Taking Advice From a Loser | Ep.1

What would you do if someone who bullied you came to you for advice? In the first episode of my podcast series, I share my experience of being the nerd in school who secretly helped out her bullies online after school.
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WHO AM I?
Hey there, I’m Cinzia DuBois. I’m a part-time, self-funded PhD student and KZbinr, Podcaster and writer. I’ve been creating videos for over thirteen years. I discuss productivity, personal development, PhD, academia and mental well-being on this channel. On my main channel, I talk about all things dark and ancient history, literature and folklore.

[@mundea]

I am privileged to have found spaces like this on the internet. bless you, Cinzia

[@CarolineMathieson]

There is still a stigma today about getting therapy of all kinds. Most people would not be willing to admit publicly or even within ther social circle that they need that or are undertaking it. So having someone who can provide that privately is a life saver. Somehow, despite bullying you or watching it, they sensed that you could be the sort of person who they could confide in. That reflects really well on you. This is only possible because it can be done remotely. They probably could not have phoned you because their side of the conversation would be overheard. But typing on a phone or a keyboard is much more private.

[@ocdtdc]

This story would make for a great novel.

[@Danielle-sb2sf]

pls don't ever call yourself a loser ❤

[@SuperGhostuk]

It's so easy to forget that as a species socialising is fairly important to our health and wellbeing. However you couldn't be more right about bullies, a lot of their actions/inactions do seem to stem from their own insecurities. As a fellow nerd, I am curious as to what were your favourite anime/tv shows during your time in school?

[@booksandthings8297]

Popular friend groups aren't nice when a member is vunerable. You weren't in the position to use it against them. And also they knew you were nice which makes you easier to bully but also a better friend. And maybe you were grateful of the attention. I hated my bullies personally I would have told them to f*ck off. No way would I have done that. I didn't like the bullied kids who would grovel for crumbs of attention it never went well. But I had my own friend group of misfits I belonged to. It sounds like you are a good person very kind hearted ❤

[@cuca_]

Same, my first thoughts were ‘why on earth would you give your bullies the time of day and let them be secret emotional vampires on you?’ (Literally vampires too since they’d only talk to her at night on MSN), and I thought the answer would just be low self-confidence and loneliness, but Cinzia is clearly a sweet person and enjoyed giving them advice. :)

[@carnation963]

From a fellow who didn’t fit that mold I appreciate this story. I too was someone that popular girls confided in & asked for my advice. I think it’s wonderful what you’re doing with this channel.♥️

[@elemileTLDR]

I was first dumbfounded by listening to your story. Why would anyone act in such a way and why would you, not just endure it, but even embrace it? Then I suddenly realized it's similar enough to what my ex girfliend (the love of my life) has been doing ever since she left me (devastated)... She messages me every time she needs my practical help or some sort of comfort and support; to which I always respond promptly, efficiently and affectionately. Then, she proceeds to treat me coldly and distantly whenever we encounter in public, specially at the sight of her social circle. Needless to say, it has been very humilliating and immensely painful to me. I know all too well that is egotistical and honestly mean of her to act like that; but as with many other aspects during our relationship and living together, I forced myself to learn to accept and even treasure her as is, not demanding anything from her, coping by myself with everything. Why? for a very simple reason: I know that, by now, if she got to the point of recoursing to me it's because she really needs me, in a way no one else can help her with... And I love her; i.e. my happiness is conditionalized to hers. Albeit not sufficient, her wellbeing is necessary to mine: I could never be well knowing she isn't and I could never forgive myself if anything really bad was to ever happen to her while I, because of my own pride or weakness, dismissed her. I am not claiming this is by any means fair or justified by love, merely that it is explained by it; and I think I can understand how similar bonds can be developed between people, not just romantically, but as part of what I can only describe as a sort of family: a very close micro-community you share everyday life and intimacy with, and whom at some point, somehow, become indispensable and irreplaceable to you... Sorry, I guess I just spilled my heart out to you too, just like those girls (and I'm a grown ass man). But I was impressed by your story and wanted to share how it made some sense to me in the end. By all means, thank you for your channel; best of luck with the podcast and take very good care of yourself.

[@lesliemoiseauthor]

It took me a long time to realize that I was a dweeb. NOTE: The Fiona messaging is very weird. What an excellent insight on your part about the whole experience. Good for you!

[@blue_boulevard4429]

Your little corner of the Internet has always felt so safe to me, as a nerdy, introverted, neurodivergent academic. Thank you for your content, I always find it very insightful and helpful ❤️

[@SelfHelpShelf]

I'm so glad!

[@milluvia005]

I remember messaging friends back in high school as well, but through Deviant Art. This podcast sounds like a lovely idea and it's very kind of you to offer an ear and response to others who could use that outlet. Thank you for all that you do. Looking forward to the podcast. 💙

[@warzachew4343]

I'm so incredibely impressed of how well spoken you are. You sound so sophisticated and I can't stop listening to you. I don't even focus on what are you talking about but your beautiful voice, accent and ability to speak such great. It's just a pleasure to hear you.

[@beaniebabysnail]

I'm usually pretty quiet in comment sections, but I think this is incredibly lovely of you. I remember being in a very vulnerable position and submitting a question to you because I had this sense that you would be able to respond in a way unlike others, and for the better. I'm wishing you the very best with this podcast, I think it will be wonderful.

[@MelarkyClarky]

Wholeheartedly agree.

[@robertgold1449]

This is exactly the field you should be in you understand the exact fear and anxiety of people you should get your PhD in psychology

[@HistoryNerd808]

Interesting idea for a series and glad to see you doing it. Honestly, I don't know how I would've reacted as a kid. Up until about my sophomore year of higj school, I was pretty standoffish and I've always struggled with grudges and dwelling on mistakes, be they big or small. Add onto that the bullying, if you want to call it that was being an outcast and it's honestly a weird idea for me to conceptualize.

[@winterburden]

Thanks for this fascinating new series Cinzia!

[@littleblackinkdrop31]

Thanks for sharing, such a fascinating story

[@macsarcule]

I have had similar experiences at work throughout my life where people who I didn’t think even noticed me showed up in my office to ask about something troubling them. Sometimes they returned, sometimes that was the last I saw of them. I always wondered if they recommended me each other or what the conversation about me outside the one-on-one moments was like. It was always baffling. I know you want to study the classics, but you clearly have a natural knack for counseling. If that would be something you’d even enjoy as a profession, lots of hoops to jump through to be certified/licensed in North America as I found out, I’m sure it’s the same there. Maybe you’ve also come to accept and enjoy it when it comes too. Thank you always for sharing your kindness and gentleness, the world needs it so much right now and your sharing is so important.🙂✨

[@Katie_v]

I adore this idea, and can't wait for more episodes! ❤❤

[@moonriversou]

Thank you for this podcast, I'm so glad I found this podcast ♡

[@Janizzary]

Here's a funny coincidence -- I'm trying to develop my protagonist for this story that I'm writing and she's a high school misanthrope. I was looking for a reason for her to be this way and you may have given me inspiration for that. The greater story deals with the "revealing" of the people who rule us and your story can possibly fit in. Thanks!

[@luke28]

very recognisable! gonna add 'a page from my book' to my playlist!

[@letmebelighter7677]

Loved this, Cinzia. I'm gonna follow your podcasts immediately. Love the name you chose for it too. And people came and come to you for advice precisely because you listen, and because you don't tell, and because you're kind and have empathy, basically because you're awesome. 🤗

[@eproudfoot2799]

You are so good at finding the right words to express yourself. I love the way you tell a story 😊

[@guerabella]

You are a lovely, compassionate soul.💚

[@SelfHelpShelf]

Wow, thank you

[@guerabella]

@@SelfHelpShelf You're welcome! It's true, and I thought you needed to hear it.

[@MelarkyClarky]

What a fantastic idea. I love your perspective on things.

[@aluciana]

You are a wonderful, beautiful human being. If someone like you exists, there's hope for humanity.

[@michaelake9814]

Thanks for sharing this. Thank you for being so lovely, and for your gracious expression of empathy- even to those who have wounded you.

[@leaf842]

Fellow weirdo here, and this kind of thing has happened to me too. I didn't tell anyone anything either, but gave my best effort at advice about stuff I had zero experience in. I've also, as an adult, had random strangers 'confess' stuff to me that was extremely painful for them. I felt kind of honoured that they felt safe to share with me.

[@Yilue]

A bit off topic but I cant imagine what it must be like in an all girls/all boys school. I had a pretty balanced level amount of girls and boys that I was friends with. I dont want to go into detail about who I am but I'll just say that it would've defintely taken me a lot longer to understand myself and even others. That is if I never interacted or made friends with anyone outside of school.

[@matheusbunnschmitt5548]

Thank you Cinzia :)

[@cordatusscire344]

Similar to my school experience. Ish. I was picked on a lot, until I learned to laugh when the jokes were funny. I'd either laugh with them or give a blank stare. Worked wonders for me. And I've been a mediator my entire life.. though I honestly do not recall any of my bullies - save for one.. that ever asked me for advice. Hm. Life eh?

[@rbvp45]

Very interesting story, thanks for sharing

[@lynnoorman2144]

A new branch out! Interesting!

[@timothyhopper4956]

Thanks

[@SelfHelpShelf]

Thank you so much, Timothy!

[@timothyhopper4956]

Thanks for sharing the MSN Messenger story. I think those experiences of yours have probably already influenced how you have done your KZbin videos and have helped shape you into someone who gives useful advice online.

[@Mulberry792]

Good luck!

[@charlesodonnell2993]

Brava!!!

[@mitakeet]

Your story about bullies secretly coming to you for advice sounds like a great idea for a book or movie. If others think so, I'll start work on a script and see about producing it.

[@SelfHelpShelf]

I mean it has been done in stories before, I’ve also written about it in my own book, but I’m sure you can make your own version.

[@mitakeet]

@@SelfHelpShelf Realistically speaking, everything's been done before. Which of your books are you talking about? Are you OK if I use your words? I like as the title "Taking Advice From a Loser" and as the logline "What would you do if someone who bullied you came to you for advice?" And I would lift (plagiarizer; my most sincere form of flattery) many of the statements in your video.

[@SelfHelpShelf]

There are many stories of bullies using their victims for advice, either for comfort or dating, helping with homework or studying (that’s a huge trope), relationship advice, even more action films where the victim saves their bully - it’s a trope a lot of teenage stories mainly, it just exists in very differing ways. I can’t stop you, but honestly, whilst I appreciate you asking, I wouldn’t be Ok you using my words. This is my writing and I’ve taken this from my own book - whilst I’m happy for you to be inspired to write a story, I’d rather keep my words and my story for my own.

[@mitakeet]

@@SelfHelpShelf I would only use your words with your permission. Maybe my primary reading interests being in scifi and fantasy has precluded me from being aware of such stories. My wife essentially said the same thing when I asked for her opinion.

[@Candlekeepdeep]

@@mitakeet it's worth noting the second half of the quote. 'imitation is the sincerest form of flattery mediocrity can pay to greatness.'

[@Computra]

Thanks!

[@SelfHelpShelf]

thank you so much!

[@dustyoldhat]

both of the thumbnails just came into my home page next to each other and in each you're tipping your head to the right. my right, your left. it's kinda cute/funny. two of you side by side. it reminds me of two dogs sitting up and looking at me when i say "walk?" not to mean anything by the use of "dogs" because that's not what I mean.. oh dear.... two very pretty dogs. okay maybe dogs were the totally wrong metaphor. it's just cute and funny, how you're tilting your head to the side in pretty much the same pose and there's two of you right next to each other in thumbnails. forget the dogs thing. i hope it didn't come off badly. i think you're very enjoyable to watch, you're attractive inside and out.

[@cosmiclounge]

Brava.

[@Lotrgecko]

💜

[@johnmanole4779]

0:22 you kinda described me, 😅 expect i didn't watch anime at that time

[@kallistoindrani5689]

What would I do if someone who bullied you came to you for advice? Probably think it's another way to bully me, certainly not trust them.

[@mundea]

new channel name, who dis 💅

[@pabloj1789]

You are so sweet

[@StoneUFO]

Mint

[@OkIsAPerfectResponse]

Ok

[@theaquarian5849]

A lot of times folks just need a trustworthy sounding board 👍

[@SelfHelpShelf]

I hope they find it supportive, both the podcast and commenters

[@wills681]

Well said. But I disagree with the "Loser" label. I've had (possibly spookily) similar experiences to you but as I am aged 63 years I guess that the issue is timeless. Best wishes.

[@marocat4749]

Therapy is still stigmaties and sreen as weak, i saw some sexworker talking how some manager go to them and literally just talk. Because they are afraid to seen in therapy and. i think its relevant to that. I would bet that clkique treats being vunerable, well yozu cant really trust most of them to open up without being judged or fear of being judged but want to be treated as person, not whats expected?. So an outsider Through i think they recommanded you . Also nice how you take the see how they have problems and in a sense mask there, and still help.

[@EricMoore790]

OMG! I was never popular.

[@frankandstern8803]

BECAUSE YOU ARE THRICE THEIR WORTH. Rock N Roll Suicide. David Bowie. You Silly Bean. Somebody stop your mouth with a kiss. He should seize upon you Cordelia.

[@TanyaKatherine]

I was going to comment how beautiful you are but was upset that there are community guidelines before I could comment. So that triggered me and now I am unsubbing.

[@mr.zafner8295]

So you're just going to try to help other people with your advice? I guess there's a hell of a lot worse you could do for the world. Good luck and I hope it works out. I'll pay attention, so there's at least one viewer