STOP Physical Conflict! 8 Signs to See Aggression BEFORE IT HAPPENS!

[@nikkib8811]

Really helpful and informative. I used to work with people experiencing difficulties and when you did the LOWLINE I realised that's the way me and my colleagues worked. However, it was something that took years to develop. It's great that there are now researched methods that people can use immediately. Being able to recognise when to use such methods is essential so thankyou for bringing all the information about how to recognise aggression and de-escalate, to people's attention.

[@TheBehavioralArts]

I love when people with experience in the field realize that there is cross over between what they learned and what is being taught. Thanks for commenting ❤️

[@nikkib8811]

@@TheBehavioralArts Yes, so true, and even with experience there is always more to learn. Thankyou

[@jk-ke6gz]

@@TheBehavioralArts hi I am a librarian and this information is very useful in working with the public. Is it OK if I share this with colleagues?

[@TheBehavioralArts]

@@jk-ke6gz absolutely! Please do 😊 glad you enjoyed it!

[@zxyatiywariii8]

@@TheBehavioralArts Thank you, this video is so helpful! 👍🏽 I'm neurodivergent, and I'm MUCH less fluent in reading human facial cues, compared to neurotypical people. It's weird, because I've always been really good at reading body language and audio cues of some NON-human animals (like dogs and cats) but people communicate so much with their faces! And that's something I've had to work on, all my life. Apparently I do SHOW the same facial cues as neurotypical people do (according to my friends and family) but if I see a picture of myself, I can't easily read even my own facial expressions. . . i.e., if I don't remember what kind of mood I was in when a photo was taken, I can't look at it and easily tell whether I was happy, or angry, or whatever. If you imagine yourself speaking a language other than English, which you know somewhat, but not fluently -- that's how it feels for me to read facial cues. It takes concerted mental effort, and gets exhausting if I have to do it for a long time with no breaks.

[@katanyajason3316]

Spidey, you know one thing that really sets you apart from any other people in videos like this that I've seen, is that you are able to mimic all these expressions yourself, and to top not off it's so spot on EVERY time! It makes it so much easier for the layperson to understand. Love your videos and your compassion and ethics as well. ❤

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Haha thanks for the kind words. I think being a stage performer really helps on that front 🤗

[@schmidtfjs]

@@TheBehavioralArts ​ @The Behavioral Arts Just saw a KZbin short of a comedian where he describes once being interviewed for entry to theatre school. He was sure he was to be rejected when he responded "I don't" to the question "Why do you want to act?" He was accepted because his follow-up was "I want to be a great comedian and someone once told me to be a great comedian, you have to know how to act" :-) Applies in a lot of professions! Great teaching Spidey!

[@surrayahsjewels]

Agreed!!

[@eragondragneal4008]

Tanya

[@XstonedmonkeyzX]

Hes a Master of Behavioral Expressions... He knows How to be 🤣🤣... Nah but Still GREAT video! 💪 Sigue pa lante

[@TheElbowMerchant]

I worked in a State Hospital with mentally disordered offenders, which in layman's terms means the "criminally insane." I've never seen this information broken down so thoroughly, and I'll be recommending the video to any and all of my friends and former coworkers, because it may very well prevent assaults, which are not uncommon. Many work in that environment long enough that they start to have pretty good instincts about when things are going to get violent, but newer staff and students can really benefit from this style of information breakdown, as I'd obviously prefer they don't learn the hard way (as many of us old timers have). One thing of note that I think is pertinent given where I worked, is that a flat affect (impassive or unemotional facial expression) can be pretty common with people who suffer from various mental illnesses, so in some cases, an attack/assault happen with basically zero visible facial cues. With that said, I do feel like this information is very valuable to anyone that works in forensics, corrections, etc. This comment isn't meant to suggest that we don't receive adequate training to work where I did, but rather to praise Spidey's method of teaching, because as another commenter pointed out, he clearly demonstrates every cue in a way that most visual learners can benefit from.

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Wow. This means more than you know ❤️ I’m so glad you enjoyed it

[@Wow-2375]

I took mobile X-rays in a place like that with no advice except “Don’t let the patient get behind you “ then the attendant left the room

[@VA_MamaBear]

Same! I took Non-Violent Crisis Intervention as part of my training at a psychiatric facility. Shockingly, there was no training given on how to spot pre-aggression. We were taught how to handle the patients once we were being attacked physically, and how to deescalate, but that seems a little late in the progression of the threat.

[@_Mr.D]

True, and sometimes it's not the verbose behavior, exaggerated movements or yelling that say's the person is about to go off. Some people will have a very vapid facial expression but there is a certain type of body language that belies their true intent. And you can tell that they are on the verge of doing really bad things. Those people frighten me a bit.

[@MsGilly]

Another key point to remember when dealing with a person who is very aggressive and/or angry is to NEVER tell them to calm down. I worked as a 911 call taker for a little bit and that was one phrase that would get anyone cussed out. My advice to calm that situation even for a minute is to tell them (in a softer or neutral voice) to take a breath. Obviously, that won’t work every time, but it works about 85% of the time. Great video, Spidey!

[@LoonyYunie]

Thanks, this is a very good tip that I have to remember!

[@zxyatiywariii8]

I used to have a coworker who had a very short fuse, and very long emotional "hang-fire".* Since we had to work together, I learned to beware of things that would trigger her anger, and I noticed that whenever anyone told her to calm down, that had the opposite effect, it would make her even angrier. It's interesting to hear how widespread that reaction is! *In the fireworks industry, "hang-fire" is the time between the end of the fuse, and the explosion itself. So when you can no longer see any fuse, but inside, it's still burning. When hang-fire is longer than usual, sometimes people will think the fuse has burnt out, and they'll pick up the firework. . . and it'll explode in their hands.

[@AriTheCentauri]

You're right about hitting/ punching/ kicking/ slamming things being aggression. I was told that when people hit/ kick objects, it's them trying to tell you how much they want to hit/ kick you

[@mikoto7693]

Yes I have the same unspoken understanding.

[@nightowl2481]

My daughter recently had a situation in that she went into a fawning reaction and then later was so mad at herself but I told her it had kept her safe. I’m sending her this video so she can more fully understand what happened - thank you for your amazing work

[@skwerl81]

I'm so sorry for your daughter's situation! But you can research into the fawn response, it has actually recently been discovered to be one of the trauma responses, just like fight, flight, and freeze. So, if she was in a situation with someone potentially aggressive, it makes complete sense!

[@suejones7390]

I never heard of the fawning. My CPTSD I probably've done it but I'm not quite sure. Definitely gonna look up

[@ofsoundmind143]

My abusive ex used to have that insane and violent stare when pushed to his breaking point. Luckily, he’s serving a 13 year sentence now, but unfortunately he went on to abuse others in order to get that time. Prosecutors need to stop allowing domestic violence to be pled down to misdemeanors. There needs to be zero tolerance for it. If he had gotten a felony for my abuse, beating, kidnapping and attempted arson instead of getting misdemeanor spousal abuse because he has a drug problem. The State cared more about the drug offense than the physical, emotional, financial, sexual abuses.

[@mikoto7693]

I noticed that in the guy in the court doing this even from the start. His eyes were absolutely locked on that judge. It was like a death stare. I also noticed his deadly stillness and the tension in his whole body and his arms, like he’s really ready to attack but barely restraining himself.

[@Tassie71]

I think it's called the predatory stare. Most seen in sociopaths, narcs and psychopaths. Hope you are safe now.

[@CatwomanMeowz]

I think I really enjoy your channel because of the parallels with my own field. I’m a trauma veterinary nurse- body language is HUGE in my field, since our patients are usually in pain or terrified or both AND we they can’t verbally communicate. Your eyelid lift was instantly evident to me because that’s something we look for in dogs and cats- that wide eye means “back up and reassess your approach” to me and my fellow nurses. Before someone loses their face. 😂 It’s fascinating, the similarities and differences in body language among various species.

[@giuliadesai]

Oh wow that's so cool!

[@labeaxyz]

Loved your input!

[@amandagermany5933]

On the topic of harming objects, my ex husband used to love to throw furniture. Namely, coffee tables. He always claimed that he wasn't being aggressive because he "controlled" himself and took it out on the furniture. We lost several.

[@jessibell2627]

Amazing. I work in veterinary medicine, where the rate of suicide is amongst the highest of all fields. Speaking personally and for a lot of my colleagues, the main source of anxiety leading to chronic stress in my job is dealing with conflict. I have over 10y experience in my field and many more years experience in customer service, and until the pandemic I was the one everyone at work turned to for handling difficult, escalating conversations and conflict. I had pride that I could de-escalate people and communicate in a way that brought everyone to agreement. However, during the pandemic I experienced so much conflict and "pre-aggression" from people, a handful of incidents that occured within a short time, that I became very fearful of interactions of any type, I experienced dissociative episodes, and after a 3 month break from talking to clients all together, I noticed when I did speak to them, the argumentative, aggressive behaviour escalated a lot quicker. It has occured to me, after watching your video, Spidey, that the trauma I experienced has severely impacted my former skills in connection and de-escalation. I believe now, after you have laid out all these pre-agressive behaviors, that being in a permanent state of fight-or-flight at work and being unable to remove myself from the situation (other than subtle avoidance behaviors like not answering the phone when I see it's a known difficult person calling, etc) I am constantly being forced into a triggering situation where my only option for self protection is fight. Because of this, I believe I subconsciously display some of the pre-aggression behaviours you have just illustrated and thus I escalate the situation instead of using the LOWLINE techniques I used to use. I no longer feel comfortable enough to express the vulnerability required for LOWLINE. This video has been very informative to me in highlighting the subtle facial expressions in a "what NOT to do" lesson for me. I'm not sure if I can ever go back to not being fearful and expecting the worst, but perhaps with these tools I can fake it till I make it. I long for the times when I didn't feel like I had to fight everyone who walks through the front door 😞

[@mikoto7693]

Jessi, I realise that I’ve come across this comment seriously late but I’m not sure what aggression vets or their staff experience. At a glance since I’ve never encountered this idea before and I’d guess that it has to do with vet bills. Is that right? I suppose I understand. My beloved cat has medical problems that my insurance won’t cover and I just can’t afford to pay for her treatment. But it doesn’t make me angry, it just breaks my heart. She’ll die because I can’t afford to save her and it kills me inside that her condition is fixable. It could be fixed if I had money. But while it’s incredibly sad and horrible, well vets are a business and there are thousands of pet owners with animals they desperately wish they could save but can’t. Vets wouldn’t make a profit if they took pity on every animal that needs them. It’s just sad. Or I suppose where I’m sad, others might feel anger.

[@user-po6lu3ws7n]

This video is so valuable! I’ve dealt with physical abuse growing up and it’s left me with a constant feeling of being unsafe when a conflict arises with others. This makes that physical element more predictable and informs me on how to de-escalate and protect myself if something heads that way. This helps me feel more in control of my safety and understanding what danger actually looks like. THANK YOU! so so so valuable.

[@louisjackson4634]

Such a great post Spidey! As a pub landlord, I occasionally have to de-escalate situations and this helps immensely with my approach. For me, intervening as early as possible is key to a safe outcome for all.

[@Sarah-Dub]

I'm currently getting my masters in social work and we talk about how to handle moments where individuals may get aggressive. It's good to know how to recognize and diffuse these situations. This is super helpful, thank you!! Spidey, you'd be a great professor! You make everything clear and easy to understand

[@cherishisgrace]

Makes me realize why people find me intimidating when seeing me: 1) My eyebrows naturally are in a angry state lol, everyone on my fathers side eyebrows are like that. 2) I have TMJ and have a tight jaw so it always looks like I’m tense in the jaw area. 4) I just have a good size nose and nostrils. I need to get a shirt that says I’m friendly 😂🤣! Great Video!

[@maryrobbins5388]

Same

[@TwistOfFate444]

You are my favorite discovery during the Depp trial and have remained bc your content is magnificent. Ty!

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Thank you 🤗 that’s so sweet

[@oliverholst5576]

Love this! I have 23 years teaching experience in aggression/challenging behaviour management; prediction, assessment and response to violence. I teach professionals to step back (balancing) and turning onto their side to protect their vital organs. I have personally spent thousands of man hours dealing with aggression and violence - I absolutely love this and with my experience you have still managed to teach me. ❤️ I kinda like the LOWLINE, however, it's not just healthcare considerations we have to remember (looking) but also cultural backgrounds (which you know). Thank you!

[@TheBehavioralArts]

That’s so awesome! I’m so glad that the information lines up with your extremely valuable experience 😊

[@mgschnootz]

I've been a nurse for 26 years and you just 100% broke down the technique of being an active listener and showing empathy, compassion for someone during conversation. I think the worst thing would be to show disinterest or be disregarding. And the example i have of the best active listener in my life is my German shepherd, that head tilt is unparalleled ❤ Love your videos!

[@saraherae1400]

Okay now we need to see a 90 day fiance analysis! I always wondered how genuine the feelings they claim they have for each other are.

[@AnnelisR]

Spoiler alert: they were genuine in the first two seasons. They get harder and harder to watch as the franchise goes on.

[@TheWhitepantheress]

I'm at the beginning of the video, but I'm super excited that you are doing pre-aggression. It's something I've wanted to look at. This is great to know as someone going into psychology. Also, OMG I didn't know Griffith was doing facial expression research! I'll be following up what they are working on, that's neat!

[@TheWhitepantheress]

In B eyes are wider.

[@Simply_Helen]

Oh wow! I figured you'd do this at some point, but didn't expect it so soon. You are awesome! :)

[@TheBehavioralArts]

It seemed important 🤗

[@barbaramckay9488]

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Spidey! I was one of the commenters asking for this lesson. I saw the notification for this video yesterday during school and was shocked, excited, & thrilled you produced it so quickly! I recognized many of the signs but so appreciate your insights & explanations as they add so much more understanding to the behaviors. I WILL be sharing this with teacher friends & others. I found the LOWLINE strategies to be very compatible with the Win-Win training we have received for dealing with conflict while adding very helpful understandings & behaviors to exhibit while working to avoid escalation or de-escalate a situation. 1 - in a private conversation, identify & acknowledge the person's perspective of the problem (allow time to settle) 2 - identify the non-negotiables 3 - brainstorm possible/acceptable solutions 4 - allow person to choose between solutions that satisfy the non-negotiables 5 - resolution/restoring conversation

[@SoloMotivation]

TO AMBITIOUS ONES Sometimes, the hardest thing in life is simply to take the first step. As Neil Armstrong’s famous quote goes: “it’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Just like walking on the moon, you can achieve anything once you get started. But when it ALL feels a bit overwhelming, drop everything and focus one thing after achieving success with it then attach others. *hope this save a soul, if yes, I’ve achieved a big success* I love you ....

[@redronniebalofama5365]

Thank you, I needed this today 🌟

[@mnemonyss]

You are so amazing, thank you for sharing this. When I was years younger I realized I walked around with my hands in a fist and also had anger issues, so I started to recognize it and force myself to stop making a fist, and would say "open hands" kind of as a mantra, amazingly those anger issues started decreasing because I wasn't allowing myself to walk around always tensed up. I am always being introspective and analyzing myself, and finding ways to improve and always be the best version of me. Wanted to put this out there for anyone else that never noticed they are always walking around with fists 🤗 "open hands"

[@darthsarah7252]

Thank you so much for this, I saw the comment on the previous video and hoped that you'd upload something.

[@BlaBla-yr4pd]

I had troubles looking at the a and b faces because when i used to get abused by my father, i saw that he was about to explode when he opened the eyes like that. Thank you for this video. I learned a lot ❤ you’re saving me

[@flancynewelling3845]

Of all the emotions, anger is the one that I have the least amount of comfort with. I suspect because situations can be unpredictable and escalate quickly. This content builds my confidence and skills when I encounter people who are experiencing anger. Thanks! PS. Love this style of educational videos the most.

[@fredericcourcy1915]

Great video !! As a nurse i can t agree more about LOWLINE method... With family in pediatric cares in the beginning of my career and now working as coordinator... I think it is a must when working with customer/partner/patients. From experience I feel 99% of the time it works. In my personal situation, It seems the anger come from a feeling of injustice or fear of health impact. Truly understanding what they want to get to us and staying calm usually saved a lot of dangerous situation. Ohh and your tips on knowing the demographic we are working with is something we often forget in the beginning and really important. I learned it when a family from nunavut took the time to teach me some basis on there way of interacting and body language.. I was without even knowing it provocating them by looking at them in the eye when speaking... And by looking around me they were showing me respect (they compared it to me as if they were looking after me to protect me from what's around). Since then I started to read. Since then it made me less reactive to non agressive behavior that could brings bad reaction from me... it opened my eye on myself 😅. Thank you for this awesome video and all your work !!!

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Haha. So glad your experience supports the material here 😊. Fun fact I’ve performed in Nunavut for the staff of the gold mines many times. Mentalism FREAKED THEM out! lol 😂 good times

[@taniaivettelopezrivas1860]

It's a great video, thank you so much. I'm a psychologist, and I have worked with people with schizophrenia, paranoia, addictions, bipolar, and so on... And it's very important to know what's uncomfortable to them and know how to work with them and with your own body language. As you said, a key is patience and keeping calm, it really works a lot for them to calm down and breath, more when they come very angry or agitated, and they don't know how to handle it. Love your work 💗

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Thanks 😊 always great to hear from the pros.

[@Samantha110293]

This is an incredibly valuable video! I'm a social worker in juvenile justice, and I feel like half of my job is watching for/managing aggression. This info is in line with my own observations, but also helps me put these things into words so I could explain it to someone else. "Lowline" is great stuff. Thank you!!!!

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Thanks Samantha! So glad you enjoyed it! Yeah Lowline is terrific, I’m so glad we were able to talk about it on the channel 😊

[@observer4292]

In reference to photos A & B, the difference was in the visibility of the whites of the eyes, and therefore intensity of stare. I feel that when we are confused or curious while trying to understand something, generally we may furrow our brows and squint/narrow our gaze to concentrate closer to the subject material. When really angry, (I know from even my own personal experience of being angry) we tend to open our eyes much wider, for what I feel is to allow us to 1) appear bigger and more dominating in a round about way and 2) to be able to take in more stimuli and be prepared in your surroundings before potentially pouncing! haha (Which you then pretty much went on to explain after I finished typing this comment! lol) Thanks Spidey for doing what you do, learning more and more about body language is truly changing people’s lives!

[@bspoonemore4525]

As a person with autism spectrum disorder and have a very hard time reading social cues; this was presented in a way that really helps me to understand what’s really going on with someone. Too often it’s too late before I realize that the other person is angry enough to attack. Good thing I don’t do roommate situations anymore.

[@katemangos1705]

I can really relate to what you wrote here. I just discovered Spidey channel yesterday so I haven't watched much, and yet I'm already very impressed. I want to ask him to do more instructional videos that aren't as sensational as physical violence that would be helpful to people with ASD - to search for the signs of attraction, sympathy, belong used, being lied to and being mocked, being able to differ between when people are interested in what you have to say and not interested etc.. That would be so useful for thousands of us.

[@CharlieRobo]

I'm doing it! I paused to comment for the first time! The slight, subtle difference is your eyes are larger in B, also linking to a slightly increased tilt up of your eyebrows at the outside edges.

[@CharlieRobo]

Thank you 💜 (for all you do!)

[@smithpurdy7120]

Thanks for another entertaining and informative video, Spidey! When I used to work in EDI (Equity, Diversity and Inclusion), some of the biggest challenges I experienced had to do with individuals who were appropriating the experiences of victims and marginalized people. These people take resources away from those who need it, and they often put themselves forward as "spokespeople", drowning out and silencing the voices of actual victims. Sometimes, they really hurt people. This sort of thing is frustrating to say the least for anyone who works in EDI. It's a widespread and growing problem that no one wants to talk about because we're all so worried that drawing attention to the liars will make it harder for real victims to be believed. Meanwhile, self-identified Social Justice activists are being manipulated by these Munchhausens into attacking innocent people - often the very people that they are claiming to support. It really sucks. I would love to see a video that tackled this issue specifically. I don't know what that would look like, but I think it would be really valuable. A lot of very real, very serious social justice issues have been made to look ridiculous in the public perception by people who appropriate the experiences of victims and survivors for their own personal gain (do I need to mention the Mermaid who Murdered the Me Too Movement?). Is there any way to spot these people that doesn't involve subjecting real victims and survivors to undue scrutiny? Anyone who works in EDI has heard the horror stories about terrible things that have happened to victims who weren't believed - I certainly would not want to take any action that would contribute to a situation like that - but I've also seen with my own eyes the awful things that can happen when an abuser succeeds in weaponizing the good intentions of social justice activists to go after their victims. It's a tough subject to tackle without getting caught up in the whole left/right political quagmire, so I'd completely understand if you don't want to touch it, but if anyone could do it properly, I believe you can, Spidey! Just a thought I wanted to put out there. You can consider it if you're ever short on subjects for videos. 😊

[@locumcat]

Thank you for making this video. I volunteered at a food bank a few months ago and experienced a man become angry and aggressive. He was verbally abusive and pointed his finger at me and my colleague. I wish I had known about Lowline then. Very useful for people who don't deal with this often.

[@mellchiril]

Thank you, that de-escalation method might help me when dealing with my sister who has some pretty aggressive disorders. I think I'm already incorperating half, or over half of those steps, but being aware of things that might help will likely help me to see if I'm on the right track, however odd that might sound, I suppose... Although if she were to look at me like Derell Brooks looked at the judge I'd probably just back away slowly and put a couple of doors and a few roads in between us... because that was genuinely terrifying.

[@mikoto7693]

Oh seriously that look was scary. I don’t blame that judge on calling a recess at that point, nor the security guard behind him standing up. I’m sure that he saw that aggression and got ready.

[@stefanlaskowski6660]

Fascinating video. As a security officer, this has definite application in my work.

[@CarlaSanchez505]

Thank you for the amazing breakdown. I've always heard the wide eyes called "flashing eyes." As in ,don't flash your eyes at me! When my Mom would say, "Don't you dare give me that look," I instinctively knew what she meant. We all instantly knew to settle down when she gave us "the look." You validated much of my early learning. Thanks again.

[@auto1nfanticid3]

Hey Spidey, great video! The part that I actually found to be most interesting was the idea that you were validating the realism of these reality tv shows. I tend to think shows like this are mostly scripted, so I would love to see a video with you pointing out real vs acted scenes from reality tv, and how to spot real emotions vs poorly acted ones.

[@eugeneavalos7122]

Spidey, thanks for the great video. I have a gem to share from personal experience. There is a technique that I used with angry customers who were yelling. First I would say “I can see that you are really upset, what can I do for you?”. This was listen and offer. I then would keep my voice low and calm and evenly spaced. This often caused people to calm down as well. As their yelling got louder my voice got lower, their voice automatically lowered. It worked like a charm. Why? The person MUST lower their voice to hear you. This is practical because I used it and it worked.

[@tanyabeautycoach]

Lowline is actually amazing to use with our kids regularly (not just to de escalate!) validation

[@applegal3058]

I generally only get angry if I'm verbally or physically attacked or used, or if someone I know is. I'm overall a friendly, loving person, but if you F with someone I care about, then I will rip into you. I've never used anger to get what I want. It's a defense mechanism.

[@nostalgiagaming877]

I'm a security guard, so this is great information for me too. Thanks for the video!

[@melmeetsworld8973]

Loved this! When I was a workplace trainer and managed customer complaints I taught the HEAT principles which is very similar to LOWLINE. H = hear them out E= empathise A = Acknowledge and T = take action. I really loved the emphasis on Empathy. It is so important in de-escalation

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Oooooo I like HEAT. Awesome 😊

[@da0kitheviking143]

Commenting 3 mins after upload for the algorithm.

[@lynnelowe8461]

OMG I totally get what you were saying about 90 Day Fiancé. I’ve worked with Dutch groups for the last 5 years and because I don’t speak Dutch I reply more on body language, group dynamics and energy.

[@annamaggio]

I just saw the live "body language bad takes" in the channel of Eric Hunley and love you Spidey, you pass on your knowledge with passion,things that others have not passed on to me. You've kept me glued to the screen for hours for a month and I take notes of what you teach in your videos just because I think you are a good mentor and I like you because you are honest, when you don't know something you admit it, you always ask questions when you are live with other people and love it! Now I'm going to watch this video and takes other notes thank you for everything that you share with us!

[@emmkaa2099]

YES! If these signals are a constant, get help! Spidey, you're the best!

[@Rev_Kim_Love]

Thanks YOU 💞 Conflict resolution/Communication skills prevent wars 🤗

[@TinaWiman]

I teach de-escalation (not this method, but there are only so many ways, so basically the same), and I think "express" probably gets across better to people than "empathize". Of course I agree with you Spidey, this is what empathizing means. :-) But sometimes when people are thinking about handling agressive situations, they don't WANT to feel empathy, they just want to calm the person down, even though their behavior is really triggering to them. So, avoiding the word empathize was probably a conscious decision on the author's part. Using a word that implies emotion like "empathize" actually puts some people off, because they think that they somehow have to agree with this agressive person (not true, empathizing is not about agreeing), or feel with them (again, not true, we can acknowledge others feelings without feeling the same just as we can acknowledge others thoughts or opinions without agreeing with them). The word simply makes people upset about what I am trying to teach them, and since this is a life saving skill, when this happens, I change words. When the point I am trying to get across does not need specific language, but the people who need to accept and incorporate it into their skillset do, I simply might have to empathize enough to use a different word. ;-) With time, my students will mostly come to see what I see, that this stuff works and that they don't have to match other's emotions, they can instead take the lead on creating a calmer setting. And at that point, most people will start to see empathizing as an acceptable word for what they are doing. Great video, Spidey!

[@DutchJoan]

Thank you so much! Recognizing is one thing, knowing what to do is even better.

[@evacharles498]

Thank you for referencing how this is for one off situations and not patterns of abuse in that help is needed for abuse victims and to avoid the pattern of situations that happen.

[@AlexaOnWheels]

Spidey, love your videos and I have learnt alot. Where I worked in as a nurse assistant we learn something called low affective behaviour (a straight translation from Swedish to English) and is something we need to have when working in eldercare and ppl with disability so we can de-escalate a situation and not go up in affect and mirror the persons agitated state. This skill have saved me so many times both at work and privately from confrontation and violent situations, and also have de-escalated many situations. It's such a great skill to have when working with people especially in healthcare and mental care. So I get why that comment got so much likes. ❤️ I would like to see more videos on different topics regarding topics like this. Keep up the good work and educating people!

[@anonymouslady3267]

Spidey, I laughed so hard when you said you watch 90 Day Fiancé. Not that I care at all, I was just expecting some super serious announcement. 🤣

[@dafluffernut]

The thing I appreciate most about this is when you explain the other reasons for these signs. I am profoundly nearsighted and some people interpret my squint with anger.

[@alhoward33]

I'm so glad you mentioned 90 day fiance and how it's a great show to portray universal body language! I love that show and I love your channel, I watch both all the time!

[@MGUERRERO18]

Thank you so much for giving us your time to help us blossom to be great body language readers. I really like the fact you take your time to explain. That is heard in the intonation and infliction of your voice as well as your body language. Gracias!

[@TheBehavioralArts]

thank you so much for your kind words and support :)

[@lisahinton9682]

"Empathize" is so much the better word for the "E," Spidey. This was extremely helpful and informative. I am about to watch it again in order to solidify the information a bit more. Thanks again; you've done a public service with this video for sure, Spidey.

[@Carolsw1]

An awesome video. I’ve watched the Behavior Panel quite a bit and they are great, but this video explains in more depth to me on a concentrated subject like anger specifically. I find it very helpful to concentrate in one area of behavior rather than covering a lot of different ranges of behaviors in one video.

[@abioserocks]

Just came here to say, yet again you've really changed my life. Watching some of the Darrell Brooks case and you could literally see a witness pacify as he recalls in surprise the incidence! I love this channel! Keep it up!

[@ShandellGage11]

This is paramount information, Thank You! It's also very validating for myself, when I see this in certain ones I know.

[@adriannabcustomfurniture]

I feel the Darrell Brooks look was more than just anger. That was...scary. I've only seen that look twice and that was one of them. I don't know. I've seen people angry, but that was more than just anger...in my opinion.

[@e.m.6158]

Yeah, that is a look of dangerous intent. 😮😮

[@juliadixon8465]

He seemed to be sulking in addition to his anger. Guess he feels wronged by the judge's presentation.

[@paulaclark1428]

Loved this video. I would absolutely love to see more content like this. Deep dives into each of these universal expressions. Im especially interested in hearing your thoughts on recognizing patterns of shifting facial expressions that might indicate that the person you're talking to is attempting to manipulate you vs being apathetic. For instance, I just realized/learned that I tend to do a lot of the LOWLINE, an abriviated version, if I feel I'm being lied to, especially if I've gotten to a place where I feel that addressing it is a waste of time and effort. For me this is complete apathy and disengagement but it isn't for everyone and I can't always tell the difference. Are there indicators or patterns that would suggest the difference in passive aggressiveness vs insincerity vs apathy vs manipulation?

[@sharinutter9393]

I’m a behavioral health specialist and deal with this on a regular basis, thank you! I’d love more of this.

[@TheJaszyNurse]

aww RIP big Ang! She was my favorite

[@minnamaarit]

I love you ❤ Putting so much effort to help others is very rare. I am very, very greatfull 🙏 Being a DV survivor it has been very difficult to let anyone close. Now I find something valuable to learn and maybe I learn to trust again. Thank you from my ❤

[@lisafoster4468]

You do a lovely job explaining this stuff for someone who's autistic, like me. Fantastic resource. I definitely need to learn to read people better than I do, and you make it easy to understand and - more importantly - memorable.

[@VorpalSnickerSnack]

I've been abused for 18yrs every single day by a male adopter, everything your saying is exactly what the male adopter would be before or during the hitting. One thing that always stood out most prominently was the eyes looked liked it was buldging out of the male abusers head. I wish to have a video even one would display everything your pointing out, been thinking of going to meet up with them just to get that peice of evidence.

[@cdogthehedgehog6923]

Fucking tell someone in law enforcement, bitching on youtube will change NOTHING.

[@May-qb3vx]

Gosh. I wish I’d seen this a few years ago. My sibling had never been aggressive towards me before but our other sibling said something, and she didn’t like it, so she blitzed me from behind and put me in a choke hold and then started punching and kicking me on the floor. This wasn’t a normal thing for us so I had no clue what to watch out for. This is really helpful information, especially for people who don’t have the experience to know what’s coming.

[@Montevideo2313]

Spidey...I got a confesson too. I watch "Love is Blind" so I can apply your teaching and study body language. A game to see if the couple would go through to the end and get married. A test to see how accurate my reading body language and my predictions are getting better. My husband likes it and I find it boring. If it wasn't to use it as an exercise and review your lessons , I would snooze through it. So thank you Spidey for your content. I am learn so, so much. Your content is gold for me.

[@HeyHeatherB]

It makes sense you watch this because of your fascination with behavior. ❤❤❤

[@yellowbird2157]

Spidey - yet another reason why I dig you!!!! I too watch 90 fiancé - with an anthropological slant. Love it - so fascinating. Also - I like to spot narcissists and wish I could scream at some folks to warm them. Btw - thank you much for this helpful video. 🌟💖🌟

[@TheBehavioralArts]

🤗

[@UssiTheGrouch]

Sudden realization - now I know why everyone thinks I'm angry all the time. I seem to have the condition called "resting bitch face" and it's the combination of my facial features that just happen to summarize "anger" even if I'm not angry at all.

[@ayeshaahmed4205]

When he talked about just one big sign, I knew it would be about glaring eyes/lifting the upper eyelid because my whole life, I’ve seen my mom doing this one sign only whenever she is angry and immediately everyone else in family would go quiet.

[@Marie-Artistic_24]

I don't know why but at work I can be just looking at papers and people say " why are you mad?" When I'm not. I don't realize I'm even making a certain look. 🤔

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Haha that’s interesting. There’s actual research that shows when we look down we look angrier because from the angle of someone looking our eyebrows look lower. It could very well just be that 😊

[@Marie-Artistic_24]

@@TheBehavioralArts oh wow! Thank you 😊 now I know.

[@KarnodAldhorn]

I really appreciate you spelling the words and lists out.

[@yellowbmblbee]

This was superb. Saved. Thank you, Spidey. It's funny, our Hospital just sent out a 'code of conduct' to all patients due to the dangerous escalation of aggression and abuse toward our healthcare workers. This is a great video tool that may help.

[@kfruitcake]

I work in a fast food restaurant and being a manager means that I have to de escalate situations pretty much daily. We are in the city and a lot of the people I work with are on parole. We also have a large homeless population and many people in the area are involved in drugs. We had one incident where a man on drugs came behind the counter and started grabbing food and getting in the face of a 17yr old girl working with me. I immediately jumped in protective mode and started calling the police, bringing his attention over to me. All the employees escaped out back to a neighboring store. I was left alone with him and he was muttering nonsense and saying he would stab me. He was threatening and yelling about 3 inches from my face. I described to the operator what was going on and after I finished talking to police he left the store. They ended up picking him up about 1 hour later. It was a very scary experience that I was not prepared for. After watching this, I am now better equipped to handle that type of situation in the future. The note he made about staring. In hindsight, I think he saw me as a threat because I was staring at him when he was interacting with the 17yr old girl.

[@sandia81]

❤❤thank you for helpful tips! I work as a pediatric nurse in a clinic and I have seen this cues in some parents so just knowing what to look for and help my coworkers out with this video is great.

[@zoe9190]

In regards to point 4, nose flaring, almost immediately before they act on their anger, they will take in an audible deep nose breath. It may be a series of smaller audible nose breaths or one big nose breath depending on the person, but its there. Some may be a mouth breath instead, fast or deep, but its still audible breath like with the nose, depends on the person.

[@neelstinadambuka7284]

Amazing video, I love your work so much Spidey, but this is for me the most brilliant video so far. I work as a psychiatrist in an inpatient unit and aggression and violence is part of my everyday work. We struggle with a lot of assaults and are working on training staff to recognize early warning signs so they can work on de-escalation. I am going to make everyone watch this, I am sure it will be very helpful for us.

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Wow that’s so awesome! I’m so glad you and your coworkers can benefit from this video. I made it with professionals in dangerous situations just like you. Thanks for dropping a comment 🤗

[@julia_newsome.t]

Interesting to note in the clip of Darrell Brooks where we see he does not blink at all - neither does the officer behind who is watching him, not in anger obviously but with intense focus

[@jaydenzinn9174]

The "Ventral Denial", always reminds me of an Archer, preparing to shoot arrows.

[@alisonschooley5459]

This has been the most awesome help to me. Thank you

[@CindyOrtegametzli7]

Very useful . Love the way you educate us in a very clear way.

[@aprilwycherley]

I’ve never been able to furrow my eyebrows… I get Botox for my migraines, but even before I started getting it, I wasn’t able to do it. When I was a kid, I really tried hard to do it, but now that I’m almost 50, but am told I look like I’m in my 30s, I’m grateful that I never got those lines that my mom and even my 28 yr old daughter have.

[@usernameunknownof]

You are a very wonderful human being. Its an honour to be in your channel. Thank you

[@alexandracoffin696]

RE: The 90 Day Fiance Confession. I *love* this because it reminds me of a confession that Chase Hughes has made in regards to his development of the Behavioral Table of Elements where he initially thought of the idea because his mother wished she could have a "cheat sheet" of his insights from when they were watching "The Bachelor" and he was reminded of the educational placemats that he had as a child. Moral being: we all have guilty pleasures, but a lot of them can actually boil down to really simple/evolutionary concepts that we could all benefit from learning from.

[@ser55555]

This is an awesome, super clear video! Another thing I noticed that I don't think you mentioned is how the angry person's upper body moves towards what's angering them. I'm not sure if this is also a sign of pre-agression, and I'd like your input. I noticed that Darrell Brooks (3:03-3:17), Kourtney Kardashian (22:57-23:00) and that blonde woman in the Mob Wives show (26:53-27:00) and even the brunette woman on that show ends up doing the same thing (27:03-27:05).

[@fancyquebecoise4550]

Wow! This was fantastic. I'd like to see a video where we can see someone de-escalate an anger situation.

[@notarat9303]

Another video that would be super helpful is basic social body language. I work with kids with Autism (and honestly there's a lot of other reasons ppl have a hard time in social situations) and it would be great if you can do a how to guide in showing more open body language etc, like the head tilt was very interesting to know

[@655Louisa]

I love this video. Thank you so much. I have become more concerned with the escalating violence on our public transportation. Would you consider doing a video on recognizing body language and signs of a group of people escalating in anger or violence against one person? How to manage this type of situation, especially if you are on a subway, and unable to put distance between yourself and a group of threatening people? Many thanks!

[@nancygrabowski64]

I work at social services. Plan to show this at a staff meeting.

[@spokenme08]

I have multiple conditions that amount to me mostly being able to only use and understand verbal communication. I also have a face that doesn’t use its inside voice so this is helpful. I’m more likely to be able to read one or two features unless the individual has an expressive face. Many people around me do not.

[@katty5003]

Great vid, yours, TBP, BelievingBruce, Observe & BodyLanguageGuy are the best behaviour & expression channels. Thank you for all your knowledge whilst keeping it entertaining 🎉

[@DELERY2.0]

That chick that blew up saying "I don't care about no fkn money." She blew up cuz he just ousted her. She amped it up to scare him off of ever broaching the subject- -> that she's after money. He can't even THINK it. She will bring it up in every fight from now on. (That's how you are making her hit you- by THINKING something TRUE.) HA HA these ppl ... It's not simply that they don't have control of their anger, are irrational in their emotions, blah blah etc Its that they're DOING IT ON PURPOSE! It's attempted coercion to cover them getting caught. Dang diddley!! It took me fifty years to realize I wasn't supposed to endure relationships full of stupidity and screaming. Much less screaming constant, undue blame. (Oops! I went off into a narc narc joke! My bad lol) Love your stuff!! Found u a couple weeks ago and I'm addicted. Def in my top 3!!!

[@TheBehavioralArts]

Haha it’s actually the way around. She’s rich he’s very poor. He was saying he needs to keep his Instagram up because he makes a bit of money and she lost it

[@Joey-dv8hb]

I would think of the downwards nod as a young child's nod, maybe it was just my daughter but she didn't understand the upwards nod( following my example, I was in the medical field and do understand most of this naturally) until she was about 8-9 she's very intelligent. She earned two different academic Scholarships one for a prestigious school as a double major in psychology and creative writing

[@lizgander9172]

Good job Spidey! I’m happy to see you took the feedback from your subscriber and ran with it!

[@MichaelaBennison]

Pre: reveal - I think it's the eyes that make B more aggressive. They're way wider than in A (They're also asymmetrical - one is more open than the other - but I don't know if that's relevent)

[@mosesangel7136]

Thanks for the information

[@HarvestMoonRuri]

I wish the judge in Brooks' trial did not state that she was scared, he would have never repeated that look. I think he thought he could intimidate her with it. Every time I saw that look on his face I said to myself: here goes that ugly look on his face 😠