Healing From Narcissistic People with Dr. Ramani - Terri Cole

I am so excited to have Dr. Ramani on the show today to discuss concepts from her new book, It's Not You: How to Identify and Heal from Narcissistic People. Many of you are likely familiar with her work, and for good reason- she is a brilliant clinician who breaks down narcissism in an accessible way, which helps people heal.
I've been a fan of hers for years and I am thrilled to bring you this conversation where we explore everything ranging from how narcissists are made, the impact of love bombing on victims, how narcissistic supply works and what it is, the difference between narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and what the healing process looks like.
I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.
Time Stamps
0:00 - Quote from Dr. Ramani
0:38 - Introduction from Terri
4:12 - Interest in narcissism
6:44 - Impact on victims
9:06 - Love bombing
11:40 - Narcissistic supply
13:34 - Supply & being upset
15:03 - Spotlight on narcissism
20:03 - Narcissism & narcissistic personality disorder
23:57 - Process of diagnosis
29:10 - How narcissists are made
33:19 - Healing process
38:42 - Dr. Ramani's biggest boundary struggle
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• Healing from Narc Abus... - Healing from Narc Abuse, with Dr. Jaime Zuckerman
• The Covert Narcissist:... - The Vulnerable Narcissist: What You Need to Know
About Dr. Ramani
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, CA, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting, a company focused on educating individuals, clinicians and businesses/institutions on the impact of narcissistic personality styles. Her academic research was focused on the impact of personality and personality disorders on health and behavior.
Dr. Durvasula is a faculty member for the APA Leadership Institute for Women in Psychology, and a consulting editor for the journal Behavioral Medicine. She has spoken widely on the impact of narcissism on mental health, relationships and the workplace. She also operates a popular KZbin channel and podcast (Navigating Narcissism). Dr. Durvasula is also working with PESI on the development of an educational and certification program for clinicians working with clients experiencing the fallout of narcissistic relationships.
Website: doctorramani.com
Instagram: / doctorramani
KZbin: @doctorramani
Narcissistic Abuse Healing Program: doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
Includes: 3 virtual events / month, 3 journal prompts / week, access to an online community + much more
About Terri Cole
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.
For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.
She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. For more, see www.terricole.com/
Connect With Me
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#terricoleshow #narcissisticabuseawareness #narcissism

[@phabulous1614]

“It’s the grief” that right there is my validation. I can’t do my childhood over, the grief over the loss of innocence, the grief of never having a bonding relationship with my parents. The grief over the loss of hope. Now comes acceptance, which can, at least for me, take years of unraveling finding the correct version of me. It’s liberating! It’s a battle and a march. My discovery was overwhelming at first, but by and by I’m learning to calm down and recognise it wasn’t me, after all.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️

[@kimberlymccracken747]

So well said and the story of so many children of the "me" generation. It's a rough and rocky road back to ourselves, which we weren't given the opportunity to define. God bless the children of these type of personalities 🙏✝️💝

[@jmk2530]

Finding the correct version of me….. so well said.

[@tjtampa214]

Sad but true. I feel for you and always have for the lost souls. But God bless you 💗 you are getting there, so strong even when not feeling strong sometimes. 💪 I pray you find hope and find the truth about God and you hold His hand and walk right into Heaven someday (when you leave this planet). Those with that hope (in our Savior Jesus) know for sure, He said all the junk part of life gets left behind. Ain't NO junk in the Heaven that truly exists. 🙏 it truly does! Read it! It's an amazing journey of just learning about it during your time here but then - it will finally happen and it will be beyond your wildest dreams of only goodness, peace and true-honest-family-love. ✝️🕊

[@deannaaston4687]

Well said. I'm where you are, and you described it perfectly.

[@Bunsitomio]

OMG!!! TWO of the the most brilliant Women on Planet Earth, in ONE interview?!?! We're not worthy!!! But I'm so here for it. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

[@terri_cole]

Thank YOU for watching 💕

[@gagzy1989]

Wow. These two women have changed my life in ways I cannot tell you. Been following their work for 5 years. I don’t think I’d be alive, and living my best life if it wasn’t for them. I kid you not.

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad you found our channels and that you are here with us 💕

[@paris3331]

Love that for you

[@trishellis1908]

I definitely see the interconnection between codependency and narcissism. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and developed a lot of codependent tendencies. It’s as if the narcissist parent unconsciously grooms their children for codependency. It’s the perfect way they can get their supply. Thanks for the work you do Terri. You’ve been helpful to me with the content you share. ❤️

[@mindovermatter8920]

The narcissists create a successful world for themselves. I am so glad to live in the other world now, of successful empathetic and insightful people who have the ability to self-reflect. The narcissists can have their world, I want nothing to do with it.

[@JJ-vc6pp]

Not many people blush these days when receiving high praise for their expertise and impact. Dr Ramani is the real deal, and a lovely human.

[@martamarino7303]

Narcissists are not going to change their personality, just like you're not going to change yours either. Such a simple statement takes years to say with conviction, hope is incredibly persistent. Plus, all those well-intentioned comments around you encouraging you to be more like this and less like that. Thank you so much for this wonderful, eye-opening conversation. Education is indeed paramount when dealing with narcissists.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️

[@sitcoms101]

It’s the grief of losing YEARS because of the worst family I was born into. I almost got out when I was in high school by creating my own set of friends, social life & everything and I was pulled into a hell lot of drama by my narcissistic sibling. What went on for years after that was pure emotional & mental abuse. Both my father & my sibling was the most vile creatures I’ve ever met who put me through so much misery that it hurts to till date. The drama, chaos, fights & pure evilness has taken over my life. I fell into the trap by isolating myself from society only to fall into the trap of another person who was a covert narcissist. I forgot how cool I really am. I forgot for 8 years my goals, my dreams, my core values. They intended to take me down but wanted my life as their blueprint. Imagine forgetting who you are for 8 years & being in total confusion.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love 💕

[@sitcoms101]

@@terri_cole thank you🫶💗

[@veronicalouis4925]

Oh my goodness!!!! You’re describing my 20 year marriage!!!! 😮 So glad it’s OVER!!!!

[@terri_cole]

I am glad you were able to get out ❤️

[@jindih]

I am in my late 60’s with no option to leave 😢

[@EquityExposed]

@@jindih same here, the worst thing is after being with a person like this for so long it has destroyed most friendship and family, never mind all the baggage that comes with it, example, how we react to others thinking everyone is on a scam makes it very hard to even make friends.

[@trishellis1908]

There is huge grief in getting caught in the web of a narcissist. I was raised by a mother who is a narcissist and who has been my lifelong attacker. I agree. Finding greater meaning to these dynamics is imperative. I learned how not to treat people, and as a result, I’m really proud of the parent and human I have become. My empathy and compassion are off the charts. I’ve recently gone non contact at the age of 59. It has taken a decade of introspection and healing to strengthen my boundaries and prioritize my needs. It feels good to be free of her physically. But I’m still weaning myself off of the mental defences my mind created in response to the dynamics of the abuse. I got a lot of benefit from understanding complex childhood trauma. The work we do on healing our past traumas is what helps us bring awareness to the patterns we developed as a means to cope. The efforts to heal ourselves are so worth the journey. ❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Trish 💕 "There is huge grief in getting caught in the web of a narcissist." Spot on.

[@mariamckeon3532]

❤❤❤

[@trishellis1908]

@@terri_cole I can’t imagine a more difficult experience to go through than the abuse of one’s own parent. It has definitely called me into my power. Compassion and strength are the gift of having a narcissistic parent once we heal enough to see past the pain. ❤️

[@dawnmertz8303]

Every time I watch these videos, I always end up thinking, "Well, that explains a lot!" I thank both these ladies for helping me see, learn, cope, and continue to heal from the behaviors of a narcissist. Thanks so much for all you do!

[@terri_cole]

You're so welcome, Dawn 💕 Grateful you're here.

[@breakthroughmoment1647]

She really covered it when you asked her why narcissism was so prevalent today, and held a mirror up to our “public servants.” Thank you for having her on your show.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for watching 💕

[@jamilesantos2642]

​@@terri_cole I am eternally grateful for your work and initiative. You are love. You are light. The world needs more people like you both. Thank you profoundly once again.

[@carmenl163]

To be honest, I believe the politicians today are a result of society getting more and more narcissistic. I don't think they are the instigators.

[@libbypaige6160]

I've been following Dr. Ramani for years, and credit to you Terri, you really brought out the best of her in this interview! Two incredible women I'm soo grateful for. ❤❤

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much, Libby ❤️❤️

[@user-sk7iq3ci1t]

Omg!!! These two wonderful women♥️♥️

[@09cscat]

Remove the hope and free yourself!

[@carolinevdvlies6969]

Dr Ramani’s knowledge had been a life saver for me. 3 years no contact now. Especially the ick list helped me to break the traumabond

[@robinantonio8870]

I wish I had learned this decades ago. My life would have been so different. By the time I learned about it I was in my late 50s and too late to change the damage done or find better partners or friends or how to handle narcs at work/ family/ clients.

[@terri_cole]

So glad to hear that ❤️

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion, Robin ❤️

[@ShellBell7]

@@robinantonio8870I’m in my 50’s and have endured this my whole life between parents and spouse. I’m done. It’s never too late to love yourself enough to have the courage to end it.

[@level_ken5231]

"This has made me so much more aware of how I treat other people." BAM. That's exactly where I am today. After years of healing. Peace and blessings.

[@shirleyfrost9909]

Thank you Trish...still healing at 70 from a narc mother...painful but wont give up .

[@kellybangura4294]

For the longest time I thought that the problem with my sister was, that she smoked weed and that’s why she is so mean or uncaring. But now I know that she’s been this way sense before she started smoking weed. Because I never took the time to think back to see this, because my mother said that it’s just sibling rivalry. But I never did those horrible things to her. Her behavior has always been malicious, manipulative, rage full and belittling ( on the sly ). Downplaying the horrible experiences she put me through. The constant twisting of everything, so I seem like the bad person.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion, Kelly 💕

[@maryannestevenson5993]

Bullying, overbearing older siblings are deep down jealous. They are given too much authority as well by usually busy, distracted parents. So they become like a bossy kind of “mother” …… these older siblings or sisters are bullies. I took on the role of submission so much that I lost myself. I only knew the version of me she wanted me to be.

[@user-hj5ji8sm1o]

We need you two super heroes in congressional bills and laws. Narcissists/Antisocials are the killers of peoples souls and they deserve jail time. One will never be the same after living with one and even worst if there are children involved. The court system needs to catch up to these FACTS. Thank you both 🤍

[@katherineraquelle1930]

I agree! I am now Raquelle from Barbie and want to start changing laws on narc abuse! They all need to go to jail 😊

[@Jp18888]

Wow. The two experts in this field. Thanks for getting together to teach more and spread awareness. Thank you for the dedication the both of you did in this field to help all of us. Awareness of narcissism is still so ahead of its time… hopefully more and more realise it and we can overcome it globally as it’s no longer as foreign as it is now still. ❤

[@terri_cole]

You know I am all about raising awareness ❤️❤️ Thanks for tuning in!

[@shirleyfrost9909]

Right, when ",they" say, There's hope.. No, not when you're dealing with a narcissist... Just get away from them, physically and emotionally. My Narc mother is dead, but she leaves this sad little girl, over 70 now. God bless us.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion 💕

[@ladyx5556]

Wow, my favorite two together awsom !

[@debmontana4233]

NO DOUBT•Mine too 💝

[@debmontana4233]

These 2 beautiful people have blessed me with such life changing knowledge! ! ! i am thankful ❤

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

Love these women ❤ I'm in therapy because of these women showed me that life can be different ❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️

[@laurafortin5568]

I have watched a ton of videos on narcissism (incl. Dr. Ramani’s) and this interview is at the top of the list of the best of the best. Something about it (Terri’s questions? and the way Dr. Ramani answered them) was just so affirming. It landed really solidly for me. Thank you both so much, I’m going to pre-order the book.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it 💕

[@GD-cr5um]

Ive been in an abusive relationship for over a decade. He love bombed me and is very good in devaluing me but hes also not great in reading a room. He was only abusive to me not to the world. Thanks Terri i love Dr Ramani and how she shames the narcissist and educates us❤ i hope we get also another addiition in friendship and family

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@chochephil]

I am so happy right now. Two of my favorite people!! This is amazing!! Let’s get healed 🙌🏽

[@gregariasanchez1801]

So delighful to see my two favorite phsycologists together! Thanks a lot, Terry, for this interview.

[@cs8170]

Over 3 decades of Narcissistic Abuse... the abuse was right out the gate! My biggest mistake was not honoring my worth and betraying myself and character. Subtle and insidious bit by bit... the over the top actions, gestures, comments, were beyond dizzying and effective. I am grateful I began journaling at a young age, and have stayed consistent with my journaling. Towards the end of 2003 I took the time to sit down and review the entries I made in my journals and began piecing together his abusive behavior and the tactics he used and the vicious cycle that kept going in circles. Like a fool, I stuffed the red flags very early on prior to marriage, the love bombing and intense push to rev up the intensity of the relationship. The cunning CON ARTIST ABUSIVE NARCISSIST was extremely adept with his vile bag of abusive tactics. I recall seeing similar behaviors with his brother and sister and connecting the dots was eye opening and a critical piece to the puzzle. One day I finally had enough and I told him to his face that "he disgusted me" as he was walking out the door to work. That was the day I took my power back and honored my worth.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing ❤️ Right on to taking your power back!

[@grump9001]

"According to whom?" That's it. The question I'm dealing with relating to my mom. I confronted her about her negativity and demeaning things she's said to me over the years, and the emotional chaos and abuse of my childhood. Her response was that she was very hurt by how terrible I apparently think of her. That she didn't think anything was wrong. She even said "it's like we're living in two different realities". :O I have tried really hard to give her benefit of the doubt, to give her grace because she had far worse awful abusive childhood from her own mom, so yes she was much better than that, and she uses that to this day as a thing to make herself feel better. But she has been the negative focus of every life event of mine, and has questioned or mocked every life choice I've made. I've been in therapy for over ten years, she tried but then left saying to me she's "a big girl" now and "graduated from therapy". She really thinks she's not that bad. I would compare her to Joan Crawford. She says, "I don't even know what I'm doing wrong." And I told her, "maybe that's a sign...?" She was just confused, "Of what..?"

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing your experience with your mom, and I am witnessing you with compassion 💕

[@grump9001]

@@terri_coleThank you for all the work you do, you are a positive light in this world

[@trishellis1908]

It sounds like we have the same mom. It’s not an easy path is it? Fortunately these relationships can help us learn, grow and integrate our power (provided we can get distance from the narcissist). I think it’s virtually impossible to heal if we stay in the abuse. I recently went non contact after a decade of boundary building and introspection. My nervous system is healing at warp speed from closing the door to the abuse. I feel safe for the first time in my life. Sending you love and compassion ❤️

[@tijenhoca6371]

That was a very enlighening program, thank you very much. I suffered from a narsisistic mother for 58 yrs and finally I realized its not me! When I was doing my Phd and working full time, my mom would call me to ask for help organizing her shoes and if I said I have a paper to finish she would hang up on my face and complain my brothers how unhelpful I was. Interestingly she would never do any of the things she did to me to my brothers. It was always me. Recently she accused me of wanting her dead to get her inheritance at a family breakfast and my younger brother intervened and said that was unfair. I still let some time pass and visited her at home. When she opened the door she said “I want you to keep away from me”. That was it, I m not talking to her anymore & its liberating…

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and so glad to hear you feel liberated ❤️

[@LenaCabana]

What a treat! Both of you! ❤

[@janepoppet3843]

Two beautiful ladies inside and out, and so incredibly precious to this community 🌸🌸

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@GBEZ]

Thank you for this episode. My family is beginning the healing after the passing of my abusive father. It's amazing what you don't know you don't know.

[@annagolden]

Amazing. These two heavy hitters. I can't even say enough about how blessed I feel to be taking in what Dr Ramani has to offer, AND via Terri Cole doing the interview. Just insanely good. Brilliance that's making the world a better place to be. Many, many thanks to you both.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for watching 💕

[@sybilizzard4926]

So glad you interviewed Dr Ramani. I been watching her videos for four years. Her vids fascinating talks about the enablers. We all socialised to believe we gotta be kind to to abusers and give them sympathy and numerous chances. It does not change them. I think narcs get more sympathy and kindness and excuses for lifetimes and yet they still mean to those kind folks for lifetimes! I so hope more and more people learn this.❤

[@anonymouscm7270]

Hello Teri and Dr. Ramani and Everyone, "Fed to the wolves" who come along not only in sheepskin but in all forms and sizes...many thanks for highlighting it again and again, it needs to reach all the vulnerable ones and save themselves beforelong🙏🌷🕊💝🤗

[@terri_cole]

Thanks for watching!

[@dkblue9331]

So nice to see you both together! Thankyou 🙏🏻🌺

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@theresamckeown8260]

Superiority complex, arrogant, controlling, aggressive, greedy, addictions, severely competitive, stalking, lovebombing, copying, and jealousy. Completely self-absorbed without a conscience or empathy. These are the "red flags."

[@RM-ti8nf]

I was with someone who had these, but I don't think he was narcissist. He'd been hurt by a previous partner and just decided not to show (or have?) feelings for any other bitch.

[@MrNikhilgherwar]

agree!

[@anetaintegra8543]

I never had relationships that lasted very long, wasn’t given gifts etc I think I was very independent and maybe appeared to expensive or something. At the start my spouse love bombed me, it was nice at the time to be spoilt. Truth and understanding is better than gifts. I was manipulated, I’m a high achiever and couldn’t understand why this marriage failed but guess what my spouse was ugly from outside in and all the way through. Instead of appreciating a good looking, loving and capable wife he abused me and wore me out. Our relationship damaged my health, my appearance, my relationships, employment . I was unrecognizable to myself.

[@carmenl163]

Yes, the copying and then the gaslighting! My mom suddenly became the biggest fan of Queen because my sister-in-law loved them. Unfortunately, Freddie Mercury died very soon after her new craze, and, being a drama queen, my mom was in stitches, even more than my sister-in-law. When I pointed out that my mom never before had taken an interest in him or even bought a record of him, she told me I was lying. She had been a big fan for years. Always loved him. Best singer ever.

[@daisy7066]

Dont forget to include "professionals" .... which includes: false compassion, gaslighting, secrecy, lying, deception, breaches of confidentiality, stonewalling, manipulation, coercion, sadism, misogyny, boundary transgressions....

[@dianaschramer5065]

It is definitely a "tsunami of grief." There is life on the other side, one step, one minute, one day at a time, but it is ongoing and not a linear process. Thank you both for your wonderful work and service and this most helpful episode. ❤‍🩹

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@carmenl163]

I love Dr Ramani! Thank you so much for inviting her to your show! I'm really looking forward to seeing this video. I'll keep it as a treat for this weekend ❤

[@terri_cole]

Love it! ❤️

[@carmenl163]

@@terri_cole, I really hope you can follow up on this interview. It feels like the two of you barely scratched the surface of all your wonderful experiences and insights. I understand that the basics need to be discussed, but I felt what sets you two apart from all the other experts was a bit left out because there wasn't enough time. I would love to see a conversation rather than an interview between the two most esteemed experts in my opinion.

[@terri_cole]

I would love to have Dr. Ramani back on the show ❤️ There's a lot to explore for sure!

[@theperfectautumn8781]

Great to hear two professionals acknowledging the _obvious_ timestamp "...since the 2016 election year."

[@j.ahlberg2058]

I like the way she said that lift the hope out. That doesn't seem that painful right now. Nice way to put it. I have a few narcissist surrounding me. I work with one. my friend kept saying, just pretend hes dead. That made sense to.😊

[@taywilburn1447]

Wow...both of my fav mental health professionals on YT in one place 😍😍

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@DarienneEmpire]

Not my 2 fave women who talk about the topic of Narcissism in ONE place together???!!! ❤❤❤ Btw Im half way through "It's Not You" & it's so good. (I mean it makes me angry but only bc its validating me in a way I've never been before.)

[@terri_cole]

So glad to hear It's Not You has been validating! And makes sense you feel that way 💕

[@bettinacarol1301]

Yes go & get this book!!! I read it & it has been a summary of my knowledge about narcissism I have studied & lived since 2016 & her wisdom & knowledge on the dark topic is excellent. A Rand Mc Nelky, a roadmap to get through & understand narcissism. Thank you Dr Ramani for soeaking this truth. I am sharing your book with many friends in Switzerland ✨️🎸💫

[@gingerfloop]

5.20. I absolutely agree and wish someone or I knew what I was living with. I had no clue, I just assumed he had issues and I could help him. It wasn't until a year after I left him that I learned the harsh gut wrenching truth. So a new journey of understanding and grief and healing begins. I am both annihilated but grateful for this new journey. You have given me new hope and a deep understanding of myself and my life. Bless you.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing ❤️

[@marciajames9434]

2 incredible professionals....THANK YOU A THOUSAND TIMES!!!!!!

[@nikasnook]

So grateful for Dr. R. her knowledge and encouragement has helped me so much., definitely will be getting the book. I pray for all of us out there going through this or is healing after the experience. Thank you for this interview and bringing awareness 🙏🏾🫶🏾

[@terri_cole]

Thanks for watching 💕

[@piscesmoon0909]

I love the idea of what can I do differently to get them behave differently because the answer is nothing. Yeah, It's not you.

[@martinvasquez8093]

Amazing description of what is happening to the modern society Thank you both!

[@terri_cole]

You're welcome 💕

[@MT-tx7bu]

The loss of an idea about something or someone is difficult to work through, but it's honesty and honesty is the first thing that helps heal. Honesty is acceptance. When I saw how they treated relationships and themselves, I realized this is what they were doing to me. I just stood in that path. Since I've removed myself and started to become more focused on myself, slowly things turned around. Now, I see them for who they are and I am so happy that I accepted honesty over some false sense of who they might be, could be and should be. Dr Ramani was the pioneer in my recovery. She helped me to see who they are and what their behavior was doing to me.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience 💕 I agree that getting honest about what we're experiencing helps!

[@Andrea-kw3vo]

Thank you for comparing their ability to change as the same as an introvert being able to change. It helps it sink in more.

[@ksen_kryvonos]

Oh my gosh, two my favorite KZbin therapists in one video 😍

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@dnmp4632]

This was a pure spiritual gift 💝 you both are absolutely beautiful and amazing women truly serving the world 🌎!!! Couldn’t be more grateful for you and wishing you all the happiness and peace, thank you 🙏🏽 thank you 🙏🏽 thank you

[@ladyesther]

OH my gosh you should do a video Terri or Dr. R on the differences between the DSM-5 and the ICD!

[@Oliver11217]

Omg 😢it’s my Daughter she has destroyed me I don’t know how to bounce back I cry every day. My emotions are all over the place I can’t control it😭😭😭😭we don’t talk for 5 years but she always is hurting me !!

[@terri_cole]

I am so sorry to hear that and I'm witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@sommylogic4428]

Dr Ramani is my hero

[@n1kk1mar1e]

I'm so appreciative of all the information shared in this interview and the easy to follow examples🙏🏻 I've listened to it twice now, and this run-down list of problematic narcissistic behavior, was very helpful to hear: Entitlement Arrogance Poorly Regulated Anger Lack of Empathy Control Selfishness I've been struggling to understand certain behaviors of my brother...he has a maladaptive personality style..lacks flexibility, is often at odds with people, and is not receptive to criticism. I want healing for my parents...I've sent this interview to my Mom. The "radical acceptance" is something that I'll be working on...I want to stop with the "what can I do differently to get them to behave differently"...because as Dr. Ramani said, "the answer to that is: nothing". I'm very much looking forward to reading Dr. Ramani's book next month!

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing 💕 So glad this conversation was helpful to you!

[@cynthia-jo1zz]

I typed " why someone all of a sudden goes cold, no contact when all was well" google brought it narcissist. I searched for narcissist on KZbin, Dr ramani was found.. 3 years ago I started a journey of awareness, had spent 24 years of my life with a borderline mother, and a malignant narcissistic father ( who I am proudly not in contact with anymore) I was always into short term abusive relationships with narcissistic boys..😢😢😢

[@presence08]

Yes! This was fire!!!!

[@terri_cole]

💕

[@katherineraquelle1930]

I didn’t know about narcissists until 2016 😊 I then figured out I was surrounded by them all my childhood 😊❤

[@judyosowa5516]

Free therapy self explanatory blessings

[@marilynoverton8142]

Amazing information. Thank you so much!

[@ladyesther]

I really appreciate you both. I love Dr. R. I am working through that book and I have to tell you I have so many books to listen to. But I am committed this year.

[@fionarevell5934]

Fantastic interview! Dr Ramani has changed my life or rather helped me get myself and my life back

[@adimeter]

Hi Terry. I was so delighted to see the warmth between you and my beloved Dr. Ramani. Her teaching on what to look for has saved me on more than one occasion. Thank you for having her on your channel🥰

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad you enjoyed our conversation 💕

[@lilysleisure1918]

Dr Ramani everywhere ❤!.. Wow

[@mariamckeon3532]

Powerful words from incredible women!! Thank you for your kindness,compassion and wisdom ❤❤❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@rebeccat9389]

Oh my god! The mashup I didn’t know I needed!! Instant click!

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@blessmyheart9388]

Two brilliant women what I wouldn’t give to have a couple of hours with you both to talk thru my two fairly recent relationships with these kinds of people, one my ex fiancé and the other my ex best friend. These relationships overlapped one another, she was the one who told me he was a narcissist and that I was prime bait for a narcissist because of my empathetic and kind nature. I knew something was bad wrong in my relationship with my ex fiancé, so many red flags and then finally he walked out on me when I hurt my back and was in excruciating pain because he “didn’t want to be a caretaker” and because I “failed to see how hard it was for HIM being in a caretaker role” (really?!?). I won’t even fully go into my relationship with my ex friend only to say it was full of drama and self pity and negativity. I had to step back a bit and when I did she full on tried to manipulate me and when I called her on it she called me a narcissist. Anyway these people I truly loved and cared about and although I am thankful to free of manipulative, toxic relationships, to lose two people I truly loved so close together has been a very devastating thing for me. But I have certainly learned ALOT!!

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with so much compassion and sending love + strength 💕 Holding space for you through these devastating events.

[@christinascibetta1043]

DR. Ramani is brilliant. Been following her for a couple yrs. Thanks for having her !

[@Jt-Jt]

Love love love Dr. Ramani. ❤

[@afcafavec]

Education is primarily MOST important! Thereafter next steps follow ... Thank you so much Terri! ❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️

[@BVelAlex]

so wxcited to lksten to this, ive been binging both of you guys lately❤❤❤

[@ranc1977]

"Narcissism is tactic, they use tactic all the time. Their consistent core self is deeply insecure, combative, wants to be in power, control, dominating, needs a lot of admiration. They switch the rules once they have you where they want you. If you could educate people they'd know what they are up against. And at minimum they's stop blaming themselves. Stop blaming yourself. This is the them thing. It's not you." I would like to add - trauma part is us, we are doing them narcissistic supply by caring what they think about us. This is what gets them hooks on us. The care what someone will think about me - is what they need, this responds to their narcissism. The solution is to allow them to think whatever they want, no matter how angry they are. And once we are not changing them and once we do not people please and change ourselves to soothe their moods - we will be dull to them and they will find another supply - someone who is afraid of someone thinking badly about oneself.

[@robinantonio8870]

You are also their servant.

[@keariewashburn4680]

Thank you 😊 ❤

[@marjoriemurray4381]

What got my husband into therapy was a COURT ORDER. WISE JUDGE!

[@lililululalabooboo]

This resonated so much.

[@anitabubic6094]

My two favorit people , who helped me cope with reality last several years.

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@karlasilis-cruz8835]

Thank you Terri for having Dr. Ramani on your show! The topic narcissism is more clear to me now!💝💝💝

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad it was helpful for you ❤️

[@jmk2530]

I love you Dr Ramani. Thank you for doing this Terri.

[@erin3291]

Thank you 🙏🏻 both so very much ❣️

[@lucindatanksley5370]

Thank you so much your message is helping my healing process!

[@thirstonhowellthebirdandfriend]

It’s so unfair how they get away with it. Narcissistic parents who pick a scapegoat because the narcissist is an alcoholic or a womanizer or a drug user or all of the above and of course unfaithful too. Children aren’t stupid. There’s always the one child who sees what’s going on and so that parent or parents go and tell all their friends that this scapegoat little five-year-old or six-year-old is so dramatic and always making up stories and that you can’t believe anything they say. Years go by and the child is now 10 or 11 and the parent or parents are still smearing the child, projection at its finest behind the child’s back. Of course the parents tell their friends and those friends have kids. These kids are the same kids who the scapegoat goes to school with so of course all the parents being told this warn their children to be wary of the scapegoat. So then the scapegoat goes to school and they’re shunned at school because of the lies told by their own family. They grow up isolated because of this smear campaign. Many kids like the scapegoat and don’t understand the controversy surrounding this child so sometimes they are included but most times they aren’t. There’s a working narrative of this scapegoat that is completely false, yet people believe it. How many have had to move to another place far away and even change their names to be able to find a group of people who might believe them to be good and care for them. Why is this not a criminal offense. Think of all the people who participated in the destruction of one child’s life all to hide dirty little family secrets.

[@ladyesther]

25:32 Haha...oh my gosh...dont even know how to express the amount of laughter to that comment Ramani.

[@tiffer3478]

Great duo!! ❤

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@dianeforpeece8166]

Dr Ramani is the bomb diggity!!!

[@kimberlymayland3342]

Yes. Dr. R is great. I feel love for her and it feels good.

[@lilredheaded1]

Thank you both for creating and sharing!

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@amberinthemist7912]

Love you two and your wisdom so much! Thank you for ever!

[@terri_cole]

💕

[@carolinekamya2339]

saved my life

[@misskhateralove]

I love Dr. Ramani! Thank you to you both.

[@terri_cole]

💕

[@moen4645]

Thank you Terri & Dr Ramani for sharing your extensive knowledge, understanding and experiences over this complex- personality and behaviour disorder- so valuable! The questions asked have answered doubts i had for some time and also find the knowledge & subject of your book a necessary tool these days~ Thank you both very much. 💕💗😃

[@blinxxy1]

love you both so much ❤thanks for your time, energy n wisdom 🙏

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for watching! 💕

[@Datmosphere]

I love you two so much! Seriously, it made my day. Much love xx Daria

[@terri_cole]

Thank you so much, Daria ❤️

[@LesleyGarvs-vo7eq]

I love you both! And my little sister in Dom Rep as well!!!Thank you🙋‍♀️❤

[@barbhammondroy1345]

Excellent Book !!!!!!!

[@terri_cole]

🙌🙌🙌

[@elhammahintorabi3057]

Love you both, thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge with us 🙏❤️✨❤️✨

[@terri_cole]

❤️❤️❤️