When Narcissists Become Sadistic

[@davidwelch4841]

Sadistic is the clinical word; Demonic is the reality of what victims are dealing with.

[@MrsCheckpointJesus]

So true. Stay blessed, brother.

[@victoriagarcia-xb8ki]

Yes! You are correct! Catholic Tradigal ✝❤

[@giraffewhisperer1]

Coercive control is legal in the US and encouraged in the south. I thought if you are a harm to yourself or others, you need to be institutionalized. BTW, narcs seem not only mentally but soul challenged as well.

[@chayo4537]

Do you believe in God? Anyone who keeps saying the word demon

[@janebuchanan3684]

Demonic is true. The last time the narcissist emotionally eviscerated me, he sounded like a demon from the pit of hell. That was it. Haven't dealt with the demon since.

[@aaronkwolfe]

This goes beyond just being mean. This is mean with intent to harm, even permanently. Because winning is everything, the ends always justify the means.

[@aaronkwolfe]

… to them.

[@mandycote5662]

does this include slandering one’s name to make the person whom he/ she is not?

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@mandycote5662 It did for me. False accusations were a trigger for me, and she knew it. So, going to our church to keep me from teaching an adult Sunday School class was a way to chip at something that I was good at (and the church desperately needed) and enjoyed. All she needed were baseless accusations toward me.

[@mandycote5662]

Aaron Then I’d have to state They had NO spiritual discernment to hear to see the difference What’s interesting about this the Kingdom of God demands it the term Church is who we are NOT where one goes to Holy Spirit being the Witness This sounds like a favor Tells you what they are not up to Growing UP! in the Spirit Ephesians 4 So much the More! could be said on that Thank you for a quick response though I certainly didn’t expect it All these faces of narcissism need to be separated Looks like I have a few type of them I need to discover the distinguishing of them Oh boy! God is good STILL Helping us through This treacherous road one walks in this temporary life 🎶Hallelujah!🎵 And thank you for your encouragement Your response did that YUP! ♥️

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@mandycote5662 I’d agree she had them (and not the building) buffaloed. So when our marriage ended, they kinda pushed me out to keep her. She wasn’t one to attend, give, or serve anyway. {shrugs} As it turned out, I ended up going to a great one (community), one I’d never have found otherwise. I the end, I won, my new church won, but she and my old church lost. I call that the price of discernment.

[@meekking3999]

The healthiest boundary with a sadistic narcissist is to block them and get as far away from them as possible. Dealing was them is like having a near death experience.

[@HiraM0910]

Same here

[@ookipuki]

That... is...... 100% true...

[@angelablaney4575]

Yep I had heart attack, narc wouldn't stop word salad!! Then shingles. Evil to their core

[@Bronte866]

How does a child “block” a parent who is doing this to them?

[@meekville4122]

How old is the child may I ask?

[@cheryl2196]

When my X saw me broken and emotionally weak he told me to come into his arms. When I looked up at him he had "that smirk!" I will never forget that look as it showed me he took pride in my suffering. It shook me to my core and woke me up to the fact that I was dealing with a very twisted individual.

[@TM-pp5be]

I had a similar experience: I was crying because I just found out my husband had cheated all throughout our marriage....he was apologizing and offered to cuddle me when I saw in the reflection of the window that he was showing his middle finger. I think cruel, cold hearted narcissist like him are actually psychopaths.

[@spamsausage]

i think its them taking pride that someone needs them so desperately like that. it's almost like they're a new born baby crying for mom but mom wasn't there. they reduce you immobile like a baby and take pleasure in the fact that someone could need them as bad as they need someone. i think they there's an important aspect there of them needing you to be completely immobile. completely overwhelmed. she was so cruel. i begged her to stop

[@kitkat186]

The smirk yes I remember it, I was trying to go past him but had a bad feeling and became afraid, as you do when he had violently attacked me on numerous times. His latest was to push me to the floor while he ranted over me, I would be terrified because he had previously put the boot into me. That smirk made me take the kids and leave.

[@Becky_Lewis_Survivor]

🫂

[@Becky_Lewis_Survivor]

@@kitkat186 Thank Goodness you took your children to safety and got away. I didn't.. Your kids will hate you if you stay and keep them in Hell. They suffer so.bad. Both my boys.. omg.. I can't begin.. Don't go back, don't go back, don't ever, ever, ever even LOOK BACK GOOD FOR YOU!!! I'M SO GRATEFUL 🙏

[@JH-th9th]

People who have never experienced a narcissist up close and personal cannot truly understand how truthful Dr. Carter is with his explanations !!!! Thank you Dr. Carter for your teachings.

[@chayo4537]

You've been there done that got the t-shirt and you still don't know anything. Youre loitering around for answers. Just cause you were 'up close and personal' a.k.a making the choice to be in a relationship and be intimate (if thats what you wanna call it) doesn't mean you know anything. It just means you're emotionally damaged and a lost cause. Knowing more doesn't mean knowing better

[@blydnhvghn]

Statistically speaking, I think we have all experienced one with or without realizing it.

[@christinebuckingham8369]

@@chayo4537Knowing more IS a step Towards Doing Better!

[@direstraights]

Hope they never do!!! Amen

[@bobtaylor170]

​@@christinebuckingham8369 I think he's a narc visitor, don't you?

[@gloriacoleman7012]

Lots of people have bad childhoods but they do not turn into narcs.

[@janicedeeter577]

So true...I was raised a foster child. My foster parents were evil. Not just to me but their farm animals. But trying very hard to break me; they did not successful. It's why I'm a proud loner. Thank you for your comment 🪶

[@gloriacoleman7012]

@@janicedeeter577 Bless you, Janice.

[@janicedeeter577]

@@gloriacoleman7012 My goodness, did not expect a kind response. Your words are indeed the Truth. Thank you from my heart! I fear you always suffered childhood trama. All we true empaths can do is stay true to light and kindness; no matter what the World throws at us. Please stay strong, and give encourage to those not so strong. Gloria, you are a Shining light in my world🪶🌟

[@chayo4537]

A lot of them are with narcs tho. So same shit end of the stick

[@J.Franco-e4t]

Pray for all the foster kids daily please.That God will help and lead them.❤

[@jengable4888]

The worst is when they are sadistic, combative, selfish, no remorse, childish, and overall exhaustive. They relish in the thought of you failing, and may commit crimes against you, to keep you down.

[@KH11307]

They sure do commit crimes against you than run around telling everyone you did what they did to you before you even know what is going on or "pay people to turn on you and say you did things" or "put it all on thing"and you look like an idiot running around having no clue what has been said about you than they strategically wait to tell you what they said.

[@Edzf2cx]

❤

[@musicandpoetry_8]

I think one of my family members would take a hit out on me, no joke

[@steadypace1262]

The sadistic narcissist gets fuel from seeing you in pain, it charges up their negative energy and it keeps that over-inflated ego of theirs puffed up. Narcissists feel more powerful and in control when they see other's suffering in some way.

[@adinevanhulst]

This is soooooo terrible!! Just wicked and evil. My recent ex was I believe doing this to me and making me totally frustrated for no reason.

[@steadypace1262]

@@adinevanhulst Hi, yes frustration is the feeling most Survivor's would describe when they have had a narcissist in their life. The narcissist's negative energy can bring even the strongest of men down to their knees. Very sad.🕊

[@Jay-xx5pg]

@@steadypace1262 yeah everything said is like just yeah. unfathomable. to even try to get a grasp of what just happened here wait. what was that for? (kind of thing.) it catches you off your guard but smacks you hard across your face almost.

[@steadypace1262]

@@Jay-xx5pg Yes the narcissist gets excited when they see your shocked reaction to the crazy things they do and say. The covert Jekyll and Hyde types play mind games on you all the time, horrible people they are.

[@l.5832]

My narc husband told me I should cry more (this when I was crying about something he had said.) It is very rare for me to cry and he felt like he had hit the jackpot by getting me to cry. I think he enjoyed that more than sex. So glad I divorced him.

[@Karen-j5j]

My narcissitic sadistic father was pure evil. He would beat me with a belt and then make me thank him saying because he if used his hands I would be dead. As a teenager he loaded a revolver loaded it with one bullet and played russian roulette with the gun to my head. When I bought my first car he insured it under his name because insurance was cheaper. I bought the car and maintained the car. He had me arrested for stealing my own car and I got 3 years probabtion! He got me a kitten as a child watched me care for it then drowned it in our pool! I can go on and on the sadistic things he would do. He died less than 6 months ago but I had cut him out of my life 20 years prior to him dying. I felt no saddness or regret when he died. My only feeling was great one less evil in this world.

[@DivyaRajan-l3h]

Omg! Such sick vultures!

[@ElJeffe40]

You've perfectly described my "mother". Once you've seen the narc smirk (when they've beat you down and you just give up in despair), it can't be unseen. Once you've heard the narc giggle (when they've reduced you to ugly sobbing), it can't be unheard. Once you've seen behind their mask, you can't pretend anymore. You just can't.

[@LinYouToo]

🙌🔥🙌 truth! You can’t unsee the abyss in the eyes or unhear that ghastly laugh. It’s like a hyena.

[@0blivvy8]

Yes, that is my mother too. I caught on to it as a teen, and called her out many times in all the years since. That will send her into a rage, screaming how dare I say that! A smirk almost always accompanied her saying something that hurt like a dagger, sometimes it was even a full-on smile. You can see the beam in their eyes like a child that's opening a present. I've caught her laughing, to which she'll lie, deny, blame, of course. There's a German word for it, schadenfreude, meaning pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune. I always felt she was cruel, but once you see behind the mask all hope is gone.

[@AZDC99]

I've lived 2500 miles away from my parents for two decades and I heard that weird NARC giggle from my 81-year-old mom a few days ago. (BUT I'M PRETTY MUCH DONE WITH THE SIBLINGS OR VICE VERSA AND THERE'S NOT MUCH MORE PAIN TO COME)

[@greeneyes2766]

I now know what that narcissistic smirk is bc I saw it on my Mom when she was watching TV on the couch. When I walked in on her, that smirk was wiped off in embarrassment bc she thought she was alone. Idk if GOD wanted me to see that, to reveal things about her or not. But, I can't forget it now. No one would believe me if I told them. Recently, she got over the top mad at me for no reason and it was toxic energy. I know now to leave as soon as possible.

[@danib6541]

This is the exact experience I had with my ex husband. I’d be sobbing hysterically and he’d get that smirk, then chuckle shake his head at me and tell me to look at how I’m acting. That I was crazy. This would be after hours of trying to talk but him gaslighting me, intimidating me, making jabs at me as a mother and wife but denied that he meant anything by it. then he’d laugh once he broke me down. It was so hard to have any conversation with him it was so confusing. Then I had a concussion at the end of a relationship and it made it even harder to follow the conversation and he would use that to his advantage. I had always told him I really really thought that he enjoyed seeing me suffer. Especially after my accident, I was so vulnerable, I was better than for nine months, and I think he loves seeing it. He left me multiple times in the past three years of me trying to heal. My 13-year-old son became responsible for caring for me and his little brother. Well his stepdad didn’t have a care in the world. Then there would be times where he would tell me the reason he would get so mad during these times where I would be crying was because he couldn’t stand to see me cry and it just upset him so much, lol yes he actually told me this multiple times over 14 years and I don’t know how I ever thought it was true. That’s was covert narcissism does to you. Everything is confusing.

[@vacationeyes6430]

In a Narcissist's book, outshining them is a crime punishable by death 💀

[@pamelariley6694]

haha...yep.

[@priscilladanley8722]

Whoa!

[@alonzomosley7]

Brilliant

[@NeonCicada]

Thus the plethora of "sob stories" and "woe is me" happening in the comments sections of these videos (a form of narcissistic supply). Narcissists are so utterly oblivious to their own narcissism that they _honestly believe_ they're victims of narcissistic abuse and will proceed to point the finger at others, calling them "narcissists" or "toxic" etc., as part of a smear campaign against a family member or ex. To the narcissist: even negative attention is attention and getting "likes" and sympathy (even online) feels good to them. ...that's why predatory narcissists love playing victim in these communities lol

[@narcicide8814]

Too bad for them, I will keep shining even brighter.

[@robinellison]

It was a very hard day when I made the mental shift in understanding from "He's apathetic to my pain" to "He's creating and enjoying my pain." The realization was devastating. Thank you for this video.

[@pepperjonesugoChristian]

Like a Hegelian dialect playing out in a personal relationship.

[@deliamariaalandetemanotas4931]

Devastating

[@iononcantomascrivo]

And they even worst part is, they know how they treat you, they just don't care. That's why going no-contact is the best option.

[@robinellison]

@@iononcantomascrivo yes

[@hauntedheart3924]

It's a hard pill to swallow

[@tbunnyshy1]

There are so many levels this can go to. I cannot even put it into words, but there are parents that find joy in harming their kids, forcing them to do things that TERRIFY them. They endure years of pain and their cries go unheard. A sadist is like a “non-person”. SOULLESS, VOID, ABOMINATION.

[@brucefriedman1]

What's worse is the narcissist parent will demonize their children to unaware outsiders when the children mature and go "no contact" for their own protection and space for healing. The word evil doesn't do it justice.

[@dakoderii4221]

What's crazy is learning about how demons operate and then you realize your dad does the same things, minus the supernatural powers such as shapeshifting and walking through walls. Satan means "adversary" and "the accuser". Demons like to torment, spread lies, and stir up trouble against you. They hate joy but love pain and misery. Now I see why my dad prided himself in being "the Devil's Advocate" and his favorite song is "Sympathy for the Devil".

[@MaryPothoven]

@@dakoderii4221 What would you think if you met a person who spreads lies, stirs trouble against a particular person, and seems to enjoy tormenting that person? I saw my mother in law go from one person, to another, to another with this routine, then she landed on me. I have learned enough to recognize she is a narcissist, but it never crossed my mind that she would be a sadist. I don't know why I didn't realize that if she kept doing this thing over and over, that she was actually enjoying it!

[@Notmytoe]

@@dakoderii4221 my narcissistic mother accused me of being possessed by a demon when I first started putting down boundaries. After one particular argument of her trying to accuse me, I told her "you're the one acting like a demon" and she looked shocked and scared as if I discovered her secret. I was really surprised by that strong response. I don't think she's actually possessed. But projection is a confession. She was projecting her own belief that she is possessed by a demon onto me. Which makes you think... how sadistic and deliberate are they in their own thoughts? If they fear they are being possessed? I've seen both my parents show zero remorse or empathy after knowingly pushing one of their kids into a suicide attempt. That has to be sadistic. And they would do it again and again, no matter how what anyone says.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

You just described my father

[@lindabell6954]

Any half decent human being could not even imagine anyone taking pleasure in harming another. Only those of us who have experienced this horror can relate.

[@carolyndavasligil1388]

They are sick

[@SteeleMagnolia]

And watching the ex narcissist's relatives accept their hateful behavior, because they are "blood". What a sick way to perpetuate this ongoing sickness.

[@gogi682]

OK absolutely, even laughing at my emotional agony, crying, and disbelief of the sick cruelty from someone I was married to. A broken promise on purpose, that was so cruel. and never sorry for. Yes twisted, emotionally. And many times, but a few that were the worst, and yes the horrific smile. Even me begging stop. Sadistic. If I argue, or call him some name, argue, call him abuser, I am actually called sadistic. 45 yrs of marriage and was he always this way inside? Sickening. 20 Years that I know of, impossible to believe, I didn't have a CLUE, what did he say just weeks ago, (about a women) "Oh get over it, it was "JUST LIES" omg, Im losing it.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

@@gogi682 That sadistic smile, yes, I know that one well. When I told him that I would put a bullet to my own head, before I would waste another day with him. He dawned that evil smile, as he looked as though he had just had a revelation, when he said "Oh, that reminds me that I should move the gun somewhere else!" I just stood there, frozen in horror.

[@jeannedouglas9912]

Narcissistic abuse = Nazi abuse

[@Michela]

They don't care if you're in pain. When they see it, they keep pushing until it gets worse and worse and they genuinely enjoy watching you fall apart. Thank you for this video. I needed it today.

[@amberc3728]

❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're very welcome, Michela.

[@Michela]

@@muffy6774 The worst is when they call you controlling or narcissistic as soon as you try to set a single boundary. It's genuinely hard not to shut down sometimes. It's the only thing that gets you through them raging at you because how can you let yourself feel when they'll use that against you too?

[@EvaCFricke]

They don't care about others pain because they're in pain.

[@leanne123]

​@@MichelaSave yourself.

[@yvonnemariehorvatr.h.n.nut3315]

I'm sick of them.They are not normal.

[@chayo4537]

Neither are you if you're with them. Plain and simple

[@MonicaMontgomery_]

​@@chayo4537You sound like one.

[@spaideman7850]

@@MonicaMontgomery_ its true, narc love to simply accuse others illogically.

[@slickperspective]

@@chayo4537 You're one of the example. You just exposed yourself.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

My family has this sick streak and since I’m a truth teller they just ganged up on me, I’m done

[@dandelion1598]

What hurts me most is this person was someone that I love the most.

[@pamelariley6694]

That's usually the case. They won't meet any of your expectations, love being the most important. The pain becomes lessoned with time. Just have no regrets concerning your own behavior. You'll heal quicker. ❤️

[@anonimous7099]

I know exactly what you mean. I really loved her too.

[@NGU7754]

Same

[@maxkendall1298]

Yep, she sure did work hard to try and make us 'unlove' her. Not sure one can, but one has to walk

[@motowngirl5891]

That’s why you stayed, LOVE is a very powerful emotion Just be happy that you experienced BEING IN LOVE Lots of people ever get to have that in their life

[@bkpsly1]

Yep, lived through this recently. My husband took off the gloves last summer, even willing to risk his "mask" just to hurt me, and ended up even almost killing me! But at the end of it all, he just exposed himself and what a sick, demented person he is, in a glaring spotlight. It boggles the mind that there are people out there that function like this! It seems crazy, but is also very sad because these types of people were made this way in childhood. I had a terrible childhood (all abuse possible), and yet, I don't behave this way. I am tired of people using their traumas of childhood as an convenient excuse to do harm to other. That is NOT an excuse, and in fact, there is NO excuse to treat others like this and target them for destruction. Thank you for this video Dr. Carter, so nice to hear that people understand this insidious type of abuse! And give Gus pets for me! I love dogs! 🐶❤

[@sandrathomas2893]

We choose within our free will to hurt others or not.

[@catherinepraus8635]

Totally agree

[@bonniehonchell9963]

So agree!

[@Indy__isnt_it]

Congrats on BEING the Warrior!!! I'm in the thick of the near ending. Court in 2 days for D/V charges. Not sure of the status of divorce. I feel like a rattlesnake scaring people off with his butting into my business affairs involving the home I live in. So much, the plumber walked away, he knows his lies from the past are piling up, and he can't hide his face any longer. Now that the gloves are off, not sure WHAT is next. Not loving my level of stress.

[@kariann3198]

The mask is never permanent. They’ve been manipulating the whole time

[@jimmysroom5132]

Imagine what they do to kids.

[@miker4430]

They will destroy their own children to harm them or others

[@khodormattar4293]

Exactly!

[@khodormattar4293]

​@@miker4430Yes!

[@Blackout975-b9m]

Try not to imagine it, it's much too twisted 😕

[@lughlamhfada2523]

I always pay close attention to what someone thinks is funny, especially when I'm getting to know them. There's alot of people who can only laugh at someone else's pain, or failure. It's like their whole sense of humor revolves around sadism.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

My last ex narc would laugh at violent scenes in movies, where people were getting annihilated, like it was the highlight. It was a disturbing thing to witness in another human.

[@lughlamhfada2523]

@@SteeleMagnolia It's good you are able to see that in people.

[@sarahs8164]

Thank you for your observation. I have serious trust issues but will remember this when I am getting to know someone. Maybe this will be one indicator to help to know who is deserving of being trusted.

[@nicolecarnevale3226]

That is an astute observation . Sadistic narcissistic love misery, causing it not living in it.

[@lindac6919]

YES! And I pay attention to what they lie about.

[@marierose6792]

Listen carefully, when anyone laughs sadistically when a story is told about someone's painful experience. It is always a red flag for me. I am not just talking about slipping on a banana peel. I register the laugh and it tells me everything.

[@cyndigooch1162]

Marie Rose I'm really glad you mentioned this because I've noticed the laughing with many people, including counsellors etc, over the years and it has become a big red flag for me as well! It's totally inappropriate and I even talked about it to counsellors in the past, who explained that it's due to them being uncomfortable with what I'm saying, which I don't agree with since it's more like their lack of empathy showing. 🙁

[@sandrathomas2893]

💥

[@marierose6792]

@@cyndigooch1162 Yes. It is quite shocking, at times. It takes you aback! In the past, having the defence mechanism of self denial and repressing my feelings, I would let such behaviour go ... but now I try to be conscious and not practice self- forgetting.

[@sudhakhristmukti1930]

You're spot on.

[@javiervidal366]

I wonder if dark humor is a way of hiding sadistic tendencies.

[@midnightchannel111]

They don't need to be "wounded", it doesn't have to be "payback time". The narcissists I've known, particularly one, are sadistic for fun. They enjoy damaging others, hurting others, particularly if those others are innocents, pure.

[@tbunnyshy1]

🎯

[@terrirobson9043]

My "pain is not a joke". My "pain is telling me I need to get away". Facing my pain and recognizing where it comes from lets me take care of me. Nobody gets to enjoy my pain any longer. That explains a lot, Dr. C~~ thank you

[@cosmicreef5858]

Exactly!

[@denisewalker1120]

Narcissists are broken people who want to break you -Dr Les Carter 🙂

[@cosmicreef5858]

they are no people, they are demons they only way is to defend and over come

[@miker4430]

💯

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Yes. My ex-husband said he tried to beat me down to his level. I was shocked!

[@zentient8840]

When I saw the smirk, I couldn't find it in me to trust anymore.

[@douaa1934]

It is all about control. Growing up with a sadistic Malignant Narcissistic Biological parents and being the black sheep, I had to create a new way of healthy living that expressed compassion towards others

[@skinnyway]

❤‍🔥

[@amandaliverpool3374]

💐

[@Candy-O1776]

We were always the ones who did something wrong.

[@annmariekeim9553]

I grew up with this kind of sadistic narcissists. With my mother's family it seemed genetic. I was the black sheep too. For me it has been life long endeavor to be a healthy, caring, stable person.

[@Priasbcbeist]

My dad a malignant narcissist, my mom a victim or maybe covert narcissist please know you’re not alone

[@alysiahite7086]

Thank you Dr. Carter. I removed myself twice from an ex husband and a toxic sister. I saved my own life. Doing great now!😊

[@loriallen9237]

Good for you! Left my ex over 2 years ago. It's trauma, no doubt, but life is good again. (No Contact enforced by a permanent restraining order.)

[@marciarobinson5140]

The same thing happened with me. My sister was even worse than my husband.

[@heatherofthemountains]

That's wonderful. Thank you for your testimony.

[@jengable4888]

Good for you ! If you can remove yourself from a toxic situation because they do not understand boundaries....good for you !

[@cathrinemcghee1108]

You go girl!....NEVER go back!

[@jeaniemattone3899]

When they cross into sadistic behavior it’s the most frightening thing to experience. Their intentions become almost audible-even when they won’t say what they’re thinking.

[@cosmicreef5858]

It a red flag for a fight or flight

[@Peepers2]

If you are upset and crying …they are enjoying your pain😢

[@Rachel-g3h5q]

Just because you’ve been through something that hurt you doesn’t give you the right to purposely hurt someone else!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Exactly.

[@donnabailey566]

My father was sadistic. He was cruel to my mother, as well as his children. Not always, which made it hard to figure out who he was. When I told my boyfriend about my father's behavior, he seemed eager to meet him, which I thought was odd. I married that boyfriend, and he became cruel to me. I discovered he was twisted and sadistic, traits I never saw when we were dating. He and my father became very friendly, and continued their friendship after my divorce. I learned that it's important to pay attention to how a person responds to the stories you share with them, because their response tells you who they are. My ex-husband identified with my father, because they were birds of a feather. If I had been wise about human nature, I would have never married that man, because he put me through hell. Even after all these decades since my divorce, I still feel lucky to have gotten out of it alive.

[@Chahlie]

My father had a weird circle of acquaintances- they didn't socialise much but he would from time to time visit with people who he seemed to have nothing in common with. 40 years later I have realised that these men all liked young girls. It's like an unspoken thing they give off that draws them together.

[@amber40494]

Donna, that's awful. My dad was sadistic , really mean, and I married a guy even worse. But my dad helped me get away from that psychopath husband. Probably saved my life.

[@l.5832]

Same with my narc ex-husband and my mother. After I divorced him, they kept in contact without my knowledge so I don't know if mother was giving him any information about me. (and here I thought I was totally away from him). I reminded my mother he had punched me and she said SHE had nothing against him......

[@amber40494]

@@Chahlie omg, this was my 2nd husband, except he seemed to pick up on other sex addicts vibes, male and female.

[@amber40494]

@@l.5832 your mom sounds like she wasn't very supportive of you

[@goldilocks3593]

When they are done with you they really, REALLY want you to know they were conning and using you all along. I mean from day one, minute one. That is pretty much the ultimate sadism.

[@Stillprecious06]

Yup!!!

[@eadler5929]

Because even the truth , the trips, the smiling children,, the family, is a lie.

[@Stillprecious06]

@@eadler5929 Yup!! When you realize that you can never go back!!

[@EllaCinder-lh4ro]

Yes because they aren’t only grandiosely pleased with causing you pain, they delight in harming your sense of innocence or naivety, as it feeds the overall feeling of their all powerful dominance and desire to crush you completely, as well as their somewhat obtuse uncertainty that you may not be intelligent enough to fully appreciate or comprehend the genius of how evil or horrible their betrayal has been; they want to make sure you ‘ fully get it ‘ 🙄

[@karenk2409]

Realizing that he enjoyed making me suffer, and threatened to kill me, something in my brain snapped, and I fled for my life after 46 years ... and never looked back. My upbringing was good and grounded; I had no idea that his kind of brain existed. The damage during and after has been horrendous, but I was blessed with brothers, friends and a counselor that helped me survive the abyss. It is just beyond awful ... but three years out, I have peace, purpose, and people to love. It's a long process. To all those who are struggling out of this kind of hell, I wish I could hold your hand.

[@amberc3728]

❤

[@suecleveland3226]

I was in 46.5 years knowing there was something wrong with him but thought I could help him. He just got worse and now I’m free and feel blessed but will never forget what I had to go through all those years.

[@karenk2409]

@@suecleveland3226 Love to you, sister.

[@karenk2409]

@@suecleveland3226 Hugs and blessings on ya, Sue! Every morning I thank God for simple peace.

[@Indy__isnt_it]

​@@suecleveland3226 I'm not sure there are many of us in this 4 decade club, 40 years of guessing, hoping, hurting, but still, something in US was so strong, we felt the need to fix their hurt despite suffering our own pain. Such a ridiculous scenario, the harder we tried to be what they actually needed but wouldn't even consider "the fault" could be theirs or even more mysterious, the fear of compromise they have. For ALL your efforts, the only transparency they have is the ability to look through you, never any eye contact. Then the more devious they become. Mine loves the silent treatment (worse thing ever for someone who thrives on intellectual conversation!) 18 months divorce because my finances were at a major change by turning 65. I couldn't turn in financial affidavit without the updated amount I finally received on FRIDAY! I can now move forward with the last leg of my divorce.

[@MaryBlandford]

My Narcissist was so cruel, that he called me at work to tell me our son had been in a motorcycle accident. I am a Surgical nurse & was going to rush out of the hospital where I worked to go to the hospital where my son was. My husband spent at least 10 minutes on the phone telling me the gory details. He said he was with our son & then put HIM on the to confirm it! My son was 16 (?) & was put in the position to lie for his father. Things weren't adding up & neither could answer my medical questions. Then my husband told me it was "a practical joke". What a monster. Now, he claims he never dud it, but my now grown son remembers it well & keeps apologizing over. He can't believe his Dad pit him up to it.

[@saltlifegull4091]

Without people like Dr. Les, there would be millions of hurting people living in a state of perpetual confusion!

[@prant8998]

“I was joking!” That’s the standard excuse. And, this is someone that never told a joke in their life. Let’s not forget the signature narcissistic, “smirk,” while inflecting their hurtful remarks. It’s a smile that is intentionally only half hidden. They want you see their enjoyment. It’s a bully who is laughing at you in a playground. Luckily, I was not married to my honey bunny, and I saw that smirk for the last time. Grabbed my dog, and clothing and out the door I went. I was born with a voice, but also two good legs, and I used them. The straw that broke me.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Well, it's not funny!!

[@stoplayin21]

Or your too sensitive after they rip your heart out for pleasure.

[@MC-mk6gs]

That filthy smirk I can never forget or unsee that

[@dibrentley7915]

Omg my current squeeze always says I'm Joking! We are away on holidays 10 more days to go til I get back to my home country. I'm done with him thank goodness I don't love him l. In count down mode til I get home I will be super nice then ghost. He certainly derives pleasure from hurting me and then says I was joking. Ugh he thinks he's handsome but just a fat old perve dirty old man. How did I not see it sooner?????????? I even know a lot about narcissism ..I'm so peeved with myself.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

My family always calls me sooo over sensitive when they take digs, crazy-making..I hate them

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

They will look for your "weak"/"soft" spots. Where can they hurt you the most? That's where they'll go. And they will enjoy to see you in pain.

[@LoveSource1111]

I was discarded around the exact time my mother died

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

@@LoveSource1111 I'm sorry to hear. That sound like a difficult time.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

I will not go to "my" "mother"'s funeral. I know what she has been. I know what she has done.

[@lynnebucher6537]

So true. My ex deliberately sabotaged the feed rations for the dozen horses in my care, and when I objected, he grinned and said "See, I did it because I KNEW you would get upset and say something!!!" He knew they were on specific different feeds and sudden changes could be bad for them. But he got enormous pleasure out of my getting upset.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

@@lynnebucher6537 Hi Lynne. I'm sorry to hear you and the horses went through that. 🩷 Siri

[@nicoledburns82]

My narc sister once laughed at a news story about a young child being mauled by a dog and said the toddler deserved it...scariest thing to witness.

[@melaw5]

Yes, it is. When we watched the series, "Inventing Anna," my narc husband couldn't stop laughing at all the people who were deceived by Anna Delvey, especially the woman who lost so much money and later sued her. He thought that was hilarious. I wasn't totally surprised at his reaction, but I was a little surprised at the complete lack of empathy. In other situations, he appears to have some, but after, I wonder if all his empathy is just a show.

[@Hatbox948]

Reading this jogged a memory I'd forgotten. Our power went out for a week one winter during a snow storm. A transformer had been blown. We could still use our gas logs for some heat so I removed the glass cover from the fireplace. I expressed concern about my granddaughter getting too close because my son in law had come to connect our generator. My husband just smirked and said if she fell in it would teach her a lesson. Sometimes you're so flabbergasted by what they say that you can't even reply.

[@jelly.212]

@@Hatbox948 Damn that's really cruel thing to say

[@Hatbox948]

@@jelly.212 It was, wasn't it. The saddest part is he really meant it.

[@wandajemison4166]

Wow😢

[@ritz6982]

If you hate them, they still have the upper hand. The ultimate feeling towards the narcissist is indifference; then they will have truly lost their power over you.

[@cor3944]

Indifference triggers them to start more drama…my experience.

[@motowngirl5891]

Yes, wish them no harm If that’s who they are that’s their problem

[@diannecavanaugh]

True that

[@emotown1]

Yes, indifference often/usually provokes more drama from them. That has to factored in. And however they double-down, one has to be prepared for it and be totally indifferent to that as well. Up to a point. If the doubling down involves clear criminality then that’s where being indifferent is entirely the wrong strategy. Just my two cents, as someone with a vile streak of narcissistic misery for a next door neighbour.

[@sharontalley2155]

One day while I was sitting at my kitchen table drinking a cola, my daughter-in-law walked by me and said "You're going to pay." I didn't know how to respond to that remark so I didn't say anything. I found out later when she turned my whole familty against me by lying to them and unfortunately they believed her. Narcissists are some of the most sadistic people on the planet. The hatred for you builds up in them until they attack you verbally and physically. And you never saw it coming.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

My stepfather knew I wanted to be at my Mum's beside when she passed. So, when the hospital phoned me to go down, I didn't know till I got there she had already passed. He kept saying 'I was with her till the end' and other stuff which was repeatedly brought up to 'Try' and twist the knife. That's when you know how sadistic they are!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's cold blooded.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@SurvivingNarcissism That's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm no contact with him now!

[@snowy4282]

@Amanda Liverpool - Those who share a bond of love with us know that we want to be there for them. I feel sure that your Mum felt your love, and carried it with her, even though you were prevented from being there physically. Love is more powerful than your step-father’s nasty little tricks, and transcends space and time. I believe you were there with her, after all. ❤🕊❤

[@snowy4282]

@Amanda Liverpool - I know, firsthand, that the grief from that is hard to resolve, when you didn’t get to say goodbye. 😢

[@amandaliverpool3374]

@@snowy4282 Thank-you. I absolutely believe that 🙏

[@ejp1925]

Watched my ex get joy from watching me suffer. It took me some time to be able to wrap my head around it and heal from it . Hard thing to witness. Especially from someone you loved and cared for.

[@dirtroaddestiny]

This comment was sad. I wish you good vibes! I’m also a dancing farmer like your channel name😂 ❤ have a great day friend.

[@denisguay4315]

Yes it does hit hard. Then we learn that it is for the best that we get that person out of our lives.

[@ejp1925]

@@denisguay4315 Amen to that . She def taught me a lot made me stronger from the experience. Much love !

[@denisguay4315]

@@ejp1925 The same for me. Virtual Hug.

[@joan7562]

it wasnt love, its an addiction, we want to prove we re lovable to someon who isnt capable of any love, just envy, sadism

[@moxiepooties6363]

I"ve noticed a subtle expression of satisfaction on the face of a narcissist when they think you are not looking and they've caused you to feel pain. They don't seem to be aware of this, but will continue to try to suck you back into their web with various manipulations and pitiable appeals. DON'T forget those expressions of pleasure on their faces. That is the TRUTH about what is going on with them.

[@ckvarnmass]

When my narcissistic husband would hurt me deeply, and I tried to talk to him about it, he would dismiss me and say, “you’ll get over it. “The lump in my throat would never go away. He’s been out of my life for nearly 40 years now, but the pain still is there when you think about these things and wonder why he wanted to hurt me so badly. A very sick individual.

[@aishwaryaparthasarathy349]

Going thru this ...been 5 years ...i dont know what stops me from getting out ...on depression pills now .. please pray for me i get some sense and get out of this mess

[@leanne123]

​@@aishwaryaparthasarathy349A long time ago a councellor gave me a good strategy to Ieave a relationship. Ask them to leave you alone for two weeks. Either go and visut a friend, or ask him to do it, If tou can;t get away then pay for a holiday for him as a gift, He will LOVE that. Find a way. Give yourself sime time alone to see how it feels. You will probably feel immediate relief, While he is gone arrange ti get the helk out if there, Enlist friends to help you if you can find any one who will. Move Either that or change the locks. If 'you fear reprisal tell the police. Don;t be there e'when he gets home. Talk to him on the phone, Tell him you have decided that you don;t want the relationship anymore, Do ni'ot agree to get together and talk, Youvare too busyvfrom moving. Hard no. You don;t hsve time to talk anymote . Will call him later. Never csll him and block him from cslling you. He will think you are not serious, He will party for a week or two waitung fir you to calll him. In about a month the shut will hit the fan. He will call yoir friends and famuily to find you, Rhey won;t know because you won;t tell tgem Your cell will be private number so no one'will kniw it. Grieve the loss ( if you have any feelings left) Move on being careful and wiser. Better sooner than later, If you want him back he will come because you were the best thing that ever happened to him. It worked for me. Try it. You can akways go back if you decide yiu still want abuse in your life.🙋😥❤️

[@LION-on4gd]

​@@aishwaryaparthasarathy349🗽🙏🍀🕊...get help quickly from a therapist knowing about this personality..a professional that will listen and advice you 💪💪💪

[@BrianSmith-lo3mj]

Thank God that you got away from your Monster ... I got away from mine in December of 1994.

[@miker4430]

Wasn’t your fault as these people can’t be cured

[@sarahstrong7174]

My mother was a teacher & had child psychology books & set out deliberately to try to drive me insane when I was still a child. There was a lot of violence too. Once after being hit in one of my eyes I was rendered blind in that eye for over a week. I was terrified that I would lose my sight in that eye at the same time as being terrified to try to speak to my mother to get medical help. I said to my mother, "I am blind in this eye." I was ignored. Trying again I said-" I cannot see anything out of this eye, at all." My mother's reply was- " Well youv'e got another eye haven't you?" I was silent. My mother repeated - "Well, haven't you?!" I was forced to agree meekly that I indeed had another eye. "WELL USE IT THEN!" She thundered. I cannot tell you how desperate, desolate, frightened & alone I felt.

[@randomisland2872]

That's awful.

[@mamaurku]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience. It was not our fault.

[@sylviaelizabethclarecholic2073]

Hello, I am so sorry that you experienced this as an innocent. Blessings to you for telling your experience to our community. You are strong. ❤️

[@flowergarden-1]

I'm so sorry, .... I lost vision permanently in one eye. I left after 29 yrs

[@Rachel-g3h5q]

Horrible people, very sick individuals and definitely with double standards

[@loricalass4068]

Never underrate sadistic narcissists, which I think is almost all of them. They could kill, like with poison on your toothbrush. And those who are sadistic to people have admitted that they like to torment animals in secret. Protect your pets.

[@MaryPothoven]

For sure, watch your pets!

[@kaymcintyre8013]

Yes, I have bad memories of trying to protect pet baby rabbits and ex preventing me from doing that, so they died. I made sure the next pet was a dog that could stand up for itself. The dog hated him. This is a terrible, terrible way to live and I'm so glad I was able to get away. The dog has had a long happy life!

[@loricalass4068]

@@kaymcintyre8013 so glad to hear you and the dog both escaped.

[@dotsyjmaher]

SO TRUE....

[@ashleykathryn9038]

I'm shocked how alike all these people are

[@kellimartinmlle777]

My mom was a Malignant Narcissist. She destroyed my life. I finally woke up & told her I knew all the dirty deeds she did to me. I was threatened. I fled. She actually stalked me. She was pure evil yet when she found out she had stage 4 cancer, she needed me after 5 years of no contact. I dropped everything and flew out. That's when I actually saw how sadistic she was. Within a few weeks she passed. I then found out she was a criminal.

[@leanne123]

Most of them are criminal. They are vey sick people, Not an ounce of love inside.

[@patriciahboston3547]

When I hear about MN , I know there is so much more than anyone will see, like those icebergs, so glad she can't hurt anyone again

[@Ariadne76-k3d]

People like this don't even really seem human to me.

[@nikkic4661]

They throw hissy fits over the dumbest things.

[@Chahahs]

@@nikkic4661 yah, like you noticing they wasted on the phone, like I care if your wasted when I am too. This dude take himself wayyyy too seriously 🤣

[@Chahahs]

Yah, like you noticing they wasted on the phone. He throws hissy fit says he's going. Like dude why would I care if your wasted, I am too 🤣this guy takes himself wayyy too seriously. 😅

[@carolynkepler2826]

My oldest brother really enjoyed humiliating me. I was the youngest and completely dependent on my”family”. I had no one to turn to. I have been no contact for 10yrs. He was a sadistic entitled creep.

[@louisahallman8304]

My sister humiliated me beat me up physically on a regular basis in front of all the neiborhood kids no one stopped her I don’t know y n she continues to slander me to people in the congregation as well as our relatives I never fought back n never told my parents until I was 59 I’m now 61 n my mother actually questioned me if it was true n y didn’t she see all the times my sister beat the crap out of me n I said, u didn’t see it because you were always drunk

[@hopefuls3976]

​@@louisahallman8304 How are you doing, I hope your healing with God's help. I know what it feels like to be slandered in the congregation, I'm experiencing that now, but relying on God to help me deal. Thanks for sharing, we're not alone😌

[@brg2743]

Been through this. Gutwrenching that someone is that nasty. They love it. Sickos. They are pure evil. Run.

[@steffiekensley8743]

When I realized the narcissist was doing everything on purpose and not accidentally, it sort of blew my mind anyone could be that evil. Then, turn around and blame you for it all, deny it and tell others you did to them what they did to you. Once you accept, they are in reality this depraved and calculating - deriving true pleasure from your pain - especially if they caused it, it's flabbergasting but unforgettable. And, all most of us wanted to do was love them while they slowly snuffed the life out of us. Sick people who actually deserve everything they gave, just as we all do.

[@paulcooper5748]

And it's hard to get rid of them evan when you tell them i dont want to see you they still keep coming around.

[@therooster6104]

My own mother has left deep scars on me the beatings , slapping, kicking , were tough the mental stuff was hardest . I’m 61 and still it haunts me no contact has been such a blessing.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That’s cruel

[@rg-mi5hh]

You didn't deserve that. What an animal to treat someone like that. She needed a swift kick in the rear.

[@susanazinger2525]

❤

[@leanne123]

To heall you have to cry. Get those 'painful emotions out if your system. Cry and cry snd cry. Until there are no more tears left to cry. Its painful but the only way toi shed the painful emotions. You will now be able to forget and move on. Don;t forget the crying will end and so will rhe pain. Its only hard while you are releasing those emotions. Start your grieving with a sad movie to get the tears flowing, It works to heal the pain.

[@cyny6305]

I'm close to that and also haunted (but then it hasn't even been a year yet). How a woman can bring an innocent child into the world then completely focus on destroying it..... Because of what my sadistic, narc mother did I wasn't able to have children. I wouldn't have anyway. I had no healthy maternal model. But I've seen what my nars sociopath sister has done to her children. Another generation destroyed.

[@earthling8585]

My grandchild's father tortured us with a 4 year long temper tantrum. He hurt us in every way he could think of. He acted on every single idea. He turned our lives upside down. Culminating in severely and permanently injurering me in a fit of rage. He said and did vile and vulgar things to us. Demonic doesn't begin to describe that evil, disgusting creature. There is no line they won't cross.

[@sylviaelizabethclarecholic2073]

True!

[@BBFCCO733]

so sorry

[@izawaniek2568]

On meeting a sadistic narcisist we Absolutely have to remove ourselves from any competition with them. No engagement whatsoever! This pathological behaviour is off the charts. Thank you dr Carter❤

[@yvonnebasson8652]

Yes I have seen it and it happened to me, a sadistic narcissist was the worst experience of my life, I started doubting myself, I thought maybe I deserved it, for 20yrs! Then he choked me and I got a restraining order against him.

[@debbibobetty5620]

When I was being picked on by a narc I finally couldn't take it anymore and I pushed him on the floor, he fell down over my furniture and he looked at me and didn't know what to do, so he just laid down and went to bed real fast like a cowering baby. I realize now he probably went back into childhood mode where he was first neglected by his caretaker. But I seriously don't care because he tried to break my hand and my arm. These people are dangerous and they are just regurgitating all the pain they've ever been through and they'll do it right on you if you don't move away from them.

[@marknolan2799]

My narcissist is sadistic. I've never seen anything like it. Thank you Dr. C for educating us and for your sympathy. Until you get caught in the web of one of these individuals, you have no idea what it's like. Sadly, even most therapists don't seem to truly understand narcissism. When you are up against someone with Machiavellian traits you have little chance of winning. It's like playing chess with a master. Dr. C gives you the tools you need so that you come away unscathed.

[@chayo4537]

Looks like you're still in the web and you don't which way is right. Or you're out of web and you still don't know

[@KatJael55]

You never come away unscathed...😢

[@SteeleMagnolia]

The shocking thing to me was finding out, after all these 59 years, that narcissism was a "thing", and the torture I was subjected to by my mother, and then three ex husbands, was REAL. I've never felt so setup in my life, for more of the same treatment my own mother inflicted.

[@susanazinger2525]

You never come away unscathed . Ever .

[@marknolan2799]

@@susanazinger2525 True. There is post traumatic growth. You'll be a stronger person. Everyone gets some adversity in life.

[@evelina787]

One symptom of a narcissistic personality disorder is sadism, such as when someone enjoys hurting animals or people and seeing others in pain. Antithetical to sadism and narcissism is a kind of personality that involves enjoying others being in control and approval-seeking.😔✨☘️🙏

[@lizkrinsky5209]

Ugh. That was my mom. She literally got her yayas off when she was cruel to my brother and I. Being raised by one when you can't get away until you are of age, and having to live and learn to function under those conditions... especially when no one believes you. If my brother or I ever said a word to someone we were told how much our mother loved us and how ungrateful we were... we had nowhere to turn. It didn't even end when we left home. We finally cut her off and then her friends went out of their way to find where were were and to try to make our lives a living hell. We managed to get through it.. we have zero to do with any family that's left or any of those so-called "family friends" but the vacant feeling it left. We never truly feel a part of anything, we always feel like we are invisible and on the outside always looking in and not connected to others except each other... my brother and I have a pretty good relationship and are there for each other we both have trust issues because pretty much everyone we were raised by actually was very untrustworthy and in our mother's case, downright terrifying. I'm sorry about whatever happened to her to make her that way, my grandmother has a whole lot to answer for... but I do not miss any of them. I miss the idea of a family.

[@jalopenogardiner5323]

You have a bond & a family in other victims. We as victims need to organize support groups so we can support each other and be our own surrogate families. Especially holiday functions. I also want to create a nonprofit organization to help victims find safety, support, legal advice, education & access to resources. What do you think ?

[@GlenMcDowellFarm]

"I miss the idea of a family"...yeah.

[@maxkendall1298]

My N mother's parents were wonderful. Her siblings had no idea where it came from. Then, my son is a N, no idea where he got it from either (he did not spend much time with his grandmother). So not sure about nurture.

[@e-spy]

My mother would lock my sister and I (I was 3 and my sister 4 then) in the cellar with no lights, water dripping everywhere, but before she slammed the door, she'd say, "Don't let the rats eat ya!" And when I badly broke my wrist at 5, she said, "That's what you get!" I had fallen on it when I slipped on the ice. She refused to take me to the doctor. My aunt saved me three days later. And during those three days, my teenage brother would come up and grab my hand and shake it while I screamed (my mother was in the room). I had a fun childhood, lol, but I chose love. A few of my 6 siblings did not. We are not close.

[@SteeleMagnolia]

We share the same exact story, with the narc mother. Why on Earth could a woman be so evil as to bring life into this world, for the sole purpose of inflicting harm on them? Because they feel "special" during the pregnancy, with the attention all on them. My mother felt special 6 times (my five siblings and I), and it seemed that her evil increased with each birth. So many times I had wished that I'd never been brought into this world. As an adult, and going no contact with her, I survived and thrived, despite her existence.

[@texasrefugee7888]

My dad a sadistic narcissist. That's why I ❤️ having you as my KZbin father figure Dr Carter

[@paulcooper5748]

Mine too i dont call him dad i call him by he's first name now.

[@Plumduff3303]

Same pal

[@Elje41]

Yes don’t defend don’t engage just walk on Thank you for this

[@cosmicreef5858]

No! ALWAYS defend! What is this stupid message? Why would you not defend yourself? They need to be put to their place unless they will not stop.

[@druchampion-payne1489]

"being mean energizes them" ....yes!!!! I'll never forget the last time i went with my husband to visit *his* mother and we stayed in her house. And while my husband went to lunch with an old school friend I stayed behind and spent some *alone* time with my mother-in-law. And it was awful because she spent at least an hour telling me everything she didn't like about me (at this point we were married 27 years). And the entire time she had a creepy 'smile' on her face as if she was enjoying herself it was sooo weird, and NOW I understand why. I didn't even think about the "sadistic" side of her until watching this video, so thank you. And when she was done reaming me up one side and down the other, I left the room absolutely stunned, didn't know what to say ....so I sat in the bedroom where my husband and I were staying and thought about what she said and how to respond ....so I walked back out and very nicely and gently asked her this question: "Is there anything that you DO like about me?" ...and she had to think about it for like 15 seconds, as if struggling to come up with an answer, and all she said was, "Well, you are lovely to look at", unquote. That's it? I'm just lovely to look at? But even that wasn't a compliment because one of the things she DOESN'T like about me is that *she* thinks I spend too much time on my appearance--she mentioned that as one of the things she didn't like about me. Looking back (this was 8 years ago) I can see how much she enjoyed herself and she never apologized for being so mean. When my husband came back from his lunch I told him what happened and explained that this was the LAST time I'm coming for a visit and he understood why. He didn't confront his mother because he knows how she is--you can't correct her or tell her she's wrong because she's never wrong. He said nothing because he's spent his entire life being silenced. So that was the last time I saw her in person (she lives in another state). And I stopped taking her phone calls 8 months ago. I went no contact and blocked her number and with my husband's blessing. He can't change her, and I want nothing to do with her now. In the beginning I wanted to be close to her but I didn't realize what I was dealing with. I didn't know what narcissism was until 3 years ago and that's when my eyes were opened and so much of how my MIL treated me started to make sense. You just can't unsee it once you discover what's truly going on. For the longest time I just thought there was something wrong with me that I was unlovable. Now I see the truth ...it's so freeing!!!!

[@thinkingoutloud7425]

Bless you...?

[@mariafihn6874]

I'm in the same situation with mine for now

[@sallyflavell6221]

I use to read the Old Testament stories of awful families where there was the most terrible crimes committed by fathers who abused daughters, brothers who would kill their own flesh and blood. It made me realise that it’s been this way for centuries and yet we call ourselves a civilised society!? There are people in this world who have sold their souls for wealth image and power and do seek to destroy those they consider inferior. It’s hard to comprehend when you have been brought up in a household serving others and turning the other cheek. We are told to forgive but we are not told how to avoid these types of people who really are dangerous to society. No one wants to talk about it because it’s seen as something that only happens to bad people who go looking for trouble. Many people could be saved from this damaging experience if they had been made more aware of the nature of evil. At least Dr C is brave and kind enough to give the actual reality of what some people are capable of doing to their fellow man. Bless you Dr C and Thankyou for wise your counsel.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

To your point, this is not a new phenomenon!

[@faithhopecharity2386]

My sister. My husband always said that she’s meaner than a snake. She’s viciously cruel. Our mom was verbally abusive but always had favoritism towards her and so, I don’t know where she gets it. It was me and my brother who were criticized, verbally abused, treated as burdens, etc.; not her. She was adored and highly favored. Her bad choices always overlooked, excused away and swept under the rug, even now. When she speaks, I kid you not, it feels like a demon has over taken her.

[@falconbritt5461]

I trained in High Andes Peruvian Medicine (shamanism) and learned about entity attachment, and I've dealt with narcissists in "demon mode" so I have to agree with you, at times it IS a different and demonic-feeling being in the body - you can feel it from 15 feet away, even not looking at them - the hairs on your neck stand up sensing a predator in the room. Then the level of malice is highly disturbing... it's a 'back out of the room slowly" moment just so you don't get raped or beaten. These entities aren't technically demons (those were all removed from the 3D level of earth a few summers back, by report), but they behave so demonically it's a very slight distinction to me. Usually the entities in the narcissists' biofields are actually viciously cruel dead folks - sometimes just mean as h---, but some also violent, stalkers and/or rapists, pedophiles and/or murderers who didn't go to the light when they passed. To stay alive energetically without a body, and refusing to turn to God, these nasty dead folks must glom onto someone's body, to feed on their life force energy by not just turning them darker in their thoughts and emotions but by inserting thoughts and provoking emotions to make them worse and worse so they hurt others. Occasionally they are beings from another dimension (people, PLEASE stop playing with Ouija boards, we have portals all over the place inviting in beings that shouldn't be here), but most are horrible dead folks. Like demons, they too feed on the pain energy of others, any kind of low vibe energy like pain or emotional pain, grief, rage, humiliation... it's because they are low vibe beings, they need low vibe food. They literally feed on fear, pain, suffering, rage, etc. of others, so they evoke it from people to feed. They seek to feed on loosh from the victim. (Loosh is what they call people's - or animals' - painful emotions that get emitted.) The mean person who gets the entity in their field doesn't often realize it, of course, because our culture doesn't recognize entities and because usually their third eye isn't open. We're also taught that all our thoughts and feelings originate with us, but many people have entities of one kind or another from lifetimes of pain. Some are about sadness and depression or hopelessness, for example. The delight of hurting someone, especially a child or disabled person, is absolutely "demonic," energetically speaking. Enjoying the pain and suffering of others is a key feature. That sadistic face reveals the glee the narcissists feel to cause pain even in their own kids, and it is more than a dropping of a mask - energetically you realize you're dealing with a much colder and more malice-filled being. That gloating look from causing you pain can never be unseen. Sometimes these entities take over a toxic person so completely the eyes will turn completely black. Then you really know you need to exit swiftly and permanently, and learn shamanic protection techniques (IMO). So no, you're not crazy. Certain medicine people (shamans) are trained in removing these entities, but if the host wants them there (enjoying the superiority and power trip illusion, for example), you can't force them out.

[@lynnebucher6537]

FaithHopeCharity, your mother may have unwittingly created your sadistic sister. Some kids will emulate and mirror a parent in an attempt to gain approval and avoid rejection. You kids who didn't got all the ill treatment.

[@fissionchips223]

I appreciate the timing of this. I have known this about my wife for over 15 years and have never heard “sadistic” used... I am attempting to survive something so harrowing I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. They want you dead, but not before you are effectively drained of everything that is “you”... Never, ever, ever let someone commandeer your finances on any level, be wary of people who freely spend your money - they are setting themselves up for complete control. Remove, heal yourself and pray for these perpetrators - it’s the only way.

[@ashl8804]

True….!

[@amberinthemist7912]

I think many would love to drive you to end yourself.

[@leanne123]

Haven't you wasted eniough tine on them ? Why pray for the Devil ? God knows him.

[@KU-mq4er]

Where do you go to get away from them

[@brucefriedman1]

In order to refresh their "supply" of sycophants, the narcissist must go to the extreme in order to oust their former supply of adorers. And often the first supply is the narcissist's own children. Been there, done that.

[@siriastridkristensen4272]

🌸

[@keithstewart7514]

58 yo & living with a Sadistic Catholic mother WHOSE 84 and HEALTHY and I'm the PROBLEM ...

[@Libra_Girl.]

@@keithstewart7514 Are you going to inherit her house or anything?

[@pepperjonesugoChristian]

It took me until adulthood to even know how to define what I had been going through. As a lifelong Christian I can say that as I prayed for guidance, God gave it. Some kind of an excellent journey from the darkness of obscurity to the light of understanding and strength. There are many hands involved in the pursuit of the frustration of the victims of society.

[@dirtroaddestiny]

So true. Heartbreaking realization though 😢

[@caseydelachante2905]

My mother was a narcissist who was just plain abusive. She was with zero empathy. She smiled and just stared grinning watching our cat have a stroke in the middle of the floor. My heart was breaking, I couldn't get to the phone fast enough to call the vet. My mother was heartless.

[@chops4986]

They’re sick!

[@Astar9988]

Sir. I am still enduring, 15 years of stalking. A sadistic criminal person with money and power. The last woman that "failed" him is now in a coma, braindead forever. Very suspicious circumstances.

[@Libra_Girl.]

Yes! My ex is a sadist -- I realized he was enjoying hurting me after he said "I know I'm hurting you" but then he didn't change his behavior. Sick! I dumped him because I knew he had no intention of stopping his sadistic behavior.

[@shewho333]

The glint of joy in her eyes when she knew she hit her target. The only thing I learned from my mother was: Don’t Let Them See Your Pain. Don’t react. At all. Glad she wasn’t alive when I found out both my daughter and I are autistic.

[@jennyharris3638]

Yes that evil smile is sickening when they think that they have won..

[@twopurringcats]

This describes my upbringing. I am the grown only child of two confirmed narcissists. Mom is very high level and histrionic NPD, dad is covert but equally mean. I found out from the family therapist at 12 years old. My parents had gone to therapy for marital issues and then the therapist wanted to see me..separately. I was told to learn all that I could about abuse so not to repeat it, be independent as possible and not to use them as role models. And to continue therapy. So, I did. Mom was the main abuser and when she attacked me I got removed from our house for my safety. Dad was passive and aloof. He hid at work mostly. I never lived with them again. Mom got off on my pain. I remember being bathed in nearly scalding hot water as a small child. A relative later told me that mom had gotten in trouble for doing the same thing to her baby cousin as a girl. I really can't comprehend how she could be so charming and at times fun yet have this side to her that was scary and beyond mean. I spent my life going to therapy and in contact with my parents but in a guarded, independent way. Mom grew to hate me and had purposely sabotaged my college education, refused to let dad help me when I was struggling as a young person. She enjoyed seeing me suffer. It empowered her. I worked hard with nearly no help at all to get my education and build a career, fueled by her hatred. I was never bad or difficult, she just hated that people liked me and I was competition to her in her twisted mind. She worked hard to destroy my bond with my father, because it made her hyper jealous too. He grew to be more like her through the years. The good side of him disappeared. I let go completely a few years ago because they became to determined to bully and control me (nope..never!) and couldn't care less about me. I got high blood pressure (to go along with my lifelong CPTSD) due to the endless stress and upheaval that contact with them caused. That was the last straw. My health now is top priority and I live in peace. They used to manipulate with fake "kindness" to reel me back in then attack when my guard was down. I learned finally to not fall for it. I actually became afraid for my safety at the end. They would do and say *anything*, at any cost to others, to get whatever they want. My eyes are wide open now. Therapy taught me boundaries, self esteem and resilience. I was a target because of this. So no contact, for me, was life changing and necessary. Therapists had always told me to stay away/run/move far away, etc. I did but low contact wasn't enough. Now, I completely get it. I wish I'd been able to let go earlier in life but at least I did it in my 50s. Sadistic people are nothing short of evil. Never trust them. Ever.

[@elizabethhuang9789]

Broke up with my narcissistic ex after I realized that his preference for kink was actually a hardcore addiction to BDSM and had predatory behaviour towards teenage girls, and we’re in our 40s. He wanted me to validate his addiction and sexual experiences outside of our relationship since I wasn’t into it. Ended that real quick and RAN. Scariest experience ever: facing a real predatory, sadistic, and narcissistic monster. And realizing that our system allows him to behave as such without repercussions. He’s gotten this far and will continue to do so because he’s obviously smart enough to know how to blend in without being detected as the wolf in sheep’s clothing. I shudder at how deeply I delved into that darkness and discovered this…

[@kariann3198]

30% of the population has this disorder

[@FM-by1rl]

Yikes!! My covert narc started testing the boundaries very slowly - starting with placing his hands around my throat during intimacy. No conversation beforehand about boundaries and whether I was comfortable with that, etc. I knew things were about to get pretty crazy, so I needed to get out - but wow, was that a shocker.

[@kathk3203]

I too have wound up with similar types. After ending it mine would bring up I how I did such and such a thing that he was the one that wanted to do in the first place to make me feel shame about that. Total loser. It should be that simple if it walks like a duck...

[@loriallen9237]

@@kathk3203 or they just throw in your face, everything you've ever done wrong, to try to shame you.

[@chayo4537]

Why would you even consider thinking about something that and participating. You're just as gross for doing it 🤮🚨

[@cymbolichuman433]

Too many people are cruel to their so-called loved ones. They don't care about others and if you won't take their abuse any longer, they'll harm you. Too many are too afraid to leave a person who hates them. And sometimes when it's evident that you don't care about them anymore...Watch your back!

[@dirtroaddestiny]

When they cause so much pain and you need a break. So you tell them this and they just start more drama. My life right now.

[@michelleb6935]

Please try to leave because it will only get worse. You can't fix them. Be safe and I hope you find peace soon❤

[@jillmarie180]

Let's not forget about the SPOILED ONES ... That turn into malignant narcissist.

[@kirabarsmith9353]

Thank you for addressing the sadistic conditioning coming from Hollywood and "entertainment", it's ridiculous, and I believe it is intended to undermine society.

[@JackNance22]

And which tribe owns the media, our financial system, and all institutions? Humanity better step up and confront the difficult truth before it's too late.

[@Soothsayer937]

During the pandemic, I took a trip back to the 80's through tv shows. Displays of guns and shooting were very minimal. Many shows today are shoot em ups and we have become desensitized to violence and the suffering of others as a whole. I refuse watch any shows or movies like that. Quick story: About 10 years ago, my 92 yr old father went to the store. He tripped and fell at the door. He told me everyone just walked around him and nobody asked if he was ok or needed help. I think it disheartened him to see what the U.S. was turning into. He just didn't seem the same after that happened.

[@leanne123]

​@@Soothsayer937 I'm not the same either. I'm morslly disgusted with our sicuety. I''m so sorry your dad felt thst. It is truely horrendous behaviour.

[@missnyssah8048]

Video games and porn too!!

[@cyny6305]

The producers know that they can sell that. And it's as addictive as any drug.

[@sharonnugent408]

My first husband and my Dad was sadistic. It took a long time for me to stop inclidinding these types in my life They like hurting me. It was a hard lesson Thank you for seeing us. We who need to be understood

[@lynnehaeberle5641]

It intensified throughout the years. It was getting worse, as his main goal was to see me break. I learned to remain passive and ignore his games for the most part, but that only seemed to encourage him to double down on his efforts. It was pure evil.

[@lovearttherapyalways]

Both my ex husband and my son could not hide smiles whenever something hurt me. My son was much more overt about it than my ex husband. I still cannot comprehend that type of cruelty towards someone who loves them. Thanks Dr. Carter for another informative video. God bless you and your sweet pooch!

[@lauriceday5976]

Husband AND son....maybe that is something I should accept.😥 It's not just 1, it's both.

[@susanazinger2525]

​@@lauriceday5976 How old is your son ? Husband and son is a hellish burden to bear . They gang up on you ...I hope you make the right decision for yourself .❤

[@lauriceday5976]

@@susanazinger2525 My son was 25 when I left; he is now 31. I lost him to parental alienation 1 yr into the battle. My 25 yr old daughter is an off/on relationship. I'm tired. Rebuilding my finances at 60 needs constant miracles. There are good days and bad days. Your kind thoughts are comforting. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 😮‍💨

[@Elishava7]

Listen to Dr. Craig Childress to understand why your children sided with your abuser. It’s never too late to recover your children.

[@user-cf3iz6cl5q]

My narc mother did this, she took great delight in seeing me being in pain - emotional and physical. Of course she would be the one that inflicted this pain upon me

[@jzinser-mandala9117]

Thank you so much for this video. I was married to a person like this. He ended up rich and famous and lauded in his field. I struggling with. PTSD. He tried to kill me many times in clever ways that he would have used to show my death would have been my fault. Honestly, I was terrified of him until the day he died, recently. We had been divorced for many years, but he never stopped his vengeance because I didn’t think he was the most incredible person in the world. If you are in a relationship with someone like this, run!

[@dididisun]

But he died first! Be careful what you wish for... God is not going to be mocked! Your ex is in hell most likely... people who treat others like that are going to hell... eternal punishment

[@rg-mi5hh]

Can't imagine any narcissist in heaven. They are evil.

[@stephaniecollier7951]

I think the word criminal needs to be applied at some point 😢

[@miker4430]

That or a wood chipper

[@darthridiculous7466]

I knew my last relationship was done when I was telling her how much what she had done had hurt me and she had this big grin on her face the whole time.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

[@WeAreAllAlexJones2024]

I dealt with a narcissist cousin all my life until the age of 30 when I started to study psychology. The final blow was when she wanted me visit her, but couldn't understand why my kids didn't want to go. When I explained, how they didn't want to visit because of how she treated us all the last time we did, she totally denied everything she did that was really abusive and nasty. She even went so far to call me a liar when I went back over the Insults and nasty behavior she did.

[@scotttabak5738]

My wife has been acting this way for 4 months I thought It was strange to see her controlling a smile while I was describing me being upset. She got a charge from it. Weird

[@debbiecarson7005]

My oldest grandchild is 19 all 3 was told I was a bad influence I know none of them , my daughter told her children when my husband passed I took all the money and went to Italy and wasn’t coming back , I am recently speaking to my 17 yr old grandson who thought I didn’t care about anyone , when in all reality my children took all death benefits and left me nothing

[@pepperjonesugoChristian]

My children told IRS that I illegally filed for tax benes while my eldest grandson was in my custody because the mother wanted to receive that tax benes to her advantage. The person that contacted me from IRS after making inquiry to validate the matters presented closed the conversation by saying that she was sorry that I had such ungrateful and malicious children that would attempt to do me harm without a cause. When I used the money to secure the residence that I currently occupy, they apologized. Since that time the oldest left six years ago while I was at school and has only returned twice since then. Her youngest son said that his mom said that I didn’t love them. I could only tell him that I have always and only loved them and will always love them and ask that he not forget this. I help the youngest with getting degrees and give job advisement that will not be accepted until someone else says it. Last Thursday night I was cursed out when the mask slipped. God The Bible says that in this later day children would be unmerciful, ungrateful and without the fear of God before their eyes. Thank you for sharing. It gave me solace to hear someone else talk about the unrequited love of a caring parent meeting the challenge of loving despite all. God bless you with a restored relationship with those that your arms long for.

[@leanne123]

​@@pepperjonesugoChristian Why are your children so cold and malicious ? YOU raised them. I'm sure YOY had nothing to doi with it, They came out if your belly hating you right ? Its such a mystery. Believe me, your children were abandoned first.

[@TheAlaskaMom]

Wow! I needed to hear this. As a Christian, I’m called to forgive others when they sin against me. I still choose to forgive, but I don’t have to stay in a cruel person’s life.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Forgiveness and boundaries are two separate issues.

[@pattiprater]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you! I needed to hear that!

[@mvbigmagic4048]

I struggled with this also. But I realized... by continuing to enable my malignant narcissistic mother, I was HELPING her hurt not only me, but so many other people. She got worse towards old age. She failed her vision test when she tried to renew her driver's license, and didn't tell me. So she drove for about 1.5 years WITHOUT A LICENSE. She could have killed someone. But she didn't care! That is a narcissist for you. They think they're above the law and they have no remorse about possibly hurting or killing anyone with their demands and entitlement. :( It is not a sin to STOP enabling these sinful people. Matthew 19:29-30.

[@swsblyth9969]

For me it's hard to believe they are like this. Even when I articulate it. So draining to be in the presence of such behaviour.

[@karendovey3538]

This was my ex. It appeared that at times he'd planned what he would do, given thought to the humiliation/hurt/pain he'd dish out and it was done with that smirk on his face. He got off on it 😭🥺☹️. He told me once "I'm evil inside", probably the most honest thing he ever said

[@SaltLake180]

I would call my narc a sadist; didn't know that this term already exists to define covert narcs like him. He is charming, would be very nice in helping me out with the kids and chores on a daily basis but the moment I try to act as an independent and assertive person to get things done, he would show me his true colors. My needs and wants are totally ignored as if I do not matter. Even though he is well educated and retired from a very nice position, there is no way I can rationalize with him if he has decided to punish me. Wasted 28 years in this confusion raising my kids. Now I know better; also they become worse as they age. I have fallen apart so many times; survive on antidepressants and a mood stabilizer. This lecture was excellent Dr. Carter. Thank you so much.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You're quite welcome

[@fightthegoodfightoffaithmi8676]

Jeremiah 15:21 And I will deliver thee out of the hand of the wicked, and I will redeem thee out of the hand of the terrible. Galatians 4:31 So then, brethren, we are not children of the bondwoman, but of the free.

[@handsolo1209]

In the real world we have to deal with bad people, so make believe about a punishment afterwards offers no help at all.

[@handsolo1209]

@@flyingeaglewoman8682 Provide one shred of evidence that any of that bullshit is real, then we can bring it to the table. In the real world, victims need actual help, not make-believe bullshit that, by the way, the make-believe book says that if the abuser asks Jesus for forgiveness, then all is good. What a help that is............................

[@vickioliver1098]

Amen

[@JesusIsLife298]

Amen!!

[@MHiL7]

Amen 🙏

[@sarahs8164]

Even after being away from the constant influence of my ex for 15 years; I still cannot wrap my mind around the fact that he was energized and took JOY from my suffering.

[@dylannaenzo9737]

Evil = anti-Life..... They are EVIL... HINO Human In Name Only.... FORGET ABOUT HIM IF POSSIBLE!!! I can't seem to be able to forget about my covert malignant narc sister... what a looney tune.

[@leanne123]

​@@dylannaenzo9737 Crying (grieving) can get the pain out that is asdociated with those mwmories. Cry, cry, cry. Then you can move on with the memories but no psin with them. Start the flow with a sad movie.

[@lorenrobertson8039]

It's so painful when it's family that you love, or once were close with in childhood but have no empathy or love for you in adulthood. I found so many narcissists throughout this life that harmed me. I appreciate how you lay all this information out. If only I'd found someone like you early in life. Thank you

[@sallylee4647]

Yes Dr Carter, I have seen this sadistic side in my ex. He had a certain evil smile when he realized that he had caused pain. Horrifying. He wanted the score on my side to be below 0. It took all I had to get back to floor level. I had to laugh on the hornet's nest. Thank you for bringing this to light here and all your work and compassion.

[@jennysims1910]

This was my father - died young many years ago, my ex of 22 years and my older brother - now no contact I thank God that these men are no longer in my life and I’m now free from ongoing abuse, now just dealing with the trauma they all left

[@sallylee4647]

@@jennysims1910 I am very sorry. I understand the trauma. I still have it. Just had a nightmare on the ex last night. It is 12 years post divorce and my father died 4 years ago.

[@hauntedheart3924]

I love it - you had to laugh at that hornet's nest!

[@Notmytoe]

This is exactly the element I try to explain to people, that makes it so impossible for me to have any real relationship with my parents anymore. I get called stubborn and "only seeing my own point of veiw" when I refuse to open up to them anymore. I definitely understand that they had pain in the past. But I did not cause that pain. And they really enjoy pain. So what can I do? These are people who try to ruin my career at any turn, want to muddle my religion, want me to marry abusers, want to abuse any children I may have in the future (my mom has literally joked about it). It's not my responsiblity to let them take their sadistic pleasures out on every area of my life. There is no way to have any decent relationship with people who are always scanning for ways to ruin you. Me stepping back from them may starve them of supply.... but that is NOT something I enjoy doing. I think a lot of people have trouble coming to terms with what sadism actually is. They don't want to believe that their family or friend is really thinking like that. It is easier to accuse the victim of being paranoid or stubborn. It's easier to believe there is a communication problem in the family, rather than believe that the heads of the family are sadistic and incapable of love. But to be honest, I am okay with being called stubborn for protecting myself from further harm from them. Maybe if I protect myself now, then I'll be in a better position to help other victims later. If they want help. It is so sad how much destruction these people cause though. Thank you so much for these videos and addressing these difficult topics that a lot of society tends to ignore! These videos always give me a sense of calm and remind me of the right way to manage things.

[@sarasol4677]

My psychopath ex once told me (during our fifth or sixth "love bombing" time) he'd asked his therapist if he was not being too weak at being mild and affectionate and his therapist had answered: no, you're being stronger. Yet, he couldn't keep the mask for more than six months . His mask would slip again and he became sadist, cruel, pitiless, furious.... it was then, the end. Thank you Dr Carter, excellent video

[@philima]

This is EXACTLY how my ex husband is. He was enjoying my excruciating pain and fear in a sick and perverted way, absolutely sadistic, even close to a sick seemingly sexual pleasure which he seemed to derive from destroying my entire being.

[@Ellejay7348]

I didn’t know my husband was a sadistic narcissist even narcissistic until I served him with divorce papers. I did leave with trauma. I am healing from him actions. I know I am strong. It isn’t worth focusing on what he did. It counts on never doing that to another person out of trauma from just being exposed to that behavior. I’m growing and seeing those red flags in others quickly before I am vested in feelings for another person. I’m all about what’s good for my mind and heart. Equality in my next relationship. Treating my sons better and detoxing them from any behavior I may have learned.