Straight Talk: Behavior Before the Relationship

Can you be angry at your partner's behavior before you were in a relationship? Steve's Straight Talk Panel sounds off!
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[@Ms_T_Perfectly_Imperfect]

The lady with the white hair is right. Over-sharing needs to go!

[@RoyalMasterpiece]

I LOVE KIM GRAVEL!

[@ninadavis5517]

@@RoyalMasterpiece she tells it like it is

[@stektirade]

I really like her, she has some sense and some good advice.

[@samerhoussein]

Then you have something you want to hide.. I think honesty and transparency is a key to successful relationships

[@Ms_T_Perfectly_Imperfect]

@@samerhoussein There is no reason why you should be sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with someone you haven't built any relationship equity with. If it affects you getting to know someone, then definitely share, but there is no need to tell strangers all of your business.

[@StormMonroe]

If you feel the need to spill your secrets, give it to the lord. That way you know where you sent your business and that it’s not coming back

[@neha_speaks523]

That is a great advice

[@misstrice84]

Amen.

[@melissalitus8879]

💯

[@maimunajama5541]

yesss confess to ur lord almighty and seek forgiveness from him

[@primitivojdavis]

Amen 🙏

[@john10jf]

So women should not put men in high standards, make them accountable, or even change bad behavior? If we set so many "rules", standards, expectations on women why should women just come in agreeance that men CAN sleep with whomever and come to terms with that.

[@lindamp85]

This☝

[@indigobeauty1]

I might be too honest for my own good but I'm confessing everything he ask...I despise lying, and truly believe a relationship built on Truth & honesty is the way to go. Tell the truth and let your Partner decide if they want to deal with your Truth.

[@welsha7484]

I agree that we over share.I learnt that the hard way.

[@SplendidNinja]

Everyone doesn't have to accept you, but it's ok because they just weren't the right ones. It's still good to be honest because when you do find someone who accepts you and stays it will feel SO much better then having to lie or hide things to keep a relationship going.

[@ferozalekota1722]

Dr V needs to stop with the botox and plastic surgery

[@Lianabel2485]

Agreed 1000%

[@Rajeshree11]

Lol. That’s her own money, her own face. But what she is talking about is double standards and sexism!

[@amberparker9883]

She's 50 dressing like she's 18 too! LOL

[@alexmk6714]

@@amberparker9883 50??

[@7Tiffany]

Dr. V's boots though. 👀😍

[@jennyeddins7809]

I’ll admit, I’m an extremely insecure and sensitive person, but even I don’t hold my husbands past against him. He’s been honest with me about his experiences and some of them, I wish he didn’t have but that’s not important. What’s important is the present

[@Getitgirlllll4717]

So I agree, u can't tell all your business. Discernment is key.

[@MissBlueBeauty]

I don’t agree with lying about your number, but I also feel like discussing your number is irrelevant. That’s high school stuff. If someone asked me my number at this point in my life, (I’m over 30) I would tell them it was really none of their business. As long as everyone knows they are safe and get tested to confirm so, what you did 10-15+ years ago shouldn’t matter. Life goes on.

[@SplendidNinja]

Nah, some guys actually value sex and save themselves and want a woman who has done the same. Your number would be a big deal to me... but thats just me.

[@MissBlueBeauty]

TSE I can see where that would be important to you because of you saving yourself. You would obviously be looking for someone who falls into that category as well. I mean this for the majority of people who did really stupid stuff when they were younger, and shouldn’t have that held over their head when they are grown. Maybe I should mention this also, it really depends on when the “number” was created as well. If someone is sleeping with multiple people a month before we met, that could potentially prove that they have commitment issues. I guess it’s situational really...I say your number should start after the age of 23. Lol.

[@brooklynforever1990]

Facts.

[@HomeVidEdd]

@@SplendidNinja EXACTLY EXACTLY EXACTLY!!!!

[@claudiaclaudia8599]

TSE I don’t think the number matters in your case as you’re actually looking for a virgin woman.So,if she slept with only one guy she doesn’t qualify for you.

[@valerielinares2068]

I think couples who are serious should share everything, even past mistakes - don't lie about it. Because consider this: If you truly have changed your ways and learned from your mistakes, what do you have to hide? Because if you hide it, that's suspicious to me, making me think you have every intention of playing games with me too. And, if you're open and honest, saying in words and showing in actions that you've changed your ways, and that person STILL rejects you.. Guess what? That's a clear sign they are not the one for you. And that's something you should know before making a commitment to them. It's better to be open and honest beforehand so that both parties can make an informed decision of whether they want to continue the relationship. Keeping such information from a potential mate shows fear, insecurity, and desperation. Desperate decisions lead to dire consequences. In this case, the "dire consequences" is a relationship built on secrecy and dishonesty - a tower that's sure to crumble. A relationship based on openness, honesty, acceptance, respect, and love has a firm foundation.

[@SplendidNinja]

Someone with sense 👏👏👏 That other stuff people on about hiding and lying is bs, nothing good will come of it.

[@maureenmucureezi7099]

If you learned from it and moved on from it and are not affected by it why share it. You are holding onto an unnecessary past. You are here today let that all go and sharing it today attaches you to it..let those go n not sharing is how you completely move on!

[@valerielinares2068]

@@maureenmucureezi7099 I disagree... if you've learned from it and move on, then why not share it? I don't think someone is holding onto their past by sharing it - just being honest about their past. Even if you interpret not sharing as moving on, the person you date may see it as you being dishonest and hiding something, which may be a red flag for them. If you really have moved on, then sharing your past wouldn't play any part in attaching you to your past - in fact, one should be able to share their past without it effecting them. That's how you're able to tell that you've really moved on from it - that you can talk about it without it effecting your present.

[@floydbanks1777]

Valerie Linares, Once upon a time I was judged by a woman for being with too few women. She said that I still had to sew my wild oats.

[@localone1597]

Get so tired of the lady talking about 31 dates. That's a game show. It's not like the real world meeting 31 guys in a bar or club and within a few months sleeping with all of them.

[@mixedmamiiD]

Behavior is learned. I doubt Steve taught his sons to not judge a womans past. So the double standard continues...

[@Kimmieziven]

Past does and doesnt matter, it depends on what they did and if they grew out of it. At least it is in my opinion

[@lovemecom3832]

Time shapes as to be prepared in the future. We learn so many lessons in our past just to be a better person for our next relationship. I will just take us to another mistake if we bring the past with us in the present.

[@StrongnBeautiful]

Love this. Any mature adult understands this.

[@xxnarutxx3938]

You are so beautiful

[@giabrooks2717]

Preach Steve, Dr.V trippen. Lol

[@AC-pu2mr]

*KIM GRAVEL* !!! 😍

[@RoyalMasterpiece]

First of all, if I don't have honesty and trust in my relationship ( I will never agree to lying in a relationship), then I don't have one. I can't get mad at someone's past because I have my own. I'm woman enough to handle a past. I just want the past to be in the past. That is my requirement. Lastly, if a man can't handle your past, then he's not the one. P.S. What happened to being adults and handling things like one?

[@SplendidNinja]

I agree with letting go of people who cant handle your past. The issues comes when people try to hide or lie about it, then get mad when the truth comes out and the person doesnt accept them. You shouldve just been honest up front. A lot of people try to hide who they are to impress someone, but the real you is going to come out eventually.

[@RoyalMasterpiece]

@MM E Agreed. NONE at all.

[@RoyalMasterpiece]

@@SplendidNinja SAY THAT!

[@rashardstallworth9240]

The doctor V is going to have a lot of people single

[@bethanieboo962]

My bf would constantly over share about his past.. I finally had to tell him to stop, bc your new relationship doesn’t really care to hear stories about the past.. we would be talking about a subject or a vacation spot etc, and he would always have a story about when he was with someone else and they went there or a funny story... ALWAYS had another female in it...it was always” One time I was dating this girl”.. “ One time me and this girl went to FL” , ” when I lived with this one girl she...” it actually created jealousy with me because I started keeping count and it was multiple women so I’m thinking are you a player?? At the beginning of our relationship I counted 15 different stories about 15 different relationships or dating a different woman.. so yes. Keep your past to your self because it can damage your future.. nine years later if he tells me a story I often wonder if he is leaving the other female out of it..

[@PersianPlatypus]

Then that's an issue within yourself. If the person who probably trusts you more than anyone else in their life can't bring up a story they want to tell you because it's got a female in it they haven't probably seen in over a decade at this point because you'll get jealous and upset, that's not a problem with them. You have your own self esteem and trust issues you need to sort out within yourself and realize he's with you for a reason, especially after 9 years (great to hear btw.) How do you expect him to be open with you about anything if he can't even bring up a story with an ex in it. And of course vice versa. I suspect and hope that you're able to bring up stories with ex boyfriends in them when you want to. No hate whatsoever towards you or your relationship btw, it's just my take on it :) Wish you the best!

[@bethanieboo962]

PersianPlatypus Well some of the stores would have to do about sex as well, LOL. like if I was buying couples lotion he would say “oh yeah! me and so n so I was dating, we used that stuff. It was pretty good!!” Along with all the other stories I’m talking this was constant like a few times a week for at least a year. Anyone would get sick of that LOL I got to the point where I was like is there anyone you haven’t screwed or dated!?!?!? 😅. But yes I totally get what you’re saying and I agree I do have issues that I need to work on but I don’t need to hear about my boyfriend sexual escapades or vacation stories at the same time. I think it’s rude. What I started doing was bringing up old boyfriend stories and he finally got the hint to because I think he started feeling the same way. Bringing up something once in a great while that’s no big deal but this was constant. I’m understanding but, Jesus!! Lol

[@PersianPlatypus]

@@bethanieboo962 Ah see I didn't know the sexual part hahaha. Yeah that's a bit much for sure lmao

[@thrilla72]

@@PersianPlatypus Even without the sexual part, the fact that he was choosing to mention his ex of all the details the story had...speaks volumes. I had a girlfriend do that, we ended splitting because she couldn't understand why I didn't like it but hated when I'd mentioned another woman that I used to talk to

[@SplendidNinja]

Just sounds like you too weren't the right match for eachother. He was honest, communicated m, and trusted you. I'd be more worried if I found stuff put about someone or if they were lying. Maybe talking about the sex was too much, but referencing places they been because yall sparked a memory isnt bad.

[@juliegreene1844]

This is one of the issues that broke my marriage. My ex insisted that I tell him how many men I have been with before we got married. I told him that that info is not going to contribute anything to the marriage, so why does he need to know. I never once asked him how many women he had been with before me. Because I refused to tell him, he never answered any question I ask him no matter how innocent or unrelated to marriage the question is, he will tell me, 'that question will not contribute anything to our marriage, so I will not answer.' Of course, shortly after, we filed for divorce. He finally told me he has trust issues.

[@godsbest8405]

I'm sorry to tell these men but today is a new day. Women are not the way they use to be. Women are not sitting by the phone waiting for a man to call them. I know a woman who was sleeping with a married man while her own husband was at home. When she finally decided to divorce her husband she was already engaged to her next husband. And her next husband was not the guy she was cheating with. Women are out her cheating too and they are better at it. Women are getting fed up and are becoming more and more like men every year.

[@godsbest8405]

MM E Yes, you are right. I know some Godly woman too but the world is changing. As time progresses, the Godly women is going to become more difficult to find.

[@SpecialKRNB]

@Error Report Out here too deep. Just a waiting on our right good man aka Future Husbands. Every thing I asked God for and however I asked it. God will bring it into fruition in his perfect timing for me and him. Haven't even met him yet and I am already in love and miss him oh so much. I truly thank the good Lord for my future hubby every day. Right now just focused. #focused #hobbies #love #dearmyfuturehubby

[@oramahura7238]

Honestly... I rather be single. I can invest my time, energy, and emotions in something holistically fulfilling. I may not know what it is, I have a whole life to figure it out. Why should I run my life according to what a man thinks...???A man?? Created by God, just like I am created by God, has blood running through his veins like me, allocated life like me...breathing the same air..., and then I must conform to his wishes??? Screw that. Mutual respect and accept I have a past, or you can scoot.

[@rishabhsharma385]

How can ones opinion may imply on any other individual

[@anointedi.q.akagnocchi3818]

Thank you for the one who agreed lol nice, real talk, as well.

[@6spider4]

Steve: I have got mad now

[@claudiawaithe3148]

I'll answer that question. If he dealt with your sister, family member or close friends. Some guy coerce my sister into giving her virginity to him, shamed her in our very neighborhood, then tried to do the same to me. As if I'm as stupid as she is. One unexpected phone conversation from him and he knew I'd purposely screw his life up for trying to make a fool out of me. God. Steve can give some terrible advice the way his mind thinks. Good thing I can think for myself.

[@quinzeyftw]

STEVE I LOVE YOU

[@kingcalv10]

Live a life tht u won't be ashamed to speak of.

[@MeHaveDonuts]

And couldnt agree more. Men will ALWAYS treat women the way anyone from a friend to society has shown men how women are treated in certain areas. Of course a man that really loves you not gonna care about your exes but always makes a fun topic to talk about lol

[@taichiwellnessonline]

Why has nobody given the doctor a make up lesson. You’re going to tell me NO ONE has told her she looks like a clown!?! 🤦‍♀️

[@PiscesPisces-qq2ti]

I'd prefer to be honest. But it's important to see how the person acts when they're in a realationship with you. Msybe not the first date but soon after. I'd rather them hear it from me then somewhere else.

[@waheedahsrecipes5004]

NO HOWEVER THE PERSON THAT IS WAS THAN IS NOT PERSON HE IS NOW

[@tlouphala4858]

Yeah I don't want to know how many you have been with and how wild and nasty or crazy it was. I can't deal with that. It's bad for my blood pressure. And I will surely sugar coat my history as well if my partner comes prying and looking for bread crumbs and leads to defamation of my character. I always told my guys that what she don't know won't hurt and best just sweep it under the rug and leave it between you and the Lord.

[@ryanlordjanie]

I would never get mad in anyway or judge them in anyway. Getting mad over what someone DID is stupid in my opinion, all that matters is that they’re a different person in the present.

[@Ms_T_Perfectly_Imperfect]

Really? So what if your girl told you she was used to sleep with animals for cash. Would you let that go?

[@ryanlordjanie]

Ms. Perfectly Imperfect if they said they realised it was stupid and I knew they were a different person now then yes. People can change, and life is too short to carry around the weight of someone else’s past mistakes on your shoulders.

[@Ms_T_Perfectly_Imperfect]

@@ryanlordjanie hmm, some things are too questionable to not judge. You're a good one if you actually could leave that in the past.

[@ryanlordjanie]

Ms. Perfectly Imperfect like I said people can change, you only do yourself harm in judging people. It’s pointless choosing to pick something up off the ground that which someone put down a long time ago and lug it around with u.

[@Ms_T_Perfectly_Imperfect]

@@ryanlordjanie good way of putting it. It would be too much for me personally to handle and would just leave them alone rather than judging. I'm just not there (yet).

[@rsj2027]

I agree 👍

[@passerau]

Trust me this is the most dangerous and bad advice you can give to a whoman who want to get married. Because as soon as your husband or your fiance or your partner finds out that you lied to him on this very critical subject that can end your relationship.

[@JohnneseP]

I don’t need to know about your past before me UNLESS it’s something extremely important, if it isn’t then I don’t want to know. If you feel like you need to get it off your chest then hun go to the alter and tell Jesus all about it. We all have a past but not everyone needs to know it. I get you shouldn’t keep things if you are in a relationship, but at the end of the day if that information isn’t affecting your relationship why share it. Because if you share it and it changes the dynamic of your relationship then you are going to wish you hadn’t in the first place. Now I agree with Steve on the your only been with 3 for women, I’m sorry Dr.V but I honestly think Steve is right. I’m all for gender equality but sometimes gender equality isn’t the answer.

[@SplendidNinja]

If the information changes the relationship then you never had the right person, you just thought you did. Stop holding on to the fake love by covering it with lies and half truths, because the person who really loves you will accept all of you. If someone lies to me about their number/or feels like she has to lie isnt the 1 for me. I value sex and didnt sleep around and I want the same felm my woman. If she lies and tells me shes only been with 1 or 2 guys but I find out shes been 10+ I will be older because she knew that I wouldn't have wanted to be with her if I knew, and that's selfish to without that information to keep a fake sense security security, especially when you know it would be a deal breaker for someone.. it's like lying on a job resume but then being upset when you get caught for not really having qualifications, the job was never a right fit for you.

[@stektirade]

This is exactly how I think.

[@naimadelafeunte9165]

🤣🤣🤣thank to the one Person

[@KH-us9pr]

No. Cause that was before.

[@dance4life1208]

Yea I wasn’t comfortable with sharing all my secrets but when the person u trying to be with pressures you to and peg u as dishonest if u dnt then what do you do

[@misstrice84]

That's a great question. I guess have a conversation about why it's important and what effect it would have on the relationship.

[@stektirade]

Well you shouldnt be with that person if they are going to pressure you to do something you're not comfortable with at the same time trying to make you feel bad about it.

[@Zoe-zf1uu]

I understand what Steve is saying but three sounds like a lie. 😂 I would say 5,6 or 7

[@Notorious248]

damn Dr.V look like she aint got no damn teeth in her mouf

[@thrilla72]

It is WAY easier for a woman to sleep with loads of different men than it is for a man to sleep with loads of different women. A woman just needs to be somewhat attractive and have minimum social skills. A man needs, looks, charisma, status, money, style, trinkets help too. Also, women rarely if EVER approach men first. Can't be a double standard if we're playing by different rules.

[@alyailithyia]

It is the case with very attractive women seeking average or above average men, sure. But if you're an average or below average woman, even the lower class men in the dregs wont turn in your direction and will not have sex with you. It really depends on your sexual market value and how high you're reaching when it comes to sex and dating. It is impossible to generalize when so many factors are at play.

[@ahm4227]

Lexithyia Star What’s better, a keg that can open all locks or a lock that can be opened by any key?

[@thrilla72]

@@alyailithyia Oh yes the lower class men will sleep with an average or lower class woman. They won't marry her or have a discernable relationship with her though. It will be 'casual'. Look at all the women the rich and powerful play away with.

[@silvershadow7655]

@@thrilla72 Class has nothing to do with it. Men will have sex with prettymuch any woman (heck, it doesn't even have to be a woman...) and many men do have relationships with and even marry women they consider to be 'average' - because that's what they could attract (because they, themselves, are 'average'), so they stay in that relationship (and then cheat or complain that they didn't choose their 'dream girl' - because their dream girl doesn't like 'average' guys). Even Steve Harvey did that. Many other supposed 'dating coaches' do it also.

[@thrilla72]

@@lindasibanda1228 I've met several woman. Usually young ones whom have told me they want to have fun and sleep with loads of different men before they are older and are going to settle down. Either way, how does your point address what I said?

[@whalesnamedshark]

Be mindful of how one is built

[@robertwhite952]

Now of course, if a women says three we will all know she is lying. Not a great way to start a life together eh Steve. As I believe you have said in the past, you need to be honest in a relationship.

[@khalidtaj9148]

Real strong woman.

[@gelatoonconsole8960]

I’ve never been this early

[@RepentAndBelieve1437]

The mystery is better than the history...

[@mrautismo420]

hello steve

[@christophergarrett7082]

You can get mad but you can't hold it over his head cause everyone have done stupid things in there past.

[@kstayblessed]

I don't believe you should hold someone past against them. If it happened before we got together or married the law doesn't hold it against the spouse so I'm going to do the same.

[@BlackRose-si9gs]

We need to stop saying that's just how it is when it comes to things that men do that we don't think is fair. If you're going to say that's just how it is about the inequality in # of sexually partners between men and women you might as well say that about everything men do. How is it that you expect change in gender inequality for something like income, but you don't think that views on the # of sexually partners should be the same for both men and women?

[@TheArcher101]

No - but how often does a woman get funny (they claim it's a joke but too many of them do it the same way over the exact same things) at a man for being with other girls and/or having no new experiences left to share with her because of that? You really do see it a lot

[@DeathRowMakaveli]

hold up did she say she have dated 31 men??????

[@alexmk6714]

Yep

[@12345676571]

She was a bachelorette

[@pahuljotsingh971]

T series fans like here and show the power

[@vibesessentialservices7554]

ok what would you love to have a key that can open most padlock OR a lock most keys can open

[@coppercoloredcutiexoxo2315]

Hopefully the person has grown from their fuckups ! That's all you can hope , don't punish them in the present ; if they're not exhibiting those traits with you . And while you passing judgement ; hopefully you've grown from your own .

[@abrahammanders8851]

This is the wrong Straight Talk video I was looking up.

[@savemea.pieceofthatcorn7444]

Kim or Tim.

[@shalondad.3235]

I love Kim!

[@Tebbles07]

i adore Kim. she's thr best

[@mewi789]

Kim s awesomeee😁😁

[@charity9660]

Got on tv and dated 31 people lmaooooo she funny

[@hotpod9751]

Other than the ladies yelling..... The past is in there but IF HE/SHE BRINGS THEIR PAST with them to the relationship... Let them go, she was a cheater its ok, but if she cheats??? Damn that means shes never gona change, some ppl run away from their responsibility by moving into new relationship and guess what, its you whos gona fall again fro their past mistakes that they never got out of

[@ninadavis5517]

Do not tell all of your business. It can be used against you. Men do not want to know that they're following 15 or 20 men you've had

[@peter5336]

Dr. V is 🔥 x 69

[@DEMETRIUSblaze]

First of All Dr V she has got to stop expecting a perfect standard of equal requirements to be fair hell life ain't fair, you have men who some no past, waiting for the right one, life say's their boring, people do over share you never share more than basics till a relationship becomes exclusive, and people do back ground check will do own fact finding sometimes mess up a good relationship Cause they get last name mixed up and someone birth year.

[@pofy100]

im guilty of oversharing and it still from time to time gets brought up like yo I didn't met you back then!!! I was single living life!! I don't regret nothing so let it go! im with you now smh. but I do keep my sex life partially secret, I shared my first love and my mistake, the rest don't even count! I don't even care how many women he slept with or what he did! because we didn't met back then so who cares!! who knows we both probably did equally worst but that's in the past. I do get curious but whats the purpose of knowing?? seriously why do we need to know?

[@b5eetjr]

Dr V got no teeth

[@BUNNOBB]

Doc lQQkin kinda HOTT!A Go-Go dancing Librarian!

[@atlkidz1]

BU NNOBB 😂😂😂

[@libzstar7334]

Love kim xx

[@stektirade]

There are a lot of double standards when it comes with guys shouldnt get jealous of things when the shoes on the other foot women get jealous about a lot.

[@no1halofreakkatty2]

Ngl ive been with probably more than 100 guys, i lost count🤷🏽‍♀️ and everytime i get with someone new i lie sayin ive been only in four relationships before. Two guys and two girls🤐😂😂😂 because the minute they figure more......oooooo it’s annoying. YESSS BABY YOUR THE FIRST IVE DONE A LOT OF STUFF WITH! OML BABY YOU MAKE FEEL LIKE IVE NEVER FELT BEFORE!🥰😘🤣🤣

[@ramonaharris920]

I don’t think u should lie about anything. Just say ur not going to answer.

[@amberparker9883]

ZERO NEED to share everything about your PAST sex life!? Wtf!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???

[@ashleearmstrong8330]

Wow so Men can do whatever they want , only sleep with how many women, yet women can only have 3??? If that’s the way it been and it’s messed up, then change it!

[@Zoe-zf1uu]

If there's something you've done in your past that could be a potential deal breaker, keep your mouth closed. Let the past stay in the past. I agree I don't understand why people feel the need to confess everything. Let the person get to know who you are today. Also, stop telling all your secrets to messy family members who love to tell all your business. Smh

[@ktpris5754]

Steve is basically saying it's ok to perpetuate negative behaviour and attitudes towards women because that's just how it is. I wonder if he feels the same way about racism as he does about sexism. And if not, why not? Not logical.

[@charity9660]

Don’t tell Steve how to act it’s his show

[@tinaarabia825]

I better shut my mouth 👄 it’s not ok to say to every man 👨 I meet, that I slept 🛏 with over 200 men’s 😕😏 don’t judge me

[@rashardstallworth9240]

Steve needs to shave immediately

[@effiebug4278]

Rule #1: Never tell the number. Ever.

[@ssy6211]

Dr. V looks ridiculous in that outfit today. Please dress like the professional you brought on tv to play and not a 23 year old wannabe. Please. Btw, its not even cute on her. She did not pull it off.

[@melquizedec]

You should be focus on present....unless your partners has done something really awful (like having a son and not recognize him), you should not care. Why bring skeletons from the past to the present?

[@highwayman01]

Steve Please cut of that Beard, it makes you look like an old Man...