Supporting a child who has experienced food insecurity

[@blustephenson9227]

Just the sentence, "we will always have food, what would you like to eat" is so comforting thank you I struggle with food insecurity a lot and that really helped me think about it

[@RLS-bu4bj]

That made me cry

[@PeterParker-hn8iz]

When I worked one-on-one with kids, I would get criticized by my boss for taking too many snack breaks with some of the kids. We worked with all kinds of kids, but a lot were living in poverty/insecure homes. My reasoning was that I never wanted a kid to feel like they couldn’t have their needs met while they were in my care. If that meant they took a break after every activity and always had a snack by their side, then so be it. My boss came from a privileged background and sometimes didn’t realize the extent of the situations these kids were living in.

[@tiffanybonn258]

Same here

[@tanyaquinonez7117]

​@@tiffanybonn258 on behalf of any one that let you down I'm sorry sweetheart ♡♡♡♡♡ FROM DENVER

[@tanyaquinonez7117]

I'm sorry you are going through that

[@michellelouiseblight-stead7096]

I'm honestly shocked. I grew up in care for 15 years. And I never had a foster parent as understanding as you explain in these videos. It's amazing to see the progress

[@citroenboter]

Yeah it seems there's a lot of people out there fostering children who shouldn't be near children at all.

[@ToasteredBread]

@@citroenboter they usually do it for the money they get monthly

[@srldwg]

​@@ToasteredBread True. That is so sad.

[@sarahlawson1695]

My husband grew up in foster care with a locked fridge. I’m so happy to see other foster parents are not like that

[@carlalapish8116]

A lot of these blow my mind!! I’m not a foster kid, but I’ll tell you this much I’ve never seen anyone decline food to a child not a one. “Okay that’s enough” isn’t going to help.

[@highlandgoldendoodlesrobin4828]

My daughter came to us at 8 years old through foster care. She hid baggies of food every where- our house, yard, school bus, neighbors yard, classroom, car, etc for two years! I would find her in the middle of the night staring at the open food pantry, the fridge and our food storage room. It was heart breaking. But finally she felt safe enough to know she would be fed.

[@tonib.3016]

You saved that girl you angel on earth. I love you and I don't even know you!!!!

[@semolinasemolina8327]

oh god xx ❤️❤️ I was feeling so bad because I don't have cash for snack baskets etc and felt pretty bad for it as a parent, but reading some of these stories in the comments, it's heart breaking. I've gone from feeling bad I've fed my daughter jacket potatoes and takeaway and salad all week - but she's definitely fed several times a day :( I am honestly crying reading all these stories xxxxx

[@piau1798]

@@semolinasemolina8327 you sound like a great parent, I’m sure your daughter is very lucky to have you as her mom and will always know that you love her

[@semolinasemolina8327]

@@piau1798 well I can't take all the credit! I get my tips from this fine foster carer! Thank you so much for your kind words xxxx they mean a lot xxxx

[@kb3827-q5s]

I did this too when I was very young. My foster mom would find stacks of cheerios under my bed, half finished chicken wings, you name it. I finally stopped when I realized that there was food I could eat when I was hungry and there would still be food when I was hungry again. She adopted me when I was 4. Best mom ever.

[@sophiawillis]

i really appreciate how much you frame this as “first timers” and “experienced” instead of “what not to do” and “what to do”. a lot of us are just trying our best to get things right, and seeing things worded like this definitely helps people to not be too harsh on themselves. thank you for this.

[@flyushkifly]

That's a really good point!! It doesn't invalidate the efforts made in the past. 👍

[@justacutepieceofshit]

I hadn’t thought about this, thanks for saying it. Great perspective💜

[@rosavillanueva5189]

I like the detail of kneeling at the child height. It's subtle for those who don't know but everything for the kids. Explanation: You go down to their level in order to show you're not over them or a threat, but an equal and that you're listening to them. More or less it's that.

[@MyLady22]

I remember one time when a waitress knelt down to talk to my short bf. He was very offended 🤣

[@maddieb.4282]

Thank you for articulating this. First timers are doing their best and they may not understand ❤

[@royalpitamamma]

I cried when I was told to sit at the table and they gave me a plate. I wasn't allowed to eat from plates before that. I felt so loved.

[@sequincook6046]

When my nephew was 1, he was in a bad situation and needed to move in with us. At the time his meals frequently consisted of condiment packets and what he found in the couch. Needless to say, he was very food insecure. It took months, but slowly his baggy of gold fish moved out of his hand and to his pocket, then beside him in the room, and eventually the kitchen table. He frequently came back to check that it was still there, and it always was. He's doing much better now, living with his grandfather. My brother was severely injured at the time and unable to provide, and the mom was... less than great. Brother is doing better now. 💜

[@jabrayjay6679]

You all were there to support him 🥰

[@tealablu3759]

That’s heartbreaking! You’re very kind for taking him in and helping him feel secure 🥰

[@sequincook6046]

@@tealablu3759 thank you but really it was my mom and brother. I was 16 at the time, though I was happy to have him. His mom had run off that day, claiming an errand, and when she wasn't back by night fall my brother walked to the gas station in the cold to call my mom and ask her to get them cause the baby hadn't eaten. Though he did go back eventually, he left the baby with us.

[@truelycooke2759]

@@sequincook6046 glad you were able to identify your brother was just as at fault as the mother. Sudden Disability or not we owe it to our children to always do our best. If your nephew was use to eating condiment packets and or crumbs from the couch it seems the little guy had been suffering for quiet some time. This doesn’t happen over night. Had she not left your brother that baby would still be in that situation. Sad it took her leaving for the other adult to realize the baby hadn’t ate.

[@sequincook6046]

@@truelycooke2759 let me rephrase. My brother had nearly died in a car accident and had only just regained the ability to walk the month prior. In fact, he was still supposed to be in the hospital for the next 3 months. Yes, he was at fault, but he was also limited in what he could do. He had no working phone at the time, so calling whenever he wanted wasn't a possibility. She left saying she was getting groceries and never returned. So my brother, who had to shuffle two miles to the gas station in the freezing cold did the only thing he could do. He is at fault, but he made the best decision he could. She on the other hand was fully capable of working and didn't want to.

[@RebeccaEWebber]

Why did her saying "we will always have food" make me burst into tears?

[@Syndicate888]

Oh, shit.. ME TOO 💔😭

[@Syndicate888]

I'm actually kind of surprised how that was a triggering sentence was for so many of us here in the comments 💝

[@RebeccaEWebber]

@@Syndicate888 yes, it shows how we've all suffered and I wish it wasn't true.

[@RebeccaEWebber]

@@erayedatschebotarjew1762 ❤️❤️❤️

[@Syndicate888]

@@RebeccaEWebber, it's just... I didn't think it was /that/ bad growing up. I was lucky I guess. My mom is chronically ill, and still taking care of the 3 of us on her own since I was 7. But it was never *that* bad. ...All the same, just out of the blue, when OP said "We will always have food." * instant tears *

[@hannsolotx8568]

I still feel bad I used to steal food (in the middle of the night) to eat in my room at one of my foster parents house. They fed me plenty but I was still scared of being hungry. That family was so kind and curbed my fears. They were purely kind and understanding, just like you.

[@moonhunter9993]

No need to feel bad! Firstly, you did it to take care of your emotional needs and reassure yourself that you were safe then. The starved kid inside of you wouldn't have believed you unless you'd fed it. Also, it's unlikely they didn't know (eventually)... so if they didn't say anything they probably understood...

[@DuckHouse1]

It breaks my heart that any child feels like they're "stealing food." I used to get up in the middle of the night and get snacks and other food that I wasn't supposed to get into. Sometimes I would even get in trouble. But I was never made to feel like I was stealing. I have a friend who recently told me about the abuse he suffered as a child. He said he was beaten for "stealing food" and that one Christmas Eve when he was about 12, his parents called the police on him for getting into the kitchen, which had been locked, and "stealing food." It's just so awful.

[@IrishMike016]

I always love hearing that, I have heard some horror stories and had to clean up messes of other foster parents in the past. I am a foster parent and we never want our kids to feel like they aren’t allowed to eat. Early on, our first foster kid, who we adopted, used to do the same thing but to extremes. He once ate an entire family size box of pop tarts in a single night. Even ate like a 1/2 pound of sugar (just with a spoon). It is quite common with kids with autism to crave sugar like this, but we decided that it was better that we lock up the sugary stuff but always left out healthy options in the counter.

[@irishalchemy]

If it helps, they almost certainly didn't see it as stealing; you were simply having some of the food that was in the house specifically for you to eat. I'm so glad to hear you had people to help overcome your fears. I hope you are having a wonderful life!

[@JJ-yc2sv]

@@irishalchemy Unfortunately, it's not at all certain. Lots of foster parents DO treat it like "stealing." Locks on fridges & pantries, and punishment for eating without permission are more common than one might expect.

[@desslou]

I love that you are bringing attention to these often unspoken needs. As a teacher, I try to do a lot of the things you talk about in my classroom for my kids. For example, I have a shelf of food that kids are free to access any time, even to take home if they talk to me about it first. You can't learn when you're hungry. No kid should have to sneak food.

[@westernpink]

I love that you have a shelf in your classroom for food. The pantry I volunteered at made boxes of simple foods like microwaveable soups, fruit cups, and granola bars to help teachers like you. Thank you 💗

[@lize-mtz753]

I let my 3rd graders eat anytime, except for the last 30 min before lunch. I encourage them to go get a free to-go breakfast in the morning, so they have a little bag of food for later. Other teachers make them throw away the food when the bell rings, and that’s just cruel.

[@desslou]

@@lize-mtz753 I can't come up with a single rational reason to make a kid throw food away. Even if it's a major distraction I just hold it for them and ALWAYS give it back.

[@hollydavis06]

@@desslou agree with you 💯 With so many starving individuals still on the planet suffering today, throwing food away is considered a sin in my household.

[@donnaleeah5075]

​@@lize-mtz753 2nd graders. I was a foster grandma in one until the pandemic. We had a class of 19 in which for various reasons 4 of the kids were food insecure. One would hover over his food very protective of it. Broke my heart in so many ways. We always assured him he could finish his breakfast. He could sit at his table, but also needed to listen. Some kids go through unspeakable things at 'home', he was 1. We had alerted child protection of what was going on. He had been told not to tell any teachers, but hadn't been he couldn't tell Grandma. Though it hurt to hear him, I'm thankful he spoke up. I sure hope he's okay. I had to stop being a FG due to health issues. TY for being kind and compassionate.

[@wandabrenot7928]

“We will always have food, what can I make for you?” Instant tearing up. I grew up homeless for the first seven years of my life and this just instantly triggered a reaction in me ♥️

[@andersonczech9658]

This is healing to watch. I'm 36 years old and still panic when the pantry is low. I am terrible for not eating well or properly BUT I always have to have a full pantry. It triggers me when it's low.

[@Firsona]

Same. I've been struggling with it lately, and when it gets too bad, I pull everything out of the cabinet and group it into meals I could possibly make with what I have. It's hard to think of a child with no ability to seek out help experiencing this.

[@mandaskillz]

Me too.

[@jenniethomason8840]

Woo, this video hit feels I forgot to hide

[@benus6867]

Your comment and the subsequent thought of bare space in my pantry just now gave me an unexpected revelation.. makes sense though..

[@jenniethomason8840]

I hide appropriate food stuffs in the ac vents. When I saw a local news clip of 25 year Olds during the pandemic saying they would break into houses to steal food for themselves. It sent me into a aggressive panic. Had to have a long talk with myself to keep from burying food in the yard. I'm thankful for my husband because he knows food availability is a HUGE issue and is very supportive. He has had to draw lines for me though. The whole pandemic itself dang near caused a spiral of doom, until I was firmly convinced we had a good bit of supplies.

[@glowingforthe1654]

I was about 95 lb when i went to the foster home where i dealt with the most arguments, and i mean arguments , over food and my food insecurities. She projected all of her own internalized fat phobia onto me but while simultaneously making me insecure of how " thin" i was. She said eveyone in the house could only have 3 meals and dinner always had to be together. 1 snack and like shes take my candy cuz she felt i had a sugar addiction ( found out a year later im hypoglycemic ) but like the stupidest things would make her mad. I was 105 when i left her house after a year. And then at the next house i was , because i was so stressed 24,7 and skinny. I mean skinny skinny. They would let me eat whatever i wanted as much as i wanted and they didn't stop me from seconds or anything. I got to about 160, and that was the healthiest i ever felt tbh. Later on it became a bit of a thing because after about 4 months, id start over eating just fully out of anxiety. But it got addressed in a NORMAL WAY. Not a measuring rice kind of way. The first lady fr would measure rice. And max everyone out at a cup of rice..... keep in mind we were teenagers and she was a 55 year old woman going through menopause....our dietary needs were vastly different.

[@kelmac1618]

You’ve survived an experience that sounds horrific 😢 It makes me angry to know that your foster mom was so misguided. I’m glad you were able to be in a healthier space afterwards. 💗

[@jessicacharlton7347]

160lbs is healthy for alot of teenage girls and women. Especially if you're tall or have a muscular body type. When I was 13 I was 5'9, that's my adult height too, and weighed 165lbs. Nobody ever believed I weighed that much. My dad had me get on a scale to show him because he did believe I could possibly weight that much. When I was 20 I started working taking care 2 disabled women who couldn't walk so I had to lift them all the time to bath them and whatnot. I gained alot of muscle and ended up weighing 180lbs. Nobody would've guessed that I weighed that much. I had very little fat on my body, unlike now. Man, I miss being all muscular and strong. Anyways, my point is that you might have felt healthy at 160 lbs because you might've been healthy at that weight.

[@deathXbyXlight]

My parents fostered teens when I was in elementary school. Part of the first day tour always involved making sure they knew where the snack cupboard was (above the bread box, never locked), explaining the rule for if a box had a name on it (ask that person first, it's their "just for me" snack, you'll get to pick your own "just for me" snack this weekend when we go grocery shopping), rules around snacking (please stop by 4 so you don't ruin your appetite for dinner, otherwise, it's free game, and no, we won't actually do anything to stop you if you don't stop snacking lmao), and a reassurance that (mom) is Italian American, very used to the house being filled with teenagers, and is only capable of making enough food to feed armies, it'll probably take fourths from multiple people to even threaten the possibility of leftovers.

[@debbiemcpherson2426]

Aww. Your mom is the best.

[@kodabuck225]

lol I love this

[@ursulabratt6954]

Oh my gosh, I love you for this. As a child I experienced punishments through food (parents would tape a hair across where the refrigerator door closed and leave for hours with punishment of standing in corner for hours of hair was gone when they returned) and food scarcity. When I moved in with my father as a teen I was shocked to find I didn’t have to ask to eat food and I developed a compulsion to eat a little of each item when groceries were bought. Thankfully I was delicately steered away from that habit and never punished for eating food again. You are so loving to be understanding to children who might have suffered similar experiences!

[@h00Lia]

♥️

[@pisceandreamer3]

Omg i thought this move was invented by my parents 😳 so sorry you went through that too. 😔 im 34 now and still struggle with secretly snacking n having a stash in my bag and car.

[@ursulabratt6954]

@@pisceandreamer3 I am so sorry. It’s an awful feeling. God got me through, thankfully. Some parents can be so cruel.

[@ambim9033]

Yes...the fear and pain and feelings of hunger is all too real still. I don't know you but from also growing up in the system we are connected and you are my metaphorical sister and I love you and I want you to know you were and ARE always enough it's just others that are the issue. We matter and just like the trees and the stars we have a right to be here

[@elenalizabeth]

I was constantly punished by not being allowed to have meals by my father for the slightest things (ie didn’t put away the toy I was holding in my hand when he had told me to “pack up everything” or “used too much toilet paper” “drank too much water” etc). So often I wouldn’t have time to have breakfast as it was his job to wake me up and he would wait until there was only 5 min left to leave before waking me up so I wouldn’t have time to eat, then I wouldn’t have time to make lunch and if I had made lunch the night before he would have eaten it when he got hungry at midnight, then dinner was often taken away for the slightest reason. I developed a binge eating disorder because of that trauma, because the only time I would be able to eat was in about 15min time period at school before class started where they held a breakfast for the disadvantaged kids. So I would shovel in as much food as I could because I likely wouldn’t get anything again until the next day, or possibly until the next Monday if it was a Friday. I still struggle with this as an adult and sometimes will eat so much I vomit, but I will still eat more after that because of that trauma of “what if I don’t have food for 3 days” in the back of my mind.

[@tinglelingaling6]

I heard a foster story about a little boy who was always fed last. Sometimes he would go without because it was all gone before it was his turn. When he finally ended up at a good foster family, he asked if there would be enough food for him. It brings tears to your eyes. He was served first and was allowed to get snacks and drinks whenever he wanted. He did hide food under his bed for a while. That foster family did adopt him. You keep up the good work.

[@mercurygirl8404]

Oh this brought back some memories. Not of me, but my SIL. When she was still my brother's gf she once said that we had so much food and I remember my mom tearing up and comforting her. I also remember her saying the same words to her "we will always have food swwetheart" she used to be scared of eating the last of anything. There's many things they carry into adulthood including food insecurities 😔💔

[@stacey738]

This made me tear up. My husband grew up with food insecurity and ive seen the impact it has had on him, even as an adult in his 30s after many years of food security. He still keeps a stash of food in our bedroom in his cupboard, he is very uncomfortable unless our pantry is full, and he is extremely strict about not taking food from our daughter. I can't "parent tax" her food. I appreciate the kind, understanding way you handle food insecurity with these kids.

[@melissamayhaps8990]

I have the same experience but in reverse. So it's my bf that grew up well off, and I can't stand to throw away food or waste anything on my plate. It's super embarrassing going to his parents house or out to eat with them and trying not to take the half-eaten food off their plates. They'll throw out a whole meal because they didn't like it enough or were "full" and it's sooo hard to wrap my mind around.

[@ipickedsomething]

​@@melissamayhaps8990 I'm with you. Like those three McDonald's fries are going home with me while they're sending back steaks because they're not rare enough or some stupid shit. Even when we started doing well I started putting back free pizza points for that time we need them. Food insecurities run deep.

[@SnailWhales]

What is parent tax??

[@GotAnUmbrella]

​@@SnailWhales being allowed to eat some of your kids food because you are the parent basically

[@bhitttourrent6127]

​@@SnailWhales Yeah, ​@Brandi *click* Bear! said as much, but it's like your parent nabs a bite of something. If the family has access to food, then it's not an issue, but I can see how it would be harmful for her husband given his experiences. It's also important how it's done, I'd think? My parents got a sample, a small mouthful to taste, so even when I was exasperated as a kid, it was about those zany parents nibbling, but honestly rolls off the back. As an teen, I'd offer it up like "tax collecting?"

[@humblenugget]

As someone who grew up having to hide food to know that I would actually be able to eat, thank you. I was never in foster care but I was in a bad situation with poverty and abuse and It makes my heart warm to see someone care so much about children that aren't even theirs.

[@chaoticsad5549]

My mother was in a concentration camp as a child, my dad grew up very poor. Both always made sure to have food in the home, any friends who came over could eat whatever they wanted, I knew many people during my youth that only had beer and butter in their fridge at home. I’m so glad that my parents made food and the comfort of never having to worry when your next meal is. Thank you for sharing the right ways to handle food insecurity. ♥️

[@robinsargent4801]

"We will always have food" Didnt hear that til 18 but I was finally sent an angel like you.

[@sunnyquinn3888]

This is what me and my brother's foster mom did. He would eat and eat and eat literally until he puked because where we came from you never knew when you would get fed again. Being able to carry snacks in his pockets all the time really helped. I actually still do this myself, I'm that one person in the friend group who just whips a granola bar out of nowhere whenever anyone within earshot says something about being hungry lol!

[@kasstlekrasher5468]

....didn't realize I grew up food insecure until I watched this. Busted into tears. Thank you, actually. Feel a lot better knowing this. Really appreciate the work you're doing ❤️

[@veronicamccall5583]

God bless you. Hope this has lifted a weight from your shoulders/heart. People don't get this very well kept secret. I lived next to a couple that had a 5yr old that come over and ask me to make her a sandwich or something. I woke up more than once with this child sitting on side of my bed or on the couch beside me asking if she could have something to eat. We ended letting her help little bags so she could come get then if I wasn't home. I found her in my home curledup sleeping more than once and I eould take care of her till dark and then take her home to sleep. She just needed to know she had a safe place, my place was it for the time I lived there. Sad situation. I taught her how to make simple sandwiches so if she was real hungry she could come get it. The "parents" never looked for her after they figured out she came over to play at my house they would assume that's where she was. It comes in all income levels. Hope this helps too. I always let her fix a lunch bag to take home so she would not be out looking for food after dark or after everyone at her house was asleep or passed out. SS was aware just didn't take the situation serious because the parents knew the game and the child was too afraid to speak up in front of them. So sometimes you just have to watch. It can manifest as the child that is BF with your child and always wants to stay.

[@ilovenoodles7483]

​@@veronicamccall5583 Yeah, sometimes that can happen, but just make sure the food is healthy because I was a skinny kid with a high metabolism and I was not malnourished but people probably thought I was just because of my weight. I always wanted to stay at my best friend's house when I was growing up because she had a video game system and always had junk food. I was always asking her what she had to eat, and always eating at her house. One time in particular, I remember that she threw a slumber party, we were all having fun, etc. and then everyone got tired and went to sleep except for me and one other friend. The other girl was hungry so we raided the pantry and the refrigerator. By that time, we (the whole party, not only myself and the other girl) had already eaten all the snacks and regular dinner, so that day in particular, she had food, but it was only healthy food left over and food that required cooking, actual cooking, no microwave foods or at least none that would be appetizing if it was microwaved. Microwave foods were just _starting_ to become a big thing back then. And I remember since everybody was already sleeping and we didn't want to attempt to even cook, we literally just complained about not having cold pizza (specifically) and then we went to bed. Now that I look back at it, we were so privileged that we complained about trivial things! Sandwiches can be considered a junk food, if it's between meals. Is what we give kids to snack on really actually healthy or are we teaching them to eat just because they're bored and then we blame it on being hungry? Growing up, my sister and both parents were overweight, but not me or my other 2 siblings and we all grew up in the same house with no food insecurity; we only had _junk_ food insecurity. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@ems9616]

++

[@prettypuff1]

Yes

[@JJ-yc2sv]

@@ilovenoodles7483 Lol at "junk food insecurity." I'm pretty sure that's just called addiction.

[@kristatacker6138]

One of my managers who was somewhere in her late 40s id assume explained to me how she was starved as a child and even as successful as she is she still hides food in her house 😥 she said mainly under her couch and in her sofa cushions....

[@mygodisthemoon]

My grandma became my cousins foster parent when he was around 5 and dealt with food insecurity. Cleaning his room, there'd be food wrappers hidden everywhere. Reassuring helps too. It took some time but my cousin finally understood that not only was there access to food, he was allowed to eat said food. Even something as simple as asking what kind of foods/snacks they like when you go shopping helps.

[@Iluvepetunias]

These are amazing tips! Very underrated channel

[@foster.parenting]

Thank you for your kind words!

[@Ladycrafty6]

I wish every foster child could have these experiences! 🥲 I see food insecurities in the classroom as well, which is why I keep snacks in the room.

[@MsBELLE7]

Honestly, helping kids recognize that this has even been an issue for them is huge. I didn't realize this was an issue for me until like 25! If someone had actually spoken to me this way letting me know it was ok would have been life changing.

[@candlelitpeppermintcarniva8509]

I feel you so much. I see people commenting that this content soothes them and bad memories. But I'm not there yet 😅 I am jealous and pissed thinking about how much my parents took from me

[@MsBELLE7]

@@candlelitpeppermintcarniva8509 we all were, but being angry doesn't help in fact it does the opposite. We will NEVER get those happy family memories from childhood. All we can do is to keep trying to create positive memories with people who we love and love us back. Don't waste time on people who clearly didn't care to spend time on you, the littéral human being they chose to create. You are still worthy of good things, and a happy family. Don't let anger keep you from that 💜

[@candlelitpeppermintcarniva8509]

@@MsBELLE7 Awwwww, thank you so much!!!! 💚 💚💚💚💚💚💚 I really, really, really appreciate that!!

[@sageo7402]

im 15, not in foster care, but i’ve dealt with social workers and cps my entire life. my parents don’t buy groceries often even nowadays and i struggle with this. my girlfriend notices and she always reassures me, she buys me food and snacks often and i keep some snacks in my room as reassurance, but i gained a lot of weight before because i used to stack my plate because i was anxious about not having enough and then being super hungry later, and i felt anxious if i didn’t finish all of it

[@semolinasemolina8327]

As a mum, I'm going to say it's difficult for you going through this. I try to involve my child in both the shopping, and the cupboards, and the cooking. I realise that you don't have that and you are very young. Do you like to cook? I wonder if it might be worth your while looking at some simple soup, sauce and stew bases and practice cooking them? I didn't even know about the basic onions/garlic/ seasoning/carrots/celery/stock stew base for a very long time, until I was in my mid 30s. I would practice that if you can, dicing onions, crushing garlic, fry up a little not too high or too much, adding the diced carrot, add diced celery and stock, simmer, blitz, drink - or add meat browned separately or other vegies and meats etc beans, and that will help you, feel healthy and strong. Fuller for longer. I don't know if it's safe for you to offer to cook for everyone one night? Honestly, finding your rhythm of preparing food, will be lifesaving through all adversity xxxx I really want this for you, you to feel confident in the kitchen etc, you can use whatever recipe. xxxx take care x

[@donnaleeah5075]

If you're in school and I know you not be, it's not at all an easy life, please see about talking to someone about all you face. It goes so much deeper then just food but to the core of self worth. You are very self worthy. You are a fighter/survivor. You could be bitter, angry, or you can show others what a great compassionate person you'll be as an adult. It probably seems why bother to be the latter. But it's so much easier in so many ways. It'll tie into your loving/caring of yourself. Many will help you though it , at not see so right now. So sorry you're in this situation. Some should never ever have kids, but they do. Since you are alive, you have the choice of what to do from here.

[@lexa_power]

@@semolinasemolina8327 I love the well intentions behind this comment! As someone whose been homeless before, lived in hospitals / shelters / in unsafe housing, it’s important to not assume that everyone has access to cooking facilities. Even if you have them in your home, they could always be in use by family or roommates, broken, or the emotional or physical abuse you would suffer if you tried to cook in some scenarios that it’s not always worth it. I think it’s always important to consider healthy alternatives to cooking - a lot of us have to rely on non-perishables because we don’t have access to cooking or refrigeration.

[@semolinasemolina8327]

@@lexa_power we have been in that similar position ourselves actually, we were living with my parents and my mum used the tiny kitchen cooking space as a sort of target zone for abuse. Especially on a morning. She would follow you round sneering and snarling at you, spitting at you, getting right in your face doing it, and criticism or such nastiness regarding the food or cleaning etc. So much so - and this was as an adult after I thought things would be different and accepted her welcome to her home when I had my baby,- so much so when we finally escaped, I had forgotten what I cooked, what I liked to eat, what I cooked for my daughter - there was obviously more layers than just the cooking- but as well meaning as my comment is - its also placed from the basis of experience. Food is the epitome of central autonomy and health. The process of cooking and finding ways to cook is really important to society. Providing people with the facility to do this is PART of a good social care system. There is so much that can stop us from being able to cook - however I would suggest that seeking out this facility is a good true north to improving your situation.

[@semolinasemolina8327]

@@lexa_power but also agree for healthy alternatives to cooking too ---------- like emergency or stopgap solutions ------- and I'd love to discuss ideas for these later - it is really important- and even preparing the stopgap no cooking alternatives is important- and not to forget the being cooked for or having food donated too xxxx

[@stephanien6237]

My friend’s foster daughters came from a food insecure environment and *loved* milk. They would always ask her for more milk at the end of the day. And her answer was “yes, you can have more milk…tomorrow”. They needed and received reassurance from her.

[@isabellacatherine9875]

My foster sister used to take food and hide it around the house so she knew where it was at all times, she was only 6 and i was 8, i didn’t understand at the time but looking back, this breaks my heart

[@remember101f]

As a child who went through foster care and has now been adopted for 22 years food insecurities is something my sister and I both still struggle with...I really felt this thank you!!😊

[@inalaska1208]

I think it's good to loop in a therapist if those service as available. Had experience with childern that would consistently eat till they made themselves sick for weeks on end. When it came down to it we had to limit food because they were making themselves ill. However with the therapist help we were able to get to the cause which wasn't food insecurities but that the childern had used food as a coping skill for big emotions any time they felt something that they didn't understand they said they were hungry. In the end we helped them liable their emotions " are we hungry or are we upset with what just happened".

[@wordzmyth]

Binge eating or comfort eating are a different thing than fear of food scarcity. It is possible to have both triggered by bad situations. Food is a drug that calms down panicking nervous systems. Not in a healthy way though so getting counselling help is a great idea if simple solutions don't help.

[@JJ-yc2sv]

Weekly therapy should be mandatory for ALL kids in foster care. It's disgusting that they're expected to just not be traumatized by being taken away from their family & forced to live with total strangers. Instead of being proactive about it, they wait until that trauma manifests in behavioral issues, and then the kid gets treated like a problem child. Far too many kids end up with much worse problems as a result of being "helped," than what they would've had if they'd just been left where they were.

[@klataface]

I was talking to my husband about this video and it's just so heartbreaking...they are just babies and have had to fend for themselves so often that they will make themselves sick from overeating...I wish I was in a spot where I could foster because these kids need more than food, shelter, and clothes on their back. These children need love. It's so upsetting knowing how many more children will be in the system now...

[@LizC-hq6tt]

Telling them you always have food and it's available to them, Isa bigger deal than what ppl might think. Your an AMAZING Momma!!! I wish there were more ppl like you!!!

[@piro_the_cat]

This almost made me cry. I eat tiny amounts but have constantly the need to be eating. Also I have periods of time in which I can't eat due to my anxiety. So it's very important to me having total control over my food. Thank you for being this marvelous

[@trishpolk640]

I used to work in foster care. Your videos are better than any trainings ever!!

[@eavening4149]

This is gold for all children raising. The easily accessible snacks that they can get if they ever feel hungry. They learn their own control naturally.

[@ASMRGRATITUDE]

This lady inspires me to become a foster mom.

[@melodypaz7247]

I hope you will.

[@sassysusie23]

This breaks my heart. Food insecurity in the wealthiest nation in the world. We can do better. We have to do better.

[@oppaloopa3698]

This got to me quite a bit. I didn’t realize how bad my food situation was growin up till I became an adult and started learning what’s healthy and what’s not. I’d spiral between feeling like I had to immediately eat everything in sight as fast as possible Or Else or full on not letting myself even look at the kitchen even though I had the expiration dates memorized and knew food was going bad because Or Else. I still slip up sometimes and I struggle with knowing when I’m hungry or if I’m having a trauma moment but it’s gotten easier. I had to do it on my own. Im so, so glad that these kids don’t have to.

[@elenalizabeth]

I feel you on the having to eat everything in sight. I have a binge eating disorder because of childhood trauma (not just food related) and sometimes I will eat so much I vomit, but still feel like I have to eat more because “what if there’s no food tomorrow” (even though I keep enough food in my cupboards to last a month)

[@gloriamosby7527]

The way you said we will always have food 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@StonedSammieSue]

It’s like these videos help my inner child work through what we went through. I wasn’t allowed to eat unless they prepared dinner. Maybe I can try these tools on myself

[@caramelbloom8341]

Watching you has made me realise why I have so many problems with my dad sometimes. My mom was abusive and neglectful and after she moved I spent all my time with my dad, and because of my mom I have "weird behaviors" Like sometimes hiding food or over eating. My dad hates it, and I always get panicked if I don't do stuff like that. Thankfully he's not around enough to really notice when I'm over eating but it still sucks when he gets mad at me for stuff I don't think about conciously

[@donnaleeah5075]

Can you sit down with him and openly talk about the why. Many of they didn't go through this just don't realize it's so much more than food. Or if it'll upset him can you ask for help in reaching his heart? For yourself please ask at school to speak to someone. I took in a friend's child at 11 (she would go back home here and there) and noticed food was a big issue. I set aside a cupboard for her food. Anytime she wanted. I'd take her shopping telling her she could get X amount of dollars worth of food. Requesting X amount of that be on fruits and veggies. As she got older I asked she buy those she didn't know how to prepare. It was fun learning with her. TY KZbin! She's now grown with a child and loves to cook. She's gone through so much as are you. She's doing well overall and we wish this for you also.

[@kB5TVP]

As someone who worked with the foster system (a very broken system) and knew of people in the sytem..this makes me so happy! You are doing such a wonderful job! Thank you, for being so compassionate!

[@JamiesLife]

I love this food was always something I hoarded when I was in fostercare cause we always never had any growing up now as a 33yr old I always stock up or I get bad anxiety still till this day

[@MsBELLE7]

I still keep bags of snacks... Even ones I won't finish just because I feel I need to. I don't run out of food but it's crazy what the brain does when you grow up that way.

[@justjade93]

Me too...💔

[@ambriaashley3383]

Its hard to shake. I hope you give your childhood self a hug as much as you can 💓💓💓💓 sending love!

[@brittanytyerman5482]

It took years of me living well on my own to be able to go to bed without cans of food hidden under my bed

[@StuckinNormal]

Same here.

[@astridproudfoot]

I was fortunate to grow up with my direct family, but even so, the foster mum offering to make the kid food "what would you like to eat?" cuts so close to home. Giving the child agency and personal choice is such an important thing.

[@th3.f0r3st]

It warms my heart every time you come up. I have a bad habit of hoarding food/money and hiding it because I’m worried I won’t have enough of something we’re to happen. I have stashed food and money all over my room. You’re amazing, never stop being you.

[@carmengogeidnas9670]

You are just amazing. I think you should teach classes or make long form videos for those thinking about fostering. I had so many awful fosters, people who were just in it for money, I lost hope that anyone wanted me. It makes me so happy you exist and are out there throwing a life line to children who feel unwanted. Your every action tells me that you're focused on my comfort and needs, and for some kids, no one has ever done that for them ❤

[@amandamcclain2009]

Oh my god this literally made me cry. A lot of the foster families I lived with had locks on their fridges in pantries, and even if they didn’t, I got dirty looks and “you’re eating again?”. We were only allowed to eat when they allowed us to eat. I wish that I had someone like you as my foster parent😭. Thank you so much for everything you do.

[@jacksyoutubechannel4045]

I remember it breaking my mom's heart to have to a little renovation to put the fridge in the pantry where both could be locked. There was _always_ food available for fosters, (and a mini-fridge of cold things), but she finally ran into three challenges that made it unavoidable: 1) a child who was eating themselves sick every single night, even with the help of therapy; 2) a _dramatic_ increase in food cost after a pair of siblings moved in whose real problem was hoarding food without eating it; and 3) a foster who'd come from a survival-of-the-fittest situation who was depriving the others of food, or sabotaging food in the pantry or fridge when others weren't around to see. I'm so sorry that you had to go through a situation of feeling judged for wanting to feel food security. Once my mom became a social worker, that was one of her number one calls -- it's really shocking and confusing (especially back then) to know you're feeding a child properly, then wake up to them eating dry rice in the middle of the night. So many foster parents just didn't know what to do or that some behaviors like that are to be expected. I'm sorry yours weren't better prepared and/or more compassionate.

[@foreverkei-chan]

I’m so sorry ❤

[@medmom11]

Your videos should be part of a training program for new foster parents. We need more foster parents like you.

[@RestingCuntFace]

I don’t foster, I’m only 23, and I don’t have kids or have experienced the foster system-but this channel makes me smile knowing there are genuine foster parents who care to make an impact. They are so lucky to have you

[@ameliaolive6656]

“We will always have food, what would you like to eat?” For some reason that was so comforting to hear

[@SetCCC]

Heartbreaking that a child experiences this. Makes me realize how fortunate I was as a kid. We weren't rich by any means, but we didn't have to worry about food.

[@mswolfy811]

As someone who's still recovering from food insecurity, man I wish I had someone like you there

[@ripps999p]

I grew up in a food restricting toxic family. This is so wonderful. Thankyou. SO MUCH

[@thescarletlady]

I'm a kid who had experienced severe neglect and this makes me want to cry❤️ I feel so comforted by watching this, thank you

[@Reality_TV]

You're so comforting and I've never been in foster care! You're great! Kudos to all you do to educate other foster parents.

[@Kirby--draws--stuff]

This was amazing to see! I’m trying to help my friend get out of her abusive household and if the state and law allows it, she might move in with me and my family. So this was very helpful since she has troubles with her eating habits!

[@Erin-ho9hj]

I really struggle with food insecurity issue brought on by my mom starving me when I was younger.. thank you for this. You help even grown women!

[@1strights]

The struggle is so real for so many. So grateful for you and others fighting the good fight today and every day. ✨🕊✨

[@croaklikeatoad4384]

Honestly I’m going to use this for myself. I already keep almonds in my room but having snacks on me will help with the doom spiral I get when I feel like I don’t have food.

[@tehmuse1521]

If they want to keep snacks in their room let them have a specific shelf or drawer for anytime snacks. Something healthy ish that they enjoy 💜

[@linontheinternet]

Im interested in being a foster parent at some point in my life when im more stable financially but these videos make me so happy bc its so focused on making the child feel comfortable and anticipating their needs

[@marissa_____]

Wooow, I'm an adult and "we will always have food" was just so triggering. Thanks for saying that to these kids.

[@Haley-xd9kb]

i’m just in awe of you. absolutely amazing person. anyone who fosters in a kind loving and understanding way are just truly amazing.

[@butterflynerd0078]

This is extremely important and so caring

[@busybeauty9662]

Kids are lucky to be placed with you. I’m sure it’s not always as easy as the videos, but I’m grateful to know foster situations aren’t always cold or negative. 👏🏼 You deserve many more followers

[@BabiiGhoul]

One of the things I very vividly remember about my foster mom was how she use to lock up food, and even went so far as to make me eat every piece of junk food in the house until I threw up for not asking to eat a single twinkie. Thank you for being better than most foster parents

[@isartoxic3481]

this is making me feel comfortable could you do versions where you're only doing the "right" thing? that way I could watch it without the anxiety xD

[@katsgiers1888]

But it is important people know the difference. If she shows the improved fp afterwards does that help you?

[@isartoxic3481]

@@katsgiers1888 she's now uploading shorts with only the positive ^^

[@sschumer23]

Definitely a great and educated foster parent! You have no idea how much this means to the kids you're helping 🥰

[@FearlessLeis]

Cant wait to be a mom, maybe foster and adopt. Inspirational channel. Alway afraid ill be the rigid mom

[@LetsBeClear87]

Quick word of encouragement Leis, if you’re aware before going into it I’m sure you’ll avoid a lot of traps most people healed or not would fall into.

[@lisafranklin9089]

hi honey, I feel like the very fact that you are so aware almost guarantees that you will never like that 💗

[@12358hi]

Rigidity comes in degrees. Your awareness speaks volumes. When you do find a broken part of yourself, it helps to realize when it is a two out of 10 rather than eight out of 10. Might be the same pattern, but a different degree, especially if you have worked to heal your own inner child there.

[@FearlessLeis]

Thanks you guys. The mom community seems to be so kind. 😇

[@jaimefrankenfeely7254]

Having experienced childhood hunger, and having been in countless foster homes, this almost made me cry. Thank you for understanding, and thank you for helping others understand.

[@jennp.5395]

I love the fact that you are so kind and caring. Thank you for being you. 💜

[@user-mv1vt9gc4y]

I wish all fosters were as understanding, loving, and patient as you are. Thank you so much for being there for these kids.

[@susanallen7483]

I'm so glad there is someone who gets it! So many kids need this type of foster parents....God bless you!❤

[@graceraynor6581]

My girls had food insecurity when they came to me. I was able to take a month off with them in the beginning. So every morning I would have them "help" me chop veggies and fruit and put it in bowls in the fridge. They had infant sized "anytime snack" bowls. Every time they would empty their bowl we would refill it with what they wanted. We also had crackers, nuts, ect that they could add to their bowls too. 6 years later they still make snack bowls ❤

[@pandapies6703]

Never a foster but as someone who grew up without much food... "We will always have food what can i make you?" Made me cry!

[@BlabberfaceCandy]

My first foster mom put physical locks on the cabinet Doors because she didn’t believe I had an eating disorder from being starved.I had a mindset to eat as much as I could because I never knew when id eat again. I’m so excited to see your educational videos for other parents.

[@MattPhonee]

Seeing these videos seriously is making me consider becoming a foster parent when I can do it.....

[@sox1085]

I want to cry because this is so thoughtful and inclusive and wise.

[@Lopsided_scientist]

This honestly makes me sob because this is so beautiful and I wish there was more foster parents like you in the system. Unfortunately, a lot of people do use use the check and then neglect the children

[@1tiffanyjade]

I’m not a foster parent, I’m not even a parent yet, but I love these videos and I try to remember every thing as best I can, for when I do have kids because you never know what their friends home situations could be like.

[@Somedude20282]

I never wanted kids, but channels like this really make me consider doing foster care if I get my life together enough.

[@whoiamhowilive2746]

I think you are an angel. Every time I watch one of your videos I cry and I don't even exactly know why. 🌹

[@kinfl]

What a phenomenal, wonderful, amazing and most of all loving woman! Any child that would have to go to this persons house, they would definitely know love and feel secure with her!

[@karmabrown4635]

this is so sad but amazing at the same time. the fact that there are kids in the world so anxious about not having food is heartbreaking but people like you make them feel at ease. thankyou for your services to the kids

[@oliveinsat566]

You are a GREAT WOMAN! Any child you're taking care of is deeply blessed. I can hear all the love in your voice. I just think of these kids in all these bad situations not having enough food and I just tear up! God bless you Laura!

[@caryjordan3286]

I just love you. Any child in your care is blessed.

[@breezystl777]

"That way you'll always have something if you need it." That sentence is great for calming food insecurity-related anxiety. Kids in the system are used to things never being a guarantee and constant instability, so knowing you have something to fall back on (in this case, food), is very comforting. You're an amazing foster parent! Thank you for sharing the knowledge you've gained 💜

[@spockingaround]

The ,,we will always have food" line made me cry completely out of the blue. Thank you for being a good foster parent in a flawed system

[@jackiemasek8302]

I am 58yo but I still guard my food like a junkyard dog. Growing up with food insecurity does leave a lasting scar. My own kids grew up with their own box of treats and snacks. Thank you for being an awesome foster parent.

[@emily_257]

This is just beautiful for any child to hear. How wonderful. These should be messages parents give to their biological children.

[@lizsholer4615]

I honestly wish my foster mom had been able to take lessons from you when I was a child. You are amazing. Keep doing what you are doing. ❤

[@itsace6694]

This makes me so happy to see. When I was in foster care me and my siblings were placed with a family that didn’t understand food was never really available in our home. Our mom would set little food out after us not eating for days and watch my younger siblings fight for it so naturally when we went into this home and saw all the food we would binge really bad and fight constantly over plates that looked more full or over the seconds. We even hid food around the house because we didn’t understand at the time we weren’t going to need to fight. The husband was extremely understanding and tried to find ways to help us understand we were safe but the wife was atrocious. She ended up locking everything away and we weren’t allowed to even breathe in the kitchen when he wasn’t around without being locked In our room or loosing meal privileges. She was also extremely abusive like my mother and I started starving myself again to save food for my younger siblings because I felt like me eating would have us punished and there would be less for my younger siblings and I remember crying to him cause I was so hungry I couldn’t sleep for days and explaining what was going on when he wasn’t around and he was livid. Her and her husband ended up fighting and she smashed a picture frame over his head cause she went to church and he sat us all down and fed us and when my little brother tried help our foster dad she grabbed him by the neck and choked him in front of her husband. We were all rehomed and they divorced. He’s still an amazing foster dad and that woman ended up in jail not long after for beating a toddler at the daycare she worked at. It’s still traumatizing to think about but seeing stuff like this and knowing there’s people like you and him in the systems for children it heals me

[@LadyJGeek]

Thank you for doing these. As a former clinician who worked with foster kids I found it astonishing that foster parents, and adoptive parents, didn't recieve more training, if any, on the very common, and what should be expected, situations you cover. Well done!!!

[@davinatest8467]

If you’ve ever been a child with no food and that awful feeling of hunger then food insecurity is very real.

[@2Blessed]

I have been enjoying your videos and learning so much! We are getting ready to start foster care soon, and I feel like your videos will help us help these little ones.

[@gotmoxie]

I’m not even remotely going to ever be a foster parent but I love her videos!!! They are so helpful and loving.

[@MeYou-gb7zy]

Food is your love language. That is so sweet.

[@ambim9033]

Thank you...thank you....thank you....10 Years too old to finally get a mom but this......yes....this right here is everything and made me cry my eyes and heart out. Thank you for understanding the kids that come through your home. Its been years but I swear all these videos make me feel like you're talking to a younger me on the other end of these and the younger me always just clings to you and tells you thank you because this is what i needed so I know this is what so many of them needed

[@mandilyncartwright5697]

I’m 48 and still have issues with food insecurity. I work on it every day. I love this so much!