Some More Distressing News for the American People

[@Amero2323]

I love how open to criticism all the reporters are.

[@alexjv1370]

That’s what the true comedy is.

[@cykikvisage]

@Garp that is a terrible question, I'll give you one chance to rephrase it.

[@gameclips5734]

that's the only reason i knew this wasn't real

[@raven-0621]

I love joelverse, where everything is a little off but you can't say exactly what is.

[@Cyphule]

“Ok I’ll grow up.”

[@itsaUSBline]

"Mr. President, I already said ducks." That line cracked me up.

[@Vanque13]

"Thats human poop." "Ah. Fuck." the delivery was so good

[@gabby3056]

😂💀

[@MoistNutmeg]

It the inhale between the oh and fuck that gets me.

[@ellec7188]

I thought he was going to mention the sand shortage

[@goatee21]

I had to pause the video

[@splatterkat3838]

I nearly died 🤣

[@Diwalia]

Realistically I feel we’d all be the “poop castle?!” guy deep down

[@rkwatchauralnautsjediparty7303]

Or the mermaid poop body.

[@nl_morrison]

This clears up why I've been shitting sand like an infinite hour glass for the past 5 years - at least the Home Depot guys have been paying me.

[@MrTevens]

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah... POOP MAN!

[@lw8882]

because you're a fish!

[@TabooGroundhog]

hour ass man

[@tigrehermano]

oh yeah, glass? that's poo too

[@aoraijinn]

The Home Depot guys just dropped off my A/C and when I opened the box it was buried in some peculiar sand....I just wanted to thank you and hope that your intrinsic values are worth what they pay you.

[@LuckyLucyHi]

"I gave you a chance to make it better and you made it worse." Yep. That's my life summed up right there.

[@carterwalters5915]

"Where is a place you go on vacation with your family" "Somewhere with less geese" 🤣🤣🤣

[@jwg72]

Yeah... that made me think: "Secretly Canadian?"

[@samburke9775]

less is more kzbin.info/www/bejne/aYaUdImsjpqtfLc

[@AxxLAfriku]

I STRONGLY DISAGREE! Being as famous as I am on KZbin, I know that it gets hard to read every comment I get. I try my best, but I am just so famous, that I can't do it much longer. Sorry, dear cartee

[@VelvetMetrolink]

HONK

[@josht9518]

Truth

[@chaosfire321]

Joel's friend is such a great guy.

[@celebalert5616]

"The type I buy for my kids?" "That's human poop" "Oh .... *fuck* ." That reaction was *raw*

[@mathiaslindgren9544]

But it's a really missed opportunity, should have been "That's human poop" "Oh... Shit ."

[@Jamie-tx7pn]

@@mathiaslindgren9544 The joke might actually be the missed opportunity

[@Polyglot_English]

Детерминизм это Свобода 🤙 🤙

[@smolboi2952]

@@mathiaslindgren9544 "excuse me mam please call it poop or feces or even scat"

[@TheSquidcannon]

I feel like “Big Guy” is still confused about being called that, and was too preoccupied to show up to this press conference.

[@parrapaTh3Rappa]

Every presidential speech should end with the president saying "I love you" and the others there saying "I love you too".

[@HairEEck]

kinda dystopic, no?

[@maxinac]

@@HairEEck Are you asking that objectively or relative to what already exists?

[@HairEEck]

@@maxinac I guess both?

[@PrinceJes]

@@HairEEck Don't care

[@zbyszanna]

The role of the press is to keep politicians in check. Their own emotions shouldn't play a role. If you have the press loving or hating a politician, then you have a real problem, because they will either try to destroy the man or prevent you from knowing something you should know.

[@OneTopic]

This is true of white sand and Parrot Fish Edit: oh thank god you showed us how the scientists know, hahah

[@austinembry2809]

Yep! My favorite part of this is that it's actually true!

[@artistdudebro]

Fake news, birds can't also be fish

[@joeavreg2254]

@@artistdudebro Not with that attitude.

[@artistdudebro]

@@joeavreg2254 I am positively excited that birds are also not fish! It is great to know that OT is joking around with us about the existence of fish-parrot hybrids! What a world :)

[@SayderCascading]

​@@artistdudebro Historically, the Catholic Church has declared several non-fish animals as _basically_ fish so people could eat other forms of meat around the world for Lent. In some locations, this included seagoing birds like puffins and skunk-headed coots 😄 The most well known "fish" allowed to be eaten during Lent are beaver and capybara!

[@davisbrowne2909]

Can’t believe he wasted his chance on that poop castle question smh

[@williamhenning4700]

He was obviously distressed.

[@Frellyouall]

02:20 that "Oh, fuck" was delivered so well.

[@BloodBathFenix]

Yes! Perfect Delivery

[@George-lk5jh]

I wish Joel didn’t have to get so political

[@Joel-Haver]

Not my fault you came into the kitchen right when things were getting hot!

[@miko5742]

i unsub when they started to talk about sands smh

[@faiselbutt2944]

@@miko5742 He's obviously a shill for big sand

[@gromse5616]

@@faiselbutt2944 idk, big sand probably doesn't like people knowing they sell poop. Who has the most to gain from sandy beaches downfall? The inferior rocky beach

[@faiselbutt2944]

@@gromse5616 Big sand = big poop! WAKE UP POOPLE

[@tehredmage]

I really want the white house to begin a conference with "Boy do I have a doozy for you today" That inspires me with confidence

[@todpidearts]

"So you're telling me when im going to the beach, im going to the poop?!" *this quote made my day, idk why, but it did*

[@Bendytheboi]

I read this exactly as I heard it and it was perfect

[@lerikhkl]

Find a better way to phrase your comment and you'll get a thumbs up

[@ryshow9118]

So, I BUILT A POOP CASTLE!?

[@JSON1C]

somehow gave me the same energy of "IM AT SOUP"

[@todpidearts]

@@lerikhkl nah, i don't think i will...

[@dylandugan76]

"I gave you a chance to make it better and you made it worse." Definitely stealing this for use in daily life.

[@cookies23z]

“Grow up” “Ok yeah, I will” Dead

[@tnijoo5109]

Okay.. yeah.. I’ll grow up. I’m sorry. Loved that part! Yes!

[@raphaf]

"Ducks!" "Who are you, who are so wise in the ways of science?"

[@SpaghettiEnterprises]

eyyyy ;-)

[@Palbizu]

This was definitely a reference lmao

[@LeFreshmeat]

"Grow up!" "Yeah, okay. I'll grow up. I'm sorry."

[@MrFunsocks]

I have legit just spent about a minute re-pressing the 1:08 marker just to hear: "BEACHED WHAAALE!" "CRAB!" over and over and over and now I need someone to make it into a tune.

[@ThisStuffIsFree]

It's crazy how Joel now gets more views in the first few minutes than he might've ever gotten on a video a year ago

[@Joel-Haver]

With 40,000 views in the first hour this would've been my second most watched video in November! Craziness, I couldn't be happier! Thanks for watching everybody

[@daxtro5492]

@@Joel-Haver i havent even been on your channel for very long and you are already as recognizeable as some of my favorite channels, keep up the good work (:

[@JValentineV]

@@Joel-Haver how about 50K in the first hour, love the videos boys.

[@nakenmil]

@@Joel-Haver I am so glad we found you.

[@therris]

@@Joel-Haver I'm proud of you son 🥺

[@undefined5317]

I'm currently in the midst of a 48-hour exam and this gave me a much-needed reprieve. I love you, too.

[@Joel-Haver]

Happy to provide a much needed reprieve! Hope you use this new information about poop to pass your exam!

[@undefined5317]

@@Joel-Haver I'm currently avoiding creating poop castles, so that helps!

[@ableemu]

I hate -sand- poop. Its course, and ruff, and irritating. And it gets everywhere.

[@FQP-7024]

A prequel meme... "a surprise to be sure but a welcome one"

[@Jimtron55555]

Someone had to say this 😂😂

[@Philthese93]

Hello there!

[@ThillerKillerX]

Another reason to hate sand. I'm starting to agree with Anakin

[@skzanarchist]

Hello there!

[@samuelvilz]

I love how innocent your sketches are. You don't rely on dark humor or curse words too much. And yet you manage to make your stuff funny. I wish you the best. Thank you for making us laugh.

[@thomasneal9291]

Excrement is good, clean comedy.

[@samuelvilz]

@@thomasneal9291 I'm glad you agree :)

[@chronica6457]

This isn't a sketch, it's serious political commentary

[@alangodina1559]

“Ducks!” “Good answer, good answer, but no. But I really like that.” My favorite bit Edit: stated the obv in previous one

[@Justnothankyou132]

Wow, it's almost like that's why he said it like that!?

[@Cav_Farms]

A teacher to special needs kids...

[@Ambar42]

That's the whole point of the sketch...

[@cebfromthestreetsoftorn2886]

Probably a reference to Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[@davidgomez7882]

I wished my teachers did that instead of humiliating me in front of the whole class. Thanks Mr. Jones from seventh grade, never forget.

[@pragmat1k]

"I'm okay now! Thanks to him!" *gestures to Trent* How I feel every time he's in a video.

[@SuperNicktendo]

This was too distressing. Joel, lead us through these trying times. Reminds me of my sandbox as a kid that the local cats used as a litter box.

[@aleksanderlenartowicz5659]

Poop box. They pooped in the poop.

[@madamecaboose5431]

When I was a kid my neighbor told me that the cat poop found in their sandbox is “Indian clay.” Clay that Native Americans left behind. We would pick it up and mold it and it really felt like clay. Since my neighbor participated he believed it too, and I bet his older brother told him that.

[@Cypeq]

It was poop with extra poop... Conclusion you've had a shitty childhood

[@SpaghettiEnterprises]

@@aleksanderlenartowicz5659 poop poop

[@capnheehee8103]

@@madamecaboose5431 Isn't it great reflecting on these old childhood memories as an adult, and to suddenly realize years later .... "Wait ... waaaiiiiit a second!" It's a common experience for me in adulthood, to randomly remember something for the first time in years ... and only just then truly process and understand what was actually happening in that memory. The adult lens doesn't come into focus automatically -- something has to make you think of the memory, and then the fun begins of you facepalming for sheeeit that happened before you left elementary school.

[@Demmrir]

I love how you don't do voices for any of the characters, even when you're dressed up as a woman. Edit: Just to be clear, that isn't sarcasm. It's amazing.

[@tyson211]

I don’t know why but the less effort he puts into differentiating each character the funnier it is.

[@androidedoidao]

"what about lakes? There's no fish in lakes" "Lake have fish" "Oh yeah.... That was dumb. Sorry"

[@linusfotograf]

Best bit

[@Shajirr_]

Ask questions first, think about how dumb they are later

[@Alen725]

Thanks for typing down something from video we all watched, it was very important to me.

[@Polyglot_English]

Детерминизм это Свобода 🤙

[@forget1900]

@@Polyglot_English well said

[@thomasace2547]

“I love you, bye” “Love you too, bye”

[@tnijoo5109]

😃❤️

[@DemonicAkumi]

"That's probably poop." Honestly. That's the best way to come to a hypothesis. Tastes bad? Probably poop.

[@user-rx3ny9ji8i]

And since geologist lick every rocks they find. It turns out the whole planet is mostly (probably) shit

[@gameclips5734]

and yet marmite still exists

[@Ogurets123]

@@gameclips5734 is also poop

[@secottea24]

I love how a guy just stumbles in with saran wrap on his face

[@i_am_kofit]

Yeah how is no one talking about this in the comments?? Investigate wrapgate

[@zackyep]

#wrapgate

[@tnijoo5109]

I didn’t understand what that part was. Can someone explain it to me??? Plzzzzzzzzzzz

[@VoidUnderTheSun]

@@tnijoo5109 I think that's the joke, man. It's completely disconnected

[@RisingSol]

@@tnijoo5109 the joke is that you'd expect there to be a reason that some guy walks in with saran wrap on his face, but it just moves on as if it never happened

[@jake4524]

I love how it says "for the American people" like the rest of the world would not care about sand being poop

[@plasmasupremacy9321]

We all thought it was obvious

[@washingtonfurret4207]

The middle east:

[@sedakame1]

@@washingtonfurret4207 sande feesh

[@alexy206]

Other countries don't have sand.

[@FleshNFaith]

@@alexy206 The top 1% owns 99% of all sand, even though their poop only generates 0.05% of all sand. Other countries don't have that problem because everyone turns their own poops into sand, so everyone always has however much sand they poop, which is a perfectly fair system.

[@Leftistattheparty]

Joel being able to play all these characters at the same time is really remarkable.

[@SkeletonKnifeFight]

I like how understanding all the reporters are. Everytime the spokesperson admonishes them they're like "Yeah ok fair"

[@infinemyself5604]

He is a president, after all

[@dnannery]

The president is always the wisest person in the room. That is how they get to be president, and everyone respects them for it

[@thomasneal9291]

If only that were true.

[@teuth]

the wackiest zaniest most unbelievable part is when people be like yea i fucked up, sorry. lmao no one would ever do that! 🤣🤣

[@jestahjava4255]

As a woodworker, you’re telling me that this whole time I’ve been using sandpaper when building furniture for customers, I’ve actually been smearing poop all over the wood? Am I going to jail?

[@beepbeepsheep2732]

Nah, it just means you should be charging extra for that grade-A polish

[@alejolab]

They probably use different kind of poops to get the different grits, using anything coarser than 24 may get you into jail.

[@1900maniac]

You just wasted your question

[@stelkin]

poopaper

[@kylehyde215CA]

Yeah. See you at Shawshank.

[@mistermakebelieve]

I hope I am alive when an American president says "I love you" at the end of a press conference.

[@runningking1317]

"Name a place you go with your family on vacation" Random lady: "SOMEWHERE WITH LESS GEESE!"

[@pencil364]

i do not like the cobra chicken

[@VelvetMetrolink]

HONK

[@JanilGarciaJr]

The fact that you refer to Joel wearing a long-hair wig as a "Random lady" just goes to show how great he actually is.

[@Yagurlpersephone]

I absolutely adore this style of skit, from how its shot to how the characters are played and even better with Trent!!! hells, i love it!!

[@stalwartneon8251]

This is more accurate than most news sources

[@Lowtan]

And still people get scared of their true and factual covid death numbers 🤣😂

[@brads8350]

@@Lowtan "True and factual" 😂

[@williamruiz5965]

@@brads8350 I agree, it should be either "true" or "factual" both is just redundant.

[@ldawg7117]

The most distressing news is that there's still people out there who haven't heard of you yet.

[@asdffaslddfhnlasf]

This is my formal petition for Trent to wear several wigs in all future videos.

[@Mikemc89]

He does pull it off well

[@tanneryoungcg19]

“When I go the beach I’m really going to the poop” is about the funniest sentence I’ve ever heard

[@skzanarchist]

"so you're telling me when I go to the beach I'm going to the poop?" idk why that really made me giggle

[@JEY28]

"Most of the time that's human poop." "Oh, fuck."

[@sloppyphart7879]

I love how understanding all the journalists are.

[@bagel8379]

I like how ever Joel Haver video is unexpected. I do not think it is possible to expect the end of the video at all. It’s great

[@s0nlxaftrsh0ck]

"You're right, I'll grow up" BUT YOU WEREN'T WRONG THO 😭

[@kaysgames8891]

"I build poop castles?!" "I gave you a chance and now you lost it" Omg I love this man's comedy.

[@JosephDickson]

When's the last time we've had a President look us dead in the eyes and say... "I love you?" 🤣

[@tnijoo5109]

Lol. Yes!!!

[@J-Bot-wy3if]

Might be my new favorite joel videos

[@tristn9]

i loved the absolute chaos of this one lmfao. "You especially cause youve been loud all night" "OKAAAY"

[@madman1276]

God damn! You are on a creative roll my guy! It feels like there is content out at least every week, thank you sir!

[@lossthesauceboss]

"Somewhere with less geese!" I can get behind less geese in any scenario

[@Vincent-kl9jy]

This is how you know he's from somewhere like Michigan

[@LiMCRiMZ]

Same, I'll never trust the bastards.

[@Hannah-vt6uw]

Peace was never an option

[@JohnWhiteHere]

They taste great tho

[@ZeroHp-]

So definitely not Canada then. Cause they be allllll over this motha

[@skeetsmcgrew3282]

The pure distress of "You're telling me when I'm going to the beach I'm going to the poop!" absolutely leaves me in stitches

[@coolbeans5911]

oh no so cartoon characters getting stuck in quicksand were actually getting sucked into a poop vortex

[@ninjagamer1359]

This is the real bad news...

[@treescott5923]

That 1/8th of a second where Joel breaks is everything to me

[@SettingsGear]

Joel literally tasted poop for this one gag. Now that's some dedication.

[@Le_Petomane]

good to see the giant found a steady job as a journalist.

[@Hoodied]

I want to give a big props to our president for being so brave and strong during the 2021 Sand-Poopoo Crisis

[@williamruiz5965]

Yeah, but now there are Sham-Poo protest claiming all this stuff is fake! Can you believe it!

[@back2onett]

This was so well executed

[@jakestoddard3004]

Trent looks so beautiful in that wig.

[@djohnsveress6616]

Watching you go from 100k to a million in mere months, damn it, it never gets boring to see this happen to channels and to people .

[@Davesoft]

Don't tell them 'milk is liquid meat' yet, give them time to heal first.

[@hurhurhur123]

Cheese is hard milk

[@BrandydocMeriabuck]

@@hurhurhur123 Cheese is hard meat

[@saltywings41]

More of these please. This is great.

[@NASkeywest]

This ain’t parody, this is modern journalism.

[@ThillerKillerX]

Just to Biden though

[@laughythaklown7661]

Nah, these guys didn't get mad when they criticised

[@becominghero9754]

Nah modern journalism isn't this civil XD I worked as a reporter and dang is everyone tricky, pushy, and mean!

[@ominousvirus5278]

“I asked first!” “Grow up!” “Oh... uh, yeah... I do need to grow up.” LMAO 😂

[@MechaGod]

I just happen to be binging your videos and you drop this one! Love it

[@dynad00d15]

I... this is very satisfying to me in a very soothing way. I don't understand why but it is. And i accept that. Thank you.

[@tnijoo5109]

Same here. I keep watching it.

[@xratedpudding]

I really love your work, Joel & Friends! It's a shame your live-action videos don't get as much attention as your animations because they tend to be just as good (or better), and all of your stuff is infinitely quotable. Your work has been one of those things to carry me and my friends through this pandemic, and we're so happy with how your channel has exploded!! You deserve all of this success!!!

[@kelsopwnsnoob]

joel and trent I've watched this a lot more times to admit. my favourite bits are trent 'that was dumb I'm sorry' and 'oh so the fish ate the orange and the pink gogurt'

[@Neb-uj4xt]

I can’t believe this is real, feels like a fever dream

[@alexmartens]

one of my new favorites. trent fricken saved a man's life

[@Aluminum.K]

This is entirely factually accurate, except a good amount of sand _is_ just weathered rock. A lot of it is poop too.

[@beepbeepsheep2732]

All I heard was "rock poop"

[@BlaineKodos]

Parrotfish poop specifically, I think. Marine Biology was a long time ago

[@Aluminum.K]

@@BlaineKodos exactly right. Parrotfish eat shells and crustaceans from the ocean floor, and poop out crushed shells which become part of the sand on beaches.

[@thesciencelair9556]

A lot of their diet consists of stony corals and rocks. They use their incredibly powerful jaws to bite off chunks that have a lot of algae, then they digest the algae, and the rock/coral skeleton fragments that remain are pooped out as white sand.

[@Aluminum.K]

@@jumblejumbo eat more snails

[@FPVsean]

Sometimes a nice serious video like this is all that we need in these silly times..

[@MassiveBunns]

Jeez so many new faces, I wonder how Joel can afford to hire them

[@MarketResearchReading114]

Well done, I really like that you kept telling them I love you like in the other video like a call back, and I thought that its very sweet and our leaders need to tell reporters they love them more.

[@jimmypineapple8640]

"Oh yeh, i'll grow up. Im sorry" felt that ✌

[@coreysherman2143]

your skits are gold. Now, in the past, probably in the future too. Keep it up!

[@jimbert123]

I'm calling the beach "The poop" from now on & explaining it to nobody

[@sognar2240]

I like how only Trents characters responded with "I love you" at the end Awww

[@charlieinthe_box]

Nice to see y'all, friends.

[@evoltjester5586]

Howdy

[@bastiaanbogers4114]

Do we start a club now?

[@alexharvey7660]

This honestly might be my favorite video of yours

[@bologna3048]

This is one of my favorite Trent sketches lol

[@last_lost_lamenter]

Gold. Joel? Pure gold. IDK where you get it, but its amazing! Love you mang!

[@brickpowell2771]

Joel's "Fuck" delivery after realizing something is wrong is funny every single time in every video.

[@666chaox666]

God, this was so flippin good! Really well done guys.

[@ArcNine9Angel]

"BEACHED WHAAAALE!" Underrated line

[@Lyce_Mia]

I love this format and would be open to a part three, maybe after a little while

[@dankyboi6483]

Big Poop is going to lobby hard on this, I can feel it coming

[@gifographicmemory]

“ah so the fish ate the orange and the pink go-gurt :)” 😂😂

[@yorkshirehotspur231]

My favourite Joel quote of all time "Ohh.... fuck"

[@huntersnider9621]

I don't say this lightly, this is legitimately one of the best sketches I've ever seen. So fucking funny man

[@parkerwonser]

Legendary skit here ladies and gents

[@abandonment]

can't believe how many amazing moments there are in this

[@jenmarks]

everyone constantly talking at once was somehow very relaxing for my short attention span

[@markusmeyer6391]

Omg why are you do unique, funny, and just ahhhhhh!!! I'm so excited I found this chanel.