Why Thinking About Death Helps You Live a Better Life | Alua Arthur | TED

As a death doula, or someone who supports dying people and their loved ones, Alua Arthur spends a lot of time thinking about the end of life. In a profound talk that examines our brief, perfectly human time on this planet, she asks us to look at our lives through the lens of our deaths in seeking to answer the question: "What must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully?"
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[@SS-ke6oq]

A life worth dying from. These are going to be the words I live by. Thank you.

[@AskAMortician]

Alua's authenticity and sincerity are the real deal. She's one of our greatest advocates and thinkers around death.

[@emilywhittle1420]

Big fan of all your work dealing with Death Positivity and I love the videos you made with Alua she is such a bright soul

[@peterfang4363]

​@@emilywhittle1420😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@peterfang4363]

​😊😊😊😊😊

[@peterfang4363]

​😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@peterfang4363]

​@@emilywhittle1420😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@deesimzz]

I sobbed so hard at her description of what she believes death to be. Unbelievable talk. So grateful for her wisdom.

[@lubysisters2040]

Her talk is beyond beautiful! I listen to this talk about once a month and I ugly cry every single time. But it inspires me and reminds me to live every single moment and second of my life to the fullest! She is such a gift!!

[@mmirafuentess1990]

Looking forward to my first day or lecture of Death doula course! I am 58, retired Pharm Tech, slightly depressed due to fibromyalgia pains, thoracic outlet syndrome, etc. However, there is time still to serve others.

[@user-wq1kz9lq1e]

I have died. You give permision. It is peaceful. It is like floating through a bright eyeball. On the other side there are only those that came before you. I am currently pregnant AND dying. So I live life. I show love. I smile so largly at the moon and sky I have given myself more wrinkles. Love life! Death does not hurt!

[@arthurslouro]

I'm literally in tears as I watched this TED talk. It felt as if I was listening to a poem that touched me so deeply. Thank you TED for sharing this. What an amazing speaker.

[@Bise270]

I learned alot from this talk but the most that i will take from this is to "hold life lightly",nothing lastly forever.

[@MrTJBelasco]

How is it I just discovered Alua? This talk is poignant and powerful. I left it thinking more about living than dying. She drives home, our lives are a series of transitions preparing for the biggest transition death. She inspired me so deeply and transformationally.

[@octaviasithole3621]

I cried😭! Not because of sadness but because what she said makes so much sense. I am making it my goal to live fully in the years that I have left. Thank you ☺️ so much for this talk. 😊

[@debracrews5216]

As@death doula, I applaud this Ted talk 110%. So right, like Barbara Karne’s said, “in real life people don’t die like they do in the movies”.

[@user-le7rf8ms7r]

Alua did an amazing job, she inspired me to a new life motto, which from now on reads: 'Don't wait for things to happen, make them happen, because life doesn't stop for you.'

[@narceliankrisa3769]

I love how she speaks with kindness, poetry, confidence and wisdom. Its been pleasing, funny and VERY touching to listen to her.

[@fkmyoutube]

This video has been in my Watch Later List until today, as I got busy with life, thinking I will come back to it later. But today I just needed something to speak to me. My life has been a mess, with wrong decisions in life and work. I know I am mildly depressed. So I just decided to watch this video today, and I am glad I did. It changed my perspective on the problems that I am facing in my life, where they are not that important anymore. I want to live, to try to experience what else life has to offer, good or bad, with no regrets, until the very end of my life. This could be the one moment that changes my life.

[@plumpcosplay8562]

Just beautiful.

[@Willzd]

Wow wow wow wow wow - she is incredible! What a fantastic speaker, storyteller and thinker. I feel like I just experienced something very special.

[@kevinwilliams3272]

Alua, I really liked the somewhat humorous tone of this talk about a subject that scares so many people. But my God, where did you get those sublime high heels? ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

[@kaywilliams5673]

and the outfit, so very beautiful. Sigh.

[@kevinwilliams3272]

@@kaywilliams5673 The dress is indeed absolutely gorgeous, original and artistic. But nothing blows my mind more than high heels. I never go out with a woman who is not in heels.

[@mostguitarswins]

"It is complete, and I am safe" Thank you for turning and facing the things that matter. Thank you for speaking ❤‍🔥🙏

[@karinablaz981]

I’m so moved by Alua !! I sobbed when she shared her story of her brother in law .

[@clinkedylinkedy1]

This is the best Ted talk I’ve ever seen. Thank you for gifting us profound meaning, Alua.

[@ebereo234]

I love her energy. Thank you, Alua, for serving humanity.

[@SugarAnnie2]

I attended Alua’s classes. No one can express it better. She is such a gift and a complete and utter delight!

[@nicholasharvey7039]

Alua’s work with the Order Of The Good Death has always inspired me to live my life exactly how she describes it. Live life so that when you die, you’ll be remembered how you want to.

[@zeyadrezk7108]

"We highlight what we have to do to feel worthy rather than who we get to be"

[@shawnkeller8954]

Amen- Dad in Hospice Care and your spirit is beautiful. Thank you for being you .

[@alexandraspinner6906]

As a woman with MBC- when I asked Drs is there a calendar or calculator that determines my end of life- well no…That is when I began pondering how do I really want to go- ever more so, accentuating how I really want to live- until that time. Alua Arthur spoke an absolute truth with soaring compassion, mostly she validated how my perception of life and death has taken on an entirely different meaning. Poignant and vulnerable and purposeful, thank you.

[@sm5773]

Ted made this talk happen for me. I have had these questions for some time now. I wish I could meet someone wise like her in real life. Why is this not that popular. Death is the ultimate truth and will happen to all - why don't we talk more about it.

[@abenaoffeh-gyimah8265]

A life worth dying from ❤❤❤

[@itzallan]

An amazing and emotionally moving Ted Talk! I love the humor, which is not easy to have when talking about the subject of dying. Alua is an amazing orator!

[@user-le7rf8ms7r]

I completley agree with you. She kept it light-hearted and at the same time thaught us something very valuable.

[@YaelAmare]

I’m incredibly happy I came across this video

[@sandyb-adventurer_nature]

This is beautiful, We should think about dying it helps shape what we do and how we relate to our society 🙏🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿

[@adorablebelle]

This talk is poetic and full of wisdom. I want to write down the opening in my journal. So precious.

[@NadiaEaazy]

I am currently working as a caregiver with someone in hospice. I have been with her for 4 years- it is literally an honor to be with her as she is in the process of dying. I feel like this is a path for me. Thanks for confirming

[@misscarpone2]

Wow, Mrs. A., that talked was so touching. I cuurently feel my mom may pass this year, and think about my own life and death to come... I've tried to live life from the perspective of death, and yet, there is so much living in the glittery instants that I haven't plumbed yet. Thank you for your work. And btw, your beauty was a joy to behold.

[@VIKASHMADHUKAR]

This is one of the best Ted I have ever listened to. Absolutely stunning.

[@micahroberts8383]

Wow. More wisdom in this than I can hold onto. Going to be reflecting on this for a long time. Thank you for sharing this!

[@annemarieosborne2787]

Alua's extraordinary talk is a profound reminder to be present to the experiences and the richness of life and to those we love. In the end, that is all that matters.

[@trishag.971]

I love this!! The visual imagery, the details, thought-provoking questions.. just incredible talk all around.

[@jenniferwilson1937]

Beautiful - so glad that I listened. Thank you for sharing! ❤️

[@ValentinGao]

Thank you Ted for making this happen, Thank you Alua for sharing such a magical perspective and lesson. I am forever changed in the perspective of how I look at death and face it. 💛

[@elvytan4682]

Thank you, Alua & TED, for one of the best talks ever!

[@leonaisaac1368]

One of the most profound talks I have ever heard!❤❤❤

[@carinm.bonifacino]

Absolutely stunning talk, message, and delivery. Thank you, Alua!!

[@Kglviews]

Wow, so succinctly spoken…thank you Alua, for this wonderful and enlightening piece

[@drhymanwritesandspeakes]

Beautifully given, so inspirational, so affirming. Thank you for the lesson learned, and the experience shared! 🙏

[@veronicajackson6607]

This was so graceful and beautifully conveyed 🥰. Life-changing talk! Thank you Alua ❤️

[@hannaisGOLDEN]

Probably the best Ted talk or speech in general I’ve ever seen. Amazing work Alua 🏆

[@jh3755]

Absolutely amazing. I'm floored. What a blessing I found this.

[@olimpiasilva9268]

This talk is life transforming! Thank you

[@sherephajohnson3616]

So gracefully spoken!! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom on bridging the gap between life & death❤🌻

[@abenaoffeh-gyimah8265]

Listening to this felt like life intimately touching my face and reassuring me to live full ❤😊

[@llerretjazelle]

That was so beautiful. Thank you for this offering

[@sterlthepearl1000]

Time offers us opportunity, and demands a sense of urgency. As our present moment must be embraced, or our rewards for the future will be with held.

[@christinasealy2424]

My favourite TED talk - never heard such a talk . Thankyou

[@user-mv2po7pb5h]

What a beautiful gift....thank you Alua and your book! Just WOW....beyond grateful!

[@krystalyoung8849]

Loved this. I always come back to her stuff when I’m struggling with life.

[@mishya_8968]

the thought of death actually comforts me. not that i want to end my life but rather it is in knowing that our limited time here makes me more grateful for the time i get to spend with my loved ones, and for the experience i continue to have no matter how big or small they are. we'll all be gone someday. at the end, it is all about how we made others feel with our brief moment on earth

[@marinad894]

You are an Angel⭐️ thank you for sharing your gifts. I’m feeling inspired to become a death dula. 💕🌈🙏

[@shambalifewithgathegugatun8889]

Brilliant! I wish she was there at my father’s end of life. People with cancer need more dignified care at the end of life. Thank you for the colorful celebration at the end of your life.

[@Fromthelaurels]

What an extraordinary talk, thank you so much Alua!!!! 👏👏👏👏

[@diegofarias4485]

Thank you for this video. It really helped me to think about my life.

[@ree7726]

I am in awe. Just wow. Alua, a gift.

[@MillhouseSpeaks]

In Islām being conscious of death is vital! Everything we do will it please god and result in a good death a good rest in the grave and heaven or not in the afterlife

[@FaceFcuk]

Is that why they blow up themselves and children at pop concerts

[@MillhouseSpeaks]

@@PR0T0ZER0Music I’m not trying to scare anyone!

[@KayyAhmad]

Exactly

[@Awesovven]

This was a really great lecture. I constantly find myself imagining my own death. Whether I'm hit by a car, suffer a heart attack, trip and smash my head in, or go peacefully in my sleep, my death itself never concerns me. I always picture the next few years after my death and the impact it has on those around me. I picture my moms eyes filled with tears, even after so long. I picture my dad silently struggling in pain and the dullness in his eyes. I picture my brothers, the oldest growing numb to life and contemplating suicide and the youngest traumatized over it. I picture my aunts and uncles telling all my cousins they'll never see me again and the pain they hold hiding me as just gone. I picture my girlfriend finding it hard to move forward in life, and her staying that way until another young man finds his way into her heart. It's a sobering experience facing death, and it gives you a clear impression of the impacts you've made. I've never enjoyed facing my death, but acknowledging the significance of my life is oddly comforting. It gives me the direction and motivation to make my life into something more. Hearing this lecture has been freeing as I feel I've gained permission to choose how I die. I want to pass away holding my future wife in my arms. Our children, grandchildren and a few great grandchildren will be close, but respectfully giving us space. I'll kiss her for the last time and after kissing me back she'll peacefully pass in the comfort of my arms. I'll hold her softly, finding comfort in her lasting warmth as my eyes slowly close for the last time.

[@neemaloveslife6846]

❤❤❤❤make meaning out of the magic of the mundane! Thanks Alua!Thank you for sharing this!

[@kimbillanderson1315]

Stunning!!! Thank you for touching my life!!

[@AB-mz2ev]

Amazing talk. Poignant. Thank you, Alua.

[@ninsennansen]

I really needed this video. Thank you, TED❤ Thank you, Alua❤❤

[@edde290]

I am in awe Thank you 🙏🏾

[@kiiza.s.hussein9092]

What it means by confronting the reality! She is fantastic and articulate on idea of coming to terms with death and live a better life!

[@rishitaandahana]

This is beautifully touching and inspiring!

[@andrewpinnell1172]

Thank you for sharing your heart experiences and growing wisdom. ❤️

[@edwardagtavarez]

Wow,I loved this talk! 💗

[@Rocco6161]

"Eat the dessert you want, you will die" This one will get a lot of views, great talk.

[@OngSamuel]

Thank you for this ❤

[@nroosafs]

I cry A LOT, but now I will try do that, thank you so much to share this ❤❤❤

[@ArthurAnymoredonuts1]

I love her, I love her work, and let's also talk about that ORANGE. dayum!

[@kellygreen7275]

I follow you on IG and will start process soon to become a doula. I just have to say this…THAT OUT FIT IS 🔥 🔥🔥🔥 Thank you for your work.

[@n_bld]

Incredible, had to pause a few times .. so so moving

[@Jashanpreet-nj3lu]

Beautiful Ted thank you ❤

[@ceciliaz2208]

Preciosa intervención. Graciasssss

[@reneengelbrecht-xj4eu]

Really beautifull thank you I really needed to hear this❤

[@letsbetrees]

This video was riveting! BRAVO

[@Pokemon-Master]

Best TED talk i’ve ever heard. ❤

[@teriscallon]

that was fantastic! thank you

[@user-ll7pd2qb7j]

I’m glad one day this will be over. Life is hard, but living is harder. I’m a Man I’m tired of this places. I apologize to all the people I hurt. ❤

[@2killnspray9]

I can't stop thinking of the fact that death may be an infinit emptyness. It terrifies me when I start overthinking of it. My mother died young (41) brutally when I was only 11. The fact that she may not be here somehow to see me grow it's an absolutely scary and sad thing, that she will never see my future kids etc. Something I can't fully accept and I can't just accept infinite nothingness, so I just try to have faith that there is "more".

[@naomiantonius]

Jep. Needed that! Thank you❤

[@BrettRiley-kk9zh]

This is so beautiful

[@ItsAliciaK]

Love this 💜

[@shashikanoria1231]

Simply brilliant !

[@elevenscorpio]

I love this, thank you

[@lindajohnson2816]

This is amazing work ❤

[@TheMrmoc7]

This was a good one TEd, well done.

[@toloughanavatifar5129]

So heart touchin✨

[@AmyAnnetteHenion]

Alua Arthur is my hero. What a beautiful talk. ❤

[@buster9106]

I was diagnosed with a life-threatening heart condition with no known cause. I was extremely ill for 2 years and actually went into cardiac arrest. thankfully I had a defibrillator implanted three months earlier. It's not just about the dying person giving up on the busyness of life. No one in my family came to see me while I was clearly dying. They were too busy with their career moves, the promotions, the more money, the even better vacations, to put that aside and to be with me while I was dying. So it's not just the dying person who needs a change in mentality in order to accept what's happening. It's the people who you believe love you, that have to do the same thing. Otherwise, no matter how much you try to prepare for a meaningful death, you're still just alone.

[@Acapulco610]

Oh , how beautiful the speech is. Thanks

[@KhangNguyen-qj6ew]

I really love this talk❤

[@STEPHLEX85]

That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard