Sexual abuse and rape can be the making, not the breaking of you | Lydia Ward | TEDxLeamingtonSpa

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and a member on the Board of Trustees and an Ambassador for the charity Safeline.Org, Lydia hopes this emotional account of her personal journey can help to empower fellow survivors.
Lydia is the founder of Velvet Evolution, a marketer and a psychologist with particular expertise in assessing communication styles and building emotional resilience. Her 15-year global business career includes high profile roles in the food and health & beauty industries. As a confidence coach and mindfulness teacher, she helps clients define success, identify their stress triggers and execute a mindful plan for change.
Lydia is also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and is now a supporter of Safeline.Org as a member on the Board of Trustees and an Ambassador for the charity. A recently approved foster carer, she acts on stage at The Priory Theatre Kenilworth in her spare time. Confidence is the belief “I can do this”. Lydia embraces this value in every aspect of her life; she wants to empower survivors and others to do and feel the same - each and every day.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@Doriesep6622]

We scream now because we couldn't scream then

[@debbieoaldon8332]

I so understand that statement.. with many tears!,

[@oliviaj3858]

💔

[@kimsmith819]

You are so right. After telling my mother about it, she never said a word about it. Aweful time of my life that I know affects part of my life a little bit now 💞💞💞💞💞💞

[@Kay-sc9se]

@@kimsmith819 I'm now aggressive and hate when people touch me all because of what my cousin did when I was 10.I honestly just want to heal but it seems like nothing is working for me😣.(Everyone sees me as mean and stubborn but I'm honestly just trying not to allow what happened in the past to happen again and I personally can't control the way I act now and I didn't notice that it affected me badly until like 2 months ago).

[@bevsims1982]

Amen

[@rosalialekganyane76]

The worst thing is not having support especially as it is happening

[@1millionsubswomovieschalle796]

Rosalia Lekganyane or anyone to talk to years after. I believe most therapists just want the dollar

[@StarSCTEBunToaster]

I only have two friends and one won’t let me talk about it bc “he’s on a mental health break”

[@laschell59]

Or they say no my husband or son would never do this. Mothers do play a huge role in protecting the violent human

[@doctorwhojustice4u409]

So TRUE

[@doctorwhojustice4u409]

@@laschell59 TRUE BOTH PARENTS CAN BE INVOLVED IN THE ABUSE &TRAUMA

[@mysterylady5995]

Mine happened at 14. Two men took turns as my friend and I cried and stared at each other helpless I kept quiet and was in shock. Decades later I am just now talking about the trauma. If you made it this far and have been abused I am so proud of you. It takes strength.

[@Kay-sc9se]

It happened to me when I was 10 (by my so called cousin), ofc I don't claim him anymore but yeah.

[@linoylerer5346]

Reading this has made me tear a bit and be a bit stronger thank you for being able to talk about it

[@bensmith8957]

@@Kay-sc9se I'm sorry that happened to you

[@linareese7841]

U matter. It happen to me to at a young age

[@ashareichel3381]

@@craftked3580 what is that supposed to mean?

[@paigedebusk412]

I cry in agony most nights from my childhood memories. I always wonder if I will ever be okay or feel safe. I wish more people would talk about there struggles because I believe there could be a world in the future with less anxiety, depression, abuse and death.

[@CaraSingz]

Paige DeBusk agreed.

[@nenya]

I couldn't agree more. 1 in 4 is pretty high, it's sickening for society to be so oppressive regarding this topic.

[@rebekahsquires2073]

Me too 😢

[@mmalone9650]

Me too just today I cried a lot I fear from everyone

[@barbarafrancis5196]

@@mmalone9650 I'm crying now.

[@shermuno7166]

" *We don't share secrets* " this is the problem of victims who r being abused repeatedly, coz the attackers clearly know they won't tell anybody😞

[@1millionsubswomovieschalle796]

Lit lyrics exactly, I didn’t say anything for 25 yrs, years after his death

[@aaronsilver-pell411]

yeah, I would say that is a central problem in our society.

[@phatbackkiki1390]

I was scared to to tell anybody even my boyfriend himself just because this is someone that i introduced to him as a friend that I had trusted

[@KeeperOfBees]

That phrase struck me so hard.

[@FreshStart2023]

When you do they say you crazy and you lying and place you somewhere for help and then your kids is place where they say is say with the abuser idk I’m so confused

[@donalina203]

I was assaulted today. Thank you for this, I won’t give up on dealing with this in a healthy way

[@rachelbass7914]

Donalina, please take care and share this with someone who can help. Not everyone understands, but I pray God will send you healthy balanced support.💜

[@Melissa-mu8qg]

Stay strong Donalina, god will help you get through this dark period in your life & you’ll come out better than ever.

[@jamillah2087]

Do not stay silent. Seek for help.

[@heavenparks9240]

Please speak up, dont dig yourself in a hole because the deeper you dig the harder it is to get out, please speak up do whatever you have to do for you💔

[@ohpaperbacks5195]

I hope you are doing better now ❤

[@TheClarkchern]

Thriving not surviving should be the goal

[@papiscxtt]

I was molested and abuse from 12 to 18 and had to deal with it alone and I genuinely thought I healed from it because I was able to finally block it out of my mind. I turn 25 in a few months and despite how many times I’ve been asked to go see a professional because I’m living in a delusion and only now after years of saying “I’m over it” that I realized that I’m not... and never have been... Thank you.

[@h.e.r9368]

dominic scott me to... releasing that’ it’s not easy to let go of .... I’m here for you my brother .

[@kemiahcarter6476]

Hey, Real healing isn’t letting it go.. it’s dealing with it, going through the process... I’m Kemiah Carter.. look me up on Facebook so we can talk more about this. I know how you feel, it’s a long process.

[@yahno3]

@@kemiahcarter6476 hi, i cant find you on facebook ma'am.

[@papiscxtt]

kemiah Carter what does your profile picture look like?

[@evelinalaurent1463]

I’m in the same situation. I thought I healed but I didn’t. 7 years later I find myself struggling.

[@brookeand4082]

I was 15, and he was my first boyfriend. I said no, so many times, but he never listened. He told me he loved me, he didn’t. I’m 16 now, and I’m still having a tough time with physical contact. I’m scared of boys that are older and strong than me. I’m still dealing.

[@emileegrace3989]

Brooke Anderson This is literally my story. I'm sorry this had to happen. It sucks.

[@h.e.r9368]

My story too , you are not alone

[@NakiYah7]

So sorry you had to experience that but you're so brave for sharing. I pray you'll seek help and choose to share your story with others and move forward. *hugs*

[@smilendlessly5128]

Brooke Anderson look up Joyce Meyer's testimony.

[@Mbuso_A_Nkosi]

Hey beautiful, I'm a guy and I wish I was anywhere near you to kill him, he's ruined your life, but i believe you will get back up, thanks for sharing, I don't suppose you could see a professional? A therapist?

[@julieodonnell3408]

at 49 I'm still dealing with the devastation of being raped by my father at 13 I'm glad you are finding happiness and healing me on the other hand don't know if I will ever be free of this x

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Julie Odonnell With the right support Julie you will be able to put this in its place and not have it dictate your future. Safeline.org.uk are there to support you if wan them. I wish you all the strength and courage you need in your journey to survivor hood and thriving at life and being you - the Julie you were meant to be before all this happened.

[@julieodonnell3408]

Thank you for your reply , il have a look at their website :)

[@rociofuentes5567]

Julie Odonnell God can heel you.

[@lou-annbest1318]

Gary Pelaez . Quit doing it

[@molara7607]

Julie Odonnell Jesus can heal you

[@nicolekimberly61492]

Omg I couldn't stop crying when she showed the picture of herself at 3 years old. She is so strong for overcoming this abuse.

[@yourvelvetevolution]

ColieK A thank you for watching and for your kind words 🙏

[@rusure.8102]

Thank you for sharing your pain. I wish you and all victims the power to unmask criminals who prey on children.

[@dannieraya8340]

I'm doing my own research because I can't cope with this depression. Thank you, your ted talk helped me a lot.

[@InspireMe126]

Hey dannie

[@dannieraya8340]

@@InspireMe126 hey!

[@louisvetton640]

❤we are here Dannie to help you,just seek a help a look for it,you aren't bad or shameful or guilty because this does happen to you, it's not you that have done this, you cannot fell bad or suffering for something that you didn't do,

[@dhathaway1595]

I have carried my secret for 31 years. The older I get the worse it is impacting my health. Anxiety and depression are consuming me. For me I have never found that one person who puts me at ease enough to disclose. I have got through life with highs, lows and by distraction. I feel what happened to me has imprinted on my soul. One day I want to see a clear sky, and hold peace in my heart

[@coheedfan1012]

Same with me to everything you said.

[@khalillouis9185]

I struggle with feeling safe enough to share with someone. I am scared of their reaction. I just feel alot of shame when wanting to speak

[@chaimomma9198]

Same, I have told some family however and they said they didn’t have sympathy for me.

[@kalikalgiz8806]

I am here for you if you need someone to listen.

[@nathalievalero2730]

It happened to me for 7 years (5-13) by my step dads cousin. I’m almost 14 now, I just told my mum. No one believes me. I’ve been suicidal since I was 7. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen it this way, this video let me see everything with another option that I didn’t believe I had before.

[@amandelcake481]

sending you love, I believe you and I believe in you

[@michaelmereday6791]

God bless you

[@constancecurry1427]

It's okay to cry. Cry hard. Be and say to yourself the things you would to your best friend. Be to yourself the best friend you wish you had. She's already with you...

[@louisvetton640]

❤❤ dear you,you are the most powerful personal and lucky because of this had happened to you,just try to let il be an opportunity of many things and you Will know that every obstacle Carry with him a great opportunity for you to be greater to be wonderful more than you are before God loves you for sending you this, just try to change your vision and not the thing that happened to you🎉

[@nickbaigent2714]

Huge respect to you for telling your family. That took a LOT of courage and self respect. That was a big step. Perhaps nothing hurts more than telling your family and not receiving the support and trust that you needed, and perhaps expected. This happened to me too. The sadness and rage you might feel about that are natural and correct. Honour those feelings. They need to be felt and released and that can take time. But you’re moving in the direction of healing now, and that can hurt too. You took a giant step into adulthood by telling your family. You took your power back. Good for you. I know it hurts. But there’s a way through. There are lots of people who can understand and support you in processing your trauma. Good luck 🙏

[@roses2025]

Being 16 and dealing with the worries my life will be ruined because of all this stuff that's happened and in some places still does happen to me, this was very important towards helping me start to realize I do not have to just be a "victim". I am more than these things other people have done. I have a worth and I will have a future, regardless of everything. Thank you ,

[@klausbowpie]

Hi Rose, what Lydia said about it being a journey is so true. As a fellow survivor who stood where you did at 16 thinking similar thoughts, I wish I'd been told that it's ok to fall apart and not be ok all the time. I'm now 32, and have a new therapist to deal with some residual things that still bother me, and through this I found that I hadn't let myself be a victim and just grieve- I just jumped straight into powerful survivor mode- but it's so healthy to grieve first! Again, wellness is a journey. I also wish I'd been told at 16 that that we really didn't do anything wrong to make these things happen to us, and that we still feel like we did is just part of the experience and will always be the hardest thing to shake off! It can be so isolating, especially during our teen years, because getting over rape or abuse is like puberty, except that we don't get a road map, and we know all this stuff that our friends don't know. I found it so hard when my friends were first discovering boys, but I just felt so tired, and I already knew too much. You may meet people who either don't believe you, or treat it like your experiences weren't a big deal, or that you should be 'over it by now' or that you shouldn't talk about 'such horrible things',- these people aren't worth your time, even if they're family. The people who love you will support you in the end, even if you have to give them some space while you look after yourself for a while. Instead, go find other people who get it. That support is so vital to make you know that you're not going crazy, and that actually, feeling crazy is such a normal healthy reaction to what we went through. You're so right, you have a worth, and you have a future, and it's worth fighting through this stuff to get there, I promise :) Klara :)

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Rose S Hi Rosie thank you so much for your heart felt reply and fork sharing part of your story. A good therapist and support system is crucial to make you realise you are not alone in this. We, your fellow survivors are all willing you on and sending you love and support. Reach out to Safeline.org.uk if you feel stuck and are not sure where to start. And yes, falling apart is allowed, grieving is allowed. Connecting with your emotions makes you strong and feel empowered. You are stronger than your abusers, never forget that.

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Rose S Hi Klara, thank you for putting such a lovely comment and respond to Rose. Much power and positivity towards you too in your journey my fellow survivor and thriver!

[@jenniferemmons8738]

EMDR therapy saved my life

[@mamajinimurphy5640]

Yes, not only, but GOD MADE YOU SPECIAL HE is not responsible He gave us free will - & we sin Please pour your heart out to GOD. HE IS REAL TIME DOESNT HELP RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS DOES. HE IS MY BEST FRIEND. MAKE HIM YOURS - He’s the HEALER. I KNOW he’s done same for me God bless you

[@paulgrant2314]

I am a survivor of historical abuse while in care as a child it taken me 16 years to tell someone I told the police and in July 2005 my perpetrator was sentenced to 8 years in prison and he collapsed in the dock and I felt everything being returned ie my dignity and my pride my self respect and my innocence my heart goes out to all who do not get justice stay strong.

[@mariaadhiambo4738]

I wish mine would be jailed but my cousin brother is a police

[@paulgrant2314]

@@mariaadhiambo4738 sorry to hear that Maria 😢my heart goes out to people who do not get justice x

[@anonymous762]

No one is stronger for having suffered. They're stronger in spite of it. Stop framing horrors as if they are empowering. They aren't. For however strong you may have been, how much stronger, happier, and more well-adjusted would you be if you'd never gone through abuse? Stop giving abusers an excuse. Stop giving them any reason to say, 'Well, you're stronger now because of what I put you through!' Because no, you aren't. No one is. There is no strength pain could have revealed that couldn't have been revealed with love, understanding, acceptance, and support.

[@FATIMA-ov8jo]

No one chooses to be a victim but the only way to heal is to go through it and accept it and find ways to empower yourself and others ,I am talking generally trauma and suffering is part of life whether you like it or not so try to convert it to something useful to you . And yeah no it’s not about the abuser it’s about you it’s about your life they are not in that equation their terrible actions will not be justified by anything.

[@DLN5864]

It hurts. It’s hard to breath. When I listen to this I’m reminded of those horrible nights. I can’t breath. 😢😢

[@CalipsoSarah]

It is ok love! I know it is not easy, but believe me, you are so much stronger than you think! ❤ Send you lots of good energy to heal and be at peace.

[@suzie9905]

Remember to tell yourself , "your safe now" Tell your inner child , its ok , I'm safe .

[@ENFPerspectives]

😢😢 hugs and so sorry

[@smilendlessly5128]

Annika Nuam look up Joyce Meyer's testimony.

[@jesusiseverythingjc7591]

I'm so sorry

[@Kaykay8080-j6x]

It happened when I was 18. I was a young and naive girl who thought that our awful world was a beautiful one. I thought « if I say no, he’ll stop ». That was the most traumatic experience I’ve ever been through. This is a huge fight. Now I’m 19 and the more time goes, the more I learn and the more I feel like I’ll not let my traumas dictate my life.

[@natalierebholz57]

me too

[@languageandmana9255]

I'm proud of you❤

[@gracefulbarbie]

this helps me feel less alone. you’re not alone. its not our fault. i believe you.

[@user-sg4mu6mi3l]

It took me many years to heal for all the years I went through for years. I said goodbye to the traumatized little girl in me last year and I thanked her for being strong enough to heal and now let go, embraced her spiritually and let her go. There is so much to my past, present and future but it's my journey not someone else.

[@mmalone9650]

How could you please help me as well

[@whyohwhy9679]

Thank you. I feel this way as well.

[@Ashley-if2rl]

Beautifully said, thank you

[@gayleanders6248]

We do scream now because we couldn't then. We've been silenced by fear. We've been silenced by our abusers and by society. No longer should this be swept under the carpet. This is vital.

[@notyourtype5329]

I have been molested by my cousin brother. Whom I trusted. Abusers tend to make us believe that they are there to protect us which makes everything messed up. I thought time might heal me but the trauma has given me a scar.

[@nicholesilva8258]

I feel you on the part where you said they make us believe we will protected but and up taking advantage of your trust. It happened to me when I was 17.

[@notyourtype5329]

@@nicholesilva8258 I'm sorry to hear that. Love to you girl.❤️

[@fezan173]

Abusers could go any length to protect themselves they don't have feelings.

[@notyourtype5329]

@magda Abr Thanks ❤️ means a lot.

[@notyourtype5329]

❤️

[@Jaileneejj0121]

Literally crying while watching this

[@larissabranovacki8164]

Same.

[@tinabaker8151]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@kagayakuangel5828]

me too

[@zitaszegedi7342]

I'm so proud of every single of you, because you chose to fight, and never give up. Thank you. ❤️

[@endlesspossibilities4852]

I appreciate this so much. When I told my parents at 14, my dad called me a liar. No help period. Even years later my mom didn't want to get that person in trouble so she wouldn't give me a ride to therapy. I'm in my 40's now and just trying to make sense of it all and cope.

[@6m92973]

From my own experience, I endorse this authentic and empowering presentation.

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Harbord Hamond Thank you 🙏

[@milvertonmom50]

The presentation may be empowering but the title isn't.

[@moazph]

It is very good to speak slowly so that non-native speakers can understand what you say.

[@RLifestyle453]

This is why I never ever let my two boys 'stay' at anyone's house unattended ever and therefore became a ferocious stay at home mum/mom sacrificing my time and career to never leave my boys unattended as I was extra vigilant even though I wasn't a victim as such, I just felt the complete need to have this policy.

[@hooleyqueen]

You are right to protect your children no matter what it takes to do so.

[@someonerandom256]

My mom believes myth #4 so I've never told her. I'd rather not have her thinking of me as broken or damaged for the rest of my life. I long ago came to terms with what happened to me from the ages of 3-5 and my abuser is dead. The abuse stopped when I told him no, and threatened to tattle, even though he had always told me that no one would love me anymore if they knew. If anything, the abuse has made me very mentally tough and resilient. I've always taught my kids that secrets aren't kept from parents.

[@1millionsubswomovieschalle796]

Susannah Stout I agree completely. I think most therapists just in it for money

[@user-up4nd4ww6d]

Do people remember what happens to them at the age of 3-5 years?

[@earthtear9586]

@@user-up4nd4ww6d Yes. People do. Particularly if those memories are traumatic.

[@nicholesilva8258]

¿ yes, they do. We tend to forget most things from when we were really young but if it’s something traumatic unfortunately it’s something victims can recall from a very young age. 😩 No toddler or child deserve to be put through this

[@Sandvichman.]

@@1millionsubswomovieschalle796 please don't tell people this, especially in a comment section where victims of abuse (who all likely need the help) are flocking i get that there are bad therapists and that they can make mistakes, but they can help you. if you're having problems with them, communicate it to them (they ARE being paid by *you* to serve *you,* so don't feel too commanding telling them what you think you need), or find a new one. you won't always find the right therapist on the first try. you can switch several times before finding someone that you can connect with.

[@aurorah4203]

emdr and talk therapy helped me a lot to overcome this abuse. i'm having my own baby girl and she's going to be great!

[@Jazzy-fo6sl]

Wow I have never related to something more in my entire life. She literally lived the same life I did, but mine lasted longer. I just broke my silence to my sister and that same day she broke her silence to me.

[@smilendlessly5128]

Jazzy look up Joyce Meyer's testimony.

[@gillymac9363]

Yes you are stronger than your abusers. Amen sister👏🏻

[@fredthomson8941]

Duh her abusers are dead.

[@gwenmoor9409]

I am so happy that this video was made because it helped me a lot. I was assaulted and abused by my friends older brother when I was nine. Yes, sometimes I still get flashbacks but they aren't as bad as they were when I was younger. I hope that all of the survivors who watched this feel the relief that I did. 💜

[@bensmith8957]

I'm sorry that happened to you

[@marekcyran]

Thank you for the speech. As a 18y.o. Boy I was first time abuse. What follow next was just nightmare. I lost every thing, try to end this 5 times. Now I am on my way back. At the very beginning of my way back. I was diagnosed with ptsd. But you give as, people and children who go through this a hope. Hope to get our lives back, hope to have opportunity to be happy again in life. I so thank you for it. I and I think we all just wanna be happy in life. Nothing more nothing les.

[@PeterBrodie]

Marek Cyran, stay with it! You can come through it!

[@BeGlamourlicious]

I m so so so sorry what happened to you. Be strong for yourself and love yourself 💋💋💋💋💋💋 take care of yourself your the only one that can.

[@smilendlessly5128]

Marek Cyran look up Joyce Meyer's testimony.

[@jesusiseverythingjc7591]

I'm so sorry. I was hurt and I tried so hard to protect my sons but I didn't realize it happened to boys to and two of my sons were hurt I failed to protect them. God knows I would change it if I could I trusted these people and my sons were hurt.

[@InspireMe126]

Hi cyran

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Thank you everyone for the likes and comments, please keep them coming and let's get the message out there! Lydia - The Confidence Coach and Thriving Survivor

[@PeterBrodie]

The Confidence Coach, I was wondering how many in your audience were abusers, as well as abused. As I'm sure you know, abuse also creates abusers. This is part of the reason for it being a taboo topic. How does my brother or my cousin or whoever they may be, come forward and say they were abused, and that they want help to stop abusing? And how do we deal with it in society and heal from it as a society?

[@shirleywong4333]

@@PeterBrodie couple times I wonder what's it like to be normal

[@KeeperOfBees]

I'm 52. My life has been a train wreck. My story is so similar to yours. I still haven't told it.

[@adore333]

My abuser committed suicide 3 weeks after my 6th birthday. On my 36th birthday I started having flashbacks of my fear of this person after many years of depression and anger without knowing why. Remembering my abuse has been a weight lifted from shoulders and helped me realise I am not crazy

[@gaiita]

Thisss

[@Saraseeksthompson0211]

Hearing everyone else’s stories makes me feel so much better. It’s so horrible that no one listens to us as children. You all give me courage to stand up and keep going on.

[@leslyrodriguez155]

very courageous, thank you for sharing. I can relate to your emotions and pain as I was listening to your story. I was sexually abused by a family member when I was 7 years old. I'm so glad I don't feel as a victim anymore. Instead of that I would consider myself a survivor.

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Lesly Rodriguez I'm delighted to hear you describe yourself that way #survivors

[@donbhai2094]

Shut up. Don't praise cowards.

[@sahithayelamanchili2709]

What is it with men who think little girls can be abused? So sick!!

[@bonecrusher4033]

Same thing happened to me Lesley, thank you for sharing this, I don't feel alone anymore

[@mariaalfaro5870]

ENORMOUS MISPLACED FEELINGS OF GUILT AND BLAME

[@warrior2492]

I was molested for years when i was young by my family trusted friend who are taking care of us too...i never thought that what i become is the result of my childhood trauma. I can relate to you! Thank you for this bcoz when I received and know Jesus. He healed me...Jesus healed that's why I become bold to speak out. ♥️♥️

[@nicholesilva8258]

Amen

[@rachelbass7914]

Beautiful 💜

[@dianicrubia513]

I don’t understand why she keeps using that phrase. In some way it makes it worse? Like “Well all victims are going to come out stronger on the other side anyways so we don’t really need to do anything about it!” Because some victims don’t make it out at all. And that’s okay, too. You don’t have to be this super strong person after you’re assaulted because someone did something horrible to you and the only way society can face it is if you come out sitting pretty on top of the world. I don’t like that message at all. It’s putting all the responsibility on the victims. Yet again.

[@nancneumann4196]

50 years on- after decades of all kinds of therapies and healthy living- i still have to fend off suicidality and depression and when i believe ive 'come out on the other side' i am once again triggered and terrorized by some of the most innocuous, exciting, loving or even most basic things. Its extremely exhausting. And so the shame never ends

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

@@nancneumann4196 compassion. All we need be is average in life. I hope you can find peace, health and that your suffering is eased. You deserve peace. I already posted about Janina Fisher. Sharmi stepping stones psychology uk both worth looking up.

[@nancneumann4196]

@@Rozumarix sometimes the abuse permanently and physically alters the nervous system. THAT is what I find the most merciless and disturbing thing of all. Its like no matter how much you exercise, sweat your a$$ off, eat right, meditate, practice gratefulness, try to treat, distract, work, pray or self improve, NOTHING gets you back to relatively normal homeostasis.

[@Vanessa-bl7cp]

The fact I went through almost exactly what she went true shook me up. I admire her courage so much. Thank you so much for speaking up.

[@sarah-janelowes4360]

everything you said resonated so strongly with me. thank you

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Sarah-Jane Lowes thanks for letting me know Sarah and I hope you are finding the support you needs to heal and move forwards - Lydia

[@InspireMe126]

Hi

[@AtlehangLepheana-hg5ce]

Feels like a Scar that will never go away. It will haunt you for as long as you live.

[@m17_86]

It happend to me when i was 19. First one stranger who took advantage of me being drunk. Just some weeks later the guy whom i was in love with. I forgot it for some years but now it's all coming back. Thank you for giving me hope that i can be happy again one day

[@melissagutierrez5370]

Wow her words are so deep. This hit me this had me in tears. THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR SHARING.

[@flowergirl1234]

I think that you just changed my life with this expression "My weak spot is actually the Source of ALL MY POWER & STRANGHT". THANK YOU, THANK YOU, Thank you. F. Y. I Serviver of Pysical, Mental, Verbal abuse from Family, Friends, and the neerest & dearest people in my life. SAD 😢.

[@AhmedMostafa-hf6fc]

I'm. Watching videos and Ted talks about the topic because a very close firend of mine was sexualy molested in her childhood and also recently (she's 18 now) so I'm watching videos and carrying information about the topic so I can help her and I felt the pain of every one in the comments of every video and I felt a lot of pain for them and for everyone I'm so so sorry that ever happened to you I love you so much.

[@linneaadelejagebro1850]

Ahmed Mostafa it means more then you think you saying that. It really helpes. I hope your friend gets the help they need

[@yahno3]

Youre a good friend! Help me say to your friend that i am with her/him for the greater good of his/her life. Thank you for helping your friend. ❤️

[@daughteroftheking5700]

You are amazing! ❤

[@andrewmcnulty6789]

The bit about the speaker saying she received a cake after being abused really hit me, I was offered a “ Mr Kipling French Fancy,” after my mom’s Dad had finished.

[@purplepatch7]

It's really hard especially when they are a close family member and you see them regularly. It breaks my heart for everyone having to heal. I'm still not fully healed and hope that it is possible. We are more powerful then our abusers!! Xoxo

[@diamondsworld6160]

it happened when I was 5-8 and I have PTSD and psychosis now I'm 23 years old and I'm just now seeking help and getting help sometimes it is hard to get up in the morning. But I'm a savior.

[@lobaetoile8440]

For some reason, even though I'm not very sociable and I don't have many friends, many people I've met have shared their stories of abuse with me... So many stories of abused children, and I've always known that the most important thing is to listen and to see them as they are: people who are not only their past, people who have a future and so many beautiful lovable parts.

[@rachelbass7914]

Thank you 💜

[@francesbale1409]

This woman is an amazing public speaker. She has a presence that holds so much attention - and respect. Every word she spoke i hung onto it - i felt her power so deeply. I feel so moved - this spoke to me in such an important way.

[@paws_purrs23]

When you do finally tell the secret it’s believed but dismissed as experimenting which is considered common/normal 🥺

[@user-zc8pe6ep3w]

It has changed me so much ! In a Good way I wonder will anybody want me after I heal being that I'm so damaged

[@jessiealice790]

Also, only being able to talk about it in its entirety doesn’t mean you’re healed. It affects usually all aspects of a persons like some more than others of course and in different “departments” of the body and brain. Talking doesn’t equal being healed. It’s just the beginning

[@ggirlss94]

unfortunately, my perpetrator is still in my family. My mom just pretends it didn't happen. He's having a child, and my family doesn't know except my mother. I live with my parents and am very family oriented so I know I will lose them if I tell everyone. I wish I would've told them when I was younger and now its' too late. His wife and my siblings will never how messed up he is.

[@nikita.7748]

Love and prayers for you, sister.💕

[@pics2023-ty1jb]

Im so sorry you don't feel like you can tell... He very likely could be or has abused others, he may Even abuse his own. Please talk w a therapist ❤

[@rkh7904]

A very important message to all those who have had this devastating thing happen to them.

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Rosemary Hugharts thank you 🙏🏻

[@parulparida8280]

5 yrs to 16 yrs. Till I shout out.

[@Jennyportofolio]

It's hurting when we all have to suffer from this even as children, they know it's hurting us but why they keep doing it every time?

[@delainawilliams4063]

Because it makes them feel powerful to be able to hurt you and get away with it.

[@xdrive300011]

Who is listening this at Sunday morning and morn things happened 24 years ago? I hate it and I hate him and I hate myself so naive, but the hatred destroy me and he continues to live a good life.

[@poojasoni1407]

Actually!!!! He continues to live a happy and good life whereas we are living a hellish life full of depression and anxiety

[@xdrive300011]

@@poojasoni1407 I don‘t think he has a happier life, because hurt people hurt people. However he did not get any punishment for what he has done and it’s so oh oh unfair. I know hatred won’t do me good but if I know he is suffering, I will be very happy.

[@cynthialangley7338]

OMG. The picture broke my heart! This woman is so brave!

[@yahno3]

Same story as my life but im stuck at age 22 story of yours .. and im tired of this freeze and flight reflex whenever i felt treatened, no matter how intellectual i tought i am, it goes blank as dangers arises. Im tired cause it feels like im still a victim, i know how to fight but not do so, I am not a confident one when it comes to arguing with anyone. God please help me.

[@reignofbabies]

Hope you are better now! Sending you so much love ❤

[@pics2023-ty1jb]

Self defense classes can be very powerful, i can't explain why, but consider it. ❤

[@maggiepie8810]

I still feel shame and guilt for not being able to leave the flat where it had happened, I was petrified and my brain didn't function anymore.

[@shetlandbudgie2611]

It’s a very common reaction; in reality, very few people fight back-majority of people are wired to freeze. It’s not like how it’s portrayed in movies, etc.

[@divyagulati900]

I was abused today. And dealing with the system was a pathetic experience. Thank you for this.

[@joanneswain2169]

A brilliant presentation from an amazing woman, well done Lydia! X

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Thank you Joanne, I really appreciate you both watching and leaving a comment :) x

[@lisettepavaday4725]

Joanne Swain ,t

[@temesgenkahsay826]

God bless you guys in the comments. You are all so strong, and I want to let you know that you are strong and your stories are heard. It was never your fault. Never blame yourself. You are beautiful, you are smart, and you matter. Please confide in someone so that you avoid having these memories plague your thoughts. You are loved, you didn't deserve it, and you have potential in life. I journal, and that helps me put my thoughts away so that i can analyze them and move past them. God bless, and if you are brave enough to share, just know that you are loved.

[@theresawatson9075]

Lydia Ward: Thank you for your courage to speak out! I was 2 when it first happened to me. 20 years of therapy. I speak out too!

[@melak9112]

i really resonated with this. thank you. i got assaulted pretty recently and watching ted talks about assault have been something that helps me. still going through the trauma, shock, and fear from what happened to me so i needed this. thank you.

[@coopersy]

Thank you. Agree with everything except the little piece being forever broken. I’m so glad you have been able to believe this for you, but for me, there is a piece that is irretrievably broken. Not saying this blocks personal progress, but we need to accept those who have trouble putting everything behind.

[@billyd1436]

Yes, I agree with you. We are all different and we need to be mindful of how we portray recovery. Another common phrase that people use is they "choose" to recover. So the implication is that if recovery is difficult, that you didn't "choose" to do so. This can mount shame and guilt onto shame and guilt. In whatever way you are finding hope and happiness in your life as you move forward, I hold you in my thoughts.

[@Ashley.Heather]

I think myth 4 has some truth and it is ok to accept that you have a permanent scar. It does not define you but it’s a dangerous message to tell victims they may be at fault if they permanently feel a small piece of them is broken because they are NOT at fault for that ❤

[@sechale]

So brave, your speech is very empowering and you are a brilliant example of resilience and humanity.

[@yourvelvetevolution]

sechale Thankyou, your comment means a lot.

[@user-dp4bu8jy4b]

I'm still dealing with the horrible past. It's so destructive. Ty for sharing ♡

[@lilo8554]

My cousin did this to me for many times when I was very young. When I get older I thought maybe I made it all up in my brain. Maybe it’s only my imagination…but 9 year old me couldn't create such a thing because I didn't even know what s-x was. I feel mad because she is happy, she is a doctor. I feel sad and I hope she would never have kids because she is horrible person. My whole life been messed up, my view about love and many other things been fcked up bcz of her. And I still see her. Saddest part that I would never be able to tell this to my family because no one gonna believe me.

[@jingwentang6768]

I spoke it up so many times and I never felt anything, until one day I finally got in touch with the numbed out feelings. My therapist explained that it has been too much so my brain blocked it.

[@brigritte2091]

dort wo die größte angst ist, dort liegt auch die größte heilung.

[@user-dp4bu8jy4b]

Yes but how? I've been for therapy but still no luck

[@rishanazish9783]

She's so strong and nobody can take her strength away from her , i wish i could be as strong as her

[@nicholasblakiston6297]

Is "let's go to your secret place" something lots of abusers say? Weird that two different people would have said it.

[@shirleywong4333]

She probably just used those words to replace what was really said

[@Joles0]

Very good. Thank you for sharing your power to build on this awful thing. Now we must protect each child from molestation.

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Joles0 thank you, I agree, prevention and protection are the way forward.

[@Joles0]

Let us each commit to prevention and protection of the children in our lives.I promise to respectfully acknowledge any child I encounter.I promise to protect any child from harm.I promise to encourage others to do the same.

[@m2s4t6]

I really wish there was something like this here in the USA in New York on Long Island for people like us.

[@windmedicine4159]

1-800-656-HOPE Crisis line for Rainn.

[@jcompton3098]

Yes! It would save so many lives, central service guidance as We go through the journey. I appreciate RAINN but for ppl who are at the stage of disclosing and ready to heal, they just relay pithy local services which require more trauma-inducing experiences: reaching out to ppl you’re “supposed” to trust, being rejected or ignored bc services are full, and again, nowhere left to turn and having to put together fragmented pieces. 😔 There is help! And it requires navigating a medical system that promotes abusive behaviors and attitudes 🤦‍♀️

[@mmpoggs2033]

help lines locate those who speak out

[@AllThingsTashy]

I’m also from Long Island ❤️

[@Cassy908]

Yesterday was the day I felt comfortable to talk about what happened to me in the past 4years I told you Aunt because I feel more comfortable talking to her about anything I told her how my stepdad dad had been abusing me. I asked her if I can stay back here in Canada She said I can’t stay back here and told me how I was being impatient and ungrateful I cried the whole night because I had no one else to talk to I’m so broken I either stay back in Canada or I just take my life because I’m not going back home I’m so scared and I just cry even when I really don’t want to

[@snoozyq9576]

I was older. But am just now starting therapy for mine. I'm amazed how much emotion comes from just admitting it. I was so numb before

[@_Renee2]

This trauma has kept me in bondage so to speak. I don't trust people. I fear leaving my children with anyone (especially family) and have severed ties with my extended family as a result. I tried therapy as a child but the counselor handled me inappropriately, as most adults had done. My own mother exploits my trauma. One moment she plays on my fears to insert herself into my and my children's life, the next she is calling me a liar. I watch for any signs of abuse and make sure to talk to my children about bad touch. Nonetheless, we can do all that, and still, perverts could harm our children and that frightens me

[@Transform108]

My relationship with my older partner was very positive. I did get therapy early on in my adulthood, but this was more about the moronic suppressive culture that requires you to shame the relationship instead of being present with it. An important part of life, integral really. This is my voice and my story. Learn people learn.

[@carmensierra3935]

AMAZING, CAPTIVATING AND SO POWERFUL . UNABLE TO STOP WATCHING YOU SPEAK WITH GENUINE PAIN AND STRENGTH so grateful to have as survivors coming out and saying something

[@yourvelvetevolution]

carmen sierra z thank you for your comment and words of encouragement 🙏

[@lauragarner7095]

God bless this brave beautiful strong woman! And thankyou for trying to help other people ❤️

[@Isabelle-py2fn]

Thank you for telling me this. I needed to hear that so desperately

[@timeetc]

Such a profound and powerful talk

[@yourvelvetevolution]

Thank you Barnaby

[@ur5860]

Thank you soooo much for ALLLLLL of this!!!!!🥲🥲🥲🥲💖💛💖💖🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@broandbro9884]

please don’t just say nothing if somebody shares their story with you. i know she said you don’t have to say anything, but one of my past friends said absolutely nothing in response to my story after we had been friends for 6 years and i finally felt comfortable sharing it with her. She didn’t even look at me. I asked her if this is something she isn’t comfortable talking about and she said “no you’re fine! i don’t mind talking about it” and that’s all she said. made me feel as though she didn’t believe my story or like she wasn’t listening.

[@indoororchidsandtropicals358]

Last myth is fact, not myth. It causes actual physical changes to the brain like having a hand cut off. Actual physical change. That said..I've had some brain damage that affected my hand and I managed to get that all back and my hand works perfectly now, so the brain might be able to overcome trauma.

[@tommyornothing7301]

I cried so hard when I read your comment!!!

[@Anonymous-xm8ir]

What a great speech Lydia. Well done! And thank you for speaking out.

[@pantaleimona]

I cannot imagine what it would be like to have any idea who I might have been without or before abuse. While I remember the abuse, and what I wore in one instance, I can only guess that I was around 18 months; and it continued until I went away to boarding school at 16 yrs of age. it resumed during my first marriage, which fortunately lasted only 8 years. I do not feel self-pity and I'm profoundly grateful for the healing I've achieved so far. I don't think I'd call what I feel "broken", but I do believe a part of who I might have been or become is missing, simply being irretrievable. My current life is filled with the joys of being a wife, mother, and grandmother. But, there will always be that unknown.

[@Joles0]

Call out the predator!

[@brigidvanparys2062]

That is so true. It messes you up when they say they love you and yet they still hurt you

[@TruthFelt]

"It's not your identity." This helped.

[@ladymars3175]

Could I add a Myth? It’s not abuse if he’s your husband.

[@estherwaters2218]

That’s a good one

[@sautrah]

yup. definitely a myth

[@jamieannealvarez1695]

Yup, some people think it's not abuse if it was your partner

[@IrinaTrustsGod]

I don't like that abuse is "making" you, this is such a wrong wording. It doesn't add to life at all, actually.

[@gniteeveryone9134]

i was 4 when it started happening...i remember it becuase i was just learning how do write numbers letters...the first number i worte down was my age, that was 4...but im now 29 i live with my parents..Relationships are hard..when your let down & let go..the love turns to hate..they become the same kind of creature that ruined you when your we'er Young...

[@yourvelvetevolution]

gnite everyone I’m sorry to hear you were abused too. I hope you are able to find the support you need to heal and move forwards. - Lydia

[@windmedicine4159]

I noticed that too.

[@ggirlss94]

unfortunately, my perpetrator is still in my family. My mom just pretends it doesn't happen.

[@smilendlessly5128]

gnite everyone look up Joyce Meyer's testimony.