Solving the Unsolvable: Mal vs Yoly - The Ultimatum Queer Love

[@morenosa]

I didn't know I was going laugh so hard at you mocking Yoli, that was hilarious 😂!

[@afrey4185]

You mocking Yoli 😂😂. I love your breakdowns. Keep doing what you do. It's masterful to see you flex in your gift. Excellent as always. And my sincere apologies for missing our session😢

[@hashtagmate]

I seriously need to film my life and have you analyze it. You could solve all of my problems so easily

[@MzJamaicanBeauty12]

Mal ending up with Lexi wasn’t really feasible, the way she reacted to Rae and Vanessa, Lexi wouldn’t have handled it well. Their age difference as well would’ve made it difficult

[@mollybemolly]

I DIED when you started mocking Yoli- I’ve watched all your other videos and I was not expecting that hahahaha

[@RubyConn]

As an ESTP, this video hit me pretty hard. It makes so much sense that Mal is an ESTP. The way Mal had everyone’s number from day 1, but was open to change that assessment was so familiar to me. But the blind spot crippling Mal-it was so hard to watch. I felt like everyone around me was saying Mal is so cool and well adjusted, but I was frustrated that something was missing from Mal’s assessment and that made me feel a little upset. I know why now. It was bringing up all the times I was “fair” and got thrown into a tailspin. It can be incredibly lonely when you are looking for solid ground and everyone else is just doing their thing. The mocking made me feel so much better 😂😂❤

[@DrCherieTypes]

Thank you for sharing your story 🥰 I'm glad this brings you some solace. ESTPs are very cool, dependable, big-sis-looking-after-everyone vibes - but the flip side is: everyone assumes that you're all good and you don't need help and attention like the rest of us.

[@RubyConn]

@@DrCherieTypesabsolutely! Thank you so much for your kind words.❤ I find great joy in understand others better (and myself), so please keep doing what you’re doing!

[@cass_sorrel]

Your statement about Ti optimism and how there's an assumption about there being a solution available always left me feeling read!!! It is hard for me to not ruminate in response to a shitty thing that is done to me, bc I assume the rationality of people. My therapist often reminds me to feel my grief or anger when I try to make sense of a situation that does not make sense, that is just unkind or terrible.

[@smartmarketing173]

You are so right! Yoli wants her cake & to eat it too; she needs to let Mal go…that’s so selfish and cruel, tbh. Mal was my absolute favourite and I thought, she’s better than all of them! She’s too good, and destined for NO ONE on this show (not sure of pronouns so apologies but I don’t think she identifies as non binary, pls correct me if mistaken). Based on some things she said, she may also never feel completely secure with Yoli bc Mal’s Black- I hope that’s not the case, but we all have our deep seated insecurities. Thx for another great video! #JusticeForMal 😅

[@michellegrantvaughn1561]

As my daughter just said regarding this latest video “slay”. I really enjoyed this analysis of probably my favorite person on the show ( Mal). So much irony in how things played out between M and Y. I think my favorite point you made was if Yoly had just been in alignment with her highest function, and been open hearted and vulnerable things would have been so much better for her. And her people she loved. Another great video Dr Cherie!!

[@DrCherieTypes]

Thank you Michelle - you summarised my point about Yoly beautifully ❤️

[@lauriethomas4145]

Just fantastic. This is the most spot on, top-tier personality analysis of anything out there. Please send this to the personalities involved. They NEED to see this.

[@bonkus2937]

just found this channel but i’m already HOOKED

[@observer5864]

Poor Mal...

[@morenosa]

Literally 😢

[@VBGCgirl1]

These videos are amazing. They have broadened my perspective on relationships, applying them to my own life and personality type. I haven’t even watched half these shows and I’m hanging on every word.

[@angelmushahf]

I don’t think think Mal should have proposed and Yoli should not have accepted the proposal. I really don’t think Yoli is a terrible person, I think she was really confused about what she wanted.

[@SilentTrip]

Lmao I never saw you frustrated, this a first 😂

[@observer5864]

🤣🤣🤣 was a nice treat

[@atreju305]

I had the same thought! 😄😄😄

[@barpoe]

I'm like Mal. But I've learned to not bother anymore if people are hesitant :) I'm okay with a friendship with anyone that I love. A partner for life is wonderful if it feels right on all fronts, but being single is actually pretty great. That means okay, we had a lovely time, bye. It's okay to not have relationships for life ;)

[@ruthielalastor2209]

This is some of the most thorough and nuanced analysis of this couple that I've seen. I didn't catch Mal's problem solving tendency and that resonated with me and a person I know - they were so used to viewing things as problems that needed to be managed that they only paid attention to you if you had a problem; if things were good, you were not a priority. I thought that had a danger of creating a cycle where they would attract people who did not want to solve their own problems and these people in turn would keep inventing more problems to keep the dynamic going.

[@archipiratta]

I really wish that Mal would have ended up with Lexi rather than going back to Yoli. To me Yoli's inconsistencies especially with falling so hard for Xander is quite problematic

[@Socialling]

Nah I think mal was smart to keep Lexi as just a friend

[@domthebomb7067]

Mal said that she was uncomfortable with their age gap in a recent Q&A

[@pearlosibu]

Lexi is…too much.

[@luckyrabbit2]

Lexi is dating someone her age and seems really happy.

[@Magique88888]

They were meant to meet and be great friends.

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

8:11 damn that's me. I worked real hard on my Fi development. But even when in dating I figuered ok the sigbs are not adding up here. I will confront the other and then ask if they can add it up.. Making myself vulnerable for lies or false promises but in need of someone else to admit they can't give me my needs so I have that final closure but also not able to just say it myself as I guess I doubt if I am to ridget in my thinking and not just trying to avoid experiencing pain, rejection and all that later on. Also I am also an fixer and had to learn people need more time to experience their feelings. I often choose to decide rationally quickly to not experience the disconfort of the unknown and the disconnection and later on process my feelings. People who stay in their Fi feel selfish and inmature to me as they like to take their time to ruminate in their anger and hurt it's like they want to make the conflict bigger. Now I did learn to give them more time as forced resolving conflict doesn't actually make it go away.. An ex enfp friend became very resentfull over time even tho wr talked about her feelings over and over again and it felt like she just kept attacking me and didn't want to forgive me. She stopped talking about it but she became very toxic and hurtfull to me because of her bitter attitude. Anyways I learned to give people more time and feel my own feelings more althow patience is still not my strong suit it feels extremely unpleasent and unsafe. Even tho it can be said that Fe users also choose harmony above confrontation and be avoiding I have worked on being actually more direct about my needs and boundries and be more vulnerable it still is sometimes in a rushed way as in now I want a quick fix to restore that harmony and connection. Comming from a Fe dom. Enfj.

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

Also 14:30 is my friendship and dating experiences doing the most and people exploiting it, mostly using me as their therapist or just their ego booster. But I've learned since. Left those people in the past and raised my standard of how I want to be treated and not letting myself be used like that anymore undertanding and validation should not go at cost of my own needs and feelings.

[@SilentTrip]

Besides the personalities, what that ex-friend did to you was a reflection on their poor behaviour and toxicity. It wasn't on you. They were bitter and wallowd in their misery. Good on you for being forgiving but not tolerating bitter and toxic people

[@RubyConn]

I have the same problem! I got very old 😂 and do things differently now. I let every day unfold and let my Se be my guide when I can. It was scary at first, but what Dr. Cherie said is the most helpful advice- push on your strength.

[@DrCherieTypes]

Thanks for sharing your experiences ❤️ I feel a lot of conflict in any relationship stems from not understanding our fundamental differences. Pain and resentment comes from expecting other people to be just like us. Once we understand our fundamental differences, we stop taking things so personally.

[@user-js4mt1nr2y]

​@@SilentTripthat is very sweet of you to say. Thankfully I am over it althow I have been very hurt in the past and had to grieve for a while especially since I saw her the most of all my friends and she left a hole in my life. But I missed the friend she was before she treated me that way.. I have tried to heal the friendship in every way possible for almost a year. Her resentment started because I couldn't give her any attention when I was going through a pretty deep depression. But it ended with her casually insulting me a few times and starting fights. It's my Si blindspot that easily forgets and everytime got optimistic of it going better. I still can't remember most of it anymore. I spoke about it with others and they validated she was treating me abnormally bad with no respect which helped me to see my feelings were correct and there was no hope left. I guess she walked over me and I was naive in a way. Thankfully I learned to trust my own feelings a bit better now.

[@pearlosibu]

This was brilliant!! ❤

[@cass_sorrel]

Also, I was surprised that Mal is ESTP. I often don't find myself relating to a lot of ESTPs on television despite having the same functions in opposite order, but Mal was v relatable. This video made me more curious about the ESTPs I may encounter.

[@cass_sorrel]

Last comment: everytime I'm stressed out by people you analyze on reality TV, they are often ISFP LMAO whyyyyy 😭

[@rachelross4770]

@@cass_sorrelLol, probably because of their Fi. I feel like Ti and Fi clash a lot. I’m the same way, but with ESTPs. Every time I’m irritated at someone or repelled by them, I find out they’re an ESTP (no offense). I guess because most ESTP on reality tv end up being players or cheaters. I.e Bartise and Jarett from Love is Blind. Mal was a welcome surprise though as she seems to have good morals. But she was not my favorite. I had a hard time understanding why she’s a fan favorite. And I’m guessing it’s the Ti Fi clash

[@cass_sorrel]

@@rachelross4770 what's your stack? i'm INFJ

[@rachelross4770]

@@cass_sorrel I always test as INFP but wondering if I’m INTJ just cause I think my TE is strong. But I’m not direct. Like Lexi for instance. And that make sense you relate to ESTPs. Since I believe you guys have the same functions in diff orders. Ti child can be very strong and optimistic. Do you know your enneagram?

[@cass_sorrel]

@@rachelross4770 I am a social 4w5 but often think I'm a 9.

[@joabaker207]

You’re the goat Cherie

[@jessicadiaz4164]

Disagree - I think Mal would have walked away from Yoli if Lexi had wanted her like that. But she could see Lexi was so obsessed with her ex and was not actually ever going to choose Mal.

[@mariaa.7327]

I love your sense of humour 😊 This was so eye opening and entertaining

[@danihusom8668]

HAHAHAHA you mocking Yoli is something everyone needs to hear!!!! I wish Mal would have chosen herself. What she said in the first episode is exactly what happened and she deserves her HELL YES so I'm surprised she didn't walk away. Even with you explaining, I'm still like but why fight for someone when you know better... (ego I guess).

[@muneer3bdulla583]

Really thank you for this video ! It was really informative and the way you deliver make us really focus with you

[@alexaf2744]

Do you feel that with lesbians it makes things more complicated cause certain personality combinations are more prevalent amongst women and so there’s more clash, or is that not the case?

[@Meadowsandmangoes]

Me watching these while I watch the show

[@tembelamgandela811]

Please know I appreciate you❤ you touch exactly into intricate details. Like I have to have you evaluate me!!!! Oh my my relationship too!!❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@Shortmusings]

I hope you do Mildred ❤love your work

[@therearenohobos]

I think Yoly could be polyamorous and not knowing that's a thing

[@Joyfulkilla]

So Yoly just can’t help her feelings. Then you might want to re-edit that Vanessa video instead of villianizing her as a not so villainous villain. If feelings are just feelings then what was so wrong with the ones she had? It just seemed like an uneven evaluation that was way to kind to Yoly for being dishonest, dismissive, and manipulative while attacking Vanessa out of jealousy and wanting her partner.

[@user-yk9sk7pg6v]

*

[@quorraquar2677]

💜💜💜

[@SoSoSteph]

Both of them are terrible

[@alisonrahn9873]

Also, if the blonde chic that Mal was staying with in the apartment made a move sexually, the whole show would have been different. 100% Mal would have gone for it. in a heart beat.

[@luckyrabbit2]

Lexi asked Mal on the last night together before being reunited with their partners if she was open to intimacy while they were both in bed. Mal shut her down.

[@alisonrahn9873]

@@luckyrabbit2 night one and two. If Lexi had said yes I can guarantee mal would have done it. But Lexi softly kept saying no and wasn’t interested. Mal was definitely trying to get laid

[@LoveToday8]

@@alisonrahn9873Doesn't sound like we watched the same show.

[@MoschinoAmore]

No. Mal very obviously had zero sexual or romantic interest in Lexi.

[@boolowoertheenappydreaded5359]

mal also uses they/them pronouns! just putting this out there.

[@DrCherieTypes]

Yes - I've checked all their pronouns 🙂

[@androgide]

Mal uses she/they pronouns

[@alisonrahn9873]

I'm going to put it real simple. If Mal had a dick, her and Yoly would be together with two children at this point and probably never went on this show. The only dilemma I see here is a lesbian couple not being able to knock each other up after a spicy date. You get all this drama and extra planning, more excuses of why not to do it, rather than someone getting knocked up in the heat of the moment. I think Yoly will have a boyfriend soon.

[@Destiney411995]

If that's the case why didn't she just be with a dude to begin with?

[@alisonrahn9873]

@@Destiney411995 she can still prefer women but find a man. It’s a sad truth. For all parties

[@rachelross4770]

@@luckyrabbit2Wow, my experience is almost identical to yours. Except when asked if I miss women, my response is always yes. I love my husband and children and wouldn’t trade this life at all. Would never cheat. But I do miss women terribly and sometimes feel saddened knowing I will always feel this longing for women for the rest of my life.

[@alunalalune8691]

Yikes..

[@Banzii_Mavuso]

Money bro. Mal doesn't match Yoly's vibe.