Am I The A**hole? 4 - SimplyPodLogical #67

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On this episode of SimplyPodLogical, Cristine and Ben look at posts on the popular subreddit r/amitheasshole and discuss bathroom etiquette, selfish husbands, nude drawings, selling sandwiches, and letting your kids use their cell phones.
0:00 - Hey what’s up holo everyone
1:30 - Ben found a lost cat (are we the assholes?)
6:30 - Am I the asshole for not letting my girlfriend use “my” bathroom?
12:34 - Am I the asshole for not letting my wife like other guys posts on social media?
18:47 - Am I the asshole for making my wife choose between me and her best friend's wedding?
24:30 - Am I the asshole for not paying for my girlfriend to come on vacation?
29:52 - Am I the asshole for demanding my friend take down a nude drawing of my son?
36:02 - Am I the asshole for taking my kids (and their friends) phones?
48:11 - Am I the asshole for not making my husband lunch anymore because he was selling it to co-workers?
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[@RoarinRachel]

I would *NEVER* let my daughter sleep over at someone's house who wouldn't let them keep their phone. Wtf. What if they're a predator?? My kid is not having their phone taken away. CREEPY.

[@cuddlingteddybears]

I agree. That would be the kids own parents choice not some other parents choice , take your own kids phone away as much as you want but not some other kid .

[@CheshieD]

Agreed, it’s insanely invasive and just not ok to enforce on other people’s children. Also the rule for the actual children are still messed up. You shouldn’t do that to your child especially when all you’re setting them up for is culture shock.

[@RoarinRachel]

@@CheshieD completely agree! It's like some parents who don't give their kids any sugar. The first time they have it.... 😳

[@blueberrybop]

What if there's a fire in the parents' bedroom where everyone's phones are stashed? No one would be able to call the fire department, the parents would burn and die, and the kids/teens would have no way of calling anyone for help as they see their parents and the house burn to the ground. Worst case scenario, I know, but why risk it?!

[@CheshieD]

@@blueberrybop I mean run to the neighbors house obviously but I get what you’re tryna say

[@Sidereus371]

I dont think I can handle being told 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' by a Ben with this mustache.

[@ahhh4117]

None of us had prominent dad figures fr

[@suzyeide2320]

My dad looked exactly like Ben when he was his age 😅 so this one hit hard

[@poppyseed5270]

That story about the Japan vacation got my blood boiling... You're living at your gf's condo for free but you can't pay for a vacation that you can very much afford? Wtf

[@juliareut7635]

I feel like more people should talk about that. It’s not only that, it’s the way he talked about her.

[@cuddlingteddybears]

And she works a full time and a part time job to pay for it , he mentioned how he could easily pay for it and lived with his parents for a while rent free and STILL seems to NOT be paying for things for the condo. The least he could've done is paid for her vacation once since he can and isn't paying for other stuff supposedly. If he was helping pay for the condo and things then I would see a small argument for him but yeah since he isn't paying nope he's definitely in the wrong

[@poppyseed5270]

@@juliareut7635 fr, it's kinda scary how cold he was in the way he talked about her

[@KreeZafi]

That was super weird, honestly sounds like he just didn't want her there. I can only speak for myself but I would 100% pay for my partner to come with me if I could afford it - even if I didn't have a lot of excess money like this dude apparently has! Having my partner with me would be a part of the experience, it would be so weird to leave them behind, wtf

[@osdao212]

right! i feel like even without these living circumstances i would want my SO to come travel with me on vacation, regardless of whether im living at the condo for free or not. kinda makes him seem like a cold and uncaring person.

[@Jess-xl1sv]

As a parent, I would be RIPSHIT if another parent tried to take my child's phone. It's an expensive thing that does not belong to them, not to mention it holds a LOT of private information, and my kid's friend's parents do not need or have any right to that information. Not to mention that I expect my child to have their phone and respond to my messages at reasonable hours. If my child is in a situation where they are uncomfortable, they know they have a code word to text me and I will come get them no matter what. My child has a cell phone for that VERY reason. The audacity of another parent for trying to take my child's safety away.

[@Ifailedeverything]

Absolutely. My kid has her phone to be able to reach me at any time especially at the house of people we don’t know. I get the mom doesn’t want her kids online at all hours but it’s a sleepover. Lighten up, Karen. If she really has a that much of a hard on about the kids not being online fine, turn off the WiFi but leave your daughter’s guest her property. It’s inappropriate to confiscate her phone.

[@clairer342]

Love this. I am not a parent, so I dońt have that perspective, but when I got my first phone, I felt so much relief. Now in college, I will not leave my place without it or if it is dead. These parents seem psychotic not allowing their older teens to use internet without them. Your child is a separate person and should be taught and not controlled.

[@OTrizy]

@@clairer342 it was weird that the dad was kind of ok with it maybe he didnt think too much about it other than being skeptic but agreeing anyways.

[@jessicacodd5479]

I expected it to be no phones at the dinner table not this. I would not be happy.

[@clairer342]

@@OTrizy In general, men seem to be less afraid of strangers than women, so he might not have even thought something could happen. But blind faith in humanity is not the most protective parenting quality 😬

[@miaz4766]

As an art student, who is in life drawing classes all the time, NOTHING about being a nude model is rebellious/awkward IMO… the model walks in, poses, gets dressed, and leaves. The environment is always super respectful.

[@Hivdghn]

I've taken art classes too and I definitely agree, even the times we've had stereotypically attractive models it's more awkward than anything and there's nothing but respect towards the models

[@lyavain2764]

Exactly... she sounds super annoying. I get so tired of people acting like it's something gross or "sinful" (I've had family describe it as such). People need to get over it.

[@lauren7376]

She finds long hair and trendy clothes rebellious, OF COURSE she find modeling for an art class in the nude appalling.

[@blueberrybop]

It's just art and human anatomy. There's no sexual context, nothing "sinful" going on... As Ben said: there's many classical and famous works of art with nude people. A body is just a body. They were all adults. Chill

[@Lyysabeth]

In highschool (I was in year 12 but the year 11 art students joined us) my art teacher had life drawing models come in (we had a different model each week). We were definitely very awkward about it the first time hahaha the model was great though and he posed in ways that were a little less "confronting". But by the last session it was basically like nothing.

[@happyellf]

God preserve us, the stache is back.

[@woin9361]

I love it!

[@savagemittens9749]

Same

[@jamiek4421]

“The stache” omg🤣

[@recoil53]

There is no God, only the stache. Stare into the void.

[@Sessa.]

Yessss!! Love it ❤️

[@rowing-away]

If any adult regardless of gender required me to hand over my phone when I was 17, I would be immediately creeped out & never stay over. I love that friend’s mom for telling her it was invasive & creepy to her face because she needed to hear it. I would’ve said much more. Have fun never hearing from your kids after they move out

[@clairer342]

I am equal opportunity anxious skeptic, so I do not care who tells me to hand over my phone because it is NOT happening 🙃 I am super glad the cool mom told her, and you’re a hundred percent right that the creep mom will not have children once they move out

[@vykepp5709]

I had to hand my phone over at bed time for weekdays as a early teen. but if a friend stayed with us on a weekday my dad allowed it and he's very protective and he had no problem if my friend was there with me having it overnight and he never once enforced rules like that upon my friends. Just basic stuff that would be against the law in general or for our age. I think it's gross for a parent to force that upon their child's friends and the rule for a 17 year old not having their phone in their room like wtf that's wrong.

[@tirsden]

At 17 I had a Pocket Game Boy hidden in my closet, because we weren't allowed to own video game consoles and were limited to playing computer games to one hour per day... and of course, if we did any tiny thing wrong, we were grounded off the computer. There was no point in grounding us as per the normal definition, because we pretty much didn't go out. This is just one aspect of the endless nightmare of being born to two people who should never have contact with other human beings, and who managed to get knocked up. It took me over 30 years to finally go No Contact, and now they're living their bitter, useless lives elsewhere while I scrape together what's left of my physical and mental health and attempt to enjoy what's left of my time on this crazy planet.

[@VintageInkBlot]

The parents not seeing why the friend would want their phone in a strange home is super scary. My mom taught me to always be skeptical of adults I didn't know well, especially in sleepover situations. I feel so bad for that poor girl visiting her friend. The fact that they were telling her that all her communication had to go through them during evening hours is so uncomfortable- it sounds like the beginning of a horror movie tbh. I hope she didn't stay the night and her mom got her home safely.

[@clairer342]

Those children at that house need checked on. Those parents are scary as fuck

[@ghosty8193]

I remember when I was 17 and I went to a sleepover at my friend's house. Her parents were insanely strict. She was only allowed to watch kids channels at 17 and had a 1 hour limit on her phone. Of course, I knew her mother hated me because she knew I stood my ground when it came to my personal belongings. One night, her mum brings her boyfriend around and as a weird act of powerplay, she tries to get me to give her my phone. I said no. She asked why. I straight up said that I don't trust her partner. She got really mad but my friend convinced her to relax. Later that night, I went downstairs to get a drink and found her partner lying on the sofa passed out, nose bleeding and I genuinely thought they were dead. I went over to check for a pulse and they grabbed my arm and pushed me into the wall. It resulted in them chasing me around the house. I was able to lock myself in the bathroom and call the police and my mum. If I didn't have my phone, I would have been battered. I'm not saying this is a common occurrence, but OP sounded super shady with his rules.

[@halloweenallyearround4889]

@@ghosty8193 Wow, I'm so sorry about what that man did. I'm so glad you were able to escape, hide and call your mum. I hope *your friend is safe too.

[@tirsden]

@@halloweenallyearround4889 - Could have been a woman. "They." Would make the whole story even weirder, but life is weird.

[@that.ll_do_pig]

@@tirsden they specified "mom's boyfriend" 😉

[@sophiapennycooke8981]

ben is giving “dad from Inside Out” vibes and i’m not mad about it

[@salty_moss]

As long as he doesnt buy us broccoli pizza

[@noodle3851]

But he do be really judgemental

[@jamiek4421]

His das shirt is certainly adding to this energy 👌

[@avanoelle2108]

Minus the moody teenager Edit: wait never mind he has Zyler

[@sarjean]

@@salty_moss broccoli pizza could be so good!

[@ArborParva]

So I'm almost the same age as Cris and Ben, but with this mustache I can't help but see him as a fatherly figure

[@DS-uh6ss]

I'm older than them, and same.

[@blueberrybop]

I'm almost as old as them too, but all I see is 70s porno guy 😂

[@johndododoe1411]

I clearly recognize it is a young tiny beard.

[@mysteriouspsyche]

@@blueberrybop omg that’s exactly what I think! 70s porno cop mustache!

[@nibbynibz]

The polo didn't help

[@unicornmuffin1]

The phone thing really gets to me. Children and teenagers are still people worthy of respect, privacy, and boundaries.

[@Stettafire]

At 17 in my country a person can live on their own, have a job, I wouldn't dream of taking their ability to contact freinds/family away any more then I would a fully grown adult.

[@clairer342]

I love this. Children are not possessions. They are to be respected and taught, not belittled and controlled.

[@katrinascarlet5637]

@@clairer342 lol I got a family GPS tracker on my phone when I was that age and my mom would absolutely LOSE IT if someone demanded my phone. “I don’t care where you go I just need to know where to start looking if you disappear again.” I was almost stabbed by a home invader as an infant and accidentally kidnapped as a toddler so I’m honestly surprised a phone with GPS let me have the freedom she gave me.

[@rachaelrecovering3065]

my mom took my phone off me for the first five years i had a phone. i eventually (after begging relentlessly) got overnight privileges. i used to hide it in my bra and stuff (typical teen girl assuming that they wouldnt go near). they did. multiple times both parents did this. destroyed our relationship and i still get angry thinking about it to be honest

[@sashimi2759]

Why is no one talking about how “menchie” is the appropriate response to a sneeze?

[@alona270]

Overly protective parents don’t realize they’re missing out on their kids personality...and it’s not always good haha

[@recoil53]

Also how is the kid going to deal with the world when they have to make decisions?

[@LilithZephirus]

Kids from over protective parents grow to be EXCELENT liars. I should know, I lied through my teeth, and can still do it very convincingly 🙃

[@windrawr2]

@@LilithZephirus I am too. I can be incredibly manipulating and I'm not proud of it. Having over restrictive parents often back fires. I lied about everything because I was too afraid to tell the truth in fear for being abused. 😔

[@LilithZephirus]

@@windrawr2 Gurl, I gaslighted my mom....in minutes... I told her the truth after, and now we laugh about it, but yeah.... I could be a great manipulator if I wanted to

[@RACH1E.]

you’re right!!

[@lillychang4788]

That girl needs to dump that boyfriend or kick him out of the condo. It’s not about providing for your girlfriend. It’s like he doesn’t even care about her and why does she even like him?

[@adriannahowell2359]

lmao I saw this comment before I got to that story and thought you were talking about the pooping bathrooms one. I was like whoa that’s a little extreme lol

[@jfckq]

Note that he already profited off of his parents for 26 years (to save money?). He is a narcissistic cheapskate if you ask me.

[@blueberrybop]

When his own brother thinks he's an ass and even offers to pay for his "sister-in-law" to come to Japan and meet the family. Why wouldn't he want her to meet the family? Is he planning on dumping her?

[@ellybelly5876]

Yep, she needs to get rid of that one.

[@MindRamble]

He freeloaded off his family and now from her 🙄

[@Shadowsandflowers]

As an adult who had overprotective parents, all you’re doing is raising children who are going to sneak around your rules and leave the second they can. I moved out at 18 and constantly lied to my parents about where I was.

[@lexvranick5217]

If I were 17, I really couldn’t imagine handing my phone to a friend’s parents. That doesn’t sound safe. I understand them having that rule for their kids, but you can’t police other people’s kids, and the girl made a good case for keeping her phone. She was clearly uncomfortable and wanted to be able to contact her mother. There’s no reason not to let her keep the phone. That poster was definitely the a-hole.

[@myerklamb8529]

That person is an asshole, BUT if the teen clearly knew about the rule before the sleepover, she is also in the wrong. The mother clearly has some control and insecurity issues, but if I choose to spend the night at someone else's house and they have rules that I must follow, not following them makes me the asshole as well.

[@ILuvAyeAye]

​@@myerklamb8529 I know I'm making this up, but I can't help but think the teen didn't actually know about the rule beforehand, and the mom just claimed that afterwards to make herself look better. I don't really have any reason to think that, but I know I never got a lecture about house rules from someone I was visiting before I even got to that person's home. It just seems kind of unlikely.

[@sparkyboomboomboi7051]

@@ILuvAyeAye or maybe the parent mentioned the rules but didn’t clarify that the friend would have to also follow the rules. Saying “we have a rule where our children aren’t allowed blahblahblah” is different from saying “your child will have to blablablah too”

[@Caity1381]

Lollll I wasn't allowed to have a door, or a phone, or internet or anything, and I ended up moving out the literal second I turned 18 and I still don't have a good relationship with my parents at age 23 now. So. Yeah do that to your kids if you want them to resent you forever.

[@kenyadavenport5822]

I have a few friends that grew up like this and moved out as soon as they were able to as well. It made me extremely grateful to have parents that allowed me to have a certain level of freedom and trust growing up. I hope you're thriving and living your best life!

[@mysteriouspsyche]

This was also my parents! I was never allowed to close my door or use the internet unsupervised, tracked my location constantly to “make sure I’m where I say I am” and all of my phone calls and messages were monitored! All it did was teach me to be sneaky and I ended up buying a burner phone that I’d use in secret at night to avoid having my privacy violated. I also moved out as soon as I could afford to and my parents were so upset when I didn’t take the phone they bought me, trying to be all concerned but wanting to track my location. I refused to take it and showed them I already have a phone as I took the last of my stuff and walked out of the house. Being that controlling definitely makes your kids resent you. I have no contact with either of my parents and I never will. I’d rather keep them out of my life lol

[@rowing-away]

All my friends with similar stories have similar stories. Move out ASAP & either cut ties completely or only maintain the rockiest of relationships with their parents. It a recipe for resentment

[@Stettafire]

The odd thing was I moved into a house once and one of the bedrooms didn't have a door. The previous family had two teenage kids in it, so we kinda thought it was super creepy and replaced that door the next day. I always thought it was kinda weird, I hadn't thought that it might be a "parents want full visibility of their teenage kids at all times" thing. That's mega-creepy.

[@Caity1381]

@@Stettafire yeah they took my door off the hinges, and removed the door knob in the bathroom so they could come in if they suspected I was up to something. When I call them out on it now they say its because I was such a problem child and they were "uneducated". I literally never did anything wrong. Never drank alcohol, never did drugs, never snuck out, never did anything. I have a daughter now and they rarely get to see her, because of how they treated me.

[@mallorieklemp8]

When I was little my parents sent their phone (it wasn't common for kids to have phones and yes my parents shared one), with me specifically in case the parents of my friends were creepy so I could call for help. Taking the phone of someone else's kid in your home is creepy and totally out of line.

[@Falany]

The story of the boyfriend who wouldn't pay for his gf to come on vacation gives me the same vibes as my dad. Maybe not as bad, but definitely in the same ballpark. My mom paid for LITERALLY everything after they got married. The house, the car, living expenses, groceries, clothing and necessities for me and my brother AND my dad, everything. My dad had full acces to her income and spent it at his leisure. He refused to get a new job after getting laid off prior to their marriage even though he promised he'd get one ASAP, and just made some small amounts investing that he used for his hobbies. At some point my dad inherited a lot of money (fl. 150k, about €65-70k) and bought a new car for about a fifth of that cause the old one was shit. My mom thought he was finally trying to contribute to the household so told him to just get whatever car he wanted that was practical for our family when he asked her for her preference. Turns out in his mind the new car was a LOAN FROM THE FAMILY TO HIM and he tried to get my mom to pay him monthly installments 🙃 cause everything that was 'theirs' HAD to be bought from HER money. She refused and told him this was a good way for him to contribute to the household. He was pissed off about it for a lonnngggg time and would get very angry if she as much as misplaced a speck of dust inside the car. Even though it was shit to live through I'm very happy they got divorced a few years after that cause he was definitely an asshole.

[@commentforthealgorithm]

I am sorry that your family had to live through that... I can't imagine that it was easy

[@buduwie]

I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through! I hope you and your mom are in a better place now 🥰

[@iqranoor6082]

what a prick

[@16Craft82]

So, your mom was basically a functioning single mom with an extra adopted child lol. I’m sorry you guys had to put up with that.

[@halloweenallyearround4889]

OMG, do we have the same father? O_O

[@jinxie8]

RE: the phone issue, regardless how any of us feel about the rule, the parent should have talked to the friend’s parents before allowing the child to come over if they intended to police their child as well. That way they could decide if they were comfortable with it, address it with the kid, or come to a compromise.

[@LucretiaPearl]

So much this!

[@renl9893]

Yes! It bugged me so much that in the edit the poster specifically mentioned that she knew ab their rules but like... thats a teenager who wants to hang out with her friend and probably doesn't fully known what she's getting into. Talking to her parents about it wouldve been much more effective but according to them other parents tend to have a negative reaction (rightfully so)

[@nicem8746]

So everyone would be ok if your kid’s friend was chatting with creeps on her phone in your house at your kid’s sleepover that you are the chaperone responsible adult for? Vice versa, do you want your child at a friend’s house for a sleepover where nobody is supervising the activity?

[@melcurina]

Yes, taking the phone of a kid that isn't yours is extremely creepy and invasive, as the mother said. It's none of their business. Also, we're talking about teens, not little children. So overly controlling.

[@FujoshiKira]

@@nicem8746 Who’s to say that chatting with creeps online is even in the picture for this kid? Desire to be a responsible chaperone and to supervise safety shouldn’t come with the cost of a person’s perceived lack of safety and personal agency and privacy. If anything, there is more realistic harm with not having a phone in the vicinity of practical strangers.

[@juliacary7013]

My parents never did it to me but I watched friends sneak around their parent's back to either take their phone back when it was taken away or they would just get an ipod touch or old phone from a friend to get on the internet. Your kid is going to find a way and being that restrictive is just teaching your kids to lie and sneak around.

[@ShlebyC]

Exactly this. My mom didn't take my phone like the lady from the story but she would take it as a punishment, for weeks. The worst part was, that I bought the phone myself, and paid for the plan myself. It was just a mediocre, minute-plan Walmart phone, so when my mom took my phone for a little too long I bought a cheapy to use to text my friends. These phones were mid-00s, crap that didn't REALLY have internet, so all she was doing was isolating me from my friends. I don't talk to my mom anymore lol

[@mirnacadena6640]

My mom used to take my phone away from me as a punishment for weeks in vacations just because I didn't wanna study algebra (in vacations) and even when I studied algebra she didn't give it back, until I was going back to school, btw i was 14 at the time, she also used to get so mad when my phone was blocked with password and forced me to take off the password because "I shouldn't have anything to hide", so my phone didn't have a password, but I've learned how to put password to my apps and hide stuff in my phone, so she didn't check the conversation I had with some friends. I was the "perfect girl" to every parent of my friends because of my grades and good behavior, but I never feel enough to my mom, right know I'm trying to figure out how to feel enought with myself.

[@lauren7376]

@@mirnacadena6640 @Mirna Cadena coming from someone with similar parental history, if you can, please get therapy. That negative voice only gets louder with time and it is so difficult to navigate all the negative self-talk that has been drilled into us from a young age, but with professional help it is possible to overcome it. It never really goes away but you can learn to override, ignore, and not believe it. You are worth it, you are enough and the effort you put into things is enough. You deserve to live a life knowing that. 💜

[@juneau7679]

exactly

[@jaclynmccosker]

My best friend’s mum was a no TV, no computer and one book a month household. She’d literally read the same book several times in a row for entertainment. Her daughters retaliated to having no freedom by being as promiscuous as humanly possible behind their mothers back, then the dad left the second the youngest kid turned 18.

[@rayeofsunshine83]

For the mom keeping the kid’s phones at bedtime… I feel like it’s ridiculous to expect a guest in your house to turn over their property because you have rules that prohibit retaining said property at lights out. I could see having this rule on normal days for your own children, but a sleepover is a special occasion. It’s how kids/teens bond and some of the best conversations/experiences happen at sleepovers. Let them have their phones for one night. They’re not going to be phone addicts the next morning, glued to TikTok or whatever and become drug addicts and ruin their whole future because of using their phone at night one in a while.

[@CyleeBrown]

I love this response, also a good point with not having a guest turn their phone in at night from the guest kids parents perspective as a safety concern I wouldn’t want them to turn it either

[@belindarocky961]

I agree with you completely. But I don't think this battle she's having with her kids is even about screen time. I think she's on a power trip. Her behavior is extremely controlling and scary.

[@hannahnguyen7993]

I completely agree my of my friends who have screen time or restrictions on their phones (They are adults) they just find ways around it like using one of the other peoples phones. I feel like if you can’t trust your child on the internet then they will learn from someone else and rebel.

[@CheshieD]

Not to mention they’re more likely to become addicted to their phones once they get freedom

[@johndododoe1411]

Other people's kids phones are the emergency link to their parents, don't cut them off.

[@sanskritigupta7980]

For the one with the parents taking away their kid’s friends’ phones, I would be terrified. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but if some random adult told me, you have to stay out in the open where we can see you, and you have to hand over the device you use in emergencies, I would assume that those adults were going to do something to me. Like my mind wouldn’t jump to oh they’re just really strict, I would jump to, they’re gonna assault me in my sleep.

[@quinceekinniburgh9896]

The story with the teenagers cellphone....if my child's friends parent called me and was like "hey, is it cool if I take your kids phone tonight cause that's a rule in our house" that would send me SO MANY red flags. I would immediately start thinking about SA and would go pick up my kid immediately. Also everything you guys said, too.

[@sudesezin]

as a 17 year old, parents in the phone one are so f&cking invasive and annoying. not even letting the girl coming for sleepover keep her phone for the night?? what is that? i feel so bad for her kids😔😔

[@mikhalajayne3543]

and then telling her "okay go home then if you need your phone to talk to your mom" like what??? that's such an awful thing to say to your child's friend. the mom was definitely very disrespectful and the friend's mom was right to tell off that phone mom

[@mrsfieri]

this happened to me once at a friends house, and it was just so uncomfortable and i don’t remember returning to their house since.

[@WhattheBeck]

the other thing with karen is that DEB DREW THE ART. it is SO disrespectful to ask someone to take down their own art that they felt proud enough to put on the wall

[@Pinchinstar]

I think it was all in the attitude. If Karen said “funny, that’s actually my son… do you mind taking that down for the meeting?” I wouldn’t find that disrespectful. If she said “that’s disgusting you sketched my son naked how dare you!” Then Deb should keep the picture up forever tysm.

[@jessummlee8866]

I have considered buying my young daughter a phone just for when she goes to friends houses so she could contact me in an emergency. If a parent tried to take her phone off her, that would raise all kinds of red flags for me. Because the emergency could be the parents. Edit almost a year later: we ended up getting her a kids smart watch for her 8th birthday. We can call her and she can call us (just her parents and grandparents). It's already been so good. It's set to school mode at school but that turns off once the bell goes, one time a grandparent was picking her up so they were able to call her and find out where she was. She went to a friend's party and I was working and my husband had our son so couldn't stay and I felt so much better knowing she could contact us. It also has a SOS button that sets off a loud alarm on her phone and sends all of us (her contacts) a message telling us she pressed. She can also send us her location or we can find it. Honestly, 100% the best investment.

[@butallislost]

Honestly I believe that if your kid is at an age where they are going places with friends without adult supervision or sleeping over places regularly, that's when they 100% need a phone. It's very important to have a way to contact trusted adults or even police if needed

[@sparkyboomboomboi7051]

@@butallislost yes my 8 year old sister doesn’t have a phone but since she was 6 she had a kid smart watch where she could call her family members (mom, dad, me, and grandma) if in need of help or emergency. Even small things like when she went to camp this summer and was accidentally not given her mid day snack. She called my mom who called the camp and they fixed the error.

[@corneliastreet3559]

Yeah I got my phone when I was 9 years old (which was pretty early in my community at the time, most people didn’t get them until end of middle/beginning of high school) but I was also a latchkey kid. Not a smartphone or anything, an old (even at the time outdated) flip phone. Every day I walked home from school with my kindergarten age sister and watched her alone at home until our mom got home from work 6-7 pm. We DID have a landline, but since we walked home and sometimes landlines are hard to get to during an emergency as opposed to a cell phone in your pocket. People judged my parents harshly, but I felt so much safer knowing I could reach out to my mom or her close friend or 911 if I needed something, especially because I was responsible for my little sister.

[@evanjuleen]

That sounds amazing.

[@MissCutechan]

On the surgery guy, I remember an interview with Pamela Horton talking about how she was routinely in the hospital, and there was a specific instance where she was back in the hospital for the same reason she always had been, but it was still scary, and still emotionally trying and her ex not being there because to him it was 'just another' hospital visit was devastating. I imagine there are a lot of those kind of feelings at play here. Any surgery, especially one that he will be put out for (if it's respiratory related) has got tp be really scary. It's no one's fault that everything aligned the way it did, but I think if the roles were reversed that it was an important event for him, but the friend was going into surgery that you should be understanding. Life is so short. Parties are fun, but they aren't everything.

[@nicholegallowaymancilla9125]

I think if their cat returned to them they should have taken down the flyers they put up. So a good samaritan's time isn't wasted.

[@RoKer13]

Exactly. I mean, all cats really should be indoor because they can hurt wildlife plus they can be hurt themselves, but if the flyers don’t matter then they need to take them off!

[@carolineriettini7312]

Yeah it does suck that Ben went so out of his way to call several times, drive across town to the house, knock on neighbor’s doors, etc. His whole day went to that for no reason- it’s hard for Good Samaritans to keep doing good things for others when they are treated this way. That’s really the biggest thing that bothered me about it

[@adriannahowell2359]

He said they put the flyer through the mailbox so they couldn’t take it down

[@nicholegallowaymancilla9125]

@Simply Special You're right, I missed that part.

[@hohl_ee]

to be fair, you could also hand out/put up a new flyer stating that the cat was found or even change your voicemail to say the cat was found if someone calls

[@katelyntrip9459]

Okay but Ben kissing Menchie on her little forehead was so cute!

[@beeuhtwix]

I literally went 🥺

[@jackrussel999]

I felt the serotonin flooding my brain 🥺❤️ so sweet

[@shananigans6154]

I came here to say the same thing. So sweet 🥰

[@Pageback]

14:05 if anyone wants to instantly view the love

[@Amanda-hl7xk]

@@beeuhtwix is coming I’m i

[@wxy7119]

As someone who is around the age of the kid's friend who didn't want their phone to be taken, I feel like it would be totally scary and pressuring if my friend's parents tried to take away my phone. It's one thing if it's your own parents, but if you're all alone in a stranger's house, you can't just not have your phone in case something happens. I don't see what those parents are so worried about when everyone single kid nowadays uses the internet in their daily lives. I've seen 3 year olds watching KZbin and knowing how to skip ads. Plus, their kid is 17 years old for gods sake.

[@emma2884]

Might be reading into it but I think the jealous husband had been pestering his wife into giving an answer on if she thought the coworker was attractive or not. I doubt she just casually mentioned it. That kind of behavior is pretty common in controlling partners.

[@alyssa7731]

Regarding cat-napping: where I live recent vet records are proof of ownership. A neighbor 'stole' an outdoor cat (that is now indoors) by picking up the cat and taking her straight to the vet. Got her vaxxed, spayed, microchipped. OG owner had a large number of unfixed cats, local shelters had tried to offer free spay services but they weren't interested. When OG owner realized that particular cat was gone and living the sweet life in a neighbors house, they called the police. Police didn't do anything because new owner had more recent vet records.

[@putendoner5580]

Tbh it sounds like the cat is better off with the new owner

[@CaityRaindrop]

@@putendoner5580 yeah it's pretty irresponsible they didn't even have the cat vaxed or chipped, spayings a personal choice but also generally recommended cause the rampant reproduction among cats

[@BubbleBunnyy]

Honestly I don’t even feel bad the cat is 99% way better off being in a loving home

[@leticiapgl]

Ben and Cristine when the cat show up next time 👁👄👁

[@janenebebebe2487]

thats what my mom did once, this poor cat used to show up every day at our house meowing for food, it was our neighbors cat, who had so many cats and never neutered them or took much care of them.So we just took it lmao they never found out.

[@MackinzieSchultz]

As an art student the nude drawing story was frankly annoying. I get maybe being a little uncomfortable seeing that but at the end of the day it’s art. Artists don’t look at that stuff as inappropriate or sexual. In those drawing sessions the models are very respected: windows covered, heat on so they’re not cold, just a very respectful and normal environment. It doesn’t help that she mentioned that it was abstract and didn’t show much of his private parts and also that he was an adult. Not everyone understands nude art but it’s been around for centuries and is important… also she has some outdated ideas and words so yeah a Karen :/

[@rexana_rexana]

What part was this at? Sorry, I like skipping around and the timestamps aren't working on the browser I'm using (im not using the app for... Reasons...)

[@martinamaccario]

@@rexana_rexana around minute 30

[@sammi1078]

I would understand if she said "its just that I know its my son and it makes me uncomfortable so could you cover it up when I'm here?" But asking to take it down forever is very unreasonable art is art

[@random23287]

Yup. Now if it was rule 34 art, that would be a different story. But it isn't so...

[@lusitanianightshade227]

Taking someone else's kids' phone during a visit sounds like a great way for psychos to sever the kid's connection to their parents or police before doing something terrible to them 🙃

[@iShannonCR]

AITA - Bathroom: get matches. Light a match after #2. The match burns the methane and instead of poop smell, you smell campfire/aka matches. Otherwise, suck it up. You live with another person. Everybody Poops.

[@z-524]

Literally all my friends (I’m 18 btw) with over-controlling parents are the sneakiest little shits. One of them has a nicotine addiction and his parents who take his phone have no idea

[@andreakubiak4778]

The phone rules one: their rules match the rules my 12 year old has for their phone in their first year of having one! I cannot imagine those rules still being necessary at 17!

[@samanthanell3863]

I could see doing a "test run" when the kids get older. Let them have the phone over night and if they continually go to bed at like 3am start taking the phone away again at night. Part of being a kid is making mistakes in a "safe" environment.

[@mairimka8757]

Also, there are other ways to control your kid's online time. You can literally set a timer on your router that will turn off the wifi at a certain time and then turn it back on again in the morning. That's if you're really, really concerned that your kid isn't getting enough sleep because they're online all night.

[@cuddlingteddybears]

@@mairimka8757 screen time on phones is good too, you can set it up on a kids phone and it won't let them use a certain app after a certain time unless you put in a passcode

[@KreeZafi]

Including not allowing them to have their phone when alone? Not taking it with them to the bathroom? If so, I'm really curious as to why that is. Like Ben said I could agree with taking it away at night so it's not keeping them awake, but to not allow them to have it unattended at all really weirds me out. The way the poster had presented the rules frankly just reeked of hyper-religious parents not wanting their kids to watch porn.

[@cassie1594]

I completely agree with this. My 12 yr old wouldn't sleep at night and would just play on his phone 24/7 if he could. We have time limits on the phone so he gets the sleep he needs but also gets to play with his friends throughout the day. As he grows older and matures he'll lose time restrictions and will live with any consequences of his time on his phone-meaning it will again become restricted if chores (dishes and laundry) and shoolwork aren't being prioritized.

[@hiikarinnn]

The surgery vs wedding is a real tough one imo, if I was scared going into a big surgery I would really want my partner to be there for me, but also a wedding only happens once

[@ILuvAyeAye]

Yeah, I don't think it's wrong to ask your partner to be there for you, particularly if you're honest about why. I think most partners are pretty responsive to "I feel selfish asking this, but I'm super scared about this surgery. I would feel a lot safer if you were there." But you've also got to respect that your partner is her own person, and can say no. The part I think Cristine and Ben skipped was that it is really exhausting and draining to be a caretaker. It's possible the partner was burned out, and really needed this one night of partying. It doesn't mean she doesn't love her partner, but everyone needs a break, especially someone caring for their partner through a chronic condition.

[@corneliastreet3559]

Yeah they said everyone sucks, and honestly I disagree with that. Everyone is a decent person and it’s just a shitty situation and they’re all trying their best

[@bubble_espeon]

anyone that doesn't accompany their partner to a surgery where they put you under is an asshole. There's always a chance that the anesthesia will kill you or do something bad to your body, it's very risky. I had my wisdom teeth taken out two years ago and i didn't wake up until an hour after the procedure had finished, some people aren't as lucky. If you go on OP's post, he mentioned that it's LUNG SURGERY! That's a really invasive and delicate procedure, no wonder he wants to have his girlfriend there for it.

[@arualblues_zero]

I don't think he wants his wife as a health care worker, but as emotional support, which I totally get. I get scared before minor procedures too, and I've had several surgeries in my lifetime. It sucks to be there all by yourself, even if you don't need actual intensive care. Sometimes you just need your significant other to hold your hand through recovery, when the anesthesia starts wearing off and shit gets ugly. It can be selfish, yes, but I've been there. And I've also been there for him when he needed it.

[@irlsloth5250]

I was briefly married to a guy who thought all of my attention should go towards him. It escalated into a domestic incident where he was cutting himself because "i don't care about him" and "he'll kill himself if I leave". He's got some audacity still being alive 😒 (my current relationship is infinitly more trusting and supportive 🥰)

[@alezzasayshey2754]

Im so sorry this happened to you 😢

[@anabellasantana5327]

We all had that bf with that audacity I think lol

[@woin9361]

I’m sorry you went through that. He sounds very controlling and emotionally abusive. I’m glad you got out of that

[@VanessaBacca]

If they didn't put a collar on the cat AFTER she was lost and found. They are the A**holes. BUT! Maybe one member of the family was more worried and made the flyers and she was an outdoor cat?

[@Jocrazyface]

That's what I was thinking. If Ben talked to the daughter of the owners and not the cat's actual owners, it's possible the daughter either isn't really that concerned about the cat or doesn't have the full story.

[@echastee]

It could be that. When I was a little girl my mom got me a cat and it wasn't my choice but she let it outside. It got hit by a car.

[@kayenjee]

Your profile pic is adorable 😊

[@idaeideopsanger6514]

Usually your advised not to give outdoor cats collars. They can get stuck without supervision... Imagine a cat getting stuck in a tree because of the collar and nobody sees it.

[@baddiebbarbietingzbanginbo4421]

@Simply Special yup, my cat just takes hers off soo

[@KTCC13]

The sandwich one is just- like the way his wife found out, yeah he’s the asshole. BUT if he didn’t lie and said hey hunny! My coworkers think your sandwiches are so good they bought my extra one! We should start a sandwich operation! BOOM financial gain, new apartment is closer to being acquirable, coworkers can eat good, everybody is happy.

[@sarahwood991]

The phone thing is super creepy, as Ben said, the parents were taking that girl's life line away. Regardless of whether they're predators or not, she simply does not now that

[@enikovarga2533]

Also; not letting your child have their phone when alone at 17 is low key abusive(?). In a pandemic situation, do you not let your child talk to their friends alone? Like?!???!!

[@polina-rs4lr]

it's straight up abusive

[@amberlee6813]

I disagree, I don't think it's abuse to take a teens phone, even in a pandemic situation. Technology makes it easy to believe it's not ok to be alone.

[@polina-rs4lr]

@@amberlee6813 it's not about being alone for a moment, it's the opposite. having no private life, no opportunity to talk to another person without your parents monitoring you 24/7. at the age of fcking seventeen. sounds horrific. plus why do you think that being alone most of the time is normal for a human being? we are primates, social creatures. I would argue that we are too lonely in our day to day lives, not the other way around.

[@vinregret]

when i was 14/15 my parents would take away my phone in the evenings and I lashed out at them because of it, truth is I had terrible mental health issues and my phone was the only way to have something/someone to go to for help (my parents were not open about mental health)

[@asf8648]

That seems kinda hyperbolic. Surly people can do other things without a phone. Just limit it to two hours and move on to something else to do. That's not abuse.

[@natasha2112616]

People have so little sympathy for caregivers. I don’t imagine that this would be the 1st event she’s had to miss to be by his side. If she is as caring and dedicated as he described I doubt she would even want to leave if the surgery is that serious. Is the best friend being unreasonable or has she missed other milestones in her life? He doesn’t give us her side at all.

[@amethyst7468]

Yes! So many people are saying that the wife should b by her husband's side no matter what. However, these people fail to realize that she has. She has been supportive, and she has taken care of him. She most probably needs a break, and a best friend's wedding is such a big deal.

[@elixir_3897]

@@phoenix0547 I’ll bet that the she said that because it probably wasn’t her first big event she’s missed with her best friend. The best friend probably didn’t bank their entire friendship on this one wedding event, but all of the other events the wife has missed including the wedding if the wife were to pick her husband over her best friend.

[@the_Sarahnator]

This would be one of the posts where I would request more info. It's just vague enough that you're not really sure!

[@LadyThoopie]

Being a carer is a hard job, it can often be thankless. When it comes to surgery as well, you sit there for many many hours waiting, and then they are not even conscious for hours, and then groggy and sleeping a lot.. does she really need to sit through that. Like cristine said it says emergency but is booked in advance, as a carer she is asking for this one thing. Sometimes the cared for one is very selfish without realising. I speak from over 15 years experience.

[@lornetc]

She shouldn’t have married him knowing he would need lifelong care.

[@TheMissHooligan]

Okay.. That lady needs out of that relationship.. "all attention needs to be on me" sounds very controlling.. I'm scared for her.. She was honest.. There's nothing wrong with finding other people attractive.. As long as you're not being inappropriate or cheating or lying.. You're fine!

[@halloweenallyearround4889]

He sounded like an incel. But with a wife, so more like a trad husband that grew up in a cult that sees women as toys/ servants/ non human/ not living beings.

[@ooshwiggity]

Ben's sudden "IS Menchie getting married?" was full of over-protective dad energy. Love it.

[@ivyk5796]

Parents who use the ' we paid for it' argument are bad. You are a parent that's legit your job

[@rayeofsunshine83]

My dad’s response to me feeling any kind of way that contradicted his feelings was “it’s my house”. I hated it. It invalidated my feelings and he was basically telling me that my feelings and thoughts did not matter. It took me a long time to realize that I am valid, my thoughts and feelings are valid, and no one can tell me my feelings are wrong. I’m still working on that. 😔

[@ivyk5796]

@@rayeofsunshine83 that's absolutely horrible. You and your feelings are valid no matter in who's house your are.

[@suzienothing9855]

Yeah i feel like many 90s kids or older have parents like this. I hope that “our” and the next generation will be parents that are reflective, empathic and kind!

[@cuddlingteddybears]

My dad uses this excuse all the time and it's the main reason I just don't want a wedding because it won't be what I want because if he disapproves it'll just be "well who's paying for it" argument

[@suzienothing9855]

@@cuddlingteddybears if a wedding means something to you, you could always save up for your own and maybe keep it really small or something? Well anyway, I think it’s good to not have your parents dictate your life, so go you! I personally broke contact with my dad because he is just a very toxic person (not diagnosed but I am 100% sure he is a narcissist). It feels good to not have his voiceover on my life :)

[@rexana_rexana]

Tbh, I think its pretty healthy to be able to tell your partner when you're attracted to someone else, doesn't mean your NOT attracted to them, or that you're going to leave them for someone else. To me it just means you're comfortable in the relationship to discuss this stuff.

[@hideakisorachi3953]

when I used to have a boyfriend we would talk about other people who we thought were cute then point them out to eachother. it was fun to just mutually freak out about attractive people around us lmao

[@woin9361]

Yes! 12 years later and my partner and I still talk about our crushes, or comment sometimes when we see someone that we find super hot. It doesn’t threaten our attraction for each other. It’s normal to find more than one person attractive out of billions of potential matches

[@recoil53]

I agree, but not everybody is that way. And working plays a big part in it.

[@sighcantthinkofaname]

In the post, the guy literally asked. He should be glad his wife's not a liar.

[@janinave7729]

Honestly it's kind of a healthy sign of trust. You can experience like light levels of attraction or just aestatic attraction, but it feels completely different to me from what i have with my partner. It's okay to look at someone and be like mh that's hot and go on with your day. I have been nearly 3 years with my current partner and we talk about it like as casually as getting lunch, of course it helps if we have similar taste;)

[@pjnkblue]

Huh interesting to hear Ben’s perspective on the “surgery or wedding” story. Seems like a lot of people agreed too and I’m a bit confused. To me personally any “surgery” sounds much more important than a wedding.

[@evelynlayer1320]

Same. I would never be able to enjoy a wedding knowing my significant other is having surgery without me there for them.

[@cherrybombrose3532]

I have extreme anxiety and I would need someone there with me, preferably a so. So I understand their point too

[@MissLinguiniNoodle]

Same I was so confused because if I had a husband who needs a surgery, no matter how small, I would never be able to just leave him alone and go to a Wedding? Even if he told me that I can go, I still would never just leave him alone wtf

[@SMiles.21]

I was a little surprised by this one also. I mean even the most routine/small/elective surgeries come with risk. I was under the impression that there's always a risk if you're put to sleep and it's not a blanket risk for every person, especially if you've never been put under before and no one knows how your body will react to those drugs. As a married woman, I see that as more important than a wedding so I was a little shocked to hear that two people who really didn't put much store into weddings/marriage as an institution deemed it more important than a medical issue. (Big or small.) Just my two cents tho. Edit: I also think it's pretty important to note that the wedding date was changed on rather short notice. Last minute changes to an event 8 hours away and you had to know some people weren't going to be able to show. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@melcurina]

How are you exactly that important to be there while someone is under anesthesia anyways? You can't change the outcome. She can be there for him after, and as he said himself, she always is there for him. She probably spends so much time caring for him, give her a break. I don't think she would go to a wedding if it's a surgery with a high risk of not waking up considering the way he described her.

[@wiksten93]

The surgery story struck with me. This month I had a big surgery and I waned to have my wife with me but thanks to corona, she could not be there. I was there only three days but it felt lonely and I felt like shit.

[@lia_art5021]

Being at a sleepover without a phone, with no means to contact parents can be scary for a kid, especially if the kid doesn't know the hosts very well.

[@lillychang4788]

I like that Christine remembers what it’s like when she was a teenager. I had such a hard time growing up with my mom because she made it sound like she was never a teen and was always perfect.

[@recoil53]

No 'h'. My buddy and I actually talked about that before he became a father. Always remember what it was like.

[@Zhishan929]

It’s because your mom knew what she was like as a teen, as a result, she thought you would act like her.

[@talkingtomyself6728]

I had a cat that wasn't actually mine. It was a neighbor's cat that claimed my porch as her place. I was working on trying to teach her to be an indoor cat with my own animals. After a year of gaining her trust I could get her to come inside for about 8 hours a day. But she would literally tear my air conditioners out of the windows to get back outside. I was still working with her to become an inside cat when I was sitting on my porch petting her. She was on my lap and in my hands when two dogs came into my yard and tore her from my hands. She is now ashes and the dogs are still in the neighborhood even though I explained to animal control what happened. I will never allow my two house cats outside. I have even installed wood around my air conditioners to insure they can't get out. This makes me a little afraid because it limits ways to get out of my home if it were to catch on fire. But at the same time I never want to see that happen to another animal I love in my life. You are not the A hole in that situation Ben. They are for not taking steps to keep their cat safe. They're just bad pet owners.

[@caitlinbell5462]

So the whole phones getting locked up is real, I am 18f, Scottish so I’m a full adult legally. I have cousins who have very strict parents who have the same case and I remember having the conversation from the point of the crying kids trying to explain that it’s my personal property and I use it to contact my parents if I feel uncomfortable. I also have a friend with the same thing but worse because her phone has a clone kit on it so that her parents can see whatever she is doing at all times. A couple of year ago I actually sneaked her a phone because her mental health was really bad from being disconnected from everyone and everything, she kept the phone hidden for a year using it to message me and her closest friends only and it helped her a lot. People need to be able to talk to people they trust and as much as the parents always want it to be them it can’t always be. Also, maybe I’m paranoid but if I was the girl who just recently became friends with a girl stayed over and her parents took my phone because then they have complete control over you and when you can go home and who you can contact, that’s not okay and it’s extremely scary, she only knows her friend and they did even say new friend, otherwise everyone else is a stranger in the household and people are scary. Wow sorry for the rant

[@erinbelding9321]

I also had surgery at the end of May. My bf had planned on taking at least a week off to help me as it was foot surgery and would need help with almost everything. However, things changed and my bf left his job and found a new one… being the new person at his place of work he didn’t want to ask off that much time, so I told him at the very least please ask for the day of the surgery off. He got the date wrong (even though I told him many many times because he is a forgetful person) so he didn’t have the day off. I was pissed. He said that my parents and sister would be there to help me, but I wanted him to be the one helping me. Day of the surgery comes and guess what? I didn’t care who helped me into the car and up the stairs, I just wanted in my bed and to be asleep. Thinking back I shouldn’t have been so upset about it. He was right, there would be plenty of other people around to help. I feel for the girl who wants to go to her best friends wedding, I hope she was able to go without too much grief

[@sighcantthinkofaname]

Right! Like I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to be upset about in the moment, but most surgeries end up with the person knocked out on anesthesia and then painkillers. "Being there" for the person is often just sitting around in the waiting room and driving them there and back, as she said the medical team are there to take care of him. I don't feel it's worth missing a friend's wedding for.

[@squishy2368]

The surgery was for the dudes lungs if I recall correctly from someone else going into the post. During covid she's going to go party and come back. Even with a vaccine she can get and give covid. She will also probably have to quarentine away from him. She seems selfish.

[@erinbelding9321]

@@squishy2368 that’s definitely a thing to consider, however OP didn’t say anything about that in the post so I assumed they aren’t worried about it or isn’t as concerning to them due to their location. 🤷🏻‍♀️If that was a legitimate concern of their’s then I would definitely agree with you 👍🏻

[@lunariedawn]

@@squishy2368 Are we sure it's happening during covid tho?

[@vin2164]

@@squishy2368 well if she was really as dedicated as he implied in the first paragraph, I doubt she’d go if COVID was a threat. Could’ve been somewhere where covid isn’t bad like Australia. And what kind of lung surgery matters. It could still be something routine. I agree with Christine and Ben and tbh we just don’t know enough.

[@woin9361]

36:02 I would like to recommend that this mom watches the “Arkangel” episode of Black Mirror - you can’t hide the uglier parts of the world from kids forever. They’re going to find out one way or another, and try to foster an open relationship with them so that they can discuss those things with you when they see something disturbing or potentially harmful. If you try to control their basic daily interactions too harshly, they’ll resent you and won’t be able to talk to you about things they see online. That’s more dangerous, in my opinion.

[@cuddlingteddybears]

It's like the "do not push" button analogy. The more you try and prevent someone from doing something , the more they're going to want to do it simply because you or someone tells them not to

[@franzi2652]

About the phone story: If I were the friend staying over, it would be so creepy if they wanted to take my phone away for the night?? Like what if something happens, why do they want to cut my form of communication? Ever watched abducted in plain sight? lmao

[@nataliewolf683]

Wow I love how Ben basically called my dad insane- bc holy shit I mean it’s kinda true- “I paid for your phone so I have the right to take it from you”, “You’re reading too much at night say goodbye to your bedroom door”

[@SwimSweetie100]

I’m sorry, but you don’t get to make rules for other people’s kids. That’s ridiculous.

[@christafranken9170]

I have one rule in my house for kids, any kids. No (small) kid touches the kitchen tap, the thing is weird and if you can make boiling water come out. Other than that, I agree.

[@blueberrybop]

Unless the rules are to prevent actual harm from happening, yes.

[@meegs6391]

I agree and disagree. It’s your house so some rules I think are ok, I don’t see a problem with asking guests to respect your house howeverrrrr like they said that shouldn’t include their personal property and obviously there’s a line

[@marioher4978]

if your kids come to my house, your kids are subject to my rules. My house is a monarchy, not a democracy

[@TrueImmortality]

I mean, within reason. If your kids' friends are holy terrors, you can't let them trash your house lol.

[@kanepirlot7174]

That nude art story reminded me of something that my figure drawing professor told the class; being in the nude is normal, drawing and sculpting nude people is natural and normal, it's us as people that made it (and associated it) as something sexual.

[@woin9361]

Thank you 🙏 these are just the shadows of conservative religious values coming to light...in many other cultures, these taboos about nudity simply don’t exist. I feel sad for North Americans sometimes with this weird burden of hiding their bodies

[@johndododoe1411]

@@woin9361 Nothing new, read Herodotus comments about nudity attitudes in another country compared to his home city of Athens.

[@MayraRebeccaZamora]

Commenting on the Outdoor cat situation: letting a housecat outside can be dangerous because if other cats live in the area who also go outside, they can perceive the other cat as a threat to their territory, not to mention stray cats as well. Cats are territorial (saying this as a cat owner myself of a hybrid Savannah cat) and I would consider letting your cats outside as possible negligence. You are definitely not the a-hole.

[@breckbusha5291]

If my kid is staying over at someone's house, I want her phone right next to her. I want her to be able to get ahold of me know matter what.

[@lipstickandlibraries]

this conversation about liking photos is so interesting to me as someone who likes almost every person on my feed's photos lol

[@Maesolmese]

Right?! I like almost everything, and if a friend is feeling themselves and looking hot, I let them know! Gotta support the homies 😊

[@barbara.grando]

right? I mean if I follow someone is because I like them/their content... why wouldnt I like the post?

[@Helvetica09]

My co-worker has that argument a lot with her partner. Like she comments on her male friends pictures to hype them up and not to hit on them or something. Like you can acknowledge and appreciate your friends physical appearance and make them feel good by complimenting them

[@squishy2368]

It's very much a thing of everyone has their own boundries and lines and if 2 people don't hold that same value or aren't willing to then it won't work but many work happily like that 🤷‍♀️

[@barbara.grando]

@@Helvetica09 for me that just screams insecurity and lack of conversation or trust. I mean, if you've talked to your partner about being together, about liking each other... that's it. trust them. most likely, if the person is not an actual asshole, they will not leave you because someone's cute or hot. relationships are about more than someone just being cute or hot

[@elizabethgreenwell5832]

Ok so about the kids and phone thing. What if the parents are creepers, and they took the friends phone. I would have a big problem with this.

[@deannascorner8112]

I was doing that too Cristine! I lived with my friend and her mom would give us each $5 a day for lunch. Eventually I realized I could save money too by making my lunch in the morning and pocket the money. My friend got annoyed and told her mom and her mom just laughed and said I was smart and that money was for me to do as I wish.

[@evanjuleen]

That mom sounds like an amazing parent to both you and her daughter. So grateful to see that.

[@Neiwun]

We've had a cat for a few years and, during the first year, we never let him outside because we were concerned for his health and safety. His previous owner let him outside, but he got into fights with other animals, including a dog; he's a surprisingly tough cat. Anyway, I could see from his body language that he was bored out of his mind, so we decided to let him outside with a leash on, but he really hated the leash. So we let him outside without a leash and he patrols around our house and never wanders too far. He never tried to cross the street and, most of the time, he stands underneath our front porch, in our garden, or in the backyard. He only stays outside for 1 or 3 hours, and he gets to do this a few days per week but not everyday. He tries to sneak outside whenever somebody opens the front door and, when he comes back, he looks reinvigorated and happy. It still doesn't feel safe to let him go outside, but I can't bear to take this happiness away from him.

[@gemmaweber4115]

Yeah, my bf and I have a similar solution to our cat, she was an outdoor cat in the country side before he adopted her. But we’re in a main city, close to roads etc, and close to dogs and possibly coyotes. So having her outside all night or even during the day is not an option. But she loves outdoors!! So we started her on a leash, to get her used to the neighborhood and to the areas she could go… my main concern was her sneaking out and getting lost, so at least if we went on walkies she’d know the area she’d be safer. At some point we got rid of the leash and we go on daily and nightly patrols and we’re there to protect her from dogs or sickos. Plus we get to watch her totally charm ppl/kids in the neighborhood and at the park and at the local cafe Lolol 🤣 But she’s happy that way, we let her snoop in patios and sniff what she wants and when she decides to sit under a bush and watch the action, we enjoy the sun too. I think there are solutions to the indoor/outdoor debate, such as yours or mine :). I’d be so nervous letting her out for hours, but it seems like you have a safe area for her :)

[@Neiwun]

@@gemmaweber4115 Our neighbor also has a grey cat that he lets outside, but their cat is usually supervised. One time, my cat went to my neighbor's garage, met the other grey cat, and then they had an intense staring contest while not moving. Then a white cat appeared from underneath my neighbor's car and started walking slowly towards my cat, who was now sitting and rolling on the ground. I've never seen this white cat before and I tried to interrupt whatever was happening by standing in between the 3 cats, but the white cat was completely ignoring me and kept staring and walking towards my cat. It was really weird, nobody was growling so I don't think they were going to fight. Then my neighbor came to the garage, we had a short conversation, the white cat walked away from the garage, and the neighbor's grey cat kept staring at my cat while resting on the ground. After my neighbor left, my cat inspected his garage (and it always makes me uncomfortable when he goes on other people's property), and then went underneath our front porch, which seems to be his favorite spot when he's outside. I spend some time with my cat outside, but I don't enjoy the outdoors as much as he does. And, like I said before, he doesn't wander far so I think our current system is fine.

[@ideeazzz]

As I doctor I can tell you we indeed do elective emergency procedures. That man could actually be getting a transplant. Regardless, thoracic surgery is hard no matter what it is, after all your chest gets opened. It sounds like she is his rock when it comes to his condition so getting support from his wife rather than a friend is more than understandable. *although I am not disregarding the fact that he might be simply having a bronchoscopy and is a difficult and needy person with some sort of personality disorder

[@amolpreetkaur3443]

But we do acknowledge the inherent risk of surgical procedures, especially when anesthesia is involved. A routine colonoscopy or bronchoscopy can go wrong too . I've witnessed it myself. Though the risk percentage varies, but it would still be better to have your life partner around if you can .

[@bhaktikataria7561]

it’s really unfair for any person to have health problems so i don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to have ur loved one with u :)

[@geniej2378]

@@bhaktikataria7561 I think it does really depend on the risk of the surgery, but missing your best friend's wedding is a big deal. He didn't even acknowledge that, making him the asshole.

[@bhaktikataria7561]

@@geniej2378 it’s a tricky problem. i personally wouldn’t be able to enjoy a wedding if my loved one was having any surgery but maybe if he expressed that more politely while trying to understand her perspective she may have been more empathetic as well :)

[@Stettafire]

In the UK the patient has the right to deny any form of treatment. So, I guess you could say, all proceedures are elective. Maybe unless your next of kin were speaking for you.

[@hanaerman2882]

I'm an art student. I have drawn nude models. When we practice anatomy the models can get the choice between being fully nude or in underwear (we aren't pick since models are hard to get in our area and time frame). The models know that certain pieces, despite being studies, will be atleast hanged in the university central area. Consent for the paintings or drawings being shown was already given when they decided to model in the nude. (but not for like, reference images some of us take if we need to finish some details after class and don't have access to the model). Karen, your son is an ADULT. You have a connection to him, sure. But he's the only one who can decide to ask the artist to take down that picture.

[@Shasha-jo5iv]

Idk I think it would be reasonable tot are it it sown while she was at my home because I get her not wanting to look at her sons naked body.

[@lyavain2764]

@@Shasha-jo5iv it was abstracted and if I were her I'd just keep my mouth shut and laugh about the irony of it. It's not her home nor her body being shown.

[@denia1594]

The surgery guy is NOT unreasonable! A wedding is nice, but being 8h away when your partner is in surgery for something that is basically just a party?! If my partner tells me they NEED me for ANYTHING I will be there for them!

[@Char10tt3_]

I think there’s a big distinction between thinking someone’s attractive, and being attracted to them. My bf knows that I think his best friend is an objectively attractive guy but I’m not attracted /to/ him 😂😂

[@pterocardio]

for the bathroom situation, there were no assholes imo. if my house has two bathrooms and i need to pee or poop, regardless of whose bathroom it is, i would choose the one i'm closest to. it's just a matter of convenience and they just need to clearly explain their needs and sensitivities.

[@blueberrybop]

Can't believe people are policing which bathroom people poo in. Unless the bathroom was faulty in some way, that's just ridiculous behaviour. What if there's an emergency, bad stomach, things coming out from either ends.... Are you forcing your partner to run up/down the stairs and risk the emergency happening on the floor in another room instead of at the nearest bathroom?! If you don't like the smell, there are things you can do to get rid of it quickly.

[@cuddlingteddybears]

@@blueberrybop Febreeze in the toilet before works just as well as Poo Pouri stuff

[@lunariedawn]

And I mean, the dude did say he uses the upstairs bathroom when he has to go in the middle of the night. What if she expected him to go all the way down in the middle of the night even if it was more convenient to use the one nearest

[@Crazee108]

I purposefully go to the one thats furthest which is only 2 to 3 meters away so ppl don't need to deal 🤣

[@rexana_rexana]

@dontmessupmykokobop If you're sensitive to smells a LOT of those don't work or can be just as annoying/irritating/migraine-triggering. They just need to communicate with empathy and decide the right choice for their relationship.

[@ClassifiedM96]

I recently paid a whole $1500 vacation in may, and I’m also paying $2400+ moving costs cuz me and my partner are moving into a townhouse and I can assure you if he ever gave me attitude for asking him to pay for anything that I’d drop him like a fly

[@starsxmoonxclouds]

As you should, queen 👑

[@jayisa1283]

Also, if I was a parent, I would find it really creepy than another adult wants my kid to stay in their house, overnight, with no means to communicate with me... 😬

[@bladepanthera]

Hmm on the cat point, where I live in the outskirts of London, outdoor cats are very common. We get several cats in our garden from various neighbours. It's just the thing. It is a fairly built up area (semi-detached houses along all roads with the occasional flat block) near a busy road, too. The cats learn where to go and not go. Occasionally we see missing cat posters, but it's pretty rare. The biggest drama was when our neighbour's ditsy cat got stuck up the tree, leading to another neighbour climbing up to rescue it. When he got down he admitted he was allergic to them, poor guy 😅

[@cadancekerber1050]

Oh gosh... the conversation about parenting and privacy really hit a nerve in me. When I was 15, my parents had the passwords to all my devices and websites, and regularly checked my usage. I had no privacy and they used the argument that they paid for my phone so they owned it. They also removed my bedroom door as well around that time because I had tried to sneak my phone into my room at night. It almost completely destroyed my family. It required a lot of therapy to mend ties.

[@hannahcrabtree9821]

Also for context in Ottawa right now there is a cat serial killer. It’s not central Ottawa but has been all over the news right now.

[@Nicole-sj9hf]

Ottawa Police came out a few days ago and said it's most likely coyotes. Still bad, but apparently not a person. Keep your cats inside either way.

[@fonsineknshr]

Well that makes the calico cat owner double not responsible, yeesh

[@ellybelly5876]

Subway bread is actually classified as cake in Ireland, there was a law suit due to the sugar content.

[@ellebelle86]

Wow... the woman with the phone confiscating thing is absolutely setting herself up to be completely frozen out of her children's lives. I wouldn't be surprised if the 17 year old, upon turning 18, got their own phone and just kept it hidden.

[@maremole2482]

They need poo-pourri. That spray will cover every awful smell. 🤣 that is what I use. And when someone enters it smells like lavender or lime or berries. Not a promotion, but it helps.

[@cynicallysweet7441]

I second this!! That's stuff is awesome!

[@superfund42]

Ben said exactly what would happen at my house - if that calico came back, it would not be returning to its original owners. It would be my cat.

[@glittery_cucumber]

The situation with the cat sounds like maybe someone else in the household got worried and made the flyer, and the daughter who reacted that way when Ben returned the cat just didn't care that much

[@nyororos]

"I knew the drawing was of my son." reminds me of "He immediately recognized the bones. His brother."

[@rachelnemeth5761]

In regards to the surgery/ wedding reddit... my dad died from complications from a routine surgery and my moms dr needed information from me on her after having complications from a surgery. If this wedding was close and she was able to get there in a moments notice if something were to happen that would be one thing but it's 8 HOURS away! God forbid something bad happens and she won't get there til the next day. With my experiences I always want to be there when my loved ones are going through something.

[@Shasha-jo5iv]

His comment record shows he's really callous and ungrateful for her care. Seems she just wanted one day to herself

[@pegaseg70]

I am sorry for what you went through Presumably (at least in my country) these discussions can happen over the phone Also, it is always best to make sure your end of life wishes are up to date in case you ever have an accident and that they are communicated to your family and friends so that everyone knows what you wish for (DNR, etc.) and can tell the health care team over the phone That's especially true when you are ill, these need to be communicated to your care team as well As I said in another comment, being dependent on one person only is not healthy for everyone, especially the support person. That's how you get caretaker burnout with, in the worst case scenario thoughts of ending their and/or the person being cared for's life

[@kallymcdonnell]

@@Shasha-jo5iv i read OP’s comment history and there wasnt anything callous or ungrateful about his wife? It looks like a throwaway just to write the single AITA post.

[@pearlygirl88]

YWNBTA if you kept the cat if she came back. I actually did the same thing a few months ago. Neighbors up the street have over the years gone through a lot of outdoor cats. They have been killed by coyotes and cars. I have personally buried two of their cats. A few months ago a little cat ran in front of our car when we were turning onto our street. We stopped for her and she stood in front of our car crying. So I got out and she immediately ran and jumped into my arms purring. I brought her home and that night I decided to keep her. I can’t 100% guarantee that she was their cat, but she was spayed and she ran out from their yard. We have a lot of coyotes here and ticks (she was covered in fleas and ticks) and I can’t stand the idea of her getting killed. She is now my velcro cat and is so happy here. Save that baby if you see her again.

[@caitlinlagaert4691]

I would love a podcast "am I the a**hole" with stories from your viewers/listeners!

[@briana9425]

that’s a great idea!!!!!

[@1997Gaa]

I am in a unique position to really understand the wife's perspective on the surgery-best friends wedding situation. I have a husband who's been dealing with an illness most his life and I've been supportive with him during the time I've known him. I also have a best friend since preschool who's getting married. If my husband needed emergency surgery even if its planned and my best friends wedding date is moved to that same day. I would stay by my husband's side as heart breaking as it would be. Even in a routine surgery things could go wrong...I've known people where this is the case. Especially if my husband wanted me there I would stay. And I do not think it unreasonable to ask to stay either. Any surgery especially if you are going under is a big deal no matter how small. Again I have known people who normal everyday procedures have turned south. Its a hard decision but coming from a very similar point of view I don't think it's unreasonable

[@ShikamaruAzumi]

With the surgery/wedding one, it sort of sounds like the wife has been with him every single step of the way. She possibly does not get any time to herself or able to take a break due to taking care of her husband. It reminds me of when my grandma started getting dementia and my grandpa had to take care of her 24/7. He couldn’t leave her alone because she had the mind of a 2 year old and would try to leave the house or do something dangerous. She couldn’t bathe herself because she became afraid of getting wet. Since my grandpa couldn’t take a break, his stress was causing him physical harm. Therefore, I’m on the side of the wife for wanting to take a break and go to this wedding.

[@noodie_doodie]

Me2

[@savagemittens9749]

Same

[@noodle3851]

Wow she was there for him at every step but not on the actual day doesn’t sound fair

[@ShikamaruAzumi]

@@noodle3851 Yeah but it doesn’t sound like this surgery is the “surgery that will cure his entire illness” if that were the case then I think the wife should definitely be there. It seems like this surgery is another step on his journey to recovery, not that it’s the final step.

[@rexana_rexana]

Someone said it was surgery on his lungs, which is really fucking scary. I can understand the dude being upset.

[@siggyswatches]

Ben’s anti-outdoor cat rant gave me life. 😂

[@herzen9857]

Unrelated: Once a woman told my mother that she had found a gorgeous, tiger looking cat outside and decided to just pick it up and bring it home to keep as her own. She only let it back outside because it kept meowing at night and jumping on the door handles. Mind you there's a lot of cats here outside that have owners and just walk in and out as they please. I just think it's insane for someone to grab a random cat outside and bring it home without thinking about if it has a owner or not. So i think someone could maybe get someone else in trouble for taking their cat. We're also pretty sure it was *our* cat that she took home because people always said that he was gorgeous, that's something he does and that happened after he went missing for 5 days. So uh.. he's not allowed outside anymore.

[@CarinaCoffee]

That dude that let's his girlfriend pay for their home and then won't even help out for the big holiday is so problematic. It's one thing if one person buys a place, but it's not like with your parents, if you use utilities you need to chip in. If he really let's her pay for all that (and don't balances it out e.g. through paying for food) than he is just using her. His brother is right, he should have paid for her to come along or he should at least pay his fair share. But really, she should dump him.

[@Ohheyykatiehart]

I have three indoor cats and would never let them wander free outside. I witnessed a kitten get run over when I was a kid. I will spare the details on that experience. Then a few years ago, a stray that we befriended and took care of got ran over as well. She had a broken pelvis and I had to keep her in a cage, give her medication everyday to try to let her heal. She did recover but was never the same. I'm planning on getting a catio soon so my cats can be outside and trying to leash train. I love my cats so much, if they were outside by themselves I think i'd be a nervous wreck. We still live on the same street where both of the previous cats I mentioned got ran over so the area we live is not safe for them.

[@marianagimenez4414]

Where I live (a very quiet with no traffic suburb) cats are raised to go outside whenever they want. My partner and I adopted a kitten 6 months ago and we trained him to ask to go outside and come whenever called, he spends a couple of hours at a time outside with no issues, never leaving the yard. I actually think being able to have some liberty is so good for cats, as long as it's done responsibly (my cat has a collar with info to contact me, his vaccines are up to date, and we made sure our neighbors know he's ours)

[@YouTubeSupportSucks]

They still are decimating logical wildlife.

[@marianagimenez4414]

@@KZbinSupportSucks that is true. I don't know how I would feel if my cat brings home a dead animal. But the problem is not only perpetuated by cats, dogs hunt and scare wild animals too.

[@kayleighisacat]

Ben: do people seriously argue that they’re paying for it so they can take it away? Yes. Yes they do. I’m 25 living at home because of the pandemic and my dad says something to this effect at least once a week. I pay for everything except for rent and shared meals 🙃

[@MsMoonDragoon]

Even if the house is basicly yours and you pay for literally everything they'll still try to pull this. trust me.

[@rochelle178]

Alsooooo there's a cat killer on the loose in Ottawa. It was really kind of you to bring that cat back to its owner.

[@efr9613]

Previous owner of outdoor cats, I lived in an area very far away from the city, we had a giant backyard, size of a football field, and let the cats roam as long as they return for meals, to sleep, etc. They loved being outside and were constricted being in the house. They were extremely friendly so it didn't affect their personality at all. I 100% agree that it depends on the area/environment; My cats were also vaccinated. Great episode Mom and Dad! The stache makes a comeback.

[@nikolinepetersen4941]

i feel like the whole letting your cat outside opinion really just depends on where you live aswell. In Denmark everyone (that i've met atleast) think that it is totally fine to let your cat go outside (without a collar, harness or leash) Some even think it's mean to not let them outside. /nm

[@IM-fs4rx]

Same here in Sweden

[@Tanyaphantom1223]

Yeah, it really depends.

[@Alex.j22]

That's my experience too, I live in Germany and I only know one person who doesn't let his cats outside (because they're a special breed). And I'm always a bit worried about outside cats wearing a collar tbh (one of our cats had one and almost died because the collar got caught on a tree branch, luckily someone found him in time).

[@savagemittens9749]

Same in Sri Lanka. The concept of indoor cats is basically unheard of. I was shocked when i heard my American cousins cat didnt go outside.

[@kait.theidiot]

Also depends on if your cat is used to being outside (ex. A stray cat adopts you) if so they can be really hard to keep inside and even be miserable inside

[@morganrosentrater4329]

As someone with indoor/outdoor cats, I think if I put posters up about my cat being missing, even if we had already found them after putting them up, I would be really great full if someone cared enough to put in the time to bring me my cat. My cats don’t have collars, but they are microchipped and we have a large property so they are safe to roam around. In a city setting I think it’d be too dangerous for outdoor cats

[@riotgrrrl8807]

Oh dear, as a German, to me it's nothing unusual at all to have free roaming cats without a collar. My parents' cats live that way too. Edit: From my experience, here it is wildly considered cruelty to have an indoor cat.

[@floatintheblue7842]

Same in England, most house cats roam outside and inside, often only expensive pedigree breeds of cat are kept inside by their owners