Care Partner Support Tips: Saying I'm Sorry

When supporting someone living with dementia, words don't matter as much as how you make someone FEEL. Sometimes all we can do is say "I'm sorry". Watch as Teepa demonstrates authentic apologies for different circumstances.
This excerpt was taken from the PAC Skills Make the Difference program that is available on our website.
Note: Our KZbin videos are not designed for training purposes, but as a tool for dementia awareness and an introduction and supplement to Teepa Snow's Positive Approach to Care. Visit www.teepasnow.com to learn more about Teepa Snow and Positive Approach to Care.
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[@kimberlymiller655]

Great tips for anyone working with feeble and elderly!

[@teepasnowvideos]

Thanks, @kimberlymiller655! Glad you like our tips.

[@mgichndz]

“I’m sorry, this is hard. I hate it for you.” I’ve used this a lot in the SNF I work in and it really helps! The other “I’m sorry…” statements just seem to escalate things further. Thanks!

[@teepasnowvideos]

So glad that it has helped you @Mgichndz!

[@ayotadhiambo]

These are really wonderful tips on how to communicate with a person who has dementia.Thanks Teepa for sharing such insightful information.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Thank you, Ayot! If you'd like more, please feel free to check out our website - teepasnow.com and we recently joined the world of TikTok!

[@ayotadhiambo]

@@teepasnowvideos Sure I will.Thanks.

[@txtbone661]

Thanks for all you do--I need this. Going through this with my 54 yr old wife with early onset Alzheimers.

[@teepasnowvideos]

TXTbone - thank you for reaching out. I'm sorry it has taken us so long to respond, but I hope you've been able to utilize these tips and others. Feel free to come to our website, teepasnow.com to learn more.

[@txtbone661]

@@teepasnowvideos Thanks, my wife passed away almost 2 years ago

[@teepasnowvideos]

@@txtbone661 I am so sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing as well as you can.

[@radelster]

Sorry for your loss. Would love to talk with you.. my wife is going through same thing... she'll be 60 this year, but we've been dealing with this for 5+ years

[@mariatrotter6889]

I just love your care and passion. Amazing

[@teepasnowvideos]

Thank you so much! @Maria, help us spread Teepa's message by sharing with others or subscribing to our channel!

[@mariatrotter6889]

@@teepasnowvideos Hi Teepa ❤️☺️yes I have subscribed and I am spreading your “ sunshine “ and wisdom . Ild like to learn more about your PAC program I just have been so busy . Just earned mu CDP🥰you are a gift and inspiration. I keep asking myself , “ what would Teepa do ..”💕

[@teepasnowvideos]

@@mariatrotter6889 Hey Maria, it's Dan from Teepa's team. What a great question - "What would Teepa do?" we've tossed around the idea of having a bracelet or something with that phrase or acronym, but we were afraid some might see it as blasphemous, though that certainly wouldn't be our intent! It can be so hard to find hours in the day, but congratulations on earning your CDP! Depending on the time you do have, I highly recommend our Champion courses. They are held each Friday at 10am ET and run for two hours. They help you take that step of understanding to knowing what to do next. Check it our here to see what you think teepasnow.com/services/one-day-public-skills-champion-course/ and feel free to reach out to us at [e-mail] to see what else we can offer. Oooh, one last thing. Did you know Teepa is on TikTok now? She's gone viral on there, check it out!

[@erikdavidson4914]

Thank you so much about this. Your approach is helping me cope with my bipolar disorder. I am so glad to share your ideas with other mental health patients.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hey, @Erik Davidson, so glad that you are finding our approach helpful for you! We who work here do believe that our approach can work for anyone willing to try it.

[@erikdavidson4914]

@@teepasnowvideos Thank you! Love watching and sharing your videos!

[@ritabrassfield4296]

Learning so much in your videos thank you!

[@teepasnowvideos]

You are so welcome!

[@carolaskitchen8969]

Thank you for your videos. One area I have not seen addressed is how to talk to me husband about his dementia. He does not think there is anything wrong with himself. It's like the elephant in the room. I tiptoe around it. I would like to sit down and try to talk about his dementia. Or would this be a waste of time?

[@philaphobic]

My dad has been shown images of the damage to his brain by doctors. He understands for a while but in time he convinces himself nothing is wrong with him and the doctors are liars. He thinks he passes the tests they give him. I think part of him knows... but doesn't want it to be true. I have stopped trying to speak honestly about it.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Carola's Kitchen, my name is Jason and I work with Teepa at Positive Approach to Care, thank you for reaching out. I have two possible resources, one a blog post from our website; teepasnow.com/blog/how-to-talk-to-someone-who-is-unaware-that-they-may-be-experiencing-dementia-symptoms/ and we also offer a free 30-minute phone consult that may be helpful. teepasnow.com/services/consulting/phone-consultations/

[@silentdancer981]

Thanks for the awesome tips! They helped a lot!!

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi there Silent Dancer, I'm glad they helped! If you'd like more tips like this, please subscribe to our channel and check out our website, teepasnow.com.

[@isminia.lymperi5891]

Thank you for sharing all these interesting information.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Ismini, you are very welcome. Thank you for checking it out and if you'd like more tips like this, please subscribe to our channel and visit our website, teepasnow.com.

[@emilyb3176]

So helpful, thank you as always

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hey Emily, I'm sorry for the late reply, but I'm glad you found it helpful! If you'd like more tips like this, please like and subscribe and come visit us over on our website, teepasnow.com

[@mcnhrecreation1736]

Teepa snow

[@nobodynowhere_5141]

With the handshake, I've had residents really hurt my hand, squeeze or twist it, is it a nessesary part?

[@teepasnowvideos]

Hi, @Nobody Nowhere_ sorry to hear that you've had some trouble with handshake. I'm wondering if you were holding hands as we normally do with your hand being wrapped around the outside of the whole hand or if you rocked your hands up connected at the thumb so that you can wrap both hands around the thumb. Please check out these various videos that show/explain it in more detail (kzbin.infosearch?query=hand%20under%20hand) or maybe consider taking one of our champion courses to learn more about it (shop.teepasnow.com/event/virtual-champion-2-oct-14-2022-10-am-12-pm-eastern-time-zone/)

[@dance4bliss]

Is this for professionals or family caregivers?

[@teepasnowvideos]

Both! If you would like to learn more, we have tons of videos online, you can also check out our website and sign up for a class. teepasnow.com Let us know if you have any questions or need help signing up!

[@terryvanhefter7898]

That’s all I say but, nothing helps I’m just beyond overwhelmed 😪😪😪😪what about my rights????

[@teepasnowvideos]

Perhaps a conversation with one of my consultants might be helpful to figure out some new things to try?

[@franceslock1662]

Yes, saying sorry constantly is exhausting, it’s like apologising for existing. Workers can go home at the end of a shift but wives need a broader repertoire of calming responses. Women who’ve experienced domestic violence will be familiar with the imposition of a limited ‘I’m sorry’ script that appeases their husband. It’s detrimental to your well-being to constantly walk on eggshells and only be able to say ‘I’m sorry, your right’. Sometimes when you apologise they can feel entitled to punish you. You have to develop greater skill than what’s offered in this video.

[@teepasnowvideos]

@@franceslock1662 @terry Vanhefter I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. There is no easy answer to any of this. Frances is right, there are more skills needed than what one video can provide. I'm Dan, part of Teepa's team, and I apologize that I am just seeing these comments now. The idea of the video was to help people begin to understand and offer something that can help, but it is not meant to be the only piece of the puzzle. If you would be interested, we do offer a free 30-minute consultation if you would like to talk to someone. Please feel free to reach out to us at [e-mail] to speak with someone that can help. If you are interested in other tips, Teepa has recently joined TikTok with a lot of short "how-to" type video clips as well as longer Q&A sessions.

[@marieegypt7091]

I'm sorry I'm having a difficult time understanding you.

[@teepasnowvideos]

Tell us more about this...

[@marieegypt7091]

@@teepasnowvideos When my client wants to do something and I don't completely understand or it's something she shouldn't do, I find when I say I'm sorry but I don't understand, it diffuses the situation. She starts to get frustrated because sometimes it really doesn't make sense. If I blame myself...like it's my fault...she seems to be appeased. (Not sure if I'm explaining well)

[@teepasnowvideos]

@@marieegypt7091 Yes, it does! I wonder if you could repeat some of her words back to her and then offer two options, "is it coffee or something else?" This will help you know if you're on the right track and that you are on her side and will work hard to help her figure it out. Then you can continue with this method. Another question to consider: "Can you show me what you do with it?" or "Tell me more about it" It might take some time and you can interchange these phrases and questions to narrow it down.

[@teepasnowvideos]

@@marieegypt7091 we would be happy to discuss this with you and point you to some resources but to protect those involved, we cannot do it here. Please reach out to get started: teepasnow.com/services/consulting/phone-consultations/

[@diwnhs]

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