Break the Cycle of Intergenerational Trauma with Dr. Mariel Buqué - Terri Cole

I am so excited to welcome my pal and brilliant clinician, Dr. Mariel Buqué, to the show! Her new book, Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma is a salve the world needs right now (in my opinion), and I am so grateful for the wisdom she shared in this conversation.
We talked about how to start to heal intergenerational trauma, what it looks like, what causes it, and so much more.
If you have, or suspect you have been affected by intergenerational trauma, you'll want to watch this.
Time Stamps
0:00 - Quote from Dr. Mariel
0:49 - Intro from Terri
3:03 - Why the focus on intergenerational trauma?
6:27 - What is intergenerational trauma?
11:12 - The pride of being a cycle breaker
14:38 - What are intergenerational triggers?
17:02 - What comes up when healing?
21:22 - Working with and through resistance
26:21 - Mindfulness practices
33:19 - Who does Dr. Mariel miss?
35:38 - Dr. Mariel's biggest boundary challenge
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About Dr. Mariel Buqué
Dr. Mariel Buqué is an Afro-Dominican, Columbia University-trained Psychologist, intergenerational trauma expert, and the author of the book Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma. Her clinical framework is holistic and infuses ancient and indigenous healing practices into a modern, comprehensive therapeutic approach. During her clinical training, she co-developed and completed a 3-year immersive holistic mental health care fellowship in collaboration with the United States Health Administration and Columbia University Irving Medical Center, where she offered holistic psychotherapy, in the Spanish language, across multidisciplinary clinics in the Columbia hospital system, including cardiology, neurology, obstetrics and gynecology, and primary care.
Website: drmarielbuque.com
Book: sites.prh.com/breakthecyclebook
Instagram: / dr.marielbuque
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
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#terricoleshow #breakthecycle #cyclebreaker #intergenerationaltrauma

[@dawnmertz8303]

I was absolutely rebuked, punished for and forbidden to talk about"family business" in my family of origin. That's why I have struggled to even talk about this issue.

[@realhealing7802]

Same here. Family problems had to be kept secret. Make everything look good no matter what.

[@terri_cole]

I see you, Dawn ❤️ It's so hard.

[@savinabees9220]

💚

[@savinabees9220]

​@@realhealing7802💜

[@bridgetbrown8123]

Ancestral healing is my current passion and what motivates me to heal . Recognizing that i have always done more for others than myself, it gives me a reason to help myself when i know it helps my mom, grandma, and daughter. I want to heal this lineage of self sacrificers and free us ❤🎉

[@terri_cole]

💕

[@savinabees9220]

😊Had to rewatch this. Mariel has such beautiful energy and message! Now im thinking about dad😊 I am so greatful for my lifes cheerleader! He never tried to ' put lipstick on the pig'😊 instead he asked and validated only my feelings. Thank you dad....for doing your own work...breaking cycles... For finding healing...and for finding passion. Your ability to stomp lovingly on your tramatic past has helped me so much through mine. A game changer. Thank you for introducing me to the choice of Love and Fear. Thank you for honoring silence. Thank you for always finding a path to gratitude❤ our bond is magical.

[@Soul.Stylist.Solutions333]

I just got it in Audible right now..! ❣️ (This is so needed right now..! ❣️💯

[@Catturtlelover3000]

Wow thank you for talking about this. ❤🙏 So glad I found this. She is right, being a “cycle breaker” is a lonely process.

[@terri_cole]

I see you ❤️

[@Soul.Stylist.Solutions333]

I’m only 13 minutes in & I’m already wishing I could press like more than once..! ❣️🙏🏻 Thank you Ladies,love this conversation..! This’s so true..! Super passionate about this Myself from own pain & the witness the patterns..! And the Beauty of it was,I’ve been able to make peace with these things whilst there still here..! And Have those conversations..! And another beautiful bonus,through my healing journey if also helped heal my Mum..! And her understand & make peace with so many parts..! 💔❤️‍🩹❤️ Thank you for both of your work! 💞🙏🏻💝

[@terri_cole]

So glad you enjoyed this conversation and to hear that you made peace with things ❤️❤️

[@saturdayschild8535]

Please Talk about the cycle breakers that go back and rejoin the dysfunctional family. Both sides of my family are incredibly broken. I’ve watched cousins try to walk away yet end up returning. They broke some cycles but were unable to break the ones that drove them back into the fold. I thought I was out of most of the cycles of my own family, only to end up seeing cycles late in my marriage to my ex husband. The guilt is real. I love my children but there are times u wish I didn’t bring them into this mess. They know we have huge families but none reliable or mature. It is very lonely.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion, as being a cycle breaker is difficult for the reasons you mentioned. ❤️ I recommend checking out Dr. Mariel's work to dive deeper into these challenges!

[@savinabees9220]

❤❤

[@savinabees9220]

Lovely interview with two incredible souls❤ Wow. The gods are shining on me today! and Terri 😢your comment about healing work buying you reactionary seconds!! Very nicely stated❤Love that! I am fascinated by the topic here. It actually consumes much of my healing thoughts and practices. A game changer. I Miss my Mom. She completed suicide 15 years ago next month. Time seems irrelevant. Gratitde and healing have brought me to a place where i now honor her life and transmute her struggles into personal power. Love. I have a son. ❤ I choose the prectice of healing to create something different in my life. In my world. In all of its beautiful forms. I conciously choose for mom too heal through this as well. To be a part of it. Shes still a part of me. I feel a little strange to say im greatful to be me and to have had my experiences but I truly am and i do....the struggles have felt so powerful, so affirming so rewarding. For purpose! Along the way introducing me to the powerful idea of Choice ( thank you!) I am so greatful to my mom for what ive been able to work at and heal from. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that my healing is hers as well. Her situation allowed me to find healing. We are connected . We both choose to heal here. I lovingly thank my son for teaching me all that he has as well...patience and unconditìnal love. I smile as im sure my momma would be, at the idea of my son making his way up his own ladder of creating his own life. Today. Sometimes Struggling... and always Beautifully, Untraditionally, Honestly and most of all Consciously ❤

[@candaceheidenrich6278]

You have such a beautiful way to honor your mother and the lessons of life. Light, love, and peace to you.

[@savinabees9220]

@candaceheidenrich6278 Thank you so much🧡 That's very sweet of you! Sending you a million hugs🧡

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with this, Savina ❤️ So beautiful.

[@savinabees9220]

a million hearts Teri❤​@@terri_cole

[@lawrencelaureano6671]

I literally just finished reading Dr. Mariel’s book - “Break the Cycle” and it has brought so much light, understanding, and healing into my being. Every word resonated deeply within me, every activity has elevated my soul. I love how engaging her book is, I feel like she wrote it for me. I cannot count the times I cried while reading and reflecting upon the truths she generously uttered in her book. I am genuinely moved by it. My thank you for her work is deeper than I know. Daghang Salamat (thank you in my native language). And my next book to read is your book Terri! Now, having read Break the Cycle I feel like I am ready and open to receive more wisdom! I am so excited to read your work and bask from its depth and truth. And by the way the cover page of your book is so cool! I can already feel its empowering energy! I am eternally grateful for the both of you. Much love, Lawrence

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad to hear Dr. Mariel's book resonated with you, Lawrence 💕 I hope Boundary Boss can provide you with some practical tools to use to speak your truth. And thank you- all the credit for the book cover goes to my designer, Wayne Fick 🙌

[@itsmeaimster6698]

I loved this interview. ❤ Definitely going to check out her book. She seems like such a sweet soul. I’m hoping that translates into her book.

[@terri_cole]

She is! I definitely recommend reading Break the Cycle ❤️

[@savinabees9220]

Me too!!!💚

[@robinlynn8087]

BEAUTIFUL Interview by 2 INCREDIBLE Ladies!!

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@tlopez5821]

Thank you for doing this interview. Dr Mariel is pure gold, I was fortunate to find so much wisdom and compassion in her book it's quite astounding. Being a cycle breaker is the most difficult, yet freeing process I've ever come across and I'm so very grateful for everything offered by you wonderful ladies, they're tools to change a lifetime.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for sharing! Dr. Mariel is indeed amazing 💕

[@shadeekamendez1743]

*Be the generation that stops it*

[@dylanstarratt6137]

Before I had boys, I wanted to stop inherited trauma too. As a stay-at-home dad, raising children will trigger one's past out. And if not corrected when an issue emerges, the inherited trauma past will be projected by the parent onto the child, shaping them with it. This process began 20 years ago for me. The past can be mostly corrected, and it's big work. I would add however, healing must be valued by the parent since it's a commitment.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@savinabees9220]

❤

[@shinebabyshine.]

wow, two of my favorites in one podcast! I cant wait to watch this

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@annekenney6914]

Love you both. Great interview. I've got to go out and get both of your newest books! 😄

[@terri_cole]

So glad you enjoyed it! ❤️

[@kathleenshaw1912]

Wow...this was powerful and put lots of thinking in place. Thank you for all you do!

[@terri_cole]

So glad you enjoyed it! ❤️

[@nenebee3493]

I have been unplugged from this channel, but I was led here this week. Woah!!!!!! Powerful! I appreciate the authenticity, and the message delivered. This is gold ! This is a major share !!!

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for tuning in ❤️ Dr. Mariel is brilliant!

[@moen4645]

Wonderful episode, full of wisdom. Thank you Terri & Dr Mariel. 💞 I will very much like to read you book it would be a valuable tool indeed.

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@TheToolBoxWhisperer]

It's important to understand that the concept of intergenerational trauma is not presented as a universally accepted fact within the social justice or mental health fields.

[@haïtivinttetvproduction]

❤

[@charmaineroszko9325]

does anyone know the physical symptoms one can experience when healing trauma, i have been on a healing journey but lately i have been having physical pain and bad nightmares? I'm wondering if this can be part of the process?

[@terri_cole]

I think everyone's journey is different and looks different, and physical pain can be part of the process. Regardless, it is real. Take good care of yourself during this time and I am sending you strength ❤️

[@sanabripa620]

❤❤❤

[@hannahtaylor2156]

I’m curious to know how this relates to those who are adopted? Our childhood is affected by parents that aren’t biologically ours. So how does that make it generational trauma still even if they aren’t our blood?

[@terri_cole]

I asked Dr. Mariel and she said: Hi! In the book I make a reference to the families we grow up in, even chosen families who have enough proximity to have an impact and how that coincides with inherited family trauma responses. I hope that helps! ❤️