Storytime: Why Music Means Nothing to Me

[@00droo00]

I totally agree with you on this: “When people ask, “How are you?” I just say “I’m ok” or “I’m fine,” and they reply, “Just fine? Just ok?” I wish they wouldn’t press me like that, because I don’t want to say “Everything’s great. Everything’s fine,” because sometimes things are not great, and it sucks that we live in a society that doesn’t accept “fine” or “ok.” YES!!!💯💯💯This is exactly how I feel!!! After I explained this to my therapist, she told me I probably have autism too. But truthfully, I don’t think the problem is us neurodivergent people not understanding society. It’s that society isn’t compassionate enough to accept us (neurodivergents and neurotypicals) when we’re not at our 100%.

[@psacgvolunteers]

I agree with you 100%!!! People seem to want to control the way you respond to stuff. Its not cool at all 💯

[@truueindeedi]

Definitely. Society (ppl) have a lack of compassion for ppl who are different. Based on my observations, I would say the reason tend to me the fact that it makes them feel wrong about their ideologies, and they haven't learned to accept that there isn't a right way of living.

[@icasticasticast]

sorry for the rant it's kinda long but I'll send anyway I think that it sucks people won't accept things are "bad" because then they expect you to explain why it's bad for some reason, what if there is no particular reason, people don't ask what's "fine", when it's fine it can be for no reason, people can be happy for no reason, why can't you be sad for no reason. Why is that so hard to accept. Or even if there is a reason why is it so hard to accept I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to tell you why I'm feeling unhappy but I don't want to be dishonest and lie either because to me that's morally wrong and makes me uncomfortable. And another thing is telling people about problems I know they can't fix in any way. I just don't get that and it makes opening up so hard for me. It doesn't make me feel better when someone tells me they understand. You shouldn't understand me because I'm going through something I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. I don't feel better when someone is as sad as I am, I'm not a sadist. That's literally hurting someone isn't it. Just stop feeling everything. Or pretend you do. Because then I feel even worse and guilty. Like it's my fault I haven't fixed the problem yet. and I literally can't and I feel so bad about it. So I can't be honest for this reason. and just to clarify im transgender so this kind of lying is really not helping when my existence itself is literally lying to everyone around me. I'm so frustrated, I'm sorry.

[@madelaki]

Thankfully not all music is about love, you just have to look a little beyond the mainstream. Being angry (about similar issues to your own, in fact) helped me get into metal as a form of catharsis. Two bands I enjoy a lot lately are Crypta and Konvent, both girl bands coincidentally. They're probably too heavy for someone who's new to the genre, but there's lighter stuff out there that's still angry and more relatable for people like us. "Whatever" by Godsmack is my go-to feel good song.

[@rahbeeuh]

I didn't finish the video yet but I gotta say your headband is adorable 🩷

[@javi9038]

Es cierto, es adorable!!

[@TheRealRedFlashlight]

So true.

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

I need to o correct myself.There are women thar look like me talking about this disorder . What i went to say is that i havent seen autistic women of color talking about having trouble with emotions

[@graculacain7929]

Have you tried just focus on your bodily sensations? Like the tenseness in your muscles maybe or your heartbeat? I don’t know the full extent of what it’s like. The closest I get to it is feeling nothing from was aesthetic beauty. Just boredom and logical thought. I would like to know if you could explain how it works for you. Of course, if it’s too stressful, you don’t need to. I won’t take it personally. But if you’re up to it, I’d like to know how it works. Do you feel any emotions in yourself in regard to bodily sensations? Like do you feel anger or just disappointment? Do you feel muscles tensing up. Is it only anxiety that you feel the sensations from? Edit: One more thing. I’m really proud of you for being open and honest and providing perspective for those of us who are empaths. You’re an awesome human being in my eyes.

[@meganhoffman8907]

Your personality reminds me so much of my college roommate and best friend of many years, who passed away recently from cancer. I suffer from many traits of BPD, and I loved her with that intense love that you're talking about. I could tell that she was probably masking and didn't really experience normal emotions, but she never fully opened up about it. She hinted at it a few times, and to be honest those hints did freak me out at the time. I really wish I had had the emotional maturity to ask her real questions and listen to her with real openness and empathy. But I believe our friendship really helped both of us in many ways and we deeply cared about and respected each other ❤ We were best friends until the day she died.

[@jessicahoene5573]

Your sincere effort in wanting friendships even though you have difficulties relating to others and feeling emotions is really admirable. Thanks for sharing with us, friend! :)

[@1fhasdfadf]

can't believe the "friend" treated you like that, it's not at all ok

[@paintingsbypellie]

I hate that people ask how you're doing and when you are honest, they act like they want to know what's going on to be nice but they don't and then they downplay it and are like, "well, it could be worse," "things will get better," or "I will keep you in my prayers" etc... some cliche bullsh*t. Like no, things don't always get better. I try really hard to be positive but I live with major depressive disorder. Everyday is a battle and it's sometimes exhausting trying to act fine.

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

Me and you both gurl 😅

[@PrinceChills]

Just found your channel through Special Books and i love the content. You are very intelligent and honest while trying to help others with similar iasues. To me, you are a hero. I dont have PTSD or ASPD but you educating me helped me to understand you and others more than i did before watching your video. Oh and a suggestion for you you could try doing walks or jogging instead of sitting on itchy grass.

[@SuperJess135]

There’s this channel by Michael Sealy, he posts videos like “let go of negative attachments and rebuild confidence” they’re sleep meditation videos where he just says some relaxing words so if you can’t sleep because of thoughts you could focus on his voice instead. Also he probably has some videos related to stress to do if you ever want to try to just lay down for like 20 min and see if that helps at all it’s an idea. Hopefully that could be a little helpful.

[@breh7883]

Hey thanks for making videos and doing interviews. I really respect you and admire your bravery. Something you said in one of your interviews lead me to something very important and I can't thank you enough!

[@TheRealRedFlashlight]

Same!

[@astromoonie]

So the anxiety is more of a physical sensation for you (heart rate increase, breath rate increase, sweating, dilating pupils etc) than an emotional one. Maybe that’s why eating or exercise have been the only things to really help so far. A lot of the other methods people recommended seem like they have emotional components (music, dance, sitting in the grass and enjoying nature etc), and since you can’t connect emotionally, best case it scenario doesn’t help, and worst case scenario it just ends up adding a layer of frustration onto your anxiety. Exercise and eating, however, are things that you can engage with easily because they are totally tactile, provide immediate distraction, and require no emotional engagement from you. Sooo maybe doing things that will calm the central nervous system (like taking baths, receiving or giving massage, warm drinks etc) or something that will take up your attention but doesn’t require emotional engagement (solving math equations, playing games, knitting). I don’t have many examples bc idrk what you’re into, but yeah. Thanks for being open! I enjoy hearing about all the ways you’re trying to accommodate yourself and reach contentment. I wish you luck

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

I think that out of all the comments I received this one is the most helpful to me.Thank you so much

[@astromoonie]

⁠@@ChocolateAutizzy I’m glad you found it helpful! ❤️ 🫂

[@brownifly]

GOD makes all us Diffrent !

[@jermz79]

What cult are you in?

[@naislotuseyes]

Hello Cassy! I just watched your interview with SBSK and I am now discovering your channel. I’m a first year psychology student and hearing about different type of disorders and how all people live with them differently really helps me in order to understand them and hopefully one day be a good therapist. I didn’t know much about ASPD (like a lot of people sadly) and I would like to thank you for opening up and sharing your story. I wish you all great things in life😊 Ps : you’re a very beautiful lady!!

[@tanjascisney3264]

So... I just finished watching your interview. It was so cool to hear someone describe how they experience of life that sounds so close to my own life experience. I was super jazzed to click on your channel and see that you were actually making videos. I have been on my journey to psychological health for a good twenty years now. Like ALL IN... What a ride. A year ago i had the opportunity to put a theory i had come up with over the years. The end goal being having found a way to live as my True Self (no masking) and thrive within all aspects of life that i choose. I rented out the house that i was living in and moved to the country on 10 acres of raw land. I wanted to see if I it was possible to reset the triggers that my brain established when i was a child. So far signs are pointing to yes... yes I can. Just watching the little bit of your content has put some fresh wind in my sails! Thanks... i needed it...

[@tanjascisney3264]

my apologies for how disjointed my previous comment most likely is... i am writing while half IN half OUT of a dissociative episode. those of yall that KNOW can appreciate what a feat that is.

[@vividsoul3773]

You’re awesome and so cool for being you in the best way you know you can right now. Maybe, you can make your own music and express yourself through it. I hope you find love with someone who understands the world similar to you, and/or where the two of you understand each other well and can be yourselves together greatly. Feel free to shine your light and allow yourself to be true to yourself. You’ll come across those who really are meant to be by your side. I’m so glad I came across the video of you on Jubilee just today. I hope you’ve been finding new and good ways to have fun or enjoyable times so that you don’t have to be bored. Wish you well. 💗🌅

[@octopusmime]

Your healing is absolutely possible. You are a human being and no one can ever take that away from you. Humans are more than emotion.There are many dimensions to being a person. Even if you are numb, you still belong. You are still connected no matter what! Healing happens low and slow. Don't overwhelm yourself , just hold on to the root basics of your humanity and your right to exist. I would recommend not listening to any top 40 pop music or any music with lyrics. Abstract instrumental music, classical soothing music might be a better type to try. I also recommend the workbook ‘ The Sevenfold Journey’ . Using the chakras as a framework helped me heal and understand various levels of the human experience so I feel I should pass it along. I wish you the absolute best of luck. You belong and nothing can ever change that fact. You are a part of this human family whether you can feel it or not. That is an unshakable truth.🙏💕

[@mywonderspirit]

A lot of people are going through what you are going through, they just never talk about it. I hope you found an outlet because you're shining now, your voice and perspective counts and make a difference in all our lives. Take care

[@DuchessArtisanCreations]

Music is not the only thing that you can destress. There is art you can paint, sculpt, draw, or pottery. You can use fidget toys, weight blankets, or swim. There are so many ways to destress. For me, undiagnosed autism I like comedy and I love to laugh which is my form of destressing.

[@unitedspiritsvillage]

Thank you for sharing and for your candor. It's fine just being, right? It's OK to be an observer. It's OK to respond. Life is really diverse. I wonder: do you connect with Nature? Math? Words? Moon? Your heartbeat? What kinds of feelings are natural for you? Anger? Joy? Apathy? None? It may be that you are fully in the present. It may be that you are not. Like you, I am healing and basking in self-care strategies. I am ok with what comes up. It can be challenging "inner" work. Observe. Release. Often, I've discovered roots to some of my thoughts, behaviors and patterns. At least some of them, anyway. It's interesting to note why I respond in certain ways. I may keep that response or decide to work on another way. Thank you for reading my comment. I appreciate you very much and I admire your perseverance 💜

[@carolinacarolina2342]

I'm so glad you had a great day, Queen 👸🏿

[@vidoxi]

I think it's really admirable of you that you're choosing the hard path of authenticity over continuing to hide everything. I'm so sorry things didn't work out with your friend but if you continue to be genuine I think it's an inevitability that you're going to come across someone that you can feel a connection to. That's really cool that that experience caused you become more open instead of scaring you into never talking about it again.

[@celinelia8127]

Honestly,when you first said that you'd feel nothing if your friend abandoned you - i felt jealous. Jealous of you. Because i experience the opposite, with anger and pain and not wanting to wake up: I was hurting so bad bcs of people abandoning me, that I wanted to just leave the worId already,bcs it hurt so bad every day. I am grateful for being better today. it takes work everyday - being there for yourself, learning how to be a kind, loving parent to yourself.

[@TheRealRedFlashlight]

Right? Sometimes it feels unfair to have to care about other people, when it's taken a lot of work to learn how to care for myself. Don't I need to take care of myself first, before I can expend any caring energy on others? Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or you literally won't be able to help anyone else. I'm still learning to develop an inner loving parent. It doesn't happen overnight.

[@clovesbian]

“Loved me enough for the both of us” is so well put. Hope you grow to love yourself 💞

[@cicilynnofficial]

I definitely relate to not connecting or relating to music which is weird because I am a musician, but though I don't have a feeling when I listen to most modern music, I can connect to classical in a sense that I can intellectually associate various instruments or chords in a piece to a particular emotion I desire to tap into. Doesn't always work though, but I'd google what emotion you want to get better at identifying and accessing and find music or a composer that may relate to that. I suggest Rachmoninoff Piano Concerto No. 2 specifically Movement 1 for pushing past anger to access the core emotive behind it (whatever that might be for you), and movement 2 for accessing sadness (though now it gives me hope but at first it accessed intense pain and loneliness so trigger warning if you aren't ready to give into those emotions yet). I also find that music in other languages tend to have a wider subject area that isn't just $e× such as jpop and anime music oddly enough. If you don't mind looking up the translations or listening to music that's not in English, you may have better luck in those areas. "Kaze no Machi E" from the Tsubasa Chronicle soundtrack is a good one that talks about taking you somewhere you have no clue where but it's better than where you currently are. Hope that helps and for what it's worth, I'm so proud of you for coming out as a Black woman who is neurodivergent. You are not alone. In society's eyes you are a problem to be fixed. I pray one day you'll think of yourself as a mystery yet to be discovered by you who live it and by someone who will one day earn your trust to help you on your journey of discovery.

[@breh7883]

I won't lie to you, you may find older music interesting. I mean like Gregorian chant. It doesn't have to be a religious thing and it isn't for most people. Y'all may laugh but it calms me down! I don't know if you'll find it interesting or not but you might! Maybe give it a try and let us know? P.s. hit me baby one more time is literally a banger

[@SupishBash]

I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to come out and express yourself. I hope that it inspires more people to do so.

[@carmensandiego4270]

I’m similar to you in regards to music and dance, and in many ways I feel disconnected from my body too. What helps me relax is listening to videos , podcasts and audiobooks about subjects I’m really interested in. Even though I have ADHD, if the subject is of high interest to me I will hyper focus on it and not think of whatever is stressing me out.

[@littlelittlefingers]

Thank you for being you, your bravery inspires me a lot

[@belindadeharms7840]

Sending u You huge blessings from Germany ❤

[@neuroknotty]

Checking in to say, "Hello there." Thank you for this. Sending hugs ((hugs)). Glad to see you continuing to be true to you. I tend to agree with you on the extreme-PTSD front. OMG, the mosquitos were out of control in this one. I almost couldn't watch 💞

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

Hi❤

[@lakefeatherss]

this video was like. a whole year ago but I wanted to still offer up songs and then maybe advice in my experience, happy songs tend to do nothing for me when im already feeling bad, but a song that echoes a negative emotion in the lyrics or singers tone tend to help more some ones i might reccommend are Icicles by The Scary Jokes or SIU by Maretu. or alternatively, music with no lyrics at all on a note entirely unrelated to music (because that could also just not help in general even with songs unrelated to love/sex/etc, i dont wanna presume that different music would just fix the issue), i find that a lot of things that help me with anxiety when it gets to a point where its physical is running/sprinting around or doing other random physical things that coincide with my stimming, even when its not exercise and just nonsensical physical movements (jumping, shaking limbs, wiggling around, etc). the same for like vocal stuff, yelling into a pillow or making various odd noises to get the anxiety 'energy' out so my body isn't feeling all wrong. i'm so sorry about your experience with your ex-friend, and i hope that you can find a support system that accepts you for who you are, and doesn't flip out on you for things you can't control. you're already on the right track working towards helping yourself, all love and luck towards your future and healing

[@ahhhaa-vu9lm]

your so pretty❤️

[@thisisnotras]

You're the awesome one. I'm glad for the effort you're giving into reaching people to broaden their understanding and acceptance for people they see as different than themselves.

[@mkpleco]

Stress... For me stress and anxiety are the same thing. Doing things can help to alleviate stress. Working out is just one thing but if you don't like that there are other things like riding a bike and having adventures. You can try cooking if you have access to a kitchen. you can specialize in something like breads, pastry or even chocolate. I mention cooking cause you can help people by feeding them. As for me, I just try to keep busy but I'm tired and lazy, but I do what I have to do to make my life easier. I would like to do other things, but time and space is limited. Fun is elusive.

[@RomeGoLARGE]

I appreciate your transparency. You helped me out so much

[@cjbaker9703]

“Sit in grass and destress”. “Im getting bitten!” 🤣🤣

[@briannamorales6722]

We are glad you had a good day. You look great.

[@johncena04101]

Have you tried guided meditation? You can try it lying down for 10 minutes and it helps to listen to what they're saying and clear your mind for even 10 minutes. I also feel like I can't connect to anyone. It really is hard. And incredibly isolating. But you're doing great and its going to be okay. Would you like to try maybe listening to music in another language? Then you maybe you'll appreciate the beat more and not focus on the words.

[@jennthibault4883]

Hey Cassie. I agree 100% that people should just except our answers to "how are you?" at face value. It's so rude to invalidate our truthful response. Anyway I love your content and I think you are beautiful even if you dont feel it. Have a great afternoon. 😊 Jenn from Boston ❤

[@briannamorales6722]

Were proud of you here on the Internet 😊

[@lore1738]

Hey Cass, have you tried listening to strictly instrumental music? A lot of music made for video games is mostly orchestral.

[@AjahsWrite]

My friend sent me your channel and I'm glad she did. I kinda identify with the bestie thing. I have cPTSD, the world is not built for us, both as 🙋🏾‍♀️ and neurodiverse folx. I want to share some things that work for me, maybe they will work for you too, but if not that's okay too. 1. Being authentic is never the problem. Unauthentic people are the problem. When people ask me how I'm doing and I'm honest and they don't want that, then I know they're not people I should hang out with. Because I'm always going to be honest. Once I stopped lying to myself, I stopped lying to everybody😂 2. Comfort- I take comfort in a lot of things I can count on to be reliably the same-- Motts strawberry applesauce tastes exactly the same as it did when I was five. Tv shows and books I've already seen, because there are no surprises and I already know these are going to give me a dopamine boost. 3. Take a dryer sheet and rub it on all your exposed skin before you go outside. Fold it up and put it in your pocket. Mosquitoes don't like it. They won't bite you. Also, don't rub aggressively because you could give yourself a rash, just gentle swipes. 4. Shape and color mesmerization- sorting games that involve shapes and colors allow me to lose myself. Time wise, these might help with your anxiety. I play the cake sorting game and the screw away game where you have to pick the screws to make the house fall apart. I play these kind of games on my phone. I get easily frustrated trying to play games that are not on my phone because I'm not always coordinated enough for that. 5. Disassociating a notice are things that I experience regularly as a person with complex PTSD. Because of my therapist. I know that this is One of the things my brain does to protect me from memories I can't handle, or current pain I'm experiencing-- I have a lot of body desensitization because of chronic pain. A lot of times people who were repeatedly victimized in childhood and had no physical place to escape to go away into their minds. I'm not saying this is the case for you but it definitely was for me. My biggest struggle these days is figuring out how to treat my body as something other than the vehicle that carries my mind around. Some days I'm better at this than other Days. 6. Self-Compassion: This may be a difficult concept for you as a person with ASPD, but basically this is how well do you treat yourself when you fuck up? Success or failure should not set the standard on how you treat yourself. On days when i fucked up, I used to be super hard on myself, now I choose to be extra gentle with myself on those days because I deserve a marshmallow soft life. 7. This might sound silly, but get yourself an emotional chart and research each emotion. I'm not sure if it's like this in other places, but in America we have a very rudimentary understanding of emotions to begin with. Happy, sad, angry, afraid-- just like the movie inside out. This is our starter kit and sadly a lot of people don't get it past it. One thing I am good at is studying so when I decided to study emotions, I came to see that I was having a lot of feelings. Feelings? I just didn't know how to identifying the feelings I was having. Like I was feeling frustration from being around people that preferred the masked version of me, But what I thought in my head was "being around people is draining" or "I'm just not up to peopleing today." I was feeling shame about not masking well enough, but what I thought in my head was: "I should be better, I used to be able to do X and Y, now doing X and Y is so hard for me, so I must be the problem." Just because you don't experience emotions in the same way as other people doesn't mean you don't have them. Anxiety is an emotion. Embarrassment that your video might be too long and people are going to get bored with it's an emotion. Hating being bored is an emotion. I'm no therapist, but I think that Your emotional self might be in hiding because It doesn't feel safe to make itself known. Patience and self-acceptance creates that space of safety inside you. I'm not saying one day everything is going to click and all the sudden you're going to be like everyone else. You are not everyone else, and that's great! I'm saying one day you will feel safe enough to be fully you with yourself And hopefully others. I hope some of this will be helpful for you and for other neurodiverse folks In the comments.

[@adammcateer2724]

Thank you for your videos. I was never able to connect to music in my youngers years and couldn't understand why other people liked it so much. My first cd's were weird al, space ghost's musical barbecue, and the old south park album. My only way of connecting to music was through parody because it just seemed so absurd to me. Creating music is now one of the only ways i have to bridge the emotional gap I have. Music and animals are the only things that helped me to develop any connection with other people, intimacy always falls short. I guess what i'm getting at is that maybe you can find an artistic medium which to connect to people that you have yet to find. Wishing you the best and I hope your journey in life leads you to less pain

[@outtaspoons]

Do you have any pets? I usually pet my cat and watch her to help me destress. I also love asmr cat videos.

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

Not yet!

[@andragune283]

Off-topic, like i'm hearing you out and it's helping me to consider further trying to go off on my own adventure and figure out why i'm so. . ."off-putting" to most lol. anyways, i love your eyes; they're very intense, and while i know there's a lot of pain behind them they're just so. . . _bright._ they have a really comforting darkness to them as well, in colour i mean. i have problems with eye contact too, but i feel like with you i'd be able to hold it a little longer. (okay i also feel it necessary to add that i'm an aroace, deeply hormonally dysregulated [therefore i look barely like what i'm supposed to look like], and cringeworthy 22 yr old woman who's actions and behaviours often end up being misunderstood as flirting and leaving me to have to explain myself. i'm also prone to rambling away from my initial point 😭😭) TL;DR: your eyes are very dark yet bright, and have an overwhelming gentleness to them. you'd be the perfect candidate model for eye makeup commercials. 🙏💫💕

[@inana0707]

Your laugh is so adorable ❤ greek music is nice you won't understand but lots of people hear it just for the music I have a few suggestion if you like. ---> Otan tha niwseis opws eniwsa egw, as xatheis, o amlet ths selhnhs, koita egw. I dont feel the need of listening to music but I always listen at this kind of songs.

[@skybug1706]

Well, do these video diary entries help destress?-Setting aside all the new interaction that comes with it (unless that also releases largely positive brain chemicals; I'm going off you saying you're in burnout)-Like let's say you didn't pressure yourself to engage viewers more than exactly when you felt like it and more importantly, you made media diary entries strictly to say what you wanted to say, do you think that would be an effective way to improve your quality of life?

[@sebastiancampanello8680]

I really feel sorry for you. Music is, maybe, the only thing worthy in this life. I always say to myself that, when I die, the only thing I'll miss is music.

[@gustavofernandes1532]

Hi, Cassy. Exercise is always a good way to control anxiety. Humans are animals after all, and we instinctively need to burn calories and, in my opinion, that is the reason we feel so satisfied after a good exercise. Another way to control anxiety is to have a hobby that you can achieve a goal and improve your abilities, like cooking, for example. Try some simple recipes for your saturday dinner, something you think you can do. But the most important is to improve in every try.

[@UrOnlyWarning]

Be Careful Mommie I appreciate Your COURAGE. For Sharing your truth. And I'm so Happy to read the ACCEPTANCE. BC that shit should have already happened. But Hey at least now it's Happening right 🤪 Anyway just got your story on my feed. Enjoyed the conversation, You Helped ME.... SO ty. I have been on this kick where I'm like OK.... THE LAST part I wanna Open Up and See things that are Diff. Than my usual norm. And like You I can get to rblong about 15million different things at one. Time. It JST like my brain is going to fast that the shit sometimes flows right out. B4 my brain 🧠 catches up with the words that's in my mouth. LmCao 👍🏾 so was like Ok. Not so diff. So he'll let's see if there are more things in common. Always surprises me when I'm dealing with shit. Feel like "ain't no way anyone's dealing with this ish. Then find out. Dayuuuuummmm y'all ALL felt that ish to. 🤏🏾😁💭 While at same time Respecting that we all experience shit diff. To ya know. Anyway checking out your other videos. JST saw this. And wanted to JST pop in say hi. And BECAREFUL. BC LIKW ME in sure since the interview was posted. Your flooded. Well.... 🙃 Oh hello bellz you JST said that in video. I try and watch it all before commenting. But I JST ... Of course 1. Ramble like hell 2. That word spilling out B4 my brain stops it sum times. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Watch ya self. On here. Thanks 🙏🏾👍🏾 again

[@Zecefiasz]

Hej, sam jestem osoba niepełnosprawną i czasem bywa na prawde ciezko, nawet nie umiem sobie uswiadomic jak musi Ci byc ciezko. Trzymam kciuki za Ciebie zebys szla w dobrą stronę. Pozdrawiam

[@brentlashley2138]

Thank you.

[@UniQueLyEviL]

I've heard that it's best to lift weights every other day because as your lift to gain muscle the muscle tear slightly and they need time to recover. Also stretching before the workout is so important.

[@user-vu7ki7ig1s]

not all music is happy and carefree though, in fact some of the best music is often about pain and suffering. although i understand why someone wouldn't want to listen to that kind of music especially if they themselves are already struggling. like adding salt to a wound. sometimes though listening to someone else sing about their pain feels cathartic, knowing that at the very least you aren't alone, that someone else has felt what you felt. and sometimes you don't necessarily have to relate to a song to enjoy or appreciate it, maybe the composition is cool or that one guitar solo is impressive. i'm just saying that there are all kinds of music, not just songs about love or relationships. even then it's okay to not enjoy or get anything out of listening to music. some of the artists i can think of that have songs with themes I mentioned above are, alice in chains, soundgarden, nine inch nails (a lot of grunge basically lmao), and depeche mode if none of these suggestions help or actually do more harm than good then I'm truly sorry and I hope you can find better ways to cope.

[@javi9038]

Si no conectas con la música no pasa nada, solo sigue buscando lo que te haga felíz. Ayudar a desestigmatizar es algo muy bueno. Quiza seas buena en eso. Te aprecio💖

[@Cordial_Lump]

Thanks for the reply, I guess it makes sense that in trying to self-improve any form of lying would feel gross to you... or like too similar to a past version of you that you dislike. idk if I'm masking when I lie to people about how bad my depression is... but I do know that people do get tired of hearing about how awful I have it lol, so it's not a magnetic trait of mine to tell people truly how dark i can get.. like.. absolute honesty can be intimate or unsettling... it's a balance I guess: not lying but not scaring people off with an organized list of difficult things about one's self :P

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

I hate having to answer the how are you question because I don't want to go back to my old ways but I also don't want to get remanded for just feeling okay. Any form of lying it's triggering for me . I guess it would be similar to an alcoholic trying to only drink socially. I have a problem . I understand that people need to engage in White lies to keep the peace but I think think it's healthy for me to do that .So its something I struggle with.

[@Cordial_Lump]

@@ChocolateAutizzy gotcha, well I'll stop tempting you :P maybe one day your relationship with these kinds of small lies won't be as extreme. But I understand now, thanks for explaining. I do relate hard to your more cptsd traits, so it's interesting watching your videos just to see how much we have in common :P

[@Saphielles]

Hi i watched your interview, and i felt really kind of scared because i felt like i related to you on another level. Ive been meeting with a psychiatrist and she diagnosed me with autism but i feel like its very complicated because i never miss people, i never have been in love despite trying, ive only ever had appreciation when someone else is in love with me. I feel like there's just something missing. I dont know if its just a symptom of autism to be lacking certain emotions or experiencing them in a different way, a defense mechanism, or some type aspd. I feel like a terrible person and im able to read people very well which makes it easy for me to offer sympathy and pretend to empathize but my heart feels nothing. The only thing i can say for sure is that if i saw a family member get seriously injured i think id be sad. I only care about people who care about me and sometimes i dont even care i just like the attention. I dont even know anymore.

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

You might have alexithymia

[@Saphielles]

@@ChocolateAutizzy I still feel emotions, and intensely. I just think emotions towards other people are very limited and are usually forced

[@Saphielles]

Glad you commented, it might just be one of the many confusing symptoms of autism. Have you gotten a psych evaluation?

[@Saphielles]

@@rowanbelt3612 oops sorry I was being confusing. I was talking about myself when I talked about the confusing autism symptom but then I asked you if you've had an evaluation because they might have answers

[@Saphielles]

@@rowanbelt3612 Scientists are learning more every year and they've learned that the spectrum is way more diverse than originally thought, if you feel like you have symptoms of a bunch of different disorders you should bring that up with the psych, it's really confusing because one autistic persons behavior and experience could be worlds different from the next. I still feel kind of iffy because despite having a psychiatrist tell me they think I have it I'm not that socially impaired apart from social anxiety and eye contact troubles, and that has made it so my own father denies it's existence in me which is kind of upsetting- anyway what I'm trying to say is that it's not one or nothing and even if it's not an extreme form it might help to get it checked out because you need answers if you want solutions, especially if whatever neurodivergency this is has taken a toll on your academic success.

[@Short_one41]

I recommend the song called Bad day because it’s by a guy who has dyslexia; and he learned music by ear. Also it’s a decent song 👍🏻 You don’t have to connect with the music, but I would also recommend the song let it go from frozen movie 1. Most of the music I listen to is decent not indecent. 👍🏻

[@pinklotus9684]

Cute kitty ears 🐈

[@brandonstorm]

I know this is completely off topic of your video, I just want to say that I understand why a lot of times you feel the way you do, because often times I feel them too, growing up I've always known that I was different, I too have always been antisocial, usually for me it would have to take the person to reach out to me and then I would engage with that person right back, me being antisocial in amongst other things is what made me a Target to where going to school growing up was a very scary thing because I was getting severely bullied by other students and by teachers and staff members, I've even had a couple incidents where a couple different teachers have went so far as to hit me, but as I got older I came to realize that it's okay to be different it just means that you're a very special and unique person, and that's a good thing because if everyone in the world was the same then that would be boring, even in my early adulthood was a little rough around the edges, people notice that I was different because I used to want things like a social but some people found it difficult to just accept me for what I was, this is my first time here, just to let you know things are not always as bad as they may seem and you're a lot stronger than you think you are, and you have a lot more power than you realize just within the way you speak 😉

[@Targeted_1ndividual]

Do you find you enjoy instrumental music at all? It could be that you don't connect well to lyrical music.

[@Africanbutterfly88]

The very reason why i now say "I'm alive" when people ask me how I am because thats the best they're going to get. Im alive, im here, im in existence. No, im not doing great or well. Im just here and im alive lol. I also hear you with the white lies. Its now exhausting in our 30s but not many people can cope with our honesty 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@Aluran]

damn that is absolutely rough

[@lynxycon.exe-_-]

I use music for personality and self expression and it makes me happy and excited and i use it for my fantasy sinarios, i am also autistic but i have some antisocial aspects like i don't feel remorse, guilty and empathy that much so everyone is different you can have your own preferences. ☺😊 i am a tiny bit psychopathic or sociopathic.

[@msasian09]

I only really listen to instrumental because when I was a kid I felt the same way and I wasn't active until later in life. So I would try Lo fi. And dubstep lmao. Like screamo. I feel like distressing is based what personally helps you. I dont think anyone of us can tell you the best way it'll be something so specific to you as I feel mine as so odd

[@kuroyamaevisekai]

Hello I was watching your interview with special books by special kids and you said "anti-social is a misconception I'm not anti-social I want to be with people" but do you think that to be the case or if there's a misunderstanding of anti-=a-, because a- usually just means "not it" like asocial just means not social while anti- from my understanding means "to go against" so anti-social would be to go against social rules, norms, etc but a lot of people seem to have a misconception about those prefixes meaning the same thing, probably because both start with "a" and I was wondering in that regard if you think anti-social is a good term to use and describe your condition or if you still think it's more of a misconception? I don't wanna speak over your experience or anything of course it's not my place it's just that because there's usually a misunderstanding if you had it with the words (rather than their meanings or conditions) too

[@shabakahouse2125]

I don’t like white lies, but I don’t like talking about everything either. Relationships are exhausting with the wrong people. Instrumental music with no words or the healing music. Depending on how you spoke to her she probably thought you meant “I don’t really like you” I am faking our friendship and if you didn’t keep up with her by calling all the time I can see her being hurt but your disorder shouldn’t hurt her. In my situation it’s the fact I don’t follow up with people. I set alarms and reminders to catch up with people, like I do work. It helps a little. ❤

[@cristinachaliandroi1369]

I feel sad for her Music is the reason i live

[@Jing2112]

maybe listening to relaxing music with nature sounds. You can also try breathing exercises.

[@Short_one41]

I can’t dance either, but I the only dance I can do is the Cupid shuffle.

[@velociraptris]

Hiiii!!! It's similar to me but not exactly like that because everybody's different. My TLP it's not severe but i can't feel the lyrics of music, and i love my favourites artists but i can't conect with they songs like other fans. Other people say's music save my life and that it's a big no for me. Maybe I feel envy for those reasons. The good thing it's i feel happy with enthusiastics "ritmos". Mmm it's difficult to me watch movies too, but i can listen podcast while i clean. That's it. Ah, you make me laugh. Maybe we have the same sense of humor hahaha.

[@camryngrissett]

sasha-alex sloan talks a LOT about mental health in her music if you ever want to get into her. she’s amazing!

[@lisriba8593]

Thanks🙏

[@shenanajinks]

i know that doing things out of enjoyment is off the table, but i think you should participate in a sport. if you're not a fan of team playing i'd recommend swimming or picking up rollerskating, something that forces you to focus on your body and how it's moving. it might give you something to analyze. hope that helps :')

[@justinestephonie4606]

By the way, do you have anything you like doing? Like singing or painting, or maybe even making KZbin videos? Please let me know. Thank you in advance.

[@veritysimone]

When you're extremely overwhelmed, try dunking your face in a large bowl of ice water; keep your face submerged until you can't take it anymore. This will activate an immediate reset in your brain. And hey, with the right mascara, powder, and setting spray, your makeup should not be affected ❤️ I sensed some shame from you when you admitted to others that their recommendations of music and dance don't work to soothe you. This is NOTHING about which to be ashamed. I see that YOU see that others are trying to help you, and you don't want to disappoint them. I really think that the ASPD is a misdiagnosis from an unhinged "mental health professional." I see a beautiful young woman desperate to understand herself and experience positive emotions, and maybe even truly connect to another human if she can bring herself to trust again.

[@Ohjaye_Behave]

My cannot feel shame

[@veritysimone]

@@Ohjaye_Behave your WHAT cannot feel shame?

[@Hobo_X]

Are you into video games at all?

[@h3xxor]

Have you tried abstract pure abstract music like classic or techno? There is so much autism in it, all these patterns and sounds.

[@DS-nl8ci]

I know this is a really old video. But have you tried non-conventional music that might resonate with your expericence on a existential level? I listen to atmospheric black metal for example (downfall of gaia, wolves in a throne room etc.). This kind of music is not about being in love or everyday experiences but about nature, existential conditions, sometimes also about anger and the darkness within us. It creates beauty in the places where you would least expect it.

[@taerenquigley4733]

Can you tell us your story?

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

What do you want to know ?

[@taerenquigley4733]

@@ChocolateAutizzy what caused your trauma.

[@taerenquigley4733]

@@ChocolateAutizzy can you do a video? Who allowed this to happen? What kind of situation were you in? When did it start? I have so many questions and my story is somewhat similar.

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

​@@taerenquigley4733 okay that will be my next video ❤

[@vickyiliaens1000]

Hi girl , the older you get the harder it will be to ever find the connections (again) , neuroplasticity however ? Do not give it up yet...

[@leslie3586]

Hmm maybe you would like music without words? And if you still don't like it, don't feel bad!!

[@Buddahabrot]

Enjoying Britney Spears is 🥴GREAT🙂. It's not nesccsaery to go "deep" or find a "Happy High". Music can also be used for VENTING. And also, music doesn't "work" for all "normal" people, so don't frustrate yourself by insisting that you should find "Nirvana" (😉) by listening to music.

[@MarqueeaArellano-Whittaker]

FaceSoul’s music helps me so so much give him a listen and let me know what you think!

[@zeva66]

You should listen to 80's GOTH music, there are more lyrics about people who are "different" and have a different emotional level. (me, i have Borderline Personality Disorder and i am kind of a Narcissist. I am much much older than you but i could and can only connect to goth and dark music. Nick Cave, Siouxie and the Banshees, Bauhaus, Cure, Cabaret Voltaire, Swans, Einstürzende Neubauten....they are DIFFERENT. )

[@MM-yd6ls]

sitting on grass? you have to smoke it to distress....😆

[@nonya9561]

Hey family how are you doing

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

I'm good

[@jazz3489]

Have u tried listening to music that isn’t abt love or sex 😅 there are plenty of songs about different topics I’m sure u can find smth u relate to

[@meggrim5993]

Listen to some edm 💖💖

[@Buddahabrot]

You're very analytical. Aproach the gym as a research-project. Enjoy the journey. Also this. Far too many "👎🏼healthy👎🏻"people are constantly chasing instant gratification. That is NOT a sign of good health.

[@brokattv431]

How about combat sports? Great release, excersize and you could meet people 😊

[@CarlJunior1111]

🤟💜!

[@hiddengem4293]

❤❤❤❤ John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Mark 1:15 - “The time is fulfilled,” He said, “and the kingdom of God is near. Repent and believe in the gospel!”

[@FrancesDixon]

I used to like music. I just listen to lofi now. I can't do the words. It's triggering. I have bpd. I would also split and have a rage episode if my friend said they were faking..i would think you hated me.. and lied and used me. I also was cheated on.. it's hard to understand in the moment what you really meant. Especially after infidelity betrayal. You think in extremes alot.

[@FrancesDixon]

I like yoga, treadmill and rollerskating and swimming. I also watch movies shows and anime. I like escaping intrusive thoughts as well.

[@FrancesDixon]

I also have bipolar and depression and anxiety. I also do digital art. Sometimes I go on discord and draw and don't talk and listen to everyone else talk

[@FrancesDixon]

I like jacksepticeye and Kieraplease. Streamers. Their talking makes me feel not alone without socializing in real life.

[@TiesBesselJonker]

Nah for me and all of my autistic friends music and dancing offer very important feelings. There's many types of autists. Your type doesnt feel music. Mine does.

[@miriamthorp2970]

Is it possible you’re tone deaf? sometimes tone deaf people can’t really distinguish between notes and the song is just like on big gray blob

[@SophTheNeko]

YOU SHOULD WEAR NEKO EARS MORE OFTEN!!!

[@UniQueLyEviL]

How do you feel about art? Either observing or creating it? Do you feel a connection to animals?

[@ChocolateAutizzy]

There's some art that I like and I do like cats

[@UniQueLyEviL]

I'm so happy you had a great day 🥺