SHOULD YOU HAVE KIDS..? IS IT *ACTUALLY* WORTH IT? .. MY HONEST ANSWER

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Hey guys, today I am talking about the polarizing topic of whether or not you should have kids. Its a tough one, because its not a cut and dry answer. I guess it is, the answer for me is ultimately absolutely YES. I love being a mommy more than I could ever imagine, but I feel like you can absolutely live a happy and fulfilling life without children if you don't wish you have them, or can't. I don't touch on the extremely upsetting reality of those with infertility much in this video, as this is more of a video for you to decide whether or not you think it is for you or not, not whether or not you can have children. That is a different question altogether. This is just my opinion after having been a mom for the last (almost) 3 years. I LOVE being a mommy to this boy, but to say that motherhood is challenging is an understatement. I hope you can see my point here!
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Kristi
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HI! My name is Kristi! Welcome to my channel!
First off, I am not your average KZbin Beauty Vlogger. I do the typical Product Reviews, Makeup Tutorials, Lifestyle Vlogs and SO much more, all with a sense of humor and a bit of a potty mouth. You can ALWAYS be assured that i am giving my full and HONEST opinion. SUBSCRIBE & Join in on the fun!
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[@goldcoastlady5377]

71 No kids. (was one of 9). Travelled the world and lived my best life. No regrets whatsoever!!!!!😁

[@goldcoastlady5377]

@Dot21234 Luck takes a lot of hard work. Had lots of different jobs. Never wanted to climb the ladder and get tied down with responsibilities of others, or things.

[@PhilBert-sh3nk]

Cope

[@Rambutan.]

I love that for you ❤ I'm hoping to do the same (the travelling the world part haha, definitely the no kids part).

[@gy7255]

And do you ever wonder who will care for you when you will be too sick to take care of yourself. And your partner is also not around. Whenever my husband and I say we don't want kids everybody pressures us a lot with such questions and Frankly I have no answer to them. But you are aged so I would love to listen to your response. Thank you

[@goldcoastlady5377]

@@gy7255 Is that really a serious reason to have children? In the hope that they will look after you if you are unable to look after yourself? Really? Well, in our case we have very good health cover, our own home, money in the bank. So, if we need any help, we'll pay an expert to do whatever that need is such as a cleaner, gardener, electrician, plumber, nurse, Doctor, accountant, lawyer etc. We certainly wouldn't expect an adult child to want or be able do these things for us.

[@Maria.0.1]

I’ve recently realized I want to be “the village” that is needed to raise a child. I don’t want children of my own, but I would love to help raise them, take care of my friend’s children, be an aunt and all that stuff ♥️

[@Maria.0.1]

@@--mand0r-- of course! I want to be the village as a choice 🥰 I adore children. People absolutely should feel free to have contact or not with children! We all think children deserve loving people, if someone clearly doesn’t like children, then they definetely shouldn’t be forced to interact with them! For the wellbeing of everyone involved :) but it’s true! No one should feel forced ever

[@ash14145]

I wish there was a way to do this! It would also help me decide if I want to be a parent

[@unknwn8739]

You’re the best type of person!

[@PraveenSrJ01]

Thanks for sharing

[@Ajewbert]

Same !!!!

[@EricaConger]

I was present when my daughter gave birth to her son. And it was one of the most magical experiences of my life. I also remember distinctly feeling that I was sad for the carefree life I knew she’d be losing by having her son. And feeling so conflicted for feeling like that. We all wanted this child to come into the world. Without a doubt!!!! But it didn’t stop that momentary inner pang of sadness I felt for her. I’ve never shared this before. I just haven’t ever felt like anyone would understand that.

[@LuisaFernanda.]

Wow this is a perspective I never thought of for my mom! Thank you for this I wonder if she felt the same way when I had my first.

[@cristalleslie6311]

Omg beautiful description. It’s so true the carefree life is so gone.

[@Updog89]

Thank you for sharing your perspective!

[@EricaConger]

Thank you all for being so supportive. I was honestly nervous to share this. Really means a great deal to me. 🥰🥰🥰

[@amycoffin1910]

You sound like an incredibly empathetic person. How lucky your daughter is 💕

[@EddaPascher]

I have asked many parents why they wanted kids - just out of curiosity. The answers went from " I wanted out of my bad job" to "we wanted to save our relationship" and "I wanted to give my mother a grandchild". Also "I want the same attention as my sister with her children", "I wanted to pin down this man" and "my partner wants an heir". And many more. And in my opinion all horrible reasons to put children in this world.

[@Surreal452]

My mom admitted she had me because she was depressed and her therapist suggested having a baby to make her feel better.

[@EddaPascher]

@@Surreal452 I hope it worked out for the best. Not a good reason though...

[@JuliaMann-ek6xv]

Just out of curiosity, what IS a good reason? That's what I struggled with when trying to make this decision for myself. Help?!

[@EricaConger]

I don’t think that’s a question that should be asked. Why is that anyone else’s business… asking anyone why they had a child. Because the answer is going to be scrutinized, judged, etc. I don’t even really know how to put into words “why” I had my children. Is this answer the “right” one… because I wanted to have children?? People’s reasons are their reasons. Period. It’s really easy for people on the outside looking in, to make judgments and be super critical. But we all live our own lives and have our own reasons. That don’t need to be picked apart by anyone. Walk a mile in someone’s shoes before deciding someone’s reasoning is “horrible”. I hear what you’re saying. But the initial question being asked is ridiculous.

[@EddaPascher]

@@EricaConger Maybe you should think about the children instead of being so sorry for the parents being asked?

[@putthecandleback9]

I never wanted kids so I didn't have kids. Listen deeply , without conditioning or societal pressure. Harder than people think but honestly, only way to contentment

[@KateLate____]

That sounds like an easier choice. Though I guess society may pressure you. I always wanted kids. Didn't even occur to me that not having kids was an option. Once I realised it might be something I don't get to choose, ie I might not get to have kids, and I started trying to be OK with that, that's when I started to realise all the negatives of having kids. And now I'm not sure if I can go back to my naive state where I'd just happily have them.

[@Kyaniteacres]

I literally babysat from the time I was 10 to 18, all summer long 6am to 10pm all weekend and helped raise at least 12 kids, and this left an indelible mark....I am 52 and only have pets. 😂

[@JANsEffectHouse]

I babysat all my cousins til age 24 and taught dance for 32 years. 3 dogs here at 56 and no desire for any relationship.😅😢😂😂

[@morganveller2114]

Im the oldest of 4 kids that took care of my 2 younger siblings (huge age gap, I was 11 when my youngest sibling was born) every summer day in and day out while my parents were at work. Then I babysat 4-6 kids every summer until I graduated college. Now I’m a NICU nurse and see the scariest side of becoming a parent. and it’s really made me question if I want kids of my own. I can see so many good things about it. But I also KNOW first hand how hard it is. It’s hard thinking of giving up my own life to raise a tiny human. I hope i can make that choice and have it feel right when the time comes.

[@JANsEffectHouse]

@@morganveller2114 the World's too crazy and confusing right now to bring an innocent child into IMO. I had meltdowns if it rained and was going to make my hair curly or if I couldn’t pick which outfit to wear. 🤪 Can you imagine trying to decide if you want to be male or female or ever have kids at age 6? Even being raised with social media, pretty sure I wouldn't have survived that scenerio. So glad we didn't have that option during our school years. 😅😜Whew!

[@palladium607]

Lmaooooo

[@danielledomingus]

My sister and brother are 6 & 8 years younger than me. I’ve already raised kids in my mind. And I still take care of them like a mother into their adult years now. I’m good on more kids 🤣

[@kaleidoscopicmind5]

I’m 34 and have never imagined myself with a family. I’ve always know that I don’t want that. Having a niece solidified that. I love her to pieces but I could never handle that 24/7. I feel bad for people who are torn.

[@LizzyARTING]

My sister inlaw is this way. She is a wonderful aunt and that is so fulfilling for her. She feels complete and that is valid and perfect for her and her life.

[@iijh5049]

same. as someone with adhd, taking care/raising a child seems.. suffocating to me. i love my niece and nephew, i would literally do anything and everything for them. but i easily get drained and exhausted whenever i have to babysit. i always put up a good fight whenever im around them (im their favorite lol) but at the end of the day, im always so so so fucking tired. like ‘i dont wanna talk to you leave me tf alone’ kind of tired. i get irritable and emotional when i dont get enough time to myself. idk but i just cannot see myself being a mom 😢 it does make me feel sad bc i do want a family. but it’s probably best if i dont have any kids. maybe in another life. (sorry for dumping all of this onto you)

[@thescrappay]

Same, love my nieces and nephews but I am satisfied with my life not having children. I have my own issues, I wouldn't want them to effect a child.

[@LizzyARTING]

@iijh5049 that's ok! I have adhd and I'm very sensitive to noise, yet k have four kids. I'm not the most patient mom and the over stimation is agony some days. But the desire to be there for my kids gets me through. HOWEVER since you are adhd i can highly recommend NOT having four kids. I love them all and regret none of them, but they are all neurodivergent, too. My one solace is that I can provide them with resources from the get go and plenty of empathy. I think you're being appropriately realistic about kids. Having your nibblings sounds like such a blessing. You DO have a family. It's up to you of you want to expand it one day but if you have any serious reservations about having a child I would definitely not take those lightly. Keep listening to yourself and your heart.

[@iijh5049]

@@LizzyARTING you are literally the sweetest omg!! thats so funny how you mentioned not having four kids bc i always had this thing abt having exactly four kids (i have three siblings, plus me so thats four of us lol). that definitely makes sense though haha. im only 19, so maybe my opinion will change with time! thank you and i wish you and your family nothing but the best!!

[@amyevans8463]

I'm 26 and spent years wanting/planning to start a family until I realised I wanted a child so bad because I didn't have fulfillment in other areas of my life like my marriage/friendships and career. Now i've completely changed and I'm really secure knowing I might not ever decide to have a child

[@clo_beanery]

I also relate to this a lot! When I was a teen I was consumed with the idea of having kids- but I was raised in a conservative Christian minority cult who taught me that was literally all I was good for. Once I got older and started deconstructing from the religion/left, I knew that strong desire to have kids only came from lack of acceptance/love I felt from the community and having kids would have been my way to “secure” myself in the group, and to gain attention and acceptance.

[@zuzanazuscinova5209]

This! I feel like so many women have kids for this very reason. They have nothing else going for them.

[@nomadlife7356]

Now that I’m 34 my “No” for a having a child becomes louder. I really thought I wanted to be a full time mother when I was on my late twenties. Now I have changed a lot and constantly evolving. The thought of having a child is no longer align with my values. I discovered that all I wanted to do is to travel, explore, live the life, make connections and have a great time on earth. The thought of having a child is just a no go for me because that means all of my dreams wont happen and I could reflect that to my child if I ever have one. If you are confuse if having a child is good for you, you just need more time to keep asking yourself without pressure, be patient with yourself and be true to what you really want. For me, I can imagine being a mom is wonderful and its all about that unconditional love that you would feel to your child. I am already feeling that unconditional love to myself and to others after 3 years of understanding grief and am happy of what I have become. I have been through a lot of stress and I dont want to experience so much stress anymore in the remaining years of my life. I want more freedom and do random things. You can have all the reasons why not to have a kid but the only reason for me that I validated is myself, when I speak to my inner voice. When I see kids, I find the cute, adorable and funny and we can learn a lot from them. However, when I ask my self if I want to have one, my inner voice is so loud to say “No” thank you. ❤️

[@chubbyhamster_3]

Everything you mentioned here, is exactly what I think and feel.

[@KateLate____]

Is it really true that the dreams you listed have to be permanently thrown away for you to have kids? I recommend taking a long vacation and doing all that travel and exploring stuff you're dreaming of. If you haven't already. After 6-10 weeks, sure it's nice, but it gets old and becomes unfulfilling. You start to feel like you have no consistent home. And no consistent friends. That no one really cares about you. You have no routine. I'm just warning you in case you have a perception of travel from instagram rather than lived experience.

[@ash14145]

I always thought I wanted kids, but I have received a lot of pressure from my mom to have them. Because she wants them. Now that I am finally asking myself if I want them, what you are saying resonates with me greatly. I want a partner to love and lots of time to travel, explore, and know ourselves and each other. I want a career that gives my life meaning and purpose. I think that's what I truly want.

[@Heykay34]

My sentiments exactly. Everyday I wake up I’m like nah not a good time to bring in a soul I have to take care of 😅 I couldn’t have said it better. There are different ways to live this life. I’m 31 for context. I live my life by the moment the furthest I look out into the future is maybe 2-3 months. I ask myself the uncomfortable questions and sit with them for a while to know if something is truly what I want, and honestly when I think of kids I think of more stress I can do without. Maybe if it wasn’t so hard to just get our basic necessities on this planet for just me, I can’t imagine another soul being subjected to my preparedness for this life that I feel so unprepared for already. Just food for thought. I like reading other women’s pov.

[@EssentiallyGourmand]

@@ash14145I feel you. I also always thought I wanted kids, but the more I started thinking about it recently (I’m 32.5 yo) I realized that it was rather my mother’s pressure, not my real desire. When I listen to myself deeper, I realize I never truly wanted a child. I haven’t told my mom yet (I’m the only child, so she won’t have any grandkids). I don’t want to hurt her, as I know she will be devastated, but I don’t want to ruin my life for the sake of her desire of a grandkid.

[@marissalazecki]

Here I am 9m postpartum bawling. motherhood is so indescribable and so completely overwhelming. Thank you for being so honest about something that is so intense

[@zoeollie202]

I’m on my second kid and honestly the first time I knew I was struggling and couldn’t name it as post partum and you made me realize I’m still in that window.

[@candidwings5609]

As a mom of 3 (oldest is 10), I hope it helps if I say, "parenting may not get 'easier,' but it will get different. And the hardest parts of parenting for you won't last forever."

[@lexivivid8073]

Thank you for your candor!!!

[@allie54774]

I totally thought you meant 9 minutes at first & was like wowza 😂😂 I realise now you probably mean 9 months 😅

[@Mom2Kolja]

​@@allie54774 Many women grow up by having a child.

[@robinkc7929]

"Hello village. Where are they?" I feel this in my soul. This mother of a 4 year old who is going through sleep regretion AGAIN feels this hard. Thank you for preaching the truth!

[@tatianaflucker9417]

Yep; I feel this too.

[@CS-mf5un]

We could figure out better ways to be supportive in parenting since villagers used to literally live just steps away but we need to do our part to put in what we've gotten out of life.

[@heatherwarner2603]

My almost 5 year old is going through a stage where she won’t stay in her bed for NOTHING. I feel like I can’t have any time to myself , I work from home too and she’s home with me until she goes to school in September . I am lucky enough to have a “village” but I feel you girl . I’m TIRED. My husband works evenings so it’s me and my tiny human all day and all night alone . I’m crazy and trying for baby #2 still lol 😅

[@dudetta91]

Totally 💗

[@zoilalulu3798]

I'm childfree by choice and staying that way. I'll be 36 in a few weeks but it took a long time to convince others of that. As a woman, you're hated simply for saying you don't want kids. How dare you be a woman and let that womb go to waste? The sad reality is that many people do not make good parents. I have CPTSD from my childhood because I was raised by people who were ill-equipped to be parents. Not every life is sacred and not every one needs to reproduce. I don't know why people cannot grasp that people who think like me exist. I respect people's choices to have children and never go out of my way to judge or insult them but too many people don't return the favor.

[@womanofacertainage5892]

THANK YOU for knowing you don't want a child and for not having one. There are too many parents, imo, who should never have had children, and didn't truly want them that much.

[@LizzyARTING]

It's because they make your choice about them. You don't want kids... so you're saying I shouldn't have had mine!?

[@magdalaperucha1312]

As someone who works in Criminal Court, I concur: some people should absolutely not have children, most especially if they don't want them. Poor babies who have no fault suffer horrendously otherwise.

[@thatswhathesaid2]

Every life is sacred that’s why not everybody should reproduce.

[@NYstiletto]

I'm 40. Don't want children. Never will.

[@burnyhigurashi]

I'm childfree and this video is so necessary... People need to talk about this. Motherhood can be so exciting and exhausting at the same time, and if you have doubts, hearing a mom taking about the hard side can help to adjust your expectations in a healthy way

[@janelle_beans]

I'd rather support other mothers and be a good role model for others kids rather than having my own 24/7!

[@atriyakoller136]

@@janelle_beans me trying to do it for my sis but having a hard time due to us living half a country apart :( But when I finally managed to get to her even for a few hours I tried my best to help with her daughter even if neither of us is a competent mom (I'm childfree and single and she decided to have a kid together with her husband, and now they're also a long way apart taking turns caring for their daughter, hard as it is)

[@evangelinagillespie1278]

Kristi I am a teacher and this video reminds me of why I chose this profession. Yes kids are challenging, annoying, loud, etc, but they are also funny, smart, and capable. Every time I have a difficult time with any of them, I try to remind myself that I am taking care of someone’s PRIDE AND JOY, someone’s entire life. Thank you for sharing all this 💞

[@aquamoon4401]

You're also taking care of the future! Our future humans! Thank you! ❤

[@atriyakoller136]

As a fellow teacher not so much by choice but by circumstances (although I work with teens and adults only, and prefer adults, and my subject (English as a foreign language) is really favouring that population) I have the exact reasons you are a teacher for me not working with children. I'm not ready to influence someone's life to such a degree that it might be ruined. While I try to teach people in a positive way, and succeed in doing so (based on feedback from many of my students) I still have had enough bad teachers in my life to have a crippling fear of turning into one of them by accident, and therefore I refrain from working with very young children and even early teens (although a ton of them have a darker sense of humour than I do, an ex-goth), and also from having kids of my own.

[@evangelinagillespie1278]

@@atriyakoller136 this is completely understandable & I appreciate your honesty! I should have added in my original post that lately I’ve been struggling as a teacher. We do have such an influence especially with kids who are in such pivotal developmental years. It’s not a job I will be doing forever, but hearing from parents is a good reminder of why I chose to teach in the first place!

[@atriyakoller136]

@@evangelinagillespie1278 for me it's a similar invigoration and boost I get when I hear students say things like "you're the first person who made English make sense for me" and "thank you so much, I've learned so many new things and also now feel much more confident". I hope you teach as long as you're happy with it and dind something else you want to do afterwards!

[@lolraacheel]

This is exactly why I want to become a teacher.

[@laurenadcock5307]

For anyone wanting to think through the decision more, I just finished the book "Regretting Motherhood" and it was very helpful for me to hear other women share their experience with deep honesty. I feel better able to choose with more awareness.

[@lizgerman8568]

Thank you for sharing this.

[@emoff3480]

omg yes! and "The Baby Decision". Its so helpful and insightful to guide you to understanding what you want.

[@zahramaslavi3617]

Is it also a good book for someone who is not childfree by choice and just wants to feel better about the path that was laid in front of her in life?

[@terrirood8407]

Years ago I read a book titled "Mother's Day Is Over". I cannot remember who wrote it. It was written by a woman who truly loved her children, but she thought it was time for women to know about the realities of raising children. She was very objective - no rage - but her honesty made me thing seriously about the issue. In those days, it was a rarity for a woman to be honest about this topic. If you can find it, I would highly recommend it if you are still deciding.

[@elvirar5927]

@@zahramaslavi3617yes, the book is a social study around motherhood in modern society and the unspoken reality that some mothers do regret motherhood. It brings perspective from young and old moms, moms of 1 to 4 kids, moms that were financially stable and moms that weren’t, working moms, SAHM, mothers of adult children or even grandmothers. I would certainly recommend the read if you are interested on the other side of the equation that nobody talks about, regardless of how you came to be childfree/childless.

[@jessicachappell]

I wish I had this video before I had my baby 5 months ago. Everyone tells you something and nothing prepares you for what YOUR experience will be. The first month was like a war zone for my husband and I. I'm so glad more people are sharing "not so perfect" stories to help others understand it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows. I love my son more then life itself but motherhood is not easy.

[@TheContent.ment.Creator]

@jessicachappell Right there with you - I’m 5 months postpartum too! Hope you’re hanging on for dear life through this sleep regression and “finding their voice” noises. 🫠🥴 I love her so much I could explode, but damn…. Just today I was spiraling down the “Who even am I?” hole and couldn’t get out.

[@gail9906]

Everyones experience is different. My first baby was born at 34 weeks by cesarean section and weigh 3lb, 13oz and spent her 30 days in hospital in a humid crib. Second baby, miscarried early 6 - 8 weeks. 3rd baby, perfect baby boy, full term, natural delivery. Both kids are now adults and have children of their own. Wouldnt miss it all for the world! ❤️🇦🇺🦘

[@KagomeYasha023]

Just babysitting tells me parenting is hard and that’s only babysitting not even close to the full experience of being a parent, if anyone says parenting is easy they lying or they don’t actually care about their kids so it seems like nothing to them.

[@KMassey24]

I have four siblings, and 10 nieces and nephews. I have moved in with every single sister and brother for the first two months to help 24/7. If they aren’t nursing the newborn, I also do allll the nighttime feedings. If they are nursing, baby sleeps w me/monitor w me, and I quietly would bring them baby, during day if they are bonding w baby, I would do laundry, dishes, sweeping, cooking.. etc That newborn stage is so hard. Even w three adults, so hard! Kudos to you, all of this to tell you it’s pretty much a war zone with everyone that first month!

[@EMILYHERRERA]

Every single child is different and gets a different version of you as well. I don't think you can actually be totally prepared for any given child because you have no idea what you're going to get.

[@ahotpieceofcass]

Child free by choice 28-year-old here, if anyone else is the same please don’t let people make you feel poorly or bad about not wanting children. I have 13 nieces and nephews so if I ever wanted to have children around there is no shortage 😂 I’m perfectly happy being the fun aunt 🩷

[@lauracastro3826]

Fun aunts are the salt of the Earth 💕

[@user-ki1xj5fl1i]

@@lauracastro3826 purr

[@ankeranna]

Im 34, childfree and got sterilized at 31. I really dont wanna be a mom and I have tons of reasons.

[@donnajohnson1792]

My daughter has 2 beautiful children and my son, like you, is child free by choice. I respect the both of you for knowing it’s just not the right thing for you. 💜

[@duntarwen2043]

37 and NOTHING could make me have children. Harder when I was younger but now everyone els seems to understand that I won’t change my mind. Fortunately my close family never tried to talk me in to it but random people 🙄🙄🙄

[@xXxMoondustedxXx]

I didn't want to have a child but after an irresponsible night with my husband, I got pregnant at 35. My daughter is now 11 & it's been an amazing journey. I miss the baby stage but I've loved watching her learn, grow & become her own person. I find it very bittersweet tbh. I wouldn't trade the experience for the world.

[@Satsusss]

You wouldn't trade the experience for the world ? So you wouldn't prefer to have experienced seeing the whole world instead ?

[@lexivivid8073]

@@SatsusssYes, that’s what she said.

[@quiet_shy]

There's a huge amount of stories from people who regret becoming parents but i never see stories of regret from people childfree by choice. I'm 41 and childfree and every year i feel incredibly happy with my decision not to be a parent. My life is so simple and free and i would not change that, ever.

[@operez2235]

That’s very sad but I’ve had the opposite experience. I know lots of middle aged childless people who regret not having them. But if your on the fence people shouldn’t have them

[@lindsayb7811]

⁠​⁠@@operez2235I’m 40 and wish I had a child, but I never met a man that would have been even half a decent father. So it’s not about having a baby just to have one.

[@jenniferpenderis348]

I’ve met a few people who regretted not having kids despite choosing it. I don’t think it’s about being childless or not that creates regret. It’s just that it’s a huge life changing decision you can’t relate to until you experience it. There’s no REAL way of knowing before it happens. Regret for some people regardless of the choice is inevitable.

[@ThisBraveHeart]

I’ve seen the opposite, there’s an overwhelming amount of people that I know personally who either wish they had more kids, or wish that they had kids. And online it’s worse, I see so many who regret not having children.

[@Satsusss]

The three commenters above are parents who really regret it but are trying to convince themselves they don't.

[@fahferreira]

I’m 25, without kids, but the way you talk about parenthood shows how much you care and the *amazing* job you are doing as a mom! ❤

[@jennifer_moss]

Being a mom is the best thing that's ever happened to me but I'd be lying if I said I've never missed life before kids. It's amazing, overwhelming, exhausting and fantastic all at the same time ❤️🥴🥰

[@gabrielacortez4893]

Did you want kids before you had them?

[@jennifer_moss]

@gabrielacortez4893 Yes, but I also knew I would be one and done as well. That was because I knew I mentally couldn't handle multiple pregnancies, labor and delivery and postpartum period. The decision is based around what you know you can handle.

[@Emzzz78]

But the sixth sense you inherit when you become a mother is absolutely amazing! Eyes in the backs of our heads. We get gifts with the downsides of motherhood.

[@gabrielacortez4893]

@@jennifer_moss thank you for the response ☺️

[@meaghans4591]

Best response ever ❤

[@kompistanya]

Before you decide to have a kid, make sure you are prepared for the possible scenarios: diagnosis, special needs, unexpected expenses, being a single parent, possility of multiple children in one pregnancy etc. I have twins, and discovered I had ADD when they were 1, got burned out before I got proper help. I can honestly say that not only mentally, but PHYSICALLY I don’t think I could have overcome this if I did not have my mom around to help me as much as she does. No matter the amount of love I have for these two angels, my body could not cope, and I thank the universe every day for my support, because honestly I think I would’ve end up in divorce and in a psychiatric facility without it. So just know that unlimited love and dedication is not enough to handle parenthood. In all honesty, my body was not made to handle twins, and you have to consider that. Thankfully everything worked out for us due to all the help we have around us, but far from everyone have that privilege.

[@shadowmatrx]

*sorry, cp was NOT genetic*

[@jasminlove3251]

Same situation, I have add and didn't noticed until my son got diagnosed but already had 3 children and they all got adhd and autism.

[@francinesanchez5402]

I wasn’t diagnosed with adhd untiI was a single mom. I had no clue. Some people would call me a great mom, but I also wasn’t made for this. I’m glad I had them, but I often feel like this is more than I can handle. And it’s “too much.” But there isn’t nothing I can do about it, except keep trying and do the best I can. They keep getting older and seasons will change. But…. Burnout is very very real. I didn’t know j couldn’t do it all, until was in that situation. (And I was a high achiever and worked with kids with special needs). It’s been the 24/7 aspect, as well as constantly having more on my plate than I can do, so constantly being at deficit.

[@fairywingsonroses]

Same. Pregnancy ruined my body to the point where I don't sleep at night due to excruciating pain. Both myself and my child are ASD and ADHD. The diagnosis didn't come as a surprise, but it did put a lot of things into perspective, such as the fact that my kid's autistic tendencies are ALWAYS going to trigger mine, and the fact that I'm just going to be perpetually exhausted forever because I'm never not anxious and overwhelmed with the responsibility of trying to do it all. I couldn't do it without support. We'd be homeless if others hadn't stepped in to help, and I'd probably be on suicide watch. My mental health has never been so bad as it has been as a parent. I love my kid, but holy crap, it's next-level hard.

[@MrsCW953]

I had twins first. Felt like a living nightmare for the first 6 weeks and then exhaustingly difficult for a year. I now have 5 children in total and motherhood has never been as hard as that time period. Even my time as a single parent. Having multiples is HARD!! The transition from carefree woman to a mother is HARD! I would never change it. Life is a beautiful adventure and welcoming unique souls into the world and having the privilege of raising them has been amazing.

[@connyp7979]

Loved this video! A one and done lady here. I saw this post on IG that said, “It’s OK to give your child a happy healthy mommy instead of a sibling. You are not selfish for choosing and prioritizing your mental health, your body, or your relationship with your partner over another baby.” Then it went on to giving examples of what may hinder us from wanting one or another. I felt validated. There’s this pressure of, “When are you having one?” Then it becomes, “When is the other one coming?” 😅

[@faevalentine9187]

Yes! I’m an only child and it was the smartest thing my mom ever did. My quality of life would’ve been extremely poor had she had another child. She was able to have freedom and mental peace because it’s easier to manage just one child. It’s also easy to convince people to babysit one child that knows how to entertain themselves.

[@connyp7979]

@@faevalentine9187 thanks for sharing this! It makes me happy to hear your perspective as an only child. I hope my son sees it the same way one day.

[@priskruger314]

Absolutely. One child is also beautiful ❤

[@clairegarrity8564]

@@connyp7979 I Really Iirrr re r E error see ei4484.r😅

[@Puppylove82-gv3gm]

My little boy is 2 and I'm 41. Lol, I let my family and inlaws know REAL quick not to ask about another one and be glad they got this one because it was a dang miracle. Lol they know not to cross that boundary with me. Also nobody really talks about how much motherhood changes you as a person. Like for me, I notice EVERYTHING anyone dies around me or says and I absolutely don't put up with meddling. Almost like I have a backbone that I never knew I needed. And then theirs the post partum hairloss! When is this shit gonna stop??!!!

[@bellegraves]

I completely understand that for some, having children is the best thing they ever did. I also want people to know, that not having children can also be the best thing you ever did, or didn't do. I know, because that's how I feel. I have made so many mistakes, and I have so many regrets. The one thing I didn't mess up? I never had kids. I am 39, and I only grow more thankful as time goes by. It is okay to feel that way. If you have real reasons to not have them, you more than likely will not regret it. Quite the opposite.

[@FirstnameLastnames]

Tbh, I feel like you need to have *real solid reasons* to have kids more than you do to not have kids. I think not having kids would probably be the best option for most people, potential kids included.

[@Danijean85]

Same. And I'm 39 as well.

[@VampiraVonGhoulscout]

As a childfree person, I imagine parenthood is like Frank Jr from Friends saying, "I haven't slept in FOUR YEARS" and everything is just a constant, overstimulating scream. I really don't have it in me to do it and I respect people who take that on. But for me, with all of my chronic illnesses and an already poor quality of life, I couldn't let another human being down by being unable to care for their needs.

[@clo_beanery]

as a 27 yr old with very little maternal instinct, I feel completely *suffocated*, terrified, skin-crawlingly uncomfortable with even the thought of ever having children. I have phases where this is extremely disappointing, and feel like 'everyone else does it so why can't I?' and turning to the internet has been TORTUROUS because you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. I feel like the woman in the first tiktok... I'm waiting for the flip to switch but the older I get the less interested I become.

[@priscilamorgan7249]

32 and still feeling exactly what you're feeling

[@elainebines6803]

And that's ok to feel that way. Why should you go along with society's norm to please others 🤔

[@omowhanre]

Who you partner with greatly determines how much you’ll enjoy motherhood.

[@miamistrawberry]

Same. Pregnancy has always made me feel physically sick and gives me the creeps. Birth sounds awful. Being stuck with another person for the rest of my life sounds dreadful. But then I think, why do I feel like this? Everyone around me is a mom. Will I be left out? Will I be on my deathbed and regret it?

[@gillybeano]

I feel the exact same. I struggle with feeling alone with this feeling so just know you’re not alone. I think everything about it is terrifying, and I don’t understand how other people don’t feel the same. Sometimes I wish I could just feel like everyone else.

[@Updog89]

Clicked on this immediately because this is the sisterly conversation I’ve been longing to have but my culture and family make it impossible to do so without being judged. Thank you for creating a space to have this conversation in a thoughtful, sensitive and candid way! ❤

[@clo_beanery]

totally understand this... its completely different for those of us who were raised in extreme religious communities such as myself and in cultures who view women's roles/children differently. I was taught that the woman's entire reason for existing was to raise "godly seed". And that's it. So subconsciously I think I will always be inclined to rebel against that.

[@Updog89]

@@clo_beanery Oof I’m so sorry. That sounds like a lifelong journey to disentangle yourself from those beliefs and figure out who you truly are! My own parents are particularly religious but we are Puerto Rican, and all they want is grandkids like all of their friends and family. I’m a 34 year old woman without kids and I’ve been kicking the can down the road to get a PhD, travel, and so on. I’ve fallen in love with the ease and adventure my life as it is, but I also yearn for a child. My husband is also conflicted. His parents are also getting pushy because he is an only child. I finally have my PCOS under control, so I feel like it’s now or never.

[@ChageeyaSarang]

​@@clo_beanery I understand too. Even if I am not against the idea of having a kid, I hate that even talking about the negative feelings that might arise during motherhood was a big no. I love my culture & religion but the people in it sometimes make it hard. It's like they want me to have a perfect mindset without question or choice over how I feel about my situation. I'm sorry if this sounds ranty, but I hope you have a good day.

[@asmrglow]

Since the start of your journey I’ve listened to everything you had to say because in this boat of not knowing at all if I can ever be prepared for something like this and if I want to bring a child into this terrible world we have. Im so so glad you posted this, I value your opinion on this SO much BECAUSE everything is so sugarcoated about parenthood but you say it how you feel and I need you to know that it’s SO important for a lot of women. Thank you 💕

[@asmrglow]

There should be some kind of mom convention every year 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@chaos8068]

It is seriously the hardest job 24/7 365 days a year. I have a typical child and a special needs child both are demanding but I wouldn't change it for the world ❤

[@dayanalizama260]

Yess! I agree ❤

[@carameldare]

Don't let anyone tell you you'll never be ready so you should just do it. You CAN and SHOULD be ready. I was. If you never feel ready, don't do it.

[@CS-mf5un]

​@@carameldarethat's really dumb. Some people will never feel ready and will regret not having children. This happens often.

[@katbland9149]

Thank you SO much Kristi for this video. I am a 32 year old female (with a S.O. of 6 almost 7 years) who ... is on the fence about kids. The first tiktok about the woman who doesn't currently want kids but sees herself with a family, I really relate to that. It is SO incredibly hard hard to explain bc these feelings aren't talked about.

[@cierragayler]

I’m feeling that right now.

[@Keepinitreal55]

Honestly don’t waste your time with a partner who’s “on the fence!”

[@aradonlover]

Same at 34

[@Bby_syd]

@@Keepinitreal55I think she meant she is on the fence about having kids, not her partner.

[@RM-cj8uj]

I completely relate. It's such an incredibly hard choice to make.

[@fixinfkinsandwiches6183]

I really wanted children but I refused to have them until the circumstances were right. I think she has a great point that everyone’s situation is different. No matter how much you adore you child/ren, if you don’t have the finances to raises them well or any help raising them, it’s not going to be a walk in the park.

[@Claire-f]

You are SO correct in regards to children being born with their own temperament. I’m an introverted socially anxious person, and my first born came out with severe adhd and autism and so loud and overstimulating. He really pushed me to change to accommodate to him and I love him so much. Thank you for talking about this information most people who aren’t experiencing parenthood know.

[@foREVerXirish]

yesss so much this. its SO difficult. These kids just help us become better versions of ourselves

[@julienichole7667]

When I got pregnant with my oldest (now 19 years old) my dad told me to start preparing for my heart to be on the outside of my body. That having a child is like watching your heart walking around outside of your body. I have to say that the emotional part of parenting was/is the most difficult for me, especially the "letting go" stage of parenting.

[@jkopf927]

It’s hard to say for each person- I always wanted children and even at 32 and 34 it was HARD. It’s the most rewarding yet exhausting experience. It’s very paradoxical. I’m still struggling with the loss of “me” among other things- but for me, it is worth it and I know I will find myself again, she’s just … different.

[@marypassalacqua2490]

I have really found myself in motherhood, and I feel eternally grateful for it. It’s not easy - I’m overwhelmed half the time, exhausted, and some days feel like a failure. But I can picture what my life would be like without my son, and I don’t feel jealous. Watching him grow and learn and become a person is so fascinating and I’ve never had a job that felt worth it like this.

[@DaniHGirl]

❤

[@emilybemily]

I have chronic pain and I can’t even imagine how difficult it is to care for someone else to that level while simultaneously trying to take care of myself. I know you also suffer with chronic pain & I see you you are a freaking force!! I admire moms so much & I just don’t know if I’d ever be able to do it

[@peachxtaehyung]

Yeah I agree I have chronic pain and am a full time wheelchair user idk what to do I have always wanted to be a mom sooo bad but also idk if I can

[@DoriterEater]

Same, I definitely have a lot of respect for mothers.

[@owlishroamer4041]

Same. But sometimes that can make you more resilient to life not going your way.

[@KateLate____]

Same. It's so scary to decide. You can't go back. Every other life choice, you can change.

[@Kikiconsilience]

I have a chronic illness and a transplant patient. I want kids but hearing all the difficulties healthy parents have I just don’t think I can handle it.

[@melindavictorson7973]

As a 24 year nurse I want to say that you perfectly explained the "pain" scale in the first 2 minutes. It is not "a 10 is your arm being cut off" instead it is "a 10 is your worst pain of YOUR life thus far" I know that's not what you were explaining but it is also that for me. So many people do not grasp this concept. Even doctors and nurses unfortunately.

[@annidee]

Or you could home-birth

[@BrynneC]

@@annideedepending on anyone’s individual pregnancy that may not be an option. Or they may not want one.

[@BrynneC]

I had a low risk pregnancy for both kids and I had ZERO interest or desire for a home birth.

[@annidee]

@@BrynneC Of course. That’s why I said OR you could home birth. 🙏🏻😊Bless anyone who gives birth AT ALL. I’m saying the home births I’ve seen people describe SEEM a LOT less painful, chaotic, traumatic, scary, disconcerting and more calm, peaceful, quick, and trouble-free for mom and baby both.

[@zuzanazuscinova5209]

​@@Handlehandlehandle320that sounds awful.

[@EpicAngelx]

Update: This one ended in miscarriage as well. Thank you for all the kind wishes. After having a miscarriage for a very wanted baby in February, I was questioning if I was ever meant to be a mom. I’m currently pregnant again (6w4d) and I’m excited, scared, and really hoping this is my rainbow baby. I just hope I can be as good as a mom as I can be if I am blessed enough to have this baby stick. This video is really insightful thank you. No matter how much I read/watch about pregnancy and parenthood, I’ll never be prepared lol

[@thebitchwhisperer]

Sending you love

[@stephaniemckeon3391]

Sending you so much love! As a mom of a 14 month old, you’re the best mom for your baby. No one could be the mother to them that you are, and you’re meant to be their momma ❤

[@EpicAngelx]

Thank you all for the kind wishes. Unfortunately it’s not looking good so far😞

[@kerryofthecanyon6198]

I’m sending all the love and positivity to your pregnancy! I have a 6 month old. There are daily challenges, but I have found it can be so rewarding.

[@NYandAZ]

Congratulations. I’m sure you’ve been told over 100x’s to not stress about it, it is so true and important. Your body needs to be stable and for your hormones to be on an even keel while you’re growing this miracle inside of your body. Please try to stay calm. If you need to do daily affirmations to remind yourself to be calm, do them. Maybe a few times a day. My sister struggled for nearly 8 years before she was a mother. It was also the only time that she left everything up to fate because she was practically killing herself with the guilt of losing so many pregnancies. It was so hard to help her because she was her own worst enemy. She nearly lost her marriage over this because she was always so unhappy. She finally found a new hobby that took her mind off of the pregnancy. Her husband stopped being so concerned (obviously he was, but he no longer but that concern onto her lap). She was just herself and happy. Everything she wanted was going to happen one day but she was starting to give up. Don’t give up, but let go of the stress. I can’t repeat that enough. The baby needs to be in a “hospitable womb” - as my sisters dr told her many times. As soon as she was able to let go, eat well and be happy with herself again, the pregnancy went full term and her labor was absolutely beautiful and life changing. She had a plan that she and her husband came up together and they stuck to it almost 75% which is phenomenal because no two births are the same. Relax. Exercise your body and mind. Get plenty of sleep and while you’re taking a bath, rub your belly and talk to your baby. It will soon be able to hear you. Be that soft voice that your baby will recognize after you give birth. It’s a miracle and you’re going to get through this. I’m sorry for the many miscarriages but they weren’t the right soul for you. HE has finally chosen the perfect soul for you after all of your trials and tribulations. Be still, my heart. In your case, that phrase has the truest meaning. Good luck on your journey and I hope that your dreams will be fulfilled with this pregnancy. Calm. Relaxed. Happy. Do things for yourself again that you stopped doing because you were afraid to move the wrong way. There is no wrong way. Hugs and positive vibes to you. ❤

[@britt905]

I’m 28. My husband and I don’t want kids. Becoming an aunt solidified that for me, and I’m glad it did because I always knew watching my older sister become a mother would have an effect on me. There’s just so many things in my life that I want to do and experience that I’m not willing to put aside or wait for. It scares me how much my sister changed from having a kid and I don’t want to lose myself like that. I heard what you said about how hard being a parent in our culture is and I just don’t have the resilience for that. And while I love my niece and other children, I get overwhelmed and overstimulated so easily and I can’t take it for more than a few hours. That’s me. Others may feel differently and that doesn’t make me wrong or them wrong. But it’s not for me.

[@MissYalda]

I feel the same way. I am already so overwhelmed by life, have so much anxiety that i can’t imagine having to care for someone else’s well being 24/7 when i don’t feel safe myself. My little sister got her first kid almost 2 years ago and as much as there are a lot of things i wish i could experience, i am not sure i want to deal with the rest. It is like when you have guests over. You are happy to host but when they leave, you’re so relieved. Well you can’t do that with children. And i like having my choices 😂

[@ciellouise8153]

i feel the same way. i visit my brother and his two kids are so overwhelming to me within a few hours i want to run away

[@hylas516]

Are you me? Lol. I had a verrry rough childhood and my life goal and purpose was to have a nice happy perfect family. Dealing with anxiety, depression, and adhd is difficult when it’s just me and my husband and our pets. I want children but I’m so scared of what it would do to me mentally. I’m terrified of PPD. And I think I’d be a one and done person except being an only child and hating it, I feel like I’d have to have at least two. And one is overwhelming enough. I don’t want to give up sleeping in and traveling and being able to have time to myself. But I also don’t want to make the decision to not have kids and then regret it my whole life. I’m also the last in my family line and I feel like I have to continue it. I am on the fence about this constantly. I hate it.

[@MissYalda]

@@hylas516 i 💯 understand you. I am 40 years old and just got out of a toxic relationship which made me realize that i had so many traumas and abandonment issues hence why i always pick the wrong men due to my childhood and how my parents raised me and are with me. Also financially speaking i am not where i should be. I am trying to be happy and find my purpose while managing my anxiety.

[@britt905]

@@hylas516 If it helps, I’ve come to realize that worrying you may regret not having done something one day isn’t necessarily a reason to do that thing. It’s anxiety, not desire.

[@TexasbyStorm]

The villiage is too self-centered to be there for anyone that has kids. The mentality now is "you are the one that chose to have kids." Sadly we live in a me first world.

[@annabees]

I think this also stems from entitled parents who won't take anyone from the village commenting on there education or anything. Yes it hurts, but if you're not ready to reconsider your education methods, even to confirm the proposed alternative is shity, then you the parent are also self centered ;)

[@SkyeID]

some people think kids are annoying, so parents have no business getting mad if people don't wanna be "the village" for their kid.

[@iknowyouwanttofly]

Some parents are so lost that they did not build a villiage first and then wonder where it is at. Comunity is not free labour. Its more help but less of some type of freedoms and more time spent helping others etc.

[@demelzapenberthy9579]

This is one of the most balanced, kind, compassionate, non-judgmental and informative videos I have seen on this subject. I also loved how all the comments on here seemed non-judgmental of each other whether a parent a not. Such a refreshing change. ❤

[@honeyandmud]

i was a nanny for a decade of my life. i know that i love kids, and also that i absolutely do not want any of my own. but i will so happily be that awesome childfree aunt who’s available to step in for the parents in my village when needed. 💙 thank you for your honesty and candor.

[@user-sg5tr6jt3y]

I feel this so much! ILOVE KIDS but I wanna go home after a day or weekend of being auntie. Being an aunt or babysitter is a blessing but I don’t want it 24/7

[@CozyKode]

Same. Nannying saved my life, because not knowing or seeing what parents go through, or not having had the experience of taking care of children, I’d probably have one by now and be miserable. Instead I’m living my life, traveling, learning languages, working on my creative projects, helping my family whenever I can, sleeping a lot, hanging with friends if I want to… life is good!

[@shannonjones6495]

B

[@velvetplans5396]

I think you must be unique. I have never met a child free woman around my age that also wants to be an occasional babysitter or caregiver. It seems like the only people I know that are willing to take care of children are those that have children themselves and are already overwhelmed with caring for their own. This is true for myself. I have one toddler, one on the way, and I'd be happy to babysit for another mom just to give her a break because I know how much she needs it...

[@goosegirl941]

My son is autistic and he didn’t sleep the first 4 years of his little life, like literally slept maybe 2 hours in a 24 hour period. It was devastating to me and my health. But I love him so much it almost rips my heart out sometimes ❤ it’s beyond anything I can explain, and I think you did a wonderful job of doing so!

[@skkay89]

You're not alone 😢 Ive been up since 3 am and had 3 all nighters last week with my autistic son. I love him, but wow some days my tank is empty before I even wake up.

[@jaime4890]

Oh my goodness, we went through the same thing with our son when he was little. He is autistic, adhd and intellectually delayed. Things were so hard those first few years. He stopped napping by 6 months old, he hardly ever slept and when he did he had night terrors which would make him wake up screaming. When he finally got diagnosed at age 4 he was put on medication to help him sleep but even with meds he still only slept about 4 hours at night. He is now almost 18 😱 and after years of medication adjustments he finally sleeps a full 8-10 hours at night. He was an only child until he was 14.

[@luiysia]

wow i'm autistic and all my baby videos were filmed at like 3 am lol

[@ladye2818]

Was the austim a result of the age you had him at, or something else?@@skkay89

[@zenagoria7926]

My daughter is 2 weeks old… holy shit Kristy this video hit SO GOOD. I’m sick of the parents who make everything look so incredible and easy with parenthood and rarely ANYBODY talks about the realities of parenting. Thank God my husband is supportive and has been incredible with her and myself, but the sleepless nights, our exhaustion getting to both of us, all the stupid opinions that I get from different people, the disrespect of people, including my mom, not listening to us and our rules around our daughter, nobody prepared me for any of that and I’m so thankful people like you can speak voice of reason about this. I’m so thankful, blessed, and incredibly lucky to have her, literally the love I have for her I can’t even put into words my actual heart hurts when I think about it; but holy shit it is so hard to get adjusted to motherhood and everything that comes with it.

[@eatxaxcookiextay]

It took me a very long time to adjust but I promise the newborn phase is the hardest and it doesn't get "easier" per se but don't be discouraged by that fact. It doesn't get easier... But you get so much better at it! And that makes it feel so much better. ❤️ It's okay if something is really hard... People think "hard" and "bad" are synonymous but they totally aren't! In this case, it being hard makes you feel so much more gratified knowing you can do it for your sweet baby who will return your love soon enough!

[@zuzanazuscinova5209]

People talk about it all the time.

[@jessicacruz2974]

My daughter is a month old, and your comment being 2 weeks ago, I believe our daughters are the same age! I, too, have a significant other and he is also a great and supportive dad to our baby girl and he’s great supporting me too as I have also had a hard time adjusting to motherhood. It definitely knocked us on our asses lol I felt like I got whacked with the reality stick the first night home from the hospital. It’s a huge change and although everyone says that, there’s no way to truly know what that means or looks like until you go through it haha I hope your journey eases up and you grow with it as that’s what I hope for myself too haha 🙏🏽💜

[@zenagoria7926]

@@jessicacruz2974 Yes they are, congratulations!! ❤️❤️ It’s a big time reality check but at the same time it’s crazy because I wouldn’t want it any other way 🥹 It’s definitely gotten better with time, I hope it has been smoother for you too!! Happy one month to your baby girl 🥹

[@Bruna-hv5nc]

I feel like people ONLY talk about how hard it is.

[@MyMerryMessyGermanLife]

I am so glad that our generation is being so open about the reality of parenting. I grew up in a very religious home and being a mom was the message I heard from very early on. When I bought my first car at the age of 16, my parents actually recommended I get a 4-door car and not a 2-door because one day I would need to use it for kids. 😮🙈 I was 16!! Yeah, so I didn’t even think I had another choice. I was programmed to have kids. Now I have 4. If I had gone into this knowing the full reality, knowing more of the details, I do think I would’ve been more content. Instead I went into it blind. So I am really happy we are getting rid of this idea that everyone needs to have kids and it’s your duty in life, and that moms are sharing the actual reality. 2,000 years ago humans did need to procreate. Now we have 8 billion people. It’s really and truly okay to not have kids and slow this train down a bit!

[@fairywingsonroses]

Same. I wish I'd been raised in a home where I was better informed about having kids instead of going to church every Sunday and being told I needed them to be happy and complete. I have one child, and every single day is a struggle. I love my kid, but I feel like I'd be a better mother if I'd been more prepared for the reality of how hard and heartbreaking it would be. I'm glad it's becoming more acceptable to be brutally honest about what having kids is like and that it's okay to choose a different path.

[@lexivivid8073]

Facts!!!

[@fuzbcuz7613]

I want to thank you so much for posting this video. I'm childless and I'll be 40 in a few months. I'm in my second marriage so I actually thank God that I didn't have children with my ex, and I've never been "child-minded" but lately, in this new and happier marriage, I've suddenly had a change of heart; not one that is demanding me to seek motherhood at all costs but one that is urging me to decide before it's really too late...and I'm afraid it may already be too late. But this video is exactly what I needed to watch. I prayed to God the other day to guide me on this journey and I believe he brought me to you as a first-stop. Thank you.

[@IntenseFoolishness]

At the very least, it'll never be too late to give a child a second chance at life through adoption if you do ever change your mind! Take all the time you need to figure things out

[@KateLate____]

I'm the same age as you. But don't feel so secure in my relationship

[@meganharpster7057]

As someone that’s always known they didn’t want children, I appreciate the confirmation that this video gave me. It also gave me insights on how I can support my friends/family that have/are having children!

[@rachelkat]

That was me…. Until I got pregnant at 32 years old 😅😅😂😂❤❤❤ and he’s 1 now. but I’m a different person now. Now I want like 3 lol.😂

[@ericaallisonc]

​@@rachelkatin this economy? How do you even afford one, let alone 3. Childcare yearly in my state is 20,000 or more... 😂

[@meganharpster7057]

@@rachelkatI’m glad your happy with your decision! I am equally happy with mine to not have children- it’s not for everyone 😊

[@shannon.a.smithh]

As an almost 30 year old who always thought she was “meant to be a mom” and now am not sure if I will ever be ready to commit to the sacrifices of motherhood (esp when I’m still trying to figure out who I even am on my own lol), I so appreciate your honesty. ❤

[@brittnieparker9606]

Same cept I'm 35 so I feel extreme pressure to choose.

[@beckyshaknovich7554]

I’m 40 and I just had my first child last year. They make it seem like 35 is some kind of cutoff, but it’s not necessarily true. I’m glad I waited as long as I did.

[@brittnieparker9606]

@@InDustWeTrust19 thank you. You also.

[@chelseaanzalone8247]

Almost 31 and can relate completely

[@julie7870]

I'm 25 and feel the same way. I always thought I was meant to be a mom, and it always made me feel so happy to think about it and being able to give my kids a much better childhood than my own. But in the last few years, my thinking has changed to IF I do decide to have a child, I'm definitely only having one. I'll pour everything I have into them and that's it. But truly, the sacrifices I'll have to make feel too great right now. And it feels like I only have 5-10 more years to accomplish everything else I've ever wanted for myself if I ever want to have a child, which seems impossible...I'm just finishing up school now, so I haven't even started yet-and the years already go by so quickly. Also, is it even ethical to bring more children into this world in its current state? 😅

[@NotAMuse]

I’m screaming! So excited for you to post your opinion content! Super proud of you for pushing through your anxiety to film and edit and upload it for us! Thank you Kristi! ❤

[@Lesarahamid]

“Hello village” I felt that! I believe you’ve done an great job at explaining motherhood and for what it’s worth I don’t know you personally but you are an amazing mother and your son is just as lucky to have you❤️ I’m a mother of 2 beautiful little girls and as hard as it may get at times I wouldn’t change it for the world.

[@pjhaze]

I was a teenage mom. You should NEVER do that! There’s no perfect time, but being an adult is helpful! Although my kids are adults and I am in my early 40’s

[@annarold1709]

In the whole America that’s q common thing. ❤admiration for you all 😊enjoy life now

[@eerieiris7382]

⁠@@annarold1709 No it is not!!! In 2021 the average age of someone had their first child was 27 years old. For literally over a hundred years the number of teenagers getting pregnant has steadily decreased and people are waiting longer before having their first child. Being a teen mom is really uncommon because it sucks! (For both mom physically-giving birth before your twenties is super dangerous-and emotionally.) Regardless, I think we as people do the best we can with the cards we’re dealt. Although it isn’t ideal, being a teen mom is not morally wrong just difficult.

[@annarold1709]

@@eerieiris7382 I said the whole America. It includes the WHOLE CONTINENT

[@eerieiris7382]

​@@annarold1709 First off, America isn't a continent, so I don't know why you think this is such a good "gotcha". Personally, I believe this is a petty attempt to strawman my argument and an unwillingness to admit you were wrong. However, because I actually CAN form a coherent argument and am so kind and gracious, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and address your point. If you're talking about North America, (which IS a continent) my statement is true for both Mexico (teen birth rate ~7%) and Canada (teen birth rate ~0.4%). Both countries' teen birthrates have been steadily declining for decades. This trend is also demonstrated in South America if that was the continent you were attempting to refer to. Teen birth rates are higher in South America. Still, they are not "a common thing" sitting around ~7-12% depending on what country you're looking at. Because (shocker!) poverty is one of the main factors contributing to teenage pregnancy, teen pregnancy rates are higher in developing countries. However, they plateau as the country develops and people have access to better education and contraceptives. There is no reason to feed into the scare tactics some engage in regarding teen pregnancy. It is not a common, growing problem but a symptom of societal failings not individual moral ones.

[@FirstnameLastnames]

​@@eerieiris7382North America is a continent, just like South America is. The United States of America is a country, located in the middle of the continent of North America.

[@carahamelie]

I think parenting is the hardest thing you will ever do, and that is what makes it worth it. It's so challenging but so fulfilling, and it's this extreme juxtaposition that i haven't felt in anything else.

[@Merc2007]

38 and never wanted kids. Completely at peace with my decision but I do have to reign in my annoyance when people ask me if I have a hole in my life/heart/soul.

[@kasia3582]

I bet they never ask childless men that 😒

[@teal_panda_8434]

We need people who think like this because I’m tired of reading sad stories about people having kids and the neglect or worse 😢 idk why people are so forceful about their opinion …then if you have too many they have an opinion on that

[@erinroske2470]

Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it SO much that it makes me cry. I wish more moms were this honest. My kids are now 25 and 21 and I think I worry more now than I did when they were little. They go out into the world ON THEIR OWN and now we don’t know where they are. My son doesn’t live here anymore. I’m always wondering if he’s okay. Is he still at home? At work? In a car accident? Being a parent is amazing but it is SO much more than anyone who hasn’t experienced can fathom. You’re a great mom, Kristi. The honestly just adds to that. ❤

[@LuisaFernanda.]

I’m so scared of this 🥺 I always wanted a big family but thinking about this with my two babies makes me think I am done. I don’t think I can handle worrying about more than two people in the future lol

[@angelmaze30]

I have two young boys and I am terrified of when that time comes. 😢 God bless you and your family! ❤

[@jessicamae7251]

I'm so happy you made this video. I'm pregnant with my first and due in the next few weeks. I feel like fear has been my dominant emotion during these last few weeks. So much fear of the unknown, wondering who this little person is going to be, how am I going to be as a mom, etc. So thank you for making this and telling me it's okay to hate it some days. Also, I'm reading the book Hunt Gather Parent and it talks so much about the missing village that western culture experiences and how we're set up for failure because we don't have support. No wonder our birth rate is declining and our mental health is suffering.

[@northwoodfalls1403]

Mother of 6 here. Amen, Kristi. Amen. ❤ As a part of your pixel village, the only thing I can do for you is to offer you my written support. You’re doing an amazing job, both as a mother and as a human. Your honesty and vulnerability all shared with love and a desire to be a light in the world is invaluable. I remember being a first time, young, overwhelmed mother with postpartum depression, anxiety, and a boat load of guilt and fear. I had no idea what I was doing and I had studied developmental psychology and worked extensively with young children and infants. NOTHING prepares you. Nothing. There is just no way to know what’s coming at you. What got me through was hearing the mothers who spoke honestly about motherhood like you do. I did not need sugar coated platitudes or any such nonsense. I needed to hear the TRUTH. It made me feel seen and heard and not crazy. It breaks my heart that our society has seemingly forgotten the necessity of The Village (that bit made me nod my head and lol). I have nothing to add. You have a lot of wisdom and it filled my heart knowing in my bones that this video will be watched multiple times by other mom’s out there who just need to be seen and know they are not alone. You’ll be helping them get through some tough days. ❤❤❤ so, from one woman in the trenches to another, thank you. Even us old hands at this endeavour still need to hear the truth and feel seen and heard 😊 It never ends lol.

[@kaylashorter5911]

Love & appreciate this video so much! I just turned 34, I’m married & my husband & I have NO DESIRE to have kids. We definitely felt pressure the first few years of our marriage- especially because we were together for years before getting married. There was even pressure to have a wedding which I went along with at first but it was making me so unhappy. I quickly put my foot down & the weight that was lifted from my shoulders was unmatched & we just got married at the courthouse. From that moment on I completely let go of the identity of being a people pleaser. Having a child is probably the # 1 thing that I would never allow people/family to pressure me in to because guess what- they might think you’d be great parents/the baby would be so cute/they’d help/etc but at the end of the day - IT ALL ON YOU! Being a parent is a FOREVER thing. There is NO GOING BACK! & growing up in today’s society is something I couldn’t even imagine for my younger self- let alone the birth of my own child. ABSOLUTELY NOT! We have 3 niece’s & 1 nephew from both his older sister’s & that is enough! We have our furbaby(cat) Chloe- who is our entire world & we love our freedom. Your so right! Everyone’s situation/circumstances are different & you’ll never truly be ready but just know- it’s a major life changing decision that you Can’t go back on/return/end/quit -

[@katiedeckereats]

I so appreciate this video. I’ve been deep in the “what should we do” phase. And ultimately it keeps getting delayed because I know I don’t want kids right now and if you don’t want that more than anything all the hard stuff will only be harder. I think that when you grow up in a world where having kids is the default, it takes some time to try on the idea of never having them…to sit with it and get used to it. The more I sit with it, the less shocking and odd it feels. Thanks for your honesty as always 💕

[@zuzanazuscinova5209]

I personally disliked children even since I was one and had to be around them.

[@NathaHarleyGaga]

I’m a mature woman who chose not to have kids or keep the husband that didn’t like to work, another whole story for another time! Kristi, I am so proud of you two (3 with kiddo cuteness on his bicycle) because you didn’t have time to process this at all and you’re helping so many people here by talking about these topics that need to be discussed! We need to normalize the REAL issues that we ALL have whatever that is! We can support each other! I just wanted to say I appreciate you and your channel! 🫂🙏💜❤️

[@blisscara3520]

"There is no bad kid" you nailed it. Love this video. Mom of three here, each one is a new adventure!

[@Ecox51719]

I've been a mom for 14 years now, and have 3 kiddos. 14, 13, and 6. Some days, I have no damn clue what I'm doing, and feel like I've never done this a day in my life. Raising them, and watching them grow, has been the hardest and most fulfilling thing I have ever experienced.

[@omowhanre]

We ask “where is the village?,” but have we ever volunteered to be part of anyone else’s village? Will we offer our support when our kids are grown up? How many times have we babysat for free without hoarding it over others. When I took care of my 9-month old nephew from another state for a month, I got some of the craziest questions. My sister was tired and I’m a stay at mom with 2 school age kids. What’s the big deal? My kids have stayed with my in-laws for 1-5 week stints since they were 18 months. My village is my life-line and it’s an honor to be part of other’s village. Having this support and a husband that’s hands -on and appreciates my work in the home and community. In short, how motherhood is experienced is GREATLY determined by the support or lack there of. We can build the lives we want. We can.

[@LauraAnn1980]

All of this. And I experienced what it's like to have a village and how amazing parenting is when you do have that. I have a beautiful, sassy, smart, outgoing, and sweet 13 month old daughter. She, too was born after years of fertility treatment. She's an IVF baby. Hard does not even begin to describe it. I was a completely different person the second she was born. It's absolutely how nuts I love her and started loving her the second I laid eyes on her. I had a traumatic birth with her. C section at 37 weeks for placenta previa, she was a "difficuly extraction", had respiratory distress and was in NICU for the first day. I nearly bled to death. I lost 2.5 liters of blood. So that was a lot. She had both severe lip and tongue ties so weight gain and rating from a bottle even was really rough. She was hospitalized with RSV at 3 months. So it's been a lot and just hubby and me. I am bone tired by the end of each day. We're lucky we have childcare assistance through my work. We love her daycare and how much they care about her, but she doesn't nap well there so we get a moody, cranky baby at home while they see the silly, happy version of her all day. We went to the beach with my husband's whole family last week. There were 5 adults and a 9 year old beyond us who were obsessed with her and wanted nothing more than to hang out with her. It was glorious. I could get up and go to the bathroom or get snacks for myself. I got to see my girl's happy personality just shine through. That's the way it's supposed to be.

[@annepapillon]

SO true.

[@brittanycuzzo7343]

I’m 19 weeks and oddly my biggest concern is my relationship with my husband. We get along great and I have been communicative about how we need to communicate really well when the baby comes. I see so many great relationships fail because of a child. The stress and season really can wear on people. I love my husband and I just hope that we can get through it.

[@emkay2757]

I love you for saying there’s no ‘bad kid’ and how important it is to be a loving parent. In America they do not always understand how much goes into that. I love you for understanding the importance of gentle parenting, even when it feels like (and it’s probably true lmao) it can take a whole village sometimes 😭 I love you boo I’m really proud of you xxxx

[@amyj3692]

Im 21 and pregnant with my first! I have always wanted children for as long as i can remember. Throughout highschool i talked about how i just wanted to be a mother. I never yearned for a career- sure, I have a job i enjoy and that helps my husband and I pay bills- but the job was never my goal. Never permanent, because in my heart i just want to raise a family. I have hobbies and passions but my desire is to be a mother and knowing that its going to happen soon is so exciting. I dont expect it to be easy but the best things in life never are ❤🤰

[@kristendlloyd]

I have never related to a video more in my life. Thank you for this. I have a 5.5 year old and a 1.5 year old at 39 years old. Both babies were IVF babies and I wanted them so badly. Becoming a mom has truly been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Motherhood is so different than I expected it to be. It’s all I ever wanted and I never imagined it being this way. I love my kids more than anything, but this phase of life is so hard. Hugs to you ❤

[@christinalarocque754]

As a first time mom who is currently in the THICK of postpartum and life with a 3 month old, thank you. I’ve always known I wanted this but truly nothing prepares you for YOUR experience. What you said about temperament really stuck with me as that was something I really struggled with in the beginning (and still do sometimes). Learning to give myself and my daughter grace as we figure out each other and this new way of life. I needed this. ❤️

[@victoriakeller3697]

Thank you so much Kristi. I’ve been really struggling with the concept of ever having children and honestly, I don’t think it’s for me. I grew up being told that’s what you’re supposed to do, but as I get older I don’t think it would be good for me. I’ve learned so much from your experience too, just knowing how hard it really is for those of us with mental health struggles like anxiety and depression. Thank you for your transparency, and you’re such a great mom!

[@sapphireemerald6109]

I struggled with anxiety and depression before I got pregnant, and I was very worried that I might get ppd. So thankful that I didn't got it and felt very calm during the newborn phase, but now I think my anxiety has gotten worse 😅

[@AnieJoanna]

I feel the same exact way. I'm 33 and still questioning if I do want kids. I also wonder if I feel that way because I was always told that's what women want and do?

[@AbeStarnite]

Hey this might be an interesting perspective as a child raised by a mother who did not want children and had them because everyone around her at the time was telling her to have them (I've been told this) So i will tell you growing up how i feel. I felt absolutely unlovable and thinking that just "keeping me alive" aka being under a roof and given food was love, it's not. You NEED to connect and support, be their for your child, build up, and actually SHOW them how to be a good respect person, you know, RAISE a child. Its a mini person, human being. Being 23 and in therapy i uad to realize that i did not have that and have had to raise myself. I've had to grow up thinking HATE was the feeling of love. Aka, love out of obligation, not desire. Ive had to rewire my brain to learn what something healthy ACTUALLY is. Please if you are not able to GIVE actual love, DO NOT have kids.

[@tiffanyhahn838]

This is the most accurate portrayal of motherhood. The amount of love I feel for my daughter is overwhelming and damn motherhood is hard.

[@fayequeen9907]

I wish you would start a mommn’ ain’t easy podcast, I have four children and the things you say just lift me up more than anything, because you can put everything that I’ve felt from the moment I’ve became a mother into words. They said you’ll worry less with your next child… welp that never happened now a days my stress/anxiety/ mom guilt is so much worse. It feels validating when you talk about the good and the bad. Thank you Kristi ❤❤❤❤❤

[@feralcapricorn5938]

Needed this. I’m 33 weeks pregnant with my second. Found out I was pregnant 8 months postpartum and it was a total shock. So much of who I am feels so far away sometimes. I’m excited and terrified all the time.

[@cristalleslie6311]

I so understand what you are going through. I found out I was pregnant with my second when my first was 7 months. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed don’t let anyone tell you your feeling are not valid. Wishing you all the best ❤

[@LuisaFernanda.]

I feel the same way I have a four month old and another about to be two and it is so hard some days. I don’t recognize who I am sometimes but then I see them together and everything is beyond worth it for those moments

[@sapphireemerald6109]

Sending fellow moms here love and hugs ❤

[@informationtechnologies2234]

Good on you Mama! Yep...gave birth twice in the same year too! It was super hard in the beginning but they were able to help eachother and connect in a way that kids not born that close together can't. I wish you all the very best.

[@jessicaripko]

I found out I was pregnant when my daughter was 9 months old. my kids are 18 months apart and it was a major slap in the face. My daughter (first born) was so easy. Made us want another one so soon 😂 big fat reality check. My son (second born) is the polar opposite. Really gave us a run for our money. They are 3.5 and 2 years old now. They are best friends and play so well together. I’m not going to lie that first year was a lot. Figuring out a balance between both kids. Getting them on similar schedules. Trying to show them both the same amount of love. Giving them both one on one time. It definitely gets easier once the little one gets older. Now I want to give my daughter one on one time and she wants her little brother to come. ❤ the biggest advice I can give to anyone having kids close together is try to get them on the same schedules. Also spend as much time with the older one as you can when the younger one is sleeping. That way when the younger one is awake you can tend to them without feeling guilty about the older one.

[@MuboProjects]

My mom always says "You shouldn't want to have children, you should want to become a parent"

[@sofialove2626]

This video came at the perfect time. My son was born July 10th, one week ago. The love I feel for this person is beyond comprehension. It’s an overwhelming all-consuming love that allows me to survive all the sleepless nights, bloodcurdling screams, latching issues, and baby blues. My life has been flipped on its head and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. It feels as if my heart is outside my body, living within my child and that’s simultaneously terrifying and so beautiful.

[@LLLadySSS]

That’s beautiful 😊

[@user-su7st1xw5f]

I’ve never related or agreed with something more. Our stories are very similar. I dealt with infertility for 12 years and now have our miracle baby boy. The love is CRUSHING! But it’s so hard! I wouldn’t give it up! I love being a mom. I hate working while he is with someone else. Thank you for this video! I will share it with everyone!

[@amydearing9866]

43 & never wanted children. Still don’t want them. Waiting for the menopause.

[@SkyeID]

47, no kids, currently going through menopause

[@shannonz3018]

I feel this on so many levels! I too suffered from infertility and it took me years of trying, before finally getting pregnant with my one and only daughter. I love her with every fiber of my being, and I can't imagine my life without her. But it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. I don't have a village to rely on. I suffer from crippling anxiety and come from a family of " oh just quit worrying so much" kind of people. But to see the beautiful and vibrant young lady that she's grown up to be has been worth every panic attack and sleepless night.

[@zy3qs]

I’m a 38yr old mom of a 19yr old and a 4yr old. I literally lived in two different worlds of parenting 👽 lol please keep doing these videos!! I still do my makeup to them even if you’re not 😂

[@shannonhollaway24]

Every single bit of this! As a Mom of 4. A 9 year old, almost 3 year old, and 8 week old twins. It 100% is hard. It's chaotic, stressful, emotional, tiring, but its also beautiful, joyful, sweet, amazing, and so rewarding! I have a huge support system, so grateful for my village but it's still hard. I love being a Mom and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But man some days are sooo hard and overstimulating, I wish more people wouldn't be so judgemental about talking about the struggles.

[@itchysheets1222]

“Crushing in the best way” is so on point. It kills me how much love I feel. The one girls comment about feeling invisible or forgotten….that has so much to do with your partner and whether they are a good partner… or not. I always tell my babies “I’m so happy I get to be *your* mommy!” And “thanks for being my baby!” Probly every day

[@angel_existential]

2 things I'll never doubt about you is your ability to apply makeup beautifully, and that you unconditionally love your child. Its so important to have these realistic conversations. I appreciate you. 🙏

[@veronikaandreeva5959]

I have 2 children. I realized how society sucks. We are not supposed to have children in society we live in. Kids need to be raised in the community. Children should not rely on parents to play with them and watch them constantly. Kids should be raised with other kids. Like we did back in the day. Kids went outside and played all day and came back home only to eat and sleep. But now days we have to worry where our kids are because of predators and back on the day it was not even a thing. Being a parent back in the day was way easier than it is now.

[@jelatinosa]

It did exist "back in the day" predators and dangers have always existed. The difference is that people were less aware and had other priorities than we do now.

[@celebritytarotreading3545]

​@@jelatinosa I agree.

[@lexivivid8073]

This is so true!!

[@theesweetie23ca91]

When I was 7 months pregnant I had my one and only breakdown in my OB’s office and I spewed at her how overwhelmed I was with getting everything ready (maternity leave, home, relationship, crib, etc) and I cried so hard. I told her how I don’t have a relationship with my family and my husband is an only child. I had no clue what I needed or what was being sold to me as absolute necessities. She looked at me and said “of course you’re overwhelmed, you’re not meant to do this alone. You’re meant to have 12 women around you who have all done this time and time again, comforting you and guiding you. When you get home you should have a mother or sister or friend to help with everything and in America we don’t. We don’t have villages and that really fucking sucks.” As someone without a village who works from home full time with a 14 month old who still contact naps, bed shares, and prefers me over her father - IT IS SO FUCKING HARD AND I AM EXHAUSTED. Also, I CANT WAIT TO DO IT AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE HER SO MUCH I COULD BURST JUST THINKING ABOUT HER.

[@KateLate____]

What are you doing to fix it?

[@theesweetie23ca91]

@@KateLate____ what are you referring to?

[@KateLate____]

​@@theesweetie23ca91 how are you creating the village you want and need? There must be other parents in the same situsiton as you who you can connect to. Or people without kids who'd like to help you a bit.

[@theesweetie23ca91]

@@KateLate____girl, I am busy lol. Please.

[@KateLate____]

I thought you were busy because you have to do everything on your own?

[@kysacheshire3926]

I am 27 years old and i feel like no one has ever taken me seriously when i have said my whole life i dont want kids. I knew i didnt want kids since *I WAS A KID*. I knew i didnt want a kid when i was under the age of 10. Ive always known. And all day every day i had to justify my own reasons on why i dont want kids. I have stage 3 endometriosis, i have chronic pain, i want to sleep, i dont like kids, i only want animals, i want to travel, i dont make enough money. i dont want to quit doing what i want when i want and how i want. Im already depressed, i dont need to add on postpartum depression on top of that. There are SO MANY MORE REASONS. I have been told i would never be whole without a child. Not true- im a whole person right now, i dont need a child to prove that to myself, let alone anyone else. Ive been told i wouldnt regret it- but i would rather not get pregnant to find out. There are PLENTY of parents who dread being parents, and who REGRET PARENTHOOD. People have told me my family is not complete without children. Thats not true, my husband and me are enough for me and each other. Being almost 30, people still tell me “youll change your mind”…..i havent for my whole life. Nothing is going to happen in my life that changes my mind so drastically.

[@bribee037]

Thank you for this video Kristi! I’m 16 almost 17 weeks pregnant. Our daughter is very very much wanted but I would be lying if I said it wasn’t the hardest decision in the world to decide I actually wanted a child. I’m excited/nervous/terrified for the future but I’m glad there’s people like you that exist that put everything into perspective. ❤ thank you 🙏🏼

[@chelseab3032]

This video was glorious. Thank you for your honesty and humor. Crying tears of joy while watching my wild 18 month old sleep on the baby monitor. What a crazy journey this is. ✌🏻️

[@cam190]

I’m so glad there is someone speaking so honestly about this. It’s rare to see. I spent my 20s longing for when I could be a Mum. I would watch endless dreamy family vlogs and pregnancy bump dates etc. looking forward to that time. I honestly never acknowledged how hard it was really going to be because no one talked about it. Now I’m a mum (a year in), and my god, I feel so much less cut out for this than I ever thought. I think it’s important to acknowledge the truth. It’s not nearly as enjoyable as i thought it would be. And that’s the facts. I’m the same as you though. I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything. I would never go back. I often miss the old me and my old life though. It’s a real grieving process.

[@zuzanazuscinova5209]

How did you not know it would be difficult? I saw my own parents struggle.

[@Ravenboppityzoppity]

Being the oldest daughter from a poor family with 7 kids was enough motherhood for me. Im spending the rest of my life pursuing my passions and building up communities worth leaving to my future neices and nephews

[@trtlduv07]

Thanks for this video. My partner and I are both 32 and absolutely certain we don’t want kids. There are sooooo many reasons we don’t want kids. We genuinely feel we’d be miserable being parents, we feel it would negatively impact our relationship (that’s extremely common), we’re afraid our OCD, depression and anxiety would get passed down (also very common), I worry my OCD and depression would get way worse, the financial drain, the emotional drain, fears about our world: environmental, political, etc. That’s why the “that’s selfish” argument infuriates me.There can be so many valid reasons to not have kids. It’s so important for people to truly think about if children are right for them or not and honestly no one talks about it but tons of people have anonymously come out to share that they genuinely regret having children and are severely unhappy. I feel that If people don’t want them with every bone In their body, they shouldn’t have them. I understand everyone’s afraid of population decline but does that mean that people should force themselves into society’s mold and make themselves potentially unhappy, fuck no. But again If someone truly wants kids, 1000% go for it, but just be certain it’s YOUR decision, not society’s.

[@elvegu]

As a person who has made a conscious decision not to have kids, I really appreciate your take on this. I believe a lot of people concidering having kids forget to take some of these things into account. I love kids and for that reason I know that it isn't something for me. Because if you do decide to have them, they deserve an engaged parent.

[@megandowdle88]

Listening to Kristi speak so freely about being a Mama after following her through her years of infertility, so beautiful & so inspiring Appreciate the honesty & appreciate the perspective!!! ❤

[@jackieangel689]

This video got me 🥹The thought of being someone’s mom makes me so emotional. What a beautiful thing. And then seeing my husband be a dad literally brings tears to my eyes. Gosh I hope this can be our reality. If getting pregnant is a struggle for you, know you aren’t alone.

[@delightfullife9489]

I have a 4 month old and this is spot on. Motherhood is so so hard. I love every point you discussed here. People should know the reality rather than romanticizing the experience so that we can make an informed decision. I love being a mom and hope to have more but I am doing so with the understanding of how hard it is especially while they are small.

[@jenniferhamlet4838]

51, no kids and no regrets. Wasn’t for me and I was ok with that…

[@megandanielson3981]

That analogy about the party and the vacation and the job is SPOT ON

[@Em-ve2ox]

Yes preach. People are very weird when talking about the realities of parenthood , it's almost like it's only acceptable to talk about the dreamy parts when someone asks you about it . When you do say something honest it's taken like a dig against your child OR that you don't like being a mother at all. It's a challenge and I think making an honest video like this will be helpful for a lot of people to really get an idea of what it's like

[@lorenaemerson4825]

Such an interesting video! I have three adult daughters who were all so different as children, and still are as adults. I do want to say it gets so much easier as they become adults, and frankly, I love hanging out with them. And, ever since my youngest graduated high school last year, life has been so different for me. I am always there to help and comfort them. And I will always worry about them, but they need to make their own decisions and choices in life. I definitely am not the same person I was before I became a mother, but I'm getting back to me. And it's wonderful!

[@aliaturner8101]

This is the stage I’m most excited for. Having adult kids and seeing them be who they were meant to be, and getting to know them as equals but still being there for support and advice if they need it.

[@Mariiebastien17]

I call it : beautiful chaos. Sometimes I miss my old life but I wouldn’t go back, because that means my daughter wouldn’t be here, all the kisses, hugs, laugh, cry wouldn’t exist. I’m trying to embrace the challenges of being a parent, I’m learning and working on myself, to be the mother and wife I want to be ♥️

[@robynmcquillan4320]

Thank you so much for saying what so many mamas are feeling! My boys are 18 & 10 and they have brought me joy I couldn't have imagined. Ive also experienced loneliness and fear beyond measure. We should NEVER have to preface our feelings with stating how much we love our children! All our journeys are different & valid❤

[@corinesievert7032]

🙌 Preach! This was a great video! You made so many points that made me scream “yes!” at the television! I honestly think that the upcoming generation is going to have the hardest time yet becoming parents. Social media has created a situation in which nobody has a realistic idea of how anything is supposed to be. The thing about parenting is that it isn’t about you…. I think society builds women up for a crazy culture shock once she becomes a mom. Birth plans don’t make sense to me… I don’t understand why we put into expectant mothers heads that they are going to get to decide exactly how everything happens. There should be birth contracts instead… where you get to express your hard no’s and everyone tries their best to abide by that, but that’s it because the second you deliver that baby, you are bo longer in control of how things happen. We, as a society, need to help the upcoming generation work on expectations …