Off Label Patterns That Reveal Narcissism

[@chelleb3055]

This should be another really good one. I've learned that a hallmark sign of narcissism is the constant need to create chaos and conflict in their own lives and in those around them. They always seem to have some sort of crisis happening, mostly of their own making, but they will never admit that it's them doing it to themselves. It is ALWAYS someone else's fault. 🙄

[@debscornercanada]

I always thought it was my ADHD that casued so many issues over my life with certain people, until I learned about this! Ive now realized it wasnt ME at ALL, the toxic and narcisssitic people tried to make me THINK it was ME, to offset their own garbage inside. Its a relief, but also scary when you discover just how "depp" those toxic "roots" get into your brain and wreak havoc on every single area of your life.

[@chelleb3055]

@@debscornercanada I was told I was crazy from the time I was a little girl because I'd call my narcissistic family members out on their bs. I eventually did go a bit crazy because the more I tried to set boundaries, the more they abused me until it turned violent. I had no choice but to walk away. Now I know they are severely disturbed and the reason I know it's not me is because THEY DO THE SAME THING TO EVERYONE! That's a clear sign it's them and not us. 😉

[@TheBaumcm]

I call this the all problems and no solutions trait. Mine have been covert and they’ll whine and moan about a situation but the second you bring up a viable solution it becomes, why can’t you just listen to me or I don’t need YOU to fix my problems. They just like stirring everyone up.

[@evabrick2526]

So true

[@66REDD66]

Amen to that!! 🙏 Spot on!! 👍

[@carolentringer8836]

1. critical 2. micromanaging 3. invalidating 4. all or nothing , no middle ground 5. defensive and accusatory, thin-skinned 6. deluded, do not receive input 7. constantly highjack conversations 8. chameleon like engagement with people 9. not curious about others 10. insulting 11. sidle next to prettiest, smartest 12. make excuses, blame others, play victim 13. constantly irritated, agitated 14. willing to betray 15. insist on timing

[@ritatharp5238]

Thank you!

[@angelanicoletti3330]

Carol Entinger, Thank you for this list. Spot on! Much Healing and Peace to you!

[@hissyfitz7890]

Thanks!

[@deejames1st]

Thank you. So helpful to see bullet points while listening

[@carolnahigian9518]

Dump all CHUMPS- be happy & FREE

[@cliffp.8396]

It's disturbing to realize how many times I've seen these behaviors in people I once believed to be normal and healthy.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

Whenever I watch these videos I'm reminded how incredibly lonely life was with the narcissist. He'd be filling the space next to me yet I'd be alone. When he spoke it wasn't to me but at me. In fact I didn't exist as a proper person to him. I didn't even have a name with one ex, in ten years I never heard him say it. I always thought it must be me. Good work Dr C.

[@bereal6590]

I think they all whatever type they are make us feel like this because ultimately they don't know or want to know us. They think they do but they dont

[@JustMe-uu3bh]

hahahahaha the narc in my life won't say my name nor call my pet by it's name, instead calls him something else and won't say my name, hahahahaha thanks for pointing that out to me. so jealous though, extremely so. hates me. but that is a narcissist. we have to work on self love to detach.

[@kadootje77]

The difference between a narc and a healthy person is the core/soul of motivation. I learned that from you Dr C, watching the life stream of yesterday: the difference between : stone walling and grey rock, between ghosting and no contact, between control and boundaries, between hate and love, object and person.... very liberating to finally see the light...Thanks, D

[@robindonnelly]

Yes. Agreed. But, people don’t see our core/soul/heart and therefore those of us exerting boundaries around unhealthy others will only see us as the problem: the narcissist, the toxic person, etc. Obviously this isn’t our business, but it does make dealing with this a circular conundrum that never ends. I wish there was some other way to deal with these types without having to become much like them. I know my motives, my heart, my soul. They either don’t -because they don’t know us, or if they do, they just don’t care. Ugh! What a nightmare!

[@summerhill93]

That core motivation is the difference between a good person and an evil one.

[@robindonnelly]

@@summerhill93 I’m aware. Thanks.

[@christineplaton3048]

A healthy person builds a relationship doesn't harass, doesn't cut you off, cares about your opinions and you, doesn't shout at you, doesn't play games, understands, doesn't manipulate or try to control is caring, always...not pushy selfish demanding but willing to negotiate and meet you in a healthy way. They don't frighten stress annoy etc. Why would they? What are the motivations of people with less than desirable behavior? Or comments?

[@christineplaton3048]

@@learningenglishthroughtran8540 Hi. So you have experienced a religious narcissist. It's unfortunate. In this very long writing we hear your distress and frustration. It's so sad yes because we are very different than narcissists. And their ways of interacting with others is not desirable. It's self motivated. In fact it's self medication with the use of others as a tool. They require ego boosting. It can and does get very painful if you so much as stay in the relationship.. My experience was that it was prevalent in churches, and is, especially in the clergy ( I was Catholic ). But it's everywhere in the world now. They say it's caused by abuse in children, or the prince or princess of the family turn out this way. So humans need healthy families as children. They need a good foundation in nature and nurture. It's complex. Greetings from USA

[@deborahadcock978]

There are more people that are narcissist than I ever imagined.I just never knew there was a name for it.So many families have been traumatized by their behavior including mine.Thank you!!’

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

It can be eye opening to learn about it!

[@gertrudewest4535]

Our entire society is narcissistic. Especially the middle classes and wealthy.

[@maidmarion2976]

@@gertrudewest4535 I don’t think it is class specific. It runs through all classes and races unfortunately

[@tablescissors]

@@gertrudewest4535 you see it in the projects and slums too, actually

[@shakazulu3594]

Sadly, this describes so much of my mom. No wonder I feel so depressed after a 2 or 3 hour "conversation" which is basically her talking about herself or others while showing no interest in me or my life.

[@paulkrenz9593]

That is so sad. I often say to people " Because someone is a close relative that does not make them a good person "

[@Jessica-zf2df]

I love the way Gus gets sneaks back on the sofa avoiding his cover/towel he's supposed to sit on. My dog does this too 🐕

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

When my wife comes into my study she makes him get onto the blanket. When she leaves, he moves off of it. It's a guy thing.

[@howdydocowgirlcowgirl181]

​@@SurvivingNarcissism aww 🥰😍 😂💗🐶

[@desolatenomore787]

It took me 35 years to figure out what you just said in 15 minutes! Thank you!

[@amadahyrose]

It took me 47! ;) We're on top of it, not, though! LOL.

[@desolatenomore787]

@@amadahyrose Wow, I feel your pain! At least we know now. The sad thing for me is that my son had to point this out to me or I’d probably still be clueless!

[@galboy7899]

Only took me 55 years , ha ha 😕

[@rasoler1]

It took me 25 years. Finally I have validation.

[@carrie6157]

38 years !

[@lifewithapurpose237]

2:52 ¹ inclined towards criticism 3:08 ² are laser focused on you, micro manage 3:44 ³ only one opinion matters 3:56 ⁴ strong *all or nothing* thinking 4:50 ⁵ simple suggestions create *oddly defensive* reactions 5:24 ⁶ self delusion that inhibits adult conversations 6:04 ⁷ hijack conversations constantly 7:04 ⁸ chameleon like engagement w/people 7:32 ⁹ *hardly ever curious about you,* unless their in a fault finding mode 8:35 ¹⁰cut you off from others 8:51 ¹¹too impressed by others power, accomplishment, prestige, beauty 9:20 ¹²offer lots of excuses for own problems, always *someone else's fault* 9:52 ¹³ not known for patience 10:12 ¹⁴ willing to betray a friend 10:36 ¹⁵ operate in extremes with time management

[@MrsTruthTeller]

The thing that made my "narc" radar go off was 1) his lack of interest in my life, 2) his obsession with my career and education and 3) his inability to resolve issues that had very simple solutions. For instance, he said I didn't see him enough. For me, there was a simple solution to that, I can just see him more. However, and to my surprise, he not only resisted this solution but once he finally agreed, he made it very difficult for me to actually make plans with him and accused me of being controlling. I felt like a crazy person because every time I had a solution to any "issue" he brought up, he resisted it and then continued to complain about it over and over and over again. It was VERY weird. Then he never asked me any questions about my life, not one single question and essentially told me that he knew enough about me from social media (also very weird). And lastly, when I asked him why he liked me, he said it was because I was pretty and went to a really good college. I asked if he had any non-superficial reasons to like me and he literally got offended. Accused me of calling him superficial and vapid and then went on to become bitter and passive aggressive towards me. What a complete and total mind f*ck these people are.

[@wsurfs]

My guess is that he is very jealous of you..! So, watch your back..!!

[@beegee609]

Thank you for validating. I was in denial for years my narcissist mother was a narcissist because I went from golden child to scapegoat.

[@DrMoorehen]

I was usually the scapegoat, my brother was the golden child...still is and is a grotesque narcissist...as well as his mother. Better off on my own!

[@ijustrealllylikecats]

@@DrMoorehen Same, I was scapegoat, big brother was golden. I went through so much trauma as a scapegoat, but as an adult I actually feel worse for him though because I've been free and NC for years, but he's still living down the street from her and completely enmeshed. I don't know if he realizes exactly what is wrong but he's unhappy, and he went on to marry a woman just like our mother. I feel for every child who has a narc parent.

[@treelover1050]

@@DrMoorehen YES BETTER TO AVOID THEM AND LOVE AND RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST.

[@sage9836]

That's a hard switch to endure.

[@carolnahigian9518]

I was ALWAYS scapeGoat- and it is Okay-,dump the Chumps & free your self!

[@vkng_drag0n982]

I noticed that all 4 narc that cross my life never laught out loud to the point of tears or belly hurt. They have a short laugh (mostly a smile) and go back to a serious face. That is a very good signal of someone with mental issues (not only narc).

[@lorilarsen9360]

Dr C, and Gus, I’ve spent almost my whole life recovering from various forms of abuse (age 60). I have had a few good romantic relationships and I am blessed to having a few loving friendships. But the pain, damage and fallout of narcissist abuse (ex husband)has almost destroyed me. I have learned so much from you and therapists and I am getting stronger every day. You (and Gus) exude genuine love and caring , true empathy. Your knowledge is invaluable but even more importantly is the love that radiates on the screen. You can’t fake that! My gut says so! I too stand for Love and dignity, respect, civility. Go team healthy! I’m (we) so grateful to know that kind people do exist. Gives us hope.

[@SondraLongbrake]

Can you do some segments on dealing with narcissistic parents? I work with a lot of wounded adults who are now grappling with the realization that one or both parents are narcissistic and at the same time struggling with a current romantic relationship that has some similar components. I am a therapist for Better Help, and I often supplement with useful videos like this one. It really helps people to be validated in their experiences. It helps to realize they are not alone. It also helps when I pick up on the possibility of a narcissistic person being at the center of their mental health problems. That is a very difficult thing to face, and videos like this can help them connect the dots.

[@bereal6590]

So many of us.. same here

[@quentinadkins432]

Please both my parents are how to reconcile this with "honor your parents the commandment with a promise of life well lived"? (which makes sense to Israel because they had shabbat where they honor each other - Gentiles dont) Paul alters 4th commandment it in NT saying fathers do not exasperate frustrate provoke your kids to anger ... and also honor parents in the Lord ie in as far as they are honorable .... where does one draw the line between SAFELY between safety honor and abusive parents ....

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

I think he has.... Google that

[@ly5142]

Spot on! Can't wait for Pt 2 of these traits. I have one to add - whenever you're with one and you suffer a physical infliction, twisted ankle, bitten by an insect, etc., they have problems showing empathy, instead they show irritation, and try to brush it away or tease you for being unable to continue with the activity, walking, etc. It's important to recognize these red flags early enough, most who are more accepting and tolerant can't see them because they are taught not to judge and to make excuses for them unconsciously. Maybe the initials need to change to DRLC, Dignity, Respect, Love, Civility. Cheers .

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Love to DRC. I can live with that!

[@debfincher1741]

I have osteo arthritis which is quite painful, my narc husband now has "arthritis" which is way more painful than I could ever understand. I am eligible for knee replacements on the national health.

[@krystalMtn]

So true. Or they will ry one up you. Whatever has happened to you becomes a smaller issue than theirs. I fractured my elbow and had called the ex to share the experience. His response was "So, I fractured my tooth today". As if to say his chiped tooth was a bigger issue than me not being able to bend or fully straighten my arm for nearly a year while I went through extremely painful PT.

[@tablescissors]

YES. And especially with animals. Saw this at work repeatedly and it was interesting how many coworkers never noticed a total lack of empathy (especially in male coworkers who pretended to be "nice"). I pay keen attention to this type of reaction, especially with a lot of other narc tells.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

So true. Or if you have a serious illness they will use it to get themselves sympathy. Like "I have to cope with her having cancer".

[@loricrockett-owens5117]

I have learned that it is so weird how people switch up on u like that especially if u have been nothing but nice or supportive of them.

[@blueleaves]

I just want to add one more, Beware of individuals who interrupt other people a lot! Someone who is so impatient to say something they often interrupt conversations.

[@memes.1114]

@@EAngelB123 Thank you for this comment, my son and I both have adhd, and we interrupt because our brains are zooming soo fast but we can't seem to keep up, but we have high moral compass and compassion for others. Also I remember a co-worker rudely pointing this out, I was unaware I was doing this so I worked hard to stop. Needless to say, she treated me weird afterwards and it was hurtful.

[@SM-ot7kb]

Oh yeah! I’m interrupted daily and he’ll say “oh I thought you were done (talking)!” I’m lucky to get in 15 seconds of talking! He’d GOT to comment right at the moment a thought comes into his head….👎🏼

[@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723]

Geez, at the end of my long term marriage I was not “allowed” to have a key to the mailbox, even told “how to open envelopes”…. Now, looking back I wonder how the heck I ever let things get to that point. First it was micro control, then ended as completely controlled! You weary from fighting for your rights to exist! So Toxic. Ugh…..

[@77thTrombone]

@@AJ-ku9jz keep watching Dr Les videos. He's on target. I'd you're trying to figure what mental health issue you are dealing with, keep aware that the same "1-line" behavior can apply for different disorders. For example, the correct method of opening envelopes manifests in 1 way for OCD, another way for narcissist, another way for OCPD (Personality disorder,) and yet another way for paranoid personality disorder. If you're really havering problems with someone close to you, and you're finding they are "not right." It could be worthwhile too schedule time with a LCSW to hash it out.

[@u-no-who]

More times than not, I'm eager to learn all I can about narcissism. It helps to reminds me on how to spot them and how I can better handle difficult people I encounter when out in public. Today, I find listening to it so exhausting, because it also reminds me how complicated they are and how difficult it is to deal with them. It's so exhausting. I just want to be at peace today.

[@ciachef14]

The part about blaming everyone else for their mistakes is so true.

[@nilgiridreaming]

But don't you know? They never make mistakes. Or if they do, they diminish it's importance. The xnarc in my life once put lives in jeopardy, was stood down for a short while at his job, yet at no time did he show a flicker of emotion over the matter. My heart would have been racing and i would have folded into the arms of my spouse for comfort. Not him. Ice man. Nerves of steel and a conscience MIA.

[@krystalMtn]

The conversation issue was always a huge issue with the ex. He could never join in on an existing conversation. Instead he would disrupt it, and redirect to what he wanted to talk about. All within 1 or 2 sentences. I could never talk about anything in my life without him twisting it around to be about him. For example, the grief I was experiencing from my Mother's death always became about the sorrow he was experiencing. Yet he never shed a tear for her, and refused to go to her memorial. Not even as moral support for me, our children, or my family. That was after having known her for 25yrs.

[@keplermission4947]

Signs of Narcissism in Krystal Mtn.'s words: 'always a huge' (always) ... never join in (never) ... I could never talk about anything (never) ... in my life (should've been in our life, you were a couple) ... my mother's death (should have been mother's death not 'my mother'). Never shed a tear (never). Me ... I ... My. Krystal is a possible psychopath.

[@narrowstone5363]

@@keplermission4947 found the gaslighter

[@krystalMtn]

@@keplermission4947 I speak in singular syntax because we were not a couple, and NEVER were. He was not capable of understanding or experiencing that we were in a shared experience and existence. He with a mature emotionaly healthy individual and ME with a recognized documented narcissist, schizoid. Nor did we spend every hour of every day together which means we had different experiences on a daily basis. So it would not be appropriate to use the pronoun "our life" to reference MY experiences compared to his, with regard to his personal behavior of turning conversations to be about himself. Anyone who is married knows that the two individuals do not share each and every experience. Nor do they share the same understanding of every shared experience. I don't recall him going through the pain of labor when I gave birth to each of our children. Neither did he go through the experience of 9 months of creating each of those children within his own body. Yes I refer to the circumstances of MY Mother's death, because we were not born of the same woman. Nor was he capable of a close personal relationship with her due to the inherent charactoristics of the multi-dysfunctional disorder he suffers. Therefore he did not suffer the unique emotional pain and loss of bond associated with the death of MY Mother, that I suffered. So once again, not an appropriate scenerio where one would use the syntax "Mother's death" to identify this as being a jointly held and shared experience. Especially given his own Mother is still alive. Most people would, and apparently do, recognize the need for personal perspective in that portion of MY statement. He NEVER shed a tear through multiple decades of marriage. A matter FACT and not personal perspective. He was NEVER capable of joint conversation with others ALWAYS twisting the conversation back to himself. Also a matter of FACT, and inherent behavior of his dysfunctional personality that was recognized by many others, and not my personal perspective. Apparently MY remarks struck a cord of offense with you. Yet you fail to understand the most basic concept of narcissists not being capable of coexisting relationships just by nature of the dysfunction itself. Otherwise you'd understand MY remarks for the personal experience they are rather than obsess over the need to critisize my syntax and use of personal noun vs pronouns. Not to mention this is MY own experience with the narc in MY life as opposed to the experiences of others in this community. Apparently you also don't recognize that when a person has a former spouse it is a personal choice to no longer use co-joining pronouns when expressing thoughts regarding experiences with the former narc abusing spouse. Clearly you are narc yourself and/or just a troll wanting to provoke people for your own childish need for attention. Bye.

[@ea9104]

almost no ability to have a conversation with more than one person, meaning he hijacks or just stays mute

[@cairosilver2932]

Sorry you ran into a gaslighter in the comments, Krystal. It sounds like a very draining 25 years to have gone through, I hope you have good things coming up for you.

[@carrirutt1208]

I get all this. Grew up with a dad very NARCISSTIC, married (now separated)a NARCISSTIC man. Have identified some behaviors within myself that are similar. I would LOVE to be the change

[@sage9836]

You already are being the change. The light of awareness is in your heart!

[@carrirutt1208]

@@sage9836 Very humbling YET I feel like a LION 🦁

[@ardent9422]

The laser focus on you and the heavy criticism really nail it, that's what I got with a previous boss and what I get with my grandmother. I can't cook anything in the kitchen without her breath down my neck, "what's that you're cooking, why are you cooking it, how long will it take to finish, you're doing that wrong, do it this way, well if you don't listen to me you're gonna fail!" and so on and so forth, or if she smells the food cooking she immediately asks "is something burning?" nothings burning but because someone else is cooking it's burning, but ONLY when she's cooking it's cooking. The best time to cook is whenever she's not around, you won't be able to do it in peace otherwise.

[@Queen-of-Swords]

My mother is like this. If I had done the housework, she would come home and do it all over again. Is there anything more bizarre than getting the vacuum cleaner out, to clean a carpet that is already spotless? Of course then I would get the "pity me" lecture on how she worked all day and then had to do the housework AS WELL. 😆

[@micheleshively8557]

I'm watching all your videos now. Just validates everything we all have been through. And validation is so nice. Something we don't get very often! Thank you so much ❤️ blessings to you all from Texas! Good morning to Gus 💚💙 Hey, also... wanted to mention that, if you're like me, and totally broke, we can help this channel by watching the ads, and the more likes and comments we can like and comment on, the channel benefits from this. It's all some of us can do to help ,💚 #10...co workers, friends, family, there's always something they have to say bad about everyone in your life! How that person really can't stand you either. It's so crazy

[@julietardos5044]

You don't have to watch the ad. Click on it to open the tab, then skip the video. Close the tab later. Does the same thing in terms of $ to the channel.

[@dawngroff5681]

I moved in with my 75 year old mother when my dad died in 2019, they had been married 55 years. I did this to help her adjust and keep her company for a "few months." Since day 1..disasterous! Im moving OUT on Saturday, thank the Lord! She checks all 15 of the boxes in this video in a big way, and every video I watched from Dr.C applies to my covert mother. Dr Carter, you have saved my sanity these past 3 years! You are SO appreciated and I will continue to tune in for self-healing and keeping other current and future narcs in my life at bay!❤👍🥰

[@cheatednomore6430]

@Dawn Groff I am so glad you are getting away. There are so many horror stories. I come from such a scenario & could not get away until the last parent died. I do not hear too often that someone is able to leave. I hope & wish all the best for you. It brightened my evening to hear you say you are moving out 👍🙌

[@fredrickimhoff2541]

Thanks Dr C. I have watched all of your videos, and I wish I had known this 10 years ago. This information needs to be taught to the youth so we can protect people and create a healthy community. It is vitally important to understand that narcissists are extremely dangerous.

[@zainahibrahim]

Agree

[@lorikurasz9299]

It be nice but it might help a narcissist learn how to be even sneakier & sly. Damned if we do, damned if we don't type if thing?

[@77thTrombone]

@@lorikurasz9299 actually they'd never see this stuff. Doing so would violate _the RON_ (Rules of Narcissism.) This is a *_huge Bozo no-no_* for them: Studying to become sneakier would be self-improvement. Self-improvement requires self-awareness. Violation 1! Self-improvement requires acceptance of one's own shortcomings. Violation 2! Self-improvement requires recognition (and acceptance) of a person at a higher level than oneself. Violation 3! So: not only would the narcissist not pursue this info, they would be much more likely to discredit it!

[@michelepascoe6068]

I wish all counsellors would learn from you, Dr C. They do much harm not recognising narcissistic abuse and giving the wrong counsel, even aiding and abetting the narcissist unknowingly. The narcissist "scores points" and is "proved" right and the abused person is more confused and tries harder to please. In our family, the scapegoat was judged "emotionally abusive" by a counsellor.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Sometimes I can only shake my head.

[@cherylgibbons4574]

These are amazing videos, before watching I had no idea my ex husband fell into this category. Fortunately after many betrayals that I knew about, I walked away but continued to be confused about how someone could behave in this way and was still affecting my life. One area that has made it difficult to label, pack away in a box and bury is the fact that he was very physically Sick and of course empathic me looked after him his illness and anxiety. Very difficult to be cross with a sick person but I’m now starting to realise it was his way of controlling me and keeping the attention on him. When I talked about him to others their sympathy was with him and I was being mean. Well I’m getting counselling and unravelling this stuff. Anybody else relate to this? 🤔🤔🤗

[@cymbolichuman433]

You must fight hard to hold on to your individuality and childlike wonderment. I learned this and it has saved my sanity. It's the fight of your life and it starts as soon as you give them an "in".

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

Sob stories. “Not so funny” hilarious (to them anyway) jokes. They speak for you when you are spoken to by someone else. Personal (at you) digs that most people might find “harmless” but you feel somewhat unsettled with. Extreme arrivals OR tardiness (always the first one there to beat everyone else or “fashionably” late to make sure everyone sees them arrive.) Repeating the same stories they’ve specifically told you a hundred times. “Pondering” conversations are nonexistent (because there’s no reason for them to ask “what do you think” since they already know everything.) Easily forgetful when it comes to something you’ve said or something you’ve told them several times. There were so many signs i brushed aside because i feared i was being judgmental. I have learned (and still am learning) self assessment and the assessment of the effects of how other people behave toward me (or how i feel when they exhibit certain behaviors around me) is not an act of ill willed judgment but a healthy action taken so that i remain who i am and still respect the persons around me.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're on it, Kelly!

[@wendyelliott6828]

Yeah, Kelly. I gave him a lot of free passes too. I judged myself harshly and never doubted him …. 😕

[@chelleb3055]

These are all spot on. I'm also wary now of the first neighbor who shows up to welcome you when you move into a new neighborhood because twice now they've turned out to be narcissist nightmares! 😆

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

@@chelleb3055 oh no!!! I’m one of the first neighbors to say hello hahahaha! Seriously, i love when people make me feel welcomed somewhere (not just a neighborhood, could be anywhere) so i like to be that for new neighbors. I try to make some kind of dessert for them with the first hello or take a case of water as they’re moving in. That’s sad that you’ve had a negative experience with jovial new neighbors :(

[@chelleb3055]

@@AlwaysStampinVideos Maybe I just got unlucky, the home we're in now is full of nice friendly neighbors so it kind of makes up for those two I had the mispleasure of dealing with years ago. I should have known right away because they both immediately began to fill me in on the neighborhood gossip, told me their "rules" for the neighborhood (we weren't in HOAs) and both ended up being shady about our property lines! Heck, I'd be happy to have you for a neighbor, you can teach me how to make those adorable crafts I just found on your channel! 🙂

[@frannycaulfield9921]

Hey Dr. C. Been watching your vids for about 2 yrs now & just wanted to drop a note to say thank you for not only the education, but even more importantly, your approach to life and your emphasis on living with decency and respect for ourselves and others. I don’t think these aspects are discussed enough in our society and right now we really need to hear it more. Thank you for talking about how important this is every day. Sign me up for Team Healthy. Keep up the good fight for D R C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks for these encouraging words, Franny! #TeamHealthy

[@siamesedreamsx]

It's nice to see you talk about how narcissists can fluctuate on how they handle time. The one I am with frequently goes into rages at me because I take too long to get ready, blames me for "delaying him all the time." Yet, this same person will say he's just taking a shower then heading over (when others are depending on him), but will take 5 hours just to do that one task. And I know it's all because he just decides to play video games, mess with Pokemon cards, or do whatever it is he feels like doing instead of heading over immediately after showering like he insinuated. Then he has the audacity to become angry if you call him out on this. It's beyond frustrating.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's what I mean by off label. Your illustration will never show up in a psychology textbook, but it is real. Dr. C

[@heathermixson1265]

My God, Dr. C.....if you'd have kept going with those, we could've been here all day and STILL not covered all of the indications of this hellacious type of person...... learn to look beyond the surface of these people.....they are most evil. Once you learn and see them for what they are, you can NEVER unsee it again. Thank you Dr. Carter!!💝

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yeah, I figured I'd stop at 15, but that list is definitely not exhaustive.

[@Lee-rq9do]

After somebody being involved in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. I’m wondering how pervasive this condition is. I think these people are evil.

[@patriciamharris5664]

🎯🎯🎯🎯

[@tracynewton3083]

They totally disgust me right to the core 😎😂🙏

[@paulkrenz9593]

Sometimes I see the word Evil and think it is too strong a word then I reflect on a woman I used to know who drove her boyfriend to suicide and I think " Yes many of them are evil"

[@saratemp790]

I agree with the one where they are impressed. I notice narcs often hero worship. And they try to get all their directives from some idol. Like how people worship a cult leader. So even though they are dominant with you, they are very subordinate to their idol.

[@barbibutton9619]

I'm pleased to hear that they do teach a good deal about narcissism in college. You have saved many Dr. with your education and experience

[@juliecipolla6732]

Outstanding as usual Dr. Carter!!!! I especially like your mentioning about us making a difference in the world as a result of the information you have consistently given us. We can feel insignificant after years of living with a person with Narcissistic behavior. I've decided that as long as hold onto my Integrity and as long as I draw breath, I am making a difference.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Good feedback, Julie! #TeamHealthy

[@juliecipolla6732]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Awwww Thanks!!!!

[@krystalMtn]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Hey team healthy. FYI, appears to be a couple of trolls in the community. Commenting on multiple videos to various people. Go by names Kepler Mission and NarrowStone.

[@krystalMtn]

@@juliecipolla6732 Agreed. Personal integrity was always an important goal. Even when dealing with the dysfunctional abuses through the years. But it does wear you down and gets muddied after years of being on the receiving end of the abuses.

[@donnas411]

I know a person who says will never shop at a certain store, but with friends, will shop there. Can never have a conversation with this person either, starts walking away and says they are listening. So I see what I have to say is not important. I'm learning about narcissist through your videos.

[@JoshuaDb_The_Witness]

Some of these behaviors also line up with folks dealing with neurocognitive issues, like ADHD, and ASD. The difference is that a neruodivergent person, unless they also suffering from NPD, is that's it's a processing issue, not a personality disorder.

[@triciapotter3331]

It never ceases to amaze me that you understand what happening to me on a daily basis. I have just watched this video twice, and made notes in my journal, thank you so much Dr Carter, I know that I am not going mad - I am part of team healthy. Positivity is my mantra, as I constantly avoid negativity, invalidation, manipulation and a plethora of other tricks all designed to undermine or hurt me. One day i will be out of this relationship and achieve my goal of peace, love and tranquillity.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased for you!

[@renebernays5774]

thank you for this year after year, more and more people are waking up to NPD and Narcissistic abuse and finding out how to spot the NPD's to keep themselves safe

[@tablescissors]

too many in government positions though

[@ChocolateAsian9000]

So glad to watch these post breakup. Seals the coffin with every video. I just hope her friends figure it out soon, it’s not up to me to tell them, as much as I want to. It’s so good to be educated and be able to spot it in the future 😄

[@vickit3124]

Yep, me too …. Love the thought that it ‘seals the coffin with every video’. Thanks for that 💐

[@elainesmith5313]

Dr. C. I just found this video....WOW!! SO MUCH TRUTH IN ALL THAT YOU SAID!! IN REMEMBETANCE .....I can recall a senerio to fit each of these points now. My Narcissist spent the last ten yrs of his in total confusion .......His lies were catching up and His relationships were completely disappearing especially the one that really counted. He had a very large Fan Club....I called it Jimmy's Fan Club. All were decieved and really in the fog about who he really was. He died this year.....and people in his Fan club have approached me telling me what a "great guy he was," I just walk away when they start Gas lighting me about his Greatness. Don't want to hear it and it's not worth trying to explain . RIP JIMMY! I CERTAINLY AM NOW!!! THANKS DR. C. YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER!! MOVING FORWARD IN N.C.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Elaine!

[@lesliegann2737]

Defensiveness: My mother came across as very confident of herself yet she was also defensive about even the smallest things. I remember one time in later life when she got a computer. I realized she didn't know how to copy and paste so I tried to explain it to her. It wasn't like I was ever bossy to her, quite the opposite as I was trained to be her door mat. Anyway, she was having none of it. She kept interrupting me until I gave up trying. That incident was quite an eye opener to me.

[@JoshuaDb_The_Witness]

Let's stand for accountability and authenticity.

[@deejayk5939]

So interesting to look back at see why people acted the way they did. People who react angrily when you disagree. No matter what the conversation is about.

[@Rebel6832]

OMG!!!! YES YES YES!!!!! ALL OF THIS AND CONTINUAL FAULT FINDING MODE, AND TRYING TO FILTER MY RELATIONSHIPS W MY FAMILY!!!! ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT...

[@stephenpaul3289]

This is my Mums behaviour as far back as I remember thanks you Dr Carter God Bless you and I pray for all those who have been affected by a Narcissist that they can heal by love .

[@lorrainenicoletti6232]

I wish I could answer my NB back with your words and cadence etc. you are so knowledgeable and confident. Your manner of speaking back to the narcissist is like no other . I Love it. Thank you again

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Lorraine. You can get there! Calm confidence.

[@kiml5626]

Checked all the boxes again Dr C. It's like you live here and you see this mess. Thanks for the insight. It stings but right after I feel comforted. I'd go so far as to say, consoled. 😔

[@sheshanamahmood3073]

Amen amen!! This is my sister. And what sucks is she would say ‘no this is you’... 😑

[@threefreaksonaleash6619]

Finding your channel has been so very helpful to me in addition to my amazing therapist...Your soothing voice just adds even more to the experience. This is definitely one of the top few places people can come for dealing with these issues. Thank you!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased. Hopefully some of the videos can give you talking points for your therapy. Dr. C

[@Picca65]

I so agree!!

[@elinazariel]

It is just amazing how they can put even a rainy weather too to be one's fault if they're on that mood.

[@troybedford4544]

A few of your videos came in clutch not too long ago when I was legitimately losing my grip on reality. I always thought narcissism was just a learned behavior, a front for insecurities, and had shallow roots. I would recommend for anyone else who's willing to surrender in order to move forward: take discussion/info like this not to judge or label others but to learn where to set boundaries so that you can still socialize without fearing another trap. (I spent many months alone in my little apt barely sneaking to the store for food and it makes things worse!) Buddhist teachings, meditation, daily practice, definitely help to regain a sense of self. You can follow the practice as shallow or deep as you are willing, and it's always there if you shy away for a while. Also if you are struggling with or recovering from substance/process addictions, Recovery Dharma literature or local groups are like a field guide if you are new to the idea. Nobody really wins in the end, and you could miss a lot of what life you have left while waiting for divine justice or vindication to play out.

[@bluestar.8938]

Thank you Dr C and Gus. So glad you are getting better Dr C : )

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I think I'm going to make it!

[@christineplaton3048]

Yes. This is exactly what I needed this week. Thanks it's as if you...are really in tune to needs ...of your listeners. We have our team healthy antennae up and searching to create a better, peaceful life.

[@lisawhited6667]

With Your videos & your humor & it encouraged me to say something to my Therapist & Physician. After so many years of SUFFERING at the hands of this Exact type of abuser allowed me to start talk with other people who understand that it's not me it isn't... Although when your going through this and have the CONSTANT of ( No it is YOU you You) it does just frustrate me.. & it is embarrassing

[@denicehaley9902]

Dr. Carter, I’m brand new to your channel this week after reading an article of yours. Love your loyal dog in the background! After 34 years+ of being married to a narcissistic husband-11 to 14 of the patterns you went over, I’ve also seen the extreme narcissism in my dad, who’s now in federal prison for 8 counts of fraud, and I’m just starting to see the narcissism in my mother and younger brother. I will continue to watch, read, and declare, “I want to be someone who stands for dignity, respect, and civility.”

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Denice. So very pleased you are with us. Sounds like you've been through a lot. I'm hoping you can learn and find healing. Dr. C. #TeamHealthy

[@vanessamorey3812]

DR C. you are wonderful, thank you for your contributions to helping so many folks young and old dealing with these soulless meatsuits. Thank you so much and keep it up!! This stuff is invaluable!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome.

[@rebeccadolashewich7094]

My mother in law told me that my mother was unwell, and telling people I am a liar, which was true- and then told me she would be the mother I needed, getting me to tell her all about how my mother had abused me, to later gang up with my estranged abusive mother, while bribing my husband with paying off our debt & a new vehicle if my husband would divorce me, after her boyfriend assaulted our sons & me. My husband thankfully isn’t a psychopath, and he didn’t drop me off on a corner with my keys like she texted him to do. Yet, she did get CPS to wrongfully kidnap our sons and she had them for five months, where her boyfriend hit our boys and while we won the case, we have not been helped in holding her or the bullies that helped her hurt our family, despite filing for internal investigation into the abuse against our family. CPS threatened my husband not to sympathize with me, and told me in front of my husband & our kids that her boyfriend could physically assault me, because I was on their property, despite the fact that they were trying to take my children from me. It’s very hard to process such an attack, yet our family has been in therapy and we are much more peaceful as a whole, with both of our abusive & dysfunctional families out of our lives. We do have PTSD from such an assault, & our therapists recommended “no contact”, helping us see that even attempting reunification, would be abusive to our home. Thanks for these helpful videos. It’s been five years, & while we have since been both stalked & sued by my husband’s alcoholic and violent family, we have won our case again, & gotten the police to help us get them to stop stalking us. It’s still hard living in the same county that hurt us, yet we are on the right path & keep healing as our focus daily.

[@obieobrien5883]

Dr. Carter, how many people have commented after one of your videos and said “he’s just like that”, mine was just like that! I am so glad I got away!

[@elliotyudenfriend7481]

Dr. Carter, it is amazing how many ways you are slicing and dicing narcissists. Will there come a time when you run out of varieties? Following will be types like vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, Neapolitan and Tuti-Fruti! LOL I continue to get better. Yesterday at church, I was helping serve lunch, and got so into what I was doing that I started to tell others what to do. My job became more important to me than their jobs. When we arrived home, my wife told me how I was behaving (that’s how I was able to describe my behavior at the beginning of this post.) Her words stung and made me feel ashamed. Without any anger, I just said to her, “That makes me feel hurt and ashamed” I was not blaming her. I was just telling her how I felt. It can sting to be corrected. But that doesn’t mean the correction is wrong, or that it should be rejected. I am grateful that I could look back and see that I had in fact been behaving in the manner she described. I thanked my wife, and I texted an apology to the person who was in charge over the lunch serving crew. So I was hurt and humiliated some, but looking back I feel great!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

When you can see it and name it, you can correct it. Keep leaning forward, Elliot!

[@ritatharp5238]

Balance, care, reliability, honor and "the greatest of these is💕 LOVE 💕! Thank you Dr. Carter for team healthy, sign me up. YES knowledge is power!

[@lwilliams6128]

Dr. Carter , you are a breath of fresh air during the times in my life when i cant breathe! I have been watching you for awhile and after watching this video I had to tell you how much I appreciate your kind and easy-going demeanor. You are very easy to listen to and as down to earth as anyone could be . Thanks a million Doc and keep up the fantastic work! I look forward to your next video.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks so much!

[@lwilliams6128]

@@SurvivingNarcissism and thank you Doc.

[@llkellenba]

God how I HATE being dragged back and forth - those love hate cycles. Feels like I’ve been tossed into a washing machine on high power spin cycle …

[@AzurElizabethDesign]

You're completely describing my husband...he's all this, plus extremely controlling & abusive.

[@robinsmith4499]

How many different ways can I say thank you Dr. C. Living free to be me at 66. My endgame is living in peace with safe friends. 👍🏻❤️👍🏻

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I stand with you, Robin! #TeamHealthy

[@chansonette22]

These are really eye-opening... thinking about someone I was in a relationship with a while back who did a *lot* of damage to my sense of self. He exhibits 13 of the 15.

[@pamelamuench4900]

Thank you so much, Dr. C, for this invaluable and uplifting knowledge. Having just ended a relationship with a narcissist, each video has been so helpful!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are very welcome...and by the way, you're going to make it!

[@PantsOnTheCeiling]

People with autism and ADHD might mimic some of these symptoms, but the difference is intention and inner beliefs!

[@anniebrowning7354]

I had a friend with asperger. He did exactly what the narcissist is doing. Beside the narcissist it is the meanest person I ever met. But of course one must know, it is not the same personality disorder. It differs. But we had to part. He was so mean I had to tell a doctor my inner conflicts because of him.

[@glendawest9871]

Borrowed phone nephew Yep I knew thier was something I liked about this guy. Love,balance,positivity.

[@MysteryProductsLtd]

A troubling amount of ticks on this checklist for me with a number of people who have appeared in my life, but it's useful having pointers to minimise the potential damage people like that will try to do. Have to say it's way more common than I originally realised too, sadly.

[@jmfs3497]

Yes, my manager: • Offers constant unasked for criticism. • Hovering behind me for "jump-scare" criticism on whatever I am immersed in. • Expresses offense if I communicate my reasoning for following completely normal and professional practices in my work. • Zero ability to comprehend meeting people half-way. • A cartoonish "I'm the boss and I say so" understanding of leadership. • Multiple repetitive meetings in the same day that turn into 45 minute monologues about check-lists. • An uncanny ability to ingratiate himself with people external to our team. • All information about myself today is turned into a character attack tomorrow. • Invited himself to every client/colleague meeting, took over, then divided us up separately with himself as the middleman. • Called me in class to criticize my lack of obedience multiple times, to the point where I dropped out of classes for two years. When I mentioned finishing my degree he interrupted me to respond with "YOU don't NEED a DEGREE". • He relentlessly slowed everyone down to his laboriously chaotic speed, and now blames us and the clients for being the primary difficulty. This is not a high school job I'm talking about. It is professional level, C-Suite adjacent, office work. This man is 60 years old and our team is all above 45 years old with 20 to 30 years experience each. It's so bizarre, because before he got the manager position he seemed odd with boundaries and taking on bigger projects than he could handle, but was otherwise respectful and amicable. He took the manager position and it was like a switch flipped in his brain and he went full authoritarian. I had a job interview two days ago, and I think it went well.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I hope that new position turns out well for you!!

[@priscilalondon]

Narcissistic parents really do a number on us. I am now realizing I’ve never had a healthy romantic relationship. All narcs.

[@janjeny]

God bless you Dr.Carter for you are doing a healing work in us, plus we take courage to be rearranging our lives to an unspeakable freedom.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, Jan.

[@tonymartos2922]

That whole suggestion thing or #5 on your list hit the nail for me. My narc she flips out on me anytime I offer any kind of advise or suggestions. She’ll call it “unsolicited advise” I think is the term she’d use. A real put down. I wasn’t even saying “do this or else.” Or I’m smarter than you or anything of that nature. I was just trying to be helpful. It seems like when this has happened I was baited.

[@alindley3128]

I am so so so so so tired of dealing with people like this. Not that I haven't survived more or less well when dealing with them, but you have to lie and say, "Oh yes grand Poobah of Poobahness, your way of doing everything is SOOO brilliant, I'm so thrilled and lucky to learn from you...mwah mwah " to keep your job or pass your class or whatever, and it's bushwah, and my nose is starting to grow like Pinocchio's from lying to flatter these bosses. YUCK. I'm waaay too old to be dealing with narcissistic nonsense anymore. Maybe....I'm not quite ready in my career to found my own business....but it's starting to be a thought.

[@maxwell-cole]

This is absolutely excellent and well-structured. I take notes during all of these videos. Excellent, excellent, excellent. Great work. Knowledge is power.

[@kyxxit3664]

OH SHIT !! I know I'm codependent with CPTSD and I often worry that I'm a narcissist. I came here to try to figure out my husband but about half of his list describes ME.

[@juliatamalo7916]

I can't thank you enough for the precise and insightful explanation, Dr. Carter. Blessings to you 🙏🏻🎉

[@TC-gx3qn]

Another spot-on video, Dr. C, especially the critical spirit. So very true! Blessings from California. 🕊

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thank you, T C

[@DrNancyLivingCoCreatively]

I fall in love more almost daily in free will and learning in community. I get to choose. It's real. Love. Respect. Dignity. I say knowing from experience is power. I'm in.♥️

[@jesstallfeather]

“Sunshine coming out of their butt…” this was constantly changing with the narcs I deal with of who they thought was the latest guru they should emulate. One week this knucklehead is the expert to follow next week it’s another goober, whoever has the brightest light coming out according to the narcs warped reality. In the meantime us non crazies living in reality have to try to do our jobs stepping around all their mental mess lol

[@sage9836]

I get so exasperated how their new guru (I like your words "goober" and "knucklehead") is a supply for criteria that everyone in their life is to be evaluated by. One day it's an aggressive business entrepreneur, another day a quiet monastic sort.

[@eurokay4755]

You nailed my overt, bullying narcissist older brother. One month, he's a vegan, criticizing everything you eat and wear. Six months later, he's a BBQ expert, bragging about his secret recipe for smoked brisket. Apply this pattern to literally everything, from politics to career choice, to hobbies to personal allegiances. The only thing his constantly changing personas have in common is that he is the expert, even if you happen to have a graduate degree or years of experience on the topic. So tiresome and predictable.

[@jessicayoung6208]

My ex narc has 14/15 of those off label traits you just listed. That’s insane.

[@hathlete4ever916]

As always another great one! These videos including this one have been my roads to recovering from all sorts of narcissistic and unhealthy treatments and the healing process to living a healthy and happy life. Thank you so much Dr C!!!

[@m.sargent-smith8832]

We need lots of education - this is a particularly disruption personality disorder- you are incredibly helpful.

[@asexualatheist3504]

Wow, filtering relationships through other people. That happened to me. I had to walk away from a 20-year friendship due to friendship poaching and the frequent crossing of healthy boundaries.

[@globalheartwarming]

I met with the guy I was worried might be a narcissist or psychopath, and though this video seemed to affirm that possibility and I'm glad I did some preparation by watching it, I still can't say for sure. Now I'll probably never get to really know him, but I do think he's lacking in empathy / theory of mind, and we seem to be in irreconcilable worlds! I keep thinking of those funny old split-brain studies where the hemispheres are arguing and the right sees the truth and the left confabulates. Guess I'll trade my fascination with him for my fascination with neuroscience -- and why I was drawn to him! It's been a difficult day and then a freeing day.

[@msmacmac1000]

Wonderful! Thanks, as ever, Dr C!☘️ I’m a proud member of Team Healthy

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I know you are!!

[@peppertree8244]

OMG, this is my workmate! She's wonderful but has her bouts that follow these patterns and makes work near impossible. Wants to micromanage (help) when not needed (or asked), then is ambiguous about it so that the responsibility doesn't fall on her when you say, "She told me to do it this way." She's been there nearly a decade more than me but I've been there long enough to know what I'm doing. So, I pick my battles and draw my boundary lines. She settles down and becomes a teammate again, but I'll probably have to be more blunt in the future. Workable but a pain. Sigh. Too perfect of a job to leave, otherwise so, YAY!, to that!

[@David-eu1ms]

Plausible deniability.

[@Feribrat99]

Good morning to you and Gus both. Thanks for the good info as always.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Karen...You're welcome!

[@lisawhited6667]

ALWAYS Transferred Blame

[@vickioliver1098]

these were great, hoping you can point out more of them in the future. thank you dr. C. thank you again, good to see Gus as always.

[@Saritabanana]

My sister controlled every word I said to her. It had to be a certain thing to say and the way to say it. I was controlled about who I could and could not talk to that involves someone who she perceived as an enemy so I wasn’t allowed to follow on social media a friend of a friend of some guys she often falsely accused of being a sexual predator who coincidentally just broke up with her and is now her target of revenge and Destruction

[@cheatednomore6430]

They are scary people.

[@mharris7380]

Once again you show perfectly the behaviours of the narc I have targetting me.

[@leilagomulka5690]

Great “ medicine” , your insight, to alleviate unnecessary pain in life.

[@michaelwinterwm]

Narcissists create misery for others! Great realization... thanks Dr C!🗽🐴

[@izawaniek2568]

I love every word in your message dr Carter and your beautiful American accent. Thank you for your incredible help and support!

[@amadahyrose]

Thank you so much. I put up with years and years of torment just because the N was/is my mother. I am recovering, but sometimes the sadness is very heavy. Thank you for your help/validation.