How to Set Boundaries with Impossible People including Narcissists - Terri Cole

Do you have people in your life who are so difficult, so demanding, that when it comes time for you to speak your mind or ask for what you want, it’s just not worth it?
Does the amount of stress this causes make you want to just appease them or continue to ‘suck it up’?
Today I am breaking down how to negotiate difficult relationships, and how to set boundaries with impossible people, including narcissists.
In this video, I cover:
...What a boundary is
...How to know your boundary style
...The benefits of drawing healthy boundaries
...Strategies and language for drawing boundaries with difficult people
Drop me a comment and let me know what resonated with you after watching this video.
Go to www.terricole.com/sbg to get the free companion guide for this video.
Time Stamps:
0:00 - Intro
0:56 - What is a boundary?
2:36 - Questions for you to get clarity on your boundary blueprint
5:16 - Narcissistic traits that can be exhausting
6:49 - How do you currently try to set boundaries with impossible people?
10:40 - Why setting boundaries is a loving act
12:45 - Boundary language examples that you can use in the real world
18:56 - Boundary language at work
20:00 - Boundary language with a narcissistic ex
21:08 - Boundary language with a pushy friend
23:23 - Why consistency is key when setting boundaries
Related Videos:
• Setting Boundaries Wit... - Setting Boundaries With Difficult People
• The Perfect (Sh*t) Sto... - The Perfect Sh*t Storm: Codependents, Narcissists, and Boundaries
• Boundaries + Friends (... - Boundaries and Friends (It's Complicated)
• Raise Your Self-Esteem... - Raise Your Self-Esteem With Better Boundaries
• How to Navigate Co-Par... - Boundaries and Co-Parenting
ABOUT TERRI COLE:
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist and global leading expert in female empowerment. For two decades, Terri has worked with some of the world’s most well-known personalities from international pop stars to Fortune 500 CEOs. Terri has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible, and then actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change i.e. true transformation. She empowers over 250,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, Real Love Revolution and Boundary Bootcamp + her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. She is also the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free (April 2021)
CONNECT ON SOCIAL:
Instagram: www.terricole.com/ig
Private Community: terricole.com/fbg (no longer on Facebook)
Facebook Page: www.terricole.com/fb
Terri Cole: www.terricole.com
RESOURCES:
BetterHelp: betterhelp.com/terricole I no longer offer one-on-one coaching/therapy sessions but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs.
As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp’s resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help’s service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.
No No Narc: I created this course to teach you the strategies I’ve used for more than 2 decades in my psychotherapy practice to help women break free of dysfunctional patterns and learn how to prioritize themselves. www.terricole.com/nnn-special...
My book, Boundary Boss: boundarybossbook.com & The Boundary Boss Workbook: boundarybossworkbook.com
www.terricole.com/gethelp/ - If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger the resources on this page can provide you with immediate help.
#terricolerealloverevolution #boundaries #narcissism #terricoleshow

[@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023]

When something isn’t ok say it’s not ok. Don’t suffer in silence.

[@terri_cole]

Right on!

[@rominalamberti9117]

Terri, one thing that is very important is that people who have problems setting boundaries have a fear of not being loved or approved of by the other person or people involved. The person setting the boundaries should first address their fear of not being loved and find that love within themselves. They have to get to the point where they don't care if the other person rejects them or doesn't love them. Then the fear dissolves and they naturally know what to say when someone is crossing the line.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing! I hear you.

[@sarafox5792]

exactly that, you can almost always guess that any boundary is going to 'come back at you' so setting them naturally and with ease, and not fear is the goal...

[@sara-janeegan4665]

This is very true, thank you for pointing that out. Many people who are codependent attach their worth from outside of themselves, which can be people, a process, such as excessive shopping, gambling, etc or a substance. So setting boundaries with others, and not feeling abandoned or rejected when others put up boundaries towards you; one must learn to reconnect with their inner core authentic sense. We are all born with innate resources to be whole and content without any external source. The heart of codependency is a lost self, and so one must begin the journey to connect with our authentic selves. This also involves beginning to look at the underlying issues surrounding the core wounding of shame and trauma from childhood. So I agree Romina for many adults from abusive and dysfunctional upbringings, setting boundaries and respecting other people’s boundaries is extremely difficult if this internal work and healing is not done.

[@carolsampson5511]

You do not know how some people have been treated allthere lives from birth you have no idea all you peoplr put out there are couples men and women get real parents and family should be there from birth thata why you counselors are full of crap you know nothing in my book

[@rayluby6659]

Not everyone... some people have experienced trauma that makes them feel unsafe setting boundaries and that’s literally it for SO MANY of us

[@CherylMuir]

To the person reading this, repeat after me: Boundaries teach people how to love and care for me. It deepens intimacy and love. It's safe to set boundaries.

[@terri_cole]

Yes! Love this, Cheryl ❤️

[@OneWhoKnowz]

Absolutely

[@michelleclute7909]

How many times do i have to repeat this for it to work lol😂

[@retrolofiradio66]

Sorry, but it's not always safe. When it isn't, it's time to end the relationship

[@Nyc99]

I have new person in my life and he have good boundaries, he is clear and doesnt walk away from me when i get upset, i never had good friend i can learn from, he make me so happy

[@surgicaltoolboxrnhealthbea3292]

My boundaries are do not give me subtle insults ! Red flag for narcissism.

[@rondae7121]

If you set healthy "I have a life too" boundaries and you enforce them...you weed out your true family, friends. Then you grow the ones that remain.

[@intentionalliving7326]

☀️Amen sistah

[@sukioo0oo144]

Exactly. First boundary is an internal one : Take care of yourself first. Then you can spend the rest of your energy, time, money, emotional availability on others.

[@mattiethesurfer]

I am a huge fan of boundaries. My buddies call me, “boundary Matt”. As an ex-codependent I still, at times, can think I am being too selfish or stringent, but in the end I need boundaries. Also, setting boundaries weeds through toxic people very quickly.

[@terri_cole]

Yes Matt! Cheering you on.

[@debbiewilder4738]

Can you give me a list of actual boundaries you have just in general.

[@mattiethesurfer]

@@debbiewilder4738 Hi Debbie! First, before I could set boundaries I first had to become aware of my feelings. My feelings are a guide to what needs I have that are or are not being met. So, once you know you’re feelings and corresponding needs - you’ll be able to set your own boundaries. With that said, one boundary for me is someone raising their voice at me. I feel irritated, scared, and angry when someone raises their voice at me. This is because I need respect, and raising of a voice towards me is not respect. So, I will share this boundary with someone affirming they are totally ok to feel whatever they feel, but raising their voice is not acceptable and if they do I will leave. Where ever we are at, whatever we are doing, I will leave for at least one hour. When I was in the dating scene my boundaries were no kissing for at least three dates and no sex for at least a year, preferably longer. First, my body is precious and in my world, sex is something for a committed relationship and sex can create emotional bonds/connections and if I don’t truly know the person - that’s a huge mistake. By waiting at least a year, I give myself the ability to really see who this person is.

[@qua7771]

Narcissist don't understand plain language when setting boundaries. It's like they had a stroke when you are speaking to them. It's easier to cut them off completely.

[@terri_cole]

Thanks for your input, Robert. This is true about some narcs and for some people they try to limit contact before going no contact. Dealing with norcs in either scenario is challenging.

[@qua7771]

The best thing is to get out. I don't think you can fix a true sociopath.

[@atypicalbeautyguru4129]

Yep. They tell you that you’re the stupidest, most forgetful, confused, crazy person in every conversation until you plainly try to set a firm boundary in place and all of a sudden they don’t comprehend a thing you are saying.

[@vtivitystyle]

This is so true I've tried to demonstrate the problem physically, verbally and any other way that I could think of and within hours of me pleading, requesting, demanding that this behavior stop, he's back to doing the thing that I said I don't like, as if I never said anything at all. Something is truly wrong with these people.

[@claredodd1258]

@@qua7771 Yep, the sanest thing I've done (going no contact).

[@priya_jha]

When you respect yourself and your mental sanity you start to set personal boundaries. I’ve felt it... and it only makes you healthier. And it’s ok to loose some people or relationship in the process. Because in the end you got your own back.

[@terri_cole]

Right on!!!! Well said!

[@mariarisingabove8829]

I am a highly sensitive person and I have attracted a lot of narcissistic people in my life. It is like they know they can take advantage of me so now i am very careful setting boundaries since the begining. What I hate the most is that they treat me bad but I can see they are very nice with other people Love your video💗👌

[@terri_cole]

Thanks for sharing here, Maria. Please keep working on yourself mama because you deserve someone who treats YOU with kindness and respect.

[@jessicalangdon4035]

Maria Rising above oh yes,they are beloved in the community.

[@nancystark6693]

Yep?!

[@sunshine-sm6nf]

yes we do!

[@louisepingos7823]

I’ve had the same experience as you. What they are doing is called triangulation. They seem nice to others but it never lasts. They turn on everyone eventually.

[@ggwoman]

I handled drawing boundaries with kindness and compassion. They just blocked me 💯 out of their lives. Dr. Fox says to allow people to self select out of your life. Left with a feeling of sadness,but relief overrides all. I am free of the stupid box they tried to imprision me in. Life feels brand new and good. Love feeling Free.

[@terri_cole]

Yes. Sometimes they do self select out of your life, but they are not the people you want in your life anyway. Witnessing your feelings with compassion and sending you strength.

[@ggwoman]

@@terri_cole Thank you Terri! You have no idea how much that means to me. It's still early on this new path of loviing and respecting Me. Freedom feels good, but also feels strange and frightening at times. You're right, it is not for the faint of heart. Lol. But, it has really helped to find you, and get some straight up insight and encouragement.

[@tammylines2779]

Terri Cole Real Love RevolutionTM )

[@bibitarantino535]

I grew up in a violent home my mother would physically, mentally and emotionally hurt me. I am now an adult, I recently cut ties wih my sister who is also a bully. Last time I saw her she physically pushed me and verbally abused me. My mother's response was I must have triggered her. It's very upsetting to feel your family of origin would want to hurt you so much.

[@terri_cole]

Bibi, I am sorry to hear it. I think a more empowering frame would be to look at your family of origin as dysfunctional and unwell. I am happy to hear that you have chosen to go, NO CONTACT. You can learn to set healthy boundaries-just don't give up. Stay tuned as I will be doing many different vids on this topic. Right on for choosing YOU!

[@rain3743]

Terri Cole Real Love Revolution "...frame of...dysfunctional and unwell" so simple, clear and powerfully sufficient. That REALLY helps me stay outt of abuse victim mindset. (Yes, it was abuse and I was victimized,, but I don't have to LIVE there.) Good stuff!

[@meowyinmysstiqk]

Good for you... Unfortunately you have to create your own family. You are obviously smart to create space...you deserve it. Stay strong.

[@trishbedford1215]

Nb

[@bibitarantino535]

Toni Churchill thank you Toni.

[@eunicemuturi5723]

By setting boundaries,you really give them a taste of their own medicine. Very sweet and non aggressive revenge. This video is a gift.

[@terri_cole]

I am glad you liked it, Eunice! Although I see it more as not letting people trample on you and less like revenge ;)

[@jasonreed1352]

Interesting comment, Eunice. I wonder, Terri, what your thoughts are about the possibility your method of boundary setting may use the same sequence of mental processes and delivery techniques for the communication of that boundary as someone described as a narcissist may use? Is the tone used during delivery of that message always indicative of a negative emotion-state that the deliverer attributes to the intention of the narcissistic receiver to cause that negative emotion? Or could the emotion during delivery also indicate the emotional state of the deliverer of the message regarding anxiety over anticipated miscommunication issues based on past experience?

[@TheShamuraja]

Jason Reed - I understand your message the following way: you are being gaslighted to believe you are bad/evil/with bad intentions just because you speak like an adult and say what is obvious to you. I hope you get some allies with whom you can validate, that you are not crazy by voicing your opinion and by actually trying to communicate, just like mature people do. These are just crazy making tactics, if I got you right. So take care of yourself. Bye bye

[@susangeorge9244]

@@jasonreed1352 whaaaa ? I do think I understand what you are trying to say. You need to finish your thoughts cuz you seem to have great insight !

[@intentionalliving7326]

Yes, and best to stay on our lane... they will react the way they need to for themselves. Life is too short to waste it on them

[@Vixinaful]

I have had a guy in my life I suspect was autistic and/or a narcissist. I would set boundaries time after time, and reminding him but he had no respect at all. He would stand outside my door in the middle of the night, dead drunk, time after time after time. No respect at all. Finally it struck me why he was in my life: It was to teach me to enforce my boundaries so I just texted him "Next time you come by dead drunk in the middle of the night, I will call the police and my friend who will escort you away. I have told you the rules and you haven't respected them but crossed my boundaries over and over so you now lose me and I understand why your friends are gone aswell" I then blocked and deleted him and dont bother reading the reply bc it doesnt matter, if he knocks my door again I will call the police. This has been a LIFE lesson for me but finally the lesson is learned. i pray I don't forget it bc its easy to have an insight and then its gone and the problem comes back. I feel FREE!

[@terri_cole]

Woohooooooo! Way to go!!!

[@karenmininni4962]

I love the broken record technique. I just repeat myself over and over. It works every time.

[@sarafox5792]

yep doing that, dont get into crazy making stuff...

[@jacquelinemanzano9328]

Teach others how to respect you by setting boundaries and acting on them. For every action there's a consequence.

[@cebe2624]

Yes. 👍

[@imusiccollection]

Isn't it great how these stubborn people help us learn to care for ourselves, by simply caring about themselves. Think of what an example we can become to others, if we acted even just a little bit like them!

[@laranipic3606]

I realised I was having trouble setting boundaries because I felt being angry was wrong. As a child I felt like I was forbidden to express anger. I think it's because of "good girl" conditioning and I still have trouble with that. Thank you for this rich, by far one of the best videos here on KZbin. You give such a great advice. Sending you lots of love.

[@terri_cole]

I'm so glad you found this helpful ❤️

[@Goteiii]

My problem is this: I tend to be easy going, not setting boundaries right away and when I start having a problem with another person they've already crossed my boundaries so many times they feel like it's normal. So I have to work extra hard to set said boundary when it really starts to bother me. I'm trying to be more disagreable right of the bat for no reason, just in case I need to set a boundary on a certain behaviour later on. Kinda like playing hard to get or postponing commitment. Saying things like "let me think about it and I'll tell you later."

[@friendlyperson8338]

The problem is that it seems you are AWARE that they are crossing your boundaries, but not courageous enough to stop it in the beginning. I think you should develop the courage to stop it in the first place, as opposed to waiting until it is so obvious and so bad that you can't take it anymore. You are waiting until they can safely be considered "the bad guy/gal" before speaking up. Practice speaking up WHEN it happens and you will eventually have the courage to speak up all the time. Setting boundaries does not make you "disagreeable", except to the person who doesn't like that you've set boundaries! Good luck!

[@amazingyear9042]

good post👊🏻

[@Nyc99]

Same identical thing with me, like i think im lacking social skills, sometimes i feel like do i even speak same language or they pretend like they foreign

[@charwest9449]

I like your voice, very pleasant and easy to listen to.

[@MsFranF]

Where is the "you are amazing" button? I wasn't allowed to have an opinion or an personal identity. As you know that frequently happens when you are invisible. lol If I said or did anything that was contrary to what they said they would call me all kinds of vile names, beat me up until I couldn't think straight, and then blame me for what just happened. If I asked general questions and/or refuse to allow them to "borrow" my things it was the same result. I am no contact and truly HAPPY for the first time in my life!

[@terri_cole]

Right on!! Thank you for sharing your story here with us. It will give hope to others who feel trapped in a similar situation. I am so happy to hear that you chose YOU!! You deserve to be happy, healthy and RESPECTED ;)

[@MsFranF]

Thank you, Terri!

[@andreeadamask6585]

Congrats!!

[@lisalph8922]

This is my family too. Hyper critical and no matter what I do it's judged and condemned. Funny thing is that I know if I did the exact opposite thing they would have criticized that. Foe example, I was foolish enough to tell my bro and his wife that I went out with a doctor once but I wasn't attracted to him. Later I hear from my mom that I should have continued to date him because I would have had no financial worries. I already don't have financial worries! How shallow that they would say I should be with someone for money. And had I stayed with him they would have said, " the only reason she's with that nerd is for the money." Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Learning to not share a single personal thing with my family. Only going to talk about the weather and other mundane things.

[@bellajordans1053]

@@lisalph8922 Yep. I learned long ago I was damned no matter what I say, on either side of the coin. It doesn't matter. So I learned to not say much at all. I'm strung up for that too, but it's the lesser of the evils. I've only come to learn about narcissism in the past few months. I had no idea why certain things kept happening over, and over and why so many people (even beyond the asses in my family) ended up taking advantage of me, and talking crap about me. Now I know though. And F them all, is all I have to say. Rotten pieces of empty shit that they are.

[@askew9976]

This makes so much sense. 😮 I’m a perpetual people pleaser, an empath and a child abuse survivor. I’m attempting to learn healthy boundaries for everyday use. I’ve lost myself.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion ❤️

[@stellasole3720]

Yep. Taking YOU into consideration for YOU. It's definately not for the weak of heart. But worth it. The sense of safety & stability & peace you get from people no longer being there who are all about themselves is worth it. No more abusers. No more people who enable. No more people who expect you to sacrifice yourself, regardless of what's happening in your life. & they don't have to accept our boundaries, but we don't have to accept their selfish nonsense 💜 ❤

[@ashkirk]

I grew up the same way was never allowed to talk about my feelings that was “bad” and got punished. Narcissistic mother codependent father every relationship I had was w narcs finally learned how to start drawing boundaries. My mom still thinks my existence revolves around her schedule it drives me insane!!! Thank you so much for this amazing video ❤️❤️❤️

[@terri_cole]

I'm holding space for you with so much compassion, Ashley ❤️ Thank you for sharing and for being here!

[@Nyc99]

Is it fear of the world and what they saw in their lifetime that they tried to slow us down, like protect us and was harsh? I just wanna be able to forgive and dont let drive me nuts again....or stop it like grown ppl do! Without crying

[@TeaRoseLover]

Being polite doesn't work for me. The narcissist doesn't understand it.

[@terri_cole]

The problem with this choice, in my opinion, is that they don't understand you being rude either. Meaning their behavior will most likely go back to the way it was, either way. So if you lower your standard to match theirs -it's you who has lost something. I believe your power is in staying true to yourself in the way you behave regardless of how they behave and if it's time to change your situation then do that. Thank you for your comment and for being here with me ;)

[@TeaRoseLover]

Thank you for your response. I've had to change my situations in the past. Looking forward to your Facebook group!

[@marshamcdonald1475]

Narcissist have no respect for Anyone. It’s all about them. Everyone around them are Easily discarded. Who needs These creeps anyway.!!! They lack respect and Human dignity. It is miserable Being in the same room with Them. You waste your time And self respect trying to Love them or even figure Them out, you will come home Confused and hurt. Just Stay away from them. They Are mentally broken and A bully.

[@dreamendoza]

I just recently discovered my best friend is a full-blown narcissist. Early on in our friendship I noticed some kind of entitlement, but shrugged it off. Recently this time I got offended by her behavior saying nasty remarks about me in front of many people despite not doing anything or making her angry. I tried to tell her calmly that I was hurt by her actions. She never sincerely apologized and told me that I was being too sensitive and that I needed to “chill”. Her response was the deal-breaker of our friendship, and I concluded that she will never understand because to her words/talk is cheap.

[@terri_cole]

I'm witnessing you with compassion Andrea. Good for you for standing up for yourself and communicating how you feel.

[@elisabethbroekhuysen6266]

I’m about at this point with a long time friend myself, I can relate!

[@KourtneeMonroe]

This video is life changing advice! I've always had people run over me and not respect my boundaries and wishes. Now I know how to handle this! You are so beautiful thank you!

[@terri_cole]

Kourtnee- Whoooo hooooooo!!! This makes me so happy to hear. Keep up the amazing work and join my free crew on FB for more info & weekly livestream Q & A calls starting August 11th! (facebook.com/groups/RealLoveRevolution/?ref=bookmarks) ;)

[@morpheusgrace1071]

Yeah. I had a "best friend" from childhood for the last 20 years. Once I set a boundary by "daring" to gently ask him to give me some space..... I saw him for what he is for the first time in those 20 years. Blaming, accusing, gaslighting, insulting, using everything I told him against me and swearing, he did everything in his power to humiliate me, demonize me and hurt me.! I was shocked. Only now I'm starting to realize how much abuse I accepted and how I let people treat me for so long. I'm honestly disgusted by myself. How could I be blind for so long? I completely lost faith in humanity. I still don't understand why I'm panicking and become so anxious when setting a boundary. My heart is racing and I'm shaking like something gonna happened. While, I logically realize I'm not in danger! Some people really shouldn't be allowed to have children. I don't need to deal with this shit because of them. You can't undone the damage they caused for so long.

[@orchidsrising7910]

I love that, “Trust me, if you are 20 minutes late, you must be really special in other areas.”... I am wonderful in so many areas, but time is a particular challenge for me. I am working on it, though 💗

[@caleuxx9108]

Drawing boundries in a kind and firm manner is difficult, when the situation brings out strong negative emotions (anger, fear - the accumulation of anger from not drawing boundries in the past and fear due to fear of abandonment, which is also strong). Processing the strong emotions and only then drawing a boundry is often not really possible because the anger requires the boundry setting for the anger to get processed. Using a kind tone when feeling strong negative emotions is practically impossible. And only by setting boundries on a regular basis does the anger subside and then it does become possible to set boundries with a neutral tone in a kind and firm manner. It¨s a process...

[@terri_cole]

Indeed it is. The end goal is to do it with ease and grace and that takes time and repetition but is well worth the effort.

[@katialeitao8049]

This is fantastic. I have been looking for sth like this for so long. This was made for ME. Thank you!

[@diamondunicorn2421]

I'm so glad I ran into your videos. Is well needed at this time. A big THANK YOU!

[@bobrellagg9984]

Omg I love this and totally agree on the consistency 💯. I know a couple people who really need this video 😩💞

[@yaffaNC-17]

Terri, you’re brilliant! And your delivery makes it so easy to hear you. Thank you for these videos. Wish I had discovered you years ago.

[@KimBerly-sd4qe]

I was raised by a narcissist and it has caused me to have a very low tolerance for anyone being disrespectful or making derogatory comments about women . Evidently I attract narcissistic men. After dating a man for 2 months and listening to Hume make derogatory statements about women and disrespecting my feelings by constantly talking about his ex wife or making comments about women friends and how perfect their bodies are.. I told him ...I must not have been clear about my boundaries and for that I apologize but these are things I do not like. Derogatory comments about women. Continuously talking about your ex. And talking about other women’s perfect bodies. I deserve to be respected . I’m a beautiful, intelligent, successful, loving , affectionate woman and expect to be treated well.

[@DazedDebbieShow]

Thanks, so helpful! My sibling would use a diversion tactic on me all the time! I realized how dirty she played, when she didn't get her way.

[@terri_cole]

I am so glad you found the vid helpful! Once you become aware of some of these tactics, you can avoid falling victim to them. I am so grateful you are here with me ;)

[@elizabethlasseigne5361]

THANK YOU!!!!!!! This is the second video of yours, and I’m so excited to see more! This is helped me so much! You are amazing!

[@maris5058]

Thank for these amazing video's, you help me gain more confidence and set boundaries with other people.

[@sunshine-sm6nf]

you are helping me sooo much! It takes a lot of courage to do boundaries, these people are use to having their own way and sometimes it is not pretty, trying to stay firm though but it Is hard but well worth it.

[@laurenfelsberg6406]

Thank you, very helpful at a needed time!

[@regiz5358]

Love your style!!! Feel so comfortable brings so much trust and security to listen to you 😊

[@jak9934]

Thank you for this video. I am so grateful to be given the script as I feel it is the language that I lack when I’m needing to have boundaries. Going to have to literally learn the script until it hopefully becomes natural!

[@Teenyteens]

Thank you sooo much for this video! I’ve always struggled with boundaries in all areas in my life. I hope there’s an upcoming boot camp I can attend! Thanks again 🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@annest6910]

WOW Terri, you are excellent! I very much appreciate the way you talk and how direct your directions are. THANK YOU!

[@victoriastallard]

Thank you Terri for sharing your video with all of us :) I just started setting boundaries a little bit which is very hard for the co-dependet In me & I really wish it wasn't because then I wouldn't have to tell myself I have to start over again with my boundary setting & I hope I can & will do a better job with it when I start over again. I have found that when I set my boundary I do feel better when it sticks & I am noticing that people little by little people do respect my boundary when I stick to it :) I am also finding out that it feels good to tell people No especially when they respect it.

[@jlande6]

You are fantastic, thank you for what you do and bring to the world.

[@mr.t382]

Oh my gosh you are helping me sooo much! Thank you!

[@robertaborg3201]

happy to be your new subscriber thank you for your great insights, very clear and flowing

[@Gabeloveyou]

You rescue me from a malignant Narc. Love you ❤️❤️❤️❤️.

[@rachelking8403]

Thank you so much! It is very hard for me to draw boundaries! I always thought for me to draw boundaries, I needed to sit down and tell the Narc “Now here are my boundaries and if u break this one this will happen, and this will happen if you do that again!” Which is absolutely impossible to get that person to listen to you yet alone care what you have to say. Then I thought well if I tell him all of my limitations, he will use them against me and do them more!!! This helps a lot.

[@cjennings6179]

Consistency Thoughts & ACTIONS. DICTATE ONE'S BOUNDARIES. THANK U! Your voice is pleasant 👍😄

[@wendynashbonaventure]

This is so helpful. THANK YOU!!!

[@zhang73]

My dad used to wake me up in the morning sometimes so that I could drive him around to do my brother’s paper route bc he couldn’t wake up early. I feel that the more responsible you are, the more crap you have to take on.

[@bradmcewen]

Thanks for lesson. Very well presented & clearly articulated.

[@illudineye4469]

This was quite an eye and heart opener of a message. Thank you. New subscriber 😊

[@sashab7060]

The advise is very effective and on point. I like it.

[@rain3743]

I am SO glad your video popped up ad a suggestion! I subscribed and geel as though you will be most helpful in my quest for a thriving, joyful and harmonious existence. Thank you!

[@terri_cole]

Welcome and so so happy you have joined our crew, Rainbo!

[@symphony357]

Yes, I do have a person like that. thanks for the talk!

[@theforeigner6988]

Dictating how the mood is... I like that. Thank you :-)

[@justinrvarga7236]

Boundaries. This video and your narcissist mother video have been a godsend and I’m serious when I say that ❤️☘️⚡️.

[@lilliangithui7503]

Love your work Teri Cole. I've made so much progress with being able to set boundaries.

[@terri_cole]

You are very welcome Lillian. I'm celebrating your progress!

[@feliciabattelli600]

This happened to me yesterday snd I simply said I’m not going to continue this conversation and walked outside Next time I’ll say it nicely and calmly Thank you Terri Cole

[@jaclynh9343]

Love you sooooo much @TerriCole... so excited to move through Boundary Bootcamp with you....

[@sunflower88639]

You have such a soothing voice. I like to listen to your podcast. Thank you for it.

[@riseyourvibration9669]

You are the best! You really are and, I can’t thank you enough!💕💕💕

[@lisakolkman1733]

Terri!!! I just found you. I love you. Thank you so much. I appreciate your calm and respectable self empowering approach. I have been struggling with setting boundaries with my daughter and my husband who both have ADHD. This is exactly what I needed.

[@terri_cole]

Lisa!! So happy to be "found" and grateful this episode resonated with you. Thanks for being here with me ;)

[@cjennings6179]

Thank you SO VERY MUCH!!!

[@pattirayne1243]

i tried to add this video to my favorites and my playlist but the "Add to" button just stayed grey. I liked it very much. Thank you!

[@euniceemmanuel6363]

I love you so much madam .. Your videos are helpful ... In so many years I have been this problem of setting boundaries.. I have always been a person who pleases others and get hurt easily.. But through this video I have finally realise how meaningful is to stand for myself and set boundaries.. This video made my soul free .. I am just a eighteen years old girl .. I know it might seem a bit sucking but thanks a lot...

[@MissPinkStiletto]

this is the first video i’ve seen of yours. so powerful, powerful in the discovery of what’s going on and powerful in the tools you give on how to fix this and no longer live in this trapped miserable reality ty 👍🏻 new subscriber here ✨

[@terri_cole]

Yes!!!! Welcome and thank you for being here!

[@CatchRainFertility]

Great content! Really love the way you explain things and give examples. My usual issue is having ‘friends’ who are nice to me but also perpetually push boundaries. A classic is to ask a favour that I end up feeling I have no reason to say no to other than basically nothing wanting to. I have no idea how she does it! Good practice though for me in setting boundaries!

[@wildcrocus]

I remember the first time I heard the term "boundary work" I instantly recognized that it was what my mother needed. No boundaries at all. But naturally, I had a giant blindspot. I didn't infer from that that I myself needed to work hard on boundaries because I never had them modeled for me. I've come a long way since but it is still hard, especially dealing with my narcissist coparent. I make them physical whenever possible because going close as I can to no contact and keeping communication as minimal and direct as possible is the best I can do.

[@terri_cole]

I am witnessing you with compassion and sending strength your way ❤️

[@heidiuridge1584]

Thank you for great information ❤

[@myrtleesther8855]

I want to say how helpful this video was to me today. Many thanks!

[@terri_cole]

You're welcome!

[@JoRobertsGaming1984]

The person raising their voice isn't necessarily the person who is in the wrong. Trying setting boundaries with someone who repeatedly cuts you off in conversation and talks straight over the top of you then see how calm you are.

[@ayemii5729]

Thank you so much for this ❤️

[@marilyntucker1099]

Setting boundaries is such an important life skill. Great information.

[@terri_cole]

Right on!!!

[@eileenmcauliffe1148]

You are speaking truth I need this so much I have 3 people I have difficulty with at the moment

[@SuzanneMontalalou]

This is so helpful, I am really exploring how I can take up space and be genuinely myself in all my relationships. Thank you for sharing this with us.

[@terri_cole]

Glad it was helpful!

[@ctownson7087]

I appreciate your non aggressive ways on this topic ~ You kindness,understanding and simplicity with your approach is refreshing and makes it feel doable. Thanks Teri !

[@terri_cole]

You're welcome and I am so glad it resonates!

[@makeuplover107]

Thank you so much for doing this video! It helped so so much! It helped providing me with tools to defend myself and show others that I know what I’m worth! Thank you so so much! Also your voice is so calm! 💖🙏🏻

[@terri_cole]

You are so welcome. I'm glad to hear that it's resonating for you.

[@rhondalee4405]

Terri, I LOVE your insights, your understanding, your advice! I just bought your book on Boundaries. Thank you for helping us who are not narcissists deal with those who are narcissists or just crossing boundaries all the time and making life so difficult because they are so lacking in consideration & understanding.

[@terri_cole]

Awww, thank you for being here, Rhonda. I hope you enjoy Boundary Boss! ❤️

[@greenelf912]

Wow thank you so much. I love the way you unpack this. I am one lucky & happy co~dependant having found this channel. Subscribed!

[@terri_cole]

Right on!

[@sudhamuralidharan6574]

Thanks for the upload

[@beglad411]

Love this. Thank you. Love the examples you gave of others working through stuff with others.

[@terri_cole]

So glad you loved it 💕

[@AlitaGunnm]

I like " I am my own boss" so it's not necessary to fight for drawing boundaries 💜

[@Juicybeachgirls]

Great video. Great advice. Thank you for taking the time to make this video. You hit the nail on the head for me. I was nodding along this whole video. Thank you!! You have given me so much hope.

[@terri_cole]

You are so welcome!

[@MiriamMonroe]

Good work here, Thank you.

[@juebasu3166]

Your ideas seem to be very effective...I will start applying whatever you have suggested.

[@genna2586]

Such a helpful video to process. This is a lot of information for those of us who are challenged with boundaries. Please talk about establishing early relationship boundaries as a topic. Thanks....

[@Shantaya]

Great info. So helpful 💕 thank you

[@terri_cole]

❤️

[@gabialmeidaworld]

Thank you for this video

[@nryane]

Valuable! Thanks, Terri.

[@terri_cole]

You got it, Nettonya!

[@danpellyinspirationalspeak6168]

Ty , Good Advice Terri , it takes some courage , especially with family , but so important to do for ones happiness. 👍🏼

[@terri_cole]

Thank you, Dan!!

[@sandrapisarski6597]

oh, I am soooooo happy I have found your videos. I am in need of learning what a boundary is and how to have some. I read the book "Boundaires: After a Pathological Relationship"...this book actually helped me know what a boundary is...and I realized I have very few working boundaries!!! I grew up in an Alchoholic father with a enabling mother who was strict and not strict...so moving boundaries...I married a narcissistic/borderline man for 16 years, left him for another man and gave myself completely away again and now I need to set boundaries and/or leave him...not sure which quiet yet...however, I have a lot of "unlearning" to do and learning to have solid boundaries and deciding what I want to do with the rest of my life...I am 59 years old and do not want to be weak any more in my relationships! Help in anyway that you can!

[@terri_cole]

I am so happy you are here, Sandra!! It is never too late to learn how to draw effective ad appropriate boundaries that honor YOU!! See you in the FB group, mama!

[@lionloxs]

Where have you been my whole life? Incredibly helpful; life changing and practical! Thank you!

[@terri_cole]

So glad to hear it!!

[@lionloxs]

Yes. Happy I found your channel. ✨

[@AlvaPalin]

I'm all in for the boundary boot camp also. I have never learned to take control of my needs or had boundaries. Four of us were raised by my dad. My mother left when we were 6,4,2, and 6 months old. My sister and I were the youngest two. My mom would see my older brothers once a year or so but not us girls. When she did see us girls she was mean and cruel. My dad was very loving and caring but he and his 8 brothers and sisters were yes and no people. No one talked about feelings or met your needs mentally. Grammy was always saying go on now, which meant go play. At 60 years old I found out I was a narcissist, psychopath and sociopath magnet all my life. So I started researching what that meant and seen my life flash before my eyes. That explained why I was so tired of being used, abused and treated ruthlessly by people that held me so dear. That explained why I didn't know who I was. I' m trying to recover now at this age? Whew......but at least I made it through! First order of business was reflecting, identifying and discarding. I do keep finding new ones though. Predators are everywhere! I need to step up into my power and have boundaries so I wont be targeted. But its hard to see where to put a boundary or if you crossed one you made. My son points out where I crossed a boundary which helps but he's not here all the time. It seems like a lobotomy would be easier. By the way I 've been informed by a therapist that I'm passive aggressive. The good news just keeps coming....lol By the time I'm 90 I might be mentally healthy but have no audience.........lol Was that a passive aggressive statement? Its hard for me to know. This is all horrifically funny. My whole life has been satisfying predators at my expense......lol What a legacy .....lol On the other hand, I feel I am a survivor and am strong enough to overcame all this. I so appreciate people like you Terri for giving people like me help and hope. Thank you so much. You might never know how much you help but you have my gratitude always. I appreciate help sorting me out.

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for sharing your experience , and for being here! It takes time to heal and grow new habits. It's ok to gently bring your attention to your habits and patterns and ask yourself "is this really how I want to show up in the world?" Sending you compassion and strength.

[@user-rh5yf2wz8l]

Great & helpful advice. Thank you.

[@terri_cole]

Anytime, sister!

[@valentinavadillo]

I’ve noticed that all the boundaries you successfully set, always end up with what you need, and a loving statement like “If you respect this boundary I would love to...” I used to set the boundary with anger and leaving people out of my life and accusing then without love.

[@leonieharry2941]

I love how you do that! Great advice! And additionally you have a very calming, soothing voice! Best regards from Vienna/Austria!

[@terri_cole]

Thank you for being here!

[@TYGZus777]

Pure gold.