Testing Mall Ninja Weapons

[@ModernRogue]

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[@parac0sm0naut26]

How about "Modern Rogue How to Launch an App" Then launch a Fairground App an app to hold virtual fairs and convention, complete with booths for sponsors, and event venue staff.

[@parac0sm0naut26]

The skull is Ornamental

[@spencerroark9007]

Fact: You can win stuff. Got my email before this went live.

[@spencerroark9007]

2nd fact: Mine has already arrived. Modern Rogue and Scam Stuff are faster than Amazon. Now I will look extra classy when people can't see my face.

[@that1guy-u-no38]

Question a guy with all these mall ninja weapons or Eli with a very big Ladle who wins in a fight my money on ladle Eli

[@sirpikapika1129]

Eli did such a good job nailing the "awkward disinterested teen" energy

[@JudithOpdebeeck]

not so much disinterested as just very very confused i think

[@GunGun-cf3ss]

And he was somehow less awkward than the hosts

[@derpyditto9853]

i thought you said “distressed” which would be about right

[@andrews4321]

I like how Eli is standing a safe distance back, behind the chalk board in case the janky mall ninja weapons break and fly back.

[@TheRealAlpha2]

He's a smart kid, he'll last long... er.

[@redragonalpha]

I'll be honest, they lasted longer than I expected them to. I expected even the slightest impact to make it explode. Eli is a smart young man.

[@sirbeanlord6183]

It's Lord night plague get your mr lore right

[@erikerikerikerikerik]

being a mall ninja, he knows their limits

[@karlnorbergiii8480]

@@TheRealAlpha2k

[@CheerfuEntropy]

i note that you also dressed lord nightplague as an early 2000's mall ninja

[@chrismacku8471]

I genuinely don't know if LNP was genuinely trying to, but he nailed the stereotypical socially-awkward feel of the Mall Ninja too! 👏👏

[@TheAsylumCat]

The embodiment of teenage edgelord

[@gabrielpaddock6305]

A mall rat?

[@nicozandhuis1865]

What do you mean? He always looks like that

[@GoldAk47]

Big school shooter vibes or lesbian farmer

[@Zarxiel]

I wonder if Brian developed a rogue-sense: every time Jason is near a sharp object, Brians thoughts just go 'oh no, no no'

[@TheRealAlpha2]

Brian: Okay, Jason. You can do this episode, but I will not even be in the state when you do.

[@WaverenEvermore]

Shwood was there the entire time. Did you forget he's a magician?

[@thomasnolastname8734]

Every time someone mentions PVC around Brian, he gets 'Nam flashbacks

[@oaksparoakspar3144]

The first blade is asking to break with the unsupported split. The punching thing is the most self-stabbing thing not made by a Klingon. The axe would have gotten the previous joke had it not already killed itself.

[@danamoore1788]

I was rather impressed that the ejected blade was the good part.

[@thatradfailure5197]

If the axe had a good handle and was sharpened, it'd be at least decent as a weapon, to be fair

[@razrafz]

the first blade would snap immediately if it hits a hard object. also good luck trying to pull that back out after stabbing somebody dude had to wear a safety glove so the the bladey skull thing wont stab himself. also has a high change of turning around due insufficient support. axe blade is too close to handle, and the sharp bladed pommel is a recipe for sliced palm and trip to the ER

[@RokuroCarisu]

The first "weapon" looks rather like the tip of a fishing spear. There is no good reason to put it on a sword handle, but I suppose if you want it to get stuck in a soft, slippery target, it would do that just fine.

[@zanir2387]

The punching one would be the most functional, if we removebthe self-stabbing pikes...

[@christopherreed4723]

Generally speaking, the phrase "sword-shaped object" is used for those shiny, stainless steel things sold at stores in malls (growing up in Germany it was "Tobacconists" who put them in their windows along with throwing stars, Rambo survival knives, pistol crossbows and the like). It's clear, though, that Anthony is loath to apply even that damming label to the Klingon toothpick he's given.

[@leppeppel]

I'm more familiar with the term "sword-*like* object," since I don't know of too many swords shaped like that.

[@christopherreed4723]

@@leppeppel Thanks. Good...point. 😉

[@Rafael_Fuchs]

The little crossbows are good fun. Friends and I would use them to fling tiny bamboo/wood sticks at each other.

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

@@Rafael_Fuchs I've used them to hit a wingnut at 20 yards with the bolts they give you.

[@chemistryofquestionablequa6252]

Throwing stars and pistol crossbows, as well as blowguns are all illegal in Canada. This is undoubtedly because of politicians watching martial arts movies. The HK G11 is specifically banned by name because of the movie Demolition Man, since it never went into commercial production.

[@Doodlebob563]

"Make experts do dumb stuff" is always a recipe for success, shoulda done this a long time ago! :D

[@ThoinFrostaxe]

My local mall is in its death throws, and is closing down next year. Thankfully, the mall ninja store (that also sells magic the gathering cards and has tournaments) got a new location at a local shopping center. So even though the mall will be gone, the ninjas have a new home.

[@christopherdean1326]

*throes

[@petersmythe6462]

"He's gonna try to throw the pommel." This weapon really gets a lot more dangerous once you think about it's potential for ending them rightly. Honestly the main blade is a distraction. The pommel is the real weapon here.

[@thekinginyellowmessiahofha6308]

It goes from sword to wmd

[@lordicarus8807]

END HIM RIGHTLY!!!

[@CosmoMemory91]

Just proof that Anthony can teach you to fight with literally anything

[@garyledford2901]

Anthony is a great teacher in RL!

[@MakeItWithCalvin]

Well as Desperate Defense taught anything is a weapon. I remember on a Doomsday Preppers episode a Krav Magaw instructor showed how effective a key or Lolipop is as a weapon vs pepper spray or a stun gun. That was telling.

[@SteelWheelz]

Throwing the spiky pommel is truly how you “end them rightly”! 😂

[@magnus6220]

Came here for this

[@TheOfficialDjProduct]

*Laughs heartily in German*

[@crktritual]

I get that reference !!

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

Banned by Ye Olde Geneva convention.

[@jacobrucquoi4824]

Ah, I see you're a man of culture as well

[@MossCoveredBonez]

This is one of those few episodes where we didn't come to learn, but pure entertainment

[@TheRealAlpha2]

On the contrary, we learned what _not_ to fight with.

[@Ithirahad]

We did learn that even the most useless of these tends to break down into a bunch of usable shanks and dubious throwing knives at some point.

[@HiroZeroVirus]

when i was but a wee mall ninja, i made the purchase of "bladed" throwing cards, which if you are unfamiliar, are nothing more than a sheet of metal, given a resemblance of an edge, and had stickers or paint applied to them, in order to make them look like playing cards.

[@jameswilson8907]

So funny story, I had that predator axe thing when I was a kid (I think my brother gave it to me) and one day something happened where it got pulled out of my hand. The spike on the bottom that curves up towards you actually went in one side of my pinky and out the other. I ended up with 5 stitches on two separate holes in my finger and to this day still don't have complete feeling in my finger. Can confirm bad design.

[@ImaGDTeapot]

Can we please have lord nightplague in every video. I love how committed he is at acting like he doesn't want to be there. Star of the show!

[@filnn]

Eli looked so scared and concerned at the back, when Anthony was throwing the "weapons" XD

[@lucienreyes9]

I was wondering why Leafyishere was just casually standing in the background

[@inund8]

such good work from that boy

[@williamrutherford553]

I love this, we need more. Clearly the stuff in this video is cheap as hell though, I'd love to see one where you buy the expensive ones that claim to be super effective, and have the weapons expert show why it's stupid. They're made to look cool, with function being second. Obviously they work terribly when they're cheap and flimsy, but what about the ones where they ACTUALLY claim they're deadly weapons?

[@DeathnoteBB]

I mean they are testing weapons sold mostly for decoration at malls

[@blackwingdragonmasta]

That's a waste of good money

[@funnyvalentinedidnothingwrong]

My favorite one I've seen was a "tactical baton" that was just a steel rod with a fucking spike pommel, spray painted black. It was _$75._

[@FrostBeardy]

I love that Bryan isn't home video is actually becoming a series

[@bvoyelr]

Weapon one pluses: full tang construction Weapon one negatives: serrated blade ensures your weapon will get stuck on the first person you cut with it. Steel will almost certainly break at the weak point where the blade splits into two. GLHF sharpening the thing if you survive your first fight with it.

[@kanmeridoc1784]

I think you're meant to carry them in packs, like disposable razors. Gotta be why they're so thin. Just stab the target, leave it in them and pull out another. And if it fails to stab, just start throwing them haphazardly while you run away.

[@brianhopper3013]

@@kanmeridoc1784 “Go away, bad guys!”

[@SteveAkaDarktimes]

None of these amazing weapons could ever compare to the magnificency and lethality of the Heavy Tree branch I found outside yesterday while taking a walk in the local park.

[@datura9441]

Does it have the form of a gun? you know... for more lethality

[@simon3818]

I can’t believe they got the real Harry Dresden to bring them the weapons

[@BassBumbass]

Funily enough, despite all the cover art, Harry was never described or mentioned as wearing a hat. At least i think.

[@simon3818]

@@BassBumbass wait why have i never realized that

[@BassBumbass]

@@simon3818 Because they put it on almost ALL the bookcovers. I have no idea why tho.

[@clearmelody6252]

@@BassBumbass Very true. In fact, if memory serves, there's even a bit in one of the novels where he thinks to himself that he should invest in a nice wizard's hat, to go along with the coat. Probably Jim's idea of a tongue-in-cheek joke about the cover art. XD

[@Grandwigg]

@@BassBumbass the character actually hates things on/near his head. The cover art is a running joke. (Sorry, Butcher fanboy syndrome. The last one had me broken for a while, though. The giant slayer. Empty House)

[@degiguess]

I like how they brought in an expert specifically to tell them "yeah it's a sharp piece of metal it seems to cut cardboard. Would probably hurt if you got hit by it"

[@stitchedpunk]

I'm not sure he's a expert the way he holds and move with the weapons I'd say no

[@dextersbeard3472]

If he's an expect it's on the history of weapons, you can tell he has extremely limited hands on experience..atleast I can tell anyway

[@hopelesslydull7588]

​@@stitchedpunk Well, he did preface everything with not being proficient in a lot of weapons, but knowing a few hundred weapons and their origins doesn't require you to know how to wield them.

[@xkidgey]

The dual-edged fist weapon is meant to harm both parties to keep it fair

[@Lmlil]

The episodes where Brian is gone remind me of when I would be left with my older cousins for an afternoon, and we'd invariability almost die. I can almost hear my aunt yelling "Get down from there right now!"

[@LordRunolfrUlfsson]

I once got a mall-grade "ninja-to" at a Renaissance Fair. In fact, RenFaire weapons could be an episode.

[@witiwap86]

Anthony ended the wood rightly.

[@AbenZin1]

Yay! HEMA's only meme!

[@philiphockenbury6563]

We must let Skallagrim know.

[@Courier-Six]

You want the ultimate Mall Ninja Stash, BudK has you covered. I would highly recommend the Timber Rattler Outlaw Bowie. Bought it out of their catalogue when I was 16 with a Visa Gift Card. Said it was 6 inches in the book which turned out to be a typo and it was actually 16 inches of butter soft garbage steel

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

Wonder if re-tempering the blade would have helped at all. Or tempering it at all.

[@JamesonWilde]

"butter soft garbage steel" lmfao

[@imperfectlump6070]

Never was there a good knife made of bad steel. Benjamin Franklin

[@Gr3nadgr3gory]

@@imperfectlump6070 now bad ore on the other hand I refer you to the Japanese...

[@dylanfarley8136]

I used to get budk back in the day and actually had my mom order me a couple things, even got one of those skull punchy things. Thankfully I wasn't a complete mall ninja, was just a nerdy kid who read way too many fantasy books haha.

[@Q1745]

Back we had malls, I had never met a mall ninja I didn’t like! (Or their weapons either.) Never tried testing any of them, they were a rather ornery bunch! ⚔️ 🥷 And lord blues brother is the cherry on top of this video!😎

[@TheRealKingDedede]

For anyone who’s wondering how the axe broke so easily, my parents got me one just like it as a birthday gift thinking that looking cool was all it takes for a weapon to be good. The grip is made of actual plastic

[@Mussoi7000]

that shitty axe with the detachable knife seems like something you would see on a gloryhammer concert i love it

[@PersonOfRandomnesss]

Wow, not even a Mall Maul? I guess this is just gonna have to be a series of you guys testing these "weapons".

[@AccordYeen]

These are the worst part of being a weapon collector: the "gifts".

[@DucisImperium]

Yes.

[@stillenacht8518]

Duuuude please don't make me relive that. It's always so awkward too, they come up all excited to see your reaction to their gift and you are all 'uhhhh .... You realize this only looks like a knife right?' After a while you can only be disappointed.

[@Pensive_Scarlet]

Aw man, I wanted to see him huck that first "sword" like a javelin or something. Just to see if the brittle stainless steel "blades" would shatter on impact.

[@ourkeving]

Well that was delightful. Especially since I think Brian as the "whimsical" one. Well done to all and Lord Night Plague!

[@divlles]

I love how the shady mall ninja stood behind the chalkboard as he watched his weapons being tested out be like no refunds of the merchandise told us his would like to buy some shiny mole weapons I mean sketchy weapons from the shady mall ninja 😂😂😂

[@Nerdsammich]

They need to do a sequel out of the BudK catalog, the one-stop shop for mall ninjas everywhere.

[@ArcheWhatzitGonnaB3]

Dark lord death guy, or whatever his world of warcraft name is, slowly inching behind the chalkboard at 16:22 right before his legendary drop turns to scrap metal is fantastic. Him mouthing "Wow" after his offhand fist weapon gets ridiculed for not being sharp really sells it.

[@TheRealAlpha2]

Balance is restored. I knew you couldn't get out of this without a counter reset. Honestly, even though the pinkie knife seemed effective, I can only imagine ending up with a broken finger. All of these with, maybe the exception of that one thing that looked like scrap aluminum from a CNC laser cutter, seems more dangerous to the weilder than the victim.

[@fungusfood8097]

Ah yes the age old truism: "the greater the number of cutting edges, the better the weapon"

[@deimos351]

Please tell me you're joking, more blades does not mean good

[@fungusfood8097]

@@deimos351 yeah, itvwas a joke don't worry.

[@warezz1743]

The only mall that I've been to that has had weapons in it was in Japan town and it mostly had proper swords, shuriken, throwing knives, and keyblades.

[@Masked_SVincent]

I got a “mall ninja store” at one I go to. They got those absurdly “probably not useful at all items”, but they also got some knives, balisongs, shuriken, swords, that are surprisingly good quality. Surprisingly sharp too (was an idiot and tested on myself).

[@newboygreen]

Definitely want to see more Eli, aka Lord Night Plague, aka Local Mall Ninja, in the future!!! Always good to see Anthony and Cory too! And....Jason too, I guess. J/K. Long live the Power of Murphy!!!

[@Ithirahad]

Usually this stuff is essentially all edge and no point... but some of these actually don't have much edge and a ton of points :P Being deeply serrated and catching on stuff (armour/clothing, skin, bones and tendons, random objects, your own super epic black trenchcoat of doom) is never an advantage... It'll hit once, and hurt once, but might totally preclude defending yourself, or disabling or killing someone and actually winning a fight.

[@scottmacs]

I fondly remember how excited I was when I was first able to buy ninja weapons over the internet.

[@haxboi5492]

the quantity and quality of these videos are insane

[@EpicCrafterA333]

Can we just appreciate how well Anthony threw those blades?

[@bobbyhero123]

I feel like this would make a great annual series. Just pick up what they find throughout the year and bring them all together each year.

[@CptFUBAR]

Very fun and amazing episode guys. Eli was hilarious!

[@edwardsmith-gx9gp]

The sound of that "yes" when he asks "Do you trust me with this?" is just so clearly showing he really meant "Yes duh! You're the expert! I trust you WAAAAYYY more than I trust MYSELF with it!!!"

[@jamesahibbard]

Eli as the straight man is an inspired decision.

[@ferrelagrios8199]

I like how the pommel works best as a throwing weapon than a pommel 😅

[@Obmelg]

Eli is quickly becoming my new favorite

[@lokithecat7225]

Today we test nonsense weapons from unlicensed weapon vendors at a Local Mall. Apparently they are ineffective, and even basic clothing protects you from this children toys... Since that is the point of them, I guess they all work as intended?

[@KryptCeeper969]

I really want to see somebody turn that skull punch dagger into a mask!

[@lazarus8069]

This was great! There are so many weird mall weapons, you guys should totally do this again! Much love everyone!

[@earlahmer5528]

I like how these are more effective as weapons when they are broken!

[@blackguard93]

When the guy threw the pommel; that's when I knew something will have been ended rightly.

[@thedarkercarter]

This takes me back. lol I wanted those mall weapons so much, but when I finally got a job I realized that ... they might not be the best weapons lol

[@jacobyspurnger8488]

End them rightly! Especially when the pommel is sharper than the "axe blade?"

[@sonan333]

Man, Eli seems pretty upset since you broke all of the "weapons" from his personal collection.

[@itscinfull240]

I find your local mall ninja way too relatable

[@JudithOpdebeeck]

17:09: now THATs what we call ending them rightly!

[@threedosichi1112]

A good mall ninja weapon or just ridiculous weapons in general; literally ANYTHING from the "You Draw It, I Buy It" series from the ADHD's World KZbin Channel ran by Marcus Jones. I shall give you this one, single example, "Sword Whip"

[@BeerGrunt]

I used to LOVE going and buying/displaying these really impractical "mall weapons". Please do more of these!

[@thecarguy7673]

Seems like a solid theory with the axe though, have some huge, giant extravagant... thing, distracting your opponent, then just eviscerate them with some tiny karambit 😂

[@mattdowds8505]

0:48 A maul is a heavy, two-handed, blunt-ended war hammer.

[@blu-birb]

Yo, look up a picture of the Yu-Gi-Oh card, "Axe Of Fools" Normally I'd say, "you can't make this up" but dice monsters is all made up so.. Idk, I'm conflicted now.

[@ihcterra4625]

I'd guess the thing they called a punch dagger was actually more of a buckler.

[@anthrosaurian]

6:00 I mean, if the goal was to either "intimidate a potential attacker" or to "inflict pain" without actually maiming the target, i imagine this sword might be somewhat useful.. 🤷‍♂️

[@tekugun8918]

That’s what happen around London gangs would but black market knives and swords like these for intimidation

[@argiedude3762]

Have not watched the video yet but I can already tell by the thumbnail that it is a miracle no one got injured

[@smilly456]

Imagine breaking into a guys house and out of the darkness comes the blade from the punching thing right into your buddies neck

[@nickstein3129]

I feel like I could make real weapons out of most of these with my welder and some scrap metal.

[@TJMartinek]

Sam Goody was a music and entertainment retailer in the United States and United Kingdom, operated by The Musicland Group, Inc. It was purchased by Best Buy in 2000, sold to Sun Capital Partners in 2003, and filed for bankruptcy in 2006, closing most of its stores. The remaining stores were purchased by Trans World Entertainment, which also runs FYE, Saturday Matinee, and Suncoast Motion Picture Company.

[@superme63]

16:23 discount Chase from Wish is hiding behind the blackboard simultaneously impressed, terrified, and turned on. 🤣

[@MadKingIII]

I always thought a Karambit was for cutting tendons and arteries, so surely a serrated one would just be worse?

[@stillenacht8518]

All knives are for cutting tendons and arteries. Unless you sever the spine or stick it in their head, stopping an attacker with a knife means killing their mobility (tendons) or causing enough bleeding to lower the bloodpressure enough for them to pass out. You need to know where those structures are, how to attack them, and be able to defend yourself from their attacks long enough for it to have the desired effect. Otherwise you are just hoping to be lucky.

[@koutetsushimobe]

They made traditional weapons really simple and no-nonsense for a reason!

[@ElPhezo]

Clamoring for a sequel to this episode.

[@agiammarco94]

I don’t have any mall ninja weapons, but it’d be fun to do convention ninja weapons (legit every convention I’ve been too has a few weapons booths, a lot of props or practice or not metal, but some are)

[@thisaccountisntreal107]

A lot of the convention booth guys get their cheap weapons from the same people that sell these to the mall knife shops I used to know a guy at a local flea market He sold ugly useless wall hangers like this on top of his table But under the table is where he kept his "spy equipment" he would sell if you asked He had radar detectors and jammers Hidden cameras Some of those tools for rolling letters up inside the envelope

[@AbyssalPlague]

I actually have the Alien Axe. It was a gift, and I thought it just looked cool. A wall hanger, sure, but it _is_ cool looking!

[@syphonexp4695]

The punch dagger has a deeper meaning of how people are trying to mask how little they know about weapons by having this stuff

[@safferstihl5502]

Okay so the axe with the little knife in the back When I was 18, I got drunk and tried to cut down a tree with it, the handle shattered and the knife on the bottom flung straight up and severed my radial artery. In less than 5 minutes I was so badly soaked in my own blood that I was having trouble getting my clothes off.

[@stephenballard3759]

The real problem with that first notched danger thing, is that all you've done is give it places to break.

[@nathanksimpson]

Michael Fasbender's stunt double tells us what weapons we should buy from the mall.

[@IPostSwords]

Regarding the "It is thin like I would expect a rapier to be", this is propagating a particularly common myth. Historical rapiers tended towards having relatively thick, stiff blades. Antiques often have ricassos as thick as 8 to 12mm, tapering down to 3 or 4mm near the tip. They were a dedicated thrusting weapon and thus should be stiff, not thin and flexy.

[@1stCallipostle]

They're pretty thin in the sense that they aren't WIDE Now they're pretty dense and round So you do end up with the same relative mass (hence why it being "light" is a sham)

[@IPostSwords]

@@1stCallipostle It's a case of Narrow/Wide and Thin/Thick being used interchangably. Rapiers tend towards being narrow but thick, but the modern replicas are usually both narrow and thin, which is wrong.

[@1stCallipostle]

@@IPostSwords Usually is a strong word for these things in general With how prevalent "sword like objects" are at this point I'm down to just Discount those from the equation But yes thickness can refer to all three axes of an object's metrics, and thus can get pretty confusing

[@rajgill7576]

A lot of these are so extra dangerous. The hand punch dagger thing had sharp bits facing back towards the user, so if it rotates back at all while throwing a punch, it cuts your arm. Same with that tomahawk, some palm slicers at the bottom if your grip slips as well as a back facing knife to stab yourself in the shoulder lol

[@poodlemeister22314]

Eli's expression throughout the throwing segment is GOLD

[@warezz1743]

The axe exploding couldn't have been funnier!

[@user-bm1zk9qj6p]

I find it funny that the kid didn't know what a mall was, and yet looked like he came straight out of one

[@Phil-S8]

Anthony sticking the karambit was pretty dope

[@AngryVideoGameGhiaccio]

Call me by my true name "NightBane" -Average mall ninja

[@RetroMonkey1999]

I'm getting heavy "I love Gil Hibben and Kit Rae knives but I'm broke so I made these myself in my basement" vibes from these

[@anthonycrumb5753]

Great video on these "weapons" what I feel is needed is proper Mall Ninja Museum so these wonders are not lost to time so people can not only see these weapons but we can find out who designed them & why and where & how they are made.

[@jamesburk8145]

I hate to admit that me and my best friend bought entirely too much mall ninja crap in the mid and late 2000s. But it all ended up pretty much exactly like this video, we played with them throwing them at trees and shit and they inevitably broke because they were cheap garbage. Still had fun, it isn't like we carried them around or thought we were cool for having them, I just wanted legolas's dual swords and altair's fighting dagger.

[@Guppzor]

Jason: How many weapons would you say that you're better than me at? Anthony: -Just a couple.- All of them??

[@RaidenGen]

Nah, Jason is a better projectile-nunchuck user.

[@maggiepie8810]

The first blade is quite useful if you're fighting a horde of giant croissants.

[@cameronschmit6472]

Lol Anthony is also dressed a bit like a mall ninja. Is there a flood a-comin’ or what? Lol

[@williamturner6192]

"Does it light up?" Fair question.

[@straightjacket308]

Actually just saw Shadaversity do a review on Mall Ninja Weapons, and it was the funniest thing I ever saw. Now I've got this recommended to me? KZbin algorithm is actually working today!

[@josiahbuchmann3078]

Lord Night Plague is my spirit animal