Sugar & Ice (Anorexia Nervosa) | ElysianSoul

Sugar & Ice depicts the opposing nature of anorexia, in that it can be sweet and gentle if you obey its demands, but also cold and unforgiving if you don't; the voice can be your best friend, but also your worst enemy.
I recreated Sugar & Ice for my 2020 EP, Hollow.
Instagram: @elysiansoulmusic
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PLEASE NOTE: With my music, I aim to reflect the hidden inner struggles of psychological disorders by externalising the internal. Please use caution if you feel you are easily provoked, and please always take care of yourself.
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Lyrics:
'Cause I'm sweet as sugar,
But I'm cold as ice.
"I'm so jealous,
She's so thin,"
That's what everyone will say,
Whenever you walk in.
In your mind you're careless,
Always giving in,
You never knew you wanted to
Embrace your darkest sins.
My name is anorexia,
We've met before,
I'm that voice that whispers deep inside
That's saying, you want more.
So won't you fade into perfection,
And learn to love the pain,
'Cause in my arms your fragile life
Has meaning once again.
The chance to change the numbers
On the scale is so alluring,
These voices in your head,
Are so alive, and so assuring.
I need to lose the weight
And get right back to where I was,
High eighty (lbs) is my perfection,
Low sixty (lbs) is hers.
'Cause I'm sweet as sugar,
But I'm cold as ice,
I'm the darkness in your eyes,
I'm the shadow to the light.
Keep your enemies close,
And they'll keep you strong,
With me inside your mind,
You can never go wrong.
I'm that shiver in your spine,
As the needle drops down,
The back to your bone,
I'm your lost and found.
Well don't you worry my darling,
For when you scream,
I will be the one to help you reach your dreams.
Tell your friends that you're doing homework,
And go for a run,
Tell your family you've already eaten,
The wiser they'll be none.
'Cause starving isn't easy,
And it sure as hell ain't fun,
It's a long dark road ahead,
And we've only just begun.
Can't you see? All these people,
They don't care for you,
I would never lie to spare your feelings
Like they do.
Do right by me, and I'll be sugar sweet to you,
But cross me and my colder side
Just might show through.
'Cause I'm sweet as sugar,
But I'm cold as ice,
I'm the darkness in your eyes,
I'm the shadow to the light.
Keep your enemies close,
And they'll keep you strong,
With me inside your mind,
You can never go wrong.
I'm that shiver in your spine,
As the needle drops down,
The back to your bone,
I'm your lost and found.
Well don't you worry my darling,
For when you scream,
I will be the one to help you reach your dreams.
Hungry to bed, hungry to rise,
Makes a girl a smaller size,
Hungry to bed, hungry to rise,
Falling for my anorexic lies.
Hungry to bed, hungry to rise,
Makes me wanna go exercise,
Hungry to bed, hungry to rise,
Sweet as sugar and cold as ice.
'Cause I'm sweet as sugar,
But I'm cold as ice.

[@Larissas-Jungle]

"my name is anorexia, we've met before" i feel like crying. im relapsing and i cant believe i let it come to this

[@spaceneedle5142]

Don't give up on yourself! You can still get back on track! Try to believe in yourself. I believe in you.

[@Larissas-Jungle]

@@spaceneedle5142 i just pushed through dinner, im trying rlly hard

[@spaceneedle5142]

@@Larissas-Jungle I'm so proud of you! If you've listened to "On My Mind", you'll recognize this line: "It's only a failure if I give up." Different context, but you get the idea. How effective has recovery been at its best for you?

[@Larissas-Jungle]

@@spaceneedle5142 it was pretty effective, i came out of 6 weeks of residential in a ed facility 2 weeks ago today, i was doing very well, i was able to eat ice cream cake.

[@Larissas-Jungle]

@@MaryPopcorn im doing much better right now, still having daily struggles but i wont let it cause me to relapse again

[@erinwallace652]

this is how I hear anas voice

[@ginnamartinez1452]

Hi guys, I don't want people especially teenager destroying their body just for stupid trend like being skeleton. When you starving yourself , your metabolism slowing down, you will not enable to burn calories and fat again, you will stop losing weight, you will entering the starvation mode for survival like lost in the jungle, your body will safe energy as much as they can for keeping you alive, no matter how little calories you eat, your body can't burn fat anymore , so you stop losing weight, the weight that losing its muscle, and organ. When you recover from anorexia you will gain more more and more weight, you will be fatter than before you start all of these. I want you to stop starving your precious body, try intermittent fasting instead, it's really good for our body ,health and makes you losing weight but with the right way and not destroying your body. You will be thin with the right way if you do intermittent fasting! I once get inspiration to be super thin, when I hit 46kgs, I start to stop losing weight, I feel stressed and sad, I can't focused to work, I exercise twice and triple harder that usual, I keep not losing weight, beside I was soo weak to move. But someone save me and introduce me with intermittent fasting. 4 whole month I recover my broken metabolism(guess I gain weight back so much because of starvation !!) then I start intermittent fasting 16/8 , I fast 16 hours and eat only in 8 hours , but I eat 2 meals per day without snacking ,and I losing weight much faster, but with not feeling hungry and starving and craving during the day, like normal person with enough energy! Now I'm 45kgs with healthy and happy! So guys, stop starving yourself It's not worth it !!! You destroying your body, your metabolism slowing down, and when you recover, you will gain so much much much weight back !! So take the right way for being skinny ! 😊

[@malu7271]

@@ginnamartinez1452 yk it isn't a trend It is a mental illness

[@aa_meicukinia695]

Creepy, isn't it? Sometimes my own mind scary me

[@lynx2179]

Ginna Martinez well it’s not a trend. I literally have an illness

[@aa_meicukinia695]

@@lynx2179 I was so triggered listening this. It's confusing when a song literally describes your illness

[@boowho2362]

“She’s so thin, I’m so jealous” “High 80s my perfection” “With me inside your mind you can never go wrong “ “Tell your family you’ve already eaten” “I would never lie to spare your feelings like they do “ “Hungry to bed hungry to rise makes a girl a smaller size” “Hungry to bed hungry to rise makes me want to go exercise” These are the lines I relate to most!

[@ginnamartinez1452]

Hi guys, I don't want people especially teenager destroying their body just for stupid trend like being skeleton. When you starving yourself , your metabolism slowing down, you will not enable to burn calories and fat again, you will stop losing weight, you will entering the starvation mode for survival like lost in the jungle, your body will safe energy as much as they can for keeping you alive, no matter how little calories you eat, your body can't burn fat anymore , so you stop losing weight, the weight that losing its muscle, and organ. When you recover from anorexia you will gain more more and more weight, you will be fatter than before you start all of these. I want you to stop starving your precious body, try intermittent fasting instead, it's really good for our body ,health and makes you losing weight but with the right way and not destroying your body. You will be thin with the right way if you do intermittent fasting! I once get inspiration to be super thin, when I hit 46kgs, I start to stop losing weight, I feel stressed and sad, I can't focused to work, I exercise twice and triple harder that usual, I keep not losing weight, beside I was soo weak to move. But someone save me and introduce me with intermittent fasting. 4 whole month I recover my broken metabolism(guess I gain weight back so much because of starvation !!) then I start intermittent fasting 16/8 , I fast 16 hours and eat only in 8 hours , but I eat 2 meals per day without snacking ,and I losing weight much faster, but with not feeling hungry and starving and craving during the day, like normal person with enough energy! Now I'm 45kgs with healthy and happy! So guys, stop starving yourself It's not worth it !!! You destroying your body, your metabolism slowing down, and when you recover, you will gain so much much much weight back !! So take the right way for being skinny ! 😊

[@boowho2362]

Ginna Martinez thank you so much for this reply... I personally got help and I’m working on my issues. I don’t quite eat what I should be but I’m getting there and I exercise mostly now and I totally agree I never liked the way I looked at my highest or lowest weight, and yet I still wanted to lose weight. It is very much a mental disorder not just a choice. I’m very much aware starving myself isn’t healthy but some day I can’t bring myself to eat. Those days eating sickens me and the fact i haven’t eaten also sickens me. My advice to anyone going through this is to get help slowly start eating more and exercising and keep doing it until they’re back to a healthy ratio!

[@boowho2362]

Ginna Martinez also I just though I’d add it isn’t a trend to starve ourselves it’s an addiction the media shows us. We know it’s wrong and every time we throw up or starve a little bit more of us dies inside. And the deeper we crawl into our holes we’ve built. So please if you honestly think we do this because of a trend leave us be. It is that kinda of feeling that makes me want to starve more because I feel more of a burden to society. Unless you have something to say to support us like you are beautiful no matter the weight or size. Your brain and knowledge outweigh the weight or whatever you want to say like that leave us be please. You wouldn’t reply to comments about suicide (ED are just like suicide/self harm we are slowly killing ourselves) and say stuff like don cut because of a trend or don’t commit suicide because so and so did it... would you? So please next time you make a comment abt something as serious as this don’t call it a trend! Thank you -A 15 year old recovering from anorexia 🖤

[@zareg1904]

i’m 5’5 and 96 pounds 😫 i’m so fat edit: 93lbs 🤪 getting there!

[@kartiokotilotuutle9321]

Please take care of yourself :'(

[@etplaysgames7744]

Dose anyone else find this comforting

[@celinchenbienchen4203]

Yess

[@eternalfaith8136]

This and weightless by Mi

[@ItalianValentine]

yes

[@marsp5636]

Yes. It's oddly comforting

[@robertargueville1055]

Me

[@rosequartz1926]

"Starving isn't easy and it sure the hell ain't fun" I thought it would be easy the first time I did it but it isnt

[@theundyingcat]

I can feel the hongry in my neck???? I think it's like that thing where pain reverbra… revevevev… that one word like when you have cramps and you feel them in your back and thighs the hongry is in my neck

[@s0phia71]

cheene weels I get the same thing

[@jeonyn7203]

You get good at it after like the 11th time

[@rosequartz1926]

@@jeonyn7203 true.

[@victorlafea2829]

It iis kinda easy for me and after a bit it's like a drug. I get a high from it.

[@Rorygloryhole]

I like how she sings the line "my name s anorexia we've met before" its soothing sounding

[@BridgeToNowhere-ni8bm]

My eating disorder is never forgiving. Its always cold as ice

[@justhere5496]

IF you don't mind me asking, what do you have?

[@uxu410]

same same 😔

[@BridgeToNowhere-ni8bm]

@@justhere5496 something like bulimia, but managing to have breaks for recovery sometimes

[@bearsneezer1929]

BridgeToNowhere1994 mine comforts me when I’m giving in but when I decide I will give in she gets angry and screams

[@alyssumbread]

how are you doing now?

[@fallenangels8169]

This is kinda depressing but to me these songs about anorexia and bulimia feel almost like thinspo or something. I might just be crazy thpu

[@julesgainey9677]

No, you’re right, this song IS thinspo and thus dangerous stay strong!

[@zucker8224]

Yes I definitely use it as thinspo but personally it’s so easy for me to find thinspo in anything my Brain is constantly searching it out

[@olawalenzik489]

@@zucker8224 I literally look at something random and see thinspo now .

[@justhere5496]

MY THOUGHTS. THIS MAY NOT BE WHAT ELYSIAN SOUL MEANS. It's showing how hard it is to get out. It sounds so appealing and it is, but it's really awful for you, these disorders and they can and will kill you. The songs (for me) depict how appealing and friendly ED's seem. Just exercise too much, don't eat or throw it up and you'll get skinny way faster than healthy lifestyle changes but it doesn't tell you it's going to try to kill you.

[@cool_kid103]

@Maral Eufemia wanna be ana buddys!? My last one bailed.... 😓

[@jasminandteagan6378]

When my mom asked if I was to heavy to be a flyer in cheer is when I started

[@Harajukubarbie333]

And I oop--

[@The7awsomegymnasts]

Im sorry. I was in cheer for years before my health declined. I can see how that would trigger someone into an ED. I always wanted to be a flyer but I was muscular. They wanted me to base because of my strength. I thought it was because I was fat.

[@caseysejo2638]

Jasmin And Teagan there nothing wrong than being bigger than flyer . Just means you have skills else where. I was also told the same but took it as opportunity to become a great base

[@bearsneezer1929]

Jasmin And Teagan I started when I saw I lost 10 lbs in October, I wanted that feelings again

[@bearsneezer1929]

Jasmin And Teagan I started when I saw I lost 10 lbs in October, I wanted that feeling again. It was the greatest thing ever to lose those 10 lbs and now I’m just slowly getting worse. It started before that though, when we ate I would feel extreme guilt and wanted to not eat but I didn’t have enough control

[@ginpye2002]

It's amazing how you depict Ana. She's clever and cruel, a deceptive liar.

[@angelvandemaat4462]

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL

[@daretosurvive133]

She is an angel wanting take us from this hell to heaven. That s why we die.

[@charlieandhisantics9954]

This comment section is depressing as fuck, I hope you guys recover before it's too late.

[@tallulahvanilla]

​@@daretosurvive133 No. You die from malnutrition. This eating disorder's goal is to kill you, nothing else.

[@jennapritchard9828]

Anyone else feel like this song is speaking to them directly?

[@jessiea4250]

Yes

[@cool_kid103]

Next time I listen to this I will be a pound lighter.

[@sayuriyamamori7805]

You good?

[@alannaurquidi7643]

@@hannahnash25 girl I wish I were that skinny I'm 131.4 and I've gained instead of losing weight💀💀💀

[@hannahnash25]

@@stellarrrmoonie7052 you dont want to feel like this keep your head up❤

[@hannahnash25]

@@stellarrrmoonie7052 You're welcome :) and also I know how you feel with the whole not wanting to get better and just try your best its going to take a while and a lot of work but we got this :)❤

[@mikewazowskiii]

I've lost 84 pounds :( edit: 93

[@zoerichter4779]

I don't ever wanna recover honestly, I like the comfort of hunger and control

[@maritleonieee]

Same, I love restricting

[@rosie90]

Restricting is life

[@amezier_7913]

me before getting a heart attack and being unable to get a job bc of my sickness at 21

[@anemone9081]

100%

[@chrissylivingston5021]

Is it just me or does her music that always seems like it couldn’t be better just keep getting better 😍

[@HemmieHaru]

Omg bro hi how did I never see your comment on here

[@justhere5496]

I assure you, it is not only you (;

[@hellogtea]

Im addicted to both starvation and food, sometimes when i feel like binging i will chew the food and purge it afterward or not swallowing it, i will still feel the starvation

[@3human974]

Hungry to bed hungry to rise falling for my Anorexic lies this song is so accurate and beautiful

[@lyseae]

"we've met before" yeah we've met.. I know it will kill me. I know exactly why and what it does to my body. I'm the first one to say to others "eat healthy, but eat and never restric" or "go easy with exercise" or things like that. Yet I'm struggling with my rules. My stupid rules that I can't break. Atypical anorexia sucks. Eatings disorders suck. I'm so exhausted. But hey. I'm at an healthy weight. So. Not sick enough to deserve help. Yea bullshit. We are all sick enough. I keep fighting with my own mind.

[@ADevilFromHeaven]

ii was dismissed from an ed clinic despite telling them i binge / purge weekly and eat at a calorie deficit but i guess im fine since i have a helthy weight (cuz i binge and purge it) and am on depression meds (which i dont take)

[@robertargueville1055]

I feel her coming back again...i'm scared

[@alisha-ty3xv]

i’m i the only one who uses these songs for thinspo? i mean i feel like this is way more effective than normal thinspo

[@alisha-ty3xv]

@ash halliday i get it but still use it, you can’t stop me or something.

[@charlieandhisantics9954]

@ash halliday Sadly, people with ED'S tend to seek out triggering content. It's kind of the message of the song, to anorexic people it seems inspiring or good, but to those without these disorders they see how disturbing and dangerous it really is. It's sad, but they won't stop unless they want to.

[@The_holly_and_the_holy]

Same, coming back to Ana after years of anxiety and therapists telling me I'm pretending. Let's see who's shocked in the end. I hate them all and I don't care anymore

[@cripplingdepression8666]

The chance to change the number on the scale is so alluring; these voices in your head are so alive and so assuring. I need to lose the weight and get right back to where I was.

[@daretosurvive133]

I have nobody but my friend ana. I starve so I dont feel so alone. This song makes me wanna starve and be with my only friend. She is not a demon. She is an angel wanting me to die from starvation to bring me away from this hell

[@gloriasenpai8980]

Wow I can relate!

[@Lena-lk7fv]

I agree

[@Abby-kc2vy]

It will be ok baby . I’ll be your friend

[@hg3895]

Demons are fallen angels. Anorexia is totally a demon. Get your life back from this illness, I recovered and I'm not fat or chubby. It's possible. Jesus loves you just as you are ❤️

[@marsp5636]

Wow I relate to this on a spiritual level

[@laylamartin9250]

i was recovering for a year and it was hard. but now i'm relapsing and the sad part is i feel safe. i feel like i've returned home because starvation and purging is all i've known. hating myself is all i've known. trying to love myself was hard and new and uncomfy and now i feel like i'm back where i belong.

[@Capybarabby]

This is like my daily hypnosis to remind me why I'm starving and help keep me on track

[@tiauna5320]

same lolz

[@slow_motion3191]

Am I the only one that is that triggered by this that starts to cry and feeling cold and... Feeling wrong...

[@fawnkissedswan]

You know, it’s been so long since I’ve listened to your music... I remember when I first found your songs, I was so, so sick... I was going in and out of treatment. I kept thinking I was recovering, but I never really did. I tell people that I relapsed three or four times before getting to where I am now, but that’s not true at all. You can’t relapse when you’ve never recovered. But, I’m getting a bit ahead of myself. During the time when I was really sick, your songs really did help me. I put a face to my disorder because of your lyrics, and for some reason, that seemed to be what I needed. I was able to find the desire to *want* to recover because I was now seeing my eating disorder as truly something evil-something that you would describe in your songs. It really did help me a lot. But, now... I think I’ve finally made it to the point where my eating disorder is far behind me and something of the past. This is good, of course, but I’m afraid I can no longer listen to your music... because, well, it’s come to the point where it no longer helps me, but triggers me. Your songs that once made me want to recover now just take me back to the feelings I had when I forced found them. I really feel bad for saying that :( your songs did a lot to help me... I feel sorry that I can no longer listen to the work you’ve done. But, I want to deeply thank you, @ElysianSoul , for helping me come as far as I have. Your music and your lyrics still hold a special meaning for me, and they always will

[@elysiansoul]

Quita M, you have directly addressed something that I still battle with everyday - whether I should continue making music, knowing that it might help people who are suffering, as you said, to put a face to the disorder and view it externally - or make things worse for them, and take it down from all social media and music platforms. That's exactly why it took me over two years to upload Decadence and Disorder to my channel, because I worried what the response would be or whether it would actually do anyone any good. I would never still continue to make my music if I hadn't received such a positive response to it over the years, but I understand you completely. I would never wish to harm anyone or make their suffering worse. At this point, I whole heartedly encourage you to stop listening and start living your best life in recovery. I couldn't ever live with myself knowing I had caused someone to relapse into their disorder, especially since I know exactly what it's like to be in that place. Thank you so much for your kind words! I wish you all the best in the future :)

[@pangolinsarecool]

ElysianSoul I am a bit late but I would just like to say how much your music has helped and continues to help me every day in my struggles with food. Please do keep making your music as it is really helpful for me.

[@laviniaiovino5314]

Am I the only one that thinks she is so underrated, like her songs are amazing and her voice is incredible?

[@adtm1919]

To those using this as thinspiration: I understand. Please remember that she intended to make these songs to help people understand the mental processes that those with eating disorders struggle with. They use intense phrasing to really emphasize this struggle. If you are struggling with an eating disorder please do not listen to these songs. Feel free to send me a message and know that there is support out there, even from strangers.

[@taraelizabethdensley9475]

I listen to it to remind myself not to let my diet go too far

[@kai-of2wx]

"learn to love the pain" i felt this

[@heavenreyws964]

I was so thin at my lw until I was put on meds that made me gain so much no matter what I did. I wouldn't eat anything and literally gained every single day until I literally gave up on myself because I felt as though there was no point because anything I did never worked. I ended up gaining almost double what I lost and eventually just stopped taking the meda against my mom's wishes. I noticed I was losing weight without even tryin in summer and I started restricting again. it's been 5 months and I've lost 45 lbs since I started counting. I'm so proud of myself for becoming my true self again. I got ts this time. no distraction and no stupid meds to fuck it up

[@rosie90]

My friend recently died from anorexia and I feel guilty because I still can't stop.

[@sad_fox-rk5zp]

When you have been hungry for so long that you forgot to eat food

[@meowmeowchimmy5998]

I came here a year ago I remember all the comments I memorized and I listening to this spiritually oh my lord

[@lilyd3483]

I love and hate my anorexia on one hand its helping giving me a thinner body but its draining me

[@jwnglk]

I hate and love anorexia this is kinda disturbing cuz I'm trying to recover before my family realize, now is the 3rd day that I skipped lunches.... starving is awful but the shame is worse

[@fairyjuggalo8368]

To recover i think you should clear these dirty things from your youtube recommendation! I had depression for a long time and i kept trigering myself as a self harm... But now im okay after i stopped it owo

[@allisonl6390]

Is it bad that I use this as thinspo?

[@strawbotomy]

Same

[@ema9367]

seek help as soon as possible i've been there it's horrible

[@strawbotomy]

@@ema9367 oh but that's no fun :(

[@ema9367]

@@strawbotomy i know how hard it is 😕

[@crouchingidiot]

i do to

[@Whosoutthere]

Anyone here who feels the need to starve yourself to be smaller: I know it's comforting listening to songs that you relate to, and you almost like the feeling you get but trust me when I say it's not helping you at all. Delving farther into a disorder will only harm you more. I love you guys

[@khamiliaangel7045]

I'll try.....

[@cheymelinda]

I freaking love this song. I love the slow tempo, makes for a darker, more threatening feel.

[@3human974]

"My name is anorexia, We've met before, I'm that voice that whispers deep inside That's saying, you want more. So won't you fade into perfection, And learn to love the pain 'Cause in my arms your fragile life Has meaning once again" this is me, I've never thought I will find song that describes everything so perfect

[@kaysturgill6445]

The funny thing about this is before the video I got a ad about signing up for weight watchers..

[@kaseyharding2992]

Ana is my only friend right now so why not listen to her 💔😟😭

[@daretosurvive133]

KaseyLoves ToRead Same

[@ShadyBun]

KaseyLoves ToRead Ana is a liar. She’s using you you’re better off without her. People out there love you no matter how much you think they don’t someone will notice you’re gone.

[@kaseyharding2992]

@@ShadyBun awe thank you for that 💓

[@kaseyharding2992]

@Kiara barathlal I try not to 😔 it's so hard

[@kaseyharding2992]

@@daretosurvive133 I hate it so much 😔

[@Harajukubarbie333]

Her: tell your friends that you’re doing homework and go for a run Me: friends...? I don’t know what that is

[@dontreadthisplease2416]

Ikr my roommates probably hear me purging every day and give no fucks.

[@Harajukubarbie333]

@@dontreadthisplease2416 I wish I could purge ngl also because I have ibs so sometimes my stomach hurts and if I could puke it would make me feel better faster

[@dontreadthisplease2416]

@@Harajukubarbie333 Purging is super addictive but honestly if you are ever legitimately sick/nauseous (like from the flu) throwing up just to get it over with does make you feel better faster. Don't start purging though. Alongside being addictive eventually you'll end up buying super cheap food you barely even like for binges because you've spent all your money.

[@Harajukubarbie333]

@@dontreadthisplease2416 oh I don’t buy my own food I live at home because I’m a teen- I have my own money though I work

[@jordanpischke8820]

You know your getting a bad again when you go to this song for support

[@CurlysSketchbook]

coming back to this after 3 years. i missed this song

[@pointelove3017]

Until I paid attention to the lyrics on the video, I thought it said, "Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, forever and forever anorexia lies."

[@auroraaw9984]

This hits really hard and all the lyrics are very true to the illness. It is my best friend but it also wants me to die. Thank you for making music this vulnerable, true and raw

[@killjoysmakesomenoise5896]

I starve myself because I feel like at least food is the one thing I have in control in my life

[@yonahere4166]

,,I'm gona vomit" ,,She's so big" That's what everyone will say whwnever I walk in.

[@manialord1699]

Your DarkSide oof I heard ”hes so big before” Little fucker made me feel 600 lbs.

[@justhere5496]

I'm at a point with anorexia (it's been almost 5 years of roller coasters) where I just don't care if it takes my life. I will/would NOT try to make CERTAIN that it did take me for obvious family reasons-I don't buy it but they tell me they love me on a regular basis, and I know they're telling the truth but I don't believe them and that's on me. But if anorexia happened to take my life, whatever. I want to do things with my life but I know they're probably not going to happen... ******THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE NOTICE. I AM NOT GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE. I AM STILL RECOVERED FROM MY DRUG ADDICTION AND I RARELY DRINK. I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FROM SELF HARM FOR 6 MONTHS ON THE 22ND. I HAVE BEEN ON AND OFF WITH IT FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS.*****

[@penguineeee6440]

Good job

[@soniasilver5029]

belive in U! Keep going !

[@boowho2362]

I was 121 two weeks ago and now I’m 112...

[@naa7561]

pllease tell me how?I'm desperate

[@boowho2362]

Nađa shm shm I eat 2 very small meals and drink water when I feel hungry. I excersize for 1 1/2 hours and have a small smoothie with fruit and water before bed 😔

[@naa7561]

@@boowho2362 thank you...I know that's not good for either of us but i want to be skinny and i will do anything to make it happen

[@boowho2362]

Nađa shm shm yeah I know that too I wish you best of health 😔

[@CrystallizedTales]

I was 112 last time I was properly weighed, I don't check the scale because it's going to make it worse. No clue how much I weigh now, but not much...

[@WyllFyr3]

I really like that you put the lyrics up so anyone with hearing problems can see what it’s supposed to be

[@mylifeatmoonacre6260]

This is excellent as always. You are an incredible artist who delivers all of what we feel throughout eating disorders.

[@alannaurquidi7643]

Anybody else feel hunger but it feels more like you just wanna make yourself throw up again?

[@alannaurquidi7643]

Like it's not even hunger anymore

[@sosathedragon]

Somehow I always come back to this

[@sinemis-kj6hz]

this song is dangerously relatable

[@blushbunni3]

Favorite lines: ... "I'm that voice that whispers deep inside, that's saying you want more. So won't you fade into perfection, and learn to love the pain. 'Cause in my arms, your fragile life has meaning once again." ... "The chance to change the numbers on the scale is so alluring. These voices in your head are so alive and so assuring. I need to lose the weight and get right back to where I was, high 80(lbs) is my perfection. Low 60(lbs)'s is hers." ... "I'm the shiver in your spin as the needle drops down." ..."I will be the one to help you reach your dreams. Tell your friends that you're doing homework, and go for a run, tell your family that you've already eaten. Wiser they'll be none. 'Cause starving isn't easy, and it sure as Hell ain't fun. A long dark road ahead and we've only just begun." ... "Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, makes a girl a smaller size. Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, falling for my anorexic lies. Hungry to bed, hungry to rise, makes me wanna go exercise."

[@yingchua1699]

What does it mean by high 80 and low 60 actually?

[@tallulahvanilla]

​@@yingchua1699 TW: That their weight is in the heigh 80s and anorexia wants low 60s

[@NexZandonatti]

The hypnosis this song does I swear lol

[@hannah_that_alto4752]

I'm so hungry and tired I dont even have the energy to socialize with my family

[@Emma.Mallory]

I had no business being 13 listening to this

[@glittergoddess4136]

This song really speaks to me. It honestly reflects the voice I hear. It honestly gives me chills, but this is so amazing..

[@gabby5927]

I feel myself relapsing, I met someone, and now I feel like I have to be perfect for him. I long to feel my bones. Soon. Hi Ana, welcome back, I’ll listen to you this time. I’ll be perfect for this new boy in my life.

[@jilysmiles3320]

I hope things are better now 💗

[@eviejones6578]

i got a weightloss advert before this

[@theundyingcat]

yah cause that's totally necessary :))))))))

[@strawbotomy]

Sometimes the logical side of my brain comes out and I get horrified at the fact I'm stuck I'm this cycle and have been for so long...... I'm scared that my live resolves around food

[@E彡-u4y]

It’s terrifying really

[@sierra6114]

I'm battling anorexia right now and for some reason this song is helping me recover.

[@salzwell25]

That demon called anorexia sings right through you 😢

[@yourmomshairyballs7374]

I remember listening to this song when my ED was just forming. Who would know that years later I would regret everything I’ve done to get the body I have. I attended the doctors a few weeks ago and I was informed I cannot have children. Being a mother was always one of my biggest dreams. I so badly wanted my own children. I cant now. I’m weak. I cannot stand in the shower and my hair is so thin it’s gross. Anyone struggling, please get help. Please

[@sprinklesharkie]

i’m such a baby but this song genuinely made me cry

[@gracepisano2795]

This song is very true, at least for me. Anorexia nearly killed me. It brought darkness, depression, and thoughts if suicide everyday. I wanted to die, I thought I was fat, but really all my bones could be seen clearly through my skin. ... Nearly a year later, after feeling week, losing my period, and exercising until I was too tired to, my parents made me get blood work. The results were alarming. They took me to a program for eating disorders. Those people wanted me to admit me to a hospital. They almost did since I was so underweight. .... Now, a few months later, after a bit of recovery time, Ana is back, strong, she is pushing, and I am trying to keep her out. .... I am trying, so should you. You are worthy of recovery. And you are perfect.

[@imtrulygreg9965]

i hope ana stays away from you, you've been through enough. to be honest the same thing is happening to me, im not gonna self-diagnose but ana is coming after me like how she made me starve when I was 10. i hope you're fighting ana well right now, she's not worth the pain and suffering! she's terrifying but acts so nice

[@gracepisano2795]

@@imtrulygreg9965 I am still recovering. It is not getting much easier. But trust me that it is worth the work. It is worth trying. You are worth it. And you are worthy of a full recovery. Even though I cry every night, I have come a long way. I am a healthy weight, however, because of gaining weight I have become more depressed and have discovered that I have very bad tendencies. I have gotten in trouble lately, with the law and such. I am not in the best situation, since I have a history of self harming behavior, but I am eating. Now all that I have left to do is stop breaking laws and start making okay choices. And getting out of this dark hole. And I am determined to do it. I have found that gymnastics and dance are outlets for me. I also am applying for a job. So let's hope it goes well. Recovery is possible.

[@imtrulygreg9965]

@@gracepisano2795 it's great you're recovering, im proud of you! good luck with not breaking the law, im guessing that can be addictive too.

[@gracepisano2795]

@@imtrulygreg9965 Thank you. How have you been doing? I hope you have been doing the best you can since I know that focusing and trying to recover was the best thing I did in my life. It lifted my energy, even though it was incredibly hard to keep motivated as I gained weight. I discovered that now, at a healthy weight, I am okay with how I look. I am not fat. I am a regular looking teen girl. And I am eating. It is scary. Yes. But doable. I exercise to keep in shape. It is possible to eat and look okay. And not feel guilty. I just had a birthday and I had cake for the first time in years. Trust me. You will be okay. And I am not just saying that. I hope you are doing great.

[@imtrulygreg9965]

@@gracepisano2795 that's really great! im doing well too even after relapsing, self harm has gotten a bit better for me :)

[@b0redomee703]

My bones and ribs have been so sore lately and physically hurt when you touch them I think it’s because of the excessive amount of excersise I do and how little food I eat because no matter how thin I am I still feel like it’s not enough and I want to stop counting calories and not care but I can’t it’s impossible it’s like a voice in my head every single day .

[@tiauna5320]

same and i’m not even that thin

[@rosequartz1926]

The first time I commented on this I was not that hooked on eating but know I cant stop skipping meals I want to stop but I cant I'm not in control ana is. She made it really clear.

[@salcline2248]

In the early stages, I was around 120, keep in mind, I'm 5'2. I told myself that I'd be happy at 110, but now that I'm at 107, I can't stop and I hate it, I hate myself

[@hazeykayy]

5’2 here as well. my body’s natural weight is about 112 lbs. thought i’d be happy at 95, but dropped to the 80s and still wanted to get lower before i unwillingly binged myself back up to 110 bc my body was so starved. yknow what getting to my gw cost? a functioning digestive system. in under a year, i developed gastroparesis. my oesophageal sphincter no longer functions as it should and i have constant acid reflux. i was 16 and brought myself to the brink of death. getting any lower isn’t worth it. i’m begging you, talk to someone before you regret not doing so. it’s gonna take a lot of courage, but you can recover. being skinny won’t make you happy. it never does. you’ll always want to go lower. but who am i to talk? i’m relapsing anyway. just earlier today i pulled out a massive chunk of my hair and almost fainted. this shit sucks.

[@papajohnarooski1542]

Hard to believe I listened to this in the peak of my illness at 13, and here we are now and I’ll be 20 next year and I’m still fighting for my fucking life

[@seq1769]

These songs make me feel like I'm understood. Thank you

[@thatoneanonymous2251]

The day I started feeling insecure about my body is when I was 8 years old. I was underweight, but my sister said I needed to get in shape, and I immediately started trying to lose weight. Only recently have I started restricting to an unhealthy level (I'm 12 years old now)

[@moonlitproductions7182]

I’m back after two years. Yay.

[@Mossisntheresorryy]

Ppl think I’m doing better but I can these lyrics on a spiritual level

[@emiliz2071]

I have EDNOS and I relate to this so much.. I can't wait to be underweight so people will care and get me out of this

[@yuzu8709]

They already DO care, you just don't see it! And noone is going to get you out of this, noone. The only person with enough power to do this is you, and you can do it at a healthy weight, at overweight too! So go and kick it in the butt!

[@emiliz2071]

@@yuzu8709 I was trying to recover for a few weeks but now I'm relapsing 😔

[@yuzu8709]

@@emiliz2071 So? You're in charge. You already did it once, you already stood up against your ED, so you can do it again, I believe in you! You did not TRY to recover, you WERE and still are recovering. Mini-Relapses are (even though not really okay) part of the process and you have to overcome them. ANd I can guarantee - once it's over you'll be grateful you stood up for yourself and chose to put yourself first. Doesn't matter whether anyone cares or not - you are worthy of recovery, of food, of joy and of happiness. Stay strong, you've got this! And I'm always there to listen.

[@kevitamaster-brewkombucha5472]

@@emiliz2071 yeah same I was doing good for about 7 or 8 months until this month

[@lulululu28383]

You're worth saving no matter what other people do or believe. You wouldn't let a kitten starve and wait until people notice to do something about it. What if no one notices and it dies? It's the same for you.

[@sleepysloth4205]

I remember listening to this song everyday two years ago and now I’m having flashbacks... why did this have to pop up in my recommendation

[@anni2508]

When you are actually bulimic but can relate a 100% because you restricted your calories so freaking much. I wonder if i have anorexia purging type but i guess to have it i'd have to be underweight as it is the 'medical definition' Haha and now lest talk about how weight doesnt define how meantally ill you are

[@lilyd3483]

No u dont cause u have 2 start somewhere most people who are anorexic start as overweight

[@lyseae]

Anorexia b/p subtype is atypical anorexia. So the weight criteria doesnt exist for. Weight criteria just define the anorexia nervosa, not atypical anorexia.

[@anni2508]

@@lyseae damn wow....kinda ty

[@lyseae]

@@anni2508 Its a pleasure ♡ atypical anorexia is so misunderstood, but so dangerous at the same time. As all the others eating disorders. I'm was diagnosed with anorexia b/p subtype when I was severly underweight cause I still had my periods and I was binging (well... eating and the purging mostly cause my stomach was so tiny i couldnt even keep down a cup of coffee) so i made a lot of research.

[@Harajukubarbie333]

True I’m underweight but I’ve always been borderline underweight but at my worst times I was a healthy weight like I’m not actually that mentally bad rn even though I’m fasting and restricting

[@gandziaragandziara5425]

"Keep your enemies close they will keep you strong" "Can't you see all these people. They don't care for you" "Do right by me and I will be sugar sweet to you. But cross me and my colder side might show through" Those are phrases, which are describeing borderline personality like👌🎯

[@alexismuckel4670]

I haven’t eaten in a week. It started by just hating my body and crying in the mirror all the time. Then it progressed to being handed food and debating on if I want to eat or lose my weight. I chose to lose the weight... I’ve never heard a song that speaks my mind so much.

[@connorsaysyeet5953]

I have hashimotos disease so my metabolism has literally ceased to exist and I’ve gained 60 pounds in the last six months, but I stopped eating about three months ago and I go days without eating, but then I binge and I hate myself for it, so I starve myself for days... and the cycle starts again...

[@ShadyBun]

Corri try to go one day a week without purging. One day. Then once you are good with that try two days and so on and so on. You’re better then ana

[@Loveazzy]

I LOVE THIS SONG

[@amarylis3264]

How did you get to this before me

[@Loveazzy]

Ash cause I'm magic

[@pinkunotenshi]

to be honest at that point i have kind of given up on recovery, eating disorders have been in my life for the past 6 years and eventhough there have been months where i wouldnt care how much i eat, it would always backfire and put me back on the spot of starving myself. i used to have bulimia but after therapy about 3 years ago i stopped the purging - in that time i developed a hate for wasting food so i dont want to purge anymore. unfortunetly that leaves me with not eating at all... wouldn't be surprised if i went back to it though. i really did think i was fine.

[@katesierra6238]

My parents are calling me down for dinner but I already had 500 calssss so now I'm here lol

[@manialord1699]

kate lin how are you doing now?

[@katesierra6238]

@@manialord1699 I mean a little better I guess? I eat around 700-1000 cals a day and today I got 1400😭

[@manialord1699]

kate lin today I got 1200 and I'm perfectly happy with myself, I'd be happy at 1400. You probably boosted your metabolism a bit, that's all you probably did. Focus on changing your mindset into thinking that's okay to eat more, because it is. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

[@dishadarcy]

Got this from Spotify, it was included in a playlist about eating disorders. It's kinda like my anorexia inspiration because my family hates that I eat more than them. And it has gotten inside me so much I'd be happy to starve to death too, I'm not gonna starve but definitely eat way much lesser. Maybe like 1/16 of my overeating diet.

[@dishadarcy]

Don't tell me to stop :)

[@thepostivevegan4858]

I'm coming up to 10 years having anorexia in December and this song always comforts me and yes I'm always hungry to bed hungry to rise.

[@ema9367]

I'm in recovery and some of the comments really triggered me.I know it's hard but I hope you guys are not romanticizing ed and are seeking professional help

[@charlieandhisantics9954]

This comment section is honestly so disturbing. Seeing inside the mind of an anorexic is horrific.

[@charlieandhisantics9954]

@*•.¸𝙚𝙡𝙞 ¸.•* I hope you fully recover, ED'S suck.

[@anegg1962]

I know right. I listen to songs like this because I'm writing characters who have EDs and because I never fully suffered from one I need a lot of research to portay them correctly. Comment sections like these make me want to hug so many people, it's very disturbing and depressing to see people who are so sick. It makes my heart hurt.

[@jessiea4250]

It's interesting to me...

[@4ngelcake]

If you are reading this i just wanted to let you know you are beautiful and loved!♥

[@megamushroom]

Petition: replace the word "sugar" here with "splenda" "stevia" or "sucralose"

[@abcdef-yf2sz]

Your music is amazing! This is my favourite of your songs, it's so real. Your lyrics are so deep, they show the ugly truth about eating disorders.

[@am3r1e]

this song plays in my head as i’m purging.

[@katiegarrett1013]

Goodness gracious if these songs existed back when I was in high school I would have been one happy little anorexic kool kid. 😂 honestly though, just found this channel & these songs are amazing! Very comforting in these times for me lately, as I’ve been relapsing (for the what(th) time now?) & getting thinner than ever, this song seriously expresses what’s going on in my head. 😅 At this point I honestly don’t think I can cope with my life any other way than with my eating disorder anymore. But thank you for making these songs! ♥️

[@Harajukubarbie333]

These songs got me working out til I can’t stand because I’m so dizzy 😂

[@pwincess_of_cuteness]

i listen to this all the time and it helps soooo much with the constant suffering due to anorexia. thank you so much for creating such songs 💖💖💖

[@babydoll-gj3vb]

i wanna be thin. idc abt health. i already lost my period

[@AniruASMR]

i wont give up .

[@ariri3001]

Your music always gives me chills ❤❤

[@iivara]

4:00 - 4:22 I obssesed with the verse.. I could relate to it on my own personal level

[@autumnreed3916]

I relate to this song, I was recovering now I’m not. Although, I don’t remember much before recovery, it’s all kind of fuzzy? I remember people noticing I was too skinny but I’m skinnier than I was then even though I’m like 10lbs heavier now?