TRANSLATE YOUR JUDGMENTS INTO NEEDS WITH NVC

[@debrac1688]

I'm a verbal processor , I think aloud. A way it helps me to get clarity is to to talk it out.

[@fresquez]

Jackal: “You should have noticed, should have offered, and should have helped our hosts clean up the table at the lunch we were invited to.” After watching this video: “I notice I want to show my consideration and respect to our hosts, and want to express awareness of my appreciation by giving support to the clean up. Would you be willing to join me in helping them clean up?” Yikes that is wordy, but it feels better and less jackal-y

[@sherrys472]

Tone of voice is so important here and clearing your intent

[@Xeronimo74]

I'm so applying NVC in my relationship right now and it really helps wonders! This stuff should be taught in school ...

[@DarkMoonDroid]

IKR? While I was in High School, I actually took a class being offered by a Church in what used to be called "The 'I Feel' Formula" back in the 70's. I had to leave school to learn how to do relationships. In fact, I dropped out of high school because it didn't teach me anything that really mattered in life. Like, how to be in relationships. I couldn't use anything it taught if I didn't know how to do relationships first. ~Trauma Survivor

[@Paul_Built]

"Should" is a judgement. 😉

[@wittjablonski2699]

We cant make all judgements wrong. Discerning is great. It keeps us safe. Example...our child wants to play in the street and we are discerning their safety is at risk. Judgements can be considered more arbitrary things like opinions on people and situatuons that are often stemming from pain. I think it's so important we dont make all judgements wrong...cause to judge is to discern in some situations. And its impossible for a human to not do this. But being aware of unhealthy judgements is 100% important and valuable!

[@aurelienyonrac]

Who is willing to teach it in school ? And what do you feel about nvc training program. 6 years plus review each year. It makes sense to me and sounds exciting. Anyone els ?

[@Dinakourouvani]

what you said about not judging the judgment resonates so much with me. Before knowing NVC I tried to implement the intention “ I will observe without judgment “ and in 2 weeks I understood that this in itself was judgment and blocking of the thought and emotion

[@propertypals5104]

I laughed out loud at 4:40 and felt strong joy when I saw the jackal have some headphones pop on his head. Really met a need for some humor in me and a need/desire to recognize others for their creativity and expression. Thank you!

[@veinicios]

I've noticed your accent and I love it. Also I really appreciated the way you were talking, I received what you were communicating so full of joy and wanting to learn more about NVC. And I felt very relaxed by your voice tone. I'm so glad to have found your channel. Thank you so much!

[@lookingtouchingloving5742]

Thank you Marianne! Enjoy every video you talk. It's easy to apply and helpful so much for me. I would like to apply more in my life. You are so compassionate!

[@CupofEmpathy]

thanks for the appreciation!

[@yonitlev5720]

I love your videos so much! I love that you're bringing a personal example and the vulnerability. It helps me build my own model of an NVC instructor, it shows me the power of vulnerability and I feel really connected to you, and this video -as others, supports my own learning and my ability to introduce NVC to other people with your videos. Thanks again!

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank youououou! sweet to receive!

[@acceleratedtrainingacademy]

Love this video

[@CoryTyler]

Well done, Marianne. I really enjoyed listening to the way you share NVC. Meets my needs for ease and understanding. I'm an NVC enthusiast and speaking at the annual NVC Conference next month in Santa Barbara, California. Thanks again for taking time to produce these videos. Your joy in practicing and presenting Nonviolent Communication shines through! Best, Cory Tyler

[@CupofEmpathy]

Hi Cory, I just read your comment, so happy to hear this and feeling grateful that you take the time to express which needs the video met. Good luck with speaking at the conference!

[@UclaXi]

Chi of Love, thank you Cup Of Empathy for another FUN look at NVC😎 Love the pauses, love the celebration dance, love the 'new age judgment' and especially love 'Observe, Catch & Translate' (phenomenal). How are you feeling right now reading this? Are you being showered with love, understanding & support?🙏 (Btw, a little philosophical aerobics for you: Is the word 'negative' a judgment word implying good & bad?😎)

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thank you!!!

[@kA-dc6zq]

To avoid judgment needs first recognition and then practice. After getting familiar with NVC and watching your nice vedios, I have tried to change my judgments to mere observation. And it really has worked. And I give points to my students. Sometimes, we practice it in class. It's amazing. Thank you very much.

[@CupofEmpathy]

yay so happy to hear that Kazem!

[@annettevandenbos6897]

I really understood the meaning when you gave the examples and I like the drawings you used, thanks for sharing

[@CupofEmpathy]

Glad it was helpful!

[@annitimmermans2434]

Nuttige video, ik ga dit proberen toe te passen in mijn relatie met mijn man.

[@carolineaustin4138]

You're not coming at the last minute meant you lacked interest. Your reason for not coming was weak and inadequate. My needs: predictability, harmony, reciprocity ("After all, I'm here."), company/companionship, completion (The group feels incomplete if someone is missing or not present in usual way.

[@HeyMerissaAlexis]

I am so happy to find your videos!!! I’m excited to start this journey :) Thank you.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Happy to hear Merissa, enjoy and give me feedback or questions if you want!

[@martinratcliffe5987]

Isn't the term 'nonviolent' quite a violent and evaluative title? That's a major stumbling block for me. Why do we need to judge ourselves for expressing ourselves unhelpfully?

[@CupofEmpathy]

I agree and I made a video about why I dont like the name. I just would not be found online without it unfortunately.

[@nicolereneecarpediem]

The caveat for all of these strategies is that the effectiveness is much lower with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and possibly other severe emotion or personality disorders.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yes I agree. Will make a video about that someday!

[@theresebroderick]

Thank you.

[@CupofEmpathy]

You're welcome!

[@voluntaryanarchy7736]

Hi Marianne. Thank you for sharing this video with all of us! I have a question for you about the exercise of tying a need to a judgement. My judgement was "you allow your emotions such as stress to rule and consume you", referring to someone very close to me in my life. When I tried to tie a need to this judgement, I found that I was thinking of needs I thought the *other* person might meet by overcoming this tendency to be ruled/controlled/consumed by these unpleasant emotions such as stress. I want this individual to have more stability and inner power to process their emotions in a more healthy and productive way. Could you help me to understand if this was not what you had intended in the exercise? I think that the need (my personal need) I am having trouble with identifying is something other than the two I listed above. I feel angry and frustrated on several occasions with this individual seems to lose control of her inner-peace and ability to take responsibility for her stress.

[@CupofEmpathy]

Thanks for this question, this is something I've seen happening a lot. Indeed the needs you wish for the other, are not YOUR need. The way to figure out your need in this situation is to ask yourself: what would it bring you if she would have the power to proces her emotions? Is it that you feel powerless witnessing her, and would like to contribute? Or you would like some relaxation while being with her?

[@voluntaryanarchy7736]

I like your two guesses of what my need might be. I think that powerlessness is the more accurate of these two. I desire connection with her, and I mourn a loss of that connection when she processes her emotions in the way she sometimes does. I will think on this some more. Thank you, Marianne!!

[@TheHappyDreamCtr]

Thank you for this! It helps meet my need for hope and fun. After watching it I noticed that I have some jackal going on in my mind. It was subconscious until now. But I can see how people have been responding to me as if I have been speaking it out loud to them. I'm excited to meet this with empathy and to see how it effects my relationships. I subscribed and I'm hoping that you make more. Teska in Asheville, NC, USA

[@vandijkmarianne1]

Interesting Teska, how you noticed that even when you don't say the jackal out loud, it still has an effect. I can relate to this. I wish you many wonderful effects on your relationships and fun exploring your jackals :-D

[@emilyhaggstrom358]

What do you do when the need is not a personal need, but a need to protect someone else? For example, I don't like the way my husband talks to our child. I feel like his words hit a lot of her needs, like her needs for self-esteem, confidence, freedom, and connection with her dad, but I don't know how to address this from a place of my own needs and feelings.

[@paulineharry]

You might try understanding the attackers needs and empathizing with him. You might say the you have a need fir trust, safety, and equanimity and it seems threatening and hostile, uncomfortable. This might provoke defensiveness , so I’d try the first idea.

[@CupofEmpathy]

You can ask yourself: if the need for my child was met, what would that bring me? What need of mine would that meet? But I also think it's ok to just mention the need you value for the child, esp. if they cant speak for themselves. And esp. if you are raising the child together I imagine you would want to get on the same page :-)

[@reviveosteopathy2832]

Hi there! I was wondering if it is worthwhile to try using this language with someone I am not yet dating but already am noticing some bothering things with. Because we don't have an obligation to one another, do I have a place in stating what I'm feeling/needing?

[@martinratcliffe5987]

Why not start as you mean to go on, as far as authentic communication is concerned.

[@junyabuuchi18]

Thanks for sharing, it really helps. I've tried to apply it to me and the fact that I can feel annoyed and irritated by persons who often complain about their situations. But I'm stuck and can't really identify the need behind that feeling. Could you help me please? Merci :)

[@DarkMoonDroid]

And there's a feeling associated with this example as well: _I feel _*_Confused._* And then the request would be: _Can you help me understand?_ This is very disarming.

[@trojan1506]

Observation: She said I was acting out of the advice of others and didn't know what I wanted. She also said that we should not rush things and see what we wanted out of our future. Judgment: I am not aware of what I want out of this relationship and I am not confident about resolving conflicts. If you can also tell me if this process of finding the need is what you would call acknowledging the need. Or is acknowledgment something different?

[@CupofEmpathy]

Yes finding and acknowledging is the same I think! Do you know what was your need? Maybe you wanted some confidence?

[@sharonlouis426]

I noticed that in the needs list I actually felt I needed all the ones that are under love. But it would be a bit strange and difficult to mention all those needs to this friend, who did not react to something of me in the right way. What would you suggest to do then?

[@Johansebastion]

sharon louis I use the list of needs to connect with myself to transform my feelings and become aware of what’s alive in me and then I’ll use just one or two of the needs that best capture what I’m experiencing to communicate to others. Often I can group a few of the needs into a single word like “love” to represent connection, compassion, attention, consideration etc. I find this helps me with both understanding my own inner world and also sharing my truth effectively in real world moments. The request is where I can be more specific about what I’m wanting so it allows both efficiency for expression and also to meet my needs in tangible ways.

[@debrac1688]

My jackal language: " I hate nvc. It tells what I can or can not say. I'm f_cked. I judge all the time and I'm impatient ( I have ADHD)) and don't want to listen.. " NEED please send me a text

[@zhcoop]

You have a strong need for autonomi?

[@zhcoop]

You have a strong need for autonomi?

[@wandaad]

Jackals are amazing sensitive and clever beings. it's a shame this method adds to the bad name these viciously hunted animals already have.