STOP SOUNDING WEAK!

Do you sound weak? In this video, I give you examples of unconfident speaking styles. These are expressions people use when lacking in confidence about themselves and their opinions. We will be looking at indirect language: speaking with disclaimers, evading opinions, making oneself small, being doubtful of oneself, and being afraid to speak one’s mind. While it is sometimes necessary to communicate in an indirect way for the sake of politeness, it’s important to know how to speak in a more confident way too. When you communicate in a confident way, you are able to lead other people and to make a good impression. Learn about unconfident speaking styles in order to stop sounding weak!
Next, watch my video about TOXIC LANGUAGE: • Toxic Language & Viole...
TRANSCRIPT
i, everyone. In this lesson we're going to look at ways our language shows that we're not very confident people, and it shows that we're afraid to give our opinions in case we upset someone or they get angry at us, or we offend them because we have a different opinion. And without realizing it, many of us soften and change our language, and use particular phrases so that we seem to agree with more people and we say everything politely. In some situations, this is a good thing because this means using our words with tact; using our words in a way that respects other people, but sometimes if we use this language all the time, it's because that shows us as being weak people who can't give an opinion about anything, and who are afraid to speak their minds. So we're going to look at examples of the kind of language where we... We lack confidence. And we'll go through some examples, starting with speaking with disclaimers. When you speak with disclaimers; before you get to what you really want to say, you go around it slowly first because you're scared to upset someone or disagree with them.
So we'll start here. Let's imagine the situation: You want to give your opinion about your friend's shoes. She's decided to wear green shoes, and you just don't think they look good with that outfit she's wearing - that pink dress; it doesn't look the best thing you've ever seen but you want to show that, unlike your friend, you disagree that it's a good thing, you could say: "This is just my opinion but I don't think those green shoes look the best with that pink dress." And when I say it like that, it's a sensitive way to disagree. And for an issue about shoes, it's not a big deal; it's not going to make you sound really weak. So it depends on the situation that you're talking about.
The next situation, here: "You might disagree but..." Imagine there's an issue where you think one thing and someone else you know thinks something else; you have opposite opinions. An example could be: You think it's unhealthy for children to eat chocolate every day, and you don't think they should. And, in fact, you've got a son and you don't want him to eat chocolate every day, but the son's grandma might disagree and think it's good for children to eat chocolate all the time. You could say: "You might disagree but I don't think kids should eat chocolate all the time, every day; it's unhealthy for them."
Moving on: "I'm not a professional but..." And: "I'm no expert but..." We can use these phrases when we're in a situation where it looks like... It seems like the other person there has got more experience than us. Perhaps it's... They've got a proper job, and perhaps we're just an intern. So we want to say something, but we're also thinking: "Oh, I could be wrong", before I say that. So, here's an example: I'm wearing a microphone, here. Let's imagine this wasn't on the right way, and I'm the intern and I realize that, I could say something like: "I'm no... I'm no expert but shouldn't the microphone be the other way around?"
Or the same situation: "I'm not sure if this is always the case, though in my experience, those microphones usually go that way around." And the reason we would say... In this situation I gave then, the reason I would say that very carefully is because in that situation there might be a reason that we don't have a lot of authority there. We might really know everything; we might really know our stuff, but because we don't officially work there or we're not an important person, we have to use our words in more careful ways. And also, we might be afraid about being wrong, so we don't want to say the wrong thing.
Here's some other examples: "It might just be me but..." We can say this if we happen to disagree with the other... With the other people around us. We could also say: "Perhaps I misunderstood", and: "Forgive me if I'm wrong but..." All these examples we could use in a situation similar to the microphone example where we... Where we... We think something different, but we're not 100% certain. […]

[@engvidJade]

Oops! There isn't a quiz for this lesson. Sorry for the confusion!

[@hayderadnan5003]

Thank you, Jade for the lesson and for no quiz😊!

[@tonyrela1493]

Never mind Jade, Thanks anyway 💜

[@anee7163]

☺ That's okay. No problem! Thank you jade for the wonderful lesson. Love you 😙❤.

[@Franciscoluche]

Don't worry Teacher! 😊 Hi from Vietnam 🤗🌸

[@jimanhwang5988]

You are all the time OK fairy Jade

Teacher, most expressions you have taught us have a similar grammatical construction and meaning in Spanish, I didn't know it, now I do because of your clear explanation.

[@AlcibiadesMD]

“That’s offensive is not an argument.” - Christopher Hitchens Ps: love you and your very insightful lessons Jade, merci beaucoup. 💐

[@ronbeat]

Thank you Jade. Thank you so much for this lesson.

[@vngantran]

Jade, this is very very useful as I could not find these things on any text book to help me express myself better in English. Thank you very much! Please make more videos like this. You know you are saving us from our daily life living in a foreign country. Appreciation!!

[@emmsalinas]

Hiya Jade! So grateful for all the lessons, ty! I wish you made videos about phrasal verbs and vocabulary to use when describing touristic attractions, another one about "better/super synonyms" and one about Trainspotting vocabulary. :D

[@marcelocarvalho1528]

Thanks for the video. I love your accent. Regards from Brazil!

[@sahilgohel7954]

Love your accent !

[@stankormy5717]

Hi Jade, thanks for all your hard work!

[@pliniolimajunior5185]

Great lesson ! Thank you, Jade.

[@boriswilliams6217]

I like your lessons indeed

[@zoranminderovic7950]

thanks, Jade! Weak language, I plead guilty! I'm the king of disclaimers.

[@PureASM-ShellCoder]

Awesome lecture -thank you Jade !

[@franciscojavier1983]

Hello, I am a new student of yours. This is the second video of yours I have seen. I like your accent and the way you teach. Thanks for this useful lesson. Keep it up Jade!

[@rollings2035]

Thank you Jade! I think this lesson is important because if you're too direct, you sound offensive sometimes. I once worked as a language teacher of my native language, and lots of students say direct things and I noticed that these things are important. Your lessons help us a lot.

[@eglemark3901]

Very helpful! Thank you!

[@paolobreber4512]

Dear Jade, I love your dreamy, artless style.

[@WeedingFire]

Hi Jade! Your classes on youtube helps a lot. Kind Regards.

[@davidwealthyguerrero3738]

Awesome. Thanks 4 sharing.

[@pedroignaciorojaszambrano8859]

Thank you very much. I think your video class is brilliant. :)

[@ankitwadhwa89]

You were spot on with various real life situations and experiences that you have shared with us. I have seen many of these example in my life be at work, or at social gatherings or sometimes in various home situation.

[@yongluo1873]

thank you teacher !

[@Franciscoluche]

Thanks my lovely teacher! 🤗🌸 Hi from Vietnam. 😊🍚

[@solrojizo1]

splendid my queen!

[@imperfect1on]

Excellent chunks that we can use in daily life

[@tewfik8616]

Thank you, this is a step ahead really.

[@Oybek1207]

Jade is great! :)

[@bbc953]

thank you very much for your videos. greetings from Spain Madrid!!

[@MUKESHSINGH-ou1ou]

thank you its a good lesson

[@SanoopAI]

Thank you for your videos, they are very helpful.

[@mouhcine8459]

It's superb Thanks.

[@giu2507]

Thank you Jade. Your lessons are healing 🙂

It's a very useful lesson. Thank you, teacher.

[@user-ep9fv1fo6f]

you are a good teacher

[@Ommbye]

Wonderful video lesson thank you I love every bit of you teaching.

[@omeraljabrty7012]

great lesson ,keep going

[@RiverWorksCo]

I'm Hungarian. And what you might need to know about us is that we are pretty straightforward people. Which means you will always know what we think of you, whether you like it or not. Just an example, the shoes issue. English version. This is just my opinion but... Hungarian version. now you go back to your room nice and quiet and get dressed like a normal person because we’re not going to a clown festival.

[@electricdreams9446]

😂😂😂i like that

[@RiverWorksCo]

@@electricdreams9446 actually, you didn't...

[@electricdreams9446]

@@RiverWorksCo i have now 😉

[@RiverWorksCo]

@@electricdreams9446 😉

[@ARGOxeris]

luv you all dear!!! Thanks for the lessons!

[@omp199]

2:32 "Imagine there's an issue where you think one thing and someone else you know thinks something else; you have opposite opinions." An "issue"? This is very vague language. I have noticed that people use this word "issue" more and more often, with less and less clarity of meaning, seemingly whenever they just can't think of an appropriate word. "We have encountered an issue." "I have an issue with it." "What is your issue?" I think it is an Americanism that has infected our language and is consuming it from within. We should make a concerted effort to avoid using the word "issue" when there are better words to use.

[@jvmtiger7055]

Thank you!

[@dgkimpton]

Fascinating stuff, thank you. Might it be useful to do a video from the opposite perspective? It isn't entirely clear to me how someone would speak assertively without sounding rude if all these words were removed from the speech.

[@aram5642]

I simply loved this lesson, just as the other ones with some psychology bits woven in

[@daniadyus8507]

My listening is way much better when i hear you talk

[@heidiferrazzifarnkopf7373]

Excellent 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@olegryabkov4488]

Speaking with Disclaimers: This is my (humble personal) opinion but... You might (must) disagree but... I'm not a professional (amateur) but... I'm no...? expert but... I'm not sure if this is always the case, though in my experience... It might just be me (of mine?) but... Forgive me if I'm wrong but... EVADING OPINIONS: It must be hard. I don't know much about it. I know nothing about it. It's not really something I know about. I haven't studied that. So I don't know. SELF-DOUBT: Does that make sense? Have I managed to get my point across? MAKING ONESELF SMALL: 1. I'm not a published author but I do have a small blog. 2. Although I don't have a degree in psychology, I did take a few modules in it.

[@abodiilwagy7010]

I like it☺️

[@artemihumin7732]

Thank you for your videos) greetings from Ukraine)

[@samadsadiq5816]

THANK YOU

[@skinheadkel3220]

Thank you.

[@cesarsinchiguano3076]

You are such an awesome teacher. My best wishes!

[@urgens1785]

Totally relatable. This happens to me very often. Also, even though my English is reasonably good I sort of fall short of words while talking to someone who has better command over English. Can you help me to get rid of this problem?? Thank you.

[@muhammadfaiza.k.avalenrika6229]

Everything politely:-)

[@Liberated_from_Religion]

Forgive me if I am wrong, but you look great.

[@jimanhwang5988]

Oh our fairy Jade we your fans waited for you a long time..

[@techkickin]

Helpful video Thanks

[@mikeygilmour4635]

See talking with disclaimers and avoiding opinions is how academics are taught to write, especially those in STEM fields. When writing technical reports your evidence may suggest one thing, but you cannot say that "this is what the results mean!" Only that "the results indicate such and such." It is designed so as not to convince people that your hypothesis is the correct one, just because you have the gift of the gab, because your hypothesis may very well not be correct and convincing everyone that an incorrect hypothesis is correct will have disastrous consequences down the line. If everyone is able to write using the same, level and monotonous voice then it can no longer be a factor when convincing readers of your correctness. Of course this doesn't work out totally, you still get badly written reports with good data and excellently written reports that talk crap, but it's (initially) convincing crap. This means that technically minded people who've spent years in academia, whose main work uses this impassionate voice, often find it very difficult to have to speak or write in the more active manner, because it goes so thoroughly against everything they've been trained to do.

[@electricdreams9446]

well then this is good for you because you will need to stand up one day on some important issue or you won't forgive yourself. Not everything is work you know.

[@santozel_khuntienz1169]

It might be me but I think it’s a good video for being polite in this society. Sorry for my bad English. Keep going for Jade. Thanks. 👍

[@raoufallani5142]

thank you

[@safaribadov2346]

Thanks

[@fabiantechnogreen8409]

Linda Britanica.

[@fabriziotravelli5263]

I found your lesson extremely interesting... sorry for my terrible english .... best wishes from italy

[@markhonesty6978]

Thank you jade really appreciate it i will like to diffrentiate can and could thank you

[@devika_25]

Hello jade! Make video on passive voice and active voice. Much love

[@sugino666]

OMG they are all polite ways to speak in my native language 😂😂😂 but the ending of this video is so funny, anyway I guess I could possibly get what you mean lol.

[@lola5533-.-.]

i love the way you speak . (sam -sine )

[@Suantian]

Uesful leasson!

[@nikolayzagday8438]

Why article doesn't exist in the fourth example? I thought it should be like 'I'm no AN expert but'. Or 'no' use like determiner?

[@jonathanbarone4708]

❤❤❤❤

[@aparecidoferreiravais321]

Hi Jade how are you doing Thanks for your efforts and have a nice night my dear

[@chickenshieee]

1.5 x, but good stuff!

[@dedede3977]

You look like Arya Stark, 😄thanks for your videos

[@deanoswell3302]

.sometimes if we use this language all the time.. Sorry?? 😅

[@easyenglish2023]

Well knit

[@user-wi9wb9fb8b]

Cute, lovely

[@mariabardas2568]

Thanks Jade, I love your vids, however what about Pragmatics and the fact that you may be trying to use some of these phrases for other purposes, such as trying to confirm understanding or you belong to an other culture where being humble is important, or maybe you are just making your mind about it.....

[@electricdreams9446]

Jade believes direct is best

[@yusufylmazer6120]

how can i watch with subtitle turkısh

[@urgens1785]

1st view:1st comment:1st like 😉

[@igorkostin5280]

Second

[@khalidnaami3026]

wondeful

[@pithayaanil1738]

Good

[@tomrox8921]

I love you

[@varunsharma3144]

Hi jade.. I am from India you doing absolutely brilliant job / I am working for a US based call centre / I am collecting dollars for a bank called credit one /your videos helping me collecting more dollars every day and earning good money/ thank you so much

[@RomioJudo]

am I the only one that thinks her using the mic in examples is somehow funny?

[@saidshikhizada332]

You look quite pretty

[@0rionica]

“In this video, I give you examples of unconfident speaking styles ... While it is sometimes necessary to communicate in an indirect way for the sake of politeness, it’s important to know how to speak in a more confident way too.” So... how to do it (to speak more confidently)? A lesson which shows only how one should not act isn't a good lesson - doing so a person only makes others remember the wrong way of doing/saying something.

[@urgens1785]

Hey ju(a)de ! Can you give me your heart? 💓

[@vIkSyNeX]

I don’t think the steel toe cap boots look ok with that green dress.

[@kerimisam4517]

Well you are so beautiful that i didn't understand a thing Love the accent though

[@alfiejasim8361]

I am not an expert*

[@muhammadfaiza.k.avalenrika6229]

📘👆

[@luishernandez1795]

I wish I could give doble likes .

[@tonyrela1493]

Jade, please, marry me!! 🌺

[@jimanhwang5988]

You have too many rivals

[@vIkSyNeX]

Hi Jade. Was education a big thing in your family when you were growing up. Or did you just have a natural curiosity for learning at school. Where I grew up and went to school learning and being intelligent wasn’t seen as a good thing. You weren’t cool. Sad really.

[@gabrieldas.costanetobilinh6117]

You are Very cute

[@wojtek2194]

You look like standing in front of a green screen but you not ! funny ....