Survival of the Dumbest

Hey Patriots! Today, Jennifer and Pumps share their petty grievances and listen to a hilarious line-up of voice memos. From birth plans to nut sacks on trucks you all have had it with everything. The girls also discuss doomsday preppers and how they would rather die in the apocalypse than survive with all of them.
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[@Shauna_180]

I want to see one honest bumper sticker that says "My kid and I are failing 4th grade common core math"

[@teknoaija1762]

What is common core math?By the way,it is maths as in mathematics.It is only plural since there so many different fields in mathematics like calculus,algebra,geometry,trigonometry etc.

[@lauribmac]

🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@robingriffin8003]

😂😂😅😅

[@Mybestfriendlivesinboston]

Best bumper sticker I ever saw was on a dirty minivan , it said “ if I’m swervin I ain’t drunk I’m just passing out snacks and whoopin ass! “ 🤣🤣

[@Wendy-ov5hu]

my neighbors mini van bumper sticker: " I Used To Be Cool"

[@debbiehopewell5544]

In the 90s, my kids put a bumper sticker on my car that said, " My kid can beat up your honor student." I don't know how long i was driving around before I found out because an honor student mom went all karen on me🤣

[@ProctorsGamble]

Some people just can’t understand sarcasm

[@sarah-fina]

I need that 1 😂😂

[@rhondafonda957]

😂😂😂

[@maziar_d]

​​pumps in that mother tshirt 😍 she's looking so snatched it's ridiculous

[@jamiemawer4865]

what does 'snatched' mean? Englishman living in Australia asking.

[@maziar_d]

​@@jamiemawer4865 basically means looking good

[@jamiemawer4865]

@@maziar_d thank you

[@brittanyewelshxoxo]

The best car decal I saw was a few months ago. A huge overly lifted truck went by and on the side of it the decal said “over compensating”🤣🤣 I dieddddddd with laughter 😂

[@ericmeredith4022]

I’ve had it with Trump manipulating the judicial system and getting his trials delayed on his nonsensical appeals . And worse what they’re trying to do to Fani Willis’ character in Georgia .

[@user-rc3wz6vc6g]

I discovered your KZbin conversations a month ago. I love that you both talk so openly about the ridiculous state of women's healthcare, America, and the dimwits, in and out of government service, that I Have Had It with.

[@Mark-F-Hopper]

Anyone else had it with SCOTUS?🤔

[@joyrico5989]

Yup

[@jenparianos]

I wish we could just call them what they are… a Republican court who are far-removed from the general public’s needs or wants and who are funded by the wealthiest right-wing donors.

[@mara_pickles]

I’ve had it with the whole damn country

[@debbiehopewell5544]

100%!!😡😡

[@jorijett]

Oh hell yes!

[@cynditrevino3299]

The bumper sticker that gets me is. .. "OILFIELD WIFE" and it's always in turquoise and pink with leopard print thrown in for extra color. Lol! Like who cares what your spouse does for a living 😂

[@Froggeh92]

Shes advertising that her husband is away on a rig. Wake up cyndi damn

[@13millerbj]

"You ate and left no crumbs".. @ 29.00 epic nugget rant Jen. I'm always here for that. ❤

[@sarahthompson7651]

I feel like there was more than usual F bombs dropped in this episode. I’m fucking here for it. ❤

[@BeckTaylor]

FUCK YEAH!!! 🇦🇺🇺🇲

[@lindakautzman7388]

Tired of the F bomb

[@elaineisabelle427]

Me too

[@wiseasha]

Never get tired of it…not me!

[@Lalaundercover389]

The fact that your kids will always have a catalog of all your amazing chats warms my heart

[@WillowPiffle]

THIS though!! xo

[@KASH10043]

Great show today ladies! After quickly checking the morning news and then feeling like crawling back into bed, you make me laugh and feel there's hope for us after all.

[@angelamaryquitecontrary4609]

I know not how I happened to find you, but you are now amongst my favourite things on the internet. Many of the things with which you have had it are not really applicable to life in the UK, or at least in my part of the UK, but I instantly sympathise with you. I think it's one of most important para-social links in my life. In fact, I love you more than some of the members of my family. There, now I've made myself sad. I just hope you're satisfied.

[@SL-sd3sg]

From the UK also, glad I’ve found this channel, they make me laugh out loud!

[@donate1sttt]

😂sooo funny

[@lauribmac]

😂😂😂😂 best comment!!

[@BeckTaylor]

... So what are ya'll doin' holed up in Oklahoma?? Book your flights chicks, there's a fuckload of your fans Down Under (and growing!!) 🇦🇺 and WE'VE HAD IT with Down Under Dodgers 😂 and I've HAD IT with this long-distance online only relationship 🇺🇲 ❤😘

[@itoobable]

Meemaw's got the CLAP. lol

[@Jane-yr2cg]

You gals want to know what I haven’t had? Enough of y’all😘 I’m a Texas native living in NC, so southern as it gets and😳 what I get from all y’all is an attitude about life that closely mirrors my own. Y’all feel so familiar to me. And Kylie is just fucking perfect. Jennifer and Pumps, y’all are just so fabulous, so absolutely fabulous🥰😘

[@elizg]

My gawd I love and live for you ladies. My popularity exploded when I told all my current besties and potential besties about your show. Now my tribe is sealed in the splendor of you. Thanks for letting me ride your lovely, wise-ass coattails! Suggestion for your store…please offer low v-necks so I can move focus from my aging neck to my busty tatas and whatever wise-crack you desire to emblazon them with. Thankyouverymuch 💪🏽😘💃🏼

[@J.M.-nb4gw]

Hahaha that's hilarious, best comment of the day! (and I'm a 63-year-old liberal white guy who LUVS seeing and hearing women smacking around old white conservative bigots on the internetz !) 😁

[@ProctorsGamble]

What are you looking 👀 at? My bOObs are down here! 😝

[@olivergiles4227]

The clap, not heard around the world! 😂 Pumps for Speaker of the House (a gavel with attitude is what we need). Love your work ladies - Aussie Californian bloke ❤

[@Querkopp3]

Love this show, greetings from Germany 👋

[@guaitxican]

there’s a comedian with a character called Betty Bowers -she has a KZbin channel- that I believe Jennifer will adore… she parodies conservative christians and one of my favorite quotes from her is “if heaven is going to involve running into all the same people I avoid here on Earth, what would be the point?”

[@merc3375]

❤ Mrs. Betty Bowers

[@candaceneese7624]

I ordered the hat, crewneck, and mug. The ultimate airport fit to let people know not to cross me.

[@ProctorsGamble]

Beware Karens! ✋ 🛑

[@notreallyacat]

Got up to pee and saw this was on. I have no choice now but to stay up and watch this! ♡♡

[@lindakautzman7388]

Me too😂

[@SL-sd3sg]

I take my iPad to the loo ❤️🇬🇧

[@rhondafonda957]

Bumper stickers are just an advertisement to let me know I can never hang out with that person!! 😂 So, in that sense, I kinda like them. 😂😂

[@nicolelafond4463]

WHY!? why do i feel so attached to a damn clap? We love it, and it has never been lost on me the effort it takes to make it so perfect over the dragons.

[@BeckTaylor]

WORD!!!! #welovepumpsclapdownunder 😂❤

[@sarahshaw-sehgal1146]

I absolutely love how you pick apart every thing that annoys me 😂😂😂 i hate those bumper stickers with a purple passion!! Parental bragging is a huge ick for me

[@user-dz4lo7dz5f]

“ the two most restrictive institutions in our culture are marriage and the military “. Fran Lebowitz..please get her on the podcast for an “old” New York sensibility. Y’all are great!

[@davidmacleod9313]

16:45 I’ve had it with people that every sentence goes up at the end like it’s a question. 😊

[@merc3375]

I’ve had with uptalking!

[@davidmacleod9313]

@@merc3375 Lol Good one.

[@jamesanderdon5702]

Not long ago here in California I saw a bumper sticker that read my son is a model prisoner at city jail. I kinda liked that one

[@judithord4065]

Greetings from the UK 🇬🇧. I love your show. I find its like sitting with good friends listening to the chat. It confirms my

[@MrDLW2010]

Same, Hello from UK too!

[@shannonc.8911]

Don’t stop the clap intro. I find myself doing it with you! I think it makes your show, yours!

[@Thmpr]

ditto!

[@amberkelsey8410]

Same! I always clap-in along with Princess "123..."

[@RealBradMiller]

Last week someone flipped out in a comment. Calling them dumb blondes and saying the clap made them all look silly. 😂😂😂 👏 Clap away!!! 👏👏👏👏👏

[@c.t.4837]

Hahah I do too 😂

[@shannonc.8911]

YES! “ Intro-Clappers” unite! It’s kinda like “wonder-twin” powers, only ours! I know I feel more powerful, clapping along with Pumps!

[@Christina-wj7kn]

I LOVE the t-shirt - purchased two of them. Easy peasy! Thanks!!

[@ivehaditpodcast]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@normajeanfromabilene]

(In defense of Pump's show starting clap): I adore the "1, 2, 3, Clap" that Pumps delivers to us with such a flair each and every podcast. Not only does the clap denote the show is about to begin, but it's also unique to the podcast and it's funny! I do sometimes wonder how Pumps decides whether the clap is good or bad. Is the scoring based on the loudness of the clap or the delivery with a flair or both?!!! Ahahahahaha! "Keep Up The Clap!" ❤️ Love all y'all and the podcast too. ❤

[@shannonlydon2084]

Bought my tickets for the tour! I'm 47, I'm taking my 26 year old gay nephew. So excited!!!

[@LizC112]

Pumps really is the most beloved and greatest memaw of all time

[@susansalvucci4281]

I love how Jennifer went after the pick-up driving, gun-toting, flag-waving nut job “patriots”. HAD IT with them.

[@ProctorsGamble]

Correct usage of quotation marks there ma’am!

[@ruthdevisser6632]

Ditto

[@ProctorsGamble]

An older woman pulled up to a gas ⛽️ next to me. Her truck had a nutsack hanging from the hitch. I asked her if they were her husband’s. She laughed and l then asked if she let him use them every once in a while 😂

[@RealBradMiller]

My mom and stepdad bought three of those for their vehicles. Chucked each one in to the woods, and they think they fell off while driving. Also, took my stepdad months to realize I put a Biden 2020 sticker on his front bumper. 😂😂😂😂😂

[@moirahalloran2703]

I love the stick figure family where the oldest boy has a soccer ball, the baby sister has fairy wings a crown and ballet shoes and the middle kid is nothing. They should make a figure that has a trench coat and an AR 15 for that guy.

[@doricetimko5403]

My favorite is the zombie family decals, including the dog!

[@ambriaashley3383]

😅😅😅

[@rhondafonda957]

😂😂😂

[@lisakukla459]

Do they make a pregnant teen stick person?

[@michellem518]

love seeing three generations of women dominating the podcasting industry

[@andredesvauxdemarigny3597]

If we are sticking to Pumps, we need a retro dress up with pumps in 80s TV exercise pumps gear!

[@Maximoto02]

Jazzersize episode dressed "as if" working out. great idea.

[@gzucc]

I started a show I wrote and choreographed with a clap and quite often it wouldn't be a very good clap. I would just move on. Watching Pumps give herself many chances to get it the way she wants it made me think that I should have given myself more chances and kept on trying the clap until I was satisfied. It would have been hilarious and potentially five extra minutes of material.

[@mattmayo3539]

My mom, a graphic designer, made a bumper sticker for her car that said “My child has smoking privileges at the California youth authority” Remember when parents would wear buttons with a picture of their child? My mom made me wear one of her.

[@ashleyrowat7564]

This is my first time watching, usually I listen on Spotify....up until now I thought that pumps was using an actual black and white clapperboard, so I'm even more impressed now that she makes such a great clap with her own two hands 😮

[@MrDetroitMike]

Hello! It’s nice for me as a former resident of Oklahoma-I left in 1986 for the great white north of Michigan and Illinois-to see at least two people there who have some sense. When I left you couldn’t buy a mixed drink in a bar unless it was a setup where you brought in your own bottle and the bartender made your drink with your booze. The state voted two to one for Romney in 2012. And your governor and legislature are on par with Texas and Alabama-reactionary, not conservative, not sensible. I have a niece and nephew who still live there. The niece is a public school teacher. Ouch. I haven’t been there since 2002 and I don’t miss it at all. The only thing good about it is that it isn’t Texas. Yet.

[@laurenvcouto]

I feel the same about the Brazilian flag and the Brazilian national football team jersey 😢 I see a person wearing one (not on a game day) and I immediately think ohhh so they were at the January 8th storming of Brasilia

[@bananaempijama]

Yeah... Bolsonaro fans hijacked the colors of the canarinha, unfortunately

[@drummerboycroy]

Please GAWD can y’all take over the term “patriot?!” It already sounds so natural when you use it, and the right is already terrified of you… please? LOVE the show! 💜

[@sherryfeld206]

I have also had it with bumper stickers!! I recently saw a bumper sticker on a jacked up pick-up truck that said “Guns don’t kill people, Dads with pretty daughters kill people!” 🤮

[@bonzrh68]

I just love these 2 ladies! They're so entertaining, so funny, so smart, and very honest!❤❤❤

[@SL-sd3sg]

The best line for giving birth is “my husband said it’s like watching his favourite pub burning down”. Emma Thompson in Bridget Jones’s baby.

[@lhoward9593]

Robbie Williams from Take That said it as well. I wonder which came first?! 😂

[@bananaempijama]

Pumps, I love the clap intro, failed or not ....keep it up ❤

[@marykatebergles2355]

I got a bumper sticker today that says “if you’re mean to animals, you’re going to hell!”

[@cathyosbourne6986]

Being vegan is tough. Lots of lots of respect.

[@nealiecruz2532]

I love, love , love this podcast!!!!! If u don’t understand what they’re talking about, then it could be over your maga head Move along…….move along

[@ruthdevisser6632]

GREAT COMMENT! I laughed so hard ,especially after the second one .Thanx you made my day .

[@moonbeanification]

Oh ladies that was the most cathartic laugh I have had in a long long loooong time! Thank you and God bless you, patriots! 😂❤

[@ericapoe]

I’m eyeing that Mother shirt 👀. I’ve had it with everything happening in 2024.

[@doricetimko5403]

I thought it was Hoebert’s vehicle in the 1st IHI💙 Jennifer, bring some treats for when Pumps does a great clap 😂

[@rusky5101]

I'm giggling listening to y'all say "the clap" over and over around the 10 minute mark 😂 also my greatest aspiration in life is to be a badass 🤣, but if I had children, I don't think I would call them badasses. Badassery has to be earned

[@feralhuman]

Agreed! Badassery IS earned. My son when he was in his late 30s earned his stripes. My granddaughter was out past her curfew, so my son went out and flattened BOTH of her boyfriend's back tires (they were in her car for the date, and he'd left his car at the house). This made him come in to ask for help when they finally arrived back at the house. From the moment I heard this story, I changed his ringtone on my phone to "Bad to the Bone" and I still laugh every time he calls, remembering that episode. (spoiler alert, that boyfriend didn't last long for my granddaughter)

[@j3rr9lofgren]

I love the clap. It gets my attention. I wake up. Keep the clap please. How would I know that it has begun. I have Christian cousins in Edmond. I feel sorry for you.

[@tobipradasri4089]

Pump and I we are on the same page with the camping thing 😂😂😂😂 She is so adorable

[@circadianvenus7119]

This episode was gold! As always young queens 🎉 also btw I love your claps Angie! Except for todays we won’t let u forget that one lol 😹

[@deborahstinnett5182]

Love you gals and all the fuckery. Your personality reminds me of the SNL segment where the gals discuss 'Sweaty Balls'. (On their Christmas show, NPR hosts Margaret Jo McCullin (Ana Gasteyer) and Terry Rialto (Molly Shannon) welcome baker Pete Schweddy (Alec Baldwin) to "The Delicious Dish" to discuss his famous holiday dessert: Schweddy balls. [Season 24, 1998]) I'm hooked even though I'm old enough to be your mother! 🤣

[@ProctorsGamble]

That was a classic! 😂

[@fimmyjox1]

Love you both!!! Just a little tip for the Pumps clap. Slightly cup your left hand and slap your right hand in the middle of the cup of your left hand. That will give you a loud clap. Keep up your great podcast!

[@rmcl1763]

Live and learn. I’m discovering that I’m probably on the autism spectrum. I close a professional or non-personal email that way because I was taught it was proper. I’m thanking you for your time having already read it and showing my appreciation for any attention you’d pay my concern. It’s sincere. Now I know. This information is helpful.

[@lindakautzman7388]

Thanks for the intertainment

[@haroldplante8287]

Bumper sticker: "Hell yeah I'm drunk, you think I'm a stunt driver, or something?" After the second DUI, I retired the sticker!

[@michaelkoger3948]

Seriously…ranch, bbq sauce, salt from popcorn at a movie. She is guilty and knows it. Dont let her get away with this! Always picking on Pumps!

[@Maximoto02]

You can set up the pins, but some one with balls will knock them down. Participation award!

[@sues6847]

OK, lol I'm old enough to remember three..two..one and they clap those boards together at the start of a movie? I'm older...some may not remember that. To me it's just that without the boards.

[@jazzykayonbroadway]

Pumps: I'm ready to go! Kiley: Please kill me. 😂😂😂😂 that timing was amazing

[@aquariusmoon3901]

Omg you're coming to Charlotte!!!!!🎉

[@GanjaGirlSF]

I must admit that I didn’t like the clap when I started listening to you badass, beautiful women. However, Memaw’s clap has won me over and NOW. I. LOVE. IT. 💖✨

[@lanalake819]

I absolutely NEED a "Mee-maw" pride shirt!

[@masmas6729]

You guys forcing meemaw to do the clap is, in-fact, elder abuse. I’ve had it with all of you 😂

[@thebuffaloburlesquestudio3207]

She ate and left no crumbs!!!!!! Hell YES!!!!!

[@sarahhodson79]

My therapist recommended this podcast as supplemental treatment. Think I'll keep her! Finally feel like there's good company here in Oklahoma ❤

[@StuartBelote]

Mattie would definitely hate me with the "Cheetoes Cheesee Fingers"

[@kconway2263]

I was just telling my mom last week that when I hear words like Patriot or Freedom, my guard goes up. Those are red flags that warrant scrutiny. They don’t always mean right wing (i.e. Reproductive Freedom for All), but you have to do your due diligence.

[@ProctorsGamble]

Even Old Glory 🇺🇸 gets my hackles up these days 😢

[@joyrico5989]

Love your show 🎉🎉🎉

[@kurtulysses1411]

"I'd like to have a birthing Do Not Disturb Button." That's it: leave me alone, that's all I would tell them😂

[@sue-qs3dh]

I love you two Clap on !!!

[@eelnoops5200]

It's kind of telling that the mom made that vinyl sticker on her Cricut (or whatever brand) cutting machine. It's not like she was at the bumper sticker store (Where the fuck does one even buy bumper stickers? At the car wash?), and saw that window cling and thought, "Oh, that sticker is perfect! My three boys really are bad asses!" She went through the effort of making it herself. That just strikes me as crossing the line into pathological...

[@RealBradMiller]

Oh boy, I've seen those stickers at like rest stops or like hick places that sell guns, leather and Indian(native American) stuff.

[@lauribmac]

I think Pumps should do a double clap as in, “listen up, bitches” 😂

[@feralhuman]

LOVE that, but think she should also say, "listen up, bitches."

[@TheSecretariesBodyButter]

I think you ladies are awesome, and most of the time, the most interesting thing on especially over the summer when the already part time night show host go even more in the slacker isle. Keep being you, leave the clap in. 💙🤩😎

[@scabby.knees99]

Pumps looks crazy good today 😍😍😍

[@13thAMG]

🤣 From Australia, I'm fast becoming an I've Had It Patriot! Ha ha ha. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Thmpr]

Angie "MeeMaw" Pumps, The Greatest Legal Mind of our time. and please don't get rid of the clap. a MeeMaw Clap sets the tone for the show. ;-)

[@guaitxican]

omg this thumbnail! Pumps is taking it! 😍

[@jennl7099]

Love Pumps clap! It’s great! You also don’t seem the type of woman who does shit she doesn’t want to do. Haters gonna hate! Lots of us love you & the podcast ! You’re hilarious! Obviously some people just don’t get it.

[@tammyb878]

Who the F would complain about the clap at the beginning of the show? 🙄😳Really? I like it. Keep up the great work Miss Pumps💋❤️

[@davidmacleod9313]

4:43 Maybe the mom should wear a tee shirt saying “I’m A Cnut”. 😊Lol

[@KileL930]

Keep the clap Pumps! BTW you really look marvelous!!!

[@jacocharo]

As a former high achiever in school, it’s overrated. I feel like most successful people my age were A/B students with an occasional C who had lots of interests outside of school.

[@HellenVanPattersonPatton80]

You guys are hilarious and always spot-on. You always make my day!

[@luckyjohn19]

You made my 77yo old belly wobble a lot. Thank you, ladies 😁 ~

[@absolutelynot1711]

I think I would pass out if someone said hey patriot to me 😂

[@clonejones7955]

Mother of three bad asses.Lumpy,Flatty and Cellulitey.

[@SpidersFace]

I have never hated anything more than being called "patriot" by my queens of youtube 😭😆

[@jaygatz4335]

Jennifer has pickle ball; Pumps has the clap. TMI.

[@tangimeme]

I'm photoshopping Jen into my future wedding photos

[@UsernamesForDummies]

I only use ‘thank you in advance” when dealing with insurance matters or government agencies, where I know that my correspondence is part of a normal official process. In any other case I also find it highly presumptuous, bordering on assholing.

[@sakbrat1]

Just found you ladies. You're intelligent, funny, incisive, and entertaining. I'm glad my cousin told me about your podcast.

[@haroldplante8287]

Hallelujah, gals, & a big 'ol AMEN! G'day to yall, thanks for the in the face reality checks.