. I haven’t met his kids yet. But the babymom know bout me she’s mature. There’s no baby momma drama . She’s a sweet heart actually. They just split because they had two different directions life. It was mutual agreement. I’m fine with not being his TOP priority because honestly he’s not mines. My career is. At least at the moment. I’m really busy these days and I like my space and him working and giving time to his kids makes me feel like I’m not being smothered. He calls me everyday and lets me know he’s thinking of me. Sends me flowers and videos etc. always apologizing for not making enough time .But ya still I’m nervous bout meeting the kids one day honestly … I’m good with kids but imagining me as a mother / or stepmom. I never thought I’d be a good one. I’m just taking it slow and not thinking to far ahead rn.

[@BellePM]

How's it going lately? He sounds like a stand up guy

[@Beex848]

What happens when he becomes your priority?

[@torrie5110]

@@BellePM I’m still with him until this day

[@torrie5110]

@@Beex848 idk yet I will cross the bridge when he put a ring on my finger 😭

[@Starr_lit]

I love your response ❤ I’m a college student / in your 20s feeling this way it’s like … a situationship play by play

[@leratomolele]

we not even officially dating yet and im already exhausted. man with kids are not my portion. no thank you

[@d.ashanti22]

Lol don't give up, your love is out there.

[@supergangstar1234]

And please for your own sake don’t make it officially and stop it now. Your comment is a year old and I don’t know you, but I hope you made the right choice and stopped dating this person. Never date a single parent.

[@chocolateprincess8543]

How to date a man that has kids- Don’t!

[@msve3730]

Never again. Please read the following His child , comes before you, his babymom is still sleeping with him, you have to pretend when your around the child, you have to be fully dressed, you cannot use profanity, you have to act like you care about what the child likes, you have to watch cartoons all day, share the bed and your attention and time . No mam

[@missdrea_marie]

Exactly fuck that

[@123gollc9]

Share the bed?!??😅

[@123gollc9]

@@MissJaiG wow a 13 year old ?? He didn’t find that odd? Because if it’s not my mother I would feel weird

[@worldofmango1409]

Omg was dating my bf of 4years and he also has 12 yr old. We tried the movie night thing a couple times but each time I felt awkward and like I had to force myself to be a stepmother figure and hang out with her. Sweet girl but It was exhausting

[@enraged_squishy]

I feel like I met my partners child too early and their is no boundaries within their dynamic. I don't have kids myself but it's a lot of red flags that I see and I really don't want to deal with it. I'm learning that I’m selfish and I'm okay with that because I deserve to be someone’s number 1 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@Crgb777]

Don't feel bound to that relationship sis! I met a guys child on the second date. Which I thought was odd, cause, do you do this with every girl, orrrr?

[@jinjinzhao8369]

Don’t date a man with kids, unless the baby mama is deceased. Simple

[@shutit4024]

Agree

[@katlynshanice7213]

🤣 FACTS

[@melm3526]

😂😂

[@d.ashanti22]

Woooowww lol

[@jamaicakindergartenchannel2895]

Make sense

[@amethystlake]

Something I have noticed with single fathers is that they expect you to care about their hobbies, their child etc (which it should be), but I find when it comes to what you find important they avoid it, why is this? Like for example, my ex always told me about his hobbies and whenever I shared something about my hobby he never reacted to it. I am now talking to a guy who has a child but I've noticed when I share a video of my band or my hobbies, he doesn't react. It just seems very double standard to me...so I am undecided.

[@d.ashanti22]

Girl RUN. He could at least show a little interest or just be there to support you, even if he wouldn't do those hobbies himself. He's showing you exactly who he is right now! Believe him.

[@rogers5622]

It depends on the man . My brother in law came into his relationship with my sister with a child and always catered to both of their likes and wants .

[@transitionsnc]

I agree with what you're saying. If that's the case, and it's consistent, leave. It's not just men with children. I've had childless men do this as well. I agree with D. Ashanti - RUN. Because it could very well be they are just looking for you to give them attention and aren't willing to give anything in return.

[@LilFairy]

Anytime he start talking about his kid i fall asleep not gon lie 😂😂

[@HelloTuuuurdz]

OMG, this is absolutely true!

[@bowtiesnthugz1011]

Fresh into a relationship with a man with 2 children and this advice was God!! Thank you so much. 🤗 no drama!!

[@d.ashanti22]

You are so welcome

[@baddiecoco9537]

I am fresh in one right now. How are u doing in the relationship now?

[@bowtiesnthugz1011]

@@baddiecoco9537 everything is going pretty good, one thing I took from the video was to continue to live your life. You do that, and you’ll be fine.

[@sonofhibbs4425]

These men and their modern day harems. Divorced (or separated)is just a magic word, especially if they have kids. THEY HAVE A FAMILY. …you’re just the volunteer fun.

[@scorpiothematiye7784]

I have been dating a man with four daughters for two years now. They are grown and he allows them to control his relationship. Every major holiday belongs to them, which doesn’t allow us to celebrate together. He works all the time which leaves me with little to no time with him. I can never join in on family gatherings because they don’t like me. I’ve done nothing to them but try to get to know them and show them love! I can’t and won’t keep going on like this! If they were young I could understand it a little more but they’re not. I also have grown children, sons and a daughter. I talked to them about him in the beginning and they were more than willing to meet him. They welcomed him with open arms as well as treat him with respect. They only thing I feel I can do is love him enough to end our relationship.

[@Vera-dg3hf]

How did the breakup go?

[@d.ashanti22]

Love yourself enough to end the relationship. Forget him because obviously he doesn't care enough about you to get control over the way his kids treat you. Also he doesn't spend time with you on holidays?? Do y'all live together? If so, thats a major problem. Either way, only you know how much of this mistreatment you can take. When you're finally fed up enough to walk away, you will. I wish you well with everything.

[@maribelg648]

Did you leave that person?

[@whitg9409]

Honestly the advice is a good consideration but I am dating a man with a child and it hasn’t been as bad as people mention in the comments. I do think there is area for improvement for his boundaries with the mother of his child but its nothing in the romantic sense but more so feeling the need to support when I personally think it’s unnecessary. But the child is great and the guy has been very honest. Don’t let this jade you from finding a great guy.

[@d.ashanti22]

I love that for you. That is a beautiful thing that you've found someone honest, loyal and worth it. I hope more women can find this as well. Not all men with kids are horrible people or have a horrible situation all together. Everyones experience will be different. My goal was to speak on my experience because I know there are women who needed to hear it. I wished there was someone who could understand me and what I was going through back then so I decided to be that for someone else. This video isn't to jade women and deter them from ever dating a man with kids but it's just to shine a light on what's real and what to look out for because I know I didn't know at the time.

[@miljanaantic8712]

Here's my story. We dated for 2 months. I liked every date I've been on, we got along really well. First month was amazing cause we dated during vacation season, so we had more time for each other. Afterwards, reality check came! I thought the main obstacle would be long-distance, cause live and work in different towns, 2h of driving, so it's not really an option to meet afterwards. That wouldn't be a problem cause in theory, we are both free on weekends. Howeeeveer, his focus is spending weekends with a kid. One day he came to my town, but he was very tired and not in a good mood. I was like "okay I understand, it can happen to everyone, next time will be better". Next week, he got a call from his boss to come to work on Saturday. When I asked 'what about the kid if you have to work that day", he told "I will be with the kid on Sunday". I didn't tell him I was upset, and gave my best to understand - again. Next weekend I thought he will make it up to me, but he planned going on a little trip with a kid. I was like "okay calm down don't be selfish bitch" so I understood - again. Next week he was extremely busy about some project so we barely talked during the day. So we ended uo going only on 1 date for a whole month. It's just too much thing going around "his life". I was probably the last thing he was thinking about. So f* it, I broke up even though we spend amazing time together. It just couldn't work out like that.

[@austind4301]

You did the only sensible thing for yourself. He had no business trying to date anyone right now.

[@jay-s9y1c]

I'm so sorry, that is beyond frustrating + upsetting. Like there is literally no space/room for you.

[@miljanaantic8712]

@@jay-s9y1c Yes. Kid + work + long distance looks like mission impossible to maintain any relationship. I thought it fell apart cause of that. Plot twist: A few days after break up I found out he was just playing a victim and making excuses. In reality, being busy meant talking to other women on Tinder while I was waiting a whole day to hear some word from him 😅

[@priscillasiryon9251]

@@miljanaantic8712 he didn't deserve you... God works!

[@Emma-ee6mc]

I was there ,the worse thing is even when he was with me.he kept talking about his job and his kids,planning to have holiday with kids and buying gifts for them!

[@schnioula]

*For me it’s a „no“! It’s not about the ex or the kids! He is just constantly BROKE! And I don’t rock with that! Ex and kids take distance, I don’t care! But he can’t even provide or plan cute dates! No bueno!*

[@trevhollan]

Thanks ladies your perspective helped me make a decision about a woman I’m dating with 1 child she’s a great woman but my pride won’t let me stay it like I’m going against my will I don’t have any children and I don’t care about the being the man who stepped up it’s No honor in being second place plus i want a clean slate my first child should be her first child feel me 🥴 im sad hardest decision I ever have to make because she a great woman but she gave some other man her greatest gift 🎁 and i don’t want to blend the family

[@d.ashanti22]

And that’s your choice. Glad you were able to trust yourself enough to make the the best decision for you.

[@snuggisthecute]

I'm married, but I'm just watching cause I have nothing else to do

[@Julian-hy7tn]

lol

[@AllyTN21]

😂

[@d.ashanti22]

Hey, it's still support so thank you.

[@coast2coast8306]

😂😂😂 🍿

[@Vera-dg3hf]

Even if the baby moms does not interfere in the relationship, its always what THE KID wants to do. Dates, free time, dinner dates, house dinner dates, brunches, etc ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS involve THE KID. The kid tags along. The kid has a say in the relationship. The kid dictates between going to the movies or getting a couple's massage after a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG and stressful week. The kid always chooses to do kid stuff so you will be doing kid stuff because the father WILL please his kid and NOT YOU honey. The kid also can become annoying and extremely needy. So, expect to spend weekend alone because the kid is "sick" and needs daddy to rub the belly while the kid fall asleep. The kid is also a TEENAGER but acts like a little kid.

[@d.ashanti22]

I see you had some things to get off of your chest lol. No worries, this is a safe space. However, I do feel that the type of parent the child has makes a difference. If a man can not step up and hold things down and allow you to be his partner in the situation and with helping raise his child (if it's a serious relationship) then he isn't the one for you.

[@strwbrywoman]

Sing it!

[@vaniarichardson4247]

lmao this was funny but so much truth to it !!

[@BelleZee1]

Gurllll. You’ve said a mouthful. 🙌🏻

[@colettefriend71]

You hit on every point sis !!!!!!!!

[@alexandria4401]

I’m with someone who on top of having kids he has a strong will to please them. So he never says no and they run him!!! They are 13 and 18 and the youngest is very possessive over her dad and don’t want to meet any woman, and I’ve been with him over a year now…. SMH… In addition he works a lot and recently he had two weeks off and spent everyday with them which caused him to neglect me…. I was disappointed because I couldn’t even get a couple days to go on a date or chill, out of 14 days…. I will never date a man with kids again and I have no kids

[@austind4301]

I hope you leave him sooner than later. This will never change. He’ll ALWAYS neglect you, even when his children are middle-aged with their own lives, he’ll STILL treat you like shit. You deserve better.

[@alexandria4401]

@@austind4301 oh I already left with no plans of coming back!!! It’s a ton more issues than just that!

[@austind4301]

@@alexandria4401 oh I love to hear that! I wish you all the best for your next relationship ☺️

[@alexandria4401]

@@austind4301 thank you! Same to you

[@d.ashanti22]

I'm glad to know you took the steps to do what was best for you. You deserve so much more. You deserve a man that chooses you everyday and not only tells you but shows you. Best wishes on your new journey and thanks for supporting the video. 💜

[@EmmanuelVega1035]

I have kids I’m a single father raising them by myself the mother is out of the picture in my case I can speak for myself it’s not easy finding a girlfriend but for the men and women out there that has kids and is raising them by your selves don’t look for it it’ll come to you that person that Will love you and love your kids it’s not easy but it is possible

[@d.ashanti22]

there is someone for everyone

[@inuhundchien6041]

That's why people with kids usually date other people with kids because they understand each other.

[@Welcomewearehere]

I broke it off with a guy recently who has 2 kids but I haven’t met them yet. Everything was going well but the more we dated, the more I realize I don’t actually care to meet his cares, like ever. I also don’t think his baby mama was over him. So I called it off. I prefer a guy with no kids honestly. But sugar daddies are an exception. Haha

[@blevinsvaretta]

I only dealt with mine for 2-3 weeks. I was trying to get over my ex. I didn’t really care too much about his needs either and totally understand. Plus I’m still in college finishing up my two semesters. I’ll be damn if he thinks I’m going to help him out ever or have additional kids for him.

[@inuhundchien6041]

Sugar daddies doesn't matter because the kids will be as old as you. The problem is little kids.

[@summrrgrrl]

Them Menz need to STAY with they FAMILY n STOP WASTING OUR TIME💯💯

[@EvangelinaFelix-x5h]

A relationship(women) comes first not their kids from previous relationship. if he puts his kids before the relationship then the relationship will not worth it.

[@Leisa-id4bg]

THIS ... this is why u have no many nasty spoiled brats running around

[@Leisa-id4bg]

So many

[@HollywoodingNews]

I'm in that situation but I also have a kid with him, the baby momma is always texting, calling and stupid shit like that and I'm really at a breaking point right now because the b*tch won't move on and get a clue. She has to make contact about the kid but she ends up making it about her and I'm not having this. Pray for me

[@yehuanaassefa1460]

What do u advice me i meet a man with 3 kids but he is so nice respect for me need to marry me now

[@HollywoodingNews]

@@yehuanaassefa1460 If he respects you and you know him well enough to trust him I'd say go with your gut. If you feel like you can have a peaceful relationship with him even though he has 3 kids with another woman then go for it. Make sure YOU set boundaries so you have peace in your relationship ! Good Luck!

[@ingtingbean]

Thank you for sharing, my bf and I took a break and we saw other people. When we started working back on our relationship, he gets a call, she’s pregnant. He says he wants to marry me but I’m heartbroken. I can not even imagine how things are going to change.

[@HelloTuuuurdz]

Damn girl, stay strong

[@d.ashanti22]

That is so messed up. Unfortunately it’s the same old song playing once again. This is the common way now. People are careless with their hearts and their bodies. The women they claim not to love or they don’t truely want becomes apart of their lives forever because now they share a child 🤦🏾‍♀️. They have a good woman in you but they impregnated some random or a “friend” who shouldn’t have had that part of them. Now they have the most precious thing to that man, his child. Why does it always end like this? Men are sloppy lbs. Good luck to you, I hope you make the best decision for you.

[@ingtingbean]

@@d.ashanti22 You get it, thank you:)

[@FearNvl]

😂 that's what you get for taking a "break" I'm sure you're the person that wanted it

[@sarahryan422]

I’m going through the EXACT same situation. We were dating 2 months. We broke up for a week and I took my bd to a wedding in Florida. He got with his ex for the weekend. We got back together when I came home and were together working on things for 3-4 weeks then he tells me his ex is pregnant. He has been with me ever since and all they do is argue and claims he doesn’t wanna be with her. The baby is due in two months omfg

[@tameikaharris12]

Well I got lucky I'm dating a single father met his daughter at the precious age of 4 yrs old her Mother abandon her at 6 months old she is now 8 yrs old and me and her father are married now. Although I do not have kids yet we are working on that lol but the main factor is having Baby momma drama and that I DO NOT have because she is non existent. He treats me well he makes me feel like a priority he is very excited to have another addition to the family through me. So my advice date a Real single father with non existent BMs.

[@LuvSCole]

Yea she is non existent… that’s y it’s perfect

[@tammerry9496]

You are lucky girl. I hope that it goes well. God bless you and your family.

[@ezmademarchi2300]

Would not consider dating a man with kids. I don't want to deal with the baggage or drama.

[@d.ashanti22]

And you have the right to make that decision.

[@incredibleiris2121]

Move on to a better future with a person with no baggage its better for both

[@fluffysox6072]

I think that this video single-handedly helped me get over my crush lol - THANK YOU. We have an amaaazing connection and could have a great relationship, if not for his child and toxic ex. I have way too much going for me and it’s not worth it. I managed to keep myself from procreating with the wrong people and am child free, I deserve someone who can be all about me. Not someone who’s a prisoner to his decisions from years ago. It sucks. But it sucks to suck.

[@lixani8769]

Omg I thought I was being a bitch for wanting more time with him but this gave me peace of mind that what I’m wanting is not wrong 😕

[@lelo46]

If you’re dating a man with a child less than 3 years old. Without any questions or concerns. I think you should stop dating and do some soul searching. That is a huge red flag to me!!! Once I was dating a guy and he said his daughter was 1 years old. I immediately had questions and concerns. In that situation, I think it’s imperative to meet the other parent. Just to understand the dynamic of the relationship. Almost always, a man dating with a child that young is a dead give-away of some poor choices. His ability to lead his family, his ability to communicate and repair his prior relationship, how was he able to to cope and move on so quickly,. There is a lot of questions that need to be answered with children that are that young. To me, that makes me nervous. If you were to be impregnated by this man would he do the same to you? This is why you should get as much information about the split as possible, if possible, from both parents. TRUST ME!

[@d.ashanti22]

The first part of your comments is a bit confusing but I believe I get what you were trying to say. And yes! You are absolutely right. Those are great points about the dynamic of their history and relationship and his ability to lead and correct things for the sake of their relationship and child. It is very important to ask all the questions and express concerns as well.

[@shutit4024]

If the kid is 5 or younger that should be a red flag

[@fresh4families]

@@jasminewashington6728 my baby mother cheated on me when our son was 8 months old, she left me for another man. My son is now 16 months old, we arent together, i care for my son and daughter 6 nights of 14. Im in no rush to date because i dont want a stepmother for my children or want more children or want to take on any one elses children. Ill probably have casual counters indefinitely tbh

[@HollywoodingNews]

@@fresh4families What a situation.. I believe there is always someone for everyone.. no need to rush to get into a relationship but eventually you may change your mind and want to be with someone. It's not good to be single forever

[@fresh4families]

@@HollywoodingNews thanks but hard pass. It will be a long time before i trust again and i dont see myself investing that time and energy into another woman. I chose this person specifically and when i got burnt out, working hard to provide for our family, she threw me away like i was nothing. Any money or resources i make are solely for my kids. Absolutely broken.

[@raquellashanti5074]

Im 18 (almost 19) dating a guy who’s 27 with a kid. It was love at first sight and I really enjoy spending time with him and we just get along really well. He became my bestfriend & lover too. We’ve been together for 5 months now. At first I didn’t think much about him having a child because it seemed so far away from me, however now I see that it is a big thing. I love him but really don’t know what I should do now. I don’t think I would be ready to take any type of motherly roll on me, he says that that will never happen and that I’ll never get that responsibility. He wants me to meet the kid, but I really don’t know what to do with this whole situation. Very confused.

[@sunithaharish103]

Don't ever go for it... This kid will take most of his attention and you'll be left with his leftover or no time... You will resent the kid and regret your decision...

[@tonyawin2205]

It's easy sis. You're not called to be a step parent. You need to let that go. Don't force it. Women & men who are called to be step parents don't feel the way you feel. You just want the man. You'll never be okay with being a step parent.

[@monicag6715]

Who would want someone else kid?

[@Rosegold1996]

Always set boundaries from the beginning. Continue to express your feelings to him about the situation and remember…you guys aren’t married so don’t do any motherly duties because it is not your responsibility! and not to feel bad about itand take it slow ..your still young and have more options to be with someone without a child..just saying and I’m speaking from experience

[@Ohkay5613]

I hope u realized your worth and left that man. He brought a baby mama and a broken home into the relationship. While you brought youth and beauty and a clean Slate. You are in the prime of your life, don't sell yourself short.

[@Maya-ch9fq]

No drama this video is as everything we needed fr 💯❤️❤️

[@d.ashanti22]

Thanks for supporting!

[@fresh4families]

Look. Dont date people with kids. If you have kids and they do its multiple dynamics at play. If they do and you dont its stressful. My advice, when you have kids thats the person you should put any effort of a relationship into

[@violetlight8138]

Wise woman. Thanks for the tips! No drama!

[@d.ashanti22]

I do my best. And you're welcome. Thanx for watching.

[@kelliecraft9176]

Nope. I don’t have kids and neither should he.

[@d.ashanti22]

And that’s your right.

[@1-41fist9]

35 yr old man is with 2 daughter that live with me. DATING IS A STRUGGLE!!! I think in my situation its extremely difficult because no matter how much I like or am interested in a women, it’s always hitting a wall with the time and attention I can give. It’s not that I don’t want to give that time and attention but my daughters are the priority and I don’t rush to have just any women meet my kids. 🤷🏻‍♂️ So juggling work, dad, and dating…. almost impossible.

[@LilFairy]

Ok so do u feel that you’re really over your bm???

[@monicag6715]

Dude - new lady doesn’t want to meet your brats anyway.

[@janisemills1]

Bro just don’t date trust me just focus and raise your kids. It’s too late for you to have a normal dynamic. The new woman still deserves normalcy and if you can’t balance that just stay alone.

[@Beex848]

Don't do it. Don't lower yourself to that level please, you might not understand now but don't do it, even if he promises to marry you or hypes you for getting along with his kids Don't do it.

[@shutit4024]

I’m only 21 and I do not want to date a guy with a kid or kids especially if it’s by multiple women that should be a big red flag for any women. Sadly I have a friend that keep dating guys with kids and now she’s back with an ex that cheated on her in the past with his now baby mom he’s a known f***boy and sadly she and the baby mom already fought and my friend fought her mom, aunt and sister 🙄 we’re only in our 20s we shouldn’t be tied down with a kid or kids by a man even women that are over 30/40 that don’t have kids don’t need that stress

[@moongawddess8161]

LIKE PHYSICALLY FOUGHT!??!! What in the ghettonovela?

[@shutit4024]

@@moongawddess8161 yes sadly 🤦🏽‍♀️ the other week the aunt and grandmother popped up at her door 🤦🏽‍♀️ just embarrassing

[@destinycomillee]

I’m 21 and my boyfriend has a daughter and I can’t get passed the “you’re not his first priority”. He’s done everything else right. I’ve met the mom, showed up to his daughters birthday parties with my boyfriend. He brings me with him and his daughter everytime they go out. I’ve been with him while he dropped her off. Hell I even been next to him while he was otp with her and it’s all been very ‘straight to the point’ I’m just frustrated that we can’t enjoy a weekend together without playgrounds and children..I’m not that old but I’m old enough to know I want some alone time with my boyfriend without a child in the picture :/ am I wrong?

[@shutit4024]

@@destinycomillee no you’re not wrong at all your boyfriend seems like a good guy and you don’t have baby mama drama, I do feel like sometimes it can work out but only if the man is handing his responsibility. With my friend her boyfriend is trash yes he takes care of his daughter but he lets my friend buy his daughter things (nothing wrong with that) but the problem is she post things up on social media ALL THE TIME JUST TO MAKE THE BABY MOM MAD and doing/saying petty things a real man wouldn’t allow you to do that. In my opinion if you fought the child’s mother and her family members the relationship is over , and another thing this man was accused of r@pe by 2 women so that’s a big no no. Honestly you do have a good guy but if you feel like you’re not getting his full on attention then maybe you guys should break up or talk things over, that is up to you honestly I never dated a guy with a child so I can’t give you great advice just my opinion and what I would do in that situation.

[@moongawddess8161]

@@shutit4024 RAYPE?????? My god I’m putting this girl on my prayer list 😟😟😟😟

[@amazinggrace313]

I'm good, and ya'll should be good too. You deserve better.

[@shutit4024]

By the way ladies if you fight the baby mom or her family members the relationship is OVER

[@d.ashanti22]

Agreed. It should never get that far because it shouldn't have to and he shouldn't let it. If everyone knew their boundaries, their roles, it wouldn't come to that.

[@jeffjulien6986]

Making the choice to be an active part of my children’s lives, also being younger and dating again I really understand where some of my fellow brothers go left and “go get a pack of cigarettes”. The children are innocent and I’m not condoning abandoning your seeds. Just sharing that it’s not an easy place to be. Support your black men as we support our community.

[@jeffjulien6986]

Don’t let the kids be the end of something good. It just adds extra weight to the situation.

[@d.ashanti22]

That’s great you’re an active parent. This isn’t to say black men don’t take care of their kids. This is just a perspective on the challenges of dating a man with kids and a problematic baby mama situation. This is just to say why is women who do not have children find it hard to date men with kids from my perspective only. I have been on both sides and it has its pros and cons like anything else. Stay well king 👑.

[@inyourdreams444]

That’s great that you’re an active part in the children’s lives that you fathered & brought into this world. But why should a childless woman feel the need to lower her dating standards and accept the “extra weight” that’s brought in on your behalf…? Everyone has some baggage but children are A LOT to deal with. Especially for someone without that obligation and who has open options. Why would a young, attractive, childless woman deliberately seek a situation in which she will be second priority and never get to experience having her 1st child with a man? I think parents should date other parents. I get where you’re going but those innocent children are not our obligation to accept in a relationship. Relationships and dating is hard enough than to add in children + possible baby mama drama. That brings the price down in the dating world and it’s sad to say but just how it is. Just like most men don’t want to date single mothers. Messed up kinda but no one wants an extra headache. People need to be more aware of pro-creating if you want to find a quality mate. That’s not in anyones list of ‘wants’ in a date or their ideal partner…just stating facts. Stay up.

[@classicc.k2484]

But in all reality , once a man makes a woman the mother of his kids , it SHOWS more than what it looks like . Men know what they are doing when they have children with women . There are strong emotions and feelings in the making . I feel like depending on the integrity of a man , he’s going to show you who he’s more investing in . Once a single father starts dating , the babymomma is no longer the Queen if it makes sense . The kids is/should be the main point of concern . This is without meeting the babymomma’s needs with friendliness . Anything that makes you as the woman uncomfortable when the babymomma is involved should be taken up with ya man ( or who’s to say , y’all man ) , and he should go about it in a way that settles you and your concern . If he vouches for her and makes her feel right in every situation just because they have kids , the feelings are still lingering . I would say to any woman pursuing a relationship with men with children , MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY FOR WHAT IS BOUND TO COME !

[@classicc.k2484]

it’s not a bad thing , but it will throw you confidence under the bus because you will feel like you come last to him . I know me. with children who are completely separated from their child’s mother but still shows respect to her through the sale of their child and it shouldn’t be like that for all men who dates . No texting , no accompanying them while the girlfriend isn’t present , so on , so fourth. Boundaries are important . A lot of baby mommas and baby fathers lack that just because they feel obligated .

[@d.ashanti22]

Idk about the "y'all man" part but i do agree that it is up to him to reassure his woman and let his actions of being respectful, honest, and strictly a co parent lead the rest of the way. And it is definitely a big decision and one must be prepared.

[@classicc.k2484]

@@d.ashanti22 Agreed. “ Y’all “ was an insider because in all reality , when men have young children and are pursuing women while still intertwined intimately with the mother of their kids , it will show through their behavior . A man who’s willing to faithfully work past that and focus on his future is a man that will make women reconsider dating men with kids . Not downing single men with kids but addressing the seriousness of transparency , communication , and truthfulness in a new relationship

[@ArmyVet-Nikki46]

I'm 45 with no children. I do not want any children and prefer men with no children, but I feel that it's rare to meet men in my age group and older without children. Years ago, I remember many men and women telling me to NOT date or marry men with children. I've dated men with children under the age of 18, and I will NEVER do it again. So, I said that I wouldn't mind dating men with grown children, but I'm not so sure about that either, because issues can arise even when the children are grown. I know that it isn't all bad and that there are pros and cons to blended families. I don't want a "ready-made family, though." I just want it to be me and my partner in the relationship, and we will be each other's priority. I don't like the fact that he has a "bond/child" with another woman. Am I wrong for not wanting to be a mother or stepmother? Am I wrong for feeling that way? Am I asking for an unreasonable request? I do realize that I am significantly narrowing my dating pool (and the fact that I'm an older woman). Do I just take a chance and date someone with children? Sometimes I feel as if it's a no-win situation.

[@acestarone]

it is a no win. by 35 this is quite common

[@Leisa-id4bg]

I'm 55 and in a nitemare relationship with a dude and his kid.... NEVER AGAIN... u will b treated like dog poo and expected to like it

[@argerinejordan4703]

Facts. Don't need the drama.

[@sherinebeckford6304]

Trust me, she's 100% right. I do not have kids, but when I date guys with kids I'm always compromising; the men will not alter a schedule to accommodate their woman. My issue was also with the mannerism of the kids. Most men with kids also do not want to have anymore kids or women with kids. These types are the most selfish. Also if the guy is well off, he wants you to sign a prenuptial agreement once it's get serious, so nothing in it for you. For these reasons I do not date guys with kids, even if the kids are adults.

[@missevie432]

single women with no kids should never ever not ever date a baby daddy let alone take any male who has kids esp with multiple baby mommas seriously…he got lots of drama, limited $$$, and is going to b a complainer.

[@Leisa-id4bg]

Extreme whiner n pity party

[@GrandAirTrineAstro]

I’m due to meet his son after dating nearly 5 years. I have a grown 23 year old son too. Been a long hard journey of several reconciliations with the mother 🙈 boy is now 10 and more mature and his dad lives with me abroad so the child is the one open to meeting me. I feel excited and ready thank you for your guidance I will use every point you mention 🙏🏻💖

[@GrandAirTrineAstro]

Well now the baby mama thinks he has changed as child gave glowing review so looks like they are reconciling 😂🙈💁‍♀

[@d.ashanti22]

Good luck with every thing!

[@gingerandspice1209]

If you don’t have kids don’t date them! They already out here complaining about single moms so why give them a chance!

[@d.ashanti22]

Who is complaining about single moms?

[@EndiNicole]

Nooo drama, loved the video a yr later!

[@motherhoodsbeauty9279]

Why make life harder than it should be? Stay away from men with baby Moma, the end.

[@d.ashanti22]

Straight like that huh? lol

[@Leisa-id4bg]

Yes

[@divinekoneko]

Thank you for the insight. This video has me thinking/considering more about the relationship I’ve been building with a man I met a year and a half ago. We’ve had amazing chemistry since the day we met. It’s been up and down, but I can’t stop wondering if I’m doing the right thing by continuing to get closer to this guy. He’s pretty transparent about the nature of the relationship with his kid’s mom.. but I’m afraid of what is to come? He asked me a few months ago if I wanted to meet his mom, but it wasn’t very good timing. I declined the offer. I met her & the husband very recently. They are very kind, and the guy tells me his parents really like me. It’s a relief, but now I’m afraid of the possibility that I may be meeting more of his family soon. Idek when. It’s just that I feel apprehensive. Idk why. He doesn’t have a lot of close family, and he’s talking about me meeting his cousin who he’s pretty close to. I’ve also been worried about the way his kid’s mom still doesn’t know about me. He says it’s not really her business, and that she doesn’t care about what he’s doing with their kids when he’s with them.. but this is different. I feel like a baby mom would want to know if her ex is dating another woman, or at least being aware of the fact after a certain amount of time. Because I’m assuming she doesn’t care about what he’s doing with their kids, because she never had to worry about another woman being involved. She already knows what he’s up to: being with their kids. I feel like once that illusion has been lifted, she might want to know more about his life and what’s going on. I’m afraid that once/if she finds out he’s seeing me, the leash will come out and she’ll make attempts to get involved somehow. It’s a lot to type. Sorry for the word vomit. Edit: I forgot to mention that I still haven’t met his kids yet, but that scares me too. Meeting his kids might lead to them telling their mom about me, or having to find out through the grapevine that her kid’s dad has a new woman around might freak her out a little bit.

[@denfolo5224]

I can only understand if you fear meeting his parents. But, you should be excited to meet his kids. His child's mother knowing about you should be a non-issue. So, is this situation just an unnecessary stress? If so, do you wanna start this significant/long part of your life with stress? Please ask yourself the hard questions. Your happiness matters.

[@codydean672]

Honestly having full custody of my son I think it’s important for the woman to meet my son asap if ik it’s something serious only bc it’s up to her to decide if it’s something she can handle bc by waiting six months she may not be feeling it and then you wasted 6 months you neither party deserves that

[@Deeamos]

As a woman with kids I prefer to date a man with none 😂. I’m not the bitter BM. I was married when I conceived mine and am happy if he found someone new. Ladies, the part about the woman sleeping with him, I swear many women I know who are BM have proof THE MAN wants/ask for sex not them. You do have the bitter ones but many of us aren’t.

[@shaypope4732]

Men only like the activity to make kids but not the responsibility it produced

[@tenishaerin6997]

FACTS FACTS FACTS!!!!!! ALL FACTS!!!!!!

[@d.ashanti22]

Lol. Glad you agree.

[@Kembob89]

This is a dope video great quality

[@d.ashanti22]

thank you babe

[@stocks4bt]

I am a man and these principles can be applied to a man dating a woman with kids. I will add one more thing to this video you mentioned from 8:20-8:41. The WOMAN NEEDS to ask "WHAT ROLE DID SHE PLAY IN ALLOWING that bad behavior? What RED FLAGS did GOD show her that she should have paid attention to? What unhealthy patters did she identify so she can easily spot them "a mile away" in the future?

[@crave7273]

I’m 22 and I’ve been dating this guy since I was 19. He’s 28 now and I’m we do get into it sometimes from his bm. She left for a year and went to Texas and I have been playing mother for the last 3 years. I look at them like my kids. Hell I’m raising them!! Does she get the right to or even him get mad when I say something to her addressing the kids?? She tried to get in between an arguement we had and I texted her off his messenger “worry about your kids” she tripped. Was I wrong ?? How do I deal with this woman barely seeing them only on weekends. She doesn’t pay child support or even help with their child care yet talks shit about me to the kids. They are 6 and 7.

[@d.ashanti22]

I’m not one to give people advice, I just speak on my experience and allow others to learn from it. With that said, I can understand you being upset in the moment but don’t EVER let anyone take you there and get that energy from you. It takes a really good person to step up take on someone else’s child when the biological parent decides to be irresponsible and careless. But it’s not your battle. The father needs to handle the situation. It is up to them to get it together for those kids. And if that means taking her to court and doing what he has to do, he need to do that. If he isn’t fighting that hard why should you? 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@stocks4bt]

Crave I have a niece your age. RUN you are TOO YOUNG to be dealing with that. If you were 36-40+ I would give it a pass. YOU ARE TAKING ON RESPONSIBILITY that is not yours. You are not wrong for "addressing her kids." They must respect you b/c you are providing for them. THIS SHOULD BE YOUR 1ST LESSON in what to expect when dating men with kids

[@homerturner3435]

It’s pretty interesting to hear a woman’s perspective! Now I’m curious to know how my woman feels about my Child/ Baby mama situation…🤔🤔🤔🤔

[@cm88__ny]

Pretty sure she has reservations and won't tell you. My boyfriend has a child and it's a constant struggle to accept feeling like you are always going to be in 2nd place. Struggling to feel the way about that child as he does. (How do u love someone else's child in that way when you don't even have any of your own?) Accepting that we can't just pick up and move or do certain things because the child is ALWAYS going to be a consideration. The issues with his child's mother who I haven't even met yet seem to be... a lot. I love him very much and if he had no attachments I would marry him today but it's something that is emotionally draining. I never have told him this. I never want him to feel bad or upset. Childless women do a lot of bending and honestly we got the short end of the stick dating men with children with other women.

[@dellasbuns5707]

U still sleeping with ya bm when ya together? U go on dates with her?

[@LilFairy]

@@cm88__nyin the same boat and it’s a lot mentally and emotionally. I don’t think the kids are a problem for me or coming in first place isn’t a big deal because when I have kids with him our kids will still have to come first before me lol. The problem is wondering if he still wants her or if they r getting back together. That’s the mf question right there. That’s y I be stressed cause there’s no way of knowing fr

[@janisemills1]

Let’s be honest childless woman don’t give a damn about another woman’s kids lmao. They either counting down the days they leave home or waiting until the have their own children with you to neglect your children. It’s sad but woman be selfish like that.

[@shakirasmith6454]

@@cm88__ny you are so beautiful! Remember, the world is your oyster and beauty is your currency in the dating world. Don’t ever feel obligated to stay in a dead end situation….you’re too beautiful for that.

[@beccahurrell1380]

Is it a big red flag that my bf hasn't mentioned me to his child's mother or chlld when we've been together for 1 year and 1 month? It seems a long time. I'm getting frustrated.

[@d.ashanti22]

Men always overthink situations like introducing someone they’re serious about to their family or kids. A year is enough time to know how you feel about someone and if the relationship is progressing into a serious relationship. Talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel and if he’s still stalling or holding back on making that move, maybe you should consider moving on from him. I wish you well with your situation 💜

[@angelaattenbon4788]

He is keeping you on the sidelines where you are invisible and impotent. Ask yourself why. His child does not even know about you?? You are always going to be the outsider looking in, even more so with this guy than with most single fathers who treat a woman as a sidedish. I suspect his child is a daughter. He sounds much too involved with his daughter to include you in his life. My honest opinion is that what he is doing is little more than using you sexually. I say this only to help you because I want better for any woman.

[@michellealfred5958]

@@angelaattenbon4788 Bingooooo

[@bmorebaby76]

Here's my thing I don't have kids. I met a guy who has full custody of 2 boys 9 and 14 .We met for lunch the end of July he was nice but I didn't hear from him after that first date .I just assumed he wasn't interested. So the end of August he text me sorry I am very busy with my boys would you like to go see a movie .I went to see the movie with him .That was 2 weeks ago I have not heard from him since .I understand his kids come first and he can't get out much ,but he can't even text here and there ? I understand his kids are his number 1 priority but I am beginning to think they are more of an excuse .I mean is he that busy he can't even send a hello text ? Is this a red flag ?

[@PhanRegSop]

I would move on

[@d.ashanti22]

This is 100% a red flag. If he's showing you he can't communicate now. So believe him. Having kids is not an excuse to communicate and being consistent. If it's that hard for him he shouldn't be out here trying to date but instead focus on raising his kids. And leave you alone. Don't let this man waste your time. You deserve more, you are worth a man being consistent, open, honest, and a proper communicator. Let it go.

[@velvetstorm4563]

Yes it is a red flag, he's already showing you what life would be like with him. Move on.

[@julianacheriza1575]

Make sure the baby mama knows about you!!

[@sugarandspice2136]

YES. Went through this before and it was f-ed up.

[@beccahurrell1380]

Is it a big red flag that I've been with someone for 1 year and 1 month and the child's mother still doesn't know about me?

[@moongawddess8161]

And talk to her! Ask about how she was treated. Just because it “doesn’t work out” doesn’t mean a man can dog a woman to hell.

[@beccahurrell1380]

She doesn't know about me 😔

[@beccahurrell1380]

@@moongawddess8161 yes I'd love to know...

[@cosmoqueen7236]

I have one child but I can’t date a man who has kids with multiple women. I was told I was shallow for this but I need some balance. Lol. It’s so rare to find a man who only has 1 baby mama.

[@cheflai2924]

Sometimes them having multiple bms is better than one bm. Just don't become the next! Men don't fall in love all those times they really only love once or twice. If it's just one he probably really loved her and always will so he'll be emotionally unavailable to anyone else.

[@d.ashanti22]

Now that you mention it, it is more common for men to have multiple children and or multiple baby mamas. I can understand completely not wanting to be involved in that.

[@lamarion3]

I have one daughter, and the woman I’m dating has three children by three different men. Can’t lie it’s tough at times, especially coming from different spiritual backgrounds. I’m trying to raise my daughter a certain way with God and she doesn’t really have that with her children so at times it feels weird. I try my best not to judge her and her situation because we all need love and want to be loved but I can’t front the future looks scary at times with her because all her children are of different ages.

[@hillaryd4131]

You’re so cute! 🤗❤️ and very cool informative video!

[@d.ashanti22]

Thanks so much for watching! Share the video 😊

[@TheStyleedi]

My preference is no single dads. No drama with baby mama/mama's, and I'd rather be my husband's top priority. That said, no single dads for me.

[@AdamuAishatu-w4b]

Am dating a guy with a child buh we are in a distance relationship when he comes to me,he keeps on talking with the baby moma n i hate that buh didn't no how to tell him...but he hasn't shown me to his family members tho...so oneday he jxt call me and told me his mother said i should leave the house the guy has rented😢and i ask him y,buh he didn't say anything to me.i think the his mother likes the baby moma than me.and theguy keeps on talking to the babymoma n he knows i hate that i don't noe what to do if i should break up with him.😢😢😢am hurting ryt now pls need ur help.he also tells me bcos of the child they had that is y he talks to the babymoma but he doesn't love her..pls any advice 4 me?pls...

[@CoCo-yv3hl]

Nope not doing it 😂🤣 tired it ONCE ONLY…. not worth the headache for me because I have experienced playing baby mama & baby daddy to my nieces & nephews so I wouldn’t be mad if he’s the only living in his family 😂🤣 just so I can be a priority because they don’t know how to differentiate the types of relationship roles if that makes sense

[@wesleykayla]

I’ve always had in my mind that I didn’t want to date a man with kids, but was opened to dating one. Got with my current boyfriend that has kids and I didn’t put into perspective of what I had to really consider. Of course I knew about the drama which we talked about . I was really open to dating him because he was very open about having kids and the relationship with the mothers from the first conversation. Everything moved very fast and now I’m pregnant and feel like I’m being put last to everybody. After the incident that just happened this weekend, he pretty much confirmed how I been feeling. It’s like how do you leave when you accepted it from the beginning.

[@d.ashanti22]

You always have a choice queen. History, love, you knowing from the beginning, your baby on the way, can only hold so much weight when it comes to your peace and happiness. You have to be your best self for your child now. They need you! I don’t have children but I believe It’s never too late to bow out gracefully and still be great parents to your child and PROTECT YOUR PEACE! No matter what! You’re not required to stick around if you don’t want to. Who cares what people think. If nothing was to change and your child seen you and their father right now as yall are, how would you feel? What will that teach them? I’ll tell you like my mom told me…”At the end of the day you have to make the best decision for you. You’ll know when you’re tired. Nothing will stop you from leaving…NOTHING!”

[@happygucci5094]

This. ALL of this. In support of the healthy baby mamma's out there- the drama could be caused by the fact the guy is a F&#k n@$ga... But that's a whole different video. Shout out to the no children women. #standards No drama!

[@DOE.T]

What if he keeps accommodating to her because she keeps threatening to take the kid away from him !?

[@d.ashanti22]

Been there. He needs to man up and learn his rights as a father. He has legal right to his child. She can never “take” the child away. If he’s allowing her to manipulate him in that way he doesn’t know how to go about handling it legally in which he just needs to see a judge who will distribute the time with the child. Now if he’s showing signs that he doesn’t want help and doesn’t want guidance on how to get the courts involved then he’s right where he wants to be and you should run. You are worth a man who is serious about your relationship and wants to have peace for the both of you.

[@Meliney14]

I am 23 years old, i been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and he has a 4 year old daughter. There was a bit more drama then expected in the beginning of our relationship. Things are a bit better now but as for us growing TOGETHER as a family im a little scared. He doesn't seem to want to change things for me when it comes to her. For example our sleeping situation we are not living together so when he comes to sleep with me and the daughter we barely fit so I asked him if we could maybe put a bed right next to us and he doesn't like the idea. How do I deal with these kind of situations especially when we don't live together. I'm a little hurt by this bc i don't feel I should be uncomfortable or barely have room to sleep in my own bed. He said he would sleep on the ground with her but I don't like that at all bc I don't want them on the floor. Anyone have any advice when it comes to changing certain things like this ? I know her half her life and he is my first real relationship. He seems to want to be very serious with me and even wants to have a family in the future. I don't know what to do. The daughter also sometimes gets upset when he shows me attention or loves me in front of her. She always tries to get in between us or love him and gives me a face like she wins I don't like that at all. I want her to know her dad loves both of us and there is no competition. I want us to all be happy together as a family. But will we really get there ?

[@Meliney14]

Also he was with the mother for 10 years and she sometimes comes to my boyfriends family things. Is this okay ? Because I don't like this at all and she completely ignored me once at a party and I got pissed off.

[@liyatopnotch2051]

Wow I’m going through the SAME exact thing and do not know what to do! His daughter is 4 and sleeps with us every night. They literally cuddle every night and I’m just laying there awkwardly always. I voiced my opinion he said this is what she needs right now due to her having issues w her mom being inconsistent in her life. I understand but still feel like sleeping with us at night is too far and than feeling unwelcome in our own bed because she doesn’t even want him to touch me. I love my man but his daughter honestly causes me to contemplate the relationship entirely. Any advice?

[@d.ashanti22]

well said

[@d.ashanti22]

It's crazy because I was literally in this exact situation as well. So I can speak from experience. I hated it. It got to a point where I didn't want to stay in my own bed and I slept in the basement once. It was annoying until I was vocal and expressed my concerns and offered solutions. We left her in my bed and went to sleep else where, until she cried out for him. So then I made the choice to avoid having him sleep over when I knew he had his daughter. He didn't like it at first but I had to do what was best for me and in order for me to get sleep too. Eventually we got a place together and she had her own room. So for you I suggest sitting down with him and laying it all out in a way he will actually hear you without getting offended or defensive. If he isn't willing to try to understand and come to a resolution, he isn't the man for you. I hope this helps.

[@d.ashanti22]

Let him know how you feel, have some solutions ready or come up with them together. Either way he will have to compromise in order for it to work because you've compromised by accepting his child into your life and being considerate by letting them both sleep in your bed. He needs to work on setting boundaries as a parent, talking to his child about him loving you the same as her, be firm on not tolerating certain behavior or disrespect, and stay in a child's place. She has no say in your man touching you or not. He needs to man up and stop allowing her to THINK she has control or say in grown folks business. A lot of times first time dads especially dads with daughters are weak (point blank) and they are easy for the child to manipulate because the dad wants to do right by them and cares how things look to others. But it's up to us women to put our foot down and demand what we want and need and if they can't bend for us because of their child, who they want us to love and be apart of their life...then it's time to know our worth and walk away. You deserve to be heard, respected, and a teammate who stands by you. Period! I hope this helps.

[@is.this.nailsart.designs2609]

Going through some shits. I'm the first babymama. We intentionally had a child, then sadly broke up some months after giving birth. He told me he never wanted multiples kids with different women. I almost felt bad whyle leaving him. After 4 years we got back together and I found out he had a boy 2-3 years ago with another woman. She ran away with the kid. Then after about 1 month later I found out again that he ex was pregnant and cut ties with him after a fight. During a fight I found out that one of his pregnant friend use him as a confident, because she had no one to talk with. I found it suspicious, but he told me he wasn't the father, and nothing never happened between them. Then some weeks later he forgot his lies and told me they hooked up twice, some weeks ago, before we got back together...So I asked him if he was the father, but said everytime he asked her, she denied it. I pressured him to find out the truth about her babydady, for I was certain he was the father. He asked her many Times but she denied it, only to admit it 1 month ago. His ex girlfriend gave birth 2 months ago, and his so called friend gave birth yesterday. So he cheated on his ex girlfriend with his friend. None of them knows about it. They both thing he only has one child with me...I asked him what was wrong with him...why he was living this way. He seems tobbe aware of all this shit he created, regret it, but can't do anything. 4 kids with 4 women: 1 girl with me and 3 boys with 3 others. 2 ran away with their kids... You won't believe it but with all this mess, he's financially struggling...I'm so disapointed on him that I don't even know how long I can bear this situation. I feel so insecure about all this...I'm regretting so much having a kid with him...If I could turn back the time, I would have avoided him! We lost that special connection we had, now that I know that he has so many children out there. I don't wanna be involved with them or their mamas. When his friend will find out about the truth, I don't know how she'll react. I feel trapped in this relation...we are having a talk tonight and I'm planning to break up...I just want peace...I used to value him a lot...But now he look like a trash...No matter how much I know he loves me, and I do too, this is just too much for my mental peace. I have trust issue, for I'm worried he could cheat with one of his others babymamas. I'm struggling to sleep at night...So many thoughts. I'm even starting to wonder if he cheated on me too, when I was pregnant. 😢😢😢😢 I'd never forgive him...

[@Talkbookishwithme]

Not being top priority is why I don't date men with kids I want to be number one and on top of that most baby mamas think the father should still take care of them too plus the fact if I have a guys kid I don't want my kid doing without for his other kid I'm not gonna pay for stuff for another kid that isn't mine and I wouldn't let my own kid have to do without it'll never be that way. I don't have kids but this is just how I see it . Plus most baby mamas are so petty they get into your relationship business because they get bitter or claim they don't want u around their kid even though you been with the dad on and off long before he knew her. Like with the drama these baby mamas think that just because they incubated a child for 9 months even if the man has a new gf that the man's obligated to take care of her too and he's not obligated to take care of his baby mama if she wanted stability she should've made sure she got a ring on it before she got pregnant she shouldve made him wrap it. Like with my ex with a kid that I spoke of his ex gets child support but when we were together she'd call and text and have him buy her groceries take her out to eat and to the movies and help with her bills and when I discovered all this going on I put my foot down and threw a fit. I told him she gets child support she doesn't need all this other help she's your EX she only needs the help if it's specifically for the child not her she's not your problem she gets child support from you she shouldn't be without food either because she gets food stamps and her housing is free so where's the money going ?!

[@wuhouse8]

No drama ! Great video sis

[@d.ashanti22]

Thank youuu.

[@xxcxme]

What do I do if the man I am dating (who has three kids) desperately wants to make more time to be with me but is having a hard time because he feels guilty all the time not caring for his children - who have gone through a traumatic divorce?

[@Beex848]

He will always feel guilty, is that what you want your relationship to be about?

[@rabiiautsey1813]

I’m engaged and pregnant. My fiancé has an ex wife who is very confrontational with him but I’ve never met her but because of the stories he’s told me I don’t think I’d like her very much. She lives in a different state and they have three children 16, 17, 18 two boys and the oldest is a girl. His youngest boy is actually on his way to visit for a week and none of them know about me but obviously about to find out. I have a feeling that the boy will be reporting back to his devious mother about me and our household which I’m not excited about. The mother constantly pitts the children against my fiancé and lies about him. They mostly take her side and don’t seem to give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m terrified because this is my first child I’m pregnant with and I’ve never met his children. He treats me like a Queen and his top priority so far but we’ll have to see how he is around his children. I don’t typically date men with children but he and I are just so in love and so far a great fit. Please any advice helps…

[@kristiewilliams9812]

JUST RUN DONT DO IT AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS RUNNNNN

[@travelwithmissnice]

Just don’t do it. Why not date someone who is in the same life stage?

[@innocentodinkemere4597]

Kinda funny, because there are many women with kids compared to men with kids. One man can have kids with 20 women and stroll out. This really puts women in a tight corner

[@kimsung4405]

🙌🏻👌🏻💯I do 🚫 NOT want to date a man with kids.

[@julieguillebeaux8651]

Great advice 👍

[@d.ashanti22]

thank you. Gotta help the women out here because these men will leave you high and dry lol

[@MS-ns4ki]

I don’t want to. Period.

[@taylorejones1984]

I love this video and the advice you said now my question to you is what if the mother of the child is no longer in the kids life. I don’t have any kids but he has one. Everything’s going good but he did mention that it’s just him taking care of the child idk if the baby even knows the mom tbh ?

[@d.ashanti22]

That's unfortunate the mother isn't around. That just means you have greater opportunity to a greater support and positive influence for the child if that's your intention. Depending on how serious you plan to be with the father of course. Try and see all of the positives in the situation. You both can focus easier on raising the child together.

[@taylorejones1984]

@@d.ashanti22 thank you so much I’ll hope for the better 💕