Storytime: I love this shirt, but I don't love to wear it

[@lowfatdarkchocolate]

i just love how sincere you are in sharing your thoughts. totally loved hearing you talk about the wonder of the zoo animals you saw! what a magical thing

[@VappuRechardt]

The side-by-side comparisons were great! I really do like the loose fitting clothes better on you. That was a good point about the top being structured and form fitting, which makes it somehow too.. much. It lacks the effortlessness.

[@notjustirene]

The visit to the zoo is almost a metaphor for how we not only study animals there, but how in daily life we study the people around us.

[@faeriesmak]

I agree! People watching at the zoo is something that I do as much as animal watching. Both are fascinating.

[@MsLina135]

It is a great metaphor which is why I love this channel and creator. BTW As a 26-veteran docent at Zoo Miami, I can attest to the conservation value of U.S. zoos. Without zoos, many species would be extinct. (Can’t speak for “zoos” in other places). Also, the zookeepers are doing the Lord’s work and are highly underpaid. Remember zoos are 24/7/365, keep that in mind. And I’m happy to report the animals live like kings 🤗 they are loved and well-cared for. Don’t want to start a zoo debate. And I fully agree that the humans are often times the more-interesting elements of a zoo 😂

[@alkalinefailure]

The shirt works well with the shorts for a casual vibe and looks nice with the white skirt. It would also look nice with a longer white skirt. The darker bottoms kinda weighs down the top. But it does look nice. Sometimes things also don't have to fit the vibe as long as they make you happy.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I do agree! But, what I feel in this instance is that it might make me happy but because it doesn't make me happy to actually wear, it's not fulfilling the best function of a shirt. Someone who is made happy by wearing it can use it much better.

[@danamatsukawa4762]

My rule of thumb is to not declutter out of season. Sometimes the color or cut is a thing that becomes popular again and I will give it another try when the next appropriate season comes around. Also. other people will probably want it more in the season it's designed for, so it's far easier to get rid of it. 😉 I have a few outliers in the form of washable leather suede. This was something a person could buy may 20 years ago. The two jackets I do use, but the pants just don't fit right. I still haven't gotten rid of them because I am so enamored by the idea of being able to wash my leather!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

This is true and good advice! I will admit though that I'm on the path of honing and simplifying, have owned this top already now for multiple seasons, and after this final discussion, am really ready to let go. I'm also determined to not re-buy, or want and buy things I don't need in general, even after the "official no buy year"...so I'm not too worried that I'll regret it and be looking out for another top next season. If I do, then there'll be more to examine there, especially after having this more "stylistic" realization about it. Washable leather suede does sound pretty great, though!

[@princesspeach6594]

I feel the same when I am not dressed as majority of the group for the occasion, just can't help feeling like a rookie. And also wish myself don't notice gigantic flow of moving bags(people) every time I go to the crowded places. For the blouse you have there, I think it's very pretty for me too but I see why myself won't reach for it, it has all the elements I think are pretty which is the pattern, design, material, but I think the fact it has everything makes me too dressed up, outside of my comfort zone, either the outstanding pattern with my usual relaxed shape, or the special shape with simple color and no pattern, if you see what I mean, I think the blouse is pretty on you but not very you, and I think you value that the appearance matches your character.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you for sharing, I had the feeling that I am not the only one who notices people, even if I don't care what other people think I do still notice what others are wearing and doing, etc. And you definitely got everything right about the blouse! That is exactly what I feel about it.

[@gytitgirl7336]

Love this topic and the way you handled it, "A Day at the Zoo". ❤️ My closet is full of pieces like this that encourage me to "finish" the outfit but, I like the challenge. It's like a game and I've always enjoyed shaking up my style so my look doesn't get stale. This continues to be a problem for me when trying to control my spending. I happen to love this top on you. My first thought was long jeans, a fitted white, crew neck t-shirt and wear the top as a light weight over piece. I was surprised not to see that classic combo in the outfits you tried. I'm going to watch the video you suggested then see if I can release some of the outliers in my closet.

[@louiseisobelevans]

"I can't handle that!" I feel that... pant's gotta be just right!!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

😆

[@cynthiahunter6588]

You look good in both tops but you look more comfortable and yourself in the tube top and cover top.

[@fuchion15]

Yes! Your appreciation for something beautiful does not necessarily mean you need to own it. That was also a huge lesson i learned after my no buy. I remember reading at The Met that they loan out their Stradivarius because it's a piece of instrument that derives its value from use and this is exactly why I did let go of my beautiful piece that I never felt comfortable enough to wear. It's precisely because they are so wonderful, I want someone else who would feel gorgeous in them to have them and actually make use out of them instead of leaving them untouched in my closet.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you for mentioning about the Stradivarius instruments, this is a great example for me as I do really understand that. And sometimes private investors will also buy an expensive violin and lend it to a soloist as well - in this case it's almost like I will be passing this top onto someone who can get a "better deal" for themselves, while I let go of some of the excess in my wardrobe, so it is a win-win.

[@melligolightly]

The distractor items concept is so true. Paradoxically, i want to shop if I have more pieces but some of them aren't quite right, but I'm more content with what I have if I have less but like and regularly wear everything. I think this might have something to do with scarcity vs gratitude. Edit to add: I've also fallen into the trap of finding a better variation of a piece I didn't quite like instead of accepting that the specific piece maybe is not for me at all and therefore I don't actually need to shop to "enhance" it. 🙄

[@redrover2370]

I also had fleece lined leggings this winter that were just a bit too short and it also annoyed me so much! My husband works at a zoo and I think the ethics of zoos depends very much on the ownership and purpose of each one

[@annaisapalindrome]

So interesting, I have a VERY similar top as yours and it’s also a “don’t love to wear” shirt for me. The sleeves are a bit short so they bunch up inside jacket sleeves and the v-neck (I never wear v-necks) is very low and I have 1 specific bra I can wear with it. And like your styling comparison, I think my other usual tops suit the bottoms I have more than this one does. This style of top isn’t one I gravitate towards and was a more experimental piece for me. And that was a good lesson, I have no urge to try similar pieces going forward. If you’re curious, it’s the Farm Rio Fresh Lemon Puff Sleeve top & you’ll see how similar they are!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Wow it's so interesting to hear from someone having a similar experience with a similar shirt. I feel like I'm finally learning from these kinds of experiments instead of trying to "fix" when I just don't like to wear something!

[@sarahengland9254]

Firstly I really do enjoy listening to you, dissect your no buy year - as someone who lives in England and we have all the seasons here, it is always a constant case of needing everything from heavy coats to T-shirts. So you do have to swap your wardrobe around a bit of reflection for you is that at the age of 61 and still working, I have decluttered numerous times in my adult life as my body shape changed multiple times and my career changed. Of all the things that I’ve got rid of, I genuinely do not remember them except for one item which if I had it now I still could not wear as it was way too big - all these items that you let go of , you really won’t remember in another 10 years time. It’s money you’ve already spent as well and you’ll never get it back in full . If it doesn’t feel comfortable if it doesn’t make you feel elevated and as you said of this blouse, it just doesn’t suit your self emotionally, then let it go. We all do things that we just don’t get right. And even now I feel as though my style is still evolving. so let go and enjoy those pieces that make you feel good and are effortless to wear.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! Thank you for this. Also living with all seasons here, soon I won't be able to film outfits outside as it'll be too cold! I'm interested to see how I feel about my own "style evolution" in the future years, I know I will certainly evolve as a person and will want to make some style changes, but it's going to look so different from the past 10 years of my wardrobe since I put the brakes on buying stuff. Do you have any pieces that you've kept for a long period that you remember the stories of and have liked the whole time?

[@sarahengland9254]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear - thank you for your thoughtful response - I don’t have any clothes that are probably over six years old- mainly as my weight and lifestyle fluctuated - now I’m the fittest I’ve ever been and enjoy shopping not for my fantasy self ( floaty, romantic dresses- lol ) but my real self, which is aspiring to effortless, harmonious and playful . I have memories of outfits, I’ve worn not because of what they were, but because of the lovely experiences I had in them and clothes, don’t always last, they do become dated ill fitting and worn out. I’ve never bought super expensive designer gear ( Gucci etc ) which I would feel compelled to hang onto and had just as much fun and compliments in high end high street brands . So no , I have not hung onto anything , just the lovey memories xx

[@cindyklempner7203]

Thanks for another thoughtful & helpful video.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you!

[@reno5964]

It looks really cute with the shorts. but if you don't love it someone else will!

[@waitwhat8321]

Have you considered using the blue and white top as a date night top, maybe paired with the jeans your husband likes cowboy boots and the brown jacket as a topper. It would be a cute western inspired outfit and the jacket would give the oversized look that is part of your style. It’s a beautiful top.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I have! And that would be cute! But the thing is - my husband does NOT like this top! 😆 So it's not a great candidate for date night if I want him to like what I'm wearing (Which,I don't always care about this as long as I like it, I have many a piece that he finds ridiculous or unflattering)

[@jrochest4642]

It looks good with the short white shirt, and I think it would look very good with a longer/looser skirt in denim, white or chambray, as a two-piece set that could be worn in place of a dress. It would also work with jeans, because it does work with the denim of the shorts, and, obviously, with white pants.

[@epicnamepwns1242]

Gorgeous garment, very much an outlier, super cute with the denim shorts, and well-placed darts would reduce the gapping. Sounds like you made the best choice for you.

[@pamelapeterson2987]

The beautiful floral linen top…yep, I have had my past versions of this top….whenever I’d try to be a little more “feminine” (or at least, what I thought of as feminine then…now I realize I don’t have to do floral, frilly, lacy, or form-fitted, to be feminine). These items would just sit in my closet. I’d occasionally put one on…but it never made it out the door. It’s just not ME. I did hang onto these pieces longer than I probably should have…like you, I’d always think about who else might find a lot of joy in these pieces and get a lot of use out of them. Those latter thoughts are what eventually helped me to part with them. But, all that said, good for you for going along with your daughter’s vision of matching outfits, even if it was a little uncomfortable. That made me smile.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes I think those thoughts are indeed what's helping me feel GOOD about parting with these kinds of pieces - something I'm not too sure about, might be someone else's new favorite top. And that thought brings me more joy than hanging onto something "just in case" I get the urge to actually wear it, which I now know that I really never do. My daughter is actually a keen stylist and will dictate both "mom" and "dad's" outfit whenever given the chance, it's especially fun when we get to match 🥰

[@pamelapeterson2987]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear She even styles her dad? She must be quite the stylist! That's adorable.

[@visionofewe]

If people can frame sports jerseys and graphic and band tees, why not a pretty blouse? It would be cute in a large closet, vanity or dressing area, or behind/on your bag shelf, or anywhere in rustic provencal style room/home.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I see the vision and that's a super interesting idea! However I'm not much for home decor in general, most of the "decorative items" we keep also have some kind of function, when I think about it we actually have very few pieces of "art" on our walls too 🤔

[@mrsjchandler8397]

Although you look lovely in that top and it’s a beautiful print - you looked so much more comfortable in your tube top and cover up combo….it was as if the patterned top ‘wore you’ ….i had a similar issue with a patterned linen dress…it was a lovely dress but I felt too ‘feminine’ and dressed up in it! I ended up chopping off the too short top part and dying the whole thing a darker shade to tone it down….in hindsight I should not have bought it!

[@Susan-qg9tm]

If you can't make 3 outfits with the top and you can't even think of a particular occasion that you might enjoy wearing it then it is of no use to you.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Well that was the interesting thing for me - I can technically make more than 3 outfits that I think look "good", and I "think" I would enjoy wearing it to many places or occasions, I actually thought I would enjoy wearing it to the zoo as well! But maybe I was missing the truth of those suggestions before, where it's important that you really like the outfits you make (not just think they look good), and important that you actually DO enjoy wearing it.

[@Chunkyshoesuk]

What does the top look like with those black trousers with the white stripes you were wearing and some pointy kitty heels?

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

The world may never know, since I've officially decided to let go of the top 😅 - however, I did incidentally pair the black-white striped trousers, with some pointy kitten-heeled boots in a future video, so I like your vision!

[@chrissy1510]

I love the Reformation top, but if you don’t, and you don’t feel wonderful when you wear it, then I think you can release it into the wild, without feeling any guilt or hesitation. It doesn’t look like anything else in your wardrobe, but why were you drawn to it - especially considering that it replaced an almost identical garment? Also just wanted to say how much I enjoy your music choices!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I think I was drawn to it simply because I think the pattern is beautiful to look at - I didn't consider so much that maybe I don't actually want to wear it. It might make sense to get something else with a nod to that print, i.e. not a piece of clothing, but right now I'm actually content not needing to "own" the blue and white color scheme, I can just be happy that it exists and/or keep it in my back pocket for when a mug or journal (or something that could have this kind of print) needs replacing. So indeed, the top will be released! Happy you like the music - it's just what I know! 😁

[@CAGChannel1]

I still don’t get why you care what other moms are wearing. Maybe I’m just oblivious, but I wouldn’t give a sh- unless I was at a formal occasion in shorts and a t shirt. After a few kids, I totally don’t get noticing, let alone caring what others are wearing at the …zoo.

[@candibee8918]

As a mom, I have personally found it can be a challenge. I’m very confident in my own style, but it can still feel awkward at times. How other moms feel about you can ultimately impact your kids or peoples’ perception of your parenting. It’s silly and I don’t agree with it, but unfortunately like in every other arena of life, women are judged for our dress as it relates to our motherhood. I wish it weren’t that way, and I still wear what I want, but it’s just a fact that the judgment is there and has real impacts on us. If you are also a mom and you have managed to avoid this please tell me how!!!

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I'm not sure that I'd say that I "care", even if I do still notice! If that's what was conveyed here, let me dispel that notion - I didn't care that I was dressed more formally, but it was a true observation that I had, and I believe I did say directly that I know I have the ability to wear whatever I want (match levels or not) at the zoo. That's ultimately not the reason why I decided this shirt doesn't represent my style... so maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that in the video at all if it distracted from the message of "I think this is a beautiful item but have realized it is not for me". Thanks for your comment and the feedback that my communication might not be clear here! Consider me a lab rat, if you will. I'm here (posting videos) because I am aware that I need to change my habits of consumerism, which might include "noticing" things like outfits and surroundings and stuff. This channel is a documentation of me being both the subject and the scientist - I share candidly that I do still notice, but I observe that I don't "feel influenced" anymore. Another example - I used to be able to scroll Tiktok for fun, but now I'm repelled, which was an interesting observation I had while filming another video. What will it take to turn off the "noticing and observing" part of my brain, out in real life? I don't know. I have a sense that I'm not the only one who does notice these things, maybe it's because of some kind of societal conditioning, maybe it's because I'm a self-proclaimed "lover and appreciator of clothes/fashion" and I AM interested in what people wear, and noticing this kind of thing is simply "fun" for me. I don't know whether everyone thinks that is a valid interest, even if they don't feel that themselves, but there is a lot of media that would suggest that it is - you can consider me influenced in this regard if it helps understanding. I'm not sure I have a great explanation for it yet, myself. Regardless, I think it'll take awhile to break out of it, when "enjoying fashion" and noticing clothes has been something I've done for literal decades! To me a similar example would be as a professional musician, for a long time I couldn't help but notice the "flaws" in any performance (mine and those of others!), or hear in my head what I would maybe do differently. When obviously, the flaws are not what matters. It took some shifts of mentality to reach the point where I don't care about that anymore, and I am not always at that point even in the present day... when I'm in certain states I will still catch myself thinking or feeling this way. I hope that helps provide some additional context, I'd love to know if there are any examples in your own life that seem like this? Or, if not, that's also interesting, maybe you've managed to escape falling into these mentalities at all! I appreciate this opportunity to share further thoughts, thank you again.

[@alteredcatscyprus]

@@candibee8918 I stopped driving bangers for that very reason. 😆

[@CAGChannel1]

@@candibee8918 wow, totally different from where I came at it. With toddlers and babies, I gave myself credit for being dressed at all! I can’t imagine being in a soup of new moms who judge other mom’s outfits. Yikes! And on the other hand- I wouldn’t want my kids to be surrounded by that either. And, interestingly, my oldest ones ( now adults) don’t care. They don’t surround themselves socially with friends who would care.

[@candibee8918]

@@CAGChannel1 I think there’s a good lesson in there. We should all be a bit less critical of ourselves.

[@paulat5921]

Zoos make me sad.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! There was an element of that too in my experience, I kind of alluded to that in this video but didn't want to dwell on it for this chat, lest I got too deep into it

[@valeriemalenfant]

Have you try wearing it with jeans? I'm sure this top will look good with jeans. as for my wardrobe the outlier are sneakers and t-shirt like I'm just not wearing those ever... which is funny because it's always listed in ''top 10 items to owned or add in your wardrobe'' to be ''in style''. close third are cargo pants ....

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I have! But I actually find that with blue jeans, the outfit feels too low-contrast for my preferences somehow, and also feels like a very "basic"/traditional outfit (jeans and a nice top) which for me is not interesting. Not saying that my usual outfits are super interesting either but it's a different feeling I guess. I don't think the "top 10 items" are that helpful these days, even if I do wear some of the "top 10" things pretty regularly...I used to look at these all the time, but usually these lists don't say much about HOW to wear these items in a personal way, which is what creates a true style in the first place. I am slowly learning...

[@kathrynbythelake9638]

The blue and white top is almost jacket-like, have you tried wearing it unbuttoned?

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I'm actually not sure that I've ever tried to unbutton those buttons!

[@annapetryk]

How about making a vest or short sleeve from it?

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

I thought about it! But I think ultimately it'll still be a bit shorter than I prefer, and the top is just a bit too open for me, so it'll better serve someone else who likes the design. I also don't have that kind of skill and who knows how long it would take, before I go to the tailor 😅

[@louiseisobelevans]

I would attach lace ... to make a fake top...to the deep V... and I'd shorten the sleeves by an inch or two.... to be purposely shorter 3/4... or a lace cuff to match the deep Veeeeeee xoxoxooxox

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Love the ideas! But honestly I don't need another "top option," and feel better about trying to get this top into the hands of someone it will work better for, as is, and someone who feels that it truly represents their style and how they like to dress.

[@wang_xian]

Would you ever consider cross posting to vimeo or another video platform?

[@wang_xian]

Asking because youtube on the phone app is driving me MAD, with the bugs and the ads. 😅 still going to keep watching either way

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

So this is tricky, I had some comments earlier about posting to Spotify as a podcast too (probably not the "visual wardrobe content"...) and while I do like the idea of moving to not-ad-supported platforms, it does create more "labor and learning" for someone for whom this is not an actual "job" (me) and therefore has limited time and brainpower for this project right now. I've thought about maybe doing a Patreon with a free option, for those who might want to avoid ads, need to do some research on that - need to do some more research on all of it! - and I hope to be able to instigate some of these "changes/additions" for next year! Especially as part of this journey of mine is consuming content consciously, it makes so much sense to be able to offer people a place without ads, to consume MY content.

[@wang_xian]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear That's a great idea, I hadn't thought about the podcast option. I would love it if you decided to share your videos as a podcast on apple podcast (even spotify, as I could listen to it even without owning an account ^^) I'm on board if you create a patreon, or a blog, or a 'member' only apple podcast with no ads too. Whichever is possible for you in the future, it's good to know that you understand your viewers want to hear what you say and analyse, and if possible not be cut by ads in between ~ So I will support you if or when you take this step !

[@rayeof_light]

I really like the shirt but see what youre saying. Its funny how "fitting in" and what that looks like totally changes based on where you are. Anywhere in europe you would've looked like all the other moms and someone in athliesure would seem underdressed. And i understand its not so much caring what other people think. Personally, if im at a zoo in Paris or Nebraska, i want to be dressed at the same formality level as the majority of people there.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Yes! I noticed this after moving to Midwestern USA that in my Houston "workwear" I sometimes felt overdressed (although honestly I was sometimes overdressed in Texas too, it was just such a bigger city that we saw all levels of formality). I still love to wear it but I think the reason I was particularly drawn to jeans and sweatshirts/graphic tees this year is due to that change of environment. It sounds like you get me too! I don't think anyone should feel bad for how they are dressed and I do not care if I am dressed more or less formal than the majority, but I will notice, and might make different choices if I know the level beforehand. Or I might not - I actually could have told you everyone at the zoo would be in athleisure before I went but I still chose to wear this that day!

[@AD-wm9if]

The shoulders are puffed and your frame is wider at the shoulders, which makes it look kind of odd because you don't have fat on your hips to balance out the poof. Something about this very wide shoulder line and poof detracts from your fabulous hair and bone structure. Also the shirt is designed for a bustier woman, there's more fabric for a full bust shape at the chest that can't be fixed by a dart. I would not necessarily say the issue is the feminine style, but there were construction decisions critical to creating the garment that don't work on your body.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

Thank you, this is interesting to read because it makes me realize that at the time that I bought this top, I DID have more fat on my hips as well as a slightly larger bust - nothing too extreme but I think having kids changed some of my proportions, if only temporarily. Time will tell, I guess. I used to be decidedly more pear-shaped (others had pointed this out too, in discussions of style, it wasn't just personal opinion) and that might have been the story I was telling myself when I acquired this top, that it would "balance" my figure. I still don't love the overall style on me, and even with a perfect fit I'm not sure I'd choose this top very often over the other things I own (and historically haven't), so I still feel good about letting it go rather than waiting to see if I become the "right size" again.

[@AD-wm9if]

@@Alexas.nobuyyear the whole weight change-wardrobe thing where I gain/lose fat on my hips made me decide that dresses and skirts are really genius for women because they allow for more size deviation over time. Them and the Nike yoga pants I bought at Ross 10 years ago.

[@alteredcatscyprus]

I loved the pairing with the “too short” leggings your daughter came up with the best. The leggings look like kick flairs on you which is nice and I love the unexpected pairing of the top with athletic wear. Even the second pairing with the side striped sweat pants looked cool. You are an artist, and I think unexpected pairings suit you. Plus the structure of the top reminds me of your beloved structured Tibi jeans. Thinking of it as a structured architectural top instead of a classic feminine top gives it a different life. I don’t think the classic pairings you modeled with it suit you or do you justice. It’s just too boring for you and doesn’t say anything about you as we’ve come to know you. The Tibi lady talks about using antonyms in pairings and I think you nailed it. Just my 2 cents! I do feel you on the gaping of the deep v-neck. I always put something under. I don’t like people looking in my shirt.

[@Alexas.nobuyyear]

She does have great style. While kick-flares might look cool I just can't tolerate a slightly short pant, gives flashbacks to the days of being a kid that too-quickly outgrew my clothes since I was always tall 🥲 I am flattered by your comment though! And I do indeed like unexpected pairings! I guess, though, that my instinct is not to use this top to make an interesting outfit, and I still feel better about passing it on in this case.