A Jewish Rabbi joke 😂

BEFORE you comment, please read:
Yes I am aware that the joke is NOT THAT FUNNY. The irony is that it's all the people commenting about how unfunny the joke is that has made KZbin push this video like crazy. The algorithm loves engagement. It doesn't care if you upvote or downvote. It doesn't care if you comment that you love something or hate something. ANY engagement at all will cause the algorithm to surface this content to more and more people. NOW AT 2.3 MILLION VIEWS CAN WE PLEASE LET THIS VIDEO FADE AWAY? If you did NOT enjoy this video, please do NOT comment! In fact, please click on "DON'T RECOMMEND CHANNEL." That is a very strong NEGATIVE USER SIGNAL to the algorithm that will cause them to bury this video and also make sure you never see me again on your KZbin feed. Thanks!
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[@wisteria3032]

for everyone who had difficulty understanding this joke the sermon is usually extremely long and possibly boring. Sometimes (irl) a rabbi (or a pastor or a priest or any kind of preacher) will take his watch off their wrist. if he puts it away, it means he is not worried about time so you are in for a long sermon. Sometimes though they would put it on the podium (or lecturer or whatever you call that thingy that stands up where you can put your books and notes to read during the sermon) so that he can glance at it and keep the time under control. This usually means a shorter sermon or at the very least a sermon that ends when it is supposed to end instead of trickling down into eternity. So the punchline is just a small subversion. Everything they do has a meaning so you would expect that when the rabbi takes off his watch and put it up in a way that's perfectly visible while he speake it would mean that he intends to keep the sermon short. ...yeah, good luck with that.

[@SoulWords]

Thank you for your service.

[@wisteria3032]

@@SoulWords sorry, I know you don't explain the joke but I read about 50 very confused comments about what the punchline should have been.

[@SoulWords]

What’s hilarious is that the reason this short went viral and has now over 2 million views is partially because so many people did not get the joke. The algorithm loves outrage. People who watch a joke and are annoyed that the set up was too long and the punchline was unsatisfying are more engaged than people who laugh! I didn’t do this on purpose of course but it’s fascinating to see how this unintentional “rage bait” went viral.

[@bendeywendy8065]

Lectern

[@HI-RISER]

I thought taking off his his watch meant the rabbi was going to smack the guy talking.

[@vinsvids1]

"I wandered 40 years in the desert for that punchline? Oy-vey!"

[@racerx5379]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@John_Mcgrane]

Ll mm ll mm ll mm

[@NikoBellaKhouf2]

😂😂😂😂👍👍

[@nissengoldman4474]

Let me explain, rabbis tend to go on and on and on. The context of this clip is that it’s a lecture to speechwriters. My guess is the speakers lesson is about brevity

[@holyspiritfilling]

Exactly... 20 seconds would have been fine.

[@onemondaynight]

Love it! I once was listening to a guest preacher giving a sermon, and when someone signaled him that he was reaching the end of his allotted time limit, he said "I know my time's almost up. Can I get five more minutes? Who here will give me five more minutes?" A bunch of people raised their hands, and hebstarted pointing at them, saying "that's five, ten, fifteen, twenty..."

[@SoulWords]

That’s very good

[@mariorivera7969]

Son of a... now i understood the joke.

[@MarcillaSmith]

My great grandfather on my mother's side used to say, "in my sixty years as a pastor, I never knew of a soul being saved by keeping them past 12." He was a Methodist. My great grandfather on my father's side served as a pastor in the Baptist Church. He had no such saying.

[@MrMustacrackish]

Lol the typo hebstarted

[@janiceridsdale2904]

😂❤

[@PInk77W1]

A preacher graduated from Bible school and was so excited to preach at church. He got assigned to a little church on the prairie. His first Sunday there was a blizzard and only one rancher shows up. So he asked the rancher “should I preach, since there’s only u ?” The rancher says, I’m no biblical scholar or theologian, but if I had a cow show up for feeding on a day like this, id sure feed it. Preacher says ok here goes. 1hr and a half later he asks the rancher How’d I do ? Rancher says I’m no theologian or scholar but If I went to feed my herd on a day i like this and only one showed up I wouldn’t feed it the whole load

[@bessie8612]

I like this one

[@archofreality]

This one is the funniest 😂

[@tsar389]

​@@bessie8612 because you are a cow Bessie

[@skandragon586]

@@tsar389 i first i thought you were body shaming @bessie8612 , but then i realized that they are, indeed, a cow

[@d_clarence6174]

​@@skandragon586 You probably assumed they were body shaming because you are, indeed, a cow...

[@darthbob88]

A rabbi and a Catholic priest sit down to lunch. The priest says "Tell me, Rebbe, did you ever break kosher and have a bit of ham?" The rabbi says "Once, when I was young and curious, I decided to try it. Now you, padre, did you ever, ah, with a woman?" The priest blushes and says "Once, before I was ordained." They sit together in silence for a bit, then the rabbi smiles a little and says "Better than ham, isn't it?"

[@durere]

@orkhiss9974 they bonded nice and deep.

[@durere]

Meanwhile, Christian Orthodox priests get both whenever they wish. Just sayin'.

[@sluin]

​@@durereor protestant priests

[@Qwerty0791]

@@durereChristian Orthdoxy is just Jewish remixed lol.

[@durere]

@@Qwerty0791 If Judaism is Terminator, Christian Orthodoxy is T2.

[@Tadicuslegion78]

A Priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk fall out of a plane, The Monk goes, It will be okay, for I shall be reincarted. The priest goes, It will be okay, for we three shall meet again in heaven. The rabbi goes, Am I the only one who remembered we were skydiving today?

[@praisetheSun990]

This one was a bit better than some of the others I seen in terms of Jokes

[@Alphae21]

A Priest, a rabbu and a Buddhist monk fall out of a plane, All three die on impact

[@CitrikkAcid]

​@@Alphae21 LMAO

[@bxf99999]

@@praisetheSun990 Grammar Nazi here: "I seen"?

[@praisetheSun990]

@@bxf99999 don't be a Grammer Nazi because being a Nazi is bad mkay

[@fernandogil65]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says, "I think I'm a typo." 😊

[@JohnSmithAnythingChannel]

*into a blood bank *Type-O

[@calvinjewett8216]

A... minster... is also a typo Bruh lol

[@ianhogben3472]

very clever

[@kingspeechless1607]

I'm not Jewish but for 40-50 years I have used the slightly modified expression, "Let the dog see the rabbi"

[@trex511ft]

@@ianhogben3472 clever but not funny

[@paulustarsus]

The Jewish Rabbi asking God for weeks on end, to help him win the Lotto. God gets fed up after a few months and a voice comes from heaven that says "David, will you at least buy a ticket?"

[@warringtonminge4167]

Jewish Rabbi? Seriously? Other than Jewish what other kind of Rabbi is there?

[@paulustarsus]

@@warringtonminge4167 Pulpit Rabbis.

[@warringtonminge4167]

@@konaken1035 I know that it's a Hebrew word for teacher, but both you and I have never heard of a Catholic rabbi, a Muslim rabbi, a Buddhist rabbi or a rabbi in any other religion than Judaism.

[@stillhere1425]

“What, and waste money?”

[@stillhere1425]

This, this would be my husband.

[@cryovizard9461]

That joke was a bigger letdown than Moses not being able to step foot into Israel.

[@SoulWords]

Ouch

[@cryovizard9461]

@@SoulWords I did like your segment reacting to Jordan Peterson and Dennis Prager on Judaism and pornography. I guess that’s why we have rabbis and comedians. To each their own duty.

[@gofuckyourself120]

Damn

[@nomorecensoringme]

​@@cryovizard9461only a 'comedian' can tell a joke? Only a 'rabbi' can teach? Your ideas are limiting.

[@cryovizard9461]

@@nomorecensoringme Your interpretation of my words is what is limiting.

[@sababugs1125]

A Jewish man is speaking to his friend and says "Man, I've done a terrible thing" The friens asks "What did you do ?" The Jewish man responds "During the war , I sheltered refugees" The friend says "That's actually a very kind and virtuous act" The Jewish man answers "Oh no , you don't understand, I made them pay rent" The friend replys "That's not terrible either" The Jewish man finally says "You still aren't getting it , I haven't told them that the war ended 3 years ago"

[@jamesclouse9947]

No refugee would have 3 years worth of rent on them.

[@roderickstockdale1678]

@@jamesclouse9947he’s saying he’s a shyster!

[@stefthorman8548]

@@jamesclouse9947 you would know huh. sadly for you, you're wrong, 3 words, gold, jewelry, cash, all very value dense, and if the jew was charging them at an fair price, he would have his 3 year rent

[@kd3pcrgang]

The real joke he should’ve said is I’m a fake a** jew whole stole THE REAL NEGRO JEWS identity and now I’m exposed

[@jamesclouse9947]

@stefthorman8548 not nearly dense as you lol and not nearly dense enough to carry 3 years worth of rent in jewelry and cash without getting robbed or taken advantage of, we are talking about post ww2 here what high value cash and jewelry you talking about here?

[@shane6115]

A Jewish guy gets knocked down by a car,and as he was laying on the road injured,a man runs to the Jewish guys aid and puts his coat under his head, then he asks the Jewish guy are you comfortable? Jewish guy replies, I make a living..

[@zandrielinvestasi3324]

​@C.K.A.313 that is a good one..... i cant stop laughing 🤣🤣

[@stevenjohnson-yx1fl]

At least your joke is funny

[@stevenjohnson-yx1fl]

@@st.michaelofcigarillo2845 I don't know what a yenta is or a mohel so I guess you must be Jewish

[@greyberet1]

That’s bringing up so many possibilities in my mind, I won’t write more…

[@chrishewitt4220]

@C.K.A.313 Thought it was two Aberdonians!

[@GreenLanternCorps2814]

As a Jew, I would just like to make it clear to anyone passing by that we are funnier than this...

[@mikewilliams6025]

Here's the real punchline: "What does it mean? It means were skipping lunch today."

[@FirstNameLastName-gh9iw]

That’s a way better punchline!

[@Wesmin]

Much better punchine to that really long joke.

[@professormancaptain4210]

Thats actually a punchline, at least. This long-setup, pointless-punchline is a format that only works in front of a crowd, because it isn't funny. An audience in this situation, is going to register "oh, response; joke, yeah. Ha," whereas an individual would say "wh- holy shit, was that a joke?"

[@nathanboosman]

That’s a much better punchline, I’m using it

[@dwderp]

A flasher in the park runs up to a Jewish woman and opens his coat wide, shouting “what do you think of this?” The Jewish lady calmly replies “you call that a lining?”

[@John_Mcgrane]

I heard the accent

[@BlindTom61]

Best joke of the month!

[@mickmorrison]

Why do you wear a hoodie on it?

[@user-ld9tf4td8s]

A flasher ran up to 3 little old ladies The first one saw him and had a stroke The second one saw him and had a stroke The third one started cursing... her arms were too short to reach

[@MrBoingus]

ooh, that's a classic. i actually recognized that one from Columbo

[@gameygeemer4142]

A Jewish man was distraught that his son had converted to Christendom and so he went to his rabbi "Rabbi, you'll never believe this, my son has converted to Christianity. I need your help." "My friend, you'll never believe this, but my son has recently converted as well. It is my belief that we should pray and ask the Lord for the answers." And so they both began to pray with as much fervor as they could muster, and who should come from down on high but the Lord himself. "My sons, you will never believe this..."

[@andfox78459]

Nice 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@danielbrowniel]

This had to come out of a Greek Orth. Church

[@RobertWF42]

Ha I heard this one too, except they all started with "Let me tell you..."

[@zigzagzipbag6561]

A rabbi and a soviet minister meet at a pub. The Chernobyl disaster just happened recently. The Soviet minister asks the rabbi "Have you heard what happened at Chernobyl?". The rabbi nods. "What a tragedy. But I can't help but worry that the jews and left handed people get blamed for the disaster." The Soviet minister asked confused: "Left handed people? Why left handed people?". The rabbi replies: "Why the Jews?"

[@dontspikemydrink9382]

care to explain

[@ADogNamedStay]

You chopped it.

[@lovesosa3837]

@@dontspikemydrink9382 it’s just as idiotic to blame the jews as it is to blame left handed people. that’s the joke

[@sirllamaiii9708]

Doesn't question the Jews part, only the left handed part. I thought it was silly

[@meliponalord8892]

That one is funnily sad, sadly funny, sadly sad, and funnily funny.

[@paulwolf8444]

It means he's not worried about time and that this is going to be a long one.

[@codystephens9269]

I think its the opposite not in a bad way but hes timed out his sermon but has it there for banter with the crowd if thats allowed

[@3dpprofessor]

I thought it was going to be something like that. Or a joke about it being a very expensive/cheap watch and not wanting to appear before God wearing it. Or... something. But it ended up being a non-joke. *shrug*

[@lekeAchgeketum]

I was wondering, is this even allowed on Shabbat, to unfasten a watch? Or arguably to wear a watch with a battery at all on Shabbat? I'm Jewish by law, Bar Mitzvah in a Conservative setting, raised in a non-practicing household (1st American in the family returning to some level of practice), so please forgive me if I'm misinformed!

[@paulwolf8444]

@lekeAchgeketum I have no idea, but being a keen observer of people, this is my take, regardless of even language or what is discussed.

[@StarboyXL9]

@leke depends on who you ask. Some Christians and Rabbis will say "do no work" means "do nothing related to your job/career" and "rest" Just means "relax and have some fun/pleasure." Other leaders, typically of the more heavily conservative bent theologically will give you a five mile list of all the things you aren't allowed to do

[@user-ld9tf4td8s]

A pastor, a priest, and a rabbi are discussing how much money they should donate to the church. The priest says "let's draw a circle on the ground and throw the money into the air, whatever lands inside the circle we donate to the church" The pastor says "No, we draw the circle on the ground, throw the money in the air and whatever lands outside of the circle we donate to the church" Then the rabbi chimes in "No, we throw the money in the air... and whatever God wants he'll keep"

[@dancedecker]

Youve watched "Short Circuit" haven't you? Lol. Good film, good joke too.

[@user-ld9tf4td8s]

@dancedecker yes, but I was told that joke years before the movie

[@dancedecker]

@@user-ld9tf4td8s Oh. Ok. Fair enough. It's just where I first heard it. Cheers

[@dancedecker]

@@nickfrito lol. I understand that. It is a little subtle, I will admit. I too might have still been none the wiser after first hearing it, if it hadn't been in a film, "Short Circuit", with them sort of explaining it. So I'm sort of with you on that one.

[@Mrs.AD0099]

Bhahahahahahahahaha iv just woke the house howling over this joke! Hahahaha

[@ogichi32]

Reminds me of the joke with a similar punchline. A priest and a rabbi attend a boxing match together. They're sit close to the ring. They watch as both boxers enter and stand by their corners. Right as the bell rings, the rabbi notices that one of the boxers crosses himself before starting this fight. The rabbi turns to the priest and asks "why does he do that, what's it meant to do for him?" The priest without missing a beat says "not a damn thing if he can't fight"

[@Awtsmoos]

Lol

[@DanielJamesEgan]

My catholic family has a similar joke about a Midwestern father. The watch meant that the Packers were playing at 11:30 so it was going to be an efficient service.

[@thebookwasbetter3650]

We once had a Vikings game come through the sound system during a sermon.

[@DanielJamesEgan]

@@thebookwasbetter3650 I'm so sorry.

[@spurcalluth6300]

​​​@@DanielJamesEganeh, I bet the sermon wasn't _that_ distracting

[@DanielJamesEgan]

@@spurcalluth6300 none of them are.

[@3dpprofessor]

This would have been a better punchline!

[@MarketResearchReading114]

I'll be honest I don't know jewish humor so this might be what this is, but, its an oddly heartwarming thing to see it just randomly pop up in my feed. Hope you guys are doing ok.

[@WarrenPeace007]

In London there is a district called Golders Green where lots of Jewish people reside.3 miles away there is a sign saying Golders Green 3 miles. Someone has crossed out the 3 and written underneath “But to you 2 1/2”

[@dancedecker]

That is brilliant. British humour is fantastic. Love that. I shall tell others that one. Thanks for sharing.

[@WarrenPeace007]

@@dancedeckerMy pleasure

[@WarrenPeace007]

@@dancedecker Whilst diving in the English Channel, I saw a man wearing a grey suit and carrying a black leather briefcase. “What are you doing down here?” I asked “Drowning” came his reply

[@dancedecker]

@@WarrenPeace007 Lol. Excellent. Well done sir. Like your name too Excellent.

[@jfh667]

A dying Jewish man lays in his bed with his family around him. He asks "My wife, where's my wife". She says "Im here Yekirì". -My son, where is my son. -Im here by your side Papa. -My little Ziskeit. -Im here, we are all here. Then tell, who is running the store?

[@asmodeus304]

a rabbi decides to convert to christianity on his deathbed, to the shock of his congregation. they ask him, "why are you converting! you have lived a long and honorable jewish life, why now?" the rabbi says, "eh, better one of them than one of us!"

[@jfh667]

@@asmodeus304 lol good one. A rabbi a priest and an Imam talking in a bar. The priest says "ill draw a cross on the ground, stand in it, and throw my money in the air. What falls within the cross I keep, what falls outside I give to the poor" The Imam thinks its a great idea so he says ill do the same thing, but with the Koran Crest. The Rabbi says, "I have a better idea, ill throw my money in the air, what ever God catches mid air he can keep for the poor, what ever falls to the ground is mine.

[@whocares1364]

@@jfh667 what is a Qur’an Crest, I’m Muslim and I’ve never heard of it

[@asmodeus304]

@@jfh667 An Austrian Jew finds another sitting on a bench, reading Der Sturmer. "My friend," he says, "why do you read that, rather than another paper? Are you unaware of where to find them, or, God forbid, a self-hating Jew?" The other Jew shakes his head. "No, no, none of that. It's just that, when I read our community paper, all I see is: pogroms in the east, mayors and czars levying higher taxes, roving bands of goyim dragging us out of our homes to torment us - or worse, to torture us to death! It's all very depressing... "But! I open up Der Sturmer, and I see that we control the media, we own all the banks, and we're even running the government! That's just the sort of pick-me-up I need on a day like this!"

[@benji45645]

​@@whocares1364I'm not Muslim but I assume it's the crescent moon. They put them on soldiers' graves instead of crosses for Christians and stars of David for Jews, I think it's the internationally accepted symbol of Islam.

[@thenecessaryevil2634]

I heard the punchline for this was 'the rabbi calls out from the podium "I'm timing how long I can speak before you ask another question"

[@alarmedregret]

My dad and his brothers offered the priest at my grandfather's funeral $20 for a 10 minute sermon or $10 for a 20 minute sermon. Anything longer and he had to pay them. Priest didn't miss a beat and asked how long $500 got him a captive audience. Solid dude. He earned his $10 today.

[@TheFatPunisher]

long setup, mid punchline.

[@AntaresVII]

It’s not often a joke subverts my expectations and ends up *worse* than what I was anticipating

[@Boonda-p]

Mid? My man bombed it and got a passing grade

[@CJonesApple]

Mid? I thought you're a bit generous there. I knew the nature of the joke. A set up that's not part of traditions being asked what it meant, that seemed standard, okay, the punchline was the standard non joke response. I get the construction, it's a joke for sure but it's not even slightly funny.

[@melmonsmith9306]

I've seen some comments saying that he used the wrong punchline and that it should have been, "it means we're gonna be here a while"

[@frankwest5388]

@@melmonsmith9306the “not a dam thing” punchline is for when someone overanalyzes ever religious ritual. Only to get confused when the Rabbi takes off the watch. I think he mixed two jokes by accident

[@razakhan23465]

LOL, that rabbi won't be paying attention to how long he's been talking!

[@Awtsmoos]

The joke is the joke itself

[@theknowerandtheknown]

As a non jew i really love jewish humor. I wish other religions had this kind of humor. The world would be much more less insane

[@warringtonminge4167]

When I was a kid the next door neighbours were a fabulous Jewish family and the father often came round to ours to split a bottle of Scotch with my Catholic dad and had us all in fits with all the Jewish jokes once they'd drunk down to the label, and beyond. Jackie Mason (Yacov Moshe Maza) had nothing on my Jewish neighbour.

[@tobybigham4196]

My first introductions to practicing Jews when I was young, was them telling me Jewish jokes. Talk about salt of the Earth! And no animosity or fake outrage. They would give you the shirt off their back if it just made you a little more comfortable!

[@DS-um9hi]

Was that humour?

[@move2003ny]

I love Jewish humour too. Sadly that joke was pretty unfunny

[@m1lst3r89]

Nah, it's too vulgar to me.

[@srothbardt]

I like the one on Yom Kipper in which the rabbi gets up and says, “Lord, I am nothing”, and the cantor gets up and says, “Lord, I am nothing,” and finally, the shamus gets up and says,”Lord, I am nothing “ and the rabbi says to the cantor, “Nu! Look who thinks he’s nothing!”

[@SoulWords]

Yes a classic

[@praisetheSun990]

I think I'm too atheist to understand this joke

[@truthlight2816]

​@@praisetheSun990crocodile in a gator rally.

[@praisetheSun990]

@@truthlight2816 this just pops up in my feed for KZbin shorts

[@RoseL635]

Isn’t that joke about the litvaks? Maybe bec I’m chassidish 😂

[@crazando]

I think it would've been better if the punchline was "we're going to be here for a while"

[@midnight4685]

Yes that’s the joke, that it takes so much time so often that the friend doesn’t pay it any mind

[@atticstattic]

Too obvious

[@Awtsmoos]

​@@midnight4685the joke is how long the setup took

[@LesHaskell]

Two guys rented a camel to ride and when they came back without it rental guy asked them what happened to the camel. One says, "We were riding along just fine and we heard someone say, 'Hey! Look at the two schmucks on the camel!', and when we got off to look it took off."

[@Andrewk950]

LOL!!. I bet this went over most people's heads

[@graemejc1]

I heard the punchline of that joke 40 years ago, but instead of a Jew and a non-Jew it was a Baptist and a Catholic.

[@SoulWords]

Yeah this joke is old and has probably been told as every possible combination of religions.

[@LogicalNiko]

Two Jews and a Rabbi are walking down the street on the sabbath, heading for the temple. They see a small store that sells liquor. It has many drunk people stumbling in and out, others on the sidewalk passed out drunk, etc. The Rabbi is amazed at the amount of people drinking on a Saturday morning. The Rabbi turns to the two men and says “We need to do something about this situation”. Resolute to do something about this situation the three men marched into the store on Monday and bought the place for a fair price. That’s it…no punchline. Ever since then store is thriving, seeing record profits, and even looking to expand. 😂

[@StarboyXL9]

Hilarious

[@molivson]

I really like the joke because it's accurate on a religious level. They came back on Monday, didn't do anything weird on Shabbos.

[@LogicalNiko]

@@molivson yeah it’s just a variation on a setup joke. You try to make a typical “x guys do y” story joke, but the punchline is the lack of a punchline.

[@Ubu987]

@@LogicalNiko But there is a punchline. The joke sets you up see them as being horrified at the drunkenness, but the punchline has them buying the store instead.

[@Mrs.AD0099]

😂😂😂

[@LesHaskell]

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!", and the grasshopper asks, "You have a drink named 'Ralph'?"

[@user-ld9tf4td8s]

How is a gerbil like a cigarette? Both are perfectly safe until you put it in your mouth and set it on fire

[@ivanmendes6121]

Lol😂

[@Cuythulu]

A holocaust survivor goes to heaven and tells God that he has a funny story about the camp, after God hears the story he stares confused at the jew and says: -That wasn't funny at all. To which the jew replies "you should have been there".

[@lethalwolf7455]

I’m not sure many people understand your post but I DO and it’s very profound👍

[@Cuythulu]

@@lethalwolf7455 probably 7 so far.

[@lethalwolf7455]

@@Cuythulu best comment I’ve ever read. ever!

[@carolynolsen132]

This just gave me a very sad and haunting hollow feeling.....

[@Cuythulu]

@@carolynolsen132 My bad.

[@michaelelliott3209]

When he takes off his watch simply means the service won't be finished any time soon.

[@lucduchien]

It means he intends to watch the time, but he is known to go long anyway. Thus, the punchline, unfortunately not a thing.

[@IceifritGaming]

I was waiting for the punch line to be that we're gonna be here a while... This is equally as funny 🤣

[@Awtsmoos]

Equally funny still doesn't mean funny

[@Nina-vv3ev]

I didn’t realize you guys do a salsa move in the synagogue for the main standing prayer lol

[@SoulWords]

I didn’t know it was a salsa move but yeah

[@Nina-vv3ev]

@@SoulWords 😅

[@Lonesome.Cowboy]

At the end, I thought he was going to reply, "That means it's nap time".😂

[@deanronson6331]

Most people didn't get the subtlety of this joke because they are unfamiliar with the ways of orthodox Judaism. That religious strain has so many rituals by which to live your life that the Jewish explainer in the joke was sorry (c.f. "unfortunately") that the taking off of the watch wasn't a ritual and didn't mean anything in particular.

[@jebsaekam]

"It means there's an early baseball game and he needs to finish in time to watch it."

[@glenmartin2437]

Still a good laugh. Reverend Gary Low told a variant of this joke 60 years ago. I remember still. Thanks.

[@kresivarivkah612]

Absolutely.

[@diegovasquez840]

A priest, a monk, and a rabbi walk into a bar. “Ouch, what was that doing there?”

[@fds7476]

A rabbi and a priest walk through the woods until they happen on a sign reading ‚nudist hiking path‘. The men realise that this might be a nice bit of exercise, so they strip naked and start hiking. At some point however, they find themselves entering a visitors car park, and in that car park, there stands a bus full of horrified schoolchildren. The priest immediately covers his bits, but the rabbi immediately covers his face. The priest asks, „What are you doing? There’s kids watching!“ The rabbi answers, „I don’t know how things work in your community, but in mine, the children recognise me by my _face!“_

[@molivson]

Ok, that's fantastic

[@michaelwarren2391]

An oldie but goody!

[@kgapaneseschoolgirlb]

Aww the amount of people dissing the joke is sad. I actually thought the long-windedness of the joke is what made it funny

[@originalketchup7498]

You misspelled idiotic, its not funny at all

[@kgapaneseschoolgirlb]

@@originalketchup7498 I’m so glad you agree that the jokes set up was better than people say it was. Although I do feel like maybe you should attend more English classes as you misspelt all those words which could confuse some into think you said quite the opposite. Yeah two can play that game, bud…

[@DaDitka]

I agree. It reminds me of what is sometimes called a "shaggy dog joke," where the joke goes on and on and on until the punchline is anticlimactic. I love those kinds of jokes, but when I tell them, I usually get slapped... lol

[@frankwest5388]

@@DaDitkathe funny part of these jokes are all the ways the story seems to end only to get dragged out even further. The punchline isn’t the length but the none sensical ways to keep talking

[@professormancaptain4210]

This isn't worthy of a shaggy dog format, and it's not in it either. It's merely a setup which doesn't pay off, since it's told like a boring story

[@billt8504]

So there's this Jewish guy living in little Italy. And during Lent, he cooks BBQ, which drives all the Catholics nuts since they can only eat fish. So they talk to the Jewish guy and say, "you need to become Catholic so you'll be part of the community." So he says, OK. The priest sprinkles some water on the Jewish guy and says, "born a Jew, raised a Jew, now a Christian" and everyone celebrates. That Friday, the Jewish guy is out back cooking steaks and the Catholics come by and say, "no, no, no, its fish only on Fridays." And the Jewish guy sprinkles some water on the steaks and says, "born a cow, raised a cow, now a fish."

[@Denise-sy1ge]

25 years ago I had a pastor who often took off his watch and set it on the podium. He'd sometimes ask us what it meant when the pastor takes his watch off and puts it on the podium. He -- and everyone -- would chorus together, "Absolutely nothing!"

[@rosiefay7283]

Why would he put it on the podium when he could just as well have put it somewhere closer to hand such as on the lectern?

[@Denise-sy1ge]

@@rosiefay7283 Because many people use the term "podium" to refer to the tall thing the speaker puts his notes on and stands behind.

[@markrcca5329]

Others may find it strange, but sermons/speeches are my favorite part of the service. Prayers are hard. They go fast, and most of them are in Hebrew. These days I can usually keep up, but it requires tremendous concentration. During a sermon I can relax and maybe even hear an interesting story..

[@tobybigham4196]

I like the praise and singing. The energy is very happy, and makes you feel better than a stiff drink. And then the men's fellowship really goes the extra mile to include everyone in the room!

[@markrcca5329]

@@tobybigham4196 May I ask - have you learned to read Hebrew and reciting Jewish prayers as a child? I often observe how those who attended at least a Cheder in childhood are very comfortable with the speed and the volume of text during prayers.

[@tobybigham4196]

@@markrcca5329 Actually I am an outsider with deep respect. I talk at length with Jewish men at my weekly Mens Fellowship and the things they tell me warms my heart! I have accepted the invite a few times, and the energy is something I understand. Community! I unfortunately only have second hand knowledge of how most things work, but that doesn't make learning any less special!

[@markrcca5329]

@@tobybigham4196 do you recite or follow the Hebrew text of the prayers, or do you mostly listen to the sounds of them? I always recite or at least follow the text, but it's not easy because they go really fast on a lot of the prayers. There is also the Amida, which you recite to yourself. I can read it but very slowly. On Shabbat they recite it 4 times. As each attendee completes reciting it, they sit down, and I'm always the last one standing LOL. I never finish it, because by the time I'm halfway through, they're onto the next prayer. The Rabbi said I should just keep going at my own pace and complete it regardless, but it's impossible to concentrate when they're singing something else.. Maybe I should bring earplugs or something!

[@atticstattic]

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood donor center. The receptionist looks at the rabbit and says, "how did _you_ end up here?" The rabbit glances at the other two and says, "obviously, I'm a typo."

[@ilke3192]

Got a chuckle from me. Thanks for sharing. (Also underrated gem)

[@Mk-ms3oq]

I got tricked and needed to read twice, damm

[@randomlyfactual1943]

Get. Out. 😐

[@jamesbrowne6351]

I heard Justin Wilson tell essentially the same joke about 40 years ago, except it was a Baptist church.

[@jonpowell8503]

Well of course this guy is going to use the same joke as he hasn’t got to,pay for it 🤣

[@grassdungeon8433]

@@jonpowell8503ew

[@iammattc1]

"It means Spurs are the early game today and he doesn't want to miss kick off"

[@deivid3596]

not many will get this

[@kiishaami3762]

I once tried a Spanish Pentecostal church. I asked my friend after a couple hours, how long does the service last? She said, as long as the Holy Spirt says. Lol....the holy spirit said about 3 1/2 hours that day

[@SoulWords]

That’s funnier than the joke I told

[@claudemaassen2963]

You get farther with a sense of humour than with fire and brimstones.

[@familiadedios2443]

Unfortunately the reality of hell is real and ignoring it will only lead more people there. Would you rather humor people directly to hell or scare people into heaven?

[@stevejoshua9536]

I don't think there is any fire & brimstone in Judaism.

[@dodibenabba525]

​@@stevejoshua9536 Judaism is the teachings of Ha Shatan though......

[@freehermanjose5816]

@@dodibenabba525 Oh, really??? Elaborate, please!!!...

[@dodibenabba525]

@@freehermanjose5816 Judaism is a religion, ALL religions are owned by Ha Shatan. Judaism is pagan and the religion of the Pharisees. Messiah Himself told you they were the synagogue of Satan. Repent and be baptised in the name of the Great I AM, Ahayah Asher Ahayah, receive the Ruach Ha Kodesh and be taught and led by the ONLY Elohiym, Our Heavenly Father. 👆🙌

[@jeanmartin6410]

Lutheran here. When I was growing up, the minister had an alarm clock set on his podium. We hardly ever went over half an hour of sermon.

[@RatelHBadger]

I grew up Church of England. My Grandfather was a minister and asked him the same thing after one Sunday service. His reply was, "so I know how long I've been talking and know when to stop!"

[@alenbacco7613]

Punchline needs work. Id suggest his wrist is sweaty

[@molivson]

I like that!

[@scottphillips2870]

Took me a minute.😂

[@Platypi007]

The punchline is true of Christian preachers, too! I grew up Southern Baptist and worked as the choir director for about a decade... Only two things I ever saw that got a Baptist preacher to pay attention to time: When the service was televised and they had to wrap up by noon or get cut for time, or when there was food after the service!

[@leko8398]

My favourite jewish joke: 3 rabbis meet in a coffeeshop. They argue about their views and interpretation of their fate. The 1st Rabbis friends tell him to ask god if he is so sure. That day he heads to the tallest mountain nearby. "God... if I'm right give me a sign" he says as suddenly thousands of birds swarm out of a tiny blueberry bush. Satisfied he goes home. The next day all 3 meet again and the Rabbi tells the other 2 about the sign. "Well that's just nature they probably were scared of you talking or in some hole hiding under the bush" says his 1st friend. So the Rabbi heads back up that day, it was quite sunny so he was drenched when he was finally up. "God if I'm right give me another sign!" He says as the clear sunny sky suddenly darkened with pitch black clouds the rain pouring down. He again goes home to meet his friends the next day. He tells his friends what happened. "Well that could be due to the heat either you imagined that or it got so hot that it started thundering causing this irdinary weather phenomonon". The rabbi is now annoyed. "fine then we all go now" he says taking his friends to the mountain. He starts again "God if-" he gets interrupted "FOR MY SAKE HE IS CORRECT!!!" a booming voice thunders from all around them. The two friends of the rabbi startwhisperung with eachother as the 1st Rabbi smirks confidently. They finally stop when they both say in unison "fine 2 vs 2".

[@JR-bj3uf]

This is universal to all faiths.

[@nomorecensoringme]

Judaism isn't a faith to be lumped in with religions. It's a relationship with G-d.

[@JasonThu]

I thought he's going to say that it's going to be a long sermon or something along those lines.

[@atticstattic]

He did...

[@RendallRen]

It had all the formal elements of a joke, setup, iteration and so forth.

[@obi-wan-jacobi840]

Really goes to show that some things are true across many faiths.

[@Mikedeela]

I was expecting a time reference. Something like "He is keeping track of time. He has a bris to perform and he doesn't want to rush it."

[@simperingham]

You might expect, seeing the watch on the podium, that the rabbi would be keeping to a reasonable time limit. Unfortunately, from someone who has been to the service many times, we learn that it is no such predictor.

[@antoniolopes8776]

...It means that the Rabbi wants to get home in time to watch the playoffs on TV.

[@Danzarr]

When i heard it, the punchline was: "so he knows when to wrap it up for lunch"

[@Earthtime3978]

Good delivery at the end .

[@greenredblue]

It would have been fun to go meta with the punchline. "Oh, he puts the watch right in front of him so he can subtly check how long he's been telling a joke."

[@Kurbisa]

Norm would be proud of you

[@MeekandMe]

thats a long walk for a bad joke... guess you wont be hitting the comedy clubs anytime soon

[@willmcgonigle3107]

A priest, A monk, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank, the nurse asks for their blood types and the priest says "I am a type-A", the monk says "I'm a type-B", and the rabbit says "I think i'm a type-O

[@jacopocroce59]

I just want to thank the comment section that keeps telling their favorite jokes about ministers. Underrated type of joke tbh😊

[@jjOnceAgain]

Git the whole squad laughing 😐

[@georgedunn320]

I was expecting something a little more ironic, something along the lines of, ^That means the Cantor has forgotten the words."

[@nomorecensoringme]

So write and share your own joke. Sounds like you want to.

[@georgedunn320]

@@nomorecensoringme I'm just spoiled by exposure to a superior form of wit. Here's an example of a master: Obama explaining, "My first name is 'Barack," which means, 'blessed,' ; my middle name is 'Hussein,' which means nobody ever thought I'd be running for President."

[@grassdungeon8433]

@@georgedunn320I don’t even get that Yeah real superior wit

[@garybest]

Charging by minute that can not be timed

[@donaldjones5712]

You STAND on the podium, you STAND behind the lectern!

[@SoulWords]

Duly noted. Thank you.

[@laythadrian5705]

You emphasized the wrong words.

[@atticstattic]

Podium is also a _synonym_ for lectern.

[@MomirViggwilv]

I think the joke is that the sermon is gonna be long

[@Mystic_BooTz]

That was the lamest joke ive heatd in a long time. Thanks for that. Loo

[@ztfes52]

As a person whos parents came to the US from a country with a large muslim population I used to be not very fond of the jewish community but i recently started to open up and learn more about Judaism. I hope to all that you prosper and be healthy שלום אויף דיר

[@jweezy15able]

I would have changed the punchline to either "It means we're going to be here a while" or "If he timed it right, it means we'll still be able to order off the breakfast menu".

[@drrengland]

It means he’s a lawyer and you’re all on the clock 😂

[@jsaurman]

Podium is what you stand on, lectern is what you put your watch on.

[@nikadgod5152]

I was waiting for him to say, "it means we're going yo bebhear a long time".

[@dundabird3203]

Wow they should really have chopped a chunk of this joke off at birth

[@metallord6960]

Hey, at least give it about a week or so.

[@theultimategamer9240]

Lmao

[@recepates5091]

shouldve put his watch on the podium

[@zogyechi]

It means this speech is beyond time and can take a while

[@user-ck3uu8rj3x]

Love it, I thought he was going to say " the Rabbi has been buying cheap wristwatches again".

[@gessiopurina3364]

I like how the comment page turned into a joke book

[@lior_shiboli]

People here complaining about long setup like not most jewish jokes(not jew jokes) have a long setup

[@taowroland8697]

An Orthodox New York rabbi is preparing to perform a circumcision, first he dons his robes,then says a couple prayers, and finally, brushes his teeth.

[@molivson]

You misspelled "my mother"

[@imCurveee]

Will never get those 45 seconds back ever again

[@NotDuncan]

Hilarious, the kind of joke Norm MacDonald loved telling. Subtle enough that you have to think about it for a moment to connect the punchline.

[@aarongusel442]

He wants all the members to know that he got the 10k Rolex for 8k, and their dues are being spent wisely.

[@nomorecensoringme]

That's not funny

[@aarongusel442]

@@nomorecensoringme sorry

[@aprilsherwoodsanderson69]

Good one Aaron!

[@tobybigham4196]

@@aarongusel442 Clearly @whoknew770 isn't Jewish. Because my friends reading this comment are dying! Real Jews can joke freely about themselves and usually tell the best jokes!!

[@nomorecensoringme]

@@tobybigham4196 and you'd be wrong.

[@Damocles54]

Shortly after receiving his Holy Orders, a new priest was sent to a parish to be mentored by an older priest. During his first mass, he watched the older priest come out, set down his glass of water and begin. Afterwards, the new priest asks, "why did you have a glass of water?" "Well i get thirsty, but it's not water, it's vodka. Anyway, just be prepared because next week, you're up" So the next week, the new priest comes to the lectern, sets down his vodka, and begins. Later he priest asks how he did and the older priest says "you did fine son, but i do have a few notes. First, sip your vodka, don't gulp it. Next, it's Jesus Christ, not 'the late J.C.', and finally, David slew Goliath, he didn't 'kick the shit out of him'"

[@darthgamer2014]

He placed the watch down to stealthily keep track of time during his sermon because there's a game that's starting in a couple hours 😂

[@paulcampbell9618]

Your gonna be there awhile

[@rul787]

Why doesn't he say goy?

[@Heartykek]

As much as jews despise goyim they dont want them to know so they say "non-jew"

[@nikoblack1272]

i love the curiosity in that story😂

[@stoutyyyy]

Man dropped the NY accent and went full Minnesota for that punchline

[@LorenKadison]

Oh I laff my butt off lol good thing I was sitting lol

[@markwildt5728]

Really? I mean i saw the punchline coming from a mile away, but he didn't even nail the landing. He literally said "not a darn thing..."😐 The punchline should have clearly been something along the lines of the sermon being long. This was an epic flop.

[@jackiephil8161]

🤣🤣🤣👍