Sooo, my family found out about my YouTube channel... 😳 Proactive Day(s) in the Life Vlog

[@orenji196]

I have never seen your channel as “talking sh*t” about your family. You’ve always expressed love and care for them despite the dysfunction. You’ve always talked about them respectfully and with compassion even though they’ve hurt you. I think we all have a right to speak our truths if we want to share it with the world and your videos have helped people going through similar things.

[@sweetbeep]

..maybe she could have warned them.. then maybe they would have changed haha

[@ravenoinsdottir7052]

Well you do what you gotta do for the benefit of your own peace of mind! I don't speak to my family AT ALL and I have NO compunction telling them or the entire planet why. Meanwhile your garden looks LOVELY❤️

[@ProactiveResilience]

Thanks Raven. 💚 You've just introduced me to the word compunction, thank you! I'm happy for you feeling at peace and open about doing what's best for you, and I appreciate your encouragement of me doing the same. Mmm yes happy plants!! 🌱

[@ninagiacomo]

you are so brave and inspiring! thank you for sharing all of that ❤️

[@ProactiveResilience]

Thank you!! Thanks for watching and sharing some love! 💕

[@josephscully4548]

Actually seeing people and simply enjoying and being enjoyed are so important, especially when growing up. I love how you see the importance of enjoying those around you, I love that authenticity too. And Wow! I too had the same experience with my brother. After telling him something very important, he just paused for a two or three seconds and changed the subject, it was quite invalidating though quite similar to the reaction you shared. In his case and my parents case I determine most of their disfuction stemming from a root of lacking basic empathy.

[@ProactiveResilience]

I agree! I'd say that's one of the most important things in life. You're so right! Lack of empathy seems to be the core of the issue, resulting in some combination of detachment, disrespect, entitlement, hate, jealousy, materialism, projection, surface level connections and showing off, etc... 😬 Empathy and emotional intelligence lead to a more fulfilling lifestyle, I think. Thanks for watching and sharing your similar experience and insights. 😊

[@mamu7976]

Hello Allisun. Hope you are well. Cannot believe I've been watching your channel for 2 years now! You've grown so much in the 2 years and your psychology knowledge is really fantastic and you've helped thousands of people with your authentic story. I've grown too, as well. When I first found your channel, I was coming out of dissociation and I didn't know who I was, or fully understand Narcissism. I was surprised how kind you were to me, in the comment section, as I was a complete stranger. I've now learnt a lot about CPTSD and have just started my therapy, last week for CPTSD! It is called Compassion Focused Therapy! Sorry I haven't commented much in the last month, but I was triggered by my Narcissistic family members. I'm getting better at controlling my emotional flashbacks and triggers now, though. Anyway, thanks again Allisun for another super video. Love and peace! P.S. Erik needs to marry you ASAP. You are one in a billion and amazing!

[@ProactiveResilience]

Hello!!! 🥲 Two years?! I can't believe it either. That's so cool! I have been surprised about how kind you are too me, too. You're always sharing some love when your say hello. No pressure to comment more or ever, of course, I just always appreciate when I do see you. I'm happy for you staying counseling!! I'm so happy for you to have grown so much these past couple years. I'm not sure if you have found clarity around who you are so much, but I hope you know that who you are is so caring and kind! And resilient. ✨🧚‍♀️✨ I wish you the best of luck in therapy and the next chapter of your life! Thanks again for being you. 😸

[@treebarkingdog]

Dear Allisun, About your family finding out. Any unbiased viewpoint of your channel = No obvious or hidden malicious intent what so ever. Any inference to the contrary is gas lighting - big time or at best sincerely deluded and or controlled mind or thinking. You have helped me and been a continual encouragement, I learn something of real value every time. Your channel is a door to healing for your family if they choose life, or if they cling to self deceitful lies, the door of healing will become a wall between you; built by their own actions forming pride into bricks with a hard heart and using shame for mortar. How I want them (everyone!) to choose life! : ) Thank you for all you do Allisun! : )

[@savannahweymouth7370]

I love the way you talk to your kitties 🥺 you’d make a great voice actor

[@hsgjkhagljkh]

Hey Allisun, spending 25+ yrs overcoming my own narcissistic family system (and doing my own YT channel about it years ago), I definitely don't recommend talking to any family about what you post. I know that's super hard when you want to help/inspire your sister to do her own healing, but them knowing about your efforts will turn into fuel for the NP's control. It’s just a matter of time before that "ammo" gets used against you. You may already be experiencing this now that it's a year later. I made that mistake too when I was younger. It only made my situation worse with the family (and more trauma for me to work thru). It's just so important you protect your journey of healing and recovery. The less people in your narcissistic family system know any details about your recovery, the easier and deeper you can heal. Confide in your healing tribe.

[@archives2020]

Love the video. Your plants are so pretty, I loved the plant tour 💗🌸

[@ProactiveResilience]

Aren't they amazing 😍🌱

[@KitstoKradlesNursery]

Love to see that you have taken to spirituality! That helped me immensely in my healing and feeling validated and feeling secure in my decision making. Just helped me to feel whole again and keep me focused and positive and most of all finding self love. 💗

[@FindMeOnABeach]

Allisun, I so much admire how cheerful you are. Despite whatever you're dealing with, you always seem so cheerful and joyful. I wish I were more like you. There is a song by Lucinda Williams called, "You Took My Joy And I Want It Back." That's how I feel. Thanks for being a good example of taking back your joy. 😊

[@momomoron765]

This was so nice!!! I hope one day I can live a happy inspiring life like you! Keep going Allisun, you're awesome

[@jammetmalibu]

Toxic people worry about their image more than the fact that they are abusive. So weird. Hugs to u hon

[@sewinggirl2700]

Great video Allisun. Thank you for sharing with us. I have no contact with either of my parents and two half brothers, yet I have great relationships with many family members. i am very close with my sister and all my aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. I know how hard it can be to draw healthy boundaries. I admire what you are doing and I applaud you carving out an authentic life for yourself in a loving home. You are a great role model for me. Thank you sweet one.

[@ProactiveResilience]

Thank *you*, sweet one. 💕

[@NickBatinaComposer]

Similar thing happened to me abt that, I posted my senior composition project on KZbin last year on a relatively blank YT account, but had liked numerous videos from Dr Les Carter and channels like these on the account 😂 several days of snooping later, I received a call from the folks with the classic sweaty narc panic mode thing, “don’t you know that other people could see those videos? Don’t you see how bad that makes us look as parents?” like the previous months’ chaos they tossed around during Covid never happened 😂😂😅 I’m just happy that people are willing to take my side on things for once, ya kno?

[@sabrinap9166]

You are so inspiring.. thanks for all your honesty! And of course for sharing your joyful personality with us! Do you have any advice/a former video maybe with some explanation on how to deal with the anger and frustration that keep being triggered? I have felt it ever since I started my healing process. And I especially feel it when I failed to set boundaries during conversations with narcs in my life and only realize it afterwards..

[@ProactiveResilience]

Hello Sabrina! That's a really great idea for a video!! I'll make one soon, stay tuned. (: Briefly, I see emotions as signals of a need of ours that is met or unmet. Anger and frustration when a boundary of ours isn't realized or enforced makes sense, as the boundary protects a need of ours. So maybe the need is to be emotionally supported; to feel seen, heard, and understood. Maybe it's to feel safe, significant, expansive and growing, feel like you're contributing to the world and to other's feeling emotionally supported, safe, significant, and expansive. Prolonged anger and frustration are likely signals of needs that haven't been met chronically, and if they take place with your narcs, it's likely the narcs haven't met those needs chronically. Meeting those needs leads to you feeling "better" emotions! "Angering" can also be a healthy way to re-learn how to stand up for ourselves. If you aren't used to feeling angry, perhaps because you weren't allowed to before or figured it was safer not to, feeling angry may be a stepping stone towards building the courage and readiness to set boundaries for yourself, maybe or the first time, or nurture your knowing that you're worthy of setting boundaries, because your angry for this, this, and that reason, see, you deserve to. (: Also, after my anger subdued substantially, I then felt quite a bit of sadness underneath it, and that required some grieving to just mourn the fact that my needs went unmet for soooooooooo long, and I taught others over time how to forgo meeting my needs, as well, and didn't do all I could to meet others' needs; etc. Those emotions for me just took time to process. I hope this helps. (:

[@ProactiveResilience]

Remember boundary setting is a skill that takes time to build! Keep trying. (:

[@sabrinap9166]

@@ProactiveResilience Thank you so much for taking the time to explain all of this! It has given me some tools and a different perspective. It makes a lot of sense. And perhaps the anger is a positive thing and a sign I am a step further in this process. This is all just so confusing and I am only recently realising how twisted the situation with my mom (and other family members) really is. I always thought everything was my fault. Being raised by a narc mother my emotional needs were indeed not met and I chronically felt unsafe and unworthy of being an individual and even existing. Also, emotions like anger were not allowed and I think I never really developed this emotion, if that makes sense? Actually, any state other than submissive and pleasing was not tollerated. I also recognize now that it´s hard for me to let the anger slide away because I feel an urge to tell her, tell her how I feel and what hurt me. However, every attempt in the past to have a conversation with her, no matter how loving and careful, failed miserably and ended in me somehow being punished in the end (not always directly or obviously, sometimes in more covert and damaging ways but that was worse). She is unfortunately incapable of self reflection, or being open to any emotion I might be feeling other than what she projects on me. Or even just the words ‘I think’ or the fact that I might be an individual person with her own thoughts, needs and feelings, is a struggle for her. So I don’t see any way to talk to her anymore and feel like I need to digest all this pain and anger by myself. Was that the same for you? I deeply respect you for the courage you’ve shown by talking to your mother, trying to explain your boundaries and setting boundaries, even though I can imagine that these conversations might also not have led to a mature response. Thank you again and all the best to you and other people that resonate with your story!

[@ProactiveResilience]

@@sabrinap9166 it is similar for me 💕 It's tough growing and reflecting and wishing to grow and evolve WITH these loved ones, and instead, outgrowing them because they're unwilling to grow with us. I can also relate to still being in the disillusioning process of realizing how twisted the family dynamic is. It can feel so unsettling at times, and definitely stir up frustration and anger that was suppressed when being submissive and pleasing... Distance, boundaries, expressing and releasing those feelings, self care, and grieving followed that anger, for me. I totally respect you being as loving and caring in the relationship in the past; I'm sure you tried your absolute hardest, using every resource available to you at the time to strive for peace and resolution. And I'm sorry it didn't end up that way, rather resulting in some sort of punishment. You deserve your love and care to be acknowledged, appreciated, and returned. Whatever the future holds for you I hope that you find yourself surrounded by people who allow for that kind of relationship soon. 💞

[@desirae8591]

You are so amazing!! I want to make some good soil for my plants too now! 💕🧚🧚🧚‍♂️🧚‍♂️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♂️🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️

[@ProactiveResilience]

✨🧚‍♀️✨ hello fellow garden fairy! ✨🧚‍♀️✨

[@ChooseLoveToday316]

I would need to watch more footage to really understand but there are some signs of Regression and Disassociation. I deal with both of these trauma responses on a daily basis.

[@jennabonnichsen]

Could you make another channel? Or something

[@BellaVita1890]

🧚‍♀️

[@ChooseLoveToday316]

If anything I feel like you hold back from unleashing the full truth because your channel is about healing, not vengeance. My family has sociopaths, narcissists and other disorders. Video title would be scary for me and i'm sure finding out was scary for you.

[@AudreySeybold]

🧚🏻‍♀️

[@theghosttiger1446]

Sorry about your sister, and the dead animals your cat brought in. That sucks.

[@barbsauer9791]

It's sad cause that's a way to shut you down.

[@barbsauer9791]

Share your truth...

[@barbsauer9791]

You are helping others... thank you for your truth.

[@barbsauer9791]

Narcissist don't like to be exposed... but its about you and your recovery

[@barbsauer9791]

They will continue to belittled

[@barbsauer9791]

What matters the most is what God says who you are and what you are.

[@momomoron765]

This was so nice!!! I hope one day I can live a happy inspiring life like you! Keep going Allisun, you're awesome

[@ProactiveResilience]

You're awesome! 😸