Stress related paranoid ideation | BPD

We often feel paranoid, but we can usually put this down to a suspicious thought that will soon pass once we evaluate the situation. However, for some of us with a mental illness, paranoia is often something that can take over our lives preventing us from leaving the house and talking to people. It can be delusional or irrational, but for the sufferer can be very real when they are immersed in it.
In this video I share my experience of paranoid thoughts because of having Borderline Personality Disorder. You can experience paranoia as part of other mental illnesses such as Bipolar, Schizophrenia and paranoid personality disorder. I aim to share my experiences to help others going through the same thing to help them feel less alone. Please share your experience with me if you feel comfortable.
Don’t forget to tell me how your week has been.
Thank you for taking the time to watch this - I hope to see you next time.
Please subscribe to my channel for more videos about mental illness and leave any questions or comments you may have in the space below.
Take care and I hope you have a safe, peaceful week.
Gem
x
#mentalillness #paranoia #BPD
The Little Blue Pot
Welcome to my KZbin channel where I’m hoping to educate people on the different types of mental disorders to provide an understanding and learn ways to cope. I also vlog about my own experience of living with mental illness, as well as sharing other aspects of my life. I want to raise awareness of mental illness and how to have better mental health, so I hope my channel helps you and others.
I am not a qualified mental health expert, but I am an expert in living with mental illness. All my videos are based on lots of research and I do my best to explain everything as clearly as possible and provide examples from my life to help you understand. I might not get it right every time, but I do the best I can. I hope the findings from my research are of benefit to you.
This Vlog is from my perspective, but I do appreciate that not everyone will have had the same experience as myself - we are all different after all, even if we have the same diagnosis. I have also tried, where applicable, to reference everything correctly, but we are all human and make mistakes - please stick with me.
Please follow me:
Instagram: Gem_TLBP - gem_tlbp?h...
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References
- Mind.org - Paranoia - www.mind.org.uk/information-s...
- Bright Quest - Borderline Personality Disorder and Paranoid Ideation www.brightquest.com/borderlin...
The Little Blue Pot Videos:
- Distorted thoughts part three - Paranoia • Distorted Thoughts Par...
- 31 Days of BPD - Day 13 Symptom No. 9 Paranoid Ideation and dissociation - • 31 Days of BPD - Day 1...
- Playlist - The Little Blue Vlog - • The Little Blue Vlog -...
Useful numbers and websites
Samaritans - 116 123
Mental health line UK - 0300 5000 101
Sane line UK - 0845 767 8000
Mind information line (Info and advice) - 0845 767 8000
Mind website - mind.org.uk
Time to Change - time-to-change.org.uk
Rethink mental illness - rethink.org
USA - 1-800-273-8255
Canada - 514 723 4000
Ireland - [phone]
Australia - 131114
- Lifeline 000
Music - 'Martin' by Matt Bobs

[@robynskeletons6881]

If I’m triggered I find myself totally hyper-vigilant and if I hear anything that could even remotely be about me I am convince they are talking about me and I end up in a total breakdown 😢 I do also have the problem with seeing hidden meaning in body language or words, so I jump to a conclusion they are mocking me or having a joke at my expense. Some days I find life so stressful I just want to die.

[@zentzu4003]

anything that could be interpreted in various ways I will always pick the way that feeds my paranoia

[@brandycewonderland1497]

Hyper vigilance is what I was told it is. Because so many bad things have happened to me they told me that I'm paranoid it will happen again.

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Thanks for sharing your experience Brandyce. I'm sorry that you have been through some bad things, I hope things in your life are more stable and safe for you now. Hyper Vigilance is right, making us feel like something bad is always about to happen. Thanks for sharing this with the community and me. Take care and sorry for the late reply. Hugs x

[@Angismit]

I have this same problem. Because I hate myself I’m afraid other people will find out my faults and hate me too. Then I get into a phase where I think everyone I see is thinking something negative about me and to protect myself I have my guard up and act very closed off. Then I’m always afraid I’ve done something wrong so I’m always very sorry and super considerate so that I don’t make someone upset. And lastly if people act a certain way towards me I automatically think they don’t like me and my behavior towards them will change. So instead of being nice to them, I’ll avoid them or act the same way as they are so I won’t face they same rejection feelings as before. It’s a hot mess.

[@wutsit2yuhhuh246]

.... this is me currently. Fuck man

[@ilovetarot1]

I have bpd and I'm finding it so hard to find a therapist who is knowledgeable about bpd and who I can afford. Urgh

[@believeonChriststaystrong7589]

My wife has BPD and I want to help her how I can. I will definitely share this video with her and we will go over it. Thanks!

[@nanasabia]

Thank you for supporting your wife and being a loving human being that gives hope.

[@believeonChriststaystrong7589]

@@nanasabia absolutely! She is great. I love her and am thankful we were led together. These kinds of videos help so much.

[@MahmoudMahfouz0]

WOW! You are literally describing what I feel. Being in public and people looking at me, SO much overanalyzing other people's faces, people talking about me behind my back (specially if I can see them but can't hear them like few meters away and looking at me). I'm glad I'm not the only one here :) And also having them for almost all my life, specially over analyzing people's reactions, looks, facial expressions, body postures & voices, so I know that it feels REAL when it is happening but the truth is far from that, and changing our thought patterns is pretty tough after all this years. But I wish you are gonna be 100% over this forever. For me what really helped a lot was micro-dosing LSD! I'd be feeling great all day and I don't get into the super quick cycles of suspicion/over analyzing people's reactions. The thing is I can't do it everyday and I don't want to depend on anything. Also, funny thing that helped was to try to reverse it, so I'll be telling myself all the people have to look at me right now! Which won't happen of course, then I'll translate it into "you see people looking at each others is completely random"! Also, having a mantra that helps in this situations e.g I can trust people

[@misanthr0pic]

lsd actually made it worse for me. so idk if that’s the answer for most people. psychedelics are NO joke.

[@estrid8616]

all of this is how i feel. thank you so much. i’ve been bullied for 8 years and since then i’ve become extremely almost cripplingly (?) paranoid and i thought it was normal as well? i guess that’s what happens when everyone tells you “you’re just a teenager, your feelings aren’t real” but still, i lie and cry after being outside, and i recently found out that my brothers talked about me to my mom behind my back and i’ve had headaches and crippling paranoia even more so since then. idk if it makes sense i can’t really think rn. i always think everything is my fault and my mom doesn’t wanna listen to me and says that i need to “stop seeing ghosts” which just makes me even more paranoid and feel more guilty. i’m so scared all the time

[@ripps999p]

I'm 45 and have dealt with these feelings as long as I remember. I never knew what it was. Especially the"people are looking at me" part. Thanks again for sharing 😊

[@BeansonsBeans]

Thank you thank you for posting this -I have BPD and didn’t know that paranoia was a symptom of what I have but I’ve been struggling with it for so long not realizing what was wrong with me. Thanks for helping me feel not so alone and like there’s hope

[@fancynancycakes]

This is exactly my life. 😞

[@tarulieliza3255]

Not sure if it’s the same thing, but for me, one very real thing would trigger me (getting yelled at at work, making a mistake, then being replaced by someone else for a future shift due to my mistake), and it will send me spiralling. From then on, I start to replay every mundane interaction I have with people and somehow in my head, I’ve done something wrong, I’ve accidentally been mean, I’ve embarrassed myself, something like that, even though I know logically that even if I have done something, it’s so small that most people wouldn’t have even picked up on it. I know that realistically, I’ve not really done anything, but my mind keeps sending me flashes of these very mundane events that somehow feel intensely embarrassing and make me feel stupid/like a bad person.

[@wilkinsonsword1129]

I relate a lot to this video, thank you

[@demiking6528]

You have made me feel so not alone! I am so glad I’ve stumbled across you. Thank you for speaking about your struggles and we really are not alone, it’s comforting to find someone with the exact same notions. I hope you’re coping and doing better xx

[@WaterfordFirefighter]

Keep the videos coming, they’re are so helpful to me and I’m sure to so many others and some of your talks really hit home. I have mental health problems that came about from something external/from someone else which impacted my life. Listening to your videos are refreshing and very informative. Thank you.

[@judymanning2538]

Thank you 🍀 you are articulating suspicious vs paranoid for me. Looking at how strong you are i see how strong we all are. ❤

[@thepartysjustbegun5557]

I think u are really brave 💞 thanks heaps for the honesty

[@chelsieruiz7206]

You did such an amazing job at explaining yourself!! You said exactly how I couldnt find the words to express.you keep doing these videos hun!! You have helped me today.i also have been actively battling BPD! SOMETHING ELSE THAT HAS HELPED ME WAS Finding something that said borderline and Buddhism as it stood already believed everything was like was connected.i would call my life with bpd my gray triangle.

[@valeriaalvarado8815]

Thanks for the video, really comforting and educational.

[@spice8831]

Hugs and credit to you for opening up and sharing. It’s brave and it’s worthy. Bless you.

[@kirstinvincent85]

Thankyou for sharing this video. What you experience with paranoia is exactly what I experience, so I feel your pain. I was walking to work a few months ago and this man and woman was walking behind me. My water bottle was in my outside pocket of my backpack. My paranoia caused me to think that them walking behind me had spiked my drink. It's so crippling and people don't understand it unless they've experienced it themselves. As you learnt in therapy it's a thought and it's not real. I thought about it after a while and realized how silly I was being. But yeah I've got use to my paranoia like it's normal to think that way now.

[@justinklink1588]

Not sure anyone will read this, but my recent ex had a lot of paranoia. I believe she is BPD. Unfortunately, nothing I ever did was enough to make her heart feel "safe". I finally told her she had to get help. Unfortunately that meant the end for me. She decided to kick me out of her life and her son's life. I believe she is finally getting help. Unfortunately, she felt that something was missing from our relationship and thus why she wasn't happy. She always blamed me rather ever looking to get help. It's just difficult. Please, anyone watching this. Get the help you need. You're worth getting help. You deserve a happy life!

[@just_tree]

For me, the missing part was self love.

[@redscarecomixx]

How did you find it?

[@mrmoveandspeak558]

Cute dog and great video. Thanks for sharing your story

[@shahaalagil6640]

I personally at really heightened times of paranoid stress I hear people talk about me in public but I can't confirm whether or not that it's true. I sometimes think I see someone I know on the road in their car and my heart races and I shake. I think that people are watching me (ex abusers). I try to cope with it in the best way I can. trying to go back to therapy again. may or may not reconsider taking an SSRI again. :/ yet have paranoid ideation over taking medication too. it's just CONFUSING. EVERYTHING YOU DESCRIBED I HAVE EXPERIENCED. thanks for your video

[@BrillPappin]

Thank you. You helped me understand my ex with BPD traits. The paranoia was really hard to understand, especially since I had no idea about BPD traits at the time. I really wish that I could talk to her about it, but no matter how good I was, eventually that paranoia caused her to shut me down completely.

[@makoshark7]

I think you did an excellent job articulating your thoughts and feelings. Thanks for sharing :)

[@simonajones28]

Hi Gem, thanks for another good video. I'm afraid my experience from paranoia results from a couple of bad trips from my Unit days. The flash backs used to come fairly frequently but got less over time. They were very paranoid focussed; thinking that everyone was talking about you in a negative way. As time passed I got better at recognising the attacks for what they were when they were happening. This was good as it helped me feel in control. Have a good week. All the best. Simon.

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Hi Simon, good to hear from you dude. Hope you're well. It's good that you can recognise the paranoia when it's happening, it takes time, but can be the first step in challenging the paranoid thoughts. Thanks for sharing this with the community. Good to hear from you as always, just sorry for the late reply. Take care much friend and have a good week. Hugs xx

[@Orpheunight]

Oh dear. I feel that so much it is almost unbearable.

[@goaway6339]

If i could like this more than once, I totally would.

[@judymanning2538]

I just saw your channel and hope i am as intelligent and personable as you are🍀. Speaking paranoid and the dog growling😂. I hope you are well 🙏

[@god_pharaoh6111]

for me, the paranoia can come at any moment. doesn't really matter where i'm at or how comfortable i am. difficult to manage when its like that. having parents who always lie to me and gaslight me even telling myself that im wrong in some cases about things is troubling

[@froggo7215]

I can relate to you so much. Being gaslighted is so horrible.

[@reneeodayok859]

Great video thanks

[@sunshinelavender1663]

I get the part when you’re in it it’s SO REAL. I’ll write it down to tell my therapist, and then reading it back to her later I’m like… nvm that’s not important But it’s consuming when I’m in it I’m also afraid to tell professionals I’m working with because they’ll just prescribe meds

[@kimberly7558]

Well I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 , PTSD, anxiety and panic disorder, ADD, OCD and suffer with psychosis ( hear voices, see , smell, taste, feel ) things that supposably are not there and delusions . It's quite complex and complicated. So yes I am also paranoid on a daily basis.

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Hi Kimberley, sorry for the late reply. I'm sorry you experience paranoia on a daily basis, it's so awful isn't it. Thanks for sharing the details of your diagnosis, you have so much to cope with, it must be a challenge every day, but you are doing it my friend. Thanks so much for commenting. Take care. Hugs xx

[@kimberly7558]

@@TheLittleBluePot Hi there! I like to think of it as being just another challenge 😉 I'm holding on to becoming the master of all the various diagnosise. In hopes of helping other people one day. ♥ Hope you're having a good day filled with love & joy. 👍😁✌Brighter days await. ♥&☮

[@TheLittleBluePot]

I think that's so good that you want to learn so you can help others, what a lovely human being you are. Sending big hugs. Have a good week xx

[@kimberly7558]

Good day 💬🤓✌️ Hope you're feeling well. Have you started your volunteer job yet?

[@ilovemexoxo5720]

Yes I've been diagnosed with some things but I think it's more I know I have ideation paranoid....sooo happy u made this channel it has saved me...I know I'm not alone in how I feel...p.s....ur dog is stunning

[@Anabel002]

I get all these too, I also had a stage where I thought the landlord put cameras in our house, I KNEW deep down it wasnt true and illogical, but it didnt stop the overwhelming feelings of it, I didnt act on it and search the place or anything, I just waited for it to eventually pass. I also get feelings that everyone I know hates me and just isnt being honest with me about it. I dont know if it's real or if I'm just looking through a warped bpd lense. It's exhausting :/

[@oliverlocke6644]

Hi Gem, i hope you’re okay 😊 I’ve felt paranoid before and it is a horrible feeling, but I haven’t felt paranoid for quite a while, so far so good, but... the paranoia can creep back into my mind from time to time from my schizoaffective disorder, I hope you’re having a lovely week 😊, take care

[@TheLittleBluePot]

Hi Oliver, sorry for the late reply. How are you? So good to hear from you. I'm so pleased you haven't felt paranoid in a while, it is such a horrible feeling. Hope you had a good week. Take care my friend. Hugs xx

[@oliverlocke6644]

The Little Blue Pot Hi Gem, it’s lovely to hear from you too 😊, I’m okay thanks I hope you’re okay too, it is horrible but I’m glad that I haven’t felt paranoid for a while 😊 take care x

[@victoriahogan8044]

You sound just like me,I have bpd and have paranoid thoughts.It’s horrible and can be overwhelming.My thoughts seem do real.I think my neighbours are plotting against me,I also sometimes think people are secretly monitoring me through my computer,also recently I’ve been thinking someone’s tapping into my phone.

[@stephdymock5632]

Hey Gem, my psychiatrist has recommended an antipsychotic for my apparent delusions (sometimes I think they are real sometimes not). What are your thoughts on using medication for Bpd stress related paranoia? I also have paranoid thoughts about taking medication too! So I find it hard to weigh up the risks and benefits of taking it. And of course being transient, that opinion keeps changing rapidly that it makes it hard to make any decision. Your thoughts on this greatly appreciated. Love your videos! P. S I also asked a different question related to paranoia on your day 13 video. Lots of love ♥

[@shahaalagil6640]

i have this paranoia about taking medication as well. i wish you the best and hope and wonder how are doing now. :)

[@spellczech8591]

I have a close friend or was once a close friend who suffers from chronic ideation. This is my unqualified opinion as he hasn't sought medical assistance but he is known to have very outlandish thoughts about people meaning to hurt him. Sadly this has lead to him turning on me as I disagreed with him. A lot of what you have said is frighteningly familiar and credit to you for at least confronting it

[@wutsit2yuhhuh246]

11:08 my brother is in the military and he said they can't even bring their phones into a room if they're talking about sensitive information. It doesnt matter if their phone is turned off either

[@joycejnn]

My boyfriend often thinks his paranoid thoughts are fact and then the accusations start 🥴

[@poppymacleod]

Hi, How do you deal with it? My bf accused me of cheating when I took few seconds to switch on my video!

[@DynamicVlogs69]

I got accused of tracking a girl close to me over simple texts and comments. Didn't make any sense i was baffled by her thinking. Unfortunately I didn't learn about this stuff until after she had a bad episode and me breaking down wanting to end my own life because I felt I was a terrible person after being called soo many names and belittled. But it makes sense now, how she always held onto every little negative thing a person would say, if someone said one wrong thing to her she would hold onto that forever. One time I asked her if she ever thought of the nice things people say to her because it was like she was soo negative.

[@RippleDrop.]

yeeees

[@astralura]

I'm experiencing paranoia on a near daily basis at the moment. I'm going through intense grief after losing my mum a month ago. I am autistic and also experience a LOT of symptoms characteristic of BPD. Many of my friends with it have suggested it may be I do have it, which would be great if I could find a psychologist who didn't automatically dismiss my symptoms as Autistic symptoms (it's become really easy to spot people who don't understand Autism...). I first started noticing these symptoms last year after having a loooot of interpersonal conflict. I've recently had another bout of pretty intense interpersonal conflict, and my paranoia has been incredibly intense and overwhleming. I'm reading hidding meanings into everything and worried that everyone involved is trying to turn my friends against me, and that they're out to get me, and that they're talking about me behind my back, that I'M the one being the petty bitch, not them (i've had to get support from friends to tell whether or not thats true, i'm not being the petty bitch) Not being able to read social cues right makes it REALLY hard to not be paranoid. People have been accusing me of being non genuine, being accusatory, having 'red flags' and it's just been. Really hurtful, because I'm literally always trying to be the opposite of that. And as much as I'm trying to keep an open mind and looking for opportunities for growth, I feel like I'm being attacked, and my black and white thinking is taking over. Having someone else who experiences paranoia explain it so eloquently and non-judgementally is really helpful and thankyou for that. There's so much stigma. I'm so tired of it and it's getting harder and harder to deal with.

[@astralura]

i also found out that my mum had been diagnosed with BPD and she never told me, and my younger brother had too. I never knew and only found out after her death and tbh i'm really pissed off because i've suspected I had it too for a long time.

[@Allanwify]

Im sure nobody likes me and avoid me and I´m looking weird. Those feelings makes me stressed and it gets worse. I trust no one initially they have to proof them self trustworthy. I know where this comes from, my mon always distrusted me for some reason, I have never done any major things other than norman boy things growing up. She accused me of many things I never did and no mather how much I denied ske still didnt beleave me, also things that happen in my childhood ske denied ever happened. An example is that I saw her getting beat up by some guy she took home, I ran to the nextdoor and they called the police - She was screaming "he´s killing me, he´s killing me" - This never happened according her, I remember it very very clear even it´s 44 years ago. I think there is a name for it "gaslighting". Just one example of why I mistrust people and dont even trust myself.

[@froggo7215]

Now I'm so much better but I constantly used to think my friends are talking behind my back, or if they laugh I would think they are mocking me, I still often think people don't want me there in their parties or such. I had this idea that people in street look at me wierdly and Years before I constantly thought they want to hurt me so bad like rub me rape me or other horrible things so i would fight people in the street. Now I think how dangerous was my behaviours. What if they had knives and stab me over nothing?!

[@mylieam9072]

I think I'm in paranoia induced state most of the time the paranoia I feel it's like once I feel it... I feel it towards that person every day it's strange it's like I can't distinguish the realism of it. If that makes any sense?

[@lizetteespana6013]

First of all, not sure if I have BPD but seem to relate to the struggles. My paranoia consists of thinking my partner is going to leave me My partner is on the lookout for someone better Friends or people who talk to my partner want to be with him My partner lies to me about masturbation My partner is getting tired of me Feel like everyone is lying to me Friends don't actually like me My family hates me or thinks I'm dumb My partner's family hates me I'm being watched Sometimes (rarely) think my ex is going to try to kill me and his other exes/going to find me somehow (has threatened before)

[@crina193]

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@RippleDrop.]

Ex with BPD told everyone I'm a witch and that's the only reason he fell in love with me because I put a spell on him..... 🤦🏼‍♀️ biggest mistake that crazy guy. he is very violent

[@tempa04]

Can I chat with you... I have BPD and just realized it 😭😭💔

[@ChicagoRailfan773]

How are you supposed to tell yourself something isn't real if you don't know if it's real or not?

[@RippleDrop.]

Reality testing methods

[@RippleDrop.]

Can I be 💯 sure it's true?

[@Mr.Uriah_Speaks]

You still accept emails

[@DD-jm5ug]

Dr Daniel Fox ❤ look him up x

[@mumziam]

Struggling to hear you properly sweetheart! Volume full up and close to my ear to catch what you're saying..