Are you a narcissist? 8 common traits of narcissism

Are you a narcissist? Let's talk through it. I oftentimes get questions like, how do I know if I'm a narcissist, am I a narcissist, what is a narcissist, am I a narcissistic person and so many more. In this video let's talk all about narcissism. What narcissism is. What narcissism looks like. What is narcissistic personality disorder. The common signs or traits of narcissism. Then you can help figure out if you or someone you know may be struggling from narcissistic personality disorder, oftentimes called narcissism.
1:43: Superiority
2:23: Entitlement
2:52: Need for Attention
3:41: Need for Control
5:05: Lack of Boundaries
6:03: Never Takes Responsibility
6:35: Lack of Empathy
7:37: Splitting
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[@ccgg33]

Me: what if I’m a narcissist and I’ve just tricked everyone into thinking I’m not? Psychologist: you are most definitely not a narcissist. Me, internally: oh no, I’ve fooled her too…

[@v4voodoo861]

😂😂😂

[@robbliss4921]

Been there. It’s an awful feeling.

[@chickadeestevenson5440]

yup. I know I'm a nasisitic horrible evil bitch and everyone is just putting up with me so I make sure that I let everyone do whatever they want. So yeah I have zero boundaries, def a narc. Boundaries are something other people have, I'm not allowed. That would be mean.

[@jeremiahwilson7796]

This! 😂😂😂

[@aitzi6732]

Love, love, love this comment!!! 🤣🤣🤣💗💗💗

[@benjaminvandusen4351]

I have found a fear of being a narcissist common among some people with mental health struggles. I have experienced this myself although technically I am pretty much the opposite of a narcissist. I think this can happen because of the tendency of anxiety or depressed to cause you to become self-absorbed. Self absorption is often used as a derogatory term synonymous with narcissism but it is not necessarily that. Self absorption is just being very focused on yourself. Sometimes anxiety or depression can cause a high preoccupation with the self or vice versa.

[@bellaflora.]

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I wonder what other people might think when I disappear into self introspection for long periods. I’ve had to be hyper focused on myself for the last year in order to heal from CPTSD. Lots of people have fallen out of my life. But at the same time, I’ve made the assumption that the ones remaining are the ones who cared enough to keep reaching out. This may not be entirely true though since I have no idea what they’re going through either.

[@alainerookkitsunev5605]

@@SimonWoodburyForget self absorption is one trait that is considered narcissistic. But you need many traits in order to be classified as a narcissist. Being self absorbed doesn't mean you feel entitled or superior, or need attention for example.

[@alainerookkitsunev5605]

@@SimonWoodburyForget it's up to mental health providers to diagnoze people. All im saying is it is possible to be self centered/self absorbed without being narcissistic.

[@alainerookkitsunev5605]

@@SimonWoodburyForget never claimed you asked.

[@wherehaveallthetacosgone3780]

I've been very sick and traumatized for most of my life, and have had a great fear of being misunderstood as narcissistic. During my hardest times my family accused me of being too self absorbed/focused. But recently I realized a better term is "self protective". When someone is traumatized, their whole life becomes about defending and protecting themselves from outside threats. All of their energy is geared towards survival. As I've been healing and getting better I've come out of my myself more and more, and am able to use that energy to reach out to and serve others...but I still carry a deep fear and shame for being "selfish".

[@edithasd2806]

I noticed from a young age I was quite "evil" and cruel especially towards animals. And I noticed only because I was being shamed by my brother for mistreating animals (which I'm very grateful for). And that's when I started to work on my empathy. I had little dog back then. It was very hard in the beginning. I felt dumb and awkward trying to talk to her in hopes she would answer back in some way. I tried to do what normal people do, like belly scratches, dog snacks, cute voice, pets, etc, even when I felt like I was wasting my time, I was only doing it for some kind of reward from my brother, as in recognition and stuff. But then I noticed the dog grew very attached to me, she was very happy to see me, she wanted to play a lot, she followed me, she loved sleeping in my bed. And I finally felt something for her. She is my little angel, she helped me grow some humanity inside of me, now I despise myself for all the awful things I did to those animals. I can attest, it is possible to recover, with lots of patience and the right companionships.

[@sigurdopheim3626]

Trauma thats strong enough to give PTDS will dissconnect a person from theyr own emotions. I know because i lived throgh it. And yes its possible to come back. Dont accept a "narsissist stamp" quickly, early childhood trauma damages the brain in the emotional area. But the brain can change. It is called "plastic" for a reason-. if you give it emotional stimulation it will adapt to it. . I belive balance can be restored espesially if the damage comes from trauma. . I want to than you for your honest post.

[@richardjarquin9498]

I respect your honesty

[@SpectrumOfChange]

Whatever reason you had less connection to empathy, it shows a strong draw to heath that you responded this way to the love from the puppy. I hope you know what you did before as a child wasn't your fault, and that it was the job of your parents to have been more present to support you before that stuff got out of hand. I just hope you don't beat yourself up too much about that, it was the adults responsibility to take care of, not the child's. Regardless, thank goodness for that creature who come to save you.

[@adriel7229]

It's our choices that shape who we become, especially when we are still young. I'm so glad you chose the path you did. You saved yourself from a lifetime of misery.

[@patrickrodriguez7744]

Very brave to be this honest. What an amazing path and discoveries await you. I guarantee it.

[@jonahshriver3358]

Here's the thing. If you are questioning whether or not you are a narcissist, then you aren't a narcissist. They lack the self-awareness to see that their behavior is wrong. They think they are perfect and if anything bad happens to them/around them, its always someone else's fault.

[@mariab2613]

That is true.

[@deeplover3359]

Not always we are still human and can see why other people would see why other people wouldn’t like our behavior

[@orwellianreptilian2914]

nothing is absolute... even the ones with the strongest and most consistent tendencies to behave as you describe (with exceptions)... have moments.... or, probably more often than the relatively less perceptive observers might notice... they are masking and or rationalizing. they might say a certain thing or act a certain way, but that doesnt necessarily mean that thats what theyre thinking... after all, they are liars... what makes you think that their dishonesty is limited to the external? in my experience, most people think that what they consciously think, is what they actually think, but often, its what theyve convinced themselves that thats what theyre "supposed" to think or at least convey as what is "correct"

[@coolcutsgal2]

🙋‍♀️🕵️‍♂️🤔👍 TRUE

[@sarabrighid150]

that's a myth

[@ellenahs5911]

Hear me out: I think a lot of us adopt narcissistic traits or ways of thinking when we have been in survival mode for too long- especially surviving in an emotionally unsafe environment. It’s born out of a need to protect and promote ones own self when no one else will.Victims of narcissistic abuse take on some of the abuser’s traits too sometimes even a s a form of vengeance.

[@gloriatigris]

True! and well articulated, its a complicated process, but you explained it very clearly.

[@SouLightness]

Being so deprived that we manipulate to get some crumbs of attention to appease the isolation to which We've been condemned is a narcissistic trait but not npd. Truth is we are so starved of love that we twist ourselves into a pretzel to get a tiny bit...

[@us4damons]

In the end it turned out that I was just acting exactly like him:-( it's crazy how that happens I was two different people from start to finish

[@FullCircleTravis]

I'm an empath, and there is a thing called empath rage. When I finally get angry and lose it, people find out that all the narcissists, Machiavellians, and psychopaths, that have attacked me, taught me everything a person would ever need to know about psychological warfare. Not only this, but unlike these types, I actually experience the person's emotional and cognitive state, so I have intimate knowledge of all their insecurities and thought process. I'm also a genius, and my gifts are pattern recognition, complex systems, and strategy. Instead of outright attacking the person, I set up situations. Each situation has a choice. If you act in good faith and not vindictive, the choice has no consequences. However, since they aren't a decent person, they take the second path in which they create their own consequence. For example, I had a business partner who was a narcissist and he was abusing the relationship to get me to loan the company money through deferred wages. Meanwhile, this person told me they couldn't do the same, and then bought a new couch and put new carpet in their basement. I didn't get mad, but I immediately planned to remove all the money I had loaned the company. When I pulled all my money out eventually, the company had cash flow shortages. At this point I told him that he shares the burden or we close the company down. He didn't like this, and decided to do shady things to push me out. The final situation was that I gave him a better than fair deal because I just wanted to be free of him quick. He had a choice once again to take the smoking good deal so I could leave quick, or contest the amount and drag it out. Long story short, he ended up in a situation where he now owed me 3 times as much money once the accountants were finished, and if he didn't agree to the terms he was looking at 10-15 years in prison for corporate crimes that could only be ignored if he signed the share purchase agreement. Truth is, I never did anything. All I did was not interrupt the enemy while he made his mistakes. He really should have read, "Art of War."

[@edgarallanhoe8838]

I’m going crazy rn

[@hunterwebapps5091]

I think I'm not a narcissist, but I do have narcissistic tendencies, and this helps me humble myself to take more responsibility for my selfish actions.

[@spacemaker8760]

belive me theres no thing as a "humble" person suffering from NPD.

[@split_jcgg9613]

Shame on you

[@PrincessAfrica3]

@@split_jcgg9613stop it

[@kbs1212]

@@split_jcgg9613You shaming someone taking responsibility for their past actions is a rejection of your own humanity. You are shaming yourself without necessity. Be kind to yourself.

[@JustWaitTillNextYear]

@@split_jcgg9613 You think you're so special huh

[@IM-uh5tk]

Video summary: 1. 1:49 superiority 2. 2:25 entitlement 3. 2:55 need for attention 4. 3:43 need for control (gaslighting, lovebombing, get flying monkeys) 5. 5:08 lack of boundaries 6. 6:06 never take responsibility 7. 6:40 lack of empathy 8. 7:38 splitting

VICTIMHOOD

[@happysilence887]

@they are always the victim

[@kathyharmon2093]

My mother has all of these😢

@@happysilence887 Yep. Mine was.

[@TheShaqii]

Oh! I have a good thing i want to add on. They love to mimic personalities they wish/see themselves as on tv/movies. Its frightning how fast they pick up new personalities

[@drippindeity9599]

I’m told I’m not a narcissist by everyone I’ve asked, I’ve had two therapists who have both said “absolutely not” and yet I still feel as if I’ve just hidden it well, or they haven’t known me long enough. I wanted to share this because I recently discovered “narcissistic abuse syndrome” and it essentially highlights all the ways being with a narc can affect a non-narc person. essentially, they’re rubbing off on you, you adapt to “survive,” the non-narc brain starts thinking things like “my communications go no where, this is how they communicate, maybe if I communicate to them in the same way…” and then you start acting like a narc, thinking it’s the “normal” way to act or the “acceptable way” because you’ve been manipulated for so long into believing you’re in the wrong/doing something bad at all times, and because you don’t think you’re right, at the hands of a narc, you then start to think maybe they’re right. it’s a vicious cycle. I’ve grown up with a narcissistic mom, which has affected me in ways that attract other narcs, so I’ve dated 3, and their behaviors have rubbed off onto me, the only way I know I’m not a narc, is the fact that after I act in those ways, I actively feel the remorse/anxiety/guilt feeling in my stomach and chest, and can’t shake it.

[@kimberlymarie3651]

I grew up with an alcoholic mother and stepfather. I got pregnant and married at 17 and 12 years in I discovered I married a narcissist and I didn't know I was being abused because of my upbringing in a double narcissist alcoholic home. So, being married to 1 narc felt so much better than what I grew up in. I only discovered this in my 30's . He was so jealous and controlling, he emotionally abused me , verbally abused me and went id try to stand up fir myself he then started to physically abuse me. He coaked me one time and he glared at me when i got away from him and picked up the phone to call police for help ; he glared at me like you better not or you'll pay for it later and I dialed the phone and he left running out back into the woods to hide. Police couldn't do anything bc i didnt have markings on my neck and this was a long time ago in the 1980's and there wasnt any domestic abuse laws. He continued abuse until i stood up for myself for the last time when he was drunk one time late at night and he was becoming violent and calling me nasty names and accused me of looking at other men at the bar and i was in bed in my pajamas and knew I had to leave or he's going to physically abuse me again , so i got out of bed and went to get my purse and keys to leave and he followed me and he ripping both landline phones off the wall so i couldn't call police , so i slowly grabbed my purse and went outside and got in my car and he was blocking me from leaving . I told him to please move so i can leave or ill walk next door neighbor and call the police. Mind its 2am at night and he's outside in only his inderwear and cowboy boots!! I was in my pajamas bc I didn't have time to change clothes. So, I watched him walk back to the front door of our house and he then turned around and ran towards my car and he jumped up on the hood of my car and jumped up and down a few times and then he jumped up and came through my windshield and broke all the glass and part of it was laying on my steering wheel. I couldn't see where he was and I started screaming! I thought he was going inside to get his gun and come back to shoot me , so I proceeded to leave, so i put my car in gear and left to drive to our small town police station. While driving with my windshield all broken and laying on my streering wheel the wind was blowing in my eyes and I had glass everywhere and now blowing in my eyes. I got to the police station and it closed at 5pm !! but there was a hallway with a phone in the hallway to connect to the county sheriff's department and i picked up the phone and explained what happened and i needed police help ! And I turned to look at the glass door that goes outside and my narc husband was there; he followed me to the police station !!! and I started screaming in the phone saying he's here now and he's going to hurt me and I then saw a door open near me and it was a police officer that was in the garage . I felt so much better and I stayed in the hallway and pretending i wasnt looking bc i could see my narc waiting for me to look at him bc he was shaking his finger at me to let me know I will pay for this. I watched police hand cuff and arrest him and he went to jail and later locked up in a physc hospital for a 72 hour hold. He h a cash bond , he was charged with criminal damage to property, disorderly conduct causing injury , a year of probation and 6 months of anger management and an alcohol assessment. And after he got out he blamed me for all the consequences. It was my fault bc I called the police ; I should've just went to back to bed none of this would've happened. I had to be taken to the emergency room to get all the glass out of my eyes and hair. I had glass all over me and I had to have one eye patched .. years before this I told my friends and family that if something ever happened to me that my husband did it and promised me they'd tell the police. Though the years there's been a lot of other times of abuse that I've had to call police, but this was the last time he'd abuse me , i was done with him and would file for divorce. I was very afraid for my life when I divorced him bc he no longer had control of me. and I had a good job to be able to financially leave him . He didn't want me to work , get my GED or get my drivers license. I did it all anyways and I got a good paying job and I left him. I also had a restraining order on him ..He quickly latched on to another woman right away. Only days. He's now on his 3rd wife. My divorce was 33 years ago and our kids are grown adults, but he still calls me a lot to just talk.. Seems every relationship I've had since my divorce has been with a narc and I quickly leave. The last one was so bad that I'd rather be alone. I stopped dating and it's now been 12 years and I'm now thinking of trying dating again. I've always wondered why all my ex's stay in contact with me and one still sends me a Happy Birthday text for the last 20 years.. I live alone and it's been great , but ive just only realized that my mother is a covert narc . She always tells me something she doesn't like about me , my hair style , i talk to much , i gossip and i told her im just telling you whst was on the news !! She enjoys making plans to do something fun with her and she cancels at the last minute. So, I stopped asking her to go anywhere. Anytime I say something about anything she attacks me so if we're together at a family get together I don't say anything around her. She even drives dangerously when I'm in the car and I'm praying I get home alive. Ohh and my brother can do no wrong in her eyes. I didn't realize she was a narc until my father past away a few years ago. I think she abused my Dad and when he passed away she had to abuse someone and i was the chosen one for her to abuse. She quit drinking 40 year ago, but she's still has a narc personality. I think narcs are possessed with a demon/ evil spirit and the spirit has taken over her mind and soul. Her eyes even change and others have said they can see her eye change. My narc mother has even called the police and told them that my brother and i were trying to "unlive" her and at 2am she called all her adult grandchildren and left a message telling them the same thing ! So, i had to call the police to explain everything!! Ive now went no contact with my mother for months now and I feel alot better. Ast time i stopped by her house she's started crying which seemed to be fake , saying she's lonely bc i dont call her or see her and she doesn't want it to be this way . I said mom , the phone works both ways, you dont call me. It hurts alot when the abuse comes from a mom or parent . It feels so good to be free from narcs, but be careful bc they're everywhere !! Not sure why i told you all of this , but perhaps it will help someone... Good luck everyone; there is freedom, happiness and real love for you after leaving your narc. You're stronger than you feel. If I could do it , you can to. Get away from the narcs in your life as if your life depended on it , because it really does.

[@cassiebennet4262]

Well said. I've been thinking about this very subject recently. I can't help but notice that the unhealthy relationship is pushing me toward survival mode and I'm using unhealthy coping mechanisms. Eventually the victim becomes like the narcissist. Just trying to survive. It's an incredible soul sucking situation and no good comes from it.

[@katiegoranic278]

​@@kimberlymarie3651I'm so sorry to hear this, what a terrifying experience! I'm also sorry to hear about your difficult relationship with your mother. I think you have been through so much and you need to do what feels right for you. If keeping a distance from your mother makes you feel better/safer then by all means listen to your heart! I hope things are getting better for you! There is light at the end of the tunnel..

[@sarabrighid150]

this. same. same same same, down to the narc (step) mom and 3 narc bfs

[@kimberlymarie3651]

@@katiegoranic278 To have a narc mother is hard to deal with. Through the years I've overlooked alot of things she's said and done because i love her , but now it's time for me to protect myself and not allow anymore abuse from the one person that should love me unconditionally , my mother. I actually do feel better not being around her mean abusive behavior. I don't understand why she's this way to me. I just knew I had to go no contact to get away from the constant abuse . Who knows maybe she started drinking again ? I gave it my all and it's now time for me to take care of me. I'm more at peace with distancing myself . Thank you for taking time to reach out to me with concern and positive kind words. You a total stranger has shown me more concern and kindness than I get from my own mother. Thank you and God bless you.

[@moniquefleming3738]

I used to get paranoid thinking I was a narcissist, so I'd take an online test to check in once a year or so. Each time it came out "your not a narcissist." The 4th time I took it years later the response to my test was, "Stop taking this test. Go find something to do. You are NOT a narcissist!" I laughed my ass off.

[@nimanixo]

Cap

[@Ltulrich]

Sounds about right. Consider yourself gaslit. You're fine.

[@ILoveSoImAlive]

🤣🤣🤣

[@hagbardceline1980]

All people in the comment sections of videos on narcissism are narcissists.

[@ILoveSoImAlive]

@@hagbardceline1980 why

[@AriAriAri2281]

I once had a psychologist diagnose me with Narcissistic personality disorder because he couldn’t fathom how I liked myself in my own skin(I was overweight and bullied but had made a lot of progress in therapy). Turns out he had a habit of diagnosing women with Narcissistic personality disorders whenever he didn’t like them. Real charmer that one. Of course I ended up getting a second opinion and I’m doing much better years after! Editing to add: This particular psychologist has a history of discounting child abuse, encouraging using belts and other instruments to hit children and shaming young women and single mothers. He made me sign an NDA which regrettably I did not see as a red flag at the time because I was young and kinda dumb. I later got diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, as well as CPTSD, and depression and I’ve made strides in therapy and am doing so much better. I think that he had his own personal biases against women in general, and that led to the bad diagnoses.

[@user-is7xs1mr9y]

Wow, what a disgusting man. I hope he got sued and lost his license or something.

[@niki1974]

That's so sick! Did you report him?

[@karaerler5756]

So glad Rayna you got a second opinion and are doing much better! Knowing who you are and having self confidence is not Narcissism!

[@CoachCreesh]

So, you're saying a doctor jeopardized his license because he didn't like you? Then, other women shared their dx with you? This entire story sounds questionable.

[@jojothetasmaniansassmonkey8866]

​@@CoachCreesh well, everyone can have some symptoms of NPD to some degree, so it wouldn't be hard to imagine a psychologist incorrectly evaluating a patient's state of mind. psychology is not as black and white as fields such as medicine where, oftentimes, all a doctor has to do to make a diagnosis is order some lab work that will come back with very black and white results....also psychologists are not immune from having bias

[@harmantumber]

I can assure you that if you’re watching this video and even merely questioning whether you are a narcissist or not, you’re not a narcissist.

[@GeGe-fg3hx]

Thanks for letting me know I thought maybe I was a narcissist myself

[@mimiimiaaa]

I mean you are most probably right. But there are a few more self aware narcissists, who could actually watch this and question themselves. For those people, your comment could be an excuse to not longer think about it.

[@eylol8314]

You don't know, for sure I know better about myself

[@accidentalwarrior1017]

Like how do you know?!

[@Cowface]

The closest you’ll get to a real apology from a narcissist is an acknowledgment that they screwed up, but with the expectation that you’ll forgive them immediately and forget it ever happened and get back to normal. It’s like putting a band aid on a wound and expecting it to magically heal instantly.

[@DeandreSteven]

Im not sure if this description fits me butnit sounds like a situation i may have caused. Maybe im lettingnher gaslight me into believing im the problem.

[@elizaveta2407]

oh yeah and then the next day they screw up the same way again as they can't learn from their mistakes

[@robertcastillo6899]

I do this tbh if I’m I’m wrong it annoys me but I usually just try to get them to think the issue isn’t that serious and they are being dramatic for nothing pretty much gaslighting but I want to do better, I do feel for some people but I shut the off pretty easy if I need to

[@melissabyrd1310]

All I ever hear is " sorry you feel.that way" it's not an apology what so ever.

[@groovynipple7092]

You might hear the actual word “sorry” if they want something. They don’t mean it of course.

[@sethallison5682]

A trick I’ve seen a narcissist do is basically cosplay as an empathetic person. It obviously took me a long time to figure this one out. But essentially they’re really good at pretending to care about others, especially strangers in need or social justice issues etc because it’s all part of the mosaic of their facade. Once you get close to this person you realize that they really don’t care about anything but maintained control and blame deflecting. Preserving their image is absolutely paramount.

[@vanessaalves7997]

That's exactly what happens. Fake empathy and solidarity to shine and look better than other people

[@leannimalcrackers]

I think it's possible that they can have what's called 'cognitive' empathy (it's learned or mirrored), which can result in a positive image from others, which is what they seek.

[@lemons2135]

Omg that’s it. Everything is about them, even though it doesn’t seem like that on the surface. A ‘friend’ who comes into your life because you have experienced a very public tragedy. Was not about supporting us, but bring in the middle of it. Talking about it. Getting attention. It’s so horrible that I only just realised this. I feel sick and really hurt

[@StandAsYouAre]

I guess for Narcissists it’s easy to pretend to care about strangers because they can break away from them at any time.

[@GeorgeFloydLOL]

WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT ME

[@WanderingHusk]

I've always worried that I'm a narcissist, especially considering a lot of my interactions with people over my lifetime, but after watching this I think I'm actually the exact opposite of a narc, which was a relief but also worrying at the same time as I still have no clue what the hootin' heck is going on with me lol. Love the channel.

[@SX41799]

A narcisst would never worry about being a narcisst. You possess the greatness to reflect yourself.

[@HajirIbrahim-wf6rx]

Same i hope i am not one

[@Emma-tp9ty]

I’ve just finished an incredible book called Trapped in the Mirror by Elan Golomb. Life-changing. And one thing it does mention is how children of narcissists often do end up with some narc traits that they need to unlearn purely because that’s what they were exposed to and taught. And the voice in our head continues that same narrative even once we’re away from the parent. Also, I think living with trauma can make us more self-involved because of what we’re coping with. Healing allows us to shift the focus off ourselves and onto living and connecting.

[@TrueSelf1111]

Thank you for book suggestion.

[@jelkel25]

It stings a lot when you realise you have picked up some of the traits of the Narcissist parent but it's hugely liberating when you confront said traits. The Co-dependency making you a Narcissist magnet is a longer, tougher battle.

[@stevemiller8895]

You don't think the narcissist is a codependent ? think again anyone who is looking for external validation because they are unable to look inwards and become self aware is definitely a codependent because codependents look for external validation in order to gain narc. Supply / attention . If however you were one who would rather not have to depend on external validation in order for you to feel better about yourself. try validating yourself like for example if you have a wounded issue like abandonment or betrayal or rejection that you've never dealt with when it comes up again acknowledge it and then accept it and love upon it like you would your very own inner child because that is you that's the wounded you and when we run from our issues we're running from ourselves so turn and face your own woundedness which is your wounded inner child acknowledge accept with loving kindness embrace feel what your issue is feeling because that issue or feeling or emotion is your inner child. If you value your inner child your emotions your feelings or issues negative or positive you are validating and valuing yourself and if you value yourself there's no need for you to seek external validation and you can also start to value others. this is the process by which you will rid yourself of your codependency. Bottom line here is you need to let your feelings issues emotions process you need to give them validation and value need to give them acknowledgement and acceptance in loving kindness embrace feel what you're feeling don't run away don't be distracted and let it stay as long as it wants but you will see that it will go very quickly once you give it its place and you value it even the smallest of feelings needs this type of attention. I promise you your life will change for the better this process is a game changer

[@jelkel25]

@@stevemiller8895 Classic Word Salad. So you basically think "I was hurt so I'm now entitled to destroy others lives"? No, you don't get to blame your victims because you can't face up to your problems and need to be a leach on others souls to feel a little shallow validation. There's no sympathy for you here and this conversation is over.

[@stevemiller8895]

@@jelkel25no sympathy here that is so indicative of how you treat yourself it's no wonder why you're making no progress and everything thing is hard someone gives you a remedy but you wont receive it! you are much too hard on yourself my friend! My covert NPD EX. WIFE REACTS IN THUS SAME MANNER, you cant help her bc she will not separate from her issues or feelings or emotions! You are THE SAME definitely a NARCISSIST!

[@mrmaherani7077]

Being the son of a narcissistic mom forced me to be narcissist too lol. Actually a few years ago when I was chatting with a stranger, she helped me to understand that I was a narcissist. she told me that I talked about myself too much using I and I and I. Since that time I worked on myself to break this ugly trait. I'm not sure but doing opposite actions that a narcissist does might be a cure. For example, try not to be the center of the attention, be humble, remind yourself that you're only one among other 8 billion people and letting other people to help you.

[@damo9961]

Doesn't make you a narcissist. Just a narcissistic trait. Amber Heard is a narcissist.

[@rodfrancis9160]

My mother is narcissistic and I have watched her manipulate people to her advantage (since my childhood)as well as breaking any spirit I had in me so I would become obedient/scared of her. She is in her mid 70's now, even worse and really speaks badly about people. I keep well away from her.

[@ThePathOfLeastResistanc]

Autistic people do this and it doesn’t mean their narcissistic

[@thevindictive6145]

My psychiatrist said i use the word "we" all the time. Still trying to figure out what that means.

[@missenchanted]

@@damo9961 You mean Johnny Depp is a narcissist

[@soblue315]

Ive learned so much about narcissistic behavior, its helped me become a good parent who refuses to perpetuate invalidating nonsense. I never want my kids to have to feel the way i felt as a kid. ❤❤

[@themysticmuse]

💪

[@gabrielebartkute7359]

Ngl, this video actually helped me to identify that I have some narcissistic tendencies but I'm not that bad as I think about myself. What a huge relief... I'm struggling to see myself from aside, so it's good to know that my self-awareness and inherent sense of responsibility means that I'm actually doing pretty well in life.

[@NoahLema]

I gotchu 1: Superiority (1:43) 2: Entitlement (2:23) 3: Need for Attention (2:52) 4: Need for Control (3:41) 5: Lack of Boundaries (5:05) 6: Never Takes Responsibility (6:03) 7: Lack of Empathy (6:35) 8: Splitting (7:37) Bless your heart Kati for taking the time and effort to make these videos. We luh you. 💜

[@BloomingLisa]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@sidewalksurf800]

She always has this breakdown already in every description, if y’all would just check first.

[@aliciafree4246]

God be with you!!

[@eltonr.depaula5844]

Amber Heard has all these traits.

[@eliseu.8902]

@Nat Smythe BPD is not the same as NPD and I wouldn't compare it and is something you can recover from with self work. I have a couple friends with it and they are the most supportive people and aren't narcissistic at all so I really wouldn't compare the two.

[@tannertate6138]

I realized a number of years ago that I have narcissistic tendencies, and I’m glad I did. A lot of these ring true to me, though I have to actively fight them. I have worried for a long time if I really am just a narcissist, but then I dated one. Can confirm, I am NOT that bad. 😂

[@YIDARMY08]

Jesus can change you my friend. Pray to him and ask him to transform you into his likeness over time.

[@kelleywyskiel3478]

Saaaame! 😂

[@tsb7911]

@@YIDARMY08 Hasn't worked for the Christians I know. As a matter of fact, Agnostics seem far mentally healthier, on a whole, of course.

[@jacksonrelaxin3425]

@@tsb7911no

[@PrincessAfrica3]

@@YIDARMY08amen He changed me too

[@colleenworrell5831]

Great video…I’m also a licensed therapist…I tell my clients that the fact they are truly concerned about whether or not they are a narcissist, basically excludes them from the diagnosis. I also tell them that we all need a dash of self-love in order to develop into a well rounded, individuated, successful person. But our “self” should never supersede that of another person. If it does, like , Kati said…go get some help figuring out who you are ❤️

[@aknightofcamelot]

IT was described to me this way: If you spend a lot of time around smokers, but don't smoke yourself, your hair will smell of smoke. Doesn't make you a smoker. If you were trapped amongst Narcissist type people since childhood then you'll have some traits, but you can cleanse them from yourself! There's hope!

[@gatsu37]

Seems healthy enough despite a dash of entitled victim mentality. It's a good grade, perhaps a B+.

[@bangerxshane2962]

​@@gatsu37you sound smart, but that's it

[@dustyrhodes2717]

@@gatsu37you sound like a troll / narcissist/ psychopath. Does that make you feel good? 😂

[@peteplayz-norskgaming5723]

@@gatsu37bruh

[@marciamartin7861]

Often narcissistic traits are very common among people who grew up in abusive settings. Narcissism is largely an exaggerated expression of self preservation. The simplest way I know to help determine if you're a true narcissist or not is how you grow out of your childhood patterns of behavior. If as an adult you come to terms with, admit and change your damaging self preserving ways and replace them with wholesome ways, you're not a narcissist. At the root cause, I do think that narcissists themselves can change, however, their lack of self reflection too often cripples them from any true or lasting improvement.

[@Dino-uo5vj]

Nailed

[@amateur_football9751]

Mm I don't know, I had a good childhood and I believe I'm a narcissist, I do it out of habit and sadly some enjoyment, I can'f help myself, I will say anything to get the reaction I want

[@truepeace3]

That was insightful and well said. 💯🙌

[@shellcshells2902]

This really solidified how I've been surrounded as a child by narcissists and how I didn't even have a chance of truly being loved.

[@Markkain777]

same boat, like idk if I would even be able to feel true trust anymore, a part of me will always being looking for the lies

[@Vaporeon_91]

I’m sorry you had to go through that.

[@leeboriack8054]

I feel your pain, both my parents were narcs. Growing up I was always in a state of hyper vigilance, as they hated each, had joint custody and would gaslight the kids against the other. I’m 61 and both parents have passed, trying to unwire - rewire my brain. I struggle with seeing real love and if I sense love, I’m leery of a narcissist trap. This is not good!

[@Hedge_witch]

Same. I actually felt some closure and healing when I began to realise that none of why I was unloved was my doing, like... it isn't my fault my mum doesn't love me. I didn't *do* anything to be undeserving, aside from (in her eyes) observe her horrible behaviour for what it was and speak out about it as an adult. But as a kid? None of that lays on me. It was a relief to realise I'm completely loveable, she just isn't capable of loving anything that doesn't bend to her iron will exactly.

[@Hedge_witch]

@@leeboriack8054 I feel you, my boyfriend is such a lovely person who is very understanding towards how I behave due to my narc mum. He often comments that I seem to know exactly how to react to bad things happening, and even create negative situations purely because it's the *norm* for me. I appreciate that patience and empathy greatly in another person as often I don't even recognise the self sabotage until I am knee deep in it. As a child of a narc I lived in constant anxiety, when he's unloading the dishwasher I'll go in the kitchen assuming he's angry at me as I associate slamming and banging with my mums passive aggressive tantrums only to discover he's 100% fine. It's never unsurprising, but I'm slowly learning to realise which side of these things are normal and respectful and which is abuse that I am just used to. I will say a lot of people haven't had patience with me in this, and have given up on me, which is very upsetting. Not to mention my own sister still firmly believes I am the problem child my mother loves to claim I am (which causes me deep upset) but once you find someone who is willing to understand it helps a great deal, and slowly undoes a lot of that gaslighting . I hope things improve for you :)

[@Kuitar88]

It should be mentioned that a lot of this behavior can be subconscious, so someone who is a narcissist may not even realize they are. There are a lot of people who think they are very good kind person, but when the time comes to actually be that they fail at it.

[@gatsu37]

I see a lot of denial in the comments. It's sad really.

[@lalaycoco9467]

Kati, thank you so much for the work you do. A few years ago, I was in a VERY dark place. But because of your videos, I stopped myself from spiraling. You helped me to accept myself as a person with mental illness. Thank you so much for everything you do. ❤❤❤

[@memandylov]

My mother has all of the tell-tale signs of a narcissist, except she does show empathy, but only to complete strangers. She cries about horrible events on the news and will often talk about people she barely knows on facebook and how bad she feels about the struggles they face, but when it comes to people close to her, especially family, suddenly she just doesn't seem to care how we feel. She's incredibly dismissive and cold toward me and my siblings and refuses to acknowledge our feelings because if she admitted that her children are mentally ill, that would mean she has failed as a parent. It makes me really wonder if her displays of empathy are real or if she's just pretending to be empathetic to make herself look like a better person. All I know is that it hurts that she can cry over strangers but scoffs at her own children when we're seriously hurting.

[@mwalsh5757]

Pretending. I have an altruistic narcissist in my life - all good deeds, selflessness, and looks like a complete and utter angel to strangers and people who don’t know her, but her sister and I know the truth that she’s a complete and utter narc. People who get to know her over time (except for her flying monkeys) eventually come to realize this too and she therefore has a really high relationship burn rate.

[@lindamaddox815]

People who do this are play-acting. The pay-off is that this allows them to convince themselves (and others) that they are really great, empathetic people; so, over time, they come to believe their own BS. Those of us who have ring-side seats know better. But don't worry, they always crash and burn eventually; and will seek solace from the ones they have victimized. See Ecclestiastes, Chapter 12 and keep the faith.

[@GoGo-qo2eq]

Those are very common traits of covert narcs.

[@ellyk8834]

"It makes me really wonder if her displays of empathy are real or if she's just pretending to be empathetic to make herself look like a better person." -- It's this and it's as fake as the rest of them. If you can have genuine empathy for complete strangers who you have no real life emotional investment to then you will be equally or more-so towards people you have a genuine emotional attachment with. It's also, sad to say, another emotional abuse tool of true sociopath Narcissists (covert Narc's). It's the old, "See??? I can fake empathy for other people." (strangers no less) "But you aren't worth me faking empathy for..." It's a subtle way to put you "in your place" which is somewhere behind even total strangers. It also is groundwork for when you say, "She's a Narcopathic bitch who doesn't give a crap about her own children." those casual FB friends will say, "But she's so nice and caring to me!" and all she has to do is fake-care on FB no real-life investment required. Normal people can't fathom that level of disconnect and deceit because what normal person would act like that? And there's the crux of it. They are disordered in a profoundly unhealthy way.

[@dreamarcher4018]

I wonder if I am a narc. For I DO have empathy but bury it so far down and compartmentalize my emotions. When things get stressful and or I have to help someone I care about I shut the feelings down in order to cope. It seems its almost all the time. When I was a younger person I used to cry a lot but now I NEVER do because it doesn’t HELP! Think many people think crying and hugging mean you care but some people cannot deal with that. My mother was like that too and I feel she was a narc and she used to say I was too self absorbed but she hated when my sisters and I got more attention from our dad (like when we were having marital problems and such). She also NEVER thanked us for doing chores she would just order us about and never helped us with them. A lot of time I would just ignore her requests because she never led by example.

[@nicolepeterson5829]

I can relate to the fear of being narcissistic. I have had anxiety disorders throughout my life. I can be very worried if people notice how anxious I am, and I can get self absorbed, but I never lose my feelings of empathy for others, and I reflect on my behavior, apologize to others, and do better. I tend to overapologize. Thank you for the video.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

If you have empathy you are not a narcissist.

[@AlexLAmaya]

Same here. I decided to watch this video for my fear of being a narcissistic person. But I overapologize a lot and feel such guilt and anxious if I hurt someone's feelings.

[@shutdown8947]

And say ( I ) alot

[@bjorn6096]

You forgot to apologise for making a comment that might waste somebody's time... 😉

[@redruby747]

I over apologize too

[@iadoreapplehead]

I already knew my mother was a narcissist, but this video made me realise my sister might be one too.. Didn't expect for sudden memories to flood back to me and make a new discovery about my sister, when I was having one of my "what if I am the narcissist" panic moments. Will be back next time I panic and wonder about this. Becoming like my mother (and sister I guess) is my biggest fear in life.

[@taylormfinney]

Thank you for trying to be objective and not stigmatize those with narcissistic traits. That takes a lot of empathy ❤

[@jimdavis5849]

I've known a lot of people who exhibited narcissistic traits toward some people, but were very genuine and self sacrificing in other relationships. I'm sure these people would get labelled as narcissists by some people, but it's more of a case that they just lacked empathy for particular people. The whole empathy thing is highly circumstantial. Some people are very empathetic toward suffering in animals and others just don't care one bit.

[@wildwitchdoctor7852]

Love this take, thank you

[@maridemedeiros1158]

That is so right. I think some relationships can bring the worse of us. Or, as we mature we become less narcissistic: calmer, less needy, more able to deflect drama.

[@thunderlifestudios]

I'm very empathetic until I feel slighted. Then I lose my empathy.

[@pg5420]

Great insight there Jim

[@H0kram]

If there's a consistent case of being acting like a narcissists towards some people and not others, in the realm of personnal relationships, it's very likely not a narcissistic disorder, but a narcissistic trait, on another disorder. Typically : borderline personnality disorder. It often shares a narcissistic trait, but it's not dominant. And that side effect, as well as the BP issues, shows in the most intimate relationships. Not all relationships. So that same person can be a great friend. It's the dynamic of some type of relationships, typically the most intimates ( sexually or intellectually, codependancy etc ) that triggers the nasty stuff.

[@FrancisXLord]

I know that, growing up, I displayed a lot of narcissistic traits - having a narcissist for a parent makes that pretty much a given. As I grew though I was always struggling to resolve the world as it was represented to me, by my narcissistic parent, versus what I was experiencing. Now I look back and regret all the time I wasted looking to make my parent proud - they were my only parent - when narcissists would never be proud of their children, only of themselves for creating those children. They should teach about narcissism in school. If I'd learned about it in school I could have saved decades of my life that now feel wasted.

[@philrussell1094]

Yeh definitely should be taught about in school

[@thorfinn518]

Dude it's not you're fault.

[@jhakardballoch2986]

@@thorfinn518 regardless of who's fault, I sympathise personally with the sentiment. It's just a lot of wasted time that could have been avoided if we were afforded certain tools/information

[@snadianna]

I feel you. My father is narcissist and my mom died when I was 12. If I knew about it earlier, it would save me from so much pain in my life. 😞

[@whysojaded]

I am dedicated to working on myself so I believe in those who want to take accountability and that's the hardest first step. Keep up the amazing work

[@youtubedrifter5594]

This is the best video explaining this topic that I’ve seen anywhere!!! Nice job!!

[@MissAmeROCKana]

Phew! I can be arrogant sometimes, but I'm definitely not a narcissist based on this! I am extremely empathetic and understand that everyone screws up, and everyone has strengths.

[@halfmoonyogi4997]

My ex thought i was a narcissist. This really hurt, because I am a survivor of narc abuse in childhood, and I shared a lot of these experiences with her. She didn't know about narcissistic abuse until I talked to her about it, and she ended up turning it around and thinking I was a narc. She didn't talk to me about it, she just talked to her friends about it before dumping me. Turns out I have cPTSD. I am not a narcissist. I care a lot about others, sometimes to my detriment. I have a fear of abandonment and during that relationship I struggled with codependency. I regret many of the things I said and did that hurt her. In hindsight, I have learned and grown a lot from it. It really hurt that she thought that I lack empathy, that every emotion I had was to manipulate her, and basically lack the ability to love unconditionally. That made me feel like all the times I was vulnerable with her were wasted, if she ended up not seeing me for who I am. I often cared so much about her and her feelings that I abandoned my own. Over the years I've questioned whether she was right, but I always settle on the fact that I have cPTSD and that at the time it was untreated. So if anyone is wondering, be kind to yourself especially if you have trauma.

[@susanhewitt6359]

I think you dodged a bullet, and that woman did you a huge favor in dumping you, friend! The fact that she turned it around on you in such a sneaky, underhanded way is very telling. Good luck to you!

[@javierantoine5271]

This is literally my exact situation, word for word. When we broke up she told me I’m a shitty person who uses my “trauma” as an excuse to be selfish (I’d sometimes do and say things to ‘protect myself’ from getting hurt out of fear of abandonment.). In retrospect, I genuinely see how my actions could’ve hurt her. And Ive reflected and tried to learn from those mistakes. But it really broke me knowing that in the end she thinks i never loved her and I just “liked the way she treated me” and was manipulative and selfish, especially after explaining everything to her and trying hard to be vulnerable regardless of my fears.. Still not sure if I’m just a shitty person or if It’s just hard for me navigate romantic relationships and “love” due to my trauma from a narcissistic parent and toxic household and it literally consumes my thoughts all day everyday. And So far everyone I’ve tried to speak to about how I feel and what happened just genuinely can’t understand it. So Kinda comforting, and also validating, to know I’m not the only one struggling with something like this.

[@ravenmeyer3740]

Don’t look back. Move on. Narcissistic people can never really love anyone. They will use your vulnerability against you. She will never change. They are vindictive and spiteful. You will always love her because she is your mother, but you can’t fix her. Narcissistic people will always blame you. My mother disowned me and when she died I wasn’t ever to know. Understand what you are really dealing with and find your own way. If you don’t, it will only make her happy. It’s a control mechanism.

[@anthonytravis1420]

Men cant be victims of abuse

[@sebastian3004]

Looks like you are Blaming her? good luck

[@sansnom77766]

Thank you so so so much for this video. I’m sure I’m not alone, but I’ve almost internalized the thought/fear that I’m the narcissistic part of the relationship. And even though I’ve watched tons of videos about it, having my friends telling me the opposite etc I can’t shake it off. I’ve been told from the one particular person that I lack empathy and won’t be able to understand them. It’s the many examples and well elaborated things to look out for and yes/no questions that help me a lot now. Result: I think I’m not the narcissist part of the relationship, but rather the one being told so and shut down as soon as I finally step up and voice my opinion. Thanks against the video. Will likely come back to it to check in..

[@JakeCCarline]

In a world of narcissistic agendas, the question arises: are you good or bad? Being a schizophrenic, I've faced stigma and struggles imposed by narcissists. Despite this, I strive for independence and hygiene. Seeking counseling and relocating seems better than enduring their control. It's a battle against stigma, but I'm determined to live on my terms.

[@madelynmorganpersonal8955]

I WAS DEFINITELY a narcissist. My parents are narcissists. Most of my five siblings are narcissists. We exhibit 100% of these traits in our family. Over the last few years, I've learned of this (via gentle and loving suggestion from my husband) and I've been thoroughly humiliated into humility. I don't think a narcissist actually CAN acknowledge their narcissism because of the nature of the disorder, but as soon as I saw it I couldn't unsee it, and I've just been craving the truth about it ever since. So... I'm no longer a narcissist... But now I have no identity to speak of whatso ever. I never perused my passions when I was younger because I perused instead what my parents thought would bring them the most prestige. I, naturally, amounted to nothing. I lack the ability to feel... pretty much ANY of the spice of life. I'm paralyzed and can't pursue anything. I wouldn't even know WHAT to pursue. Those passions I had as a kid are blocked off to me for some reason. I can't get lost in books, I can't bring myself to write, I don't even go dancing. Every action (and they're mostly non-actions) now are determined solely by my emotions. I'm so worried I'll ruin my daughter. It's terrible. What can I do now that I know I've been a narcissist almost all my life?

[@B.D.E.]

The lack of identity might be terrifying, but it's not a sign that you are nothing without your narcissism. You were robbed of the opportunity to build your own identity, and now you have the opportunity as an adult to build one. It's scary because you weren't given the tools in childhood, but I genuinely believe you can do it. It might feel like a blind journey because you don't have existing models in your mind to map out and follow. Or, it could also just be depression from this identity crisis, which would also make you feel numb. So just take it one small step at a time. Try new things, anything, don't expect immediate results, celebrate any slight changes such as moments of surprise, joy, peace, satisfaction. Therapy is probably by far the most important gift you could give yourself, because they could offer the sort of healthy guidance that good parents should be able to. Don't give up on yourself.

[@jademcguire830]

I feel the same way. All of the traits and things I was “drawn too” were just programmed by family and society that now I don’t know what I really like or enjoy. And I do get the numb sense. Just jaded and tired. I’m also paranoid that my family, partner, (whoever) are the ones who are making me unhappy and I know it’s not the case. It’s me trying to break out of all the bullshit that’s made me who I am today. I know I shouldn’t say bullshit, but that’s what I feel like. A bunch of lies and programming bs. So I’m kinda going with the flow now and trying new things. It’s scary but just keep doing it. You’ll find what you like. Best way to do that, is to find out what you don’t like lol

[@madelynmorganpersonal8955]

@@B.D.E. Thank you so much. You are very kind to take the time to write. I do believe there is hope, and I'm looking forward to finding out what all life has to offer. I'm finding wonderful feelings of community just doing little things that I used to feel "above" or "too good for." I got my nails done for the first time ever, for example. I had to ask for advice from the nail techs because I was in completely new territory, but I'm finding the feeling of humility that comes with those encounters to be very comforting. God I'm so lucky to have a good husband, too. I'm so grateful to him. I'd never have gotten out of that cycle if it weren't for his kindness, so that also gives me hope. Again, thank you for taking the time to write. And I sincerely hope others in my position find a better path, too.

[@madelynmorganpersonal8955]

@@jademcguire830 It's so sad to realize, isn't it 😞 I used to idolize my parents. Naturally, since that was their aim, but also because I loved them. That realization is so crushing. I'm glad you're pushing yourself, though. I just got a planner, and honestly that had been a wonderful gift! I think if I can care enough to organize my mundane life, I might be able to fit in some exciting things as well. Keep it up, friend 💛

[@catatata5785]

Are u sure it's not b.p.d your post comes across with genuine remorse and empathy for those around you.

[@CedarPinesFieldGrove]

I just realized the other day that my parents are narcissists. I’m 34, it’s been weird but everything makes so much sense now. My mother the communal narcissist and my dads rage, thought it was normal for so long. I’ve been terrified that I’m a narcissist like them and the thought of treating the people in my life badly makes me feel awful. If I knew I were a narcissist, I would want to live the rest of my life as a hermit, just to not hurt anybody.

[@ellyk8834]

That's why a lot of Narc abuse survivors don't want/don't have children. I knew long before I learned about NPD and Narcissistic abuse that the environment I was raised in was messed up. I feared myself, I subconsciously knew I was damaged from abuse, and that I had no business trying to raise a child or expose them out of FOG to my abusive parents. I didn't want potential children to experience that. That's called empathy and being emotionally healthier then our abusers.

[@sandrahenzen5636]

The fact that you think that you have the right to diagnose somebody without any education but just because of a KZbin video makes you indeed a bad person! Your parents probably just tried to teach you behaviour that is not this spoiled and arrogant!! You are so much a prduct of the X-generation.

[@ellyk8834]

@@sandrahenzen5636 Calling people a bad person doesn't make you a good one. My Narcissistic mother thinks the same way. If someone else is 'bad' then therefore she must be good and righteous. Nope. Maybe both sides are a**holes. I always consider I might be wrong and the a**hole. Does that thought ever go through your brain? Trust me when I say that there are no qualifications that any human can have that will get a Narc to see or accept when they are told they're an abusive a**hole. God himself could tell them but who the h*ll is he, right? The people who have lived with or were raised by one are sure as h*ll qualified and know what one is once they are educated on the condition. Run along now and have your temper tantrum elsewhere you have outed yourself.

[@justinjackson4073]

@candle person My mom and her side of the family call me a narcissist including my little sister and they all act like I'm the devil himself. I've never been one to start problems with anyone but my responses to some things haven't always been calm or handled in a way that helped anything. Just a few months ago my brother in law found out him and my sisters oldest kid who is 22 now isn't his biological daughter and neither is his grandbaby she had over a year ago. He called me and told me everything, and it gets so much worse it's more than I really want to get into, and we talked for well over an hour. It was absolutely devastating hearing him being destroyed inside while he's talking to me. We have never got a long in over 20 yrs he's been with my sister but It was personal between us and had nothing to do with how he treated their kids or my sister. I never had any issues with anything like that with him. I am 💯 on his side and my sister had the nerve to blame me and what all I said to him as the reason he tried to kill himself not long after that. I'm the only one who seems to care about how much he hurts and what he needs most right now. I told my sister I was ashamed of her and everything she did and even getting their own kids to help cover lies and continued betrayal over a span of yrs so he wouldn't find out. I told her I never wanted to speak to her again and she belongs in prison as far as I'm concerned. That makes me the ultimate narcissist who turns on blood with ease and I am now disowned. Sad thing is if I had done what my sister did I would be a horrible Evil demon in everyone's eye's including mine. But since I am morally disgusted by it and I went against them I'm still that demon... I hate how they have messed up my head so bad that somehow I actually find myself questioning if I'm the one who's wrong in this.

[@hperrio]

Question, have you noticed any changes in their relationships with you over the years? For example, when you moved out of the house, did you notice a change? If so, did their relationship change with each other as well?

[@lisabaginski9155]

What a great video! It makes so much sense and is truly helpful for empaths who perhaps might feel normal boundaries are narcissism, when the narc objects. Or something of that nature. It’s wonderful to have a larger overview. Thank you.

[@sherylbeamer7189]

Thank you so much! I worry that I have a need to control to manage my anxiety and worry that’s a narcissistic trait but his video,especially your questions at the end really reassured me. Thank you 💕

[@danielleday9856]

Thank you for overwhelmingly confirming I am NOT a narcissist.

[@operoverlord]

I'm not a narcissist, but I hate narcissists. What would u call that?

[@reneemccraney83]

❤

[@danielleday9856]

@@operoverlord not sure?? Lol

[@gypsycobsuk5246]

I’m convinced my sister is a narcissist because she has many traits. I really like how you explain that it’s a way of protecting themselves from other people seeing the squishy side of them. Both of us have trauma from childhood but we’ve literally gone opposite ways. I wear my heart on my sleeve and literally apologise for just breathing. My sister wears her heart invaded in concrete walls and I don’t think I’ve ever heard her apologise for anything

[@zoomer7356]

I was always very empathetic, forgiving, kind, put others first and nice but still put thick wall around myself never truly be myself around people due to longlife trauma. Until 30 years old I turn into cold heart no more nice, and detach myself from feeling. My current self, I can say that I checked almost if not all the list this video mention. Maybe it is coping mechanism, If I'm not detaching myself from emotion/empathy I will be so broken hearted to the point I can't handle it. Now, I don't consider myself as kind, rather just human being that very much alone detest people, bitter and resentful one.

[@katemiller7874]

She’s probably taking after one the parents. You took after the other one. Quit apologizing

[@mandeep3.14]

@@zoomer7356wow, I can’t believe that I really related to this. Sorry to hear that this has been your experience too. I think it can come down to trauma, poor EI, a build up of negativity and apathy. Being too emotional/ sensitive and constantly getting burnt from it can make you choose to turn off your emotions and close your heart.

[@KelsoFox]

I wish there were more videos directed towards siblings of narcissists, bc it's really hard to find information on how to cope/deal with it, since she's neither a parent or (gross) a lover, but that's what all the videos are geared towards.

[@eaglelensforemay7503]

And? She chooses to be hard as a rock and you choose to be a loser and cry? You're both the same in reality, both need therapy. Just that you choose to brand her when you know full well she's gone through the same trauma as you. You see why she won't open up? Everyone is different. We all handle things differently. You choose to say sorry 24/7 and she chooses not to. You're both bloody wrong.

[@JamesGJGSUSHI]

I really needed this video tonight. Great timing in my world. Thank you for this video.

[@babyjesuslovesme1219]

I find myself asking this question quite often so I look forward to watching a video

[@AkiWasHere]

I was diagnosed with NPD. On my way to healing (well as much as it is possible.) Thank you for the video. Edit: I am 10 years in therapy and i have not always been self-aware definitely i haven't been long time. There is actually a community in which we openly talk about NPD and similar diagnoses and are self-aware,we seen a lot of stigma and stereotypes and I've got many names such as monster. I think its just a disorder like any other just specific in its own way.

[@MsRotorwings]

Wow, someone who admits it.

[@iluvubb247]

Right? Pretty shocking

[@stevemiller8895]

Did you know that oxytocin reduces the size of the amygdala which is the place in your brain responsible for fight or flight. This is why if you are self aware about NPD then meditation Works phenomenal and you can become normal able to self-regulate an increase in self-awareness. The other treatment is being a parent to your negative emotions or your feelings or issues and treating them like your own child and giving them acknowledgment and acceptance with loving kindness and not running away from them but embracing them like you would your own child and if it's a wound then embrace it and cry if you need to and make sure that you separate yourself from the feeling you are the parent you are the space for your feelings emotions and issues and as you do this the feeling emotion or issue gets to process and if you let your feelings emotions issues process it means you're letting go of them you're letting them be but you're giving them value and as you value your feelings emotions issues ETC your value in yourself you're actually loving yourself and if you can love yourself as a result you project love on to others it's a very simple process and let me tell you I've been doing this for about a year now and it's had a profound effect on my life. Side note: normally NPD it is extremely difficult to separate you from your feelings becoming self aware is the process of being the parent of your emotions feelings issues ETC the reason why you're the parent is because it is the relationship we are supposed to have with ourselves with our emotions with our feelings and with our issues once you start you will understand! Acknowledge and accept and loving kindness embrace console and comfort feel what you're feeling as long as it takes and before you know it your feelings issues emotions Etc have past and you feel right as rain!

[@schechter01]

The stigma is because of the damage that people with NPD do to others just by being themselves. Anyone who's been sucked into the narcissist's games of manipulation, control & abuse is not likely to view you kindly.

[@tulip811]

Disorder is not an excuse for shitty behaviour and stuff

[@ronaldguffee8696]

I was diagnosed as a Narcissist in the early 80s and I remember telling the therapist that it couldn't possibly be true because everything I said was true. I no longer live or think like that, life's lessons changed my whole world view. I did find your video fascinating, and I felt troubled at my prior behavior at same time.

[@zhshsG7]

It is tremendous seeing a person recognize such a condition, or even take steps to recover. Congratulations to you man.

[@lauterbornie]

Wow, great video! Growing up as a kid, my dad would control my brother and me as well as my mom -he is a quintessential narcissist. He has every single one of the narcissistic traits you mentioned. Although he is my dad, he’s caused me years of mental trauma growing up. I’m done with him and will probably cut ties all together when I move out of his house later this year. Excited to finally be free.

[@johnjamesmoses]

Katie, Thank you so much for this very helpful video. There are a number of videos on You Tube on the subject of narcissism and I was starting to wonder about myself! The problem is anyone can put a video up on You Tube, the difference being I see you are formally qualified and a respected educator on such matters

[@chipchippie]

It might be easy to pick up narcissistic traits from parents like mine but it's really difficult to be as cold and without empathy as they are. It's pretty obvious that those of us with narcissistic parents have missed out on a lot of parts of relationships that are supposed to be healthy but instead were traumatizing.

[@sidewalksurf800]

Anyone else feel like the “lack of accountability/responsibility” is like, the KEY key trait. Like, sometimes people can exhibit one or 2 of these behaviors and it’s not narcissism but once you realize the grown adult with a lack of accountability, all the cards are off the table. It’s the tell tale sign, yeah? Is it jus me ..

[@guesswho5790]

Yeah! It's the epitome of emotional immaturity and where in combination with amy of the other traits that it can get SO nasty.

[@Hedge_witch]

My boyfriend always finds that one the most alarming when I describe my mother to him. That she is INCAPABLE of accepting she has wronged someone and sincerely without prompt apologising for it. She cannot do it. If you explain the hurt to her, she will sarcastically apologise as if to suggest she is infact the victim in that situation, but usually she needs to be asked to apologise even then, and ofc it means nothing due to that. Whereas my boyfriend and I are both people who when they see an error/accident/failure has occurred immediately check ourselves and question "Did I do that? Is this my fault?" because to me it's simple human nature to want to apologise for or rectify any harm or upset you might have caused another living thing and get straight on the road to fixing it or making amends. To me? That's how you grow as a person and don't stagnate in the same childish form for 50 years, by accepting your responsibility, owning your actions and learning from your mistakes!

[@lazerlord9324]

I thoroughly agree. It's the first benchmark I deploy to assess others and keep myself in check

[@MoPoppins]

💯 Lack of accountability, and also sense of entitlement for NO reason. Also, dismissiveness and haughtiness. ONLY narcs will inexplicably exhibit these traits, and they NEVER make sense in any context. Unless we understand that some people are born to be DELUDED about who they are, any sane & rational person will be puzzled by these strange (and strangely ABUNDANT) critters. 😂 I have pattern recognition, so I always noticed these people who had baseless beliefs about themselves & others, but you need a GINORMOUS people sample to be able to draw conclusions, so I simply collected mental notes of my observations & experiences. What’s astounding is how there are SO FEW honest, brave people in the world-pretty much everyone is a narc, and most are cowards, so they just play the role of flying monkey.

[@drew6811]

It's hidden behind the minimalization of their mistakes.. they make things seem like it's no big deal but most often it is a big deal... my girl had an emotional affair for 6 months with someone she used to sleep with but because they never met up allegedly it's not as bad... to me it's a 6 month long inability to stop... i think she did meet up with him but she's very believable.... but i also fantasize about her with said man.. it's complex

[@MrJdcirbo]

Preeeeeeeety sure I'm one of the people that have commented about wondering if I'm a narcissist....... Which is a narcissistic brag.... Thank you for posting this. I love your work, and I will strive to be honest with myself and be better.

[@madladmyles]

I've struggled with this for years. I've always wanted to help people but one day someone asked me if I only want to help people to make myself feel better. And I've been hella lost ever since

[@maryl8753]

That's philosophy 101. Of course we can do things for others and it makes us feel good but the question is- is it your PRIMARY AND ONLY motivation? If not, you're just getting a bit of feel good vibes from helping like we feel good after exercise. Carry on helping😀

[@madladmyles]

@@maryl8753 I appreciate it! That's helps a lot!

[@ravenmeyer3740]

You help people because you put yourself in their shoes. The rest of the conversation about making yourself feel better is BS.

[@ZLLi661]

Nothing wrong with helping other people to make yourself feel good. It's called spreading kindness, good heartedness, authenticity and it's an opportunity to show humanity in a world that currently needs all the humanity, and empathy it can muster.

[@mariaid2997]

no!!! dont be!!! i ve went trough this and is not true at all! don’t doubt ur kindness! much love❤️

[@davidnamest5001]

If you think you are a narcissist, you aren’t. A narcissist has no self awareness that there is anything wrong with them, it would never cross their mind.

[@beatitcreep.]

My fear of being a narcissist comes from the fact that my dad is one. I think I inherited of some narcissistic traits from him, but I do have empathy and I don't enjoy attention. Being the child of a narcissist sucks!

[@kellied3891]

It does suck and both of my parents are narcissists one is full blown and other has a lot of. those tendencies

[@beatitcreep.]

@@kellied3891 Wow, I'm sorry. Do you think you inherited some of their traits, too?

[@apriliamoon]

One thing that also happens when someone grows up with a narcissist is that, as a kid, they model their parents' behavior. If they don't see much else, they pick up these behaviors, and later in life, they need to unlearn them. On the surface, it looks like having narcissistic traits, but actually, it is just learned behavior.

[@Sarit473]

Same here! My dad had patological NPD and I got some traits and also some HPD traits. However I have a lot of empathy, I don't know how people don't have it, that's saved me from being a patological narcissist. The good things about being raised by a NPD for me is that has soon as I see a real patological narcissist, I recognize them in a second and while they think they have found another victime, I play them first 😏 basically I ingnore them IoI Btw, yes it sucks being raised by one. I'm happy I'm not like him and I'm a person with integrity, and I feel guilt when I do something bad.

[@siennasamuel]

The end was really sweet :) I kinda thought that too ya know but I just wanna be sure. Growing up with a narcissistic parent I unfortunately got a couple traits but self awareness and a desire to grow is truly the only thing I can ask for

[@loraneilson1698]

Hi ms Kati. I m forever thankful. I am learning a great deal about how to deal with family members that r narcissist. I m a strong empath and it has always been a struggle within myself. Now that I know I m not the problem. I can start healing and living for me. My life is my life, not theirs. Stay cool and groovy.

[@jumpy11949]

Man, I scared I was suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, turns out I’m just an Empath with ADHD ! Both are definitely very similar in a way but very different at the same time. ❤️👍

[@missythestaffy9785]

There's no such thing as an empath in psychology. Having empathy for other people is something that almost every person does. Thinking that you feel empathy more than other people is a narcissistic trait. It means that you think you're special

[@henrionlyfemmes8430]

@@missythestaffy9785 Well that was the worst definition of narcissism Ive ever seen, this guy is relived not displaying narcissism. I had the same issue so I know what it feels like, ADHD really makes you feel like shit and like you don't care about others when you do but just really are highly inconsistent with your relationship and that can very much damage the perception you can have of yourself. Also yes everyone sort of have empathy but we're talking casually here, not scientifically, you need to read the room

[@missythestaffy9785]

@@henrionlyfemmes8430 read the room? This is a KZbin comments section. Can you explain what you mean by that? Every person I've met that claims to be an empath is usually quite the opposite of what it's supposed to mean. I also did not define narcissism in my post so please explain what you mean by that as well. Very confusing reply. I have ADHD and we do suffer with emotional dysregulation but that does not mean we feel empathy more deeply than others. Every single person with ADHD feels emotions strongly and struggles to control them more than neurotypicals.

[@river7874]

Congrats Missy, you're a narcissist.

[@mickiofthemountains]

Yes. I'm neuro-diverse (autistic/adhd). And I agree that some of the characteristics of this, could be construed as npd. Until people realize, you do care, just have a hard time expressing it in a way that's understood by most.

[@knicholaichukonyt]

Dr. Ramani says that it’s not always helpful to focus on a diagnosis of NPD because few few narcissists would seek therapy or give honest feedback if they were in a counselling setting. So it’s important for their victims to understand the behaviours and their consequences and take the steps they need to.

[@ekke7995]

Any information on narcissists are important. I remember being labelled by the narcissist as un empathic, cold and heartless person (even though I was the one to put out all her fires). When I first came across NPD I honestly thought I was a living lie... I am glad for videos like this.

[@karlabritfeld7104]

Narcissists refuse treatment.

[@soulexplosion4977]

I think dr Ramani is a narcissist too. But yeah i heard that two from another therapist .

[@thebreifcaseman269]

@@karlabritfeld7104 not always. Ive sat there in a room with mental health staff and admitted to manipulating my ex girlfriend because she punched me in the face and ive also talked about other things to try show that I was in fact ready to have some sort of therapy or counselling and they just dont bother. I literally sat there and told the I was passive aggressive and im not always a nice person. I identifyed the fact I say horrible things to some people and I go overboard in response to somthing when or if I feel as tho im being attacked by the word of others weather they where providing an honest opinion or not. I mean I literally told them everything they need to know to diagnose me with a cluster b personality disorder yet even tho I was asking for therapy they continue every time to say we don't think your ready for therapy. So that either means 1 of two things. One they belive that I would just not engage with them and continue to be dishonest in tge sence that I could just say it was her fault e.c.t or they just dont have the time and are back logged and dont actually want to help me become a better person at all and just want to help enough to discharge you so they can reduce their work load due to the fact the nhs is so underfunded and short staffed only the top say 5 or patients (in relation with priority) will receive any sort of therapy at all. And I think its probably number 2 tbh. Because why wouldn't you enter someone into therapy if they need it ? These are professionals and I dont people with narcissistic personality disorders are actually all stupid enough to generally belive that they never do anything wrong. Its more of the fact they cant collectively see a situation as a hole picture and only see it a snippets focusing in on the stimulus thats perceived as threatening weather that is emotionally threatening or physically threatening. Thats why they cant understand why people react the way tgey do to there behaviour because a lot of the time they are not even aware of it and is just a mixture of maladaptive coping strategies and learned behaviour from abuse they suffered themselves. I mean if you think the whole world hates you how do you change that? But haveing attention of others makes that seem way less of a problem although deep down you xan tell other still treat you diffrently and talk badly about you behind your back because you behaviour comes across as fake exacerbated and erratic and because deep down you know everyone hates you it jus reinforces the behaviour because your deep down opposing everybody because even if they are being nice to you know they dont even like you. Its like you hope that they are genuinely being nice to you because they are good people but deep down you feel like they hate you so you place them on the "pedistall" which is just anther word for the only person/people that you believe in that moment to actually care about you to then find out when they do somthing that hurts you or makes you feel as tho they genuinely dont like you tell em to do one and say somthing horrible because it just proves everything you ever feared as being true. So the only way to stop people from hating you and being a social outcast a let down and a wast of space is to have more control over your immediate environment which offen means manipulating or controling others offen without even realising. I supose the worst part is everyone believes just because your a narcissist that you are the nost unreasonable person in the world and in capable of seeing a situation from someone else's perspective which is absolutely bs and its aslo bs that people with npd cant feel empathy which is also bs. We can we just dont in situations that we perceive as being attacked by others which is where gass lighting comes in. You do anything to stop that person attacking you as its just a remainder that your a terrible horrible person and everything that you where told as a kid by your abuser is actually true. When people with npd can offen watch a movie about somthing bad that happens and get upset for the person and the same for others that you are not the cause of there problems. The lack of empathy comes in a form of defence mechanisms as a way to protect yourself from this chaotic abusive world you know all to well. None of this changes without therapy and just being honest and implementation of healthy comping strategies isnt enough to change the warped reality that you see the world as. So its a neaver ending cycle. The worst thing is the psychologists and doctors genuinely belive that the reason they dont engage with treatment is because they genuinely just dont want. Its like no how about you actually provide some treatment thats doesn't only include pills and a cupple of questions asking the same thing you told them last weak or the. Week before and actually do somthing.

[@monafey4798]

@@thebreifcaseman269 I really lked hearing your view on everything especially on how u feel people view you or act or treat you. I also fear that Im being gaslight by my fiance and it really hurts. He says he's not nor would he do it, but there has been several occasions where I've overheard him talking to someone and there is no one in the room but me- and its usually something negative or now watch her. I've had 50 + break ins in the past 7 years and recently had thousands of dollars taken in a cpl different robberies, even my coins my father left me get taken. I guess I live in a ok Lil house but its on a lot of acreage.. The transients and drug addicts, dealers are messing with me and like sneaking around at not with there flashlights, I guess to steal or deal but it freaks me out. Why do they pick on me, I don't go out much and I don't go messing with anyone or pissing anyone off - well except when being attacked I yell every thing I can at what pieces of shit & trash they are , and let them know I will put a bullet thru them as they enter if they try to come in my house. So see i understand how u feel, im just getting into see a Councelor and see what happens and if they can help me with all of it, the transients, the drug addicts, the thieves and even to see if I too am a narcissist. I hope these people see that we are people and do have feelings and in fact hurt a lot more than they ever thought about. Maybe they wouldn't judge and belittle or crucify us but help us to see their perspective or better way of doing things. Im open minded but tired of being picked on. Spied on by people spying or whatever. I just want to be left in peace and suffer in quiet & not have to be wondering, scared & or pissed off too. Its not fair the cops cant or wont do anything unless I can give a positive ID, and the worse thing is after 7 years u know its someone u know. If I do leave my house they have something attatched to my " Find My Device App" that they turn on to find my location & see when I'll be back, I was at Verizon & they did it while the tech was trying to see what was going on. I feel like a hamster in a cage and just have lost my will to care. They recently broke in and stole my stack of bills with all my financial & Acct #'s info on them. What for? ID Theft or one of the squatters wanting to use my address or add themselves- why ? I tell u I have the most disgusting excuses for human beings terrorizing me. May god give me strength because if I catch one of them ( since they threatened my life twice in the past cpl months ) Im gonna shoot first and ask questions later & its not fair they can pick on someone with mental illness and make them go all the way insane, or at least feels like it. Mofey

[@danavitolo]

A family member of mine definitely has many of these narcissistic traits. She's an energy vampire, she has a dominating, commanding, and pushy personality and she's very brash and bullying. Additionally, I witnessed her hitting her dog hard as a discipline method on 2 separate occasions. The weird thing is that she just got her PhD in Social Work - She always felt the need to one-up everyone

[@rosesofebony]

Narcissists can view you as an extension of themselves. This explains such much!

[@davideggleton5566]

Watched this knowing I'm not like that -- but my ex-wife ticks all the boxes of being a covert narcissist. Wanted to check your take on the subject. Long recovery for me -- regular nightmares persisted every few months for a decade. Having 2 kids together has certainly made it harder. Still working on myself, in fact.

[@Mel-by7re]

there are services who interact with your wife instead of you in these co-parenting of course they do charge but maybe check it out

[@caponi14]

I've been through the exact same thing. Buy unlike you, i was lucky that i didn't have children with her. I have used years to get over the mental abuse she would put me through. Im still dealing with trust issues towards others, that are showing these red flags.

[@sirmqc5904]

Thank you so much for this video! Particularly the series of questions at the end. After being "diagnosed" as a narcissist by someone close to me and blamed for this being a main source of relationship issues, I of course turned to youtube. Many other videos on the subject had me seriously thinking that I was, that there's no way I can change, and that we'll likely never have a good relationship. I was so relieved and literally brought to tears to hear "it's most likely that you are not a narcissist" after those questions. Thank you for making the distinction between the disorder and having some traits (which I admittedly do and am working on). THANK YOU!

[@nikolagrosek7790]

Kati, thank you for no judging

[@monymoelynn2451]

I finally understand the meaning! Absolutely awesome learning experience!

[@sassypianogirl]

Your video helped me realize that... my issue is from being bullied, and around some narcissistic people from childhood.... I've feared I'm one bc I just crave to be accepted by people, to be liked. I always feared that was a trait. But how you described it, wanting attention and wanting to be appreciated are two different things. The thought of being the center of attention makes me ill. I don't like people looking at me... probably bc of being shamed my whole life. But, in my core I just wish that for once, people would see me, as in, let me fit in. I guess. But... yeah... the whole stealing the thunder from someone else makes me want to hurl. That's so hurtful to do!

[@ErinFindsHerWay]

Craving acceptance is different from wanting attention. I was bullied as a kid and my mom had to pull me out of school and admit me to a psych ward. After outpatient treatment, I was put in a different school and the next year, I started high school. All these people wanted to be my friend and boys liked me. It was kind of too much. I found my “tribe” or a couple “tribes.” Even now, almost 30 years later when my mental health has struggled, I know some of those people are still there. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that my mom, dad, and sister all have narcissistic traits. My sister stirs the pot and has made some situations a lot more emotionally draining. But we have such an age gap that at times, it feels like we have different parents. I had more of my mom and my stepdad. She had more of my dad and my parents together. And honestly, my stepdad probably saved my life all those years ago. I will say something that made my last romantic relationship difficult is that he complimented some of the traits I was bullied for - red hair, freckles, pale skin. It’s a real mind f***, because I didn’t see the bad. And yes, I feel you on the shaming. I have an eating disorder, my weight has gone up and down by over 100 pounds in the last 20 years. You also likely have PTSD.

[@njord8182]

I really relate to you, I also got bullied and feel that way deep inside, even till this day. I kind of feel like I'm that same person from the past, who wasn't accepted you know. It's like it's holding me back from being myself.

[@derekbarcial6358]

I have found that most descriptions of empathy are mostly incomplete. The "putting yourself in another's shoes" is almost overused and doesn't cut it anymore. Narcissists are very impulsive and don't anticipate the pain they are or will cause (forward thinking) others. Having emotional empathy (rather than cognitive empathy alone) means being able to recognize, understand, anticipate and care about other people's thoughts, feelings and emotions... such that it creates a regulatory impact on behaviors. Just my thoughts.

[@godofdogs6198]

People are also conflating Empathy with Compassion. Narcists can have cold empathy.

[@CoachCreesh]

Putting yourself in others shoes is sympathy. Empathy is different

[@Vacherie.de.vacherie]

Narcissists know the pain they are causing, mentally, they just don’t care about it. They are not all impulsive some make long term diabolical plans to screw you up…

[@anybody2501]

Yeah, I think the big difference here is having empathy, vs having concern for. Empathy is just the ability to understand why someone feels the way that they do. It's possible to have empathy without being empathetic or concerned about the feelings of others. You can understand why someone is sad while not caring about making them feel better.

[@anybody2501]

@@CoachCreesh No, empathy is correctly described as "putting oneself in the shoes of others." Sympathy is feeling bad for someone Empathy is understanding why someone feels bad Emotional recognition is understanding or recognizing that someone feels bad and/or understanding what it is to feel bad

[@immortalnow]

This is the best description/explanation of the NPD I have ever seen on KZbin, having lived with one.

[@cyny6305]

You are so intelligent and personable. Thanks so much for clarifying this concern.

[@Crescentlight11]

It’s tough to unlearn the wrongs taught by a narcissist parent. I know for myself at least it took a few years after leaving “the nest” (home/family raised in) to realize, “hey this way of being doesn’t seem healthy or right!”. My mother shows narcissist traits and appreciate Katie explaining the difference between a Narcissistic PD verse expressing some narcissistic traits. My mother was raised in a narcissistic home environment and believe many of her narcissistic tendencies were learned from her upbringing. I’ve had my concerns at time that I might have inherited her narcissistic traits, however after watching your videos I can happily say I am not. I’ve gotten much better at setting strong boundaries with my mother. The last time I spent weeks with her, she would respond to me “well your not nice.” after I said NO to her. I would just smile knowing I’m on the right track with setting boundaries. Thanks for this video Katie!

[@luckydesilva6733]

Thank you so much for this video . I was married to a narcissist for 17 yrs and managed to escape from his narcissistic camp . I had two daughters by them abd they equally turned the same way . I am 64 yrs olde and feel so so sad about it . I pray that , the two daughters will recognise how they hurt people around them with jealousy , anger , hatred etc . Everything you mentioned on this video , I can ditto in my personal life experiences of living with three narcissists . Take good care .

[@Moist_yet_Crispy]

A fantastic Video! I'll be coming back again to get some spaced repetition to sink this information in further. Grateful for this video! Thank you!

[@WinstonCodesOn]

7:53 wow splitting is a characteristic I've never heard of. That makes sense how they can then flip from idealizing someone in the early part of a relationship to complete devaluation later on.

[@ronstallings3156]

Same here "Splitting". Makes perfect sense now, looking back.

[@Hedge_witch]

My mum gets through "BFFs" like she does toilet paper. One person (platonic friends usually) is the best person in her universe, they holiday together, live and breathe each other, "Oh we'll always be friends"... until they aren't. Usually one silly little moment where said *friend* stands up to her BS and suddenly they are dead to her. Forever. And as her scapegoat daughter I can see it coming a mile off as I've had that crap most of my life 😂

[@teresafraser3049]

I was raised with several family members that are Narc's and the one thing I'm eternally grateful for was that I didn't become one I chose how not to be. 🙏 There are lessons in all our encounters in life and having one or many in your life are true gifts 🎁 Their toxic behaviors towards you is allowing you the opportunity to grow in terms of setting healthy boundaries, speaking your truth instead of giving your power away to them in order to keep the peace. Self empowerment can be easily attained if your surrounded by them.

[@zachwhitehorn7926]

Great video! It made me realize that I had no idea of the full scope of what narcissism actually meant.

[@juliealton6523]

This was so thorough and helpful. Thank you!

[@TheDoozerDo]

In my experience, The fact that your asking the question, ‘am I a narcissist ‘, demonstrates you are not a narcissist. A narcissist is entitled, superior - never wrong.

[@oscarwilliamson6163]

The Doozer do,Hope you are not with a narcissist....

[@jacekszkutnik6294]

I think you are wrong.

[@AllyFin]

@@jacekszkutnik6294 me too

[@humblewonder3260]

@@jacekszkutnik6294 yeah they are wrong, this stupid belief has been debunked countless times

[@ogdumplings8196]

Everyone is narcissist, Narcissisim drives humanity. It is the Patholoical narcissisim that drives a disorder.

[@tetrahexaeder6312]

Although I am genuinley scared every other two to three months that I am a narcissist and just don't know... most traits aren't a part of my personality. I actually have to deal more often with feeling like an underachiever and having an imposter-syndrome, feeling like I don't treat others good enough and am too self-focused while... the feedback from my family, friends, acquaintances and university tell me otherwise. And I guess so many different people can't be wrong about it. Nonetheless, I don't think I am the only one with this horrible fear of being a narcissist. I'm sure some people come to these videos to figure it out themselves and want an answer to their nagging feeling. But as you said, this is not a video to diagnose or undiagnose.

[@robertcalamusso1603]

Wow. You understand all those problems people have. Mood disorders. Relationship issues. Etc.

[@viper2148]

I've wondered if my wife is an NPD narcissist, but you've convinced me she simply has some 'narcissistic traits'. Of the traits you mentioned I believe she only has 1) Need for control and 2) Never take responsibility. She does have empathy (thank God). She cares about animals and her sisters especially. She's also humble about her own abilities, and often uses that as an excuse to get me (and our daughter) to do things for her.

[@gatsu37]

It's ok if she has traits or full blown NPD. If you love each other and are happy, more power to you.

[@edgar2457]

​@@gatsu37 it's never okay for your spouse or friend or family members to have npd because they will destroy you for life They will mentally torture you It's very strange of you to say "as long as you love each other, it's okay to have the most monstrous of all, the NPD" ? Like, do you live under a rock, or are you one to justify being in a relationship with one ?

[@dustyrhodes2717]

Lol at a woman and need for control and never take responsibility 😂

[@kaidevaleria2531]

There is grandiose npd and vulnerable npd your wife may have the latter

[@cindy3933]

​@@edgar2457what are they supposed to do? Not have NPD? It's incurable.

[@davewetherald6628]

At the beginning of this video you said something that is very important that about 99% of these "narcissist" videos do not mention. That is that only a trained and experienced mental health professional can accurately diagnose NPD and not everyone that displays a narcissistic trait is an actual narcissistic. I thank you for that. My wife and I were going through some really hard years with a lot of conflict. She started watching "narcissist" videos on youtube and reading pop-psychology articles. She consumed hours upon hours of this junk. Pretty quickly she labeled me as a "covert narcissist" and started treating me the way that hundreds of these videos say you should.... "10 ways to destroy a narcissist" "How to give a narc a taste of their own medicine" "How to survive narc abuse" "How to drive a narc crazy" etc etc. It became her excuse to blame everything on me and take zero responsibility for any problems in our relationship. I ask her to work together on our marriage, but she would not once she had diagnosed me as a narcissist. She refused to go to counseling because she claimed I had fooled and manipulated the therapist - or that I WOULD manipulate them in the case of someone we had never seen before. She refused to participate in any form of conflict resolution and instead just kept blaming me for everything. She would literally say that she had done nothing wrong ever and I was the only problem. Eventually I came home one day to find a short, cold, condescending letter on the kitchen table with her lawyers card. She then did not speak a single word to me for 14 months out of our 18 month legal separation case. I believe these "narcissist" videos that have become so popular on the internet may have played a major role in the end of our marriage. She grabbed onto this as the excuse she needed to blame me for everything and tell herself she had no part in our problems. The effect of being labeled a "narcissist" by the one person I loved the most and had vowed my life to 14 years ago devastated me. I don't think I'm a narcissist and I took many long hard looks at myself through this nightmare. I had some real problems personally and I admitted and confronted them to the best of my ability. I sure could be a jerk at times and I do acknowledge that. I don't think I'm special, I don't think I'm smarter, more important, or superior to other people, especially not my wife. I started to think I must be so deep in my narcissistic delusions that I was incapable of even knowing if I was or wasn't a narc. I asked therapists, friends, and family if they saw these traits in me. They said they didn't, but then I wondered if what my wife said could be true and I had just fooled them with my manipulations and lies that we so crazy I didn't even know they were going on. I'm even afraid to submit this comment because I feel that everyone is going to reply, "YOU'RE A NARCISSIST FOR WRITING THAT!" If you're reading this and struggling in a relationship, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T watch a few of these "narcissist" youtube videos and slap a narcissist label on your loved one. Seek the objective and knowledgeable experience of a trained and licensed professional to make that kind of determination. If you're a mental health professional that makes these videos, please, I beg you, don't just make shock content for views and sales of your self-help webinar and let everyone that is having relationship problems declare themselves the victim of a narcissist and turn all their anger against their loved ones. Many of these videos are reckless, misleading, and even predatory on people's fears that are hurting and looking for answers. This "everyone is a narcissist" craze that seems to have taken over in the last few years is sick and it's doing a lot more damage than help I'm afraid.

[@TatjanaMur]

Well, we all behave like jerks from time to time. You, me, your ex, ... Was your wife behaving differently before watching videos about "narcissists"? Was she willing to work through the problems before she was "infected by the knowledge"? Was she able to see her own mistakes (self-reflect) and apologise, amend?

[@davewetherald6628]

@@TatjanaMur She was never particularly good at taking responsibility for herself or apologizing, but she did seem to try for awhile. She was always hyper critical of others and held most people to unrealistic standards. Once she got on the narcissist videos, there was no self reflection at all. At least none that she showed. She told me multiple times that the state of our marriage was completely my fault and that she had no part in the problems at all.

[@blackwidor]

That's really tough. I hope you heal from this and go on to thrive xx

[@TatjanaMur]

@@davewetherald6628 I bet her behaviour and words hurt you. It sucks, indeed. Imagine we have no books about illnesses (we do not talk about illnesses) because hypochondriac people are reading them and using the knowledge not in the best way. Or we have no books about human anatomy because some sociopaths are using them to torture humans and "save the world from ... ". Your ex was behaving hurtful all the time. It is a serious problem. She had gained some knowledge (and it could be from an article or from the neighbour) and started to use it the best way she possibly could (to control and manipulate others). It is good to learn the signs of a person who is over self-centered and abusive : - lack of empathy - judgemental (a lot) - lack of self-reflection (no apologies or superficial apologies) - blaming others - questions the reality of others' (gaslighting) - guilts - stonewalls - behaves in a passive-aggressive way .. and more. And be aware that a person with this collection of these traits will definitely include a statement "You are a narcissist" into their *Blame-Shame* tools to put themselves above others and continue to Not listen and do what they want only. Learning to set boundaries (I like the book from Mellisa Urban; and Randy Peterson - The Assertiveness Workbook) and taking full responsibility for your own emotional wellbeing will keep over selfish people at the right distance where they have no power to "sh*t in the soul*. I actually think that a lot of over narcissistic people would even use the knowledge from books about boundaries to control and manipulate others. It is just a part of how they see the world :)

[@Peacefrogg]

So have you ever wondered if she was purposefully gaslighting you into thinking you were the narcissist? Bc, well, if she was fooled by stupid vids then that’s really sad, but if she used them as a tool, guess who’s the tool and who could be the narcissist?

[@MoPoppins]

I love that checklist of REACTIONS a person would or wouldn’t have, depending on whether they’re a narc or not! That DEFINITIVELY determines whether they are, or if they might just have “narcissistic fleas.”💯

[@AlankritaVerma-js2oq]

I have been thinking about my role in my relationships and processing my actions- and this video has been very helpful in actually clarifying a lot of things without me spiraling into overthinking. I would honestly say that I have displayed some of these tendencies- and it feels horrible. I think I can only try to heal my own injured inner child and not repeat those actions again. I cannot help thinking if I reacted to narcissism by being narcissistic myself, the domain is still very fuzzy for me, but I guess I can process it much better now.

[@meredithyoung589]

Narcissism runs in my family, there are traits and stuff littered around all of my family. The only one who I would consider a full blown narcissist is my aunt, but I want to learn more about the signs and traits so that I can notice them in myself and try and change

[@slkjess1206]

Same here, mostly. Good luck on your journey. Take care.

[@ems7623]

I often wonder why so many of us worry about being a narcissist when we clearly aren't. I also wonder why there's so many people quick to accuse others of narcissism when it's not clear that the problem isn't simply present in their unique relationship with the accused.

[@the1337fleet]

I think it's because we all have moments where we display some of these traits. But I'm guessing someone has to show these traits _consistently_ to be a narcissist.

[@NidusFormicarum]

@@the1337fleet Yes, I certainly have some of these tratits as an autistic person. We are egocentric in nature so when we fail in our social life, or course it's easy to start being unfair to yourself sometimes. Being egocentric and narcisistic is two different things. Also, thinking you are better than others in your spexilized field is not at tall the same as being narcisistic. It's the latter that makes my brain think that sometimes, but it's just a fear of how others may judge me. My feeling of superiority is legitime. I am very talented. But that is completely different from wanting to belittle others to elevate yourself. Why would I do that? There are many who are much better than me and I adore their work and try to learn from them.. I'm only vastly superior to laymen in my field and to the vast majority of students - certainly not to the very best profesionals. That is the thing: For some reason, it is often fruned upon to say that you're really good at something, which it really shouldn't be, beacuase it creates a lot of unnecessary shame.

[@NidusFormicarum]

Being a narcisist is a bad thing. Haveing some minor narcistic traits can be a good thing. The same goes for psyphopathy.

[@feanorian21maglor38]

@@the1337fleet HG Tudor, the KZbinr, separates being narcissist from having narcissistic traits. For example, in his analysis, Amber Heard is a full-blown narcissist, while Johnny Depp is narcissistic. Even empaths and 'normals' can have narcissistic traits. What separates the person with NPD is the lack of any empathy at all. His view makes a lot of sense, although I don't know how much science there is behind it.

[@jasonlarsen4945]

Probably because narcissists are among the worst people there are. Who wouldn't be concerned that others might perceive them that way. Especially when it's likely most people would have at least one of these traits, if even only part of the time. Nobody would want to be thought of as a narcissist. So it would be perfectly normal to worry that you could be one or be perceived as being one.

[@tcrump212IsLmbrJck_t]

I AM NOT A NARCISSIST. I LOVE LOVE, COMPASSION, EMPATHY, AND RESPECT. i am those things. Girl, you got me bawling at work. lol bless your heart.

[@jonellhaney7162]

She is so thorough in explaining the different facets of the narcissist. I'm definitely going to subscribe. I need help in figuring out how to deal with my spouse and how to go about parenting with a narcissist. I'm at a loss on how to proceed 😢

[@elsaaforges]

I was raised by a covert narcissistic mother and when I get horrified at the possibility of being a narcissist I always remind myself that I am a complete loner (probably thanks to my mother) and that I don’t seek or need attention or approval from others, so I have other issues but I can’t be a narcissist.

[@tonylawrence9157]

May be an ass ole

[@sine8811]

You're probably not but being a loner doesn't mean that someone is not. I've known people with full blown NPD that never have any friends or family around at all. I think you misundertand what NPD is if you think friends or lack of mean NPD or no NPD. Symptoms are just symptoms they are never the disorder itself.

[@gudywiththegoods9365]

My bf is a loner and I’m almost sure he’s a narcissist

[@TallSilentGuy]

Maybe long term PTSD?

[@jhemp]

I listen to a lot of videos like this to continue assessing myself and my mental health. I have a Bachelor's in Psychology and I talked myself through a lot of trauma. I've seen genuine professionals, but I'm not a very emotional person and trying to draw attention to my emotions has always made the sessions feel kind of like a waste of time. I have tendencies to ignore most people that don't interact with me directly and am very critical of myself. I strive to understand the boundary between what I can influence and what I cannot, and not be upset when there's nothing that can be done. This is extremely important to direct my efforts towards improving myself. Perhaps it's due to the intuitive future-directed approach to things, but I often struggle to understand why others miss what appears extraordinarily simple in terms of cause and effect. Often I struggle finding myself able to let others handle tasks on my behalf, because very few meet the standards I would hold myself too. I don't care about others if they aren't directly interacting with me or close friends or family. It's not that I'm incapable of empathizing either, it's more that I can't change what others do, so I can only care insofar as it alters my way of interacting with the group to not create a scenario. I have a strong commitment to being impartial and unbiased, and often people seem vain and looking through only one person's eyes is biased, so I try and consider the motives of both people. I don't want to lose sight of impartiality and miss personal bias, so I continually try to find less objective parts of myself and adjust that.

[@Artist_Kevin]

I think we all experience "personality traits" of every type. Like all things in life. Moderation is key. Thank you for this video. Don't let gaslighting get you.

[@FPZ72]

Thank you Kati. Your video has been very helpful to me.

[@Adventure-of-your-Life]

I have a lot of these tendencies but I think recognizing it can help you conquer them or work on improving them because i find if I think a bit more about others a lot of these problem tend to fade. I'm usually miserable if I just think constantly about myself instead of others

[@aramayicart27]

Thank you for clarifying so many different little questions i had. So many different ways to see things. So many perspectives. Thank you genuinely. This video really helped me!

[@Katimorton]

You are so welcome!

[@iznon]

Thank you so much, this was really helpful. I appreciate what you do.

[@Camila-im9ws]

I definitely resonate with some traits in some areas of my life. I developed these facades over time, i think as a defense mechanism. I have had close family relationships with people who also showed narcissistic traits. It's definitely something I wish to explore and understand more- especially the self-worth wound. It feels good to know I'm not a narcissist, as I'm often questioning this, but I can see where I have understanding and learning to do for myself around why I've built up these traits from fear or believing I am worthless/ not enough. I can see how it keeps me from relating to people and creating the intimacy and connection I desire. Relationships are so layered and complicated! I'm really grateful for this information and to be part of this generation that is doing the deep uncovering of our collective psyche.

[@maylinrivera6482]

I have narcissistic tendencies(diagnosed with Personality disorder with cluster B traits), and I know it's an issue that I'm working on. However I'm feeling called tf out on a couple of these 😬

[@susanhewitt6359]

That you are even here at all, trying to understand tells me that you are not a "terrible person" or anything like that, I'm so impressed that you're trying to work on it! Good for you, and I wish you all the best!❤️

[@homosexualitymydearwatson4109]

Please don’t flinch away from feeling called out. The only way you can fix your bad traits is by feeling uncomfortable. It’s rough but you can do it.

[@drchalquist]

Thanks for this. I draw on my clinical and corporate background to teach classes on identifying and handling narcissism. Superiority is definitely key, and it also shows up in groups, not just individuals. I value Erich Fromm's concept of "group narcissism." Need for attention seems to apply more to grandiose narcissists than covert/vulnerable ones.