How I unlearned dangerous lessons about masculinity | Eldra Jackson

[@jakedowman-french3205]

I think most of the comments section has missed the point. This isn't an attack on masculinity, it's an attack on the the masculine culture of ridiculing those who men who "care" or show sadness. He's not saying being a man turns you in to a criminal, he's not even saying that the sometimes toxic culture turns you in to a criminal. He's saying that due to this culture of big boys don't cry, he never felt he could express the trauma he experienced, talk to anyone about it, know how to deal with it. So it lead to him expressing his feelings in patterns which negatively inpacted on the people around him, and it was this that lead him down the path he followed. He may well have been a criminal anyway, he may not have been, we can't know this, neither can he and he didn't assert otherwise. What he's proposing is that maybe some criminals took the paths they chose due to this building of masks, hiding "weakness" and the inherant negative impact it would take on their ability to effectively display and deal with emotion. He's also proposing that being a man isn't bottling all these feelings inside, isn't being brave by not displaying vulnerability, it's about being willing to bare yourself, being brave BY being vulnerable. Afterall, this is a man who has talked about men not being able to express their feelings around other men without being ridiculed; and that is exactly what you some of you have done.

[@MidnightRambler]

how about letting men be..if you want to be a Guy let him..if you want to be a gay man..let him do his thing

[@Sojo214]

@@MidnightRambler Damn son, are you that insecure? Or that young?

[@MidnightRambler]

Sojo no just bored with liberals forcing their ideology on everyone else, if you complain your a bigot or whatever.

[@laurensahanna5826]

@@MidnightRambler you know toxic masculinity is a thing that exist right?

[@Wanderor2003]

He also mentions the abuse he suffered and how becoming dominant turns other into victims, as a twisted psychological defense against the trauma of having been the victim. That said, if someone's values are not in tune with *TOXIC* masculinity or "harsh mashismo", it is not likely that person will join a criminal gang. Just saying.

[@thaile6149]

I admire this man, for the struggles that he's been through in his life and the willingness to seek the truth, to face those struggles, look them in the eyes, acknowledge them and come out of those dark holes being so awaked.

[@BDMDrewski]

Lightningcupcake man this my old celly, actually my first celly on the mainline for 2 years. One of the most solid individuals I’ve came across in my life and it’s a blessing to see him now free n making a change

[@HoduAphrodite]

If there is any TED video that should be taken to heart, I think this is it. I have been thinking over a year about it, and I'm glad that more people realize that without inner exploration, without understanding in what you truly believe and what is just socialy inplanted onto you, you can't really be free nor understand how to live a life that you can be proud of. Not even talking about masculinity, but about everything. The way you treat people, the value of bonds, the managment of emotions, your own values... So much can be discovered from one-self through analyzing what you believe and what made you believe such things

[@HoduAphrodite]

I feel like the tittle should be changed, though. This is not so much a video about "why toxic masculinity is bad" but rather it takes that as an example of bad ideologies learnt from the environment, and how to change them

[@insanelytomato]

​@@HoduAphrodite I agree with all that you've said. How many times does he even say masculinity? Like twice? Or even toxic masculinity? And I think it's giving lots of people who haven't even watched the video the wrong idea. Many are fighting about the difference between toxic and actual masculinity and others are getting defensive over being men. That's not at all what this speaker is touching on and it has much more to do with the emotional and inner state of beings within us and the environments we are raised in.

[@natalie5165]

I agree! This video was incredible, and this man was so brave. Not only has he turned his own life around but he is no longer a danger to society. It’s so important to question our own belief systems in order to grow and be true individuals no matter what our gender!

[@kimjohnson8471]

So when is the talk on Toxic Femininity?

[@LindaMcification]

I sense a little toxic masculinity.

[@quewntenerif616]

Toxic Femininity? lol I don't think this is a thing. Femininity in itself is harmful to women. Just like masculinity in itself is harmful... to women. Women always get the short end of the stick lol. So called mainstream feminists, who are always trying to be nice, added the "toxic" adjective before masculinity and created the "toxic masculinity" concept because they think men are essencially good but corrupted at some point by society. lol Aren't they naive? and they are still hated lmao Anyway, masculinity is basically about power, control and domination.... and that obviously includes power, control and domination over women. And femininity turns women into vulnerable, weak, fuckable, easy to be controlled and manipulated idiots. Men love femininity. They created it. Think about all the things you associate with femininity and see that most of them are not natural in women. I don't get this new trend of men using "femininity" or "toxic femininity" as a way to attack feminists. I think anti-feminists started using "toxic femininity" as a way to make fun of the term "toxic masculinity" and other idiots took it seriously.

[@joseray2002]

As soon as they have a "TEDMen" which is never. lol TED went down the tubes; about 5 years ago, and good talks have become REALLY hard to come by.

[@quewntenerif616]

@@Bakerlovespibb ???

[@a7i20ci7y]

And there you have it. "Toxic Masculinity" is a Trojan horse to attack all masculinity.

[@r.a.naderman5167]

This level of vulnerability is so powerful and necessary. Thank you for having the courage to use your voice to elevate. Much respect.

[@gustavopaniza9964]

Still waiting for a TED Talk about something wrong/bad bout feminity

[@angelic8632002]

Buddy, please take a look at crime statistics world over. Here is a hint. Its not women who are the issue.

[@maxvenus4442]

@Dack Hacksaw they aren't allowed to?

[@quewntenerif616]

please tell us an example of something bad about femininity.

[@akuikage]

You won't see it

[@shaunpatryck]

@@angelic8632002 its single moms that destroy their sons....

[@ab22w]

This is one of the best TED talks ever given. The fact that so few people are able to truly understand the profoundness of this talk is a testament that it is way ahead of it's time from where many peoples thinking is, and that is sad, because men suffer because of this.

[@damarisltrevizo]

His speech is powerful and I fully appreciate that he listed many helpful ways to help us all transform (practicing vulnerability, questioning beliefs, connecting with others...). He is sharing his own story and speaking for his own being and growth. He is talking about how his own previous toxic beliefs and what he grew up having to deal with affected his life. Once I started questioning my own beliefs, I realized many, if not all, of them stem from when I was a child, which makes sense to me that they have stemmed from that long ago. I fully believe that we continue to be, act and speak like confused children in the parts of our lives that we have yet to develop a practice on. ..Anyway, it was a great start to my day to watch this ✨ I hope you're all taking good care 🙏

[@AugustAdvice]

Thank you Eldra, don't mind the people who don't understand what you're saying. There IS toxic masculinity (and toxic feminity - since if I dont say that I'll start getting the trolls who call me a sexist) and those of you who say that it doesn't exist, you are a part of the problem. Drop your ego for one second, and realize that we are all in this together. Your daughters, your mothers, your grandmothers, your aunts and your wives have all experienced "toxic masculinity", or what can also be called, "False bravado".

[@gutterpunkbobby]

This isn't toxic masculinity, it's just plain toxic and it was delivered to me as a girl growing up by men but mostly women. I think this whole idea of battling toxic behavior is better served without the second word. It's in everyone and it comes from various places and types of people and focusing on only so-called masculine toxicity isn't even half of it and it's a disservice to those who suffered from this stuff that were not men and didn't get it from men. That being said, treating each other in toxic manners is VERY MUCH a real issue and I believe it will only change if we look into ourselves and make our own changes to ourselves. None of us are perfect or free of toxic behavior, we should be aware of this, why, and how it works so we can overcome it.

[@DJFthree]

Many commenters seem think this is about _them_. This is a story about Eldra who ended up in an environment where "masculinity" had a very different meaning than it has for most of us. And that environment made it "toxic". That environment promotes actions that are considered 'bad behavior' (agree) I applaud the fact that he shares his story as I think it can help some to think about their behavior. Do they do what they do because they really want to or because it's expected behavior in their 'toxic environment'?

[@adelinetharsis]

It takes courage to say the things you have said. Regardless of how it is received, Im amazed by your honesty. Thank you for showing courage. I needed it. Tc, Jackson.

[@AmbiCahira]

Great message. If you want your children to grow up happy no matter gender you need to teach them through example how to cope with the human experience. If you cope with alcohol they will cope with alcohol. If you cope with anger and violence they will cope with anger and violence. However if you teach them through example and encouragement that you can outlet your emotions in a healthy way either through talking, calming down, writing, or using the tear ducts that were installed for a reason or any other healthy outlet instead of keeping it inside your kids will handle life way better. If you ask them questions that encourages to build that type of vocabulary you can lower outbursts because one of the biggest reason for child tantrums is when they are frustrated that they can't communicate what is going on or don't feel heard or understood. And with that, if a child gets asked questions regarding empathy you strengthen those neuro pathways in their brain to be better at putting themselves in others shoes. If you also take the time to ask how they feel about something without judgement tone, then hear what they try to mean with the words they have available they will build the trust to come talk to you much easier in the age where you wish they would talk to you, because you become someone where they feel heard. You can also reinforce through explaining the logic behind your decisions because if something makes sense you can get a way better willingness so you need to nag less. Kids mirror how you talk with them so if you have them feel heard, respected as a person, and you show how to be polite they will return that to you and will meet others that way too. If you mostly bark orders it's likely how they will act at the playground, if you take out your temper on them they will likely do that to siblings and other kids. What you model and teach will predict their adult life quite a bit, like what kind of partner, parent and employee they will be. This includes if you value or don't value their emotional life and teach them how to be emotionally healthy. Suppression of emotion has no healthy outcome. The body knows how to heal all wounds, even emotional ones but only if you let it and deal with it in a healthy way. Ask yourself, is what I'm doing helpful or harmful? You need to teach yourself before you can teach somebody else what healthy habits actually is. Especially emotional because poor emotional hygiene has poor physical effects.

[@nurarich4945]

Ambi Cahira love this ❤️

[@tanishapark6314]

This man spoke so eloquently and thoughtfully, this is one of my favorite TedTalks so far.

[@retiredshitposter1062]

sadly you don't apply critical thinking.

[@MrTweesy420]

Masculinity is completely different from doing right and wrong. Masculinity has nothing to do with you committing serious crimes!

[@brendarua01]

So you think you can talk for him/ Sounds pretty toxic to me. Try listening some time.

[@bitsiebubblebee7129]

@@brendarua01 so you think you have the only opinion about this and this criminal is the only authority? Get over yourself!

[@clarahaeffner5353]

I agree, but masculinity and toxic masculinity are two different things. You can still be masculine and commit crimes, or feminine and commit crimes. It's the abuse of the toxic masculine stereotype that brings more people to crime.

[@nhogan84]

Someone needs to work on their comprehension. Try watching this again, and let go of your predispositions. Listen to his story, and his journey and try to see the connections between toxic masculinity and how it leads to poor decisions.

[@brendarua01]

@@bitsiebubblebee7129 Nice knee jerk can-can dance there bub. I said nothing about my opinion but you said a LOT about your insecurities.

[@ryantrue4844]

Comments on this are going to be interesting...

[@KrazyKain]

@Matt M oh you mean transphobic bullshit? good, they should be removed.

[@KrazyKain]

@@MajkaSrajka Ever heard of the Paradox of Tolerance?

[@MajkaSrajka]

​@@KrazyKain I did - but what if you are a madman who think that MAGA hats are the same as hoods of the KKK? On top of that - "tolerance" is not enough nowadays - nowadays any different behavior towards anyone (any PoC) is deemed to be racism, even if it doesn't encourage any intolerant actions? Is there a line to where "Tolerance" ends, and people being assholes are just people being assholes, where you don't have moral high-ground to doxxing them and harrasing their bosses?

[@BunnyUK]

KrazyKain - NewSpeak

[@NewEarth25]

Thank you Eldra for your willingness to show up and be part of the solution; "eradication of this cycle of emotional illiteracy and groupthink in men can heal our prison system, society, familes and communities

[@bellamjmoolla]

The only problem with this video is that it is given from the perspective of an inmate - who, God bless his Soul, has the strength to speak about this. Most men, and I’m only speculating here, might watch this and think “well, I’m not a convict so therefore ‘toxic masculinity’ doesn’t apply to me...” but absolute Kudos to Eldra who performed this speech and didn’t blame his actions on systemic violence and racism. Warrior of a Spirit! 💗

[@MakeBrooklyn]

A lot of comments here about not apologizing for being a male or for masculinity. If that's the comment your about to leave, maybe listen again. He's not saying masculinity or being a man is bad, he's trying to tell you how to be a better one.

[@Palau_Legend]

Make Brooklyn it’s the onslaught of the innumerable low resolution, inarticulate grumblings that bring this type of negative commentary to it. A clearer message would bring clearer responses.

[@MakeBrooklyn]

@@Palau_Legend I wouldn't necessarily categorize this talk in that way but clearer messaging is always helpful. I think most of the response is an understandable defensiveness. I can definitely see how this could be taken as an attack or some sort of personal indictment. Changing broad cultural paradigms is always a difficult and messy process.

[@treeforged9097]

He is not trying to tell us how to be better men, he is making excuses about his mistakes without actually trying to figure out what led to those mistakes. He can't help anyone unless he actually examines what led him to be a criminal in the first place. There is no evidence linking masculinity to criminal behavior, there is no evidence that phrases like don't cry lead to men being emotionally distant or prone to criminal behavior. However he said he grew up in a society that showed respect to gang members, that seems like it might be more of a reason why he became a criminal then someone telling him not to cry when he was a kid.

[@MakeBrooklyn]

I won't reply directly because this responds to more than one. Responding by calling people names says a lot more about the name caller than anyone else and it's a symptom of exactly what he's talking about. Figuring out what led to his mistakes is exactly what this is about and our sense of self and identity plays a big part in whether we make good decisions or bad ones or even further they play a very large part in how we identify what a good decision is vs a bad one.

[@MakeBrooklyn]

@Slayhole unless you are implying that he is a literal sentient condom, yes you are definitely calling him names.

[@xcalieber]

The "what-about-sim" and lack of understanding the "toxic" part of masculinity in these comments is ridiculous. People's over defensiveness shows that what this dude is talking about is real!

[@mindyjane7]

I think a lot of the commenters need to define masculinity. What is it? What does it mean to you to be a man? Can we all agree on specific characteristics that every male should have? Does it vary from culture to culture? Family to family? Whatever our characteristics, we don't want to keep feelings and emotions bottled up inside, male or female. If we do, they turn into stress, anger, tension, eventually exploding, either through uncontrollable screaming, violence or disease.

[@treeforged9097]

I think feminist have to stop defining masculinity as violence and respecting gang members so they can blame men for all of the worlds problems. There is no evidence showing a relationship between any type of masculinity and crime and if we want to actually reduce crime we have to find the real reason for it and stop wasting our time blaming masculinity. There is no reason to believe that expressing your emotions like a women will prevent "violence or disease", in fact statistically women have far more emotional problems then men do on average. I think its time that women start being held accountable for there actions instead of blaming men for there problems. I think men should also take responsibility for there own mistakes and stop blaming society for there bad behavior.

[@retiredshitposter1062]

masculinity is the display of predominantly male traits. strength (physical and mental), courage, strong desire to climb dominance hierarchies. femininity is the display of predominantly female traits. compassion, social intelligence, emotional intelligence, etc.

[@Amandanumnum]

@@treeforged9097 "in fact statistically women have far more emotional problems then men do on average" - what are the sources for that? If this is true empirical data and not just a subjective opinion, an important question instead would be do women really have more emotional problems, or are they just more open to reporting and seeking help for their emotional distress? Public view would most likely say the latter, which would bring into question the statement that you are supporting. Another statistic that you can take various ways are that males have the highest suicide rate in America, in all age groups. Is that what you call having less emotional problems? just something to think about.

[@mindyjane7]

@@treeforged9097 Have you or anyone in your family been oppressed? During your lifetime or historically? Because here we are also talking about an oppressed people, going way back to the 1500's. Maybe the speaker put it too simply for us listeners, because surely there is more to his conditioning than just "toxic masculinity." I don't think we can criticise him until we've walked in his shoes. As for Feminism vs. Masculinity, it seems that most violence is perpetrated by men, in almost all societies. Why is that? . . . Respect and caring for one another is the only way to go. No matter our gender, race or religion. I love a "manly" man, but he better show tenderness and caring for not only me but the community and the world. He better be open to other cultures and see that ours is not the only perspective. He better want to grow and always improve himself as a human being. Maybe I get off topic, but nothing is black and white - feminine/masculine. We all have a bit of each in us . . .

[@mindyjane7]

@@retiredshitposter1062 But I think each man and woman can display both. I know men who surely don't feel the need to dominate. . .

[@shaivinandi3530]

I swear- every comment that states in some way that masculinity is wrong, this man isn’t talking about masculinity. its TOXIC masculinity that we should be worried about. This stereotype being forced onto men at a young age, which ends up simply making men more emotionally distant and impaired by using phrases like ‘boys dont cry’ and ‘that’s a girl thing’. What he is saying isn’t that all masculinity leads to crime, its just that a toxic amount of it does. At least, it did for him.

[@treeforged9097]

There is literally no evidence that any masculinity has ever led to a crime. He presents no evidence that masculinity causes any type of problems to a person or to society. He said he grew up in a community who gave respect to gang members. Respecting gang members is not caused by any known type of masculinity. He is just using it as an excuse for his own mistakes.

[@hungrymusicwolf]

I am just curious, why are you using the word masculinity in toxic masculinity if those two are distinct?

[@PhatRobs]

There’s no such thing as toxic masculinity, its called bad people

[@Amandanumnum]

OneManWolfPack I believe it’s to refer to the behaviours that are more common/relevant to men

[@Amandanumnum]

Treeforged hey, i agree with you that masculinity has never led to a crime, but I think the idea here is that there may be a possible correlation, not causation, between toxic masculine behaviours and the likelihood in engaging in/presenting criminal behaviour

[@leveljoe]

Toxic actions and behaviors are the problem... It is not masculine nor is it feminine!

[@leveljoe]

@@Amandanumnum Is the behavior propelled by Nature or Nurture? It depends whether human behavior is determined by the environment, either prenatal or during a person's life, or by a person's genes. If it nature, you are not going to be able to make much in the way of progress. If it's nurture, who's/what nurturing is at the root of the problem? Remember, most children are predominantly raised by the mother and an even greater number of men who exhibit problems we're raised by most only women. It may well be that its caused by the females who raised the children. We've all seen plenty of toxic females... Just a thought.

[@Amandanumnum]

@@leveljoe I'm not denying that there are toxic females. there are tons, this talk just isn't addressing those issues, they are addressing predominantly male ones. And placing women as solely responsible for the actions of men is dangerous and harmful rhetoric. Don't forget that peers and society has just as much, or even more influence on a child's outlook and behaviour as parents, let alone just the mother. Also, I'm sorry you didn't get to spend more time with your dad.

[@leveljoe]

@@Amandanumnum How did l place women solely responsible? What wording did I use? You seem to have become very defensive (toxic) by me pointing out that toxicity can also come from women. "Predominantly male ones" Be careful, it sounds like you're making gender stereotypes. Oh, Thanks, my father passed away when I was 20...

[@leveljoe]

@@Amandanumnum "don't forget that peers and society has just as much, or even more influence" "either prenatal *or during a person's life* " Yeah I covered that...

[@Amandanumnum]

@@leveljoe yes, you did. "If it's nurture, who's/what nurturing is at the root of the problem? Remember, most children are predominantly raised by the mother and an even greater number of men who exhibit problems we're raised by most only women. It may well be that its caused by the females who raised the children." -by blaming women for the actions of men. I'd say that's a pretty big "gender stereotype." yeah, some are probably responsible, but that isn't the only influence. we have to hold other things responsible as well.

[@federalmayhem]

Robbery, kidnapping, and attempted murder are completely different then taking pride in being a man. Masculinity is protecting your wife, daughters, and family. While teaching your sons the same. This guy is institutionalized.

[@Avenger222]

He's talking about toxic masculinity, not masculinity in general. They're different.

[@crystalclearmentalhealth2392]

So is it masculinity when a woman protects her husband, daughters, and family? Protecting those you care about is not feminine or masculine it's human....

[@JadoDog]

@@Avenger222 Beat me to it. Too many men hear "toxic masculinity" and go, "What? Is it a crime to be a man???" That's not what that term means at all. Calm down.

[@s.tagerius2514]

@@crystalclearmentalhealth2392 That's why we shouldn't limit certain characteristics to being exclusively masculine or feminine.

[@federalmayhem]

RecoveringFormalist Then, toxic feminism must be having an abortion right? Since, ya know, you’re supposed to love your children. Maybe toxic feminism is protesting gun rights so women can’t protect themselves, or their families, from brutal assaults. Why is there a term for toxic masculinity and not toxic feminism? Oh that’s right! We aren’t equal. Deal with it. It goes both ways.

[@shadetreephilosopher5568]

It's labeled as overcoming dangerous masculinity but at the end when he mentions breaking the cycle of group think and emotional illiteracy, I think that gets more to the root of the problem. People believing they should behave a certain way because it's what everyone expects of them. Group think can be very dangerous and everyone male and female should make an effort to know who they really are.

[@warmccl]

This was an amazing story. Very strong of him to come up and tell his story. Many men in the comments are encouraging his past deviant lifestyle because "he shouldn't apologize for being a man". They are exactly the type of men he is speaking on, toxic men. This man is extremely masculine to go against these men who think they are alpha but behave beta. There are many masculine men like him and I encourage it.

[@JimGriffOne]

He opens with: "Big boys don't cry. Suck it up. Shut up and rub some dirt on it. Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." While I agree the first one is more aimed towards males, and I haven't heard the third one, the other two are generally used towards ANY child by abusive parents (both female and male) who don't have parenting skills. These lines have nothing to do with "toxic masculinity". They are about treating children improperly and not giving them the life lessons they require to grow into responsible adults, thereby causing them to repeat the cycle when they have children of their own. Toxic masculinity is a myth. I haven't yet heard a single argument that proves any aspect of masculinity (or just being a man) is "toxic". They tend to provide arguments against other things, but then conflate them with masculinity.

[@natalialalonde]

Watch "The Work" on Amazon Prime. It goes further into what Eldra is talking about. He brings up a subject that people are afraid to touch on. Masculinity.

[@RockNRollaMAC]

He's in it.

[@Acode7940]

I am 81, white, and female and every time I hear this man talk I cry. (I first heard him with Angelo Dillulo.) Must be a lot that is good in there. Good fjuture work, Eldra.

[@kristinjewell1351]

I am so proud of this gentleman’s insight and self-knowledge. Kudos, sir.

[@Wanderor2003]

One of the best presentations I heard concerning some psychological dynamics, where a child can become a dominator or aggressor after suffering abuse or aggression (I have seen some children go down that rabbit hole). Interesting to see that what some call sociopathy (lack of empathy for others, often part of committing crimes against others) is not always as "internal" or permanent as some claim. It does take a huge amount of courage to admit publicly to committing violent crimes : very few people can do that. Cheers.

[@Baraz_Red]

Vicious cycle of violence.

[@CurtisEBlack]

I don’t understand why we have to target certain traits of portrayed masculinity when they are just as evident across all genders and different sexuality’s. I feel as though I’m defective just because I’m a white male. Why can’t we just decide to be respectful and do the right thing while not stereotyping certain behaviours as being toxically masculine. I feel as though I’m being told that the root of all evil stems from supposedly masculine ideas and behaviours and even if that’s true, we can’t change the past. Playing the “blame game” won’t change the future either. What we can do is strive to be better people and fight oppression, discrimination, prejudice, racism etc. as a whole. I feel as though that is the only way for us to move forward, with EVERYONES support. EDIT: Also, I’d like to say that telling men if they feel like they’re being targeted, they’re part of the problem, is ludicrous. I myself want to support equality and the promotion of mental health just as much as anyone else. The message the message being portrayed, is not clear. You can’t blame men for feeling targeted if their masculinity, however they define it, is being called toxic.

[@lottajarvi2907]

Great video. This changed the way I will try to act with the men in my life. Thank you for being vulnerable and setting an example.

[@shedokan]

The courage it takes to open up like that on stage, and the transformation this man has went through... That's amazing! I think we can learn some good things from this talk such as rethinking why we do what we do, and who we truly are. I might disagree with some other statements, but it shouldn't take away from the fact this man is amazing!

[@claytonwatkins2084]

It also takes courage to open up a man's rib cage by stabbing it 30 times.

[@deepisaddictedtoyt]

Gillette?

[@Lobos222]

Nah, the Gillette ad was basically throwing every man under the buss. One can understand that there might be "toxic masculinity" issues in HARD CORE criminal circles. I doubt any White reasonable man would argue that a "Sopranos" type setting would be healthy for young boys to grow up in. However, the female Gillette crew wanted to make men into women.

[@Bakerlovespibb]

Lobos222 you’re confusing crime and poor decisions with masculinity.

[@LindaMcification]

@@Lobos222 I sense a little toxic masculinity. You can learn something.

[@Palau_Legend]

Abundantia you are a walking billboard for toxic femininity. Do you bicker and try to micro manage men in your regular life?

[@Bakerlovespibb]

Wild MissingNo 😂👌🏻

[@roseisclark]

Thank you Eldra, I have so much respect for you.

[@saltygoatfarmer8510]

Funny, I was raised with the same things, "Shut up before I give something to cry about!", "Stop being a cry baby." I've never committed a crime and I'm a woman. Raised my kids similarly and they have never committed crimes and their closer to 40 than 30 these days. You sir, are the criminal not a masculine man, don't blame your upbringing.

[@lovediyana47]

"Raised my kids similarly" weird flex but ok

[@mindyjane7]

He was sexually molested. Did you get that point? And then he was not allowed to show his emotions. He held them in until he found a safe space to discover his true self. I, a woman, was told to stop crying before I was given something to cry about. My father didn't feel comfortable with negative emotions. He didn't know how to deal with a crying child. So I learned to keep my feelings inside and it took therapy to learn how to speak up and trust my emotions and feelings. I identify with the speaker very much. Bravo to him for doing the healing so necessary. Don't knock him until you've walked in his shoes.

[@saltygoatfarmer8510]

@@mindyjane7 I was not sexually abused true, but I was physically and emotionally abused and still never did anything to go to jail over. The idea that a person is no more than how they are raised unless they go through therapy to learn different, I feel is BS. I may have told my kids not to cry over every little thing, true. However, I did not physically abuse them, nor did I tell them they were useless, ignorant garbage every day like I was raised. My point is, regardless of your raising, you the individual choose how to respond. Did I believe I was worthless? Yes. Did I believe I was stupid? Yes. Did these things make me commit crime or repeat the cycle of abuse with my own children? NO! I learned not to do these things without counseling, but by paying attention to how they made me feel and knowing I would never want to hurt anyone else the same. This topic still has nothing to do with "toxic masculinity" and more about his choices as an individual.

[@lovediyana47]

@@saltygoatfarmer8510 well good for you but this was his story and how his wrong mindset of masculinity affected him. but now he knows bettrr and even taught his kids to be better.

[@ea-nasir420]

​@@saltygoatfarmer8510 You kind of missed the entire point of the talk, and I don't mean to be preachy when I say that flinging mud on someone like this isn't going to make the world a better place. The valuable but overlooked point he brings up here is that when individuals replace their identity with their idea of masculinity, because they've never reflected on themselves and their actions, problematic consequences follow, even up to societal scale. That's what's worth discussing here, and it actually goes both ways in that replacing identity with femininity is equally problematic, though it may lead to different kinds of problems. At the very least, the take away should be that some of those sentenced to a life sentence can in fact be normalized and integrated back into society, should they be willing, while remaining conscious and repentant of their previous actions, for which this guy seems to be a prime example.

[@TraversyMedia]

Why does Ted keep doing this to themselves? Lol

[@BunnyUK]

Traversy Media the owner Chris Anderson gets a lot of money from Soros, and the Bilderberg Group, to promote this creepy drivel. All part of an agenda.

[@NoMoreForeignWars]

Every man that's annoyed by this leftist propaganda is another vote for Trump. Enjoy another 4 years libtards!

[@qpSubZeroqp]

What are you guys talking about? The man opened himself up after being through so much and you guys don't even care. What does that say about your own character?

[@D00kerT]

@@qpSubZeroqp Where did anyone say they don't care? I think most are saying that whatever this guys notions are about what he perceives masculinity to be, most men don't share it. Him claiming, by mere assertion, that there is an "epidemic" of "toxic masculinity", is why there is a push back. Most men are brought up to be providers, protectors, and defenders of the weak and those in need. Just look at who is doing the carrying of other human beings after a flood or natural disaster. That is what most men are brought up to be, and its no surprise that they resent being told that this guys version of masculinity, is their own.

[@eclipse5393]

Because TED has been invaded by Intersectional feminists just like universities and the tech industry

[@LemosArt0987]

The amount of courage and humility it takes for this man to tell his story like this is immeasurable. I see more and more men choosing to turn away from toxic masculinity.

[@rainystone607]

Arturo Lemos they are weak men

[@alanc6752]

A great TED video by a dude who has lived a heavy life and turned it around. Good stuff. Then you read the comments...

[@9rh9]

TED is a platform for sharing ideas. And this is important. If you don’t like an idea it’s better to have it in the light than in the dark. Please don’t hate ted.

[@mmmk1616]

Very powerful indeed! I have tears in my eyes. I have hope, hope that his message and others like him will spread and put an end to toxic masculinity! It will take a long time, but I have hope.

[@rachelw821]

This is incredibly powerful! It has far too few views!

[@Palau_Legend]

Rachel W because it’s a lot of nonsense. People don’t like wasting their time.

[@EnekonGaming]

The great problem of our society is the lack of true man doing things true man should do. Protect, lead and help.

[@ea-nasir420]

No true Scotsman fallacy

[@EnekonGaming]

@Oak101 when the man takes his place in society, women can too. As simple as that. It's like family. When there's no father, the mother tries to play two rols, and as well when there's no wife. When man and women play their roles, everything else works.

[@EnekonGaming]

@@ea-nasir420 what?

[@EnekonGaming]

@Oak101 Say that man should protect, lead and help his family isn't any stereotype. It's his obligation as a man. Of course, I'm with you. It's true that women aren't doing their job as well. And that's why society is in trouble, family as we know is disappearing. Everyone is just looking for his own safe. And because of it, we have this new "feminists" and stuff. If only everyone played their role and take their responsibilities, everything would be better.

[@Amandanumnum]

Oak101 I think you are reinforcing gender stereotypes by saying “true women” should just look after children 🤔

[@bellamjmoolla]

The only problem with this video is that it is given from the perspective of an ex-inmate - who, God bless his Soul, has the strength to speak about this. Most men, and I’m only speculating here, might watch this and think “well, I’m not a convict so therefore ‘toxic masculinity’ doesn’t apply to me,” when in reality, TM directly speaks to those men who largely go unnoticed, unseen, and are considered invisible by their privilege. Despite this, absolute Kudos to Eldra who performed this speech and didn’t blame his actions on systemic violence and racism. Warrior of a Spirit! 💗

[@Dementia69]

The few diseases he refers to of the toxic masculinity is things the old man says to the young one

[@shaunpatryck]

The last 2 generations of men have the best advice there is.. men should strive to be them and not this Progressive Delusional Weak individual the world is trying to make men into.

[@yomommah]

@@shaunpatryck You should question the way things were, the way you are trying to propagate the way men 'are' right now. What kind of man do you want to be?

[@shaunpatryck]

@@yomommah that's easy a man that's not easy influenced by our disgusting PC culture.... Progressives within the United states are the worst type of individuals America has to offer! Strong willed men, very stern men and nurturing women are what needed.

[@yomommah]

In the video, I see a very strong and stern man. I don't see your point.

[@shaunpatryck]

@@yomommah hahaha... the point is toxic masculinity is nothing has never been anything. Its unfortunate that so many people listen to Americas Progressive sect... its cult like, very horrifying.

[@Cass63450]

Thank you for doing this! I deeply respect your courage.

[@MasteryOrder]

Your actions that resulted in your prison sentence (kidnapping, robbery, attempted murder) have nothing to do with being a man or with masculinity. There is nothing masculine about somebody wanting to harm others out of selfish self-interest. Your felonies are not a result of embracing manhood. "Big boys don't cry" is an expression that suggests that men should be strong enough to be the pillar of support for others while dealing with their emotions stoically. It doesn't mean repressing feelings or never expressing them in any way. "Suck it up" has a similar connotation. Resilience and becoming anti-fragile is something you should want for men because there are times when the world is not always sunshine and rainbows. I hope that after your experience, you found the right meanings for these expressions, and I hope you found the right role models and examples to guide you on the right track. All the best to you!

[@oskarkrzyzanowski8499]

I hope my wife's son will be like you.

[@Palau_Legend]

Oskar Krzyżanowski lol

[@bradr539]

Prison bound...

[@quewntenerif616]

the obsession of males with the paternity of their children is unnatural and illogical. It has caused A LOT of problems for humanity. if males were supposed to know for sure they are the biological fathers of the children they are raising they would be the ones carrying them and giving birth. Just be grateful your wife brought a child to your home. stop fighting against nature and you will be happier.

[@bradr539]

@@quewntenerif616 nothing like raising some other man's child and should be thankful for the privilege..and child support..

[@quewntenerif616]

@@bradr539 being mad at nature is not going to help. I'm just saying. Instead of reacting emotionally like you are doing, think about it rationally.

[@waveceptor]

Very interesting talk, and it's important not to be quick to judge based on the title. This guy had a rough life and made some bad choices, but learned from his mistakes. The knowledge he learned was personal and subjective, I believe. Equating his story with concepts of masculinity is a little bit of a stretch. Being a criminal and being masculine are not equatable. Being heterosexual and attracted to women is not toxic. He seems to imply these things, and I don't think his personal experience says much about masculinity at all. However, a worthwhile presentation and clear and interesting lessons to be learned... just not much to be learned about masculinity.

[@nhogan84]

If you feel personally attacked by this, you probably are in the grips of toxic masculinity yourself. It's okay to feel emotions that aren't anger.

[@Palau_Legend]

Nicholas Hogan false dichotomy. Learn to think critically.

[@Ch3micalSoup]

@@Palau_Legend "False dichotomy"? What does that mean? What two things are being presented as different or opposed that is false?

[@LindaMcification]

@@Palau_Legend Gillete ad? You can learn something.

[@Palau_Legend]

Evan M feel attacked:toxic masculinity. Don’t feel attacked:no toxic masculinity.

[@Palau_Legend]

Abundantia you forgot to articulate your whole message. Or was assuming I was supposed to read your mind the irony of your message - hitting me with toxic femininity.

[@Audioclass5]

it feels like what his babysitter did to him was a bigger factor than toxic masculinity and blaming toxic masculinity for why he thought a certain way kinda takes away from the devastating effect molestation can have

[@gabe17gamer]

The way I see it, the potential consequences of growing up around toxic masculinity are twofold, depending on context. Situation 1-This guy’s situation. He comes from a less socioeconomically and ethnically privileged background, where there’s a high rate of crime and gang culture. He’s been raised to believe in the ideas of toxic masculinity because of his environment, his role models including but NOT limited to his father, but he had a safety net for these ideas not to manifest in the form of sports. When this safety net was taken away from him, he fell into the cycle; at the end of the day, he was young, he hadn’t matured fully yet, he had been raised to believe in toxic masculine ideas, so to say that it’s his fault is largely misguided. The other situation is when you have privilege, you are from a comfortable socioeconomic and ethnic background, and you have been raised to believe in the ideas of toxic masculinity. In this situation, these ideas can still be harmful because when you have that privilege and power, and it’s supported by the foundations of toxic masculine ideas, these ideas can manifest into the abuse of that power and privilege, the results of which could be anything from the sexual objectification of women to favouring men to work for your company, in your business or in your workplace. It’s important to consider that toxic ideas of masculinity can not only corrupt our men on an individual level, but can also subsequently institutionalise these ideas. Toxic masculinity doesn’t discriminate on class, race or religion; just because the consequences aren’t always criminal, it doesnt mean they dont exist.

[@shwanakumar7167]

Ohhh ya'll are lost LOST. This man mentions the criminal activities he did and then you guys just stopped listening there. Just because ya'll can't relate to his mistakes doesn't change the message. He literally said "SO MUCH SO that I spent 24 years in prison for kidnapping, robbery, and attempted murder." He's literallllyyyyy just explained how far toxic masculinity can take a man. It starts in a vicious cycle and you guys have completely missed this this point in the video. Someone doesn't just wake up and decide to be a bad person. It comes from somewhere.

[@Elzilcho87]

All these angry little teenagers bashing their keyboards in rage over someone simply questioning the warped ideal of men's overcompensating masculinity in society, are themselves showing they're being deeply controlled by it. The fact that they need to get so upset and triggered by this itself proves they're incredibly insecure and too afraid of admitting they feel threatened by the simple idea of questioning themselves.

[@BH-pk6ng]

so your advise would be to not get upset. To not show emotions. This video is exactly about you. You are pro toxic masculinity and funnily enough to stupid to realize it.

[@Amandanumnum]

Ben Holz haha. You kinda have a point here, but the fact that anger seems to be the most common first emotional response probably isn’t great

[@Elzilcho87]

@@BH-pk6ng Umm... your comment is actually quite stupid since it's based on something I never even said. I specifically said that these angry little teenagers were showing their toxic masculinity by automatically defaulting to anger over someone simply discussing his own experiences with it. I never once said "To not show emotion". You literally made that up.

[@claytonwatkins2084]

@@Elzilcho87 not a direct comparison but "too afraid of admitting they feel" is similar to "to not show emotion." Personal attacks aside I jumped to the same conclusion as Ben.

[@Elzilcho87]

@@claytonwatkins2084 You didn't quote me properly, which is very odd since you accurately quoted the first part, then conveniently omitted the rest of it. I said "too afraid of admitting they feel threatened by the simple idea of questioning themselves." I get both of you are purposefully misquoting me for whatever reason, but unlike the resentful little immature teenagers freaking-out over the video in the comments, I'm actually fine with it. Anything else you want me to clear up for you?

[@leveljoe]

"Rub some dirt on it" does not equate to being instructed to kidnap, rob and attempt murder! WTF...

[@VQM6]

Props for giving your perspective and experiences. Will help shed some light and give some thought to the topic. Basically: 1) Don't be a sheep 2) Question yourself 3) Know difference between acquaintance v.s friend 4) Know your worth 5) Busy hands are happy hands There are reasons for why guys are the way they are but, when poor decisions are made it seems everyone tries to hide behind something. In this case 'masculinity', instead of personal responsibility. Unfortunately not everyone if fortunate enough to have both parents but, kids should still be taught. Maybe something like the 'inside circle' should be encouraged in schools. Played football twice back in high school and quit both times. I was/am sizable enough to play and was encouraged at times but, the first time around I go the line and looked up at the kid who was slightly smaller than me and wasn't giving me much resistance with tears streaming down his face. Undoubtedly getting yelled at by his teammate/coach to push harder. That's all well and good but, doesn't warrant tears. The second time around, the coach was awesome and was really trying to instill 'correct masculine' values in my teammates ( who I wasn't familiar with because I signed up late )but, the way he did it was too much. Something like 'this is it/ your last chance to do good'. I guess he was putting too much emphasize on the 'game' which is how I treated it but, it was so much more for them, but not me. IDK, kids need proper guidance from someone who can relate.

[@crystalclearmentalhealth2392]

Thank you for teaching from your pain and creating opportunity for growth where before there was only pain. I appreciate your efforts.

[@michael_maisey]

This should be the most viewed Ted Talk

[@MasteryOrder]

If mastery and masculinity are also subjects that interest you, I invite you to explore the videos shared on the Mastery Order Channel to challenge yourself with some ideas about manhood and to become the kind of man you would admire. We can only better ourselves together, as men among men, so I invite you to use what I share and, of course, share your own opinions so that others can benefit from them as well. Looking forward to your points of view. All the best to you!

[@etchasketch222]

Either way you slice it, I'm, glad Eldra is doing doing well for himself and others.

[@claytonwatkins2084]

I can 100% support this, even though I 100% disagree with his message/agenda.

[@carmelogiuseppe3805]

Thank you! Now thats real power transparency, transformation along with vulnerability🤗

[@bcp8958]

Masculinity is generally a positive force in society and has been a part of human evolution. However ideas that have made masculinity into a box by trapping men into a certain mindset or simply having ideas that do not benefit themselves or those around them. Also, for men that are offended it’s fine if you are a “machismo” man or whatever you want to call it, but the toxic part comes in if you feel unhealthy pressure or do not let those who learn from you realize that masculinity takes many forms.

[@lazylight007]

The male perception of being tough and no emotions can definetly affect those who are more vulnerable. He was a victim of molestation and reinforced societies perception of how a male in power should behavior thus a very dark turn in his life events. I can imagine in prison this idea of how men should act is emphasized even more in order to survive so the cycle deepens. Men should be able to show emotions without society perceving it as weakness. We should think critically about our behavior as well.

[@juliahenriques210]

A guy comes up and says that what he's been taught about what "being a man" was was wrong, and that it contributed to his crimes. Then, he says what he thinks should be included in young men's education to make it easier for them to be better people. Seems legit. Then I look at the comments... and it seems like people watched a whole different video. :(

[@s.tagerius2514]

Masculinity is not the same as toxic masculinity. Most people aren't saying that all men are toxic, as this is clearly untrue. Rather than writing people who try to raise these issues as having an "agenda" we should take a close look at ourselves and be open to the possibility that perhaps society has taught us negative lessons and behaviours which can cause harm to others.

[@Palau_Legend]

S. Tagerius some of us don’t see the government and society as our socialist daddy’s and learn our Lessons from our parents.

[@treeforged9097]

The people who try to raise these issues need to actually start providing evidence for there claims. Instead of just blaming masculinity for all the worlds problems maybe we should actually try to find evidence for the real causes. This man did not present any evidence that any type of masculinity leads to harming others.

[@LuinTathren]

Beautiful! I'm truly inspired and I'm hopeful. Thank you!

[@zurilift]

“Triggered comment”

[@BH-pk6ng]

"polemic response"

[@romarickostenko9032]

@@BH-pk6ng "pseudo tempering comment tainted with ideological views"

[@claytonwatkins2084]

@@romarickostenko9032 "witty retort with sly passive aggressive sting to your personality which will have you steaming for days but when you show your friends/family to gain support they say something ineffectual and neutral which makes you steam about it for even more days, until TED posts another click bait SJW video and we all move on."

[@gclutchey]

This is a man of immense courage, and he has my highest respect.

[@ritarevell7195]

Excellent talk. Glad you made it back!!

[@marilynbarker8255]

Awesome! How could anyone give this a thumbs down?? That’s scary.

[@tom1b1b8]

I believe the issue comes down to what is masculinity. I recommend the video by The Authentic Observer - "The attack on femininity...". Her video is a little long but she lays out the attributes of both masculinity and femininity quite well. Also, it has been proven time and time again that giving the biological father equal time with their sons produced less aggression (more assertiveness) and more empathy in boys (also more empathy in the daughters as well).

[@lemonsavery]

I don't like how the range of human personalities is split into 'masculine' and 'feminine'. I understand how they are based on biological tendencies, but I kindof want those terms to die and for people to have healthy personalities regardless. EDIT: grammar.

[@phoebebaker1575]

A really thoughtful Ted Talk. Questioning the reasons why we we think what we think is important.

[@MidnightRambler]

they dont,its a lefty think tank..preaching to the converted

[@laurensahanna5826]

@@MidnightRambler insecure about your masculinity?

[@AvatarFanUno]

Adjectives 101: - Dirty water = water THAT is dirty (it doesn't describe every drop of water as dirty) Toxic masculinity: - what stupid people perceive it as: toxic masculinity = masculinity IS toxic - how adjectives really work: toxic masculinity = masculinity THAT is toxic (it doesn't describe every form of masculinity as toxic) FYI: the term ToxMas came from MRAs who ridiculed men who were against violence & for peace, and who they perceived as 'not a man'/'feminized'. Over the years the use of TM changed and now it's used against those same MRAs, because they were pulling the 'not a true scotsman' card. By MRAs definition, Terry Crews ain't a man; if he ain't, then nobody is.

[@pache7216]

Cause u was an angry person, you wanna blame "toxic masculinity",, so i guess it had nothing to do with the babysitter that was molesting you at the age of 7....... Ok bruh

[@colivart]

Pach'e 81 Uhhh he literally said it did, and he never said the phrase toxic masculinity. The internet is the only people who care about toxic masculinity so you’re all coming to this video expecting something different and reaching for examples.

[@pache7216]

@@colivart yes he did say toxic masculinity @:38

[@thesecondislander]

Did you even listen to the talk? He definitely explained that him being molested resulted in his fucked up version of masculinity that he calls "toxic masculinity". He's obviously not alone, probably most guys in prison have some fucked up experiences that led them down a dark path. Unless you think people are just born criminals (experts stopped thinking that in the mid 1900's btw). I feel like some people are interpreting this term as saying that "men are bad", when it's saying some behaviours that we men sometimes expect and encourage in each other (because we have fucked up experiences we don't talk about and thus can't process) are toxic to ourselves and others. Do you think that's so crazy an idea? I have never met a guy who wouldn't agree that "Alpha"behaviour is often synonymous with being a jerk, and that there are many dudes out there who treat women like pieces of meat. Either we think there are really just that many unredeemable assholes in the world, or admit that maybe there's a systemic problem in how we're raising our boys. Which of those would give us an opportunity to improve? We can't make sure nobody has some bad stuff happen to them in life, but we can equip them with the right tools to survive it and become good members of society. That means not teaching a new generation to fucking suck it up and keep it bottled, that's what breeds darkness and hatred.

[@claytonwatkins2084]

@@colivart okay ignore the term "toxic masculinity" for a second, he clearly states that suffers from a Disease...Masculinity. So he is not even referring to the 'toxic' version of it just Masculinity as a whole. At the end he states we need to fight/cure this disease masculinity. So now its not something to avoid, like acid or poison, it's inside every male.

[@Neen88]

I think his point is that he suffered abuse but toxic masculinity tells men to bottle up their feelings and try and seek power/vengeance instead. He was talking about being told not to cry and keeping secrets to try and protect others, this is literally what men are brainwashed into doing, and it quite obviously doesn't turn out well. Its not real strength all this posturing, joining gangs etc...its a patch fix

[@Seung25]

masculinity and femininty are energies. they are not "harmful" or "toxic" in their nature (indeed they are very useful and powerful when using them wisely in the right time and the right context), it all depends on the one who is using those energies (because somehow we all have both of them, but of course not the same proportion), some people use masculinty in violence and crimes, and others use it to build and to protect and make the life of others better... some people use femininity in manipulating and using others for their advantages, and some use it to care for others and nurture them and make their life better

[@joseray2002]

Almost 12 minutes of this man blaming his masculinity for what was caused by early childhood abuse. If his abuser had been a man; then maybe he would have been allowed to blame that, and actually work through his trauma; instead of being encouraged and coerced to blame his "manhood".

[@txemanovelo]

Very powerful speech.

[@colivart]

The way the internet thinks about things is different from normal people who don’t live on the internet. Nobody clicks on this video thinking toxic masculinity. He never mentioned toxic masculinity. Yet that’s all I see in the comments.

[@emv2978]

Just wow.. Wonderful. thank you for sharing!

[@lorenzo.1977]

So close to being Panzram. Good on him for changing his life!

[@retiredshitposter1062]

are you really wearing a red tie? don't you know that's the color of the patriarchy? you should be fired!!!!!!

[@Bakerlovespibb]

It’s funny... most supporters of this video will claim the other side to be full of men who aren’t in touch with their feelings. Like if you’re a man who knows when and how to be strong, yet also knows when and how to be vulnerable and intimate.

[@sleeplessinseattle5160]

Speechless...... 💗

[@caden8110]

masculinity shouldn't be bashed as much in the media it's about respecting yourself and doing your utmost best for your "Tribe" men should still be leaders not weak and submissive, it's not in the nature but overly aggression without reflection is obviously bad.

[@WalterStrongIIIthehuddle]

That was excellent discussion on what real manhood is about in this life.

[@LuderSatan1]

Cant you stop with all this political drivel and actually report about some technology for once??

[@traveler7249]

Most women like men! Men prefer "follow" men. not pseudo-men Male physical traits and male actions. _ Being dominant does not mean you are overbearing or belittle others - Being Strong physically and mentally does not mean you beat up the weak

[@KlimovArtem1]

I like his speech and story, he talks from his heart. But why does he associate masculinity with doing crimes? Masculine men suppose to be less emotional than feminine women, it's just nature, hormones, and how we evolved for million years. You can't go hunting a wild animal or defend your family from an attacker if you are about to sit and cry. It's normal though for kids to cry. In his situation, I would look into the family history, like, what happened to make him believe in the things he described that led to the crime.

[@namelesscapone4786]

YO my fellow Dudes, he may be onto something.....

[@Repasado1894]

Shame to see how many small minded and misinformed people are out in the world. Obvious to see from reading these comments some people don't actually try to learn about the subject matter and give an opinion based on personal biased.

[@emancoy]

Growing up in an ideal family and experienced nothing close to his life.

[@gabrielmcwethy3441]

This is a great talk.

[@TheVigilante2000]

Yep, My mom told me to rub dirt in it, and now I'm doing 30 to Life. God damn mom!

[@BichinAround]

Give That man a medal 🎖️

[@sravankumar7324]

"masculinity" is why we survived as a species hoss.

[@quewntenerif616]

lmao

[@claytonwatkins2084]

@@quewntenerif616 as much as it pains me to admit that I agree with you, I kind of do. Masculinity has kept the fires burning, food on the table, and shelter overhead since the dawn of time. Femininity has keep the population thriving and given us a reason to be grounded, innovate, create, and strive to be better. But you can't have a strong protector who is weak and scared, if women are ready to fight fires, wars, crime, and solve the worlds technical and physical problems then so be it, I would love to sit on the couch playing video games and raising kids.

[@guitarzilla]

Accountability is part of being male in almost every aspect of society, beyond women or children. Accountable by other men mostly. Toxic masculinity is a phrase used to shame men for enforcing accountability, stoicism, and other qualities that have really no negative or positive stigma, unless criticizing the male gender at large. Only women and men seeking to excuse male accountability choose to provide a underlying psychological shortcoming as an excuse. Ie. Lets assume traditional male attributes are toxic and psychologically pathologize, shame them out of existence. Nice idea, won't work. You can't change spots on a leopard.

[@markwonder8168]

Stop judging the video based on its title. If you actually listen to what he has to say, it's a story of a person who made some serious mistakes in his life, and now shares his thoughts on how other men in similar circumstances can avoid those mistakes. It's not attack on you, nor on men in general.

[@darius5396]

I'm AfroAmerican and he is right. This is said in the community and I heard the phrases but that is also by bad parents who didn't do their job. I stayed from all the crap he speaks of and I am making it through life just fine. I agree some men acting out always angry isn't good and I just laugh at those people because they are not really tough. We as a whole need to go back to traditional masculinity.

[@l3p3]

Great words. He got it! Glad for him.

[@peggyharris3815]

Intelligence, great communication skills, sensitivity, sincerity, discernment...that's what makes a manly man; and this guy has got it! Yeah...he's good lookin too.

[@peggyharris3815]

@@BBxx19 ...check out the history of who Saul of Tarsus was before he became Paul. (Also a murderer). What you have done is not who you are.

[@moritz3168]

Intelligence has nothing to with being man or not either ypu are or you arent. Great communication skills also has nothing to do with being a man or not. Sensitivity? What do u mean? Being able to feel for others or be easily offended? Sincerity is true

[@moritz3168]

@@peggyharris3815 what you have done is not who you are? Excuse me? That only applies if you have truly changed. Its not like you can stab someone and then say well that was 5 minutes ago now im a diferent person!

[@treeforged9097]

All this man did is create a scapegoat and blame all of his mistakes on some societal force. There is nothing intelligent about that, I think you mean to use the phrase ignorant coward when describing him.

[@peggyharris3815]

@@moritz3168 without those traits what is there? They are a foundation to build on, of course there is more to being a man than the few things I listed.