How to Fight an Iron Golem (Logically)

[@Freefall347]

I feel like swinging a melee weapon at an iron golem at full strength from horseback would do significantly more damage to your own wrist, elbow, and weapon than it would to the golem.

[@kylestanley7843]

Yeah, you'd probably just rip your own arm off at the shoulder.

[@omfggala3913]

I couldn't of put it better myself.

[@Pokemonmaster32925]

That depends on how durable the thing you’re hitting is, if you hit it hard enough it won’t break you, if you don’t hit hard enough it might.

[@piotrekmajewski4867]

Maybe the weapon would braeak before the wrist. Just saying, but there are many variable factors...

[@LordBrittish]

I would use a flail. That way everything goes into the ball. The ball at the end of the chain certainly might shatter though. (unless it’s made of adamantine!)

[@BigEasy2112]

"And golems are everywhere. Maybe not at the local grocery store..." Now you've made me imagine a reclusive wizard sending his golem to do the shopping. Standing in the checkout isle, plastic bag pinched in his fingers. So, thanks for that.

[@netherdominater9960]

The wizard has mastered social distancing during the covid quarantine

[@alexeyvlasenko6622]

That would be one advantage of an iron golem over a tank, you can send him shopping. Just make sure that the store doesn't have a weak floor over a basement or lower level, wouldn't want to get charged for the damage when your 2300kg golem falls through

[@aynonymos]

@@alexeyvlasenko6622 or make a golem out of something lighter to serve as a servant and keep the heavier golems as guards. Perhaps a recycled golem, or something modern like that.

[@SmolTerribleTornado]

You can make an isekai out of that idea and call it "Reborn as a hikikomori wizard king in the modern world with a golem (& knuckles)"

[@egosomnio]

My grocery store does have one. It mainly just wanders around looking for spills and is mostly plastic (and isn't person-shaped), but still.

[@mcbadrobotvoice8155]

“Listen and understand, that iron golem is out there. It can’t be bargained with, it can’t be reasoned with, it doesn’t feel bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing damage. And it absolutely will not stop until you are at zero hp”

[@ericolsen5592]

This got funnier with your username and profile pic

[@sandrastone7644]

Laughed far to much at this.... Thanks for that

[@Goldfox2112]

me and a partner beat up like 5 iron golems using two min - maxed characters for a one shot, and before that we beat up a cr16/17 homebrew bronze colossus, and a fire giant ( i think ). We were two level 15s, and my dm was so upset that our solution to the puzzle was "giving me surgery for artificial respiration behind enemy lines so i can not die to poison damage, so we can destroy all the enemy units instead of solving the puzzle"

[@punishedsteak5150]

i think you mean negative max hp

[@matthewwriter9539]

Always beware any Dungeon Master who owns more than 6 Iron Golem minis. ...or more than 2 of any color adult or ancient dragons...

[@seigeengine]

Pre-video guess: pit trap. Even if they're only human size, they're roughly 8x as dense assuming they're solidish. Even if they have other internals, or are hollow, they'd still be very heavy. Also, iron golems generally aren't know for their climbing ability, and they'd have trouble climbing at all with their density since the walls of the hole won't support their weight, possibly even if they were trying to scale solid rock. They'd have to basically excavate their way out, and that's not going to work if it just fills back in on them and/or their range of motion is limited. Dig a hole, put a floor over it strong enough to support a person, but not a giant mass of iron, lure them across, backfill it in, done. They won't be easily able to move, definitely not get out, and all the abrasion will cut through any protective coating and moisture can rust them out over time. Sand content could get in the joints and wear them out too as they struggle.

[@dimiaraujo90]

Even better if we drown them in water

[@3nertia]

This is similar to the idea that I had

[@philopharynx7910]

We once fought an iron golem on a 10' wide staircase spiraling around the outside of a tower. I had disintegrate prepped and figured it would be easier to cross the gap than to fight the golem.

[@dylanguignion2036]

after the pit trap catches the golem, cook till molten, bury under large boulders.

[@misterbadguy7325]

Mind you, in D&D, iron golems are actually pretty good climbers. This is because the skill used to designate climbing skill is Athletics, and that skill is steeped in Strength. And guess what an iron golem's best stat is? They may lack any actual skill proficiencies, but they're so absurdly powerful that they make up for it. Presumably, it could just kind of punch holes in the dirt and use those as handholds.

[@krisonveloc25]

"Gravity always the solution, aim for the leg" Black iron Tarkus

[@tinchoide]

XD

[@Ozymandias2x]

TAR-KUS! TAR-KUS! TAR-KUS!

[@Delgen1951]

Get a druid and his 4 pet rust puppies, and what Iron Golem problem? after all Rust Monsters eat metal, even Magic metals. So what Iron Golem problem, I can see Fat Rust Puppies after the fight and no Golem through.

[@themcchuck8400]

"Sweep the leg!"

[@aaronsirkman8375]

@@Delgen1951 I dunno, I was just recently made aware that Rust Monsters can't dissolve Magic Armor, so magic metal might actually be proof against them, although perhaps they would just need more time.

[@MBMEMDDD]

In a world where iron golems exist you fight one with a steel golem, simple as.

[@AbenZin1]

But what if it counters with a titanium golem?

[@ZigzagEnd]

@@AbenZin1 diamond golem

[@eatthewitch2858]

@@AbenZin1 tungsten

[@humannatureismetal1263]

Swarm of Rust Monsters

[@Epicspaz1234]

@@ZigzagEnd Nether Golem?

[@Taranchule]

Forget Rambo. Ewoks are the experts at taking out giant metal monsters.

[@Technoanima]

They would attack the balance of the iron golem.

[@spectralstriker]

When a fucking build-a-bear kicks an iron golem’s shit in.

[@Zanzabarchocolate]

I don't know what those logs are made of or how dense they are, but damn did they make that durasteel plating look like failed origami.

[@BRDoriginal]

@@Zanzabarchocolate is likely that they are comparable to a red wood, bit probably even larger which adds more weight when it hits. The myth busters did an episode on that very thing.

[@Etticos.]

All you need are some logs

[@abbbba1845]

- Show the core on the golem's head to the thief and tell him : look at this huge ruby ! - Prepare a trap and make it fall - Attack only during a thunderstorm and lure the golem outdoor - Splash acid and glue till it can't move - Bring a rust monster

[@TheReaver1234]

That first ones just not fair man

[@pinkliongaming8769]

will lighting be that bad for it though?

[@maxpowers9129]

@@pinkliongaming8769 It Depends on the story. Some stories have lightning destroy the core easily, while leaving the husk of a body intact.

[@asdergold1]

Gravity. Big Boulders. BIGGER BOULDERS. Mountains. Deep waters? Magma? Volcano. Verticality in general.

[@silverhand9965]

Dwarf Fortress taught me that the best way to fight creatures made out of pure iron is to just not fight them. Get them to fall into a trap or to walk down a shooting gallery with a ballista at the end (and even that's quite risky). But sending dwarves to deal with him is how you end up with crushed dwarves

[@silverhand9965]

@@WesHalScyth So,just another day in DF But with graphics this time around 😳

[@Klaaism]

Trap them Ina wooden cage then unleash on captives in an arena to help train your crossbowers.

[@Pattoe]

Minecarts and momentum.

[@memesintensifies8013]

"Use gun and if that don't work use more gun" Some Texan

[@thesmallestminorityisthein4045]

Well......some Texan has a point. If given my choice of wepon, id start with a tank and move up from there.

[@nvfury13]

Well, an antitank rifle would be a good idea...but a cannon or two would work well.

[@velazquezarmouries]

Ma get me David Crockett

[@JALETRATOR]

just bomb it

[@anandasatria7734]

@@thesmallestminorityisthein4045 TF2 Engineer playing guitar intensifies

[@fishisyum]

"Humans can't swing things at super sonic speeds" **Castlevania theme starts playing** (This is a joke, though a discussion about the Chain whip would be awesome)

[@bortoo6634]

Also slings!

[@gweria]

He's made two videos that cover the chain whip. First one about whip swords in general: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aqGQiYyvZbd-oaM And one where he tries a chain thing he made: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qZqoo3aBbNaWmJo

[@fripon2450]

The Chain Whip is a whip made of chains. In most games, it's the middle form the Vampire Killer can take and usually evolved from a Leather Whip after obtaining a Morning Star or Crystal power-up. It's stronger and sometimes longer than the Leather Whip and can be further powered-up into a Morning Star (which extends the length of the whip)

[@bat32391]

@@fripon2450 What? I thought the chain whip was a chain made of whips.

[@fripon2450]

@@bat32391 that’s not what the wiki says

[@Pizzagulper]

As a person who is trained in Oxy-Acetylene welding, I would say that even if you had time to sit there and try to melt it with an Oxy-Acetylene torch, you wouldn't be able to do much. It is truly incredible how much a difference of not just the thickness of a metal piece, but the overall size of it makes a difference in the amount of heat it takes to melt even a small section of it. You could probably get a spot to be red hot if given some time, but that still doesn't actually do damage by itself unless you liquidize the metal. You could to it with a cutting attachment, but if the metal is decently thick, you would likely be just spraying molten metal back at you. Also the cutting torches need a lot of preheating when dealing with thick metal. You would be better off using a plasma torch, but you would have to figure out how to get it to stand next to a special high voltage outlet, and let you hook up a wire for the ground, before starting to cut it. In a weird way, it actually makes sense that iron golems are healed by fire, because most dnd fire spells are quick powerful flash burns, and something like that wouldn't be able to conduct the heat fast enough to get that far into the golem. At worst, such spells may just melt some of the exterior cracks back together. If hit with constant fire spells eventually it may have absorbed to much, but it would likely take a lot.

[@bioemiliano]

What about thermite tho

[@borttorbbq2556]

@@bioemiliano I mean good luck trying to figure out a way to get that to work but thermite would absolutely cut a good chunk out of it. If you could find a way to knock it down so you could immobilize it thermite would be great for cutting apart. But I don't think there's a good method for doing that.

[@Bagginsess]

Get a battery/magic powered fan and a squirt gun filled with water or an acid, aim for the joins and pester it like a bug. That or a javelin missile.

[@asdergold1]

So would dropping it from a mountain work? What about dropping it in deep waters? What about using a Big Boulder? What about a BIGGER BOULDER? Might as well drop it into a volcano.

[@RoboArmadillo]

Correct strategy: charge straight towards the Iron Golem, hit the legs with your strong attack or Great Combustion a few time until it starts wavering, and then keep doing it until it falls off the platform, easy 30 seconds. If you ant to make it even easier, just summon Black Iron Tarkus, sit back, relax and enjoy the show!

[@mikaj1462]

Warpick man, warpick.

[@NaiIbomb]

Firestorm will have great results too

[@vincebradleysolante7895]

TARKUS TARKUS TARKUS TARKUS

[@bortoo6634]

In short, just hit gud.

[@marcussawyer4751]

They are immune to fire and absorb it to heal any damage they have taken.

[@Skallagrim]

Hope you folks liked this one. It was a crazy week of working on almost nothing but this video with all its editing. I can't do something that labor intensive too often, but hopefully it was worth it. :) By the way, I was completely ignorant of the square cube law. Apparently when doubling the size you have to quadruple the weight. In other words, based on the weight the iron golem must indeed be at least partially hollow.

[@straygoat4366]

It really was! Nice work.

[@iwelios842]

Great editing, one of the best soo far on chanel

[@KingXOreo]

Great video! You should link up with Kyle Hill. He'd be able to explain the sciency side of this fun combat scenario.

[@RodMateu]

Is this a series? This should be a series. Make it a series. Do it!

[@kamilszadkowski8864]

I personally love such hypothetical scenarios. So if you feel up to it, definitely make them from time to time. It would be much appreciated.

[@expertoflizardcorrugation3967]

When it comes I feel that this quote is appropriate "While nothing is truly unbreakable, I am convinced that it would take an act of extraordinary violence to break" LPL

[@scorchprimethewalkingwarcrime]

Ah someone else that watches LPL. you have good taste.

[@Delgen1951]

Rock to mud, and it sinks, rock to mud, rock to mud, rock to mud thirty feet of quick mud then mud to rock at lest 3 times.

[@matteste]

Going a bit nutty here as you are forgetting the Square Cube Law. It's weight does not increase linearly with the scale, it is cubed instead. "When an object undergoes a proportional increase in size, its new volume is proportional to the cube of the multiplier and its new surface area is proportional to the square of the multiplier." The main way to beat these if anti magic or heavy cannons are not available would probably be to lure them to soft ground where they would sink and get stuck due to their weight compared to the surface area of their feet.

[@backtokoopaville4955]

I believe this is the most logical comment I've seen under this video yet. 👏🏻

[@Tobi9012]

The surface is suared, but the weight does not depend on the surface. The weight depends on the volume and the volume is not just squared, but cubed. So the golem is even heavier.

[@iepvienredstoneHuy007]

consider the typical low inteligence image of a golem, they would likely fall for this if not near their master

[@backtokoopaville4955]

@@iepvienredstoneHuy007 in any situation where the master is not in direct sight of it this is completely reasonable, I'm not here trying to debate magic 😂 but from almost any depiction of golems, it's not like they think for themselves most of the time. The chances of just setting up a hole of wet cement or getting them to walk through something that will suck them down are exponential. They follow instruction by instruction, and will not deviate. Even if there is a giant hole of quicksand in between it and it's goal. It would need further instruction to avoid it.

[@Harrowed2TheMind]

Beat me to it. I was about to write almost exactly that, regarding the cubed weight (aka x8, which means 5120kg-ish, according to his own estimations) and the fact that it has some of the same weaknesses as mechas (small surface area of the footing), hence why the military hasn't done any significant research into such a vehicle, to my knowledge (of tank + size, that is). Funnily enough, another obvious weakness that comes to mind is simply a slippery/low-friction floor, lol.

[@austinrestovic]

Whenever I think about fighting haunted or magically animated, empty suits of armor I think of the battle at the end of "Bedknobs and Broomsticks" (one of my favorite movies btw), where Nazi invaders are fighting the historical artifacts of a British museum. There this one suit of armor that got filled with so many bullets that it actually started to slow down, so it had to take its foot off and dump them out before continuing onwards.

[@redblade5556]

The bullets ain’t fused into him?

[@morrigankasa570]

Yes!!! One of the best films ever. I still own a copy of that movie on VHS.

[@LoisoPondohva]

You've missed the fact that to scale something 3D to twice the size, you have to x8 the weight, not x2. So if a human-sized solid iron statue is 600 kilos, the one twice the height but the same proportions would be 4800 kilos.

[@Hawk013]

Totally was going to point this out, figured someone else had to notice lol.

[@priamneville5899]

Came down here to say this as well, lol. Those golems may well be hollow then, go figure!

[@koatam]

@@priamneville5899 They could very well collapse under their own weight if they were solid.

[@Morrigi192]

@@koatam It'd have to be made of pretty low-quality iron for that sort of stress to be a concern. That said, luring an iron golem into a bog or a muddy area would be highly effective.

[@jadedlotuz5095]

Was also hear to point out that if something is Twice as "big" in scale, the volume and mass is in cube, so 2x2x2=8 times. not twice as heavy.

[@GiggsTheWanderer]

Skalla: You can't sweet talk a golem Me: *R O L L S T O S E D U C E*

[@commanderblargh6300]

Nat 20: Seduction successful, you and the golem became baes for life.

[@Angy-xo1ez]

imagine attending a wedding and the groom is an almost four meters tall metal man, but now he's wearing a nice suit 😊

[@chukyuniqul]

@@commanderblargh6300 nat 20s are not automatical successes, just the best-case scenario. For an iron golem, I'd probably say that the player knows they did a banger job at seduction, realizing quickly that it will do them no good and manage to get out of the way of an incoming attack in the nick of time. That is, if I would let them roll at all (since even letting a player roll can suggest that success is possible when it should plainly be not).

[@unclekanethetiberiummain1994]

@@commanderblargh6300 Quest Item obtained: The Iron rod

[@commanderblargh6300]

@@unclekanethetiberiummain1994 The tiberium will set us FREE

[@CrayZtwin1]

C’mon people, we all know the solution. Iron Tarkus. Won’t even break a sweat.

[@DarkNexus530]

I think you mean IRON FUCKING TARKUUUUUUUUUS!!!

[@56ur4]

GO FOR THE KNEE

[@nicocampos170]

TARKUS TARKUS TARKUS

[@zataiyo6738]

Chad Iron Tarkus vs. Virgin Iron Markus

[@loganjblack]

Yeah just knock the golem off a cliff

[@Paralars]

just to be the "but ackthually" guy, if you were to double a person's size, that would actually increase their volume by factor 8. So if a 1.8m iron person weighs 640kg, then a 3.6m iron golem with the same proportions but bigger would weigh 5120kg

[@b00tt3r_5]

That... Makes sense

[@Copeman9999]

That makes sense, so realistically if it weighs the amount Skall says it would have to be very skinny or have very thin armour

[@dontimberman5493]

That’s what I said square cube law.

[@argledotorg]

@@Copeman9999 50%fill for the 2700kg number he references early in the video, that can be pretty thick.

[@Loriethalion]

It was me, i'm the 70th like, I ruined your 69...

[@MayBeSomething]

"If you accelerate something high enough, it will damage another material." So artillery?

[@petrkinkal1509]

The chance of your iron golem getting hit by meteorite may be small but newer 0.

[@thesmallestminorityisthein4045]

My pocket trebuchet would like to have a word.

[@damianrehbein3992]

Railgun. Artillery is ok though.

[@BigPanda096]

You have explained the main principal of ballistics.

[@antonius.martinus]

RAILGUN!!!

[@LouisAndreNunes]

just imagine playing D&D with Skall and listening to multiple ways to defeat whatever come across the party.

[@spoon4682]

This is my buddies and I whenever we’re playing our 3.5e campaigns, because our DM is quite ruthless, but in return we enjoy our min/maxing

[@twilightgardenspresentatio6384]

That’s how I play.

[@uggachugga760]

He's the smart character who explains everything to the main characters lol

[@legionofyuri]

Skall needs to play some Song of Swords and do a review lol

[@Randomdudefromtheinternet]

Skall: Makes a whole video about how to fight a golem Wizard with Shatter: *Observe*

[@jonathanwells223]

But golems are immune to spells that allow for spell resistance

[@Randomdudefromtheinternet]

@@jonathanwells223 That's for spells that would alter it's form (aka: Polymorph and friends), they do have resistance to spells that use saving throws, but Shatter says that constructs have disadvantage, so in that sense, am Iron Golem would have to roll normally.

[@seigeengine]

Me: Waiting for you to cast it the other 15 times while not getting smashed flat by an annoyed iron golem.

[@hatskeleton635]

Definitely do more of these crazy fantasy "what if"s. This was fun to watch.

[@triforceadm7345]

You should definitely watch shadiversity’s series about what weapons certain fantasy races/creatures would realistically, and how to counter them. Here’s a link if you’re interested: kzbin.info/aero/PLWklwxMTl4sxf_Yvz8ePW7tcpDnhGpKV_

[@Klaaism]

It's all fun and games till you find yourself being eyed up by a hungry dragon.

[@snpr1022]

"If all else fails C-4" - Adam Savage

[@jakegrube9477]

If carter cant figure it out put some c4 on it - colonel jack o'neill, probably

[@snpr1022]

@@jakegrube9477Thats where O'Neill's Law comes into play according to PFC Murphy.... Definitely maybe...

[@Delgen1951]

Thermite, melts Iron.

[@GryphonBrokewing]

That's Jamie's quote, not Adam's. Shaped charge, especially if it has joints, seems great. Immobilize, then use the thermite the others have mentioned.

[@bookworm3696]

@@Delgen1951 don't use thermite. When the iron of an iron golem is super heated, it can manipulate those parts magically to accelerate it's repair time. They heal when super heated.

[@jacobreese735]

Quiiick correction. When you determined by weight the golem would be solid by doubling the height and weight of a humans worth of volume. Considering iron golem are *roughly* of human proportions you would run face first into the square cube law. For a doubling of height your weight would increase eight times if you match proportions. I suppose this actually supports your interpretation of them being hollow; so thats good.

[@nicolasdjeghri5848]

Happy to see I was not the only one noting that^^

[@adrianks47]

@@nicolasdjeghri5848 Was about to comment the same

[@adrianks47]

Also, i guess the correct weight would be 2819 kg (assuming the golem would be as slim as that fairly slim iron statue)

[@nicolasdjeghri5848]

If I'm not mistaken, after doing the calculation the golem should be about 2000 kg so pretty close to what is given in the D&D manual!

[@ericaugust1501]

@@nicolasdjeghri5848 600kg x8 = 4800 kg? why is everyone saying its 2000kg-2800kg?

[@MatSciStudent]

5:44 actually, if you double height, you'd expect 8 times as much weight, as a rule of thumb. Imagine if you have a 1cm x 1cm x 1cm cube of water, which weighs 1 gram. If you doubled one side of the cube, but kept the same proportions, it's now a 2 cm x 2 cm x 2 cm cube, which weighs 8 grams. You could also take a BMI approach, which doesn't assume proportions remain exactly equal. Scaling up a person's BMI to 12 feet using a calculator predicts that a 12ft giant would have a healthy BMI of 20 if they weighed 600 pounds. Now factor in 8x increase in density, and you have 4,800 pounds. Notice that this is right where the D&D weight estimate is.

[@Technofier]

I was thinking about this when I was watching the video. Nice catch! Hopefully Skallagrim sees this :)

[@acheneniwae2362]

Twice as tall doesn't mean twice the size.

[@redstonewarrior0152]

@@acheneniwae2362 But the golem is certainly twice the size and then some. And when humans get taller, we usually get a bit wider too.

[@hussainalkhatem299]

MATH! MY ENEMY! HERE I AM FACING OFF AGAINST YOU AGAIN! 😂

[@DanielMWJ]

​@@redstonewarrior0152That's the point. At 2× scale, it's 8 times the size. If it's stockier, that's 16-32 times the size. (1.41× to 2× width and breadth)

[@sgtreznov6525]

Skallagrim: talks about someone on horseback might injure the golem Golem: sees horsemen *WHACK*

[@OmniscientWarrior]

He was talking about the probability of the force doing damage not the probability of actually being able to land a hit.

[@Laszer271]

What if it's a unicorn though

[@judahboyd2107]

Krieger Shaped charge lance

[@sgtreznov6525]

@@judahboyd2107 yeah, Kriegers would probably kill it

[@chaosvolt]

This video never once touches on the most important question here: what actually KILLS a golem? If it functions like in traditional folklore, then all you need is to find where the incription is and deal just enough damage to deface the marking giving it life. But...the thing about how the D&D-style golem is statted out? The magical abilities you explcitly said not to think too much about? Especially how it implies that its magic protects it from being reshaped? That bit suggests that D&D-style golems are EXACTLY like the T-1000 example you brought up, so them being unkillable by non-magical means makes sense. This, on top of it being healed by temperatures hot enough to melt iron, suggests that it functions by forcing metal to flow in a roughly human shape, hence it explicitly resists magic that would directly counter what force is animating it, and why making it molten would make it it hold together even better. Because trying to melt it is literally just making it easier to reshape itself. So my headcanon here is that a D&D-style iron golem is basically only killed by disrupting whatever magical field is making the metal move. Presumably, if a golem can be harmed by non-magical weapons but otherwise has no weakpoints, nor any ability to impair it by disabling limbs, then it'd still be a T-1000 style golem. The only functional difference there is that implies that the field animating the golem has to expend energy to correct any physical damage, so killing it through brute force is basically just a matter of forcing it to burn out its energy reserves faster than it can replenish (however it accumulates energy to be self-sustaining). This also implies that going full liquid-metal mode, or potentially extreme physical exertion, might also deplete the effect animating it, thus allowing the potential for killing a golem basically through exhaustion (though presumably constant minor reshaping of its rigid components would be taken into account when determining how hard the golem can afford to push itself). And if there is the risk of a golem overtaxing itself through excessive movement, then that would be a very good reason to incorporate joints in the design, instead of making it a single monolithic piece of material that moves by reshaping itself. That would presumably expend a lot less energy on movement.

[@Verbose_Mode]

I actually follow this logic to it's core, and allow _Dispel Magic_ to deal _Fireball_ damage to golems (other than Flesh Golems), as you basically _can't_ kill the things until the magic holding them together is disrupted.

[@zachmercer1065]

I imagine things that erode metal would work magnificently, if there is some sort of alchemical concoction that erodes metal rapidly I think that may be enough to destroy a metal golem, considering eroded metal would be incapable of reshaping into the same material (depending on the type of erosion and type of metal).

[@Bahamuttone]

@@zachmercer1065 Rust Monster to the rescue!

[@accywacky2699]

@@Verbose_Mode But... Golems are magic immune in D&D.. fireball wouldnt deal Any damage to one even if they wherent specifically healed by magic fire damage.

[@insane_troll]

You could also drop it into a black hole. Even a golem couldn't survive having all its atoms crushed down to a single point.

[@dracmeister]

The use of Castlevania assets reminds me of how you dealt with Iron Golems and Iron "Impervious" Threats. Harmony of Dissonance had the Guardian enemies. Talos was the first you encounter(though one can argue Talos is a giant skeleton in armor), you simply ran away from it and retracted the drawbridge of the castle to make it fall into the underground. You later encounter Talos in a proper boss fight with the armor compromised and you can actually deal damage to them. The second, but miss-able one, is unlocking the earliest shop. You can't damage it, but you can make it flinch by smacking it with you whip enough. You kill it by sending it over an edge as it comically rolls down to destroy a boulder revealing the first shop. The third one, you cannot damage it once more, but once more you can make it flinch by smacking it enough. You kill it by pushing it into gears of the clock tower. Which rewards you pieces of its armor for you to equip. The fourth one, same story but there's no immediate hazard for you to kill it. Instead, you lead it to a trap, once it's on position, you spring the trap causing a comically-sized hammer to swing from the ceiling, slamming onto it. Crashing through a wall revealing the path forward. Aria of Sorrow had literal Iron Golems. But unfortunately, you deal with them using magic-- eventhough there's like handguns, handcannons and positron rifles in the game. You kill Aria of Sorrow Iron Golems through the Astral Veil (the Killer Mantle soul ability), in-game functionality states that it switches the target's HP and MP stats and dealing at least 1 damage AFTER. So in essence, you siphon out the magic to destroy the iron golem.

[@VernonKun]

memories :D

[@srirambs967]

Skall: What could possibly hurt this? My mind: Berserk Guts theme

[@Ugly_German_Truths]

BFG enters the chat

[@TheCompleteMental]

Defeat a giant hunk of iron with a giant hunk of iron

[@asdergold1]

Gravity. Deep Waters. A volcano.

[@bartomiejsobieszek432]

Skall: "...powered by magic..." Me: Dispel Magic Golem: Wait, that's illegal...

[@Zemium1994]

XD

[@webbowser8834]

Having advantage on magic saving throws means you would have to try pretty hard to make a dispel magic stick.

[@bartomiejsobieszek432]

@@webbowser8834 i am playing with a Bard in party. She can play ironcore

[@gundenordstrom8123]

assuming this is 5th edition, this wouldn't work. Dispel Magic specifically only targets spells, and most Golem varieties (including iron golems) are created using manuals of Golems and not spells. So Dispel Magic could at most remove any buff spells cast on it

[@bartomiejsobieszek432]

@@gundenordstrom8123 I guess it would depend on a DM and the situation. If Golems are not enchanted to life by a magic spell then I don't know what it is. I could imagine a storyline where heroes needs to know the name of spell that was used on the golem to make it alive, so they could cast the dispell magic on it... just an idea

[@enricopaolocoronado2511]

"They can't be intimidated" I swear if there's one Nat20 story where someone manages to actually intimidate a golem...

[@allorfh2495]

Well you see at the begining of our we cleared out a mine full of bandits at the request of a blacksmith. Our rewards were few silver pieces, some of the gear fixed and upgraded by said smith and five pieces of metal candy. Fyi metal candy is kinda like rock candy except this holds taste for decades if not centuries. Its also infused with magic so when you accidentally bite on it, it softens instead of breaking your teeth. Fast forward several sessions later we ended up being trapped in a dungeon arena with an Iron Golem. We totally outmatched by that monstrosity, our death was certain. Since i wanted die with no regrets i decided to eat the entire candy on the spot. Dying in sugar overdose seemed somewhat better then becoming a human pancake. Just when i was about to end it, I had a crazy idea. I bite a smaller piece off (about as much as my body could handle at once), point at the golem with the rest of the candy and confidently said: "What do you think, how will this one taste? Its all rusty so i cant really tell. I hope its a bit sour" Then I rolled the dice for intimidation. Nat20. Visually nothing changed about the golem yet there was nothing threatning about it anymore. Then it took a step back. Then, another. It fell on its back at the third step as this golem never had to take a step back in its entire existence up until that point. Not being able to get up, it "quickly" crawled to the wall of the arena where it just froze in place as if it was deactiveted or something. My friends and I were shocked and we too froze up for at least a couple of seconds but we still managed to escape unharmed (aside from thefact that i could taste nothing but sweet for the next two weeks). Its 2am, english is not my first language and i've never played dnd so sorry for any logical and grammatical errors.

[@JoshuaEFinley]

I have just the character for the job. Ricken Rackenfrack was a Svirfneblin character I made throwing everything into stats related to intimidation rolls. He was an ugly AF deep gnome fighter/illusionist who wielded a sword twice his own size and his magically enhanced battlecry could make a horde of goblins die of heart attacks. He was so scary he made a pit fiend piss itself and made a Black Dragon fork over his lunch money.

[@James-oj6ru]

Ah yes @@JoshuaEFinley, class: ugly bastard tag

[@gabrielforget6595]

Ridiculous Nat20 story surrounding intimidation, seduction and persuasion should not work most of the time, because nat20 should just mean you get the best POSSIBLE outcome regardless of skill (if the character is not skilled, he get by because of ridiculous luck). A good argument I heard for this is 'would you allow the barbarian to move a mountain just because he roll a natural 20 ?', most of us would say no. Yet we accept seduction roll on NPC who just met the PC or a Golem being intimidated, even though they are a construct who just do it task (you might as well intimidate a windmill). Sure it's funny, and maybe it can go into the rule of cool category, but if you always allow that sort of thing, it just make the rule of the game a bit pointless. Unless the NPC is magically charmed or under the effect of some kind of mind control, whatever lie / arguments the player give should have some merit to the NPC that listen to it. If the rogue get caught stealing, he can't just say 'it's not what you think' and just because he roll nat20, the NPC just believe him like he just did the Jedi mind trick. He phreaking saw him. Deception can still apply if he give a good reason for him to steal, like let say he was trying to steal a health potion, he could come up with a story about his sick mom needing it and appeal to the good nature of the person who saw him.

[@SaltCane]

@@gabrielforget6595 Yeah I'm fucking sick of people who think a nat20 can let you do anything just because you rolled high.

[@barrandilltanathlas1177]

Reminds me of a quote, "You can't sit there forever", "I'm game, we'll see who rusts first".

[@ndld4955]

In Ireland it rain a lot .. so won't take that long .. just a waiting game really.. 🤣

[@thelivingbog4578]

Do you know where your towel is?

[@planexshifter]

@@thelivingbog4578 I always remember to bring a towel.

[@franciscodanconia3551]

And always remember, don't panic.

[@contextspecific]

I'm glad someone's taking the golem menace seriously

[@theperfectbotsteve4916]

As someone who lives on a planet that’s 70% water I’d imagine learning to sail would be good skill as well considering Gollums probably can’t swim if they are made of iron and aren’t buoyant

[@cornixdemetrius7883]

​@@theperfectbotsteve4916I can't imagine your amusement if the metal golem proceeded to emerge on the surface belly up and slowly float in your direction

[@theperfectbotsteve4916]

it would need to have a cavity of air inside it to do that if it's soild it will sink and if it's living armored it will fill up and sink this one having air cavitys inside would be weaker especially if its light enough to float or is that much air filled alternatively once it does this I could try and poke a hole with some sort of explosives or metal thing that's heavy while its vulnerable

[@GameHunterMaster]

The gist of what he was saying about artillery and ballistic weapons in D&D terms is that if something is moving fast enough, it won't just deal bludgeoning or piercing damage, it will also deal Force damage, which an Iron Golem isn't immune to.

[@dynamicworlds1]

That is a reasonable way to rule it, yes.

[@Klaaism]

Especially when one gets backstabbed by a ballista.

[@William_Asston]

bludgeoning and piercing is all just pressure, and pressure is just force over a certain area. think bout it like this: pressure is force per unit area, force is mass*acceleration, and acceleration is change in velocity per unit time, and velocity is change in distance per unit time. if you mess with this equation a little, you can get force as a function of mass, speed, and distance of the collision (far the collision force pushes the object). the equation is (0.5*mass*velocity^2)/distance of collision. what this means that holding the object getting collided still and making sure it can't move away vastly increases the collision force. on top of that, velocity is squared, so an increase in velocity increases the collision force by a lot. doubling the weight of the collider only doubles the collision force, while doubling the velocity quadruples the collision force. that's why a stupid-fast piece of plastic could cause all that damage while dropping a steel sphere on the block wouldn't do a fraction of that damage even though it's the same amount of force.

[@Axel230]

How to fight a Golem: You throw Pommels at it, very hard

[@1bobuxman143]

Now that i think about it.. Isn't a cannon a big pommel launcher?

[@meMiner]

That would do it rightly

[@erikjarandson5458]

Plural? Calm down, buddy, it's just an iron golem! One pommel should be enough.

[@gideonmele1556]

Railgun pommel

[@astranix0198]

Pommelgranate

[@RayAkuma]

16:22 "I'm not an expert on artillery, dont quote me on that!" ~Skallagrim 2021

[@asacarmichael9724]

Alternately: "I'm . . . an expert on artillery, . . . quote me on that" (Skallagrim, 2021)

[@MrRatlud]

Thank you for the inspiration! I would use 3 things available in medieval times. 1. A large group of brave lads at minimum 20 or preferably 50 men. 2. Buckets/barrels of tar or glue probably at least 100kg or even a ton. 3. As much and as thick hemp rope as possible. If possible use the high ground to pour the tar on the head of the golem. It will reduce its ability to see and even move if enough tar is used. Then the lads can swarm the golem and use the rope to restrict its movement ( one can be surprised how tough rope can be). Even if the golem is strong enough to lift a person like a leaf, enough lads acting as a team will be able to spin enough rope around it before it has the time to react to further restrict the movements of the golem. The key here is to keep distance from the golem and let go of the rope if the golem attempts to pull it. When they stack enough rope on the golem to immobilize it, continue with the mentioned burial part and the feast after the hard labor.

[@ballom29]

If you let go a rope...wouldn't the golem be able to use it as a whip? especially considering I assume you would use a very tick rope. Considering the theorical surhuman strength of a golem, just swiging it around could be extremely dangerous for any men nearby. I hope your golem is as dumb as a rock.

[@CyColt]

it is surprising the contexts in which the meme of, "they can't stop all of us," can be taken as legitimate advice.

[@foxsecret]

@@CyColt quantity has a quality of it's own -some guy

[@viktorbimmel4007]

The words "RPG Campaign" take on a whole new meaning when you talk about fighting iron Golems.

[@moritamikamikara3879]

awww yeah.

[@Tech-Kaplan-Kali]

CLEAR BACKBLAST!!!

[@FarremShamist]

@@Tech-Kaplan-Kali BACKBLAST CLEAR!!!

[@TheActionBastard]

Shaped charges ftw. :)

[@dynamicworlds1]

Even with that, blowing a narrow hole through the torso may not accomplish anything, so you may need to target joints so you'll need a decent number and aim to take it down. Doable, sure, but not an easy task.

[@MrJayBee8]

Skall: "There's a video by Kentucky Ballistics..." Me: *sweats nervously* yeah there is

[@iofs3338]

Thank God there will be more videos to come. Just stick a thumb in it!

[@christianv7177]

Kentucky Ballistics? Don't you mean the exploding 50 Cal channel?

[@matthaeusperry4319]

Good to see fellow Kentucky fans

[@MichaelRainey]

Equip Item: Thumb

[@aleksbedriy]

Simplest answer is gravity. Lure the golem to a mountain area and use his weight to your advantage, see him roll from the mountain, repeat if necessary.

[@johncole3986]

Other side of this is that whatever ground it is standing on needs to be dense enough that the golem doesn't sink. Any sort of soft clay, soil or sand would slow them down considerably or trap them entirely if deep/soft enough. This is why they are usually deployed inside defensive structures with stone flooring.

[@christophershell7564]

Unfortunately, Golems are usually guardians, so they are unlikely to follow you if you leave the area they are protecting. A wizards could probably find a way to influence the environment in a way that could force a Golem into a trap though.

[@matthewwriter9539]

15:00 most seage weapons are designed to attack unmovable walls. The golem moves between each of your shots.

[@Kira-zy2ro]

rolling big logs off a hil when it approaches might give it some trouble. But then you are talking prepared defences and that opens a lot of other options too. You dont go into a dungeon carrying a trebuchet either now i think of it.

[@ariesfaturrahman7982]

Iron golem: entering earth universe Kentucky ballistic: "let see how many 50 BMG bullet it can take, before it dead" Hope Scott recover soon

[@janbernad4729]

*SLAP rounds* +50 penetration +30 damage 10% chance of inflicting self damage to your character

[@richardlionerheart1945]

@@janbernad4729 i cast thumb

[@rain8767]

@@richardlionerheart1945 Thumb reduces the effects of bleeding by 50% +10 badassery

[@norXmal]

He's fine, at least Donut and his buds took care of his uploads.

[@yeout4386]

nah 20mm heat round 😄

[@nathanielmaxner8884]

The stone Talus golems are my favourite enemies in Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild because they have a weaker ore deposit somewhere on them that is easier to 'sap' or 'mine' than just hitting the stone body. I find it fun because you're motivated to use specialized mining weapons instead of your regular weapons and you have to maneuver yourself into a position to attack the ore deposit, by climbing the golem's body. I like the tactical approach to fighting them.

[@Greywander87]

Wait, I thought attacking the ore deposit was the only way to kill them. Huh, you learn something new every day.

[@ravio5868]

@@Greywander87 I think that is the only way.

[@douglasparkinson4123]

@@ravio5868 no you can chip away (literally) at the stone body. but it takes ages

[@ravio5868]

@@douglasparkinson4123 Oh wow. You learn something new every day then.

[@Bartek_Sobolski]

3:07 "This Golem is extremely dangerous and can attack at any moment, so we must deal with it !" - HYDRAULIC PRESS !

[@MrCantStopTheRobot]

Iron Golem: Will it Blend?

[@MonkeyJedi99]

And then someone off-camera says, 'Vat de faak?"

[@hetzerfeind1885]

5:43 You forgot the scare cube law, so when you double the height you will have around a 4 times bigger surface and a 8 times bigger volume, which would put you closer to 5.120kg which means there must be some hollow space.

[@pixelmace1423]

"OH NO A CUBE"

[@Ugly_German_Truths]

I thought Halloween was over :P

[@bryanm498]

Bring a battering ram, chains and weights to secure it to the floor and a blacksmith to reuse all that iron?!

[@ender_king1670]

Use "Move Earth" 4 times and push him into a hole! >:0

[@planexshifter]

@@ender_king1670 LOL- that was just too good. You have EARNED my respect! 07

[@kalielsouza9136]

No, no, just use a hellfire missile and explode it from 30km away

[@planexshifter]

I mean, for a stone golem, but does move earth work on iron? I mean, Earth does contain iron...so...?

[@NicholasSalay]

​@@ender_king1670 Move Earth only works on dirt, sand, or clay. Loose material. Not rock and definitely not iron. You can move the ground he's on, but I don't see why he wouldn't just move then.

[@Kreschavier]

"How to defeat an iron golem" Get some of those magical bugs that turn shit into rust and then eats it.

[@highgoat6474]

Rust monster. A pack of 4 once took a golem down.

[@nvfury13]

They have Rust Dragons since 3E.

[@andyknightwarden9746]

Oh. Oh my gods! It's _eating the treasure!_

[@velazquezarmouries]

Or a huge black pudding

[@highgoat6474]

With rust monsters get a druid to communicate and control them.

[@the_furry_inside_your_walls639]

I think the Tower Knight from Demon's Soul is quite possibly the most logically sound golem fight in fantasy, since the only way you can damage it is by attacking and destroying its feet, which were heavily damaged to begin with. There's also the colossi from Shadow of the Colossus, which could only be damaged by attacking special magical symbols on their body.

[@Owl-yc2yu]

In dragon's dogma you kill a bunch of giant monsters the ol' fantasy way but for golems you target their magic sources (medallions). The harder versions have them scattered around the battleground instead of on the body.

[@sams_enfp]

Ferrous Wroughtnaut from Mowzie's Mobs: attack the diamond sword in its back when it gets its axe stuck in the ground

[@danielwlodawer8469]

If u are twice as tall u are about 8 times as heavy. So a iron golem version of a 90kg person would weigh about 90kg x 8 x 8 = 5760 kg. Since golems are depicted bulkier than humans this number is on the low end.

[@Ugly_German_Truths]

Why times 8 twice? 8 times is the difference in volume, so larger weight at equal density. You then would only need the difference between "flesh" and iron. which definitely is NOT 8 times. Okay, it can be 7 -7.8 times. 8*8 makes still sense. Mea Culpa

[@sciarpecyril]

@@Ugly_German_Truths, Golems are jenerally larger then humans. 8 times comes square-cube law. The mass is scaled through the volume, that is, it is in the cube. By doubling the linear dimensions of a object, you will increase its surface area by 4 times (square) and its volume by 8 times (cube).

[@koticneutralftw7016]

I was about to post a comment similar to this, but you beat me to it. Definitely lends credence to the golem in 5th edition D&D being hollow, not solid.

[@3nertia]

I believe it's * 8^3 for the calculation Skallagrim did

[@alekseykuleshov111]

When upscaling, you forgot square-cubic law of sizes. With statue as reference, I get 2823 kilos for 3,7m cast iron golem.

[@AxxLAfriku]

Do you want to hug me? Then I have to shatter your dreams: I am in a relationship with TWO females! They are also huge fans of me, YT Megastar AxxL! Please don't be too disappointed, dear alek

[@Soul93Taker]

Who dis loser over here?

[@theorigami3685]

@@AxxLAfriku you good mate?

[@ANDELE3025]

That is in fact around the typical weight of D&D iron golem (just over 2t up to around 3.5t depending on its wizards/creators design).

[@geoshark12]

@@theorigami3685 its a bot

[@pathfindersavant3988]

I'm reminded of a scene from Hayao Miyazaki's Castle in the Sky. At one point in the movie this old busted up robot gets accidentally activated by the main character. This thing, which I should mention was already a bit beat up and missing some limbs after it fell out of the sky, proceeded to tear its way through a military base (tech level analogous to WW2, but with airships) and just completely shrugged off every use of normal smallarms fire, flamethrowers, etc. Eventually iirc it took 2 cannon shells from an airship flying overhead to bring it down. Honestly, the whole robot scene was really freaking good.

[@MrTrilbe]

The whole movies good tbh

[@pathfindersavant3988]

@@MrTrilbe Oh yeah, definitely one of his more underrated films.

[@Klaaism]

Even one of his worst movies is still leagues better than most other anime movies.

[@hakesho]

When you scale weight by height you seem to be doing it linearly when weight actually scales with the cube of height (when proportions are constant). This is because we live in 3 dimensional space, so for example making something 2x as tall but keeping it to scale also makes it 2x as wide and 2x as thick, meaning 8x the volume and so 8x the weight.

[@Xaphedo]

I was looking for comments pointing this out, thank you so much for the breakdown. I love Skallagrim but this is physics 101 and I feel like he should know much better than this with his kind of audience and reach.

[@anvos658]

@@Xaphedo All that really does is put weight to the theory its semi hollow to allow for movement. Doesn't really change the core of its a walking slab of metal, thicker than plate armor.

[@Xaphedo]

@@anvos658 For sure, I'm just disappointed that someone with as much experience and reach as Skallagrim made such a mistake. He admits that physics isn't his forte, and I understand that mistakes happen... but, if this is indeed his Achilles' heel, why not ask some of his trusted fans to review the script to make sure everything checks out? Many KZbinrs do that via Patreon or similar services. With such a basic mistake, his overall argument is weakened by association, even if it may otherwise be impeccable. It's as if a chef that was teaching you how to cook something overcooked his pasta and didn't even realize it. Maybe the overall recipe is amazing but I lost a lot of confidence in his expertise. If he got that wrong, what else isn't he double checking that I might not realize it's not actually accurate?

[@ancapftw9113]

"Sometimes they're more like a possessed suit of armor." *Alphonse Elric has entered the chat*

[@hussainalkhatem299]

Tell his bro to drink some milk. He needs it.

[@KurNorock]

I believe the magic that powers golems really does just flex the solid iron. It turns the iron into a malleable material for the purposes of movement while retaining its hardness and strength as if it was not malleable. And even if it did have mechanical joints, they would be made extremely robust, such as the joints on heavy equipment like front loaders and excavators. Pins that are 2-4 inches in diameter, tabs that are 1.5 to 3in thick, etc. Even on horseback with a lance, you aren't going to damage that.

[@frozezone2947]

Kur it's magic, the only way to make a golem is to infuse magic in it

[@tooneusmaximus6898]

Honestly I've always kind of imagined it to be a little like the Destroyer Armor from Marvel. Just less blast-y, and more sheets of metal. I always thought of iron golems being "solid" in the sense that any empty space in the construct would be filled or held together with magic. But the numerous, shifting plates of iron controlled by magic would be able to move and slide over each other without compromising the metals integrity.

[@josephlane1614]

Then it's as he said. If the magic makes the iron maleable there is nothing stopping it from shapeshifting and the likes, which would make it legitamately impossible to destroy without liquid nitrogen or a very high temp flame. If you make your players fight this kind of iron golem your a bit of a dick. Seeing as there isn't exactly a medieval equivalent of liquid nitrogen or plasma.

[@petrkinkal1509]

@@josephlane1614 Depends on power levels in your universe.........

[@josephlane1614]

@@petrkinkal1509 refering to the basic level system of dnd it would make you a dick, since it has a resistance to fire and ice. I usually play more physical classes, and the most powerful move i can think of off hand is the monks punch that causes hella necrotic damage, but that would be useless against an iron golem since iron doesn't exactly decay. It'd take a squad of level 20 wizards and sorcerors to take down a liquid metal golem, and then there is the fact that it can just slip it's body around most spells via shapeshifting. So ignoring the armor value of fucking iron it'd even be hard to hit and would require aoe spells and shit. You'd make over half of the classes in the game completely useless which is a dick move to all the players who choose anything but magic.

[@Myzelfa]

My first thought on this was "pit trap" and I'm kind of surprised it was the last thing you mentioned. If you can fight without getting near the enemy, that should always be the preferred option.

[@petras8385]

Agreed!

[@Kune35]

The video is about actually fighting it, so you start with literal fistfight range. Then you can devolve to (ranged) "combat", and finally to your notion of "beating\besting" it.

[@Myzelfa]

@@Kune35 Your use of "devolve" is interesting, as if ranged fighting is less preferable. On the contrary, if I found myself within melee range of a hostile golem, the ideal play in most situations would be to run away and formulate a plan.

[@Kune35]

@@Myzelfa "Devolve" as in the context of the base idea and definition of "fight". Clearly ranged or avoidance is preferable, but that wasn't the original idea of the video so the natural progression of the video is to address ranged combat and traps as secondary and tertiary levels of fighting, hence "devolve".

[@Myzelfa]

@@Kune35 Even so, I think you're applying the assumption that fighting from range and using traps and other advanced tactics is less significant or real as a fight. If you're trying to kill something by physical means, you're fighting it. This isn't a tournament context where there are rules to what is and isn't allowed.

[@DarthJeep]

"How to Fight an Iron Golem (Logically)" - Answer: Lure them into the ocean and wait? EDIT: On the fly alternative...Dig a pit, fill it with beer and lure it to that, then fill it with concrete and let it churn itself into a tomb.

[@Delgen1951]

Rock to mud, much faster.

[@Riwillion]

Actually, yeah. You honestly just douse them with some salty water and run the fuck away. Wait. Profit. Although that will only affect the joints, and it actually might not if they keep moving and therefore removing the rust as it is produced. Depends on how exactly the magic factors into the mechanics of it I guess.

[@dontkickmychick6076]

@@Riwillion also depends on the purpose of the golem. If it's a seeker type then yeah it will pursue a target to the ends of the earth, but some guardian types will just stand there until theres an intruder. Some of them also tend to freeze up when they know it would normally be better for them to not do anything.

[@liamhogan4369]

I've been looking for this for YEARS. I was thinking about how to arm a clockwork soldier, a say, 1000 pound, 2 meter golem, in the vein of Shad's Fantasy Rearmed, and this helps out a lot.

[@boristhethoughtdodger3162]

"If one of them...ended up in real life history what would you do?" I would quit drinking.

[@russelllim4891]

I would try to make my own

[@murder1625]

just out number them and capture them like soviet

[@frealsolidusauxil5873]

Capture study then create a gundam 🤣

[@bjornthefellhanded815]

@@frealsolidusauxil5873 MAGIC GUNDAM

[@criticalx7414]

I think most golems in fantasy settings will have some weak point. Magic gem or plant cores is very popular for a golem. Identify the weak point is the whole concept about fighting a golem.

[@Santisima_Trinidad]

Logically, a well designed golem would have a magical power source concelled within its casing, acessed via a small, sturdy hatch, preferably secured with a secure lock, maybe only opened via magic. This keeps pesky adventurous types from easily shitting down the golem, whilst still allowing for the gem to be placed and replaced. However, you are likely to be a wizardly type yourself, not suited to rodeoing a rouge golem. So, you attune the golems magical gem heart to a very precise magical frequency, and only by casting the correct spell with the correct magical frequency (your own standard one) can you shut down the golem from a safe distance. By the time any pesky adventurous types have figured that out, your golem will be done killing them.

[@ANDELE3025]

In case of D&D iron golems, its actually the core of a fire elemental bound within the chest of the body . The problem with trying to use it as a weakpoint is that you have to physically bore through a ikea kitchen section worth of metal or use EXTREMELY powerful spells as almost all magic is blocked by a 2.5 to 10~11cm of metal (inch to 4~5 for burgerland measurements) per what counts as cover/what can be penetrated through. Similarly clay, stone and wood golems have earth elementals fuel them, flesh golems have their "heart" powered by lightning elementals and nimblewrights (hyraulic+pneumatic robots) have water elementals (i know that the3e and thus 5e entrym that was copied from the 3e one, references earth elementals only, but thats because the base golems, clay, stone and wood used them and in old tradition iron golems were "greater golems" aka high level threats, requiring +3 weapons to harm at all, thus much like mentioned flesh golems, nimblewrights, crystal golems, swiftsteeds/equine golems all have elementals other than earth, warforged being based on any or even all of the connections of the eldritch machine that made or remade them and with a few unknowns like dragonbone golems which both had cases of just raw necromancy, incorporeal undead and quasi-elementals used in their creation).

[@OhitsONnow]

@@Santisima_Trinidad honestly, that gives me an idea. Instead of hitting it to attack directly, you hit it to attack indirectly. If its like any kind of theorized unmanned weapon or whatever using something similar to an sufficiently powerful EMP Blast might be able to freeze or take out the magic "nervous system" giving all those precise orders to its limbs 2. Even if it is iron, force should still travel through it. So if there's a core or battery, applying a good deal of force from a weak angle to dislodge the core inside might work. Of course that also comes with KNOWING what that angle is...

[@Santisima_Trinidad]

@@OhitsONnow for the second one, kinda yes, but also, it will be fairly thick and fairly solid iron, which requires a lot of force to actually transfer a meaningful amount of energy through. Then, keeping the magical core in either a solid section (think of the door like a mould with the inprint of the magical gem on it's inner surface, so it's a really snug fit requiring the door to be opened to move the gem at all) or in a sort of laticework of small beams and possibly springs which will distribute forces throughout, keeping the gem stable through most any shock that is transfered into the golem. Both do have problems though. The solid setting means you need a gem of those exact dimensions, or it will be loose/too large, so replacing a gem for a stronger/better one requires a lot of work. And the laticework is just an awful lot of work. Now, the "magical EMP" type thing would work very well. Just hit it with an intense, broad spectrum blast of magical energy, overloading it's magical muscles or perhaps even breaking the core, such that you have the opportunity to go at the hatch and completely disable it. That could work really well in something like DnD. Have some specific spells which work really well against golems, like having an EMP type weapon in a FPS or futuristic strategy game.

[@bedric3858]

Like in Dragon's Dogma

[@xthatghomiex2939]

I love how Skal takes such a seemingly simple question and makes it an interesting discussion

[@Hello-hz7gj]

I never thought about Golems being so broken in a realistic medivial setting.

[@moriskurth628]

*Me, writing a Magitech Mecha setting*: "Well, and off to the References playlist this goes!" Like, really, it's uncanny how useful this is.

[@crisr.8280]

"In HESH we trust" High explosive squash head tank rounds. Okay as a person or group of people, here's to hoping you can bait the thing into a quary pit or quagmire in a swamp ang bury the metal Boi. Another option would be some heavy machinery, some adequate operating skills and beating the thing or burying, again.

[@moritamikamikara3879]

Nah, first option is best. Just get a tank lmao.

[@crisr.8280]

@@moritamikamikara3879 True sir. Light up that sucker for the track boys to get the guns there.

[@Daves_Not_Here_Man_76]

HESH? FV4005 approves of this

[@crisr.8280]

@@Daves_Not_Here_Man_76 sh!tbarn for the win

[@sidecharacter7165]

Empty your Etch A Sketch and use all the thermite inside to melt its head.

[@paulpolito2001]

If an iron golem appeared, I would never have been so glad to live in “mustard gas” proximity to a chemical plant that makes Chlorine.

[@propyro85]

Yea, my thought was a chemical attack ... or a bunch of them, until it's too compromised to be a threat anymore.

[@Delgen1951]

@@propyro85 I don't know a MBT is hallow, and crewed but it plows throw chemical warfare attacks, and the tank is unharmed it just needs to have the chemical washed off to not kill the crew.

[@dposcuro]

What is chlorine going to do, to an iron golem?

[@scavenger6268]

2H Blendkorper grenades?

[@propyro85]

@@dposcuro Chlorine gas, in the same way it was used in WW1 is useless against an iron golem. Aqueous chlorine, however, makes iron rust. I'm not sure if it'll rust it fast enough to make it fall apart fast enough to be of use to you, but it's steps in the right direction.

[@droe2570]

"It's a rock monster, it doesn't have any vulnerable spots!"

[@jonathanwells223]

“Try to use your surroundings to craft some sort of rudimentary lathe”

[@OneGlassNail]

@@jonathanwells223 "A lathe? Get off the line, guy."

[@garethbaus5471]

The only logical way to fight an iron golem is to run and hope it gets stuck on something, these things are litterally like a monster from a child's nightmare completely unstoppable and essentially industructable with the ability to one hit kill you. Without modern artillery or some sort of magic you simply aren't going to do anything to what is basically solid iron.

[@giftzwerg7345]

I disagree, some Magie is realy powerfull, an explosion os nothing but heat, also the Golem is Magie so maby you can manipulat it with magic, Block its Power source Edit i missred it, ignote this comment

[@horinum]

@@giftzwerg7345 but in order to do that you need magic, st OP stated if you don’t have you ain’t gonna win.

[@garethbaus5471]

@@giftzwerg7345 if you can create an explosion capable of destroying an iron golem you can probably make a powerful enough gun to destroy one without as much collatatoral damage or waste which would be under the artillery catagory.

[@black_rabbit_0f_inle805]

Except an iron golwm is immune to most magic except for electric and fire. Electricity slows it and fire heals it and its vulnerable to magic rust attacks.

[@garethbaus5471]

@@black_rabbit_0f_inle805 which just makes the situation worse.

[@predictless1009]

16:44 we should use "hijacked plane" projectile against iron golem. It has a lot of kinetic energy. And it can home into a golem if it tries to run away or hide.

[@MidnightSt]

"How would you fight an iron golem? Ideally you wouldn't." Well... yeah, but that's kind of a universal of any and all fights.

[@TubBunnyChews]

I think the notion is particularly pronounced when it comes to iron golems, though.

[@PrimatoFortunato]

Next: how to defeat an armored vehicle with just your shoe strings and a bit of wood!

[@havokmusicinc]

As in real life, the most effective way to deal with golems in many d20 TTRPGs is the humble Grease spell, or any other way of causing it to lose its footing/traction. Something that big and heavy very well may damage itself while falling and be unable to get back up.

[@noukan42]

There is a game where at some point you have to fight an Iron golem way beyond anything that could be described as "CR appropriate". You can throw everything you have at it for no damage... or you can just cast grease and thow it in the acid pits that is conveniently close to where he spawned. It took me an embraasing amount of reloads to remember that Grease make bull rush auto succeed. I assumed it gave a bonus but the golem would still win the check 90% of the times.

[@thekaxmax]

fall==non-magical damage==immune or effectively so

[@baltulielkungsgunarsmiezis9714]

The most important thing, dont get hit, they literally hit like a truck.

[@neros1277]

A can imagine the effect of huge iron fists coming at high speed on human skull

[@johnnyjacksted6528]

A truck? Try a rocket depending on how much magical spice we’re adding.

[@Meteor2022]

And, in 5e, breathe a big ass cloud of poison that is enough dice to kill most common NPCs (guards, knights, commoners) reliably.

[@casbot71]

Ring ring: Hey Magneto, I know you're not fond of Humans, but in this case we have a common foe and _we would owe you a favour._

[@plzletmebefrank]

@@alexeyvlasenko6622 Yeah, I mean he did similar things with sentinels so... He would either just not bother and let the iron golem kill everybody, or use it as his own mobile weapon. And he could repair it really easily...

[@daframo]

@@plzletmebefrank we could just force him to do as we command with a wooden gun

[@Here_is_Waldo]

@@daframo You mean ... a crossbow?

[@daframo]

@@Here_is_Waldo search magneto wooden gun in YT. Your welcome

[@tektonik4616]

honestly... I know I'm late... but I always imagined the magic being able to warp the metal itself since that's a thing some spells already do... but hearing this... that genuinely means it is more terrifying than I imagined...

[@evgeniyyakutin9728]

When you increase golem height twice, you increase its weight 8 times.

[@primarchlion]

^ Twice as tall, twice as wide, twice as deep.

[@evgeniyyakutin9728]

That sounds lewd

[@hiperblaszter]

If you multiply only one dimension you multiply with the same number.

[@jooot_6850]

Evgeniy Yakutin oh my how lewd

[@Klaaism]

That golem has such big feet...

[@dinonuggies9493]

Skallagrim: goes into depth about how to fight an iron golem logically Me an intellectual: just stack up 3 blocks and punch it with your fists.

[@frozezone2947]

Not the fist, use the axe it's very easy to get crits

[@Delgen1951]

@@frozezone2947 Also not brake your hand...

[@meredithhines8202]

I was looking for a comment like this, and I have found it.

[@omnitroph1501]

@@Delgen1951 your hand doesn't have durability, and therefore will not break.

[@DovaDude]

@@omnitroph1501 Checkmate, liberals

[@yinpingcho9100]

I'd try going with "Good evening Sir, sorry for the bothering, would you mind considering the possibility that you are not mandated to obliterate me? No? Sh*t. "

[@Vooman]

4:26 square-cube law error; unless the iron golem is spagetti-noodle thin, you have to scale in all 3 dimensions, which would make the iron golem 2.8 metric tons, which is very close to the 2300 kg estimated by the iron golem stat sheet. EDIT: Otherwise good video, but the math error bugged me enough to stop and point it out lmao

[@MrDryqula]

Modern times? Lure to wrecking yard, pick up with electromagnet, drop in crusher, turn into cube.

[@orsolyaurban9082]

A giant ass electromagnet sounds perfect

[@kylevernon]

Jet fuel also works...or does it?

[@MrDryqula]

@@kylevernon Depends on if it's still in the jet when you hit the golem with it. My method is less expensive, though.

[@williamjenkins4913]

@@MrDryqula Less expensive? For two tons of good iron I expect them to pay me.

[@jamesmonroe1538]

Out of curiosity, I wonder if a .50 BMG SLAP round would mess up the golems day.

[@prometheanrebel3838]

One thing I immediately thought of on how to make a solid Iron Golem move, is to have it's body in different parts, and have the magic basically stick the pieces together like a living 4th-dimensional jigsaw puzzle. Something I also thought of were the Dwemer Constructs from the Elder Scrolls series. Their Automatons run off a combination of steam power and magical Soul Gems that act as the construct's engine. Perhaps if you built a Golem like you would a Steam Engine, and mix magic in there, then maybe you have a kind-of solid Gloem?

[@randomguy2023]

Oh yeah those centurions in Skyrim scared the crap out of me

[@judah_frantz]

Skall: How screwed would you be if you had to face one of these? Me, a gamer: Not very, you just need 5 blocks of dirt and patience.

[@geradosolusyon511]

Oh, now that I think about it, the player has 1/5 of an iron golem's HP minus the 12% damage reduction property.

[@judah_frantz]

@@geradosolusyon511 I feel like we are talking about two different games here.

[@geradosolusyon511]

@@judah_frantz Minecraft or Dwarf Fortress?

[@the_furry_inside_your_walls639]

@@geradosolusyon511 Minecraft. Definitely Minecraft.

[@judah_frantz]

@@geradosolusyon511 Minecraft lol

[@blobjorn3248]

D&D nerd here. The golem is only immune to Bludgeoning, Slashing, and Piercing damage from *non-magical weapon attacks*. It is assumed that without magical aid, humans could not put a dent in this thing. However, should you push one off a cliff, it'll take every single point of that Bludgeoning damage. I am definitely sure a modern weapon could destroy a golem with moderate difficulty. There's also corrosives to consider.

[@AGreasedMonkey]

Corrosives are good and well, but they would take too long. Anyway he skipped over an obvious heat attack. You don’t need to actually melt through it, you just need to weld the joints a bit to immobilize it. A bit of thermite with a fuse to set it off could melt iron easily.

[@thatoldme1234]

Just play the topgear game Can it outrun a 120mm tank shell.

[@seigeengine]

Huh interesting. Dndbeyond says "non-magical attacks," but I checked the monster manual itself and it definitely says weapons. Personally, I'd downgrade it to resistance, so it would still only take half, but not be immune. Modern weapons could work, but even then, without talking about artillery, or special explosives, you're going to struggle, and have to delivery accurate, and possibly multiple hits to the right spots.

[@seigeengine]

@@AGreasedMonkey I imagine it would be pretty hard to get enough thermite onto the joint going fast enough to seal the joint up without first restraining the thing, which is it's own hassle.

[@dexaphobia8085]

Just lure it into a swamp or bog, it’ll sink through the layers of much like many ww1 tanks did

[@LilShrimp01]

Before the video even begins: Just need a lot of armor-piercing sabot and HE rounds. After all, it isn't even steel, it's iron. So the sabot rounds might be overkill in this situation.

[@crazydiamondrequiem4236]

@DANIEL BIN OMAR - stalinium rounds might be able to penetrate it.

[@geradosolusyon511]

@DANIEL BIN OMAR - physics and material science disagree. It's very easy to penetrate iron with anti light armor rounds. Even if they're as thick as a human torso.

[@geradosolusyon511]

@DANIEL BIN OMAR - the classic 1-2 roll?

[@InceyWincey]

@DANIEL BIN OMAR -it doesn’t matter if the shot bounces off. Nothing is damage resistant, even to the faintest of touches - this is how erosion works. It may take millennia but metal statues can be worn down to dust by nothing more than sand blowing in the wind. Adding a few projectiles travelling at supersonic velocities to that wind will speed the process up significantly.

[@WingMaster562]

HEAT rounds too, those melt iron hulls like RPG and their molten copper core

[@rocketraccoon1976]

A pack of pet rust monsters. "Good Boi's!!" 😁

[@nikkibrowning4546]

They would only damage it so a nest of them would be good.

[@alexconrad2723]

What type of person has a rust monster as a pet

[@tamadesthi156]

@@alexconrad2723 a druid? A D&D Hagrid?

[@Delgen1951]

@@alexconrad2723 a Druid!

[@nikkibrowning4546]

@@alexconrad2723 i had bronze age goblins and hobgoblins that did.

[@neorenamon]

Or you can just send in your high level Monk with his magic fists. At higher levels, their punches and kicks are considered magical for the purposes of bypassing immunity/resistance to blunt attacks. Also, their defenses tend to be so high that even a slow moving iron golem would have trouble landing a blow on them. The other real bane of Iron Golems? Rust. If your enemies like iron golems, have a trained Rust Monster on standby. A Limited Wish can produce the same effect (although it's a high level/expensive spell).

[@bramvanduijn8086]

I like the rust monster solution.

[@TheJiminyJim]

Immutable Form. The golem is immune to any spell or effect that would alter its form. Maybe this could stop the rusting effect, although it is cool and simple method

[@rafaelbordoni516]

Obligatory "umm, akshually" comment, monk defenses are not that high actually, a plate armor + shield is enough to bring anyone to their max possible AC, which is much easier to achieve than max dex and wis. Unfortunately, an iron golem has no trouble hitting a high lv monk at all, and given their low base hp... I think the correct way to deal with one is to just cast banish, it's a cha save, they'll probably not make it.

[@filipkolek5414]

Or, like, maybe, just bait it into a big enough hole.

[@evannibbe9375]

True Polymorph (another 9th level spell) can be used by Wizards to turn a high level ally into a rust monster.

[@jordy2299]

I’m so glad I got to hear skall say “several shots of a 50BMG..”

[@Ryu_Makkuro]

"They can't be bribed" FFX: Hold my gil

[@TyrantPope]

Tut tut tut, those are giants, not golems. They are naturally occurring, not made, so naturally they are greedy and can be bribed.

[@shawn6860]

Bard rolls for Seduction....

[@Ryu_Makkuro]

@@TyrantPope You can bribe Ironclad, which is made not naturally occurring since he's one of the Monster Arena creations. Checkmate :P

[@TyrantPope]

@@Ryu_Makkuro Good sir, I concur. Bravo!

[@Klaaism]

I said SLAY the dragon, not LAY!

[@greenman5255]

I would use "Flouroantimonic Acid" shot through a pressure soaker. I just wouldn't step in the Iron Golem Puddle when I'm done.

[@planexshifter]

LOL- good luck- that's not a standard super soaker feature. What exactly are you making this pressure soaker out of?

[@greenman5255]

@@planexshifter Glass core.

[@soulofcinder518]

@@greenman5255 now i want to see that in real

[@DrDubMemes]

And that’s how you get investigated by national security

[@josephburchanowski4636]

Pretty sure the amount of Flouroantimonic acid you'd need to turn it into a puddle will be an insane amount. People sometimes forget that a billion times stronger acid doesn't mean it dissolves a billion times more material.

[@kompatybilijny9348]

You did the math wrong my dude. A Golem that is twice as tall as a steel human would have 2^3 times the weight. So around 5560 kg.

[@LovleyLemonade]

As an aspiring Pillager, this video will be useful.

[@sams_enfp]

all you need is 3 blocks of dirt and a stone axe lol

[@21yarpen]

I've loved how in Dragon Dogma fights with golems where made. You need to damage runes/sigils on their body, not golem itsels. With what you either need some range damage, or you need to climb golem and hit it that way. Still those golems are huge, like 5+m tall. For human size, the same idea could work, but it would be easy to hit those sigils with melee weapon.

[@pedroivog.s.6870]

This reminds me Shadow of the Colossus

[@PiiskaJesusFreak]

Modern single use anti armor weapons are quite good at penetrating steel. Light ones can pierce about 20cm, while heavier ones can get through more than half a meter of armor. Aiming at joints would be most efficient. Luckily golems are a lot slower and higher targets than tanks. Regular infantry squad carries two heavy bazookas and 8 light ones, and would have quite a decent chance against iron golem. But with medieval technology, this would be a lot more difficult opponent than a modern tank. Not nearly as fast or destructive, but practically unstoppable.

[@PiiskaJesusFreak]

@Tempting Fate having shot and studied these weapons, I know the kind of damage they do. Which is why I think aiming for the joints would work. A tiny hole in the torso would probably not slow the golem down much, but damaging its joints could immobilize it.

[@PiiskaJesusFreak]

@Tempting Fate Sorry, I have no idea what other countries militaries are using, and the term bazooka is probably incorrect. In Finnish defence forces, much of our gear is pretty old. The lighter "bazooka" I mentioned is rebranded M72 LAW and the heavier one is APILAS. And yes, as a platoon leader I know that I know that this is the standard loadout for a normal 8 man squad of jaegers. The actual anti armor units have more serious anti armor weapons naturally. I didn't Google Munroe effect, because I'm previously familiar with it. I know how shaped charges work and have examined what kind of damage it does to armor. I still think that it would mess up iron golems joints if you hit it on one. We can naturally disagree on this, and you might well have more experience on the matter than I do. I'm assuming they have mechanical joints in this scenario, because Skallagrim did so in his video.

[@PiiskaJesusFreak]

@Tempting Fate No apology needed, and thank you for your compliment! =)

[@PiiskaJesusFreak]

@Tempting Fate We are probably envisioning a bit different golem, given that they vary from fiction to fiction. If there are no mechanical joints, then none of the weapons I mentioned are of any real use. If the metal is just magically bending, then a small hole in the "joint" is likely harmless. Hitting a joint wouldn't be that easy on the first place... Considering your more extensive experience with these weapons, I think I'll have to conceed that you are more likely right here. I've actually shot LAW only once at a target and examined up close T-55 tower pierced by it. The rest of my knowledge on the matter is more theoretical in nature.

[@PiiskaJesusFreak]

@Tempting Fate Btw, nice to have a calm and rational conversation in the internet for a change. This is unfortunately uncommon...

[@host2423]

5:40 - When increasing the size of something to estimate weight, the Square-Cube law must be observed: (surface area is the square of the multiplier you're using, while volume is the cube). If a human's size is made x2, their volume (and therefore weight) should be increased by 8 times (2 squared, 2 x 2 x 2). applying the square-cube law to the statue example, the golem's weight should be about 2823 if it is solid, which is about matching the given weight for the DnD golem, though the inclusion of the podium makes things tricky. Starting from a 640kg 'human made of iron', a golem twice that size should weigh around 5120kg. With that taken into account, they probably are a little hollow, but still far thicker than normal armour.

[@seigeengine]

Yes, but always keep in mind that assumes proportions stay the same. IRL with humans, for instance, generally taller people are proportionally thinner, and shorter people proportionally thicker. Also, to account for weight increasing faster than the cross section of support members and muscles, animals that are bigger end up proportionally thicker, and smaller thinner. Personally, I think iron golems in D&D are meant to have other material in their core, not that I think anyone really thought it through that well.

[@bud389]

I haven't played 5th edition but its weakness to adamantine does make sense because adamantine isn't magic in D&D, or it wasn't in previous editions at least. It was basically just a really really hard metal. Evidence for this is further compounded by the fact that adamantine still works as normal in an anti-magic field.

[@MasterrangerABR]

Adamantine is an incredibly hard and strong metal, the strength of the metal is FAAAARRRR beyond iron. That's my take anyway.

[@TheMelnTeam]

The forces involved from such a thing are incredible. Pitfall, dunking it in water etc make the most sense if you don't have modern equipment. Possibly the best strategy is to have it get hit by the isekai truck. It might have enough force to destroy the golem, but even if it doesn't it will be someone else's problem/hero/whatever.

[@douglasparkinson4123]

the idea of a pitfall seems smart. get it to fall into a pit and then fill up the pit with assorted gravels and medieval concrete equivalent

[@GabrielShitposting]

It came from another world, so let's send it to another world too. Trucks, roll out.

[@noukan42]

Sure let's give the iron golem Iseaki cheat skills, it's not going to come back as God...

[@jeice13]

At that weight and density wouldnt is main weakness be what it can walk on?

[@jeice13]

And the insane cost

[@garethbaus5471]

Probably.

[@simoneriksson8329]

Great point!

[@delphicdescant]

Yeah, just lead it into a bog. This seems like the best answer to me.

[@jeice13]

@asdrubale bisanzio consider that iron golems tend to be in fantasy settings where mining will be more dangerous and labour intensive

[@Gil-galad12]

Dark Souls players know how to fight Iron Golem - summon Black Iron Tarkus :)

[@BlockusoftheCockus]

Chad Iron Tarkus

[@GaleBraveHeart]

Then watch him get grabbed and yeeted off the bridge.

[@fransescom.b1178]

@@GaleBraveHeart yeah same thing happened to me 😭

[@FoxHound-ut1hu]

Truth.

[@FoxHound-ut1hu]

@@GaleBraveHeart really I've just watch him chuck the golem off the edge.

[@BelgorathTheSorcerer]

M1 Abrams vs. Iron Golem equipped with a mega mace and super cleaver. Air support incoming, but oh no, they dropped napalm. Now it's empowered with the fire absorption buff. I was going to ask how it would hold up to a H.E.A.T shell, but if a medieval cannon can take it down, then I guess it stands no chance. This was fun. I like these videos!