Sleep Problems Growing Up Autistic

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[@realpaigelayle]

Click here bit.ly/470isxR to take the quiz and use my code PAIGELAYLE for 50% off your first Care/of subscription order! I love Care/of and I know you guys will too.

[@JordanS-ww4eu]

I remember being a baby too your practically a girl version of me❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@brynn4439]

Your description of not being able to fall asleep and wondering if you would get enough hours of sleep is SO relatable it's insane. I've had this experience as an adult, so you're not alone.

[@KPaul7]

Ya, its weird like counting the hours down. So same here.

[@alwynwatson6119]

I might not have this experience 5:45 but it does take me over an hour to fall asleep. but it's not an hour or more of panicking because I can't fall asleep. It's an hour of hypnagogia and a non-sleep deep rest-like state but with an imaginary color of pure coziness. Synaesthesia + autistic emotions can be weird like that. It's kind of funny how long using imaginary colors as a sleep aid seems normal.

[@CrushOnFire13]

This was my entire high school experience lol

[@audreyjordan4444]

Me rn (1:53am on a school night)

[@brazen1]

The way I'd go into panic mode when trying to fall asleep would create such a nasty cycle of adrenaline release, still no sleep, more panic... I feel you homie

[@thegracklepeck]

I always had an issue where I could hear/feel my heart beating way too much as a child trying to fall asleep and that's not comfy. Also I had trouble with my legs feeling prickly like there were thousands of ants crawling on me. Plus "growing" pains that I'm pretty sure we're actually EDS. Being hyperaware of your body makes it real hard to sleep.

[@beechball82]

Sounds like me. My knees would ache so badly! I'd often feel my body pulse and the bed would squeak eèeeeever so slightly and it would drive me nuts, like a ticking clock or something just reminding me that I - AM - STILL - AWAKE - UGH! 😢 I've never been diagnosed but so much of what I read/see is so spot-on and relatable. I think sleep for me is like.... i dunno, it feels like giving up, or giving in and tapping out, quitting the day... I'm such a stubborn person I can't even let my body just do the thing it needs to do! Even now, at 41, I have to medicate with zopiclone and play mindless games on my phone cause if I wait to get tired I'll just not sleep. 😢

[@Kaitygerber]

The loud heartbeat and focusing on it just brought back SO many memories of the same thing for me!!

[@mathilda6763]

actual growing pains were really really awful though. It's still one of the worst pains i ever had and they were especially bad at night. between 6 and 11 I spent many night just crying or lying awake because my legs and feet hurt so much. my own heart beat still wakes me up sometimes, but it's not a constant thing.

[@nussknacker9827]

​@@mathilda6763 do you know why the brain is pulsating so loud it wakes you up? Is the brain pulse ever so loud you can barely hear yourself speak?

[@glittery8862]

I don't remember being a baby, but I remember being a young child. I was up for hours. I fell asleep between 2 and 3 am most nights. In my teenage years, that rhythm was so normalized that I just stayed up, went sleepless often because I enjoyed nighttime, I guess I'd found comfort in it. There have been times in my life where I had to get up early repeatedly (like 7am exams on 3 days within a week) and feeling sleepy early, like at 10 pm, felt so fucking good. It felt so normal. But I always go back to wanting to stay up, even though I love the morning. Maybe having a normal circadian routine feels too normal, I don't know. It's so fucked.

[@lavendxrblue]

i don't think i've ever related to anything more than this

[@beechball82]

Same!

[@gabelossus]

Same way after 20 something years I finally fixed my rhythm and then several weeks later all it took was a few nights getting ideas ping ponging around in my head to reset me back to staying up

[@emmaberger3748]

I love night and morning too. It’s a hard life when your sleep schedule is always off

[@laureng3830]

Literally this. It feels so good to get on a routine but then the craving to be up late starts again even though overall it makes me feel so much worse. I think being awake at night is nice for my brain bc the world is not demanding anything if my at those hours

[@swissarmyknight4306]

You're the only other person I've ever heard talk about being able to remember things from being a very small child. I have vivid memories of being a toddler and not being able to communicate with my parents.

[@Catlily5]

My sister says she can remember not being able to talk.

[@amy-avnas]

I also have very early memories from when I was as young as one. She is also the only other person I have heard who is like me. I am so use to people calling me crazy and a lier😑

[@CRF0510]

My child says that they have memories from being a baby and things they tell me are true so I totally believe it!

[@nathanh6439]

Amazing, isn't it? I still have clear memories from as early as 2 years old. That was way back in the 1970s.

[@Tearsofblood25]

I remember being in my crib while my mom left after feeding me. I remember I had my stuffed animal in my closet(a dog with black and white fur), and my crib was a white color. I puked out the soup my mom fed me. It had carrots and green peas inside.

[@loveangelb4by]

i definitely remember struggling with insomnia as young as 6 years old. staying up late is and was my favorite thing but also would be the source of some of my most anxious moments. thank you for posting this and sharing your experience

[@crazyratlady3115]

I'm PDA autistic with trauma around bedtime/night time. Even asking me what time I plan to go to bed will cause a massive amount of anxiety so I just don't. The things I find most helpful: wear myself out. Isn't always easy because I have chronic pain, but I need to do things to make myself feel tired. I set a time in the evening where I'm going to stop doing exciting things and start doing low-key things like reading, or put a movie on that I've seen a hundred times. I also have a sofa bed in the living room so if GOING to bed is too daunting, I can say oh... I'm not going to bed, I'm just going to pull the couch out and get all cosy to watch this film. I'm not trying to go to sleep I'm just getting comfortable. BAM, asleep.

[@laureng3830]

Relate so much around sleep trauma to the point talking about bed time is stressful. Luckily it’s gotten better and just took time but that change in environment helps a ton- sleep on the couch if that works for you! Also I think part of this is just task switching being hard for me. Going to my bed is a task switch, anxiety aside. I rearranged my bedroom too. Taking away those associations helped. Totally feel you on the chronic pain too- hard to feel tired without overdoing it.

[@mardasman428]

Please use a sleeping mask, earplugs or even a noise-cancelling headphone and be aware: Sleep is for you and only you, it's not a chore forced on you by non-understanding people.

[@chrismills2012]

this video has just brought back some very intense memories. I remember being told off if I wasn't asleep, and actually being questioned why I wasn't sleeping. I wouldn't play with toys or anything, I will just lie in bed quietly. But would get told off as not physically being asleep. Wow, this has brought back intense memories

[@mardasman428]

Yes, instead of helping you get to sleep by making the environment more calm and helpful, they changed nothing and were angry at you for having these problems. It's like being angry at a lactose-intolerant child for farting a lot while force-feeding that child with cheese and milk! It's torture, they didn't improve sleep, they only added more stress to it!

[@maiyapercy]

I just watched your video instead of going to sleep. I can relate to you so much. I can’t remember being a baby, but I remember having troubles with sleeping when I was a child. My parents watched television in the living room, and sometimes it was too loud and I could not sleep because of that. When my mom came to check if I was already sleeping I would pretend to be sleeping because I didn’t want her to be angry. I had nightmares often and was scared to fall back asleep after them. I would wrap in my blanket like a burrito because it made me feel more safe. Thank you for sharing your experience.

[@Wtfcody]

I have never been diagnosed with autism, but depression/OCD. When I was a kid, and even into adulthood I could not fall asleep. I would lay down and my mind would not stop, it was almost like a tv or movie like you mentioned. I felt like I had no control of what my brain was even thinking. I was late for school often because I would be up all night angry about how I couldn’t sleep. When I was in college I had to get help and now I take a low dose of a medicine like seroquel at night and it changed my life.

[@mardasman428]

Use sleeping masks and earplugs or both. When I introduced that into my life, my sleep improved soooo much.

[@Brandon_Powell]

My earliest memory was from when I was about 3 years old. It was almost drowning in my swimming pool. My mother was at work and my cousin was off that day. She was taking a nap while my two other cousins decided they wanted to go swimming. They were watching me at the time, so they just decided to take me in the pool with them. They, of course, didn't pay attention to me, and I went under. My other cousin woke up from her nap just in time to go out and ask them where I was and discover that I was at the bottom of the pool. She dove in and pulled me out. She threw me over her shoulder and pat my back until I brought up all of the water. When my great-grandmother found out about this, she apparently went to the shed, got an ax, and headed towards the pool. My cousin said she could never figure out whether she intended to use the ax on the pool or my cousins who weren't paying attention. All of this was told to me by my cousin throughout the years, but the only thing I actually remember is being underwater. I don't remember getting in the pool or coming out, but I remember being underwater. And I especially remember the fear.

[@Zhuria]

that sounds like actual drowning not almost drowning! so glad you were okay!

[@Brandon_Powell]

@@Zhuria Good point. I appreciate the sentiment.

[@merbst]

I too have an eidetic memory that was a nearly perfect autobiographical record of every second of my life going back to age 5. I too was the person whose sleep hours began when most people would call morning. my first word was "light' at the age 4 months, which I remember being spoken in frustration that my ADHD mom had sung me a lullaby, but then she forgot to hit the light switch when she was leaving my room, and I was trapped in my bassinet with my eyes directly facing 2 undiffused 75W incandescent bulbs "light", for the next few hours, which I knew was a very painful & would keep me awake until their return, so when I saw my dad pass by, I began to repeat light, which I recognized as a word highly associated with "turn off the light" & "light switch", so I figured my mom couldn't possibly be too dumb to figure out that she neglected to perform the most important step of coming into my bedroom, but this incident had several thousands more like it to follow, because she made a big deal about my first word, that she failed to notice her failure, so I was super annoyed with her & my life almost headed down a supervillain path, but the day was saved when my dad noticed that my ceiling light remained on during my sleep!

[@CrushOnFire13]

Thats crazy how could they NOT notice the light was on all the time? Unless you grew up in Alaska or other places that dont always have night & day regularly

[@merbst]

@@CrushOnFire13 eeh it was 1981 or 1982, & my mom had severe ADHD. she was the epitome of "scatterbrained" even when she was 30 at my birth, which I can best illustrate with another memory I have from my early childhood: one foggy morning, when my su

[@merbst]

when my 12 month old sister's crib was forgotten atop our moving station wagon, until I said "you forgot Kristen".

[@amy-avnas]

I have memories from around 1 years old as well. I don't remember having issues sleeping per say. I know my family said I was the best baby to put down to sleep, as I didn't fuss and would just coo and entertain myself😆. My family said they would just leave me in the mornings because I would be just happily cooing and making other happy baby noises alone, so they saw no need to rush me out of bed. But I do have distinct memories of the various clothes my mom would put me in, all of which I remember hating the feel of😅. I especially hated the bonnet, hat things she put on me. I didn't like the constant presence of the hat on my head🤷🏻‍♀️. I remember other things as well. Like loving to spin in circles, hating loud sounds, loving the swingset we had so much I would scream and cry when I was taken off it, as I could have swung on that thing happily for hours. I remember playing quietly alone the majority of the time and being perfectly content to do so... my family also claim its impossible that I have these memories but I do and many more as well😅🤷🏻‍♀️. It was only when I got older that I can really remember sleep and my inability to do it easily, really becoming an issue.

[@lolofunslayer4953]

I never slept as a child and still sometimes struggle with it. I had terrible nightmares and would wake up screaming. I would make up rules like toes have to be entirely covered by blankets or the monster will grab you and my ears had to be checked for crocodiles. I also would count the minutes I missed of sleep under 8 hours. I’m diagnosed ADHD

[@TriforceLiz]

I don't have a memory like yours but I absolutely have memories from when I was still crawling that are incredibly vivid. I also hated napping and sleeping for most of my life. I do fit the PDA profile of Autism to a T, and I'm working on that with my therapist, however I also know I have a non-24 hour sleep-wake cycle. I haven't been officially diagnosed, because it's very hard to get that diagnosis without being blind, but my doctors recognize it as a facet of my health. Because I haven't been able to work for many years, I've been sleeping with a 25-26 hour sleep cycle, and since I started to listen to my body, my sleep has gotten a lot better. It's over for me if I have to wake up at a specific time- I will get almost no sleep.

[@jaimedill2467]

This was SO helpful for validating the experience of my 11yo daughter who sounds very much like you. She didn't start volunteering to go to bed on her own until she was 8, and we were so proud of her initiative that we never set a bedtime or tried to control when or how she put herself to bed. Yes, this does result some nights in her hyperfocusing on drawing or watching tv until like 1am, but her autonomy has been crucial to her success, so it means a TON to hear your experience and know we're on the right track.

[@nussknacker9827]

Thank you for treating her like a person and respecting her needs. 💕 It's rarer than most think

[@nicolebezeau1174]

I also was a baby who struggled with sleeping. My dad would often drive me around until I fell asleep. I also struggled with sleep cause my first few years of life we lived in a 2 bedroom house. After my brother was born and he was around 1 year old, he and I shared a bedroom. Unfortunately, he would often wake me up in the middle of the night with his crying and he struggled with sleeping as well, so there were times I would sleep on the floor of my parents bedroom. This was a good catalyst to us moving to the house we live in now which has 3 bedrooms, which is good on the one hand, but sadly my brother does struggle with periodic insomnia and his autism is the kind that requires 24/7 care, so that's fun for me and my parents.

[@deandrasarms5886]

This is crazy! I thought I was always alone in this. I had the exact same experience of what you’ve described. I remember how my mom thought I was trying to stay up late to spite her and how I’d get punished; I didn’t have the words then to communicate then but now it’s all making sense as an adult. But the way you said your heart starts racing once you realize you aren’t asleep is so real, I still deal with that now !

[@EvergreenFlame]

I was diagnosed 10 years ago as ASD right before my 52nd birthday, which means over a half century not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. Even today, females have a hard time being taking seriously when we say we're autistic. I remembering lying awake as a child playing stories in my mind because I couldn't sleep. Hasn't really improved. I appreciate knowing other autistic people have had similar experiences

[@Rin-wm7hr]

I have autism too and I've also had a life long struggle with sleep. When I was a kid I'd fall asleep to the tv because I get really anxious in the dark, but when I inevitably woke up in the middle of the night I'd scurry off to sleep in my parents bed. They soon got tired of this because I move so much in my sleep that they started to lock me out of their room at night...so I slept in the dark hallway on the floor by their door because that was somehow better then my room?! I've also dealt with restless stomach syndrome (yes, this is a thing), which feels like a squirmy feeling in your stomach that makes you unable to sit still without feeling sick. I also have adhd and my brain doesn't shut off, so I tend to stay up really late because of it. Which would then cause me to oversleep in the morning, which would lead to me either being angry at myself and missing the bus or being angry at myself and going to school extremely tired while risking falling asleep in class. Even now at 21, I still can't sleep through the night and I still can't turn my brain off or get enough sleep. It's frustrating, because you want to be aboe to do what everyone else does but it's not that easy. I've been tired my whole life and I hate it.

[@nussknacker9827]

I'm actually crying because they locked you out 😢 it's heartless 💔 Before electric light ( I think middle Ages) it was normal to sleep twice, people would go to sleep early in the evening when it got dark. After a few hours they would get up in the middle of the night and snack , entertain themselves or whatever. Then they would go to sleep a second time. It's natural to not get all the sleep in one go. It's also totally OK to take naps. Having a sleeping schedule is helpful. If you do suffer from extreme sleep deprivation IMO just try to get any sleep you can, no matter what time it is . Sleep deprivation is torture, super unhealthy and dangerous

[@Rin-wm7hr]

@@nussknacker9827 yeah, my mom's abusive so she wasn't always known to have a heart. I've heard of that though, I'll definitely have to keep that in mind. Thanks for sharing friend!

[@NFSMAN50]

I either have trouble falling asleep, or i fall asleep too easily lol. I do have memories of being a baby and toddler lol. Funny wild memories. Happy Tuesday Paige!!! Peace and love.

[@nussknacker9827]

Which memories do you have from when you were a baby?

[@_xone]

PDAer here, yup cannot sleep unless I'm physically tired (and actually notice I am 😂); force it and I'm just awake until... forever

[@snowmoon1743]

I used to organize my room when I couldn’t sleep. Or my sisters room. We hated each other in waking life, but I didn’t like sleeping in my own room alone so I’d sleep in her room. Or not sleep. I didn’t sleep much as a kid. My mind went a mile a minute at night & I’d have terrible nightmares. Staying awake was safer to my child brain, but not sleeping is probably why I was more hyper emotional & moody than I already was in general. I was terrified of ghosts & would see things so doing something or focusing on something distracted my brain away from that. I also COULD not fall asleep with the tv on or a fan cause I’d fixate on the frequencies & if I’m cold I cannot for the life of me fall asleep. I used to sleep with a blanket over my head until I was at least 18. In my early 20s I started to teach myself to breathe through my nose & that seemed to help give my mind something to focus on. I haven’t had as many issues falling asleep as an adult & I no longer sleep with a blanket over my head because I literally cannot breathe if I do. It’s honestly wild to think about how sleep deprived I was as a child, I have no idea how I functioned.

[@Surfer8652]

Insomnia sucks. It's weird how the anxiety about not being able to get enough sleep is usually worse than the actual state of not having slept enough. In my case It's terminal insomnia, where I fall asleep just fine but then wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. The biggest suffering of all is actually the laying in bed awake worrying part, not the next day when I'm exhausted. Generally, it's true that the fix is to try to not really care if you get a good night's rest or not, and that in turn makes it easier to sleep. This is contrary to what we're told growing up to prioritize getting a good night's rest. But for the insomniac, caring too much about sleep in turns makes us not sleep. It's paradoxical and self-reinforcing, so it's hard to get out of.

[@nussknacker9827]

Before electric lighting (I think middle ages) people would go to sleep twice First sleep was early in the evening when it got dark Then get up to snack, place fire wood, entertain themselves, chat with family Then second sleep in the middle of the night until sunrise It's totally natural to not get all the sleep in one go. What do you mean with terminal insomnia? Do you mean fatal familial insomnia?

[@HonestlyElsie]

Sleeping was one of the most stressful things for me as a kid, this video was giving me flashbacks oml. Thanks for talking about this, it was very relatable!

[@mitcs002]

I love the fact I’m autistic - watching this at 1 am in the morning (uk time) …. 😅😅❤❤

[@hurricanefrid]

I don't have memories from infancy, but I do have memories from when I was like 2 years old, so still very early childhood. Little toddler me was a big talker at first but it was all gibberish so *nobody* could understand what I was saying, and I remember being so frustrated about it that I basically just decided to stop talking to people pretty much altogether for a while until I had practiced it enough by myself, lol.

[@tjzambonischwartz]

My earliest memory is from when I was 8 months old. A lot of us autistic folks have super clear early childhood memories.

[@nussknacker9827]

Can you please tell me some of those memories? I find It super fascinating and interesting. 💕

[@kaylanek1]

I remember thinking I was lactose intolerant (I am not) because after dinner we would eat dessert and then go to bed, but I would feel like vomiting. Turns out I would just get supper anxious before bed, probably because I tend to go over all my interactions for the day and see where I failed. After that, my mom gave me some lavender to smell when I felt anxious, but now any time I smell lavender I get anxious because I associate the smell with being afraid in my bed.

[@lilywebber2235]

I’m not sure I’m autistic, but I had similar sleep issues growing up, especially the anxiety that came along with falling asleep. Now that I’m older (16) I’ve pretty much figured a routine out, but when I was younger I used to stay up for hours trying to go bed, then caving and watching KZbin until I couldn’t stay up anymore.

[@shehulkgolding2206]

I actually need quiet to fall asleep, which usually equals being the last one to go to bed.

[@karens8633]

Autistic Adult: “I’m not asleep yet” I would call this out many times when I was a child. My family Still rags on me because of it! Well, there was a Good Reason I couldn’t sleep! I can’t keep my eyes Shut! As soon as I actually do fall asleep, my eyes open and it will wake me up! I was only able to sleep when I was dead tired. When did I learn of this problem? At around the same time I got my Autism diagnosis, at the age of Forty!!! 😡 It was only discovered because my eyes were severely dry! All those years of Lost Sleep! 😢 As we have a tendency to do, I lay awake berating myself because I couldn’t do anything right, not even sleep! Now I sleep with a silicone mask that blocks out all light and keeps the moisture in. I also need a sleep otc medication, because it’s still hard to fall asleep. So glad I’m not the only person who has used “I’m not asleep yet”! 😊 I will share this with my family!!

[@JonBrase]

I've recently started asking people about their early memories, and was shocked by how many people had solid memories of infancy and by how many only had fragmentary memories before age 5. I thought just about everybody had their first memories around 2.5, started having consistent memories at 3-ish, and everything was rock-solid by five (which is the case for me) Even in my case, I was surprised to discover that several memories I had placed after 2 were actually, according to my parents, around 18 months.

[@rosameijering5161]

Crazy. I only remember me vaguely something around the age of 3, when I went to kindergarten

[@MrSerious1]

Watching this while I can't sleep!

[@AG-hx6qn]

Immediately...I beleive you. Ever since I was three I remember struggling to sleep. My sister and i both needed jazz to help us sleep...

[@CatholicOnTheSpectrum]

The sleep problems are absolutely real.

[@brianfoster4434]

I must have the TV or radio on in order to sleep. If the power goes out while I am sleeping, I wake up immediately.

[@ckblackwoodmusic]

Thanks as ever; I always had trouble staying asleep growing up and that started again in recent years (had a period just after high school of sleeping like a baby)

[@Zectifin]

the being able to fall asleep easier when doing something is so relatable. I often find myself falling asleep when playing a game, especially something slower without tons of fast paced action. I'll just doze off. Turn off the pc and go to bed and then struggle to sleep. My partner has a real problem with this too. if she just sits there she never sleeps. so now she plays on her phone until she falls asleep with it in her hand. She especially loves when I play a calm game on the TV so she can put the phone down and just watch or listen and I wait till shes snoring for about 15m or so before turning it off. I fall asleep much easier when shes there, which sucks cus were opposite schedules. Whenever I see people joke about sleeping in and getting like 10+ hours of sleep I always go "YES!!! I'm so doing that this weekend" Then I can't sleep. My partner went to visit parents in Canada for 2 weeks this december. I told myself I was gonna catch up on so much sleep. it was the opposite. The Geralt "I CANT FUCKING SLEEP!" meme is on speed dial for me.

[@bonniepaora8664]

I am ADHD and autistic, which results in taking an hour and a half to get my body ready for bed bc i keep having multiple needs to be met at once and they have to be addressed in a specific order, dictated solely by how i feel at the time. Then once i get in bed, its BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH in my brain until im finally so exhausted that i only have one or maybe no train of thought. So as an adult i have a very intuitive night routine and dont actually bother going to bed until im basically the walking dead. Thankfully this has started happening earlier so im now zombiefied by like 10pm-12am instead of 12-2am

[@cassiusvoidkin]

I'm Autistic and also remember being a baby. I had sleep difficulties as well. I remember learning how to get out of my crib so I could play with my toys while everyone else was sleeping.

[@MrSerious1]

I love telling people that "If it rhymes then it must be true." I've said that for decades... i know it's nonsense but I love it.

[@NE0Nwhip]

Profound and jarring for you to recall being very young and crying bc of extreme discontentedness of reality. I can relate to needing your parent(s) there while you're falling asleep. I'm not sure if this will fit for you but for me it was about feeling comforted and safe and as if I'm not alone in falling asleep/being in the dark alone. I love your relatable insights =)

[@hspparadise]

Thank you for sharing your experiences! We have memories back to BEFORE WE WERE BORN! It is entirely possible, the neuroscience is 100% there. We were in a car accident about a month before birth. We struggled with insomnia and sleep paralysis for many years. Now, it’s more manageable and episodic rather than a constant problem. We also did lots of yoga, chi gong and meditation. . . So many hours spent training our brain to be comfortable in the body! 😮‍💨✨

[@AnnoyingNewsletters]

I finally got a weighted blanket in 2020 when Pier One was going out of business. Original price was $70, which was the same price as Target at the time. But the matching throw blanket's original price was $80, for a freaking throw blanket. No wonder they went out of business.

[@angelanice]

So much of this is very relatable ❤ Also, people who remember being a baby are rare but it is a real thing!

[@MrCshowbread]

Insomnia created my affinity for horror movies and spooky things. I had a TV in my room growing up as well and, at least here in the Midwest, they would play old monster movies late at night on some of the basic tv stations. I wonder if the horror movies fueled my insomnia or if thinking everything that looked like eyes was a monster gave my brain enough to hyper fixate to chill out. While it's better, I still have a hard time with a bedtime ritual, especially if it feels as though it doesn't work. It took me years to fall asleep by myself. The primary thing that seems to work is falling asleep next to someone. Though I've been widowed for a year so it's kind of back to square one trying to figure out what works. I've been trying to get into martial arts recently. From what I watched, ADHD (AuDHDer here) folks tend sleep better consistently when they have jobs that are more physically demanding.

[@JoePianist]

Remembering baby memories is so cool!!!!!

[@cdubbart]

I haven't been diagnosed yet, but ever since one of my therapists suggested I get tested (& I scored pretty high on the RAADS-R, CAT-Q & ASPIE tests lol), so many things have been falling into place as I do more research. I've had insomnia since I was a kid, and the way you described it is so damn relatable it's crazy lol. It's so hard to shut my brain off & I've always dreaded sleep, thinking to much about it & almost feeling like I'm... failing at it... weirdly? I just get so much anxiety about it, or pretty much anything where there's some kind of external expectation tied to it that I didn't necessarily agree to... if that makes any sense. Idk, I'm not sure if I'm on the spectrum or not. I feel like I'm prying into a world that I don't deserve to be a part of almost. But again, the more research I do... and the more videos like this that I watch... the more I feel like I'm in the right place. It's 3:35am as of the time I'm writing this btw, & I need to be up by 9am to take care of my son. The insomnia is real lol. But I love your suggestions on how to get to sleep & I will try them out!

[@joeydendron]

I can remember back in nursery school (age... 4?) all the kids were expected to have a nap in the middle of the day, so a bunch of camp beds came out, all the other kids lay down under one shitty blanket and just powered down, and I was lying there awake thinking "are you serious?" I'm still crap at getting to sleep, I ruminate like crazy although that's somewhat helped by journaling it onto paper, and I can guage how stressed I am by how much I dislike my journaling tone of voice... Also, physical tiredness helps.

[@CoreenMontagna]

Same. My dad worked second shift when I was little, meaning he would get home a little after midnight. I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep until he got home. I remember being afraid something would happen if everyone was asleep at the same time, particularly because my mom would go to bed early because she’d be up for work at like 6 in the morning.

[@thetonytaye]

I don’t know what it is but I’ve like… *always* needed to have sound on while sleeping. When I was a kid I would always have the TV on and now at 23 I have KZbin playlists of random videos to sleep to (lately it’s been retro commercial break compilations lol). If there’s no sound coming from my phone I will notice and get up in the middle of the night just to turn it back on.

[@nussknacker9827]

KZbin is full of 10+ hour videos for people who suffer from insomnia The internet is awesome 🥰

[@aprildennis2964]

That's so weird. I'm autistic too and I can remember being a toddler. I wonder if there is some sort of link between autism and long memories.

[@nussknacker9827]

I've seen so many comments here of people remembering being a baby So fascinating. I only have memories from about age 3 but they're very vivid. I remember so much and know exactly how I felt and what I was thinking, most people "spawn" Into consciousness around age 4-6 years With no previous memories And have very few memories they can recall, I'd love to see a study about this

[@cath3638]

I also remember being a baby and really identify with your sleep stories! Thanks for talking about your experiences- it helps!

[@lanagomisc.6005]

I've struggled with sleep all my life and am now a night owl. You know that falling sensation people get when they're laying down and it freaks them out? I actually like the feeling because it always a sign that I was falling asleep. Now I take meds that help with anxiety and sleep.

[@zongi700]

2:15 Lmaoo I love the "who would'a thunk!" I also say that sometimes

[@katiek9436]

My son has made comments very similiar to how you describe what falling asleep was like as a child, but can't fully explain what he is meaning to a way I understand. This helps so much! Your videos have given me insight to help his childhood improve and to build tools he can use as he grow. Thank you for sharing your experiences!!

[@hollyberry7782]

I relate to this so much! I've never heard anyone else talk about what I experienced as a kid. I probably begged my parents to stay in my room until I fell asleep into middle school. It was a fight the older I got but if they wouldn't and I couldn't sleep, I would cry myself to sleep eventually after a lot of begging/screaming for them to come into my room. They wouldn't because I was supposed to be learning how to fall asleep alone. I could never verbally explain why. I often wondered why those times happened to me. Of course it's just another thing explained by my PDA austim.

[@SniperNurse-m7x]

You are the first person I’ve ever heard who also remembers being too young to move consciously and just lying in their crib and crying.I’m 52 and I still remember that terrible feeling of helplessness. I’m also PDA-wonder if there is a connection with these experiences? Great thought provoking discussion-thank you.

[@suzannetunnicliffe2422]

Thank you for chatting.

[@RikB251087]

I had a lot of sleeping problems too when I was a child. My parents have tons of stories about that. Luckily, as an adult, I'm fine in that area now. But yeah, I can easily imagine how childhood sleeping problems can mess with your brain development growing up.

[@AmaindeJH]

Same! And my chronological memories begin at 3!

[@liallialcroc]

this explains so much for me, i have racing thoughts before bed unless im listening to an audiobook (then im in someone elses brain and its nice not to think about my own stuff)

[@taylorturrtle26]

So, I remember being four-ish, and being super sick, and watching Shrek in the background, because I hyperfixated on it, and that was such a pattern for me. I used to break up portions of my life, specifically nights of my life, by what movie I hyperfixated on, at the time? And I don't think I had ever heard someone having a similar experience until realizing I was autistic. So this is cool. ❤ hope you have a great day

[@Hemi_Bratt_Ca]

Apparently I never slept well & I cried constantly. High sensory issues... the feeling of diapers & clothes, back in the 70s.... 🤮, I was nicknamed "the streaker" bc I used to rip my diaper off & run away from it. That diaper sensation was horrific! So hot & uncomfortable. I'm nearly 50 recently dx & still struggle! LOVE your content 🎉❤❤❤❤

[@givemeprimelaughter]

ADHD here and yep!! I relate to this so much. Sleep is something that's eluded me my entire life. I have similar issues to you in my sleep journey. And yes, falling asleep to tv, youtube, etc is so much easier than just laying there trying to make myself rest. It's infuriating but also I relate to withholding sleep from myself as well.

[@FinnColcloughMoss]

Omgggg I relate to this so much, I had such bad trouble sleeping as a kid and the only way I can sleep now is with my weighted blanket and if I have a TV on

[@autumnkmeadows]

watching this at 1am… ❤ I hope I can figure out sleep one day….

[@Sncex]

oh my god literally same, (my memory is currently really bad atm due to possible longterm undiagnosed burnout, i remember literally being in my pram in the rain sheet/cover thing, i can remember being changed in a nappy as a baby, and the sensory issues with that, and alot of other issues and stuff growing up, although i didnt really understand what was going on, learning about autism, gives me alot of understanding when it comes to my childhood, completely explains everything, i just need to try figure out and notice my triggers properly so i can combat them / improve my quality of life, but yeah i remember being a baby and kid and stuff and its actually mad, but then try and get me to explain anything of my past i really struggle to, therefore im struggling so much with talking to professionals :( i feel to much impostery to self claim to be autistic, and it makes me feel guilty so i dont, i feel like unless i get a official diagnosis, ppl will never take me seriously, and let me live the way i need to, even if its just until i recover from this however many year long burn out, i hate it man, never understanding whats wrong with you or being able to figure out the cause to all your issues, now im 23, masking is in my opinion... greatly self sabataging in a way... try to force up a mask of reliability and competency, calmness and fortitude in a way, whilst never really having a clue, and internally freaking out, gets you in a bad place in general, expectations are too great... (if anyone relates or has feedback

[@RandomRoss]

Oh yeah I'm the same since I had my chemo two years ago i fell into a sleep pattern I'm not advicibg that but yeah when I was younger I use to torment my sister while she was asleep not only autistic but ADHD is in the mix too but now I listen to good old Bob Ross to help me sleep or ASMR videos that sooth me.

[@dustcircle]

You should get a talent agent. Your looks and vocal delivery are great.

[@Nate-BreakingPoint-Interactive]

The first memory I recall was when I was 4 I think, I woke up vaguely being familiar with my family, but I was so confused about where I was, what I was, what was going on, took awhile that day for me to understand things like I should've known. So weird to feel like coming into existence at 4, knowing nothing but kinda knowing the bare minimum of what I needed to

[@UsorThem07]

This hit the nail on the head for me except with the parents staying up. I've always had issues falling asleep, would dread when we went to bed as kids because there's a big fat chance I would lie awake for hours. Then I got into a habit of reading on my phone in bed, I stopped with that for a few months and slept even worse. It seems like I need to focus on something to fall asleep or my mind is just too loud. Now I shake my leg and read/ watch something until I fall asleep. My sleeping schedule isn't great but it's better.

[@Genin99]

PDA could play a part in it, because I'm another Autistic who struggles with sleep and finds demands stressful.

[@turoni314]

I've been using a podcast for a while now to be able to fall asleep. Still takes an hour or more but at least it's pretty effective and I feel like I'm resting while listening.

[@hollowhills13]

This!! I struggled with the amount of sleep I’d get. I was an early bird, I’d be up at 5:30-6 as a young kid. But it was always a struggle to fall asleep. I knew the preferred amount was 8 hours, but I’d obsess over it. Sharing a room with two sisters didn’t help, either, and we didn’t have the means for us to sleep separately. I toss and turn as I’m falling asleep, and I’d freak out they’d get mad about me waking them up, so I’d lay still, but I couldn’t function. I currently use a weighted blanket, and I fall asleep to documentaries. I also have some heavy duty sleeping meds- at one point I was sleeping maybe an hour a night, and my doctor was like “nope, here’s this, it’s the smallest dose, take it RIGHT before bed.” Took it at about 6, it normally takes time for meds to kick in for me, and within 20 minutes I decided to go to bed, I was really feeling it. Woke up at 2pm the next day. I have a higher dose now, and it took a bit for my body to get used to it, but holy crap I needed it.

[@Joepage69]

I also love rhyming but then sometimes I get stuck in it and start staying everything in rhymes even my thoughts. It made me feel sick yesterday.

[@amoonheart]

me coming across this in my feed at 4am cause i can’t fall asleep and i was looking for something to watch to help me

[@dsalazarm]

someONE has to keep WATCH at night 🌃 I RELATE so hard, its not a conscious thought, but needing to not be the last person to sleep is a Deep Need.

[@macgonzo]

My earliest memory comes from about the age of 2, I recall trying to climb up onto my grandmother's bed, which was higher than I was tall, and I clearly remember my mother and aunt watching and laughing at my efforts. This made me really angry and determined to climb up on the bed. It took me a while, as the bed cover kept slipping off as I pulled on it, but I eventually managed it. I bounced on the bed proud of myself, but all my mother said was "Don't jump on the bed", which deflated my feelings of happiness. I've always struggled to sleep, still do. Sometimes I can't sleep at all, and will be awake for 36 hours. I try to create a mental image of a place where I'm calm and relaxed, and usually it helps, but sometimes no matter what I can't sleep.

[@o0osoftballnuto0o]

I've always struggled with sleeping. I specifically remember as a baby i would get too hot in the back seat so i would intentionally throw my blanket away from me for about 30 seconds and it would cool me down. I then developed a habit of putting my blanket in the fridge or freezer, which ever one i was closest to at the time 😅 also i can not be too cold or too hot, usually have to be warm with my feet out of the covers and my mouth and nose has to be out of the covers too but also my eyes need covered if there is any light what so ever 😂 i cannot sleep with other people snoring and Even worse if they have sleep apnea, when they stop breathing, that wakes me up in a panic. For when my daycare people told me it was nap time, i remember being the only one in the dark room that could not get myself to sleep. How i wanted to just tell them that i couldn't nap but they would never listen and honestly think they thought i did nap when i never did!

[@beechball82]

Ha! I related to every single thing you said! Even the rhyming, lol 😂❤

[@randymoon]

the only thing that ever helped my insomnia was being on lexapro but it made me SO sleepy during the day that i had to stop taking it 😔

[@elzabets]

I found out a few years ago that I've only ever lucid dreamed. I thought everyone was in control of their dreams. The ones where I couldn't do anything or change anything were automatically the nightmares. If I could change things, it wasn't a nightmare anymore. So as a child I'd choose my favorite "story" from my regular dreams, start thinking about it, and fall asleep having my favorite dreams (in which I could make any choices and have anything I wanted at all). Unless it was a bad sleep night, and then I'd either be awake nearly the whole night or keep waking up from nightmares to be scared by the shadows in my room. I'd tuck in the sheets and blankets really tight and sleep in the little hammock created along the sides or end of the bed. I'd read until all hours, triggering Alice In Wonderland syndrome (for me, a zoomy-out sensation, where the book in my hand and everything else felt miles upon miles away - interestingly, also a migraine aura that I get and suspect to have been getting as a child with undiagnosed migraines). I'd build cities in the textured plaster ceiling topography. And sometimes just lie there in absolute anguish that I couldn't stop feeling or thinking.

[@Daniella9658]

This sounds like textbook anxiety, which still sucks obviously.

[@shimmerngspirit]

I had a ton of nightmares, sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming, I used to check out books from the library on sleep disorders and how to sleep better, while i was in elementary school. Theres more but too much to type. I sleep because i have to, but i dont enjoy it.

[@Sonicforcesfan2020]

I have to have my sleeping medication and white noise ten hours playlist on from Spotify

[@IDontPostAnymore1739]

I genuinely had so many problems growing up sleeping 😭 autism ✨

[@jimwilliams3816]

I don’t know how old I was, but I remember having my diaper changed. I have a vivid memory of the cloth I was on, and the red table, and a bright light on the ceiling. No image of people, just an awareness of hands changing my diaper. I remember thinking “why don’t I know where I am, or who these people are?” It’s a strange thought to have had, but what weirds me out the most is that it feels like I thought those specific words.

[@benjaminsandeen9241]

I've found that listening to podcasts help me fall asleep by giving my brain something to focus on, which prevents it from running rampant all over the place. I typically listen to horror podcasts, funnily enough

[@CrushOnFire13]

The bit about being a baby and just laying there angry reminded me of a dream/memory I had of being born. It went from floating in space attached to other souls and just blissfully floating, to ffuuucckk Im stuck in this tiny body and its soooo uncomfortable!!

[@ellebannana]

Perfect. I just woke up from a nightmare after my usual post-insomnia 2 hours of sleep.

[@PotatoQueen1989]

i struggle with sleep, a few years ago it was so bad i was diagnosed with migraines due to being sleep deprived and then prescribed melatonin which has helped, i stopped worrying about sleep as much i usually go to bed around midnight, i have to have a movie playing to get me to sleep, i have since i was younger ♥

[@mackenziewesten8506]

All of this is so incredibly relatable… the only thing that helps me is Trazodone and/or Benadryl. Even with those meds, I still have trouble sometimes. I would stay up all night doing arts and crafts as a kid. My parents remember coming upstairs at like midnight when I was like 5, and I had made myself an entire mermaid costume out of paper. I stopped having a bed time very early on- I just had to be in my room by a certain time. My parents understood I couldn’t sleep until I was too exhausted to think. I would listen to my dad’s singing tape over and over every night on the tape recorder to fall asleep. I also slept with some/all of the lights on because I hate the dark. I feel you on this.

[@sarahrose8029]

I only sleep well when I take my trazodone too!

[@Catlily5]

Trazodone worked for years for me.

[@gilashroot8697]

Thank you for another amazing video. I learn so much from you. ❤ I love your song at the end of the video ❤.

[@emmaberger3748]

Also yeahhh no I probably had ocd or somETHING with intrusive thoughts and phobias because I couldn’t not think about it things I was scared of in the dark / alone etc. Like you described with a tv in your head (but it was so scary).

[@jewelmagadan]

I remember that far back and so does my son. We are both on the spectrum. We don’t have sleep issues. My daughter is on the spectrum as well. She doesn’t remember that far back, but she has had sleep issues all her life. It’s reassuring to hear that it could be related to autism. I got so much shit about her sleep issues. The doctors could not determine a cause. She had multiple sleep studies. Now she takes melatonin to help, but she still has issues staying asleep. She’s 14. I homeschool her now so she can sleep when she needs or is able to.

[@mitcs002]

I love sleep but having asd and adhd is tricky …. Sometimes you sleep for ages …. Sometimes you hardly sleep !

[@TomsOnUK]

Very good and informative video and issues raised