Why Kids Talk Back and What To Do About It

[@jinx1220]

This is exactly why I'm quiet and I stay in my room all day and keep to myself. If I back talk once my parents will go crazy or if I give a good reason to an argument, it is considered "back talk"

[@pedromadelo2616]

My parents kicked me out these evening because I " talked back "

[@stako.]

@@pedromadelo2616 bruh

[@shrklbf]

A great deal of it comes from engagement with social media too, you have to admit that. There is a great deal of toxicity coming from sites like tik tok, snapchat, FB, Twitter, etc. that these kids are exposed to unfettered. The fact that it is not widely discussed or considered is a problem. Howuch time are these kids watching the screen on a daily basis? They have no regulatory impulses helping them to self manage, and that leads to significant problems.

[@perryh.5306]

That is crazy.....I allow my 14 yo daughter to speak to me any way she wants to. It's her freedom of speech, that's her right.

[@jayda3335]

@@perryh.5306 anyway she wants to?! Stupid! U are the reason why kids at school do what they do to teachers!

[@lolllld4307]

Anything i say against my parrents that is not rude is considered talking back to them

[@monsemendieta1044]

lolllld I so agree my tia was like STOP YOU TALKING BACK even though she asked you phone gets in your way but I was on my friends ipad

[@gracidenas29]

Exactly

[@ygoldberg1287]

@@monsemendieta1044 need some punctuation in your sentence. I want to learn. Thankyou Miss Monse

[@elchoppa2346]

I told my mom I didn’t do it she broke my phone

[@janiechang9510]

Rightttt I swear bro

[@KeswickCamp08]

"Back talk" is just a conversation. When i was little, i thought i was having a conversation and then i was given a sudden, rude "Stop your backtalk"

[@STNY2012]

so true

[@originalname2587]

yup

[@sleepmessenger6961]

i felt the same way

[@aliciagardner7067]

Yeah

[@lynn.d1015]

KeswickCamp08 I found a good slap to the mouth cured the back talk ! Only had to do it one time

[@michawill6599]

"Someone saying wow I don't know where that came from I'm interested in what's going on for you". I needed to hear this as an overworked mum who doesn't always take time connect with my beautiful children.

[@mackiemo0o]

To any parents reading this: I grew up in an emotionally abusive household. Chances are you did too, you probably just didn’t realize it because it was so widely accepted before the 2000s. I implore all of you to please re-evaluate the way you react to your children and make sure you’re not doing anything that’s harming them. Your child’s emotional needs are just as important as physical. There’s a reason behind why your child is acting out. Maybe they feel like you don’t respect them, maybe they feel like they can’t talk to you because they’re afraid of your reaction, maybe the inconsistency of things is overwhelming your child who knows. You have to remember that the way they’re reacting is learned. More than likely they learned it from you. You are the first and best example your children go off of. Inform them and correct them gently. You wouldn’t respond well if someone got an attitude with you so why do you expect your children to be any different? Also respect your children as humans. They need guidance but they are still people. From a lot of the parents that I have seen with generation z one big thing they do is neglect their children’s emotional well being. Emotional Abuse is also very common. It’s not wonder a majority are extremely suicidal and depressed.

[@sillymrpre]

big reason of my depression and I'm only 13

[@mandyjaye]

Very well said :)

[@shrklbf]

A great deal of it comes from engagement with social media too, you have to admit that. There is a great deal of toxicity coming from sites like tik tok, snapchat, FB, Twitter, etc. that these kids are exposed to unfettered. The fact that it is not widely discussed or considered is a problem. Howuch time are these kids watching the screen on a daily basis? They have no regulatory impulses helping them to self manage, and that leads to significant problems.

[@katiejon17]

You sound like a child, angry at her parents... and not a parent yourself. 🙄

[@breakingboardrooms1778]

​@@katiejon17you sound dismissive, which is a take considering how considerate and mature the person you're responding to sounds. Also, they'd probably make a better parent than you.

[@dylanlamothe323]

Respect is given to those who have earned it. I should not be expected to blindly respect and follow someone just because they gave birth to me whether or not they wanted it to happen. Respect is mutual and avoiding a reasonable conversation with a child just because your "An Adult" is in no circumstances a respectable trait.

[@aj5401]

Because children disagree and want to respond, does not mean its rUdE. The thing is, they yell at us, they hit us, but we can’t defend ourselves. It drives me insane. (Im 13)

[@sabina7978-e4y]

super! I am so happy that I learn this from a Swedish psychologist when my son was 3,5 years old that so called "bad" behavior is a message to be understood right by parents.

[@ntordel]

A parent/caregiver needs to be taught how to communicate and respond to child/teenager and vice versa. We all need to understand that as humans we all have issues which will make us respond and react differently. Everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Everyone wants to be valued, loved, and heard. Just remember, learn to gauge what is going on in your environment and keep calm when dealing with each other. There is nothing wrong with saying I love you and will try to understand and respect you. Remember hurt, tired, and ill people will communicate out of their frustrations....one of the parties involved must calm down.

[@anthonymontalvojr.7250]

and the adults take their side and it gets me ticked off.

[@monkey4751]

yeah i know right

[@yaliaaprecious]

@shaveece brooks Nd bruh -

[@baldy194859]

your beautiful ! if i talked back to my parents growing up i wouldn't have any teeth left !

[@aquablue8]

Comed y Gold

[@VaporwaveLover2000]

If you talked back to your parents and you grew up with no more teeth from them then their abusive parents.

[@davidhill8565]

Your parents shouldn’t pass judgment on your words if you’re trying to tell the truth. That’s tantamount to coercive deception or false disciplinary actions.

[@RichardBornemann]

I'm relating to what you are saying here as I was a kid that got into a lot of trouble growing up. I've told my wife many times that our home was full of constant conflict, it was crazy. But I think that when a kid that gets into trouble grows up and becomes a parent, perhaps it gives us some insight into how not to do things. My parents always had the same solution to every problem - punishment. And the amazing thing was this. . . it didn't work! Familiar? It just was a cycle of unending conflict. Anyway, I love what you are saying, gonna spend some time watching your videos. I'm trying to help parents communicate better on my channel also, but I think you have really come up with a powerful concept with these cards.

[@rasputin3863]

Even tho it’s a legit valid argument Your given the “get rid of that tone in your voice” or “stop back talking”

[@thomas040x6]

Yeah or if you use your parents logic against them or you have a calm and reasonable tone they act like you just cussed them out or something

[@lovemyguys123]

I know that I'm alone in this opinion but my response to bring screamed at is not going to be, "ok, I'm interested in hearing more".

[@ReflectingShadow]

totally agree

[@Polar-f2h]

I'm with you.

[@JamieNotLamie]

Look at any kind of argument like this, just because they're yelling, doesn't mean you need to be that hyper back. You can simply respond calmly, and collectively, and they will realize how they may be overreacting. Kids need to realize also *some* adults just can't break the habit so easy of yelling because they got yelled at growing up.

[@teachthroughlove]

What scares you most about connecting with a child who is dysregulated?

[@cadencooper1828]

When my dad yells at me I just put on a smile and just say "ok" nonchalantly. It annoys the hell out of him and he goes to his room.

[@mommymawmaw1852]

As a parent I am so thankful for this talk. It has really opened my eyes with my 2 tween young adults.

[@nondescripted]

Ok I can understand if back talk is actually rude. But most of the time to parents back talk is kids making a valid point to there parents, but they just don’t wanna listen to it because they wanna be right. I understand if you don’t wanna agree with me but most of the time it is true.

[@kristymort9935]

My 12 year old daughter kept joking but it was hurting my feelings. At the time I didn't believe she was just joking I was about to make the decision that she needs to be punished for disrespecting me then I realized it was me that was insecure. I am so glad I didn't punish her. I just explained to her that I'm a softy and I would try to loosen up and learn how to take a joke again like I used to when I was young and care free. We are talking alot now and she is getting very attached!!! It feels Soo good.

[@EDA_OFFICIAL_1]

Glad to hear it ❤

[@sophiavergado9367]

Derpderpderpyo I already know ur not gonna be a great parent, your language says it all🤦🏾‍♀️

[@JamieNotLamie]

@@sophiavergado9367 when I see these kind of people I just report them. It's just teens that are honestly getting bullied so they come online and just randomly cuss people. Makes no sense, but they're easy to spot. Makes them feel better.

[@sophiavergado9367]

Jamie Yayme I know right🤦🏾‍♀️

[@ccxgamerlynx]

Sophia Vergado hi

[@MI-vn4tp]

My grand daughter was cutting herself and talking back to her mom. One day her mom starting fighting her and she thought her mom was going to really hurt her so she fought her back trying to het her off her. She’s now in counseling. I saw this coming for years and tried over and over to talk to her mother about it but she would get angry with me and shut me down.

[@ezchannel493]

TBH I think that some parents deserve to be talked back to. My younger brother use to annoy me ll the time and every time I told my Dad about it he just said that I needed to develop some tolerence. One day I annoyed my brother back and when my dad stuck up for my younger brother and I snapped back and said that he needed to develop some tolerence. He looked pissed but defeated.

[@Earnshawfully]

I am reading the comments below, which are quite a mixture! I am enjoying your videos, which have a lot of good sense. I would add something important. A teen talking back might well be talking back or crying for attention, but a teen is old enough to understand consequences and how to hurt. It is useful to teach your child that you are not just a figure who is in their way, but a person with feelings. This needs to be done with words and briefly, rather than emotional backlash. If any person habitually gets away with very hurtful behaviour, they with continue to use it to get their own way. It should be quite possible to discuss this with a teen, after the heat of the moment.

[@hyperace_inc889]

Thank you. And yes a 13 year old said thank you.

[@robinfox4440]

How do you deal with a kid who is doing something damaging, and then you tell them to stop it, and they start whining that they're not doing anything wrong? I had a nice art pen that a ten year old got a hold of, and I could not get him to give it back. So I told him not to press too hard, but he didn't realize how easy it was to press too hard with it. When I said "that's it, I want my pen back now, you're pressing too hard," he started whining and talking back to me, telling me that he wasn't pressing hard, and just whined and whined until he got his way. Now my art pen is broken and I am incredibly frustrated. This is a boy I babysit regularly and I want to know how to deal with this situation better in the future.

[@AlchemillaRed]

It's because that's how a conversation works

[@brienn6482]

Oh man. I love you. I subscribed. You just saved my life and the future of my 4 year old who's autonomy is exploding. I needed this so much. You are so wonderful, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@teachthroughlove]

Thanks for watching, Bri!

[@nolank.6651]

What if we say something but the parents don’t understand and take it the wrong way every time so now I can’t even talk to them anymore about anything. An example is when we were driving to Home depot and I asked where she wanted me to park and she said it doesn’t matter. But the last time we went to the Home Depot she got super mad and yelled at me about where I parked. So I asked to make sure I parked where she wanted and she just said it doesn’t matter. I said “ok, but last time you got mad about where I parked” and when I parked she yelled at me again. I meant nothing about it but to make sure I parked where she wanted. She was mad and just wanted me to go alone and before I closed the door I said “ok might be longer, it’s one one person going” she yelled at me thinking that I was being sarcastic about it but actually I was just simply saying it’s gonna take longer because I have to run around the store by my self but like I said she took it the wrong way and yelled at me

[@notgaybear5544]

Where do you want me to park?...that's not back talking especially because she yelled at you before about it. However, “ok might be longer, it’s one one person going” that's sort of back talking because obviously it's going to take one person longer than two. However, what you were really saying is stop being a idiot park the car and let's go already.

[@thomas040x6]

@@notgaybear5544 well it's not back talk if he is stating a fact and if no one talked back a conversation wouldn't be a thing

[@thomas040x6]

@@notgaybear5544 also not all parents understand the obvious like its gonna take longer trust me i know from experience

[@capn_l]

If you answer a question respectfully or if you flat out ignore them, either way you're getting hit. It suck man

[@deborahhoffman7394]

Had an absolutely perfect, loving close relationship with my granddaughter until she turned 10 and a half. Then literally out of the blue she started back talking and being very disrespectful. I was shocked. Her mother claims she does not talk negatively about me at home, but will not discuss it and enables this behavior. I said I can’t have this, and she says fine, she is not allowed to EVER come to my house again. This can’t be good for my granddaughter. I’m heartbroken.

[@Lovingthenaturalme]

Hang in there. I pray it all works out for you. Keep trying to reconnect. Remain calm when the backtalk begins. Realize that it's not you. She's angry about something and just wants someone to listen. Be blessed.

[@gamer-px5cu]

A kid is not a dog, and you are just a hypocrite..

[@samtepal3892]

They are not your pet Deborah.

[@sarafreilich8150]

This was so helpful in understanding the perspective of my 8-year old daughter. Thank you!

[@ReflectingShadow]

hmm i remember talking rude to my parents with the intention to hurt them sometimes. after lots of broken promises my respect was gone too. i don't think they ever understood how painful it was, always saying one thing and doing the other.

[@50toinfinityatleast]

What kind of broken promises?

[@notgaybear5544]

Conversation is a progression of ideas, "back-talk" is the act of preventing this progress. To move the conversation backward. This is our household definition of the word back-talk. It's a work in progress. Our kids lose screen time for back talking, so we had to define it.

[@thomas040x6]

Be careful not to say no technology because if your kids are smart alecks and the school uses technology for learning they might refuse to use it to teach you a lesson

[@wesleylewis1847]

Love how she made the parents the villain right off rip. Saved me 7:30 min of my life

[@repentlive4jesus662]

I know what a weirdo. "Um...instead of calling her moody can you call her emotional?" What on earth?

[@breakingboardrooms1778]

They're usually the villains, as they're the ones who have the power and agency to be such.

[@Louisianamomma13]

My son is 9 and was recently diagnosed with Asperger’s, ADHD and OCD. As a kid, I remember feeling very similar to how he feels now. I’m struggling with the back talk now. I’m going to try harder to work on my reaction to it. That can be difficult in certain situations.

[@drew1072]

Hi Louisiana Momma, when I was young I was always told I have ADHD. Now that I'm older and looking back, I just don't believe it. I was bored, certain things just didn't interest me and it was pend up Energy for something bigger and better in life. Your son is special and one day he is going to be awesome and he will make you proud! Don't give up on him. He is just looking and waiting for that special moment to shine! =)

[@dylan_scoots]

Thank you so much there needs to be more people out there like you,i have tried your tips and the all work,keep making videos your great so nice to hear helpful tips.👍

[@jowanacyrus9066]

I appreciate your opinion on the matter, however scrolling through the comments it seems as if this video has only offered children the verification that it is ok to speak to their parents in any tone because they're hormonal. We were all teens and we have all felt unheard by our guardians/teachers and parents. I do find that it is helpful to look a the situation from an empathetic place! I feel as if you pretty much just told that lady to pretty much allow her child to be disrespectful and smile about it. I will test this theory and get back to you! Thank you for the information!

[@teachthroughlove]

Hi Jowana, Thanks for stopping by. It's normal to feel like we're giving children permission to be disrespectful. That fear is usually connected to a perception that they are more capable than they really are in those moments. But we can't stop what comes out of their mouths and since force creates resentment, it won't likely be a long term solution to our challenges. We're not really allowing behavior. Instead we're making space for conversations about how to be respectful and how to express ourselves responsibly. Everyone needs a place where they can make mistakes without being shamed or threatened. It's only a 9 min video, so this is not a one-size-fits all solution to every situation. It's a a starting point and an example of a process which usually also takes a lot of personal self-healing on our part to fully integrate. Keep going! Good relationships are worth it.

[@spagsauce]

I remember my mom yelling at me "WHY DID YOU GO TO THE LIBRARY " i said: "because we have to-" my mom: "DONT TALK BACK AT ME" Because my mom also gets mad when i dont answer her question.

[@givetheymeantake]

Sounds like she was worried about you...

[@LexusGTOmega]

That's how a conversation works

[@henrymieure7010]

As a parent this ticks me off. when my child talks back and says why, I explain to him not being an ignorant prick. Unlike most parents I do not silence their ideas. When children feel contained, they fell they do not having basic freedom of speech and it affects them in the future. This leads to the child thinking they must do everything an adult tells them and not question it even if it is bad.

[@breakingboardrooms1778]

I wouldn't consider an honest why to be back talk.

[@ncwest1984]

But you learned that as an adult. Children need to be children. I feared my mom and it forced me to be quiet and lonely in our relationship. I tried a different approach for my kid, doesn't work. Children need to do what they're told because we are responsible for them and they reflect us. I ask, what's wrong. Talk to me, don't be frustrated. I cannot tolerate kids at their worse. Just try.

[@kekelarue5974]

Back talk boils down to not wanting to do what a parent has asked. So I should say to my complaining child "Oh please let me hear more"...

[@teachthroughlove]

Backtalk boils down to a child wanting to feel heard and understood. If you see your child as complaining, it might be hard for you to hear the message behind the behavior. So yes, tell me more opens up the conversation.

[@swiftkarma4436]

I've tried to that tell me more tactic. All I got was how I was unfair because 1. I wont let her go alone with friends who can drive (she is 14 ) 2. She has to wash the dishes she messes up. 3. I tell her to clean her room. She says I should just leave the door closed. Nope. Being clean keeps the body healthy. Then She starts saying "um um" like she trying to think of more stuff When she can't think of anything else she gets mad. Sometimes kids really don't have anything of substance to say and they just need to do as their told. I was that lenient understanding parent for too long. Asking tell me more.

[@gamer-px5cu]

Imagine treating your kid like a dog..

[@BestdaughtereverEver]

When I was a teen, I wasn’t disrespectful and rude to my parents or anyone older in the family. The kids nowadays are feeling entitled and rude, disrespectful.

[@jvk1321]

Dear Lori, thank God I came across your channel. You are very practical. My preschooler is 3.6 years. She is not very friendly, gets angry very easily and expresses the same by shouting at other kids. Yes, I have been strict with her and was expecting all to be perfect even though I know the reality still when it comes to application I always fail. She doesn't talk well to her father and always clings to me. Even in school she mostly is comfortable with herself. She shouts and gets angry at everyone but she never did that to me. Sometimes she is extremely stubborn. Many times I tell to myself that I failed as mother. Please help me. Thank you Jincy

[@jcblue1981]

When my parents say I'm "talking back" it really pisses me off. They say that so goddamn much to the point were it lost all meaning. Whenever I'm trying to continue the conversation by simply responding they always say "calm down" when I was calm they were the ones that were yelling. I don't even know why i said parents when I'm really talking about my mom and her, abusive wife(abusive to me). Also i find it ironic how my dad knows that my mom can be, and sometimes is very controlling and selfish .

[@JamieNotLamie]

I'm having back talk from my 3 year old! Tonight I told her she had to eat more dinner as she only ate a few potatoes and no meat or veggies and even though I didn't yell or get hyper, she fired back at level 100, saying things like "you not be rude to me that's mean no fair you're not going to blah blah... " It goes on but she gets mad and points fingers, it's very frustrating when I can't get her to calm down enough to listen to me

[@persona5305]

my son have ADHD and i have ADHD and the worst part is that we both are having a hard time controlling our emotions! we go deep on each emotions... when we are angry it intensifies to 10x same with all other emotions... and when my son talk back purposely and annoy me purposely to the point where he sound so ridiculous with every counter argument he give me is just🤯 i just can't.. any tips from people who are experiencing the same?

[@hdd1977m7]

What if he's not a teenager? Mine is 10 now and he never stopped arguing since he was very little wether it is to brush his teeth or even get him to go to bed on time. It can be nerve wrecking. My husband' s parenting style is also in conflict with mine and it makes things worse.

[@FrankValdez1234]

What if you’re parents acted the way you wanted them to and you became a totally different person because of that? Are you happy with the personality you have now?

[@ashsmyly4268]

I feel bad now because i pitch my son but he was very disrespectful now he he's sleeping. I feel like we are not connect at all.

[@gamer-px5cu]

Don't forget that obedience and respect are different things.

[@bonnitadarcy4528]

Wonderful! teaching on dealing with talking back. This is just what I needed to hear in order to develop a deeper connection with my son whose frustration tolerance is overloaded by environmental stimuluses as well as self imposed expectations.Thank you for the excellent insight and talk. You are my angel.

[@teachthroughlove]

Bonnita Darcy Thanks so much for watching :)

[@guzekia6420]

Bonnita Darcy ..

[@kristinabaker4433]

It's not "back talk" or "talk back" as though it's rude, it's communication.

[@lauratachack4622]

I've made jokes to my mom here and there. unfortunately she would take them to seriously and get really mad at me. Every mistake that I've made in my life she would all ways bring it up in arguments. she always brings up the past. When we get in arguments, she says things that I don't like or agree with and oftentimes i try to defend my self and the point that I'm trying to make. But she doesnt listen. I try to tell her things, but everytime we are arguing she blows it back in my face. I'm the type of person if you are accusing me of something that isn't true, or being disrespectful to me I do unfortunately talk back. it's hard to calm down sometimes, when you're arguing with someone or just haveing a disagreement.

[@tfbotm]

DM called me a "smart aleck" (not her exact words) today for replying to her request I know I should follow with "Yes, I know," even though I'm not sarcastic or fresh! But to her, I'm just giving her attitude. That makes me feel so bad deep down inside. I wish she would see that video.

[@mrbengaming6486]

The term "back talk" has been so distorted by older people feeling like they're entitled to some level of superiority over anyone adolescent or younger to the point that even they don't know what it means. I'm a 17 yo high school junior and I'm constantly accused of back talk (mainly by my coach) when all I try to do is explain why I'm doing what I'm doing, stating an evident fact or for simply disagreeing with them despite having sufficient reasoning to do so. A couple weeks back we were heading into the weight room and had to cross the track. No big deal right? We have our runners jogging by and the coach tells us to stop for them. I stop walking a couple steps after he told us to right next to the track with the rest our group. He yells at me "What are you doing?!" I quickly look back to him startled by his seemingly random exclamation, and ,starting to cross after the runners had passed, replied. "I stopped." He catches up to me, pulls me aside and tells me that if I want to stay on the team (despite being one of our best throwers) that he isn't having any more "back talk" from me, despite never aggravating him in any way prior. What did I do wrong? I stopped by the track like he did - doing what he told me to, albeit a bit late but not so much that I'm being ran over by sweaty runners. How was this response in any way dictated? Later that same day, we were in the weight room, which was where we were heading, we didnt have too much time and I wanted to get at least some workout in. I'm squatting my warmup weight, and knocking them out fast as to save time for my work sets, and the coach walks by me and tells me to slow down. Now mind you I'm VERY defensive when it comes to my workout. I've always been a strong kid and I didnt lay around to be that way. I did physically taxing labor with my father and am constantly in the gym. Now through all this and throughout my life I've been prideful for my physique that I EARNED through hard work and dedication in my early years. So you can see why I'd be defensive about it. Now, accepting his knowledgeable advice, and knowing that slower reps are better for warming up, I do slow down, and with the weight still on my back say "I'm on my workset", still startled considering he practically yelled it at me. So I rack up the weight after I'm done and he decides to say the infamous line "You'd better quit talking back if we're gonna make this work." Now I'm mad, but out of respect for his "authority" did not raise my voice as he had to tell him off, and this I'll agree was poor word choice, but I said "I'm not talking back to you, sir. I'm saying what I'm doing." My lord did he hate that. He gets in my face and in a bunch of jumbled up sentences tells me that I'd better quit it or I'm off the team, and nearly was. Now I know this was a long read, especially since it's a KZbin comment, but this just goes to show what the term "talking back" has become. Sure I suppose saying you're not talking back can be considered that, but with all I've said before, what IS it then? To me, it's a tool used by anyone older to antagonize, downplay, accuse, dehumanize, and exercise some false level of superiority over a younger person in any scenario simply because they are older. So with all this said, what is talking back now?

[@thomas040x6]

I say report the coach

[@mrbengaming6486]

@@thomas040x6 I could make a case but I dont think it's worth it. I believe it's his last year coaching track.

[@thomas040x6]

@@mrbengaming6486 if its his last year then don't worry about it Unless it gets worse

[@mrbengaming6486]

@@thomas040x6 So far it seems to have gotten better. I just keep communication at a minimal and be nice to him. That seems to work so far.

[@thomas040x6]

@@mrbengaming6486 that's good

[@jkmineful]

Thank you sooooo much!!! We have 5 boys ages 11-2 and it is hard to be sensitive to the individual needs when we are ALWAYS a WE and not a ME. We are a blended family so there has been alot of change and past emotions that we work through. But our boys especially our 11 and 9 yr old have been lashing out pretty hard lately and it makes the other boys react harshly and in turn the whole house turns into reactive impulse do to the escaltion of emotions from everyone. I myself have sensitivity to overstimulation so I am constantly correcting myself to be what I need for my boys. I think If I had ear plugs I could be a more effective parent lol. But one thing I am trying to teach because my time and attention is stretched thin between house hold duties, a mom to multiple children, a wife, work, and whatever else you can throw in there; I need my boys to listen and TRUST me when I give an order or command. Like a simple "no, you can't eat that right now" "no, you can't go to your friends house" or "go to your room" or "hang on just one minute" I usually do not have the time to give the explanation of why I say no in the moment and honestly I feel I shouldn't have to. Mom says = you do. But I hate that cliche of "because I said so". I understand that part of raising is teaching in these moments and explaining the whys and I usually do, but some times I need them to obey first and when I am finished with whatever task, I will be available to explain. But at the same time some times when I go to explain they usually come back with an argument so I feel like I have given them too much of a voice. So I guess my question is how do I get them to obey a simple command and wait patiently for me? I normally follow through with my promises but they do have a history of others in their life not following through so I wonder if that may have something to do with it.

[@debramay3340]

Thank you for your insight. I have a student that reacts this way. Thank you for giving me some strategies.

[@makaylavaquilar7735]

When ever I would try to give my opinion about things that were not rude but against them I would get grounded for “backtalking “ and still do

[@Lisaidzes]

Same

[@kristinabaker4433]

My nephew's stepmom slapped him in the mouth right in front of me when he "back talked", he was talking to me, not her (I had been his most of the time caregiver before she came along, he was 3 or 4, I was SO terribly upset!!! and NoOne in my family comforted me or backed me up, the worst part was It Was Terribly Physically painful for Him, my nephew, because he had just minutes prior, tripped & bumped his mouth on a table... Which mean besides the pain from that, what caused him to stumble... he could have already been tired, or getting sick... I didn't even see it as "back talk" I knew he was just telling me something with strong feelings! He is now a teenager and seems emotionally well... i am the one that is scarred, but I already was from my own childhood of emotional neglect... I'm watching this to share with a friend who said her 3yo son "back talks", he is on the Autism spectrum, & I told her he isn't capable of intentionally being rude, he is doing his best to communicate. Somehow I forget this with my own daughters...😟 my 7yo is on the Autism spectrum & until very recently I hadn't realized that I am also...we both and my 5yo all have a lot of repairing/healing learning to do...

[@thomas040x6]

I would have smacked the person who hit your nephew without hesitation

[@SquallyParkour]

The problem is a young child who is heard often, and rarely disciplined... and everything is an argument and attitude.

[@swiftkarma4436]

I think you are on to something. That's exactly how narcissists are created.

[@bonbon2522]

I wanted to gave respect but my mom's action didn't wanted to, so I decided to told her how disrespectful she is to me, turns out she's still the 'good person'. I will definitely live with myself and let her fend for herself, she asked for this. I'm not a tolerating person, I had enough.

[@sgmares]

Wow! That was awesome...this makes sense to use with toddlers who can be like teenagers. Thank you

[@biancaarellano7805]

I always go down to my daughters level and ask what’s going on. She always says it’s cause i don’t let her use the tablet or be on the phone like other parents do. I give her 30 mins a day for tablet time. What do you do then? I don’t want her on the tablet allllll day. Is there more bpthering her?

[@sxootingstarsx8869]

So today in school i got in trouble because a dude said i pushed him when i didn't so i said to him that he should get his life straight..he then told the teacher and we got spoken to outside the classroom at the wall.The teacher believed him so i stud up and said that he lied and stuff and then she was like EXCUSE ME and she was staring in my eyes like a mad bitch so i said YE and she said EXCUSE ME even louder and stuff and she was like your breaking the rules and i said i never signed them (even tho i did) she calls it back talking and she went and told all the teachers so..tommorrow she wants the rules signed so ima leave my journal at home on purpose lol.

[@clay25420]

Sounds like you are full of shit to me too... I wonder how it actually went down.

[@ny2y554]

@@clay25420 😂

[@Polar-f2h]

You know, Aoife, during my senior year last year, during Photography class, I was trying to work on an assignment I was struggling with, and then, there were two boys bothering me, and they eventually got me involved with an argument that wasn't my fault, and then, the substitute teacher Mrs. McDougal threatened to write all three of us up, even though it wasn't my fault. It was those two boys' fault, and I was the one who was blamed for part of it, because they were the ones who started it, not me! I still feel like going back to Mrs. McDougal and punching her in the face.

[@youregenericjoeboibcyes]

Talking back is how A CONVERSATION works

[@seankelly1366]

Old fashioned discipline......It worked with the Spartans, Samurais,Vikings and Native Americans....in their inner circle of their family culture....It worked for me as well.

[@melissaleigh-ann4050]

I like this video. You seem so calm. However, parenting isnt always this calm. It seems unrealistic.

[@sarab.951]

This video focuses more on why a child acts a certain way and what not to do, which of course is important. I wished there was also more focus on what the solution is in more detail and some examples.

[@JessicaL085]

I needed this so much! My 9 yr old and my 12 yr old have been back talking so much lately, I keep feeling very disrespected, but in watching this I have to say it makes sense why they're acting this way. I've been very busy lately and haven't given them the amount of attention they're used to. And to be honest I've been separating myself from them finding chores to do instead of spending time with them because they've been so up and down. Which sounds like I'm only making the matter worse. Today I'm taking the steps to change my behavior.

[@gamer-px5cu]

Maybe you should listen to your kid instead of acting like you are god on earth, and pretending that obedience and respect are the same thing. Don't forget that a kid is not a dog.

[@jayladukes3336]

Wow this is exactly what I needed as a teen thanks

[@OFTooQuick]

It's the parents job to determine what back talk is. But a reply from your child inst always back talk.

[@king_royal_nyc239]

I consider sarcasm, and having a smart mouth is talking back... Especially intentionally they need to know the position parent and child ... I'm not just anyone from the street

[@villalinoangelica5467]

I was here for my lil brother I donno my mom can't really handle him so I was trying to educate myself on how can I handle him as his elder sister

[@t2kt59]

Omg.. until early 20s???? so long.. my daughter only 13 now..

[@lanceaverie8671]

I don't want to talk back to my parents and elderly, when I talk properly and not said in a rude way they always say that I am talking back I just talk back for what is right and they don't listen

[@Polar-f2h]

Who's watching this in 2019????

[@Babyshark56497]

Not me

[@Polar-f2h]

@@Babyshark56497 I was just wondering, because I'm starting to wonder what was behind Christina's daughter's back talk. Either it was because she had to move with her family to another town while her relatives and friends were back home, or she's always having bad days at school. I'm not sure, though.

[@theuglybeing4673]

Not me

[@cassielynch9255]

Great advice thankyou. My 8 and 6 year old often back chat and my 11 y/o who's usually pretty docile has stsrted. I'll put your advice to work and hopefully things change for the better.

[@soullacy8357]

Cassie Lynch I'm 8 I'm just intrested😁

[@swiftkarma4436]

@PaarseNathan to be honest some people (adults and kids) are just argumentative. Some will argue with a wall. Personality plays a big part.

[@swiftkarma4436]

@PaarseNathan oh man that's not good and at all. I'm sorry this happens. That is truly not right nor is it fair. I am sure you are not the only one. As for my teen she is what they call "strong willed" and has been that way since she was in the womb. I hope things get better. Maybe you can catch your parents at a calm moment and say "hey can I talk about...." and go from there. If not stay strong.

[@schadenfreude5287]

4:55 YES, yes that's exactly how I would react

[@kylesenpai1024]

My dad always punch me if i talk back😢 i have right too

[@LinguisticLifeform]

That's abuse and it's wrong. You should never be hit by your parents. Please talk to someone you can trust

[@risenshine888]

I actually teared up watching this. This was perfectly articulated. Thank you. Connection before correction.

[@altonhoward3598]

This is helpful. It's ok to disagree as long as it's respectful.

[@kamaducktanjiquack8849]

We are sometimes talking back because we know We are right

[@AL-vg1ru]

my family should watch this

[@alonsomajikal3158]

thanks for the video. back to the drawing board, but with an open mind.

[@teresamccroskey1571]

Recently discovered your channel! OMG! So wonderful and needed right now! You've really opened my eyes to some things! Thank you so much and please keepem coming! Such a wonderful gentle way of explaining things everyone should know! Just lovely!

[@h1xxn_x]

i need MOM TO SEE THISSSSSSS , everything i say is "tAlkInG BaCK to mY PaRenTS"

[@givetheymeantake]

Try treating them the way you want to be treated. Speak calmly. Apologize. Forgive them. Instead of trying to fix others. Try fixing yourself first.

[@dianabrown480]

Thank you. I need to change my ways.

[@andreafoxx7722]

my 7 yrs old son back talk me all the time n never talk back my mom or sister but it hurt me how he behave this way what best advice can you give me

[@thomas040x6]

Review your behavior

[@kpmckay8671]

So consequences for innapropriate behavior are inappropriate? Right. The goal is learning constuctive, loving communication, however there are rules. See how far back talk and dismissal go when they're in front of a judge. Or a teacher. Or after they insult someone whose parents weren't so "evolved" and don't accept the kid's behavior.

[@swiftkarma4436]

My point exactly. I'm trying to raise a child who is to grow and leave my house to be amongst society. Home is training for the real world.

[@gamer-px5cu]

This depends of what you consider as inappropriate behaviour. Maybe you are just a hypocrite moron who is unable to admit when you are wrong, i am talking about experience.

[@blackbeauty6235]

I talk back to my parents for GOOD reasons, they blame me for things I DIDN'T EVEN DO. Kids should have a right to reason and parents shouldn't assume that it's "TaLkInG bAcK"

[@OgLyftz]

What the principal sends to the teachers

[@theuglybeing4673]

Facts

[@redefinedlife6]

This is most rational thing I have heard since my year journey to find out what's going on with my daughter and how to help her. She is in foster care and doing this. And I know it has to be so confusing to her, every one is trying to blame me for not parenting her right. So it's blame game and no one is even focusing on her and her feelings. I try when I see her. And I realized I had to stop relating and advising. . I just listened as she told me what was going on, I looked at her and said, how did it make you feel and at the very moment I saw all of her stress released and we finally connected it was so simply but we get so distracted by putting judge ment on on another we are overlooking the poor kids they just want and need to be heard be respected and to make their on choices.

[@johnbarnes8430]

This was helpful

[@user-uf7bn2wk8k]

I’m so fucking mad about my mom and Here’s a example: I get blamed for something I didn’t do and then I tell her I didn’t do it and stop blaming me for everything i did not do so then she would reply saying something along the lines of “STOP BACKCHATTING YOUR GROUNDED” some parents just think that they are the shit because they gave birth to you and can do what ever you want with the kid even treating them like shit. Mate even the teachers treat me better.

[@lucyziegler]

The whole rant about her use of word "moody" made me leave this video😂

[@rnguyen2516]

Yes, that was very condescending and judgmental!

[@_wisdomandlove]

This really helps. Thank you so much. You did an amazing job on this video.

[@teachthroughlove]

I'm so glad it was helpful! xx

[@juliesbeautyreviews5856]

My niece sometimes talks back to me but how do I stop her from doing that

[@korab.23]

Maybe back talk isn't exactly what's happening in my situation. I feel like I can't even finish sentences sometimes.

[@kole1ful]

I've just gone through the comments and I've seen most people's profile photos and everyone here seems to look errrrrrr similar (if you know what I mean) I can say I know why they'll need this video. I really cannot relate..

[@zsuzsannamatalucci4318]

kole ivy Hello, Not sure you are a parent or the beck talking teenager. Not trying to be hurtful, just couldn’t get it from your comment. Why are you saying errrrr and you couldn’t get related?

[@thomas040x6]

Not all back talk is bad most that I've seen is an honest question or concern yet the teacher or parent punishes the child instead of answering the question or fixing the issue which turns this into the bad back talk like the kind you stated. When kids say Why? They might just be curious as to your reasons. Much of what you say is true. Then when the child meets the adult's disrespect with respect or as respectful as possible the adult just explodes with anger. Can you help me understand why adults do this?

[@JamieNotLamie]

Back talk is bad. Asking questions is fine. Every adult is different but the safest bet is to imagine how several different adults in your life would react to the same situation. The majority can't be crazy. Sometimes both the parent and the kid can be wrong at the same time too. It's nice when you end an argument and both people apologize. Evens everything out. Best of luck.

[@gamer-px5cu]

@@JamieNotLamie The problem is that most of parents are just hypocrites, and they are unable to admit when they are wrong, that's why they always silence their kids.

[@Storm_cryo]

Um I'm sorry but I talk back at my mom because she talks behind my back to everyone she trusts So I have more people who hate me than listen to what I have to say!

[@abcdankmeme6050]

If I had a kid and they talked back to me but its actually a good point I’ll let it pass and learn from it but if it’s something dumb I wouldn’t say he’s talking back because then they get more mad just inform them

[@wenonahharjo]

My 14 yr old daughter just does not want to talk at all ! When i try to start a conversation she says "Jesus Christ, stop talking to me go away!!!"

[@jayladukes3336]

Wenonah Harjo don't give up

[@davidhill8565]

Wenonah Harjo Maybe because she’s afraid you might go into rage mode and accuse her of backtalk.

[@keonnabutler9273]

And let me guess, you go away?

[@nafitonmyterms]

You are great, sharing from the heart, awesome!

[@juliamccnlyht]

Woah everything you said was right wish my parents understood like you :)