We Need to Talk: How To Have Conversations That Matter | Celeste Headlee | Talks at Google

In We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations that Matter, Celeste Headlee states that most of us communicate from behind electronic screens and studies show that Americans feel less connected and more divided than ever before. The blame for some of this disconnect can be attributed to our political landscape, but the erosion of our conversational skills as a society lies with us as individuals and the only way forward is to start talking to each other. In We Need to Talk, she outlines the strategies that have made her a better conversationalist-and offers simple tools that can improve anyone’s communication. Whether you’re struggling to communicate with your kid’s teachers at school, an employee at work, or the people you love the most -- Headlee offers smart strategies that can help us all have conversations that matter.
Headlee goes through ten ways to have better conversations:
1) Don’t multitask
2) Don’t Pontificate
3) Open-ended questions
4) Go with the flow
5) If you don’t know, say you don’t know
6) Don’t equate your experience with theirs
7) Try not to repeat yourself
8) Stay out of the weeds (too many details)
9) Listen
10) Be brief
Moderated by Jordan Thibodeau.

[@tarabytes3835]

Who's a Celeste Headlee fan girl...ME! So engaging and passionate. Her mission is so inspirational too, teaching us all how to connect on a deeper level one awesome talk at a time ❤️

[@paulgardner6239]

Hey Tara maybe we should start a fan club. She deserves one.

[@paulgardner6239]

There must be a Celeste Headlee fan club I think.

[@kh8vn]

not a girl... but her mission and NOT her "job" *wink* is appreciated too here if not done yet : Let's make it happen !

[@sheksbear]

The level of confidence she gets when she starts slowly raising her eyes above and at the roof while talking and then gives that smile is amazing :D

[@justmeavi]

Ikr 😅

[@Floxflow]

Brilliant talk. It keeps filling with interesting points right to the end.

[@ccburro1]

Incisive talk-looking forward to reading her book. Yes-real “conversations” are rare, and so needed for us as individuals and us as a country.

[@juskillintime8023]

40:03 😂 that elbow tho

[@nikkclrk]

This was incredibly informative and I'm so interesting in learning more about this topic. I couldn't help but notice, she often cut off the audience members and the host by beginning her response before they had finished asking their questions.

[@ChelseaMorganArt]

I noticed this too, but as she said, she's also guilty of doing the things she talks about. She's only human. I guess you can be aware of your bad habits but that awareness doesn't mean they just stop right away. It takes practice. :D

[@patriciacoogans2170]

A very informative talk. Thank you for a clear explanation of how to have good conversations. I will put into practice all the points you have illustrated.

[@davidhostetler721]

But, Patricia, if the one you're talking to doesn't do this too, it may be hard to have a good conversation.....

[@sacerrone]

Phenomenal! Best talk I’ve ever heard breaking down communication

[@catherinen8547]

57:54 Brene Brown and Celeste Headlee come together in one question OMG

[@catyaginethcaita202]

Someone realized that she was talking about being a good listener but she didn't let the guy finish the phrases cause the only thing that she wants at the end was to talk. that's really interesting. being a good listener is not easy at all.

[@BabarAli-rp5ys]

Allowed

[@iedzerkvasu2063]

Yes, I also noticed that at the end she didn't let people finish their questions (bad listening, and it's rude) and she also had answers ready while the question wasn't finished, although in lecture she said that we should listen all that other part has to say, before start to think of an answer. Yeah, the Q&A at the end kinda reduced my opinion of the lecture and her as a specialist. That was a little disappointing, although lecture was quite great.

[@pavvanyadav]

Well, She is also a human.

[@Sofia77991]

@@iedzerkvasu2063 I get the feeling that the quietness of the room slowly makes her anxious and she speaks faster and faster.

[@DearProfessorRF]

“the only thing that she wants at the end was to talk” Of course, that is why they call this presentations Google Talk. All presenters at Google Talk give, well, a talk. That’s what she was hired to do. Also, working on radio as a veteran interviewer makes you aware of time limitations which was the case here.

[@artswri]

Wow so much great info in so little time, amazing

[@paulgardner6239]

So many great points made to continue conversation with not just friends and family but complete strangers.

[@sharonab07]

As many times I've watched this I'm just noticing her dress and I want it!

[@profcharlesflmbakaya8167]

Hmmmmm! Dead on point!!!!

[@dinar5388]

Thanks you for this interesting conversations really motivate me

[@paulogryzek4740]

Listening feels like submission. I think the challenge is that the self-esteem era has produced a desire to be in dominant social positions, and listening is allowing another to control one's experience.

[@audiobackdrops18]

My God! This is IT!

[@appletonp]

As this extends to political sphere, loss of empathy, I suggest reading "Them" by Ben Sasse, US Senator from Nebraska.

[@thebahana]

My problem in conversations is that I like to provide information because I value information. I thought I was giving something of value in the conversation but they didn't care.

[@hamsofdollar]

Around 45:34, she says that email has lesser effect on people than a personal conversation and I agree. But what I find particularly interesting at this point is -what about handwritten letters? A few years back, one of my friends wrote a letter apologising for something they had done and that letter moved me. It had a big impact and honestly, I even cried a little. So what I’m thinking about right now is - whether there is a significant difference between a handwritten note and an email? Also, can we quantify and distinguish it like she could for emails vs talking?

[@ChelseaMorganArt]

That's an interesting point, I think handwritten letters show you more of a personal touch than text on a screen. You can sense that the person who wrote that letter, actually wrote that letter when it's done in their own writing. Handwritten letters can sometimes be a little messier or have spelling mistakes that have been crossed out and rewriten, so you can see little human errors, and the writing style is also usually pretty unique to specific individuals. When it's an email, the font is so generic because we see it everywhere, it can sort of feel like anyone could have typed it. So it feels like there's no personal touch to it. It's like when you get a written letter from your bank that has been printed vs a letter that's been handwritten. Digital text doesn't convey the same sense of uniqueness to it that handwriting does. That's my take on it at least. :)

[@manontaillard]

Good question ! I also think that you put more humanity in a letter. It involve your body more, and your handwritting reveales your personnality, as the shapes of it comes’from your mind. Very diffenrent from computer writing. Also, you can hold the letter in your hand. It actually « exist ».

[@arthurmurfitt7698]

An email and a hand written letter are light years apart. A hand written letter takes so much more to put together then an email.

[@joaoribeiro-ts6oj]

great speaker

[@chrisconvissor367]

excellent!

[@Llkc60]

Subject starts at 15:00. welcome

[@atommindproject9060]

You CAN change someone else behavior. It is inherent part of communication. It is one of the reasons we use communication - to change other peoples and animals too(different but still communication) behavior. You CAN also change their thought pattern and perception, and instill new perspectives.

[@gabrielmachado2709]

“Changing” I think is bad word for this, we don’t have that much control as you think, even if you are manipulating someone, usually the manipulated one has some responsability for it too. We can, though, INFLUENCE other’s behavior. Psychologists, for example, studies how to do that, how to influence someone’s behavior, life perspective and philosophy of life through communication but that person have to have the will to change and also this person have to trust you and know that you can help, and this individual has also to actually do something for the change to occur, something that the therapist doesn’t have control, like moving their body. I guess you can make the argument that you can change someone’s behavior through communication by threatening, violence and this kinda of thing, but that’s unethical.

[@atommindproject9060]

​@@gabrielmachado2709 The facts are clear we can and we actually do it sometimes without even knowing it. Ethics, good and bad, like and dislike are entirely one's point of view(or a given society), they are not in any way a matter of Nature and it's rules and laws. So, the idea here is to learn and understand, see the Nature of things, their core basics and fundamentals. How you live your life and use them, that is entirely up to the individual at hand. What you think is good, for others may be bad and destructive. Also how you threat such perception biased labeling (as good and bad) is another part of this side topic. Society and history have shown that labeling someone or something as bad ALLOWS that society, group of people or individual to do BAD things justified by what someone else did deemed bad. It's simple and basic(bad and good in nature are just nature doing it's course), yet it's complex(bad and good in human social conditions is created, judged, measured and acted upon in a very specific and time-era-place-climate based). Focus on the basics and the fundamentals of Life and living, and you will always be in a good place. Having it and improving upon it will help you with anything that appears and is complex, or is complicated more than necessary. P.s. To have a definition of good and bad both you and the other side should agree on them, otherwise what's good from your perspective maybe bad from theirs. In pure Life reality view can be seen as it is creation and destruction, production and consumption, etc. One last thing. Saying something is good and another is bad, and agreeing on it, doesn't magically make you immune to NOT doing it. But those basic core fundamentals DO if you understand and apply them. The same way using those unchangeable basics you CAN change someone's... well, all processes that are opened to change from an outside authorities and/or entities(including objects, wind, light, etc...) P.s.2 Give someone a genuine compliment and see how their behavior and thinking, PERCEPTION of the reality around them, themselves and Life itself changes. Is this manipulation, or anything complex in its core? Bad?

[@Siegbert85]

On the "not repeat yourself" point: I have a mother-in-law who will ask something and when you answer her she will act like she didn't understand you no matter how slowly and clearly you have answered. So, I doubt it's actually about her not understanding me accustically but rather that she's distracted by her own thoughts. So, if I just answer once and refuse to repeat myself, will that train her to listen to me the first time? I'm really tired of saying the same thing multiple times :D

[@tashacreasey357]

it might just make her more anxious and frustrated with herself, it might push her to learn tho

[@anxietyebriety6553]

Celeste teaching droids how to blend in. We appreciate it.

[@richcampus]

"Email is The Devil when it comes to communication" @41:35

[@anast3817]

Can anyone share a link where she's interviewing someone?

[@GAJ1817]

She's gorgeous

[@neilmarsden4832]

But if keep listening how do I ever teach my knowledge?

[@yassermohamed8782]

Great

[@georginajovanovic]

This is brilliant public ralk, do you have courses? What is the name of your book?

[@eglemark3901]

I disagree that just talking about yourself gives the so much pleasure. Being deeply understood and listen - yes.

[@elastiv]

How do you measure empathy? and that it has fallen?

[@MARILICLAUDIO]

Hola, una disculpa de antemano... El lunes es un buen día para escribir una petición en papel, tomaré en cuenta todas las especificaciones y seré clara, amable y concreta.

[@swekchasahai3799]

I liked the talk overall but I wish she had let the poor interviewer finish his questions.

[@auzennirvaan1573]

Celeste has done research and presented in fabulously, however she talks fast which means she's a bit nervous maybe. I think she may have practiced this speech and trying to recall her speech by looking up and sideways. It was good presentation though.

[@ineptireplica1548]

Tough crowd

[@loripirollo7177]

So not true if you let someone talk about themselves and they are complaining about their life, that is not helping them feel good about themselves

[@JaiJaiGF]

If everybody asks and listens - who talks?

[@shantanushukla1815]

I still didn’t get the math problems

[@rikcloesen7714]

13:25, math is incredibly shoddy. If you checked your phone every 13 seconds, it wouldn't even take half an hour to make it to 110 checks.

[@jonathanendale6131]

Yeah! I think she meant 13 min ( (13 min / check * 110 checks ) / ( 60 min/h) ~= 24h).

[@stacyyoust]

is English your first language?

[@slightlygruff]

This is a generic "be a good listener talk" but we often need a reminder

[@MsWhitelilly]

I hate speeches when author right away says we are all doing it wrong….brrrr

[@user-ke2ru4rt8c]

The straight creek inherently please because tempo incidentally marry amongst a wary dogsled. capable, healthy morocco

[@carl.wright3996]

Okay there's one more thing I have to leave leave you guys with over at the corporate Google wherever your places where you program and do things that Google does I got to let you guys know that basically you guys need to get your assistant or this whatever Lexus or whoever more a little more advanced in communication skills not sending you off to here's what I found or I don't understand well Carl understands and Carl can help

[@dinogiron2910]

That was a terrible host, has to practice body lenguage and the tone on his voice.

[@Skukkix23]

1:32. Yeah she apperently never had to search for food.

[@MrOlialchimist]

Skukkix23 e b