So Only The Rich Can Have Babies?

Our current society is trying its hardest to disparage the idea of having children and becoming a stay-at-home mom. Today, we're calling their bluff on this argument.
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[@abigailsmith8690]

Kids can be as cheap or expensive as you want them to be. If you buy them name brand diapers, new clothes, feed them lots of snacks and put them in 100 after school activities, they'll cost you thousands. I put mine in Walmart diapers, free hand me downs from the neighborhood, and feed them real food and they only cost me maybe a few extra hundred dollars a month. But separately: Kids make life worth living in a whole new way, especially when you're older. Even if I did have to pay thousands, I would. They're not a dollar figure, they're family!

[@excripto1]

That’s why I feel that it should be mandatory for everyone to marry and have kids because what good is life if you’re single? Without a partner and kids, your life will be meaningless. No matter how expensive it is to raise a child, it is a man’s duty to work hard and make enough money to to support his family. A true masculine man is one who makes sacrifices for his family.

[@sailorvenus4471]

We also have to look into adoption also. Trying to adopt a child that I researched, it costs even more $ than raising a child from age 0-10. Adoption itself drains you before you can even support a child..

[@mika43889]

@@excripto1 Jesus christ this is an awful take. I hope you’re able to find some value in your own life existence bc if you’re not happy BEFORE you have a partner and kids, youre going to spend the rest of their lives projecting your misery onto them

[@blueiris1542]

What about the other perspective? Some ppl want to give their future kids more than the basic necessities.

[@excripto1]

@@mika43889 How do you know my life? It sounds like you’re projecting.

[@davetdowell]

As a father of 3, I can assure you, you will never earn enough to have children. Unless you choose to, then you'll make do and enjoy it all. I regret nothing, and (knowing what I know now) would do it all again without any second thought at all.

[@TreeTrinity]

I feel like this is along the similar theme of “you will never be ready for marriage” or “ready for kids.” You can and should try to prepare yourself but in the end you just have to do it, and trust that you’ll figure it out.

[@lawrencetalbot8346]

Choose to? It’s not like we choose to be poor. We don’t choose the housing market to be crap with ridiculous mortgages. We don’t choose the economy, the inflation, and the crap wages. That being said, if you really want a kid, you can make it work. Just don’t expect all of us to be able to give our kids the lives our parents gave us.

[@Rope_Adope]

@@lawrencetalbot8346sure you do. A lot depends on who you vote for lol.

[@lisah8438]

The girl is rich

[@SteelC6]

@davetdowell You are 100% correct.

[@LacieAnimations]

I swear people overuse the world “privilege” way too much. Holy crap 💀

[@missymagg196]

Fr! Privilege has been warped to include opportunity and working hard/sacrifice .

[@Krendall2]

It's because people are constantly being taught that success is a result of pure chance and no amount of hard work can bring a person up from their current financial group.

[@SteveW79-2K]

17:09 The fact she mentioned divorce as a reason for her working is a HUGE red flag. Divorce shouldn't even be in your vocabulary.

[@StellarStringsCo]

When I was a single mom people would always question how I can afford to live on my own. I prioritized providing for my child over getting luxury items. Definitely about priorities!

[@animeaideus4222]

My mom was the same. There is a deep respect as a child of two that I have for my mom who’d do all she could for me and my sis. Mothers deserve a lot of respect, I don’t know you but good on you for being a mother through difficult circumstances.

[@DTreatz]

Step 1: _Don't make yourself a single mother._ 💊

[@arizonarangershat3831]

There’s a big difference between not having money for luxury items and not having the money for necessities in the first place.

[@karensantos5421]

​@wtfdtreats You need to know first the circumstances of a single parent, how they ended up being a single parent. It's not always "pregnancy out of wedlock". They can either be separated, divorced, or even widowed. So saying "Don't make yourself a single mother" isn't always a solution. Often times, married couples fights and arguments stems from money issues.

[@ErBeary]

Step 2: Don't marry a guy that thinks he's better than single mothers when he watches porn every day. @@DTreatz

[@davidpaul9961]

I grew up with 9 siblings. My dad worked non stop, and my mom ran an adult foster care business from home until her 8th kid. They struggled hard for most of my childhood, but I did not know this. Even having to file for bankruptcy and go on food stamps. Fast forward to now, 9 of us are married and have families of our own, my parents are wealthy and happy. And have a bunch of grandkids. They wouldn’t take back any of us.

[@lisah8438]

See I can't struggle like. Absolutely not. I cannot purposely bring children in the world with them being on food stamps

[@Grumpisaurus]

But why have 10 kids? That's only causing more financial strain

[@davidpaul9961]

@@lisah8438 it was for a short time. But my point is that after all that struggle, they are doing extremely well financially and have the joy of seeing all their kids loving God and loving them. As a parent myself, that’s a life goal of mine

[@davidpaul9961]

@@Grumpisaurus I asked my mom about this. Because my wife and I have one kid, and we do consider finances. But finances was just not on my mom’s radar. You may call it unwise, she would call it faith in God that He’d provide. Time is too short to be constantly focused on the short term. Looking at where they are long term, after all the trouble, they are the happiest people I know.

[@monkey6207]

You didn't know it? I bet you were the youngest.

[@jelli_joy]

I’m very very late to this video but my mom is a millennial. She had me when she was 20, turning 21 a few months after I was born. She never once thought about giving me up despite being young, her and my father were drunk and not married despite him loving her. He never attended appointments and my mom did everything on her own since nobody really supported her. She made a baby book for me that highlighted all of her thoughts throughout her pregnancy. Things like how excited she was to meet me, name ideas, what we’d do together, etc. At the time we lived in New York, a pretty expensive state and we were in a nasty apartment with my 2 aunts who would soon have kids and my grandmother. I will never tell you anything bad about my childhood. I did well in school, my mom gave me what she could and we even had to downsize apartments due to how broke we were. My dad stopped paying child support but my mom still let him see me (for context he didn’t show up to my birth to sign the birth certificate either). My mother is an amazing woman who I’m grateful to everyday. She’s moved us to a suburban state, she bought a house, we have 2 dogs and we live by our means, she didn’t go to college or anything like that. She works a job as a manager of a store and she’s my biggest cheerleader, she’s bought me tons of things that were far too expensive for us like coach bags and lululemon because it seemed my style. All of this to say, you CAN afford kids, and my mom is a super hero.

[@BombshElle_7]

I grew up in similar circumstances, but I respectfully disagree. We virtually have the same story except that I have a younger brother, so I'll spare the details. In short, my mother STRUGGLED for a long time financially. She'd leave for work before the sun rose and returned home after it set. I hardly saw her for a few years because working overtime was the only way to make ends meet. I wanted so much more for my selfless mother. TECHNICALLY she was able to afford us, but it came at a financially and psychological cost. So when Milennials say they can't afford children, they're thinking about way more than just money.

[@jelli_joy]

@@BombshElle_7 my mom also struggled a lot financially but she made it work. I don’t intend to claim that it’s just not a thing to struggle in these situations but my mom managed to turn everything around. For us. I also hardly saw my mom until we moved to the suburbs and even had to take care of my dogs and the relatively large house (at least for a little kid who was responsible for cleaning every corner) Everyone’s story is different and mine just so happened to go pretty well. My mom had worked retail for a long time and landed a job as a store manager for a large company and even went on trips with them (won it from a raffle lol) she worked her ass off and I’m grateful everyday. I shared my story as almost proof that it can happen not that it will for everyone if that makes sense 😅. I wish you and your family the best and I hope I made some kind of sense

[@katemiller7874]

Your mom sounds like an amazing woman that put her children first. Very blessed

[@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps]

You speak so wonderfully about your mum, absolutely lovely!

[@Kassie.r87]

I love this. Your mother truly loves you and the way you speak of her I can tell you adore her and you admire her.. this comment made me smile:)

[@pr3tty_g1rl_]

My dad is literally the only bread winner and he doesn't have a degree, he only graduated high school but he owns his own business. And he didn't come from privilege, he worked really hard and smart and he used the skills and knowledge that he received from the choices he made in life to get to where he is and we are by no means rich, we're middle class, and my brother and I are well taken care of. Gen Z and millennials can have children, if they prioritize and work for it. In this economy it is not impossible, they just don't want to prioritize it.

[@andrewsmith74]

Many can't provide well for kids no matter how hard they try.

[@jackcarraway4707]

Survivorship bias: a staple among conservatives

[@biglugaming8378]

Excellent video, Brett. I’d like to add that growing up in a poor, uneducated, Mexican household, somehow my 6 siblings and I, along with our dozens of cousins ended up alright. We never had the fancy cars or big houses, and as my mom says, we were always able to eat eggs and beans or beans and eggs. So it’s definitely possible. When I started my own family, I quickly realized how easy it is to fall into the victim mentality, mostly because one is never truly ready to have children. When my first son was born, I was making 45k a year and we were thriving. Diapers, target clothes, and breastmilk (keeping my wife healthy) were the main expenses. However I noticed I wanted my son to have more than I did growing up, though he didn’t “need” it. So I spent more on a safer car seat, put my wife in a brand new safer car, and upgraded the house. But I made a commitment to increase my income. So I worked up to 55k, then 64k, 82k, 94k, and through God’s grace I’m now at 182k, all within 4 years. It’s possible to put in the effort needed to give perceived needs to our children. I now have 3, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. No degree, broken home, hardworking American here with Mexican heritage, veteran status, and an allergy to liberal agendas.

[@sitka49]

You and I lived in a different time than people now putting down roots - starting a family. The average income in the US is about 55k to 60K - I've never made that much in my life - but yet my first home was 40k - and i bought bigger home 7yrs later for 94k now its estimated market value now is 450k that almost 5X what we pay for it. and you making 182K a year your in the in the top 9% to 10% percent of earner. that doesn't change argument that average worker is going to struggle a Lot more to raising 1 kid. ( it like comparing apples and oranges).

[@biglugaming8378]

@@sitka49 hey there. I think you misunderstood my point. I was trying to say that the best thing to do each and every single time is to invest in yourself, look for opportunities and growth, and force yourself to seize said opportunities. Job hopping, personal studies, learning the stock market, etc. I was making 45k when I brought my first son into the world. I’m also only 31. I started this at 26. I’m not from a different decade, most people are putting down roots in my age bracket. Certain struggles push for certain growth, and it’s up to people to adapt to it. KZbin alone is an amazing resource by following personal finance advisors, professional coaches, and studying anything you may be interested in. And if I were you, I’d sell your house, profit 400k, buy a new build, small home that’s the most affordable cash, and invest the rest. It’s what I did during COVID when my house at the time when I was in the Army went from 225k to 550k. I set up my family very, very well, bought a new home of my dreams, invested the rest. Once you get 100k, you can elevate yourself quickly.

[@lydiamazza4516]

Great story! Men like you are what made the “American Dream.” Faith, family, hard work and humility. Seems like God has rewarded your faithfulness to be a provider and protector, and your wife’s faithfulness to be a caretaker. Prosperity follows when we do life God’s way!

[@lillianaguevara9976]

@@sitka49no you are choosing to live in certain cities or times which makes it harder. My family makes on average 27 to 35K a year and live in a community that supports that pay.

[@edep3970]

​@sitka49 bro he just said it this happened in the last 4 years did not read I know biden has made it worse

[@rockerdudeb]

Father of 2 in California (btw). My wife is able to stay at home on my single income. We don't buy anything retail, it's all either 2nd hand, hand-me-downs, or discount (e.g., clothing, strollers, shoes, etc.) We don't shop at Sprouts or Mother's (really expensive, all organic), instead we go to Aldi, Costco, etc. Planning to homeschool the kids. It's not for everyone but it's possible and we're doing it! This girl makes great points. It's all about priorities, sometimes people are dealt a bad hand but we play the hand we're dealt.

[@mphv]

Still, a lot of money

[@Kellycreates123]

Yeah but why would you want to live that way? Like you can’t walk into a store and buy new clothes because you can’t afford it? Why would anyone want to live that way. I mean no disrespect, I’m making the point that you SHOULD be able to comfortably buy new things, as we could in the past. It’s not right.

[@britbro2239]

​@@Kellycreates123 my parents had to work three or four jobs my entire life just to put food on the table and clothes most of anytime we barely had minimum necessities. It may not have been the most life growing but I am grateful for it. And we never had nice things but we also never knew how poor we actually were because we still had great parents and a good life. We may have went without a lot of stuff and sometimes my parents had to go hungry so us kids could eat. But now that all three of us out grown we have good memories and have turned into decent adults and my dad finally has money to spend on us. Just because he is able to live comfortably now doesn't mean it won't be worth it in 20 years from now. Sorry for the rant just thought I would share from my experience with a dad that struggled my entire life

[@Halette-008]

​@@Kellycreates123But you're being disrespect. Guess you're lucky enough to buy all the new stuff you want. Congrats!

[@Halette-008]

@rockerdudeb Thanks for sharing. My sister thought buying new & expensive stuff for herself and her kids would make them happy. Well, she was wrong and she admitted it. I think loving parents are the most precious things for kids.

[@ibreatheair6313]

Young mom (and daughter of very much not wealthy parents) here. I wasn't planning to comment until I heard the remark one mom made about not having kids if you need to penny pinch because all your kids will know is that they're poor --nonsense!! When I was a kid, even in the hard times, I had no idea. We got things at garage sales, from food banks, the Salvation Army, thrift stores--and you know what? I never felt like we were "under privileged". Were there things I wanted that my friends had but I couldn't have? Yeah, but also almost all kids experience that for one reason or another (not all financial). I only started to become more aware of it as I became an older teenager, and I can only think of one brief spell in my life where pretty much all we had was beans and peanut butter. (I told my husband that and he joked, "y'all had peanut butter?") Other than that, I was pretty oblivious. My parents loved me, and I wouldn't have had it any other way. As I've grown (and now am a stay at home mom for a darling little girl), it's instilled in me several things that I'm not sure I would have without it. For one, I love going "garage sailing" in the summer! Thrift stores are awesome for furniture shopping in my area. Beyond that, it has helped to grow a desire to not be wasteful. I do genuinely believe that if you're willing and able to put in the work (and I say this as a woman with a chronic illness that sometimes knocks her flat on her back), you can make a beautiful home environment for you/your husband/your kids, regardless of income. Usual disclaimer, I know my situation isn't the same as everyone's. But I wanted to share lol. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk 😂😂

[@ibreatheair6313]

One correction--realized that idk if that one commenter was a mom or not. Also, I am with Sam. I hated working. 😂 I usually worked customer service jobs, and I hated them.

[@amieparham7657]

This is one of my favorite topics to debunk! Growing up, we lived very carefully, with 4 kids, and my mom homeschooled. I had that example. However, i also saw my mom take a job working to clean hotel rooms for a period of time to pay down some MLM-related debt. Once the debt was paid, she quit. I now am married, with 5 children, and we have lived under the poverty line for a long time, and made it work, and now live comfortably and own our home. I would never trade the sacrifices I have had to make for my children. I can not overestimate how incredibly rich my life is with my children in this world. It is in the top 3 best decisions i have ever made!

[@isabellamcfall5144]

Oh my gosh we have close to the same story🥰😂

[@hant679]

My story is nearly identical, except I was one of 3, not 4. I even have 5 kids!

[@jackcarraway4707]

Anecdotal fallacy; you don't represent everyone.

[@fataldreams2]

The worst place to be is $10-20,000 above the poverty line. You can’t afford much and get no assistance. It’s a nightmare

[@MsBrendalina]

Most people fall into that category. They don't qualify for any assistance despite being one missed paycheck or medical emergency away from losing their home. It sucks because it feels like you're being punished for working while people who don't work (and pop out a dozen kids they can't afford) get money and EBT thrown at them

[@fataldreams2]

@@MsBrendalina facts

[@lloydritchey]

Been there my entire life as have tens of millions of Americans. It's only a financial nightmare. Otherwise, it's rather liberating. KNOWING that no one is coming to save you only deprives you of the *delusion* that government is going to come to _help_ you--which is NEVER its purpose, and rarely the outcome. Being free of that delusion leads to better choices & a better life.

[@NormieNeko]

So the poverty line is $20k for a couple and $30k for a family of 4, right? Honestly, you can still qualify for welfare up to $50k for a family of 4 in most places in the US. My understanding is that $50k to $75k is a difficult range. It makes sense to stick around $40-50k as a happy-medium unless you can quickly rise to $100k. Basically, the lower middle class isn't too bad unless you live near a city.

[@fataldreams2]

@iamme25yago when you live in a poor state/city and have to work 80 hours a week just to make ends meet there is no time. And without any assistance there is no getting out of it either

[@madisonhiggins]

When I was growing up, my mom would always talk about opportunity cost in regard to our financial decisions. You could shop at Walmart or Aldi instead of Target or whole foods, you could go to a community college instead of a university, you can make coffee at home instead of buying it at Starbucks , you can pack a lunch instead of buying a lunch, you could shop at a thrift store or you could shop at the mall, etc. All the little things add up over time. My mom would also say don't nickel and dime yourself to death. One of the problems in society is people aren't able to really differentiate between their needs and their wants. That girl is totally right. It is all about your priorities.

[@snuffeldjuret]

take the bike instead of the bus (or being driven somewhere with a car) is my favorite. It is empowering and healthy as well.

[@israelss]

totally, when I stopped buying lunch near the office and started packing my own lunch I was able to pay for a new car, yeah it was not a luxury one, or a sport one, it was a cute hatchback brand new from the dealership. And my coworkers who were eating out every day could not afford even something like that.

[@BlueDauntless]

I’d much rather shop at Walmart than target because of price. The moms I know almost exclusively do their shopping at target. And I can’t bring myself to pay more for the same product.

[@russs7574]

But you see today's Modern Woman just HAS to have her Starbucks. She just HAS to have her nails and lashes. She just HAS to have her piercings and tats. And if you criticize her, well, you're just a misogynist.

[@madisonhiggins]

@@russs7574 I think this is just a problem with modern Americans in general. You both men and women waste money on materialistic things. The type of things they waste money on just looks different between them. We all get to make the choice of how we spend our money and the types of people we spend time with.

[@jaelynhill4039]

I’m a full time nanny. I myself am a strong believer and homeschool graduate/community college GED Student. Illinois is one of the few states that make it extremely hard for homeschoolers to get a job that pays well without a GED. My mother was a stay at home mom and died a stay at home mom. I am the youngest of 8. My dad is now remarried and she is a stay at home mom and takes care of my autistic brother. My dad getting remarried made me the youngest of 12. When my parents were just starting out they struggled financially for a long time even had a double income and sent my older siblings to daycare but they realized that they were breaking even and my mom decided to stay home. There are homeschool groups that we could have joined but we never did. Though I didn’t have extra curriculars or sports I don’t feel like I missed out on a thing. My Parents are my best friends and I know I wouldn’t have that if I went to public school.

[@Feedmeyoubastard_00]

Don’t most homeschoolers have a certificate when they graduate? I’m kinda confused on why they need a GED

[@Steve-xb7dn]

The "i'm not prioritising that" tip is great.

[@gabriellajeane]

Immigrant here 🙋‍♀️ my family moved to the US in 2008. My family of 6 lived in a 2 bedroom apartment for 10 years, my siblings and I graduated without debt, bought a house once we had careers, had extra curricular activities by fundraising our way through them, etc. I had a great childhood even though my family wasn't making 6 figures. I traveled to 6 counties last year and am paying my credit card completely at the end of each month. It is totally about priorities. Living in the US is the privilege. The three things that make me "privileged" are my faith, family, and living in the US

[@Akirameowxp]

100%

[@MrKThomas1976]

Absolutely agree 100%

[@nothanksmegan]

don't you miss your homeland?

[@kellymuaalldolledupessex2064]

That is beautiful 🙏🏻

[@nickynicks_]

Daughter of an immigrant, I can also say that it’s not impossible. I have three other sisters. We lived in South City, CA, also very expensive. But thanks to my parents, my mom especially, we managed to lived comfortably in middle class. My mom worked very hard, especially after she and my dad divorced, and she eventually had her own beauty salon. My sisters and I did go to daycare, but it was only $100 per year. Affordable. We went to public school, not the best education but we didn’t turn out super liberal thanks to my parents. We never had the latest cellphones, I didn’t even have my first one until I was 13, and we never had cable. We bought groceries at our local Mexican grocery store, very good produce for cheap. And my mom always provided homemade food for us. We lived in small apartments the whole 15 years I lived there. We did use food stamps and got food from church. Thanks to my mom’s good financial management, we were still able to afford some “luxuries” in my teen years. And then, eventually, my mom was able to build up her own house back in Mexico and buy a couple of properties, set up her own fully owned beauty salon, and not work at all for 2 years! She actually accomplished the American Dream that so many Mexican immigrants (legal or not) struggle to do! And I can only imagine how much better we could’ve lived back in California if my dad was reliable, hardworking, and smart with his money… P.S. apologies for the long comment! I just wanted to share my experience similar to yours

[@whitneybradshaw1243]

Stay at home mom here. It’s difficult dealing with children all day. I have 4. 9yrs, 7yrs, 3yrs and 7 weeks. A good parent is long suffering, kind, consistent, gives of themselves, isn’t selfish, etc…working a job is hard, but you can always quiet if it isn’t going your way. You can’t quit being a parent. Not to mention that it’s 24/7. It took me a good 2-3 years to be truly happy being a stay at home mom. But now, I can’t even imagine having to work a job outside the home! No way do I want to have 2 full time jobs.

[@silhouette6828]

I completely understand this. I personally haven't found someone I want to spend my life with but, I'm the oldest of 10 children and my parents both worked. My mom ran 2 businesses from home and managed to still be in my biased opinion an amazing mother. Due to being the oldest I understand how much work it takes to take care of that many kids. Good work!

[@dasiamarie8385]

I'm currently pregnant (25 yrs) and my partner immediately wanted me to stay home, I have medical issues from being beaten as a child and a bunch of correctional surgeries and he was nervous about me working (I'm also an amputee). After finding out we're pregnant he wanted me to be a stay at home mom, I love making food so I wanted to sell pickled mangoes from home while being a stay at home mom. We already talked about how I'll be in charge of how we spend the money and how we're going to "PRIORITIZE" our life out. That way we are a team, it feels like I'm working not only with our child but with our house finances as well. He means the absolute world to me and I couldn't ask for a better life partner in my world ❣️ he understands me and doesn't make me feel any kind of way, encourages me when I'm feeling down. I'm absolutely in love with our lives even though it'll be different and a little difficult at first, we're a team always and we are getting through this! 🩵🩵🩵

[@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps]

Congratulations on your new baby! I’m also a SAHM. Currently have a 10mo son and due my daughter in a month. I had a busy career before this but my goodness being a mother is HARD work, it’s a beautiful job but it is non stop. I absolutely love it though but it’s definitely hard being heavily pregnant with a 10mo baby. You’re doing it all with multiples at all very different ages, must be so tiring!!

[@user-dx5lm7nb7v]

Hi Brett, I don’t usually interact online with anything but I’m hoping Emma see’s this comment, as I’m not on TikTok . I’m the oldest of 9, and both my parents are from big families (8 and 12). I’m in Ohio, (California, that’s impressive in my mind) my grandfathers had to work their butts off to raise their family. My Father is still working his butt off to raise his family and they’re my greatest inspiration. My Mother is a stay at home Mom who also homeschooled us. She’s one of the hardest workers I know, what she does everyday is crazy to think about. I chose not to go to college, but jumped right into the workforce out of high school as a welder in 2019. I’m sharing so that hopefully people will see it’s all about the choices they make and sacrifices they’re willing to make, that will determine how expensive their lifestyle will be, and that includes children. Anyway I guess I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone or wrong and to thank you for putting your thoughts out there.

[@Thornetheaussie]

As a daycare provider for 7 years I’m so relieved to hear you that good childcare providers can charge more. Theres a huge burnout rate in childcare. There’s hardly a job more important than quality childcare.

[@ElsieA_Piano]

My hyper intelligent mom chose to stay at home and homeschool me and my 2 siblings during the times it wasn't "socially acceptable". My dad brought home less than 40,000 a year and yet they managed to give us everything we needed (and the things we wanted) including private education and a home (not rented in a nice neighborhood)! And they did this all during the toughest times (such as the 2008 recession) and are still doing it with my little sister. Stop taking stupid advice from Tik Tokers who don't know what they're talking about. Thanks Brett and Emma for your perspectives! It can be done; it just isn't being prioritized. Take it from this Gen Z-er.

[@niziangely5469]

I was home schooled also my mom stayed home my dad worked

[@nightwishlady]

Funny how you didn't mentioned what happens once they become teenagers and need to go to a good high school so they can have a high grade in their SAT, how in 25 years trades won't be an option bc of AI , my dad planned me just like you, thinking "ah when she's 18 she will figure it out" , it sucks, your kid will become an adult, you have to plan their education costs , you can not throw them on the streets when they reach 18 like our grandparents did, I had to work twice as hard as my friends bc my dad didn't planned me financially as well as he should in my teen years and I didn't came from a poor family btw , but , colleges for the degrees that actually make money like Medicine, engineering, IT, law and so on,ITS NOT CHEAP, the trades positions in 25 years will be AI, humans will be the supervisors of AIs and will need a college degree for proper training, sending your kid to college to have a useful degree it's expensive and nobody thinks about that, your kid born today won't be an electrician in 25 years, AI will, he will have to be the eletrical engineer and this requires a good college, I became a data analyst but it was hard, because my Dad didn't thought anything through before having me, kids are not just "well, I can afford babies lets have 5", think about when they become teenagers and how much will cost to have them go to a good high school and get that high SAT score through college and getting their masters, btw I came from South America, so for me was a tad bit easy bc college there is tax funded, so for Americans will be way WORSE bc you guys PAY it! Also now you need to speak multiple languages to get a good job and promoted, kids need to practice sports bc looks also are taken into account for jobs , you guys really don't think about that your kids will become adults and its also your job to prepare them and give them the tools so they can get hired for jobs and not ended up in poverty ...

[@howyabendoin]

I agree mostly - I just think it’s important to factor in the current high cost of housing and inflation… starting out now is way different than starting out 20 years ago or even 10 years ago. Also in some markets housing is way more expensive. I’m curious to know the state or general area you’re from…

[@Mariana-vc6sv]

​@@nightwishlady An education only becomes expensive if you send them to a college or university. Have your kids do running start and go to a community college (in the USA btw). You only have to pay for textbooks and other materials, maybe gas. That's what my family and the majority of my community does. If your kids want to get a 4-year degree, then they'll be old enough to work hard and pay for it by then.

[@jlkkauffman7942]

@@nightwishladysorry you had that experience, my mom homeschooled all 10 of us all the way through high school and we did fine, and yes there will still be trades in 25 years, ai won’t take over for plumbers or electricians, businesses all over the country are saying they’re going to drop the bachelors requirements. I think parents need to assess whether they can teach there kids or not, and if so how far, with that being said it’s more about the parents attitude, because they may not know geometry but can still give there child a great education in geometry as long as they’re willing to learn along with them and put in the work.

[@Llamami]

Some ppl do not know the true difference between wants and needs.

[@beans4853]

Facts

[@wft15]

Yes, a child is a want not a need. Wish more people would understand that!

[@beans4853]

@@wft15 that depends on the person. Besides, if you want to prioritize it, even if it's a want, it's totally doable

[@kierad1794]

@@wft15was thinking the same thing

[@ginnymarch]

But by that logic, most things become want, even having childeen itself, i think most are pointing out that it has become so much harder to do, especially you want to provide them more than just the bare minimum ...

[@ramiepeacock7048]

I also have 10 siblings (so a family of 13). My mom is a stay at home mom and my dad is a teacher. We've had plenty of hard times, one year giving each other rocks (with kind notes written on them ) to each other for Christmas, but we are happy. People gush over what a happy family we are, always loving to each other and sharing our love with other families. Now we live in a two story house (the biggest house we have ever owned) and we are very lucky. My older siblings are moved out, so there are only 6 at home including me. I remember getting brand new clothes and shoes only a couple times, all else from hand me downs. I wouldn't have it any other way. My family does not have money, we just know how to prioritize. We are not in debt and we've never borrowed money. It's all about what you think is and isn't important. Priority should always be on the family and when it isn't, that's where you go into debt and become a lonely bum. These people that are saying only rich people can have kids are the people that spend hundreds of dollars on things they don't need.

[@SD-fj2mu]

Some people are feeling attacked by videos like those because of mom guilt. You can feel mom guilt for anything, like "I'm not with my kids enough" or "I should be working so that my kids can have a better life." Just to give perspective on why some lash out so hard. This video and many of Alex Clark's videos talking about the dangers of daycare or how children thrive best with staying home with their mother can be convicting and hurtful, but it just gives me a reminder and a fire under my butt for me to work harder toward my goal of being a stay at home mom. You've inspired me to set a date to quit my job. May 2025 (or sooner)! Thanks for the encouragement.

[@pleiades07]

If it's all about privilege, then how did my parents do it? Immigrants with nothing, dad homeless for a bit after immigration, bankrupt at one point, no furniture, selling the lawn chairs in our living room to pay for one trip's worth of gas so dad can go to work the next day, single income, living in Australia ($$$!!!), and mum homeschooling us kids. If it's all about privilege, then how are we now in the top 10% income rate in the country, and own our own home? Because my parents worked their asses off. That one woman going on and on about privilege doesn't know what she's talking about. Thank you Brett for covering this issue. It hits real close to home! ❤️

[@mick4882]

I'm 25 and I have a 20 month old. We budget and we are smart about what we spend We did NOT spend thousands on baby items like many expecting parents do. We got most everything second hand. we played it smart. We also did not have help from family. We paid ourselves for me to have a midwife and give birth at a birth center. I currently make $17 an hour my partner makes $18. Before our son was born we made even less. We found jobs where I work Monday-wednesdays and my partner works Thursdays to Saturdays so that we don't have to pay for childcare and we can be there for our kid. I get 4 days off with my son. When I go back to work my man gets his 4 days off with our son. Money is tight, yes, but we make it work. We prioritize. We don't go out to eat constantly. And Because our schedules allow it, the money we save from not using childcare, allows us to afford to buy our son all organic foods and milk. He has toys, he has lots of books, he's happy, he's healthy, he gets interaction with other kids at church, we take him hiking and to the park, and can afford to plan roadtrips trips once a year. Last summer we went to Texas this summer we are taking him up north to meet my family and go hiking in the mountains. My point being, Its absolutely possible to raise a child rightnow and to give them a good life. You just have to be smart and not spend carelessly.

[@foxcheer96]

What’s your rent? I live in a city cus that’s where I found a job. Rent and groceries are the 2 things that stress my budget

[@MeadowsMiniFarm]

Exactly 😊❤ congratulations to y’all, miss that age

[@mick4882]

@@foxcheer96 we don't live in the city, so our rent is probably a little cheaper, but our rent is about $800, a little more in the summer as we live in AZ. it gets extremely hot and the cost to keep our home cool from, say about, May through early October can get a bit more pricey

[@pistachexiaohua6705]

Be blessed, that's wholesome

[@thedealmama3070]

exactly this! It’s possible, its all about priorities. Relationship are worth it

[@cayladelorenzo4047]

I wanted to like this video and she had a few valid points, but overall she’s missing the mark. “You only have to pay for childcare if you prioritize your career” uhhh many people HAVE to work 2 jobs to have the “basics”. You also can’t compare raising a child back when one income could afford a house and then some to a time when most people have to work 2 jobs just to afford an average apartment in most markets. It’s not even a, “living in the city” problem anymore. I can guarantee if her parents had to start over and do things again, they wouldn’t be able to do it. I say this as a homeowner who grew up in CA. Edit: there’s so much more I can add but this comment would end up too long, but I’d also like to say that starting from a place in life where parents pay for your college or at bare minimum, give you guidance on what direction you should go, you’re already in a good place to start life on the right foot which makes a HUGE difference in how your life will go.

[@verra.]

There are poor and rich people in every country. If couples really love and want to have children, they'll find the way.

[@elvickRULES]

Uhhh if one parent isn’t making enough to cover the added costs of child care then they are their own problem. They should be at home 100% of the time in those cases. Yet I’ve seen many cases where that’s not the case. They just want to work despite it costing more to pay for child care than they bring in working. So their money doesn’t even cover child care, let alone any other added bills. They are literally a drain on the family and then this same person cries about it like there’s no other way. I have to image those people just genuinely hate their kids.

[@elainejsteed2399]

This reminds me a lot of when i was a teenager, and i was horse crazy. I just wanted a horse really, really bad. People told me it would cost too much money. I wouldnt be able to feed the horse. My parents said i could have a horse if i could support it. So i made a deal with my uncle that if i helped then with hay harvest i could have hay. I learned to trim that ponies feet with an old rasp i found in the shed. I rode for a long time without a saddle because i simply didnt have one. I built a shelter for my pony out of scrap wood. And you know what. That pony was always happy amd healthy. She is still doing well to this day. just like a horse, you can care for kids with simply determination to love and care for them. I know, because i have 4 kids, and i am not rich, but we are happy.

[@ck8191]

The "if we divorce" is a terrible sign of how much she prioritizes her marriage too...

[@cierralynseventeen2298]

That is a weird take for sure. I don't know anyone going into their marriage thinking they can't make big decisions because they might get a divorce. That tells me their foot was out the door from day one.

[@rachelhoward1970]

If your fear of divorce is one of your driving motivations to keep a career going… that’s kind of a big deal.

[@treelinehugger]

Before she agreed to marry, she worked out how she would still profit if and when she divorced. She never commits to her marriage or family. She is looking out for herself and no one else.

[@treelinehugger]

​@@rachelhoward1970 Career women are not afraid of divorce. They are terrified and incapable of commitment. In general, women file 80% of no-fault divorces. Career college-educated women are 90% more likely than real mothers to file for divorce. If career women are filing nearly all no-fault divorces, that is evidence that they view marriage as a temporary benefit, subject to change. They see divorce as another tool to advance their plans. It is absurd for anyone to suggest that career women fear divorce.

[@luciestevant1684]

I am a sahm in the UK with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. The little one gets his brother's old clothes. We don't buy many toys as they only play with blocks anyway. We don't drive and we don't buy new clothes for ourselves. I do plan to work when the children will be in school (schools near us are not too bad) but hopefully it will be a home side hustle and we won't be having a lavish lifestyle and save up for the children in case they want to study medicine or engineering or use that money towards a mortgage. But we will always prioritise time with them over a lot of money

[@kelseyfhere]

My husband and I had 1 baby in college and I was pregnant with our second when we graduated (undergrad). We had no money when we got married but were able to buy a car and save over $10,000 before graduating. We both worked and did school full time but never needed childcare because we would just schedule our days around one another’s schedule so one would always be home. We made very little money but lived off of basically nothing. We also have no debt. If we can do it, you can. You just can’t be too picky. Also, we had free time and loved life while doing it! Our second baby is now 2 months old :)

[@SassyTesla]

Congrats! Thank you for sharing it's pretty nice hearing that other people are doing just fine ebbing by. God bless you and yer family!

[@DurzoBlint178]

Press X to doubt

[@wesleyyoung9708]

So you both had full time jobs, went to school and had a baby. Id love to know how. Was one of you working nights? School at night? When was this? You also said you have no debt. Were you both on full scholarship? And if so, awesome. I am just curious about the actual logistics here as I am pretty good with numbers and always budget and just dont understand how this would be possible. Were your parents helping with child care? or other monetary help? How did you live off basically nothing with a child? Doctors appointments? copays? meds when sick? I cant imagine how you did it. But my hats off to you.

[@ErBeary]

Yeah, the math isn't mathing for me either. I would assume they had financial aid and/or parental assistance in college. I had absolutely no help from my parents when I went to school. All supplies, gadgets, computer, books, food, apartment, etc., I had to pay for myself. I worked 3 jobs just to survive and I was by myself with no kid. 10 years after I graduated, I'm still 10k in debt. @@wesleyyoung9708

omg, I love her. I come from family of 7 kids (2 girls, 5 boys). We are from Czech, where the norm is like 1-2 kids. It was the best! My parents invested so much time in taking care of us (sports, education, history, just having fun together etc.) - time, not money!! and I will be forever grateful for this :) My mum is working from home (she is a real superhero for me

[@sarahdawngariepy1064]

I'm a millenial with 5 kids in Canada. We had kids before we had the money. I wanted a big family and to stay home to raise them. I homeschool and my husband is the breadwinner. A few years ago we went through a hard time and made under $40,000 an year. We're doing way better now. We sacrifice a lot. Our newest vehicle is 2007, we live in a 3 bed with 1 1/2 bathrooms (four of our kids are girls) and we do mostly free activities. These are the choices we make. Sometimes we wish we had something more BUT I would never change our choices to have more stuff. My kids are so worth it. Have kids. They are worth the sacrifice

[@Feedmeyoubastard_00]

What curriculum do you use? ❤️

[@myronidasvestarossa]

I’m good! They’re not for everyone, it’s as simple as that.

[@nifthevulicorn]

I grew up in poverty. I have five siblings and both my parents. I never had my own room until I turned 14, I've never had a vacation, I've never been on a plane, I've only gone to an amusement park twice in my life (someone else paid for it), I never got snacks growing up, almost all my clothes have been second hand and I didn't have a phone till I was 15 But! What I do have is a wonderful family I'm close to, I get to go to an optometrist for the glasses I need, I get the shoes I need for my foot problems, I get to have 5 pets and I'm grateful for all of it because we made small sacrifices and made it work! I'm happy because everything I have is a gift because my parents worked hard for all of it.

[@AOGPlays]

Sorry but poor and five pets gave me pause (I say this being from a poor family myself respectfully). My dog is fairly expensive just to feed and insure and that's with her barely getting ill despite being 10 soon. Tho I imagine the pets are not all big pets but still impressive. The clothes thing is also impressive and I say that as someone who barely cares what I wear.

[@nifthevulicorn]

@@AOGPlays I can barely believe that we have five pets. We have 2 small dogs, 2 cats and a ferret

[@nativefraulein5801]

My daughter is 5 years old and yes she is more expensive now but that is because we *prioritize* private school. Some things we did/do that help save money: cloth diapering, secondhand clothing, secondhand toys/book, limited vacations and most importantly no child care before four years old.

[@angelastj1030]

Thank you for mentioning cloth diapering!!! They’ve come a long way and I plan on doing the same!

[@gimygaming8655]

How you supposed to work to afford housing and food if you can't have your child in childcare for 4 years, what?

[@juliettebrodberg7142]

@@gimygaming8655assuming there’s still 1 income coming in for those expenses

[@joelwillems4081]

@@gimygaming8655 Work from home or in shifts. People all over the world do it now and have done it for a long time. There is more than just office 9-5 jobs.

[@gimygaming8655]

@@joelwillems4081 and if you're a nurse? A construction worker? Or any other profession that you need to be on site?

[@ashleenicole71]

The mom that replied sounds so condescending and in DENIAL. She admitted she is 100% living beyond their means and she gave it away by saying she can only afford certain things because they both work😂 The fact shes acting like childcare would be NEEDED if you have one parent home though. Like shes factoring it into the cost of staying home👀 We were in sports and my mom didnt work😂😂😂

[@alexandernelson477]

I have zero kids, and life is great. Can sleep in when i want, I'm never late to work. Car is clean house is clean, nothing gets destroyed, no phone calls telling me how much my kid sucks that day. I can spend time doing the things i enjoy. I can order a mojito with my dinner. No money wasted on baby sitters or day care. I've traveled multiple times. I can afford everything i need on one income. My friends still come around often. The list can go on. Only thing i see from people on here with kids say 'its worth it' or 'i wouldn't change a thing' 'it's hard, but he's my life' 😌 good luck with that.

[@lisalapoint7022]

I am respectful of your choice. You have prioritized what is most important and made it work! So...why do you say, "Good luck with that?" As if all these people are lying about their joy. Are you telling us to doubt the veracity of YOUR comment? If you are triggered by the happiness of the parents here, perhaps you should ask yourself why.

[@Conformist55]

I was raised a mile below the poverty line. I’ve seen the bare minimum it takes to raise children and the finances are only half the story. The idea that you can’t afford to raise children in most states on 70k a year is absurd even today. It starts with admitting you aren’t rich and there is no such thing as being prepared for every situation.

[@Ipipeyourmom]

70k isn’t poor though

[@kingmasterlord]

who tf makes that much?

[@kunya16]

Raising three kids and own a house on an income of 55k. That's the most we've ever brought in. We make way below all our friends who "can't afford kids".

[@hippocampus243]

Yes! I grew up as a family of 3 on $24k a year. Things were hard, my mom could have chosen a different career/ made other financial choices and things could have been more stable but they weren't. It is truly about priorities.

[@hippocampus243]

​@@kingmasterlordbasically any upper grocery manager you've ever met.

[@mbanerjee5889]

"Those kids will only remember being poor". As a child of immigrants, our family of 5 shared a 1 bedroom apartment. It taught me the value of money and importance of family. I never felt poor because being "poor" in America is dream for many.

[@demi8minipig]

I agree

[@jacksonglass3447]

I hope you guys are doing great now and are living the American dream. You deserve way more than many of the people that are from here

[@thepoetesskhansaa]

Thank you for addressing this, that line really irked me. I hate the perspective of consumerism where if your children dont have certain luxuries they're going to hate life. Maybe if they dont spend all day online they wont be influenced by the consumerism culture in the first place, and will likely find value in other things like siblings and/or friends (as I did)

[@mephistopheles4910]

People who say stuff like that refuse to admit that they prioritize money and the opinions of others over family values and good memories.

[@laiorwyn]

I grew up in Australia. We had next to nothing, only 3 kids, but I never knew how "poor" we were. I was shocked when I found out my school had us on a "high risk" watch list because of our income. For me, family is everything.

[@meagan-wanda-eze]

This girl seems so sweet and genuine. I don’t understand how anyone can get angry at her. She makes complete sense. My husband and I have 1 daughter, she’s 2, and want to put her in a lot of activities. We spend quite a bit on her activities, but we don’t pay for childcare. I work at a child watch type place and bring her. I bring her friend too. I basically get paid to watch my child and other kids. She gets socialized and I don’t have to pay for it. I also teach dance and tutor and she’s there for that too. She takes the dance classes. I’m not necessarily a working mom or a stay at home mom. I have the option to work. There needs to be a new word for moms like me. I feel more like a stay at home mom because everything I do work wise is centered around what I can do with her. I do plan to homeschool her so my “job” might change over the years. We get a lot of handed down clothes, don’t live in an expensive area, have started businesses and work, and shop at places like Once Upon A Child. I don’t buy her a lot because we are always out doing things.

[@TooSquareProductions]

So many points in this video hit a raw nerve. The day I returned to work was the worst day of my life. My dreams of being an involved, present mom and attentive, loving spouse ceased to exist that day. I would like more children, but beyond dealing with infertility issues, I don’t know if I can go through the separation again. I cried everyday I was in the office for the first couple months, then at least once a week until he was a little over a year old. I didn’t exhibit PPD symptoms until after returning to work. I didn’t want to go back, but my husband insisted on maintaining priorities which made my income/benefits essential to our finances. So he’s been shifted in priority as well. Oh well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@Smilemyang]

We just welcomed our third baby five months ago. I had an uncle that asked us if we planned on having any more kids and we're still thinking about it. He told us, "Have all your kids when you can, dont be like me and your aunt where we had one kid and waited until we were financially stable to have more because by then, we couldnt anymore." Their one and only child just turned 23. And my uncle wasnt the only one that has told us that. Had other people telling us if they could do it over, they wouldve done the same.

[@BlueDauntless]

I feel that. I have three. It totally is a stretch, but we decided we were done at three. However, if we had more, we’d make it work.

[@SD-fj2mu]

This. I have family members who are struggling with infertility because they waited until their mid 30s to start trying. It breaks my heart because I know how much my kids mean to me and I want the people I love to experience that gift.

[@melissadunton3534]

I agree. My husband and I were going to do that and it didn’t work out. We have one son and he is my world. (We lost his dad in 2022). He was his dad’s world as well. We did want more children, but ppl told us to wait til we were more financially secure. I wish we hadn’t listened, but am blessed with the best son in the entire universe….so I don’t complain. Just saying that if you want more, have them soon. Also…I’m a late age baby….my brothers are both quite a lot older than I am. I wish my parents hadn’t waited to have me until later. Good luck to you and your husband and much love to your entire family. ✌🏻🥰😊

[@KeirstynAndrea]

Dang, I wish that was the case for me. Every time we announce a pregnancy, we get asked if we can afford it or if we know how expensive it’s going to be. I’m currently pregnant with our 5th and this time was even worse when we told family. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@teaser6089]

I have 3 siblings, I wouldn't be able to imagine having no siblings. And yeah having kids means having to sacrifice things like vacations and other expenses, but in the end those same kids are probably the most lasting and profound impact you will have on this planet and it's worth having them.

[@janetmariegidley6755]

$12,000 a year for food is outrageous that means $250 a week per person that’s absurd that includes all of their takeout and food delivery. I’m 65 and work full-time and have a roommate. We meal prep an average about $240 a month per person not a week! So my average food for a year is under $3000 and that doesn’t include eating twice a month on payday. I live in Virginia.

[@MissKateKatie]

Right? I'm in WA. I'm maybe 100 a week. Maybe a little more depending on what I get or if it's a 'stock up on meat' week lol.

[@tikifreaky5204]

People are living way beyond her means and wondering why they don’t have money.

[@bethanyboothe4817]

Family of 4, we spend $1000 month on groceries and household items. I about spit my coffee out when she said $1000/month/person. Absolutely ludicrous.

[@jamesplymire5342]

​@@tikifreaky5204💯 That's the number one problem. I try to keep that in my son's head. Don't live beyond your means. Put your needs before your WANTS.

[@SD-fj2mu]

My family of 4 easily spends $200-$250 per week on groceries. Inflation is crazy out here. Keep in mind the cost of food varies by area.

[@smalltownlife9788]

I was a stay at home mom for the first 13 years of our marriage and having a family. Then, I went to work for my local school district because my youngest was only 2 years away from starting kindergarten. The district has a school based daycare that is amazing and affordable. I put myself through GCU while working, and now I'm a teacher, and my kids are all in school. I cherished my time as a stay-at-home mom, and I made sure my kids know that I loved it. The only reason I started working again was due to the economy and that I knew if I worked for the school I would have the same schedule as my kids and would still be there for everything they needed me to.

[@Zoey_0629]

My dad is a cop and my mom cleans houses. I have 2 brothers makikg us a family of 5. We are not anywhere near privileged and have had some hard times. However, with all the bad things and stuggles, my parents have never failed to provide food on the table, or for us to have nice clothes, and have especially never failed to be there for our hobbies or school activities. Of course, some things we have had to accept cant happen ( like me having horse riding lessons, my brothers getting every guitar or music thing the want) but we have learned to save, live off of hand-me-downs and it allowed my parents to get us the things we are really passionate about, with out fail. Also, my parents were never stay at home parents, they worked together with work time, my dad worked nights and my mom worked days. I am so incredibly thankful for the things I have and my parents for raising me and by siblings im a christ led, realistic, way. My parents have shown me that yes, the economy is terrible right now and things are expensive, but it does not make raising kids impossible, it just adds and obstacle that you will learn how to manage.

[@jessicapulver6246]

As someone who is a year out of college and living with my fiancé not getting take out makes a WORLD of a difference! The amount me save with not going to fast food or ordering on DoorDash each month has to be in the 100s vs what I was doing in college. I know people who get takeout pretty much every day and even though they make over 150,000 they have trouble paying rent. It’s about our decisions.

[@chrisg8321]

Correct. Many people see luxuries as "essential"

[@craftingthenest3579]

Community makes all the difference. When I was pregnant with our first we didn’t even make 30,000 a year and were in debt from student loans even though we both worked full time. But hubby had a goal and my parents believed in us so let us live with them for a year to study for his LSAT and he did phenomenal and got a scholarship to an Ivy League law school. Now I’m pregnant with #5, we own a house, and are able to pay down our school debt. But without the support of our family, our church, and friends we never could have achieved what we have.

[@mtngrl5859]

You are clearly proud of your elevated success, regardless of one's support, Ivy league schools take less than 5% of their applicants, so it's not something that most people can achieve. For the price of a law school, one could pay cash for a modest home in many areas of the US, then the wife can easily be a stay at home wife. Many careers in the trades are comparable to what many attorneys make. In fact, many in the trades do much better.

[@pseudonymsarehard7189]

Congratulations are in order! It's almost as if we've replaced families, churches, and communities with the government... Perhaps it would be wise to reverse the process and replace the government with families, churches, and communities?

[@faithcritchfield1066]

I love this, your story is so encouraging! Community is so vital for the nuclear family.

[@MsBrendalina]

100%. Having a support system makes WAY more of a difference than a family's income (unless they're mega-rich and can afford a full-time nanny or a maid). Too many parents nowadays are burnt out because they're working full-time and still barely earning enough to live. If they also lack family who can step in help with the kids, it ends up feeling like you're drowning.

[@LuckyNumber7]

Agreed that community and support system make a HUGE difference 👍🏻

[@Kayleigh-vi1id]

The part that Brett said about Emma’s dad probably working his way up through the company to become some big-shot executive is definitely true. My dad was a Marine based in Hawaii when he married my mom in ‘93, and when his tenure was over, he went looking around on the mainland for a corporate job. He got a job in New Jersey and they moved. He didn’t start out as a high-up employee. None of my siblings are twins, so as my mom had more kids (she is also a stay-at-home mom) my dad kept climbing the corporate ladder and earning more money. That’s how we’re able to live on Long Island (we moved in 2017) and how they have been able to send ALL OF US to private, Catholic schools. My parents are probably the only two semi-sane, non-lazy people to graduate from Cornell, and I’m very happy that God chose to put me with them.

[@retnuh1262]

$237k from infancy to 18 seems waaaay too cheap. I always heard it was $1M. $237k over 18 years sounds like a cakewalk

[@allieanton2290]

This one of your best episodes so far. My family’s situation was similar to Emma’s-I’m on of my 8, and when my oldest sister was born, my mom was the breadwinner, but after my sister was born she couldn’t bear to put my sister in daycare. And for the most part, my mom has stayed home and homeschooled us all that time. She even did the that when my dad started his company and barely earned money. And you know what, I don’t remember growing up poor. I was so little, I just remembered having my Mommy there to take care of us. I wouldn’t trade the bonding with my mother and siblings for all the extracurriculars and fancy stuff we could have had if my mom put us in daycare and had less kids. My other two cents, having worked in a daycare with babies for over a year, let me say: if you can avoid it, DO NOT PUT YOUR KIDS IN DAYCARE. I worked in a fancy daycare in an affluent area, and my sisters working at the grocery store made more per hour. I watched five to six babies on my own regularly, and 8 one year olds by myself. I gave them my all and knew I couldn’t take care of them half as well as their own mothers (and I was often told NOT to hold the babies at all). This is of course just my experience, but Brett is right, it’s all about priorities, and stuff won’t make you as happy as a family.

[@kristinewberg7656]

I completely agree. I worked at a very fancy Christian daycare that was one of, if not the best ranked in my entire state, and I would NEVER want my children to be in that environment. Most teachers just don't have the energy or desire to meet each child's needs. I was the sole teacher in a preschool classroom for about a year, with eight 3 and 4 year olds, 6 boys and 2 girls. I did my absolute best to meet all their needs, but there was just no way, much less meet their wants. The kids in my classroom were there because no other teachers wanted them in their classrooms as they were the loud ones, or the misbehaving ones, or the "difficult" ones. By the time I quit (to move cross country to marry my husband), my classroom was quiet during quiet-time, well-behaved, and amazingly, happy. When we were short-staffed due to people going home sick during the day, other teachers took breaks in my room because it was so much calmer than any other room. Even when the boys were being loud during playtime, it was "happy loud". Four of "my kids" ended up getting pulled out of daycare in the month before I left so they could stay home with their parents. They were behaving so much better and were so much happier that their parents wanted to spend more time with them. Two of the remaining four went to half-time attendance for the same reason. I made $13 an hour to spend my half-hour commute home every day crying out of emotional exhaustion. It was worth it, though, because I really believe that I made a difference in those kids' lives and in their parents' lives. But I could never ever in good conscience recommend anyone putting their child into daycare.

[@user-em1fw5rd5p]

People having been saying that they "can't afford" to either have kids or stay at home with them for a long time. It is totally about priorities. We saved to buy an attached house with only 1 bathroom, drove one vehicle, ate out sparingly, camped for vacations etc. This was done on one small income for 16 years. Our kids had piano lessons, swimming lessons, and dance. We homeschooled and they had time to read, play, and enjoy the outdoors at our local park. When I went back to work I was able to get a job. After 5 years I have my dream job, the one I aspired to as a university graduate. I have energy and ideas to implement and I'm not burnt out doing the grind for 25 years like my husband is. Life is best lived in seasons. You can live the child rearing season for 20 years and then move into the work season, and then the retirement season. My life took some unexpected turns and we had over 10 years of intense parenting with physical and mental illness issues in our children. I am so glad that I know that we did everything possible to be there for them and meet their needs. So as an educated stay at home woman from a line of women who were the primary caregivers of their children, it can definitely be done if you're willing to examine your priorities. If you want the career then that's your decision, just be honest with yourself about your motivations.

[@ev_green_]

Not to hold the babies 😢

[@kristinewberg7656]

@@ev_green_ This is way more pervasive than you might think. I never could listen when a kid was sad or hurt or needed hugs, and just held them or hugged them anyway. But technically, as teachers, you were not supposed to ever do that.

[@jessicadianne9065]

Sadly - I have witnessed this too. I spent a short time as a preschool teacher and I will never forget one of the girls that worked in the nursery told me she “hated kids” and started bad mouthing the children that were in her care while she was in the break room. Thankfully she was fired shortly after that. You just can’t fully know who you’re leaving your kids with… no one is better than mom and dad. I get that some people have to make that choice in certain circumstances, but if you can avoid it… absolutely keep your kids at home.

[@Frillan84]

I have 8 kids and it's about prioritizing what's important. We as a family don't eat out a lot in a month since we are 10 people in the family (maybe once or twice) instead we cook meals at home. I don't drink coffee but if I would have been drinking coffee I would have prepared coffee at home at brought it with me, just as an example. It's deeply ingrained in me since I came from a large family (8 people so I have 5 siblings). Both my dad and my mom was working so I come from the working class. We had food on the table and everyone had clothes. The only debt mom and dad had was the house we was living in and we drove around in "old" cars that my dad fixed by himself when they broke down. My better half wanted to stay at home with the kids instead of working. She didn't really like working and has been much happier staying home being a homemaker and taking care of the kids instead of working. I have been working hard and we are fortunate that we can live on my sole income.

[@Ashtarot77]

I can afford a take-away coffee every day, but I like making my own using a cheap brand who tastes far better than Starbucks or Costa Coffee. Like you, I grew up in a large family being the youngest of nine. These values were passed on from my parents and I'm ever so grateful for these little life lessons that helps me make financial decisions so that I don't have to struggle.

[@brandigabriel6921]

My husband is one of 11 children raised in a single income home. His dad was an electrician who drove an hour each way to work every day. His mom stayed home, raised, and homeschooled the kids. They lived in a 1200 square foot home in the country. His dad taught himself how to do vehicle repairs and home repairs. His mom taight herself gardening and canning and homemaking. 10 of their children went to college. All of their children are working and financially stable. His dad retired in his mid 50s. IT IS POSSIBLE.

[@jackcarraway4707]

Ok? And? Not everyone needs to make their lives unnecessarily harder by having 11 kids. This is survivorship bias; one of many staple fallacies of the conservative mindset.

[@deedeebolden]

Women who lash out at those of us who stay home want to be validated in their choices and priorities because deep down they don’t really believe they’ve made the right ones. Women telling other women it’s possible if you adjust priorities offends some women because they want to keep believing something that deep down they know isn’t true. Some of these numbers for costs thrown out here are just wild to me. It’s just not even close to reality. My family of four isn’t spending nearly $50,000 on food a year…not even half that. 😂

[@dailynpatino7677]

I’m a first generation immigrant. When my family of 4 arrived in the states back in 2010 we only had two suitcases and a $300 clunker of a car that was practically donated to us. For the first 4 years of our living in the US my father was self employed and my mother stayed at home to raise us. Our yearly income was under 30K, yet we alway had what we needed and did not live in the slums. In 2014 my father began working a job that payed 35k a year and my mom continued to stay at home and homeschool us. This year I’m finishing my college education with $0 debt despite the fact of my mother, brother, and me were all studying full time and only depending on one salary. I also own my car, phone, and computer and have no debt for any of those things. So for anyone who says that it’s impossible, I tell you: it isn’t. It’s not about privilege because I haven’t had any apart from living in America. I just come from a family that taught me to prioritize saving over materialism and hard work over a victim mentality.

[@cameo-1289]

👏👏👏 Your personal story is very inspiring!

[@brghteyedangela]

yesss!

[@plantmom3699]

This episode was so needed for me today! My husband and I are younger millennial/older gen Z, we have two kids and plan on having more. I'm staying home to raise and homeschool my kids, I also work at home in the evenings when kids are sleeping. My husband is going back to school and working full time. We don't make a lot and hopefully that changes after my husband graduates. It is really hard some days, and I can sympathize with others who are debating whether they want to have kids in this economy, however, If you want kids, YOU CAN DO IT! We are living proof. Make it a priority, and do good things for others, and you will be blessed!

[@nathanenns7186]

You can do it! No lies it is tough, we lived through similar with a few scrapes and scars for sure. But when you’re married 10 years and look back on these years you can see how it all worked together. We’ve seen the hand of God bring us through more than we ever thought possible and though we weren’t perfect He was perfectly reflected in our weakness. Persevere and don’t forget to be gracious with each other and you’ll go far.

[@alexwantstosee]

God bless you

[@colacaller]

I am also 1 of 11 and grew up without much financial cushion! Grew up homeschooling (not exactly cheap), and am now a parent of 4 children under 12. I got married at 20 and made it work! Got my associates degree and just in the last couple of years starting making "good money," which is, of course, relative. It is absolutely possible to be a millennial and have a family! I learned from my parents that if you want a big family, or any family for that matter, you'll have to sacrifice. People these days seem to be allergic to that notion.

[@myronidasvestarossa]

Well every decision always involves a sacrifice anyway and if some people don’t want kids that’s okay.

[@isabellamcfall5144]

My husband is the only one of us that works, we have old cars, no bills, homeschool, my husband makes 50k, just bought our house. He put in time in the army so we got a VA loan. We have two amazing boys and probably aren’t done having more. Budgets, eating at home, coupons, price shopping. It’s possible!! We have friends over to see us, we go to their homes, we rarely go out. We visit family for vacations. If that’s the lengths you’d need to go to to have kids and don’t want to, that’s your decision and no judgement. It sure as hell ain’t easy:) but to us, they are absolutely totally worth it:) and when we get run down with anything, my husband and I talk about things we want to do together when the boys grow up:) it’s all about what mindset you have:)

[@kaikai2meripng]

Millennial (35), with 4 kids on earth (aged 15 months to 9 yrs) and 2 in heaven. My husband and I have been single income since we married 10 yrs. ago and we made that decision before we were even married. Zero regrets. It’s meant some sacrifices, but really I don’t feel like we’ve had to miss out at all. When you’re a SAHM you have so much time to invest in your kids, but you also have time to grocery shop, cook from scratch (healthier and cheaper), clean, do laundry, etc. etc. We save a lot of money by doing those things ourselves instead of hiring a cleaner or eating out or signing up for a food service of some kind. Wouldn’t change it for the world.

[@kierad1794]

so you admit your husband exploits your labor to further his career? girl…

[@stephaniesteck6916]

mostly same same as your experience :D way da go!

[@nathanenns7186]

Also millennials both 33 at the moment, married over 10 years, 4 kids (10, 9, 2 and 7 months), been single income for the vast majority of the time and own a home. No degrees (I’m a licensed auto mechanic but not working my field) and no inheritances or anything (we support my MIL in fact). My wife works hard at home which enables me going to work outside the home long and hard which enables her staying home. Both go hand in hand. We certainly have had our moments, and lived right on the edge of poverty for a few long years but looking back it shaped us to be who we are today. We too wouldn’t trade the lives we’ve built for anything else.

[@hannahR712]

Same here❤

[@icemelts214]

Cant tell if serious or joking 😂​@kierad1794

[@kaylagrote7854]

We are such a privileged society. Driven by consumerism. "If I can't provide new, name brand clothing for my kids, then I can't afford them". Imagine thinking that providing material items for your kids is what's going to make their life fulfilled. I guess billions of people in the world are living worthless, unfulfilled lives right now. People in EXTREME poverty can still be happy and fulfilled in life, and we should maybe take a lesson from those people. We are having our 4th kid, our 2 oldest are still in diapers at night. We just had the discussion to increase our monthly kids budget to $150. That includes any clothes we have to buy them, their diapers, any necessities, etc. When we had our first, my husband made 35k. And until last year, that's what he made. I stay home. We have a house with a mortgage. It 100% is about prioritizing. We track EVERY PENNY we make. If you get a coffee 5 times a week from a coffee shop, that's like $30 a week, which is $120/month. So your coffees do add up, as do any other "small" expenses. And we do still get to go on nice vacations and go out to eat. Few people know how to budget in America and that's one of the reasons people think they can't afford kids. My husband had to teach me to budget, I was horrible at it when we got married. I'm thankful for the sacrifices we've made so I can be with our kids all day and experience their life with them, making memories together and raising them myself instead of sending them away all day to be raised by someone else. Sorry, that's the honest truth. When we had kids, my husband said to me "someone is going to raise our kids. Is it going to be us or someone else?" People get all upset about that, but it's the truth. If they don't like to hear it, they're probably trying to justify their decisions to themselves and don't want to feel convicted.

[@sarahschroeder4739]

🔥🔥

[@justagirl4627]

This will come off snarky but I don't mean it to. How do you only spend $150 a month on all your kids? Are you that parent with the kid that never goes on field trips and has to be sent to another classroom because "mom doesn't spend money on that". Do you allow your kids to have hobbies? Play an instrument? Join soccer or chess club? Or is that always "too expensive and unnecessary". Are your kids ever allowed to go to prom? Or the school dances that cost $5? Or the movies or shopping with their friends? Do they get Christmas presents? Or do they come to school after New Year's with nothing while the other kids show off what they got? Do you get them swimming lessons or new shoes every year to fit in? How does this work because some of us child-free people are that way because our families were evicted as a child, never could do anything fun without being afraid to ask for money, and had general trauma surrounding being the poorest in the group all the time.

[@tarrickmerdev2324]

@@justagirl4627 It comes off as snarky because it is. You put everything in scare quotes as if being unable to afford something makes you bad. General trauma surrounding being the poorest in the group? Do you truly define yourself by other peoples' opinion of you? You can enjoy life just fine without having everything that exists. People all across the world do it every day. It's how we developed all throughout human history. Fixating on what everyone else has and comparing that to what you have is a formula for never being happy. God forbid your parents struggled when raising you and I feel sorry for them that you actually resent them for struggling to provide for you.

[@bt8508]

Best comment!!! It is a privilege to be able to stay home in the family and invest time and energy into your kids. The reason we have crap kids today is a reflection of what's happening in the home and a lack of parenting and engaged parents. People want children but don't want to be bothered to parent!

[@justagirl4627]

@@tarrickmerdev2324 firstly i did not say i resent my parents for the life they gave me. But children require money and are allowed to want things. You pretending that your kids are living the best life in poverty does not make your unpreparedness any better.

[@5warrilows]

I’m 27, a SAHM of 3 & I truly couldn’t be happier with my life. I put my career & schooling on hold cause I got pregnant & my husband, who’s turning 30 next month, stepped up, working his ass off to afford a beautiful home that we own & he 100% takes care of us financially. I take care of the kids, HIM & our home! We go to church every Sunday & I make sure my kids know we have the Lord everyday. When the kids are in school, I’ll probably go back to school myself! But this CAN happen & I am in love with my life!

[@elizaeligio3669]

I’m the youngest of 11 kids, my mom is the middle child of 10. My childhood was a bit more cushy than my siblings’ cause my mom went back to work, but even then both of my parents worked in the school system (Mom is a speech pathologist and Dad is a Spanish teacher). So definitely never above middle class. When I was small though my Mom stayed at home and my Dad was a traveling jewelry salesman. Money was so tight that after bills they had $5 a week to pay for groceries, diapers, everything.

[@ellielynn8219]

When she’s talking about how those small charges add up, my husband and I call that “penny spending ourselves to death” 😅 If you don’t think eating out, coffee, and other charges $20 and cheaper aren’t doing much damage to your bank account, go back over the past month and add them all up. If it was under $20 put it on the list (include things like Statbucks, fast food, alcohol, purchased media like iTunes, etc), and if you want to get the actual big picture, go back 6-12 months in your account and add it up. You’ll be shocked! Also, people are mad at this because she’s talking about accountability and prioritization. A lot of people want to yell at the government about their woes and not make a better life for themselves. Having to tell yourself no is so hard for us in the West, but it gets easier and watching your bank account grow is much more rewarding that that ice cream bar and wine on Friday “because I deserve it”. I’m glad she didn’t tiptoe around it, we need people who say it like it is, I appreciate that in a person. P.S. As a former preschool teacher of almost 10 years, the kids who go to school full time would get so attached to us that their parents would have to ask us about how to help them, or what do they mean when they’re trying to say something. I remember two different times moms came in crying because they didn’t know how to help their babies, they didn’t get that very important time together during the infant months and felt lost and disconnected but saw how we knew what to do. I always tried to empower those women and reassure them, but having had that experience, I’m a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, who got married at 19, we didn’t have two pennies to rub together, my husband has busts his butt every single day to provide this life for us. I work as the administrator in this business that he owns and after all this hard work we are finally living comfortably, paying things off, and saving. It’s hard, but it IS the truth that it’s about what you find important, creating a map to get to your destination with all the milestones in between. (For reference, we also live in CA, in the Sierra Nevada foothills and it’s crazy expensive here, too).

[@akpred]

That second girl pissed me off. Im a stay at home mom of 3 and my husband makes less than 50,000 a year. It can be done. It just takes sacrifice like Brett and the first girl said

[@xinpingdonohoe3978]

Right. If you're making enough money to comfortably cover children, chances are that costs the time you could be spending with them, which should be an absolute priority.

[@akpred]

@xinpingdonohoe3978 absolutely! my husband and I do agree with that second lady on how expensive child care is, which is why I stay home because if I worked, I would be working to pay child care, which seems crazy to me. Why work when your check goes straight to child care when you could be with your child and cut out the middle man

[@NyssaOwens]

Same. Mother of 4. We make less than $50k a year. We live in a VERY populated area of Florida. It's so very possible to do life on a small amount of income.

[@lisah8438]

Some people don't want their kids to struggle. The problem with yall who agree that having kids is no big deal is is yiu make it seem like it is easy and worth it for everyone. It may be worth it for you but it is not worth for everyone. People want to prevent themselves from struggling if they can help. Of course external struggles are going to come by why have children if you can't afford it. Especially conservatives who don't believe in government assistance. I would never understand why conservatives pressure others to get married and have children, but I don't want to help others out

[@akpred]

@lisah8438 No one on this feed is pressuring anyone to have children, and the 2 women speaking about their experiences weren't either. All we are saying is that it is not "too expensive" to have kids. Like brett said, it's about your priorities and what is important to you. But vilifying people who want to have kids claiming it's only the privileged few who could do it is fundamentally incorrect. Impoverished people do it all the time. It may not be easy, and people may struggle, but it is incredibly classist to claim you can't do it. That second woman was incredibly condescending to the vast majority of people I know because no one I my family or circles are well off and most if not all have chosen to have stay at home moms with multiple children.

[@Anna-Maria..]

It's impossible to buy a house nowadays, young people don't have enough money to pay the rent because the prices are so high. They can't save enough to live comfortably ON THEIR OWN, let alone bring kids to this world. Even the ones who don't go out, who don't spend money on stupid things... Even they struggle to live.

[@coneyandfriends3618]

Currently buying a house, have two kids, single income, making less than $45k.

[@lilly.x1]

my mum raises me and my 2 other siblings. we are 16,9 and 7. My mam has terrible debt and mental issues due to my dad and we struggle all the time to keep up with it all. But even with the debt we always have food in the house because my mum prioritises our needs then other silly things like starbucks everyday and new clothes that we don’t need. She works all the time and she is constantly tired but she is doing it for us, obviously she could get married and like would be easier financially but my mum doesn’t want to and she still makes time for us, feeds us and obviously if she wants a nap every now and again i’d happily look after my siblings and cook them dinner and all that become she deserves that help. She goes through so much for us and she still makes our lives stable because she CHOSE too, and she knew that’s what she was going to have to do when having kids and she’s kept that promise for 16 years. No one with a full time job would ever convince me their life is harder then my single mum of 3 kids, in a 4 bedroom, 3 tiered house who works constantly and still makes time for us and does all of this for us.

[@caitystrong4599]

Working mom of a beautiful 7 month old girl here. It is 100% about priorities. My husband and I are lower middle class. We’re not comfortable, renting in a less than ideal area, not able to afford a house, I drive a 15 year old car but we’re not struggling, that car is paid off, we have very little debt, and we have money in our savings account. When we had our daughter everything changed. My husband took side gigs and started a business to do along side his full time job. I hustled and applied for dozens of jobs until I found one where I can either work from home or bring my daughter to work (I work in children’s ministry). We could have stayed put and moaned about how it’s so hard. But we prioritized fixing it for our daughter.

[@maryanne.sanders]

Thankful for moms like you ❤

[@Whoamiiiiiiiiiiii]

How did you find a children’s ministry job?

[@neuralsodar]

My husband’s income has increased 5 fold over the last 15 years but we still choose to mostly live the way we did when we were broke. I drive a beat up minivan for our many kids and I’m in no rush to replace it bc kids are dirty and toting sports teams around is dirty and I don’t want a beautiful new car to get trashed. I’m FINE with my 12 year old 230k mile van. It does the job. I still shop second hand for many things. I cook almost every meal we eat. I calculated the difference between homecooking for 6 and a restaurant for 6 once and it was eye opening and validating. We’ve loosened the purse strings in terms of letting the kids participate in more things- when we were just married we decided that dance classes and the $200 costumes and recitals fees that go with them were not going to make it into our budget. But that kind of activity would probably make the cut now if one of our kids wanted to do it. We go on more elaborate family vacations now too, but our day-to-day spending has not really changed. I think if you’ve never had a low income job maybe you don’t understand how it can “work” financially. Some people are too wrapped up in having a magazine worthy home with all new furniture and replace their cars every five years and go out at least once, probably more, for meals every week. They just don’t know another way.

[@Pam_Beesly]

❤❤ we live the same way.

[@katherinecollins9636]

We have 6 children and my husband is a professional. We could theoretically afford a lot of stuff, but I have always been frugal. Children are more expensive as they get older. We homeschooled, shopped at thrift stores, discount grocery stores and don't spend s fortune on decorating. My kids are now 25, 24, 21, 19, 17, and 14. They are worth more than any amount of money in the bank.

[@Shimmering_rain]

I dont even get why people feel the need to have expensive things, like a big house or a fancy car. Sure you can live a more comfortable life, but me and my family live perfectly happy lives without all those fancy things.

[@Kakuren]

My wife and I made a similar decision for our kids. 11ys ago my wife and I lived and worked about 6 hrs away from family when decided we wanted kids. For two years we tried to visist family or grandparents tried to visit us but our son never got to be around family as much as we liked. We decided we wanted to prioritize our son's relationship with his grandparents over our careers and moved back to our hometown. She became a stay at home mom and I had to restart my career from scratch. The first years were rough, food stamps rough. But little by little we got back on our feet and now we are surrounded by family and both of my boys get to have dinner with the grandparents two nights a week. Wouldn't change it for the world.

[@michelleg1898]

Priorities! My husband and I married in 2021 when it was really crappy economically speaking (not that much has changed) and neither of us had a penny to our names. One beat up car, he lost his job right after our honeymoon and we were living in a basement. Progress is slow and you learn to live with less but you learn need versus want. Now we’re in the new year with a brand new car, will be moving into a larger home from our small one bedroom apartment, and we have everything we need for our brand new baby due soon. Hand me downs, meal planning, cheap entertainment, these are available options. I knew I wanted to be a sahm when I got married and my husband has worked his butt off to make a one income household work because me being home with the children is a priority to him. We spent awhile trying to get pregnant and now here we are after many losses with one of the biggest blessings of our lives. All the penny pinching has been worth it.

[@TreeTrinity]

My parents prioritized family below the poverty line for the first decade or so of their marriage. My mom was 19 and my dad was 21. They had 6 kids and they started dirt poor. My mom has told me that some of the happiest and hardest time in their marriage were when they were living in a tent on land they had bought with just about all their money. My dad was building their house by himself, and they camped in the meantime. He was also in collage and for the last semester he had to bike to school everyday because their car broke. Despite not have the money to just live in a house, or rent a temporary mobile home, my mom never worked once she had kids. It’s about managing your expectations, working with what you have, and prioritizing what matters to you. To be clear, only my oldest two siblings ever lived in the tent; by the time I was born we were solidly middle class. But they started with nothing and made it work. Everyone today acts like it’s so much harder to live today than it was for our parents, but when I hear my parents talk, I can’t help but notice that I have it so much easier than they ever did!

[@Carla-ns8rx]

They feel it´s harder because today expectations are higher. Every body wants the new Iphone, all the subrciptions, starsbucks coffe everyday a new car, a big house, vacations in other countries... etc etc... and NONE of that is necesary to live.

[@TreeTrinity]

@@Carla-ns8rx %100 true

[@entwifey]

Your parents sound amazing. Sadly so many aren’t willing to live uncomfortably like this.

[@katherinelipari6610]

Facts.

[@teresitaperegrina3741]

We’ve also been so used to getting everything quickly. Our attention spans are shorter, we can learn things at the click of a button. So when the time to do something hard, and that gets better with time, it’s seen as impossible.

[@whimsy339]

One thing I've heard often over the years is adults saying that because of their family life, they didn't realize that they were poor. I agree with Brett. It's attitude, perspective, honesty, and prioritization.

[@FJB-1776]

I didn't realize I was poor until I got to highschool. I worked at the private school my parents sent me to (they were NOT going to send us to public school & wasn't able to keep homeschooling) in order to help pay my tuition & almost everyone there was from an upper middle class or higher family My parents took care of us in such a way that we had food, bday/Christmas presents, going (real) camping every summer, mom was home with us until we were older, etc, but as I got older I noticed that dad was gone so much because of overtime & how they managed to pinch every penny.

[@joelwillems4081]

I knew I was poor in grade school. We got the reduced cost lunches. I wasn't blindly naive but I also didn't complain. Had five siblings and we all got jobs while in grade school so we'd have some spending money. Heck, we got a job once to clean up the county fairgrounds in the morning before they opened. Us kids were "paid" in donuts/juice and our parents got a check at the end of the fair. Maybe bought some groceries for us?

[@FJB-1776]

@@joelwillems4081 I started cleaning people's houses (that we knew) & babysitting when I was 12. Started saving money in my plan to move out by 18 with a nest egg (which I did). Not quite working in grade school with my siblings, but 🤷‍♀️

[@bear_issleepy]

Everything Emma said was absolutely correct. I also come from a family of 11 and we had some major struggles as a family. However we never went without a meal, a roof over our head and the bare necessities. Our Mum did have to work because of certain circumstances and our grandparents used to watch us. My point is we didn't grow up wealthy but we never went without and for the whole grocery issue, yes inflation but when you have a big family we dont have the funds to buy all theese snacks and junk food we were always cooked large homecooked meals and saved money. Sadly we don't live in a society that uplifts Mothers and the amazing shit they do.

[@bear_issleepy]

I'm also lucky to live in a country that isn't America where we are offered opportunities such as vouchers for every family that allows us to have extracurricular activities like art, music and sports FOR FREE.

[@bekahb3935]

Watching this while making baby food from home (to save money), while my baby naps. I am so thankful that I get to stay home with him. My husband is the best for giving me that gift! Thankfully my husband and I are both money-conscious people and have always lived below our means. But I truly do believe it’s all about what you prioritize. We have always prioritized being debt-free, hosting people at our house weekly for game nights and movie nights, and experiences/traveling. So we sacrifice in other areas so that we have the financials to do what we prioritize. Having a kid hasn’t stopped us from doing any of that, it just means we have to be smarter with our finances and time.

[@SoftLightASMR]

They feel attacked because they feel guilty about their choices. I'm a SAHM and my husband makes 60ish and we're so joyful about our ability to offer our children a consistently at home parent. Before staying home I was a professional artist with a TED talk and women treat me like garbage because I walked away from "the dream"".

[@MeHoyMinoy-cv3ps]

The dream is really spending your own child’s core years with them at home, it’s the most beautiful job in the world. Hard yes but the most meaningful time in our lives as SAHM’s. I had a very successful career before children and I’m very proud of that but now and forever the top priority in my life will be my children. Women that demean you for choosing children have absolutely no clue what they’re missing. They are bitter and nasty because deep down they are not truly happy. If they were happy in their careers and lifestyles they would also be happy to see you fulfilled in your choices.

[@Ella_Vande]

Okay, so I just did the quick math for my family of 5 for groceries… an average of $200 (a generous amount, most of the time it’s less, rarely more) per week for 52 weeks is $10,400 Divided by 5 for each person in my family is $2,080. Nowhere near the $12,000 per person per year she mentioned. Where are people shopping that it’s that high? Where are they getting these numbers?

[@Corinthians1614]

Depends where you live! I live in New England and our grocery budget has to be $400 a month just solely based on prices here. But I coupon, clearance shop, and go to discount grocers as much as I can to lower that number as much as possible.

[@thepimpyoda]

Yea 100$ a week here single man on just meat eggs milk with some bananas and bread depends on where u live

[@jayna1024]

Diapers! Diapers and formula are the biggest dent in our household’s wallet.

[@maryanne.sanders]

@@Corinthians1614she said $200/week. That’s $800/month.

[@konradwright7725]

Bro, it miiiiiight be California: But Groceries for the month cost us $800. And I try to save money doing Costco.

[@brandymonahan7220]

Im a single mom of 4. I never got child support from their dad, I worked 2 jobs and went to school all while taking care of my kids. I worked hard to get where I am now to be able to only work one job. I did not come from a family with money. I prioritized my kids to give them the best life that I was capable of giving. They have always had a roof over their head and food in their stomach. Its about choosing how to spend what money you do have do you choose the $20 dollar steaks or the 7 dollar package of chicken you can make into a couple meals. Its possible to have a family and not be privileged. I used to make min. wage in Oklahoma 7.25 a hour, we made it off that. I could make a meal out of 10 to 15 dollars, dollar tree works wonders.

[@rebekahquin3658]

I’m recently married. My husband and I both are working. Before we got married we agreed that when we have children I will stop working in order to raise/homeschool our children. It’s important to us that we’re the ones raising our kids. Right now we’re trying to earn and save as much as we can to help that decision and set ourselves up with a little financial padding.

[@MillionaireHouseholdFinance]

Very true about priorities. It's also about lack of financial education. Far too many people are far over-estimating the cost of children. My toddler maybe adds about $50 to $60 per month to our bills. Most things are just wants, rather than needs. (i.e. putting a child in some activity is a want. You don't have to do that.)

[@Jess-wy9yb]

Thrifting saves me!!

[@MillionaireHouseholdFinance]

@@Jess-wy9yb Thrifting is a great way to save, especially in the early years when building up your financial stability.

[@MillionaireHouseholdFinance]

@@frankcaggiano8282 Renting is an option. And you only need a 2 bedroom. The rest is just wants, not needs. Also, infant clothes, toys, etc. are cheap and you don't buy every month. You can also thrift those things. Be a little creative. Get hand-me-downs, go to thrift stores, learn to cook at home. There's plenty of ways to save when you have kids. As for millennials and their money, a lot of that stems from financial illiteracy. They just don't know proper money management. Most make plenty, just don't budget well.

[@sarahsnyder8557]

@@frankcaggiano8282 The cost of electiricity and water is negligible, a couple dollars at most. Crib, clothes, shoes, stroller, rocker, bottles, etc. is all free if you know where to look (online mom's groups give these things away for free ALL the time). The food budget doesn't increase at all until the kid is at least 8 (assuming you cook at home, the kid just eats a tiny portion of whatever you're having). I have a 2-year-old and a second one due in July. Since the day I first found out I was pregnant with my first, I've probably spent about $3K more than I normally would have, and that includes medical costs from the birth.

[@KatieHolmes-kz5qm]

As someone who grew up playing sports and learning instruments I'm so thankful my parents worked hard to give that to me!

[@lucyw3270]

Amen!!!! I'm a stay-at-home mom with four kids. We're low middle class (if that) but we make it work 100%! We never go hungry and even take vacations every other year. There are so many things you can do to not make kids cost a lot of money. Hand me downs, online thrift stores, cloth diapers, breastfeeding, cooking from scratch, etc. Could we buy more and do more with less kids? Yes, but I know each one of my kids would rather go out to eat less or not get the biggest newest toy at Christmas and have their siblings than go to Chick-fil-A more but trade in a few siblings for it.

[@kelleejackson2431]

I am a single mother, I have been a single mother since conception. I made $1 over the limit for assistance so we never received it. We never got child support until a couple months ago my child is 5 now. My average hourly salary was $15/hr. My daughter and I are both healthy, have a 2 bedroom apartment, our fridge is never empty. It's hard. It's 100% budgeting and prioritizing and getting creative with what your resources and what you already have. My daughter is very happy child and gets compliments on it everywhere we go. If we can do it anyone can.

[@hopeton.]

👏👏

[@jofox339]

We are making sacrifices too. Getting married in July and we are renting our first year and probably move to a different state to be able to afford children and for me to be a stay at home mom. That's our priority. For me to be a stay at home mom, to homeschool, have a good home, and for us to be near a Traditional Latin Mass Church. Those are our priorities! Not privilege, priority! Brett, thank you! I recently started really digging into what I believe and why I believe it. It started with What Is A Woman and then I found you and you are my favourite on Daily Wire. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not the only female feeling the way I do about issues.

[@Lynniebug]

My husband and I are expecting our 8th baby together (all under 16yo). I am an RN, but I have not worked a day. I have been a SAHM since I passed NCLEX in 2013. My husband doesn't even have his GED, but he works his BUTT off and has to travel away from us to make an income to support us with about 80-100k/year. I make sacrifices by homeschooling, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, making most of our food from scratch, shopping sales, gardening, raising chickens and rabbits, etc. Each of my kids are allowed one extracurricular activity per season starting at age 6. We prioritize raising our children ourselves- not school, not daycare, not screens. And we refuse to be run ragged by trying to provide our children every "extra" opportunity in the world. They all will grow up learning the value of hard work and be equal contributing partners in their future households.

[@seraanne6987]

So you acquired nursing school debt for no reason? Did make your husband pay that off too? 😂

[@pamelabeth]

Priorities change, perspectives change. At some point, nursing seemed to be the path she wanted to take. Seems like she made the right choice for herself in choosing family and motherhood (she doesn't sound bitter to me). You're assuming there is/was debt. Which even if there is/was, it's still worth it. She got to live a college experience, got herself an education, which I'm sure helps in being a mother and teacher to her children. And who says she can't get a job in nursing down the line? Perspective, perspective!

[@pooksmagoo6521]

Same! I’m a dental hygienist though 😊, and I have worked off and on. None the less, we have made the decision for me to stay home and homeschool our kids, raise livestock, garden and truly LIVE life.

[@WanderFreelyLoveDeeply]

This is beautiful!!!

[@tanyarobinson1146]

I worked night shifts so I could be home with our kids.

[@litlledavid986]

I have 8 siblings ages that vary, I’m 17 years old, as a kid my mom never bought me new clothes, it was always thrifted or given to us buy cousins etc. the reason for this was because I grew way to fast ( I’m 6’4 250 pounds) almost every two ish months I needed new shoes, new pants etc. now that I’m 17 I can get my own(new!!) clothes and even help my mother buy my siblings clothes. All this to say that no one has ever lacked in my family we always had a roof over our heads food on the table and clothes on our back. Where there is a will there is a way. Trust in God and work hard , and life will figure itself out.

[@DC-nw3uc]

Once I turned 16 and my own job and bought my own car (my mom went in on it with the deal that I give rides to my siblings) I was able to get visa gift cards and I bought all of my siblings Christmas presents.

[@animationgirlie2227]

This 👆 👆 So true. Teaches us all sooo much about ourselves abd others. Siblings helped me become the person abd mother I am today.

[@MilliePeterson9579]

Only 7 books . . . I’m in middle school and I’m a bookworm that leisurely reads. I do not read multiple books a week, but I have already finished 6 books this year (2024)

[@user-ih6cj5ep6w]

“If our family can do it, you can do it.” That’s as subjective as the argument that a kid costs ____ to raise. Are you doing it? Will your parents be able to retire? Let’s assume social security isn’t available for them as it likely won’t be for us.

[@TiffanySordillo]

When my husband and I decided I would stay home and homeschool our children, he not only kept his full time job, but also started his own company to also work part time on Saturday mornings and a couple of afternoons. Now as my girls get older and want to join competitive dance teams, he ALSO now teaches electrical code 2 nights a week WHILE they are at dance to pay for it. So time is not lost. We still prioritize family time and have great balance. He wakes up at 5 am and will play chess with our oldest. Priorities make all the difference. We are millennials and it’s near impossible to find families relatable. Especially being in Massachusetts. Most moms would rather work and splurge on Botox and filler. It’s so sad.

[@Emjay.d]

Exactly. If you are with a good man who has the priority of providing for his family he will work 100 jobs to make sure you have the world. I am starting to think that parents these days dont even like their kids. They don’t want to see them so they put them in daycare, they don’t want to hangout with them after that so they shove an ipad in their face, they don’t take them to do fun kid things, they take them shopping at target. What is the point of having kids if you only see them on the weekends? Be a fun aunt if that is the case. The second you have children your life isn’t About you. You chose to bring this life into the world and their happiness and success is the only priority that should matter.

[@alwaysrootingfortheantihero123]

as someone who did expensive extra curriculars as a kid i think it’s so sweet your husband is teaching classes to make sure your kids can do what they want to do! you found a good one, your family sounds lovely.

[@graciepoo18]

i doubt she’ll see this, but emma!!! i don’t tiktok as i’m sure a lot of other reasonable people don’t, but i 10000% agree with you. the mindset of “if you don’t have time for it, you’re not prioritizing it” is the KEY to everything. as someone who also had parents who came from nothing, worked extremely hard for me and my 2 brothers (only 3 kids not 11 but still) and promised to themselves to put us through college on top of everything else they gave us. the amount of shit i got for “having money” when i live in a normal house with a small room, my parents drove a subaru and a toyota highlander growing up, my parents worked a ton but also showed up for me and my brothers bc it was important to them, etc etc. also my mom did continue to work, but less when i was younger and drove me everywhere, was there for me and my friends, etc etc. when i get to the point in my life where i start a family with someone (i’m 23), i plan to do everything i can to provide for my kids especially if that means making sacrifices on spending on things for myself bc they will be my priority. i wish people would be honest w themselves (just like emma and brett said) and admit what they’re prioritizing, NO ONE IS GONNA BLAME THEM. ALSO the woman talking about how expensive childcare is, babe if you didn’t have your job you wouldn’t have to spend as much on childcare bc you’d be home w your kids??? anyway rant over ty

[@eclairehayes]

saw it!!!!! and yes, exactly what I was saying!!! thank you for watching ❤ also fully support your decision to not have tiktok. its a cesspool to say the least hahaha

[@jillybean9071]

I have worked in daycares and I suggest you NOT put your babies in daycare until they can talk and tell you what happens at daycare.

[@KnowLoveServeHim]

I am a stay at home mother of eight kids. I love being a mom!! My husband and I live in Denver (though bought a house before the crazy boom) nevertheless, we are doing it, and I know many other families who are doing it too. We are definitely not rich. It is 100% about priorities. We do make sacrifices, but we would way rather have our beautiful children than be able to afford the endless amounts of stuff/vacations/electronics, etc. You can have children if you want! Also why is daycare cost a huge contingency when deciding whether or not to have kids?? Why can’t moms just stay home with their kids!? It will save you so much money!!! Why is this such a foreign concept???

[@tsapenkopolina]

I live in the U.S., but came here from the former USSR region. Most of my Russian, Ukrainian, Belorussian friends now have 2-3 kids. Their incomes are LAUGHABLE compared to mine here, like some might make 100-200 per months, not more than that. And… they are all still happy and the kids are healthy and doing well (thank God!). They get help from grandparents, aunts and uncles, and communities. Yes, kids go to overcrowded public schools, they can only afford free medicine (with run-down hospitals), and no take-outs EVER… vacations only in the grandmother’s countryside houses… yet they live fulfilled lives. They raise strong healthy individuals. American parents can learn from them.

[@gabrielledenninger4645]

I am a stay at home mom and we are no where near rich. It’s all about priorities. I also plan to home school. The risk is worth it. I couldn’t imagine someone else raising my daughter.

[@9snaps]

Same here.

[@rochelleclark3169]

My mom was a SAHM for about half of my childhood. Dad worked full-time and farmed so he was very busy. He reached a point of burnout after my brother died and so he asked mom to get a part-time job so he could cut back to be home with us kids more. So that's what mom did and that worked for a while then they adjusted the work dynamics again later as we got older. I believe it is about faith and priorities. My husband and I adjusted our schedules so that we don't have to pay for childcare and we both get to spend time with our son. I'm still working because I make more money and carry the insurance, but I reduced my hours so that I still prioritize our family and that is what my husband has done. He has stepped into the role of father courageously, learning new skills and juggling a baby that only wanted his mama for the first 10mths. This is a huge blessing and I'm proud of the life we've built.

[@mariakovalenko7793]

My parents had 21 kids and were poor, and they were totally able to take care of every single one of us. My dad worked two jobs while my mom stayed at home getting jobs here and there when it was needed. Also they didn't have any fancy jobs, my dad was a school janitor and mechanic on the side and my mom would get night jobs cleaning up restaurants. We never went hunger. We also had everything we needed. We also lived in Washington state, which is a pretty expensive place to live, and my parents rented out the biggest house they could find to fit all of us. Having kids is 100% durable. Everyone just focuses on what they want rather than what is needed.

[@mesamom62]

My millennial son and his wife have 8 kids. My daughter in law is a full time homemaker. You can do it. I did the same. I am so glad that the most my preschool kids had was a one adult to two kids ratio. The baby was born when the kids were in school (literally). This gave my children the best preschool environment possible. My grandkids also have an enriched upbringing. We live in modest homes, shop at thrift stores, have few vacations (or cheap vacations, camping), cooking food at home. Our kids became successful adults. They are contributing to society, and my son is investing in the next generation.

[@heyguysitsfiona]

Brett, at one point you said “I know this episode is already pretty long.” As a daily viewer, I want you to know we are living for it! If your other routine viewers are even half as stoked as I am to watch your episodes, they are not bothered by a long one. You keep me sane in this modern madhouse.

[@kenehnsklp5530]

The fact that the girl said "my family never really struggled" with 11 kids proved that her family is NOT in middle class, possibly ever. She *thinks* she is middle class, and she has never been exposed to life to know what middle class really means

[@zx1906]

Maybe she just had a happy childhood where mom and dad didn‘t discuss the financial hardships with the kids. It sounds like they were loved, protected and well cared for. That doesn‘t mean that there are no struggles for the parents.

[@sandyvanburen]

This video totally hits home. We live in a small house, only 2 bedrooms. But it is a house, we have a back yard that's considered rather large for the town we live in (we live smack dab in the center of town). When I was pregnant, my husbands friend said: "Well, you're going to want to move now, right?" My husband shrugged. He'd actually taken to the idea of staying in this small house (which is what I wanted) and enjoy our small bills when we were about to add a child to the mix. "But," said this friend, "aren't you worried your child will resent you for growing up in such a small house?" My husband shrugged it off (although I was upset at the time). This friend lives in a large house, double income. Kids went to daycare 6 days/wk (no joke!). Then their divorce hit... a neighbor ended up having to call the cops on him and his wife bc they were literally pulling apart their youngest child. I'm kinda wondering of the kid resents them for this... Meanwhile, we still live in our small house. We only ended up with only the one child. She's happy, healthy, never went to daycare. Because of the small bills that accompany this small house, I was able to be a SAHM and my husband only works part time. We're not rich by conventional standards but we have been able to spent these 10 years past watching our child grow up. And she's actually put into words more than once how much she appreciates having her two parents at home, ready to support her whenever she needs it. I'd say we're pretty rich by that measure!

[@Elrunya115]

I’m a mom of 4 with a husband in residency. We are living off of 50k a year. I stay home to care for my kids and homeschool them and he goes to provide. I’m there for every tear, every smile, every growth, every celebration, and ever heartache. They don’t have to go to a stranger for comfort, they can come to me. We make it work. Granted, we don’t live lavishly by any means, but we are happy and my kids are safe. We make it work by PRIORITIZING our family over monetary desires, and we are more fulfilled and happy for it.

[@breelarose8057]

That's awesome! What state do you live in?

[@Elrunya115]

@@breelarose8057 we initially lived out west in Utah, but came to the south for med school and residency. We love it out here sooo much. ❤️❤️

[@lisah8438]

Of course you lived in Utah.

[@breelarose8057]

@@Elrunya115 great to know i might check it out, thanks for replying💕

[@mick4882]

@@lisah8438 whats wrong with that?

[@cassandraerdman7144]

Millennial here who quit her job last year to become a SAHM. Besides wanting to be at home with my child, the financial situation of sending my son to daycare didn't make sense. I was a school teacher, so the amount I would have been making at my job would have barely covered daycare and gasoline. My husband and I are cutting corners where we can to save some money. We live 35 minutes from his job because the housing is cheaper in this area. My husband sold his newer car and bought a 15 year old car with cash, so we wouldn't have a car payment. I make my own baby food. All of the baby clothes I have were gifted/donated to me from friends and family. We can still afford to go out to eat and get the occasional coffee. But we're not going to be going on a tropical vacation any time soon. It's all about priorities. I know many people my age who'd rather go on four vacations a year and always have the newest car. So, yeah, I can see why they'd say they can't afford kids.

[@wowjaina]

We had 4 kids, there is a 12 year gap between the oldest and youngest, and we had our own business, my dad work 70-80 hr a week my mum did the books and housework as we got old we helped with the housework then with the buissness we where never comfortably middle class but we where never without, the biggest issue we had was that we didn't real get heap of time with our dad growing up but as we started working and become adults we realised why so that mum could drive us the 40km trip (one way) to play soccer, so we could go to private school and actually learn as nearly all of us had trouble with school in different aspects. We learned a lot from both of our parents' sacrifice that has helped us as adults navigating the current climate and social chaos.

[@culturallydifferent]

Absolutely agree, I think about "not having time" the same way. And "can't afford to live on one salary" is actually "can't change my habits and lifestyle for that.