ACCEPTING YOUR TOXIC FAMILY | Trauma Healing | | LIVE CHAT

It's hard to accept family members who have hurt you, disregarded you, and/or manipulated you.
Who would think that a family member would ever hurt their own flesh and blood?
What would be more important in this world than to love the people "assigned" to us?
Accepting the people in your family may seem like a very difficult task.
Once you realize the toxicity and unhealthy behavior in your family, the process of acceptance must occur at some point as you come to understand how unhealthy they are.
In this live chat, I teach you about the process of acceptance.
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DISCUSSED IN THIS VIDEO:
0:00 intro
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#trauma #TOXICFAMILY
#tamarahilllpc #narcissisticfamily
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Mentioned In The Video:
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicideprevent....
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 14 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at [e-mail]. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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PO BOX 15747
Robinson Township, PA 15244
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Website - www.anchoredink...
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[@TherapistTamaraHill]

The LIVE chatbox comments will be made available by KZbin within 12hrs! Always the best part 😉

[@Mark-rd1it]

My father is a very angry man. He gets angry about nothing. I was visiting my parents and my mother washed my CK underwear and my father got angry about my branded underwear, and started shouting to my mother, saying they are not really CK underwear they are fakes. My father is triggered by everything and it gets scarey at times. He use to be aggressive when i was a young child too and he always use to try and scare me by raising his fists and shaking his fist in my face.

[@markesastewart4741]

The truth is tough pill to swallow.

[@letakeokuk5446]

I'm tired of apologizing to a particular person in my family who I feel dislikes me, while walking on eggshells. So not understanding shifting but it sounds like that's what I do to keep a relationship with this fragile individual. It feels like emotional abuse.

[@anonm221]

This was my first live and I appreciate your advice so much! I'm going through a lot with my mom and have been for 13+ years , it's always been back and forth since I was a tween. I believe I'm in the "no more" state now where I'm not taking the superficial conversations/apologies anymore. We somehow reconciled when I moved back in after the few days I left, but I dont think you can heal years of emotional abuse in a day. We're okay at the moment, but I'm still forgiving her and we got into it yesterday because I felt all those emotions rising in me and she said something to me and I went off. All those years of being a scapegoat and her doing smear campaigns with my siblings make me resentful. I mean she's done it all triangulation, speaking bad about me to enablers, calling me out of my name, being intrusive as hell, oversharing about inappropriate topics like im her friend or something. I believe she is a covert narc (im not sure ,but all the signs are there), but she has apologized and admitted how she missed certain aspects with her children. I realized it might be unintentional abuse, but if I've been telling you how you hurt me for years and you keep doing it....you know exactly what you're doing. My distrust and loss of respect rises up at times and I feel like she's not worthy of my respect. I will be tuning into the lives more for sure! Thank you again!♥️

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

❤🤗 You're welcome and I'm so glad you decided to tune in! I LOVE those live chats because that's where human connection begins. Videos are good too but that personal connection is what makes this channel successful. So I'm happy you are feeling connected to the live chats. And I also understand where you are coming from with your mom. My mom and grandmother had a similar relationship. Although I love my late grandmother, I can't deny that she and my mom struggled off and on for years. I think relationships like this, including your situation, requires careful attention and healthy boundaries. As you go along throughout life, I think you will find the right "rhythm" with your mom in whatever capacity that is.

[@anonm221]

@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you so much! I appreciate your response and kind words!🥰

[@Targetedindividualsworld]

I’m not accepting anything until they act like family

[@martacore6518]

I appreciate you so much Tamara. I wish I could have a session online with from Florida.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You are so welcome🤗💖 I do consultations internationally so feel free to send me an email!

[@machinegurlll]

What you said about being able to feel they're being raised "half heatedly" really struck a chord with me. I'll be using that later. Makes me stop gaslighting myself a bit.

[@GirlScoutC00kiez420]

Your KZbin vids are so good.

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much!

[@Onelove858]

This was Great: I’m that one that have the wall up. Blessings Ms.Támara ; Much Luv! ❤

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you 🤗 Much love to you!

[@blankearth5840]

I feel like I’ve been completely denied and rejected of all the love/care/treatment that my brother had always received from my family, all because they raised him and they never raised me…

[@kelvinjames6344]

Glad I not alone with toxic family narcist

[@truth4utoda]

You aren't alone 🙃

[@bonnywhite8205]

I love your lectures Tamara, you teach us so much, I appreciate your work so much 🙏 🙏 🙏 . Greetings from Austria

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much! You're welcome!! Happy to see so many citizens of Australia coming aboard on here🤗 Welcome aboard.

[@markesastewart4741]

post-traumatic growth am Wow! So empowered the more 🙂

[@Yanadew]

I adore your hair!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you 💖

[@bellbranda]

Omg this is exactly were I'm at.in life, thank you! God Bless

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

🤗thank you. And you're welcome. God bless you too!

[@Access2rome_Denied]

There shouldn't be a statue of limitations to violence i was forced to accept... the constant beatings and humiliation! Physical abuse that I didn't deserve at all. An apology is meaningless without changed behavior! You're cool but you're minimizing their actions by basically saying get over it. My parents have a over due balance for the past pains caused, only the faith, my strong beliefs and the presence of God got me thru the worst parts of the assaults. Their were others that lived in the house but they ignored me so i would pray and talk to God like he was right on side of me. I remember having a bad thought of burning down the house with everyone in it on repeat in my head! I ask God if should do it... over and over! He answered me and said you can do whatever you chose but burning everyone won't solve your problems, I will only make things worse for myself! After that the beatings didn't hurt, being forced stand in front of his peers while he tear me down with words and they all laugh didn't have no affect on my emotions! Sorry for sending this long message but i have to get this out!

[@Access2rome_Denied]

Accepting my toxic family, I had no choice, being on the receiving end of abuse, I knew the harsh punishments I received didn't fit the crime! Literally taking out his aggression cuz someone else pissed him off,my minor violations resulted in bursts of rage and violence. I accepted the beating and accepted hearing him bragging to someone how he did it! No adult or uncle or aunt stood up for me! I notice you make excuses for these parents like they not aware of their actions, you rationalize an label theirs sloppy parental characteristics that were criminal acts! YOU give toxicity a label and a definition and it's supposed to be accetable because there actions are reduced to a fancy scientific explanation. What is the definition called when he hold my arm a begin to beat me an i dance and try to run from a beating with a belt that he is hitting me extremely hard and force?

[@KimberlyGladden-r2x]

Thank you 🙏🏽 For Being My Confidence

[@sarahdy496]

I am 65 years old. I have 2 older sisters who are very close in age, then a gap before me, then another gap before the Son. I have always been The Odd One. It felt like my parents had two clutches of eggs.. The Big Girls, and The Son. No one knows how I got in there or what to do with me. I sure didn't/don't. Once I realized I was Nothing Special unless I made noise, I shut up because no attention was far better for me than any attention. I had a spectacularly Bad Experience my sophomore year in college, followed by stalking for my entire junior year. I kept my head down and my mouth shut. Then I met my first husband on a blind date, fell hard, dropped out of college (a LOT of family hardship over dropping out 'so close to finishing') married the man, changed my name, and moved to a distant city. We had a great time in a big city, then found out he could transfer to a very small, rural, town and hold his seniority and pay level. We were outta there like a shot. We took our time to find a farm would thought would satisfy us the rest of our life and set to building what we wanted. Family was outraged because it was not meteoric upward mobility. I quit working when our first child was born, and stayed on the farm to take care of our eventual 3 kids. If I had found a job to suit my education and past experience, I could not have afforded child care, so I thought other thoughts. We planted the kinds of big gardens you see in magazines and I canned and froze everything. We had an orchard. I kept chickens and raised hogs for the freezer. We did not have cable or sattelite TV, so I would stop every couple hours and read a book or two to our kids. They entertained themselves outdoors, as we did when we were kids, while I worked outdoors. No electronics. I did not know a soul where we lived and didn't meet anyone until my oldest started school. The oddness I had grown up in made all this just fine. My husband's job was away from home 80%, and we often only had one running vehicle, so the kids and I were home when he was gone. It was a great time in life. Eventually, over the course of my life I raised goats, needed to feed the milk to something, so added bottle calves, bottowed a bull, raised a LOT of calves, switched milk goats to meat goats, opened a garden shop/greenhouse. Husband died in our 40s. Cancer. Bla bla bla. 25 years later I was 'up home' helping my siblings clear my mom's apartment as she'd moved to memory care. On my 5 hour drive home I texted my brother's wife about an item my beau had made for Mom that I wanted back. Somehow it had "accidentally" gone to her house, but every day she told me she'd forgotten to bring it, so tomorrow. I texted her to tell her I was on my way home, but any time she was in my child's neighborhood (one had stayed there after University) she could drop it off. And that's when the shit hit the fan. She told me I wasn't getting it back, that none of 'the family' wanted to see me, that I am 'out of the family now' since Mom is demented, I had done this to myself by not visiting often enough (??) that this sister said this, and that sister said that, and brother in law had added in his bit...so I called the first sister and told her what SIL had said, and instead of saying "she's lying" she said "she should never have told you that". My life flashed in front of me, literally. All the weirdnesses. All the meannesses. All the weird things neices and nephews had said, that they really shouldn't have known about. Conversations that stopped when I walked into a room. And at that moment I knew I was done and over every single one of them. Done. 64 years of trying to be family with people who were not my family. I realize now I am a member of the Mistaken Zygote Clan. My youngest child told me about this theory and it clicked. And I am relieved. Of course I will do more study.. but the deep sadness of suddenly going no-contact with my 'family' is over. Snap like that. I don't belong with them. Never did. I have found my tribe, I've met them over the course of my life and those were already the people I talk to through out my day, online or a quick phone call. The ones that I thought were family can keep running their race, stacking up their prizes, congratulating themselves on their.. whatever it is that makes them so special. They are not kin to me or part of my world. We are in totally different universes and that's really OK.

[@ominsharma7834]

You are doing amazing work. Maybe one day I'll do something similar. But I wanted to know from you - how do u unwind? What impact does listening to such negative experiences of people have on u? How do u recover from that or do you accept it and understand it's purpose or something else?

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much! ❤ I pray my journey through this work is not in vain. But to answer your very real and good question, it's multi-faceted for me. Prayer and spiritual pursuits, talking to my mom, getting time off as needed, and feeling called to this work. I think once you put things in proper perspective and see your career as a calling to help others and be their strength, you gain an internal motivation like no other and can manage the stressors that come with that calling. If you are called, you will succeed too.

[@ominsharma7834]

@@TherapistTamaraHill That's great! Thank you for replying! This does put things in perspective for me...This helps a great deal ❤️ keep up the good work!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

You're welcome and thank you!!

[@kelvinjames6344]

Watching from Australia

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Welcome!! Thanks for watching.

[@tammymiller9773]

Hi tamara and bless you you have been hlong me for a wwek now🤩

[@KoolT]

They've been fighting 9 years two grannies it's crazy

[@MagneticNorthbound]

Hey Tamara I think you're doing incredible work, you're so genuine, gentle, candid and clear in expression. I happen to recognize you from somewhere from some place I worked/studied at in Philly, where we probably both were, and you look so familiar. Anyways, your work is so relevant to my life and so many others, keep it up!

[@TherapistTamaraHill]

Thank you so much Matthew for these kind comments! I always appreciate these observations. And I'm glad to have you on the channel. Maybe you can join us during my live chats on Fridays. :) Take care