You Can't Coach Stupid

[@ryanpriye1402]

The day hasn't even started and already I'VE HAD IT.

[@Maximoto02]

I hope it was good :) and the day keeps getting better for you.

[@JeffPhillips1]

Thank you so much for acknowledging the devastation experienced by some LGBT partners upon losing their spouses when their family of origin swoops in and takes over. I personally went through this and it absolutely wrecked me emotionally as well as financially, but at the time I had no legal standing to prevent any of it. Support for marriage equality goes far beyond the ability to have a lovely ceremony… it extends through their lives together and into end-of-life issues.

[@jakechartrand7308]

I’m so sorry that happened to you. ❤

[@J.M.-nb4gw]

Amen thanks for sharing your experience, the people who tried to keep LGBTQ folks from getting married are just evil IMHO

[@marvinmartin4692]

I was a pallbearer for a good friend. At evangelical service, all the preacher did was go on and on about his church and religion! Nothing about the person lying there! When a opportunity came up to share , I shot up and shared how we could be winning in a sailboat race, and he would literally sacrifice his position to retrieve a piece of garbage on the water! And the clown behind the pulpit chimes in with I quote; it doesn’t matter what good you do in life, what only matters is accepting Jesus is all that matters! I could’ve walked out in that moment!

[@HH-gv8mx]

This reminds me of what I saw Ron Desantis do the other day at a funeral for a Florida Highway Patrol Officer. It was a very large funeral with hundreds of law-enforcement, sheriffs, deputies, and patrol officers from across the state and across the nation. There were many heartfelt tearjerker speeches. And then Ron DeSantis got up on stage, making a lot of noise with his kitten heels, some obnoxious, almost hostile speech, and ended it with God bless Florida. I don’t even think he mentioned the 26-year-old Florida patrol officer, who was murdered, and the speech felt angry and hostile.

[@RealBradMiller]

Sounds like dude was a bad person, I don't trust anyone who thinks you need a God or Jesus to be moral, or even a good person.

[@J.M.-nb4gw]

That is a good reason for not ever participating in organized again!

[@ghw7192]

Several years ago, I attended an evangelical service in a small Southern mountain town where the preacher went through all of the fire and brimstone $hit and at the end, held an alter call trying to get new members. Thank you, Jesus!

[@Wildxroses]

I’ve had it with our broken prison system! They refuse to separate people who would benefit from mental help, to actual criminals. They DO NOT BELONG IN THE SAME PLACE. If they need more people to help make this happen. Great. Create jobs!

[@ambriaashley3383]

‼️‼️‼️

[@Tkay2207]

THIS!!! so much this! I work in this field and MY GOD so much this 😞😞

[@patmcgovern2914]

My SIL funeral....her step dad, a fundamental Baptist preacher, was the officiant. His first words were that, although Cheryl was a good person, she was going to hell because she wasn't "saved." And, we were all going to hell as well, because we weren't saved. He preached for an hour on this subject and then the funeral was over. It was brutal.

[@sharonharris9782]

OMG, I would have walked out.

[@sjelliott6660]

Caught my wife cheating, 2002, kicked her out, divorced her. Years later, my daughter tells me her mom's boyfriend has another family 30 miles away (still in Houston), they break up. The ex calls me a week later, expecting me to be the shoulder to cry on. I have never tried so hard to not laugh hysterically.

[@HH-gv8mx]

Tell her she needs to go to therapy.

[@sjelliott6660]

@HH-gv8mx She never did take suggestions well.

[@meowplz]

i’ve had itttttt

[@dmm1863]

Same thing here. I did the DNA test on Ancestry and found out when my uncle was young he knocked up a woman and refused to marry her. Then a few years later, he married another woman and had 3 more kids who he later divorced. He completely cut off from these women and kids. His 3rd family produced the cousins I knew and grew up with. But because of Ancestry, I have discovered and been in contact with these newly found cousins.The kicker is my Dad knew ALL about this and never said a word.

[@Laudydaudy]

My grandmothers headstone says “I told y’all I was sick” She lived to be 102 😂

[@J.M.-nb4gw]

Hahaha that's hilarious 😆 my grandpa lived to 103 and I don't think he was ever sick, tough little Irishman

[@discowolf25]

That’s so GD cool.

[@JessDEdwards]

Absolute legend she is

[@SL-sd3sg]

Bless her!

[@sheshebrad]

🤣😂🤣

[@mbella24]

They need to do “am I the asshole?” readings, I think they’d have some great responses.

[@nickiegoldinhart]

YES!!!! Oh please Kylie!! And since you don't have to edit out the swearing they would be epic!!

[@jameseglavin4]

Omg yes, they would absolutely dominate the internet with that shit

[@caitrina19]

My dad was always on the eccentric side, but so loved & so liked by so many. He also wanted a Viking funeral. You know, burning long boat & all. A friend of mine found a cardboard model of a longboat in a bookstore. Our daughter built it, & after the military salute at the cemetery, friends & family watched as the long boat was placed in our swimming pool, lit on fire, & everyone chanted, “Lo there do I see my people…” from The 13th Warrior. Dad got his Viking funeral! ❤

[@siobhansteisa9996]

Oh my god! I love that movie!! “Did she bring you back to life or finish you off?

[@Malefica81]

I've HAD IT with EVERYTHING, and then I came across this fabulousness. Thank you, ladies!

[@cherilafleur]

AMEN! Soooo past everything. Thk God for this duo of crazy women!

[@mavenpetras7035]

From a pie, shitting on your pants, accidentally killing someone, a secret relationship in the family, reading someone's diary... this episode is hella WILD! Good job Kylie, KB, Jessica & Pams 🩷🩷🩷 congrats on 100k subs!!

[@helloseattle17]

Jen’s treatise on Josh and the “normal people problems” is…actually a very touching moment. Beautiful but with punchy humor sprinkled in. Love it 💕

[@snarkyandsane]

Jen thank you for your outstanding public service in introducing me to fubar. I’ve got to clear my morning to tell everyone I know.

[@ProctorsGamble]

Jen. Been there. When a funeral becomes a commercial for that church. 😩

[@DoctorJoanieTool]

Funerals so often turn into deifying people whom were complex and like all of us, nowhere near to perfection. It’s sad. I appreciate it when families choose to do celebration services for the person’s life … a bit after the passing. When the immediate horror and shock has moved into a place of celebration for the beauty they gave to others and the world while they were here. Music and warmth and celebration. I think that kind of honesty brings more closure. More peace. *Hard to believe it hasn’t even been 15 years since gay couples could legally marry at the federal level. I’ll never forget that evening when the WH lit up in rainbow colors. During the height of the AIDS crisis so many life partners - husbands and wives in life - could not even be in the hospital with their partner. CONGRATULATIONS ON 100,000 subscribers. Can’t wait for your silver plaque.

[@connorlandaet-]

Jeniffer is actually immensely intelligent; whether or not they say it, they both are! If you can FLIP a Trump lover like me and additionally encourage me to do more research politically and finally wake up to reality, that is what I call strong, mindful intelligence. And I am extremely thankful.

[@kelb6073]

🎉👍💪

[@marlynnek6449]

Good man.

[@alliehurd9385]

I’m super curious to know what it was specifically that they said that got things to click in your head?

[@Demetri450]

I've gotten up and walked out of nonsense like that! I've had it with people pushing their religion in any way. You can't have a conversation without someone injecting their religion into everything. Why would your god who supposedly knows everything care about what you got, won etc... They undermine their own belief system with their ridiculousl behavior

[@missinformed9550]

Whenever someone talks to me about Jesus, I say Who?

[@RealBradMiller]

Like, you prayed to God and he made the rain go away, yet made your husband and niece suffer with cancer for years.... Right. That's a real convo I had with an aunt. She's deep in that crap, and QANON as well... It's crazy.

[@J.M.-nb4gw]

​@@RealBradMillersorry I think we all have relatives like that, I decided years ago that some folks you just gotta love from a distance 😁

[@david92305]

OMG!! The funeral one! I’m 18 and one of my best friends (17) was killed in a car accident and the Pastor kept calling her JAYLA AND JAYLIN…her name is Jaleigh….he wasn’t even close… I’ve never been so ANGRY!

[@bananaempijama]

When my mother died, I just told my father and sister I didn't want an open casket. I already saw her lying dead in the hospital bed, I didn't want to see her like that. But at least the service was not disrespectful

[@chrismaccallini200]

It's 5:00 AM and I just about jumped up out of bed to watch this episode... I'VE HAD IT!!!

[@SL-sd3sg]

I’m nocturnal too. Done the same!

[@hannahhost]

I’m loving “girl, please” !! 😂

[@leona2222]

The difference with the diary and social media is that a diary was not meant for public consumption, social media is.

[@HH-gv8mx]

You’re 100% right. I remember my mom found my diary from my years. I don’t even know if I would want to reread the things that I wrote in there. But I do remember her saying, “ a crazy person, writes down everything”.. just to let me know that she had read my diary and did not approve. She also didn’t speak to me for six years after that. I feel really violated, but I was being punished for her violating my privacy..

[@leona2222]

@@HH-gv8mx I’m so sorry to hear that. How awful! I write everything down too. I have years of journals. But again, not for public consumption. I’ve had my privacy violated by the moving crew I hired who, behind my back, read the journals next to my bed and then asked me about my beliefs!

[@ambriaashley3383]

Period!!! I was just commenting this.

[@ambriaashley3383]

@@HH-gv8mxI’m so sorry 😢that easily could’ve been turned on her, like “only a crazy person snoops on their loved ones & indirectly drops hints about it”. Obviously she had her own issues to work through. That’s wasn’t your fault & im sorry for your experience.

[@joannelawrence414]

I was in the Army 20 years and FUBAR was definitely used all the time….along with BOHICA which is bend over here it comes again! Got to love military acronyms! Love your show ladies!

[@merc3375]

My fav is AMFYOYO😅

[@joannelawrence414]

Also forgot another one: SNAFU which is situation normal all f****d up…lol!

[@joannelawrence414]

@@merc3375I’ll bite what does that stand for?

[@jameseglavin4]

@@joannelawrence414I didn’t know until I googled it but apparently it means “Adios motherfucker you’re on your own”… hilarious

[@djack915]

🫡how about US ARMY = Uncle Sam Ain't Released Me Yet 😂😂😂

[@debilarge]

My sister's friend was on vacation in Mexico. She was at an event of some kind, and suddenly she realized she needed to run to the bathroom as fast as she could. She didn't quite make it, but she lucked out in one way. The crap was trapped inside her pantyhose, so she just took them off, threw them away, cleaned herself up and walked back out with no one the wiser.

[@tanyasteers4802]

It's Mexico nobody would have been offended anyway. Don't drink the water! LOL

[@alexdatoss8962]

Yalllll, the pastor at my grandfather's funeral went on a 20 minute tangent about cats not going to heaven.. in the middle of the service.. my grandparents did not have any cats, or any pets for that matter. When I tell you that my cousin and I were holding hands crying- we were, but from laughter. Wtf.

[@sharonharris9782]

Did he have a cat obsession? 😂

[@alexdatoss8962]

@@sharonharris9782 the pastor or my grandpa? 😹

[@sharonharris9782]

​@@alexdatoss8962the pastor. 😂

[@joeanon5788]

I had to go to several open casket "visitng hours viewings" and funerals before I reached age 12. As we knelt next to the casket, I was sooo sure that they would move a tiny bit, or twitch or something. I was scared shitless. I still cannot stand the smell of a florist shop to this day, I'm 64.

[@sandralamphier9433]

When I was very young I had a “second mother” (12 years older who babysat me a lot!) who lived up the street. I frequently spent the night at her house. Her father was a very gruff, large (and obese) man, who terrified me! He died from heart disease when I was still young (about 8?). I went to the open casket funeral, of course, with my real family and my second mom. I can still remember thinking “he doesn’t look so scary now”. 😏 I didn’t touch him but I really don’t think that would have bothered me either. I was just happy to not be scared. 😉 Now I work in a hospice care center and frequently see people dying and recently dead people. Still doesn’t bother me but I honestly don’t see the reason behind embalming and burying people in a box that costs nearly as much as a car. 🙄 Just cremate the remains, spread the ashes, have a memorial service. ☺️

[@cindyayers8035]

my husband doesn't care about what is done after he dies. Being the wife, I have made the decision of both of us. We are both being cremated, no service whatsoever. If his mom is still alive she will shit bricks about it, but I or my husband just don't care. Love you all.

[@TheGatesOfFire]

I'm addicted to your adult sense of humour, pettiness, and your political view

[@Royalty1v1]

The story of pumps kissing the body at the funeral had me rolling 🤣 Gave the poor baby PTSD😭

[@mavenpetras7035]

Right?? 40 more years later... lmao

[@Demetri450]

I've experienced this nonsense many times and still working through it.

[@Sarah-my3eq]

Most relatable topic ever - just when I think I can’t love you two more, you raise the bar again.

[@CC-xt2kx]

Omg I dying! I think you ladies meant spit ballin it, not free ballin it. I love you guys!

[@pats8219]

My daughter is going to mortician school. She asked me if I wanted to come see her embalm. I said no.

[@camillealsup6293]

FUBAR… fucked up beyond all recognition!!! Derived from military acronyms…👍 love you both soooo much 💜

[@melindahall5062]

The priest who officiated the my Dad’s funeral was asking about personality traits, values, charities etc. The priest didn’t know what to say when I said that my Dad was a mean son of a bitch and hated everyone and it was ok that he was dead.My Father verbally terrorized me almost every day. The funeral officiant ended up saying, “He golfed a lot”. There was nothing else.

[@mrswood2002]

Great episode, as always! I was thinking about a dear friend. Her wife passed away about 10 years ago. The family absolutely took over the funeral and when all was said and done, my friend was listed on the obituary as the "caregiver" and she had to sit in the back of the church. So sad and disgusting 😢

[@sharonharris9782]

They listed her own wife as the, "Caregiver,"? OMG, how horrible and disrespectful

[@mrswood2002]

Yep. I was in shock until I read it a few times and then I was fuming!

[@susanfrancis5471]

Cremation leaves some porous bone, which they grind up and that’s what you get back. No ash is left, bc it’s so Hot. That’s why they’re called Cremated Remains. I worked in a Mortuary/Cemetery office for 17 years,and that’s the story.

[@cocom2254]

Josh is a work of art. I adore him. ❤

[@ProctorsGamble]

No. You misunderstood Jen. She said, “Piece of work!”

[@rudymarquez1939]

At my Dad’s funeral- the priest couldn’t even pronounce his name right. It’s an easy name to pronounce)Through the whole funeral he kept pronouncing his name wrong. 😡

[@TiOnemorename]

My friend's dad went to Federal prison for counterfeiting and the clueless officiant said, "I understand he was a successful printer. Perhaps some of his clients are here now."

[@elishaminor2900]

Well Memals clap funeral,pie to children on the side sure do love listening to this show.Love you two dry humor shows your intellect

[@lindacanham1835]

I love you two and your show. I’m cracking up today, you’re so real and funny.

[@dariocharris407]

This has to be one of the best episodes ever! Loved the new segment

[@tassi8925]

Oh he was so wonderful, what a great son, brother…. The guy never saw or supported his only child, and died stripping copper wire off electrical lines, oh ya he was wonderful

[@CreatePerform]

I often sing at funerals. (I’m asked to, it’s not a weird hobby or anything) anyway, I attended funeral up here in the Scottish Highlands a few years ago, where the minister didn’t know the deceased and he waited until after the various eulogies from family and friends and then he said ‘I feel I must confess the sin of envy today, because whilst I didn’t know her, hearing all these wonderful stories now, I am so envious not to have met her..” which I thought was really smart and stylish x

[@leslieseale9761]

Just found you both and love you. Puts a smile on my face - needed in these Crazy times 😊

[@JWade-pe6td]

Congrats on 100K subs ladies!!!🎉 ...ps I used your Microdose code...love it!

[@marvinmartin4692]

Love you ladies! I can relate to everything that you are sharing!

[@AmyBlack1206]

I always knew I was adopted. I tried finding birth mom when I was 25. I always knew I had half siblings. I did 23&me back in 2019 hoping one day a sibling would pop up. Starting lockdown 2020 THAT MARCH, I found birth mom and my 2 half brothers!!! (My half sister had just passed away that Oct 19). It’s a very long story. But still today I’m in full contact w bio mom and my 2 awesome half brothers. It’s a very awesome story !!!💙. I’m very lucky and fortunate.

[@l6214]

My best friend in highschool was a trans man. He struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction. He overdosed and his family deadnamed him during his funeral and on his gravestone. His brother even got his deadname tattooed. I heard a story once told from the drag queen eureka that her friend was a trans woman in the south soing s work. She was murdered. Stabbed to death. And her family shaved her bald and put her in a suit for her funeral. Funerals are scary for trans people....

[@ambriaashley3383]

💔💔💔

[@donnamccaffrey4364]

Congratulations on the 100K subscribers 😊

[@debbrueggemann3762]

FUBAR was a dive bar in Isla Vista CA in the mid ‘70’s. We all knew it meant Fucked Up Beyond Recognition.

[@kimbradshaw1480]

I continuously kept a diary from my early teen years. When I married, my jealous, controlling husband kept wanting to read them 'to see what I said about him' so I destroyed them all on a bonfire. I wish I had just hidden them so I could re-read them now, age 65!

[@treycarmichael3605]

What is sinister is the snooping around your friend's family's house for a damned week! lol

[@johnsmoak8237]

Recently had a funeral for a pianist at my church and the whole thing was a sermon about the end times coming and our need to repent. I've been to like 6 funerals and 4 of them were like this.

[@amithorpe]

holy shit! the funeral thing! I HAVE HAD IT!

[@kjh111059mckooster]

Oddly, Kylie has a great voice for podcasting. Have her read all those posts in the future. Her delivery is excellent.

[@joeysnowynoey]

Explaining how Josh has to explain what he’s gonna do as far as his meals ago just reminded me that I’m pretty sure I do this with my woman friends. I’ve been talking about the last couple of weeks about my plan for getting a new car and didn’t really understand what I was doing until right now. 😂

[@nickiegoldinhart]

Pumps...Girl please just start getting Depends pull ups! I use them for the days when my IBS flares up. They're a lifesaver & saved so many pairs of pants!

[@nataliesimms8672]

This is one of my favourite episodes.. i love this podcast so Much ❤❤❤❤❤

[@whatisupbruh2738]

I think the difference between the diary and an instagram page is an instagram/Spotify is public. A diary is literally meant to be private, it’s not for public eyes otherwise the person would have just posted the stuff in their diary on insta/social media. It was definitely sinister

[@j.d3804]

23:38 the moment the hamster starts running his ass off in the wheel.

[@WendyLorenc]

Pumps don't worry about the serial killer thing. I would hazard a guess that a huge majority of serial killers have a history of horrific abuse. Whenever I learn the history of these people, almost without exception, there was abuse in their past.

[@ambriaashley3383]

Severe abuse or traumatic brain injury! Mhm, absolutely.

[@WendyLorenc]

About the ashes. I know I may be in the minority here, but I don't get people's attitude with remains. When i watch true crime and learn that murderers get time, sometimes substantial time, off their sentence in exchange for telling the location of the victim's body, I shake my head. The victim is gone. They aren't coming back. I think it is more important that the murderer serves their full sentence than knowing something that is not going to change the situation.

[@julielawson5876]

My mom is in her 80’s and she’s one of 4 natural born children to her parents but her parents actually raised 7 children 3 of whom were born to other members of the family that were either too young or financially unstable to support them themselves. I am 8 years younger than my sister and one of the youngest cousins etc and didn’t know 3 of my aunts/uncle were actually my cousins etc until I was in my early thirties. Anyway I remember talking to my mom one day and she was talking about her mother being an only child and how she had always wanted a large family and that’s one of the reasons she was more than willing to raise other people’s children. I wondered how you could be raised alone and not have been spoiled etc etc, anyway my mom tells me a whopper of a family secret. That my grandma was an only child because during wartime her father had left to serve and never returned. I’m not sure if they assumed he died or had been misinformed that he died but long story short, years passed and my great grandmother was living as a widow raising my grandma alone and one day they were in the local Big Bear grocery store and around the twist of a grocery aisle they came face to face with my great grandfather, alive and well with his newest wife and other set of kids… he apparently had come back from the war but moved only to the other side of town and started a new life/ family. We couldn’t imagine that today with cell phones and social media but even almost 20 years after finding this out I’m still completely mind blown in shock…

[@lizisaac3188]

I agree Pumps. Girl please works

[@perfumedelight66]

At my dad’s funeral no one cried. We all knew him as an abusive person who not only beat us all up and abused us emotionally, but also sexually abused my sister. He beat up my mother a week before he died. And the preacher went on and on about what a swell guy he was.

[@pats8219]

So sorry you and your family had to sit through that. 🥺

[@donaldauguston9740]

FUBAR is from WWII.

[@HH-gv8mx]

I thought FUBAR was Fortune Feimsters new comedy tour

[@hotlikesauce]

“you’re teaching your mom new things” LMAOOO

[@lindseyschilling1182]

Omg! This sounds like my aunt's funeral in Del City last year! And he was such a nice guy, but once he got the hellfire and damnation stuff, it was like a switch flipped. Crazy stuff!

[@TSS161]

guests are cool and all I guess, but my favorite episodes are the ones where it's just the 💅gworls 💅

[@Lalaundercover389]

Obsessed with you all! Happy 100k❤

[@sammyrizzo1199]

Pumps supporting killers escape from criminal charges is a whole new level. 😂😂😂

[@suannie856]

My mother was 14th of 15 children and there were Always 4 hour funerals and baptism in the river in Kentucky and I am still haunted

[@jchborg90277]

A friend of mine played with firecrackers in his parents' garage and burned the house down. The parents never found out who did it.

[@j.d3804]

Greatest legal mind in America 48:29 And 50:38

[@abnormalizeit]

That guy who read her diary is so FUCKED UP. Super manipulative, I would divorce him in a second. Social media is not the same as a PRIVATE diary Kiley jfc🙄😐

[@sarahbleckman5199]

Pumps that clap was amazing

[@johndefalque5061]

I went to a rural Chinese funeral. They burned a 7' high paper house, full sized paper black BMW, trillions in prayer money. Preist had a yellow mitre, tent painted with scenes of the fish story like a marvel comic book. Buddy bought in van loads of fireworks which were set off for days. Lots of feasting a drinking white liqour.

[@ghostbomASMR]

Australian here so Jenn has to listen to me. The Chasers had a song called "Eulogy Song" She should listen to it, it's us agreeing with her.

[@nicholaswick5385]

'i'm mixing john & jane doe up, i don't give a fuck.' CACKLED 😂

[@alaine57]

Love you both from 🇨🇦

[@CrisandaSinger]

I had never heard of FUBAR either. Glad to know it now! 😊

[@rochcarothers-ts3jx]

"Looking..for rattlesnakes .."you must be in the southwest, here too :)

[@xVibra]

I feel bad that they didn't hear Kiley say "You're teaching your mom new things."

[@kurtulysses1411]

The 23 and me one I did that when I was 23 and my half sister 18 at the time did it too, I kid you not we found out that her dad had had two more kids while he was married to my mom and he didn't know. My half sister and I told my mom and she eventually Divorced my step-dad (half sisters dad) for cheating, we also found out my mom's dad isn't actually her dad, didn't tell her that part.

[@aquariusmoon3901]

Great episode!

[@JCPeaux]

This was such a good episode

[@MonStarGuy]

6:26 to quote Dead Like Me, "You could be the biggest turd in the toilet bowl and still come out smelling like roses"

[@xvaleriog]

He sounds like he had an addiction to food. There’s an awesome book called Food Junkie and it basically says that sugar and alcohol are so chemically similar that they hit the same dopamine receptors causing happiness. Her approach is abstention of sugar . It’s hell to be a Slave of food because it’s everywhere🌺🌺

[@tmeyer2022]

Ladies, I you feed the dogs at the table, that's your issue. I you want a bite of pie, ORDER A PIECE FOR YOURSELF. It is so rude to demand to eat someone else's food. I don't eat off of your plate, don't eat off of mine. And the dogs had their own dinner: they don't need a bite of your steak (ever).

[@mathdadclt3683]

Isn't FUBAR a WW2 military thing?

[@seanryan3020]

Yes, it is

[@taylorfausett177]

"There's a lot of fuckery going on." "It's the fuckery capital of the Universe." I love it so much.... talking about funerals❤

[@jaygatz4335]

The Josh Welch steak and pie story was great. Jennifer, a suggestion: learn to cook and gain more control over mealtime.

[@rawrxheather]

I can’t wait for the St Louis show tonight!! It’s gonna be awesome!!! 🤗🫶🏻

[@susanfrancis5471]

Cold and hard. I touched my dad’s hand too.

[@19Nonnie2]

as a Rottweiler dad, i've had it w/ the Rottweiler slander!!!

[@Lord_Victis]

Y'all two are fine wine!