Suspect That You Are Narcissistic? DO THIS!

Therapist reluctant to label and stigmatize. Narcissist rejects his diagnosis, though is self-aware.
Pangs of conscience and soul-searching are not signs of mental health or of empathy. Neurotics have autoplastic defenses, for example. It is the bad object manifesting. Narcissists just resolve such agonizing processes differently: alloplastic defenses. Is something wrong with me: emphasis on self-efficacy, fear of just punishment or being caught red-handed, not empathy (oneself - not others).
12 STEPS OF NARCISSISTS ANONYMOUS
1. I admit that I am powerless over narcissism - that my life had become unmanageable.
2. I have come to believe that no power greater than myself could restore me to sanity owing to my grandiosity (False Self).
3. I have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of my False Self (narcissism).
4. I have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.
5. I admit to myself and to others the exact nature of my wrongs.
6. I am entirely ready to overcome these defects of character and behaviors.
7. I challenge our grandiosity to remove my shortcomings.
8. I have made a list of all persons that I had harmed, and am willing to make amends to them all.
9. I have made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. I continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong promptly admit it to myself and then to others.
11. I seek to improve my conscious contact with my narcissism (False Self), hoping only for knowledge of its will for me and the power to oppose it.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, I will try to carry this message to other narcissists, and to practice these principles in all my affairs.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com...

[@raymondparnell439]

Stage 4 cancer of the soul, that was a perfect description with no prescription

[@MariaCascalheira-sh9eq]

Excelent words!

[@claudinesteenberge4920]

But like cancer, natural therapies can be effective in shrinking the tumor size..but, of course, our government keeps it locked up like big pharma. Because mental health, like preventive care in healthcare, needs a continuous flow of our money

[@PotterSpurn1]

I'm not a narcissist. I'm just a perfect, wonderful, intelligent, beautiful and popular person who just happens to be better and deserves more than everyone else. I can't help that.

[@nociable]

Wow! Really?!! Have you met everyone in the world to make that assessment?!!! You are delusional, but hey, good for you for convincing yourself you are all that in a bag of chips…😂

[@safethamzagic7226]

Lol

[@DarkMetaOFFICIAL]

truly, we are too smart to be one 🤣😭

[@siahulsey4856]

Lol exactly thats comedy right

[@hamsaabdulrahman6412]

😂

[@TheSopheom]

Society itself is promoting narcissism and it's starting with the youth. What really needs to be addressed is cause and prevention.

[@sherriflemming3218]

Its become a sociological problem.

[@inhale.exhale.2527]

'they' know the cause and don't prevent it because higher 'authorities', corporate and political actors, benefit from a narcissistic society. having externalised their value (a preventable condition), narcissists are more manipulable than those with more balanced, healthy self-awareness and values. people like this are too independant to be as easily manipulable and subject to covert control. meantime the mental health 'industry' makes a good living hiding behind a 'black art' of still evolving understanding. i have lost faith in 'their' true independant professional good faith and knowledge. 'they' are complicit.

[@i7i79]

Who Benefits ? Some weird lifeform who hates creativity (technology, art, sci. progress) and want everything on this planet dead?... Is Evil just what you dont understand? @@inhale.exhale.2527

[@louisegarner8888]

Robert Greene just posted a short where he said "we are all narcissists"... and no he wasn't referring to traits or tendencies. I unsubbed him after letting him know he has no qualifications or right to so blithely diagnose others, especially those he doesn't know and has never met.

[@davidgahan-ks5jh]

Just educate yourself...it has nothing to do with society but the mother in an age of a child as early as 2 months...have a great evening

[@colettithekid]

This video is crucial. 99% of videos on the topic are shaming in nature. Important as those are, narcissists are people too. And their reality consists of a lot of suffering and loathing.

[@csillatorok5060]

So do narcissistics are cruel too. Feeling sorry for them an themselves is not helping. Truth hurts. Can you live with that?

[@Koozomec]

​@@csillatorok5060 Narcissism is a condition, not a choice. Let's put the malignant people aside, victim of Narc behaviour myself i swear to myself to not use the same strategies as my toxic familly used on me. Some of us crave authenticity and will never hurt your self esteem to manipulate you. Take care.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

I agree. It is a form of narcissism itself to be stuck on resentment toward the narcissist.

[@nymphet2385]

dont play the victim. narcissists are cruel and thats a fact. It is not our problem that you dont like your image

[@colettithekid]

@@nymphet2385 this is how you talk to someone you wanna date?

[@kashesan]

Finally a therapist who agrees that 12 Step is a valid appraoch.

[@jimystimz4731]

I don't think its the same as the original 12 step program.

[@LifeIsGood1992]

I don't know if Sam Vaknin is a therapist

[@KS-yp1jl]

So I've worked hard to get to this point where my relationships are solid, I think clearly, and I have a clear view of what's real. And looking back now, I can't believe how off the rails I was back in the day. What the heck was I thinking? What was I doing? And I totally apologize to the people I hurt. To be honest, my vibe used to be more cold and heartless than truly evil - I just didn't have empathy and my excuse was that the world is a jungle. But I'm in a better place now. It's not easy, but I'm still working on becoming a better person. That said, sometimes I miss the wild and crazy side of myself. I feel like I've lost the energy that made me feel invincible. But you know what? It's a small price to pay compared to all the trouble grandiosity got me into, I had to restart my life multiple times! I'm done with that nonsense - it's not worth it.

[@thesimplelifepresents]

This is inspiring for me. I don't feel alone in the moment. Thank you for sharing it.

[@myavrilove]

As I’m listening, I hear my mothers voice, “Not me. I’m a child of God.” She immediately started trashing her family and blaming them for her status in life. She continues to colonize my mind. I recently realized that her voice runs through my mind every minute of every day. I feel so broken 😢

[@RadioPsychicAstrologyByPepper]

That's how I often feel too... thank you for validating this experience. ❤

[@SamStone1964]

When you hear her voice listen to what she is saying and have a conversation with her.

[@kw3113]

Me too! I was raised in a Christian home with a mother who only cared what she looked like to others. Behind closed doors my life was a nightmare.

[@satsumamoon]

Thats a good sign. You are individuating and separating from her.

[@CorbinB-Rax]

Christians, Muslims, Juice, and Statists, are the most narcissistic groups on the face of the planet.

[@menatplaywithballoons7005]

This is hands down the best timing and absolutely perfect video I have ever seen !!!! I’m a narcissist seeking any help I can get to be able to restore my relationships with others whom I have hurt and damaged This is truly a life changing video and never have I heard such honesty

[@chebrubin]

Be careful not to fall for this fabricated science. "Medical" findings? The brain "imaging"? The electrical brain activity diagnostics. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) added to the third edition DSM-III in 1980. It is not clear this isn't the peddled work of Karens, divorce lawyers and fraudsters "PhDs". Note: this comment alone is proof of the Narcissist that wrote this!

[@DeV-2909]

How about apologising to the ones you've damaged?

[@richlisola1]

True narcissists don’t want a cure.

[@DeV-2909]

@@simonschneider5913 😂😂😂 Textbook Narcissistic reply. If you apologise with sincerity & try to heal them somehow, and if they don't accept your apology. Then own it & move on. Atleast you'll have the satisfaction that you tried. A Narcissist won't even try. That's the difference.

[@aprilnelly]

​@@simonschneider5913...never go full r*****

[@bigeyes1313]

Sam Vaknin- I am a psychotherapist, and I am truly grateful for your thoughts and wise counsel here. I believe that psychotherapists should be required to listen to your wise counsel and be trained to utilize this approach with open and willing narcissists. Or at least, for psychoeducation for the narcissists nearest and dearest! The 12 step model ingeniously applied to a personality condition! I am definitely going to be using this approach with my patients, for those who have the ears to hear, and are willing to make effective changes in their lives. Narcissists are people too and deserve to be regarded as such. After all, the narcissist did not cause his condition, and it can not be cured. Radical acceptance via the 12 steps may just be what 'the doctor ordered .' Thanks again, Sam for another top-notch video!

[@claudinesteenberge4920]

I agree as simple struggling me, as a "victim" of repeated traumas. Only specialized professionals should have the power to help, because we can be one more trauma away from psychosis. I realize that after discarding a narcissist, and watching him turn on me and my children. Had I known more, I would have tried therapy to let him properly discard me. I think he imploded mentally, lost his shit. His mugshot I looked at after, I can not only see, but feel his utter despair. Even with me making my families safety priority, I pray he can find some level of happiness again. Because in the end, we are all broken and searching for peace in the chaos

[@candisjackson3917]

I agree. LMHC, CAP

[@titahibayflier3160]

i think you've successfully described most people in this day and age.

[@fingsandstuff]

I used to think that social phobia owned me and forever would, but I was wrong. You can defeat narcissism but not with the attitude that it is stuck with you forever. A self defeatist attitude will get you nowhere.

[@rv706]

Do you think your social phobia stemmed from (vulnerable) pathological narcissism? Not the content of your post, just curious

[@greentooth3097]

No, you cannot defeat narcissism unless you accept that you have to remain vigilant as it will always be there. Your awareness of it at all times is the first layer of defense. That is about 1%of the battle.

[@manictiger]

​@@greentooth3097 I think it depends on the person. Some people are fated to be stuck the way they are forever. They're the reason "NPC" became such a popular term. But, some people can change. I used to have really bad PPD (which I believe should be in cluster C, not A). It's still there, but it's more controlled and accurate than before. All it really is, is it's AVPD-lite. I have a perimeter and I'm really slow to let people in. AVPD doesn't let anyone in, and they move the perimeter away from people, Don Draper being the perfect example. NPD likes to breach perimeters. The whole world is their perimeter. Everyone is in their house, but no one is allowed into theirs (second perimeter). BPD, you're either their best friend or worst enemy, allowed in, not allowed in, allowed in, not, etc. Histrionic and dependent disorder, everyone is allowed in.

[@heyitsfp]

​@@greentooth3097 We are the story we tell ourselves. The "victim" in the professor's stories are magically excluded of the conversation as if their bottomless lack of integrity of self love didn't lead them to believe someone else's stories instead of living the life they want.

[@greentooth3097]

@@heyitsfp What the word salad fuck did you just say there? 🤔

[@transparentsoul2128]

I think the ultimate difference between healthy people and narcissists is their relationship with Power. To a narcissist, Power overcomes everything, even their wrongdoings and their guilt. That's why they keep doing what they do. Without power there is no existence. Also society is promoting power over everything so it's difficult no to be narcissist in some way or another. Narcissism is a survival mode.

[@SamStone1964]

What narcissists miss out on is the exquisite flow of life when you're not trying to gain power.

[@melodypayne3063]

yes I was briefly involved but massively effected by a psychopath and even tho he clearly battled with his demons, i think wanted to be kind at times and wasn't aware of his sickness as he was so grandiose, he simply could not help himself... he wanted connection and live but his need for power and his self loathing was always simmering beneath if not on the surface. A clever and very dangerous man.

[@cancer_moonchild]

​@SamStone1964 this comment... 😍

[@terencehennegan1439]

Being humble is the 1st big step in overcoming narcissism, it is the primary step in detachment from its influence. To convert from narcissism to normalcy one must go through ridicule, lots of it.

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

I have no official diagnosis, but I relate to most of the struggles of _covert_ narcissists. I feel envious and worthless pretty much all the time and I seek my supremacy in all things; I regrettably grey-rock most people. I figure that following this could remedy both my crippling depression and support my soul need for greatness.

[@sonjak8265]

You will be great if you stop being envious. Get a hobby and devote yourself to it.

[@mjt1517]

@@sonjak8265everyone is prone to envy. It’s a normal part of the human mind. Relax.

[@SamStone1964]

Were either of your parents likely narcissists?

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

@@SamStone1964 They had traits here and there, but both of them dealt with their unresolved stuff lately. The real nutjobs were my grandparents - they were the ones who had enough spare time to be parents.

[@SamStone1964]

@@AlastorTheNPDemon I did my family tree and tested my DNA so I could identify the nut jobs lol. Are your grandparents still alive?

[@breakingben9575]

Idk if I’m a narcissist or not. But I’m just trying to do my best in life. I like to think I’m good but idk. I am human and I make mistakes. I just wanna good and happy and healthy and successful.

[@Calibri57]

Finally, thank you. There is hope if you think you might be a Narcissist. If you suspect your own narcissism, you probably need to hear this.

[@ct00001]

I can see the utility of applying these principles regardless of your diagnosis. Everyone has a shadow to contend with. Focusing on the trauma inflicted by the narcissist keeps you in victimhood. Focusing rather on the mitigation of your own darkness is the more frightening path, and it is the only path that gives you a fighting chance to live your best life. I'm reminded of how christian scripture prescribes that before we seek to remove the speck from our neighbor's eye, we should remove the log from our own. I suppose to claim that the narcisisst is evil (however true that claim may be), while denying the necessity of addressing my own evil, would be about as narcisstic as it gets.

[@sludgerat666]

Yes! Gotta make our light brighter if we wanna make other's lights bright as well.

[@CARPital]

Nice words jefe01 and i think that you are right about addressing one's own evil part. About the victimhood mentality, what i said to myself since i am an adolescence is that this makes me stronger! It worked quite well, and for sure could have been worse

[@robrob9050]

Professor Vaknin is giving path for narcissists to reform themselves

[@illil1844]

I was just thinking this is applicable to all of us and then you said it. I think all of us have bits of narsacissm where we do not want it be be our fault, and must step back and accept, or know for sure it is time to walk away from an abuser.

[@papajay111]

I'm not a narcissist, I love myself too much!!!🤣

[@Open_Eyes_Open_Heart]

Great monologue! All of us owe our relationships a self check as we mature. Our ability to empathize and reciprocate love is the greatest gift to others.

[@RationalNon-conformist]

This makes sense. We all introspect, but narcissists absolve themselves of any wrong doing in the end. They are right/good no matter what.

[@mjt1517]

Everyone should always forgive themselves of whatever wrong they have done. Why carry around useless guilt all your life? Be free. Make amends where possible and appropriate, but let yourself off the hook and enjoy yourself and life.

[@davidslater3987]

Thank you very much for this video. I've seen so many KZbin therapists ridicule and demonise narcissists as thoroughly irredeemable. Your 12 Steps deliver a meaningful message of hope; they acknowledge my essential goodness and genuine desire to make amends, restore relationships, and address my pernicious flaws.

[@robdixson196]

One thing you will notice about those videos is most of those people seem narcissistic themselves. It's like they are chomping at the bit to break out the pitch forks and torches.

[@CT--jv2ur]

@@robdixson196True

[@GreyCat827]

I have been a member of a 12 step fellowship for 3 decades. Although steps 2, 3 and 11 differ from those steps in the " usual" 12 steps, your proposition makes such sense. I have met a few people in the group to which I belong that I think may qualify for an official diagnosis. I don't know how much the usual steps have actually helped the people, I'm guessing to some extent. But your steps 2, 3 and 11 would allow a true narcissist a real way into a life with less sadness and harm in their world. I find great solace, greater self acceptance and trust in the Higher Power concept. Since a narcissist can not escape the power of their false self, your revision provides a way for them. I can't feel what they feel, but as I've listened to your videos, I've felt a sadness, an internal void for them. Your description of what being a narc feels like, and other of your videos, have brought tears for me. I hope your 12 step proposal comes to fruition. Perhaps narcissists who are trying other 12 step programs will see this video.

[@lobismayorga3146]

The twelve steps Is the best investment a human being can give to his own self ❤❤❤

[@dey4588]

Every two year old only knows it's own world, every human starts with strong narcissistic tendancies. Childhood traumas, parent traumas cause issues and not everyone can look back into it. They can't see a counselor, they can't go there. If you can, you are on the normal scale. It's a broad spectrum from healthy boundaries and self care to the other far end of abusive predatory narcissists. In my youth, I was so focused on living fully that I often did not see how my actions affected others. I displayed strong narcissistic tendencies. I had fun. With tears I recognized these mistakes. Also, I'm a people pleaser.. I've learned my boundaries are valid, understanding how the childhood survival mechanisms were not good, vocalising my inner feelings at least to myself to understand whats going on inside was freeing. My counselor said I wouldn't be sitting on the couch trying to grow if I were a narcissist, to stop ruminating on where I am on a broad spectrum and to focus on rest and doing things I enjoy. I'm Finding my peace and seeing the new day. I'm not a nacissist, I do pause in action to avoid hurting people. We also need to be able to protect ourselves with boundaries. And boundsries are notbabout control. They are for ourselves so we walk away from a situation which doesn't fit with ourselves. Go be good gentle people 🙏💚 You are going to be ok.

[@mjt1517]

Paragraph breaks make long text easier to read.

[@dey4588]

@@mjt1517 hope the edit helps 🙏💚🖖

[@ct00001]

One question I wrestle with here is how the narcissist can truly have no real self. To be lost and unable to find your true self, that I understand. But for there to simply be no self sounds absolutely monsterous. If a narcissist has no true self, how can they ever have an inkling of repentance or any desire at all to change? Who is the one who repents if not the true self?

[@robertvernon789]

I’m very scared.

[@selfesteem3447]

Generally, a narcissist has No inkling to repent or change on improving themselves. How, you ask ? The narcissist killed off their "true self", Dead as a door nail. And in return replaced/reincarnated or recreated, you could say... themselves, Into what is known as the "false self"... Which is someone who they deem as being above ALL others.

[@ct00001]

@@selfesteem3447 yes this is my understanding also. Yet Vaknin refers explicitly to "the repentant narcissist". Who else would the protocol in this video be for? For a narcissist to voluntarily put a leash on himself, there must be an entity seeking that benevolent restraint. Who is it?

[@Meenaia]

It's important to take in consideration that there are levels of narcissism. Not all narcissist are completely malignant. I have a lot of hope for a few that have been in my life that they can change and most importantly heal themselves the best they can.

[@ct00001]

@@Meenaia this is a great point, thank you

[@poi4ever121]

Perfect. Self-righteousness and victim, martyr, hero cycle.

[@jenettegrubb9397]

This is the Best One ever. Gives hope to the poor soul..... that maybe see it in the Mirror. 12 steps brilliant 👏

[@nugget6635]

This gets really complicated when a narcissist who is trying to get better still meets with other narcissists and gets the head twisted again. This is basically Lee Hammock's life experience, he discovered he is a narcissist and started seeing that many of his friends were also narcissists.

[@lindsaylou2712]

Thank you to Lidija for this excellent idea. If you really are ready to be honest with yourself then this is a magnificent tool. and of course there is: The Serenity Prayer (I like it) "God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference"

[@tally551]

Talking about using your NPD traits for good. Reminds me of my first therapist, worked with me to get the voices in my head to work together. Now its more like the voices have turned into an internal voice with some added interjections, which can make me laugh, giggle or just remember something important. And if its something i dont like i just go "thats not helpful for us." And then i feel like im brought back to a peaceful state. I find the best therapist are the ones who dont sell you a cure, but give you the skills to cope with your conditions.

[@zulftreerain8991]

Again and again, thanks a lot, I hope this knowledge will one day be everyone's knowledge in this world. Narcissists have the right to be encouraged and supperted in their healing journey, those who need that change. We all are humans with consciousness and with soul. No more no less

[@Sonnell]

Wow. I admire you for this video. It is brutally honest, straightforward, logical and sensible. This is by far the best video about narcissism, I hope the person(s) who hurt me by theirs, would be able to listen to this. And would be able to act on it.

[@raven-yt8139]

Thank you Vaknin. I can definitely say that I'm a narcissist. So many years of conflict with the false self. I even mortified myself a month ago. I hope it's a good sign of doing well. 12 steps definitely solved all my turmoil. I made the peace with myself today. Thank you a lot.

[@milans9962]

Is anyone else beginning to see that the core solution is for us to learn how to forgive ourselves, forgive others (past or present)? Narcissist or codependent or otherwise, we all need to reach for this level of compassion for ourselves and others. My heart grows stronger every day.

[@Scorpio.connect]

This is so valuable. If the couple family members I've walked away from actually took these actions I'd consider having them in my life... the only reasoning I ever got was " I just dont care what people think about me" .😅

[@kadirramazn]

I have a narcissistic mother. I have gone no contact for almost for 2 years. I encounter your videos and watch some of them. Things you say made me think deeply, because i believe my mom still lives inside my head as a false "must be" self and always interacting with the gaze of others, analyzing their thoughts and judging my self worth as impersection or perfect, acceptable or unacceptable, worthy of loving or not worthy of loving. I think, all my self worth as an individual, always needs to be corrected and accepted by the judge in my head which is my mom. This, affecting all the fields in my life. Harsh judging of self, and fear of the judgements of others, also projecting into others as you know, what you think about self, becomes your interaction with others. It was a great realisation for me. I'm still recovering for almost 4 years. Still going. Thank you for your work.

[@orianam9835]

Try buddist teachings. They help just like if not more as therapy.

[@orianam9835]

I have a fear of public speaking and being in centre of attention. Some how i realised and connected the dots - at home i was not asked what i would like to do tomorrow or eat today . I was ordered. I was an extemtion of my dad and grandma. I am only now finding my strenght and inner voice and courage to speak my mind! It is mindblowing to realise the matrix of a family upbringing and its power over us.

[@JoaoPaulo-gt2qz]

Simply the best. ( No love bombing intented) Thank you, truly. The one who most helped me.

[@jonathandegoederen4276]

Thank you and your wife for this video We need more content like this one KZbin.

[@kallahari7542]

Again thank you so so much for this video professor Vaknin. This video is very comforting to the one who suffer from NPD. I have tried to let the (ex) narcissist lisnen to your lectures by playing your videos in front of him but it caused him anxiety and irritation . He did asked for your name tho, and i made sure that he got it. Hopefully he remembered and secretly been checking you out wherever he is now.

[@selfesteem3447]

Could this be Sam Vaknin's OTHER channel? Or is the SOMEONE ELSE posting his downloads ? As their own... ? The Original Sam Vaknin, his channel is titled Sam Vaknin. I suspect?? this channel/content creator is an imposter, even listing themselves, like Sam, as being in Macedonia 🇲🇰

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

This is my other channel.

[@kallahari7542]

@@selfesteem3447 Ofcourse it's not an imposter, this channel shows other videos of professor vaknin, which are not on the Sam Vaknin channel.

[@Surveilancepredators]

Find a better boyfriend

[@MPR2007]

how is he now? is he cured?

[@holyandacceptable]

i really appreciate the blatant statement that ALL narcissists are aware of their behaviors and their effects on people because i believe that the opposite teaching strips the person of the accountability, which is what is needed so badly.

[@stephanieann9770]

Thank you for making this video ❤ its so hard to get therapy for narcissistic family members

[@elan007]

Ive been attending Alanon and ACA 12 Step support group. It is helping me keep my sanity and serenity with narc adult daughter. I wish NA mtgs were in my area.

[@user-pd9k]

Imho this is relevant regardless of whether one is diagnosed or a victim or a student of this subject - to maintain a healthy sense of self. Thanks Professor 🙏

[@ChrisOgunlowo]

Thank you. Applies to almost everyone. 🙏🏽

[@mariep4018]

I’m going through therapy and my therapist and his supervisors are narcissist. They degraded me right in front of a group of people telling me I cannot use the restroom to relieve myself. Or I would be punished and have to start the 12 week program over because I wouldn’t be allowed to come back in the room if I left to use the facilities. I asked for my records to see what they were saying about me and they refused. They also said that I disrupt the class that I was going to. I was arrested for pepper spray and my husband, who abused me more than once, and was arrested more than once for hitting me. My narcissistic husband. I have no right to defend myself the court took that right away from me that if my husband comes near me and I defend myself again, I would be going back to prison. How do I prove that my therapist a narcissist, and take them to court. I haven’t have proof from the class members of what he said to us. nobody seems to get punished for narcissistic abuse at all and it is just as abusive as physical violence. I’m getting tired of the superiority complex in the medical field in law enforcement. It seems they could do whatever the hell they please and nobody is the question them.

[@brettadkins7563]

You sound like a narcissist lmao

[@CARPital]

I think you should change therapist.

[@karenmossbryan7932]

Oh dear

[@kryssis69]

The force is strong with this one.

[@JudyBarrette]

Thanks. Good to hear solutions other than "get away from them". I think that a 12 step program is perfect. It is familiar and we know it works. The trick, as for all forms of addictions, is to have the person interested in doing a 12 step program.

[@Surveilancepredators]

Simply start dating again. You'll have fun.

[@darbydelane4588]

Narcissists Anonymous! Awesome!🤜🏽🤛🏼💪🏽👏🏽👍🏼🙏🏾❤️

[@HammersnBlades]

I have watched your broadcast discussing narcissism, and I wanted to share a different perspective on the topic. While it's crucial to raise awareness about narcissistic behaviors and their impact on relationships, I believe it's equally important not to rush to accept the branding of someone as a narcissist without considering other potential factors. In my own experience, I was wrongfully branded as a narcissist when, in reality, I was facing a severe health issue-meningitis. This misdiagnosis had a damaging effect on my self-esteem and prevented me from seeking the proper help I needed at the time. I believe that hastily accepting such labels can indeed deter individuals from looking deeper for the root causes of their behavior and hinder their path to self-protection and personal growth. I suggest that in discussions about narcissism, we encourage a more holistic approach that considers underlying issues and encourages individuals to seek help and understanding rather than simply accepting a potentially damaging label. This approach promotes empathy and a more comprehensive understanding of human behavior. Thank you for considering this perspective and for your work in addressing important issues through your broadcast.

[@staciehulm4595]

Can someone with NPD ever truly see themselves as helpless for a significant period of time or past the point of mortification? Not just adopting the concept of their own helplessness intellectually, but truly believing it. If they could, wouldn't this change their pathology? To believe something is to act on it, even if the action you take is denial.

[@IsitReallyrealreally]

Now, Sam, you are going somewhere. Keep Going! 👊🏼

[@marianhaileymoss]

Thank you! and thank you Lydia for the idea of this important video!!

[@cancer_moonchild]

The way I laughed @ stage 4 cancer of the soul (with no prescription) 😂😂😂 brilliant!

[@jessika9488]

I think at the very least it is important for people to accept the challenge of applying at least some of methods in their life even if they do not believe they are a narcissist. Simply to be a better person overall. Its not about feeling sorry for yourself or rejecting these methods out of fear of being labelled and glued to an identity. Take what is useful. I think at least learning the concept of empathy. Even if you dont feel it, can at least help people to do the right thing. Even when they dont agree.

[@thistooshallpass5425]

Train the mask false empathy?

[@smostar569]

You can "learn a concept of empathy" but empathy is not about the concept, it is all about the feelings, you must feel the situation, other person(s), the details... The concepts and conceptualizations are far far away, on a completely different level from all of it. First, you need to feel it. Then you can make true, truthful concepts. Otherwise, it is all empty and fake. And the tragedy of narcissists is that they are not capable of doing so. It must be hell when you are not capable of feeling other people's states and emotions, when you don't have that option at all, that's why the first step is to admit it. And it must be very very hard as well. But walking around with "a concept of empathy" and pretending that you are the one with the empathetic possibilities, it is even greater hell, for all. Every day we can find proofes for it, that's the most common behaviour. That's why this video is so precious. It is saying hard but naked truth.

[@jessika9488]

@@smostar569 good point

[@jessika9488]

@@thistooshallpass5425 I see what you mean/how this could be used to mask further. This will be one for discussion

[@thistooshallpass5425]

@@jessika9488 absolutely spot on

[@soapmode]

I've found your insights very useful over the years. It was nice to hear you thanking your wife at the beginning here too.

[@ckay9006]

My ex once said to me 'its your fault i killed someone because you made me do all those things and put pressure on me' where i replied , 'what, you mean asking you to do the washing up for yourself occassionally caused you to kill someone?' Crazy.

[@NatureRelaxation87]

Children who move at a young age abroad can also lose sense of self... Loss of self does not only apply to Narcissism...

[@taleandclawrock2606]

I am undiagnosed, but possibly BPD, and codependent, c- ptsd, and autistic, phobias, therapists have said, whatever those labels mean. I have above average IQ, very high empathy and people reading, poor boundaries, yet idealise and fantasise about and in relationships, in which i have a very poor track record, but always trying to learn and do better. The idea that there is " no cure " , for anyone, is very hard for me to accept. Surely if anyone regains better sense of themself, better accountability, better behaviours, better functionality and feels better, that must be some measure of healing? Yet i do understand, i think, what you are saying, that the magnitude of damage to a narcissists psyche is so immense, entailing fundamental changes in brain function even (?) that it is like the amputation of a limb, one can adjust lifestyle to maximise capacity, but never regrow the limb. I think i have finally grasped at 54 that i will never be " healthy" or able to undo all the damage done to me, or relate normally like others seem to. I've had 3 lovely relationships of 4 years each, and several shorter very bad ones, in 3 of which i was nearly killed, and i get on pretty well with my adult kids, despite tough decades as solo Mum) Its only the thought that i could one day be in stable loving long term relationship which allows me to have any will to live at all, and the fact that i never want to leave my kids with the pain of a suicided mum. The question for me becomes, how can i best relate, for the good of all? This is selfish of me to write this here. I overshare because i have been alone so much, and i really want to ' feel known' thats seeking some kind of validation i guess. Please excuse me while i self centredly work out my self evaluation processing in front of strangers!😂❤

[@andreeacondrat1462]

Brilliant perspective and ideas! This information should be shared as much as possible. It would make the world a better place for both narcissists and the people they interact with. Hat off!

[@Winner1-c2u]

I settled a law suit against my psychiatrist who was my narc. or psychopath I suspect. They are in the perfect position to harm. Impacts your care moving forward. Discard brutal.

[@valeriecailean1681]

🙏 Thank you @Sam Vaknin! You have helped many of us, beyond measure! 😉

[@tamara1f]

I plan on going into couples counseling and this will prove to be extremely beneficial. Thank you for your contribution!

[@honeymo585]

A wise person exhausts his beloved.Thank you Professor Vaknin

[@zoezzzarko1117]

Sam... ❤💜💖💞💫🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥💥😎💋 this is one of your BEST videos ever What a service to MANKIND you are making here in this step program!! This puts HOPE ... out into this WORLD !! Insteqd of just defining... encapsulating... or... RIDICULING the narcissists of this world... Ad infinitum !!! GOOD. JOB. SAM !!!

[@carolconstantino1638]

Professor this is so powerful! Like Woa! I must write this in my journal!

[@Ineverwantedahandle]

I am autistic, complex Ptsd, disorganized attachment style and Pathological demand avoidance, it honestly seems that there is some overlap between all of these conditions as a whole and NPD. I do lack empathy and simply do not seem to understand how or why my behavior is so upsetting to others. I am often met with Rage from my partners and will shut down and ignore them, and have used various manipulation tactics in order to get my needs met. I am extremely controlling and resistant to criticism with some very dogmatic and rigid beliefs about reality. More recently when I do mushrooms, I cannot stop the self hatred and self loathing from overwhelming me, it seems that whatever this narcissistic ego is a tyrant and wants to make me suffer endlessly. Ive been trying to change my brain with psychedelics but the actual trips are Hellish. To be completely honest, I wish I had never been born. If reincarnation is real, there is only one conclusion I can draw from having incarnated and it was likely to pay for some terrible deeds or cumulation of such.

[@Melody-st4df]

Amazing Thank you Sir. This is astoundingly clear and easy to comprehend.

[@SgtPepper333]

I love this, Professor. Thank you!

[@LifeIsGood1992]

this helps to fight the idea of narcissism itself

[@louisewitney]

This is brilliant information and the best supervision psychotherapists can use with their narcissistic clients. Huge thanks Sam 😊

[@kathrynd4912]

Narcissist: Am I the bad one? No I am the victim, you made me do it.

[@cnunex1766]

Thank you professor, thanks Lydia 😊

[@joons3374]

Lol my therapist straight up told me I am a covert narcissist with an angry tone on my second or first visit 🤣 I laughed but she was right as I found out later.

[@FragileDpsUnitEuw-p1i]

Hey professor. I think I have narcissistic defences against an adverse situation. So I'm glad with your videos.

[@inhale.exhale.2527]

the curse of narcissism is that, having unconsciously or immaturely abandoned any form of dependance upon others at a critical stage in our human development (infancy to a debateable but still vulnerably young age*), the subsequent deeply dysfunctional adoption of externalised value systems and self-soothing, addictive behaviours by the afflicted in a natural but dysfunctional effort to fill this core void (human attachment and love) never satisfies the absence of that formative unconditional love and attachment to our primary caregivers in a safe place to call home. narcissists and codependants were deprived of this and suffer eternally as a consequence. this is not the fault of either but it is the essential fault of their primary caregivers in the dysfunctional environment in which they have tried to survive. similarly dysfunctional manipulation and deceit within that environment such as all hierarchical and objectifying systems such as elitism, racism, sexism, consumerism, wokeism etc etc is therefore further cause and ironically a concealed solution to narcissism. division is antithetical. human connection is the return to our true selves. anything else is a further flawed and arguably manipulative deceit by a consciously or unconsciously complicit narcissist.

[@justynakisiel8647]

Thanks a lot! As therapist I really try to address this problem but I think that I am in very minority and that sucks.

[@frenchiepepsi2900]

This has really opened my eyes on what i have been experiencing as of late. I think you are right about narcissism and how to contain it so to speak. I wonder tho how would i show this to my ex who i suspect is narcissistic , maybe has NPD without backlash or outright refusal?

[@Damion00000]

Thank you , Vaknin! safe travels journey man

[@ultraaamotion]

Thank you, Professor, this is much needed.

[@MichNative01]

Excellent!!! Good video, for everyone!!! I hope many hear your voice, and accept your knowledge and get to work. Thank you...

[@SS-qm3hg]

Thank you for your work! Prayers of love to you and yours.

[@dilfuzakhaydarova2859]

Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin ❤

[@HenryVogel-c4g]

Enlightenment.......................................................THANKS 🙂

[@iknowwhoyouare888]

I don't understand! if you step back from your false self to observe, WHO IS OBSERVING then?? If inside there is dead core, nobody, void, dead child?? How is it possible to break that defending walls consciously?

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

WHO is observing when your webcam is observing you? It's an APP!

[@gizelasuhajda5684]

​@@nothingnessnonarcissismAAP does not know that it is AAP. There is nothing left but to admit that you are a man created by God. What you are dealing with is not a psychological problem.

[@gizelasuhajda5684]

Very good observation.

[@darbydelane4588]

You can practice noticing/observing your thoughts, emotions, and sensations. This “Observer” self is your true nature. Consciousness.

[@iknowwhoyouare888]

@@darbydelane4588 yes, I can But people with narcissistic disorder CANT! it's impossible for people without self-reflection abilities, their psycho protection system doesn't allow them to do this, if they could do it they will not be people with disorder...

[@JohnMccart777]

You are right over the target there Sam.

[@Harmony-ks7gv]

Wouldn't this be dependent on the narcissist being diagnosed and accepting what they are? Good luck with that!

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

No. It happens when the narcissist hits rock bottom.

[@jcm5171]

This is most interesting. I hope you will develop this further, Professor Vaknin.

[@DanielWiebrands]

Narcissist still wants to blame something and still believe they are the victim of something..😂

[@EL-gu8fv]

As a nurse, I can tell you of various episodes when a psychiatrist didn't even have the time to see a patient in ER, but wrote a report on them from anecdotal evidence only. Sickening.

[@marcelo.mesquita]

We make peace with our adversaries. However, if my social group does not recognize my awesomeness, how can I make amends? Congratulations on the 12 steps, however, people with narcissistic personality disorder will need a spiritual elevation to follow these steps.

[@jessika9488]

Crazy, ive literally been wondering about this exactly!

[@robynmatejka8498]

What does it mean, when you don’t self harm, or have black out rages, but the other descriptions of BPD fit you? I very very rarely lash out in anger. I feel sorrow mostly when things become heated. Can BPD be a diagnosis when other things still fit so well? I was married to a diagnosed NPD man for 20 years. I’m 40 now and recently divorced. I wonder sometimes if his disorder caused BPD symptoms in me. I went to therapy a lot to try and “fix” me, because I thought I was the problem. Was never diagnosed with a personality disorder but with anxiety disorder and one therapist said I was “responding normally to being surrounded by assholes” I’m still so confused and in a fog.

[@Surveilancepredators]

Find a new boyfriend who is similar to Paris Black.

[@NothingBetterToWatch]

Look into quiet/covert bpd. The “bpd rage” so to speak is turned inward

[@PatriciaS-t1x]

You sound wonderful! I’m uplifted.

[@HadleyMeredith]

Thank you! A 12 step program finally.

[@terence7752]

Beautifully put....

[@yaaklynx56]

Thank you for this. I think these steps are insightful for everyone who desires to have better relationships with others.

[@ofvictimsandvillains]

Dr. Vaknin… your genius and insight is one of the most overlooked and under-appreciated forces on KZbin. I believe that you could take your skills to another level by applying your knowledge to politics (analyzing the cluster-B-ullshit going on in the modern political circus… just my opinion.

[@sugarfree1894]

This is all contingent on the narcissist actually caring. What other motivation could there be? Om Mani Padme Hung.

[@nothingnessnonarcissism]

When the narcissist hits rock bottom. Caring has nothing to do with it.

[@Rakibrown111]

This is beautiful, profound.