Six Reasons You Choose the Wrong Partner

We are - most of us - incredibly bad at choosing partners who will make us happy and who will be warm and supportive. It may look like bad luck but it is far worse than this: it is an unconscious strategy to frustrate ourselves that we need to understand in order to overcome it once and for all.
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FURTHER READING
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“The fastest, easiest and most inadvertent technique for messing up one’s life remains that of getting into a serious relationship with the wrong person: with very little effort, and without any innate taste for catastrophe, one can end up - by middle age or earlier - contemplating wholesale financial ruin, loss of parental rights, social opprobrium, homelessness, nervous exhaustion and shattered esteem, to begin a lengthy list of harrowing side-effects…”
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[@saladcaesar7716]

Some people spend more time searching for a perfect partner instead of perfecting themselves.

[@RemyWillard]

I know I did.

[@DistopianUtopia]

@Lee Haha...my thoughts exactly!

[@victoriaporsiempre]

but we will never be perfect

[@saladcaesar7716]

Victoria Porsiempre Exactly no one has to be perfect. There are people with a very unhealthy view of commitment as the end goal of your worry instead of another phase in your life. You will fail a lot, but it's up to you and your partner to fix your relationship problem if it's worth it for both of you.

[@69LOLIN]

@@victoriaporsiempre I agree. Who on earth is perfect?

[@fern21]

Everyone: Why? The School of life: OUR CHILDHOOD

[@moarawkwarder]

Everyone: Why? Aristotle: OUR CHILDHOOD Freud: OUR CHILDHOOD Researchers in Cognitive and Behavioural Science, Developmental Psychology, Neuroscience, and Neurobiology: OUR CHILDHOOD The School of life: WHAT THEY SAID

[@muhammadmubashirullah7152]

I laugh every time

[@Isaax]

Because it's true

[@Yarin4ever]

As someone who's going through tough time dealing with my current state, I can admit it's 100% true. Most of my behaviours are directly connected to my childhood.

[@Sasha11601]

@Avi It gets better

[@faridaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

“We accept the love we think we deserve”

[@chicagochicken3676]

Farida A There in my business

[@wuhhlfarg5578]

Who said that? Where is this qoute from?

[@sarwe4659]

@@wuhhlfarg5578 perks of being a wallflower

[@user-dk4ji2lm5f]

@@sarwe4659 I love this movie.

[@nelliel8251]

i genuinely don't understand this idea/philosophy/theory/quote.... at all...

[@PtolemyXVII]

I feel like every relationship is a learning lesson that brings you closer to the one. Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Perhaps someone is brought into your life to teach you something important about yourself.

[@Neutrino0000]

I agree. Everyone comes in your life either for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Each having their own valuable lesson.

[@zandra8830]

Brought by what?

[@brendadrew834]

Don't I know it now after almost 70 years! Better late than never as they say! Closer to the one? The only one I've gotten closer to on a spiritual level is my Higher Power!

[@Anna-rb6rg]

Every lesson has his own price. And alternative price too.

[@ebbyc1817]

Or perhaps the One, is you.

[@claudiap.6838]

This channel should be protected at all costs.

[@Aethelhadas]

You will assimilate lol damn..

[@learnwithfarha8467]

Haha

[@coconutseeds4419]

Everyone wants someone to complete them, instead of finding fulfillment within themselves.

[@pribbon1837]

SO TRUE

[@WhoIsDeyRok]

Perfectly said

[@kayskreed]

Indeed. Another person can never complete 'us', because we're already 'complete'.

[@mariodemartino2946]

I don’t want someone to complete me, i want someone to feel love for and share beautiful times

[@HowellConsultations]

The Universe is not in a hurry. You are. It’s why you’re tired, it’s why you’re anxious, stressed, and disappointed. Trust that what was meant to be yours, will be yours Unrush yourself. Hope our channel helps you on your journey

[@WillWilsonII]

The universe has a lot more time than I do

[@kyvministries]

The Most High is our Creator...the universe is His creation. The Most High is definitely patient, long suffering. You are right in that we are in a rush...we have much trouble learning to trust the One who made us. Instead....we want what other humans want, what we were programmed by our parents, culture, religion, media and society to want. We would fair well to trust Him. I'm still learning to trust in Him 100 percent...and while it ain't easy, I'm trusting Him to teach me to trust Him.

[@HowellConsultations]

@@kyvministriesBlessings 💖🙏💖!!

[@kyvministries]

@@HowellConsultations Continued blessings to you too. You made a great point. I wonder what life in general would be if we were allowed to just relax and enjoy the ride void of the pressures and expectations we put on ourselves, that others put on us...but then I guess that would be heaven lol

[@_thenyounoticeyourethinking]

With all due respect, Howell Consultations, your videos need a quality improvement, especially in terms of the manuscript. Good luck in your endeavours!

[@camez2345]

I love how much emphasis School of Life puts on how much the dysfunction in our early upbringings informs our later thoughts and behaviors, and how hard that is to change. It's SO important, and yet is seldom taken seriously enough, imo.

[@Chatoyancify]

I'm skeptical of the strength of its influence on the average person. My response to my parents was very different from my sister's because I don't have the same personality. Also, among my friends, dating is a trial and error method to discover what they value in a person. The values evolve as they learn and mature. Friends/partners help us transcend personal issues, but I doubt these issues were all unconsciously placed by our childhood guardians. Sure, we need knowledge our parents failed to teach us simply because they didn't know. But not all ignorance makes us suffer to the point of dysfunction.

[@BlinkyB23]

Very true! Think of how many issues in our society could be solved through nurturing our emotional and mental health as children and adults. It's probably the most important issue there is. It's the root of all things.

[@nelliel8251]

@@Chatoyancify not all of it is our childhood. childhood is extremely impactful because we can not escape it. On the other note, we can (and do, imo) continue to build our character and personality traits as we experience life. These traits that we build may or may not impact relationships. Sexual or not.

[@joavelgaming6351]

You speak just like School of Life

[@qtchickn615]

True which is why i might not have kids anymore im too scared i will screw them up in some form or another

[@jeremymenning56]

Six *MORE* reasons you choose badly in love: • Vasopressin • Dopamine • Cortisol • Oxytocin • Serotonin • Norepinephrine

[@Sceptis]

I wish I could thumbs up this comment twice.

[@Anna-rb6rg]

occur these reasons before, during oder after being in love? or maybe these are not reasons, but results? What I wanna say: read Sapolsky or anything else, handbooks on logic also would be good

[@Sceptis]

@@singu7arity I see what you did there. ;)

[@natalieboult4726]

Why sex /lust complicates and blurs reality..

[@MikhaelAhava]

Well done!

[@Eugene24820]

This vid in a nutshell: "No! Get away from me. Your kindness is unfamiliar! Inflict more pain on like my parents used to!"

[@jennymkhol]

Eugene Kwan Yeap, that’s the flip side.crazy how one could interpret to inflict pain = love

[@Ohkeh640]

Jenny Khol so messed up

[@stevestruthers6180]

People enter into maladaptive relationships because the abuse feels familiar, and they've never known anything different.

[@osse1n]

*"Why do we fall in love with wrong people?"* Because we accept the love we think that we deserve.

[@yourlieinkentucky4004]

That’s a movie quote but I can’t for the life of me remember where from

[@Enlafax]

Perks of being a wallflower be like

[@meriemayate]

Amen

[@myriahkeays3846]

Truth, know that you deserve the best

[@nomalingobese6162]

This is so powerful

[@rosalynredwood4542]

Had no idea my FBI agent cares for me so much..this came at the perfect moment .

[@FelipeKana1]

Wut?

[@DOUBLE0SEVUN]

@@FelipeKana1 You know... The FBI meme...?

[@FelipeKana1]

@@DOUBLE0SEVUN not aware of it, actually. Suspecting now that it is as if someone had to be watching her to this come at the right time?

[@DOUBLE0SEVUN]

@@FelipeKana1 Yea it's just a meme that an FBI agent (i've also seen NSA or Government) is always spying on you through your little webcam on your computer lol

[@FelipeKana1]

@@DOUBLE0SEVUN ohhh ok. Good jokes rsrs

[@ELTarTree]

Bang on. For me loneliness is/ was never a fear. At 62 years old and 3 dreadful relationships behind me, there's no point in ruining what is a now my peaceful life by making another bad judgement

[@cliffa2901]

JD CK. Same here being alone. You don't have problems. Just other probs. I'm 67 had bad relationships. I don't want to go there again

[@juliestoker-buckell5398]

Being alone and being lonely are 2 very different things. I enjoy my own company and solitude.

[@cliffa2901]

@@juliestoker-buckell5398 me to Julie. But it's good to have people around at times. Regards from Australia

[@juliestoker-buckell5398]

@@cliffa2901 Yes I agree- a couple of hours a day in company suits me fine .

[@JATherapist911]

Intense. I'm only 32 and can say that I've mostly had a similar experience. One wonderful experience with a partner, two fairly good ones... The rest can go to hell.

[@JSRenow54]

I just dated a girl three years ago and tried an online relationship with another girl (a couple hours from where I live) past year. Both relationships finally made myself stop searching for anyone, too much pain for me, I prefer to focus in my work, health and friends. It's quite difficult for me as I am really romantic and willing to love and care about others, but I am forcing myself to believe that she will come sooner or later and, until then, loneliness is my way to truly appreciate my future wife as much as I can. Love is too profound to be shared with anyone.

[@ourstory8649]

May God bless you with a beautiful wife this year. Ameen

[@-Chrome-]

How is it going?

[@azaleaslightsage1271]

This is why everyone should be taught Emotional intelligence AND about our subconscious programming

[@maii.8338]

Wow, this video really hit the spot. I think one of the reasons why people can't get over their ex's is bc they have lots of regrets about the relationship. What you could have said or done in a certain situation. Then maybe you would still be together. But the reality is that they just aren't right for you and they never were. They aren't worth it and you have to claim that power back to yourself.

[@cheepawful]

Thank you for stating that... I needed to hear (read) it!

[@sandy7543]

Me too. No matter how hard I try, I think of my 2 ex's all the time.

[@morganmoody7241]

honestly perfect timing. i just fully cut off my ex and it’s hard to not miss them and try to think of things to fix the relationship when in reality, they don’t want to fix anything. we all just have to accept that it’s over and let go. it’s difficult but it’s possible

[@lillianlilo7447]

There's more to life than just relationships with others. There's work, travel, shopping and coming home to a clean house. And she never heard from him again. A modern day love story.

[@CreativeUsernameEh]

Sailor of the Mind: You are worthy of being loved, as cheesy as that sounds. Just because you’ve been mistreated, doesn’t mean you have to mistreat others. Try getting counseling or find a male support group, if you aren’t already doing that. Don’t give up hope, you are worth it :)

[@victoriaporsiempre]

CreativeUsernameEh lovely answear 😍

[@marmoris11]

@@CreativeUsernameEh Perfect response👌

[@Nokss87]

Perfect one

[@Nokss87]

@@CreativeUsernameEh no people are responsible for loving themselves. This "deserve love" thing is absolutely insane....

[@Inerize]

One can only give true love when they love themselves enough!

[@innerstrengthhappinessbyal3449]

Make sense

[@lovepeaceisneverguaranteed7385]

Yea good point👌

[@BtrDaze]

Im doomed

[@malazkarar1171]

Cannot agree enough!!

[@morganmoody7241]

the school of life needs to make a dating app for all of us watching these videos. i need to find somebody like you guys who are so emotionally mature 😭

[@ChrisInvests]

Sometimes you get mesmerized so to speak and you forget to think logically 🤔

[@innerstrengthhappinessbyal3449]

Repeating something again and again will Mesmerize you to think the same way.

[@ill-Nana]

You mean dickmatized? lmao xD

[@Keilnoth]

Funny, my ex told me: "You're a kind person. I feel less chemistry.". Now, I know that my gut feeling was right from the beginning, as usual. Luckily I didn't waste too much time with her. I think creativity is an important part of love, especially to make your partner attractive and to keep chemistry alive.

[@Lindsweightloss]

We fall in love with the wrong person because we lack SELF-LOVE, so we are instantly bought by the first person who shows us a little love. Who agrees? ♥️

[@jlvandat69]

Agreed. Our ability to recognize and attract quality love is governed by how well our parents loved us, and how well we love ourselves.

[@DiduFuski]

I lacked self love and i was so pushy towards my ex fiance to give me that love and attention and when she did not i forced her and did all shit to get it, and then she ignored me. We ended up with a break up. Was she too lacking self love as she was with me for 8 months?? What could be??

[@Sabadiver]

Definitely agree! I think the most important thing is realizing you don't love yourself and try to work on that. I only recently realized this and I'm happy I have as I can now work on it.

[@Lindsweightloss]

@@jlvandat69 I totally agree, ,our childhood plays a HUGE role when it comes to 'finding' love

[@Lindsweightloss]

@@DiduFuski Hey Rohan, thank you for sharing! It's difficult to say! But, before searching for love from external things, we should find a way to find love from within! Then nothing and no one can ever hurt us. I wish you all the best :)

[@GiGi19sUmax]

This made me tear up, especially with the last reason, "they are wrong because they threaten to be kind". Fantastic video and so true.

[@RishiNigamMusic]

Hey! You watched this video 2 years ago. Did you ever find a solution to number #6? How to recognize and fix #6?

[@annastasiuk6397]

@@RishiNigamMusic therapy

[@Attackatyourownrisk]

If you choose wrong, you can not blame no one but you. You saw the red flags but decided to move forward typically due to superficial reasons. I am truly thankful I did a lot of inner work before going back out in the dating world. Healthy, loving, compassionate individuals who have morals will always be a perfect pick. Get your mind, body, and spirit right before getting back in the game ppl! Happy Sunday!

[@lenap4956]

School of Life at it again with the bad childhood being the root of most issues in our life. It's a constant battle to remind ourselves that we are deserving of respect and love (especially from yourself) when the ones who were supposed to help you grow chose instead to abuse you to overcome their own insecurities. For me, I chose to doubt and analyse every words that come from my parent. There is a difference between a bit of criticism and a one sided conversation More often than not, I've found that my parent cares more about making herself the one who "suffered the most" so I should discard my feelings to attend to hers. Not anymore. It's hard, there are a lot of snide remarks, boundaries crossing and screaming rage but if I'm going to feel like crap, *I* will be the one to chose who gets to make me feel like that: nobody but me. And I'm done feeling like crap. Good luck you all, as long as we find a lifeline that works, we won't lose sight of what truly matters for us

[@veritas88n4]

You are an amazing person. Thank you. Hang in on there.

[@jayfawn8478]

Tbh you are pointless

[@BlinkyB23]

It's called narcissism and it takes a lot away from a person! Be kind to yourself, look into the idea of "re-parenting" yourself as an adult, and you will heal, with time. You deserve happiness, peace, and healthy boundaries :0)

[@surabhi_kumari]

" We aren't a friend to ourselves ." The only friends I have is me , myself and I .

[@Lindsweightloss]

That's great. it's very important to be your own friend ♥️

[@rebeccafrost5542]

Self-love and self-respect are significant assets required to establish a healthy and happy life and lifestyle.

[@amoghkaushik1764]

❤

[@jlvandat69]

If you're a very good friend to yourself, you will have other good friends. However, it ca take some time.

[@BRBHARDWAJ]

@@jlvandat69 if you are friend to yourself others will think you don't need anyone and knowing it's true they will hate you

[@unclvinny]

At a friend’s parents’ 35th wedding anniversary, they were asked the secret of staying together so long. Without missing a beat, they simultaneously answered, “Low expectations”.

[@Rick-ve5lx]

A very old couple were celebrating their 80th anniversary. The husband was asked the secret. “Long separations and increasing deafness.”

[@johnshafer7214]

Plus have realistic expectations. So many people have unrealistic expectations and then they wonder why things don't work.

[@stoiccarpe]

A wounded childhood simply remain unware of its existence even as grown up adults and the longingness for love is undying.🍁🍁🍁🍁

[@dogie1070]

Pets give unconditional love.

[@BRBHARDWAJ]

@@dogie1070 yeah but that's a hypocrite because you love one dog eat up other dog with spicy curry. Ps: a true dog lover must be a vegetarian not hypocrite

[@dogie1070]

@@BRBHARDWAJ lol. My dog eats meat. I love him anyway.

[@MikeJackson690]

Anyone else feeling washed-up and want to give up on relationships? I miss feeling wanted and cared for but am feeling so despondent about 'starting again' or even finding someone who's interested.

[@yassineidrissi8812]

Now I have 2 struggles, first is to understand the language in this video then understand Love

[@gorryumbul9031]

🤣🤣

[@yassineidrissi8812]

@Stephon Stewart Indeed, but this is sophisticated for me.. Probably I'd get there

[@maulidyahanamufida6062]

:'(

[@BK-iy4jj]

I was seriously having a hard time of letting go someone toxic, But I love how you guys ruthlessly pointed me to the truth of the matter, Lord knows I needed that! Thank you so much

[@YSANROCHEOfficialYoutube]

We don’t choose badly - we are all delusional about what it means to be a human being

[@oscarrzga4615]

They have another video about this.

[@alicedoors4826]

@@oscarrzga4615 What's it called, or link please?

[@oscarrzga4615]

@@alicedoors4826 kzbin.info/www/bejne/Z4nKfo1njsyspac

[@alicedoors4826]

@@oscarrzga4615 Thank you so much ❤︎

[@natalieboult4726]

We are ignoring our spiritual side and only feeding our physical selves.. morally void causes us to accept anyone and anything.

[@Masanumi]

Then someone must really talk me in that I am worthless, because I accepted to be used a lot from people I love... I am glad I woke up. I am worth to be loved.

[@yoyoyo5621]

Oh "magically hoping that these adults will change and learn to be kind"...that is so heartbreaking.. I was once stuck in that for a long time I know what that feels like all too well

[@indiehipstervibe]

I need to stop rushing into relationships. The right person will come at the right time

[@Lindsweightloss]

Definitely!!

[@lucasgoncalvesdasilva30]

Maybe you are the right person :)

[@padrinozerocool]

I thinking that, I'm still single. The most close to relationship thing I had, I was having a complicated relation with a senior lady; go out clubs, spend money on her, you know..ahem, ahem. But we never declare love to each other(worst part, I'm clueless whether she really loved me or not). Now I heard she married with someone. I thought about her sometimes. Hope she have a great live. I'm still searching and, searching, and searching ... for the one. Hope I find her one day before my Indian parents decides to arranged marriage me to someone just because I'm getting old, I'm 28 btw (due date: 30 years old)

[@padrinozerocool]

Due age: 30 years old...huhhhhh

[@rickiex]

I just found this channel and I'm in love. Calming English voice along with solid content. It's like educational ASMR.

[@mariacliment7527]

This is the only channel I know where the comments section is as delightful as the video. You guys are so smart and thoughtful! :)

[@Sabadiver]

That's what I think, I get a lot of therapy from reading what people have to say like this one - Why do we fall in love with the wrong people? Because we accept the love we think that we deserve.

[@tigerli1986]

What is said in this video is SO true!! But it also means that we REJECT the right ones and that we DON'T accept genuine love.

[@brendadrew834]

In the beginning of my 42 long year marriage to a malignant narcissistic real Dr. Jekyll/Mr Hyde sociopath not unlike my late father, his mother and grandmother said I was the luckiest woman and then his grandmother also said her grandson was so lucky! Little did she know how lucky he was, little did they know what I had gotten myself into! lol "Love IS blind", no truer words were ever spoken! I love what Parisian women say about love that they learn from the time they're little girls..."it never ends well"! You either break up after an affair, go through a divorce or become a widow like myself or a widower! Very pragmatic advice to keep in mind!

[@blahber222]

oh school of life, how do you always know when i need a specific video for a specific topic because of my specific current situation lol

[@oscarrzga4615]

Perhaps all videos fit us all the time.

[@t.y.6640]

Mine too. Sadly I am that distant girl 😭 lost my dream guy because I was hurt at the time that we met, and ended up unconsciously pushing him away.

[@Nokss87]

Join

[@rossschwartz9219]

So many of these channel's videos remind me of attachment theory which also explains interpersonal interactions based on childhood experiences. It's great that something like this exists in such as an easily accessible form.

[@sofiya1536]

This information is very much valuable for me , I have finally founded the real reason of self- love is to just recognize that the other person is not really worth it and will never be whatever we are!

[@talkinteefs]

Thanks SoL 🙌🙌🙌 I remember how brilliant the article was when it appeared in my timeline months ago now.. I wasn't expecting a video, and this was just brilliant 🙌🙌🙌 .. for anyone who's interested I've made a little video on this topic about how I've learned to process garbage relationships by removing the question from my thought process of what more I can/ could/ should do because a relationship isn't about one person doing the whole thing👌

[@harshufflevlogs6637]

This is sooo hard to watch and accept when you know you've done all those self harming things they're talking about 🙈

[@TerranceNicholsonVoiceActor]

Honestly this was eye opening, really helped me self-reflect.

[@sagi1lol66]

I really fond of watching these educational and insightful videos. Sometimes, I have a tough time understanding exactly what the narrator means due to the high english level.( English isn't my first language). But, I am thankful for it, because each video I run into new words, this way I am expanding my horizons, much appreciation.

[@thestranger9226]

I've just retired from the dating scene.I observe, take time to know, embrace patience and becoming more in touch with myself... perhaps dating and marriage was never the way at all.

[@stevestruthers6180]

Some of us, myself included, aren't meant to have the happy, healthy relationships others seem to find with little difficulty. So I hear you, loud and clear.

[@jlvandat69]

Very well-explained reasons why we might choose the wrong partner. There's so many emotionally-handicapped people..... thanks to deficiencies to a greater or lesser degree in parenting. Someday, every prospective parent will receive appropriate skills to ensure their child is provided with adequate nurturing. Otherwise, birth control would be a good option.

[@chrizihart3016]

Omg that misguided patience was so me with my ex. It was an absolute disaster!

[@samahamara8543]

I'm into this now ...it is the relevant bridge in my life currently

[@daverauschenfels7047]

Dating should also have a background check from my experience.

[@FluffyMuffs]

And blood screening test for diseases 😂 i get so anxious with holding hands, sharing food, etc. Im scared to get hepatitis and hiv lols

[@pablo-ww2ey]

What a wonderful video, I cannot believe I found it just at the right time. I came home feeling like crap, thinking people I like as a partner are just there to make Me feel like crap, I just realized I was not being a good friend to myself.

[@taintupgui2320]

Such a clever metaphor. It totally changed my perspective about my current relationship

[@xw6475]

I just love it! Have to watch twice and fully understand what is being said. But its all worth it in the end. Thank you so much sir!! 👏👏

[@crastybowersox240]

Sometimes it's not us. It may be that we live in a dating wasteland or other people have more baggage and issues than we do and we are aware when people are not good for us.

[@poppalance]

Knowledge Of Self is the last thing we think about and want to attain. We want to know n love others but dont even know n love ourselves. We think we do but the person you dress up and see in the mirror IS NOT YOU. TBH, We only try to look nice for others or to feed the ego or vanity. TV, Social Media and Music only fuel these two. Sex is the worst thing you can do, if you dont actually LOVE the other person (not like or lust). Again, TV, SM and Music are the main driving forces behind RECREATIONAL SEX. Not telling ppl what to do, jus making u think.

[@bangtanbangtan4989]

Could not relate so i must have had a wonderful childhood! Thanks mum & dad~!

[@Rockaholic260]

I have been struggling recently with understanding why things happen, or rather, that I cannot understand why things happen. I always come to this channel looking for answers. Sometimes I find one, other times I don't. Either way, I love these videos. Thank you to those who create this content.

[@boronhelium3720]

Rockaholic It's your soul telling you to turn to it's creator. Because the only one who can truly satisfy your heart is the one who created it. :) you can start with Islam to know your true purpose of life i.e to worship the Almighty God and not join anyone in his service. Almighty God also says: “God is He Who raised the heavens without any pillars you can see. Then He rose above the Throne. He subjected the sun and the moon each running for a term appointed. He regulates the affair, explaining the signs in detail that you may believe with certainty in the meeting of your Lord.” (Quran 13:2)

[@mha2368]

Excellent understanding of relational dynamics. Bravo

[@katelynbrown98]

I really liked how this ended. I have to take responsibility for my actions, but at the same time it's hard to be happy with someone else when you're not happy with yourself.

[@dogie1070]

Thank you for creating those excellent informative videos!

[@peterkhanbanypieny9179]

My thankfully to the school of life for very incredibly initiatives it raises to the world with regular rules of governance themselves.

[@_Bubblefly]

Am I the only one who play the school of life video when having anxiety episodes or panic attack even I can't process anything during the attacks. The narrator's voice and tone is soothing. It calms me down😭

[@michaelcranberry7398]

Thank you for this knowledge

[@SparkleNeely]

I’m totally screwed because I always pick science projects. Men who are broken and insecure. I always think I can heal them through love and support, but it backfires every time.

[@cmcd6435]

I would have to agree with you there 💯 Time to work on you and find someone that is your “Upgrade”. Then maybe fix others together. 💥 Fulfilled purpose and partner all in one go. ;) Good luck and stay strong 💪

[@mdj864]

this is true, and on the flip side, there are those rare individuals that make it through a dysfunctional childhood with high self esteem intact, driven to achieve the family they never had. but despite this, their brains developed neural pathways from the environment which affected them-- and maybe those neural pathways were programmed to bring 'comfortable' dysfunction' back into their lives... " and you may say to yourself: "my god, what have i done?" 'letting the days go by, let the water hold me down'

[@janmots2829]

That was very enjoyable video and very thought provoking... Thank you. 🌸🌸👍

[@beewardrobe]

Wonderful channel. Thank you. I think changes that have occurred in our environment also play a large part why we chose wrong partners. Prior relationships was about families and communities merging together and parents often selected the partners. Romance was unheard of but today it is the most important factor. Prior relationships couples got married first and fell in love later. Today people want to fall in love first and then divorce later. The environment supports and exploits love marriages bc that is where the money is. Really it is a big disaster for our generation. Hopefully the next generation will start getting it right. Staying single in this confused environment is perhaps the best on can do.

[@andybell8694]

Where do you begin or how do you start to heal when you've been emotionally damaged all your life. Watching this video is like watching every relationship I've ever had. Not looking for a magic wand, just a little nudge 🙏

[@daffodils5191]

Love how the two better individuals in the relationships end up together. Happy ending ♥

[@cricket700612]

I teach an "Emotional Support" high school Special Education classroom. I love your videos!

[@zachtoysreview4240]

I watched til the end and I agree for this. Everyone needs love and to be love but in order to get the love that we want we need to love first ourselves. Treat our self as a example of one love to get others love. A very nice message for all stages in life.

[@at5286]

It would be so cool to go back in time to our childhoods, fix all the problems and give us all our needs and unconditional love, then go back to the future and see what happens!

[@69LOLIN]

What an excellent video! Love school of life...

[@ignaciabarra3700]

Party game idea: review some random Scholl of Life video. Take a shot every time the word "childhood" appears

[@chuckleberrypi]

I needed this ... thank you

[@reposetion]

This is heartbreaking

[@kathrynmacdonnell6224]

Good video, makes a lot of sense.

[@nonentitynaila4229]

Hi there. Thank you school of life for attempting to explain the why’s and how’s and what could be the reasons. Even though I haven’t completely narrowed down my issues regarding why I make the choices I make, these videos have helped immensely. Regarding this particular video, (I’m sorry to indulge myself in a KZbin comment like this), even though I have never been in a proper relationship (romantic) in my 25 years of life, I have had this unrequited love situation which isn’t healthy for me. Tbh I haven’t had a damaging childhood (if I think about it) but yes the points mentioned are some of the reasons that I probably am ‘stuck’. I did believe that I was a friend to myself but I do also overthink about what did I do to cause this etc. Thus I’m not too sure if #2 is one of the causes. However than no.5, I think I do have all the other issues. And I need to work on them, problem is I’m too used to being myself obviously which makes it harder to change myself. Sorry if I don’t make sense. Anywayz, here are the bullet points of the things he mentioned : #1. We can’t Sift. #2. We aren’t a friend to ourselves. #3. We can’t disappoint anyone. #4. We hope too much. #5. We are overly scared of being alone. #6. We find kindness boring. *i also found misguided patience interesting*

[@stevestruthers6180]

One reason why there isn't formal training in how to pick a good partner is that we're wedded (no pun intended) to the idea that love has to be magical and unexpected.

[@nowhereman6019]

I feel like even though I know what I should look out for and what I should do to have a fulfilling happy life, I will still screw up, falling into the same traps that everyone does even though I can plainly see them.

[@majowabr7817]

This is really relatable. Honestly I don't think it is possible to be completely sure of someone before getting into a relationship and falling in love with the person. Is there really people out there without baggage and childhood trauma? 🤔

[@ebbyc1817]

@Nowhere Man It's called, being human. :)

[@yoyogayboyify]

This is incredibly accurate to my patterns and even though I'm fully aware I do this, it seems so difficult to fall out of it. A therapist told me the same thing, to treat myself well but what does that even mean really? I can think I'm doing I'm loving myself and that I am happy in myself but I still unconciously keep falling into the same patterns and find myself giving all my time and effort to extremely toxic people instead of kind and loving people :/

[@pedroroque4084]

You guys are amazing! Thanks a lot

[@LyndseyMacPherson]

This is a start, but it's covering a LOT of ground in seven minutes. Would be great to see a segment on each of the six things. Hopefully, this at least gets some who need it the courage to start the journey of treating themselves well and breaking out of broken patterns.

[@LivingMAD]

I wish I'd known some of this when I got married, but I was an average 19 year old who thought I knew it all. I talk about this on my own channel where I share my experiences going through my own divorce after a 13 year marriage. Life can really kick you hard sometimes.

[@dimsun3039]

Thank you for this insight.

[@Yarin4ever]

5:46 - this is so right I want to headbutt myself. It's literally my problem and I acknowledge it, yet don't knot how to change it.

[@jeso317]

I have been so traumatized in toxic relationships, if I am with someone who is not a jealous wreck, I think they don't like me. Drama for some people keep things from getting boring

[@mariannep8352]

After an awful childhood where I was unloved and used I have had a lot of relationships in my life. Every time I learned a lesson. Now I am 83 and sick. Has ended in a kind of peace. Every relationship has been a little better and I have learnt to ask myself if a new relationship has a potential or not. And be able to say yes or no. Sorry it is so late in life.

[@sorchaOtwo]

What about those of us who were raised in a nurturing, loving, and GIVING environment? My parents were such and often helped others along when they stumbled or encountered difficulties. As such, we kids grew up tolerant, patient and loving, but we knew that relationships required patience sometimes, as well as the ability to hold one's tongue when another wounded person was acting out their hurt. That can still result in a temporary hurt to the person being patient, but that understanding and patience, can often help the other person to see their error and learn from it, thus helping them heal? Many of us in my family have made lives with others who are wounded, and in some situations, it has worked out, albeit not always smoothly. Aren't all people wounded in some way? Shouldn't a good relationship work to heal both parties? And when I ask that last question, I realize the levels of hurt are never equal and thus the see- saw of the work that goes into the relationship is never even. That just seems like common sense to me. Is it easy to do this? No. Can't it hurt sometimes? Of course it can. That's life. Does that mean there are times relationships need to be ended? Of course there are, but I think there is also room for some reality in judging those relationships. Thought over reaction so to speak. I am in complete agreement that empathy and healthy relationships, as well as a basic understanding of psychology should be taught in school, starting at the earliest ages and continuing throughout one's schooling would do great things for human society. That said, I do enjoy your videos. Keep up the good work ; )

[@graemeroberts2935]

Excellent!

[@VonBinde]

I needed this today.

[@ironeer2960]

Would love some videos for people with mostly happy childhoods. Or are happy children immune against any difficulties?!

[@Salatiso]

2.30"& extricate themselves with the requisite ruthless and decisiveness" Interesting description of a process most would rather suffer through, but sadly correct if one can ignore the emotional aspects.

[@maria.1313]

This is such a concise, well made video. I've been all these. Have been working my way through them for a while and I'm glad to see more self love and positive regard for myself, more maturity and capacity to not settle, more discernment. I'm treating myself well and growing to be a friend to myself. Thank you 🙏🤍🙏

[@leversandpulleys9274]

Depression: Hey Me: uh. School Of Life: -Psst Me: oh hi? School Of life: :)) Me: *:))))*

[@cherrie1890]

I have very much like your videos. You have a kind reading voice. Why childhood friends matter is my favorite. Do you do tours?

[@racris7]

Okay I am getting really tired of hearing that the reason for all my worries is my childhood. I had a wonderful childhood but I can relate to most of those videos so what now

[@Smile-kg7vb]

You alone have a wonderful childhood doesn’t guarantee in finding the person you click with has equally a wonderful childhood, and if one of you did suffer or was traumatised during childhood, the chance of going down the wrong path is still high, unfortunately. I hope that makes sense.

[@riyanshiagrawal22]

It's so sad to see that most of us think that the only worthy love is the one that's hard to get and should leave us wanting for more. We reject those who love us openly thinking we are not worthy of love that's given so openyl.

[@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS]

I like and love myself; however, I was taught to be the parent, be responsible, and in addition to the cultural training that women get to do the emotional labor, I've realised I have an automatic script to do the emotional labor. I don't find kindness boring.

[@mattgorak8189]

😂😂😂 I laughed the whole duration because of the constant realization of how relatable it all is XD