Siblings Won't Help With Mother (Or Dad)? Elder Mediation - The Road Map to Solving Family Conflicts

[@caseyhudson4633]

Great advice to get a mediator. I have co-workers dealing with these issues of siblings not helping right now.

[@SeniorSafetyAdvice]

I know of some people who also are dealing with this (or are watching a sibling drain their parent's resources). It's such a sad and frustrating situation. Thanks for watching. :)

[@bdwdreamweaver]

this is so common and thanks for sharing a way out of this. full watch and like 7

[@SeniorSafetyAdvice]

Unfortunately you are right. Thanks for watching!

[@FloorEncer]

One mother can take care of 8 children, but 8 children are not taking care of 1 mother. The one mother delegated. My father thought his older sister was his mother. With 7 siblings, the naive sibling who thought there would be rotation among the siblings finds out...it is never a good time for the other siblings. The kids are coming out of school, going back to school, I started a new job, I want to go back to school to advance my career, my spouse took ill and I am nursing them, etc. No one steps up to take the 'hot potato' of the mother.

[@SeniorSafetyAdvice]

I'm so sorry you're in this position, especially with 7 other siblings. It's so easy to turn away and let someone else pick up the responsibility. Family mediation could help take some of the burden off you if you haven't gotten results from a family meeting Good luck!

[@FloorEncer]

@@SeniorSafetyAdvice That was not my personal experience. I am an only child. My mother died first, cerebral vascular accident, she didn't reach 76. My father died of Lewy Body dementia at 83. Even though he was the runt of a fraternal twin pregnancy, he buried/outlived all 7.5 of his siblings. His father had a daughter with another woman. I know all about the greeting cards section with bitter understanding. Happy whatever to my father and his wife. The ladyfriend never became wife but the Health Care proxy done at the hospital, nullified, superseded prior legal arrangements my father had made. His medical care decisions fell to her. I have a kidney transplant, and I am disabled so Mass Health[Massachusetts Medicaid] did not do the 5 year lookback, so I got the house free and clear. Power of Atty ends with the death of the issuer. A legal surprise to me. Massachusetts has small estate probate. He had already totaled the car, so it was about banking. I was handling the pre payment to the nursing home. But when the account holder dies the access to the account is frozen. The last annuity payment goes back to the Office of Personnel Management. Get a TIN from IRS for the estate acct now that the SSN can no longer be used. The state erroneously came after me for the $170K they had paid toward his nursing home care. By the CSR reading the upside down previously unreviewed fax of the probate papers that I had already submitted as required by Certified USPS mail, that was resolved, so they withdrew the lien. $335/day @Golden Living. He called it Tarnished Living. A very unpleasant process that the illiterate and innumerate would have more of a struggle with. Even the Funeral Home botched his flat marker of his grave for 2 in the Veterans section of Mt. Hope Cemetery. We joke that there is no hope, but Mt. Hope. My mother went in in 2001, and getting a retail flat marker for her was no walk in the park. She is not a veteran, she is the spouse of a veteran. I had to get one of those $10 cashier's check that is free with some BoA accts to pay for a concrete foundation $250. There is a 'sidewalk' that runs between the heads of the adjoining graves that can hold only one marker per grave. Those that don't have a concrete foundation will sink in the grass and go subterranean. That can be seen at some of the graves. So now her marker will stay level with my father's marker. I have the thank you for your family member's sevice to the USA from POTUS Obama. Presidential Memorial Certificate. A man played the brass instrument grave side. A woman presented me the folded US flag. Hey, some people get a boom box played at the burial. I am no stranger to the mess people leave their personal affairs in, especially during COVID. My father still had my mother as beneficiary on his life insurance. I had the key but wasn't listed as the tenant on his safety deposit box. A whole lot of legal wrangling, and inventing the wheel from scratch, repeatedly to do the simplest things. His atty was using expired seals, which those nitpickers at the bank detected. DR MLK, Jr. died intestate. Prince, the control freak, did so too. They had legal representation all around them. I am going to have to execute a will. I have surviving cousins, but I do not have heirs that I love, or that love me. I would rather burn the money than let my college have it. My prep school is sliding in my eyes. I don't even think I will be making an anatomical gift. Thank you for your vid.

[@FloorEncer]

The funeral home director did not contact veteran affairs of the veteran's death and burial in the Veterans section. [e-mail] submitted to the funeral director for a grave marker application... The funeral director's ommission. The funeral director did not dot all the 'I's nor cross all the 'T's. I did not grant her FB friend request. $5K for direct to burial funeral. No viewing. No embalming.[My mother would have opted for that.] Buried in his Johnny from the hospital. Grave clothes placed on top of the body. I had his leg monitor removed. It stopped flashing in the hallway years ago. He had filled up with stool. Totally went off the rails labwise. Died in ICU on ventilator under propofol aka Diprivan[Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers]. LBD had taken away his mind. He coded, they had resuscitated him, but he was not stable...conditions of life were fast going away, they couldn't operate to remove the stool... So Maundy Thursday night, Good Friday morning I consented to DNR and they contacted the lady friend. She assented. He died. I do not see him as passing, transitioning, etc. She did not attend the burial as she had already communicated. I've lived in the same building since 1st grade. I've been the tenant on the 2nd floor since 1983. I had the locks changed on the first floor. I have yet to move downstairs. I can do without the rent and headaches from a tenant. Abraham Lincoln has apologized for not having the time to write a shorter letter.

[@SeniorSafetyAdvice]

It is definitely a mess if someone dies intestate. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this - how frustrating for you! We all think we have plenty of time left, but the truth is we could pass away at any time - a will is something everyone should have. The VA doesn't make it easy to get markers, etc either. My father was a WWII vet and I had to jump through some hoops, as well.