Taylor Swift, Fat-phobia, and Stay-At-Home Girlfriends - SimplyPodLogical

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On this episode of SimplyPodLogical, Cristine and Ben talk about Taylor Swift’s new album ‘Midnights’, the controversy over “fat-phobia” in her music video for Anti-Hero, and the stay-at-home girlfriend trend on TikTok.
0:00 - Hey what’s up holo everyone
1:10 - Is Ben actually a fan of Taylor Swift or is it a meme?
3:27 - Ben’s review of Midnight
4:32 - Is Cristine a fan of Taylor Swift?
7:10 - Is Taylor Swift fat-phobic?
30:28 - Does it matter that Taylor Swift keeps singing about her ex-boyfriends
35:57 - Stay-at-home girlfriends on TikTok
45:56 - Yikes
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[@jakeverbeek]

someone said "it's like everyone is allowed to talk about taylor swift's body except taylor swift" and i think that perfectly summarizes this whole situation :(

[@BuinidhMoChridheDoAlba]

I don't think it's necessarily that Taylor shouldn't talk about her body. A lot of people just feel that having the word fat on the scales was unnecessary and harmful. Not intentionally of course. Possibly just a little more care should have been taken

[@arielsandoval5595]

taylor didn’t talk about her body. taylor used the word fat to describe how she felt. 1. fat is not a feeling and 2. she’s not a fat person 3. actual real people are fat and using that word in a negative context HURTS ACTUAL FAT PEOPLE

[@clairewillow6475]

@@arielsandoval5595 fat is definitely a feeling when you’re struggling with anorexia though

[@Jessica-ev1ox]

@Ariel Sandoval go put this energy towards a brand that actually deserves it. the media makes us all believe fat is a bad thing and Taylor being famous doesn't make her immune to that. Go to therapy.

[@arielsandoval5595]

@@Jessica-ev1ox i have therapy which is why i know fat isn’t a feeling and what taylor did was hurtful ❤️❤️ have the day you deserve

[@michalinamoks2876]

I'm with Ben on this one. Anorexia is one of the most deadly mental disorders out there, and Taylor should be able to talk about how it affected her without having to censor herself.

[@leoniehebeis]

fat people have anorexia too. A recent study showed that anorexia is just as dangerous for fat people and can cause the same amount of damage to heart health. It literally kills fat people too so it would be nicer if she advocated for everyone with anorexia, not just skinny people. not discounting her experience here, just think it could've been done in a more inclusive way.

[@billyjean3118]

She can advocate for herself, you advocate for yourself publicly if you feel like it, that’s still valid, but don’t tell other women what to do.

[@leoniehebeis]

@@billyjean3118 I know what you mean and I don't think there's an easy answer to this. I'm certainly not telling her what to do, just staying what if she's advocating for anorexia (which btw I don't think she is in this case) then she should include all people with anorexia. The way I see Is is that she's telling her lived experience that is down to fatphobia in society but she choose to tell it in a way that perpetuates the problem she's calling out. If we weren't afraid of being fat she wouldn't have to use it in a negative way. I just think it's a very difficult thing to balance and if you can choose do to explain your experience without negatively impacting on the lived experience of others then why not do so. If you look at fatfabfeminists post for example you'll see that she said she didn't want to "cancel" Taylor but merely show that it can be very hurtful for fat people to see the word fat used in such a negative way. I'm writing this having had anorexia for 7 years and constantly thinking I was "too fat" btw so I'm not making this up on the spot. It's my lived experience too as a non fat person

[@billyjean3118]

@@leoniehebeis I’ve had ED as well so we’re both speaking from unfortunate experiences, I can definitely see how people think this is problematic or personally are touched negatively by that expression, BUT, I still stand by an artist being able to express herself. This is her perception of herself only and her expression of the issue. Perhaps it’s not the best comparison but it’s like a black person using the N word, it has an entirely different meaning in that context as opposed to a non black person using it as clear insult. Sort of along the lines of my culture, my pain, my way of dealing with it.

[@leoniehebeis]

@@billyjean3118 I don't think the comparison you chose is sound but i can see where you're coming from. I think she's not done anything wrong per se but I'm glad she's listened to the people that felt hurt by the use of the word. If we could destigmatise fatness as a society maybe we could prevent a lot of people from having at least body image based eds in the first place.

[@summerrgray]

I interpreted the scene as no matter how much she weighs, or what she looks like, people and the media will say she’s “fat”. And unfortunately it is used in a negative context here because that’s how the media uses it on her. Being over weight myself i hated seeing how skinny she was while the scale said “fat”, but in no way am i allowed to dismiss her struggles especially when there are dozens of articles written about her weight. Again, I agree that “fat” is used very harshly, but that’s what the media ENDLESSLY throws at celebrities of all sizes. Also the irony of the media being able to use the word “fat” as an insult for decades but when TS uses it in a music video it’s problematic, even when the music video is about how everything is her fault and how she’s deeply struggled with it.

[@jessicabolton3615]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@ReikaSensei]

This. But also the point is that it's on the scale portraying the illusion her mind created. Scales tell you numbers, but I'm sure those of us that have these issues look at that number and we translate it in our head to the word "fat" because that is our interpretation of that number and it is being used negatively because that's what that a-hole voice in our head that repeats negative criticism we get is saying. It's not using another word because that's not what that bad voice in your head does.

[@RoKer13]

Exactly, people are trying to say she’s the problem when she’s been a victim just like everyone else. She wanted to say I’ve been there too, and it can change. She isn’t the problem here, it’s beauty standards and the media! And a good amount of *white men*

[@amylouisexo]

I agree wholeheartedly with this. Being called fat by the media in a negative manner, will mean you will see it negatively. Is she not allowed to admit she thought of it in a negative light? I've been a larger girl my whole life and I've been through this. I'm coming around now to accepting myself but it doesn't mean I once didn't think of myself or that word in a negative light.

[@jenb6910]

Exactly how I feel, you are so right. I feel that not allowing Taylor the freedom to express herself is harmful.

[@irinam31]

Can't wait for the "I painted my nails at a Taylor Swift concert" video

[@FrancesBaconandEggs]

YES. Imagine Cristine returning to her main channel just to drop that 😂 But seriously that would be an incredible stream

[@tiasnails3552]

honestly as a huge swiftie this is something i have actually considered doing

[@camilavillarroel6428]

As a big girl myself, i actually felt identify with TS in her video, that it doesn't matter how much your weight change you are always going to feel “fat” or big

[@jasmine-ruff-puff9951]

Same!

[@jenb6910]

Thank you!!

[@gemalem]

Me too! I'm a die hard fan of hers since her first single and wasn't offended in the slightest by it

[@amysteele6540]

I think Taylor should be free to depict her mental struggles freely without having to filter herself because some people might be offended by it. Part of anorexia nervosa is fear of being “fat.” For anorexics, “fat” is a negative, and that’s part of the illness - because it’s an irrational fear.

[@summerrgray]

Well said!

[@RoKer13]

This! Fat is a neutral term at heart but people develop their own interpretations of it depending on their environment. You can’t paint someone as a villain when they actually are the ones getting hurt in this situation. Taylor would probably never share this unless she felt comfortable and overcame her body image views.

[@angelacanedit]

Exactly! These people wouldn't tell someone with depression to just be happy. So why did I see so many fat activists tell people with ED's to "get over" their fear of being fat

[@LiesOnAStick]

Exactly, this is something a lot of people are missing/overlooking !!!

[@Kristenhas3cats]

I find it odd that people think they can tell an artist not to rock the boat or which of their emotions are okay. What is it about TS that makes her okay to control? I think if you tried this with other artists, they'd laugh it off. Artists are SUPPOSED to make you think.

[@paulinadarowska]

I'm in recovery and struggled with ED since I was what? 9 yo? So when I saw her mv, I was like: been there, know your pain. It was a moment when I felt understood. Once you're there, no matter what others say or how you look, you see an illusion and that's it. I think it's clear that she didn't want to insult people, anyways this mv is about her, not about ppl, who are sending hate to Taylor for being honest about her experience 💀 I found her story relatable, others didn't, but now we are at the age when you can't even say the word fat? What?

[@spookyfish24]

Congrats on recovery Paulina!

[@Gr95dc]

Last year I found a couple of pictures from when I was 18-19 (I'm 27 now) and wow, I remember thinking back then that I was soooo fat and when I saw those pictures I look just fine, maybe even a bit skinny, and since I keep struggling with body dysmorphia and eating habits, I just thought "damn, will I ever stop feeling fat when in reality I may be just fine? am I even fat now or is it just my mind?" So I can relate to her and to you and tbh I'm a bit saddened by the edit on the video but I can see that the backlash seem too big to ignore.

[@paulinadarowska]

@@spookyfish24 Thank you so much ❤️

[@paulinadarowska]

@@Gr95dc totally relate to your story, hope it gets better every day ❤️

[@Gr95dc]

@@paulinadarowska thank you dear, hope it continues to get better for you as well

[@Blood0range]

as a currently fat person i interpreted that part of the video as saying “even looking as thin and pretty as Taylor, society will still call you fat” but i can see how some people especially young women would not see that nuance and interpret it differently. Please Ben do a tiktok for “stay at home boyfriend” PLEASE lol

[@zahedah80]

That's 💯 exactly how I interpreted it. Woke culture is out of control.

[@shrutimishra242]

clicked so fast because i need to hear ben's opinion on midnights

[@lolchabs]

same LOL

[@jasmincastillo9100]

MEEEEE TOO LOL

[@ashleybobashly92747299210]

ME TOO 😂 I gotta know

[@babygotbrax]

We all know Ben loves some Taylor Swift!

[@vampedtone]

Exactly me LMFAO

[@KJL1995]

“It’s not about you” this is EXACTLY what I said when I heard about this TS drama. It’s like “how can I make this about me and invalidate someone else’s experiences?”

[@user-cv4nk4tr3b]

I also think that by the internet jumping on her like that it's just reinforcing all the ways in which society blames her for so much and she can't just be a person and just live and express herself.

[@cosodesign8953]

Exactly!

[@shai-like-chai]

Ben saying “yeah I like Taylor Swift :)” at 1:39 was so wholesome 😭🫶🏼

[@Nic-rz3hl]

Ben saying he feels like he's taking crazy pills at the reaction the video, felt so validating to me. Because the word 'fat' it's NOT a dirty word. The way people use it it's how it becomes ugly. Taylor has been open about her ED and her body dysmorphia. The entire video it's about how she sees/saw herself and people just took that scene to dogpile on her feelings, exactly like the press has done to her for years. Every three months she has a tabloid saying she's pregnant because she gained weight or she has a tummy. It's about all her insecurities and how she wenr through it under a global microscope. The video it's about all that, and some people just started polising how she felt and expressed that.

[@Bee_lze_bub]

She used it in the video in a negative context, harm trumps intent. Her intent was good but her word choice was harmful to actual people.

[@cutiepiemania45]

@@Bee_lze_bub Have you seen the music video? Genuine question. The scene depicts a bully version of herself antagonizing her for not fitting a standard set by society. A commentary on social pressures internalized. The negative comes from the social idea that fat is bad. Of course that's false, but it's what a lot of people have been sold. It's a simple scene not that nuanced, but I was still able to grasp that. It's a visual way of saying oh society pressures people to look one way and demonizes fatness as an undesired body.

[@esmeraldagreengate4354]

@@Bee_lze_bub Taylor is an actual person.

[@esmeraldagreengate4354]

@@Bee_lze_bub she used it negatively because that how it was used at her and how she felt subsequently. How should she make that positive and why does she have to mute her feelings about herself but we all get to tell her how she should be feeling.

[@Zurflu]

The big difference between a "Stay at home girlfriend" and a "Stay at home wife" is legal protections... the gf has none, she can be kicked to the curb and suddenly homeless and the bf owes her NOTHING. A wife you can't just leave with nothing.

[@user-cv4nk4tr3b]

Depends on where you live. In Canada you become common law partners after living together with a partner for a period of time (varies by province but I think somewhere in the 6 months to a year range).

[@hf3023]

@@user-cv4nk4tr3b Actually doesn't have the same rights as married couples, as extensively anyway and it varies from province but seems there are some core common law practices. Each person gets to keep what belongs to them and each person is responsible for the payment of their own debts. If an asset is in both names, then the value of that asset is to be equally divided and the couple can decide how to complete this division. It can be handled by one partner “buying” the other out, or the asset can be sold with the proceeds of sale being equally divided. In the event that these laws result in an unfair division, then a partner will need to make a claim to the courts citing “unjust enrichment” Child custody is handled the same as married couples. It's always highly advised to look into your provinces specific requirements and turn to legal aid due to the vague language with common law practices. Edit: Some have a min of 3 years

[@hf3023]

@@ashleybufkin3022 That's blatenly false. Your going to tell me you've individually spoken to every women in that situation? That has happened for centuries and will most likely continue to happen unfortunately. Thank God it is much less common and far harder to so previously but it does happen and has happened to people I've known. Just because people have concerns doesn't mean they are attacking or condemning people who live like that. Do not be so naive to believe every woman or man for that matter puts there trust with one who deserves it.

[@Dandygirl_94]

@@hf3023 you dropped this 👑

[@Zurflu]

@@ashleybufkin3022 it's not legal to kick your wife out of her own house, the husband would have to divorce her leaving both people with separate living arrangements. The bfs of the "Stay at home girlfriends" can just tell her to gtfo of his house, change the locks, and ghost with no legal recourse for her and no court date. You can't legally do that to your wife. To act like there's no difference is being naive for no reason.

[@ninjaahjumma]

Like Ben, I too was a casual fan of Taylor Swift prior to Folklore and Evermore. I liked a few songs from 1989, Reputation, and Lover, but it definitely was Folklore and Evermore that got me hooked. I admit that I was a bit of a hater during her Speak Now and Fearless era, but with the re-records, I’m finding myself liking them as well. I guess growing up is realizing that Taylor Swift is a lyrical genius. I also have to say that I love Ben’s take on the fatphobia issue. As a fat person that has struggled and continues to struggle with the effects of fatphobia, I hate that Taylor is getting hate for effectively speaking her truth in the Anti-Hero music video. The people criticising her because of this, who also effectively forced her to take out that scene in the music video, are invalidating her experiences and her pain. Just because she’s not “fat” in the eyes of many people doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to feel like she is, especially given the fact that she struggles with an ED/body dysmorphia. Taylor’s experiences and feelings are hers, and she should be allowed to express that. Cristine’s comments about being uncomfortable about the fact that we will never really know why she took out the controversial scene, and whether or not she had a choice in that decision or not, is totally relatable. I really hope she did. At the end of the day, Taylor Swift is a person with feelings and fears and insecurities just like everyone else, and I hope people can remember that.

[@pandemonium8276]

I speak personally when I say that "thin people do not have a say on fatphobia issues" I mean that they do not get the right to tell us how to feel or live our experiences. I have been told by thin people how I should feel on situations of discrimination, my self image and other negative experiences. So when the fatphobia subject comes up, no, I personally don't like to hear the input from people who is not familiar with the problematic. Let's look at it from another angle: as a white woman I am NOT in the right to comment how a black woman should feel about how she perceives racism.

[@ninjaahjumma]

@@pandemonium8276 But that's the thing, Taylor Swift never said anything about fatphobia or anything fatphobic at all. She just expressed through her art that, because of her body dysmorphia and ED, she would think of herself as fat REGARDLESS of how she weighed. It was her own experience and her own trauma, and just because she's a celebrity doesn't mean she shouldn't be allowed to do that, inasmuch as other people can talk about their own trauma and issues and be heard. Everyone is apparently allowed to talk about Taylor Swift's body, but she's not allowed to do the same thing? That's just fucked up.

[@pandemonium8276]

@@ninjaahjumma yes, Nina, but a message can be fatphobic without the words or literal message that says "eewww fat people are gross". Taylor can talk about her experiences all she wants, but was it extremely necessary to offend a community of people that have a hard time claiming the word that is used as an insult against them? If I replace the scene with a scale that instead of saying FAT it just spins endlessly, doesn't that deliver the same message? Body dysmorphia? Check! Feeling she's never thin enough? Check! Showing a distorted reality because of an ED? Check! So then why defend so much the use of the word FAT when we haven't been able to claim it back and to stop people from using it negatively against us? Fatphobia is not always something done on purpose. Is internalized in the same way as sexism, racism, transphobia... I'm sure it wasn't in Taylor's mind to offend people. I'm sure that she didn't do that on purpose. But it happened. Is internalized. As Cristine pointed out: you have 2 ways to deliver a message. One is the message and the other is kind of like the jerk version.

[@ninjaahjumma]

@@pandemonium8276 You and everyone criticizing Taylor for this need to touch grass and realize that there are other people in the world apart from you. Stop projecting your issues onto others. She never said that fat people are gross through that scene-that is YOUR (in my opinion overblown) interpretation of it. And no one is defending the word fat. What I, Ben, and many others are defending is Taylor’s right to speak her truth as an artist and as a human being. The fact that you and many others continue to discount and discredit her truth and her pain is frankly disgusting. How would you feel if you expressed your pain and trauma to someone and they just said, “Nah, you don’t have the right to feel like that, it’s offensive to people who are suffering more than you are.”? That is what you’re doing right now. In my opinion, my pain as a fat person is not any more or any less than the pain of my friend who is thin and suffers from body dysmorphia. We’re both entitled to feel and express that pain. And just because Taylor is famous doesn’t mean she’s not entitled to the same.

[@pandemonium8276]

​@@ninjaahjumma So I see that every sentence I wrote was misinterpreted. I'm sorry but: discredited? discount? How? When? Where? I never said that Taylor said "ew fat people is gross", I was trying to make a point that you don't need an EXPLICIT message to hurt someone. Can I quote you on something? "How would you feel if you expressed your pain and trauma to someone and they just said, “Nah, you don’t have the right to feel like that, it’s offensive to people who are suffering more than you are.”? ". To be honest, I feel pretty bad. You did it right here: "You and everyone criticizing Taylor for this need to touch grass and realize that there are other people in the world apart from you. Stop projecting your issues onto others." It's funny how (and I speak for me and people who took the same aproach) we just said: "woa, this kind of hurts my feelings. There's other ways to deliver the same message", but Taylor fans started yelling back at us that we should feel in some specific way because nobody should tell her how she should feel. Does the irony still escape you? It gets worse if you get to carefully read my words without the Taylor Fan Goggles and realize I JUST SAID: "I believe there's better ways to deliver the exact same message". Not cover it, not censor it, nothing. The same exact message, just... less offensive to people who might not have their triggers all figured out yet. It gets FUNNIER if you think about the fact that she still hasn't said why she took it down! So all of these "you pleople discredit, discount her pain, she cannot speak her truth", it's just all a theory that is saying how she is feeling. But isn't that what you are telling us not to do? To tell her how she should feel? But aren't you saying how she's feeling? For all we know, she really understood is still painful for some of us, that it can be triggering, and realized she should come up with a better message. We just don't know... So let me wrap up these whole cacerole of irony: you are telling me how to feel about something that triggers me, because you don't want me to tell Taylor how she should feel (despite the fact that I didn't do that), because she's feeling discredited and that her pain is discounted (despite the fact that she didn't said so).

[@oliviawilson495]

Thank you both for having such a civilized discussion about this. One thing about the song "Anti-Hero" is that I think Taylor Swift is not trying to be sarcastic. She has said that this song is the most she's ever delved into her insecurities so I think that on some level, even if she knows it's not logical, she genuinely believes that she is the problem - that she hates the way she looks and can't even stand to look in the mirror and that people leave her but it's her fault because she drives them away. Even the bridge, which comes across as humorous at surface level (and in the music video she definitely leans into this by making it over the top), represents the fear that the people in her life are only with her for her money and status, which I'm sure for certain people in her life has proven to be true. And maybe it is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy - to continue with the bridge's metaphor, she is purposely keeping her family out of the will because she thinks they don't truly love her, but this is causing her to push them away while she's alive and thus they start to harbour negative feelings towards her, leading to her potential murder... anyways I like this song because it's such a bop but at the same time it really makes me think about what it must be like to be in Taylor Swift's shoes. Also, it really annoys me how a lot of fans assume they know who Taylor is writing about, like everyone speculating that Midnight Rain is about Tom Hiddleston based off a photo of them holding hands at a cafe! and he proposed but she said no! and he's such a nice guy! unlike Jake Gyllenhaal! It's insane to me that they draw conclusions like this even though the song gives no specific details towards who it's about.

[@calypsoooooooo]

Thank you for this comment. It is important to realize that she has specifically stated that this song is about her very real insecurities and the video is often a self-critical look at the fact that her insecurities do not reflect reality. The way she sees herself is damaging and toxic, and that's what the song and video are about.

[@bookadictedlola]

100% agree, i don't interpret it as sarcastic. It's more like a song about her intrusive thoughts and the inner monologue when you struggle with some of the things Ben and your comment touched on: being in the spotlight, negative media coverage, not knowing if relationships are genuine or due to fame, and aging out of the genre/not being relevant

[@miorany]

im fat literally (weight 250+ lb at 5'4) I didn't think it was a jab at fat ppl at all. Doesn't rly look like it's that deep at all And like ben said it's not about me or you it's about HER experience tbh. And she's allowed to express herself however she wants

[@miniciominiciominicio]

Agreed as someone slightly shorter and not-so-slightly heavier. Seeing it for myself I just was sad for her. I didn’t take offense at all. Like Ben shared, once fat always fat (in mindset) and a constant struggle. Gaining or losing weight doesn’t matter. I’ve successfully lost weight in the recent past but I look at myself in the mirror and I saw the same fat woman who used to weigh 100lbs more.

[@melaniem948]

I think that someone who is suffering from an ED minimizing their struggle to make others feel comfortable reinforces the idea that their ED is less than and that ED is less than. While I do agree that there are better ways to deconstruct this conversation I don’t think we need to pressure anyone into having it if all they are able to share is what they’ve been called for years and years

[@theyoutubeanalyst3731]

That scene in Taylor's video really spoke to me. I felt exactly like that, like the scale wasn't showing me numbers anymore, but the clear message that I was fat, no matter the number, and that being fat was a bad thing, a terrible thing. Seeing Taylor fight with that made me feel seen.

[@kaylahaverty8683]

As a fat person I seriously don’t care about the Taylor situation, it’s kind of insane how upset people got. I definitely didn’t take it as fat = bad I took it as it doesn’t matter what she weighs the tabloids will always call her fat! also not everybody wants to be fat it doesn’t mean they think I’m gross and ugly just because I AM fat. I’m sad that she was bullied to the point of changing it.

[@courtneybultman]

I am currently very overweight, and working on getting healthier (not skinnier), and I absolutely agree with Ben. I feel like a crazy person seeing the reaction to this video. I felt like that scene in the video connected to me so well because I've felt like that for a lot of my life and to see someone like Taylor expressing that she's felt the same way made me feel seen and also points out how ridiculous feeling negative about being "fat" is and how EDs and body dismorphia dont make logical sense to people who dont struggle with them. Because Taylor IS objectively beautiful so the fact that she has had that experience where being called fat or feeling like she was fat has made her feel negative about herself is crazy to some people. So we should stop getting hung up on that word and stop trying to use it as a negative because fat ≠ ugly or not beautiful. You can feel or be fat and still be beautiful. It's all objective. So I not only didn't feel negatively or hurt by her video I felt empowered by it. And also I agree with Ben that the backlash feels very much like policing EDs and body dismorphia conversations to eliminate people who some feel are too pretty or thin so they can't have those issues and I feel very gross about that point.

[@SpicyGluten]

I just wanted to ask to see if I understood correctly, didn't you mean subjective?

[@catferreira5598]

@@SpicyGluten In this case objectively fits: it means that it's widely recognised as such, not really something that's up for debate because it's not an emotional response, but s fact.

[@lynnevetter]

I think Taylor including that scene does help. It helps people feel seen, feel not alone and not just people that are Taylor's size that have body image issues. I've seen comments from people declairing proudly that they are plus size, but that they not only approved of Taylor's message, but that it helped them feel better inside.

[@coleycoles]

10000% Ben gets it on the Anti-hero controversy. The way TS portrayed it is exactly how many of us with ED have experienced it. You have to allow her to express how she felt. You're expecting hr to use her words differenly than how she felt them.

[@Maria-tm8jg]

This world would be a better place if fans were as level headed as Ben

[@irinaotepko3441]

The irony is that in a song where she says no matter what she does, how she looks and what she says she's always claimed to be wrong, not this enough, not that enough, she has been bullied into doing something she didn't intend to do...yet again...)

[@angelacanedit]

"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills seeing the reaction to this video" LITERALLY ME

[@beLIEver31415]

:) Agreed!!

[@JuliHoffman]

Same! Plus, TS is literally looking over TS's shoulder, shaking her head in disapproval. She's judging herself, not someone else in the video. The chorus is, "It's me. Hi. I'm the problem. It's me." She's the anti-hero. It's one of my favorite songs on the album because I relate to it so much.

[@esmeraldagreengate4354]

All these people are just proving her point really.

[@Rin-ef2tp]

I don’t understand why she can’t talk about how others have judged her own body without it needing full nuance and context at every point. There is nuance in her album and in lots of other parts of her work so why in a short video does she have to be perfect for everyone else?

[@InsaneCake]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@rpaperson]

Im not a huge TS fan, but this “controversy” is entirely based on her looks, because if Lizzo did the same thing, people would’ve celebrated her. The word fat is often weaponized and is something we are told is bad. So it makes perfect sense that someone who is struggling with their body image would look at a scale and just see that they’re fat, they’ve gained etc. And the majority of people in recovery can relate to that moment. That moment that you look down and just see fat. But because she is not what we view as fat, people are acting like she’s not allowed to share in the struggle of societal expectations.

[@peacechickification]

The difference is that Lizzo *is* fat, and Taylor isn’t. It’s only ever been a threat or an insult, and that’s why it’s different. Also, has Lizzo ever done it? Or something like that? No. And it’s for a reason. She embraces her size, she doesn’t stigmatize the word fat which is what Taylor’s perpetuating.

[@RoKer13]

@@peacechickification Taylor is retroactively communicating how she saw the word “fat” when she was dealing with her body image issues. She is not saying that is how she uses that word now. And this is the problem with people interpreting things. She’s not bullying people who see themselves as “fat.” I know people when you look at them they look “skinny” but they tell me that they think they still need to lose weight. Like they step on the scale and see “fat” like Taylor does. You don’t have to look fat to “feel fat.” We’re pitting women against women when the problem is the media and patriarchy.

[@gothicxromantic]

I agree with everything you said about Taylor, but Lizzo gets hate for literally everything she does. She breathes and people on Twitter are mad about it.

[@Kaeracter]

@@peacechickification You missed the point of the scene. The point is that she isn't fat, but she gets told she is (either by other people or her own brain). She isn't the one perpetuating the damage of fatphobia, the public is.

[@J0IJ0IJ0I]

I see what you’re saying and I agree for the most part, though let’s bffr. Lizzo gets hate for breathing. Let’s not compare them specifically.

[@alishac5096]

I love how this conversation went. I do wish Taylor hadn’t had to edit the music video, I understand why they decided to but body dysmorphia eating disorders and fat phobia/ ableism are important topics. I adore you both, and the fact that you’re not afraid to speak about the Menchie in the room. ❤

[@andreacthelawyertrainee]

totally agree, there also seems to be a lack of knowledge that eating disorders do not always mean anorexia/bulimia and overly skinny people.

[@Angryoyster]

As someone with horrific body dysmorphia and other EDs I actually found the scene very relatable and helpful. It brought me to tears because it just showed that there are so many other people who felt like me. Like Ben I too was very overweight at one point in my life and even though I lost the weight every time I step on the scale I will never feel good about myself. I will always feel fat. I hope my word vomit kinda make sense, and people can understand where I’m coming from. Growing up I never cared to know whom Taylor’s songs are about. Now I obviously know because of the internet, but it also doesn’t really matter to. As Ben said her songs are relatable and they bring out emotions in us.

[@lilyt7868]

to add my two cents: I’ve struggled with an eating disorder and i felt a similar thing to what she showed in the video. Stepping on a scale and not seeing my real weight, only the weight i felt like i needed to lose. I agree with the criticism of using the word “fat” but i also completely understand Taylor’s meaning in the video. There’s no word that describes the way having an eating disorder makes you feel about your body, so we result to using the closest word we can: fat. Another thing to bring up is that Taylor Swift was a teenager in the 2000s when fat definitely was a bad word. I know that hearing all of the bad things said using the word “fat” affected me, so I’m guessing it affected Taylor too

[@emmasoda100]

I agree 100%, well said

[@sviolet892]

Wow, I feel like Ben really opened up and shared some sensitive personal feelings in this podcast! It's great hearing your guys thoughts as always❤❤❤

[@SpidersInHerPockets]

The more I’ve got to hear from Ben since this podcast the more and more I like him. He’s level headed, intelligent but simultaneously doesn’t take himself too seriously. So glad he started streaming. Wish he had his own podcast too!

[@legok6037]

I feel like the difference between being a stay at home girlfriend vs. being on vacation is that once you choose to be basically your partner's caregiver and that's it, you kind of lose your independence and ability to make decisions for yourself. Like Christine said, the problem is not having a backup plan - you can get kind of stuck in that situations

[@lizalove91]

As someone who spends a lot of time on TikTok I once stumbled on the stay at home gf community (oh and it IS a community). It was actually terrifying because there was A LOT of sugar daddy type scenarios with men old enough to be the father of VERY young girls who’d just turned 18 or 19. It seems like a super dangerous thing because other young girls absolutely idolize them. They can become completely dependent and lose their whole life with no school or job and it makes me so scared for them and for the girls who look up to them. I’ve been stuck in an abusive relationship and you never know when or if it will turn or for any reason and you’ll need your independence and not to be reliant. A lot of these men are predatory. NOW if you’re much older and more independent fine. But that huge age gap and 19 year old girls scares me

[@Gr95dc]

Oh damn, hearing them talk about this topic is the first time I'm hearing about this and now reading your comment I'm just finding out there's a whole community? Uff. It definitely sounds like a recipe for young women to enter potentially abusive relationships just to live the "lifestyle" and it is scary. One of the reasons I don't plan on ever stop working for my own independence, is that constant fear of not knowing when you may be entering a relationship that can turn abusive, and I wouldn't have a way to escape without having my own money (since I also have no family or friends I can rely on). Last year my bf offered me the option of being a "stay at home gf" after being laid off from a horrible job, but even tho it was very tempting, after thinking about the worst case scenario I decided that wasn't for me, and tbh I'm really happy with that decision even tho I'm still with my bf and he's pretty great.

[@chelseal654]

@@Gr95dc even if you wind up with a supportive and loving partner, something bad could happen to them. If you have kids, you’re going to need to be able to support them. That was always my philosophy, life happens and I’m determined to keep up my skills so that if I ever have to take care of my husband and future kids, we’ll be ok.

[@lizalove91]

@@Gr95dc totally! Also even now my husband is a lovely man and I’m not worried about abuse but anything could happen. He could get very ill or worse or I could or he could lose his job, and I also just need fulfillment in my life and something to do on a daily basis lol.

[@Gr95dc]

@@lizalove91 exactly!! Our partners could get very ill or even get in an accident and suddenly die. Life is unpredictable and I like being able to have myself if/when everything goes south.

[@Priya-ti4fe]

Ben being a folklore and evermore swiftie makes so much sense.

[@proxymoxie7882]

Taylor is expressing her experience through that phrasing and imagery, and to expect that to change is telling her to deny how those things made her feel. Maybe there could have been another way to say it that is more palatable, but then it isn't genuine. And the people feeling upset should recognize that they are walking hand in hand with Taylor and how those experiences impacted her. Thank you Ben for sharing your experience. To her songs being about relationships a lot. What is she going to write about, if not her own experiences, life, and what mattered most to her?

[@sheren_b]

the more i've thought about it the more i end up siding with Ben esp in that "its not about You" bc i think taylor should be allowed to express her experiences bc she can write from a place that she knows well, folklore and evermore illustrated she can write from the perspective of other ppl but even then its usually things and experiences she can relate to. i think also we have to keep in mind its a music video with a very obvious plot of taylor being her own worst enemy and facing Her Own insecurities so everything has to have a very simple and straightforward interpretation, tho obviously with the removal of the scene they still are able to convey the same meaning i think it was just unnecessary to move a few frames bc it lacked nuance, its a music video not a documentary, its about her psyche, esp since all of midnights is about her feelings and thoughts she has in the late night hours, and i think we can all relate to having the thought spirals at night that include things that might be problematic to other people, but its not about others its about yourself and what society makes you feel. i also think this is like the person on twitter that tweeted about sitting in the garden with her husband and ppl on twitter coming at her bc saying that was somehow demeaning to people that dont have that. we're in this weird space where we kind of have to apologize for the sake of others for just living and expressing experiences other people dont have, theres a difference between being empathetic and people being bitter. also it really bothers me that cristine clearly hasnt seen the scene to fully understand the context and i think she should have at least watched it in order to be able to talk to ben on the same level. she can still argue against the scene but she shouldve seen it to fully understand what theyre talking about rather than people's bad faith criticisms

[@gutterfiend]

For real, i feel like even if they did that with tact and censorship the first time, it would still be misconstrued. People on the internet so love to be the main character, even if it was someone else's story being told. It's okay to resonate with her story anyway, just understand that it was what she had gone through.

[@teresaa8401]

I completely agree I wish Cristine had watched the video and listened to the song. She clearly showed she isn't a fan which is fine but at least watch it and then give your opinion.

[@shrutimishra242]

i agree with ben's argument about the fatphobia issue. while the scene could have been portrayed in a better way like Cristine said, I don't think it was intended to be malicious but to represent her experience. I like the edited version of the video tbh, but I agree that the intention was to condemn, not to enforce.

[@straberryshinigami15g97]

It’s very different when you yourself are fat. As a fat person, I totally can see how this is harmful . I don’t really appreciate bens take because he himself is not fat

[@LO42191990]

​@@straberryshinigami15g97 But Ben has been a fat person in his life. He talks about this. He knows from experience what it feels like to be fat, but because he's not fat right now, his opinion isn't valid? That doesn't seem right. I'm also a former fat person and I'm very much pro body neutrality. And I agree with Ben that this was blown out of proportion. The intent was condemning a society that judges you for your body and demonizes fat people and weaponizes fatphobia against literally everyone. We are all victims of it and we also all perpetuate it in some way. It's okay to be offended, triggered, hurt by the scene. But you can't condemn TS for telling her story. You condemn the society that made her feel that way enough to put it in a video.

[@straberryshinigami15g97]

@@LO42191990 Your'e right- he used to be fat, which is why it's important to talk about how he navigates the world right now vs. when he was a fat person, because now he doesn't have to deal with fatphobia.

[@michellem2926]

Intent does not negate impact :)

[@straberryshinigami15g97]

@@michellem2926 exactly. even if taylor didn't intend for it to come out like this, for many fat people just as myself its just another "fat=bad" thing, which we're tired of.

[@bennyivan4988]

Here for Ben's Taylor swift Midnights album review 🤣😭

[@LilithJenovax]

I appreciate both of your perspectives so much, always. I do think a lot of people who have never had an eating disorder may not realize the impact that a word like "fat" may have in someone's head. It isn't rational, but that's part of the disorder.

[@reyalsfoswodahs]

Taylor’s past relationships being so public and in-your-face definitely built a type of parasocial relationship where her fans (me included) feel like she is giving them the backstory/story of her relationships through her music. She branded herself so well that she genuinely feels like a friend - from secret sessions at her house, VIP surprises for fans, etc... People want to know what happened between her and John Mayer and Joe Jonas and Jake Gyllenhaal because she is a friend. People are invested. She also puts so many Easter eggs and stuff in everything she does that she kinda encourages people to hunt for information and try to make connections. Taylor references so many exact moments in her music that fans can find photo evidence of that it is hard not to be invested.

[@thebauerlinatorrr]

In her first albums the lyric booetss with the CDs had hints as to who the songs were about so I think fans have just extrapolated that taylor almost wants them to know who it is

[@reyalsfoswodahs]

@@thebauerlinatorrr Yep. That too! And, to my knowledge, she has never really asked people to stop trying to figure out who her songs are about. It’s kinda the fun of an album release, honestly. Writing this out does make it seem weird, but I’m invested… 😂

[@cc1526]

I personally feel like Taylor Swift enjoys giving her fans little clues about who the songs are about. Like, back in the day, she used to be waaaay more transparent and used names (I.e. dear John). As she got bigger, the media became so unbearable about it (they turned it from a “private” discussion she was having with her fans who, yes I agree, she looks at almost like friends, into a huge media circus where everyone, including her haters, got to take part in the convo. I think that kimye phone call situation was the last straw - she went into hiding, kept her relationship with Joe very private, and limited comments on her socials while also limiting what she shared on there. The only way she really shares about her life and relationships now is through her songs and I honestly think she misses having that relationship with the fans back when she wasn’t so mega popular. So now she drops hints in her songs that only her true fans can piece together and figure out. I just honestly believe she does it on purpose. Like *why* would she include the line “I never would’ve danced with the devil at 19” if she didn’t want us to connect it to dear John. She could’ve replaced that lyric with anything, she could’ve said “just a teen” or anything else to keep it ambiguous, but no, she said “at 19” and then made it track 19 to drive it home. You just cannot tell me that Taylor Swift went through all the work to put those Easter eggs in there to then get mad at us for piecing it together and figuring it out. I think she draws the line at discussing it further with us. Like for instance, when those fans asked her if she ever got the scarf back during that one show, she kinda got an attitude and told them to stop. She doesn’t want to discuss those matters publicly anymore. *But* in the All too well music video, it showed the male main character wearing the scarf still at the end, so we can infer she never got it back. I don’t think she minds us reading into stuff like that, since she puts Easter eggs in there all the time. But she does draw the line at discussing those things because she wants the conversation to be about her art, not her exes. So to me, I think she’s okay with us inferring things from her art and discussing it with other swifties, but she’s shared all she wants to share in her songs and doesn’t want us or the media asking for clarification. That’s my hot take on it.

[@reyalsfoswodahs]

@@cc1526 This is so well stated and I absolutely agree with everything you’ve said!

[@greenbean381]

re the stay at home girlfriend thing: if she doesn't have her own money and currently has no job as a whole ass adult, what happens if they break up? if he suddenly starts treating her like shit and she doesn't want to put up with it anymore? or if something horrible happens to him and she's left on her own? without being married, she's left with absolutely nothing. If you're going to be a stay at home partner, you need to at LEAST have the financial security of marriage so if anything happens you aren't left shit broke.

[@greenbean381]

after looking her up, she's an "influencer" so financially she's probably doing just fine. 🤷🏼‍♀ she should maybe get some hobbies besides obsessing over social media but that's on her lolz

[@kkulgang89]

I think Cristine's argument for this ts's mv is the first time I got why someone would be opposed to this. Also, being respectful in disagreeing is not as easy as Cristine and Ben make it seem.. at certain point, people get snarky and passive-aggressive and it becomes annoying. So thank you for showing us how to respectfully disagree ! :)

[@Amy-si3un]

“I was very overweight and I hated myself about it.” I think this speaks to the core issue of fat phobia as Ben himself expresses self disdain at being “overweight”. It reinforces that fat is bad and that is what marginalized people are fighting against. Similarly, Taylor isn’t “objectively fat” though her body image issues are real and damaging, but it still reinforces that “objectively fat” is or would be bad. Fat doesn’t equal bad or unhealthy.

[@kristinhall5975]

I agree. Impact is more important than intent! People were hurt by this. Anti-fat bias has real consequences. It literally kills people. Read Aubrey Gordon's books or listen to her podcast. Read "Fearing the Black Body" or any number of other books/articles. This has become another situation of silencing marginalized voices. I love TS and am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's absolutely valid for her to express her struggles. That still doesn't mean it can't be harmful.

[@coopernat1]

Yes! Taylor is agreeing that it’s bad that she feels this way. That body dysmorphia is fucked up and exhausting and don’t we all agree with that? She’s said in her documentary that she’s had to train herself out of that way of thinking and the video shows the alternate Taylor egging her on to do more destructive things, bringing it back to her being her own worse enemy

[@TheCoolCookieKitchen]

I’m so glad that you finally spoke up about this Cristine because I feel like over the last six months I can tell that you are struggling so much to express your thoughts but at the same time be respectful to everybody and not started backlash. You’re allowed to have your opinions. You are always nice about it.

[@rholou]

A good discussion on the fatphobia issue - I think I interpreted that scene as I hope she intended it (self sabotage and your inner voice telling you that nothing is right) but I understand why people were upset. I actually think the edit she made is better because you can interpet it as "no matter what size you are people will find something to criticise". In her miss Americana documentary she talks about how if you're as skinny as everyone wants you to be, they go on about how you don't have an ass or boobs but if you do have those things they speculate that you're pregnant because you don't have a perfectly flat stomach. I think the edited version portrays this idea a lot better than the word "fat" on a scale. I think ultimately the way she expressed it originally didn't land and I can understand people finding it offensive or regressive, when there are artists out there who promote body positivity.

[@NikkiLove9022]

I have body dysmorphia and struggled with ED since I was a kid. Yes, a KID. It's something I still struggle with to this day, and I'm 32. I look back at when I was thin and wish I looked that way again, but thinking back to when I was thin, I ALWAYS said I could be thinner. I could lose more weight. I'm never satisfied with how I look no matter what, and that is an incredibly scary thought. I feel bad that Taylor couldn't express how she felt, because it's actually a real struggle and is incredibly difficult and scary. I agree with Ben on this.

[@Inessss_]

I had no idea Ben was a Taylor Swift's fan but I find that so amazing! Fellow TS lover here!

[@Katie-kz7zw]

I actually get so excited every week for simplypodlogical

[@ValentinaCastillo-nb5gb]

YESSSS I need a simply goes to the Taylor Swift Eras Tour video

[@jodielarson1530]

PLEASE... The stay-at-home boyfriend TikTok idea is so fabulous. I would love to see it!!

[@ksch1177]

YIKES, I really hoped I would finish cleaning the kitchen while listening to your podcast, but then I was just listening and not cleaning Also, pleeeease, make this Stay-at-home-boyfriend parody and put it on youtube, I was laughing so hard when you pitched the idea!

[@elizpalm]

I would actually join ticktock if Ben did a #stayathomeboyfriend parody.

[@daniellebrissing9485]

I read somewhere (not KZbin) an amazing commentary on "triggers" and they mentioned that green jello was a trigger for them. In their original post they mentioned this. Then people commented to them under the post that they were mocking triggers and how could the OP make light of people's struggles. In a follow-up post the OP explained their green jello trigger and related it back to a long stay in the hospital for them. They had to explain to others not only their own triggers but why judging someone's triggers is not ok (and you're not entitled to someone's reasons for their triggers). With that being said, to hopefully find a parallel, what happened with Taylor (my interpretation) is she shared something she struggles with (or struggled with) and people said, "no, you can't struggle in that way because *reasons*" and people seemed to come down on her hard about it. So hard that she had to change her music video about it. How she expresses how her trigger or problem manifests had to be changed. She was told again, "fine you can feel that way but not express it that way." And I enjoyed the way Christine and Ben discussed this but I will say during Christine's explanation of Tubbo (is that the name of the artist? I'm so sorry) how that artist expressed herself in a song about her own ED and how thoughtful and empathetic it was. But that too can be interpreted as a policing of how Taylor did it. Yes. Could she have been more empathetic? Sure. But should she have been? I don't know. I think I err on the side of, Taylor is allowed to express herself as she wants and shouldn't have to change because someone can't manage their own "triggers." It again leads back to, "Taylor should KNOW she can't use those words, or imagery, or whatever" and "she's not allowed to be messy." Almost as if because of her position of power and fame even her "breakdown" has to be beautiful. I love the way the two of you discuss topics. It seems to always come from a place of understanding and wanting to understand. I do apologize for the essay (I just heard that part of the podcast and said to myself "YIKES Danielle"). Lol. But seriously you guys are awesome and I appreciate what you put out into the world.

[@apoorva1637]

25:00 Two artists can approach the same topic in two different ways. I think thats the beauty of art. It is subjective.

[@vaaance710]

My reaction to the stay at home girlfriend is just: none of my business. I don't know why there is a discussion about that on the Internet at all 😂😂

[@romanabeg7601]

If you pull on that thread a whole lot of unnecessary discourse goes away!

[@s13q]

Gatekeeping hating yourself is a new low for the internet

[@slightlycrummy]

Yikes 😬 I can't believe that I almost forgot it was taco Tuesday. I'm glad you both put yourselves out there and have these discussions. I can't believe the fear of the million different ways something can be interpreted. I think it all comes down to the general good faith levels of the argument. Even if something doesn't sound like it's worded the "right way," as long as the conversation isn't obnoxious and rude and is actually thoughtful, I don't think it warrants outage.

[@crystalising]

Yikes! I was looking for a comment that starts with yikes 😂

[@clairewillow6475]

People love to be outraged it’s so obnoxious 😅

[@Gaby-lk5mo]

i would have never thought her video was offensive. to me, it is the exact mentality of one who has recovered and is able to look back on and comprehend what happened. the backlash, from my point of view, was from people who have not been through that and are not able to sympathize or don’t want to hear the other side. i really really appreciated her video because that is the exact same thing i went through and i also look back at that time and see that i did that too!

[@alannahconnollylynch]

My biggest takeaway from the 'stay at home partner' thing is the lack of security... Like you're not generating your own income, you're not gaining any work experience all while not having a marriage and maybe a pre/postnuptial agreement to 'fall back on' should there be a separation, cheating, financial abuse, etc, if things go south and you're in court. No matter your opinion of traditional relationships, assuming those roles without a signed marriage certificate, in the least, is too risky for the stay at home partner, let alone the other issues that arise like the lack of fulfillment, etc Edit: just want to clarify, I'd wholeheartedly agree to live in this type of relationship, as either the stay at home or working partner, but please be careful when trusting your freedoms and choices to another person, even if you love them

[@riss337]

Anytime she wants to buy something, it will have to be approved by him. They can be communicative and do everything to have a healthy relationship but the financial dependency and being so young really sets this up to becoming an unbalanced relationship. It’s fine to want this lifestyle but she likely has nothing to fall back on if things go bad.

[@paulasiemek]

Interesting chat! I started it agreeing with Simply and worrying that Taylor could have been reinforcing fat phobia in the society, but I must say Ben said a lot of really insightful stuff and now I just wish that people were more compassionate in general (myself included)

[@jsaunders2152]

I was actually so surprised to learn that Ben listens to and likes Taylor Swift! And I agree with Ben whole heartedly with his opinion on the 'fat' issue in the music video and the online reactions.

[@janettorres1412]

Im always waiting to listen to these on the way to Uni. Best part of my day. Thanks Ben and Cristine !

[@classycassiej]

What's hurt about the scale scene is that I am a morbidly obese person (I've lost 100lbs and am still in this category) and so many of my friends have come to me for my take on it. Most are seeking validation and some are using it as an entry into verbalizing how wrong they feel my body/lifestyle is. People (of whatever categories) should never be a source of info for their friends unless they choose to share on their own. I can't imagine how people in other protected categories feel after just having had a taste of this now. The thing is, I don't feel people should come for Taylor Swift so hard for this. It's commentary on her struggle with dysmorphia and it's fair and an issue ALL people can struggle with this. It's also in a media that doesn't lend itself to long format discussion. This is seconds in video used to get a point across about her internal self-sabotage. I think this scene accomplished that in a pointed way that mirrored the severity Swift places on herself. Also, I took this scene as a comment about Hollywood culture in general. It feels like, by media standards, you can NEVER be thin enough. I can understand people feeling hurt that someone in swift's body could be considered fat, but that's a truth in a way - a painful one, at that. For me, I have not gotten to a point where I've accepted my body as it is. There is not a number on the scale that I think I could read and not feel like it just says fat. Things hurt regardless of intention though when you're in a specific struggle. For example, sometimes jokes about too much hummus and how unhealthy not having more balance in diet can be painful to a person struggling even when KNOWING it's not a comment on anyone else. That can be internalized and taken like "while dang even this healthier habit I'm trying to grow isn't good enough to other people I look up to." I feel like that's what happened here with people in pain feeling like that goalpost shifted on them. Swift's shared her story about her struggle and I feel like it's gross people have silenced her because she doesn't meet some cutoff for who can comment on weight struggles.

[@cryptidsunflower]

This was a great episode! I love how you handled these heavier topics with so much grace and respect! And I agree, these are conversations we need to be having and we need to be coming into them from a place of understanding ❤️ Also, Cristine, your hair looks so cute styled like that!

[@juali222]

This was a great episode! I totally like your takes on the 2 topics and can relate to the not wanting to hurt people part

[@alenunya]

I really loved the way you two were arguing! Well, more like debating. Very calm and respectful conversation

[@annalise_]

love this ep and appreciate all of the opinions you shared!!! unrelated to the discussion but relevant--i actually know kendel (stay at home girlfriend) because we used to have the same modeling agency and manager. she has modeled since she was a baby, and she also does onlyfans. i've collaborated with her on onlyfans and know firsthand that she spends hours doing messages and creating content, so i think the huge chunk of info left out of the discourse i've seen is that she isn't JUST a stay-at-home girlfriend. she didn't include any of that in her tiktok (i don't think?) so my assumption is that she knew she was going to get a good response and potentially go viral. anyway--just wanted to say that in this specific situation, ironically she does work a lot and has made millions herself

[@mariavasquez6714]

I was looking for this comment bc I've followed Kendel for years and know she has been a successful influencer ??? (I follow you too Annalise lol I remember when you both were models for Rockstar!) so I think either she was just showing one day in her life that she didn't happen to work much, or she wanted to cause a bit of a stir. Either way, even if she wasn't an influencer I think she probably finds fulfillment in what shes doing

[@lestranged]

Thanks for the additional info. I get the feeling most of these SAHG tiktoks are made by influencers and that actually *is* a job. Filming and editing videos is a lot of work, monitoring their social media many hours a day, this is a WORK from home lifestyle but it generated more attention to play it like she just had mindless leisure time all day.

[@waleskanunez5687]

I love you for doing this. Such a beautiful way to touch these topics. Both o you: YOU ARE AMAZING!

[@miniciominiciominicio]

Commenting just to show support for a “Day in the Life of a Stay-at-Home Boyfriend” tik tok by Beeeeeeeeeeyn. Truly, the potential to become a masterpiece.

[@yunzhang864]

I was also overweight for most of my teenage years. And I really think that making people not use the word "fat" couldn't be further from the solution to this problem. It's much easier to accept the word and change your own opinion like "Yeah I'm fat but I'm still beautiful so what" than trying to police how every other people speak 🙊

[@ShinTraci9684]

Although I agree with Cris that Taylor's use of the word fat does make seen in a negative light, sometimes the simpler explanation is the best explanation. If I was a 13 year-old and knew how society works, then I would interpret it on an elementary level just because it would convey the message much easier to a large audience.

[@JuMixBoox]

The "What are you doing?" hit me hard. I am currently unemployed and have grown to hate that we define ourselves through our roles in productivity. I am not a student anymore, and I am not a journalist anymore. So what am I? But I genuinely couldn't be doing anything more than I currently am. I am careful with labels like disabled and think they can definitely do good or do bad, but some people are busy enough with maintaining their lives on their own, without an added job of any kind. I sometimes also believe that that environment, where there is nothing occupying you and the pressure to sustain yourself or have a next step set up is lifted, is a good way to discover your actual passion and gain fulfillment freely. I know that's romanticised and am very aware that in real life becoming dependant on others (partners, parents, the state etc) always comes with risks and conditions, but I can definitely dream.

[@Peacenluv.c]

I love the way you two go back and forth.

[@Nintenda_]

I’m SO grateful that you also dislike people trying to connect the TS songs to the exes, Ben. Just this morning on the way to work, I was listening to Midnights with my husband (Midnight Rain, specifically, if you care) and he asked me, “Oh, this song must be about Taylor Lautner, right?” 😂 The same as you, Ben, I told him, “I don’t care who she wrote this song about. You know who this song is about? It’s about me! 😭” Hahaha! But seriously, I’m a relatively new TS fan and I really enjoy sharing that information with people and it really gets a rise out of a lot of people. They ask what I love so much and, again, just as you said, her songs are perfectly relateable. Every one of her songs is a representation of me at various moments in my life. She constantly reinvents herself, which means she has a song for every mood I find myself in. I say, I’ve lived a parallel life to her and people who don’t know her music laugh, but it’s true. She has a way of articulating the human experience that is unrivaled. That’s all 😊 Thanks for reading ❤

[@AlwaysYulissa]

I think the difference between people obsessing over who Taylor's songs are about, and not doing the same with other singers is that Taylor famously writes her own songs. Shes made it part of her brand that she writes about her own life. And a lot of other singers arent even writing their own songs. So fans cant investigate those in the same way. (Huge swiftie btw, im so excited yall are making an episode about this)

[@pandemonium8276]

Mmhh I think it's more related to the fact that Taylor has been known for being an asshole to other people. So people criticize back. Billie Eilish writes her own lyrics and I don't see her generating controversy or hurting people's feelings :P.

[@k.laborin-pearl]

Ommggg Beyn having Bigger Than The Whole Sky being in his top three is SO WHOLESOME Literally my most emotional song from the album. It’s so important that it was released in miscarriage awareness month too

[@mariahmf]

yikes… some great points were made in this podcast. really respectful and great discussions! that’s really why I love listening to simplypod that even when they feel like they don’t apply to the situation they approach it with caution trying to put themselves on the other’s shoes and being very empathetic. thanks for being awesome!

[@whalbi2816]

These podcasts always make me able to focus whilst working from home!

[@celinay]

About the use of the word Fat, Being a gymnast at a young age made me relate to what taylor was trying to portray... like I was skinny and always teetering between underweight and "on target" but because I had bigger legs and not a flat stomach like the rest of my team/competitors did, all I saw was "Fat" and looking back ik that was super delusional, but it was still something I went through and it's not a shade at anyone who is plus sized. It's just the immense amount of pressure people are put under to look a certain way in any performance industry that can make you feel like no matter what you do, you'll never fit that standard. It's not about being fat, it's about not being "enough." And she's trying to showcase just how crazy these pressures are. Idk I'm only a casual taylor listener too, but when I first saw the video that's where my mind went. Love the podcast btw 💙

[@annabarranco3891]

I just wanted to say that this podcast, not just this episode but the SimplyPodlogical Podcast as a whole, is one of the BEST KZbin podcasts! Both Cristine and Ben have made every episode extremely accessible for someone to follow along if they are or aren’t watching the video. Context of topics is always given and descriptions of visual elements are spoken so that Apple Podcast/Spotify users understand the visual nuances going on. Just wanted to say thank you for always having a high quality and fantastic podcast!!

[@libertylovesnails]

Cristine I’ve always admired how respectful you are, know that it’s recognized! Thank you for another episode y’all!

[@Astoria88]

Beyynn please make the male version of the stay at home girlfriend!! 😅 Cristine: “then i brushed the cat for 30minutes” Ben: “ I’m allergic to the cat” That had me rollingggg🤣🤣🤣

[@nocturnalizzie]

My perspective as a stay-at-home wife - I feel grateful to be able to be in this position; it's working out well for our circumstances. I know not everyone would want to live like this but I do personally feel satisfied with my life. Housework doesn't take the full day to take care of so I find other ways to stay busy like baking, reading, learning a language, and doing nail art. (And who knows? Maybe eventually my nail art hobby will become a source of income, haha.) It stung a bit to see so many harsh comments about stay-at-home girlfriends in general when that video was being shared all over the place. That sort of reaction is why I'm always kind of uncomfortable when I meet someone new and they ask about my job. If I said I was a stay-at-home-mom, I'd (mostly) get positive reactions, but people tend to not really know what to say when I tell them I'm a kid-free housewife. But I like this life and my husband loves never having to do the laundry or dishes, so whatever. The lady in the viral video... I know we can't really tell that much from just a TikTok, but she seemed kind of emotionally empty, if that makes sense. Maybe that's just how her voice is and she really is happy, in which case, good for her! Though I do hope she eats actual food sometimes.

[@angelacanedit]

She doesn't have the legal or financial security of a wife though. That was a big concern for many people.

[@y-yyy]

that's an interesting perspective! I never heard of stay-at-home childless partners before. thanks for sharing.

[@aleksandrasivolob]

Even a stay at home wife has financial insecurity. If one’s partner leaves them, their resume will be lacking and if they don’t have a 401k, they also will be screwed. Not sure how divorced and retirement accounts work, but I’ve seen several older women in those situations. I think getting a formal agreement of compensation from the partner would be helpful. Not sure if that’s a postnup but yeah it’s a new topic and really interesting.

[@sydneyfritz802]

I also am I stay at home wife without kids yet! And the comments that other women say is honestly horrible at times. It does make me personally very isolated at times.

[@annasullivan2564]

I'm a stay at home wife too. If anyone figures out a good way to introduce themselves without being awkward I'd be interested, ha ha

[@ljshaw8516]

Thanks for covering Taylor. I just got her CD yesterday. Great news on your beautiful Nail Polishes.

[@felienmusic]

Defining the clip in the video as a 'clumsy commentary on how societal reinforces the idea that fat "is bad".' is such a good line from Ben

[@whatuwantmie8485]

I really do enjoy some mature conversation like this I understand exactly we are talking about and it’s true that people are harsh to the others even when they don’t understand them.

[@aesthera.]

I wasn't able to get Plumb Luck last year and I paused this video so fast to go buy it. Thanks for rereleasing it!

[@allib8126]

I appreciate that you don't let the potential for criticisms, misinterpretations, etc. that you brought up at the end keep you from talking about things you want to talk about. I love hearing how you both articulate your thoughts and points of view on different subjects. I love these types of podcasts as much (if not, more tbh) as I love your sillier, more lighthearted ones. 💜

[@lizalove91]

JUST REGISTERED FOR THE TOUR PRE SALE!! Also my fav tracks are would’ve could’ve should’ve (SO powerful), maroon, lavender haze, karma, mastermind, midnight rain, anti hero

[@CVDNP]

"you should make a video about being a stay at home boyfriend" i literally was thinking that! I'd love to watch it

[@jessicabolton3615]

I really really appreciate this episode! especially because I needed to here Ben's take on anti-hero....hadn't really done enough thinking about the theme and Ben talking about his interpretation really made me get it. so funny and ironic that one of the main reasons I couldn't get it is because it's been "I'm the problem it's me" since 4 years old. don't mind me just gonna go cry in a corner... *sigh*

[@ShiAnneLiberty]

This was my first time listening to the podcast and I enjoyed it. Cristine I think you do a great job of wording things. I definitely picked up midnight spark with my last order to have for Taylor Swift's midnight release.

[@katiemassa5776]

Yikes! Didn’t expect to… still think y’all are the best! I love hearing your take on all topics.

[@lulylulymarimari]

I think one of the things that make the stay-at-home girlfriend tik toks sad, is that the girls don't seem to have any hobbies outside journals or the gym. If i was home all day I would be doing a million things, but for some reason they don't, that's why it doesn't seem productive either.

[@Mtwiley93]

Why does it need to be productive though? If journalling and going to the gym makes them happy so be it. I stay at home and do a million things a day and that’s what makes me happy but some people live slower lives and that’s what they feel they need to make them happy. To each their own.

[@TheBenabenocabeninha]

I'm so happy Grapefruit was brought up, it is a respectable and relatable song, much more deep into the strugle. I'm a Tove Lo fan as well (:

[@keltiowens5609]

Yikes… didn’t think this conversation would be so empathetic and reasonable 🤣😉 Thanks for the open dialogue about these things in the media. So intriguing! I liked listening to this conversation. 🥂 can’t wait for the next!! ❤

[@katherinephillips4420]

Yikes…I should probably get back to studying now that I’ve listened through. This was a great conversation, thanks for another awesome podcast y’all! (sorry I couldn’t help myself)