"The 5 Best Questions to Ask a Therapist..." #66

Ask Kati Anything! #66 audience questions:
1. I recently started therapy but I'm not sure what we're really doing. I just spend the time talking about how miserable I am and not much else. I asked her what I should be bringing up in therapy...
2. Hey Kati, how are YOU doing? Do you still see clients for therapy or have you shifted entirely to KZbin? If so, do you plan on returning to clinical work?
3. I've been struggling with overthinking for quite a while now, I have really obsessive intrusive thoughts that are centered around my thought patterns. I have these obsessive thoughts...
4. What does being fully recovered from trauma look like and how do you know if you're there? Can you answer this question for complex trauma too if the answer is any different?
5. How would one start talking about trauma with a new therapist? There’s just this imaginary boundary that I can’t cross and even if I write it down I don’t show them....
6. Why do I always focus on the end of things? I'm getting treatment for anxiety, depression and social anxiety right now and I am already scared of it ending cause I feel like it's helping me a lot...
7. ow do you give yourself closure from feelings of grief? This week I lost my therapist of 18 months. (She resigned from her job.) I don't know if...
8. I've been suffering from a burn-out for four months. Two months ago I suddenly started getting anxiety. I don't leave the house besides for my doctors and psychologist's appointments. Going for a walk, talking to strangers, doing a small errand etc. is way too much stress for me...
9. I struggle to show or express my feelings. I know this arises from childhood conditioning and from how I've learnt to protect myself from the traumas I've experienced over the years as a child, adolescent and adult, including emotional, physical and sexual assault, bereavement, family estrangement and suffering workplace bullying...
10. What do you think are the best 5 questions to ask a therapist before starting treatment with them?
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[@izzizeev2815]

kati we DO want podcasts that are super long! i’d love for you to answer more questions that you see and like!

[@katiesmith5260]

update from question 1 ~ if your interested, I decided to leave that therapist. As lovely as she was as a person, they unfortunately didn't seem too great at their job. I now have a session with a different therapist who seems a lot better and more professional. fingers crossed. thank you so much for your advice, really helped me find the courage to do this.

[@gabbyyak2080]

Good luck! I hope it goes well!

[@tanhuang_nua]

Good luck with your new therapist! ✨

[@katiesmith5260]

@@gabbyyak2080 thank youuuuu. First ones Monday 🙈

[@katiesmith5260]

@@tanhuang_nua thank youuuuu. 💕

[@sunnybuzzard]

Good luck! Keep us posted!

[@Katimorton]

Good morning everyone! :)

[@anniekate76]

Hi Kati! Happy Thursday!

[@mirmirs]

Good morning Kati! Hope you're ok

[@allyn9195]

Love you Kait! You’ve helped me through so much. Have an amazing day!

[@smritisrivastava]

Hey Kati! Good morning! Thank you for changing the background!!!!

[@christym.6529]

What kind of Chapstick is it that you use?

[@sunnybuzzard]

*TIMESTAMPS* *Question 1* (3:47) I recently started therapy but I'm not sure what we're really doing ... *Question 2* (16:05) Hey Kati, how are YOU doing? ... *Question 3* (20:04) I've been struggling with overthinking for quiet a while now, I have really obsessive intrusive thoughts ... *Question 4* (32:46) What does being fully recovered from trauma look like and how do you know if you're there? ... *Question 5* (37:25) How would one start talking about trauma with a new therapist? ... *Question 6* (41:00) Why do I always focus on the end of things? ... *Question 7* (49:15) How do you give yourself closure from feelings of grief? ... *Question 8* (56:15) I've been suffering from burn-out for four months. Two months ago I suddenly started getting anxiety ... *Question 9* (1:04:17) I struggle to show or express my feelings ... *Question 10* (1:10:58) What do you think are the best 5 questions to ask a therapist before starting treatment with them?

[@anniekate76]

Thanks for doing this!

[@sunnybuzzard]

@@anniekate76 no problem! 😊

[@ryannesumbry4130]

Time stamping is an art

[@compassionate.kindhearted.1266]

THANK YOU! 🙏 😊 ☺️

[@sunnybuzzard]

@@compassionate.kindhearted.1266 you're welcome! 😉

[@izzizeev2815]

hahahaha i was going to look through the comments for the timestamps but i’m so early there’s only one other person here!! 💓

[@sarabooen96]

same here ahaha

[@sunnybuzzard]

This actually inspired me to comment the timestamps since I was as early as you and missed not having them 😁

[@deborahanne675]

Dear Kati, loving your talks. Thank you. I’d like to tell you that I have been going to see my therapist for 6 months now. She allows me to ‘just be’ and if that means we sit in silence at times for the whole 50 minutes then that feels ok-it is allowed. So I guess, if there really needs to be a goal- for me it may be to just be allowed to be. ☺️. It’s the most therapeutic approach I have ever experienced. I’ve been in the mh system for 30years and being pressured by ‘workers’ into their idea of how to ‘recover’ has ended up totally closing me down. I’m happy to explain more if interested. PS, I’m sorry you have experienced hate here from some. It’s not ok so I’m sending you some love even if we don’t always agree. 🙏

[@ws4612]

Q9. Expressing feelings. Thank you for answering my question. Feelings wheel homework now set! You explained it so clearly. I hope many others benefit from your advice on this point, too.

[@sunnybuzzard]

Thank you so much for answering my question Kati ❤️ you really helped me a lot and I appreciate everything you do for us!

[@katiesmith5260]

Thank you so much for answering my question! Been feeling pretty rough recently but this definitely helps!

[@shinystones3326]

Thank you so much for the feelings wheel. That is very very helpful for someone that is struggling with emotions and how to express them

[@MrSolonyc]

Kati. So helpful to me, as always. If something you talk about doesn't address my own particular stuff, it is still so helpful. I have been so much better since listening to you explain things. Really matters. So, thank you.

[@lisasnoozy3749]

I actually keep a journal and write the super hard things in it and hand it to my therapist for her to read. I have CPTSD, so things like the vivid flashbacks or things I know I need to say but I'm still to say out loud. I've been with her 13 years but it took me 9 years before I trusted her enough to fully let her in. I had a seriously bad experience with therapy in the past and it was so hard to go again. But she's wonderful fit for me. I'm so grateful because even on my worst days I can still see I'm made alot of progress over the years.

[@carmenwiseman6416]

Thank you for what you do .

[@mollymoon7129]

Well, that’s my treat after an exam is sorted, looking forward to watching this afterwards🙌

[@randombro3013]

Good luck😊

[@diablominero]

I totally go to a regular doctor hoping not to get medicine. Sometimes I'm sick, and I want to know if it's going to get worse without treatment or get better on its own. I always prefer getting better on its own because it means I don't have to remember to take another medicine.

[@greynoise1409]

Yes, Kati is coming from the perspective of a person who has generally known good health. There are plenty of reasons to visit doctors outside of acute illnesses.

[@espectroarcoiris]

Wow I took an assessment with a specialist last month and it turned I have Autism and CPTSD. I felt so guilty to search for a diagnosis but now that I have it I can fully accept that it is real. Thank you Kati for all your videos

[@Mushroom321-]

Congratulations 🎊 to your health information .

[@nataliehilton2661]

Thank you your the best I appreciate you

[@howmanypenises]

Big fan of long podcasts, too. I had to go into work starting this past Monday, and the long podcasts make the day go by faster.

[@lisasnoozy3749]

Good morning Kati!! Happy Thursday,!! ♥️♥️♥️

[@simsalabimdubistweg]

I agree as a patient it would help to have structure/homework or SOMETHING. I spend months in therapy and didn't know where we were going or what we were talking about. It was my first time in therapy so I was open for everything but it was weird just repeating how every week went (very much the same during lockdown) and it actually made me feel like she was just trying to pass time. I'm still glad I went /am going. I finally said what I'd wish for in the future it seems like there is change.

[@raymondezell7817]

Great video.

[@lovelana3595]

Congratulations on the new home!🙂

[@moodymaranda]

Off topic, but I love your shirt, Kati! :)

[@traceygahan5344]

I identified with question 9. I have a long list of traumas. It's hard to separate them out to find one to tackle. They seem intertwined.

[@natalieedelstein]

For the part at 49:37, I'm going to guess the person didn't make a mistake with what was written when saying "because our work wasn't done" but that the rationale that "because" describes about the part that "wasn't done" was more about the word "our", as in, the work between the commenter and that person's original therapist can't be accomplished with a different therapist because it was shared intimately and exclusively between the two of them and it's hard to feel closure on that therapist's departure without 'their' work yet accomplished.

[@pipersecretp3]

I did not make a mistake, you are correct in your interpretation.

[@jessman8597]

Great questions to ask your therapist. They all have different boundaries and standards for escalating to a 5150. What's ok with one therapist can lead to a catastrophe with another. I learned this the hard way.

[@MissingGypsy89]

Watching this 20mins before my therapy apt to pass the time🤗 …will the new trauma book be available on Audible?

[@NovemberMe5213]

Hi Kati, thank you for answering my question attached to Pure Ocd. Sorry it was light on the details, I post at 5am when I should be getting ready for work. AUS.

[@theologytherapist]

Pre-mature therapy termination - oh interesting question! I agree, it sounds like it is more than just therapy termination and more personal - there are more personal connections to this occurrence that need to be understood.

[@ryannesumbry4130]

#1!!! 🎉

[@tuttisinga]

the feelings wheel made me question myself why I don't understand that stressed is a "bad" feeling, took me a while to find "stressed" and was shocked to find it there, sounds dumb but I've never even stopped to think about it.

[@nikkiellery759]

It doesn't sound dumb, we all conceptualize emotions differently. You may have found yourself by chance in an environment that taught you not to clock your stress, not to acknowledge it, may be it worked for you for some time, maybe you didn't even know it was stress. It's excellent you've used it and well done for the self reflection

[@Drummerdudegirl]

I really felt the first question because I have a therapist (I'm not paying for atm, and I can't switch) who just listens. Even though I asked for tools, she's not receptive to it, and it's leaving me hopeless, with just a month of sessions to go I've realised I've wasted my time so all I can do ride out the rest of the sessions and just have to cope on my own

[@whereloveblossoms]

@@mairimka8757 that's Confusing.. How would your therapist know if you have or haven't got reasons for low self-esteem!? If T is only going off the sessions so far but that doesn't cover everything in a person's life.. Perhaps T may have been pushing /testing to see your response to maybe speak up for yourself? Possibly? I would explore whether or not people have to have a reason for low self-esteem or not . some people have Low Esteem due to hormonal changes or System Cycles but may not always know what or why until it being noticed fr diary logs /an insightful professional enquiring about baseline tests.. or Therapists checking all bases..

[@AmethystWoman]

@@mairimka8757 yikes. To ever even perceive that a T thinks anything you feel is not justified and therefore blow it off for discussion, yikes. Now, when I talk to my T about how I think I look, it's clear she doesn't agree with my perception but doesn't tell me I have no right to feel that way. We get into it very deeply and she tries to understand my feelings, where they came from (childhood of course) and how it affects my life. All of that to get to the point of healing that wound, but all these things take a lot of processing.

[@mairimka8757]

@@AmethystWoman yeah, she doesn't tell me that I have no right to feel that way, either. She understands where my issues are coming from and is mostly compassionate about it. But then, she only tells me that she doesn't agree with my view of myself and then that's it. If I bring a topic back up with her the discussion always ends up in that place and we never actually work on the problem. It seems like she thinks that I can reason my way out of having low self-esteem but a therapist of all people should know that it's not that easy, right? I mean, if it really was that easy I never would have had a problem in the first place.

[@AmethystWoman]

@@mairimka8757 I understand. I wish a therapist could fix our stuff by telling us it's not true - or change our poor self perception by telling us her point of view is different. (Self esteem being a good example. You can't let go of deep hidden stuff just because someone wants you to.) Would be nice huh? I didn't mean you didn't have a right to your feelings so much as they should just be gone now I guess that you have had input that refutes your feelings. This would be so much easier. 😁 In my mind that kind of ends up being the same thing as both kind of cut you off. Sounds like a hard place to be. Esp to be time limited and not getting what you need. 💕

[@lizdestefano4905]

Im in burned out mood for Years and years, ive been working 12 to 13hrs work days For years! I also work 2 jobs and i dont want to Nothing, angry amd want to be sociable! I don't feel anything anymore! I'm an over thinking and think about stuff over and over again and replay my conversation amd then I blank out!

[@laurar990]

Doesn't there have to be some sort of "Treatment Plan"? If not for the benefit of the patient, but at least for those with insurance coverage? Right? I don't understand that either. I think structure is important too. And I totally relate being a patient and feeling in a rut with a therapist.

[@christiea.6778]

Hi Kati! I have a question- do you have advice for handling a toxic friend you’re trying to distance from when they are still part of a larger friend group. This particular friend texts me after every group interaction to say they love me and miss me, but go right back to the toxic behavior.

[@diablominero]

Spaaaaaace

[@lisakay8288]

I’m gonna ask this here cause I know I’m gonna forget to ask this on your community tab. I have Tourette’s & ocd. I don’t feel safe driving due to getting so anxious my heart races which causes my body to shake. How do I know when I should retire my license or force myself to do CBT with my driving? Is it even safe to do CBT with driving? Thanks so much!

[@scenepunk09]

I usually forget too but your best bet for getting ur question answered is if u ask on the community tab at 6am on sunday when she posts to ask questions. Im setting my alarm and copying and pasteing my question then going back to sleep lol. Just letting u know cuz i think it is a good question.

[@hannalowercase5928]

i like the question too! i have asd, ocd and anxiety and i don't know if i'll ever be able to drive to do overload

[@nikki730]

When trying to recover from a trauma, when do we start to ask our therapist if we need something else ? I listened to one video u said about 50% of people need more than talk therapy to get over a trauma.

[@rebeccas8054]

Good question! But I think Kati doesn't answer questions here. Maybe your could bring it up for the next AKA. Do you know where to find that? You'll have my thumb up ;)

[@ralfwashington1502]

Look into EMDR and brain spotting. Pretty much all shrinks use talk therapy but they all aren't trained in using EMDR OR brain spotting. For trama I would look into that....if you like it find a shrink who uses that in practice.

[@abubaytnighan6480]

It would be great if you could have time stamps. Thank you for the podcast.

[@abubaytnighan6480]

Never mind, i found it in the comments.

[@ralfwashington1502]

I heard a shrink say they aren't big into naming personalities. (Ex. General anxiety disorder, OCD, ect) There reasoning was SOME people use it like a crutch to not have to change. Like saying I want to do that but my general anxiety is really bad so I can't. Other wise being like I can't because I have ADHD. In a way it makes sense especially if knowing a name isn't ever required for emergencies. Interesting point I thought.

[@tguthrie1121]

What does it mean if I am feeling "triggered" by this information. Mostly due to what I experienced with my son and not knowing what was going on with him at the time?

[@allyn9195]

Hi Kati!

[@greynoise1409]

Just an amateur with bipolar disorder here. I wouldn't be too concerned with which type they label you with. The bar that seems to be set for "manic episode" is "required hospitalization." It is more important to get on medications that help you manage you moods and then to learn the skills to help you cope with each situation. Hang in there. It takes time and experience to better manage things. But you will get there.

[@allyn9195]

@@greynoise1409 Thank you so much! That is so kind of you to say. I guess I’m mostly worried about them rejecting that I have biopolar at all. You’re seriously so kind!!

[@allyn9195]

Update: I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. I do feel that I’m supposed to be diagnosed with Bipolar I, but it’s a start! I was assigned to take Lamictal.

[@greynoise1409]

​@@allyn9195 Congratulations doesn't quite feel appropriate, but I am glad your therapist believed your reports and got you onto an appropriate medication and (I assume) a correct course of therapeutic treatment as well. Diagnoses are often "working hypotheses" and can change over time as either your therapist gains a more accurate picture or whether your own situation changes.

[@Romans15-13]

Time stamps would be great in future videos

[@Solonneysa]

29:34 Something about your description of OCD makes it sound like some serial killers are OCD sufferers. They're ego-dystonic when they seem to somehow genuinely have remorse, or regret. And ego-syntonic when they react with "I had to. It has to be done." This is separate from psychopathic or sadistic killers who do it out of a removal of an obstruction (killers who kill for greed, or gain vs killers who kill for pleasure, respectively). The latter two aren't OCD. The former sufferers are violent OCD.

[@aleciabernardoni1255]

I would say it might help 3-5% of the time to just talk it out. But overall it would be more beneficial to have some level of structure to the therapy.

[@azariana77]

#katiefaq Hi Katie thank you for all you do. This my first time asking a question so I'm nervous anyone it comes out right. Ok here goes does my therapist get mad at me when I don't have a reason for crying? After many years on my antidepressant working just fine in the last month my depression has gotten worse. My therapist called me to talk about scheduling an appointment with my psychiatrist and I started crying for no reason. My therapist asked me what's going on but it sounded like she was mad/frustrated with me for not know why I was crying. That hurt me a lot because I have a connection with her. Could I have just tKen it the wrong way? Should I say anything if there is a next time? Any advice. If you see this thank you, if you don't get a chance to answer that's ok.

[@azariana77]

@C L thank you

[@AmethystWoman]

Is there no reciprocity for your license? Sad/so hard to have to take the tests again although I imagine all the investigation you do to prepare for KZbin would help ace the test. I can see where the stress of that makes it a stopper esp when you have other forms of income. My T is quitting her practice to homeschool her young kids. I wonder if like 9 years from now she will want to get back into clinical practice when you've been out of it for a while. We are losing too many good therapists. Partly because y'all aren't reimbursed enough by insurance to pay your overhead or do not acceot insurance for the same reasons, sadly, leaving esp people on disability without good treatment. I had a doctor quit this year too. He said he would never have his school loans laid off and could never retire unless he quit medicine and got a better job. Very sad.

[@BronnBlackwater]

Please add timestamps to description! Someone in comments made one

[@OTDM]

Please use the timestamps that are provided in the comment section. Currently we are at capacity... hope to have more bandwidth in the future.

[@paulastella8268]

Medication is NOT the ANSWER! THERAPY IS with the RIGHT THERAPIST

[@deborahpellerito6117]

No offense but would you change your song?