Staying Stuck in Bad Jobs, Bad Relationships FEELs Like The Safe Choice: Here's Why

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Being STUCK means you know you’re in a bad place, but you don’t have the power to do anything about it. Most people get stuck sometimes, but those who were abused or neglected in childhood have extra susceptibility to staying in bad jobs and harmful relationships. It may be driven by financial insecurity, health problems, shame, fear of being alone, low self-esteem, or the freeze response. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who KNOWS she's in a bad situation but struggles to take action and change her life.
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[@CtrlOptDel]

“The comfort zone” is rarely actually comfortable, it’s just a place to hide from the necessary changes that’ll make you even more uncomfortable in the short term but leave you less uncomfortable once you’ve gotten through the transitional state…

[@irismramor9238]

thats so so very true !

[@alisoncanty1894]

Wow. I needed to hear this. Will have to remember it. 🙂

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Well said. TeamFairy

[@angelisa368]

Well said.❤

[@thisoneladykaty]

The relief I felt when I heard you say that she is 47 and in her prime time to be thinking about what she is going to be doing for money. I'm 32 and feel so far behind.

[@BooThing14]

42 here and just now etching out my identity and vocation, so you're not behind everyone 😘 May the Father heal us, bless us and prosper us in Jesus name. ❤

[@TheKrispyfort]

46 here 😅

[@TheKrispyfort]

There's people who have only started to build anything for themselves in their 50s. The difference is that they're supported in doing it

[@teriyakiwilson7072]

Dealt with a 45s man who feels like he can't leave his heterosexual life and explore his sexuality. He's miserable in a crappy marriage and societal normalities. People think 40s is too late... its not love 🙈🙈

[@lsdivers]

im turning 32 in a few months and i completely agree.

[@wallymarcel1]

No, their questions were not reasonable nor were they “ just curious.” They were envious of her award ( and probably her talent too)so this was a tactic to repeatedly break down her good feelings about herself. Get the hell away from these a-holes, honey. Pursue your music. It’s so healing.

[@restlesswildhorse]

Exactly!!

[@BeckyAnnHill]

Oh my gosh the timing of this video! I am in the middle of being forced to move from our home with a beautiful backyard into a small apartment because that is all that is availavle that is affordable in our area. I just had my 3rd child and am turning 40 in a couple of weeks. My relationship is falling apart. My body is falling apart. Everything is changing...but I have been stuck. Stuck in a run down house with a leaky basement because we were in love with the yard and afraid we couldnt ever get better. Stuck in an unhealthy relationship afraid to go to counseling together because it would be the last effort and I am afraid if it fails. Stuck in bad habits because I am afraid to get better. Stuck in a fear that I chose to remain stuck in over loving my children enough to rise to challenges and better our lives. Life just came along and shook that all up...kicking me in the butt because I dont think I would ever believe in myself enough to take steps to unstick myself. I have alot of work ahead of me, but this video was the final sign that something greater than myself believes in me and its about time I believe in myself too.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

You can do it! We'll be rooting for you. Daily Practice can help. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice TeamFairy

[@deb9784]

Oh my, great things ahead for you! Please take it one step at a time. I started saving money and excersizing. The healthier I feel, the simpler it is to see clearly. I am being empowered as a set my own goals towards stabilty in my own life! ❤

[@michelle4688]

Omg, this defines my existence. "The closest thing to safety that I have in your life." Mind blown open. Thanks to your channel, which I only discovered a week ago (!!), I am really coming to terms with how CPTSD from childhood trauma is impacting my life. Thank you so much, CCF!

[@nyaweez2020]

​@@danilaroche1156🎉🎉🎉🎉praise God @danilaroche1156 praise Jesus who is merciful!

[@amberinthemist7912]

I've allowed my parents way too much influence in my life. The narrative has always been that I was lazy and irresponsible. That continued into my 40s. And I accepted it as truth. I realized in 2020 exactly how toxic my family has been to me, especially my abusive older sister who I have cut off. I have completely reordered my life and I'm in the home stretch of an international move 2000 miles away. It's both exhilarating and terrifying but I've just got to sink or swim away from these people who constantly belittle and trigger me. Unfortunately I'm now back at home living with them for two weeks but I will survive!

[@EnliveningJustice]

Get through the 2 weeks and get out! Best to you and your new journey! Please come back & update how you are, Amber.

[@mon4711]

Oh my that sounds so similar. I am terrified of making big desicions, and I wonder sometimes if it's this. Hope you're better now.

[@Chahlie]

The letter writer's dilemma is exactly why we must go no contact and STAY that way. They simply no longer exist. My family is all within a couple miles from me, and I have made routines to never run into them but they are always THERE. A couple incidents of running into and coming out the better (a smile and a breezy "Hello! Beautiful day!") has made it less fearful to be in public, but one day I will live somewhere that I am not always kind of looking around :)

[@nosiphodywili35]

I stayed in a bad relationship because he's the only man who offered to let me stay home and raise our child ... And I was scared to leave because I didn't want to lose the benefit of staying home with my baby... But I had to make that decision .. I know I'll have to work all my life but I'll try to get remote work so I can work from home and stay with my child... I left my son with his grandmother for now so that I can get on my feet because I am going to be a single mother now. ❤

[@johngallagher72]

🙏❤🙏

[@amithebrand5095]

You got this! ❤ good job

[@vnette9777]

♥️💯🙏

[@nq3670]

Seek God he’s faithful he’ll help you. He did for me, ask for wisdom, power & knowledge. I decided to stay single, my choice. Wasn’t easy but God saw us thru. My son is 22 now & God always provided.

[@clancykeegan748]

Similar story. I'm almost 59. I never got any recognition for being abused. I'm the scapegoat. Many golden siblings. I came to live around the corner from them when I was a single mum. Thinking we could play happy families. Bad idea! I left at 17 and was determined to have a great life!!!! And I did! I became an artist when my son was born. I'm still pursuing it. Money has been an issue, but I keep going. Don't wait for your family to change or admit they were wrong. Let them go with love and live your life!

[@rosiecesareo8092]

I know its not meant that way, but sometimes I can't help feeling that being told that we are all responsible for our own recoveries is like telling someone in a wheelchair to just get over it and get up and walk. Sometimes the damage is so bad that you can't just shake it off. And you can't carry on as if it never happened, or get used to it, or I don't know what. Logically, I know how to minimise my symptoms in order to function properly, but I can't escape the feeling that I'm walking round with a gaping hole in my middle that probably everyone else can see. I am not whole. How can I be when I have this well of sadness left to me by the utter misery of my childhood?

[@restlesswildhorse]

Well said 😌

[@littleblackbabycat]

Yep... realised I've done this so many times😢 I've been craving and chasing security and safety in all the wrong, unhealthy ways.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand that perfectly here. TeamFairy

[@bearifiablepau2095]

A pianist once told me that people who have the passion for playing (any instrument really) are sensitive souls. I'm so happy this woman, this sensitive soul is pursuing her beautiful talents. It takes true strength and courage to do so in the face of apathy. ❤👏👏

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@InvisibleBorderline]

I stayed in a marriage for 30 years for these reasons. I traded financial safety for emotional misery. Finally couldn’t take it anymore and fell apart Had an emotional breakdown.

[@EnliveningJustice]

That's what I'm doing now. So convinced this is as good as it gets. I'd say: ' _At least I'm not living in my car!_ ' How are you now?

[@InvisibleBorderline]

@@EnliveningJustice putting myself back together. I left that marriage in bad shape and fell in love with a malignant narcissist. That never ends well and it didn’t. Almost 5 months no contact. It’s day by day.

[@redwardsfowler]

This is still something that I am working through. I still remember saying to my therapist many years ago that I felt "comfortably uncomfortable."

[@rowanhard]

This is my “the evil you know is better than the evil you don’t know”. Which isn’t always true of course but when you have many fears, it’s something you cling to in order to save your sanity.

[@gobears6487]

All I could think while listening to the letter was "Get out get out get out".... there are so many reasons to go no contact, especially when you have dreams and talents that are totally not supported by your family of origin (on top of past abuse). BEST BEST BEST of luck in the piano thing, and congratulations... run with it! 👏🎶🎵

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy

[@patriciapiper6294]

Dearst pianist, I've got your back baby!!! When i was compelled by mother to learn piano, she also did everything possible to make me fail!!! And i did!!! Years went by and i tried again and was great.😮 revenge is sweet my love❤❤❤❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy

[@surfrby8876]

I can identify with this story very much , I grew up in a similar situation with my family , also a lot co - dependency going on here,I became caregiver for both my elderly parents during the Pandemic they were alcoholics and rage aholics growing up , I have two sisters that have addiction , mental illness , so they weren't able to help much , But all my trauma came back when I was around these people , even though I have done alot of therapy and a member of Al-Anon , I lost my parents during Covid but I didn't bounce back , the trauma remained , I'm working on it ,I tend to isolate , so I have to remind myself to reach out out and ask for help , Sending love to you Connie , I'm an artist musician also , and it's not easy , stay with your passion follow your muse , thank you for this video it helped me today

[@amyb7823]

Thank you for acknowledging childhood neglect because I feel like that's gets overlooked a lot of times when discussing the subject of CPTSD. My father died when I was 8, having a heart attack while driving the 2 of us home from my softball practice. It was very traumatic and scary but what was equally as traumatic was the neglect I suffered due to my mom's grief and inability to get over his death. It changed our family forever. I don't feel I was abused, just profoundly neglected so that is why I appreciate the acknowledgment. Thank you.

[@catenelson7848]

Just one niggling point: Anna says "I don't know the context of what you hold against [your older sister] so badly" It was there ---- Connie said she was "abused" by her older sister, and that "In college, my older sister convinced my parents I should quit music, and I was forced to quit ... This same sister stole my graduate school acceptance letter and I almost missed the deadline to confirm the spot." Also when the older sister would decide to step in and help with parents, she was "in charge" and "giving orders" to the sisters who were there and doing the work. It sounds like the older sister was a sibling who was in on the scapegoating along with the parents. That would be an interesting topic to hear what Anna might have to say about it. Anyway, the solution was definitely spot-on and great!!! Sounds like older sister is one MORE good reason for Connie to not live near her family. .

[@ebbyc1817]

" "In college, my older sister convinced my parents I should quit music, and I was forced to quit ... " The parents made the decision. "the same sister stole my acceptance letter and I almost missed the deadline to confirm the spot" hmmmmm When the older sister would decide to step in and help, she was " in charge". Older siblings are often in charge. She felt bad for the aunt because "while she wasn't easy to deal with " what does this mean? "Thought that my cat's diet schedule... " the cat has a "diet schedule" ? The letter is written by someone who quit a job voluntarily to go live with parents, making herself financially dependent. Or could afford to not move back and decided to move back anyway because "her younger sister wanted help in not being the only one to deal with her father". It sounds like she is the opposite of her older sister. Doesn't take charge. Blames everybody else.

[@user-hx8bu8ee8i]

@@ebbyc1817 That´s a really surprising and judgmental response to me considering what she wrote: "Beaten to unconsciousness", "learned to take temperature and take care of oneself when sick as a kid" "cooked my own food at 6 years old" "abused by father encouraged by sister". As mentioned the older sister did a lot to sabotage her. Connie has trauma! Zero doubt about that.

[@ebbyc1817]

@@user-hx8bu8ee8i I was too busy earlier to write a longer answer. All of the above can be true, you can have trauma and be terrible at taking charge of your life and be resentful of your older sister and and and... One doesn't cancel out the other. That's why these videos are helpful, to learn to be responsible in spite of everything that happened. Like holding onto a job, not moving back home, having boundaries, not taking responsibility for other people's problems and emotions, not expecting people to run to your aid, etc etc Just my take on it.

[@rowanhard]

@@user-hx8bu8ee8i Things like Connie’s experience’s are even more hurtful when the one doing the hurting is someone who you should be able to rely on 100%.

[@user-hx8bu8ee8i]

@@ebbyc1817 I agree completely that you have to take responsibility for your own life. I just disagree with the cold tone, it doesn't help someone who´s already struggling immensely in their life. Why else would she write in?

[@luum8573]

I'm glad you bring up bad jobs specifically. I would say I've healed like 90% in most areas of my life. I'm now moving from working in gastronomy to studying informatics. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to make up my mind. I was constantly questioned by friends and family why informatics, why the place where I wanted to study. Despite it being a good change, I faced so much resistance. Friends kept projecting professions onto me, that just wouldn't suit me or wouldnt grant me a long term perspective. You or Dr Ramani once said, that narcissistic work environments actually resemble toxic family patterns (the boss having scapegoats, golden child, enablers etc). When you work for a toxic person, you stop growing. Gastronomy (insert other branche) often lacks healthy structures, and so do toxic families. Structures that may lack in the work environment, talking about lacking time schedules, range of tasks you're supposed to do, opening times, having a moody boss or superior can all be indicators, that you may encounter in your work environment. Hence, you fall back into your adapted survival techniques in your work environment. Unfortunately, friends are not really helpful when talking about these subjects, because just like with toxic families, when someone has no experienced it himself, it can be so hard to understand, that you cannot just quit or make demands or speak up to resolve the situation. Colleagues unfortunately often only serve as enablers, who gaslight you into coping strategies, and you're likely to comply because you're the new one and think things will change for the better. To everyone who has been in the same situation: Your career life will continue without that toxic job, no matter how your colleagues will talk about you when you leave, you will be capable of paying your bills, this environment is not forever

[@suzannaflores1164]

thank you for this

[@sharonthompson672]

7:04 Oh, gosh...all the questions? That's so they can sabotage your plans. Ask a neighbor to watch your cat, or a pet sitter, please. ❤️

[@sophirichmanfletcher4657]

Right? She didn't address the cat situation and I'm fearful of the writer leaving it with these crazy people. 😳👀

[@sharonthompson672]

@@sophirichmanfletcher4657 Same 👍 My alarm bells were going off and she needs to set those boundaries, like yesterday. Although I also understand it's a process, and sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees, especially when they're close and pushing those boundaries, I'm so much better and more resilient with distance between us. 👍

[@dawnkikong637]

(Edited my typo.) Yes, they ask certain questions to plant seeds of doubt or to determine what to subtly criticize or when to withhold approval. It's not from a place of sincere caring.

[@PlannersByKat]

I'm proud of her for getting away once. I hope she can find a way to get money and move away. I wish making enough is always easy. I hope she gets a break from her problems and then she can think of career or job options. I'm guessing she felt like she has tried all the jobs/careers and nothing's left. Life can be hard. I feel for her,

[@cathinuferrous2336]

Over the years it’s been so easy to get sucked back into my family dynamics… I begin to forget and miss them. I think of it as being diabetic sugar is good but, it just doesn’t do me any favors! I can only do my family on tiny doses. It’s up to me to take care of me first! My elderly mom needs help but, I have to let others do more and expect myself to do less. I don’t wish it was this way but, I’m like a diabetic and she is sugar 😑 it’s not my fault I’m diabetic but, if I eat to much sugar that’s my fault. (That’s a metaphor- I’m not diabetic)! Connie, play piano BE amazing to yourself… your family is never going to change (if they do great) but, you can… you can do the things to actually be GOOD to yourself. The Daily practice has certainly helped me😊 sending good thoughts your way!

[@yuyugo62]

When you started reading the letter I thought you were narrating my story or that my sibling wrote you 😯 very similar in the first half. I went back to my parents because of burnout too and then pandemic happened, I felt trapped and lost my motivation, confidence and energy to fight back when my parents were cruel to me, I lost the motivation to do the right thing for me, I knew they wont change, and I was so tired just surviving. I’m working on it... Connie you are not alone, sending a big hug 🤗

[@yuyugo62]

@@hddh8974 thank you for your kind words, yes I have to make a plan. I’m glad there are people who understand us 🤗

[@raslalique]

Winning prizes at 47 for playing the piano Connie?! That's amazing!

[@willywokeup9112]

I've been on my own since I was 15. I realized early on that my parents weren't going to be of any help in my life at all. at that time, the only thing I knew for sure is I don't want to be anything like them and I want to be far, far away from them. fast forward, I did seek out my dad when i was in my 40'S, over a cup of coffee with my dad, I realized I could never say anything about my childhood, it wasnt going to be heard. I just live with that. it is what it is.

[@Chahlie]

Hah! I quit my job on Monday. I do have a problem with toughing things out so as not to look like a 'quitter'. So many jobs have high turnover simply due to their nature (I work in hospitality), so it's hard to tell from the get-go. I also could no longer function in this job- a commercial kitchen utterly infested with rats, dead and alive, and I just know they'll be saying I wasn't 'tough enough' and 'suck it up buttercup', just like they said about everyone else who has left. :(

[@kimperes5987]

I just gave my notice as well! Let freedom ring!! No more being stuck at a desk while life passes me by.

[@zerbirae4224]

Congratulations on making a much needed change for yourself! There's no better feeling than walking out on that last day, never to return😊👏👏

[@kittttcattt]

Amen to keeping a job. My own businesses were my favorite work I have ever done. That is why I need to heal and I had that anger, then my ma passed and I went waaaaaay off the deep end. I understand her sister....I have one, I chose not to have her in my life now. I want the energy to write you. This is all I can do. Wishing you (the writer) peace, hope and joy. Thank you Anna, this is much needed today.

[@punyashloka4946]

The closest thing to safety you have in your life, So True. Harsh reality of people struggling with childhood trauma 😅.

[@user-tl3lt9fl3f]

Hey Connie, Way to go to still follow your pursuits!! It sounds like you were like me growing up with Narcissist parents who neglected the kids emotional needs and then the kids competed for lack of normal emotional attention and the ability to express your emotions. We are the only ones who can control our destiny and you've probably been fed a huge lifelong dose of shame and guilt and narcissist energy to keep you coming back to feed their needs. So getting informed about narcissistic family relationships and it's affect on daughters of narcissists might really help you understand why you have such hurt and are so exhausted. I feel your pain and it is so deep and dibilitating. I'm also trying to break free because like you I cratered in a very tough high stress executive job because I've fought CPTSD all my life without knowing it or knowing why. Im 59 years old and I only recently learned what narcissist parent emotional abuse can do to a person. It leads to so much more trauma but you always think it's your fault. It was not your fault. But that said now you and I are the only ones who can learn to put it in our past and move forward. I listen to the CrappyChildhoodFairy and just keep moving forward. Like you I also feel so much constant criticism by my now elder parents and other adult siblings. But a lot of their criticism so am learning is never going to change because many of them have high narcissist personalities. But I do not want to pass this on to my two children. It is not the legacy I want to leave and I don't want to end my life full of anger and resentment. I feel your deep pain. I'm right there in the trenches with you,!! But we can both get out. We both have really awesome talents so let's use them and just take the reins and not wait for someone else to save us because no one is going to do it. We can save ourselves and we are both worth it!!! Sending you tons of love. You are a warrior because I think like my family you were so emotionally neglected and you had so much heart that you really suffered and have really felt hurt and alone all your life. There are others like you out here. So don't give up! I'm way older! You can fix it and heal and you have a lot of great life to live!!

[@user-hx8bu8ee8i]

Good luck Connie and congrats on winning the piano contest!👏🍀

[@Seajunkie]

The timing of this vid in my life is amazing. I can’t agree more with the idea of having a stable and supportive form of income to maintain independence, even if it is 3 side hustle jobs. Im working on this myself. Many similarities to the subject here…

[@lilafeldman8630]

Yes you are totally correct finding a way to make money that works for you is a huge step in being able to move forward

[@fletcherjacobs3688]

I feel like I’m stuck being homeless. I got sober in February and have been dry since. Doesn’t seem like anything els is getting better

[@vnette9777]

🙏♥️💯

[@zerbirae4224]

Going sober is a huge accomplishment.. Keep going🙏👏

[@fletcherjacobs3688]

@@zerbirae4224 thanks. I tricked my brain to absolutely hate alcohol. Even hand sanitizer makes me queezy. I just want to be able to sleep somewhere that is safe and not an epa superfund site. Hold a job. Not die alone ultimately. But my depression is a major hurdle.

[@fletcherjacobs3688]

@@hddh8974 thank you 🙏

[@jaltphil8863]

What I really do like about your videos, apart from the subjects, is the fact that you speak in a moderate speed. You are not like those hectic instagrammers or wherever they post, instead you speak as if you had the time to pass your message and to go into detail, to be emotionally present for us and to be a role model. Also, Connie, I wish you all the strength to get out of this hell. I would never ever go back to my mother and I never really grieved that she cut contact when I left at a relatively young age. It makes things a lot easier. Don't feel obligated to help people who wouldn't do the same for you! It is not a contract, you are free to leave. Equally, I make a lot of music and like to sing and I swear musicians are funny, friendly and I rarely met an idiot or someone stupid among them! Keep on playing the piano, I wish I could!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for this encouragement for Connie from a fellow musician! Julie@TeamFairy

[@lauralafaille7895]

Way to go Connie!! Congratulations 🎹 I got goose bumps when Anna asked listeners to celebrate your winning. Thank you Anna for wanting Connie to get the recognition she deserves & is long overdue!! Im glad you wrote Anna a letter & wish you the best moving forward in the daily practice!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your congratulations & encouragement! TeamFairy

[@johngallagher72]

Yikes ...hope the letter writer gets to experience a little joy and happiness sounds like she's had a rough ride. 🙏❤🙏

[@cynthiahoag2941]

To put yourself out there with your musical abilities and be recognized for that., wow. That took courage. Give yourself credit for that. There's a healthy part of you looking for expression.

[@clairepurcell7577]

I relate so hard. One of the biggest hurdles in living life for me is the doubt, and it kept me going back for years in cycles. I constantly doubted my own memories, conviction, boundaries. I know that when I got out of the abuse, because it was my family/parents, and so much of how I viewed myself and the world was because of them, I would strive and work hard and get myself to safety or find little moments of happiness and then immediately feel guilt/doubt and think back "why did i leave, maybe it wasnt that bad, maybe I made it all up, maybe now we can have a healthy relationship, maybe they will be proud of me or i can help now, maybe if they see how good im doing we can move on"....so yeah, the doubt in myself and the "reality" of the situation kept me going back, analyzing and dreaming + ongoing parental rescue fantasy--maybe they'll be my parents now, care for me!! I get it.

[@alisoncanty1894]

This is extremely surreal to hear because this is my life right now. I understand, Connie, because I am currently in the same situation. Very frustrated although I know that I am free to leave but struggle with chronic fatigue and so I feel I need to stay where I am. My parent that I live with has said to me that they can get a live-in caregiver if I decide to leave but I am so exhausted physically I don't think I can. Going to talk with someone at my local church about all this on Monday. Hopefully, I will get some kind of resolution that will give me peace and joy.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Good for you to be reaching out! Keep searching for solutions. Daily Practice can help. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice TeamFairy

[@rachaelmacnair7133]

Congrats to Connie for following her passion no matter what her family says and writing in because she knows something has to change 🎉❤🎉 I also thought I could move back home, I was healed enough. I live with the fact that I wasn't and I had to move away from my elderly mother and live my own life. It's so hard but also *so* joyful Man, I hope Connie follows the music 🎶 Thanks CCF for choosing this letter I think it resonates with a lot of people and is making me think more seriously about the membership cuz this is exactly what I needed to be reminded of, personally lol 😊

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your encouragement! Here's the link to membership sign-up, we'd love to have you. Membership: bit.ly/CCF-Membership Julie@TeamFairy

[@apris666]

I watch all of your videos now and sometimes I go for long walks and listen to hours on end. Even if the words sometimes pass my consciousness after listening I just feel so good ! It is like regulating myself ! I have today started the daily practice after a high-stress situation and notice an IMMEDIATE change in my whole being ! Who knew it could be possible to take control of our own emotional state!!!!!!!!!! Really you are the best thing I have stubled upon after struggling all my life with C-PTSD and thinking it was something else (autism, anxiety, depression, borderline disorder...) when actually they were the SYMPTOMS of cptsd. You really are an angel and I am SO GLAD you are and keep on sharing your beautifull gift to help us heal ourselves, that no institute or other can help !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Truly so gratefull

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wow, I'm so happy to hear that! I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@leahv.2537]

To Connie, you're strong, talented and have the ability to rise above your current situation!❤😊 I've been a caregiver for my parents for almost 8 years, working on healing my chronic illness and pain. I'm in a selfish family of narcs who say they're going to help but never do. They've ignored me in the past when I asked for help in taking a break from caregiving in order to take care of my own health. I'm at the point now where I'm working to transition care for my dad and step away from my family. To Anna, your channel has helped me tremendously and I see a lot of myself and personal situations in the stories of others you help on this channel. Thank you, you're awesome keep up the good work.

[@connied8507]

I just have to point out - you were fixing meals and doing laundry at such an early age? You are an amazing person that has such strength! I hope you set yourself free from people who don't support your hopes and dreams.

[@lianacordova8094]

How do you have boundaries with aging parents but at the same time, also provide help the they need as they age?

[@Ktywolf]

That’s a tough one. 😢

[@Sanathias]

Maybe sharing the responsibilities with other people like family and home health nurses. Try to see what kind of help that insurance can cover.

[@johngallagher72]

Its hard ...im an only child so I didn't have this problem as I helped take care of my mom from the time I was 25 to 40. The one thing I found that really helped was and this is the best advice I could give you as someone who has done the caregiving thing twice . The other op is right ..divide responsibilities . Also as you can gain more expereince build a team or support network with extended family , friends support workers , social workers , community partners who offer delivery services.. These are all people who can help and offer vital resources that will help you.

[@lianacordova8094]

Thank you all.

[@EnliveningJustice]

My parents beat me when I was a kid & even still slapped me around when I was 38. When mom got cancer I was still their slave & the disfunctionality was still there even though she was very sick. We'll never be a normal, loving family. But I was brainwashed into staying to cook, clean, run errands, sit at Dr's offices etc etc etc while trying to hold down my job & my own life. I was expected to STOP DROP EVERYTHING to run to their aid, including having to listen to hours of trash talking that mom would do behind dads' back & vise versa. I was the maid, the nurse, the psychologist & taxi service to them both while my brother would disappear on drug benders for weeks at a time only to come back & scream & argue. When mom went into remission last Nov. I cut ties 100%. *I did enough!* I put my time in and I retired from helping ALL abusive toxic people, including my parents. I finally have the time to heal myself. I don't know how bad it is with you & yours but I have zero regrets cutting ties. Why should I be guilt-tripped into being someone's biTçh while I have no life of my own? I'm 43 & was always afraid & miserable. They got the first half of my 'life' now I will have the second half - _for me_ . Consider your options, Liana.

[@cccampbell5095]

Love ya Lady! Thank you!! That “learned helplessness” is an ass-kicker bouy!

[@WakingDreamCurrents]

I know this so well. Please keep going, Connie! Lean into your piano playing efforts. Don't let your CPTSD and others' negativity steer you away from your beautiful creativity. Sending you so much love and healing! 🙏💪❤‍🩹

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing your encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy

[@tothemoon8465]

Sending you strength!! U got the power you need within you. Learn to set boundaries. Start small. Get 1% better/healthier/stronger everyday. It will compound like mad!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing this great encouragement! TeamFairy

[@sagedandy123]

Omfg, ppls lives are so much worse than mine! Sending compassion.

[@mmmitchell6887]

I’ve been stuck forever but not with everything, just with big problems. I recognized it and slowly searched out to find help, like this channel. Working hard to move forward for a year now that I understand Progress is occurring slowly, it’s worth the effort. Go for the solutions and believe they are possible

[@sreeuma]

Connie..go ahead with your piano passion..all will work out and get away from your family and try to socialise in a new set up as ccf has suggested ❤️❤️❤️Wishing you all the best☺️🫰Sending you all the love🫶Godbless!!!💕

[@thisoneladykaty]

Idk if harsh is the word, but you laid into this one. I think this is the first time I've heard you say so strongly that she needs to get it together...more or less. Haha me too. Your videos help. A lot.

[@alicepeng3689]

Connie, sending you wishes here! This is to me as well. We want to be free and enjoy our lives. Shit happens, people hurt us, but we CAN and we WILL get back on our feet if we choose to!

[@stephaniedonatello6844]

Dear AWESOME🎀 TALENTED🎀 CONNIE - GO GIRL💃 AND TAKE THE WORLD BY STORM!💖💃💖

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy

[@maxmustermann7453]

Ana, you are just simply absolutely amazing! You can address address difficult issues, point to the core with kindness, firmness and avoiding all the "modern" psycho-bubble. You are a shining star on my horizon!

[@user-eg8bj6zl9m]

Congratulations to you 👏 🎉 The piano is a hard, difficult instrument to play. Focus on your instrumeant. Once you're back form the piano week trip, (you can take the cat with you in the hotel room or B&B) I'm sure, it'll give you the encouragement to move out on your own or with a friend or another family member. People are always renting out rooms everywhere! Just clean up after yourself. Don't be too noisy past 11pm. You will be okay, in an safe environment. With no toxic people are, or if the people you move in with are toxic. Just start looking for another place to move to. (listen to your body) Just Inform your roommate at the time that you are moving out. Because you feel unsafe, that's it, that's all. You got this! It's never too late to live your fulfilled life. ❤ Sending you peace ✌️ & love ❤️

[@LiQitskateboards]

Thank you for having this channel. ! I relate to these videos on so many levels!

[@JustCallMeLiberty]

Sounds to me like the mother was most likely a narcissist and was probably the golden child in her family with the aunt that died being the scape goat. Then the lady writing the letter was the scape goat witt her older sister being the golden child. They are all also jealous of her musical talent. I would think go low or no contact and definately move!

[@meaghenstandlee6644]

I love your advice to concentrate on her career find that path so she can get her own money and freedom to choose her next path 🙏 power is in the now! Looking back keeps her paralyzed in anger shame and loss of time

[@zaydamedina1475]

THANK YOU, CONNIE for writing this letter!❤🥳 I could easily be the author of this letter. It rings true to me, and my upbringing, in so many ways. The issues with the guy is the story of my life, and the primary reason why I started watching Anna. It's great to see that I'm not the only one dealing with feeling like I have a crazy family, and a crazy mindset about romantic relationships. I wish you much success in your music career, and abundance in love. ❤

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing your encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy

[@Ktywolf]

Thank you for your work. ♥️🙏🏽

[@lind5180]

Connie, I suggest you practice consistently the Daily Practice. I am new to this and it was difficult to get into the groove but I can see positive.....🎉

[@mamariahluz]

I’ve been following the channel for about 1,5 year and it feels nice to see new people being helped. Congratulations on the great work 👏🏻

[@rowanhard]

Connie, I don’t know you and will probably never meet but I love you as a person. It’s amazing that you have musical talent and even won an award! So many people are born into families that will never have their backs. They will betray you and hang you out to dry. Ditch them. It’s hard but it will help. You will never change them and you don’t deserve their baggage that they can’t or won’t sort out. For me when any opportunity to resolve problems with family is forever taken off the table, things get better. I still think about the past but it’s slowly getting better. I no longer have anything shoved in my face. The people who were doing the shoving are no longer around. Do whatever it takes to not let the people causing you misery live inside your head. The one thing that helped me the most was learning to forgive myself for my perceived and real shortcomings. I no longer was awake all night going over every stupid thing I’d said or done that day thinking I should or should not have said/done this and that. It was a start. Also, there was a guy on many of the talk shows years ago who walked the audiences through mentally putting the child you onto the adult you lap and saying “I love you and will always love you””. It sounds simplistic but it hit home for me. The unconditional love I had always wanted. I wish you all the luck in the world in everything you do. Remember to mentally hold yourself in your arms and love you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing these kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@nicoleb4295]

These are things I have struggled with my whole life. I don't believe I am likeable or deserving of a good job.

[@vnette9777]

Being aware of the issues are the First Step to Being Able to Change Them.🙏♥️💯

[@HappyCat1111]

I can understand why she moved back with her family because if you have no job and nobody who can help you, you might not have a choice. I’m in a similar situation but I have no place to go if things go wrong. It’s awful how isolating trauma can be. It makes it hard to adapt to the world and belong anywhere. And so when you move home, all those old childhood patterns resurface. It’s a hard situation.

[@MegLovesCute]

I found the feedback frustrating about the sister. Maybe because I still have a lot of healing work to do, but the sister has boundaries and stand up for herself probably because her parents taught her and allowed her to. My parents didn’t respect the boundaries I made and I gave up but my mom would encourage my sister to make boundaries with people. My mom never once allowed me to make boundaries. I always was too headstrong according to them and needed to do what they said more in their opinion. About her ruining or career or sabotaging her schooling, my sister did the same things to me. Older sisters given family power are horrible.

[@Darren-sn4ki]

I was raised in a narcissistic family dysfunctional religious family system and childhood trauma and emotional neglect and religious trauma and suffer from C-PTSD and feeling I’m not good enough even at work too

[@johndenver5015]

Hello again I also want to say that I'm starting to really like your videos when you read it and talk about what you read.. I have to admit when I first started watching your videos like this I thought I would be bored out of my head. I'm actually learning from the experience of others. You do a great job at it.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for watching! Nika@TeamFairy

[@Tratamientos44]

Yes the subconscious mind search always familiar patterns I realize that and I decided reprogram and create another reality

[@inacuro9385]

Started doing the daily practice and meditation and its really helpful. Thank you Anna

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Wonderful!

[@juliet8678]

Wow, SAME! Especially the part about being the youngest sibling having to take care of geriatric parents, and older siblings not helping at all, except for the "big stuff!" It's a very complicated situation, and like me, quite possible narcissistic parents made you totally dependent on them somehow. You feel responsible for taking care of them, and guilty if you don't (even if the situation is totally unbearable and abusive), which is why it feels impossible to set those boundaries. Caregiving is EXTREMELY stressful, so you have to take extra special care of yourself. If your parents can afford it, call in a home care worker a few times a week so you can get a break, practice your piano, take a peaceful walk in the woods etc. Sending you lots of love to extricate yourself from the unhealthy situation ❤️❤️❤️

[@sreeuma]

Connie..go ahead with your piano passion..all will work out and get away from your family and try to socialise in a new set up as ccf has suggested ❤️❤️❤️Wishing you all the best☺️🫰

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing your encouragement! Julie@TeamFairy

[@really5453]

There's no way to live with them. Just get out. Go anywhere.

[@laurar9748]

Brilliant advice!

[@Tratamientos44]

Love your channel more than others that talks about cpstd

[@winnielim80]

You are very authentic

[@sehrschee]

Ive been fallen off the path for so many times i stopped counting. Now i practics to remind myself that i am actualyl on a path again.. and the path is healing. Its different than getting the job or getting the girl or doing the things.. but its the only path thats worth going on right now.

[@kenpatching4465]

Charlie brown cartoons were published in the UK too

[@zaydamedina1475]

Hi, Anna! Although, I agree with all of your advice in this letter, I don't believe the parents have a screw loose lol (16:30). To me it sounds like most Latino families. (My father's side is South American; my mother's side Caribbean). Not necessarily anything nefarious going on with this woman's parents; it's just the attitude towards raising children that most Latin families have, especially when the parents are immigrants, and the children are 1st generation Americans. (I am a 1st gen American on both sides of my family). The parent(s)/ families feel as though the children "owe" them for having gone through the struggle of obtaining a better life for them. Granted, it often time IS a real struggle to enter this country, sometimes even life threatening; however, I agree with you. No matter the struggle, perceived or actual, it's a parent's obligation to provide a good and safe life for their children. To make children feel as though they owe the parents something in return is ludicrous. I have heard this scenario ring true from other 1st generation American friends of other countries, as well. I just wanted to provide some perspective. Thank you for all you do, Anna! 💗🤗

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thanks for sharing your experience! TeamFairy

[@vivianworden]

I do the daily practice twice a day but only for 10 minutes, not including the writing time. But that little bit helps. I don't have any extra time to give more to it. Its not that I ignore self care. In between my full time job. The animals i rescue and my regular pets. Plus i work out 3 times a week. Plus counseling i feel like i run to get to bed.😅

[@olivebroderick8251]

Fantastic news about the music award - keep your eyes on that 'prize' (ie your own passions and contributions in life). I have signed up to learn the techniques here because I know as a creative person, that they have helped even when maybe not consistently applied. Julia Cameron's The Artists Way' (original book) I found a good way of getting and keeping aligned creatively. I wish her the best of luck.

[@monehget]

Damn, this is exactly what I have and currently am experiencing... it is endemic to my current life "situation". I am on the ropes at my job, everything feels likes it's working against me ala Charlie Brown, living with abuser, outsiders recognize im "stuck", etc.

[@kathylovesmk]

I find I can only listen to short parts of your videos before I scroll because I feel like I'm going to throw up. I know this means I need to learn this, so I just take it bit by bit. Thank you.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Easy does it AND ... easy gets it done. Little by little. Julie@TeamFairy

[@creative1able]

There’s nothing wrong being older. Micro aggressions are bouncing off my boundaries to be sucked back into their sources. I haven’t worked my tail off to heal so that I can now be talked down and dissed because I live in an iggo , ageist society. There’s nothing shameful about getting or being older. Celebrating how far I’ve come!

[@RoadRunnergarage8570]

Praying Connie can follow her passion...

[@kiskakuznetsova503]

Your points about taking control of your life and accepting that our families aren't going to see our value is well taken but I think the trauma of being mobbed at her former job was overlooked. She has been mobbed and scapegoated by her family and then at work, where she has to go and endure to keep a roof over her head. Her family may well have had something to do with that. I know that many family scapegoats are also mobbed and harassed at their workplaces because people are cruel and they are cowards and sick people in management take out their illnesses on vulnerable workers.. You cover so many topics that nobody touches, can you add workplace harassment, especially mobbing, to your list? It is rarely discussed but for scapegoats it's a huge factor in why people can't help themselves. Employers put major barriers to just earning a living and keeping health insurance

[@fatuusdottore]

Being stuck with bad roommates/landlords for sure. Moving is like dating, unfortunately.

[@RoseRoseRose959]

big congrats Connie on your recognition in piano contest,I celebrate you💖

[@Lynn-uh4ul]

I love your insights, but I would have wished for more practical tips on how to heal this, instead of only mentioning your courses. They are surely grateful, but currently I can't afford them.

[@AsherahYamma]

The daily practice course is free and anyone who does that course can also do free group DP zoom meetings with Anna a couple times a month. I've met people in this community who turned their lives around without spending any money, because they didn't have it. Anna also always encourages people to attend 12 step meetings for healing and support - another free resource. I barely read comments and never write, but you are important to me. Go for it, like I did, it's the perfect time, no excuses...and change your life. Good luck!!!🤞🏻🙏🏻💗

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

@margoeyon Thank you for sharing your encouragement! So glad the DP & the calls have helped you! Julie@TeamFairy

[@charlottem6328]

Connie's story is also mine. But I found a trauma specialist and safrice to pay her. This is very good video. However I am not stuck. I am growing. Hope others find this video guide them well

[@monicaflowers6277]

Thank you ❤

[@karumina]

needed this

[@couldntholdacandle6681]

Being alone feels safe.

[@ireneramirez3691]

Congratulations Connie 🎉 we cheer for you ❤

[@nataliehelmig920]

"This is how you live with them - you don't!" 🤣

[@greyladydamiana]

Ima slide this into my watch later because I know it’s going to hurt and I definitely don’t have the spoons right now

[@amithebrand5095]

Sounds like a LatinX family. So many of us children of immigrants suffer the same 😢 I was a very parentified child, had to rush home from school and make dinner

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here! TeamFairy

[@KookyQ765]

❤❤❤ to you Connie !

[@sassymango9369]

Way to go on Connie ❤🎹