Terrible Parents | Stephanie Davies-Arai | EP 316

Dr Jordan B Peterson and Stephanie Davies-Arai discuss parenting and the pitfalls of compassion when linked to trans ideology.
Stephanie Davies-Arai is the founder and director of Transgender Trend, the leading UK organization calling for evidence-based healthcare for gender dysphoric children and young people and fact-based teaching in schools. She is the author of Communicating with Kids with a background in teacher training and parent support. She was shortlisted for the John Maddox Prize 2018 for the schools guide Supporting gender diverse and trans-identified students in schools. In 2020 Stephanie was an intervener in the High Court in support of Keira Bell and Mrs A, who brought a landmark case against the Tavistock Gender Identity Development Service in a claim that under-18s are not old enough to consent to treatment with puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones. In 2022 Stephanie was awarded the British Empire Medal as founder of Transgender Trend for services to children in the Queen’s Jubilee Birthday Honours list.
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For Stephanie Davies-Arai:
Communicating With Kids (Book): mybodyisme.com/product/book-c...
Stephanie's Website: stephaniedaviesarai.com/
Transgender Trend Website: www.transgendertrend.com/
School Resources: www.transgendertrend.com/scho...
My Body is Me: www.transgendertrend.com/prod...
An Introductory Guide to Sex and Gender: www.transgendertrend.com/prod...
- Chapters -
(0:00) Coming up
(1:27) Intro
(2:40) When we dislike our own kids
(4:00) The importance of duality in parenting
(6:40) Optimal family dynamics
(10:35) Post-Freudian world, the dismay in peace
(19:43) Camps of discipline
(24:55) Parenting books, lack of scrutiny
(27:24) The terror in total freedom
(31:50) Sam Brinton, subjective truth
(40:00) Gender identity is the new counter culture
(47:45) Creativity and negative flux
(53:12) Twenge, self confidence, affirmation
(58:52) The folly of self consciousness
(1:05:11) Depression spirals
(1:08:30) Demi-Boys and unstable categories
(1:15:57) Anxiety, women, and social contagion
(1:21:00) Objectification and over correction
(1:27:55) The job of your therapist
(1:35:08) Compassion and the lie of self harm
(1:39:00) Facing the narcissism of compassion
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[@michaelcurry1964]

Jordan Peterson taught me control. I used to suffer from PTSD, anxiety, depression. I used to blame my environment and external factors for my mental suffering, until I realized that, with the guidance of J.P., it’s all me. He also taught me to understand my thoughts. Now I do not “suffer”. Im in the driver seat. I’m now one of the hardest working Laborers on the job site, and will continue to improve in my life to become successful, on my own terms. I got fired from my last laboring job. Now I know the difference between trying and not trying. I will never go back to not having control. I believe this is a gift, although it does bears a lot of responsibility. I notice that I can also take advantage of it, but not without consequences. Thank you Jordan.

[@JordanBPeterson]

:) good work Michael way to be

[@jessemontano762]

Holy shit, man. The good Dr replied. Take a screen shot. That is such a cool thing.

[@destinymayberry6217]

That's amazing. Those are no small obstacles to overcome. Good work and good luck my friend. There will always be consequences. But pulling yourself together with those things hanging on you isn't a small feat. Keep your drive up and yourself determined.

[@coreycefail6704]

Keep it up

[@jgo8305]

Can’t believe he responded. Thats beautiful

[@ruthgrey7190]

When I " became a woman" I was absolutely devastated. I remember feeling disgusted and humiliated. I did not have any desire whatsoever to be a "woman". My friends were primarily boys. I thought a lot of girls rather silly acting. I had zero interest in make up and fixing my hair. I now have 4 children and I am completely female. I still don't like make up or hair or fashion magazines or quite a few historically female activities. That does not make me any less female. I shudder to think what would have befallen me were I to come of age in this time. It is a criminal perversion. How eloquent and succinct Jordan is in his explanation of these complicated problems. We cannot ask jung or c.s Lewis what they think of current issues. But we can ask Jordan Peterson who seems to me in many ways a living legend.

[@10messi9brahimovic]

This is a beautiful comment

[@carlossmith4927]

Some of the most beautiful and complete women we’re pretty much tomboys, definitely always girls, but happy and striving with male friends. Congratulations on your family and best wishes always!

[@ElenaRoche]

Make-up and fixing your hair in today's society has been taken to a level of manipulative sexualised behavior. It emphasizes appearance over substance, looking good over acting and being good. Perhaps you naturally had no desire to manipulate anyone but the need to be accepted as you are on the outside and most importantly as an individual you are inside.

[@happinessyogateacher]

Me, a grandma, was totally athletic and not at all “female” in the western sense of the word. Happily married for over thirty years now and blissfully happy watching the granddaughters don tiaras and glitter, objects I loathed as a young girl myself. Let people live and liove in the bodies god/Heaven/providence gave them unless medically evidence based(cleft palette, etc) but to confirm to an ever changing cultural norm of gender definition is horrendously wrongheaded.

[@10messi9brahimovic]

@@happinessyogateacher inspiring

[@vanessadohnt2868]

Jordan Peterson taught me that my external environment doesn’t have to dictate how I operate. I was exceptionally anxious. I used to suffer from Complex PTSD, PTSD, anxiety and depression. I would never want to leave the house. I would get high all the time just to numb the pain. Now I’m gainfully employed and my fiancé and I are navigating our lives to hopefully move towards a more traditional path with children. No therapist has been able to successfully resolve me, because I needed to take the reigns of my own destiny. Thank you Dr Peterson, from the bottom of my heart. God bless you.

[@JordanBPeterson]

:)

[@eee815]

Part of the "traditional path" is to spank your children. And punish them for being too happy. Dont get too close to the tree of life or the cherubs will punish you with their flaming swords. Instead of feeling ecstatic they will feel intense anxiety, maybe even panic. The cherubs are actually demons. They will force you to be more or less melancholic for your whole life and waste your energy on fighting people who you think are showing people the direct path to hell. But hell only feels like hell, because you fear the tree of life. A shaman climbs that tree without any problems. A true Jungian knows this. You are fighting your own shadow.

[@jonathanburt3671]

Congratulations brother, that's awesome news!

[@Mrs.CGraves]

Yes. Exactly. You cracked the code. Good luck and God Bless on your journey

[@Btrutaltruth]

It's interesting when I watch videos of all sorts of specialists, psychologists and neuroscietists, Im grateful for their work but on the deaph of my heart I understand that nobody can help me personally...😀😀

[@thomasmccann6594]

I'm so thankful we have podcasts like Jordan's. I don't dare listen to mainstream news anymore. This guy should be protected at all costs 💯

[@heatherh.197]

God with him❤💯

[@hewis9138]

Just yesterday, I was thinking that he is definitely sent by God to bring back truth to the table. Never have I seen anyone eloquently fight for truth at a personal cost in recent times. I could only think of biblical men, like Paul, the disciple.

[@46positivity]

When our first child was still a toddler, my father in law told me and my wife not to talk to our kids like they're babies. That's some of the simplest and best advice I've ever gotten.

[@Yellow-Rose]

I did both. Speaking to them like they're a baby (because they are a baby) is another way of showing affection, and I can tell that they enjoy it. Like when I did it putting the baby for a nap. It helps to make them happy and relaxed. Sometimes I speak to my partner that way and he giggles. Don't worry it's not a full-on conversation. But mostly I just try to speak to the babies (in a loving and delicate way, not dry or stern) so that they can understand the words clearly so they can learn to speak better. I can't stand it when some parents speak to their babies in such a cold harsh way with no emotion.

[@46positivity]

@@Yellow-Rose we might agree more than we disagree. We've always shown our kids affection. It wasn't a rule that we had to be stern, emotionless, cold, or anything like that. Lots of hugging, wrestling, joking, etc. We just spoke plainly and clearly and probably just a tad above their level (most of the time) and it seems like it really helped them to speak clearly, respectfully, and thoughtfully (most of the time). It seems to have been a small but important part of raising them right. They're strong, well-liked, capable, teen boys now.

[@dalatina911]

Yes!!! I was told the same thing and I’m so grateful I listened. My first son was so much more advanced linguistically and comprehensively. Don’t get me wrong, I still spoke to him age-appropriately and had our”baby-talk” moments but it wasn’t only that.

[@braeutchen41]

@@46positivity two of my children HAD children of their own......one family spoke ultra clear English to their children.....my granddaughter called me Grama Kesolar.(koessler🤭) Her brother called me Drama...... The grandson in the other family called me "Neet-Naw".......(Nana)🤭 He had his little language which I quickly learned to speak......totally clear speaking business man today. ..... The first two had VERY clear language skills right away.... at 18 mo, I asked my youngest grandson, "So, young man, when you grow up, what do YOU want to be?".......and HE said.... "Well, acsoowe, I think I will be a dinosaur." 🤔

[@Yellow-Rose]

@@46positivity 👍 Happy Holidays to you!

[@saracorbin1152]

If you're a parent and want to discourage your teenager from going trans -- I've got the perfect solution. YOU have to go trans (or fake it somehow convincingly). And constantly talk about how cool you are. Your teenager will do anything to be avoid being like YOU.

[@gcg8187]

Hahah

[@reidcrosby6241]

Lmao.

[@rell7773]

Haha next generation will probably value being as straight as possible. Being normal is becoming fringe, even as far as not having tattoos etc. Clown culture is just so mainstream!

[@carlossmith4927]

Brilliant! That should get a child/adolescent back on track.

[@charlescharliecharlotte]

lol

[@danielnorris11493]

These are the conversations that will make or break the next generation. I wish everyone could hear these words. Raise your kids to be strong. Possibly more than any time in the last 100 years, the world is going to need strong people.

[@Milestonemonger]

We grew up watching our parents have the occasional, but necessary argument; They would "fight" negotiate and compromise then go about their day. When I had my children, I took the advice of an expert who said: Never fight in front of your children, it changes them". I implemented this advice with my children not realizing years later the harm I was causing them by not exposing them to real life problems and solutions. It made them weak. They panic when they see us having a simple disagreement with anyone.

[@mlovepuravida13]

Lausd grade curves

[@CatTrades]

I was told the same in “divorce counseling”. I’m reaping the consequences as well.

[@BitsyBee]

The word "fight" is used too loosely. What should NEVER be done, and what is traumatizing to children, is physical violence, ridicule, name calling, or profanity. I think that's what was meant by " no fighting."

[@lifewithlolo9746]

I'm not the kind of person that can hide an argument. So regardless of where the kids are, we have rules of engagement. This makes an argument, a debate without foul play. Intermission and reopening a topic is allowed until there is a resolution because the discussion matters. Teaching respectful ways to handle arguments helps both kids and other adults see what a healthy relationship should look like.

[@cordelia7313]

Yes, I do believe that our children seeing us experience “disagreements” as we don’t fight but at times have had some strong discussions in our marriage, showed them that yea marriage takes work. It isn’t always rainbows and roses, as many of their peers think because they followed the don’t argue in front of your children advocates.

[@NinjaKittyBonks]

JBP in the HOOOUUUUUUSSSEEEEEE ❤Parents have failed their children and been several generations in the making. I don't know how we are to live amongst those who DESPISE the means by which they have prospered.

[@allforjesus1971]

That's a most important question to answer. Thanks for bringing it up in the comments.

[@joelongworth6722]

JP, reminds me of a theologian, Karl Jung who was critical of such people as JFK, Cardinal Ratzenger and even Pope John... All his contemperaries. Pope John called him a world prophet a wanna be that is. I contend however, I could count on one hand, the commentators who rightly attack this Woke cult which has spread all over the western hemisphere. It is so suffocating, makes us want to beat them with a stick

[@nateTheNomad23]

Talk about hitting the nail on the head.

[@prabh-amrit]

And to analyse it i do believe its the fact our lives have been strived of natural behaviour or be intouch with our primitive behaviour so the Industrial Revolution was the time when things started to go downhill

[@virusO1OOOOO1]

We are witnessing socially, the Soft Men creating Tough times. We soon will witness the Tough men to making our lives a little easier. I cannot wait to pay witness to the work of these kind of men.

[@msshrill3681]

Those not in the UK wont realise what this woman has done for us here - thanks for interviewing her

[@littletree1343]

I am from the UK and she is an absolute superstar!!

[@martian2207]

What was her impact in the UK?

[@thomasmccann6594]

I'm intrigued to listen to more of her now. These people are a breath of fresh air in a mad world we live in at the moment.

[@kgonzalez8098]

I’m in the uk and I have no clue who she is but she’s so insightful.

[@soulfulfreedomheart2505]

What a wonderful woman 🙂

[@xhepa.x]

My mother was always the "perfect woman"- quiet, meek, kind, pleasant; she never raised her voice toward us or my father, she never showed negative emotion (I later found out that she did, just not in front of us). She allowed my father to [emotionally] destroy her in front of us and moved along with her day as if nothing happened. She was 100% submissive my entire childhood. She was deeply religious and pious. Growing up, It ruined my self-esteem because I am her opposite - disagreeable and questioning everything - I always thought I was never a proper woman like her. I spent a lot of my life resenting her for not having a backbone or a voice

[@show_me_your_kitties]

I understand this so deeply. I recognized this very early on when I was really small, I saw how agreeable all the women in my family were not just my mother. I knew that was not the way my personality was going to be even before I had complete awareness. As I grew it caused great issue with my family relationships, because I was not submissive to and eager for mens approval. Messed up thing is now as an adult I am attracted to men like my father who expect/desire a submissive woman when I am so faropposite of that. So I tend to choose men I am not compatible with; have you experienced this? I feel at a loss because any man who is slightly more agreeable seems weak to me, I want someone who will contest me, but I end up choosing men who are not open to differing opinions.

[@1whocontends70]

Actually, where you saw weakness it was really strength. It took strength for her not to be like her husband, strength not to be destructive in front of her kids and strength to stay married to that man.

[@JohnSmith-zo6ir]

When my child comes home and tells me someone in the playground kicked them, the last thing I ask them is how did that make them feel. I ask them if they did something to elicit that response. Too many kids, including my own, ignore their own abusive behaviours and then jump on the victimhood bandwagon to avoid taking ownership for their bad actions, choices and behaviours. Only after that discussion do I role play their own bad behaviours back to them and then ask "Well how did that make you feel?" And the anwer is inevitably not good. "Okay then, if that made you feel ... insert the emotion ... then that's how you made them feel". "So if you stop ... insert bad behaviour ... then they will stop kicking you". This teaches your child personal responsibility and accountability and empowers them, because they are in charge of their own behaviours, nobody else.

[@goodolearkygal5746]

Lol. Yeah I'm old school so my first thought is always "well, what did YOU do that made them kick you?" Then we go from there

[@AshleyWilliams-xq7lj]

I'm a woman so it's different, but when I was bullied, it was because I couldn't afford nice clothes, didn't watch vapid TV shows, didn't like bland pop music, and refused to bully other girls to elevate my social status. Should my parents have told me to force myself to do those things? I'm genuinely curious.

[@JohnSmith-zo6ir]

@@AshleyWilliams-xq7lj No, being a woman doesn't give you a free pass to abuse. Bad behaviours are bad behaviours, regardless of gender. People don't go around hitting people without cause. Those that do are in the one percent minority and if it's happening to you regularly, then you are the problem. Jumping on the victimhood hierarchy to try and avoid taking ownership and accountability for your actions shows weak character.

[@AshleyWilliams-xq7lj]

​@@JohnSmith-zo6ir I obviously stopped talking to them and you didn't answer my question.

[@JohnSmith-zo6ir]

@@AshleyWilliams-xq7lj What's it got to do with your parents? You have just validated my comment. You have what is called an "external locus of control", which means you are always looking external to yourself for other people or circumstances to blame rather than assessing your own actions, behaviours and choices. Its your decision, not your parents. Don't try and shift the blame on them. As I said. You are weak in character. That answers your question.

[@Seven280]

Bringing up 6 kids with my wife while both of us having childhood trauma to grapple with Dr Peterson has given a very guided path to understanding .Thanks Dr Peterson...you have truly saved my wifes life and mine too. Great tie also....did you skateboard as a teen??🙂

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

awesome

[@j102h]

He didn't skate, but he has expressed an appreciation for watching local skateboarders. He even wrote about why people shouldn't bother skaters in his second book, arguing that society benefits from the courage that they build up in their skateboarding practice. Glad to hear about his positive impact on your family.

[@lostr1906]

I am going to encourage my children to skateboard. It’s so good for mental health especially talking to others and thinking about how to improve in life and deal with constant failure.

[@joanramsay5691]

@@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314 8o

[@bjenkin100]

@@j102h Right on - every time i see these "no skating" signs i'm furious. so many things wrong with that i dont know where to begin. On top of everything else, i cant imagine anything more Un-American (although that list growing rapidly now) when i was a kid my brother and his freinds became great skaters, and they worked at their craft, then they built an awesome wooden "half-pipe" the skating and the construction accomplishment pretty impressive for a group of 15 thru 17 year olds. It was in the woods, bout 40 yards back of one of the guys houses. Of course the neighborhood assholes, a cop, and the community association had nothing better to do than attack it.... instead of ways of supporting the youth and their healthy, productive, engaging and impressive efforts. the council meeting battle was likely a educational experience for them. i was proud of my big brother. but alas, "the Man" came down on them and the ramp had to come down. but it was a great 2 years. shameless on part of adults... still is too

[@Frank00]

Ask any narcissist what is the most important thing to you and they will almost always say “my feelings “ not only is it narcissistic but borderline evil. Just imagine how you’d treat people if the most important thing was your feelings.

[@demontwashington5388]

And since we removed God from everything, and every other source of moral authority, all we're left with is feelings. There's no sense of doing what's right, or fair, or just. I should just do whatever makes me feel good in the moment. It's the moral system of a 2-year-old.

[@cb5550]

That’s a powerful statement and very true. We’ve seen this play out in society so many times in violent ways. I’ll need to copy and paste that somewhere for further reference.

[@nicewhenearnedrudemostlyel489]

someone been watching tiktok narcissist "doctors". anyone who has a fit or wrongly thinks feelings are more important than they are is a narcissist. way to take something decent and bend it to your own will, kinda like those narcissists you know SO much about... how long have you been in recovery?

[@nicewhenearnedrudemostlyel489]

it was a trick question. you're not, because you haven't looked in the mirror yet. and i highly doubt you ever will, narcissist.

[@pcka12]

I have just realised that I have spent the better part of 20 years married to a narcissist (daughter of a blatant narcissist who probably created it).

[@chuglyc]

It’s so nice to hear two professionals that make sense. Bless your hearts.

[@KristOlivier]

Sweden is a great case study for all this. Shocking what goes on here. Often i have to check up on my children and unfuck their minds from their week/day at school. And that battle is made considerably easier with your help Dr. Peterson, thank you .

[@incognito.502]

What goes on in your country, what do you mean or what are you talking about mam? Im from Holland)

[@caspervanhelvoirt]

@@incognito.502 I'd like to know as well! By chance, I'm from the Netherlands as well haha.

[@immersediguana2326]

Sweden (and the other nordic countries) has(/have) been at the forefront of political/social/society-wide equality goals/agendas on the global stage for many decades. While originally being a positive driving force that led to many structural changes (social/cultural and legal) with the goal of equality of opportunity for men and women, it has devolved into a equality of outcome pursuit. My own interpretation of the current cultural waves in Sweden is that the drive towards equality (of opportunity) has been hijacked/mutated into dysfunctional forms. One of these being a hostile form of recent waves of feminism. Meaning, rather than pursuing equality for all, it is an ugly variant that openly applies collective guilt to men. Another dimension of this development, I find, is the high standard of living (which one would believe to be a positive development) in turn has led to more egocentric behaviour, as strong personal economic freedom has been part of fueling "the highest goal" of individualisation. To exasperate this, with some stunning mental acrobatics, there is a strong sense of entitlement throughout the country. Much focus is placed on governmental enteties and institutions obligations to fulfil the individuals every need and personal goal, while all too little is mentioned regarding each individuals responsibilities. e.g. Parents blame schools and teachers and reject any requests to look at their own and their children's responsibilities. Furthermore, there is, and has been, a long-term paralysis/inaction on many fronts (in various institutions, etc) to deal with growing issues, as there is a tremendous fear of being (mis)labelled racist, sexist, or whatever else. I'll leave it there. What I wrote doesn't begin to elaborate enough on this very complex topic(s) and the Swedish cultural and political scene. And unfortunately this perhaps isn't the best forum for it. Hope it gave some insight/ideas/point of view.

[@KristOlivier]

@@immersediguana2326 yes , i agree with all you have said.

[@lukepotosky4853]

Except a lot of Nordic children are not happy. Black metal was created in these regions expressing their frustration with the world.

[@0ptixs]

I'm going to be honest, this is a hard episode to watch. Mine and my Wife's parenting style, I'm realizing, is a lot closer to what they're talking about than I'd like to admit. But for the sake of my children, I need to listen and apply what I learn in this episode

[@saidit0nc366]

Amen brother! The laws of the universe were designed before us and functions the way it has for millenniums before our lives. Those laws will always be superior to any ideology some one has

[@Eliza-cn5ii]

Good for you. Acknowledging where we can improve for the better is tough.

[@cindiexoxoxo3773]

What a phenomenal admission. So inspiring and beautiful. I can’t help but point out however, “I” is always singular and can not be pluralized. “Mine and my wife’s parenting style…..”. I’m confident that’s what you meant to say ❤

[@kelsijodryer6348]

@@cindiexoxoxo3773 grammar nazi. 😂

[@resiliencecounsellingcoach1870]

My wife & mine’s

[@joban4963]

I never had self esteem as a kid, and I was always told that it was my fault because I'm useless. Nobody would ever consider the fact that the reason I was deeply depressed wasn't because of a self esteem disorder, but because I lived with multiple people who told me every day that I was a bad person and would never amount to anything. Mine were particularly evil, because I did get along with classmates and teachers, but they'd tell me that those people were simply making fun of me or trying to trick me by pretending to like me.

[@PhilosophicalGospelPodcast]

Same.. Prayer helps.

[@alexk48]

Telling you you're perfect and beautiful and wonderful all the time is not the antidote to that. Both extremes are unrealistic and do not prepare you for life.

[@joban4963]

@@alexk48 I think that's the problem the 'Empath' people have. Most of them seem to develop narcissism in response to being bullied and invalidated their entire life. It's like a generational disease.

[@harveyyoung3423]

$%&£ them!

[@SAAhmes]

The thing here is not that parents should be mean to kids. Being an asshole to your kids will harm them, no doubt. Being respectful yet firm. Being an example of a good strong person to your kids, one that takes care of himself and their family and community, one that embraces challenges and works through them by being human is the goal.

[@BeckyJB]

Absolutely loved this episode as a single mom of two boys… I can see where my childhood has contributed to how my 11 year old sees himself 😢 “feelings” isn’t the answer all the time. Puberty will now be easier for me to understand and my son to get through. Thank you Jordan Peterson!

[@mitchellhedden1978]

Is being a single mom a conscious choice for you?

[@JH-vy7uy]

@@mitchellhedden19781. Are you the ex? 2. As opposed to unconscious? 3. Is provoking for opportunities to mentally dominant mothers your kink? 4. If it is, have you tried taking a break from pigging at the P0rnTrough, and just going your own way?

[@mitchellhedden1978]

@@JH-vy7uy Who’s “provoking for opportunities to mentally dominate” now?

[@JH-vy7uy]

@@mitchellhedden1978 you

[@anthonybrett]

@@mitchellhedden1978 My cousin's a single Mum. She has two sons. It wasn't a conscious choice for her though because her husband died from a brain tumour six years ago. Some people dont get a choice mate.

[@megamaze00]

I was talking with a mother yesterday, who happened to show up to playgroup with her sons dressed in girls clothing. She spent the entire hour telling me how miserable she and her husband are and how she “hates” her children and feels that they ruined their lives by having them. I couldn’t reconcile everything she told me and it has bothered me constantly since. Something about this video is helping me to understand her situation, as well as my own parenting tendencies. Thank you for this enlightening and extremely helpful discussion- I’ll be sharing it with the mother I mentioned.

[@WungaBungaMC]

The odds at least one of her boys will be hell bent on hating her for the rest of their life is a 100% chance of occurrence, regardless of where anyone stands on the issue.

[@davidfleuchaus]

Ok, hang with me here. I just had a whole conversation unfold as I imagined speaking to the mother you met now two months ago. 1. Did you share this video with that mother? (Do it if you didn’t already.) 2. To that mother I would say, “You are forgiven. You are doing your absolute best. I know you are giving your children 100% of your effort. But if you hate this then please consider that you are on the wrong path. If you acknowledge that or if you want to explore a different path then allow me to explain my perspective on how so many theories can be so forcefully promoted. When I studied psych at Harvard (at night and one Summer) I came to it from having been raised in a math and science family and then going to music college. I found the social sciences to not be very rooted science. Evidence-based research is key but because life is always more bc complicated the general public has difficulty holding onto the actual complexities of, say, the psychological patterns of humanity. Secondly, authors and professionals tend to champion one theory. They build their careers on it. Their income. Their believability. So they don’t say, “I was wrong” or “The latest research indicates a better alternative.” But at the researcher level, where a science oriented psychologist repeatedly references evidence-based conclusions, there I find reality. Jordan Peterson is one of thousands who does this but the only one I know of who makes this research available to the general public in a way that communicates super effectively. He is not perfect but his evidence-based advice will root you and your family in a reality that is 50-300x more connected to actual reality than will probably any one book espousing one theoretical perspective. I used to get mad at people who were so knowledgeable about their field of expertise that they dismissed all other options as inferior. But people know what they know. Few people know the details and the big picture. For example, I know actual data compiled from measuring the amount of energy saved from various house improvements. Window manufacturers and contractors know their product as do insulation contractors and air sealing contractors and HVAC…. But few people know all of those areas and measure outcomes and make decisions based on the results. So my point is to forgive all the experts in their fields and look for advisors who are super knowledgeable about the whole array of psychological theories whose advice is evidence based. Jordan Peterson is one of those people. I know that’s a lot. I hope it helps her disentangle her family from untested theories.

[@theproofistrivial7677]

I’m fortunate to be around parent friends who like their children. Don’t get me wrong, we vent about life a lot but for the most part? Our toddlers are likeable people, apparently behind closed doors too. We have somewhat different parenting styles, but we all got the basics right.

[@vcamie8755]

​​@@davidfleuchaus She hates her children and thinks they ruined her life. I'm stunned anyone would admit that openly, what does a shameless person like that do it say when other people AREN'T around? Forgivin? By who? You? You're not the one who is being wronged. Her children are, and you certainly can't offer forgiveness on their behalf. I can't imagine ever telling that person "I know you're giving 100% ..... " You absolutely do not know that. In fact it's very improbable.

[@tgeorgopoulos]

​@Violet Powell excellent point. I think what he may have been trying to do was sell her on the JP parenting model. Many people tend to dig their heels in when their choices are questioned. So you give someone an out that helps them feel less foolish. Sad, but true.

[@verisimilitudo1]

Confidence through competence. You feel good when you know you're good.

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

absolutely

[@ToddlovesCopper]

My husband and I thought we were on the same page until our kid hit 3 and discipline really became an issue. Now two kids in and our youngest is 3 we're working hard on putting forth good boundaries and keeping them by having positive and negative consequences for the kids choices. We give our children the power to choose how they respond. We listen to how they're feeling, encourage them to think and explain (even at 3 and 5 it's amazing how much they can articulate) but no matter how they feel it doesn't justify their behavior.

[@bernyvargas3746]

I have a 5yo boy and this coversation has been gold for me! Thank you Dr Peterson.

[@deffunction]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@magmon100]

😮 I am an only child and stayed home with my mother until I was 5 and never was able to integrate socially. I’ve always felt like a social outcast. Thanks for clarifying this all.

[@boltonjack]

This is my favourite version of Jordan, the clinical psychologist. These videos are an incredible resource.

[@JSMI]

I am grateful for this podcast. To hear all these opinions from different professionals is really a gift. Thank you.

[@destinymayberry6217]

I love watching them. It's always diverse but about subjects im genuinely interested in.

[@gb5663]

I just wish he'd let his guests talk instead of interrupting constantly

[@JSMI]

@@destinymayberry6217 💯

[@jackietea8772]

Its so crazy that I came across this because as a parent (of a 9 and 11 year old) I have always had such a hard time understanding how to best cultivate self esteem and confidence, and never have been able to nail it down. I feel like its been SO nailed into parents in the last couple decades that its YOUR JOB ONLY to create a confident kid..... you have to figure out if YOU are saying and doing the right things, and if YOU fail, your kid will have low self esteem and not be a confident person. Because of this... people are teaching their kids to tell themselves positive affirmations in the mirror (lies)... and always tell them TO BE THEMSELVES no matter what. You are perfect as you are and always be confident in that because who you are is perfect.... and to never change for anyone. Telling my kid they are "strong" and "great" when they aren't always that never felt quite right to me, and it felt like the puzzle wasn't fully complete, but I couldn't figure out why.... I didn't feel like that alone would work and it was stressful. but NOW I get it. This podcast nailed all of those little pieces into place, and I understand now that my child's confidence isn't just what they tell themselves, or what I tell them.... its how they interact with the outside world. It's their ability to make friends and be social, their ability to work hard and be accepted and complimented by others. That was always such a taboo thing to admit, almost to the point where we said NO.... YOU DONT HAVE TO BE ACCEPTED, your job is to be confident in who you are. That was wrong!! I get that now. crazy.

[@marayoung]

Self control gives you self esteem, I heard that from Dennis Prager, look him up, he’s brilliant!

[@acacia_w]

This is a bloody great conversation. One of the underrated ones, I think! All parents, teachers and education policy makers should listen up.

[@sweetnessglyc]

What I love most about my daily dose of the podcast is (apart from the amazing insights shared about the most important topics) the knowledge that there is a large community that seems to resist the idiocy of modern times. Social media makes me feel like I am alone in not agreeing with whatever stupid opinion du jour but here I find that many people feel the same way as me, so thank you ☺

[@EmilynWood]

I recently deleted some of my social media and my life improved a lot. Went back to direct-messaging friends to keep up with them rather than "following" them.

[@dogladytherapyllc644]

yes, yes, and what I truly like about JP is that he appeals to young men. They really need him right now

[@jaquirox6579]

Totally agree!! It would be nice if we all could be friends in real life. It’s hard to find local friends anymore that I can share anything intellectual with, or even just have anything in common with. I fill my days with mothering and housekeeping and homeschool and podcasts and CrossFit and athletics with my son and secretly building an empire by candlelight at night. But gosh!!… can I just get some decent friends that aren’t morons or shallow?!! 😂

[@Yellow-Rose]

"being extremely liberal can also be a perfectly valid excuse for neglect" Yes, this! You hit the nail on the head sir!

[@mlovepuravida13]

Yesss

[@elizabeth1703]

This has been THE most relatable thing I have watched/listened to in probably my entire life, and relatable in the sense from all my days since birth into motherhood. THANK YOU for such valuable wisdom.

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

healing

[@artshoey]

I got so much out of this conversation as a mother. Huge thanks to you both!

[@agapiosagapiou]

My life Collapse non stop for the last tree years. I thank God for found you Dr, your books kept me in line, I improve myself. Hope and vision!

[@jeffc.1956]

“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” I take some solace knowing that if parents have some degree of moral directive to raise a child right, at some point the person will return to sanity. Somebody also needs to call out who specifically started all of this nonsense so they can be brought out to the light. Was it one person’s philosophy? A social revolutionary group?

[@VGV0]

Toughest thing in life is raising children properly. For some , it might be easier, thankfully there is a lot of good information that a parent can apply and ameliorate the situation. Forever learning ❤️

[@saraellis6784]

Depressive guilt that Jordan gave at the 1 hrs mark about marriage and reflection to the foundation🎯🎯🎯. It hit close to home. The fundamental part of my being is in question with most conflicts. I’m listening, Jordan.

[@Samuelioi]

The first 20 minutes blew my mind on how relatable this was. This is the first video I've seen that's impacted me like this. Thank you.

[@NathanMillerAZ]

For a couple of generations we have taught our children to feel instead of think and reason. It is why we are where we are. I’m thrilled to have Dr. Peterson shining a light on this.

[@NinjaKittyBonks]

@Nathan Miller ... We can look back to the 1950's, when a Joseph McCarthy spoke of the dangers of those who would support social / communism. While his methods were 100% as bad as the leftist cult we see today, he was SPOT ON with his analysis of the danger. I was born in '64, so was slightly ahead of the Marxist takeover in the public school system. However, I distinctly recall being taught that by the year 2K, the world would "run out of oxygen", due to the rate at which the Amazon Rain Forest was being cut down by capitalist pigs. Well, here we are in 2022 and not 2 years ago, we had AOC telling us that we all have 12 years, before the oceans begin to rise and will be too late to address the "climate crisis". I don't think there is anyone, who would like to see less crap put into the air, but unless the ENTIRE globe is on board, industry just moves to China, Mexico or India. . Kinda took us off the rails there, but shows how the Marxist is all about fear mongering and seeking opportunity to seize power!

[@mlovepuravida13]

I like that feel.think.reason !

[@mooshway2000]

Yes, I think that the pendulum has swung too far from some people. I appreciate thr middle ground advocated here.

[@profeh3346]

I studied sociology and social psychology (late 70s early 80s )and was taught self esteem self esteem and more self esteem. I read all the parenting books to be the best mom I could. What I needed instead was this podcast - and JBP. It is Gods grace that molded my family and saw my kids and me through the teen years. Thank you both!

[@hannahdavis5679]

Jordan I'm a 23 year old mother of 3 and 1 year old boys. You are such an important voice in my life. I struggle with depression and i spoil my older child way to much, but I hope by watching you, which I have for many months, I can gain the knowledge I need to raise successful kind & Godly men like you. What a wonderful thing that would be. I wish I could speak to you. But for now, I will listen ❤

[@retardedseizure301]

I know this is 11 months later, but I just read your comment and I am wishing you and your older son well! My older brother (by 2 years) was horribly spoiled, and it’s destroyed his life. He’s almost 40 now, never had a girlfriend, has 0 friends (not exaggerating), is emotionally adolescent, and is extremely depressed, angry, and cynical about the world, and struggling with alcoholism. My mom still bails him out of whatever problems or issues arise, she doesn’t know how to temper her love. I always feel sad when I hang with him or think of him. I hope you find the wisdom, knowledge, and courage to course-correct with your older son, even if it’s difficult or painful. It will save his life. Sending you love 💗

[@forrestnorman1114]

This practical guide to parenting is much needed this day and age. Thanks to the two of you 🙏🏼❤️

[@IamKyuTee]

I agree. II had a rough childhood with divorced parents and both never really were there for me and I had to grow up fast and take care of myself at ahe 3 and my younger sister who was 1. Then later my mother remarried and even then. I ended up having to be mother to myself and 2 younger siblings at age 10. Then they wonder why I am so head string and determined. That by age 12 they couldn't tell me anything. If I would not accept their reasons for trying to punish me when they were never there to discipline me or my supibkings and I had to do it being a child it seemed the on,y thing I needed them fir was financial. Didn't need them anymore for discipline or guidance since I did that fur myself and my siblings. What I wanted as a chikd I never got and still to this day there is a feeling of not belonging anywhere. The only thing I got from both of them was criticism and never once told if I was doing well. Even with straight A's throughout school it was never good enough. I was always a burden and worthless. So I was raised on the opposite polar end of how most of these SJWs were raised. There needs to be a balance in life.

[@benortiz1886]

Thank you for all you do in righting this woke insanity. God bless you and your family, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. The Ortiz family

[@jenniferpaquette3288]

This discussion could have been 6 hours and it still wouldn't have been enough! Thank-you Jordan and Stephanie for speaking truth and explaining it in such a way, it arms us with knowledge that we can repeat confidently and without hesitation!

[@_LaNica]

Every parent should listen to this but it’s a ABSOLUTE MUST for mother’s.

[@sathapalani]

As a father of a toddler girl; I found this conversation so incredibly informative and useful. Will certainly look to read Stephanie’s book

[@ShonjiPowerOf2]

So grateful to see someone talking against my personality needing to change. I'm an ISTJ female and let's face it I'm not the most chipper and telling me I need self esteem only made me feel bad and false praise made me feel worse. It's OK to be sensitive to negative emotions and when you know that trying to self regulate instead of weighing in on how I feel

[@thanksfernuthin]

Just don't get mad at those of us who are naturally happy and we're good!

[@machtnichtsseimann]

@@thanksfernuthin - That just about sums it up across the board: Let each other be. When we insist on the whole world being like us, then problems ensue.

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

Change is good

[@sheriwilliams8942]

People just want to change you into what they are, not good. Sensitive People are usually Highly Intelligent and Pick up on Frequency/Energy much sooner than other people. Sensitive People see things other don't, they see changes coming long before others do and that makes those who are Not Sensitive uneasy. Sensitive People are usually gifted in ways other are not. People should embrace Sensitivity but instead because of a lack of understanding they Bully then. To All the Sensitive People who are Gifted choose wisely your Friends and also employers. 🌻🌷💐🌼

[@machtnichtsseimann]

@@sheriwilliams8942 - Thank you for your affirming and encouraging words. When others catch on to us Sensitives/Empaths it can be fueled with envy...fear...pride...anger. The shoe is also on the other foot: Others are gifted in ways that Empaths are not. We would be wise to choose our friends carefully, including those of varied giftings/skillsets. All of us have biases / pride to wrestle with, and being open to others and their giftedness can strengthen us, sharpen our insights, and develop our ability to connect with the entire world of temperaments. Peace, Grace, Truth to you.

[@carolinebarrio3573]

I feel such a burden sometimes as a parent, but I'm grateful for your hard labor to educate the masses. God bless your handiwork-- it has love's approval embedded deeply within it.

[@Hammid]

God bless Jordan B. Peterson.

[@zeno2501]

I believe the underlying cause of this shift in parenting toward prioritising feeling over thinking is a consequence of men given less control in the parenting and family domain. There is an idea in the culture, at least in the UK, that men don't know how to raise children. Also something seen in The Simpsons, which is often used as an example of the incompetent but loveable father. It isn't true that men don't know how to raise children, they just have a different approach, which would traditionally be the disciplinarian and "ordering" role. "Facts don't care about your feelings". I'm convinced that the fact that this role is less valued in society than in years gone by is producing all of this chaos. In a world where women don't need men for support, they also don't need to accept men's approaches to raising kids, so men are being pushed further out of family life. Throw in family courts and divorce, you get plummeting marriage rates and disinterest in fatherhood, and a generation of kids left without strong boundaries experimenting with chaos and rebellion on a deep and cultural level. We need to reinstate the Father.

[@jenniferbaxter7973]

I agree that this is a factor. It's worrisome.

[@LittleBox87]

Thank you for this conversation Dr. JBP! I'm a mom of a 10 month old baby boy and I am looking deep into literature of raising a child. This is a gold mine for me! Thanks!

[@tofuman9526]

I'm sorry, but I'd advise turning to more credible sources in all things parenting like the circle of security parenting paradigm. JBP has some controversial views that are in conflict with modern science, particularly developmental neuroscience.

[@LittleBox87]

@@tofuman9526 Hey, Im looking at Gabor Mate for years now, as well as JBP and his sources like Carl Rogers and this lady for example, also Jasper Juul and such. :) Do you have any authors to recommend?

[@Sentinel82]

@@tofuman9526 Almost anything is more credible than the mainstream advice handed out by the so called "experts" of today.

[@tofuman9526]

@@LittleBox87 Dr. Gordon Neufeld highly recommended. Carl Rogers is great overall. Donald Winnicott was a psychoanalyst who contributed significantly, but his more difficult to study on your own. Neufeld and Mate co-authored a book called Hold On To Your Kids, which is a brilliant gift for parents or even professionals in the field.

[@svetavinogradova4243]

@@LittleBox87 Gabor Mate no good. Penelope Leach!!!

[@TrickyBixnatch1213]

The placement of the camera, another seat at the table, makes this so much more powerful than it already was

[@alvareo92]

these Daily Wire interviews are shot so nicely, even the lenses make faces look so good. And they say conservatives have no taste!

[@gianigia5556]

Plus the nice outfit: the mixt of colours, the fabric of his suit, the tie...even the green plant that's behind....Someone is doing a great visual job!

[@someoneimsure]

"They ask the child, 'How did that make you feel?' And what it does is give power to feelings above actions. You get a child who stops and thinks 'Well how did I feel about it?' and it's usually 'Sad'." Well, no wonder why so many people are depressed today.

[@assortmentofpillsbutneverb3756]

Its not bad to ask how they felt about it because communicating with yourself is very important, you just need to add form and function on top of that. Its not just how did i really feel but also "is that feeling justified", "how did i lead to the outcome", "how did others lead to the outcome", "how do i remedy and disciple this feeling", "how do i change myself and my environment if the feeling was justified". Its not good to lie/miscommunicate between your body and mind with how you see your feelings, but it is just an indicator and not the decision maker. Its like pain... its necissary to notice pain to notice something is wrong, but you dont let pain guide your decisions

[@martinburrows6844]

@@assortmentofpillsbutneverb3756 very good, accurate description of critical thinking. And Positive integration of emotion into cognitive function.

[@gadgettrek]

As a teacher, I see the results of this played out in my classroom on a daily basis Both of my children have severe Autism and so I've struggled with the "don't let your children do things that makes you dislike them" idea since my children regularly do things that make me dislike them but it's a result of their Autism. I would love to see Dr. Peterson talk about how to navigate this for special needs parents.

[@rad-guidance7]

Ditto.

[@justmorenoise]

I know right. It’s pretty serious for other learning developmental issues too. Higher functioning levels might make it easier to blend in as kids but later in life those one’s mostly struggle big time. Especially from puberty onwards. Autism is more clear and obvious earlier on. Hopefully that helps then get early interventions. But still.. It would be interesting

[@Alissarowe44432]

check out the GAPS diet by Dr natasha campbell

[@AmrieStapley]

I’ve always said that the parents with special needs kids are the most special people on the planet. Seriously, I only have the highest esteem and praise for what you do. On your worst day, you still have miles more patience and compassion then I or any other parent not in your shoes, can claim to have. I believe in God. And one of my (not doctrinal) beliefs is that it is to His children with the highest capacity for strength and love, that he reserves as parents for his dear and precious special needs children. Hope you have compassion with yourself, and somehow manage to squeeze time for yourself and occasionally your own passions! I think balancing your love of your kids with re-discovering yourself outside of being a parent (ie. your own interests and growth) is paramount.

[@laiorwyn]

There is soooo much here, I have to watch this again. I am so pleased to say my husband and I have been fairly consistent and balanced with our approach to parenting, and we homeschool specifically to dodge idiologies that we don't agree with. Theoretically, the kids that dodge this nonsense will be able to navigate adulthood in our declining civilisation to their benefit.

[@shawnjohnson3125]

How do they form relationships with peers though? That's the main part I struggle with on deciding whether to home school or not, they definitely learn a lot of nonsense in public schools but also a lot of beneficial aspects being in the real world and socializing with kids their own age

[@meninpursuitofpurpose3331]

In regards to popularity, Aesop once said: "Please all, and you will please none." I find this to be true because a person can not please self while pleasing every ambient culture of society while being authentic to self. 4:41

[@seandmoore6922]

Every time I listen to Mr. Peterson speak, I am apprehensive and skeptical….and then I listen very closely, and I am disarmed and enlightened. I truly love and appreciate you sir.

[@Seeker0fTruth]

Well said. I agree.

[@kailimck]

“(Negative) Feeling is a consequence of inadequate adaptation” I love how you put that. Thank you.

[@lassejrgensen8912]

Hi Jordan, thank you, for the balance you bring, to this crazy time in history. You are one of the most important people on the planet, for a million reasons. fun fact: Hellicopter children is called curling kids in denmark. It describs how parents are constanly sweeping infront of there kids, to make the journey as smooth as possible, this description is dead on in my opinion.

[@JordanBPeterson]

:)

[@AndreaGrinoldsSoap]

Funny thing this made me think about how I got away with a lot as a kid less when I was young, it made me think that I was very clever, I valued that. When I got to be a teenager it made me think my parents did not care. I'm so glad this was brought up because now I know my 13-year-old needs me to not let things go. I think I parented my two older children backwards. Sorry ❤️

[@joban4963]

I grew up being taught that my feelings not only don't matter, but don't exist, and are offensive, and I'm actually feeling whatever I'm commanded to feel, but if I were actually feeling what I say I am it would make me a terrible person who nobody will ever love.

[@adampindell]

Almost like we have to learn and be taught how to feel and act in any given situation. Like teaching (commanding) your children not to act out (feeling) when things don't go their way. At least, I think that's what you're saying.

[@joban4963]

@@adampindell No I'm saying my parents both gaslighted me into a near-crippled state and took pleasure in it, for the service of some false image they wanted to present to the friends they didn't have, really. I never formed a bond with either of them. Mother has borderline personality disorder, father is a low level corporate psychopath.

[@adampindell]

@@joban4963 oh shit, I guess I thought the exact opposite! Sorry you're parents we're such assholes.

[@jenniferbaxter7973]

I think this is why parenting flipped to the extreme of the helicopter parent. A generation of invalidated children have become hyper validating of their children to not repeat the same mistake their parents did. It's a bit of a yo-yo. Need a balance between allowing children to feel, then help them rationalise and understand their feelings after the incident.

[@alexk48]

You should have been taught that feelings always follow thoughts/ beliefs. Therefore examine the thought behind the feeling. Question the value you place on it. Your thought may be erroneous. You may realize you need to change your behavior. You may need to break off certain relationships or just consider the source and let it roll off your back.

[@TravelingGhost]

I have seen board books for babies/toddlers that pushed the gender ideology. It's horrifying.

[@MommaARA]

I would say in my parenting the mistakes I made where my childhood trauma repeated from bad parenting came when I was completely overwhelmed with zero help and support. That was most od the time but normally I found creative ways to get around challenges or gave myself a timeout. But those very human moments when being pushed one step too far really highlighted to me the unrealistic expectations parenst are put under in this country and the very real lack of support for any parent regardless of their circumstance. Doing it alone is NOT admirable it's miserable. Shouldering everything makes you resiliant for survival but crushes your spirit and ability to live your life. SHamed into not asking for help does not equal strength. All this terrible myths that get heaped on individuals caring for children with total disregard for the the human mind and person that is being crushed. The biggest lie I was ever told: Your children should be enough to make you happy. 100% horseshit. You are an adult with adult needs, wants, dreams, and thinking. No child can fill that void nor should they. Dehumanizing parents and guardians to just child rearing is dangerous and can cause mental deficecies due to purposeful, controlled neglect. We need to get back to supporting families of all kinds to improve the rearing and health of the community which stops the hurtful cycles.

[@termix3314]

This is such a great episode. I'm so glad that people like Jordan and Stephanie still exist and represent not only facts, mind, experience and wisdom but also truth and all the people who don't have a possibility or power to say it. Sending love from Slovakia 🇸🇰

[@RAHreactREVIEW]

Thank you for everything you do Dr.!

[@RAHreactREVIEW]

@Chiku I didn’t see that one, I’m not saying he is a saint but he definitely has done more good for me with nothing more than words. Especially in regards to my own father. However back to what you said, no one is perfect and everyone of us pushes to better ourselves anyway we can…whether spiritually, mentally or monetarily. I don’t know any specifics but I wouldn’t blame him at all to use his voice and platform to make money, I would do the same…

[@DeezScotts2023]

Been thinking a lot lately about the demonization of normalcy and how this continued mindless deconstruction of our traditions and institution is going to hurt most those that it purports to support. I woke up a couple of nights ago in the middle of the night after dreaming about it and wrote my thoughts down on paper. Wanted to share it with somebody: Normal is the tradition we rail against as we transition from child to adult and necessarily test the limits of the bonds that have been saddled upon us and the depths of the desires that have been denied us - for reasons so obviously wrapped in ignorant close-mindedness and rampant stereotype. It is an assembly line we escape from with a passionate and embittered longing to be free and experience the world by our rules, on our terms. Normal is the foundation that the vast majority of us strive to return to, often with calloused hands and hearts and with a mind vitally enhanced by the experience of our short-sighted paths, able to now see past the thin wrapping of shallowly perceived shortcomings to the warmth and wisdom that are the combined sacrifices and contributions of those that came before us - those who provided us with the tools needed to be able to leave in the first place. Now, perhaps, we are able to humbly enrich and enhance the ‘normal‘ with the lessons we stumbled upon on our way home. Now I know that the flaws and failings of the foundation are simply my own.

[@assortmentofpillsbutneverb3756]

Ngl it always drove me crazy when i was younger and i credit it to why i am more traditional than most of my family. All of the "other cultures are more mystical" and "jocks/preps are just bullies" never rung true to me who was a jock and a socially akward dork that bounced between private school and public school. Well put together people just had less intense drama cause they could handle it and now that im older you can see the wear from the drama filled punk life

[@dudubunny]

This is beautifully written! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[@saidit0nc366]

Beautiful. Each person has to find their own land in which they are grounded to and comfortable with. Respecting other peoples boundaries and ideas is more unifying than trying to imposed your own because all it creates is tension, resistance and unreliability. Love the part where you said callous heart once you return “home” from experience. Life and ever growing Wisdom has its price

[@lenavoyles526]

And sometimes, normal is the small, dark, unsatisfying but familiar hole that you retreat to when the courage to manifest your individuality fails you and the struggle to create the world-as-it-could-be grows exhausting - as Peterson warns us it will. I’m not saying that’s what anyone here is doing. I’m just hoping that the words of one of the most courageous, outspoken people I know will not become an excuse for taking the easy way out.

[@justmemessy]

Poetic

[@george.eliot42]

My parents fought, sometimes viciously, in front of us but would always make peace and come together in compromise. It was so beneficial for me & my siblings. We handle conflict very well, we engage in necessary verbal sparing & confrontation, not only this but we can usually resolve the situation.

[@markpereira7730]

Thank you both for being strong and putting out this content , this needs to be heard! We need more information like this to counter the Lunatics

[@MandA1900]

The parts on anxiety, feeling socially awkward, feeling self aware and my preferred max age gap really spoke to me I’m going to watch this again as I know I can get more information out of it then I already have. Thanks for taking the time to make these videos and taking the time to structure it so well and smoothly x

[@brynnaandersen7739]

I was not diagnosed, but I definitely suffered from religious OCD once I hit puberty for about 4 years. I paid attention, close attention, to my feelings, because they were overwhelming, and because I thought it was the Holy Ghost either prompting me or leaving me. I was getting intrusive thoughts that shocked me, and it made me feel intense guilt. At the time, I had the misconception that if I FELT guilty, well then I had something to feel guilty about, so I should obsessively attempt to remediate that. It became a spiral of feeling guilty all the time. With help from my parents and at their instruction, I had to simply stop what I was obsessively doing, even though dying in my sleep or being tortured in hell was a silly but real possibility according to my head. Faced the delusional dragon, got better. I’m not really sure how, but I had to rewire my thoughts to affect my feelings. Saying this aloud is making me sound insane, but I say all this because I think that I had spiraled into my OCD BECAUSE I was so obsessed with my feelings. I thought they meant something, and I was afraid to question them or test the thoughts causing them. I had thought my emotions were signs of universal truth. Because I was constantly feeling guilty, or not feeling good sometimes (hormones), it must be because I was doing something wrong in the eyes of God. And I suffered. I learned, however, a simple truth from that experience: God loved me, and He was not the one trying to make me feel anxious and guilty. I’m grateful to have learned that. I had been wrong - I was thinking wrong. And I had to force myself to believe that I was wrong, and to test it out. Ever since then, I’ve been incredibly bothered by people prioritizing their emotions as opposed to correcting their misconceptions. This comment was long winded, but I’m just grateful to hear the truth I thought no one else believed anymore come out of someone else’s mouth. Not hearing from other psychologists had been making me second guess myself. As always, thank you, Dr. Peterson.

[@rell7773]

Don't apologise! This is a really good comment. I believe the problem we are having today with the gender confusion is the same problem, but opposite. ( Not religious) Kids are told that intrusive thought, should be embraced. It doesn't help that today's society is implanting those intrusive thoughts and then affirming to the child that these thoughts should not be scrutinized. Not all thoughts and feelings are who we are! I think spiritually it has to do with our duelist nature. As the bible talks about the flesh man and the spiritual man, or the tree of the knowledge of good and evil!

[@carlossmith4927]

🙏🏻

[@mikaelsd]

As a former missionary kid, I completely relate to this

[@platyadmirer]

I think feelings are useful for relaying information to us, but they're part of the equation of multiple ways life relays Information to us. To rely only on feelings would be very dangerous and misguided. Balance feelings with other things.

[@BeWise4Life]

I'm glad you hit on the idea of narcissistic compassion. I'll always remember my mom describing my ex-wife as being so sweet she was "dripping with honey." This was before we even dated. I've long since gone through some hellish things with this super "compassionate" person and ended up having a deeper conversation with my mom about it, my mother is a rather agreeable person by the way. Anyway, she tells me that she felt "icky" and not very nice when she was around her. That's when I told her that if my ex was truly as sweet as she says then she should come away feeling like a million bucks. Every genuinely nice/encouraging person I've ever met always makes you feel wonderful when you're around them. The fact that she felt so bad being around her, despite being the highly agreeable type herself that most people love, should have been a red flag that she was being manipulated. Anyway, male narcissistic tendencies are pretty well documented and it kind of reminds me of the gaps in diagnoses for other disorders based on female tendencies. You're descriptions in quoting Young and Freud of the devouring mother really hit home with my experiences.

[@sheriwilliams8942]

Never cared for Sugar Sweet People. But there is something called a Pollyanna and People usually don't like them either and it is an insult to be called a Pollyanna, but there are Real Pollyanna's that view the world Positively no matter what bad thing may be going on. There are still some Truly Nice people left but they are an almost extinct breed of People.

[@jaquirox6579]

Ok, so now I find this quite interesting!! Can you elaborate on what this ‘dripping with honey’ type was like? Where was the poison? Was it like back handed compliments, or more like a narc building u up with love bombing so they had your dependency and trust? Did she have a night and day different personality at home with you? I’m just wildly interested now in understanding that personality, and it’s markers. If you want to chit chat lol!!

[@crystalslayer02]

@@jaquirox6579 that dripping with honey type described above, really stuck me, as the respective part of a podcast did, since I have a colleague of such type. Basically there’s three things about the person - what they say, what they do, and what they think. Only when the three are basically the same, and at least do not contradict, we feel that the person is genuine and trustworthy. Problem with the ‘dripping with honey’ is they might act as a sweet and compassionate one, but after a while you start to notice that other their actions contradict that proclaimed compassionate nature. Like in other times they clearly do not give a damn about the things they acted compassionate or interesting about. I accept that might be a normal setting in a corporate relationships, but then the person shouldn’t have act interested in the first place. Which leads to utter disgust we feel about fake people - because put simply, those péople are fake, the three entities mentioned above contradict each other. That concept of what you think/do/say seems quite solid to me, I learned about it before and was very happy when JBP brought it up on one of the podcast.

[@sportysbusiness]

@@jaquirox6579 They say the nice things, they complement, praise, come across as being really good and nice people. But the body language and the actions don't match. Because of that, no matter how 'nice' they seem to be, something is 'off' and the longer you know them, the more you find out their facade does not match their interior. Although they are saying nice things, they are not thinking them...

[@jaquirox6579]

@@crystalslayer02 That’s really helpful, thank you! So what about in the case of someone not keeping their word? Where does that fall into this? Like if there’s reoccurring conflict, and they promise X, but then don’t act according to giving X. But still repeat the conflict causing behavior. At what point does it become a deception in words? Versus a person maybe who just struggles to change and effectively adjust habitual bad actions. Where is the line of it being pathological.

[@Priyaranjan151]

I'm a mother of two girls, and this discussion is eye-opening . It corrected so many wrong parenting ideas I was following. Thanks

[@AmberMcAvey]

This conversation was so interesting and helpful. Thank you. Dr. P! I was terrified to argue in front of my child or show any friction in our relationship whatsoever. Glad to know I don't have to live in fear of my daughter seeing her parents have a disagreement anymore.

[@katiekopp903]

This conversation has changed my gears so to speak. Parents in western society get to, most definitely, choose to focus on the advantages verses the disadvantages of their life and what they have to offer their children. My husband and I are considered middle class citizens based on income. He is a blue collar, hard working man with strong family and faith-based values. We have 3 boys. I am a stay-at-home mom therefore we are a 1 income family. I regularly get positive feedback from most adults ranging from teachers to strangers in a restaurant about my children's behavior and character. However, my concerns have been narrow-mindedly based on "am I giving them enough tools to succeed financially when they see their mother not earning an income?" This discussion has caused me to redirect my thoughts. Consider all the advantages rather than any disadvantages. They're solid and bright boys. They'll learn and pick up tools along the way. They are agreeable and liked by other adults.

[@tinapierson5357]

Our son was taken by CAS because “there was the risk of emotional harm because we may fight in front of him.” We didn’t fight in front of him, there was just a risk that we might. It’s over a year later and we are still fighting to get him back

[@victorrelmek2889]

What's CAS?

[@Justacupatea]

Taken away from you Because risk of emotional harm Who decides that.?

[@abpgrace]

Wow, an out-of-the-park home run with this knowledgeable duo having a very important conversation. Thank you!

[@Hopkins1990]

Dr. Peterson. I am a 19-year-old salesman who has become increasingly competent in my field, and thankfully my financial situation has followed suit. My current girlfriend and I share similar values and I wish to propose to her (though we will not get married "legally"), but I had zero role models growing up. While I have a general idea of how I wish to raise my future children, I find myself getting stuck in the practicality of handling hypothetical situations. I would hurry up and get my family together but I want to make sure I am at least somewhat competent on how to practically raise them. If you could come out with some material on this, I'm sure I'm not the only one who would greatly appreciate it. Regardless, thank you for all that you do.

[@JordanBPeterson]

I completed a series on marriage for the Daily Wire

[@medarocksta]

This man is keeping the balance in the world.

[@philcooper9225]

Dr. Ramani beat him to this one! Hell even super nambro from twitch beat him to this one 😆

[@Blah115]

@@philcooper9225 dr Ramani is expert only in one field of psychiatry which is narcissism m, but dr Peterson is a philosopher l, not only dr of psychology. You can’t compare apples and oranges. Dr Peterson is a pure treasure. So, no you’re not right, sorry

[@philcooper9225]

@@Blah115 Actually none of what you said challenges or negates anything I said - but you did reveal your affinity for Peterson! It's a shame Peterson neglected his own narcissism for decades, he could have nailed this early. Instead he spent his career distracted. Hey if he wasn't also a narc he wouldn't be famous but do recognize that you're in his Narcisisst cult and have revealed as much with your strange defensive post 😆 Hell even super nambro has more of a handle on this issue than Peterson and he didn't even go to school for this stuff Get off the Peterson plantation! He said pure treasure 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

[@GenXfrom75]

I wish I'd had this information when raising my firstborn son. I was so young and his biological father died when our son was 5 months old. I was blessed that I found an amazing man who adopted my son, but by then he was 11 years old. This information would've helped SO much back then. He turned 30 yesterday and we did okay. But having more information and educated, I think I could've done so much better. 💔💯

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

awesome

[@sbtechdif]

Well done to Stephanie for coming into this knowing what Peterson is like when it comes to talking over his guests and Reay pushing her points and not letting him interrupt her before finishing. We learn so much from Peterson but we learn so much more often from the guests. Good interview.

[@donnaknudson7296]

About the example of the kid coming home after having been beaten up and the parents asking, " how did that make you feel", and the small amount of feeling words to pick from: This made me remember, in the late 80s I was in group therapy for my depression. There, each person would take a turn on the "hot seat", where they talked about their various issues along with input from the therapist(s) and the other people attending the session. At a certain point the therapist would ask "how do you feel"? At that point the person on the hot seat was to identify the feeling they felt and scream/yell out "I'm (whatever feeling)" over and over again, often crying and other expressions of extreme intensity, just blasting it all over the place. They told us there were maybe four or five (I can't remember which) emotions. I asked them if that was really all the emotions there were and that I thought there were many many feeling states and emotions in infinite combinations. They said, no, there were only those few emotions. That seemed crazy to me. I spent so much of my time playing, writing and practicing music, writing in my diary and reading poetry and knew there was so so much more because I could feel it all the time through these mediums and through being aware of my own thoughts and feelings. I tried to explain this, respectfully, but that just wasn't the reality they were coming from. It just seemed so blunt to me.

[@donnaknudson7296]

@@jordanBpeterson1. I'm sorry, I don't know what you are talking about. You aren't really Jordan Peterson.

[@flycrack]

Your commentary is really insightful, thanks for writing down your thoughts here.

[@lucywalter5328]

Painful listening to this when I reflect on my youngest son and his social behaviour. He’s autistic and was unable to learn those arts of getting along in society. He’s now 17 and reclusive and though he does have one very good friend, he’s a friend whom also has certain neurological differences. I’d love to hear JP discuss possible strategies for people like my son and his friend.

[@nancyinthegarden3160]

Thank you for acknowledging the under current children are aware of between their parents.,children do need to see conflict bc it helps them realize that parents are just like children. We’re not perfect

[@jimluebke3869]

"What does self-esteem mean?" It seems to me that we used to use the words "pride" and "courage" to describe the phenomenon - you didn't let others walk all over you, and you weren't too timid to act.

[@arnoldestrella2814]

Thanks for the great content as always. Now that I have a child, I notice every day there is a lot I overlooked during my childhood, and this video gives me a lot of heads up on what's to come.

[@dwizzle672]

One of the largest problems I see is we as a human race collectively have decided to begin to care more abnout how entertained and selfishly fulfilled we are individually instead of ultimate care being taken for how much better we are creating a future where our children have it better than we do.

[@StaceeMassey]

It is so refreshing to listen to sane and reasonable humans. So grateful for these people.

[@karencherry3892]

I'm a 69-year old woman with great grandchildren going into the public school system. After listening to this podcast this makes me very afraid for them. It has brought me to tears thinking these are some of the issues they will face.

[@tuvstar100]

Thank you for putting out there the female facts that are so tough to accept, my daughter even though highly educated had/has a horrid time accepting she wasn’t going to continue gaining physical power like a boy , but rather was getting a period , etc… the biggest challenge came when her schooled best friend I nformed her that she didn’t have to put up with periods and breasts but rather she could have a puberty blocker until she decided if she wanted to still continue with the process of being a woman, I had a very tough time navigating this weird concept, we homeschool and I couldn’t believe how this sneaked in my home… I thought then at that moment if someone at 12 had told me there is a way to not have a period or not go though to womanhood I would have taken it… I would have thought I could avoid the mess and difficulty of being a woman, it would be a way out of growing… not a gender identity thing… I explained this to my kid… this is happening in Canada… I think this is collective insanity… we tell a 12 yr old with a tough deal of growing up that there is a way out of growing after the wonderful perfect(almost) childhood they had in this country( play and childhood were enchanting compared with the childhoods some of us experienced in other countries where we actually could wait to grow up so we could be autonomous

[@marym3355]

Wow this is insane. I’m have no kids yet but planning. I’m also very concerned about this topic. I live in Romania so we are still very conservative here as a culture. But it’s hard to escape from internet propaganda. I hope your daughter won’t get influenced 🙏

[@Lacroix999]

I feel like this is one thing that is horrible about public school is that the kids all pick up such bad habits and misinformation from each other as well as from the school’s lessons as themselves. My younger boys are all homeschooled, but my older girls go to public school and don’t live with us. My oldest daughter thinks she’s gay and dresses like a boy and was dating a trans kid. I honestly would have no problem whatsoever if one of my children came to me telling me that they are gay-IF it were true. Seriously, if one of them came to me telling me so, I’d legit tell them, “ok…. so what do you want for dinner?” Because to me, it’s no big deal! I grew up with having a bunch of gay friends and to me, that was normal to have people like that around me. What I DO have a big problem with is kids these day acting like they’re different for attention seeking purposes and actually have no idea what things like that even mean after having deep conversations with them about it. When they’re fighting tooth and nail just to be seen and heard like that at whatever will get your attention because they’re that needy for it, that’s not what being truly gay is all about. And when someone raised you and knows you almost as well as they know themselves and knows that you’re not like that because you never gave any ‘warning signs’ of being like that, but you did try to show off in other ways and went down the line to do everything to do attention seeking behaviors, that shows you’re only in it for the attention! If you weren’t gay before you had a trans friend that batted their eyes at you and made you feel good even though you squirm when you’re around them, because how they act makes you uncomfortable, chances are, you’re not gay and/or attracted to your trans kid friend! This isn’t just with my daughter, I’m seeing it all over! My niece is going through the same thing. Her brother just came out of the closet and I honestly feel like she just has middle child syndrome and is crying out for attention ESPECIALLY after her younger sister was born and her father committed suicide. She’s not trans, she just wants much needed attention and someone does need to give it to her, just in more positive ways. She legit had not idea what being trans is all about, she just had a bunch of friends who thought they were and she wanted to feel included. Things like this are the new norm and it’s sad we’re trying to turn a sexuality into a fad just because they’re getting the most attention right now! There’s no way that there is a NATURAL wave of trans people coming into our existence in society at the rate it has been! This isn’t about more people just coming out of the closet. It’s a pandemic taking over this world now! And it’s sick to know that there are people out there who are willing to take something like this just for attention! There no way these numbers are rising at the rate they are naturally, but there’s got to be something in the water or air to make people out there think that it’s ok to fake this stuff. We are a very deprived society to be doing this AND supporting it the way we are! The people need some serious therapy to set them straight!

[@goatbaaa9801]

Thank you for your work, Mr. Peterson. To think and act, rather than merely to feel…this is where I’ve found freedom and power. Folk tales actually have helped me with this: how the hero (for example a goat) is vulnerable to the wolf, but uses cleverness, tenacity, and other resources to survive. I used to be paralyzed because of malevolence my family and I suffered-all sorts of abuses, including murder. I didn’t find any courage to live my life until I decided to act like the heroes in folk tales. Focusing on feelings gives power to the situation, rather than to the person. There are already too many situations in this world that don’t need any more power over people.

[@williamgottschalk1097]

I have used this man's ideas and teachings to quit smoking cigarettes and improve many other aspects of my life. He's a blessing.

[@deepanshusood]

The fact that there is an honest discussion about how parenting actually works. How we need to realize that no matter how perfect our parents might represent themselves in front of us but are actually humans as well. I think that is the most important thing that we need to realize, that alone will allow us as children be able to understand our parents and grow up from our childhood traumas and become better humans and hopefully better parents.

[@carlacarolineofficial7657]

Oh my God! I have watched only 20 minutes of this interview and it has already brought to pieces 90% of what I've been trying to do as a parent.

[@meganluck4352]

This was fabulous, Thank you both for sharing such important information and ideas that need to be said.

[@dalatina911]

Wow I needed this. I am currently raising my three boys by myself while my husband is in prison and it has been extremely difficult finding a way to co-parent under these circumstances. If anything, I want my boys to know that we are doing everything we can. I stepped up to the plate and held down the fort until our king comes home, because that’s my job as a wife. When one falls, the other steps up and plays their part but never give up.

[@ETiCDreamzHD]

Prison and king? Only in NA... Definetly picked a keeper, and especially someone that you would make a human being with (or in youre case 3)👏👏

[@dalatina911]

@@ETiCDreamzHDwow. Just because he is in prison doesn’t mean that he isn’t fit to be a father. Everybody makes mistakes. If he was in there for something that I couldn’t work through then I wouldn’t be riding this out with him. He has always taken care of his family and been an amazing father. It’s so easy for people to pass judgments based on ignorant assumptions 🖕

[@destinymayberry6217]

@@ETiCDreamzHD Hey if you want to judge. Judge yourself it's much more challenging then messing with people on the internet.

[@destinymayberry6217]

@@dalatina911 Pay no attention. You were being honest about your situation. And you should be proud that your upfront enough to be truthful on a broad platform. I have three kids and it can sometimes be a struggle. Your out here making sure your getting good information to help you with the some of the hardest decisions you have to make. Keep going momma and let the people naysay you roll off your back.

[@dalatina911]

@@destinymayberry6217 thank you so much girl that means a lot!! Same to you! It takes a strong woman to hold down a household by herself!

[@lauriewromar5478]

Can’t thank you enough for this conversation. I am a mother to a two year old and I needed to hear this wake up call so desperately. It is so hard to find good parenting advice. It is a true blessing to have your knowledge, insight, and thoughts, free for us parents who want so badly to soak up this information. Again, thank you so very much. Your are a blessing.

[@jessicanoble1834]

I saw a lot of yelling, and the “conflict resolution” I always saw was that my father was always wrong. Literally. He could never do anything right according to my mom, and he would (and still does) just try to keep the peace by bowing down to her. This lead to me doing the same thing to my husband which almost lead to a divorce because I couldn’t stand him not bowing down to me. Things have improved drastically since then, and we are both rewriting how conflict occurs within our home from the poor examples we had.

[@destinymayberry6217]

This is such a hard line to ride sometimes. I have to encourage my kids to be themselves. However they must be polite and have good hygiene because it does matter how other people perceive them. You get alot farther in life with manners. But you also absolutely have to teach them boundaries and get them to develop their own. I fall in the single parent category. However I make 100 percent sure my kids see their dads because I'm aware they need the balance.

[@JK-jf7xq]

I am very strong willed and independent. My children are the same. With my first (daughter), I found my "authoritative voice". With my second (son), who is even more strong and persistent, I found my "drill sergeant voice". 🙂

[@lenavoyles526]

And when they comply with you, what do you want their motive to be for compliance?

[@leahwilliams9333]

I am struggling so much with this, raising my firstborn who just turned 3. He is stubbornly noncompliant about nearly everything, almost as if that is his go-to response in nearly every novel situation. He has been this way since birth. His younger brother (18 mo apart) is nearly the exact opposite...almost no defiance at all; listens the first or second time you ask without any pushback. It's wild the variation in personalities: both of them have the same mother and father, the same living environment. I know my oldest often thinks his younger brother is getting preferential treatment but he just listens. I am at my wits end often with my firstborn. When he was a baby (just learning to crawl) I could tell him no 50 times in a row (Im not even convinced that is an exaggeration) and he would be more determined to do the thing. I hate having to raise my voice. It is as if there is no other way. There has to be, though. Tips?

[@canadada640]

@@leahwilliams9333~ He's getting a rise out of you. He KNOWS even at that age he's got 'control' over you. Rather than 'no', try indifference, walk away. Let him LEARN the hard way. When he's 'calmed down', try conversing. Praise him when he IS 'good'. Baby steps: huge results. ~ Good luck! 🙏

[@SeanConneryPimpShlap]

The claim that children suffering from gender dysphoria need puberty blockers and extensive treatment is very convenient for our profit-driven medical and pharmaceutical industries. As someone who was seriously harmed by misdiagnosis and inappropriate meds, I'm immediately skeptical of rushing people into "treatment". Look into the psychiatric field, it's very corrupted by corporate interests.

[@eulalia3446]

Fabulous conversation - thank you both.

[@michellehintz2098]

Thank you for an informative & thoughtful interview. Voicing practical perspectives & factual research is refreshing given the current movements.