The Acolyte Review INSANE Disney Star Wars - Season 1 Episode 2

Star Wars The Acolyte Review of Season 1 Episode 2 by Lesly Headland for Disney+. Disney bought Lucasfilm off George Lucas to expand Star Wars but instead have created various TV shows and movies with little fanfare. Can this show with Amandla Stenberg stand out from the crowd? Is a modernised version of a classic franchise like Star Wars useful? It has replaced people like Luke Skywalker, C3P0 and R2D2. Is the Acolyte worth watching?
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#starwars #disneyplus #theacolyte

[@disparutoo]

The Acolyte Review Season 1 Episode 2 where we don't understand what the Jedi are. Make everyone an idiot just to desperately try and make the plot work. While having characters who come up with terrible plans get praised, just to try and make other people look worse. The acting is awful and you can tell the showrunners don't understand the Jedi, Sith or morality. For a show where this is the central theme, I can only see this getting worse. It's difficult to get involved in the show when everyone lacks authenticity or acts with even basic common sense. But what did you think of what you saw? Let me know your thoughts down below and as always, thanks for watching :)

[@adamcampbell5977]

still watching, but hoping you included a dibbly family from red dwarf insert!!

[@irishbob26]

Dwane Dibbly ​@@adamcampbell5977

[@badlaamaurukehu]

Yass, yass!

[@ThespianPrince13]

Show runners absolutely ruined the Sith. We fans thought we’d get Darth Plagueis/Darth Bane styled story from a Sith narrative, with Andor quality writing and political thriller as a dark-side themed show. Not this woke stuff.

[@grahamconrad1418]

I refuse to watch garbage and I'm thankful that you'll take that bullet for us, Disparu. I've been watching your show since I first discovered your disdain for the desecration of J.R.R. Tolkien and I've yet to disagree with you on one single thing. Preach on, my man! Much love from Texas. Edit: spelling

[@stuartriddell2461]

The fat jedi is a step too far. Being fat indicates that he has no self control, which is the core of being a jedi.

[@Didymus20X6]

And that he doesn't do physical training adequately. Still a lack of discipline.

[@brockdavid]

He misinterpreted the midi-chlorians and their relationship with the Force, and thought that more body mass would equal more power in the Force, becoming enormously obese, eventually he will rise up and steal Yoda’s hoverchair.

[@kyledabearsfan]

"we are so oppressed" ~ rich, privileged, Hollywood actor getting paid minimum 4x more than a working class person 😂

[@889654]

White man apologizes for what happened to non-white woman and unalives himself. Very subtle 🤔

[@HannahKayW]

They probably colonized them too. Can’t wait to see what they actually did to get the full allegory.

[@chriscollins2095]

Jedi: "I'm so sorry. I... misgendered someone." *Takes poison*

[@cynicist8114]

They're so incompetent. We don't even know what he did, so rather than being some emotional or thought-provoking moment, it's just an incomprehensible scene to the audience.

[@realdragon]

@@cynicist8114 Maybe this is what they meant by mystery, what did that jedi really do?

[@4lackofbetter]

It would be hilarious if that is what happened. "Please forgive me. We thought we were doing the right thing."

[@samuelmatatall6926]

​@@4lackofbetter From what I've heard, it is.

[@4lackofbetter]

@@samuelmatatall6926 You know, with the insanity, it just might be. And that is where it will officially die.

[@drganknstein]

Master Torbin overdosed on white guilt

[@fieldmarshalbaltimore1329]

Lmao

[@elCorciu]

Clearly a projection of the showrunner's fantasies

[@4lackofbetter]

Notice they only use white men when they need someone to be an idiot or die.

[@Fujtajblus]

@@elCorciu Exactly. I am pretty confident it will not be shown or mentioned what he did that was so horrible that the carpet edge hair girl convinced him to just take poison and die.

[@cynicist8114]

He's immune to all of her attacks. The only way he can be defeated is if he does it himself. The broader social commentary there is funny.

[@boogieboo5085]

Why would a grown adult tell a minor she's flexible? Oh right, Disney Star Wars...

[@InvitalPulse]

I mean Headland was Harvey Weinstein's personal assistant.

[@Skegfromcraigslist]

Seriously, this is extremely strange. It’s baffling that it was both written and signed off on. What the fuck is the reason for saying that?

[@fiveforbiting]

If you want water, go to the well

[@chazzitz-wh4ly]

My kid does gymnastics, and that isn’t so strange to me. But there is context to gymnastics, anything outside of that is very strange and alarming.

[@GH-ub7qz]

kinda like Valkyrie dirty entendre to Kid Marvel

[@grandwizardnoticer8975]

"The Force is Gay and Lame" Why has no one realized that this is the new theme of D+

[@HellsAsylum]

Female villain of color vs. white male hero. Yeah, Master Torbin never stood a chance.

[@jagerblitzen4017]

fanbabies: "sToP cAlLiNg uS rAcIsT"

[@JohnAlbinius]

I just find it insane that Disney has an employee outright saying they're using a franchise to be discriminating toward a group of people and everyone just laughed. How is there such a disconnect for just bold straight faced racism.

[@kingcosworth2643]

The management of Disney are the ones promoting the ideology

[@0oo00]

Hello, youve been frozen the last few decades?

[@Xbalanque84]

Silly rabbit, acceptable targets aren't people in the new paradigm.

[@Zennsunni]

It would cause some people to have a cognitive break, at this point anyone still not acknowledging what is going on is addicted to the lie

[@t.stephen5086]

It is racism, but this culture is ok with it.

[@FAFOistheLaw]

I swear Amandla Stenberg's hair in The Acolyte makes her look like a trans Rick James.

[@qwqwe3037]

I thought I was the only one. I'm glad I'm not alone.

[@skylx0812]

Rick James leaning against a lamp post in those patent leather hip hugger boots looked like a trans Rick James. They didn't need to go all the way back to the 80s to get style ideas.

[@KoolKatDave]

She's Super Freaky, YAAAASSSSSS!

[@lovein68]

black hair isn't straight

[@KoolKatDave]

@DonaldDonaldson-ug9lp Yeah, that too! LOL!

[@grumpyfella]

"I'm white so I must be guilty." Where have I seen this before?

[@Milton2k]

22:40 Disparu, you forget that this is Disney SW... she can do it all. She is a Jedi, a Mechanic, a chemist, a bloodhound, a seer, a detective, and invulnerable to out of orbit crashes.

[@Xbalanque84]

Cluster-Bs gonna Cluster-B, and you _WILL_ accept them as your new messiahs.

[@Shineinpoverty]

I was just a bit disappointed she did not bypass the compressor. Bypassing compressors brings me pure joy when I watch war stars

[@ImminDragon]

"If you don't drink this poison, I will go to the Jedi Counsel and...be arrested because I'm a wanted murderer and a Sith. Thinking it through, that would be a *SHIT* plan..."

[@chronicguardian9684]

But is it a SITH plan?

[@MundaneGray]

Council.

[@cyfreusz]

It's Star Worse, because it only gets worse.

[@denvan3143]

The farther it goes diverse it gets. 😄

[@Mangolorian-je3eo]

Ooh, that’s as good as “Star Was”.

[@hardcoresb3]

Nice!

[@heavyhebrew]

The Last Jedi drops "Man, it can't get any worse" Solo drops "Man, it can't get any worse" Obi-Wan drops "Man, it can't get any worse" We have learned because pain is the universal teacher. And being a fan of Star Wars is about pain now. Learn to let it go. Use the Force, and let Star Wars go.

[@josephkool8411]

I saw that movie

[@agriosbr]

I love that the female padawan is always that smartest person in the room hahaha subtle like an elephant in a porcelain shop..

[@davidgantenbein9362]

Nobody said that the writers, producers and showrunner of this show were ever the smartest person in the room (when they are alone, it’s the fake plant in the corner, I‘m pretty sure).

[@Xbalanque84]

She already has the makings of a Mary Sueth.

[@Xbalanque84]

She already has the makings of a Sueth.

[@amastodont9680]

"I'm better company than a droid, and i'm more flexible". I can't believe this is real dialogue, this is what Star Wars has become people.

[@sneeringimperialist6667]

She is not better company than a droid...

[@Xbalanque84]

Which itself should be grounds for tossing her out the airlock.

[@Xbalanque84]

Me: "You. Airlock. Now."

[@Jonas-lj8ul]

No, you aren't - droid's have a volume control.

[@Rakshiir]

Actually most droids have been more entertaining as a character and were better acted than her so... I have no clue how she thinks she should be "top of the lists" in Hollywood - oh no wait, it's because of her checkboxes, right...

[@Kal_g]

We now return to "Disparu's patience being tested..."

[@irishbob26]

He's strong. He did watch the entire of robyn with a y.

[@TheSoonToBePurgedJackMeHoffIV]

I hear episode 3 will be really bad. Pray for Disparu lol

[@hawkeye5955]

​@@irishbob26: He laughed his arse off when he first learned about the cookie jar and Richard Branson dancing to the show theme.

[@Kiljaedenas]

I think you mean sanity...

[@Itcant138]

he loves it really and is definitely a masochist

[@ufeelinselfrighteous8470]

dude I gotta be honest... watching these shows gotta take a toll on your sanity

[@IncredibleMet]

It’s like eating junk food that’s been delivered 2 days ago. He’s used to it plus he mainly feasts on Korean dramas and old British television programmes.

[@craigg9742]

I've thought about tipping for videos to help cover therapy sessions.

[@SamtheBravesFan]

Does it really? It can't offend him enough to drive him crazy

[@nafreeman08]

On the same level of sanity loss as Robyn in the Hood.

[@Xbalanque84]

It's propaganda, that's what it's designed to do. At least this way Disparu is able to forewarn others.

[@THAT1ZELDAFAN]

This show will be used in the future to test if you've gone round the twist. Psychologist: What is your opinion of The Acolyte? Patient: I like it, it's really good. Psychologist's notes: Patient has lost touch with reality. Recommended actions, immediate admission in to nearest mental health facility as an involuntary patient for treatment and further assessment.

[@Kyle-sr6jm]

Nope. This will be the "how many lights do you see?" test in the re-education camps.

[@MagiqueMan24]

You think they'll do something about the bots they successfully programmed? I think you have it backwards...

[@BrainB161]

They knew that Amandla Stenberg's acting was so bad that they used an acting double (according to the end credits).

[@SpammytheHedgehog]

This is Gay Wars. Not Star Wars.

[@christopher_ecclestone]

It's a radical fem!nist fantasy in Star Wars face!

[@avanticurecanti9998]

Gay Wars: The Asshole Tight

[@johndodo2062]

Ha. GARS

[@OGDanteZero]

The gayest of wars

[@cakeforhomura]

Gay Wars is such a cool name, better than this show deserves

[@tlrlml]

Mae is unstoppable... because everyone refuses to stop her...

[@Xbalanque84]

Does anyone even care? _Should they?_

[@tlrlml]

@@Xbalanque84 Valid point... next destination, the infinite void of indifference...

[@rh906]

Seems like a good analogy for the American people and their politicians.

[@Xbalanque84]

​@@tlrlml Hold on, I'm calling in the Yuuzhon Vong. The only way to fix this is to glass everything.

[@brockdavid]

“It’s gonna be Mae….!”

[@eddobh]

And remember, guys: this is what a 90+, near perfect, critic score on Rotten Tomatoes looks like. Peak artistic entertainment right there.

[@radnairenegat]

I mean... the visuals are in fact decent most of the time

[@bradmiles1984]

@@radnairenegat when decent is the bar they are aiming for with the money they spent, they aimed to fail out the gate.

[@Zenn3k]

Wait, so the Jedi just random drinks poison and kills himself cause the Sith lady said meaningless shit to him? WTF?! Did dude just have a suicide wish nobody knew about?

[@James_Bee]

I almost want to watch that scene just to see what the hell happened because... I can't logic my way around it at all.

[@Xbalanque84]

Clearly, you haven't read Mary Sue fanfiction before (I don't recommend that, by the way). Sues have a tendency to talk down big bads in a given series, to the point of convincing the villain to completely give up, and obliterating the main plotline entirely. And then, there's nothing left for any of the characters to do but worship her.

[@alexmuenster2102]

>>Did dude just have a suicide wish

[@jacquelineking5783]

I am guessing he and the other masters the sith twin is going after are responsible for the destruction of the force witch coven thing the twins were born in. The master that offed himself was feeling shitty about it ever since because he broke the code at least according to what the show will claim. It is IMO the laziest way to make the Jedi morally questionable at least in the writers eyes because they are going to probably going to say the coven as the pinnacle of goodness and light. The jedi are going to have an adverse reaction to force impregnation and react harshly. Boom the Jedi did a shitty thing in the show's logic. Thus the Jedi aren't better than the sith because on top of that they lied to former Jedi student twin about it. The lazy way is usual the best call to make with current Hollywood writers.

[@Echo_Online]

Anyone who thinks its possible to talk a normal person into killing themselves in a few lines, let alone a jedi master has never interacted with a real person

[@JohnDoe-lo1uf]

Oh yeah? Obviously you haven't seen what watching the Acolyte on repeat forever could do to a person...

[@Morashtak]

@@JohnDoe-lo1uf Now I'm even less sympathetic towards Malcolm McDowell's character in Clockwork Orange - He got off quite easy; no current day Disney trash to really mess with his head.

[@Xbalanque84]

Clearly, you haven't read Mary Sue fanfiction before (I don't recommend that, by the way). Sues have a tendency to talk down big bads in a given series, to the point of convincing the villain to completely give up, and obliterating the main plotline entirely. And then, there's nothing left for any of the characters to do but worship her.

[@hadriancaesar2686]

@@Morashtak If anyone deserved watching this rubbish it was Alexander deLarge

[@wishingwell12345]

Woke women genuinely believe they can change the world by expressing their feelings loudly enough.

[@20th_century_specter]

Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man. His reaction to the lameness of the future. That's how I feel constantly.

[@makeyourmark00]

I'm ready for the Fast Food Wars; they'll probably be more entertaining too than this crap.

[@alexpate3062]

"I'm the enemy because I like think to think. I like to read. I believe in freedom of speech and freedom of choice."

[@Jonas-lj8ul]

How's the knitting coming along?

[@TheSuperappelflap]

I never did figure out how they used those 3 sea shells either

[@albertkc2007]

They’ll explain it at the Taco Bell but you have to make reservations.

[@stnaes-tf4ow]

This is the highest budget high school film class project ever

[@kralkralovsky8416]

u meant elementary school project cuz aint no way they managed to get to high school in the first place

[@Staradder70]

From the company that brought you this gem of dialog. "Somehow Palpatine returned."

[@lawrencenicolaides2361]

Lightsabers are useless now

[@Black_Revue]

I Swung Laser Blades in Armored Core that did Better Damage

[@schizophrenic_rambler]

Fruit knives are better

[@Lonovavir]

That's what happens when the DM nerfs your weapons.

[@irishbob26]

I gotten worse paper cuts than you can now inflict with a light saber

[@Xbalanque84]

"You could poke him with a pillow, and [unalive] him."

[@ThisNameIsBanned]

If you have 2 mothers, that might explain the genetic defects involved in this show.

[@Mobius118]

Underrated point

[@GH-ub7qz]

missing half the required genes usually is not survivable...but maybe if you just double up and get those bad recessive genes running...you can be a sith....but hey 2 mothers makes as much sense as evolution from a frog to a man

[@SpFlash1523]

True lol.

[@Xbalanque84]

@@GH-ub7qz It would functionally be cloning lite, and would inevitably result in extinction within a few dozen generations.

[@GH-ub7qz]

@@Xbalanque84 yes as the recessive genes would kill the species...but leftists think mutation doesn't kill, and any non genetic mutation somehow can be passed on genetically, and cross breeding species doesn't sterilize offspring with any successful birth... because they believe in the nonsense theory of evolution... because they are their own god and they are the arbiter of all

[@luckywolf8238]

I wonder if they realized that they just made the white male the strongest Jedi in the group. He could repel "strong female antagonist" without even being awake and had to kill himself for her to accomplish her goal.

[@WilAdams]

This is such canon breaking. I mean, didn't we learn in Phantom Menace that A) the Jedi made it a USUAL practice to seek out those who show Force sensitivity, but they don't simply abduct them. We know this because Qui-Gon told Anikan's mother, IF he had been in the Republic he would have been trained' BUT then when it came to actually taking him, the boy's mother was consulted and she HAD to AGREE. "The choice is your, Ani," she said. So, having this pile of crap make it seem like the Jedi are a bunch of kidnappers is just stupid.

[@Xbalanque84]

You assume they care. *They came and were paid to destroy all.*

[@davidgantenbein9362]

As if anyone at Lucasfilm today is a fan of the pre Disney stuff or even likes original Star Wars. These people declared in every interview how they want to change Star Wars, because they consider original Star Wars evil. At some point we really should believe them and simply consider this all bad hate-fiction.

[@kennyhudson9201]

LOL. Right! No way in hell the Jedi could behave differently 100 years earlier. Nothing changes that much in 100 years. LOL. What are they thinking?

[@bradmiles1984]

@@kennyhudson9201 They are thinking about as much as you are.

[@kennyhudson9201]

@@bradmiles1984 Seriously, maybe what they are doing isn't great, but I do think having things being done differently is realistic, even if history in the future says otherwise. History is written by the winners, and can be filled with propaganda and lying. I think it is highly realistic that there may have be those in the Jedi Order who believed anyone with Force abilities must be forced into the fold, because the Force is too dangerous to be wielded by those who don't adhere to their code.

[@APsychicMonkey]

That scene where she hits on the Padawan is morally abhorrent. They should be ashamed, were they capable of such an emotion. Just goes to show Harvey Weinstein's former personal assistant still follows in her master's footsteps...

[@AdonanS]

She really is a Sith...

[@Xbalanque84]

@@AdonanS My money's on her being the master in their relationship. Harvey was just an apprentice, and thus expendable.

[@Xbalanque84]

Reminder: she thought _Frozen_ was about incestuous lesbian romance. Her RL sister refuses to speak to her. _The Acolyte_ is apparently a message/love letter to that sister. _DO THE MATH!_

[@brockdavid]

Headland is the Wokecolyte of Derp Weinstein, They are an embarrassment like the ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’ Sith that Darth Bane couldn’t stand, and wiped out the Sith over, these sorts of cowards and vermin that are polluting the legacy of true warriors, these aren’t Sith, these are scheming and manipulative wastrels that do not fight true battles. This is a form of projection from the (p)arasitic wannabe elites, and Their spineless wh*re enablers, a self own, we are seeing Hollyweird’s warped and broken hubris on full display.

[@ModernWelfare_]

@@Xbalanque84How do you even know this information, when I try to find anything on this troll of a human being I can’t because the internet has scrubbed all of her past, I can’t even find names for parents or siblings. So fucked up, all because this woman is most likely a terrible sociopath.

[@gbhoy67]

The real point is Dysney spent over $4b to buy Lucas films, based almost entirely on the potential future profits on star wars alone. Yet they've now spent billions & lost even more billions in stocks yet does anyone see them even remotely course correcting? Anyone? THAT is scary

[@tlrlml]

What is worse then being to big to fail... Getting to the point that you _think_ you're to big to fail, then failing!

[@Nokonice]

The IP is still worth a lot , so I think they don't care

[@DH-xw6jp]

Because it isn't about profits, it is about cultural control.

[@Xbalanque84]

The three latest investors are getting exactly what they paid for. And money is no object for them.

[@loreseeker6604]

Everything is about money. The reason Disney doesn't seem to care is because the people running it already have their guaranteed golden parachutes. They don't have to worry about making money so they don't.

[@dawnsrayz]

"If you really wanted to get to him, you should've used something that could penetrate the Force but still cause him pain, like a song by Aquafina or something; He would've broken in a second." 😂

[@craigcarroll3303]

The Acolyte is completely unbelievable as an assassin. There is no point in watching this series.

[@brianerickson6775]

Every character in this episode said: "As you know, I'm an idiot." Is Disney trying to hire every idiot in Hollywood?

[@Xbalanque84]

Yes. ESG demands it.

[@GH-ub7qz]

only choices available in California

[@sneeringimperialist6667]

Just because everyone at disney is an idiot doesn't mean they are anywhere near exhausting the supply of them in California...

[@matthewphelps5136]

Trying?? Mission accomplished

[@genmakashov]

They are collecting them like Pokemons.

[@SpammytheHedgehog]

Disney never disappoint when it comes to disappointment.

[@Xbalanque84]

They exist only to hurt us now.

[@phil4986]

Disneypointment

[@zacharymcmillan2788]

"My disappointment is immeasurable,and my day is ruined." - Reviewbrah - 'The Report Of The Week'

[@Zennsunni]

Good one

[@303round]

Definition in the diary for disappoint, Disney….

[@curtisshaw1370]

Leslye Headland: I had a dream involving Rick James, Trevor Noah, Ezra Miller, and my wife. Since it was the most original thing my brain ever created, I wrote it down and showed it to Kathleen Kennedy. She said I had created a great Star Wars series and gave me $180 mullion to make it. I blew most of the money on drugs, but I managed to get it done. The hardest part was finding lookalikes for roles. It was a bit thin for eight episodes, but I just had ChatGPT flesh it out.

[@6AxisSage]

Feels like they only used gpt3.5 though as its so bad.

[@Xbalanque84]

"Oh good, my Wayfair cabinets have arrived..."

[@kitalalaris]

@@Xbalanque84 She had to get them from Wayfair because it takes a man to properly assemble anything from IKEA 🤣

[@cryyc]

"A Jedi doesn't pull her weapon unless prepared to kill" is so fucking idiotic from any angle of SW lore. But then again, so was Obi-Wan Kenobi in "his" show when he took an Imperial as a hostage. These people do not know what SW is and I don't think they're interested in it anyway as long as they can put "STAR WARS" into a title and piss away the entire budget of a disney production

[@MajorSmurf]

I swear to fcking god we have a legit handbook for how to be a bad writer at Disney... you would think it would useful for Disney writers to read it so that they might evolve to mediocre but sadly they can't read. 1) Random character tells other character their own backstory. NO SHIT! I KNOW MY PARENTS DIED SUPERMAN! Cries Batman. 2) Time is non-existent. How do you travel from one planet to another faster than I can tie my own shoelaces? 3) Bad Dialogue. Reminder in last ep, They used night time as a reference point for when a murder happened. Whose night time are we referred to? The ships which doesn't have one. The planet the Jedi died on. The Planet you came from? A random planet you were passing by? I hate people who don't read actual science fiction yet claim to be able to write it when they don't even understand basic concepts that using night time isn't a useful time measurement. 4) Convenience - Remember a character builds their own luck. If they do a lot of hard effort to survive a few things than a little luck is fine. A prisoner who can hack droids being allowed on a droid only prisoner ship. You actually taking the piss? Surviving a ship crashing into a planet without even a scratch? Not freezing to death within minutes of stepping outside. Leslie go walk in normal clothes up a mountain, let's count how many minutes it takes for your fingers to drop off. 5) Character growth doesn't happen - Go look out of a window and you will be more emotionally invested in whoever is outside than in any character you're about to meet in this shit show.

[@rickrollrizal2747]

I've seen wattpad stories with better writing

[@Xbalanque84]

Cluster-Bs only know how to write Mary Sues.

[@Xbalanque84]

_Twilight_ is a better love story than this!

[@Xbalanque84]

Cluster-Bs write Mary Sues. Basically a law of nature at this point.

[@Xbalanque84]

The algorithm has graduated to protecting Cluster-Bs _AND_ Mary Sues now.

[@Gentou76]

The tears from this white person is tears of laughter.

[@4lackofbetter]

The goal was to make white people cry. So in a way they succeeded...

[@scotttimbrell8632]

Remember guys, there used to be a really important character in Star Wars who was Black and so iconic the actor created his own colour of light saber, and even that wasn't good enough for these tick box warriors.

[@dshadows2966]

Disney Star Wars: Small metal knife used to stab a man, man immediately dies within seconds of the stab. The knife was not implied to have had poison on it nor was it implied to be a vibro blade... so it was a regular knife that killed a force user. All force users above padawan have a capacity deflect blaster bolts and block bullets (IE Sand Raiders projectile rifles) with a light saber, reacting to things that break the sound barrier with enhanced reflexes. A knife that was going barely at thrown speeds should not have killed this person. Also Disney Star Wars: Stupidly hot plasma blade, that can cut through thick metal bulkhead doors with time, stabs a woman straight through and somehow misses hitting all important organs and somehow doesn't flash boil their insides. This leads to a short hospital stay, a day at the most, where the wound is completely healed from having a cauterized hole through the torso within a day and barely leaves a scar on someone who should normally be dead and instead they are up walking around as if the stab didn't adversely effect their biology at all. Even Bacta couldn't have healed a wound that fast, given you need a lot of the concentrated stuff to do that.

[@darthxellaa912]

Lets not forget about our beloved Reeva, who was stabbed not once but twice by said hot plasma blade and survived.

[@morlock2012]

Ooh, ooh, basic training is deflecting attacks while blindfolded, but three jedi can't track a force user through some dust.

[@juan0808]

What I find hilarious is that they find her just by her description among literally every person in the galaxy.

[@Xbalanque84]

And instantly travel across half that galaxy in the time it takes to sneeze.

[@ASoberBear]

4% of the population commits 98.78% of universal crimes. 🙃

[@The-Lost-Librarian]

Come on, there are only trillions in the galaxy, totally easy.

[@DH-xw6jp]

There can't be _that many_ Evil Mops running around, can there?

[@gameburn178]

Right: no DNA, no facial recognition software, no fingerprinting, no proper note-taking or police procedure of any kind. Better investigations were accomplished by blind monks in the Dark Ages. I mean this is just embarrassing. It feels like porn, but someone forgot to include the sex.

[@AyanneCZ]

Everyone: "How high are you?" The actress: "Yes."

[@grandparagnar6709]

Yass, yass!

[@wombatillo]

YASSSS!

[@multitimmytiger2]

Hi! How are you?

[@AyanneCZ]

@@multitimmytiger2 Are you high too right now?

[@MyenMarlkin]

Some Tourist: "Star wars is like... Patriarchal". Actual Star Wars fans: "Lasers, The force and Aliens"

[@fionnaitsradag5152]

The big twist is probably going to be that the mop-head sisters switched identities back at the fire event, and it's actually May who has been living as a mechanic, and Osha who's been killing Jedi with thrown pen knives.

[@funnyman695]

Bahaha! That would be hilarious if it’s the case!

[@johnhoran9840]

@@funnyman695 Someone suggested that Trinity is alive and actually the Sith.

[@StarStuff.]

@@johnhoran9840 and she's one of the mothers, just so they can insert the line "I am your mother"

[@johnhoran9840]

@@StarStuff. Ripping off Empire.

[@moeranyc]

I haven’t seen the show, and I’m almost betting that sith looking character has to be Trinity.

[@shadowjack239]

'Peace is a lie...' She Vadered, she Vadered!

[@ThespianPrince13]

Insult to the Sith lore. Man…. They should’ve hired someone who made House of Cards, Ozark, or House of the Dragon.

[@decarus834]

@@ThespianPrince13 B-But then they wouldnt of been allowed to push the MESSAGE.😰🤣

[@davidgantenbein9362]

@@ThespianPrince13As if any of the talented people from those shows would show up at Lucasfilm. Look, if we all know how bad Lucasfilm is, the people with real talent working in Hollywood must know for years. Without cleaning house, Lucasfilm can’t be saved. Disney would need to replace management and hire somebody able to build something new. But that would need talent at Disney’s top level, which isn’t going to show up as long as Bob Iger is in charge.

[@FDJUwe]

The more you think about "An acolyte kills without a weapon" the more this show seems like a fever dream. It just makes no sense at all. What the actual fuck. My girlfriend said the only explanation is money laundering at Disney.

[@James_Bee]

Your girlfriend is smart.

[@Xbalanque84]

A likely factor in all of this. Still, the overall pattern we can see implies something infinitely worse.

[@sba8710]

That and all the dirt Leslie Headland has against people in Disney and Hollywood.

[@scotttimbrell8632]

It's like those people who say "I'm not hitting you, I'm punching you" like mfer fukr poison IS a weapon, knives ARE a weapon, emotional manipulation IS a weapon, other people ARE a weapon.

[@alexmuenster2102]

>>"An acolyte kills without a weapon"

[@38fb39w9d]

Just got an ad to donate organs, might need to donate a brain to the people who made this.

[@Witzkatz-vd5pt]

Someone else said this better, but - they make this faraway Galaxy full of wonders seems like one backwater town, just with different roads. Every setpiece can be reached within minutes, there is no feeling of distance, of size, of a world around the plot. Green Jedi master ordering the investigation squad back to freaking Coruscant because they need to have "meaningful discussions" when they have boots on the ground, right now, with a trail still hot - who in their right mind would let that trail get cold?! The only "explanation" is that the writers feel the characters can jump between the setpieces without any meaningful travel. If you want that, why not write it all on ONE PLANET? That would have been entirely possible and plausible and might have helped feel everything a bit more "real", but for a while now Star Wars writers decided that every new set piece needs its own planet, which can be as far away from each other as they want, because hyperdrives are all-powerful...? And when every setpiece has its own planet, that planet feels BLAND, like a videogame where the devs didn't have enough time to flesh out anything apart from that one location. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much, but it does. Yes, Star Wars has faster-than-light-travel, but if you can jump between planets INCLUDING THE LANDING within minutes(!) to find the crashed suspect before she even manages to get fifty meters away from the SHIP, this galaxy feels very, very small.

[@Xbalanque84]

All within a five block radius. Definitely explains the absurd travel times.

[@Witzkatz-vd5pt]

@@Xbalanque84 Together with Disney-Star-Wars basically allowing Hyperspace jumps from very much within the planet's surface (shown in one of the godawful newer main movies), it makes - for example - Han Solo's whole profession of smuggling redundant, when everybody with a hyperdrive can basically go from planet surface to planet surface in also basically no time :D

[@alexgillis9446]

Fast travel has been activated.

[@RealLifeIronMan]

Avatar the Last Airbender accidently understood the Force and Jedi better than Disney Star Wars: "Many great and wise [ancient masters of the force] have detached themselves and achieved spiritual enlightenment, but [a Jedi Knight] can never do it. Because your sole duty is to the [universe]... Selfless duty calls you to sacrifice your own spiritual needs and do whatever it takes to protect the [universe]." The Jedi stress detachment from the world in order to seek inner peace. But even they understand their duty to assist others mean they can not be fully detached from the world. Nor are their hearts uncaring to those around them. Unselfish love is a crucial part of the light side of the force.

[@Aikurisu]

Let George Lucas' legacy die. Make it lame and gay, if you have to.

[@stephenthomas1492]

I'm fine with all this garbage. It's just more testament to their inadequacies. They can try and even believe their own BS, but that doesn't produce results ANY WHERE NEAR what we're able to achieve. Left to their own devices without a proper people around, they fail time and time again.

[@Xbalanque84]

Or just make them stop violating the remains.

[@swampfaye]

He destroyed it himself.

[@recapnerd2657]

I love that Disparu continuously makes fun of her hair, because it really does make her look stupid

[@dshark2675]

The main actresses name is literally the definition of "We have Amanda at home." Amanda at home: aMaNdLa. Jesus even reality is a parody now.

[@Xbalanque84]

Sounds more like "NAMBLA" to me. Which is fitting.

[@bensonofthunder9229]

According to the writers. This show is supposed to be morally gray. But in Star Wars. If you embrace the dark side, you feed off fear and pain. It makes you stronger. The acolyte clearly has and enjoys it.

[@MirandaSinistra]

Morally gray in this context equals 'I'm evil but I'm too narcissistic to acknowledge it.'

[@DrMundo92]

But that only matters if you take the Lore into account. When you are paid to writte a fan fiction that the only purpose is to satisfy you and your 5 friends, and not a broader audience, Lore doenst matter, what matters is the amount of self satisfaction. SW is a simple world of Light and Dark, that should be enough, as soons as writters try to deconstruct the Light and the Dark, and create a Grey because "Im special" sooner or later it all turns to trash.

[@Xbalanque84]

​@@MirandaSinistra More like "I have the rulebook now, so I'm rewriting them to make myself the good guy and you the bad guy."

[@theelder4797]

It's just morally gay.

[@RavageReeves]

Disney are using satanic inversions on what's good and evil to brain wash the younger generation into the demonic

[@10thletter40]

Jedi: *Sees a sith* Also the Jedi: *Shrug* "lets just listen to what they gotta say"

[@Xbalanque84]

And then, the Mary Sueth convinced the entire Jedi order to commit [CTRL-ALT-DEL] at once. And there was much rejoicing/scissoring.

[@zachymous6438]

39:45 fat jedi using binoculars to see 20 feet. Lesb Headland is an utter genius

[@billjacobs521]

And he's just standing there, in clear sight of everyone.

[@AW-ix5qg]

Why doesn't squid game guy just cut of her limbs to bring the extremely dangerous assassin in for questioning? They can always give her better than flesh prosthetic limbs later.

[@TheFistOfNuevaYork]

Never have I seen a more bland main character than Osha/Mae. Neither of them have any personality whatsoever except that they’re diverse. I have literally never seen a main character who has no personality traits at all in 2 episodes. Like, even though Rey’s personality was insufferable, at least we knew something about her. She was headstrong, brave, and was a natural at everything she did (Mary-Sue). Osha and Mae are just big ol’ nothing burgers with nothing going for them except their identity.

[@stephenthomas1492]

Everything they make off the backs of better people's technology is terrible. They're guilty of believing their own BS that they're just as good. Nope.

[@Xbalanque84]

Cluster-Bs are incapable of producing anything but Mary Sue plots. And those often devolve into a whole lot of nothing.

[@StuartwasDrinkell]

Diverse isn't a peronality. Just say it's shit and cut to the chase!

[@TheFistOfNuevaYork]

@@StuartwasDrinkell that’s my whole point! These “characters”, if they can even be called that, are just catalysts for identity politics rather than actual fleshed out people with personalities and aspirations.

[@Baconmonster723]

This is blatantly untrue. She showed plenty of personality when she hit on the padawan, who was likely a minor.....oh dear.

[@MykeLewisMusic]

I'm coining a term to describe the recent Star Wars - "Disnappointing"

[@xaikken]

Classic disnapointment

[@jiggystardust]

This is the first I've seen this term and I love it

[@Xbalanque84]

I just came up with another one: "Mary Sueth."

[@vwlssnvwls3262]

Did they really have a character make a poison from items that just happened to be sitting out in the open... on the front counter?! Wow.

[@Xbalanque84]

Using poisonous plants _native to their original homeworld,_ with an absurdly short shelf-life that requires that they be mixed from the source plant and applied within minutes to work.

[@alexmuenster2102]

@@Xbalanque84 But OSHA recognized the poison's odor because... ? The herbs were from her native planet? So? Would YOU recognize the odor of curare, or of strychnine? How about of atropine? They are all made from plants native to Earth, after all!

[@serpentinious7745]

The "idiot jedi" looks like his hair is made of dead spider legs

[@kaykutcher2103]

Spider Jedi, Spider Jedi.

[@pinky8167]

R2D2 performed ship hull maintenance, yet these people would hire this chick to do it given the Jedi laws? How dumb are the writers?

[@glencole2926]

yes...

[@bensonofthunder9229]

You question their intelligence? Why? Isn't this show all the answer you need.

[@motaman8074]

Extremely

[@Xbalanque84]

How are the lives of sentient organics _cheaper_ than commercially available appliances made specifically for this purpose? Hell, the Trade Federation used lots of cheap, expendable droid troopers to save costs on a standard army! ...There I go again, questioning the logic of iconoclasts who clearly don't give a fuck and/or are going out of their way to insult viewers' intelligence...

[@Xbalanque84]

How are the lives of sentient organics _cheaper_ than commercially available appliances made specifically for this purpose? Hell, the Trade Federation used lots of cheap, expendable droid troopers to save costs on a standard army!

[@jhoughjr1]

1k views 11 minutes Disparu is not falling off like the acolyte

[@makeyourmark00]

I bet Disparu gets more view per episode review than the actual episodes. Hell, he's more entertaining for sure.

[@user-pi2lq]

I will do 1 push-up for every like

[@DrWarbird]

"Have you tried going near him to see if he has a fish allergy?" Brutal burn. Absolutely brutal. I'm stealing that one.

[@commoncents6831]

fav as well

[@Xbalanque84]

Worse, she just talked him into [CTRL-ALT-DEL]. She canceled him without using Twitter.

[@LimitedCheetah]

Maybe he's french, you could "poisson" him.

[@wrayday7149]

Let's just take a moment to take in awe at the body discovery scene. Besides the obvious why didn't she call out for help. 1 - The Jedi coming in don't say get away from (dudes name), or get away from my friend, or call out to see if he is okay.... they just instantly know he is a gonner. 2 - The guy with his eyes on her ..... doesn't alert anyone that a Jedi is down..... so, he saw the body then didn't help, then watched her walk up to it and again didn't help. What even is this? Leslie knows scenes exist in movies..... she doesn't understand why they exist..... much like her inability to know that sending women off to be assaulted by her boss was wrong.

[@jtheposs]

Last video, I was mystified as to where my salary was for being a black woman with no talent. I think its because I'm not spiteful enough. It takes a lot of spite and lying to yourself to even be in this series. No money for me 😞

[@Xbalanque84]

Your true weakness is the lack of a Cluster-B personality disorder. Clearly, you still have a soul, and are thus unfit for this project. Probably just as well, I can't imagine it would make for a friendly work environment.

[@Xbalanque84]

At least you still have a soul.

[@davidgantenbein9362]

You thought you could get money for doing nothing, but now you realize that being so evil is a lot of hard work. To get there, it’s not enough to be evil from 9 to 5, no, you have to be evil 24/7.

[@Xbalanque84]

​@@davidgantenbein9362 And the buzz starts wearing off rather quickly, prompting you to pursue higher and higher doses for the same high.

[@steveouk90126]

FYI: that dog that looks like a mop is called a Puli.

[@brockdavid]

Same sort of dog that was on the album cover of Odelay! from Beck.

[@ltc9562]

Puli is also the plural of men's weiner in another language. So, in essence, she looks like lots of Puli, or, pulis/pula, singular, in latin.

[@jtmartinson5610]

And we all thought the Star Wars Holiday special would go down in history as the worst SW production 😂

[@abeartheycallFozzy]

Just one more rhyme, friend Yes, it's a crime, friend But you know time, friend Time can fly So it's goodnight, friend Goodnight, but not goodbye

[@Dakarn]

Neat bit of lore: "The name of Bacca was also carried with many Wookiees after him, marking them as descendants of his prestigious lineage. Those individuals included members of Attichitcuk's family such as Chewbacca and his nephew Lowbacca, and others like Kybacca and Weebacca." So, are the writers trying to suggest that Kelnacca is a descendent of Bacca by giving him a rhyming name?

[@skylx0812]

Why was she roleplaying Cringing Tired, Hit, Dragged and Drawn Out with a floating Phil Collins?

[@zoebaggins90]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@zacharymcmillan2788]

🎵"Well I can feel it comin in the air tonight,hold on"🎵 😂😂😂

[@MetalGearTrav]

Amandla Stenberg is 2024 Rachel Zegler

[@makeyourmark00]

Right!? Disney probably programs all of them in some back room behind "it's a small world"...lol.

[@AdonanS]

Almost. I don't think she's quite as loud and obnoxious as Zegler, though she maintains the same stupid ideas.

[@visionforetold4568]

Zegler… Stenberg… what do these names have in common?

[@evenovick481]

​@@visionforetold4568One is Polish. One is Danish. Could it be the ish?

[@visionforetold4568]

@@evenovick481 ish, starts with J

[@ericbrown8974]

"I can tell when it's raining; I've got a fifth sense" - this may be the best description of Disney Jedi ever.

[@paddyJKD]

Dude your commentary is so good! I don't usually comment on videos but this had me laughing the whole time😂😂

[@MaztRPwn]

Rachel Ziegler 2.0 learned nothing from the firmware update.

[@glados4765]

This is the type of writing that they went on strike for. This is real, people got paid real money for this.

[@ankhzet]

Was it Eliezer Yudkowsky who said something along the lines, "It's impossible to write a character, that is smarter than you"? Implying, for a, um, "unconventially smart" author, the only way to write a "smart" character is to make everyone else borderline tarded?

[@Xbalanque84]

All by design. ESG demands nothing less.

[@MrMoridinalthor]

I can't wait for episode 3.

[@daveeyes]

Trust me, go out of your way to avoid Ep. 3.

[@newmnsilver]

Love the sarcasm lol

[@toolegittoquit_001]

RIP Diparu’s brain

[@MrMoridinalthor]

No sarcasm. I can't wait for the mocking.

[@alexmuenster2102]

I can't wait for Disparu's review of Episode 3!

[@robertmikolon5710]

How can this even be happening? How can everyone at Disney be completely insane?

[@rustyshackleford1062]

This is how nepotistic hiring practices always go, doesn't matter if you are talking about the boss' kid or a 'black vagina owner', when your criteria for hiring strays from meritocracy then you remove all incentives for prospective hires to actually be good at their jobs, because thats not why they were hired and nobody knows that more than the nepo hire themselves.

[@Xbalanque84]

They fired or drove out all the sane people years ago. Now only the craven, mad, and/or stupid remain, and all of them seek to destroy the past.

[@tonyknighton4019]

I really don't know.

[@kingcosworth2643]

Because Granddaughter Disney is completely insane and she has made sure that the management she has hired is equally as insane.

[@Xbalanque84]

Because ESG demands it.

[@wookieninja8794]

In new star wars the jedi just lets their enemies attack them without fighting back. This is why I love Obi-wan. Dude cuts off arms then asks questions later. Literally every time lol.

[@wishfullythought]

Oh, two women giving birth to twins is definitely some fan fiction sounding garbage. It's almost like the explanation of how anakin was born... I hope the writers next project is an updated portfolio and resume'.

[@Xbalanque84]

Sith alchemy makes way more sense than these hacks ripping off America Chavez.

[@RavageReeves]

Both mums pissed inside of each other then gave birth to this abomination

[@kitalalaris]

I've read fanfictions better than this tripe to be honest.

[@MerryMusicMoth]

As bad as this series is, the reviews make for great entertainment. Can't wait for episode 3!

[@AgentSmith1991]

If it's as bad as the rumors suggest it will be, we will get quite the reactions to enjoy.

[@RavageReeves]

​@@AgentSmith1991pounds like it will cause the biggest uproar in history. Personally I am enjoying watching this trash die and fail.

[@eliasflawless1698]

I honestly thought she said "You found killmonger?".But to be fair - Kubaka,Killmonger - when she talks so quitely i can have her monolgue interrupted by my own heartbeat - it is easy to mix up

[@user-oo1yk6is9e]

Great video D. Thanks for posting.

[@Hybridial84]

Life of Brian: "This calls for immediate discussion!"

[@Xbalanque84]

Does this mean this series will have a similar/happy ending? One which the algorithm won't let me describe?

[@Hybridial84]

@@Xbalanque84 Always look on the light side of the force

[@devereuxbirdzell]

My god the acting is atrocious!

[@animationministry]

I want to keep hitting the like button every time Disparu points out something funny!

[@Laarye]

26:20, hey now! I live in a desert, and it's regularly chilly enough to wear a jacket during the day. Misrepresenting desert life... why I aught too...

[@LumiDurotoye]

Wait…the whole “attack me with all your strength” thing is gonna be something she’s saying to everyone? Dafuq? 😂

[@AliceBowie]

It's one of the dumbest lines I've ever heard. Way, way worse than the madam web "she was in the rainforest playing with spiders just before she died" line. The closest that people who wrote this show have ever come to conflict is in their imagination when they fantasize about murdering people who make fun of them on Twitter.

[@makeyourmark00]

They missed an opportunity to have her say, "It's Sithing time!"

[@johnhoran9840]

@@makeyourmark00 Do you think her mothers Sithered?

[@portalmanHUN]

It's her epic and badass catchphrase! It's acolyting time!

[@blindlobster]

I'm assuming that it is being used to make the sith character look more moral. "The sith aren't attacking the jedi, look LOOK the jedi are attacking the sith..." It is stupid.

[@Lillia-nu2xt]

You're nailing it, keep the great work!

[@Redactstrength]

You are a god damn hero. Now I can confirm how bad this trash is without giving them viewership. Bless

[@Alteori]

17:06 OMG STOOOOPPPP 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@lemmac7973]

why does she do all the kung fu moves to attack a stationary unaware target?

[@hankdedalus]

Extended universe star wars Sith assassin: Sith terror units that can normally kill an unready Jedi before they know the assassin is in the room. Disney star wars Sith assassin: Can't beat a Jedi in deep meditation.

[@DH-xw6jp]

You know, it could have actually been a good plot point if they wrote better. She couldn't touch him while he was meditating because such a deep mediation required him to connect deeply to a true inner peace... Which bound him to the force and prevented outside influence, but when the meditation was broken it severed the bond and opened him to attack. But no... She had to guilt trip the white guy into taking a trip on the sewer slide.

[@Xbalanque84]

While shouting "HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!" at each of them with all the nervous warbling of a tantruming toddler.

[@davidgantenbein9362]

Well, based on old canon, these are not Sith. So if they are not Sith, then they are at best Sith cosplayers. Just because somebody dresses like an assassin, doesn’t make them an assassin. PS: I start to think this series makes most sense, if we consider the villains to be a couple of crackheads that do a Sith cosplayer cult. All we get to see, is their drug induced hallucinations. Nothing is actually real, that’s why nothing makes sense.

[@stars559]

My god ive been looking forward to these reviews 🤩

[@thegreatid3595]

All the StarWars BioWare games including the SWTOR and legends up to EP3 is Canon. Everything else made in Disney Era is a bad dream.

[@Xbalanque84]

Everything Disney has produced has been fruit of the poisonous tree. Reject this heresy.

[@Xbalanque84]

Reject the fruits of the poisonous tree.

[@sharksbreath7]

Who was the last character in a Disney Star Wars show that had an actual personality? I don't mean one emotion like Reva ( angry) or Obi-Wan (pathetic) but a fully fleshed out distinct personality. The mechanic in the Mandalorian is all that I can think of.

[@portalmanHUN]

And she was a literal cartoon character.

[@shteebo]

It's so narrow emotionally. Has anyone in this entire series ever laughed or even sincerely smiled? Completely lifeless dreck.

[@commoncents6831]

Dinn Djarin himself but then he lost his own show to strong female

[@Xbalanque84]

Just like Bella in _Twilight._