When A Narcissist Realizes You Are No Longer Interested

[@joyphillips1821]

They just want you to constantly take care of them... but when you need help, they can't be found.

[@MissAnn-xu9oo]

Bingo

[@mindofnobility7554]

EXACTLY! I gave her everything. Paid rent, bills, etc. They never paid anything....always said they would pay you back. They never did. I asked for 1 thing, and they said they couldn't. I'm like, wow, after all I did for her!

[@cleodivine83]

Exactly!!! They are NEVER there for you. They just talk and talk a lot!!! Blah blah blah..

[@frenzy3132]

Exactly!!....my husband does that to me...

[@lifeisgood7740]

When I contracted RSV from my grandson, he never asked me how I was doing. When I said, Why haven’t you asked me how I’m doing, he said “Actually, I forgot.” After a week of being sick, he said, You are really milking this! I should have picked up and moved right then and there. God, please give me the strength to get out of here. He’s ignored me for a week and when he does that, I feel like a big weight is off me. Has anyone who lives with a narcissist/BPD person had them stare at you and correct you at whatever move you make? Years ago, I had to go back to work for financial reasons as he had his own business and medical insurance got to be so expensive for us and our three children. When I did go back, I bought a computer for the family. I was so excited I was able to do that. One day, I came home from work and he had exchanged it for a better computer. I was livid. But, to avoid his screaming and cursing, I said nothing. He will occasionally, do something very nice for me BUT, that’s only when he has an audience to say “What a nice guy.”

[@Kazzas73]

To every empath reading this; You can’t change someone by loving them harder. Best advice I have ever received.

[@mobill93]

I swear narcissists are drawn to me and yes it is so hard to finally let that sink in bcs i fight for love i don't just give up but now 30 i know better and will not tolerate that behaviour

[@nancydyer8942]

So very true!😢

[@123MG]

I wish I'd have read this 3 years ago 😂

[@carrie6157]

I tried for 35 years … then I found your channel! Thank you …

[@msminicooper2010]

@@mobill93 "You are 'narc magnet,'" my therapist said to me.

[@gailmb1]

Being lonely in a relationship is a lot worse than being lonely alone.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

Yes. I discovered this.

[@RobMacKendrick]

Boy, did I learn this the hard way.

[@JackieFerrell-f6o]

@RobMacKendrick Me, too.

[@reneerobertson284]

Im free.. 21 years of all this.. October 10 ,'24 i filed for divorce.. Im facing all my emotionsit has not been easy. Working on me and will get help for PTSD and narcissistic abuse. Then, I will move on with me. The verbal, emotional and financial abuse was horrifying. GOD is walking with me❤

[@chrishere4272]

If you are in a relationship where you are always explaining yourself, you are with a narcissist.

[@laurajones5352]

I agree 💯% You constantly feel like you have to justify and explain your emotions and actions.

[@lavanshawn3924]

10 years in a relationship and i didn't even know until now. you are so right im always explaining myself and nothing seems to connect.

[@jamesday7344]

I got tired of explaining that I was not a bad person. No contact just short of 6 weeks

[@noneofyourbuizness]

​@@lavanshawn3924 thats it ? Is that the only reason you think she is a narcissist ??

[@lavanshawn3924]

@@noneofyourbuizness no.... they are generally smart people! They know how to figure out people well. They tend make friends with people who appear that they can't fight back for themselves.

[@MissSandyC]

That feeling of exhaustion. It just gets worse over time. The entitlement, the victim mentality - it's just too much.

[@claddaghclare22]

Absolutely! I've gained such peace from going "no contact ".

[@MissSandyC]

@@claddaghclare22 We're lucky to have that luxury of going "no contact". My heart hurts for people who can't just yet.

[@cardinalgin]

I'm with you on that : the same discussion and/or argument over and over and over and over..... aughhhhh !!!

[@zakwood3094]

@@MissSandyC id love to go no contact!

[@donnawoodham868]

I've had enough ,.. I just want to leave . ... I just can't support myself . So I try to just have no contact , be gone , hang with family and friends . I do all I can for a walk with Jesus . ... He means everything to me . Theirs no love between the Narc. And me . We can't talk ,. He doesn't like talking . .... We can't even do anything for fun . I like reading , walking , going to church , Having fun with our kids , And fun with our grandchildren . I love people , .. but not him . I just don't see this until 5/6 years ago . But for years I knew that something was not right with him . He's crazy , mean , Bully , selfish , he's loud , he calls out bad words , and when I do try to talk to him ... He tells me to shout up 💔🥺 ... I can't believe I married this person . And I did it two times . I've prayed . I've done all I can . Now it's just a no contact day after day with a man that I don't know any longer . Only God can help him . I do wish that I could leave .

[@tabithawaylan1303]

I’m figuring out how to leave. I’ve reached a point where I’d rather sleep in my car than spend another miserable day unloved and unsafe.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Keep leaning forward!!

[@IndigoCherokee]

I did that during a thunderstorm not long ago. I couldn't take it. He kept coming to the car being me to come in. But no he had the police just there accusing me of stuff.... No bueno

[@LauraSchendel-ko1qk]

I slept in my car to get away. Smartest thing I ever did.

[@ChelseaCriss-le5jh]

You can do it!!! I just left one with my 11 month old baby. God took care of us. I'm in my new place very happy! Don't look back it's not worth it one bit. Just mentally prepare so that when they hoover to get you back you won't fall back into their trap. I couldn't do it without God though. Praying for you.

[@LauraSchendel-ko1qk]

Hi sweetie! The first step in leaving is to put your arms around yourself and say to yourself “I will never let anyone hurt me again!” After that, God will guide you out because you have overcome a huge obstacle to your awareness of your worth. You learned self-worth the hard way. Mad respect! Go forward now, committed to being the best that you can be and watch what happens! Hugs!

[@Original22]

No one falls in love faster then a narcissist looking for a place to live

[@ReRe_642]

My step son is marrying a chic that has no clue. I feel sorry for her as I can not tell her because I am no longer in his life.

[@jessihnamte8056]

This resonates me 🤧

[@MissSandyC]

@Original22 - oh all day.

[@staat834]

Not only that, but watch them destroy that place they live in and STILL play the victim with their hoarding and/or lack of boundaries then act SHOCKED when everyone wants their toxic behavior OUT of the house.

[@MissSandyC]

@@staat834 They all play from the same script. They create the situation and everyone reacts (rightfully so) in a negative way - and yet they are STILL the victim - oh poor me - everyone is bullying up on me.

[@christinatachdjian3752]

"they need you to be an enabler of their dysfunctional way of life". That was pure gold.

[@grace692]

I picked that out as the perfect phrase from the video as well. I replayed that section to get it just as it was said. That’s our role when in that enmeshment. Not companion, friend, spouse, fellow life traveler. We are exploited and used to enable a destructive process of functioning - one that will hurt others. That means our kids are harmed by what we are giving life support to. Count me out.

[@mrjamiebowman]

This is very true... They will create their own problems and pull others into it. Anger and Rage = feelings of power. Ironically, this is far from the truth... and the cycle continues

[@sadiemakesmesmile]

They likely do it to further justify that the dysfunction is not their responsibility, its out of their control...

[@christinatachdjian3752]

@@sadiemakesmesmile yes, and it is in their control... they are the ones creating the drama.

[@dyalinohera5712]

As the scape goat of my father's wife, I was key to her emotional stability so she can keep face. When I left, her son got all of the fall out of her instability.

[@sarahwilson8854]

Run away if you encounter one of these people and block them. Interactions with them will destroy your peace.

[@openwoods1598]

everything the doc says...is exactly what my narcissistic wife did. so happy being away from her and her narcissistic family. my gut feeling was right all these years. even my dog is happier.

[@melanieknowles7002]

Same here. 30 years of hell. Very happy now. Healthy at last. Glad you also living your life. My pitbull, Bella, did not even like him anymore. Best wishes.

[@dyoung2739]

Same. I’ve wasted decades with this monster. Our little dog,who passed a couple of years ago 💔, didn’t even like him.

[@cynthiafortier2540]

Lol, so happy for your dog, and you too!!

[@danitaminer6863]

True day on the dog comment. Thank you for the laugh 😂😁

[@hissyfitz7890]

🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶

[@catlady6938]

It’s like being on a hamster wheel with them, their behaviour is on repeat all the time, it’s exhausting and draining just trying to have a normal conversation and that’s without any of the other awful things they do.

[@pamelahaze3211]

Exhausting is right. Energy suckers

[@maggiemcdonald3185]

Yes i got off the hamster wheel and out the cage 🙌🙏

[@pamelatitterington2453]

That is a brilliant way to put, glad you are happier now

[@onewomancircus]

Having a normal conversation is impossible

[@lulumoon6942]

Spot on!!!

[@ariesdelfuego]

Walking on eggshells, used up and discarded. Not caring about my feelings. Yep. That's how it was with my narcissist. Absolute Hell !!

[@peace5647]

There is actually a book called WALKING ON EGGSHELLS that is very good and deals with Borderline Personality Disorder

[@msimon6808]

Having been a narcissist in a prior life (before I gave up my anger), I throw it right back at her. My eggshells are thinner and the discard bin is more than adequate. It tends to wake her up.

[@meuresouza1880]

Same happened to me. We start to see so many little weird things...I really regret that I've met somenone like him. He was so cold.

[@carlaneal8263]

I got 9 days and a wake up then I’m gone silent treatment and walking on egg shells I didn’t even know I knew how to tip toe so well 😄

[@cathymcdonald9175]

Yes, walking on eggshells and being very careful what you say to them.

[@stellawil]

Like many of us on this channel, I tend to attract narcissists. Childhood programming and being an empath attracts them like sharks to blood. I’m getting better. I had a guy I met. He pursued me for months. We finally went out. I was infatuated with him. His love bombing was intoxicating. His mask started to slip. I just blocked him after a little over 2 months. In the past, I would have kept going, hoping things would get better or wait for the discard. I’m proud of my progress.

[@Datb2]

congratulations thats great

[@lytonyarice1556]

I’m the same but my cut off game is strong now 😏

[@WhyCee74]

That's great. Well done! It takes a while but you learn. It took me 2 years to finally get rid of my narcissist ex.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Now it takes one instance of dis-respect before blockage. ... and then after a lifetime of reading by gaslight I wonder, "Did I hear it the way I think I think I did? Was I too fast on the draw?"

[@saltyroserocks457]

"...I tend to attract narcissists." That comment is gold, and could possibly explain why I watch these videos🤣👍

[@KarenOvalasiti]

They want to keep up the chaos confusion and upset and nothing they do amounts to your gain or peace

[@clintonnagy1662]

So true. They don't contribute to a person's inner peace. It's constant turmoil and drama.

[@Nina-w7m8q]

If you tell them "no" they never forgive you. Will hold a grudge for years!

[@Oceansgreen]

I told ex narc NO… hence he’s now ex!!!! He left🤷🏻‍♀️

[@KimberlyGray-cd3lt]

Yep

[@OmarOmar-yk6yw]

Correction, forever, not years 😊

[@naomieleonora]

Tantrums 😂

[@loris4142]

And your red flag to leave before it's too late.

[@melissabyrd1310]

They amp up the drama when they realize you're not interested any more.

[@mesalouis8976]

Yes!

[@christineZagorski]

Yes, everytime he was wanting to run away from reality & me!

[@treyichabod5840]

"Is this person contributing to my way of life? Am I a better person because of it?" Those are the questions we should be asking ourselves constantly when we are dealing with other people.

[@jaxvanheerden]

Love this.

[@missp1030]

Thank you. 👌🏾

[@jenniferharrison8546]

Thankyou 😊

[@jon6322]

And what happens when u are married to it?

[@carolnahigian9518]

Cousin Windbag wrote me a SCOLDING VALENTINe; 'Carol i tried to call u MANY TIMES!" ( inever liked her- her Persona is Pushy- instrusive- smug; Windy causes Gossip& drama Scenes66 years( I just do not like her).

[@rachangel1951]

Losing interest is an unexpected relief.

[@AAXS-op1vo]

Deciding to go no contact (as hard as it originally was) was the absolute best decision I ever made for myself. The absence of all the emotional chaos, drama, script-flipping and blindsiding made it far more easy to begin my healing journey back to my true self.

[@Lmnop1111]

Right on ......still trying....

[@davidjthayer7417]

No contact is absolute !!! No do overs !!!! It is a brutal experience and leaves lots of scars ..... Broken bones hurt less and heal faster !!!

[@richardstambaugh744]

Did it, over 3 years ago

[@baileyb8619]

OMG you nailed it. I was never in such a chaotic and confusing relationship. He never apologized and was low key disagreeable all the time. He was shocked when I ended it. I only wish I was more honest with why I was leaving. I did say he was a liar and wears a mask. No contact for almost 4 months. Just so toxic.

[@wendi2819]

I went no contact 10 years ago and he would contact me over and over every few months. 3 yrs this Sept2023 I had a house emergency and I was very ill, just then I got a new letter so I asked for his help, (during Covid too). He tried to suck me back in only for a few weeks but I never dropped my guard! He's not planned for retirement, he only has social security and no health insurance. He rode in like the calvary simply expecting to be taken in. I thought he's a liability to me. I worked hard for the life I have. I knew I'd resent his sense of entitlement! He's very forgetful. I'm not taking care of a demented narc with no health insurance in my old age. I had to go no contact! He's still writing to me demanding to know why??? What Dr.C is saying sounds exactly like how he demands and devalues. He's so petty he didn't like my coffee pot, so he buys me a coffee pot for Valentine's day 2021. How manipulative. I feel like taking a baseball bat to that coffee pot. He subtly picked at me constantly all the changes he would need to make in my house and me. They just aren't worth how tiresome they are.

[@leviwhite3553]

I'm sleeping in my work vehicle right now. Mind foggy and heart broken, I did this to myself. I allowed this treatment to continue until today. Today I take myself back, you can too.

[@spreadthegospel6667]

Hope your doing well Levi! I did it to myself! We got this!! 💪🏽

[@moonrise7781]

Hi Levi. Please be careful sleeping in your car. Well done. I’m leaving my narcissistic at the end of the month so finger’s crossed.

[@PhilthCollinz]

You gon be alright bruh, keep pushing, get in the gym, live life!

[@stephaniemcdermott9869]

Good luck to you, congratulations 😊

[@EC-yd9yv]

@@moonrise7781 🙏✨

[@clauda734]

This man is the narcissist whisperer and he knows his stuff! Listen to him please! It works 100%!

[@ciara.maclean]

I love how relaxed the dog is listening to this wisdom.

[@naomieberhardt3931]

His voice is so comforting and the dog is benefiting from his words of wisdom..as well. 😃❤️⭐️🙏🏼

[@witelenor575]

Hypnotized dog

[@morebirdsandroses]

It's just an added little piece of all of what's good here. 🌼🌺🦋

[@fainitesbarley2245]

He’s not living with a narcissist.

[@witelenor575]

@@fainitesbarley2245 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@fajetta]

Mine filed for divorce without saying a word, then began spreading ridiculous lies, planting hidden cameras, refused to move out, and terrorized me until a court order forced his removal from my home. I haven’t had an anxiety attack since he moved out. Narcissists are demons. Pray without ceasing.

[@PoyTroy]

Jesuss ! How you holding up now?

[@shakirahstewart2593]

My anxiety went away too

[@Oceansgreen]

I still have anxiety attacks and I’ve been no contact for six months but after being with him for 37 years, the damage he has done to me will take a long time to fix.

[@christinacosta2740]

Why is he always so nice to other people? Strangers, characters in movies. But never to me. The other day it was a lifetime movie about a woman that got cheated on he said, " oh poor woman!". Wait, what about you cheating on me on my birthday or when my sister died. Then joking at her funeral about it. Straight demons these people.

[@pamelabledsoe2635]

Condolences on your sister passing 🕊️

[@RobMacKendrick]

Boy, my last girlfriend was totally that. I now understand that she got off on throwing other people in my face while completely ignoring me. (Just one data point: not only did she refuse to spend my birthday with me, she didn't even call or text for over a week afterward. And by that time, I was damned if it was going to be me who made the call. Things ended soon after that.)

[@Lyddiebits]

I certainly hope he is in your past!!

[@Lyddiebits]

And I'm so sorry about your sister and his disgusting actions:(

[@pamelabledsoe2635]

@@Lyddiebits yall know what hit me like a ton of bricks 🧱 today?

[@aquagirl9228]

And no such thing as a healthy relationship with a narcissist. Release yourself with confidence, it's only up from here! 🕊️🕊️🕊️

[@jannawalters232]

After their last words of disrespect, something in me snapped, and I basically said I was now distancing. I've been told I've embarrassed myself for doing that. Their victimhood started. I'm not giving in.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Trust your gut.

[@Bubba77777]

Please stay strong . Enough . I’m 3 weeks . Freedom

[@seekeroftruth1484]

I wish I could say I want about these narcs without violating the “community guidelines” for this channel and KZbin.

[@Edward-oy7ed]

You can't make them love you, no matter what giving you do and no matter how many chances you give. False hope, disrespect, abandonment and conditional fake love is all you'll get.

[@peggygarcia6125]

Counterfeit love . Counterfeit relationship.

[@Selena-T629]

It's the conditional fake love that hurts the most.

[@heatherpesterfield8121]

True and I don’t even think they know what true love is,and they definitely down have any empathy towards there victims

[@Oceansgreen]

You are 100% correct… experienced this for 37 years… no more, he left six months ago because I said no to another of his selfish ideas… it’s been difficult at times, but, I know it’s for the best, he is far better on his own because he is so selfish, arrogant, manipulative, a bully, patronising, a liar, gaslights, gives the silent treatment(for weeks) abusive, sadistic, self centred, delusions of grandeur… I could go on and on!! Much better he stays alone rather than place all this on some other poor soul… main thing… he’ll be able to have ALL his own way🤷🏻‍♀️

[@lifewithapurpose237]

when they realize u r no longer interested, they try to be the one who leaves you first. *the old* *"get them before they get me mentality"*

[@aaronkwolfe]

Mine {as my daughter told me later) attended a class on how to get out. She told me that they had scenarios all drawn up to help the wife to be successful and how to use the law to their advantage. As it played out in real time, my narc picked a fight with me while blocking the doorway, while stationing our son in the room behind her. So when I moved toward the doorway, she recoiled into the room behind, as if I had shoved her. My son could only see her recoil as if I had caused it. My narc wife was a drama teacher who taught students how to fake fight dramatically. Anyway, she moved out 3 days later after silence. She convinced a sheriff that she wasn't safe with me in the home, so she had a PFA served to get me out so she could have free reign to take all she wanted out of the house. She still thinks she won.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Let her think that. You know different. That is so awful

[@aaronkwolfe]

@@lifewithapurpose237 I figure if anyone REALLY wants it, they'll find something. I didn't give specific details on class name or anything. Those who sow now, will reap later.

[@rg-mi5hh]

That's exactly what they do.

[@rg-mi5hh]

@@lifewithapurpose237 Wish you the best.

[@nickmontanaro9638]

The one thing your narcissist cannot tolerate above all else is your developing an indifference towards them. You must find it in you to become that to them which they despise above all else. Give them a dose of their own medicine before slamming the door in their face.

[@shantellcobb7067]

Caregiver mother 😖 (BEEP) lunatics 🤷🤦I had to get a social worker because I wanted to physically hurt her.. I'm 40 diagnosed with MS at 16 and I have a son (19)!. I'm HER only child and he's her only grandchild. He hates her 🤷

[@rustymullins6623]

I just did last nite..and of course she had to get the last word in…not saying sorry or admitting fault..laying it all on me..I treated her like a queen..two years..barely got a handshake out of the deal

[@shantellcobb7067]

@@rustymullins6623 just letting you know, YOU ARE AMAZING 🙌💪. stay strong!

[@Scott-nr2ji]

Yeah, I did that recently. The amazement they have when they can't keep us trapped into the submissive box they're hoping to sneak us into

[@deborahbarchard5957]

Monday's TO DO LIST: Call Lawyer

[@melissamac2478]

It's a strong indication that you're dealing with a narcissist, when every interaction leaves you mentally and emotionally, sometimes even physically, exhausted. They'll run you on a hamster wheel for hours, and then laugh at you for not having the energy to keep up with them.

[@cathymcdonald9175]

I would need days to rest and recouperate. Mental exhaustion

[@parrymylogicthen290]

That's why you keep convos with them short, direct, and always respond but never react.

[@Calidore1]

They tell you what to do and think and what to affirm.

[@carriegaylor8859]

Even the dog in the background is calmed by this man's soothing voice.

[@Datb2]

they always used to pester me about not disclosing my lifes details to them but now i know why. my spirit knew something was very off with these weirdos

[@mikel917]

There's always a hook.Always strings attached. Always belittlement. Always hidden abuse. Even in no contact. It has worn me down to such a weary state.

[@amyleblanc8931]

I completely understand. It’s my own adult son. This channel reminds me I am not the horrible person he tells me I am.

[@amyleblanc8931]

And take care of yourself!

[@mikel917]

@@amyleblanc8931 Thanks so much! Same to you!

[@mrvapor4791]

Withering is what I call it.. god bless you.

[@rustymullins6623]

I’m with you mike..this girl not only took me to financial burden..she stole my soul..and dumbass was still in love…I finally cut her off yesterday…let the arguments begin! Nope..I shut the door after 2 years

[@chriscripplercruz1833]

The happiest day I have had in years was when I found your channel and I started watching all of them and I realized that I was married to a narcissist and it took a long time but the greatest day for me was when I finally had enough and completely walked away and found happiness again without him and thanks to your videos I realized that he was a narcissist and that I need to leave

[@catherinepraus8635]

Same here after 22yrs so much happier 💕 stay strong

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you're figuring it out! Also thanks for the kind words.

[@rebekahransom415]

The price of Freedom can be high, but it is WORTH IT.

[@aprilporter7908]

Good for you, there's nothing quite like ordering peace with extra quiet on the side, glorious. Enjoy, x

[@MegaVictorygirl]

Same!

[@Kayannh1961]

Sooo sick of the blindsiding, pettiness, superiority complex and contempt. Mostly, the weird feeling of being worn out over the simplest of things, things that should be easy. A narc can take a trip to the grocery store and turn it into an exhausting, fact-fighting battle so they can prove their right. Sickening!

[@samoments]

Same here. You have mentioned every pain I am dealing and struggling with my partner.

[@Joan4me]

60 years of marriage to one, he died. I am now learning the things I wish I would have known years ago. I’m MY OWN PERSON NOW and loving the freedom during the years I have left. Thank you, thank you, thank you 😊

[@annemurphy8074]

Yay!

[@prisonerohope6970]

Thank God!

[@notagain779]

@Joan Meyer, I believe it can take years to become aware of these traits, since it's a pattern of behavior over time. My brother has been married for about fourty years to a very emotionally abusive woman. He's completely under her control and cowed, but seems to know it, too. The other day he let slip: "They get you when you're young and unaware of their tricks." Otherwise, he's still supportive of how she behaves, and minimizes it by saying "all marriages have their quirks." He enables his own abuse. Congratulations to you for becoming your own person! It must be a relief. I'm 68 and still learning how to do that. (Our father was a narc, and our mother an enabler of his emotional abuse.)

[@Joan4me]

@@notagain779 Too bad snd sooooo sad for your brother. Hopefully he will wise up some day. I didn’t know what he was, but knew I didn’t want whatever it was! He was finally diagnosed. I learned how to ignore him, but was still fearful. Those habits are hard to get rid of.

[@m0L3ify]

Good for you! The same thing happened to my dad, but he didn't do any personal work to learn these things, and he might have gone back into a relationship with another. We'll see. She's giving me red flag vibes tho... You should be super proud of yourself for doing the work and learning how to finally be in charge of your life. It doesn't matter what age you start at! If you can glean happiness from any time of empowerment in your life, it's worth it.

[@lynnschaeferle-zh4go]

It’s jolting when you realize perfect strangers care more about what happens to you than the person you’ve been trusting and loving. When I dislocated my shoulder he just stood and stared like a 2 year old. The nurses kept questioning him about abuse so then it was my fault.

[@maimay3673]

When I can't do household chores due to my arthritis, she can't be asked to help, just watched me limping trying to do it, apathetic,

[@lynnebucher6537]

I've learned to beware of any guy who is prematurely offering help with home projects, especially if they are pushy about it. Ex BF used that as a gateway to entering my life and creating a base of dependency, indebtedness and control. It was hell getting rid of him.

[@Original22]

The saying goes , No one falls in love faster then a narcissist looking for a place to live

[@andreafarinacci1469]

Nailed it…

[@sheilakhaitsa4376]

They are so exhausting and selfish. They keep making the same mistake and will keep blaming you for their ill treatment. I once dated narcists and what I learnt is they never change.

[@SnarkasticSunny]

Yep. Every. Time. IF they did try & change it would not be with us -- it would only be for a new person, who doesn't know the reality of the narci. I don't believe they CAN change...just saying IF

[@sheilakhaitsa4376]

@@SnarkasticSunny that's very true, for the first yrs they will pretend to be good but with time, their masks fall off and show their true identity.

[@cathymcdonald9175]

Their life is a repeat. The same things over and over no different results

[@jessicawilliams1944]

i ve had a long time friend like this. it just hit me in the last 3 yrs, that she's gotten worse or i was that unaware. omly talks to me/uses me as a sounding bord when available. always going around the same miuntain in their life. i decided to silently quit our friendship.

[@AJRich-pw1zm]

So spot on. True character is revealed under crisis and conflict.

[@creciente2675]

Absolutely

[@cyberninjasworld]

True

[@lazydamsel]

True

[@Consiouschoices]

True

[@sharonjumba4648]

"If I'm so defective, why do you require my allegiance then!?" It couldn't have been said any better.

[@morebirdsandroses]

In the narc I'm disengaging from, it would be because she (thinks she) is sooo empathic and cares so much. 🤮 Like Dracula "cares" about your veins.

[@teeh.6907]

YES!! If I'm that bad, why are you with me? I chose to file for divorce this month. I got tired of the back and forth, threats of divorce, emotional and financial abuse, and just plain exhausted from the circular conversation. I can't wait until this is over. I hurt for my children, but I think all of us will be healthier overall ❤.

[@BJBlaskovichGaming]

@@morebirdsandroses My narc ex gf swears up and down she’s an empath.

[@morebirdsandroses]

@@BJBlaskovichGaming I 've actually heard that from a number of narc or narc-seeming people over the years. It makes me cautious. And I'm glad she's an ex!

[@andre.slmartins]

I've asked that so many times 😂😂😂. I didn't know what I know today. But oh man I'm grateful for learning so much about it.

[@mountainmermaid8]

When you start to get away, their fear of abandonment comes up and you will see it. That is when you see how pitiful they really are. It's like they regress to an infantile state. It's sad but they haven't changed.

[@pamelaruth7400]

Absolutely! You will not see them change because you leave.

[@mountainmermaid8]

@@pamelaruth7400 they won't change because they don't know how. It's a very rare narcissist who actually works on himself.

[@shantellcobb7067]

Pitiful 🤦💪

[@killjoyredux8361]

@@mountainmermaid8 or herself

[@EV-zv4wc]

This is exactly when i saw his true colors

[@MichNative01]

My favorite line is " I'm not buying anything you are selling"....move on.

[@jerriewhitfield9991]

I married a man who didn’t show his dark side until we were married. Didn’t date long enough to pick up on it and ignored red flags. As soon as we were married he became a monster. Was with him 3 months…walked away at an airport as we were returning from a trip in which he had been horrible to me. Have not seen him since. So glad that I got out when I did. He had all of the narcissist traits.

[@verystylishordinarypeople]

👍, WOW that's amazing. Happy that you bounced up out of that. ‼️💯

[@Kykylandfarming]

I’m so happy you got out early!

[@susanh1447]

My husband ignores me for up to six day (literally passing in the hallway - pure craziness). Eventually he gets “lonely” and wants me to go with him to pick out flowers for the yard! It doesn’t work any longer. The drinking has now gotten over the top and I’m looking for a place to live. Thanks for helping me to survive the last few years. I have a therapist and I’m on Team Healthy!

[@jacquelinegrace3]

Wow! That is crazy!🥺 and I’m so sorry you’ve had to live with that. Mine used to ignore me for 2-5 days… avoid being in the kitchen at the same time etc. Then when he’s lonely he’s a ball of happy sunshine. I used to think I was crazy. But now I understand. One change is.. he does work on being more kind because I harped on it years ago and almost left. Is he then not a total narc? Or is he just appeasing me so I stay?

[@amandaroberts5111]

@@jacquelinegrace3 l should think, from being in a similar situation but with a brother, that your gut will tell you the truth, listen to it! Good luck

[@roseisrose8154]

@Susan H and @Jacqueline Grace. I’m right there with you both. My husband is both needy and clingy yet holds me at arms length. It’s so hard to explain. He can be both kind and cruel at the same time. He can reject me (he rarely sleeps in the bed with me by his own choice) But then want to hang out with me when he feels like it. He’ll do the ignoring while passing in the hallway bit as well and then want to go out for breakfast thing too. Because I just would love to make things right, I always accept those random kindnesses. But, after decades now, it’s just playing with my emotional well being. It’s insane! Dr. C has been a life saver. I listen to his videos and take notes to put myself into the right frame of mind. God bless you on your healing!

[@lulumoon6942]

Best to you, Susan, you do deserve better. 👍❤️💪

[@jacquelinegrace3]

@@amandaroberts5111 Thank you Amanda!! You’re right… my gut has told me often that this is not normal and that I deserve better treatment. I often stay for my 4 boys. As a child of divorce being raised by a single mom was tough- no father figure in my life. It’s not easy to just walk away… but I hear you!❤️😌

[@sethallison5682]

It’s crazy how good they are at infiltrating your life. You don’t realize until they’re gone how wild their behavior towards you actually was.

[@JrKelly-rb4eu]

Even Gus is tired of the way narcissist thinks...

[@frenzy3132]

😂😂😂

[@staratlast]

Now that's some comic relief! ❤

[@twofry64]

You can never imagine how much these videos help us learn to end our pain and suffering. Also how to spot one coming and stop the whole ordeal before it totally consumes us. Thanks for your amazing contribution to team healthy.

[@khaartoumletstalk9037]

Over time it is so easy to understand these patterns, but previously, we got snared up into the Anti-Logic where they short circuit our intellect and start to control our emotions by our emotional responses to this craziness...Great videos ; ) K

[@omegamcbride]

He can imagine it. That's why he makes them

[@SnarkasticSunny]

...LOL...don't think they were using the term in literal sense. Dr.C has been doing 'psych assistance' for patients many years now. He has all the "book learning" + many years more of actual experience (practice?). Matters more! Like my working with children, you quickly find out, "they don't read the same book". Humans are more complex, indivuduals. I love his insight & how well he communicates. Dr. C. has become so "big" - popular - has many things he's doing now...Live Weds, classes & more ~ he is that good at this! (& Gus💚 just the very best Gus ever!)🤗 Wonder if Dr. C. imagined at start, there'd be so many people needing his help & that we'd become a large, supportive community thanks to him?! 😉...& take up all of his time??

[@mysticlisa369]

I love Dr. Carter - He’s my favourite on this topic! 🥰

[@anjanettesagona9122]

Agree! It’s a godsend.

[@Selena-T629]

You just described my life right now. Circular arguments, constant criticism, being blamed for everything wrong in their life. Oh, and the constant need for approval and agreement with everything they say.

[@nox_ross]

Just described my life until 5 months ago.

[@mfornelos]

I have recently discovered that my wife is a covert narcissist, and it was actually the most relieving thing to discover. I always felt that something was off, I could never understand her behavior and often wondered if I was the problem. Discovering this has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and now I know leaving her is actually the best thing for me to do.

[@bfisherful]

Best wishes to you and peace above all. 🙏🏾

[@megamanmuppet]

I completely understand.

[@gonzaga45377]

It took me 25 years to discover my husband was a covert narcissist. I too felt something was off and it was all my fault. Stumbled on a video and a light went on. I am now aware of all the little abuses and the energy he tries to suck from me. He gets nothing now. Goodluck to you and me and everyone else effected by covert narcissists.

[@decoy2636]

I have no idea of the investment you've made so far but no matter the cost cut them loose. I do hope since several months have passed since your comment you're already in a better place. My head started clearing up only after going no contact. I think it has been the best thing for myself I've done. Wishing you all the best

[@vaisha1906]

Husband is a covert narcissist

[@sage9836]

I just mentally clicked through the antics I have seen when a narc knew that I knew. Yike. How bizarre. It's never how a normal relationship ends.

[@willsolo1967]

It's smart to not care what a narcissist thinks or feels

[@jameschilcot2947]

😂😂😂 I love it. " You're proving my point" was such a common phrase I'd say to my ex, followed by a look of confusion on her face. The sheer stupidity of the bs that came out of her mouth was so freaking maddening.

[@Mishy555]

Amazing how a typical conversation turns into a “competition”, with the narcissist, trying to make you see things the way they see them… 20 minutes for them to explain why the sky is blue and another 20 minutes to CONVINCE you that it is so. When you feel like it’s not worth it anymore, and you “shut down” because you’re not “being heard”….the narcissist “WINS”. Mission accomplished.

[@1233-h1]

I disagree that the narcissist wins when you shut down. No shutting down is your system saving you when it finally realizes the TRUTH. It's like being placed in a medically induced coma so you can heal, prevent further damage and recuperate. I did it a year and a half ago. Just shut down. All "feeling drained out of me for these folks. That's a HUGE win as there is simply NO emotional hook for them to exploit.

[@petekdemircioglu]

Sick

[@andytheghosthunter]

@@1233-h1 I am at the point of shutting down on my narcissist. I can't take it anymore. I just have to be strong and not care about anything they say.

[@1233-h1]

@@andytheghosthunter Exactly. Wishing you all good in your particular situation and that you find peace.😊

[@Thankful305]

They hate 2things… “No.” and a different point of view. . Get ready for their escalated pushback that leads to a temper tantrum and how much of a problem you are when you don’t Agree with them!

[@rg-mi5hh]

These kinds of people are absolutely the worst neighbors in the world.

[@senadatabic197]

I had to move bc of one.

[@joyterblanche5084]

I was in a relationship with a narcissist....i can only thank God for the wisdom and discernment i have that got me out of the relationship very quickly...they play mind games ...

[@annebodee]

This is exactly where I'm at after 40 years of marriage. You've talked previously of the bully/victim mentality and it describes my husband to a T. I'm so exhausted dealing with his constant manipulation and bullying and yes, neediness! I'm not in a financial position to leave, but I'm working on that. Because I can't keep living this way. Time to take care of me.

[@mapleleaf902]

You are not alone, 35yrs here and saving as much as I can to get out.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

@@mapleleaf902 Be careful who you divulge your plan to. That is beware of flying monkeys acting as a spy for your narcissist.

[@roccocarlino067]

Stop using him for financial support because he understands why you need him.

[@TaDarling1]

👍🙏🤞

[@WhatchaCookinRoch]

Gurl me to 37 years !!

[@tgfitzgerald]

Yes! Back when I didn't know a thing about narcissism I used to have extreme emotional responses to my partners behavior. But once I learmed about the behaviors associated with narcissism they were too trite, predictable and pathetic to even get a rise out of me. It drove him insane when he realized his juvenile tactics he'd always used to provoke and manipulate me in the past no longer worked.

[@pamelaruth7400]

This! It is of unending value once yo know this I found! Like you said: "so predictable... so pathetic"! 😌

[@KiKi-te9yd]

I wish Id understood narcissism before my last relationship! Would have gone a while lot more peacefully and less toxic for everyone involved

[@sobiaperez4484]

I am trying so hard to not give him what he wants He is always mad at me and it’s all my fault all the time I used to scream and yell right back But I am learning to stop 🛑 And Walk away 😞

[@aaronhadley1543]

Good for you glad to hear that

[@aaronhadley1543]

@@sobiaperez4484 this is what they want they want a reaction reacting to them only makes it worse for you first of all they are getting what they want second of all your stressing yourself

[@passionateforjesus4019]

Being with a narcissist is literally draining. They are like energy vampires. You’ll feel drained after spending time with them. It sucked the life out of me until I became sick with different diagnosis from doctors and was even suspected with cancer in 2020. I’m glad to escape alive And sane I’m still on medication and healing Narcissist feed on your emotions. Even if you stay and grey rock, you are suppressing your emotions which could lead to mental and physical ailments.

[@akcalo]

This is what I'm worried about. I'm going to have to plan for eventually leaving. I don't need health issues at my age

[@willsolo1967]

"I don't want to be with you anymore " is all the discussion that's needed

[@asongforyou383]

“Dunamis Tabernacle” on youtube is an additional source for Word of God. “Tools of a Dead Man” (3:11:08[timestamp]). 👂🏼🫀

[@jeankipper6954]

He made the mistake of asking if I wanted to live into old age with him. I said NO. For reasons I am beginning to see, thanks Dr. C, he was shocked at that. I'd said so many ways, he never heard, said my "strange behavior" was new! Lordy, after saying for years??? He committed suicide a few months later. Sigh.

[@photosusa]

That is what I said to my ex. It crushed his ego.

[@willsolo1967]

@@photosusa too bad for him

[@orianam9835]

@@jeankipper6954 you have only said once , not for years , and he took his life.

[@patricialevie7142]

You are so helpful. I'm an 80 year old woman who has finally decided not to play "their" games anymore. Thanks again for your kindness. Pls give Gus a special treat for me. He makes me smile.❤

[@buzzedup8299]

So wholesome how his doggy just lays there.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

When I tape, if Gus is not already in my study, I just call him and he assumes his position. He likes being on camera!

[@ariacane8421]

My narc. partner felt really uncomfortable when it came to talking honestly and calmly about anything related to our relationship. That's because they have a hidden agenda and are afraid you will see through their lies. When I was unhappy about something he did, he did nothing , as if he took pleasure in having power over my emotions. It made no sense then cause I knew nothing about narcissism. It all makes sense now! Pleased to have been the one to end it!

[@ms.ladysanders3939]

Yes. My ex would smirk when I allowed him to make me upset after telling myself I wouldn't let him get me to that place again.

[@yellowhammer1631]

The best thing can happen in a relationship with a Narcissist is they Blocks you😀😀😀

[@anndelgado1521]

I've finally found the strength to end my relationship with a narcissistic partner, but it hasn't been easy. I still think of him every day, and even miss him. I do feel relief, and am slowly getting my self esteem back.

[@cleodivine83]

Amazing ❤

[@kateraya9196]

I'm in the exact same situation 🤕

[@RichardBurcham-w7o]

All good advice. Run from the narcissist. They will only bring you down. But what a narcissist does to themselves on the downward spiral might be your revenge.

[@BEve218]

My heart literally can't take it anymore

[@alicehonestymanson1798]

I pray my strength and courage to you and protection of the Lord Jesus Christ, that he take you into the palms of his hands and hold you unto His heart. Amen

[@lundsweden]

Let's face it, at this stage who cares what they think!

[@MariaSilva-ix1qc]

"You're proving my point", is exactly why I prefer to live on my own. It is hard but I am happier with myself. I am not needy, and I don't need to play the victim or project misery onto others. I can think clearly outside the box.💫

[@kaze_cat]

Yes! Well said. I was raised in a crazy ‘house of narcissists,” 3 of them, and much later I believe my younger brother defected to that side, as he has no clue. What it was in my younger years, youth, and for decades later was nameless, so I just referred to it until more recently as a major dysfunctional family unit. Due to that scenario, my now adult daughter was unfortunately raised with them, and has shown signs of narcissism, and to make matters worse, has a major narcissistic life partner (what are the odds of this happening??). It is truly a heartbreaker for me, but my daughter refuses to see a qualified psychologist who specializes n narcissism. I explained it was not her fault that she was exposed, and I didn’t know. This turned into a long answer to respond, that I also prefer a quiet home, no toxic issues or drama. However, at times I feel that I was given this role, and now I’m in the only role I know. I am strongly encouraged this year to reconnect with my “earlier/more youthful self,” and continue my destined life journey, not the one I’ve somehow relegated myself to. Cheers to you!

[@madelinemaize9786]

My narcissistic individual raged at me and and carried on and kicked me out when I told them of plans to move out. I was totally calm, observing this reaction, thinking cool, they just did themselves in. Next day they were a ray of sunshine, trying to engage in conversation while I packed and left without a word. They are still trying to manipulate, thru messages to my daughter. She doesn't block them, because it amuses her that even after being ignored for two years, they keep it up. They've burned all their bridges, and have no one left, and are living with Mother, the biggest narcissist of all. Very satisfying.

[@melanieknowles7002]

Yes. That is what they do. Never mind...every dog gets his day...but a narc gets a weekend. ☺

[@danitaminer6863]

@@melanieknowles7002 . . . Narc gets a lifetime 😌

[@hissyfitz7890]

Karma is WONDERFUL!

[@willsolo1967]

I'm glad you are handling it well. These malignant narcissists are very angry and vindictive. Malevolent as one can possibly be

[@hissyfitz7890]

@@willsolo1967 - They have no bottom to the levels they can sink.

[@mollyh6943]

Love that your dog is always so chill, nappin’ 🐶

[@mgb7140]

If I can't have you, I'll destroy you. Thanks for the confirmation, Dr. Carter. This is exactly right.

[@ninadeffains4858]

After 58years of marriage have left my husband and have blocked him from any communication. He has been telling lies to my friends and family who have not believed him and now he is alone completely and I am free. Thank you for all you have said. I am happy now.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Peace to you, Nina.

[@menotyou6254]

Blossom🌸

[@leilaglen6435]

"You're proving my point" that's exactly the realisation and closure you need to fully let go, knowing you've ended it for the right reasons!

[@henriettahudson3006]

I FINALLY MOVED OUT ON JUNE 2!!! Freedom feels good. And independence feels beautiful!!! After 3 years of living with my 89-year old gaslighting narcissist father, my sister and her friend rented a u-haul truck, packed up my clothes and furniture and finally moved me out!!! On my way out the door, I told my father that I would call him, but I never did and I'm very glad that I didn't. I'll never do yard work for him again. And I'll never go fishing with him again!!! Since I moved out, my depression is 100% GONE!!! My stress is finally gone!!! With freedom comes responsibility. I'm responsible for my own cooking and my own personal business. But this is a choice that I made for myself. I don't feel anything for my father. If anything, I just feel pity for him.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Freedom...live into it!

[@marteenmanuel5521]

Amen. I did the same thing. I feel great.

[@LinTrueCrimeProject]

Don't you wonder how many people are depressed or have anxiety as a result of dysfunctional personal relationships that create it? And we don't even realize it....

[@theartist4557]

Dr. C is 100% correct! It gets worse as they age. Life with a narc is a constant contest of wills and servitude.

[@susanwilcox5763]

I like the word servitude. That describes it exactly. We’re always in the mode of service. One-way, one-sided service

[@theartist4557]

Absolutely. Its oppressive and constant… and the entire family knows it to the point you become the unpaid slave and financier of the narc and then they sue you after you have spent your entire life in servitude to them all.

[@theartist4557]

My narc is dying. And he suddenly became a really nice guy! Isnt that insane? It takes death to cure them.

[@theartist4557]

And now i feel bad… because there was a nice person in there all the time…. And i treated him like a narc. It was all just a cover up!!!! I judged him and Jesus taught me something by this. 😭

[@heathermastriano5497]

Yes. It does. The constant fighting about anything and everything. I didn’t realize I was constantly fighting to keep me emotionally alive because o don’t like to fight but I felt I had to and o find it didn’t really matter. But I getting out. It is my time. He is being all nice now saying it is all his fault. To manipulate to get all of us in his good graces again but what he does not realize is 30plus years has worn everyone down. We don’t want to associate anymore. I have two children so I need to maintain civility but indifference I will be ok but the mental and emotional attachment attachment has eventually started to crumble and I am ready.

[@wendyc967]

'human beings are not commodities to be used' 👏👏💕

[@luffypupperstien2706]

They start bragging about their prowess, invite your younger, prettier friend “to have a drink with just me” Then spend every night alone in “their room” while you do regular stuff like Have a snack, watch fun shows, take the garbage out.

[@SurvivorC]

“Human beings are not commodities to be used.” !!!!!

[@ellenringer5236]

Thank you. Narcissists never quit. My sister has been this way all of her life.

[@kimgradwell4510]

When my now ex-husband realized I was no longer feeding his narcissism, he started an affair. Then he didn't want a divorce but rather wanted to 'have his cake and eat it too'. All this information really resonates and even though it has been quite a few years from being divorced from the narcissist in my life...I'm still processing so many events of my married life.

[@nancygladwin3612]

I’m in a similar situation. I finally told him I was done…and he knew he was done when I held up my journal where I chronicled the things he said and did for 5 years (should’ve seen his face!) We remain married for the time being because it’s cheaper to keep me on his health insurance and to pay the mortgage than to pay a large alimony…but he did move out and immediately found new supply with a lovely (but super needy) widow. I keep thinking I should warn her…but I know at this point she wouldn’t believe me

[@fenderblue9485]

My narc derserted me when I had a bone marrow transplant and would not pick me up to go home for months. It was living hell and survived his madness. Now he is in the hospital due to heart attack, I spent 8 hrs with him. When his flying monkey arrived, I was was talking to the nurse and chuckled. After she left, he got pissed off at me and told me to leave. I said nothing as I left. As I was walking out the door he is yelling me!! I texted him that he can find his own home. The hospital gave me all his clothes, keys, and wallet.😅

[@lynnebucher6537]

Same here, as soon as I stopped financially propping up his bad decisions, he was looking for a new woman. Or eight, lol. Divorcing him was my best decision ever.

[@Kykylandfarming]

@@lynnebucher6537they are so draining! They need constant supply and They are basically vampires!

[@joelkhan6838]

I was in a friendship with someone for over 16 yrs and everything you said she exhibited. It was exhausting and heartbreaking, couldn't have a descent mature conversation without her feeling like a victim most times. Finally my patience gave out and I recently ended the friendship. She still believes that she was right and justified everything she did, didn't even apologise. My advice to ppl out there, don't waste your precious time with ppl with those qualities, look for ppl who can uplift you and be a positive influence in your life. Ppl who suck the energy out of you exhibit parasitic behaviour and when you confront them abt it becomes a victim, please do yourself a favor and stay away from ppl like that, don't be like me.

[@ayumisae6864]

Agree ❤

[@heatherpesterfield8121]

True the fact is they will never change and being with one is like a death sentence,they slowly suck the life out of you

[@melissaculpepper7663]

I’m a “recovering narcissist”. This has been a heartbreaking realization but important for my healing. I have suffered at the hands of “other narcs” but I’ve done the same thing to others in my relationships. The Lord Jesus has allowed me to see my sin, confess it, and receive His healing. My beloved husband has been my victim but he has been long suffering in our marriage. His steadfast love for me and his relationship with Jesus Christ has given him the strength to endure. Now, we are thriving in a truly loving marriage that God intended for us to have . Glory be to God🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼✨✨✨♥️♥️♥️

[@kbleonhard]

What a beautiful testimony!! God is faithful to heal and restore, so thankful He has healed you and your marriage!! Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share your testimony. Romans 8:28 paraphrased “For we know, that God will use all things, good and bad in our lives for our good and His glory to those who love Him.” God is using you now for His glory! Bless you!! 😊❤️

[@metonicycle6294]

Let's hear your husband's point of view.

[@kbleonhard]

@@metonicycle6294 with Jesus Christ, all things are possible. He can help and heal your broken heart too, whichever side you were on. Just call out to Him today. 💜

[@victoriasmith1695]

❤❤

[@MiaK06]

As someone who was brought up by a narcissistic mother and who has now also dealt w a narc for last almost three yrs as an adult and who was at times so broken by him I could barely get out of bed, I am v skeptical when I read testimony of a so called ‘recovering’ narcissist I truly hope for you that you are recovered but I don’t think there ever is real and true recovery from being a narcissist.

[@ChrisIowa]

I had a woman who sadly married my dad, and she was 100% narc. She took away my dad and my family, and when he died last year, she left him alone in hospital for 3 months with no contact with social workers trying to contact her, and she ignored them as they needed to sort out his care. Apparently, she also changed his will a year before he died, making sure my brother and I were left with nothing, and she and her children got everything, She never worked in the 15 years they were together and spent all of his savings. My dad was a successful lawyer and my Mum who died from cancer was head teacher. It makes my blood boil, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone in this madness. Thank you for these videos, which show me the reason for this situation. Personally, I'd like all of them to be put on an island and left to fend for themselves. I'd watch that with a big bag of popcorn. 🍿

[@spopdee6072]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 for u … there’s a such thing as karma

[@osajohnson1957]

Adult children, watch out for your single lonely parent or relative. When they start back out on the social scene they are just lambs in a cougars world. I managed a covert intervention for my sister. I was in a car with her and the man-of-the-month. I asked her to adjust the radio. He slapped her hand away without even glancing at her. Demonstration completed!

[@janewalsh2773]

That's so sad. So sorry that happened. X

[@goldilocks3593]

Very accurate. You can know a narcissist (especially a covert) in your outer circle for a very long time before seeing their true colours which is when they decide they want you in their inner circle and you don’t want to be there .. that is when you will realize they have been grooming you all along 🙄🤦‍♀️

[@Trisof88]

Not any more. The minute I see entitlement or self serving behavior, I'm out

[@sparkelsdiamond2699]

So true in my situation few years back Today i know who & what iam 💖🌹🐣🐱🦄🦄🦋

[@gailrosenberg48]

@@Trisof88 My clue is lack of reciprocity. It's amazing how they want your investment to be deep, while theirs is superficial.

[@prisonerohope6970]

@@Trisof88 Smart!

[@kathleensueoka3599]

Grooming is love bombing. Finding out who you are your values etc so they can be that long enough to capture you. Then slowly it becomes to unwind.

[@ursulasilver1937]

there is no way u can have a real relationship with them . i realized this after 6 years i am now into detaching with love and do exactly what i have to do to take care of myself…. thank u for u support ❤

[@OSTARAEB4]

Yes, the neediness becomes quicksand. Beware of the “can you do me a favor” becomes a tidal wave of abuse. In all honesty, I can’t stand needy people. It always gets taken advantage of.

[@alonzomosley7]

LOL , a tidal wave of abuse exactly what I am going through at the moment.The list of request is just ridiculous.If I ask for any help sayonara.

[@cindyk4324]

Your warning about being asked “Can you do me a favor?” reminds me of my narc ex who asked such a favor after only a few dates. I agreed, and it seemed harmless because I was being helpful. Looking back, I had not realized that may have been a “test” for empathy and compliance since there was a small level of absurdity to him asking me that particular favor: test-driving a vintage sports car on his behalf. He went a few days later. Strange. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that I passed the test. Thankfully I was not subjected to extreme narc behavior in the ensuing relationship. It was bad but not awful. So glad that is 11 years behind me. Thanks to guidance from those knowledgeable and kind like Dr C, I have more effective ways to recognize, and deal with, new narcs who might try to enter my life. Narc radar and narc repellent can be very effective.

[@venustape]

I have to agree with you about people taking advantage of good people by placing their needs above that individual. My husband whole family are narcissist. I've also experience the "needed" and "can you do me a favor" person situation. Thank you for sharing

[@alonzomosley7]

@@venustape My story about my grandmother still haunts me .She died many years ago ,I visited her regularly ,she had a good friend /neighbour who moved away and died unexpectedly .My grandmother just dismissed the whole event, her friend did everything for her ,I was totally shocked by the response .I realised I was dealing with a total narcissist .Has anybody else had these groundswell moments ? They are tough to deal with .

[@tinajones5548]

Yes I agree, when a favour becomes an obligation RUN....

[@izawaniek2568]

When enough is enough you are done and can take it anymore then the beautiful moment of I am not interested and I do not care any more. I Thank God for you and your incredibly supportive presence in our lives! Thank you for your voice of wisdom dr Carter.

[@shantellcobb7067]

DON'T CARE ANYMORE 💪🙋❣️

[@sinceresong9907]

I'm there!!!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Enough is enough. I just want to move on, wish the narcisist all the best but stay away from me.

[@colleenjl9474]

​Looking back, I think I felt too alone and lonely, reaching a point where questions about still being interested or not did not occur to me, because the time where I still had hope was gone. The disillusionment and loneliness was indescribably overwhelming. I look back now and realize, I got smeared so badly, I lost friends...yet... the ensuing feelings of this injustice was still tolerable, compared to the loneliness I learned existed in the most unexpected place...right beside the person I thought I could trust with my love, life and my all. SMH. It's amazing I've reached a place I never thought possible ever...a place where they were not my first thought in the morning or my last one at night. Gradually, I reached a point of acceptance of what happened, the lessons learned...and finally actually feeling pity for those empty people, with their unfulfilled lives. I am even grateful for that vast array of emotion that makes us human, and am saddened for people who will never know true joy, contentment, friendship, and what it means to be Blessed for real. I hope people will learn from the many stories of survivors who stood back up and found themselves again. Thank you Dr. Les for all you do.

[@susanm.4100]

I felt the same way. This could be my story as well.

[@IndigoDaffodil111]

Love it. Your comment really helped thankyou 💚

[@Booboonancy]

What a touching comment that rings so so true.

[@kimberlyherman2605]

It takes a lot to get to where we can self love and take care of ourselves instead of the focus always having to be on the narcissist. I was raised having to listen to my mother verbally saying aloud things she wanted me to say to her like, " oh you're such a wonderful mom. You are did a great job and it just went on and on and on about the praises she thought I should say to her when she never gave me a chance to even say thank you or anything. And after she said her diatribe, there wasn't a need for me to say anything, except sometimes I had to repeat what she said before I got any peace. If I didn't speak her praises, then it was that "I was unappreciative", or she wasn't loved, needed, or wanted by me, blah blah blah. It's hard to compliment someone when they are already doing it for themselves, for you! Lol From watching the videos and reading up on "them", I can see how much of a narcissist she really is and she would "compete" with me or whine when I found something that I liked and she'd whine and basically get me to give her the items! Even though she could go out and buy whatever she wanted anytime she wanted to! Oh boy and the amount of guilt trips I was made to endure over the years! Smh🤦‍♀️ Narcissistic people are A LOT of work!

[@homesteadgmad8223]

The WORST is when the narcissist spouse "poisons" your children's minds using manipulative tactics...It's even WORSE when your child(ren) inherits the juvenile narcissistic tactics they grew up with and so it goes. 😭 I see similar narcissistic traits (like their dad) in two of my six adult children. Very sad. Plus, like most narcissists, you cannot REASON with them...They are in a constant state of denial. At this point, PRAYER is the only thing I can do for them!

[@BrintonStafford-ql2zr]

I’m on th brink of losing my sanity being called a narcissist till I watch this video wow , I’m am done with being the fixer

[@lifeofisabelleh]

the “let me do you a favor” turns into “i do EVERYTHING FOR YOU” so fast. and it hurts so bad every single time. how do i stop letting this be my fault

[@ms.ladysanders3939]

Stop letting them do things for you.

[@Eyesofanenigmaticsoul]

Exactly, now when someone says this one time. I’m done. That type of person will never do things from their heart they only want a return. I never do that, i always give from my heart with out expecting ANYTHING in return . Ive dealt with too many narcs in my life and was married to one as well. I know what to look for.

[@msannthrope1863]

Dignity, respect and tranquility are just the things that make you a target for these opportunistic, soulless predators. It’s unfortunate.

[@j-l8404]

Why is that? Is it because they feel they are better than you, demeaning people gives them joy? Would a narcissistic person also lack emphathy, take limited accountability and manipulate others to do their work for them? Just asking..thanks.

[@msannthrope1863]

@@j-l8404 there are books and books written answering those complicated questions. I couldn’t possibly do it on a thread. Sorry.

[@j-l8404]

@MsAnnThrope No problem. I've been watching a lot on this channel and figuring things out. Human behavior in general, I find, is very interesting. Thanks 😉

[@msannthrope1863]

@@j-l8404 narcissists are everywhere, in every walk of life, race and gender. I hope you never have to tangle with one.

[@j-l8404]

@MsAnnThrope I've dealt with a few for sure. I am less triggered than I used to be and am learning a lot about identifying the behaviors. Now, I really need to know how to deal with them, without causing escalation. If you call them out on it, it goes sideways, if you go along, they control you and take advantage of your good nature. It goes against my nature to be bullied, but I don't know how to deal with them. I'm a Care Aide, there are many women who have these traits.

[@rachelfranks4450]

I was told so many times to leave them alone and got such bad emotional and verbal abuse. When I finally said “ok” and totally left them alone and walked away from the relationship, they played the victim and to this day claim it. That they were left, devastated and heartbroken. The final gaslight, if you will. Enduring it all has COMPLETELY changed me, in sooooo many ways. It’s unbelievable how that type of experience can rock your world….much love to everyone that has experienced it, my heart truly goes out to you!!

[@stacierose1692]

Hi Rachel,it's like you read my mind 😮or live my life, 🧬 ❤️ thank you for this note to keep going forward .🙏🫂

[@ShannonLeeSD]

Same, I was always made to feel like I was bothering him, that even my mere existence was a nuisance and was taking a constant verbal beating no matter what I did. I finally realized I would never be good enough and never make them happy and if I stayed I would be destoryed, I needed to leave. Now I'm accused of abandoning them. I'm always the bad one and he's somehow my victim, yet my needs were never ever met, it was always about him. It was so twisted. I still think often about what I did wrong... Healing is a long process.

[@boomerangsruckflug8513]

My standard response to a narc if he wants to offend and criticize me: "if you think so"

[@norfolkenchants8090]

So true. Very well explained. From my own personal experience of dealing with a narcissist parent I’ve come to learn that whatever ‘gift’ they give to you always comes with strings attached. The gift is never free, the narcissist always expects repayment in some form. They orchestrate the situation to make you feel indebted to them. I’ve learned to politely say No to gifts thereby freeing myself from any debt. It weakens the power that the narcissist has over you and it drives them mad because you’re not playing by their rule book.

[@Elly-lp9bn]

Listening to you is like getting a pep talk and heart to heart from a dad I never had. Thank you for filling in for dad.

[@HereForToday42]

I bet he's a great dad

[@KlaraVedis]

this ❤

[@happyclappy1805]

I feel the same way. Very solid, comforting and wise

[@Kharkovkid]

"Son, Don't jump in the out house, and then come calling on your Old Man for a clean suit." - Dad 1978

[@Summer_Harvest]

Going to therapy just to feel validated because we are too busy validating them is some sick game!

[@saraR223]

Can't even have a conversation with my husband, decided to grey rock. He cuts me at my knees every chance he gets, and ofcourse I react. This has been going on for 10 years. Never knew what narcissist behaviors were. Started to educate myself, it does makes sense. Now, all I need is to get away. I am not doing this anymore.

[@morebirdsandroses]

Do what you need to do. Getting free is hard, but putting up with their garbage is _too_ hard, with no good payoff. Enough 💩!

[@sandravargas9082]

Every day spent with them is another day wasted. Get yourself self free and experience a joyful, peaceful life.

[@sjennyfufu]

Do you have kids with him ? I just left a narcissistic marriage of 21 years and have two girls with and I’m struggling with the no contact thing with him and haven’t seen my kids in awhile.

[@Kykylandfarming]

@@sjennyfufuyou left your kids with him?

[@sjennyfufu]

@@Kykylandfarming unfortunately I did