MBMBaM - Stealing

[@FairySaddles]

I love Griffin's attitude. "I wouldn't shoplift from a cop store!"

[@quentinrainwater2867]

Reported

[@taketheriddlepill4975]

Quentin Rainwater Don’t be a pissy baby, tell the person why you reported them you butthurt bitch.

[@N3rv3d4m4g3]

I understand why they have a legal disclaimer now

[@cheppe6493]

"your not my dad! LATTTEEEERRRR!"

[@hugenerd242]

can't talk gotta steal

[@haalfnhaalf]

huge nerd.

[@loganplourde886]

and even bigger thief

[@Xxx_EvilSmurf_xxX]

Griffin is part of shoplifting tumblr

[@FruitRat]

'Just pick up a thing and walk out.' -Travis McElroy, loss prevention

[@STaylored]

Possibly my favorite bit. I love it when Griffin gets indignant .

[@justintierno]

LAAAAATERRRRRRRR

[@Mr_Norbs]

My favorite part is Griffin equating shoplifting and farting in yoga class, then immediately pivoting because he doesn't know how to explain that

[@winkie3331]

Griffin [about stealing a handful of Mike n Ikes]: If you think I would go that small- I mean I will go that small. I'll go small to big, I'm not paying for shIIIiiit anymooore

[@froguini]

"Hey! You can't do that, I'm calling the real cops!" "OKAY THEY'LL BE HERE IN LIKE 20 MINUTES, LAAAAATEEEEEEEERRRR" --m e--

[@troyna77]

but they have you on video now.

[@chiaraj6376]

“griffin are you implying all of capitalism is a smokescreen that we just do because we think we have to do it” e x a c t l y??

[@PrinceoftheLions]

God me

[@fletchermoore5428]

@Julie Kavanagh If you think communism is a good idea you either have a degree of historical ignorance that is somewhat of a miracle, or you're evil.

[@latrodectahespara2728]

@Thatguy WhoDoesThings [Makes Jerk Off Motion]

[@latrodectahespara2728]

@Thatguy WhoDoesThings [Get A Load Of This Guy Cam]

[@raccoon5851]

​@Thatguy WhoDoesThings I recommend you check out some of the work of Slavoj Zizek, Rosa Luxemburg, or Alexander Anievas (his book "How the West Came to Rule" is great). I'm not a huge proponent of communism or marxism myself but trust me when I say that "aestheticization of communism online" is very different than the genuine ideas of modern communism and of modern marxist thinkers. Also, obvs communism hasn't worked in the past, you aren't saying anything introspective, its very difficult to deny that (Most communists would instead argue that communism fell due to the political system it was installed under, rather than the economic system itself). Be wary that the talking point of "it's never worked before" is very much an alt right dog whistle that closes off further discussion with leftists who would otherwise genuinely want to talk or debate with you. Instead of falling back on these ideas (that communism is just a meme or a leftist trend), I encourage you to do some research on what you might actually be defending. anyway thx for reading hava nice day :p

[@user-fp4wv4dr6s]

The first time i heard this bit i was strolling the vast halls of Costco

[@manjushaml2265]

durgamsantosh

[@SeanMusicFreak]

Griffin's logic: Stealing - not a crime Tackling a thief - a crime

[@moniker4833]

his argument isn't that stealing isnt illegal, but that theres nothing a store can do to stop him

[@RawrMeansIDontLoveU]

Adding to Moniker's reply: because a company worker assaulting someone is a nightmare for that company. A lawsuit would cost monumentally more than whatever they're stealing. Not only that, but I think we can all agree that physical harm is always worse than stealing.

[@alfalfa_art]

a store in my college town literally did that and they got a massive influx of business from all the racists in our surrounding area who were like "no it's good that the owner's son assaulted three innocent black kids"

[@Kryptnyt]

There's a certain threshold where a citizen's arrest is acceptable but it usually involves someone potentially in danger

[@krenee8640]

That is true tho

[@ProgressiveBoink]

Griffin's attitude this whole goof is absolutely hilarious.

[@HnabniC]

so like travis=superego justin=ego griffin=id

[@RollerbladeCat]

can you explain this to me? Like I know what those are but how are the bros each

[@lilyhope432]

This was a year ago but I want to know too

[@dearratboy6326]

@@RollerbladeCat Griffin is the impulsive id, telling everyone that capitalism is a smokescreen and encouraging something traditionally frowned upon. travis, the superego, is just like how he was in L.P., trying to discourgae the actions of Griffin (ID). The ego is almost a neutral party, as Justin tries to explain what Griffin means to Travis but doesn't offer an opinion.

[@RollerbladeCat]

@@dearratboy6326 you're a saint among men, thank you so much

[@tylerjohnson2948]

I love how they have an entire bit about how no one just takes stuff and walks out but I...totally do that. I used to be a heavy kleptomaniac and the amount of times I've just tossed clothes over my shoulder and walked out of stores as if nothing was out of the ordinary? Too many times to count.

[@krenee8640]

You’re 100% right. I hope you’re still doing this to this day 💜

[@spaztron5000]

Good for you! 👏🏻

[@tailsfox45]

According to Travis, I act exactly like a shoplifter in every single way. I have never shoplifted in my entire life but I developed these tendencies because I was deathly afraid of being accused of shoplifting.

[@RollerbladeCat]

dude same

[@yurtcobain3337]

yeah me too but that's just bc im autistic

[@snoixalicious]

@@yurtcobain3337 SAME i shuffle around the target like an old timey western villain rubbing his scheming hands together but im really just thinking about how bad i want to get home and eat my cheese and crackers

[@velkettin]

the comrades mcelroy.......

[@velkettin]

illegalism

[@Khandrake]

oh my god, i lost it at "you're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do"

[@jasonfifi]

I was in loss prevention for years. we couldn't stop anyone, but I had an off duty cop sit with me in my camera mixing room and he could go out and stop someone if I caught them on camera.

[@InfiniteRhombus]

haha yeah when i worked retail we had "officer rodriguez" except he was made up, people would get caught and then someone would "officer rodriguez to the front of the store please" but eventually i think people figured it out, oh well, tbh i dont think any of us really gave a shit if someone stole, it was kinda just like a dont ask dont tell type of thing

[@GummyDinosaursify]

At my store, we simply took the security footage of them stealing plus the licence plate number and sent the police to their house.

[@troyna77]

but then he had to know exactly where that item is on your person. then when detained for police to arrive, they would search you. if were found to have the item, you would be arrested. BUT if you could slip and drop item THEN they would not. so if more people "faked" theft and then used up your time in the theft prevention "center" your job would be a waste of time and money. mega corporations overcharge for things and try to maximize profits because thats their way of stealing from you.

[@Brainstrain]

Walmart DID stop funding that greeters

[@toriymoi6082]

Brainstrain that was corporate mandated cutbacks bc of low stocks and competition with Amazon thx bye

[@crisvl1]

I love how Griffin is lowkey annoyed lmao

[@ProfUltima]

Griffin. What a nasty crimeboy!

[@bulletbelt97]

"hey, you can't do that. I work for Walmart. you have to pay for it!"

[@elderscrolls69420]

This is the episode Taako was born...

[@emobirch4559]

Justin taking notes

[@molybdenumrose]

this beautiful anarchist left-libertarian griff

[@DanielAvelan]

Look at this beautiful egoist boi!

[@notworthyourtime9799]

When I worked customer service at Blockbuster, some dudes totally Supermarket Swept the video game section of the store with a garbage bag. Too bad for them most of the game discs were scratched to shit, and unplayable.

[@jenniferrichards9597]

So where I work, one of the first things we were told during our first day was if you see someone stealing something, do nothing. There is nothing you can do. However, I have witnessed a woman attempt to shoplift from us before, and our supervisor caught her and told her to put it back or we'd call the police. She didn't, and left, and we called the police. We gave them a full description of the individual. There have been several other incidents at our place of work like this, and a few times the individual has been found outside of our shop and charged with theft. An employee cannot physically stop them, but we can call the police and can and have been able to track them down and have them charged. So on some level there is something we can do, if someone picks something up and tries to leave we can stop them and say "hey, put that back or the police will be involved", most often that's enough to deter someone from carrying out the theft, if it isn't, we know what they look like, the police can respond and take it from there.

[@rib_rob_personal]

And if they’re there with a car there’s a good chance you can get the tag if the lot has security cameras.

[@funnyhomunculus3353]

mmmhhnnnggggg can't t alk got ta *Steal*

[@Everetses]

Travis is a snitch/cop pass it on

[@jack_4629]

Griffin Mcelroy has discovered stirnerist egoism. God help us all.

[@beanfootage]

Not stealing is a spook, LAAAATERRRR

[@emephante]

As an ex-Target employee, all I can think of are the screams and shouts of protests I heard from the side room where they detained shoplifters and etc. My old Target does not mess around. It was kinda scary.

[@snoixalicious]

w h a t, bud you worked at target in the shadow realm

[@dirtgirl6227]

My friend in HS filled up a cart with food at Walmart and then just walked out w it. Loved her for that

[@bazylcarroll5123]

what ever's not nailed down man

[@GranWuuf]

Bazyl Carroll And then, with the hammer you stole, the stuff you nailed down after.

[@robinsparrow1618]

covert bartering

[@gioh1293]

I miss this time in the internet 💞

[@secrettwitter1220]

i've been on both griffin and travis' side of this. helped have one person arrested when i worked in walmart. they were taking items and had access to the return item stickers and put the stickers on and returned the items without receipt bc walmart does that, or did back then. years later, i had a full cart of groceries and such and was at self checkout and an item didn't have a upc and they said i had to go get another item myself so i did. when i got back, my transaction was suspended and the cashier came over and completely canceled it and told me to start over so i told her that she could ring it all up and she said she would and walked away so i said LAAATTTEERRRRRR.

[@Ninjaslikelamas]

I feel like this explains some of the role play choices in TAZ and makes others very strange. :)

[@sentient8653]

I always knew Travis was a narc

[@battyrae1398]

☭ My Comrade, My Comrade, and Me ☭

[@TheaMaggard]

this bit is a lot funnier if you don't know that people do in fact get killed shoplifting a lot, either by cops or complications from getting tased by overzealous security guards or by bystanders who decide to either choke a human being to death for the crime of stealing a dvd or otherwise shoot them

[@fuckingcatfurry825]

Thea Maggard White people are normally safe though.

[@GummyDinosaursify]

You haven't lived in an area where it's 99% white and someone shoplifts, then.

[@Kryptnyt]

Tbh being the living embodiment of the hammer of justice and crushing the life out of a thief is probably one of the best feelings a person can have

[@Mooedf]

@@Kryptnyt Im sure you're a troll, if not please seek therapy

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

Rae Megami Because assault is better than theft...right?...RIGHT?!

[@jarroddobben]

What a dope sting at the beginning

[@emilys.2230]

"LA 👏 TER 👏"

[@bear4butch]

"its that guy, in the hoodie, who wont make eye contact with anyone" me, who mainly wears hoodies when im out and also hates eye contact: oh shit u caught me

[@EnzoMartos]

Comrade Griffin

[@ahhhfakemonsters]

This is one of my favorite mbmbam goofs

[@brahimperez2419]

trüllbus will not be pleased

[@Eileeleedon]

I’m actually listening this to while being forced to stay at work until midnight because of theft XD And it’s true, we really can’t do anything. If we accidentally hurt the thief, they can sue the company, so it’s like, not worth it.

[@ultimateninjaboi]

Griffins lack of understanding of Shopkeepers Privilege is astounding and hilarious, no matter many years later.

[@Searonix]

This is bar holds none, the funniest conversation that has ever happened on any podcast ever.

[@90geekgirl06]

the end of Graduation now makes so much more sense lol

[@housekey.]

*L A T E R*

[@alonelyleek]

I can't help but hear Jasper whenever I hear Griffin, for obvious reasons but still it's fantastic

[@prestonthebeston1735]

Same lmao

[@very_much]

Comrade Griffin? Comrade Griffin

[@MrKhaosKid]

loss prevention at any retail store is the most pathetic thing I ever learned when I started working in retail. me: "Do i have to chase someone who's stealing" boss: "Oh you're actually not allowed to chase them. That'll cause a lawsuit" me: "What do I do at this job then?" boss: "You basically verbally guilt them out of stealing without saying 'you're stealing' and call security"

[@shysenpai3032]

As a Walmart security guard this kills me inside...

[@v.v365]

When I was a kid I knew the barcode is what made the alarm go off, so occasionally I would take tiny toys and trading cards that I just wanted for no reason, I took them out of their packages where a camera couldn’t see what my hands were doing, and I’d put the toy in my pocket or bag or clothes and then walk out. I did this so many times, at so many stores.

[@aplant9980]

Buddy... It ain't the barcode. Those are just paper, there's no barcode scanner that can read it through your pocket. The only items that set off the alarm are the ones with those weird little clips that the cashier uses a special device to remove.

[@v.v365]

@@aplant9980 then explain how I never got caught?

[@heddelinpralin1481]

Back when I was depressed I walked around in hoodies and didn’t make eye contact with many people which made several store employees ask if they could check my bag. I didn’t shoplift y’all I was just majorly bummed out 😂

[@swagchelle]

this will forever be my favorite bit

[@maeevans2842]

marx WISHES he had what griffin mcelroy has

[@chondlr5976]

Comrade Griffin < 3

[@sorvian25]

"Are you implying that all of capitalism is just a smokescreen and we only do it because we think we have to..." dang if Travis didn't just accidentally summarize Gyorg Lukacs's idea of reification.

[@CatherineTard]

at sheetz, if someone puts something in their pocket and then walks out of eyesight, you can't do anything about it because you're not sure if they maybe put it down. so if you want to shoplift from sheetz, just grab it and like go to the bathroom, ya good

[@amandarainey2037]

“Covert bartering” 😂

[@stressedpeach7749]

Have y'all ever thought about how you can literally just take candy from a store and eat it in the store or like eat chips in a store ? Like it's not stealing but you're just moving stuff. Or like if you have something that a scanner can scream at you for if you try to steak why not just hold it above those things and then BOOK IT. But in malls (as said from my friend) they can't do shit about theifs not even calls security really, they just have to be like "hey uh..why are you using those pants when you can get these new cool ones!!" And once my friend caught someone trying to burn those plastic tags off clothes that you need a machine to get off. Wild man.

[@kaylagamer6720]

paul blart: mcelroy cop

[@sophovot5079]

hey i always wear hoodies and never make eye contact, that's just a life choice

[@Bton1233]

I used to take full shopping carts out of King soopers to feed my girl fiend

[@AlfieSyd23]

I worked at a department store and our loss prevention was allowed to do whatever they wanted as long as it was on the premisis. And our guy didn't dick around, he apprehended (and sat on) several people

[@LeeaGalaxies]

whatever's not nailed to the floor man.

[@krup05]

10:26 Lol. Texas has Stand Your Ground law. It actually is kinda like Castle Doctrine all the time everywhere. You can always defend your property.

[@UFL3]

krup05 Not sure about Texas’ version, but SYG laws usually only involve the use of force to defend yourself or others from physical harm. That said, the principal you mention is generally right. The reason why stores have policies like the one that Travis is referencing (requiring loss prevention to KNOW for certain that the person has taken an item without paying before physically preventing someone from leaving) is to avoid exposing the company to criminal and civil liability. This is because the act of physically grabbing someone against their will or the act of holding someone their will are, without more, unlawful; they only become lawful if what’s called an “affirmative defense”, such as defense of property, applies. So if the loss prevention employee is relying on a hunch, and that hunch isnt “objectively reasonable,” the affirmative defense goes away, and now the company is exposed to civil and criminal liability. As a result, most companies do the math and come up with a “hands off unless absolutely certain” approach. The costs of defending against a civil petition (even if it’s a close call) or (obviously) criminal charge alleging battery or false imprisonment - even when limited to attorneys fees - are just too high for these companies to have any other policy.

[@okerum]

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE I come from the art and animation side of KZbin, and lemme tell you it’s like x2 as funny with visuals, and this is This is like This is so flipping hilarious

[@alexandraskinner9770]

It's 2019. I work at popular discount retailer. In Loss Prevention. And Trav, buddy, I gotta tell you, that's EXACTLY how people shoplift. They don't give a flying fuck. In the last three weeks alone, we've had two guys come in, spend 2.5 minutes grabbing all of our designer handbags and then smiled and walked out the door with all the alarms going off and gave ZERO fucks, we've had a guy come in, literally take off his pants in the middle of the gdamn store, put on six layers of pants and 7 shirts, grab 8 pairs of shoes and walk out the door, and those are just the major events. And we can't do a single thing. We will lose our jobs if we say 'hey stop, don't steal that thing', we cannot block their exit, we cannot confront them in any way, we can't even ban them from coming back into the store again. We can't even call the cops before calling our District LP Manager. It's awful and disheartening and incredibly infuriating. So, Griffin, you're 100% right about it being that easy, but I wish it wasn't and I def. don't encourage it. ANYWHO. Way to be a debbie downer, huh? It's been a rough month, y'all. ALL that said, this bit is effing hilarious. You boys are great.

[@georgeparkins777]

Definitely before the giant flashing blue pylons were introduced at Walmart

[@eccentricweirdootaku]

wouldn't recommend walking away after you're caught. They're definitely gonna write down your license plate. And never let you in that store again...

[@wendtchr]

Molly Taylor Truly the greatest punishment.

[@Providence83]

Here's the thing about that. STEAL ANOTHER CAAAR! *LATEEEEERRRR*

[@secondbreakfastpip540]

Wow trav....

[@sajoulee]

All I hear is jasper 😂

[@PortalOpps39]

griffin is right tho? like they literally can’t touch you

[@nananderson7259]

This is hall of fame "Travis is 1000% right but gets dunked on regardless" MBMBAM right here

[@reese6001]

They could always see your face and or license plate, call the cops and then the cops could be able to find you but there’s no fun in that

[@thewordywarlock7159]

I mean, same.

[@crow6558]

*comrade griffin*

[@melonmilk1650]

Citizens arrest is a thing. By law you can detain anyone who is breaking the law, when no one of authority can.

[@gloverelaxis]

no it ain't

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

Peachy Prince Oh yeah, let’s fuckin’ rugby tackle some teenager for snatching a dvd.

[@RollerbladeCat]

I'm always terrified of being accused of shoplifting so I always make sure to buy a small thing even when i just went to a store just to get out of the house. Usually I buy a card, like a birthday card or a blank inside because you're going to need one of those eventually haha

[@tylerburney8576]

bunnybrat2 That makes you look even more suspicious haha

[@i_dont_get_out_much2859]

I've tried to steal beer from Safeway and the only thing that kept me from getting a mark on my record was that I didn't fight or run (like I wanted to)

[@TeethHoarderr]

The cop that uses to run dnd would be like kk bye he saw a kid do drugs and just said stop and walked away

[@FightkingSNF]

"You can't physically stop someone from leaving the store"... I hate to break it to you boys, but yes they can.

[@cricket98741]

Griffin rlly said 'fuck captialism'

[@bugmebunny6341]

Happened at my store this morning, guy came in all sketch and stood behind a display making dead eye contact with me and the other ringer as he tried to discreetly shove batteries in his jacket. We had security about to stop him but he bolted out the door... right into two cops who put him up against the window, cuffed him and brought him back in and emptied $50 worth of batteries from his pockets.

[@LemonicStarling]

im in a group for my county, it follows fires, accidents and crime. today the admin shared a post saying "a store employee reports a male subject just said 'im not paying for this' as he walked out with several unpaid items." i guess he was right

[@hl7789]

It funny to hear this whole thing cause I keep thinking back to the one time I was walking into a Walmart a man speedes out on a fucking 10 speed and they just did nothing

[@jasonfifi]

hiding an item on your person is shoplifting in some states.

[@actuallycherub]

target actually has facial recognition and they wont do anything until you take about 2000 dollars worth of items, then they'll press felony theft charges.

[@rib_rob_personal]

I know these guys do comedy but I’m also like... concerned yet amused lol.

[@sassytabasco]

Listening to a man- in real time- realize that society is a cognitive illusion and that you can do anything you want is a treat.

[@Beachedboy]

i was that kid that would stand in a middle of the isle and just eat shit then walk out without my mom knowing

[@libertym5614]

We have a wild jasper

[@justalittleloser2482]

Reminds me of the time when I was seven w/ my mom. Picked up a water bottle that was right before the cash register and just walked out with it in my hands.. No one fuckin batted an eye lmao

[@kennymartin5976]

When I worked at Wal-Mart all the greeters were sweet old people anyway, nice greeters, but couldn't do a thing except report the thefts. Quite frankly, no one ever gave a shit unless it was large anyway. Its so true, we had zero power to stop them, we just reported them afterwards, so maybe it'd go on their record and the store could claim the insurance.