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#nonviolentcommunication #NVC #cupofempathy #Mariannevandijk
Thanks to:
Subtitles: Ellen Jansen
Music: Lee Rosevere, Love Wins, creativecommons.org/licenses/...
"Fluidscape" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
Nicolai Heidlas Masterclass in Amsterdam: hooksounds.com

[@annemariediepeveen6338]

i found this very clear and wonderful. i am 70 years old and after reading marchall's book, have realised how violent i have been in my language. i feel very sad aboutthat , that i did not know another way to express myself. i so deeply long to be able to do it but also feel overwhelmed by needing to totally change my thinking. and actually, now i have written this: i also feel very excited. so thank you for bringing this new excitement in my life.

[@renugoyal9289]

I did NVC 2 years ago and even though I am convinced this is what can save this world, I have not been able to implement in my daily life because I find it hard. But I am hoping to continue this practice and get better, thank you for sharing your light...

[@CupofEmpathy]

I hope for you that you manage to continue!! Maybe you'd like to join my free training for support? cupofempathy.com/free-training/

[@aninsidestory]

I’m curious if you have found your way to the NVC community?

[@freizeichen8027]

Thank you for the video! I read the original book by Marshall Rosenberg but did not know where to go from there. After watching this 5-minute practice I feel encouraged and excited, because I can continue my development.

[@elmanoroboto]

Okay, several weeks ago I watched this video, but didn't really do it. I've been feeling distant from NVC lately so I wanted to check back in with it, so this time I tried it. This is great! Doing this first thing in the morning helps me feel a sense of purpose for my day and infuses meaning and joy into the activities ahead of me.

[@arifmaghribi]

Excellent. Best wishes from India.

[@alexandrahubner6736]

Thank you so much. It took me WAY longer to do this than 5 minutes, because there is so much piling up. At the end one need appeared twice and I focused on that and formulated a request for that one need. Feeling a little bit more relaxed now!

[@hannahlandesberger9256]

I started to cry after the last step of relistening to yourself if anything change. That's when I noticed how incredible relieved I felt. I was introduced to NCV through my husband and it's been months since starting to learn it and it so tough that I sometimes loose hope. Right now I felt so disconnected and kind of emotionally empty when I clicked on this video. And somehow I found three feelings, three thoughts, several observations and heck of a lot of needs. Wow. For each Feeling there where each at least 7 needs that I felt connected to my feeling. And somehow I found 3 clear requests to help myself even tho one of the feelings were loneliness and I am not able to fullfill this through a particular person in the moment, but I made the request to call my love of my life this evening, when I know he has time for me, even when I would love to have it right now, but It suddenly became bareable and okay to wait for a few hours

[@CupofEmpathy]

Oh wow Im so happy and touched to read this!! It's incredible to me what a video can do. hope to meet you live sometime maybe in one of my courses 😊

[@hannahlandesberger9256]

@@CupofEmpathy yea that would be awesome! :D I'm so happy that I could bring a smile to your face!

[@iljakramer4105]

🍀

[@sylviesas2992]

So I have been doing this for 3 days. It is really helping me move through my emotions ... first by helping me to identify them... and at the end by committing to actions for self care. Thank you... so simple... so concise... finally I am finding the words for myself ... which will make it much easier for me to express out loud.

[@CupofEmpathy]

oh im so glad to hear that!!

[@kateswitzer3372]

SO glad to find this ~ courtesy of my NVC coach and counselor. NVC takes a while to sink in and to rise to the front of my awareness, but this 5 minute daily practice seems like it has potential for being integrated into my daily life. Thanks for doing all these brief videos, Marianne, they are much easier to 'digest' than a full hour or more.

[@CupofEmpathy]

happy to hear this format works for you Kate! Thanks!

[@discvoorteams]

great video! Thank you. Just discovered NVC and registered for a training. With someone else, though, sorry:) Didn't find you before. I miss a step though in the middle- I had a need, but to make it into a request, I guess I needed to first turn my need into a specific one. My feeling was "overwhelmed" (I am writing a book that I want to finish by the end of june). Next week my kids are with me during the holiday meaning I won't have much alone time. My need would be: time. Then I made it into a specific need: I will plan this time together with the kids and make an agreement that in this hour they will now interrupt me. This is already erasing parts of my feeling of being overhelmed. Wonderful. WIll add this practice in my dialy routine!

[@JD-ez9mz]

This exercise is wonderful I’m going to try it in the mornings! Thank you for putting it together!

[@maryjimenez1286]

I really loved this process. Checking in with myself is so important. I have been not dealing with an issue with my partner. So instead of not saying anything... i type up an email. But i dont send it. I wait 3 to 5 to 7 days depending on how the subject matter is affecting me. I basically wait to calm down. I then reread my email and try to take all the anger out of the email. I dont want to be rude or act like a child . I want to get my point across without hurting anyones feelings. I am so looking forward to Thursday night next week. This process is just what i need

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank you, glad to hear that! I hear that there is a thought popping up in you that if you show anger, people might think you are rude or act like a child. I wonder if there is a balance where you could be yourself more with the whole spectrum of emotions being allowed, while of course also showing respect for your partner. Have you signed up for the webinar next week about NVC for love relationships? If not it's here: cup-of-empathy.webinargeek.com/nvc-for-love-relationships-7

[@juanenriquetoro5941]

Dear Cup of Empathy, I just discovered your channel today. How wonderful! Thank you! I love how you present the material so clear and practical. I would suggest you introduce yourself at the beginning of the video so that I can learn your name. I love the title of your channel and will begin watching the other episodes. Thank you. I had the occasion to teach NVC in Spanish recently to a group of 20 people and wish I had seen your channel beforehand. Keep up the good work.

[@CupofEmpathy]

thank you so much! im just catching up with comments now. But thanks for your suggestion!

[@MrNicoleb45]

I really appreciate this video....I even had downloaded an image of a giraffe an made it as my desktop screen so when I open my pc then it's two giraffe's ears that are full open for me😄. THis is a reminder...and it's helpful...

[@ScifiGuitarguy]

Lovely video, thanks so much for taking the time to help people involve NVC in their daily lives. I truly believe this is one of the most valuable skills any person can develop, especially living in a society so focused on a pattern of thinking involving rightness/wrongness, reward/punishment. I'm so grateful for Marshall Rosenberg's teachings and how they've enriched my life, and so grateful to see people carrying the torch. Thank you 🙏❤

[@CupofEmpathy]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@TechieSewing]

Thank you, this exercise made me feel better :) I also forgot to comment in that video, about envy, but your exercise of really seeking out and enjoying the want you have (in that case, pregnancy and having a baby), instead of turning my eyes away and brushing away thoughts, is really helpful. I use it for needs that are sometimes met, but not always, so I'm just remembering the times they were met, and imagine them being met again, and feel gratitude for both occasions, and generally feel better about the person/situation that is involved in meeting the need.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Im so glad to hear that!!

[@moartiles]

Great way to start september 2023. So helpful! Gratitude for sharing! ❤

[@sylviesas2992]

This is so helpful. Thank you - I am finding out so much ... I am learning the exact words that reflect my emotions and needs... I am working through stuff thanks to your tools.

[@CupofEmpathy]

yay :-) thank for letting me know!

[@asmalaghari]

Thanks:) loved it!

[@namnam8]

Thank you!!!

[@danidasaguas1149]

Thank you so much!!!

[@cian4468]

Thank you Cup of Empathy! This is a beautiful practice. After doing this practice with you, I'm feeling grateful, loved, connected and seen. I am committing to this practice for the next 7 days 💞

[@aninsidestory]

Thank you for this video! I’ve been practicing and sharing NVC for ten years and have gotten too dependent on doing the process with other people. It’s nice to have this daily practice spelled out as writing prompts. I especially love the request of myself. Connecting all the way through to that makes this practice so fruitful. 1st day, I started from Shane and ended with remembering pleasure and softness. 2nd day request was to ask for support on projects. 3rd day was to trust life. Magical.

[@betweenearthandsky4091]

Your voice and presence is so soothing and calming, thank you :)

[@deborab4762]

Your guidance is excellent !

[@idank777]

Thank you!

[@user-zb4im6gd1j]

Thank you so much for your videos. I really needed this one right now and will continue to do that. Hope you make more videos, you are calming and wise.

[@mohammadlashgari7999]

Perfect and helpful

[@belindahanley7582]

Thank you, very helpful

[@MycolOG]

This was very helpful, thank you

[@alelondon23]

Hi, Thank you for the lovely session.

[@gabrielamaja9672]

Very much enjoyed this demo of NVC practice. Thank you for the clarity.

[@petecatt]

Thank you this was so helpful!

[@varsha3adhia]

Thank you ! It's very helpful. It has changed my thinking.😍

[@alshimasalah1813]

Thank you ❣️

[@davidbarnardmusic355]

Thank you

[@RajmahendraR]

OMG! You have such a nice channel and you are missing here for past FIVE MONTHS ! :( please share more your content is really really useful. Come Back!

[@CupofEmpathy]

thank you for the encouragement!

[@virginamartins8911]

This exercise is wonderful. I'm going to try it in my life thank you

[@thatsmellsdelicious5146]

Love love love this ❤

[@CupofEmpathy]

thanks a lot!!

[@theresebroderick]

Thank you so much for offering this channel. Very helpful.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yay! thanks!

[@lesleyhayoun5139]

Great way to start the day!

[@CupofEmpathy]

yay! happy to hear that!

[@keasebrot94]

I cried. Thank you.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Glad it helped!

[@antandshell]

Thank you. Your an angel 😇💕😇

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thanks for that recognition!!

[@createloveflow6020]

Thank you for this video. I have found for myself that I have often stopped the process after having found my unmeet need. It now helps me a lot to take time to do the step of the request and find a way to fulfil the need. It helps me trust in myself that I am there for me and I take my needs seriously. However a request might be to take more time to really feel the need and its richness until I realise that I can access the abundance inside of myself and let it flow into the world.

[@janemoore1461]

Yes - we can use NVC to help us in our relationship with ourselves. I didn't see that in the videos I watched, and to be honest, I found the book interesting but hard to read.

[@bruna1548]

Thank u so much for this practice. It was everything i need

[@CupofEmpathy]

yay, glad it helped you!

[@hansrajbhalerao3726]

Thank you for this wonderful technic

[@CupofEmpathy]

Most welcome 😊

[@sarahceciliefinkelsteinwat9735]

This is wonderful!! Short and sweet for busy people!!

[@CupofEmpathy]

Happy you like it Sarah! I plan on making more for people with lots of things going on :-)

[@annasomma5882]

Thank you!:)

[@CupofEmpathy]

You're welcome!!

[@djgonpet]

such a great videos u have!

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank you so much!!

[@fernandokojin-professoreco9214]

Hello from Brazil! :-) You are SO BEAUTIFUL, WHAT A GREAT SMILE and ENERGY! Thanks for being YOU! :-)

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank you too!

[@LuGravando]

Obrigada

[@youareyou9241]

Big thanks 😊🙏

[@CupofEmpathy]

Welcome 😊

[@Void-in2pz]

subscribed the second I saw the list, cuz i'm amazed ;)

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yay!

[@sereneintegral]

The order is different from my learned sequence of OFNR. Observe is first, feel second, need third and request last.

[@hiennguyenminh893]

Hey there, I follow you for a while and really apreciate your sharing, really specific, applicable & transparent. I feel really warm and thankful watching your video, it really meet my need of lurning something truly applicable. Oh, and after some practice of this daily exercise, I want to ask if is normal when one though cause not just one but lots of feelings ?

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thanks for the appreciation, feels warm to receive!! And yes it's very normal that one thought may trigger several feelings. It can also be linked to several needs.

[@LuGravando]

You look like you're of my family

[@mickeyp1291]

you should consider learning about ifs, it sounds it would fit your regiment well

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yeah I know about it (didnt back at the time of this video ), thanks!

[@angelumasmr6943]

This has been really helpful. Doing it this morning I only had fulfilled feelings, which is lovely to acknowledge. I'm curious how to proceed if I dont find any difficult feelings.

[@CupofEmpathy]

pleasant feelings want to be felt too, and you can check which needs were met, as opposed to unmet!

[@zinathetravellingstorytell6882]

Hi there, I have this feeling in my chest area today around the heart, like a vacuum almost. I can't label it with an emotion specifically. It's like maybe energy upgrade cause it powerful time rn and I'm cleansing and in good vibrational state. It's feeling a bit like/fear/excitement. I'm just sitting with a little now and maybe with more time I will gain understanding. Just want to say that sometimes you might have a feeling that you cannot recognise or understand yet and I guess that okay.

[@mikewalker1117]

wow...im excited to find your channel....where can I find your feeling list? 😀

[@CupofEmpathy]

When you scroll down this page, you find the form to sign up and have the feeling list send to you! cupofempathy.com/

[@jorgeguerrapires]

Hi, I am practicing this suggestion of yours, quite interesting way to learn NVC, I usually do it whenever I feel something is bothering me inside. One question, I have noticed your table of needs and feelings are different from the one of Marshall Rosenberg (presented in the website of NVC). Why is that so? Best regards, Jorge,

[@iljakramer4105]

🍀🍀

[@hallifaxv]

I would love to know how this looks like if the thought is not connected to a current event or a person?! I had a feeling and I think it stems from a core believe I have so I was not really able to phrase the observation, because how could a camera look inside my head, and secondly also not a request. I stated the request towards myself. So I was able bring myself through this but it would be helpful, if we are to do this every day, to also navigate varied feelings that do not come from conflict with others. Can you help ?

[@charlesgonsalves7698]

I am confused about how to arrive at a thought from a physical feeling. Eg, shortness of breath and tension. Less difficult but still unclear to me at the observation stage. Eg, I recorded that I am probably not taking enough care of my body. Can you make a suggestion? Thanks!

[@melbalemley5733]

Where is the feeling list? How do I tell the difference in thoughts and feelings?

[@n.w.aicecube5713]

Could you consider making a video about irrational thoughts and how to deal with them. Thanks

[@CupofEmpathy]

What do you mean by irrational thoughts?

[@togethernz]

I love your offerings . but i cant watch this video because the background music is overwhelming me. the second music was much less distracting. I have enough background sounds in my own environment.

[@margaretlew3265]

1

[@claudiapatricia4038]

I have a lot of difficulty making an emotional connection, understanding the other's feelings and needs, will this exercise help me? And besides that, is there any other exercise that helps me understand people's feelings and needs?

[@ritabrophy3755]

Where do I get the feeling list? Thank you

[@amykent4720]

Good morning! Can you feel two opposite things at once, for example this morning...I feel tired (I have a headache..my body feels tired) but I feel energised, I want to do lots of things today and feel motivated (but I also want to rest?)

[@roelofventer1729]

Would privacy be considered a basic need? I don't see privacy on any of the needs lists online and yet, privacy plays a big role in my own life and my interactions of others. If a person is unwilling to say how they feel, could that be because of a need for privacy, or could it be that they lack trust in my integrity?

[@CupofEmpathy]

Hi Roelof, about privacy: I totally acknowledge this is super important for people, and it is debatable whether it is a need or a highly favored strategy, like, for example, a love relationship also is. The needs behind privacy as a strategy could be: a sense of safety and rest, relaxation, protection from judgments/comments/punishment, staying self-connected..If a person is unwilling to say how they feel, there could be many things behind. Actually a lot of the above mentioned needs, and yes there also might be a need for trust..does this answer help you?

[@neilrollason]

Is there a link to feelings,thoughts and needs lists,as can't really see them using my phone.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yes, you can download them here: cupofempathy.com/get-the-empathy-toolkit/

[@grittygoddess]

What if there is nothing to do- no request can be done?

[@isabellekeyzer]

Where do I find your lists of feelings and nerds?

[@CupofEmpathy]

cupofempathy.com/get-the-empathy-toolkit/

[@ArneHoe]

What is your need behind requesting my email address before revealing the lists?

[@DarkMoonDroid]

2:32 I tried to do this last night when I was tired and I had too many problems. So, I put it off until today. However, I'm still having this problem. I do not agree that feelings are created by thots. I know the theory, but it doesn't match my experience. This could be because I have CPTSD. IDK But I can't follow this protocol. In addition, locating feelings in my body only results in having bodily sensations. That's not the same as an emotion - which, I suspect is what you're looking for. Correct? So, I think I have to think about how I do this myself and get back to you. I do this differently.

[@Holocat999]

I have CPTSD too and I think maybe it doesn't matter if emotions or thoughts comes before the other. I think the important is just to identify both so you can identify what need needs to be adressed? If it results in bodily sensations, maybe it's not the best time to do the exercice. Maybe doing a relaxation session before would help. Meditation, or an epsom salt bath, or walking a little into nature? Maybe in 2 months you have found a solution though. :)

[@paulineharry]

Is it possible to find a NVC coach?

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yes, I can recommend Cara Crisler who I promote on my website: cupofempathy.com/private-sessions/. And email me at [e-mail] if you have any questions.

[@claraandriessen8423]

I am curious: In NVC can we ever hold anyone accountable for anything like breaking a promise and the consequences of that? As in NVC it's all about self responsibility and freedom of choice, is my understanding...

[@jorgeguerrapires]

I am curious: In NVC can we ever hold anyone accountable for anything like breaking a promise and the consequences of that? As in NVC it's all about self responsibility and freedom of choice, is my understanding... (I am not sure it is correct, maybe you could express yourself better) Hi, I am new to NVC too, and I have been studying that with my heart since then. The key of NVC is talking to your self and other properly, in such a way that if something ends, it ends the best way possible. Before you hold someone responsible, as far as understood, you should talk to yourself and to the other person using the NVC steps, i.e.: i) clear observation (e.g., Mary, we have done a promise some years ago and last time…) ii) it makes me feel… iii) I have a need for …. iv) clear request (e.g., would you mind let me know why)? At least for me, non violent communication should be used after you achieve a certain level of wisdom (e.g., you must have empathy, maybe the person broke the promise because she had something much bigger in her/his head). Important, according to NVC; i) do not blame the other person; ii) do not judge with final goal of punishing; iii) talk no-violently with yourself and with the person. I hope that helps, let’s learn to talk NVC!

[@woffordwolf2071]

Not accountable, but what you do is look for your need and try to communicate it.

[@claraandriessen8423]

@@jorgeguerrapires I am not new to NVC yet still have questions. I'm happy with the way I expressed myself, what is not correct according to you? I am familiar with the steps in NVC and also with empathy yet I am just not sure whether I like to communicate in a way that no one is ever accountable for anything because I do believe we have responsibilities towards each other and it is also ok to talk about that.

[@claraandriessen8423]

@@woffordwolf2071 Yeah I'm not sure I like that.

[@woffordwolf2071]

@@claraandriessen8423 are you upset about certain situations in which you thought you were unfairly treated by your definition? ok we can think they should pay for what they did wrong all we want, how is that gonna change it? The best thing we can do in any case is express our needs as best we can without accusing because that will make it less likely that we get what we want. I am not saying that we cant sue them or go to court. We as humans can say someone is accountable but cause and effect (karma) is the real measurement.

[@alexmcc4576]

Are you ok? You look troubled :-(

[@CupofEmpathy]

I dont know this was 3 years ago now, haha!

[@jerubaal3333]

[@JournalForYourLife]

Thank you