Starkid | Hatchetfield Characters Ranked

I own none of these clips. They all belong to Starkid Productions.

[@khourievans5554]

I get that I’m not supposed to like Uncle Wiley because he caused the birth of a demonic age of life and all that, but you gotta respect the style, man. I mean, the jean on jean and the killer songs and riffs? Iconic.

[@starkidshrimp7984]

well i mean uncle wiley just gives off beetlejuice vibes and lets be honest, on some level, every queer person is attracted to him in some way

[@willowwwallow]

the smoke club being #69 is pretty fitting

[@rarazalproductions519]

Nice.

[@thatonepersonyouwontremember]

Nice.

[@ilovelaurenlopez1193]

Nice 😎

[@Jay-ug8kl]

NICE

[@TheBigSlap02]

I'm so happy Miss Holoway is getting the love she deserves!!! Also she seems like she is extremely important since she has "The Black Book," and also has "good credit."

[@daliah8883]

I hope she comes back for Nerdy Prudes

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

"The only reason Ted is here is that I feel bad for him"- Valid.

[@iprobablydontlikeyou7416]

me reading this: "who's ted? OH ted... yea"

[@ballisticnerd2097]

I'd like to say, that Watcher World is the Nightmare Time story that scared me the most. Like, all the stories are great, but that one reminded me of reoccuring nightmares that always scare me, it was just too close to home. It's perfect, its my exposure therapy

[@cantinothaveausername3739]

I really want to see McNamara present a whole PowerPoint on universal truth of love and strength of human heart, glad he's in top 10

[@katieward5712]

“Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I hope that-‘ “DO YOU WANNA SAVE THE PLANET?” “And that concludes the talk, back to work, let’s exit the storage cupboard to the left”

[@kiki8792]

✨I'm a Car✨ -Jaime 2020? 21?

[@chiarafermorr_]

Amazing

[@daliah8883]

This is the respect Emma, Paul, Lex, Hannah, and Ms. Holloway deserve because those are the characters left

[@lewismcintosh2382]

Couldn't agree more!

[@webby5730]

Tinky terrifies me

[@kiki8792]

Wait me too

[@thebananaowenslippedon7095]

Same

[@masterizzy3]

Yo when Nick was describing him I was so scared ahhh

[@webby5730]

@@masterizzy3 Me too

[@alanoshea2159]

Yeah he's horrifying

[@nicolerobertson2654]

Hidgens only got ranked at 8?! WHAT UNIVERSE AM I IN?! Edit: Ethan's at 6, you're forgiven 🤣🤣🤣

[@webby5730]

Ok I'm assuming Greenpeace girl isn't gonna be the first buuut I gotta say she's the best character. Maybe I'm just biased 😂

[@kiki8792]

I'm mad at "Jane" for trying to run her over 😤

[@webby5730]

@@kiki8792 ikr!

[@fineanddandy228]

I’ve got a similar beef with the placement of the hatchet field smoke club

[@kiki8792]

Unpopular opinion but: i LOVE Jacky Frost

[@stephlastname9101]

You listen to ME Chris Kringle! No one says no to Jakelyn Frost🙄✋

[@daliah8883]

@@stephlastname9101 I’ve👁 got😜 a cold🧊 heart💙 and I👁 don’t❌ like 👍 Christmas 🎄 at all🤪

[@izr0813]

SAME THOUGH

[@daelephanttaco3967]

SAMEEEE

[@ilovelaurenlopez1193]

Hehehehehe it's so weird seeing myself on here, I'm on a different account lmao

[@thebananaowenslippedon7095]

_Chad_ better be #1

[@kiki8792]

Everyone who has ever read fanfiction know that Chad moved away from Hatchetfield, making Henry want him even more.

[@thecatfish1918]

i love that ted and the homeless man are the same rank but konk isn't. classic konk

[@sk70091]

Oh no, how is Wiley that low? He's such a great creepy villain.

[@Tutselutse0v0]

The Smoke Club being number 69? Niiiice :)

[@kiki8792]

If Jane is ranked high I'm gonna be *VERY* angry

[@starkidpotteryt]

i dont think the jane we saw is the real one. jane is supposed to be a sweet and nice person and she was not

[@kiki8792]

@@starkidpotteryt Good point, but being a car can dement your brain aswell. Honestly, after episode 2&3 i don't know what's real

[@neera3167]

@@kiki8792 everything is real🕸🚘💍⏳

[@fenixdowns869]

@@starkidpotteryt my opinion on the situation is that it is still jane, just a more twisted jane. for one she lived through a traumatizing experience with no one to comfort her for a whole year. while Tim and Tom had each other, Emma, and Becky. Jane had no one. she couldn't talk to anyone, and was left too her thoughts. and the only thing on her mind was that she wanted her life back. another thing to point out is that Tom and Tim had lives after the crash, broken ones but lives all the same. Tim kept going to school and Tom kept doing what ever he dose. Jane would probably be better if she was able to have some control over her life, but she sat in that shop for a year before being treated as a normal person and not some pile of junk to be fixed up. she couldn't talk, she couldn't move, she didn't have any agency to her situation, she was trapped. also she had lost trust in everyone. i picked up on it when Tom suggested telling other people and she said that they would do science experiments on her. in fact she shows no sines of trust in anyone but Tom. when she finds out tom was dating Becky behind her back, she looses trust in him too. the one person who she had opened up to, lied to her. in the end all she wanted to be was a wife and mother. i only hope the best for Tim, and i hope hat Jane gets the help and companionship she needs now that she is in Becky's body. this is my tiny essay about how jane is misunderstood. thank you.

[@kiki8792]

@@fenixdowns869 You're oversimplifying my argument, but that's Essentially what I'm saying yeah -Smelly balls

[@randompotato6474]

Ok so I’ve gotta disagree with you on Wiley :/ I like him as a character (sure not as a person but as a character)

[@webby5730]

Very true!

[@kiki8792]

This ^

[@flanimationstudios2753]

Agreed!

[@masterizzy3]

Yes wiley was done dirty Joey is such a great villain

[@mayal.y8575]

Exactly! I hate when people don't like characters because they're bad people! it makes no sense

[@ameliaddlc6107]

Bless you for putting Sam so low, we do not stan him in this household and you did the right thing.

[@Quackervoltz]

Ted is a bootlicker and doesn't deserve Charlotte. Acab

[@tuttiman55]

Listen his wife cheats on him with Ted Spankoffski, and I don’t think anyone would pass an opportunity to be with Zoey

[@indecisivemess7504]

its still weird to think that ted is homeless man

[@daliah8883]

The disrespect on Andy is unbelievable I don’t think he was actually a pushy asshole He never showed any proof of it, I think Ted was just disappointed that he missed his chance with Jenny. Also, the reason that he tried to kill Ted later was because Ted had already tried to kill him and caused his life to crumble apart. Altogether, I don’t understand putting Andy underneath Paul 23 (who killed both Paul AND Emma) and Android Emma (who tried to kill the real Emma TWICE).

[@Quackervoltz]

Exactly. Ted is an incel and Andy is a chad.

[@elishaoloughlin3287]

I don't think Frank is worse than characters like Jane and Blinky. I respect most of the rankings though!

[@daliah8883]

2: Hannah Foster We love that because I love Hannah with my whole heart

[@Quackervoltz]

Hannah is baby

[@muppetenthusiast]

Personally would have put Gary and wily higher but overall I agree Emma 100% deserves that spot

[@kellyrocheleau4660]

I think Wiley is interesting, but I'm with you on everything else.

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

I didn't consider Peanuts as a character. I am a shame to humanity.

[@solita.s6896]

Extremely happy to see Duke so high up on the list :,)

[@solita.s6896]

Also we stan miss holloway so hard in this household

[@ivysalen]

Duke is my favourite Hatchetfield character! There's just something so compelling about a normal guy solving day-to-day problems with kindness, even in a place like Hatchetfield.

[@remyiskindahotngl4929]

Paul started it all so he should be at the top of the list smh

[@jamierobinson7004]

Technically I think most timelines start with Janes death, sooooo

[@justhere5895]

Agreed

[@daliah8883]

Okay but at least the biker tried to help Emma

[@anasagatio]

I always thought the jerk from Beanies was Man In a Hurry

[@starkidpotteryt]

That’s what everyone thought at first too but it was confirmed he wasn’t later

[@anasagatio]

@@starkidpotteryt that's interesting, thank you for the information

[@peacocks_and_peonies9802]

Great list! I really appreciate how the James, curt and Kim sniggles were all in the order they are in the song it made my brain very happy

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

Miss Holloway is my fave Kim character you're killing me with joy

[@fenixdowns869]

i actually never picked 2:05 up until now. thanks!

[@kiki8792]

I was in the chat, they figured it out almost immediately

[@i.m1ss.y0u.s0.f4r]

Unpopular opinion: Sherman should’ve been way higher on the list

[@jordansedgwick8551]

Kinda hope guy waiting for hot chocolate is high up Edit: I actually agree with most of the 20 up

[@thebananaowenslippedon7095]

Poor Tim

[@orangegold1795]

I just realized, Wooly Foot is based on Chewbacca from Star Wars. HE RIPS OF HIDGENS ARMS!!! (like Han threatens to have Chewie do in A New Hope).

[@starkidpotteryt]

Lol I would’ve never known that cause I don’t watch Star Wars 😂

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

I wasn't expecting the absolute bop that is Jane's a car song.

[@flanimationstudios2753]

Interesting list! I don’t agree with a lot, but respect your opinion:)

[@daliah8883]

The blatant disrespect for Ted I like him a lot more after Time Bastard

[@daliah8883]

So unpopular opinion: Hidgens wouldn’t even be in my top ten

[@leahscarth2595]

22:38 I guess you could say that you *adore her*

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

Kendall is the Nightmare Time queen

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

yesssss Lex is my fave Black Friday character good for her to be ranked this high.

[@thejellyfinn]

i love that we had two sets of three mariah characters in a row

[@kiki8792]

Ugg I'm so excited

[@al_exists]

woo woo!

[@Quackervoltz]

Very poggers of you to put Emma and Lex in the top 5 and put Sam at the bottom of the list.

[@daliah8883]

Like, way to call me out

[@wiggogYwrath]

9:54 "i wanna see more melissa", seeing this after watching them do the reading of "Hey, Melissa" i am not so sure if i agree with the original statement anymore, i am SCARRED

[@mari-su8up]

i forgot that greg and stu were actual people shown and i thought we were just going off of names HDKDHDK

[@shawndougherty6056]

Smoke Club being 69 is perfect

[@daliah8883]

I still think she’s saying “I was so high the fall would’ve killed me”

[@thatonepersonyouwontremember]

I've watched too much Magnus Archives. I thought it said Jane Prentiss instead of Jane Perkins

[@fenixdowns869]

wait........ you forgot Gary Goodstein attorney in law!!!!

[@starkidpotteryt]

He’s in there

[@fenixdowns869]

@@starkidpotteryt oh, i must have not seen him. sorry.

[@ballisticnerd2097]

He's number 20, I believe

[@daliah8883]

And very first place: EMMA PERKINS! You don’t know how happy I am with your top five I love all five of the top five, I’d probably just switch the order

[@eswss8374]

justice for man in a hurry he was the best character 😔🤚

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

If you didn't at least mouthed "and Chad" you're lying.

[@stevenpowers5166]

Roberts cop being so low is a crime

[@kaelynbarrera1532]

IM FUCKING SOBBING WITH ANGELA BEING THE WITCH HOW DID I MISS THAT

[@daliah8883]

3. Paul Matthews Love that

[@lattehottay3120]

you come into my house, you disrespect MY evil jean-jacketed king of sniggles -

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

GG is relatively high and I love it

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

Well at least Droid23 are near each other.

[@Orange_Juice6]

"MAH WIFE" The foreshadowing be like-

[@mayal.y8575]

Wow I totally disagree with you with basically everything lol. Not trying to be rude but I hate when people judge/like a character based on how good of a person she is.

[@kandyappleview]

i wanted to see more of sherman young and uncle wiley/wilbur cross is creepy af!

[@ruby._.romanoffx7778]

Love the video :) don't really have much else to say so oh well

[@SageMann92]

I hate to ruin a nice and even Top 80 list, but "Coffee Jerk" and "Man in a Hurry" are the same person. Also, Konk gets his own entry but Homeless Man has to share his with Ted? I'd have accepted those three entities getting three entries or one, but two? That's just weird.

[@sk70091]

I see Ted and Homeless Man as two different people. Ted only became Homeless Man once he lost his mind and became essentially a different person. Their personalities are completely different.

[@SageMann92]

@@sk70091 This is true. And Konk is just Ted in disguise. Really not seeing this list's logic for Konk being an individual but the Homeless Man not...

[@daliah8883]

By the way, I’m pretty sure it’s been confirmed that coffee jerk and Man in a Hurry are NOT the same person

[@SageMann92]

It's Jeff in a long coat, they have to be the same character. Costume is a very important part of identifying characters in Hatchetfield.

[@daliah8883]

@@SageMann92 I think I saw it confirmed somewhere that they’re different, but I can’t find where. If I find it, I’ll let you know!

[@daliah8883]

I personally like Noelle more than Chris Kringle oop-

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

Man I love Tinky

[@daliah8883]

I’m very curious to see the top ten

[@daliah8883]

Glad Becky got 12

[@emcustard]

I didn’t know Mariah's cop character was named Doug and now I don’t know what to do with myself

[@daliah8883]

I love Ms. Holloway

[@iprobablydontlikeyou7416]

gArY gOlDsTeIn AtToRnEy AnD lAw

[@mollywalton22]

bill being so high makes me so happy

[@thejellyfinn]

i love how we had three mariah characters (almost) in a row lmfao

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

The girl outranked her daddy

[@rhiannon2933]

My top 10: 1. Hannah 2. Ted 3. Lex 4. Gary 5. Greenpeace girl 6. (Homeless man would've been here before nightmare time) Emma 7. Ethan 8. Becky 9. Uncle Wiley (I HATE HIM SO MUCH BUT I ALSO LOVE HIM- (most just because of joey and made in america)) 10. Paul 10.5. BILL I HAD HIM AS 10 BUT THEN I REMEMBERED I LIKE PAUL

[@meba444]

7:37 I love your comment 😂

[@daelephanttaco3967]

If you think about it though Emma in tgwdlm is actually Android Emma so...

[@kiki8792]

At first yes. but then of you REALLY think about it like i did, it isn't. I spent 20 minutes trying to tell if it was and here's what I got: In Nightmare Time, Android emma has circuits and wires behind her eyes. In TGWDLM after Paul and Emma fall out of the Helicopter, Emma is bleeding and has bones. She also coughs up blood

[@starkidpotteryt]

Actually Nick said that Emma is Emma in every reality except for forever and always. The only thing that’s the same in every reality is that Ted is the homeless man

[@daelephanttaco3967]

@@starkidpotteryt oh thx I didn’t know that he said that

[@stephlastname9101]

@@starkidpotteryt OH THANK GOD, Black Friday Emma + Paul are real!

[@kiki8792]

@@starkidpotteryt oh, i didn't know he said that. I spent 20 minutes for nothing 🤪

[@mollywalton22]

miss holloway is one of my fave characters ever i love her especially after nightmare time season 2

[@TheMoggFREE]

Coffee Jerk is actually Barry Swift cause I think he said he was in a hurry but ordered a really complicated drink anyway.

[@kickyourhead1910]

Is this ranked by how good of a person they are, how good a character they are, or How much you love their characters?

[@starkidfan7756]

This is a great video! and I don't mean or rude but you forgot bee girl.

[@mollywalton22]

linda being SO high ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@Abstract-lj7pu]

Oh boy did you see more Melissa

[@daliah8883]

Bill is too low Sorry, I don’t make the rules

[@Orange_Juice6]

And Chad 💅✨

[@daliah8883]

Debate Time: did Colonel Schaefer or however you spell it know about how the infected were going to get there? She said Paul was dead, and then IMMEDIATELY he came out, so I don’t know. What do y’all think?

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

I think she genuinely thought she was arranging Emma a happy surprise. Turned out horrible, sadly.

[@daliah8883]

@@user-wm1yc2gk2w yeah that makes the most sense. I feel so bad though. The whole ending of tgwdlm makes me feel very sad

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

@@daliah8883 it's a very sad ending, and very goodly written. Inevitable ripped my heart apart and despite that, or maybe because of that, it's my favorite song.

[@urhighness2537]

no i love wilbur cross

[@daliah8883]

By the way: all of my comments were jokes, pretty much. I respect your opinion, just disagree a bit

[@daliah8883]

Putting Webby so low is very disappointing

[@djslifeasweknowit]

Frank is the 🐐! But that’s just me

[@njcg3658]

Ok. So don’t hate on me but I wanted to know who was first and I went back from there and then I went to this: 22:22

[@blueskiesandstarrynights]

Excuse me why is konk higher than lucy?

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

i object Sam should have been ranked lower.

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

AND smoke club should have been 420.

[@user-wm1yc2gk2w]

And Wooly Foot/Chumbi deserves the world

[@ivysalen]

WHERE'S DUKE? 😢 He's my absolute favourite Hatchetfield character. Did I just miss him, or is he not on this list?

[@beanad339]

Sorry I’m 3 months late but he’s here 18:41 !!

[@ivysalen]

Oh, thanks! I'm so glad he's here.

[@webby9044]

I feel like Deb is higher then she should be

[@FutureYT]

I thought you'd put Hidgens at number one. I know I would.

[@prowmar_hs8933]

Wilbur Cross is waaay to low