Making Pizza but I'm a Pirate

I made pizza but I'm a pirate. that's literally it.
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In this episode of Cooking With Ted, Ted Nivison is Making Pizza but I'm a Pirate. This is the most excellent and informative cooking show. I made pizza homemade, utilizing yeast, dough, mozzarella, and all the other stuff that create a pizza. I feel glorious. I feel reborn. Why are you even looking at the bottom of the description what do you have to gain from reading this dude.

[@oggebruv6108]

Every time i see the rum bottle in frame more seems to be missing from the bottle

[@Dont-Watch-My-Vids-U-Regret-it]

First to comment

[@Pumpkal]

Yohoho and a bottle of slowly declining amounts of rum

[@bigchuks2240]

It’s a pirates life for me

[@mdripon3719]

Q.

[@mr.stealyourmilk1419]

scrumpeh

[@luca3315]

“Why did I think that working with dough would work with a hook?” Man you are not ready to learn about dough hooks

[@wowok5357]

Shhhhh dont tell him

[@dollym1lk980]

yes that’s what i was thinking the whole time

[@sarahbunnell6632]

i’m sitting here in pain because of it

[@taimahi8892]

I was literally gonna say “he affixed his dough hook for this recipe”

[@cullylindquist9555]

To be fair he did only have a whisk attachment

[@Slimecicle]

Piracy is a crime, Ted. I hope you didn’t download that pizza without paying for it!

[@passi0nprojecttt]

well consider me a criminal cause I just commited arson

[@Lucas573w]

This is true

[@Epic0616]

I hate this

[@fedgoon]

You wouldn't download a pizza, Would you?

[@yllwtoast]

My pirated pizza comes out my dvd player.

[@carlwebber4094]

He now has an actual kitchen and not just a glass desk and oven

[@xnitrom5685]

Here's another comment

[@circumferenced]

Here’s another comment

[@redmist6630]

14:38 i say that... never

[@Crinlask]

Here's another comment

[@cheesenjunk4333]

You don't even need the pirate costume, I'm honestly just impressed that you made everything from scratch

[@AxxLAfriku]

I recently revealed the genders of my two girlfriends. It got a lot of hate and now has 30 times more dislikes than likes. I am really sad that people can be so mean. Sorry for using your comment to talk about my problems, dear chese

[@cosmostardust5624]

@@AxxLAfriku if you’re getting a lot of hate and dislikes, you are probably doing something that people don’t want to see. That’s just logic. Also, no one likes a person who advertises on other people’s work. Maybe you can advertise a different way?

[@DigBikEnergy]

@@AxxLAfriku stfu

[@sclappap7631]

I acknowledge the opinion, I do not respect it though. The pirate costume is crucial to the pizza crafting process, it's as if you forgot the history lesson in the beginning.

[@fredrickbuttski2343]

@@AxxLAfriku Dude I Love your channel

[@ottootterr]

i genuinely think that ted is an excellent cook and he gives himself handicaps because the world isn’t ready for his unbridled cooking abilities

[@T---pc6tb]

@MORE_ELZZZ piss pants

[@uhoh7545]

@@T---pc6tb yeah!

[@ruaai795]

He peeled the tomatoes sara...

[@therealvlad505]

Hello tubbo stan

[@kadeneccleston336]

He mixed dough with an electric mixer :( maybe another of his handicaps

[@johnlink9397]

Im not even mad that he didn't use the hook for some parts cause it was a safety hazard

[@joeholden1599]

@Pinky Du' Punkcyber for the betterment of mankind

[@joeholden1599]

@Pinky Du' Punkcyber a hook is better than nothing

[@SpacetouristGaston]

@Pinky Du' Punkcyber it think it would depend on the situation, on same materials you could get a better grip with your skin than with a metal hook when pressing down on a surface.

[@mango4981]

I’m surprised he didn’t take it off sooner

[@michealpersicko9531]

Should have really taken it off when he was using the knife that was really stupid

[@idonthaveayoutube3761]

The reveal that his hand wasn’t actually a hook was an insane twist

[@derse_lol_ogy3014]

put a spoiler warning next time 😔😔😔

[@frenchwaffl]

yea man come on 😡

[@smartstuf1026]

Be more sensitive bro 😭

[@riley2784]

It was so surprising that he didn’t cut off his hand to put the hook on it

[@beans8165]

obviously didn't pay attention, he said he learned how to regrow his hand in pirate camp

[@chefj523]

I can't believe Ted actually learned a real cooking technique. Blanching.

[@briefgamerup]

He lives up in a mansion

[@Adelaide_Spence]

I was screaming the whole time up until then

[@jasonc9105]

@@briefgamerup and?

[@depressoespresso6522]

@@Adelaide_Spence No

[@reeeteee2526]

As a cook, blanching is used for a few things. We use em for wings :/

[@giantworm4699]

the horror i felt when ted said “mixing paddle attachment” and then immediately used the beaters on a hand mixer is astounding

[@NHFNNC]

The irony that he needed a dough hook is not lost on me

[@poppycola1135]

Watching him peel that first tomato while screaming at my screen “just Blanche it! Just Blanche the tomatoes!!” Was more stressful than my finals.

[@tricksfollies9549]

@@poppycola1135 Yeah, I was like, "Don't you need to boil tomatoes to peel them? I'm pretty sure a potato peeler is too rough on a dainty tomatoe." I was also like, "If only he knew that you can use a dough hook to mix dough. And he's wearing one."

[@aidanbove231]

“This is revolutionary” instantly pisses off 1000s of generations of Italian grandmas

[@altjamie2019]

Mama mia is mad.

[@Alialherati]

Nah just grandma's in general

[@englishatheart]

@@Alialherati Grandma's what? Finish your sentence. What belongs to grandma?

[@JordanLikesYouAlot]

I like how unnecessarily long and detailed the burning pizza, dancing pirate intro was. Please make the next video’s animated intro longer. I want to feel like it will never end and then get strangely into it like an anime intro. Please, ted, I need this.

[@calamaribowl8683]

"Burning pizza, dancing pirate" is just a band name

[@emeraldaspects]

I love how Ted either improvises with the recipes or gives himself a handicap, yet still makes actually good food

[@fedo1790]

Ted looks like he's in front of a green screen in his own home

[@mojosully6568]

Your so right lol

[@gardenjhr]

The lighting and his size are just too non proportional

[@corruptedbird]

I thought I was the only one who thought that

[@SeanFerree]

Haha!! For real 😁😁😁

[@normalplays4937]

Now I cant unsee it

[@olliejohnson5158]

i love how ted just does worse when he removes the handicap

[@saladcuck855]

Ted cannot function without a handicap. He doesn't actually need glasses.

[@mrdeadtree9794]

His full power is too much for his physical body to endure

[@thatguywho1317]

“Spread a thin layer of olive oil in a large bowl” Ted: drowns the dough in olive oil

[@Pigness7]

also ted: "Why is it so oily?"

[@altokia2724]

He's making a miniature island. Like those pirate ships in bottles.

[@SeanFerree]

😁😁😁😁

[@marsbars4450]

I may not know how to cook, but holy fuck that was a lot of oil

[@starsgone]

I just realized that he started 6 in the afternoon and finished at 2 in the morning. holy shit it took him 8 hours to make that pizza...

[@crazify_records]

I'm bringing you back to this video by force to tell you, woah

[@emolady666]

@@crazify_records im bringing you back to this video to tell you, hi.

[@crazify_records]

@@emolady666 hello there :D

[@emolady666]

@@crazify_records :D

[@potato1907]

bro he took 5 hours in the ultimate nut butter video

[@bradya456]

Ted's going through food processors as fast as the high school weed smokers go through girlfriends

[@mudkippl]

Smokers dont give girlfriends to their moms

[@spofman]

@@mudkippl huh

[@W0B0N]

@@mudkippl So.. do you?

[@spofman]

@@mudkippl your English is confusing

[@tylerlove6561]

I’m guessing ur a fan of a7x

[@delicatedissonance8025]

Someone once said that ted sounded like he learned how to project his voice in high school and then never stopped and I've never been able to stop thinking about that

[@emilynivison8052]

I can confirm this is true

[@christiannybo5664]

@@emilynivison8052 Ted wit extra sister?

[@robarazzzi3603]

He was a theatre kid and it shows

[@marshall9003]

He sounds like he’s stuck in a different era, John Mulaney energy but in the opposite direction

[@kimboslyce8571]

Bro has the same diction of Peter Griffin

[@gthiccc4615]

The whole time, the only thing I could imagine, was Ted setting the pizza of fire and firefighters had to come. I think it would be fucking hilarious that they would find a grown man in a pirate costume trying to make a pizza at 12am.

[@tastyabe4772]

Pirates actually wear eye patches to negate the effects of onion.

[@tinnierspark3265]

Oh I must’ve just heard wrong about what they are for

[@jasonhudson3362]

I thought it was for eyes adjusting so they can go from bright sun to the darkness of below deck

[@F1NL4YYY]

@@jasonhudson3362 i think you missed a valid point

[@jasonhudson3362]

@@F1NL4YYY I’m also starting to think that

[@NathanTheMan]

We all mocked Blindbeard the pirate but he was right all along.

[@emmaholt7347]

I honestly didn’t think Ted was gonna ever know about blanching tomatoes.

[@bunny-ul5vy]

Based on the microwave's clock, this video took almost 9 hours to make.

[@haaaaf8087]

16:16

[@paconavarro5644]

Ted: I don’t have the proper attachment Also ted: *wearing a dough hook on his left hand*

[@BenDover-ht5nv]

I was thinking the same thing

[@andrewbunn4333]

My man really held up "Crumbled Goat Cheese" and said FETA CHEESE

[@isaacisalive]

bruh i read that as futa cheese how am i high without smoking anything

[@livingpers0n485]

Watching Ted cook is like watching a Sim from Sims4 cook, it just doesn't make sense how it always ends up looking good.

[@Tea_N_Crumpets]

Ted is a dad in that he doesn’t show up often, but the few moments that you see him are always either filled with primal fear or unbridled joy.

[@filip479]

Just wanted to say how funny this video was.

[@verirrteskamel]

Well how funny was it?

[@HallofLame]

@@verirrteskamel I assume he thought it was pretty funny

[@alexandria7848]

Me: y-you can peel a tomato by blanching it Ted: *peels with a peeler*

[@idkbutyoujustseemcoolman3088]

Ted reminds me so much of a sims character and the fact that he dropped the pepper in the tomato sauce makes it even better

[@dawooziest]

I saw no one talking about this and I was crying at it

[@thatguyintherain3168]

Ted: “I’m pretty sure that pizza has been used to assassinate at LEAST 5 high-ranking politicians, and don’t tell me I’m wrong, because I was one of the assassins.” Me, after having seen the rest of his content: “Sounds about right”

[@MollyMoon808]

BAAKSH I WAS ACTUALLY JUST THINKING THAT

[@aimgaming4744]

Oh my god, I was watching your ”real history of Pizza” video, and felt like you had mentioned pizzabeard before. It was from this video! Amazing lore, very continious and well planned, compliments to the chef

[@warmfuzz]

I feel this is just a broken coping mechanism, converted to mp4

[@bjweiser32]

How does this make so much sense and no sense at all?

[@itsmaxwell9734]

OK ETHSN

[@moonlight_frost_3682]

Mechanism?

[@warmfuzz]

@@moonlight_frost_3682 I like to pretend english is my second language

[@venerablevampire]

@@warmfuzz no no you're right the word is mechanism

[@KenzieTown]

This brought back a childhood memory for me. I was in a pizza shop and one of the workers had a hook for a hand. Me and my siblings kept watching him work and he eventually started showing off his skills, twirling the pizza perfectly and even spinning around while he tossed it in the air. He let us play with some of the dough, and even showed us how to twirl it which was cool. Then remember him hitting on my mom so that also happened. Overall it was an interesting experience

[@adriandiaz7811]

Koop

[@adriandiaz7811]

Koop

[@adriandiaz7811]

. Km m n. Ji ::) , m o

[@adriandiaz7811]

. Km m n. Ji ::) , m o

[@adriandiaz7811]

Kk

[@surgeofsouls]

Ad: "Todays magic is tomorrows future." Me: "wtf man, i just wanna watch a grown man in a pirate costume make the finest pizza ever.'

[@RyanTheLeader]

TED VOICE SO NICE MMMMMMMM

[@beastebeat4956]

are you ok? I heard you lost your job as a discord mod. Also how old are you?

[@abbis.910]

@@beastebeat4956 what the hell is going on

[@beastebeat4956]

@@abbis.910 For context watch his discord mod video

[@kevinbmx2225]

I love you Ryan.

[@abbis.910]

@@beastebeat4956 thank you very much ☺️

[@festive-ronpa]

the look on your face when William taught you about blanching the tomatoes and you’ve been using a potato peeler the entire time was damn priceless. thank you for the entertainment!

[@bennelindley1824]

"No video has ever taken me this long to make" *Laughs in Nut Butter*

[@Maxi25554]

"This is probably going worse than any video I've ever done" *Flashbacks to the great gingerbread catastrophe* Edit: guys calm down, it isn't their fault that they don't have taste buds.

[@varangianguard7102]

@Sand Box what

[@fruitpigenthusiast120]

@Sand Box what

[@yumekojabami3231]

@Sand Box what

[@cloudy7466]

@Sand Box what

[@ab-ib8kq]

@Sand Box what

[@Yaboi53067]

“Why does it always work out?”-Theodore Roosevelt (but a pirate).

[@luigi77714]

You know, as an Italian who makes his own pizza about once a week, I gotta say your dough isn't too far off really. Though a useful trick is to cover the bowl in which you put it with a couple of blankets while you wait for it to rise, so the warmth will make it raise better

[@Maria-uh8bv]

Seeing Ted's face slowly fade in from the center of a cheese pizza whilst a gang of jack sparrows dance aggressively, is probably the most terrifying thing I'll ever have to go through.

[@joeydiedrich]

OH MY GOD that "thin" layer of olive oil KILLED me.

[@marynorthenscold3041]

Thank you, me too!!! Agh

[@darkschweppes]

GOD SAME THIS IS AWFUL

[@perma9993]

Alternate title: Ted makes pizza but slowly spirals into a depressive mania

[@oscarpines7927]

"Why does this always work? Is this a curse?" A perfect Ted description.

[@bw4708]

I love how consistently surprised he is by the fact that things are more difficult when you’ve got a plastic hook over one hand

[@Ahealthybear]

How do you think Ted will feel when he finds out that a dough hook is a thing

[@Chaotix]

Ted: "I feel like I'm in Gordon Ramsay's kitchen... but also it's in Hell" Me: "So... Hell's Kitchen..."

[@gorplsnaps2920]

Yeah, but also theres racisim everywhere

[@snobrderchick22]

@@11vvern so Hell’s Kitchen

[@ihatethisp1ace]

@@11vvern so Hell's Kitchen

[@corneraction6765]

@@ihatethisp1ace so Hell’s Kitchen NYC

[@doldldldldlldlslsaaamamma5762]

To those of you who are confused : He's making pizza, but he's a pirate. I hope this cleared things up a bit.

[@Adam-cr2bx]

Thank you for the explanation. I was getting very confused

[@VersaucerCoff]

Holy shit thanks I was so confused

[@WolfiWoolz]

God bless, dude. I was honestly so confused. Have an awesome day

[@carcinogenicoak3057]

Ah, my savior. Thank you, I was so confused and scared.

[@daan9094]

My man walter out here putting pirate pizzas on roofs all day

[@ratcrackers3869]

In all my years of making pizza (hasn’t been that long) I’ve discovered that if you put a truck load of mozzarella on pizza then bake it, if you take it out half way through and sprinkle Parmesan on then when it comes out it’s beryyyyyy cheesy and delicious

[@ratcrackers3869]

I also have a lot of other pizza tips lol

[@ZachNarwhal]

You mentioned pizza tips?​@@ratcrackers3869

[@Jordan-df6ps]

I've made bread so many times and seeing Ted use an electric mixer to mix dough is filling me with so much pain.

[@natehammarberg8858]

I’ve never made bread and it was painful for me as well

[@neltednaka]

Im curious, why is that so bad?

[@OrionDawn15]

@@neltednaka because you aren't supposed to mix it like that. I think.

[@natehammarberg8858]

@@neltednaka I'm mainly worried that the machine will break cause it isn't really made to mix such dense doughs :/

[@Jordan-df6ps]

@@neltednaka Because he isn't using a dough hook, so the dough wraps around the whisks, and it's dough so it's really hard to clean. Personally I like using a big spoon or even my hands to mix dough.

[@ChrisJamesTV]

Ted trained an AI to write 5000 video titles and this one just happened to utilize his pirate costume. Do NOT tell me I'm wrong.

[@captainobvious.29yearsago70]

@@vhaugn956 he really did it, what a madlad

[@ChrisJamesTV]

@@vhaugn956 shit

[@malugawhale]

Ted: “honestly this hook isn’t giving me a hard time yet” Also Ted 2 seconds later: “WhY dID I ThINk a HoOK WOulD bE GoOd fOr DoUGh”

[@7_Mae]

when ted started to PEEL those godforsaken tomatoes, i could feel my grandmother's spirit start to cringe. thank god he learned about blanching, I had to laugh so hard.

[@kg8247]

1:40 the bowling alley screens when you get a strike

[@gayvagina7353]

15:54

[@enriqueaquiahuatl8554]

I like how the tomatoes just made him give up on the hook. And then he dropped the pepper in the sauce even though he wasn't using the hook

[@MEEPdragon]

13:04 I love how taken aback Ted is by his own sentence

[@atomstarfall]

Damn, I like that kitchen

[@noneofyourbuisnessdude8858]

I love this channel, its criminal how underrated it is. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face during this chaotic year Ted.

[@bradyzuber3782]

When you want that pizza pie but you gotta raid the Floridian coast.

[@slayla2494]

"this is probably going worse than any video I've ever done." *The Ultimate Milk*

[@oncalledtobster3493]

But the nut butter episode

[@MEEPdragon]

@@oncalledtobster3493 fucking took so long lol

[@fishbowlliz]

Pog2020

[@kirajackson6031]

I just watched a man suffer in 10 different languages, neat.

[@lurkingnoises9705]

another glorious video ted. from one theodore to another, i love all your content, and it never fails to make me smile :)

[@ThePottsy99]

"Why did I think working with dough working with a hook would work" I mean a dough hook is a thing... might have slightly misunderstood the recipe a little when they asked for one

[@fcknbowie]

ted, we’re in the same boat about the blanching; i had no clue what it was and my grandparents grew tomatoes for 30 years-

[@alexbaker1305]

Good stuff Ted I just watched the whole thing.

[@reila1236]

Nice I also watched the whole thing.

[@theamavoid]

@@reila1236 Nice, me too

[@eriknilsson5505]

I also watched the whole thing

[@starsnake1833]

I've already watched it twice

[@giraffeofwar555]

I watched it twice

[@joshthielenmann]

Alternate title: 17 minutes of a pirate chef cursing the hook he was cured with

[@harmonymartinez7669]

I could watch that beginning intro all day

[@shmeaglethebard5522]

OBLIGITORY ALGORITHM PUSH

[@theomoment]

you are doing gods work, thank you for your services

[@nintendonewsreleases4415]

I feel like this isn’t so much as a cooking video but the bloopers of one

[@EnbyAxolotlOfficial]

"I always make food taste good whaT WRONG WITH ME THIS IS A CURSE"

[@benlo9542]

Teacher: You can pick a partner for this assignment Me looking at my friend: 15:34

[@dakota_jay_]

This is the exact expression I make though

[@SPLARKK]

yeah

[@ChessedGamon]

* wears pepperoni as an eyepatch * Let's go me boys

[@szerbi207]

I didn't even realise lol

[@gabrielflorea8124]

@@ajpaj8799 r/rareinsults

[@therobbaldwin]

Ted: "This is how they do it in New York City!" Jschlatt is typing...

[@radladsoph]

No one: Bowling alley screens when you get a strike: 1:35

[@ctrl2184]

Ted: moves across the country from Binging with Babish Also Ted: “I want Binging with Babish to bring me on his show.”

[@wyvernknight]

I like how Ted asks you not to ask if the Cram Patties is FDA approved, not because he doesn't want you to know, but because he wants to tell you they aren't.

[@christianleotaud1421]

“That’s a 10 inch” -Ted, out of context

[@epi_9940]

The way he said "NO!" when he dropped the pepper into the pan- I'm crying and laughing at this monstrosity, and I enjoyed every bit of it! Thanks Ted

[@jasonmyneni8605]

Him starting to peel the tomato’s with a speed peeler, the calling an engineer to help, then the engineers actually knowing what to do was the greatest part of this video

[@thedownstairsattic5935]

“That’s got to be the best pirate I’ve ever seen.” “So it would seem..”

[@FeathersAnon]

Just reminding you of the video.😊

[@JMSxx]

I was hoping he'd use his hook, like ya know, a dough hook

[@redskullcow2154]

Now that the factual history of pizza is out I see that pizzabeard was known from the beginning to be important

[@jordankahl8327]

I’m a little worried that the first person Ted thought to call when he needed advice on peeling tomatoes was William “Fish Jello” Osman

[@dookie8260]

“I feel like in Gordon Ramsey’s kitchen, but it’s in hell and there’s like racism everywhere, i don’t even know”

[@Wonderland._.]

While watching this, the Pirate's of the carribean theme song is playing in my head... on repeat

[@matthewmeyrowitz6760]

Ted: Makes good tomato sauce Also Ted: "Is this a curse"

[@glopiddop9430]

I was expecting Ted to say that he was making the cheese from scratch with milk from his own cow that he just bought.

[@starboy3860]

"Why did I think working with dough with a hook would work!?" WHY DID YOU THINK *WHISKING* SAID DOUGH WOULD WORK

[@ChanHandle]

Ted on who wants to be a millionaire: I'd like to phone a friend The friend: 10:26

[@dakota_jay_]

We all have that one friend

[@Oreli]

"what's up, theodore roosevelt"

[@sean5572]

Ted looks progressively more and more like a hostage being held here against his will.

[@boogerboy7989]

When he started peeling the tomatoes I started crying

[@NoztelYT]

The scene at 1:35 is the most powerful thing I have ever seen. I will now live in constant fear of a dancing pirate with pizza.

[@makenaaaad7312]

First time? I’ve been living in fear for YEARS

[@lightbluepika2175]

he’s such an upsettingly good chef

[@ABucketOfFish]

5:56 why does it sound like Ted is trying to convince himself that that truly is how the original pirates did it

[@makkosauce]

I like to imagine Ted has a separate room just for random Costumes

[@cabnbeeschurgr]

The life of a drama kid (man?)

[@sipdoodes6791]

Imagine if the pizza caught on fire and the fire department showed up and Ted had to explain to them why he was making pizza in a pirate costume during the middle of the night

[@wararrow1034]

I freaking love how much extra sauce there was

[@DrNubsPHD]

Every time Ted goes through one of these cooking videos it always seems like its gonna be a nightmare and then he just ends it with "oh that tastes pretty good."

[@anguswilson1619]

"Thin layer of olive oil" adds half the annual export of Greece's olive oil