That Moment You Stop Apologizing

We all have a unique story to tell, but some themes are universal. That Moment.... you realize your parents are only human. That Moment... you know your relationship needs to end. We talked with individuals who each have a story to tell about "that moment..."
Don’t ever be afraid of getting emotional. Our humanity lies within our understanding of our emotions. When Joe’s mother was diagnosed with cancer, was overwhelmed by a flurry of thoughts and feelings. Joe questions why anyone would ever want to repress the very thing that makes us feel so alive.
Featuring Joe Hernandez-Kolski @pochojoe
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[@KevinGarciaWasTaken]

My father died on Friday from stage 4 pancreatic cancer. This was so good for me to see right before I got on the plane to head to the funeral. Thank you.

[@thegirlboss]

Kevin Garcia I'm sorry for your loss...

[@thegirlboss]

Those that we love never truly leave us. There are things that death cannot touch. Paint . . . and memory . . . and love. ~Albus Dumbledore~

[@lilith1508]

My mum died from pancreatis cancer as well. I feel you.

[@Participant]

We're so sorry to hear this. We hope the funeral is filled with love and remembering good memories of your father.

[@sweetboo1022]

Kevin... I wish that your time with family and loved ones is as meaningful as possible. My heart is with you. I am so very sorry for your loss.

[@mahdy77m]

I didn’t know that phone screens could cause your eyes to tear

[@chibaby0306]

I will never apologize for being emotional again. Thank you so much

[@MakeupLover0919]

Oh god, this hurts.

[@darkkiss7247]

What a wonderful video. I never understood why we feel we have to apologize for our emotions. Thank you for letting us know that it's ok to show our feelings to others. Loved this vid.

[@ya__basic]

Saying goodbye to your dying parent is the hardest thing! I hope we all get to be with our loved ones - forever!

[@R_S_R_]

Staying all life with loved ones is the thing that we all hope..! But when it comes to value the time, till we can be together..Do we ever value...? Then ultimately, we regret valuing fake people, things and momentary pleasures and not the people that truely loved and cared for us.

[@CliffLewis28]

Thankyou so much! This is probably the most meaningful message I have personally received via electronic mediums. I feel for your loss. I am blessed to have my Mother still with me. She is in remission. We cherish every moment we have together. I still can't, for the life of me, fathom out why we apologize for our emotions, but it is an automatic response that will be hard to avoid. I love your channel btw! ❤️

[@chasingarches8693]

“You can go now.” - Wow. This line was so powerful. I can totally relate to having a moment that changes how you hold your emotions. I went through an excruciatingly difficult time when I was about 15, and after that I became a lot more emotional. I cried at movies whereas before I didn’t understand why people did. It was a real shift, and it’s a blessing and a curse at the same time.

[@anithanagarajan2918]

Thank you. I will not be scared to be emotional again.

[@fredaluke4514]

My goodness. This touched my heart in a way that I can't explain. His story is my own. My mouth was telling my Mom that it was ok to go, but my heart was secretly begging her to stay. Hardest time of my life I am so sorry for your loss and I am so grateful for this video

[@a697ag]

Twenty years ago I signed a DNR for my Mom, crawled into her hospital bed with her and held her when she took her last breath. All that time has passed and I feel like I'm still not ready to not have her with me and I mourn unapologetically

[@IK-fg4gw]

Your gonna be a great husband to your wife and an amazing dad😊👍

[@natnatwithafatkat]

you never really move on from this kind of pain, you just learn to live with it. Losing someone you can't replace is one of the hardest things in life..

[@lovemecom3832]

I really felt his suffering when his mom passed away. One of most painful events that would ever happen to a child’s life is to lose the people who gave him/her life. I find this a heartwarming video of a son who misses his mom so much. I just hope he would be healed with the pain inside.

[@freshsquad2798]

I'm not a very emotional person but this teared me up🤕😔

[@lizzie2103]

I'm so sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing.

[@Sam-rw4nx]

This was beautiful. I’m currently missing a guy I have feelings for because I shut him out of my life. He always wanted me to apologize for my emotions, rather than his actions that have caused me to be emotional... I would with open arms and a full heart accept his apology if he ever truly realized my emotions were important and not an “overreaction”. Besides the point, I love what you said at the beginning, how being emotional means you are attached/care about it, story was lovely too, I just thank you for this!

[@truthistheonlywaytruthisth6387]

Never apologize for being who you are.A sensible man is very beautiful.Be yourself.

[@caroltassin4049]

That is the same thing I said to My Mother, my Father, My Husband,many friends,just so sad, but very necessary ! Every time I hang up the phone I always say I Love you as I hang up, because you never know.

[@ATTACKOFTHEBENZ]

who else is crying?

[@lizmosso]

🙋🏻‍♀️🙍🏻‍♀️

[@tangleshootburrfoot36]

Yep.

[@A98712]

Damn these stories, so real and always remind me to love and appreciate life. Thank you soulpancake.

[@airsoftandy9285]

I wasn't close with my mom but she died three years ago and after her passing from cancer during the COVID lockdown... I think about how many times her advice helped and the supportive times where she was there for me... She meant alot.

[@GIguy]

I totally agree, it’s such an old stereotype that we have to get rid of. Everybody cries, if they don’t then they’re not human, crying is as much a part of life is laughing, and it’s definitely nothing to be embarrassed or to apologize for. I learned that when I was a very young man. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at 20 years old, and I was 21 my colon ruptured, and I was clinically dead for two minutes, they open me up, got my heart beating, and found cancer growing on the outside of my colon that we had no idea it was even there. From that point until now that I’m 50 years old I’ve had 37 operations, and in total have only about 4% of my entire G.I. tract left. I can’t even begin to describe the mental torture I went through, Then quickly learned that crying is a wonderful thing, and nothing to be ashamed of. For the first few months I held it all inside, but at one point I simply could not carry it anymore, and after I had my first meltdown, I noticed how much better I felt after crying for a few hours. Although I’m still fighting through all these surgeries, as I still need more, and despite having a psychiatrist, and being on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, I find that there’s nothing more affective than forcing myself to cry at least once a week. I literally put on the saddest movie I can find, or just concentrate on something horribly depressing, like all the times I sat in the hospital crying myself to sleep every night because I had no more help. I’ll burst into tears, but wait until everyone in the house is asleep, they already know the whole situation, but I don’t need to burden them further with it, so I just cry alone at night, and every single time, I have the best sleep ever, because I let it all out, all the hurts, all the anguish and pain, all the despair and misery and hopelessness, and I go right back to being my normal childish immature sexually depraved self! I never apologize for my tears, I’ve earned them, more than anyone will ever know, if anything I am proud that I’m still able to cry, because it means I’m still alive, despite the three times the doctors told me I should’ve been dead! So guys, cry all you want to, and be proud! Don’t you dare apologize or feel ashamed for being human!

[@sirenlucy932]

I feel the same way. Many times someone gets emotional they start to apologize, and I‘m like: Please stop apologizing There’s nothing to be sorry about! It‘s fine to get emotional every once in a while It just shows that you’re human and not made of Stone We are meant to feel our emotions and not hide them all the time So please stop apologizing and just feel 😊💋😘

[@lia-ip3rm]

heart goes out to you and others who have experienced similar or worse things

[@geekfreak0416]

i have both my parents with me, but man... kudos to this man in the video, i still dont know if i'll ever be able to let one of them go and moving foward from that...

[@taopaille-paille4992]

that happens to a lot of people. I had schizophrenia and my mom died from cancer. pancreatic one. you have to move forward, that's life. I managed to do great things in my life despite those two difficult things to deal with

[@R.kizito]

Rip to ur mom but what a beautiful story u shared u made me cry but u made me smile as well

[@jelvehspence8801]

Exact words I said to my mother before she passed away from breast cancer. Thank you so much for sharing this.

[@alihs336]

I lost my father some years ago at a young age. I often think about him and his loss still hurts me. The memories are all he has left behind.

[@tangleshootburrfoot36]

You just blew me apart, and I won't apologize. Be blessed always.

[@tiannafrancis9575]

you know what’s crazy! girls apologize for everything. granted i’m a girl and i do the same thing. if a pencil drops, “i’m sorry” i’m running past you, “i’m sorry” it’s so weird i was watching other girls and THEY DO THE SAME THING!!!!! WHY?!? i’m sorry about your lost

[@sofreshsoclean08]

I agree. It's a frustrating part of our society that women are taught that they're always the one who's wrong, even when the dude bumps directly into you. ;-)

[@allycookie2009]

I'm a girl and I don't apologize for everything like that, in fact, I've known way more men that over excessively apologize than women.

[@erniepianezza8940]

Absolutely BEAUTIFUL!! THANK YOU! My dad had a major brainstem stroke and it was over in one day. When they removed the breathing tube i closed his eyes, kissed him on the forehead and told him I loved him and to go home..... Im glad i had that last monent with him. Thank you for sharing your story, i was a Cancer Nurse for 10 and a half years! I saw ALOT!! You're a really wonderful man.......... 😀💜💙💛🎈🌈

[@tinaarabia825]

I am sorry for your for what you been through, your amazing son and your mom is watching over you from heaven

[@jengum2803]

I’m 14, my dad got stage 4 cancer in his right kidney... 5 months ago. I prayed and prayed every night I was already getting picked on at school, my boyfriend left me, my best friends left me bc they didn’t wanna get bullied, then my best friend from L.A died in a car accident so I’m dealing with all of this. I just kept praying “I just want to keep my dad” and his cancer was 10.6 centimeters ..... and it shrunk to 6.4cm The hospital could not explain it and I’m so happy my dad is still with me.

[@nomadladygirl]

Thank you Joe, I've seen you perform spoken word, always an amazingly authentic performer, but this one was raw, and tender and touched me so deep and personally as I too lost my mother, my cheerleader, my best friend, 5 years ago to Cancer, watched her take her last breath, and whispered that it was ok to go. Your experience was so familiar, so eloquently spoken, I cried with you and will probably continue to cry for the rest of my life, somewhere inside, for my missing cheerleader. Thank you Joe. Sending you love and light.

[@pochojoe]

jade turgel JADE!!! I’m just seeing this! ❤️

[@rebekahy.3425]

I'm crying right now... And I am not sorry (About me crying, I sorry about his and everybody's lost)

[@darksky1933]

Why do I keep watching things that I know will make me cry 😢

[@wolfshauch7302]

I had to experience exactly the same and I can't express how much I relate to the truth in this

[@school_pizza]

You have furrowed my brow, sir. I lost my brother to cancer it sucks, but these things only make you stronger

[@sweetboo1022]

What a truly beautiful story. I have held hands with 2 grandparents as they passed and that time will be in my heart forever. It is both a sad and awesome experience. Luckily, they both were not in pain. I am so glad this amazing man was able to share this story. I honestly love when I see a man who can share their pain and their true feelings with the world. It isn't something anyone (including boys/men) should ever have to hide away. I have some family members who think I'm too emotional, I am just fine. I have emotions and I don't bottle them inside.

[@elsainfante6067]

It’s okay to cry I need to learn that. I get shamed for it all the time. I know now that it is okay

[@Coralcrue]

This feels more real than anything I have heard in the longest time. Thank you @pochojoe

[@LeaskleineWelt92]

I am so very heartbroken for you dear. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for feeling the strength to share this and you have to be very strong to be so open about your emotions

[@conorkavanagh1427]

Just wow that was so real! 😊❤️ I felt his emotions I teared up myself 😭❤️

[@nomthandazombokazi8222]

I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR MOM, THANK YOU FOR SHARING.

[@JesseandKyle]

This is so meaningful! You're totally right though, because being emotional and showing those emotions just means you're capable of feeling real things and besides, if you bottle them up then you hardly ever deal with the things you need to. Cry, let it all out and it'll be so much better for you're healing, whatever it may be!

[@raquelmalone1614]

Yeees!!! That’s the best description I’ve heard....”your emotions live just beneath the surface”😭. Since my mother’s passing three days before my birthday, October 16th 2017, I can relate😢

[@Panda-wh7ru]

Im not crying, your crying.

[@jujubees]

*you're

[@mun1252]

Skadoodle

[@inthezonenews]

Such a precious soul

[@landerlaurits]

what a great mom

[@miahleissa9599]

Thank you. I know this feeling. Maybe we all do or will at some time. Thank you for reminding us that we have the most important things in common, and they are the common denominator in this lifetime. (hug)

[@lindaperez7759]

You made me cry mijo. I love you!

[@satnitcboy]

A valuable message, well told. Thank you.

[@elizabethharttley4073]

This I said goodbye to my terminally ill mother when i was 15 yo. It is okay it is hard you reset your life. And every single life loss thereafter is another goodbye and another reset.

[@lolass5240]

It' s the best you can do for yourself, no matter what people think. To many people keep their emotions hidden and when emotion comes up they feel like spliting teared apart. Sooner or later, all of us will accept that letting out the feeling inside, will be the only way

[@mohamedordoni163]

that was very emotional and so true thanks for sharing

[@gursimransandhu2417]

The world needs to see it !

[@gigixxx1836]

Good mothers bring good sons. Good sons respect their mothers. Your mother would be proud.

[@anneb.959]

This story made my cry.

[@Airmaxx02]

I cried

[@Participant]

😥

[@nathanblue]

Emotion is the window to ones soul. There's so much you can learn from a person who's not afraid of being emotional rather than someone who's usually apathetic. It's extremely sad that we live in a world where people view those who show emotions as weak. Instead of encouraging others to reach out when they're going through pain and sorrow, we're advising them to not show emotion because we see it as a sign of weakness. People are so hypocritical because when the person decides to end his suffering, that's when they act like they care. If you have emotional people in your lives, celebrate them because you know you have people who will truly care about you and your feelings.

[@lunamistic2353]

This is really touching. My respect for him!

[@juliejones8808]

So beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing.

[@1997jankuschef]

Great stuff. My dad's going downhill after 4 years fighting prostate mets bone and I've definitely become more in tune with and accepting of my emotions during the last 6 months.

[@angelinaf4608]

I've said this words to my grand-father so I admire you and I'm thankful for you to be cheering that.. We shouldn't be afraid or hide our feelings. It's what makes us humans and helps us to connect to others

[@MyHappylicious]

This was so beautiful. Esp for me who cries at the drop of a hat and who is made to feel embarrassed about the fact that I am tooo emotional time n again. This was much needed. Thank you again for sharing your beautiful story. I feel for you. You take good care of urself sweetheart

[@RelatablewithStephanieMichele]

Amen Brother!!

[@jessicaromine3046]

thank you for sharing very nice to hear someone so genuine express their feelings in a meaningful and powerful way

[@hidayahjamal145]

It really touch my feelings. Stay strong

[@whyme3487]

Thank you Soul Pancake, I needed this!

[@Hauenstein0825]

Thank you for sharing this part of your story.

[@Ashleymack.123]

My mum has carcinoid cancer the doctor can't find where the tumour is but they say it'll be fine cause it's slow spreading . Everyday l just try not think about , sorry for your loss and thank you for this video.

[@markie10ful]

Thank you

[@sherahm.inspires9969]

U r so real. Clouds of blessings

[@daniellee.e_x]

I haven't experienced a death of a person before but I have experienced near death and I've told my sister countable times that if she needs to, it's okay to let go and whenever I hear someone say that I can't keep.anything down because even though we.fight, we have an amazing bond and I wouldn't want.to miss her at any time and for a 12 year old to have to say to her sister that it's okay to pass away is a lot to take.

[@Chaptersaudio]

Oh how I can related to this, it resonates with me deeply. I too was raised by a parent (father) that constantly told me how special I was. I too was a serious kid who was a deep thinker. I too was class president and started multicultural groups to show people we are more alike than different. I too lost my parent to cancer. And I too constantly live with my emotions just under the surface. I speak my truth often and feel misunderstood often. But I take pride in knowing (most of the time) when I speak, it is authentic.

[@Chaptersaudio]

@SARA that breaks my heart. I have many people in my life that can't relate to my childhood, I get that. If I could have cloned my dad I would have. He was as close to perfection as he could be. Even his flaws were to be respected and admired.

[@pochojoe]

Belinda, I’m so happy that this resonated so deeply for you!

[@crystalczarniak3083]

Thank you for sharing you are brave and awesome.

[@hectorabcdefg9076]

Ur freaken awsome muchacho. I think u touched many ppl

[@PerspectiveEngineer]

Thanks for sharing Joe.

[@QurVgn]

Wow. You are a beautiful being.

[@abhishekbolke650]

every son in world is close to his mom😢

[@vangelicest4183]

Abhishek Bolke wish i could agree but that's just plain ignorance.

[@abhishekbolke650]

Vangelicest why???🤔🤔

[@mzhickz78]

Wow!!! This was deep. Thank you

[@dganita5701]

I understand you. You are love

[@sophiesmurph]

I don't cry, I too know death. Hopefully I feel again one day

[@VishruthaPurushothama]

This is just beautiful ♥️

[@RayreeBaby]

The ending was so sad but i love this video it's powerful!

[@MeAVE243]

Beautiful.

[@LeNu2001]

This was wonderful, thanks!

[@isabellhansen2864]

This is absolutely beautiful

[@crs1221]

Wow that was so touching!!

[@caitlinisacutie]

im balling right now. my dad smokes cigarettes and I'm so scared he'll get cancer one day and ill have to go through this and it hurts so bad

[@miznikki2u]

God Bless You

[@sobiapronounce5377]

Thank you. X

[@gillimoonofficial]

Beautiful Joe

[@mnahshal8883]

Sorry for your loss 😿😿😿

[@taylormali9276]

Well done. Such a great message. I take a slightly more opportunistic view as a teacher of spoken word ("If you are performing a poem, and you feel yourself start to cry . . . power through it. Don't apologize for the VERY THING that gives your message power!"), but it's essentially the same lesson. Also, I had to write a poem telling my mother she was free to go because I missed being able to tell her in person.

[@pochojoe]

Taylor Mali dude, how ya been? You’ve been on my mind lately. Now that upspeak has become so common I always think about your def poetry performance! I hope you’re well!

[@lilcease21]

This is awesome!

[@sfpinolera]

Thank you...

[@jewelbowers2607]

thirty seconds in and I started crying... 😂😂

[@luckysuzful]

Love this.